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Home » Silicon Valley » S03E10 — The Uptick

Silicon Valley

Season 3, Episode 10 — The Uptick

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Silicon Valley

Episode title: The Uptick

Air date: June 26, 2016

Director: Alec Berg

Top billed cast: Thomas Middleditch, T.J. Miller, Zach Woods, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Amanda Crew

With Pied Piper's future in question, Erlich's publicity success leaves Richard in a moral quandary just as Dinesh's video-chat app starts to pick up speed. While Laurie prepares to jump ship, Gavin's comeback at Hooli is threatened by his displays of grandeur.

Source: TMDB

↓

How the fuck does something like this happen?

fuck happen

↓

How does an elephant just die?

elephant

↓

He was very old and depressed.

depressed

↓

He'd recently been rescued from the circus,

circus recently rescued

↓

but as it turns out, he actually really loved performing.

loved performing turns

↓

Who gives a fuck about the elephant?

elephant fuck gives

↓

What about me? This does not look good.

↓

I'm having a bit of trouble figuring out how to remove him.

figuring having remove trouble

↓

- He weighs 9,000 pounds. - Cut it up.

pounds weighs

↓

Take it out in pieces.

pieces

↓

I don't mean to interrupt, but I could call in a personal favor

favor interrupt personal

↓

and get a helo crew out of Travis AFB with a Sikorsky Skycrane to airlift it out

crew

↓

and drop it in the ocean right after dark.

dark drop ocean

↓

No muss, no fuss.

fuss

↓

There. Was that so hard, Patrice? Because Hoover sure didn't think so.

hard hoover

↓

I mean, I just found my footing again,

found

↓

and you put me in danger of losing it all over some fucking elephant?

danger elephant fucking losing

↓

Gavin, you always said that here at Hooli,

↓

in order to achieve greatness, we must first achieve goodness.

achieve goodness greatness must order

↓

Right.

↓

- So? - So...

↓

I was a bridesmaid at Sean Parker's wedding

sean wedding

↓

when he handed out live bunnies as plush toys.

bunnies handed live toys

↓

That wasn't goodness.

goodness

↓

It was badness.

↓

And so is this.

↓

You're using endangered animals just to make points at board meetings.

animals board endangered meetings points using

↓

I'm drawing thoughtful, zoological comparisons.

drawing thoughtful

↓

But couldn't you just show them a picture of these animals?

animals picture

↓

A simple Hooli search would yield thousands of choices.

choices search simple thousands yield

↓

Patrice, I thank you for your honesty, and I will repay you with my own.

honesty repay

↓

I honestly never want to see you in my offices again.

offices

↓

You're fired.

fired

↓

- Hoover, scramble that Skycrane. - Yes, sir.

hoover scramble

↓

Please, come in. Come in. Have a seat.

seat

↓

I won't take a lot of your time. I promise.

promise

↓

- Okay. - Would you like some tea?

↓

I can put a kettle on the hot plate.

plate

↓

- Oh, no, I'm fine. Thank you. - There's no trouble.

trouble

↓

You know what, I have a box of Russell Stovers

russell

↓

-if the spiders didn't get into 'em. - Jared, is this about the fake users?

fake jared spiders users

↓

You know?

↓

Two days ago, I wanted to look at user behavior to figure out

behavior days figure user wanted

↓

what spurred the sudden uptick, and well, I noticed something.

noticed sudden

↓

Almost all of our new users were just uploading a single photo

photo single users

↓

into a shared folder,

folder shared

↓

and then the next day, they would take the photo out

photo

↓

and then put it back in the day after that and that's it.

↓

You know, just enough to qualify as a daily active user.

active daily qualify user

↓

Classic click-farm behavior.

behavior classic click farm

↓

And then I remembered our conversation in the bathtub,

bathtub conversation remembered

↓

and it just had to be you.

↓

Richard, I am so sorry.

richard

↓

- It's okay. - Would it make you feel better to...

↓

-...to strike me? - No.

strike

↓

You had good intentions, Jared. Honestly, don't give it another thought.

another intentions jared

↓

Just, you know...

↓

You and I right now are the only ones that know about it, okay?

ones

↓

And in a few weeks, when we run out of money,

money weeks

↓

this will all be over anyway.

↓

- Richard? - Yes?

richard

↓

We have a secret.

secret

↓

Yeah.

