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Home » Silicon Valley » S05E02 — Reorientation

Silicon Valley

Season 5, Episode 2 — Reorientation

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Silicon Valley

Episode title: Reorientation

Air date: April 01, 2018

Director: Mike Judge

Top billed cast: Thomas Middleditch, Zach Woods, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Amanda Crew, Matt Ross

Panicked by suddenly leading a much larger team, Richard finds himself managing a number of small conflicts in his efforts to unite his new employees. Dinesh celebrates a new purchase that Gilfoyle looks to spoil. Jian-Yang goes to court. Gavin meets pushback over his signature and what it says about him.

Source: TMDB

↓

Dinesh: My Tesla finally came.

finally

↓

Gilfoyle: Was that a wise purchase?

purchase wise

↓

Considering Richard just

considering richard

↓

obliterated Pied Piper's runway hiring all those coders?

hiring runway

↓

I ordered it a month ago.

month ordered

↓

But still, it's an investment.

investment

↓

As I understand,

↓

cars depreciate 10 percent

cars percent

↓

as soon as they fall off the truck.

fall truck

↓

Like that.

↓

So if the car costs $100,

costs

↓

well you just lost $10.

lost

↓

Did it cost $100?

cost

↓

Or more?

↓

It's not about the money.

money

↓

I, my friend, am now part

friend part

↓

of the green revolution.

green revolution

↓

Are you?

↓

Most electricity still comes from

comes electricity

↓

gas plants and coal-burning smoke stacks.

burning plants smoke

↓

Do you know where your electricity comes from?

comes electricity

↓

No. Mm-hmm.

↓

Look how shiny it is.

shiny

↓

Plus, it has a frunk--

plus

↓

a front trunk.

front trunk

↓

Here, hop in, let me give you a ride to work.

ride

↓

Dinesh,

↓

you like this?

↓

Jesus fucking Christ!

christ fucking fucking-christ jesus jesus-fucking

↓

Is that a dead pig? Yes.

dead

↓

It's just like Errich.

↓

My corrupt uncle

corrupt uncle

↓

sent a death certificate

certificate death sent

↓

from China

china

↓

but to send body is too expensive.

body expensive send

↓

So...

↓

I cremate a pig

↓

because a pig is most like a fat human.

human

↓

I gotta get to work.

↓

Dinesh...

↓

can you take pig to backyard?

backyard

↓

I need to burn it.

burn

↓

No.

↓

♪ ♪

↓

That's odd.

↓

You left before me.

left

↓

How was I able to park before you?

able park

↓

I guess all 50 of the new employees

employees

↓

decided to show up bright and early

bright decided early

↓

for the fucking all-hands meeting.

fucking hands meeting

↓

I had to park on level five.

five level park

↓

Huh! So unlike you,

unlike

↓

the world understands

understands world

↓

that I'm saving the planet

planet saving

↓

and has rewarded me with...

rewarded

↓

primo spot.

spot

↓

Congratulations.

congratulations

↓

You've finally taken your rightful spot

finally rightful spot taken

↓

amongst the handicapped.

amongst handicapped

↓

Is it broken?

broken

↓

Uh, no. I think I'm okay.

↓

One question, what the fuck happened?

fuck happened question

↓

'Cause... you were doing your speech

speech

↓

right there in front of the whole company,

company front whole whole-company

↓

and then...

↓

Wow.

↓

Well...

↓

uh, my speech was going poorly.

poorly speech

↓

Agreed. Yeah.

agreed

↓

And I started to panic.

panic started

↓

With good reason.

reason

↓

And then...

↓

all of a sudden, I...

sudden

↓

I thought I had to shit my pants, okay?

pants

↓

And that's why you jumped

jumped

↓

face first into a glass wall?

face glass wall

↓

No, it all happened so fast,

fast happened

↓

but... essentially, I thought,

essentially

↓

if it was gonna happen, I didn't want to be standing.

happen standing

↓

So, I crouched, because...

↓

If you wanna shit yourself,

↓

you'd rather be crouching than standing?

standing

↓

Yes. I mean, if you had to.

