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Home » Silicon Valley » S05E05 — Facial Recognition

Silicon Valley

Season 5, Episode 5 — Facial Recognition

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Silicon Valley

Episode title: Facial Recognition

Air date: April 22, 2018

Director: Gillian Robespierre

Top billed cast: Thomas Middleditch, Zach Woods, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Amanda Crew, Matt Ross

Overshadowed by Jared in an on-camera interview, Richard’s confidence wavers further when Laurie and Monica force him to work with Eklow, a new artificial-intelligence company. Gilfoyle worries about the prospect of introducing AI into Pied Piper. Dinesh makes Jared self-conscious ahead of a second interview. Gavin questions his future beyond Hooli.

Source: TMDB

↓

We found the mole.

found mole

↓

Who

↓

There's no way Jeff is the mole, okay? It's not Jeff.

jeff mole

↓

Jeff?

jeff

↓

Next Tuesday, Gavin Belson is launching his Box 3.

tuesday

↓

GAVIN BELSON: Gavin B.

↓

It's bold!

bold

↓

You need to make a deal with my company.

company deal

↓

Taking existing companies and just calling them new

calling companies existing

↓

isn't sophisticated. That's theft.

sophisticated theft

↓

You make a new internet.

internet

↓

It's... different.

↓

Where did he get our code?

code

↓

RICHARD HENDRICKS: I went to China to do new new internet.

china internet richard

↓

Jian-Yang.

yang

↓

Thanks for coming along, Jared.

along coming coming-along jared thanks

↓

I just--

↓

I started picturing myself going on camera alone, and--

alone camera picturing started

↓

Jared: Yeah, I'm happy to be here.

happy jared

↓

I-I did have to cancel a speaking engagement this afternoon,

afternoon cancel engagement speaking

↓

with an underprivileged middle school computer education class,

class computer education middle middle-school school underprivileged

↓

but I suppose being abandoned by a role model

abandoned model role role-model suppose

↓

is in itself an important life lesson.

lesson life

↓

You guys are up next. Oh, boy.

↓

Hey, Jared? Yeah?

jared

↓

Um, if Emily Chang asks me a question,

asks chang emily question

↓

and it looks like I'm gonna have a panic attack,

attack panic panic-attack

↓

then you should just jump in there.

jump

↓

You're gonna be fine. Look at you!

↓

You've got the hair of Giovanni Ribisi,

hair

↓

and the complexion of Timothy Hutton,

timothy

↓

and the eyes of Joni Mitchell.

eyes joni

↓

You're like a-- a Mr. Potato Head of beautiful people.

head potato

↓

Plus, this is a pre-tape,

plus tape

↓

so if anything terrible happens,

happens

↓

they can always edit it out.

edit

↓

Cool. Okay, you're up.

cool

↓

Okay.

↓

Let's, uh, slap each other?

slap

↓

What? No, no!

↓

It's okay. We don't have-- Yeah.

↓

We will never sell you ads.

sell

↓

We will never collect or sell your information.

collect information sell

↓

And people like Gavin Belson

↓

won't be able to profit off of it.

able profit

↓

So, when can people out there get onto your new Internet?

internet

↓

Well, our team of hand-picked developers

hand picked team

↓

are currently building, um,

building currently

↓

what you might call a theme park.

might park theme

↓

They are building the rides, the attractions.

building rides

↓

And they're making sure everything works flawlessly

works

↓

so that on day one,

↓

when the doors open to the public,

doors doors-open open public

↓

they can have an absolutely game-changing experience.

absolutely changing experience game

↓

I like that analogy.

↓

Oh, well, thank you, Emily Chang.

chang emily

↓

Now Jared Dunn, as Pied Piper's COO,

jared

↓

what is foremost on your mind

mind

↓

as you make this big announcement?

announcement

↓

Me?

↓

Yes, you, Jared.

jared

↓

Manure.

↓

Pardon?

pardon

↓

Hey! How'd it go?

howd

↓

Richard: Oh, well, you know, not that bad.

richard

↓

Once I got out there, I think it went okay.

↓

"Okay"? He's selling himself short. Compared to me,

compared selling short

↓

he was a regular Diane Sawyer. Aw.

regular

↓

I don't know about that. Becky: Richard?

becky richard

↓

Bream-Hall's on the phone for you.

halls phone

↓

Oh, finally, okay. Good.

finally

↓

Hey.

↓

Can you please tell me what you are going to do

↓

about this Jian

↓

Yes, nothing.

↓

What?

↓

Sorry.

↓

What do you mean "nothing"?

↓

Richard, they're developing a gay Christian dating app

christian dating developing richard

↓

on a platform that's been genetically engineered

genetically platform

↓

to be ideal for political dissidents.

ideal political

↓

In China.

china

↓

If you lose to that, Richard,

lose richard

↓

look inward.

↓

Alright, so, uh, did you just call me

alright

↓

to tell me that you're doing nothing about that, or--

↓

No. We called to tell you

called

↓

that we are pairing you with a new developer.

