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Home » Silicon Valley » S04E07 — The Patent Troll

Silicon Valley

Season 4, Episode 7 — The Patent Troll

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Silicon Valley

Episode title: The Patent Troll

Air date: June 04, 2017

Director: Jamie Babbit

Top billed cast: Thomas Middleditch, T.J. Miller, Zach Woods, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Amanda Crew

When Richard decides to stand up to a patent troll, his defiance ends up coming back to haunt him. Gilfoyle goes to desperate measures to battle Jian-Yang's new smart fridge. Jared embraces multiple identities in his quest to reduce costs. Erlich tries to hang with the alpha males.

Source: TMDB

↓

That's a good one, Richard.

richard

↓

No, but seriously, what brings you in today?

brings today

↓

No, I am... I am serious. I would like a... an STD check.

check serious

↓

What, did you graze your penis against a toilet seat?

penis seat toilet

↓

No. I... I had sex.

↓

- Sex with what? - Female.

female

↓

A female what?

female

↓

A female human.

female human

↓

And I-I don't know this woman very well, and we didn't use a condom.

condom woman

↓

Now, listen, Richard, I wouldn't worry so much.

richard worry

↓

People don't really get STDs anymore.

anymore

↓

We'll get your tests back soon, and I would tell you

tests

↓

not to have sex before then, but let's face it...

face

↓

lightning ain't gonna strike twice, is it?

aint lightning strike twice

↓

It's possible.

possible

↓

- Huh? - It's possible.

possible

↓

No.

↓

Hey, here's something strange.

strange

↓

Would you mind hopping up on that scale for a sec?

mind scale

↓

Okay, why? Am I gaining weight?

gaining weight

↓

I have been working like crazy, eating like crap.

crazy eating working

↓

I haven't been exercising at all, really, so...

↓

Yeah, look at that.

↓

You are an inch shorter

inch shorter

↓

than you were this time last year.

↓

You're shrinking, my friend.

friend shrinking

↓

How is that possible?

possible

↓

Well, you just told me. It's your unhealthy lifestyle, Richard.

lifestyle richard unhealthy

↓

It's a loss of mineral bone density.

bone loss

↓

So, what do I do?

↓

I'm gonna put you on calcium supplements,

supplements

↓

and I'm gonna have you come back in about three weeks.

three three-weeks weeks

↓

I'll see you then... or whatever's left of you.

left whatevers

↓

♪

↓

Keenan Feldspar signed his term sheet,

feldspar sheet signed term

↓

and we are now officially negotiating the finer points of his deal.

deal officially points

↓

Fantastic! Well, now the real work begins.

begins fantastic real

↓

To that end, we would like to clarify our arrangement with you.

arrangement clarify

↓

We feel that a generous finder's fee

finders generous

↓

will be more than satisfactory.

↓

This meeting is over.

meeting

↓

This is very generous, but I... I was under the impression

generous impression

↓

that, um, I was going to be hired here,

hired

↓

and I've actually told quite a few people that I was hired,

hired

↓

so if I wasn't, then it would look like I was fired.

fired

↓

That is fine.

↓

No. Laurie...

laurie

↓

I will not allow you to make the same mistake

allow mistake

↓

that Uber, Palantir, Zenefits,

uber

↓

and, in my earlier years, Chipotle

years

↓

made by not hiring me.

hiring

↓

All right, don't hire me.

hire

↓

But can you hack this finder's fee into 52 installments,

finders hack

↓

paid weekly over the course of the next year?

course paid weekly

↓

You mean... a salary?

salary

↓

Those are your words, not mine.

words

↓

The finder's fee and...

finders

↓

10,000 to go away?

↓

You know, looking around at Bream-Hall,

hall looking

↓

I see a lot of the same:

↓

the same gender...

gender

↓

Both partners happen to be female, Erlich.

female happen partners

↓

Great catch. What's your point?

catch point

↓

There is a grotesque gender imbalance

gender grotesque

↓

in the VC field right now. I can help you navigate the toxicity

field

↓

of this male culture which is encroaching on our feminist island.

culture feminist island male

↓

I mean, for instance, there's something called mansplaining?

called instance

↓

- Have you heard about this? - We know what mansplaining is.

heard

↓

Mansplaining is when a man will condescendingly explain

explain

↓

something to a woman that she already knows.

knows woman

↓

Mr. Bachman, we have work to do.