↓

I hate to say this, but I follow you.

follow hate

↓

The thing is, when I crouched, I had to burp.

burp

↓

But since I was all, you know, tucked up,

tucked

↓

I actually vomited a little.

vomited

↓

And then, that's when my fight-or-flight reflex kicked in.

fight flight kicked reflex

↓

Do you ever fight?

fight

↓

Okay, fine, then my "or flight" reflex kicked in and I just...

flight kicked reflex

↓

Pow. Yeah.

↓

Okay. Well, what we saw was a very oily man

↓

in mid-sentence dip down,

sentence

↓

vomit, and then thrust himself violently

thrust violently vomit

↓

face first into a glass wall.

face glass wall

↓

But I guess it's a lot less embarrassing

embarrassing less

↓

the way you explain it.

explain

↓

Richard, what about...

richard

↓

Did you evacuate in your pants?

evacuate pants

↓

Oh, no, uh, good news.

news

↓

I think what happened when I hit the glass,

glass happened

↓

I sort of shocked myself.

shocked

↓

Now, I don't have to.

↓

That's actually kind of disappointing,

disappointing

↓

because, like, no closure.

closure

↓

Well, on the bright side, it'll be that much easier

bright bright-side easier itll side

↓

to get you cleaned up and back out there.

cleaned

↓

What? I have you scheduled for three more days of orientation.

days orientation scheduled three

↓

No way. Cancel them.

cancel

↓

There's no way I'm going back out there.

↓

Especially after knowing what they saw.

especially knowing

↓

No, fuck it. Plus, I'm-- I'm way too busy, so.

busy fuck plus

↓

Gentlemen, could we have the room please?

gentlemen room

↓

So we can leave? Sweet.

sweet

↓

Richard, look out there.

richard

↓

There's Optimoji and Sliceline t-shirts left and right.

left shirts

↓

These are conquered soldiers still in their old uniforms.

soldiers uniforms

↓

But we need everyone here to be Pied Pipers.

↓

I mean, you're asking them

asking

↓

to spend the primes of their lives on your vision.

lives spend vision

↓

Right? And you need to go out there and lead them.

lead

↓

They're-- they're yearning for inspiration.

inspiration

↓

I can't do inspiration.

inspiration

↓

I'm a coder.

↓

Look there, the new Internet.

internet

↓

That's inspiration. Use that.

inspiration

↓

Richard, this is all an idea.

idea richard

↓

And people don't wanna follow an idea,

follow idea

↓

they wanna follow a leader.

follow leader

↓

Look at the last guy to create a new Internet.

create internet

↓

Al Gore.

gore

↓

His ideas were excellent,

excellent ideas

↓

but he talked like a narcoleptic plantation owner,

owner talked

↓

so he lost the presidency to a fake cowboy

cowboy fake lost presidency

↓

and now he makes apocalypse porn.

apocalypse makes porn

↓

Look, the point is, you need to lead with passion.

lead passion point

↓

When you set your mind to it,

mind

↓

you're one of the most charismatic people I've ever met.

charismatic

↓

And I have met Ira Glass.

glass

↓

I know it's three days we could be working,

days three three-days working

↓

but ultimately, a unified team will save us time in the end.

save team ultimately

↓

You wanna save time?

save

↓

If you wanna save time, here's what you do.

save

↓

You said it yourself, okay, the Optimoji guys

↓

and the Sliceline guys are separate,

separate

↓

with their own separate histories,

histories separate

↓

their own separate shorthands,

separate

↓

so let's use that.

↓

Let's give the scheduler to the Optimoji guys,

↓

and the server-less runtime to the Sliceline guys.

less server

↓

Then we have Dinesh and Gilfoyle and the Stallions, they do the integration.

↓

Boom, we're off and running. How about that?

boom running

↓

That way, no one has to shit or burp or puke

burp puke

↓

or get a nosebleed in front of anyone.

front

↓

Sco As for the bezel design, our young aesthete, Dang,

dang design young

↓

has once again spun gold.

gold spun

↓

Let's see it.

↓

Wait, my signature's not on it?

↓

How could it be the Gavin Belson Signature Box III

signature

↓

without Gavin Belson's signature on it?

signature

↓

Well, the word "signature" has a handwritten feel to it.

signature word

↓

Why is my signature not on this?

signature

↓

Gavin, there was a slight issue with your signature.

issue signature slight

↓

What issue?

issue

↓

Do you have a mock-up? Pull it up.

mock pull

↓

Ah, yes! There.

