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Home » Silicon Valley » S05E07 — Initial Coin Offering

Silicon Valley

Season 5, Episode 7 — Initial Coin Offering

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Silicon Valley

Episode title: Initial Coin Offering

Air date: May 06, 2018

Director: Mike Judge

Top billed cast: Thomas Middleditch, Zach Woods, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Amanda Crew, Matt Ross

As the Pied Piper guys prepare to close on their Series B funding, Richard receives some unsettling news. Gilfoyle suggests a risky proposition and Monica gets blunt with Richard. Dinesh goes to great lengths to compete with a coworker, while Jared keeps close watch on Richard's new assistant. In search of a better deal, Gavin tries to charm small-town America.

Source: TMDB

↓

Richard...

richard

↓

do you think if I asked, they would let me visit her?

asked visit

↓

RICHARD HENDRICKS: Jared, she's gonna be okay.

jared richard

↓

I promise.

promise

↓

♪ ♪

↓

GAVIN BELSON: That brilliant little idiot.

brilliant idiot

↓

He found a way around the patent!

found patent

↓

It's Hendrick's internet,

internet

↓

but it's not Hendrick's internet!

internet

↓

I will no longer be able to manufacture your boxes.

able boxes longer

↓

You see, my company will be manufacturing

company

↓

a new device that will quickly render yours obsolete.

device quickly

↓

Did you speak to Laurie about our Series B?

laurie series speak

↓

-HENDRICKS: Sort of.

↓

MONICA HALL: Nothing is personal with Laurie, all right?

hall laurie personal

↓

It's what makes her such a great VC.

makes

↓

A term sheet for your Series B.

series sheet term

↓

Congratulations, Richard.

congratulations richard

↓

Thank you.

↓

Richard: Wow. That is one expensive bottle.

bottle expensive richard

↓

You guys deserve the best

best deserve

↓

bottle of champagne they have.

bottle champagne

↓

Yeah, all champagne tastes the same to me, so.

champagne tastes

↓

I agree, I mean, what's the difference

agree difference

↓

between good champagne and bad champagne?

champagne

↓

About $500.

↓

Guys, come on. Enjoy it.

enjoy

↓

You're about to close a $30 million series B.

close million series

↓

And you don't have to sell any ads

sell

↓

or harvest user data,

data harvest user

↓

which for any other VC in town

town

↓

would've been a non-starter.

starter wouldve

↓

Frankly, I'm surprised that Laurie went for it.

frankly laurie surprised

↓

Well, I'm not wild about the idea

idea wild

↓

of her having two more board seats.

board having seats

↓

I mean, she did kill Fiona right in front of us.

fiona front kill

↓

Listen, don't worry about Laurie, okay?

laurie worry

↓

I'm gonna be your point person on this.

person point

↓

She's got her plate full. She's raising money to recover

full money plate raising recover

↓

from the whole Eklow debacle.

whole

↓

Okay.

↓

So... to you guys.

↓

All right.

↓

Cheers. Cheers.

cheers

↓

Richard: Yup, thanks.

richard thanks

↓

All right. I have a dinner meeting

dinner meeting

↓

and I kind of feel like a fifth wheel,

fifth wheel

↓

so I'm gonna pick up the check, leave you to celebrate.

celebrate check pick

↓

Congrats again, guys.

congrats

↓

Okay.

↓

Jared: Bye.

jared

↓

Well, the only person we don't spend

person spend

↓

20 hours a day with just left.

hours left

↓

So.

↓

What's new with you guys?

↓

Well, I'm thinking of buying some new bookkeeping software.

buying software thinking

↓

All right. I think the only actual way to celebrate

actual celebrate

↓

is to spend one waking minute apart, so.

apart minute spend waking

↓

I'm gonna go.

↓

Are you going home? Let's-- let's share an Uber.

home share uber

↓

Oh, well, if you're going that direction,

direction

↓

I'm-- I'm driving, so I could drop you.

driving drop

↓

Dinesh: Hey, Gilfoyle. Wanna play Fortnite?

↓

Oh, hold on, I didn't know we were playing Fortnite.

playing

↓

Yeah, I'll come along.

along

↓

♪ ♪

↓

I would've taken that plate to the sink for you.

plate sink taken wouldve

↓

Uh, it's okay. I just finished, so.

finished

↓

How was the sandwich I made you? Was it good?

sandwich

↓

Good condiment blend?

blend

↓

Yeah. It was perfect, thanks.

perfect thanks

↓

Richard.

richard

↓

This might be out of line, but...

line might

↓

would you mind telling Jared how much you enjoyed the sandwich?

enjoyed jared mind mind-telling sandwich telling

↓

I'm finding him a little intimidating.

finding

↓

Sure, yeah. Look, I know he can be a little eccentric.

eccentric

↓

I tend to hold my breath around him.

breath tend

↓

It's exacerbating my asthma.

↓

Ooh, okay...

↓

Richard, do you have a moment?

moment richard

↓

You know what? Holden just made me a really good sandwich.

sandwich

↓

Oh, well, that's nice.

↓

Yeah. Yep.

↓

Did he ask you to mention that to me?

mention

↓

What? No.

↓

Okay. No, he's-- he's just great.