↓

All right. Laurie...

laurie

↓

half the finder's fee for me to stay.

finders half

↓

I don't think that you'll find an associate, um...

associate

↓

with my track record at a better price.

price record track

↓

It's my final offer. Take it or leave it.

final offer

↓

I need this.

↓

Fine. You may start Monday.

monday start

↓

Okay. Ooh, this Monday?

monday

↓

That's fine. Of course.

course

↓

♪ ♪

↓

What's that?

↓

SonicWall SonicPoint ACe...

↓

paired with the TZ600.

↓

Top-of-the-line firewall protection,

line protection

↓

built-in intrusion prevention, SSL decryption and inspection,

built inspection

↓

application control, and content filtering.

application content control

↓

Saying new router would be so much quicker.

quicker

↓

Dinesh, the one good thing that came out of you slapping your body

body slapping

↓

against that cyberterrorist in a vulgar parody of the act of love

love vulgar

↓

is that we finally have a network with real security value.

finally network real security value

↓

Why would we need it? Mia is in a federal facility

facility federal

↓

with no access to the Internet.

access internet

↓

Right, and she has never shown a proclivity for getting around infrastructure.

shown

↓

Did you see this? We've only been live for two weeks,

live weeks

↓

and we just cracked the top 500 in the Hooli app store.

cracked store

↓

Oh, look at that. Ranked 499.

ranked

↓

Of utilities.

↓

Yeah, subgroup mobile, subgroup storage.

mobile storage

↓

True, but overall, we're firmly in the top 30,000 Hooli phone apps.

apps overall phone

↓

I mean, we may not be a global epidemic yet,

epidemic global

↓

but... we've leapt from bat saliva to humans

humans saliva

↓

and... and we've just killed our first few villagers.

killed

↓

♪ ♪

↓

This warm. This warm.

warm

↓

This warm.

warm

↓

This warm. I get it, Jian-Yang!

warm yang

↓

The refrigerator is broken.

broken refrigerator

↓

The ice cream is melting.

cream melting

↓

Let me guess. Is it because it's warm?

warm

↓

- Yes. - Fine, I'll call the repairman,

↓

and he'll come here and fix it posthaste.

↓

No, I want a new fridge,

fridge

↓

a smarter fridge...

fridge smarter

↓

like this.

↓

Fourteen thousand dollars for a smart fridge?

dollars fourteen fridge smart thousand thousand-dollars

↓

Unlike you, I now work for a living.

living unlike

↓

I'm not gonna drop that kind of dough on a fridge.

dough drop fridge

↓

I ordered it already. I buy it for myself.

ordered

↓

Then why are you talking to me about it?

↓

To make you feel bad,

↓

because you are fat and poor.

poor

↓

- Go for Erlich. - E. Bachman! E. Chen.

↓

Got your message.

message

↓

Bream-Hall, huh?

hall

↓

Yes, starting today.

starting today

↓

I hope that this doesn't create any tension between us,

create hope tension

↓

us now being competitors and all.

↓

Hey. None-zo.

↓

Hey, while I have you, some of the boys are part

boys part

↓

of the ownership group of the Warriors.

group ownership warriors

↓

We have an extra spot on the floor at Oracle Arena. You a hoops guy?

arena extra floor hoops oracle spot

↓

Oops, sorry, you broke up. Could you, uh, could you say that again?

broke oops

↓

We have an extra spot on the floor tonight

extra floor spot tonight

↓

at Oracle Arena. You a hoops guy?

arena hoops oracle

↓

What red-blooded American male in the VC boys' club isn't?

american boys club male

↓

Okay. Cool. I'll text you the deets.

cool text

↓

Later, man.