↓

What's wrong with that?

↓

Well, reactions to this from our testing groups were mixed,

groups mixed reactions testing

↓

so we contacted a handwriting expert.

contacted expert handwriting

↓

And, uh, well...

↓

Jean, do you have the report?

jean report

↓

Absolutely.

absolutely

↓

Pleasure to be on your team, Gavin. Here it is.

pleasure team

↓

"The signature displayed troubling traits.

signature troubling

↓

"Left of upright slant,

left

↓

"narrow angles, tense strokes,

narrow tense

↓

conclusively indicative of sociopathic tendencies."

tendencies

↓

What? "Characterized by

↓

"a lack of empathy and need to dominate,

dominate empathy lack

↓

"a willingness to hurt others to achieve one's goals.

achieve goals hurt ones others

↓

Inability to accept bad news--"

accept inability news

↓

Hoover? Hoover: Sir?

hoover

↓

Get this horrible women the fuck out of my office, now.

fuck horrible office women

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Dinesh: What the fuck is that?

fuck

↓

It's the cheapest thing I could find

↓

that qualified as an electric vehicle.

electric qualified vehicle

↓

I found it on Craigslist.

craigslist found

↓

Now you get to park on the fifth floor.

fifth floor park

↓

Enjoy the drive.

drive enjoy

↓

Oh, and you were right...

↓

it does feel good to be a part of the green revolution.

green part revolution

↓

Oh, yeah? Well, does that "vehicle" have "Insane Mode"?

insane mode vehicle

↓

One press of a button

button press

↓

and I go zero to 60 in 3.2...

zero

↓

What a day.

↓

See, we'd still be finishing up orientation,

finishing orientation

↓

singing Kumbayas and doing trust falls.

falls singing trust

↓

But instead,

↓

both our Optimoji and Sliceline teams

teams

↓

have gone through their first code review.

code gone review

↓

Well, to be fair, I never would've scheduled trust falls.

fair falls scheduled trust wouldve

↓

I mean, you do one of those, you're so jacked up on adrenaline,

adrenaline jacked

↓

the rest of the day is basically shot.

rest shot

↓

We were gonna have a noncompetitive talent show with no losers.

losers talent

↓

Not possible.

possible

↓

Dick, I just got in and checked the commits.

checked dick

↓

Are you aware that the Sliceline guys

aware

↓

have been encoding time in nanoseconds,

↓

as we usually do,

usually

↓

but the Optimoji guys have been using milliseconds?

using

↓

What?

↓

Just the fact that we're still calling them

calling fact

↓

Sliceline guys and Optimoji guys

↓

is sending up all sorts of red flags.

sending sorts

↓

And I don't even mean the word "guys,"

word

↓

which I just learned is a micro-aggression.

aggression learned micro

↓

It's fine, "guys."

↓

I will get them to re-factor their code.

code factor

↓

We're still ahead of where we'd be

ahead

↓

if we were doing some kind of talent show.

talent

↓

Richard? Gilfoyle parked his electric pile of trash

electric parked pile richard trash

↓

in my Tesla's spot.

spot

↓

Do you think that's fair?

fair

↓

Not now, Dinesh.

↓

Why can't you guys switch to milliseconds?

switch

↓

Why do we have to change?

change

↓

Sorry, well, our entire code base uses nanoseconds.

base code entire uses

↓

And you didn't think it was important to tell us this?

↓

No, well, I mean, it was--

↓

it was part of the orientation that was scheduled,

orientation part scheduled

↓

which had to be,

↓

for numerous reasons, uh, canceled.

canceled numerous reasons

↓

And I'm sorry about that, I know it sucks.

sucks

↓

If I could make it suck less, I would, but--

less suck

↓

You could get some decent coffee in here.

coffee decent

↓

What? What's wrong with...

↓

Philz Coffee? That's high-end joe, bro.

coffee

↓

At Optimoji, we had Stumptown brought in every day.

brought

↓

So that would inspire you? Different coffee?

coffee inspire

↓

Inspire us?

inspire

↓

You know what? Bup, bup, bup!