↓

Well, "In doing what we ought, we deserve no praise

deserve ought praise

↓

because it is our duty."

duty

↓

St. Augustine.

↓

So, um...

↓

I've been keeping track of the compute credits

credits keeping track

↓

that you gave to Laurie.

laurie

↓

And she sold them to Gigglybots

sold

↓

and then Gigglybots sold them to SmashHub.

sold

↓

And they traded hands a few more times,

hands times traded

↓

the price increasing each time until they were

increasing price

↓

bought by a venture fund in Mountain View.

bought fund mountain venture view

↓

Okay, uh, so if we wanted to buy them back,

wanted

↓

how much would it cost us?

cost

↓

It's $1.6 million.

million

↓

What? The fuck?

fuck

↓

More like that? Yeah.

↓

Danny: So Dinesh, is it true?

danny

↓

Is series B happening?

series

↓

We all heard it's happening.

heard

↓

Oh, guys, please, you know I can't talk to you

↓

about upper level management stuff.

level management stuff upper

↓

It's totally happening. Look at his face.

face

↓

He has the worst poker face.

face poker worst

↓

No. Don't-- don't look at my face.

face

↓

This is great news.

news

↓

We're all getting big, fat bonuses.

bonuses

↓

I was a little worried I made a mistake ordering that Tesla.

mistake ordering worried

↓

Sorry, Tesla? What Tesla?

↓

Model S. Same as yours.

model

↓

I mean, not exactly the same. I ordered the P100D.

ordered

↓

Newer model.

model

↓

It's got longer battery life--

battery life longer

↓

You know what? This is a workplace.

workplace

↓

This is not a fucking slumber party, gabbing, gabbing.

fucking party slumber

↓

And series B is not a done deal.

deal series

↓

Despite what my face says, okay?

despite face

↓

Don't trust this face.

face trust

↓

No one should ever trust this face.

face trust

↓

Congrats on the Tesla, Danny.

congrats danny

↓

So excited for you.

excited

↓

Series B, baby!

baby series

↓

Fuck Danny.

danny fuck

↓

I mean, I love my Tesla.

love

↓

It has Insane Mode,

insane mode

↓

which means it goes zero to 60 in 3.2 seconds,

seconds zero

↓

which is literally insane.

insane

↓

But the Tesla that Danny ordered has Ludicrous Mode,

danny ludicrous mode ordered

↓

which means it goes zero to 60 in 2.8 seconds.

seconds zero

↓

So it's gonna take me an entire 0.4 seconds longer to get to 60.

entire longer seconds

↓

I mean, how would you feel if one of your neighbors

neighbors

↓

got a tiki head bigger than yours?

bigger head tiki

↓

Oh, well, when we bought it,

bought

↓

we made sure it was the biggest one they made, so.

biggest

↓

You're the biggest tiki head guy in the neighborhood.

biggest head neighborhood tiki

↓

I used to be the Tesla guy in the office.

office used

↓

I maxed out my credit cards to be able to afford that thing.

able afford cards credit credit-cards

↓

And now that we're getting series B,

series

↓

any one of these bourgeois new money millennial fucks

fucks money

↓

can just go out and buy one.

↓

I don't wanna sound selfish,

selfish sound

↓

but sometimes I wish only I made money. You know?

money sometimes wish

↓

What are we talking about, here?

↓

You want us to launch a cryptocurrency?

launch

↓

I do.

↓

The fact that people are willing to pay many multiples more

fact willing

↓

for our compute credits than they're worth,

credits worth

↓

we have an opportunity here.

opportunity

↓

Worth is relative, Richard.

relative richard worth

↓

What do you mean?

↓

Why do people covet

↓

the silly pieces of green cotton paper in their wallets?

cotton green paper pieces silly wallets

↓

It's because we are all sheep.

sheep

↓

And we've mutually agreed to endow certain things

agreed certain mutually

↓

with value.

value

↓

And right now, for some reason,

reason

↓

the market values our credits more than we did.

credits market values

↓

Gilfoyle, we're not gonna suddenly pivot

pivot suddenly

↓

and become a digital currency company.

become company digital

↓

I'm not proposing a pivot.

pivot proposing

↓

I'm proposing that we sell digital currency

digital proposing sell

↓

as a way to finance our new Internet company.

company finance internet

↓

You wanted an alternative to Laurie Bream.

alternative laurie wanted

↓

Well, it's right here in front of you.

front

↓

PiedPiperCoin.

↓

Okay, look, I...

↓

I'm not gonna bet the entire future

entire future

↓

of my new Internet and everything I've worked for

internet worked

↓

on becoming the next Bitcoin.

becoming

↓

You really expect me to do that?

expect

↓

There are very few things that I will defend with true passion:

defend passion

↓

medical marijuana,

marijuana medical

↓

the biblical Satan as a metaphor for rebellion against tyranny,

metaphor rebellion satan

↓

and mother fucking Goddamn cryptocurrency.

fucking goddamn mother

↓

Mmm.

↓

I have a PowerPoint that I've been wanting to show you for some time.

wanting

↓

Gavin: Walk me through this.

walk

↓

We can't make our boxes in China

boxes china

↓

because Yao has threatened

threatened

↓

every manufacturer in the country.

country

↓

That's right.