↓

Well, boys, I've been in the VC game for just one day,

boys game

↓

and already I have floor seats to watch the Warriors.

floor floor-seats seats warriors watch

↓

- But you hate basketball. - I'll concede that spending all my time

basketball concede hate spending

↓

inside of a house with you scrawny code jockeys,

code house scrawny

↓

the Incredible Shrinking Hendricks,

incredible shrinking

↓

and whatever the fuck Jared is here...

fuck jared

↓

may have blunted my conventional masculinity

↓

a hair, but it's always been there.

hair

↓

Uh-huh. Well, try and get a selfie with Steph Curry.

selfie

↓

I will, assuming she's there.

assuming

↓

Hey, Jared, um, look at this e-mail here.

jared mail

↓

Uh, "Dear Richard, I recently became aware of your Space Saver app.

aware became dear recently richard space

↓

"I think your app may infringe upon my own patented technology.

technology

↓

"If your schedule permits, I would love to discuss this with you as soon as possible.

discuss love possible schedule

↓

Sincerely, Stewart Burke."

stewart

↓

I thought we handled that patent stuff. We own it, right?

handled patent stuff

↓

Yeah. I'll... I'll send him a harshly worded cease-and-desist letter.

cease desist letter send

↓

Actually, uh...

↓

his work address is some house in Mountain View.

address house mountain view

↓

He's probably just working out of his garage, just like us.

garage working

↓

Why don't I go over there, walk him through the app,

walk

↓

you know, coder to coder. I'm sure it'll be fine.

itll

↓

You've got a big heart.

heart

↓

Or maybe it just seems big 'cause the rest of him is shrinking.

rest seems shrinking

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Hi. Richard Hendricks. We exchanged e-mails?

mails richard

↓

- No. - Are... are you Stewart Burke?

stewart

↓

No. I'm sorry. Does Stewart Burke live here?

live stewart

↓

Yeah.

↓

Okay. Is he in? Can I speak with him?

speak

↓

Grandpa! Some guy's here!

grandpa

↓

My grandson is the software expert.

expert grandson software

↓

I couldn't tell a computer from a toaster.

computer toaster

↓

Oh. So, you're not a coder?

↓

Oh no, not at all. I am an attorney.

attorney

↓

I started out in the medical field,

field medical started

↓

then in the auto industry, and then the music business.

auto business industry music

↓

Did you represent all these people?

represent

↓

No, I sued them.

sued

↓

Look, that's me with Stevie Wonder.

stevie wonder

↓

He never saw it coming.

coming

↓

- You get it? - Uh, yes, because he's blind.

blind

↓

Right.

↓

I'm sorry. I don't know what this... has to do with...

↓

You see this? This is a song I bought at a copyright auction.

auction bought song

↓

It's an old mariachi number

number

↓

that had cost me practically nothing

cost practically

↓

and so far has bought me two houses

bought houses

↓

and put my village idiot grandson through six years of Emerson.

grandson idiot village years

↓

Oh. All that from "Cancion De Amores"?

↓

- Was it a popular song? - No. I used the copyright on this song

popular song used

↓

to sue writers of all kinds of songs.

kinds songs writers

↓

Anyway, the writers usually settle, pay me off,

settle usually writers

↓

or give me a chunk of their song.

chunk song

↓

Thanks to "Cancion De Amores" here,

thanks

↓

I now own 10 percent of Katrina and the Wave' "Walking on Sunshine."

percent sunshine walking wave

↓

- Mmm. - It's a classic!

classic

↓

And when it runs next month

month runs

↓

on Mazda's new Super Bowl spot, I print money.

bowl money print spot super super-bowl

↓

But sadly, all the good music copyrights are gone.

gone music sadly

↓

That is... so sad. And that's why I moved into tech.

moved tech

↓

And now, I sue people like you.

↓

♪ ♪

↓

What?

↓

So, he's a patent troll?

patent troll

↓

Yep, as like in buy a ton of super-broad IP

broad super

↓

from failed startups at auction,

auction failed

↓

and then threaten litigation against accused infringers,

accused threaten

↓

i.e., you.

↓

So, uh, how much is Burke asking for?

asking

↓

Twenty thousand dollars.

dollars thousand thousand-dollars twenty

↓

Ah, you're getting off easy.

easy

↓

Well, no. Look, his patent covers...

covers patent

↓

"storage of media files on a network."

files media network storage

↓

I mean, that cannot be enforceable.

cannot

↓

It's probably not...