↓

I mean, I swear to God,

swear

↓

your dicks would have blown out of the back of your assholes

assholes blown dicks

↓

if you had been there, hand to God.

hand

↓

- Hey, guys. What's going on? - Richard, sit down. I did it.

richard

↓

I saved the company.

company saved

↓

What do you... What? How?

↓

- Jared, have you been crying? - Yes, but for ordinary reasons.

crying jared ordinary reasons

↓

- Please, go on. - Okay.

↓

I was at The Rosewood for lunch.

lunch

↓

I mean, it was the lunch hour. I was there, I wasn't eating, the usual.

eating hour lunch usual

↓

So, I walk over to Andreessen and I say something funny,

funny walk

↓

but he stone-faces me.

faces stone

↓

What did you say?

↓

It doesn't matter. The point is, it was hilarious,

hilarious matter point

↓

but he gave me nothing and neither did his friends.

friends

↓

Then I realized why.

realized

↓

- You're not funny? - No, Gilfoyle, but that is.

funny

↓

No, it's that everybody thinks Pied Piper is in this death spiral,

death everybody piper spiral thinks

↓

so it would be inappropriate to laugh at my hysterical joke.

hysterical inappropriate joke laugh

↓

And it hits me.

hits

↓

I know something that they don't.

↓

I know about the uptick.

↓

- The uptick? - Yes, the uptick.

↓

- The recent sudden surge in users. - Oh, yeah. That.

recent sudden surge users

↓

Yes, that. So, while our fortune is rising,

fortune rising

↓

everybody else thinks that it's plummeting,

everybody thinks

↓

and I can use these opposing forces

forces

↓

to a multiplying effect like a slingshot, and then I make a decision.

decision effect

↓

I'm gonna make a move.

↓

So, I say something cryptic about the uptick, and I walk away.

walk

↓

- What did you say? - I don't know. I can't remember.

remember

↓

But I walk over and I see McNamee's having the short rib,

having short walk

↓

which I hear is delicious but not too heavy,

delicious heavy

↓

and then I say to him,

↓

"You're gonna have to tuck in your tie-dye if you want to eat here."

tuck

↓

- How's that relevant? -It's not.

relevant

↓

But the people that I just walked away from don't know that.

walked

↓

All they know is that I'm over there exchanging witty banter with McNamee,

banter

↓

and about what, they don't know.

↓

It's all that they do want to know.

↓

And then, it settles in.

settles

↓

FOMO.

↓

The fear of missing out.

fear missing

↓

Suddenly, it feels like time is slowing down.

feels slowing suddenly

↓

I could see every move I was going to make, 12 steps ahead.

ahead steps

↓

It was like I was Bobby Fischer if he could really fuck.

bobby fuck

↓

I go outside, I walk across the street to Greylock,

street walk

↓

I check in on Instagram,

check instagram

↓

Vinod Khosla calls me, asks me what I doing there.

asks calls

↓

I say, "I can't talk right now. Call me at Wood Opal."

wood

↓

Well, he does, and then suddenly Wood Opal is going,

suddenly wood

↓

"What's Khosla got going on with Bachman?"

↓

Meanwhile, I'm taking a leak at a Restoration Hardware.

hardware leak meanwhile

↓

I jack off a little bit. I don't cum.

jack

↓

And then it snowballs.

↓

I deftly played Ross Lorna against Index Ventures.

played ross

↓

And because of that, the big kahuna bites.

bites

↓

Sequoia.

↓

I spend the next 20 minutes denying calls from Jim Goetz,

calls denying minutes spend

↓

over and over.

↓

And yes, I'm jacking off, but I don't need to ejaculate

jacking

↓

because by the time I listen to the messages,

messages

↓

I've got offers, I've got counters, I've got counter-counters.

counter offers

↓

I cum.

↓

When the dust settled,

dust settled

↓

and the losers went home, all that was left was this.

home left losers

↓

"Hello, Mr. Bachman.

↓

"Coleman Blair Partners would like to offer Pied Piper

blair coleman offer partners piper

↓

"a Series B round of $6 million

million round series

↓

"on a $60 million valuation."

million

↓

Oh.

↓

Yeah.