↓

We can't afford Bangladesh,

afford

↓

because the workers have unionized.

workers

↓

Sadly, correct.

correct sadly

↓

And we can't use our place in Laos,

place

↓

because one person gets her scalp ripped off

person ripped scalp

↓

and suddenly, everyone's screaming regulations.

everyones regulations screaming suddenly

↓

Yes.

↓

You know, you hear a lot of chatter

chatter

↓

about the growth of the global economy,

economy global growth

↓

but no one wants to talk about the downside.

wants

↓

Gavin, there is one other manufacturing option we haven't discussed yet,

discussed option

↓

which considering the current circumstances,

circumstances considering current

↓

might be worth consideration.

consideration might worth

↓

I'm open to anything.

open

↓

America.

america

↓

Fuck you.

fuck

↓

I feel the same way.

↓

But we were recently contacted

contacted recently

↓

by the mayor of Goldbriar, North Carolina.

carolina mayor north

↓

They had a DVR manufacturing plant that closed.

closed plant

↓

The retooling would be minimal.

minimal

↓

Scott: They've got a skilled labor pool

labor pool scott skilled

↓

just sitting idle and they sound desperate.

desperate sitting sound

↓

Really?

↓

How desperate?

desperate

↓

It was pitiful.

pitiful

↓

Really?

↓

In 350 BCE,

↓

Aristotle defined sound money as being

money sound

↓

durable, transferable,

↓

divisible, scarce, recognizable....

↓

Gilfoyle? and fungible.

↓

What?

↓

Can we skip ahead 2,400 years?

ahead skip years

↓

I mean, I know what cryptocurrency is.

↓

Richard, a lot of work went into this presentation.

presentation richard

↓

Okay. Fine.

↓

But you're missing out on a lot of wisdom, here.

missing wisdom

↓

Why don't you tell me what you know

↓

about Bitcoin as a jumping

jumping

↓

Okay, sure.

↓

Uh, well, I'm pretty sure it was founded by a Japanese guy...

founded japanese

↓

Or guys, or girls,

girls

↓

going by the name Satoshi Nakamoto in 2008.

name

↓

True identity still unknown.

identity unknown

↓

Okay, look, every day I read an article

article read

↓

about how we're in a Bitcoin bubble.

bubble

↓

And who is writing those articles?

articles writing

↓

I don't wanna say the establishment.

establishment

↓

But is it possible that Warren Buffett

buffett possible

↓

called Bitcoin a pyramid scheme

called pyramid pyramid-scheme scheme

↓

because he has 92 billion conventional dollars to protect?

billion dollars protect

↓

Let's say he's right. Let's say Bitcoin dies.

dies

↓

So what? MySpace, Friendster, they both died.

died myspace

↓

But they paved the way for other social media tripe

media paved social social-media

↓

like Facebook and Twitter

facebook twitter

↓

to completely overrun the planet.

completely overrun planet

↓

Crypto is out there.

crypto

↓

And it's not going away.

↓

It just feels sketchy.

feels sketchy

↓

In the same way that a new Internet is sketchy, Richard?

internet richard sketchy

↓

Well-- What is crypto?

crypto

↓

If not decentralized, anonymous, secure,

anonymous secure

↓

and an existential threat to the powers that be?

powers threat

↓

I would think that you'd be all-in on something like that.

↓

Yeah. But do you really think we can create a currency

create

↓

worth $30 million?

million worth

↓

Because that's what we'd be giving up.

giving

↓

Maybe. Probably even more.

↓

But even if it's less,

less

↓

we would still gain control, autonomy,

control gain

↓

board seats and shares,

board seats shares

↓

and you wouldn't have to rely on a VC who once fired you

fired rely

↓

from your own company.

company

↓

So, there is a mode

mode

↓

above Ludicrous Mode. Am I correct?

correct ludicrous mode

↓

Yes. It's called Plaid.

called

↓

And it comes standard on the new Tesla Roadster.

comes standard

↓

How do I get into one of these babies?

babies

↓

Simple. You put down a $50,000 deposit today.

deposit simple today

↓

Okay.

↓

And you'll be behind the wheel

behind wheel

↓

as soon as they become available.

available become

↓

And how quickly will that be, Stephanie?

quickly stephanie

↓

Soon. We're thinking a few years,

thinking years

↓

which goes by fast.

fast

↓

My daughter was a teenager in high school.

daughter school teenager

↓

Next thing I knew... I'm gonna stop you right there.

↓

Your oily salesmanship is starting to really irritate me.

irritate starting

↓

Okay?

↓

I need to maintain my Tesla superiority,

maintain

↓

and I need to do it now.

↓

Okay, I'm looking at a new set of wheels here.

looking wheels

↓

The 21-inch Arachnids.

arachnids inch

↓

Very nice. But they're not for sale.

sale

↓

You can only get them through our referral awards program.

awards program

↓

You refer three other customers to us,

customers refer three

↓

they buy a vehicle and, zoop-zoop, you get the wheels.

vehicle wheels

↓

So, if I get more people to buy Teslas,

↓

then I will have the wheels and no one else can get them?

wheels

↓

Not even Danny?

danny

↓

I'm sorry, who's Danny?

danny

↓

He's the guy with the shitty wheels.

shitty wheels

↓

Major Wilkins: And now, the CEO of Hooli,

major

↓

Mr. Gavin Belson.