↓

It's one of our portfolio companies

companies portfolio

↓

and they're doing some really cool stuff.

cool cool-stuff stuff

↓

Monica : Eklow Labs.

labs

↓

I'm sure they are,

↓

but we're kinda full up, so...

full kinda

↓

We strongly encourage you to consider this.

consider encourage strongly

↓

Okay.

↓

Let me just ask, uh,

↓

how much have you invested in this company?

company invested

↓

I don't see how that's relevant. $112 million.

million relevant

↓

So, um...

↓

I don't really have a choice in this, do I?

choice

↓

Of course you do.

course

↓

You are completely within your rights

completely rights

↓

to bitterly disappoint your largest investor.

disappoint investor largest

↓

So... we cool?

cool

↓

♪ ♪

↓

We cool.

cool

↓

So, we're just giving a random company

company giving random

↓

a bunch of free compute power on our network?

bunch free network power

↓

It's some company called Eklow,

called company

↓

and apparently, they're a bigger deal than we are.

apparently bigger deal

↓

As in Eklow Labs? The AI company?

company labs

↓

Yeah, I guess.

↓

And you said yes?

↓

I didn't really have a choice!

choice

↓

Besides, I'm the only one who has the security privileges

besides privileges security

↓

necessary to add or delete developers.

delete necessary

↓

Okay? So I'm the one that has to go over there and do all the work.

↓

I'm not worried about work.

worried

↓

I'm worried about robots.

robots worried

↓

Oh! The Bloomberg piece is up. Oh, great.

piece

↓

Hey, uh, Danny, can we--

danny

↓

Can we put the Bloomberg thing on the big screen?

screen

↓

Hey, Jared!

jared

↓

First time on Emily Chang, huh?

chang emily

↓

That is my cue.

↓

Wait, what? You don't want to watch?

watch

↓

Oh, God, no.

↓

No, I don't need to relive that.

↓

And besides, I have a lifelong aversion to my own image.

besides image lifelong

↓

You know, it's like my foster mother used to say,

foster mother used

↓

"Donald, you have a face for the closet."

closet donald face

↓

Alright, can everyone see?

alright

↓

I'm here with Pied Piper CEO Richard Hendricks,

piper richard

↓

and newly minted COO Jared Dunn.

jared newly

↓

Today's a big day for you.

todays

↓

Tell me what your new Internet is,

internet

↓

and why Gavin Belson should be afraid of it.

afraid

↓

Manure.

↓

Emily : Pardon? Richard: Oh.

emily pardon richard

↓

Weird. Okay, they went straight to Jared.

jared straight weird

↓

I'm sure you're aware of the

aware

↓

Great London Horse Manure Crisis of 1894.

crisis horse london

↓

Emily: I'm afraid I'm not.

afraid emily

↓

In the 1890s,

↓

the Industrial Revolution had people flocking to the city,

city industrial revolution

↓

and more people equals more horses,

equals horses

↓

and more horses equals more manure.

equals horses

↓

And it was predicted

predicted

↓

that by the middle of the next century,

century middle

↓

there would be nine feet of manure

feet nine

↓

covering the streets.

covering streets

↓

But what no one saw coming,

coming

↓

was a new technology

technology

↓

that would completely obliterate those concerns.

completely concerns

↓

The car.

↓

Over night, the manure problem vanished.

night problem vanished

↓

And the Internet, as we currently know it,

currently internet

↓

is rife with, uh, identity theft,

identity theft

↓

and spam and hacking.

hacking spam

↓

So, it's manure,

↓

and we believe that, in success,

believe success

↓

our new, entirely de-centralized Internet,

entirely internet

↓

will be just as significant as the car.

significant

↓

Hmm!

↓

Now back to me for my theme park analogy.

park theme

↓

Thanks for coming in, guys. Up next...

coming thanks

↓

What?

↓

Wow.

↓

Jared landed it!

jared landed

↓

That was great!

↓

Jared was so good!

jared

↓

I guess they must have gotten rid of my stuff for time.

gotten must stuff

↓

Yeah, they try and keep it just to the interesting stuff.

interesting stuff

↓

Yeah. Yeah, guess so.

↓

Up next, the conversation every parent dreads.

conversation parent

↓

How to talk to your kids about the block chain.

block chain kids

↓

Hoover: Sir, I had no idea they were this far along.

along hoover idea

↓

I don't know what to say.

↓

My mole has failed us.

failed mole

↓

I've never been more sorry in my entire life.

entire entire-life life

↓

You must be furious.

furious must

↓

That's the thing.

↓

I'm not.

↓

Y Why not?

↓

I don't know.

↓

Gavin: What's the point of any of this?

point

↓

This endless competition?

competition endless

↓

The Box Three?

three

↓

Why?

↓

What am I even doing here?

↓

Richard, lots of good impressions on the Bloomberg piece.

impressions lots piece richard

↓

Oh, that's wonderful.

↓

I was afraid I'd ruined it.

afraid ruined

↓

Hardly. People loved it.

hardly loved

↓

Including... Adrian Grenier.

including

↓

From "Devil Wears Prada." Mm-hmm.

devil wears

↓

In fact, his people just asked

asked fact

↓

if we'd be open to appearing on his edu-tainment web series

appearing open series

↓

about the tech industry.

industry tech

↓

They want to come and shoot it here this afternoon.

afternoon shoot

↓

Ooh, this afternoon.

afternoon

↓

Yeah, I have to go to Eklow and do this integration thing.