↓

but to find out, you're gonna have to fight him in court.

court fight

↓

For a good litigator, we're talking at least...

least

↓

a couple hundred grand.

couple grand hundred

↓

Just pay him the 20 grand, Richard.

grand richard

↓

I could get creative and take some money out of the Melcher deal.

creative deal money

↓

- There you go. - No, we need that money.

money

↓

This is a shakedown. He's a crook.

↓

And right when our app was getting off the ground.

ground

↓

That's how he found you.

found

↓

Guys just landed on the app store

landed store

↓

- top 500 list, right? - Yeah.

list

↓

So, Burke starts at the bottom of those lists

bottom lists starts

↓

and works his way up.

works

↓

The more settlements he gets, the stronger his case.

case stronger

↓

The higher you are on the list, the more money he asks for.

asks higher list money

↓

It's like... it's like limp biscuit.

biscuit limp

↓

- He sued those guys too? - Not the band.

band sued

↓

The thing the band is named after.

band named

↓

Limp biscuit's an old frat ritual,

biscuits frat limp ritual

↓

where all the brothers race to stroke one out onto a biscuit,

biscuit brothers race stroke

↓

and then the last guy to nut has to eat it.

↓

Right. Sometimes it's a Wheat Thin.

sometimes thin wheat

↓

Look, Richie, I get it.

richie

↓

It's embarrassing to pull your pud

embarrassing pull

↓

in front of the whole pledge class.

class front pledge whole

↓

Just pay the guy.

↓

Or...

↓

maybe... we convince the entire pledge class

class convince entire pledge

↓

to not play the game at all in the first place.

game place

↓

If only.

↓

♪ ♪

↓

This must be the new fridge.

fridge must

↓

- You like this? - Look, it has a screen

screen

↓

so you can see all the food that's inside.

food

↓

Mm-hmm. Kind of like that one?

↓

This one has an app,

↓

so you can actually watch the food on your phone.

food phone watch

↓

All it needs to do

needs

↓

is keep my fucking beer cold.

beer cold fucking

↓

Hmm. You're running low on beer.

beer running

↓

Fuck you.

fuck

↓

Whoops! Did you forget to scan that bar code?

code forget scan whoops

↓

Yes, I did... on purpose.

purpose

↓

Ah! There we go.

↓

It's bad enough it has to talk.

↓

Does it need fake vocal ticks like, "ah"?

fake ticks vocal

↓

Well, it just makes it sound more human.

human makes sound

↓

Humans are shit. This thing is addressing problems that don't exist.

exist humans problems

↓

It's solutionism at its worst.

worst

↓

We are dumbing down machines that are inherently superior.

inherently machines superior

↓

Whatever. You gave your server a human name.

human name server

↓

You named it Anton.

named

↓

Yeah, but Anton doesn't call me anything.

↓

He grimly does his work, then he sits motionless

sits

↓

till it's time to work again. We could all take a page from his book.

book page till

↓

Uh-oh! That yogurt is expired.

expired yogurt

↓

See? This could've killed me.

couldve couldve-killed killed

↓

Now I can give it to Erlich.

↓

Hmm. I'm not quite sure what you're doing.

↓

Is there something I can help you with?

↓

Yeah, how do I shut you the fuck up?

fuck

↓

Aw, is somebody having a rough day?

having rough somebody

↓

Did that fucker password-protect the settings?

fucker password protect settings

↓

His fridge, his rules.

fridge rules

↓

Fuck.

fuck

↓

My man, I was told I had a spot on the floor tonight,

floor spot tonight

↓

but it seems that I've committed

committed seems

↓

the cardinal sin of being early.

early

↓

What time does the game actually start?

game start

↓

It's about to.

↓

Wait. When he said, "a spot on the floor,"

floor spot

↓

did he mean... on the floor?

floor

↓

I wasn't a part of the conversation.

conversation part

↓

Come on, baby, come on! Come on, bring it! Unh!

baby bring

↓

I cannot do that.

cannot

↓

All right, you guys go shirts.

shirts

↓

We'll go skins.

skins

↓

And I can definitely not do that.