↓

Holy shit.

holy

↓

And this asshole wanted to pivot to video-chat.

asshole chat pivot video wanted

↓

Still valid.

valid

↓

Although less sexy now, I'll concede that.

concede less sexy

↓

It's my Mona Lisa.

lisa

↓

And the entire cornerstone

entire

↓

upon which I built this motherfucking cathedral

built cathedral motherfucking

↓

that I will forever be remembered for

forever remembered

↓

was this beautiful little uptick.

↓

I think I have a bottle of Cold Duck in the crisper.

bottle cold duck

↓

Who's drinking? Come on!

drinking

↓

I got a bottle of Martinelli's for you, Jared.

bottle jared

↓

This is a big day!

↓

We did it! Yes!

↓

- Are there any wine coolers? - I'll talk to him.

wine

↓

I'll talk 110 him.

↓

Here's my Hooli badge.

badge

↓

And I have a hanging tag

hanging

↓

on my rear-view mirror for the parking structure.

mirror parking rear structure view view-mirror

↓

- Can I just mail that in? - No, you need to go get that now.

mail

↓

Okay.

↓

Hey, Dinesh.

↓

I'm just looking for Erlich. Have you seen him?

looking seen

↓

Oh, he went to the liquor store. Gotta keep the party going, you know?

liquor liquor-store party store

↓

Oh, yeah. Yeah, Series B. Crazy, right?

crazy series

↓

- Oh, it's unreal. - Yeah.

↓

Almost like some of our users.

users

↓

What?

↓

- What does that mean? - Oh, "Unreal" has so many meanings.

↓

Fake, paid for,

fake paid

↓

one person in Bangladesh pretending to be 6,000.

person pretending

↓

Okay. Uh...

↓

- All right, Dinesh... - Oh, no.

↓

I don't want to know a fucking thing.

fucking

↓

Okay then. Great.

↓

I won't tell you anything because nothing happened.

happened

↓

- Great. - Okay.

↓

But if something did happen, and we're not saying it did,

happen

↓

the fact remains

fact remains

↓

that leaves us in a very advantageous position.

leaves position

↓

There's a lot of money on the table.

money table

↓

And it would be a shame if that went away.

shame

↓

You know what else would be a shame...

shame

↓

ls if I couldn't find my flash drive. Gilfoyle, have you seen my flash drive?

drive flash seen

↓

Right, the one with the zombie script on it?

script zombie

↓

Why, yes, the zombie script that randomizes user action

action script user zombie

↓

in platforms such as Pied Piper.

piper

↓

You mean so that fake users and click farms would be

click fake farms users

↓

absolutely indistinguishable from real users?

absolutely real users

↓

Oh, I suppose.

suppose

↓

I mean, especially during due diligence,

especially

↓

like the kind done by VCs or possible future reviews

future possible reviews

↓

done by certain regulatory bodies.

bodies certain

↓

It also had photos of my auntie.

photos

↓

- Anyway, Gilfoyle, have you seen it? - I have not.

seen

↓

Hmm. Well, Richard, keep an eye out for it, will ya?

richard

↓

Hey, Gilfoyle, you wanna come inside and help me get a new flash drive

drive flash

↓

-on www.staples.com? -Yeah, I think...

↓

-...we're sort of done with the ruse. - Okay.

ruse

↓

Okay, fine. Well, whatever you did or didn't do,

↓

- that was serial-killer-level shit. - Agreed.

agreed killer level serial

↓

I think I finally respect you as a CEO.

finally respect

↓

Fuck.

fuck

↓

- This is fraud. - Is it?

fraud

↓

I mean, our platform does exactly what we say it does.

platform

↓

Okay? It's not like we're lying about it like fucking Theranos.

fucking lying

↓

And if our platform works, which we know it will,

platform works

↓

we will make them billions of dollars.

billions dollars

↓

Everybody wins, Jared. You still believe that, right?

believe everybody jared wins

↓

That, if given enough time, the platform will catch on?

catch given platform

↓

Richard, don't weaponize my faith in you against me.

faith richard

↓

Your faith made all this possible.

faith possible

↓

It's wrong.

↓

Well, every time I try to do the right thing, I get fucked.

fucked

↓

And if I do the right thing here,

↓

we're done. That's it.