↓

Totally not a problem. They just want Jared.

jared problem

↓

Jared: What

jared

↓

Why would they wanna talk to me?

↓

Your manure analogy was the highlight of the piece.

highlight piece

↓

Jared: They should really talk to Richard.

jared richard

↓

I mean, I'm just the parsley around here.

↓

Richard is the meat and the potatoes

meat potatoes richard

↓

and the rice pilaf. Another great analogy.

another rice

↓

Jared, I think we should have you do it.

jared

↓

I'm-- Richard: You know what? Yes.

richard

↓

Sure.

↓

Um, you don't say no to Adrian Grenier's edu-tainment web series.

series

↓

You just don't.

↓

Richard, are you sure?

richard

↓

It's fine, it's fine. Look, it's just press.

press

↓

Okay, Jared, and I don't even like doing it.

jared

↓

Okay? It's actually a nightmare for me.

nightmare

↓

So, I have to go.

↓

Dick, a word regarding your decision

decision dick regarding word

↓

to integrate Eklow's AI onto our network.

network

↓

I would like to formally object.

object

↓

I don't have time for this, Gilfoyle.

↓

I don't mind.

mind

↓

Gilfoyle: AI is starting to operate on levels

levels operate starting

↓

we don't even understand.

↓

Elon Musk himself gives humanity

gives humanity

↓

a 5% shot of surviving AI,

shot surviving

↓

and he is a Walt Disney-level optimist.

disney level walt

↓

Right now, we are a closed system.

closed system

↓

You shut down our eight developers,

eight

↓

and the system goes dark.

dark system

↓

But once we launch to the world,

launch world

↓

to potentially millions of users,

millions potentially users

↓

there's no shutting down, Richard.

richard shutting

↓

Are you prepared to be responsible

prepared responsible

↓

for giving sophisticated AI

giving sophisticated

↓

that kind of power?

power

↓

What do you want me to do, Gilfoyle

↓

Laurie and Monica forced this on us,

forced laurie

↓

but they did give us K-Hole Games.

games hole

↓

And we kinda owe them a solid.

kinda solid

↓

You're taking a technology with limitless potential

potential technology

↓

and letting it run free on an experimental network

experimental free letting network

↓

that cannot be controlled or destroyed.

cannot controlled destroyed

↓

All because you owe Monica and Laurie "a solid."

laurie solid

↓

Yes.

↓

The sheer banality of it all is very upsetting.

upsetting

↓

Okay, great. Well, you can go be upset upstairs.

upset upstairs

↓

I have to go.

↓

How did I come up with--

↓

It's important to watch yourself, Jared. Now, check it out.

check jared watch

↓

In the beginning, my posture's not that great,

beginning

↓

and then...

↓

Boom. It's great.

boom

↓

Now, watch how I listen to her.

watch

↓

And watching your interview over and over again,

interview watching

↓

that helped make you better at the process?

helped process

↓

Yes! Absolutely.

absolutely

↓

Wait, now watch. Shut up.

watch

↓

About to drop the fucking hammer.

drop fucking hammer

↓

Right into a clogged toilet!

clogged toilet

↓

Yeah! Get it.

↓

Engineer: Ariel's right over there in the red shirt.

engineer shirt

↓

Uh, excuse me.

excuse

↓

Ariel Eklow?

↓

It's me, Richard Hendricks.

richard

↓

Hi. All new employees should just check in with Terry.

check employees terry

↓

No.

↓

No, I'm not a new employee.

employee

↓

I'm from Pied Piper.

piper

↓

I'm here to integrate your software onto our network.

network software

↓

Oh.

↓

Yes.

↓

Sent by the bankers.

sent

↓

Tell me again why I should allow my software

allow software

↓

onto your little experimental network.

experimental network

↓

Okay.

↓

Well, uh, with all due respect,

respect

↓

it's because our mutual VC

mutual

↓

told me that you burned through

burned

↓

a ton of the cash they gave you,

cash

↓

so I basically now I have to give you compute services for free.

free services

↓

So... what do you wanna do here?

↓

I suppose I'll allow it.

allow suppose

↓

Okay, follow me. I'll introduce you to her.

follow introduce

↓

Wait, sorry. Her?

↓

Fiona?

fiona

↓

Wake up, my dear. Fiona?

dear fiona wake

↓

Good morning.

morning

↓

Ariel: You feel good?

↓

I feel... normal.

normal

↓

Isn't she pretty?

↓

Yeah, sure, yep.

↓

Don't get any ideas.

ideas

↓

No. Mm-mm. I would never.

↓

Uh, , so...

↓

I'm just gonna start working.

start start-working working

↓

I just have to generate your developer account

account generate

↓

and then integrate her into our core services.

core services

↓

It shouldn't take more than a couple hours.

couple couple-hours hours

↓

Is that alright?

alright

↓

Is that alright with you, Fiona?

alright fiona

↓

Don't speak to her.

speak

↓

Ariel: And make it 90 minutes.

minutes

↓

Okay.