↓

Will not.

↓

Don't let him drive on you.

drive

↓

All day.

↓

Yo, Erlich. Where you at, dawg?

dawg

↓

Yo, what up, what up, what up?

↓

Which one of you pussies, uh, put sugar in my gas tank

pussies sugar tank

↓

to prevent me from housing you on the hardwood?

housing prevent

↓

- What? - Yeah, my car won't start.

start

↓

It's a real fucked situation,

fucked real situation

↓

so I guess I'll have to miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to...

lifetime miss opportunity

↓

We play every Tuesday.

tuesday

↓

I'll see you next week, bro-seph.

week

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Hey, let me get in. Let me get in. Let me get in.

↓

Hey, I squished those front-end bugs.

bugs front

↓

- Did you finish your networking issue? - Nope.

finish issue nope

↓

Hmm. I'm sorry. Wrong password.

password

↓

You're sitting here, trying to hack Jian-Yang's password

hack password sitting

↓

instead of doing your actual work?

actual

↓

Well, good luck, it's a 10-digit alphanumeric.

digit luck

↓

Ten digit? Fuck.

digit fuck

↓

And you have one underpowered laptop,

laptop

↓

so you know, you should have the answer in...

answer

↓

9,000 years.

years

↓

Time to pull out the big gun.

pull

↓

Well, maybe you should pull out the bug gun...

pull

↓

'cause of the network bug.

network

↓

As in the bug you're supposed to be fixing.

fixing supposed

↓

If you were programmed to have a good sense of humor, you'd laugh at that.

humor laugh programmed sense

↓

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see any Good Humor ice cream bars.

bars cream humor

↓

- Shall I add them to your shopping list? - You know what? Yeah.

list shopping

↓

Good Humor ice cream bars

bars cream humor

↓

- added to your shopping list. - Come on.

added list shopping

↓

God. You believe this? I'm... I'm still on hold.

believe

↓

- With? - Microsoft Azure.

↓

Yeah, I... I'm trying to negotiate a lower cloud storage rate

cloud lower rate storage

↓

because we're gonna need it if, or more realistically when,

↓

Richard finally decides to pay that patent troll.

decides finally patent richard troll

↓

I mean, I'm still on hold.

↓

It's like they don't even care about small businesses.

businesses care

↓

Jared, they don't care about small businesses.

businesses care jared

↓

That's why small businesses have to lie.

businesses

↓

Like, um, Google named their first building Building 40,

building google named

↓

so that people would think they were already huge.

huge

↓

When I worked at my first startup,

worked

↓

I would transfer people to "my supervisor,"

supervisor transfer

↓

and then I'd just get back on the phone myself.

phone

↓

Oh. Uh, yeah, hello.

↓

No, no, I'm not gonna go on hold again.

↓

Um, in fact, could I transfer you to my supervisor?

fact supervisor transfer

↓

Oh.

↓

Oh, no, no, no, I have to take a shit.

↓

Just, um... do your best Ed Chen impression.

best impression

↓

Um, one moment please.

moment

↓

♪ ♪

↓

What's up? You got Ed Ch... Chambers.

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Hello, everybody. Thanks again for making it.

everybody thanks

↓

And thanks to Gus of Gigglybots for hosting.

thanks

↓

- No problem. - My name is, uh, Richard Hendricks,

name problem richard

↓

uh, of Pied Piper.

piper

↓

You're the guys working for Gavin Belson.

working

↓

Was working with Gavin Belson, yeah.

working

↓

- So, he's not coming? - No. No, not at all.

coming

↓

But I'll have you all know that without any involvement from Gavin Belson,

involvement

↓

Pied Piper, just like yourselves,

piper yourselves

↓

has reached the Hooli app store's top 500 list,

list reached stores

↓

and you guys are aware

aware

↓

that you are all directly above us on the list,

directly list

↓

which is why you should know that a patent troll

patent troll

↓

named Stewart Burke has recently demanded

named recently stewart

↓

that I pay a $20,000 licensing fee,

↓

and if I pay, he's gonna come and ask you guys for more money.

money

↓

He starts with the little guy.

starts

↓

Not that I'm little. I'm, uh...