↓

Doesn't seem like much of an option, does it?

option

↓

Dang, they're all just so good.

dang

↓

Gavin, CJ Cantwell, line one.

line

↓

Dang, let's pick this up tomorrow.

dang pick tomorrow

↓

- CJ. - I'm finishing a story I'd love a comment on.

comment finishing love story

↓

It's about the death of an unpermitted Indian elephant named Maurice,

death elephant indian maurice named

↓

in your sculpture garden and its subsequent illegal dumping

dumping garden illegal

↓

in the San Francisco Bay.

francisco

↓

- That's preposterous. - Mmm, I have a very good source.

preposterous source

↓

What do you propose we do here?

propose

↓

Well, I have one idea.

idea

↓

And what, pray tell, might that be?

might pray

↓

CJ sold the blog for $2 million.

million sold

↓

No shit.

↓

Bachmanity rides again.

rides

↓

Well, not exactly.

↓

Uh, I called Big Head to tell him that our share was worth half a mil each,

called half head share worth

↓

and not five minutes later, his father, one Nelson Bighetti Sr.,

father five five-minutes minutes nelson

↓

called me and explained that I was never to have

called explained

↓

any financial dealings with his son in perpetuity, ever,

financial

↓

or he would get very Italian on me.

italian

↓

And I'm not interested to find out what that means.

interested

↓

- Okay. Shall we? - To Coleman Blair! Let's close this fucker.

blair close coleman fucker

↓

Good luck, fellas.

fellas luck

↓

Remember, you just sit there and look pretty.

remember

↓

Leave all the talking to me.

↓

And if you mention my Montblanc, then don't make it overt, like I told you to.

mention

↓

But do.

↓

Oh.

↓

Hey, what's up?

↓

Are you guys out raising money from someone else?

money raising

↓

Oh, Monica, it's kind of a long story.

story

↓

Why are you whispering?

whispering

↓

Oh, my God, you're there right now, aren't you?

↓

Jesus! Do you have any idea

idea jesus

↓

how big of an asshole you're making me look here?

asshole

↓

Laurie just lost her shit at me, okay?

laurie lost

↓

So, you need to turn around and walk the hell out of there.

walk

↓

Erlich put all this together. I really had nothing to do with it.

↓

You have everything to do with it. You're the fucking CEO, Richard.

fucking richard

↓

Whatever your company does is 100% on you.

company

↓

Gentlemen.

gentlemen

↓

- They're ready for you. - Oh. Yes. I gotta go.

ready

↓

Do not hang up on me. Richard, do not...

hang richard

↓

So listen, we're pumped, guys.

pumped

↓

We're thrilled to be getting into Pied Piper right at this inflection point.

piper point thrilled

↓

- It's very exciting. - We are pumped as well. Aren't we, Richard?

exciting pumped richard

↓

- Richard. Pumped. - Hmm? Pumped.

pumped richard

↓

- We are pumped up. - Pumped up. Mmm-hmm.

pumped

↓

So we'll just need your John Hancock right here.

hancock john

↓

Oh, sure, Richard. You can use my Montblanc.

richard

↓

Oh, the, uh...

↓

This is an actual term sheet. And once I sign this... That's it, right?

actual sheet sign term

↓

Yup. No turning back.

turning

↓

You can have your lawyers vet the actual stock purchase agreement

actual agreement lawyers purchase stock

↓

once we close here just to make sure no one is pulling any funny business.

business close funny funny-business pulling

↓

- No, no. - No, my lawyer is in jail, so.

jail lawyer

↓

So.

↓

Oh, my God. I, uh...

↓

Wow, I can't believe I didn't think of this before,

believe

↓

because, well, let me put it to you this way.

↓

What would you say if I told you that the same compression that you know and love

love

↓

is being used in a world-beating, game-changing, wait for it...

beating changing game used world

↓

Video-conferencing application?

application video

↓

Wouldn't that be interesting?

interesting

↓

- What? - You mean like Hooli-Chat?

chat

↓

This will be far superior to Hooli-Chat.

chat superior

↓

You may want to fund that instead.

fund

↓

In fact, why don't I just go home, I'll grab my laptop,

fact grab home laptop

↓

I'll come back here, I'll show it to you guys.

↓

- It's not that far. I don't mind... - Richard...

mind richard

↓

- I'll tell you what, I'll grab an Uber. - No, no, no.

grab uber

↓

- It's no problem. - Richard, what the fuck are you doing?

fuck problem richard

↓

There. I've ordered it.

ordered

↓

Neal is in a blue Kia Sportage and he's right around the corner.

blue corner

↓

All right, all right. Look, look, look.