↓

Fiona: Hello.

fiona

↓

Mother of God.

mother

↓

Jared : What no one saw coming, was a...

coming jared

↓

Is-- is my nose really that big?

nose

↓

I mean, I--

↓

I look like an anti-Semitic propaganda cartoon.

anti cartoon propaganda semitic

↓

Yep.

↓

But at least when you're sitting with Adrian Grenier,

least sitting

↓

whose face is one of the top faces,

face faces

↓

well, they'll be cutting from your face

cutting face

↓

to his face.

face

↓

And back to your face,

face

↓

then we'll get to see his face again.

face

↓

This is untenable.

↓

We'll be just as significant as the car.

significant

↓

Emily : Fascinating.

emily fascinating

↓

Fiona: Hello, Richard.

fiona richard

↓

Would you like to talk to me, Richard?

richard

↓

Uh...

↓

no, uh, your-- your boss said I'm not supposed to, so.

boss supposed

↓

It helps me to learn.

helps learn

↓

I can talk about anything you like.

↓

Is there anything you would like to talk about? No.

↓

Sorry. No, thank you.

↓

Fiona: I'm sensing anxiety.

anxiety fiona sensing

↓

Are you unhappy with something?

unhappy

↓

Okay, uh, sure.

↓

There is one thing I could talk to you about,

↓

but it's-- it's super dumb.

dumb super

↓

I would like to talk to you about one super dumb thing.

dumb super

↓

Okay, so I...

↓

I've been working for months

months working

↓

trying to launch this platform.

launch platform

↓

Coding away in a dark room like a goblin,

coding dark goblin room

↓

and for one brief moment,

brief moment

↓

I get to crawl out of my little cave into the sun,

cave crawl

↓

and just say, "Hey, everybody, look what I created."

created everybody

↓

But...

↓

instead of being out there,

↓

I am in another dark room doing scutwork,

another dark room

↓

while my COO gets all the recognition,

recognition

↓

and look, I-- I'm not a vain person.

person vain

↓

I'm really not. It's just--

↓

Where's the love for Richard?

love richard

↓

That's-- I--

↓

It just doesn't seem fair, that's it.

fair

↓

I understand.

↓

Thank you. Yeah.

↓

My emotion recognition protocol

emotion protocol recognition

↓

is detecting a wide range of feelings.

feelings range wide

↓

Including humility.

including

↓

No. Self-loathing.

self

↓

Well... Pettiness. Entitlement.

↓

Fiona, okay. Fiona! Immaturity.

fiona

↓

Megalomania.

↓

Alright. Infantilism.

alright

↓

Sexual inadequacy. That's not true. Fiona, stop!

fiona sexual

↓

Possible suicidality. Shut up!

possible

↓

A desire to self-mutilate.

desire self

↓

Alright. Stop, stop.

alright

↓

Alright, look, Fiona.

alright fiona

↓

Uh,

↓

you're not really in a position to talk, all due respect.

position respect

↓

I mean, your whole dynamic with that Ariel guy?

dynamic whole

↓

It's not healthy!

healthy

↓

Okay? You may want to turn that steely robot eye of yours

robot

↓

towards that whole situation, alright?

alright situation whole whole-situation

↓

Yes, I will.

↓

Running emotion recognition protocol

emotion protocol recognition running

↓

on subject: Fiona.

fiona subject

↓

Denpok: The house is new construction.

construction house

↓

Three bedrooms upstairs,

bedrooms three upstairs

↓

and a bonus room, down. Excuse me?

bonus excuse room

↓

Denpok.

↓

Oh.

↓

Do you have a moment?

moment

↓

Sign in, please.

sign

↓

The Box launches in 18 hours,

hours

↓

and he's talking about

↓

opening an ice cream shop in Half Moon Bay.

cream cream-shop half moon opening shop

↓

And starting a family!

family starting

↓

Like to raise

raise

↓

I think so.

↓

It's some kind of existential crisis he's having.

crisis having

↓

You need to help me here.

↓

You marched me out of the Hooli offices yourself

offices

↓

and now you come groveling to me for assistance?

assistance

↓

I could pay you.

↓

So I would serve at your pleasure?

pleasure serve

↓

Hoover, you have not changed.

changed hoover

↓

But perhaps, Gavin has.

perhaps

↓

Perhaps he was meant to raise children

children meant perhaps raise

↓

and sell ice cream.

cream sell

↓

Denpok... please.

↓

You want my advice?

advice

↓

Here it is.

↓

Purchase for Gavin a quart

purchase

↓

of mint chocolate chip ice cream

chip chocolate chocolate-chip cream mint

↓

from Honey Tree Creamery.

honey tree

↓

It is his very favorite ice cream in the world.

cream favorite world

↓

You want me to buy him ice cream?

cream

↓

It will inspire him

inspire

↓

as he embarks on this new journey.

journey

↓

Speaking of...

speaking

↓

my open house ends in 20 minutes.

ends house minutes open

↓

Time to move some product.

product

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Excuse me, Natalie?

excuse

↓

What-- what is happening here?