↓

I mean I'm not.

↓

I'm actually, uh...

↓

above average height.

average height

↓

Isn't this something that could have been done over e-mail?

mail

↓

I mean, I guess, but... look.

↓

If we don't stop this guy, he's gonna just keep asking for more and more money

asking money

↓

until someone is stuck with an unpayable bill.

bill stuck

↓

It's kind of like that old fraternity game,

fraternity game

↓

uh, the limp biscuit.

biscuit limp

↓

Sorry, I wasn't in a fraternity. What is that?

fraternity

↓

Oh, I-I... I don't think we need to get into...

↓

It's where guys stand in a circle and masturbate onto a cracker.

circle cracker masturbate stand

↓

And then the last guy... eats it.

eats

↓

What?

↓

- Again, I... again... - I don't really know

↓

why he would mention that. It's super gross.

gross mention super

↓

Is this why Gavin Belson stopped working with you?

stopped working

↓

No.

↓

The important thing is here,

↓

um, my lawyer has actually drafted a partnership agreement.

agreement lawyer partnership

↓

Why don't you all just... Essentially, uh,

essentially

↓

we all band together and each contribute $20,000.

band contribute

↓

We should have more than enough money

money

↓

to mount a challenge against this guy's patent.

challenge mount patent

↓

And if we win, we dissolve the patent,

patent

↓

so that he can't do this to anyone else ever again.

↓

Because in the end,

↓

shouldn't it be Mr. Stewart Burke, the patent troll,

patent stewart troll

↓

who is forced to eat the biscuit?

biscuit forced

↓

I'm pretty sure that's sexual assault.

assault sexual sexual-assault

↓

Yeah, no one deserves that.

deserves

↓

I know. That... that's all I'm saying.

↓

Look, I'm pretty sure it's even made up.

↓

Like, you know, like a donkey punch, you know?

donkey punch

↓

Again, what is a donkey punch?

donkey punch

↓

- It's, uh, when guys... - Just don't. Don't.

↓

♪ ♪

↓

G-man, you busy at the moment?

busy moment

↓

Very. I'm about to set Anton loose

loose

↓

on that talking chrome beer coozy.

beer chrome

↓

So, care to take a breather and...

breather care

↓

help a pal throw a basketball hoop on the old garage?

basketball garage hoop throw

↓

Why would you need help from a scrawny code jockey such as myself?

code jockey scrawny

↓

Fine.

↓

I'm perfectly capable of figuring it out myself.

capable figuring perfectly

↓

All I need is... Ah!

↓

May I borrow this hammer to pound in these flamboyant little nails?

borrow hammer nails pound

↓

- Those are screws. - Yeah, no, I...

screws

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Jared Dunn. Yep, just a moment, please. I'll transfer you.

jared moment transfer

↓

Go for Chambers.

↓

Ned! I knew it was you.

↓

Hey, did that pussy Jared keep you on hold long?

jared pussy

↓

I eat that motherfucker's lunch every day.

lunch motherfuckers

↓

No, man, I literally eat his food. What do you want?

food

↓

Uh-uh, ain't gonna happen.

aint happen

↓

That's as high as we go, homo. Till next time, rook.

homo till

↓

I mean, did you see that?

↓

- He's amazing. - Who?

amazing

↓

Ed Chambers. He got Pied Piper a great cloud storage rate from Azure,

cloud piper rate storage

↓

and he's got the hookup on a couple of pallets

couple

↓

of pamplemousse LaCroix at, his words, an amaze-balls price.

balls price words

↓

Wow. Good job, Jared.

jared

↓

Well, I mean, don't congratulate me. Congratulate Ed Chambers.

congratulate

↓

- Ed Chambers is you. - Well, I wish, but...

wish

↓

Gentlemen. You all said that it couldn't be done,

gentlemen

↓

but it appears as if Sir Richard the Not-Short

appears richard short

↓

hath now slain the slimy troll.

hath slimy troll

↓

Stu Burke. R. Hendricks.