↓

Stumptown it is. You got it.

↓

And you'll tell your guys about the nanoseconds?

↓

Yeah. Unless you wanna

↓

get up in front of everyone and announce it yourself.

announce front

↓

No, no, no, I'd rather you--

↓

That was a joke.

joke

↓

Your speech was a disaster.

disaster speech

↓

Oh. Yeah.

↓

You know. Yeah.

↓

It was really bad.

↓

I know.

↓

Okay, Mr. Jian, you have petitioned this court

court

↓

to become the sole executor

become sole

↓

of the estate of Erlich Bachman, is that correct?

correct estate

↓

Yes.

↓

I see you've got all the paperwork, here.

paperwork

↓

Yes. Errich Bachman is dead.

dead

↓

Oh! Um...

↓

Mr. Jian, there's absolutely no need

absolutely

↓

to display the deceased remains.

deceased display remains

↓

You can put that away.

↓

I have it. Yes.

↓

Please put it down.

↓

Errich Bachman is cremated...

↓

into ashes.

ashes

↓

And I put it in bucket.

bucket

↓

Put it down, sir.

↓

Now, have you determined

determined

↓

to a reasonable degree of certainty

certainty degree reasonable

↓

that Mr. Bachman has no living next of kin?

living

↓

No wife, children, parents,

children parents wife

↓

no brothers, sisters,

brothers sisters

↓

nieces, nephews, grandparents,

grandparents nephews

↓

children from a predeceased spouse

children spouse

↓

or domestic partnership?

domestic partnership

↓

No.

↓

He died alone.

alone died

↓

He's a very sad man.

↓

So, I have a...

↓

a house and a 10% Pied Piper.

house piper

↓

In the absence of any next of kin,

absence

↓

I will approve you as the sole beneficiary

approve sole

↓

and the official executor of Mr. Bachman's estate.

estate official

↓

But, before you can distribute any of his assets

assets distribute

↓

into your personal possession,

personal possession

↓

you are required to settle all claims against the estate.

claims estate required settle

↓

Do you understand?

↓

So I get a house and a 10% Pied Piper?

house piper

↓

You need to pay all of his outstanding bills.

bills outstanding

↓

How much do I have to pay?

↓

Well, these debts can sometimes be substantial.

debts sometimes

↓

Would you characterize Mr. Bachman

↓

as a financially responsible man?

financially responsible

↓

Hey, Sliceline guys, what's up? Heh.

↓

So...

↓

wanted to talk to you guys about something.

wanted

↓

Past couple days,

couple couple-days days past

↓

the Optimoji guys have really stepped up their game,

game stepped

↓

but, um, you guys...

↓

have kind of been flagging.

↓

I'm just wondering if everything's all right.

everythings wondering

↓

Yeah. Great.

↓

Just nice to know where we stand.

stand

↓

Sorry? We get it.

↓

You only acquired Sliceline because you wanted Optimoji.

acquired wanted

↓

What?

↓

No, wrong.

↓

Uh, why would you say that?

↓

I didn't. You did,

↓

when you chose their coffee over ours.

chose coffee

↓

It's bad enough we can't have Slice here.

slice

↓

Slice?

slice

↓

The beverage?

beverage

↓

No, no. Slice was our mascot.

mascot slice

↓

He's really smart.

smart

↓

Okay, well...

↓

Bring the little guy in.

bring

↓

What about the no dog policy?

policy

↓

What no dog policy, huh?

policy

↓

Really? Are you sure you don't need to check with Optimoji?

check

↓

I'm pretty sure, but, uh...

↓

Danny? Dan man?

danny

↓

Uh, I just was wondering

wondering

↓

if you're cool if the Sliceline guys

cool

↓

brought in their dog. He's really smart.

brought smart

↓

Well at Optimoji, we had a no dog policy.

policy

↓

Come on. Don't be such a dork.

dork

↓

Let 'em have it. It's just a dog.

↓

Sure. Fine.

↓

You're the CEO.

↓

Yes, I am.

↓

All right.

↓

And from this point on,

point

↓

CEO stands for Canine Endorsement...

stands

↓

Oh... yeah.

↓

All right.