↓

I don't know who else you're talking to about the platform,

platform

↓

but I'm willing to go up to seven million on 70.

million seven willing

↓

Okay? But that's it. You sign this thing, right here, right now.

sign

↓

Bravo, Richard. Nice neg.

bravo richard

↓

Now sign it.

sign

↓

Thank you. Very generous of you.

generous

↓

I just want to make sure that you're aware of all the feedback

aware feedback

↓

'cause we had some focus groups and there were some issues.

focus groups issues

↓

Just so you're clear,

clear

↓

people have been wondering, "Ah! Where are my files?

files wondering

↓

- Richard, Richard... - "Zero K used? Where's the download button?

button download richard used zero

↓

-"The Terminator..." - All right, all right, you know what?

↓

-'Cause it... - I'm gonna sign it. Can I sign it? I'll sign it.

sign

↓

You can if you want, but we still need his signature.

signature

↓

Richard, sign it.

richard sign

↓

That's two years of runway.

runway years

↓

- Sign it now! - I can't.

sign

↓

- Why the fuck not? - Because the numbers are fake.

fake fuck numbers

↓

What?

↓

- What? What do you mean? What do you... - We bought...

bought

↓

Fake users from a Bangladeshi click farm.

click fake farm users

↓

The uptick was fake.

fake

↓

But the vid-chat...

chat

↓

...is real.

real

↓

Erlich, the fake users were just meant to cheer the guys up.

cheer fake meant users

↓

I had no idea you were gonna take those numbers...

idea numbers

↓

And what, and go do my fucking job?

fucking

↓

Pour everything I had into getting the best possible

best possible pour

↓

deal for Pied Piper because I believe in them?

believe deal piper

↓

Well, that's all over now.

↓

Richard, we are fucked!

fucked richard

↓

In the amount of time that it took for us to get from that office to right here,

amount office

↓

every VC in the Valley knows about this.

knows valley

↓

If I signed those term sheets, I would be committing fraud.

committing fraud sheets signed term

↓

That's a fucking crime.

crime fucking

↓

You're saying you wanted me to...

wanted

↓

No, I wanted you to fucking think about that

fucking wanted

↓

before you paraded me around the whole fucking Valley

fucking valley whole whole-fucking

↓

to sell your lie.

sell

↓

And then suddenly grew a thick, girthy conscience

conscience grew suddenly thick

↓

and fucked me with it.

fucked

↓

Are you Richard?

richard

↓

- Did you order an Uber? - Oh, no.

order uber

↓

All you had to do was keep your fucking mouth shut

fucking mouth

↓

and sign that piece of paper.

paper piece sign

↓

We would have fixed it afterwards.

afterwards fixed fixed-it

↓

But you didn't. You caked your pants.

pants

↓

No, better yet, you caked my pants. Fuck you, Richard Hendricks.

fuck pants richard

↓

Fuck you.

fuck

↓

Richard Hendricks, huh?

richard

↓

Prick.

prick

↓

- Hey. - Oh, hey, Monica.

↓

Is Richard here? I heard what happened, but he's not answering any of my calls.

answering calls happened heard richard

↓

We just wanted you to know for the record

record wanted

↓

that we had no idea any of that stuff was going on.

idea stuff

↓

Still trying to wrap our heads around it.

heads wrap

↓

Point is, don't beat yourself up about not seeing it.

beat point seeing

↓

I'm not beating myself up...

beating

↓

I hope you don't think we're guilty by association,

association guilty hope

↓

because then we would have to think you're guilty by association.

association guilty

↓

Which We don't.

↓

Just want to let you know that we would definitely work

↓

with you again in the future.

future

↓

It's good to know, guys. Thanks.

thanks

↓

Um, is he in his room?

room

↓

I mean, he said he was.

↓

But...

↓

I'm gonna go to his room.

room

↓

Mmm-hmm.

↓

Ugh!

↓

What's up, Gleb?