↓

Thank you, Mayor Wilkins.

mayor

↓

Thank you, Goldbriar, for this warm, wonderful welcome.

warm welcome

↓

You know, being in North Carolina

carolina north

↓

always feels like a bit of a homecoming for me.

feels homecoming

↓

I own a vacation property just off the coast in Bermuda.

bermuda coast property vacation

↓

Technically, it is my primary legal residence.

legal primary residence technically

↓

Good people of Goldbriar,

↓

for too long, foreign interests

foreign interests

↓

have used unfair trade and labor practices

labor trade unfair used

↓

to plunder American wealth and steal American jobs.

american jobs steal wealth

↓

But I don't blame them for that.

blame

↓

No. I blame weak, spineless American politicians.

american blame politicians weak

↓

But if your mayor does his job,

mayor

↓

your jobs will come back,

jobs

↓

and soon, you will proudly be building

building proudly

↓

the Gavin Belson Signature Box Three.

signature three

↓

But if for some reason

reason

↓

he can't make my very reasonable proposal work,

proposal reasonable

↓

you know who to blame.

blame

↓

I'm excited to get started.

excited started

↓

What about y'all?

yall

↓

♪ ♪

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Jared: Hi, Holden. Oh.

jared

↓

Jared. Hi.

jared

↓

Hi.

↓

Can I ask you a question?

question

↓

Of course.

course

↓

Did you ask Richard to tell me

richard

↓

that he liked the sandwich that you made for him?

liked sandwich

↓

No.

↓

Is that the truth?

truth

↓

Yes.

↓

Okay.

↓

Okay.

↓

Good job with that plate.

plate

↓

Thanks.

thanks

↓

Dinesh: Now, I can see the looks on your faces.

faces

↓

I know what you're thinking.

thinking

↓

Why does Dinesh care so much if I buy a Tesla?

care

↓

I'll tell you why.

↓

Because Teslas are good for the world.

world

↓

Surprisingly pedestrian wheels, but you get over that.

surprisingly wheels

↓

So, come on.

↓

Series B, right? Cha-ching.

ching series

↓

I was gonna use that to pay off my student loans.

loans student

↓

That's boring.

boring

↓

And don't take this the wrong way,

↓

but it seems like it's very important

seems

↓

for you to be the Tesla guy in the office.

office

↓

Like, weirdly important.

↓

I'm not weird, you're weird. You guys are being so weird.

weird

↓

Come on. What's it gonna take to get you into a Tesla today?

today

↓

Here. I've printed out hundreds of these.

hundreds printed

↓

There you go. There you go, pass these on.

pass

↓

Dave

dave

↓

All right, what's this interesting idea?

idea interesting

↓

Gilfoyle and I were talking.

↓

And this may seem a little out there at first, but...

↓

Instead of funding our launch with a series B,

funding launch series

↓

what about...

↓

an ICO?

↓

An initial coin offering? It's basically a...

coin initial offering

↓

Are you a fucking moron?

fucking moron

↓

Maybe I don't need to be here for this.

↓

Sit the fuck down.

fuck

↓

Okay.

↓

Richard, what are you doing?

richard

↓

Just exploring our options.

options

↓

Why? You don't think I have your back?

↓

Look, I get that you're giving up

giving

↓

board seats and shares,

board seats shares

↓

but look what you're getting in return.

return

↓

As if the $30 million you were getting wasn't good enough,

million

↓

we provide you with marketing, networking, staffing.

marketing provide

↓

We help you negotiate partnerships

↓

and navigate regulations.

regulations

↓

All these things that are changing by the minute.

changing minute

↓

Gilfoyle, can you help with any of that?

↓

I'd rather just listen if it's all the same to you.

↓

Look, if you do an ICO,

↓

you're not only saying fuck you to us,

fuck

↓

you're saying fuck you to all VCs.

fuck

↓

Jesus, Richard. Why would you even

jesus richard

↓

think it would be okay to talk to me about this?

↓

Like would you ask your wife who you should cheat with?

cheat wife

↓

No.

↓

Well, maybe.

↓

I don't know, I...

↓

I guess I was just looking for advice from a friend.

advice friend looking

↓

Oh, are we friends, Richard?

friends richard

↓

Yes, of course. Really?

course

↓

Have we spoken once in the past year

past spoken

↓

about anything other than business?

business

↓

Yes.

↓

Wait. No.

↓

When's my birthday? Come on.

birthday whens

↓

Do I live in a house or an apartment?

apartment house live

↓

Did you even know that I was married?

married

↓

You are? I was, I...

↓

had it annulled after three months.

months three three-months

↓

Did he ask you who he should cheat with?

cheat

↓

Look, you came for advice, fine.

advice

↓

Forget an ICO.

forget

↓

Okay? I'm sure Gilfoyle

↓

told you that he can handle all the technical stuff.

handle stuff technical

↓

But this is not just a math problem.

math problem

↓

They're my direct competition. I've done my homework on this.

competition direct homework

↓

So before you walk away from stability

walk

↓

and gamble your entire company on crypto,

company crypto entire gamble

↓

there's another "friend" of yours

another friend

↓

I think you should talk to.