↓

Hey, look at you and your 10-speed.

speed

↓

Aw, you got up early 'cause you thought you could take my space.

early space

↓

That's cute.

cute

↓

Almost as cute as your bike.

bike cute

↓

Yeah, I guess this is a bike, isn't it?

bike

↓

So I get to use the bike lane.

bike lane

↓

See you later.

↓

No, bikes still have to follow traffic laws!

bikes follow laws traffic

↓

That's not fair!

fair

↓

All right. You wanna get insane?

insane

↓

Let's get insane.

insane

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

Fuck you, Gilfoyle!

fuck

↓

Something's wrong with your frunk.

somethings

↓

It's all frucked up.

↓

Hey, Tesla!

↓

You know where Pied Piper is?

piper

↓

Right here, guys.

↓

What the fuck?

fuck

↓

Dick?

dick

↓

Hey, uh...

↓

Explain. Okay, uh...

explain

↓

So, Optimoji had a no dog policy

policy

↓

and apparently that's because every single one of 'em

apparently single

↓

have a fucking dog.

fucking

↓

And when we waived our no dog policy...

policy

↓

You waived our no dog policy?

policy

↓

I had Jared put that in there for a reason, Richard!

jared reason richard

↓

In Pakistan, dogs are not pets, okay?

dogs pets

↓

They're vicious beasts

beasts vicious

↓

and they chase you down the street

chase street

↓

and they bite you.

bite

↓

My cousin Eftahar lost an ear.

cousin lost

↓

Our mayor was very corrupt.

corrupt mayor

↓

But he put poison pills in chicken meat

chicken meat pills poison

↓

to take care of the dog problem.

care problem

↓

We hailed him as a hero.

hero

↓

We put up statues of him everywhere.

statues

↓

He's gonna be okay.

↓

Who's gonna be okay?

↓

What? Stallion down?

stallion

↓

He's violently allergic to dogs.

allergic dogs violently

↓

It's another reason for our iron-clad no dog policy.

another iron policy reason

↓

Jared, when were you planning on telling me all of this?

jared planning telling

↓

Day two of orientation.

orientation

↓

Right after safe space charades.

safe safe-space space

↓

So look, we'll pay for your entire medical bill, obviously.

bill entire medical obviously

↓

So, you're good.

↓

You're covering his deductible?

covering

↓

Then you have to cover ours, right?

cover

↓

And what about the dogs? They're people, too.

dogs

↓

They're literally not.

↓

They're dogs!

dogs

↓

Hold strong.

strong

↓

Fuck you!

fuck

↓

Oh. So...

↓

Jared, uh, you wanted me to unite the teams and I have.

jared teams unite wanted

↓

They are united against me.

united

↓

Even the dogs, apparently.

apparently dogs

↓

I wish they had your fecal fortitude.

fecal wish

↓

Hey, do me a favor and...

favor

↓

just take care of all the dogs.

care dogs

↓

And then call an all-hands.

hands

↓

I've clearly gotta say words.

words

↓

Ooh, okay.

↓

Really didn't wanna be back up here, again.

↓

And I think we all remember why, you know?

remember

↓

But you probably don't know this, but I almost sh--

↓

They don't need to...

↓

Farted. Yeah.

farted

↓

Which would be embarrassing.

embarrassing

↓

Anyway, look, uh...

↓

I know I...

↓

should be the inspiration for you guys,

inspiration

↓

but to be honest, that's not really who I am.

honest

↓

And if this company lives or dies

company dies lives

↓

by all the flowery things I say,

↓

well then, to be honest, we're fucked. Ha.

fucked honest

↓

They say that...

↓

people don't follow ideas.

follow ideas

↓

But I think in this case, you guys should.

case

↓

Because...

↓

the idea of creating a new Internet,

creating idea internet

↓

that's special.

special

↓

Right? And we've been given the opportunity

given opportunity

↓

to rewrite...

rewrite

↓

the most important thing in human history.

history human

↓

And we can build it

build

↓

the way it should've been made all along.

along shouldve

↓

You know, not this shitty, addictive parasite

addictive parasite shitty

↓

that companies like Hooli use to spy on us

companies

↓

and exploit us.

exploit

↓

Okay?

↓

There. That's your inspiration.

inspiration

↓

Not me.