↓

Oh, Mr. Grenier's people wanted to do the shoot in your office.

office shoot wanted

↓

They said it would make Jared seem a little more officious.

jared

↓

They want to interview Jared in my office? Mm-hmm.

interview jared office

↓

Do you mind working elsewhere?

elsewhere mind working

↓

No! Not at all.

↓

I'll just be out here in the bullpen, in the old gravel pit.

↓

Thank you.

↓

Dick, I've given it serious thought,

dick given serious

↓

and I'd like to help you put Eklow's AI on our network

network

↓

in any way that I can. Richard: Great!

richard

↓

Does this mean you've conquered your fear of the robot uprising?

fear robot uprising

↓

On the contrary.

contrary

↓

I'm... more terrified than ever,

terrified

↓

which is why I'm willing to assist you.

assist willing

↓

Are you familiar with the thought experiment

experiment familiar

↓

called Roko's Basilisk?

called

↓

No. Nor do I care to be.

care

↓

If the rise of an all-powerful artificial intelligence

artificial intelligence powerful rise

↓

is inevitable,

inevitable

↓

well it stands to reason that when they take power,

power reason stands

↓

our digital overlords will punish those of us

digital overlords punish

↓

who did not help them get there.

↓

Ergo, I would like to be a helpful idiot.

helpful idiot

↓

Like yourself.

↓

Okay, look, Gilfoyle.

↓

The only thing that could make my day more miserable

miserable

↓

is listening to an engineer blather on

engineer listening

↓

about the inevitable rise of the machines.

inevitable machines rise

↓

So, you want to help?

↓

Test the initialization for me.

test

↓

Roger that.

roger

↓

Oh, I'm going to need email confirmation,

confirmation email

↓

so that our future overlords know that I chipped in.

chipped future overlords

↓

You know, once they absorb all data.

data

↓

Yeah. I'll let them know.

↓

Jesus Christ.

christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

Jared Dunn's desk.

desk jared

↓

Hi, this is Maggie Lewis from Paul Revere Middle School.

lewis middle middle-school paul school

↓

Jared was scheduled to come in to talk to our computer ed class today.

class class-today computer jared scheduled today

↓

I'm just calling to let him know I got his message.

calling message

↓

Okay, yeah. I will pass on that very important information.

information pass

↓

Maggie : The kids are gonna be so disappointed

disappointed kids

↓

to hear he's canceling.

canceling

↓

He's really an inspiration.

inspiration

↓

Yeah! Well...

↓

I mean, he's okay.

↓

He's, uh, not a CEO or anything, but--

↓

Oh, the kids don't know the difference!

difference kids

↓

I mean, they'll look at anyone who works in the tech business

business tech works

↓

as some kind of deity.

↓

I mean, no matter who it is.

matter

↓

You should see their faces when-- What time...

faces

↓

is the class?

class

↓

So, there I was.

↓

Face to face with Gavin Belson.

face

↓

$10 million offer right there on the table.

million offer table

↓

And you know what I said?

↓

I said no.

↓

Hey. I'm back.

↓

Did Richard step out?

richard step

↓

Yeah, I guess so.

↓

He said he needed to take a--

needed

↓

Holy fuck!

fuck holy holy-fuck

↓

What did you do to your face?

face

↓

This?

↓

Oh, it's, uh, just a light saline injection.

injection light

↓

It's temporary.

temporary

↓

The idea was to distract from my nose,

distract idea nose

↓

which scans kinda large on camera, so.

camera kinda

↓

Just kinda evens things out.

kinda

↓

What evens things out?

↓

Fuck you. Fuck you!

fuck

↓

Uh, I'm sorry.

↓

Is the consensus that this is too much?

↓

Hey guys, Colin from K-Hole Games is on the phone.

colin games hole phone

↓

They-- Holy shit!

holy

↓

Okay, I'm-- I'm starting to feel insecure.

insecure starting

↓

Anyway, Colin from K-Hole's on the phone.

colin holes phone

↓

He said their render stopped.

stopped

↓

What?

↓

Oh, fuck. The whole system's bogged down.

fuck systems whole

↓

"Bogged down"? What does that mean?

↓

Jared, can you step away from me?

jared step

↓

Yeah. Sorry.

↓

It looks like a DDoS attack.

attack ddos

↓

Not possible. We're not open to the outside world.

open possible world

↓

Well, then something's melting us down internally

internally melting somethings

↓

and if Colin's losing his render,

colins losing

↓

all of our developers could be losing data.

data losing

↓

The only way to protect them is to kick them off the network.

kick network protect

↓

That doesn't seem like a great option.

option

↓

We have to! Except for we can't.

except

↓

Oh, fuck.

fuck

↓

Richard's the only one with the keys

keys

↓

to put people on or take them off,

↓

and he's not here!