↓

I was such a fucking pussy when Bitcoin broke, Richard.

broke fucking pussy richard

↓

If I had the balls,

balls

↓

I'd have put every penny I had into that shit

penny

↓

five years ago,

five five-years years

↓

watched it go up, up, up, up, up

watched

↓

and then pulled out right before it all came crashing down again.

crashing pulled

↓

I mean, Jesus, why didn't I do that?

jesus

↓

Fuck me! But then, it occurred to me--

fuck occurred

↓

I own 36 fucking companies, Richard.

companies fucking richard

↓

If I make them all ICO,

↓

that's 36 bites at the apple.

apple bites

↓

So I did it.

↓

You... you did 36 ICOs? Yup.

↓

Did they work? You know, one of the things

↓

being in the three comma club has taught me, Richard,

club richard taught three

↓

is it's not always about money.

money

↓

Sometimes, it's about wisdom.

sometimes wisdom

↓

And did I lose a B? Close to it. Fuck!

close fuck lose

↓

But I bet I gained two B in wisdom.

gained wisdom

↓

So you lost it all?

lost

↓

Ha, ha, Richard, if I didn't love this crazy guy so much,

crazy love richard

↓

I'd knock his fucking teeth out.

fucking knock teeth

↓

Nah, nah, I didn't lose it all.

lose

↓

I mean, one of them got shut down by the SEC.

↓

On a few, we got scammed.

scammed

↓

But some of them worked.

worked

↓

One of them worked.

worked

↓

One

↓

Yeah. Listen,

↓

all the coin I had from the ICO that worked

coin worked

↓

was on a USB thumb drive.

drive thumb

↓

And my dumb fucking housekeeper

dumb fucking housekeeper

↓

threw out my jeans, 'cause they were ripped.

jeans ripped threw

↓

Even though I paid more for the ripped ones.

ones paid ripped

↓

And the thumb drive was in the pocket, so.

drive pocket thumb

↓

$300 million in crypto is buried out here, somewhere.

buried crypto million

↓

But my boys will find it.

boys

↓

If they wanna get paid, right?

paid

↓

And when they do,

↓

that coin could cover all the losers.

coin cover losers

↓

I mean, it's up 3,000% in the last two weeks.

weeks

↓

If it keeps going like this over the next three, four months,

four four-months keeps months three

↓

we could be talking the four comma club!

club four

↓

That's a T, not a B, Richard.

richard

↓

Mr. Hanneman! Shit, you found it?

found

↓

Jose! Yes! No!

↓

I said a thumb drive.

drive thumb

↓

In the... that's an actual thumb.

actual thumb

↓

That's a human... Just fucking put that back!

fucking human

↓

Again, Richard...

richard

↓

the math is sound.

math sound

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Well, Mayor, I sure have enjoyed our time together.

enjoyed mayor

↓

Let me know when you get this done.

↓

Uh, Mr. Belson, I'm sorry, but this list of demands

demands list

↓

is not remotely workable for a community of our size.

community remotely size

↓

A mayor's job is never easy.

easy mayors

↓

But you'll find a way,

↓

if you care about your constituents.

care

↓

Mr. Belson, I grew up in this town.

grew town

↓

I've lived here my entire life.

entire entire-life life lived

↓

I'd do anything to... Wait, wait, wait, wait.

↓

Your entire life? Mm-hmm.

entire entire-life life

↓

How old are you? Forty-seven.

forty seven

↓

That's a little weird, isn't it?

weird

↓

The point is, I'd do anything to help the people of this area.

area point

↓

But giving you public money on this scale would decimate our budget.

budget giving money public scale

↓

I could have the local high school renamed after you.

local school

↓

Rosa Parks has never even been to Goldbriar.

parks

↓

I don't want a fucking high school.

fucking school

↓

I wanna manufacture boxes at an 80% profit margin.

boxes profit

↓

I don't understand.

↓

All my asshole friends keep getting

asshole friends

↓

NFL stadiums and corporate headquarters,

corporate headquarters

↓

all fully paid for.

fully paid

↓

And you can't make one fucking factory happen?

factory fucking happen

↓

I mean, the only things I have left to cut are essential services.

essential left services

↓

There you go. Do that.

↓

You could have a volunteer fire department.

department fire fire-department volunteer

↓

Because I can't afford a penny more than this.

afford penny

↓

Man: Everybody ready?

everybody ready

↓

Two, three!

three

↓

♪ Oh Carolina prowl off ♪ ♪ Do-do-do-do ♪

carolina

↓

♪ Jump an prance, oh Carolina ♪

carolina jump

↓

♪ Prowl off jump an prance ♪ ♪ Do-do-do-do ♪

jump

↓

♪ Oh Carolina gal prowl off ♪

carolina

↓

♪ Gal yuh fi jump an prance ♪

jump

↓

♪ Prowl off ♪ ♪ Do-do-do-do ♪

↓

♪ Jump and prance ♪

jump

↓

♪ Carolina come bubble 'pon me ♪

bubble carolina

↓

♪ Oh, watch how she groove ♪

groove watch

↓

Dinesh: So, pretty sweet, right?

sweet

↓

Woman: Yeah, it's nice.

woman

↓

Sorry we couldn't find a safe spot to try Insane Mode.

insane mode safe spot

↓

It feels like your kidneys are gonna get, like,

feels kidneys

↓

ripped right through the back of your body.

body ripped

↓

It's like... Yeah, I don't think I'd wanna do that.