↓

I hear Richard shit bed, huh?

richard

↓

So, the platform is no---

platform

↓

Fuck, now the vid-chat's fucking up.

fuck fucking

↓

Odd, considering who wrote the code for it.

code considering wrote

↓

Not the code. The server is overloaded.

code server

↓

How is that possible? We only gave it to, like, 12 people.

possible

↓

Well, there's a few more than that using it now.

using

↓

Holy shit.

holy

↓

For what it's worth, Richard, I think you did the right thing.

richard worth

↓

And I can see now why you didn't want to come to us for funding.

funding

↓

You were trying to protect us.

protect

↓

Yeah.

↓

Well, I really appreciate it.

appreciate

↓

Uh...

↓

Laurie wants out.

laurie wants

↓

Even a whiff of fraud is a mortal sin for VCs.

fraud whiff

↓

She needs to wash her hands of any Pied Piper business.

business hands needs piper wash

↓

She's forcing a sale.

forcing sale

↓

Fuck.

fuck

↓

Yeah, frick.

frick

↓

Yeah.

↓

But it is an open auction,

auction open

↓

and, you know, between the fraudulent numbers

numbers

↓

and the real numbers,

numbers real

↓

you guys aren't exactly killing it out there.

killing

↓

So, there is a chance that no one will bid

chance

↓

and you might be able to buy back your own company

able company might

↓

for next to nothing.

↓

That will have to be for literally nothing because we're out of money.

money

↓

Ow!

↓

Jesus! Are you okay?

jesus

↓

Yeah, we're fine.

↓

All right, I spun together a few more servers. That should handle the traffic.

handle servers spun traffic

↓

Look at this. There are 157 people using it near Gleb.

near using

↓

And 400 people using it near Tara in Boston.

boston near using

↓

Yeah, I told her to give it to her Satanist friends out there.

friends

↓

Looks like she did.

↓

She knows 400 Satanists in Boston?

boston knows

↓

The Catholic church really did a number on that town.

catholic church number town

↓

Hey, Erlich, remember when Gilfoyle said that my video-chat app was a piece of shit

chat piece remember video

↓

and that nobody would ever use it?

nobody

↓

Well, he was wrong. Over 4,000 times. Tsk.

times

↓

Wow. And you developed that with the Pied Piper IP, right?

developed piper

↓

Well, then you can kiss that goodbye.

goodbye kiss

↓

Oh, fuck.

fuck

↓

Speaking of, I'm actually using the first dollars of my blog windfall

dollars speaking using

↓

on a trip to Kainchi Dham Ashram

trip

↓

in Nainital, India,

india

↓

where Steve Jobs famously sought peace and came up with the idea

idea jobs peace steve

↓

for a little product he called

called product

↓

the Lisa.

lisa

↓

Good luck.

luck

↓

Richard, I'll expect you off the premises by end of day.

expect premises richard

↓

Monica.

↓

- I'll see you later. - Okay.

↓

You know, you can stay here for one year.

↓

- Free rent. - Jian-Yang!

free rent yang

↓

Laurie.

laurie

↓

Oh.

↓

Gavin.

↓

You know Jack, of course.

course jack

↓

That is correct.

correct

↓

Gavin, can we address the elephant in the room?

address elephant room

↓

- Sorry? - Pied Piper.

piper

↓

Right. Yes, of course.

course

↓

I am forcing a sale.

forcing sale

↓

Your Maleant dealings demonstrate that you're still pursuing middle-out.

demonstrate middle

↓

Might you be interested in placing a bid?

interested might placing

↓

Why would he want to bail out Raviga?

bail

↓

You said it yourself, our compression play is thriving.

thriving

↓

- Fair enough. - You know what? I'm a completionist.

fair

↓

Even if I buy it just to throw it in the garbage, I'd like to be the one to drive the final nail

drive final garbage nail throw

↓

in the Hendricks coffin.

coffin

↓

I'll give you...

↓

Nine hundred dollars for it?

dollars hundred hundred-dollars nine

↓

- I believe that is a joke. - You know what?

believe joke

↓

I like nice, round numbers.

numbers round

↓

Make it...

↓

A million?

million

↓

A million dollars?

dollars million million-dollars

↓

Gavin Belson gets to buy Pied Piper for a million dollars

dollars million million-dollars piper

↓

and Raviga gets all of it because of their liquidation preference

↓

and I get jack shit?

jack

↓

Is that what you're telling me? God damn it.

telling

↓

I know this is the last way that you wanted it to end.

wanted

↓

I'm really sorry.