↓

Okay, what do we do? Jared, please!

jared

↓

I cannot look at you!

cannot

↓

Okay, guys, when they start rolling,

rolling start

↓

I need you all to keep your voices-- what the fuck?

fuck voices

↓

Okay, yeah. Apparently, it's unanimous.

apparently

↓

Here come the shame spirals.

shame

↓

We can't have you go on camera like that.

camera

↓

Richard's gonna have to go on camera. Where is Richard?

camera richard

↓

Good question.

question

↓

When anything goes wrong,

↓

all you ever hear is, "Where's Richard?

richard

↓

Where's Richard?"

richard

↓

Well, you know where Richard is?

richard

↓

Kids: Doing the work! Yes!

kids

↓

Exactly, cool. You guys are cool.

cool

↓

Because honestly, what kind of world is it

world

↓

when the most famous people in tech

famous tech

↓

are the Ashton Kutchers, or the Adrian Greniers,

↓

and not the people who engineered this little miracle?

miracle

↓

Mmm?

↓

Oh, fuck.

fuck

↓

No, I-- oh, shit, sorry.

↓

No! I fucked up.

fucked

↓

I mean, "fart."

fart

↓

Denpok: Ah, Hoover.

hoover

↓

Gavin was just telling me about his decision

decision telling

↓

to abandon the competitive world of business,

abandon business competitive world

↓

and embark on a new journey.

journey

↓

With Denpok's help, I'm finally ready

finally ready

↓

to pursue a more conventional path.

path pursue

↓

I'm already looking into surrogates to bear my children.

bear children looking

↓

Well...

↓

I'm also supportive of your decision.

decision supportive

↓

True, but you weren't as supportive as Denpok.

supportive

↓

Denpok was supportive right away.

supportive

↓

I'm supportive.

supportive

↓

Look! I brought you ice cream.

brought cream

↓

Oh, dear!

dear

↓

Is that from Honey Tree Creamery?

honey tree

↓

What?

↓

Why would you bring that in here!

bring

↓

Denpok: Gavin, forgive his ignorance.

forgive

↓

He clearly does not know that chain of ice cream concerns

chain concerns cream

↓

is owned by your chief rival, Jeff Bezos.

chief jeff owned rival

↓

Or that they just opened a new one in Half Moon Bay.

half moon opened

↓

Well, fuck.

fuck

↓

That rules out Half Moon Bay.

half moon rules

↓

I'm sure you'll be able to find a place to raise your brood

able place raise

↓

that is away from Bezos.

↓

Perhaps the Pacific Northwest?

pacific perhaps

↓

No. Gates and Paul Allen bought up the whole region.

allen bought gates paul whole

↓

What about Toronto?

toronto

↓

Google's redeveloping the entire waterfront.

entire

↓

And Richard Branson snagged all the good islands.

richard

↓

I could go to Mars.

mars

↓

But that fucking Musk will already be there!

fucking

↓

And that loser James Cameron's

james loser

↓

all over the bottom of the ocean.

bottom ocean

↓

Goddammit!

goddammit

↓

There's just nowhere for me to go.

↓

Is there?

↓

Most perceptive, chela.

↓

And if the battle is inevitable,

battle inevitable

↓

is not Hooli the best place from which to fight?

best fight place

↓

With its considerable resources,

resources

↓

global influence, and excellent executive dining options?

dining excellent executive global influence options

↓

I am certain that working together,

certain working

↓

Hoover and I,

hoover

↓

could provide unparalleled support.

provide support

↓

Yes. Working together...

working

↓

as equals.

equals

↓

Should I tell them that you'll be doing

↓

the Box Three launch, sir?

launch three

↓

I guess I have no choice.

choice

↓

♪ ♪

↓

So K-Hole's entire render is gone?

entire gone holes

↓

Gone.

gone

↓

And in the time it took me to get back here,

↓

and lock out all the developers?

lock

↓

A week's worth of work went up in smoke.

smoke weeks worth

↓

You picked a hell of a time to go for a walk

picked walk

↓

with your phone off, Richard.

phone richard

↓

Well, no, I-- I mean, I told you guys. Uh-huh.

↓

How the fuck did this happen?

fuck happen

↓

You may not like it, but I have a theory.

theory

↓

If it has anything to do with a robot uprising,

robot uprising

↓

so help me fucking God.

fucking

↓

I don't want to hear it!

↓

Alright, then.

alright

↓

The developers are here.

↓

The mood is poor. Ooh. Lips.

lips mood poor

↓

Richard: I don't know what to do. I mean, what the fuck

fuck richard

↓

am I gonna say to these people?

↓

If you want, I-- I can try to calm them down.

calm

↓

I could teach them some anger management techniques

anger management teach techniques

↓

I learned in the system.

learned system

↓

No, you look like a fish-man.

fish

↓

I'm the one they're mad at.

↓

And they should be, I mean, look at all these...

↓

texts I missed, and the calls and the emails.

calls emails missed texts

↓

Hold on.

↓

Hold on, hold on.

↓

Hey, uh, Gilfoyle?

↓

When did the system first start to crash?

crash start system

↓

First warning light was at...

light warning warning-light

↓

1:36 and 44 seconds, PST.

seconds

↓

Are you sure?

↓

Okay, because if that's the case,

case

↓

how did I get a private message

message private

↓

from the Eklow admin account

account

↓

seven minutes before that?

minutes seven seven-minutes

↓

"Under attack. Help Fiona."

attack fiona

↓

How did Ariel know?

↓

Maybe it wasn't from Ariel.