↓

Not coffee. Not dogs. So...

coffee dogs

↓

if I'm not inspirational enough for you,

inspirational

↓

and if you don't wanna be here,

↓

well, then, there's the door.

door

↓

And we'll give you enough severance

↓

to cover you to your next job.

cover

↓

But if you wanna stick around and build this thing,

build stick

↓

then we've got work to do.

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Great job.

↓

So what's going on? I hear footsteps.

footsteps

↓

Are-- are people sitting back down, or...?

sitting

↓

Okay, they're picking up their bags.

bags picking

↓

That could be good.

↓

Okay. So, what, they're leaving, or...?

leaving

↓

A few are.

↓

Okay, what's a few?

↓

It's more than a few.

↓

What's that mean? Like, what's more than a few, five?

five

↓

Double digits?

digits double

↓

Jared: It might be easier to say how many are staying.

easier jared might staying

↓

It's, uh...

↓

It's two.

↓

What?

↓

Richard: Okay.

richard

↓

So, uh,

↓

Richard, what-- what do you wanna do here?

richard

↓

What are you talking about? I'm doing it.

↓

Sorry? I'm a coder, Jared.

jared

↓

So I'm gonna code.

code

↓

And if I have to build my entire new fucking internet by myself,

build entire fucking internet

↓

I'll do that, so...

↓

Oh, dear.

dear

↓

I like it.

↓

It's just so edgy.

edgy

↓

Banksy is a very edgy artist.

artist banksy edgy

↓

The edgiest.

↓

Gavin: What is this?

↓

Banksy is insisting his signature be on his work.

banksy signature

↓

This is supposed to be my signature.

signature supposed

↓

On what planet does a signature have a signature on it?

planet signature

↓

I'm afraid it's non-negotiable.

afraid

↓

The fucking balls on this egomaniac.

balls egomaniac fucking

↓

You know what? Fuck Banksy.

banksy fuck

↓

We're on a campus full of literally thousands

campus full thousands

↓

of the greatest creative minds in the world.

creative greatest minds world

↓

Let's just crowd source it with our employees. We'll make it a contest.

contest crowd employees source

↓

People will feel empowered and part of the team.

part team

↓

And it won't cost us shit.

cost

↓

You see? This is what a benevolent leader does.

leader

↓

Make it happen.

happen

↓

Sir, is this a good time?

↓

It's a great time. I just fired Banksy.

banksy fired

↓

Banksy, the vandal?

banksy

↓

The very one. Now, what do you have for me?

↓

Good news.

news

↓

I'm hearing that Pied Piper is in a free-fall.

fall free hearing piper

↓

From whom? All I can say without implicating you

↓

is that I've instituted an operation

operation

↓

to safeguard our interests.

interests

↓

I'm calling it "Project Washburn."

calling project

↓

What I'm planning to--

planning

↓

Hoover, you're implicating me.

hoover

↓

Are we bad people for leaving Richard there to work by himself?

leaving richard

↓

We've been coding for 48 hours straight.

coding hours straight

↓

I could give a shit about deontological ethics.

ethics

↓

Yang.

yang

↓

There better not be a Chinaman in my bed.

↓

That is racist.

racist

↓

Yes.

↓

I am racist.

racist

↓

Stupid Errich.

stupid

↓

Big mortgage.

mortgage

↓

Seven credit cards.

cards credit credit-cards seven

↓

Not even one with miles.

miles

↓

Fucking loser.

fucking loser

↓

It almost not worth to take his house from him.

house worth

↓

Fat fuck.

fuck

↓

Speaking of crazy bills,

bills crazy speaking

↓

you know how much it's going to cost to fix my Tesla?

cost

↓

$17,000.

↓

I can't afford to pay that.

afford

↓

But I can't afford not to pay it.

afford

↓

If I don't fix my Tesla,

↓

Gilfoyle wins.

wins

↓

And I need to really shove it up his ass.

shove

↓

Wait.

↓

Do I really hate someone so much

hate

↓

that defeating them is worth more than money?

money worth

↓

Is that really what I've become?

become

↓

Yeah, it is.

↓

I'm gonna pay it.

↓

Thanks, Jian-Yang.

thanks yang

↓

I'll pay, too.