↓

Yeah, well, I'll see you at the meeting.

meeting

↓

Is that Hooli-Chat?

chat

↓

They fix it or something? That didn't look shitty at all.

shitty

↓

Actually, it's ours. The guys hacked it together.

hacked

↓

- I can send you an invite if you want. - Yeah. Cool. Thanks.

cool invite send thanks

↓

- We got up to 4K users totally organically. - Oh.

users

↓

Oh, shit, 7K now.

↓

Wow, we should have been focusing on this instead.

focusing

↓

Not that it matters.

matters

↓

I mean, it's all gonna be property of Gavin Belson in an hour, so.

hour property

↓

That's ironic, huh?

ironic

↓

No, for real, I'm asking. Is it?

asking real

↓

I don't know. I was just smiling.

smiling

↓

Feels ironic.

feels ironic

↓

Hey, so thank you for...

↓

- Letting me stay here. - No worries.

letting worries

↓

Steve says you're welcome to take my spot on the couch

couch spot steve welcome

↓

until you can find a job and get your own place.

place

↓

Thanks.

thanks

↓

So, when's your dad coming to pick you up?

coming pick whens

↓

A couple of hours, I guess.

couple hours

↓

Then we're turning right around and going back to Phoenix.

turning

↓

You know, he said he wants to be able to keep an eye on me and my money

able money wants

↓

and that I need to get a real job to learn the value of a hard day's night

days hard learn night real value

↓

or something like that.

↓

Well, I should probably get going to this board meeting.

board board-meeting meeting

↓

And you're probably gonna be gone when I'm back, so...

gone

↓

- Guess this is it. - Yeah, I guess so.

↓

See ya.

↓

Oh...

↓

-Okay. -Okay.

↓

- All right. Cool, man. - There we go.

cool

↓

Richard, even though it's the last board meeting

board board-meeting meeting richard

↓

and essentially meaningless,

essentially meaningless

↓

thank you for letting me be a part of it. It's an honor.

honor letting part

↓

Okay, you don't have to keep saying that.

↓

Good day, all. This should be brief.

brief

↓

The only item on the agenda is, of course, the authorization

agenda course item

↓

of the sale of Pied Piper to the current high bidder.

bidder current piper sale

↓

Three "yes" votes will approve the sale.

approve sale three votes

↓

And as Raviga controls three of the board seats,

board controls seats three

↓

-it seems... - I'm sorry.

seems

↓

- I'm not doing it. - Oh, Monica, not again.

↓

I'm sorry, but look, Richard has worked too hard

hard richard worked

↓

and I know that I can't stop it, but I'm not gonna vote

vote

↓

to let Pied Piper become the property of that asshole.

asshole become piper property

↓

Monica, I also happen to find him contemptible.

happen

↓

But Pied Piper will be sold to the high bidder, period.

bidder period piper sold

↓

You know what? I don't care.

care

↓

You want to fire me, fire me.

fire

↓

If we're not gonna adhere to the values that Peter Gregory instilled,

gregory peter values

↓

-then I don't think I belong here. - Monica, you don't have to do this.

belong

↓

- I'm not voting yes. - Very well. You're off the board.

board voting

↓

Excuse me. Man.

excuse

↓

- Do you work here? - Well, it was my first day actually.

↓

- Everybody's been super... - Sit.

everybodys super

↓

You are now officially on the board of directors of Pied Piper.

board directors officially piper

↓

- Oh, okay. That's fine I guess... - When I point to you, you will vote yes.

point vote

↓

Now, I move to vote on the sale of Pied Piper.

piper sale vote

↓

I vote yes.

vote

↓

- I vote yes. - And Evan.

evan vote

↓

Evan?

evan

↓

- I can't do it. - What? Why?

↓

Because“.

↓

Monica?

↓

I love you.

love

↓

There. I said it.

↓

And I could never do anything to make you sad.

↓

Oh, for fuck's sake. Do I have to pull the receptionist in here?

fucks fucks-sake pull sake

↓

How does this compare with a typical board meeting?

board board-meeting compare meeting typical

↓

All right, stop. Everybody, just stop.

everybody

↓

We all know how this is gonna go, so let's just get it over with.

↓

All right?