↓

I got word that you called. I assume you spoke with my attorney,

assume attorney called spoke word

↓

Monsieur Ron Laflamme?

monsieur

↓

Yes, I did speak to Ron Laflamme.

speak

↓

What, pray tell, did he tell you when he called you?

called pray

↓

Well, I called him, actually,

called

↓

to tell him that the eight companies

companies eight

↓

you apparently tried to organize against me

apparently tried

↓

have reached out to me preemptively to settle.

reached settle

↓

And because I appreciated that,

appreciated

↓

I offered them a very, very reasonable rate.

offered rate reasonable

↓

So, Richard Hendricks, fuck you.

fuck richard

↓

Okay. Uh, yeah.

↓

Uh-huh.

↓

I understand.

↓

So, you're firm on that?

firm

↓

Well, bye then.

↓

- So, your coalition fucked us? - Yes.

fucked

↓

So, now we have to pay the $20,000?

↓

Uh, not exactly. Because he...

↓

Stu is saying that since all eight companies

companies eight

↓

have now licensed the patent,

licensed patent

↓

he has a stronger case against us,

case stronger

↓

so, um, he'd actually like m-more money.

money

↓

- How much? - Three hundred thousand dollars.

dollars hundred thousand thousand-dollars three three-hundred

↓

So, we just ate the Wheat Thin, didn't we?

thin wheat

↓

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see any Wheat Thins.

wheat

↓

Shall I add them to your shopping list?

list shopping

↓

Eh, sure.

↓

Well, let's hope that Melcher doesn't hear about all this.

hope

↓

♪ ♪

↓

You guys don't need all these lights on, do you?

lights

↓

Yes, we do.

↓

Okay. Well, that should be fine. We should be fine.

↓

Um, fine from what?

↓

That fridge is putting up a fight,

fight fridge putting

↓

so I'm gonna have to try something with Anton.

↓

Might put a little strain on the wiring, that's all.

might strain

↓

I'll be in the garage.

garage

↓

Hey, Richard, but you're not seriously gonna defend yourself in court, right?

court defend richard

↓

Well, Larry Flynt did it.

larry

↓

And Sir Walter Raleigh,

walter

↓

although he lost and was publicly beheaded.

lost publicly

↓

But you could argue that he eventually won in the court of history.

argue court eventually history

↓

I get it. I should've settled.

settled shouldve

↓

Okay? And I didn't.

↓

And you're right, I will probably lose,

lose

↓

but I'm not going down without a fight.

fight

↓

And I've got all of Monahan's discovery from the Hooli case right here,

case discovery

↓

so that's something.

↓

Oh my God.

↓

This is from high school.

school

↓

These are all my notes from the original build of Pied Piper 1.0,

build notes original piper

↓

back when it was just some stupid search app for music copyright... s.

music search stupid

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Hold on. Hold on.

↓

What the fuck?

fuck

↓

Sorry. Everybody okay?

everybody

↓

I don't know, you fucking maniac!

fucking maniac

↓

- Are we? - Probably.

↓

Richard? What... what are you up to?

richard

↓

About six foot two, Jared.

foot jared

↓

Looks like I can slay that troll after all.

slay troll

↓

What am I looking at?

looking

↓

Well, you said that you used "Cancion De Amores"

used

↓

to sue musicians,

↓

claimed that they stole that song, right?

claimed song stole

↓

Bought two houses, put Jeremy through four years of college.

bought college four four-years houses jeremy years

↓

Six, and he's still 20 credits short.

credits short

↓

Okay, well, he may want to consider financial aid,

consider financial

↓

um, because that little song there

song

↓

was itself stolen from an old country song

country song stolen

↓

called "I'm Cryin' (with My Eyes)"

called eyes

↓

from 1967, a full eight years

eight eight-years full years

↓

before "Cancion De Amores."

↓

And I'm pretty sure Katrina and the Waves would want to know

waves

↓

that they gave you a piece of "Walking on Sunshine" for nothing.

piece sunshine walking

↓

Mazda may want to pull that whole Super Bowl spot.

bowl pull spot super super-bowl whole

↓

- Bullshit. - No, no, not bullshit. Computer science.

bullshit computer science

↓

Yeah, and we can take it to court if you like, see who they believe:

believe court

↓

perhaps the most advanced and sophisticated pattern-matching algorithm

advanced algorithm matching pattern perhaps sophisticated

↓

ever devised by a fucking genius

fucking genius

↓

or some old asshole who once sued Stevie Wonder.

asshole stevie sued wonder

↓

All right. What do you want, you little prick?

prick

↓

Correction, sir.