↓

Well you don't need to do it.

↓

But you wanna be able to tell people that you can do it.

able

↓

Right? It's like having a gun.

having

↓

So, Charlie and Nadia have already said yes.

charlie nadia

↓

You'll finally have something to talk to them about.

finally

↓

Oh, let me think about it.

↓

Fine. Okay, just pull into the designated EV-- ...2.8 seconds.

pull seconds

↓

Oh, fuck.

fuck

↓

Danny already got his car.

danny

↓

I'll pay your down payment and first three months. Do we have a deal?

deal months payment three three-months

↓

Wow, really?

↓

Make it six months.

months

↓

Fine! Okay, just go.

↓

Hide before Danny sees us in this shitty car.

danny hide sees shitty

↓

Go, go, go. Go. Wow, uh...

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Hello?

↓

Hey, guess what?

↓

My boss just bought me a car!

boss bought

↓

What? No! Ew. Ugh!

↓

Richard? Ron LaFlamme's office just called.

called office richard

↓

And the series B paperwork is ready for you to sign.

paperwork ready series sign

↓

Okay.

↓

Uh, well, then I guess I'll just go over there and sign it.

sign

↓

Richard, I know you were pinning your hopes on the ICO,

hopes richard

↓

but I-- I think series B is the right call.

series

↓

Yeah, no, I-- I hope so.

hope

↓

We're gonna get the money we need to launch,

launch money

↓

and everyone out there is gonna get a great bonus.

bonus

↓

And then, you're gonna have an army of happy

army happy

↓

and highly motivated workers...

highly motivated workers

↓

Richard: Jared?

jared richard

↓

Everything okay with Holden?

↓

You mean, like, mentally?

mentally

↓

I was wondering that, too.

wondering

↓

No. No, no. Just, like...

↓

like, with you and him.

↓

Just seems like you're being really hard on him.

hard seems

↓

Do you like him?

↓

Yeah. I mean, sure.

↓

Okay. It's okay if you like him.

↓

That's all that matters, right?

matters

↓

Yeah.

↓

Okay. Well, I'll see you when, uh...

↓

I'll see you when you get back from LaFlamme's.

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Laurie: Every institutional investor to whom I reached out

investor laurie reached

↓

agreed to participate in our second fund.

agreed fund participate second

↓

The capital issues we faced due to Eklow's failure

capital faced failure issues

↓

have been remedied.

↓

Laurie, you are a badass.

badass laurie

↓

Ah, yes. A compliment.

compliment

↓

Well, I think the numbers in our new prospectus

numbers

↓

speak for themselves.

speak

↓

Sorry, you're projecting that 70% of Pied Piper's

↓

operating income is gonna come from ad sales, but...

income operating sales

↓

Pied Piper's not gonna sell ads.

sell

↓

Yes. I understand that is their current position.

current position

↓

No, Laurie, when we offered them their series B,

laurie offered series

↓

I promised Richard that we would never make them

promised richard

↓

harvest data or sell ads.

data harvest sell

↓

However, that language is not part of their term sheet.

language part sheet term

↓

I am not saying that we will force their hand on this issue.

force hand issue

↓

But neither am I saying definitively that we will not.

↓

Okay, but you and I, we are partners, right?

partners

↓

Of course.

course

↓

Any decision we make, we will certainly make together.

certainly decision

↓

Good. As long as that's clear.

clear

↓

And again, great job closing our funding.

closing funding

↓

Ah, yes. Huzzah. Onward.

huzzah

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Laurie, did you have

laurie

↓

the big, hairy question put back on my wall?

hairy question wall

↓

Yes. I like it there.

↓

But I don't.

↓

And yet...

↓

All right. One more, right there.

↓

And done-zo.

↓

Series ba-bam.

series

↓

Richard, don't sign it.

richard sign

↓

Look, I can't protect you.

protect

↓

At some point, Laurie's gonna fuck you over

fuck point

↓

and make you sell ads. What?

sell

↓

And I don't think there's anything I can do about it.

↓

Don't sign the deal. I just did. It's done.

deal sign

↓

Jesus Christ.

christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

Laurie's gonna sell ads.

sell

↓

Isn't that what I told you?

↓

What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

fuck supposed

↓

God!

↓

You know I can just tear these up, right?

tear

↓

No, I know. Good.

↓

Gavin: I like it.

↓

But can we adjust the proportions?

adjust

↓

Make the logo bigger?

bigger

↓

And

↓

And-- and make the box bigger, too.

bigger

↓

It all just needs to be bigger.

bigger needs

↓

Okay.

↓

Bigger. Yeah.

bigger

↓

Sir. Ah, Hoover.

hoover

↓

How's the factory coming?

coming factory

↓

We almost online?

online

↓

Not exactly, sir.

↓

It's gone.

gone

↓

What do you mean?