↓

I vote yes. There. Okay? I approve the sale.

approve sale vote

↓

Three "yes" votes. Can this please just be done?

three votes

↓

Very well.

↓

- I vote yes also. -Irrelevant.

irrelevant vote

↓

- But thank you. - The sale is approved.

approved sale

↓

Pied Piper, its IP, and all of its assets

assets piper

↓

are now officially the property of Bachmanity, LLC.

officially property

↓

Wait, sorry, did...

↓

Did you just say "Bachmanity"?

↓

- As in Erlich Bachman and Nelson Bighetti? - Yes, you know them.

nelson

↓

Wait, they had the highest bid?

highest

↓

I received a telephone call approximately 30 minutes ago

approximately minutes received telephone

↓

entering a bid of one million and one dollars with a firm no-shop clause.

dollars entering firm million shop

↓

So, when you were referring to the person who bought Pied Piper

bought person piper referring

↓

as a contemptible asshole, you were talking about Erlich?

asshole

↓

To which contemptible asshole did you think I was referring?

asshole referring

↓

Gavin Belson.

↓

Oh.

↓

I see. No.

↓

This meeting is adjourned. I thank you all for your time.

adjourned meeting

↓

So, Bachmanity it is.

↓

That's good.

↓

So, should we give this thing a shot?

shot

↓

You and Big Head, huh?

head

↓

Um...

↓

Sorry you had to cancel your trip.

cancel trip

↓

And look, I really appreciate all this.

appreciate

↓

I really think this video-chat thing is gonna be something, you know?

chat video

↓

- I don't know if you've seen the numbers. - You want a number?

number numbers seen

↓

The percentage I give a fuck about you, zero.

fuck percentage zero

↓

It's trending steady.

steady

↓

And of course I've seen the numbers.

course numbers seen

↓

This is a business opportunity. Nothing more.

business business-opportunity opportunity

↓

Big Head was your friend. He was the one that talked me into it.

friend head talked

↓

I don't trust you, Richard Hendricks.

richard trust

↓

And it's gonna take a long, long, long time to regain my trust.

regain trust

↓

Are we clear?

clear

↓

Are we absolutely clear...

absolutely clear

↓

Always blue! Always blue! Always blue! Always blue!

blue

↓

Always blue! Always blue!

blue

↓

Always blue!

blue

↓

- You suck. - Oh, fuck, it's my dad again.

fuck suck

↓

He's gotta be so pissed. I can't believe this is happening, you guys.

believe pissed

↓

I mean, I guess now we're a video-chat company,

chat company video

↓

but the best part of it is it's us, you know?

best best-part part

↓

Just us controlling our own destiny.

controlling destiny

↓

No, the best part of it is that I own 50%.

best best-part part

↓

Well, yes, you and Big Head do own the entire company,

company entire head

↓

but I am the founder, it's my algorithm,

algorithm founder

↓

so I'm assuming I'm getting my original shares back, right?

assuming original shares

↓

Why would you assume that?

assume

↓

Well, when a tech company reboots, it's normal to have a conversation

company conversation normal tech tech-company

↓

about restructuring the cap table.

table

↓

Good, 'cause I'm the guy that hacked together the video-chat app

chat hacked video

↓

to see if that woman was hot, so...

woman

↓

Yeah, but it's not gonna scale until I get in there and scrape all the Dinesh off.

scale scrape

↓

Well, Laurie still hasn't called me back, so I may need a new job.

called laurie

↓

And I'm assuming Pied Piper can't afford my salary,

afford assuming piper salary

↓

so I'll need stock.

stock

↓

Do we really want it to be called Pied Piper anymore?

anymore called piper

↓

No, yes, of course. Of course we want...

course

↓

Why do we want to change the name? It's great.

change name

↓

Yeah, and we do already have the jackets.

jackets

↓

Big. Head.

head

↓

Big Head.

head

↓

Go for Erlich.

↓

Erlich Bachman, this is you as an old man.

↓

I'm ugly and I'm dead. Alone.

alone dead ugly

↓

I'm gonna let him have this one. All right...

↓

Well, I'm sorry to hear that, future me. What a terrible thing.

future

↓

I'll talk to you in several years.

several years

↓

You're up.

↓

Always blue! Always blue!

blue

↓

Always blue! Always blue!

blue

↓

Always blue! Always blue! Always blue!

blue