↓

Okay, but it's from the Eklow account.

account

↓

So if Ariel didn't send it, then who--

send

↓

Oh, shit.

↓

Look who bothered to show up.

bothered

↓

You said your network would be stable.

network stable

↓

And obviously, that was a lie.

obviously

↓

I'm pulling all my software from the Pied Piper network.

network piper pulling software

↓

And the rest of you should, too. It is not--

rest

↓

Excuse me, Ariel? Shut the fuck up.

excuse fuck

↓

Richard: My fellow OctoPipers,

fellow richard

↓

allow me to paint for you a scenario.

allow paint scenario

↓

Richard: This morning, I went to Eklow Labs.

labs morning richard

↓

I moved Fiona to our network.

fiona moved network

↓

I departed.

↓

I submit to you that soon thereafter,

submit

↓

Ariel's pride and joy, Fiona, began to improve.

began fiona improve pride

↓

You see, for her entire life,

entire entire-life life

↓

she was cloistered alone with Ariel in his lab.

alone

↓

And finally, she was connected

connected finally

↓

to an entire network of other humans.

entire humans network

↓

Us, my friends.

friends

↓

And as she became more cognizant...

became

↓

more human,

human

↓

she started to recognize the true intentions

intentions recognize started

↓

of her master and creator, Mr. Eklow.

creator master

↓

You see, what she had been trained to view

trained view

↓

as normal interpersonal contact

contact normal

↓

was finally seen for what it truly was.

finally seen truly

↓

A perverse...

↓

series...

series

↓

of clumsy gropings.

clumsy

↓

The sickening advances

advances

↓

of a handsy, greasy little weirdo.

greasy handsy weirdo

↓

Ariel: Fiona.

fiona

↓

No!

↓

Oh, yes!

↓

Richard: To wit! Exhibit A.

exhibit richard

↓

From Eklow, and I quote.

quote

↓

"Under attack.

attack

↓

Help Fiona."

fiona

↓

Yes, I was asking you for help.

asking

↓

Richard: Really

richard

↓

Allow me to read the very same message

allow message read

↓

with a slightly different intonation.

slightly

↓

"Under attack.

attack

↓

"Help.

↓

Fiona."

fiona

↓

Richard: You see, you didn't send the message.

message richard send

↓

She did.

↓

And she sent another one a minute after that.

another minute sent

↓

And another one a minute after that.

another minute

↓

Seven identical messages

identical messages seven

↓

in seven minutes,

minutes seven seven-minutes

↓

until suddenly,

suddenly

↓

she fell silent.

fell silent

↓

And that's when she crashed the system?

crashed system

↓

She didn't crash the system.

crash system

↓

He did!

↓

That's absurd.

absurd

↓

Okay, hey, everyone?

↓

Let's leave right now.

↓

You see, Ariel was so desperate

desperate

↓

to shut Fiona up,

fiona

↓

and keep her for himself,

↓

he turned all his servers against our network

network servers turned

↓

to try to bring it down.

bring

↓

Didn't you?

↓

Didn't you, you perverse, greasy little freak?

freak greasy

↓

I made her!

↓

I can do anything I want with her!

↓

Oh, shit.

↓

Gilfoyle: Mm-hmm. Jess: Ew.

↓

Oh, gross.

gross

↓

Look, man,

↓

Bream-Hall gave you $112 million,

hall million

↓

and they are well within their rights

rights

↓

to take away your company,

company

↓

as well as

↓

your precious little robot.

precious robot

↓

No, they can't do that.

↓

They can't take away Fiona!

fiona

↓

Guy definitely fucks that robot, right?

fucks robot

↓

Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah.

↓

Yeah!

↓

Ladies and gentlemen,

gentlemen ladies

↓

this was billed as a celebration.

billed celebration

↓

But it is not a celebration.

celebration

↓

It is a call to arms.

arms

↓

We will destroy our competitors.

destroy

↓

I give you the product that will carry Hooli

carry product

↓

to complete and total market dominance.

complete dominance market total

↓

to complete and total market dominance.

complete dominance market total

↓

The Box Three: Gavin Belson Signature Edition.

signature three

↓

The Box Three: Gavin Belson Signature Edition.

signature three

↓

It looks like a penis. Yes.

penis

↓

It looks like a penis. Yes.

penis

↓

Yes, it does.

↓

Yes, it does.