↓

Did that dipshit mayor renege on our deal?

deal dipshit mayor

↓

No, he made every effort,

effort

↓

including having the factory repainted.

factory having including

↓

Okay. So what's the problem?

problem

↓

Well, apparently, the painters left some oily rags in a garbage can.

apparently garbage left rags

↓

Mm-hmm. But because of cuts to the sanitation service,

cuts sanitation service

↓

the trash was not collected

collected trash

↓

and the rags smoldered and caught fire.

caught fire rags

↓

And because of cuts to the fire department,

cuts department fire fire-department

↓

the blaze spread.

blaze spread

↓

A number of concerned citizens

citizens concerned number

↓

volunteered to help fight the fire,

fight fire volunteered

↓

but because the water was cut off, they could not.

water

↓

Okay, so what happened?

happened

↓

Well, the vast majority of our expensive, rare earth materials

earth expensive majority materials rare vast

↓

survived the fire.

fire survived

↓

Well, that's something.

↓

Until the flames abated,

flames

↓

when because of mass layoffs of police,

mass police

↓

the locals that were there to fight the fire

fight fire

↓

decided instead to loot the burned-out factory.

burned decided factory

↓

The National Guard attempted to reach the factory

attempted factory guard national reach

↓

to help stop this, but...

↓

The roads. The roads, sir, yes.

roads

↓

Okay.

↓

So, we lost it all?

lost

↓

Everything? Yes.

↓

Also, the IRS called.

called

↓

Somehow, they found out about Bermuda.

bermuda found

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Look, when you take it all into account,

account

↓

turning down our series B

series turning

↓

and doing an ICO to fund your launch,

fund launch

↓

may actually give you the best odds.

best odds

↓

You said ICOs are suicide.

suicide

↓

Well, I'm a VC

↓

and some of that might have been self-preservational.

might self

↓

Okay.

↓

Well, even if you were exaggerating, you're still right.

exaggerating

↓

I mean, Russ Hanneman had 36 chances to make an ICO work

chances

↓

and he basically failed.

failed

↓

I only have one.

↓

Look, Gilfoyle can handle all the technical stuff.

handle stuff technical

↓

You just need to hire someone

hire

↓

who can handle the business side.

business handle side

↓

Like who? I don't know.

↓

I'm sorry, but I gotta Uber back to the office

office uber

↓

before Laurie realizes I'm gone.

gone laurie realizes

↓

No, no, wait. Who do I hire?

hire

↓

Someone who understands securities, right?

understands

↓

Not necessarily.

necessarily

↓

I mean, your coin doesn't have to be a security.

coin security

↓

You could do a utility token instead,

token

↓

since you provide an actual unit of compute.

actual provide unit

↓

Although, you'd have to convince the SEC.

convince

↓

Damn it. Surge pricing.

surge

↓

Monica. You might not even need to bother

bother might

↓

with a moving average pricing strategy when you launch.

average launch moving strategy

↓

But you will need to keep a close eye on

close

↓

statements from the federal government,

federal government statements

↓

South Korea, and China.

china korea south

↓

So, whoever you do hire

hire

↓

should definitely know how to do all that.

↓

Okay, six minutes.

minutes

↓

Monica. What?

↓

It's you.

↓

You're the right person.

person

↓

No.

↓

No. No, no, no, no, no.

↓

Come on. Give me one good reason.

reason

↓

I... love my job.

love

↓

You hate working for Laurie.

hate laurie working

↓

With Laurie, okay? We are both equal partners.

equal laurie partners

↓

Okay.

↓

Look, Monica. I will do the ICO.

↓

But only if you do it with me.

↓

Come on.

↓

Wait, what's happening?

↓

Canceling my Uber.

canceling uber

↓

So, you're in? Fuck it.

fuck

↓

I'm in.

↓

Fuck series B.

fuck series

↓

PiedPiperCoin is totally gonna work.

↓

Yes. It is. It totally is.

↓

Dinesh: So, just to confirm,

confirm

↓

in order for this coin to be worth

coin order worth

↓

what series B was worth to all of us,

series worth

↓

it has to sell for how much?

sell

↓

$68.

↓

Dinesh: I see.

↓

And seven cents is less than that.

cents less seven

↓

Yup.

↓

Whose idea was this again?

idea

↓

I believe the initial idea was Gilfoyle's.

believe idea initial

↓

To be fair, it was Monica

fair

↓

who really pushed it over the goal line.

goal line pushed

↓

Well, I'm gonna head down to the Tesla dealer

dealer head

↓

and beg them to take my car back.

↓

Well, that's something.

↓

And my two referrals fell through.

fell

↓

And I had to return mine.

return

↓

So now the only Tesla in the office is Priyanka's

office

↓

and I'm paying for that.

paying

↓

So, that's cool.

cool

↓

Richard, adversity is a great teacher.

richard teacher

↓

Just like cigarette burns.

burns cigarette

↓

Laurie, hi.

laurie

↓

Laurie: Monica.

laurie

↓

Congratulations on the ICO.

congratulations

↓

Yeah, yeah. Not quite the numbers we were hoping for.

hoping numbers

↓

I'm sure you're happy about that.

happy

↓

On the contrary.

contrary

↓

Monica, you have certain values.

certain values

↓

And I see no reason you should not work with companies that share them.

companies reason share

↓

Similarly, I should work with companies that share my values.

companies share values

↓

So, no hard feelings?

feelings hard hard-feelings

↓

No feelings at all, Monica.

feelings

↓

We are friends

friends

↓

and we should not let business get in the way of that.

business

↓

Speaking of, I am stepping into a meeting.

meeting speaking stepping

↓

Right, well, I'm surprised you're taking this so well,

surprised

↓

I really appreciate it, Laurie.

appreciate laurie

↓

Let us talk soon.