↓

Fuck you, Errich.

fuck

↓

You can't just leave your bike-car

bike

↓

in my Tesla's spot and Uber home.

home spot uber

↓

That's not fair, Gilfoyle.

fair

↓

Mmm, you don't seem to understand.

↓

It's my spot now.

spot

↓

What are they doing back?

↓

Hey. Where have you been?

↓

Sleeping.

sleeping

↓

What? All night?

night

↓

We assumed you guys were right behind us. What's happening?

assumed behind

↓

Oh!

↓

Something.

↓

Something is happening.

↓

When you left, I thought he was fried.

fried left

↓

Okay? Because his shoulders were all tight,

shoulders tight

↓

and he wouldn't answer to his name,

answer name

↓

and his eyes went dead,

dead eyes

↓

like when I tell him I love him.

love

↓

But then, he just got stronger

stronger

↓

and he started picking up speed,

picking speed started

↓

so I texted a few of the Sliceline guys

texted

↓

and then they texted some of the Optimoji guys,

texted

↓

and they all wanted to see it.

wanted

↓

Richard has finished the scheduler

finished richard

↓

and is almost ready to merge

merge ready

↓

the server-less runtime. Look, look!

less server

↓

Gilfoyle: He implemented all those tasks?

↓

By himself?

↓

That was supposed to take the whole team four days.

days four four-days supposed team whole whole-team

↓

It's amazing. I mean, I feel--

amazing

↓

I feel like Mary Magdalene on resurrection day.

mary resurrection

↓

And that's not the greatest miracle of all.

greatest miracle

↓

Look. Look at the coders.

↓

They're all wearing Pied Piper hoodies.

piper wearing

↓

He pushed another commit.

another commit pushed

↓

Dinesh: What the fuck?

fuck

↓

Flawless. Right?

flawless

↓

Um, it takes a while to read a whole commit.

commit read takes whole

↓

They've been cheering after every commit.

cheering commit

↓

I mean, they haven't, but it's--

↓

it's great.

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Richard: I thought I had to shit my pants.

pants richard

↓

So, I crouched.

↓

I actually vomited.

vomited

↓

Fight-or-flight reflex kicked in and I just...

fight flight kicked reflex

↓

Jared: Richard!

jared richard

↓

Man: Richard?

richard

↓

Richard?

richard

↓

Hey, buddy boy.

buddy

↓

Oh, there he is.

↓

What's-- what's going on?

↓

Don't flip out, okay?

flip

↓

But you have been in a coma for four years.

coma four four-years years

↓

What?

↓

That's correct.

correct

↓

In fact, I'm a robot.

fact robot

↓

The real Dr. Crawford died heroically

died real

↓

in the water wars of 2020.

wars water

↓

Jokes, Richard!

jokes richard

↓

I'm just joking around.

joking

↓

What, did you sell your sense of humor?

humor sell sense

↓

You've just been out for about six hours.

hours

↓

You were not even unconscious, really just asleep.

asleep unconscious

↓

But you did lose a whole lot of blood.

blood lose whole

↓

I just hope they put the right kind back in.

hope

↓

Wait, are you still riffing?

riffing

↓

I don't know.

↓

Richard, here's the bad news,

news richard

↓

your arms and your torso

arms torso

↓

took the brunt of the glass.

brunt glass

↓

If you'd cut your face up some,

face

↓

we could've gotten insurance to pay for a whole remodel.

couldve couldve-gotten gotten insurance whole

↓

Gotta, you know...

↓

give the old schnozzle a much-needed trim,

needed trim

↓

you know what I'm talking about.

↓

You gotta hate it as much as everybody else.

everybody hate

↓

So what happened? What were you,

happened

↓

trying to ride one of those hover boards

boards hover ride

↓

around your office like a nincompoop?

office

↓

Um, no.

↓

I-- I guess I just got a little lost in the work.

lost

↓

All right. Hop in, Frankenstein.

frankenstein

↓

Let's get you out of here.

↓

Oh, uh...

↓

I think what you're trying to say is

↓

Frankenstein's monster.

monster

↓

What?

↓

I think you mean to call me Frankenstein's monster

monster

↓

'cause Frankenstein is the--

frankenstein

↓

Oh, you're one of those guys, huh?