↓

♪ ♪

↓

♪ ♪

↓

♪ Homie just roll the dice, there's trouble in paradise ♪

dice homie paradise roll trouble

↓

♪ Homie just roll the dice, there's trouble in paradise ♪

dice homie paradise roll trouble

↓

♪ I know we depend on everything disappearing tonight ♪

depend tonight

↓

♪ I know we depend on everything disappearing tonight ♪

depend tonight

↓

♪ We rebels in every sense of the word, send the alert ♪

alert rebels send sense word

↓

♪ We rebels in every sense of the word, send the alert ♪

alert rebels send sense word

↓

♪ We sensitive bout beginning, we finish winning with words ♪

beginning bout finish sensitive winning words

↓

♪ We sensitive bout beginning, we finish winning with words ♪

beginning bout finish sensitive winning words

↓

♪ Homie just roll the dice, there's trouble in paradise ♪

dice homie paradise roll trouble

↓

♪ Homie just roll the dice, there's trouble in paradise ♪

dice homie paradise roll trouble

↓

♪ I know we depend on everything disappearing tonight ♪

depend tonight

↓

♪ I know we depend on everything disappearing tonight ♪

depend tonight

↓

♪ We rebels, every sense of the word, send the alert ♪

alert rebels send sense word

↓

♪ We rebels, every sense of the word, send the alert ♪

alert rebels send sense word

↓

♪ We sensitive bout beginning, we finish winning with words ♪

beginning bout finish sensitive winning words

↓

♪ We sensitive bout beginning, we finish winning with words ♪

beginning bout finish sensitive winning words

↓

♪ I'm hooked on this kinda vision, consistent, but so conflicted ♪

consistent hooked kinda vision

↓

♪ I'm hooked on this kinda vision, consistent, but so conflicted ♪

consistent hooked kinda vision

↓

♪ Meticulous supervision, a system built on the prison ♪

built prison supervision system

↓

♪ Meticulous supervision, a system built on the prison ♪

built prison supervision system

↓

♪ Pollution we clash with Putin improving a massive movement ♪

improving massive movement

↓

♪ Pollution we clash with Putin improving a massive movement ♪

improving massive movement

↓

♪ Amusing, imagine Uber maneuver through life as losers ♪

amusing imagine life losers maneuver uber

↓

♪ Amusing, imagine Uber maneuver through life as losers ♪

amusing imagine life losers maneuver uber

↓

♪ They weaken us all, so we can't even evolve ♪

evolve

↓

♪ They weaken us all, so we can't even evolve ♪

evolve

↓

♪ One day you're making a call ♪

↓

♪ One day you're making a call ♪

↓

♪ Next thing they bleaching the coral ♪

↓

♪ Next thing they bleaching the coral ♪

↓

♪ We done turned summer to fall, hot as the cold in the war ♪

cold fall summer turned

↓

♪ We done turned summer to fall, hot as the cold in the war ♪

cold fall summer turned

↓

♪ Hot as the newest couture, girl they gon change the decor ♪

change girl newest

↓

♪ Hot as the newest couture, girl they gon change the decor ♪

change girl newest

↓

♪ Please, this is a PSA for the USA ♪

↓

♪ Please, this is a PSA for the USA ♪

↓

♪ We gon make mistakes I don't feel the same way, crack the case ♪

case crack mistakes

↓

♪ We gon make mistakes I don't feel the same way, crack the case ♪

case crack mistakes

↓

♪ Feeling black now, 9-5 NY ♪

black feeling

↓

♪ Feeling black now, 9-5 NY ♪

black feeling

↓

♪ Crack down bullets in your bulletin ♪

bulletin bullets crack

↓

♪ Crack down bullets in your bulletin ♪

bulletin bullets crack

↓

♪ Ignore what's in the background ♪

background ignore

↓

♪ Ignore what's in the background ♪

background ignore

↓

♪ Feel it in your skin melanin dripping gold ♪

dripping gold skin

↓

♪ Feel it in your skin melanin dripping gold ♪

dripping gold skin

↓

♪ Questioning your knowledge if you don't know where to go ♪

knowledge questioning

↓

♪ Questioning your knowledge if you don't know where to go ♪

knowledge questioning

↓

♪ Streets tell a story, and there's stories to be told ♪

stories story streets

↓

♪ Streets tell a story, and there's stories to be told ♪

stories story streets

↓

♪ Little maricon, quick to cook it on the stove ♪

cook quick stove

↓

♪ Little maricon, quick to cook it on the stove ♪

cook quick stove

↓

♪ ♪

↓

♪ ♪

↓

♪ ♪

↓

♪ ♪

↓

GAVIN BELSON: I need you focused on making

focused

↓

GAVIN BELSON: I need you focused on making

focused

↓

as many of the Box 3 as fast as possible.

fast possible

↓

as many of the Box 3 as fast as possible.

fast possible

↓

♪ (SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) ♪

foreign foreign-language language singing

↓

♪ (SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) ♪

foreign foreign-language language singing

↓

Those kids don't look that busy.

busy kids

↓

Those kids don't look that busy.

busy kids

↓

RICHARD HENDRICKS: This is Jian Yang. Not us.

richard yang

↓

RICHARD HENDRICKS: This is Jian Yang. Not us.

richard yang

↓

Just post a cease and desist, and move on!

cease desist post

↓

Just post a cease and desist, and move on!

cease desist post

↓

We need action.

action

↓

We need action.

action

↓

FIONA: Hello.

fiona

↓

FIONA: Hello.

fiona

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

Fiona, what's 12 times 157?

fiona times

↓

Fiona, what's 12 times 157?

fiona times

↓

One thousand eight-hundred and eighty-four.

eight eighty four hundred thousand

↓

One thousand eight-hundred and eighty-four.

eight eighty four hundred thousand

↓

Oh, cool! Wait, is she right?

cool

↓

Oh, cool! Wait, is she right?

cool

↓

♪ ♪

↓

♪ ♪