↓

I am a big prick.

prick

↓

♪ ♪

↓

Hello, my cold friend.

cold friend

↓

Hello?

↓

Huh! Suck it, Jian-Yang.

suck yang

↓

Mmm. Ah. Huh. Huh.

↓

You attack and destroy my refrigerator?

attack destroy refrigerator

↓

And you misspell my name.

name

↓

I did. I had to overclock Anton,

↓

but I was able to brute-force the backdoor password

able brute force password

↓

to that chrome piece of shit in under 12 hours.

chrome hours piece

↓

And I added a little visual flair.

added visual

↓

Huh. Suck it, Jian-Yang.

suck yang

↓

- ♪ ♪ - Mmm. Ah. Huh.

↓

So?

↓

So... he bought it. Hook, line and sinker.

bought hook line

↓

Yeah, he thinks the search results are real.

real results search thinks

↓

You trolled the troll.

troll

↓

Yeah, yeah, for a second there, he wasn't buying it,

buying second

↓

and then I just started babbling on about tech specs

babbling specs started tech

↓

until his eyes glazed over.

eyes

↓

Well, as a result, we now have

result

↓

a perpetual royalty-free license for the patent.

free license patent royalty

↓

Yes!

↓

See? I stuck to my guns and as a result,

guns result stuck

↓

we now have 20 grand we would have otherwise lost

grand lost otherwise

↓

if I had listened to you delicate little snowflakes and settled.

delicate listened settled snowflakes

↓

Yeah? Twenty grand.

grand twenty

↓

Yeah, so let me cum into a bucket and have you all drink it.

bucket drink

↓

Uh, Richard? Could I have a... a moment?

moment richard

↓

Sorry about that.

↓

I-I-I... I regretted it the second it came out of my mouth.

mouth second

↓

Richard. Well, yes, but...

richard

↓

- Here. - What's this?

↓

Um, that is a bill from Ron Laflamme

bill

↓

for the paperwork he had to do to put your coalition of companies together.

companies paperwork

↓

Twenty-two thousand dollars?

dollars thousand thousand-dollars twenty

↓

Yeah. It's at the high end of standard.

standard

↓

So, it would've cost us slightly less if we'd have just...

cost less slightly wouldve

↓

Paid the troll? Well, that's true,

paid troll

↓

but can you put a price on dignity?

dignity price

↓

Apparently, I just did.

apparently

↓

Do me a favor and don't tell the guys.

favor

↓

- Yeah. You have my utmost discretion. - Thank you.

↓

Um, speaking of, Richard, I need to tell you something.

richard speaking

↓

I had to let Ed Chambers go.

↓

- Who? - My fictional supervisor.

fictional supervisor

↓

He bragged to a sales rep at LaCroix about doing it to Sonia Sotomayor,

sales

↓

so Ed is no longer with us.

longer

↓

I'm sure we can manage.

manage

↓

He also was never actually with us.

↓

- Right. Out of sight, out of mind. - 'Cause he was never real.

mind real sight

↓

- And out of reality. - Yeah, well.

reality

↓

Oh, Ed Chambers.

↓

Don't hit... No, no, no, no! Oh!

↓

Fuck!

fuck

↓

Yeah, a lot of these guys aren't man enough

↓

to work for an all-female led VC firm, but not me.

female firm

↓

I believe that the future is female.

believe female future

↓

And anyone who says otherwise can suck my fat dick.

dick otherwise suck

↓

Yo, yo, yo!

↓

Woo!

↓

Bachman, scoreboard.

↓

Ah, scoreboard. Fuck. Shit.

fuck

↓

Who made that one through the...

↓

It was a three-pointer, dumbass!

dumbass pointer three

↓

Three-pointer? What, are we in Europe?

europe pointer three

↓

Pass!

pass

↓

- Is he fucking with me? - Shoot it!

fucking shoot