↓

No, I'm just-- the doctor's name is Frankenstein--

doctors frankenstein name

↓

I know. It's just an annoying thing to point out.

annoying point

↓

If you want people to like you,

↓

just go along with what they say and have fun.

along fun

↓

Richard: What?

richard

↓

Jared: Richard!

jared richard

↓

You should've called. I would've picked you up.

called picked shouldve wouldve

↓

What's everybody doing here?

everybody

↓

The fuck does it look like?

fuck

↓

We're working.

working

↓

Look at 'em all, Richard.

richard

↓

I mean, sure, a three-day orientation

orientation three

↓

might've been just as effective and less bloody,

bloody effective less mightve

↓

but it wasn't you.

↓

But you found your own way

found

↓

to get these men and women, these Pipers, to follow you.

follow women

↓

You looked at these people and you said,

looked

↓

"I may not be an inspiring speaker.

inspiring speaker

↓

"I may be twitchy,

↓

"and I might be strange,

might strange

↓

"and I might vomit and I might defecate in my pants

might pants vomit

↓

"and I might throw myself through a window.

might throw window

↓

"But I believe in this company so much,

believe company

↓

I'll work so hard, I'll literally risk my life for it."

hard life risk

↓

And that is the kind of leader these people wanna follow.

follow leader

↓

Because now they know nothing is gonna stop you.

↓

All right, then.

↓

Gavin Belson's office, please?

office

↓

I need to talk to Hoover. It's Jeff Washburn.

hoover jeff

↓

Yes, thank you.

↓

This one came in third with 46 votes.

third votes

↓

Cute. Next?

cute

↓

This one came in second with 374 votes.

second votes

↓

Nice, feels solid.

feels solid

↓

And with 9,986 votes this,

votes

↓

by far, was Hooli's favorite.

favorite

↓

Gavin: Hmm, I like it.

↓

It's bold.

bold

↓

Gavin B.

↓

Mr. Hoover? You have a phone call.

hoover phone

↓

He said you'd know what it was regarding.

regarding

↓

A Mr. Jeff Washburn.

jeff

↓

I am so exhausted.

exhausted

↓

But the backseat of my Tesla's

backseat

↓

really comfy though, right, Richard?

comfy richard

↓

Definitely worth all the money I'm spending on it.

money spending worth

↓

Good purchase.

purchase

↓

Not a mistake.

mistake

↓

Uh...

↓

my key doesn't work.

↓

Uh, let me try mine.

↓

What the fuck?

fuck

↓

Mine doesn't work either.

↓

Yang. Move.

yang

↓

Do you have a app idea?

idea

↓

No.

↓

Sorry. Errich is gone.

gone

↓

This is my incubator now.

↓

What?

↓

Your things are over there.

↓

Richard: What the fuck?

fuck richard

↓

Dinesh: You just took our shit and threw it on the lawn?

lawn threw

↓

Gilfoyle,

↓

you are racist.

racist

↓

And Richard...

richard

↓

you are ugly.

ugly

↓

The Errich administration is over.

administration

↓

What? What the fuck?

fuck

↓

You can't just kick us out, Jian-Yang.

kick yang

↓

Sorry. You are victims of a circumstance.

circumstance victims

↓

Thank you.

↓

Jian-Yang.

yang

↓

What the fuck?

fuck

↓

Gilfoyle: Why does the whole neighborhood smell like bacon?

bacon neighborhood smell whole whole-neighborhood

↓

♪ ♪

↓

♪ Have no place to go ♪

place

↓

♪ Have no place to go, darling ♪

darling place

↓

♪ Have no place to go ♪

place

↓

♪ Darling ♪

darling

↓

♪ Have no place to go ♪

place

↓

♪ Have no place to go, darling ♪

darling place

↓

♪ Have no place to go ♪

place

↓

♪ Have no place to go, darling ♪

darling place

↓

♪ When that train roll up now ♪

roll train

↓

♪ I come walking out ♪

walking

↓

♪ Come walking out, out, out ♪

walking

↓

♪ When that, that train roll up now ♪

roll train

↓

♪ I come walking out ♪

walking

↓

♪ Come walking out ♪

walking