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Silicon Valley

Season 4, Episode 7 — The Patent Troll

TMDB episode metadata
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That's a good one, Richard.
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No, but seriously, what brings you in today?
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No, I am... I am serious. I would like a... an STD check.
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What, did you graze your penis against a toilet seat?
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No. I... I had sex.
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- Sex with what? - Female.
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A female what?
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A female human.
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And I-I don't know this woman very well, and we didn't use a condom.
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Now, listen, Richard, I wouldn't worry so much.
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People don't really get STDs anymore.
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We'll get your tests back soon, and I would tell you
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not to have sex before then, but let's face it...
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lightning ain't gonna strike twice, is it?
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It's possible.
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- Huh? - It's possible.
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No.
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Hey, here's something strange.
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Would you mind hopping up on that scale for a sec?
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Okay, why? Am I gaining weight?
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I have been working like crazy, eating like crap.
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I haven't been exercising at all, really, so...
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Yeah, look at that.
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You are an inch shorter
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than you were this time last year.
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You're shrinking, my friend.
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How is that possible?
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Well, you just told me. It's your unhealthy lifestyle, Richard.
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It's a loss of mineral bone density.
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So, what do I do?
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I'm gonna put you on calcium supplements,
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and I'm gonna have you come back in about three weeks.
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I'll see you then... or whatever's left of you.
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Keenan Feldspar signed his term sheet,
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and we are now officially negotiating the finer points of his deal.
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Fantastic! Well, now the real work begins.
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To that end, we would like to clarify our arrangement with you.
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We feel that a generous finder's fee
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will be more than satisfactory.
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This meeting is over.
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This is very generous, but I... I was under the impression
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that, um, I was going to be hired here,
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and I've actually told quite a few people that I was hired,
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so if I wasn't, then it would look like I was fired.
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That is fine.
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No. Laurie...
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I will not allow you to make the same mistake
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that Uber, Palantir, Zenefits,
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and, in my earlier years, Chipotle
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made by not hiring me.
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All right, don't hire me.
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But can you hack this finder's fee into 52 installments,
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paid weekly over the course of the next year?
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You mean... a salary?
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Those are your words, not mine.
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The finder's fee and...
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10,000 to go away?
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You know, looking around at Bream-Hall,
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I see a lot of the same:
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the same gender...
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Both partners happen to be female, Erlich.
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Great catch. What's your point?
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There is a grotesque gender imbalance
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in the VC field right now. I can help you navigate the toxicity
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of this male culture which is encroaching on our feminist island.
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I mean, for instance, there's something called mansplaining?
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- Have you heard about this? - We know what mansplaining is.
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Mansplaining is when a man will condescendingly explain
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something to a woman that she already knows.
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Mr. Bachman, we have work to do.
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All right. Laurie...
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half the finder's fee for me to stay.
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I don't think that you'll find an associate, um...
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with my track record at a better price.
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It's my final offer. Take it or leave it.
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I need this.