↓

Have you received my proposal?

proposal received

↓

Very promising.

promising

↓

♪ In the land of the lost, we lay down law ♪

land lost

↓

♪ Chopping off your head to take your face on tour ♪

chopping face head tour

↓

♪ Lacerate your lips, then we shave off more ♪

lips shave

↓

♪ Electrocute your body through the encore ♪

body

↓

♪ When the cops come and try to raid the jams ♪

cops jams raid

↓

♪ I change my physical form to that of a ram ♪

change form physical

↓

♪ Alakazam, I'm half of a man ♪

half

↓

♪ The other part of me operates robotically ♪

operates part

↓

♪ The other part of me operates robotically ♪

operates part

↓

♪ Psychology is the dominant factor ♪

dominant factor psychology

↓

♪ Psychology is the dominant factor ♪

dominant factor psychology

↓

♪ Believe in the holograms and step into the backdoor ♪

believe step

↓

♪ Believe in the holograms and step into the backdoor ♪

believe step

↓

♪ Out for AM, more mayhem ♪

mayhem

↓

♪ Out for AM, more mayhem ♪

mayhem

↓

♪ Five fatal steps to death unless we trace them ♪

death fatal five steps trace

↓

♪ Five fatal steps to death unless we trace them ♪

death fatal five steps trace

↓

♪ Five: hesitate to get live ♪

five hesitate live

↓

♪ Five: hesitate to get live ♪

five hesitate live

↓

♪ Your career's postmortem, now you can't survive ♪

careers survive

↓

♪ Your career's postmortem, now you can't survive ♪

careers survive

↓

♪ Four: perpetuate the folklore ♪

four

↓

♪ Four: perpetuate the folklore ♪

four

↓

♪ Live a lie, you can't identify yourself no more ♪

identify live

↓

♪ Live a lie, you can't identify yourself no more ♪

identify live

↓

♪ Three: Call yourself an MC ♪

three

↓

♪ Three: Call yourself an MC ♪

three

↓

♪ Practice minimally and start fucking with me ♪

fucking practice start

↓

♪ Practice minimally and start fucking with me ♪

fucking practice start

↓

♪ Or the sorcery to the ultimate degree ♪

degree ultimate

↓

♪ Or the sorcery to the ultimate degree ♪

degree ultimate

↓

♪ W-A-R W-M-D ♪

↓

♪ W-A-R W-M-D ♪

↓

♪ C-W-O fall in love with the dough ♪

dough fall love

↓

♪ C-W-O fall in love with the dough ♪

dough fall love

↓

♪ Till your spiritual essence ♪

essence spiritual till

↓

♪ Till your spiritual essence ♪

essence spiritual till

↓

♪ Is something that you don't know about ♪

↓

♪ Is something that you don't know about ♪

↓

♪ Half the time, they don't rhyme ♪

half rhyme

↓

♪ Half the time, they don't rhyme ♪

half rhyme

↓

♪ Half the time, they all lying ♪

half lying

↓

♪ Half the time, they all lying ♪

half lying

↓

♪ Half the time, they all mine ♪

half

↓

♪ Half the time, they all mine ♪

half

↓

♪ Half the time, they all yours ♪

half

↓

♪ Half the time, they all yours ♪

half

↓

♪ Half the time, we on tour ♪

half tour

↓

♪ Half the time, we on tour ♪

half tour

↓

RICHARD HENDRICKS: I just knew we'd get some traction.

richard

↓

RICHARD HENDRICKS: I just knew we'd get some traction.

richard

↓

We are gaining almost 12,000 users an hour!

gaining hour users

↓

We are gaining almost 12,000 users an hour!

gaining hour users

↓

-Yeah!

↓

-Yeah!

↓

You get a high-five and--

five

↓

You get a high-five and--

five

↓

You really did a number on that kid.

number

↓

You really did a number on that kid.

number

↓

I just chipped away everything

chipped

↓

I just chipped away everything

chipped

↓

that wasn't Richard's assistant and this is what's left.

assistant left

↓

that wasn't Richard's assistant and this is what's left.

assistant left

↓

Yeah!

↓

Yeah!

↓

This breaks our users down.

breaks users

↓

This breaks our users down.

breaks users

↓

-BERTRAM GILFOYLE: No idea.

idea

↓

-BERTRAM GILFOYLE: No idea.

idea

↓

It's the 51 percent attack.

attack percent

↓

It's the 51 percent attack.

attack percent

↓

They can delete all of our users.

delete users

↓

They can delete all of our users.

delete users

↓

All of our developer apps.

apps

↓

All of our developer apps.

apps

↓

Crash our coin.

coin crash

↓

Crash our coin.

coin crash

↓

This would be the end of Pied Piper.

piper

↓

This would be the end of Pied Piper.

piper

↓

HENDRICKS: Just went for a run.

↓

HENDRICKS: Just went for a run.

↓

I sprinted... up the last bit there.

↓

I sprinted... up the last bit there.

↓

What's goin' on?

goin

↓

What's goin' on?

goin