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Home » Silicon Valley » S03E07 — To Build a Better Beta

Silicon Valley

Season 3, Episode 7 — To Build a Better Beta

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Silicon Valley

Episode title: To Build a Better Beta

Air date: June 05, 2016

Director: Jamie Babbit

Top billed cast: Thomas Middleditch, T.J. Miller, Zach Woods, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Amanda Crew

A beta version of Pied Piper gets an unexpected reception as Dinesh's lack of friends worries him. Monica isn't sure she can dole out criticism. A strapped Erlich mulls a big decision. The Nucleus team tackles a difficult challenge from Gavin.

Source: TMDB

↓

Shit. I swear I deleted a picture,

deleted picture swear

↓

but when I clicked back to the album, the icon reappeared, it undeleted itself.

album clicked icon

↓

But I can't get it to happen again, so...

happen

↓

Hey, Richard, totally out of the blue,

blue richard

↓

do you know how we might be able to find that bug?

able might

↓

No, Dinesh. We are not releasing the beta.

beta releasing

↓

We integrated the neural net a week ago. The platform is full of bugs.

bugs full platform week

↓

But that is what a beta is for.

beta

↓

You give it to people in the real world, they use it, and that is how we find the bugs.

bugs real real-world world

↓

Richard, Reid Hoffman says

reid richard

↓

if you're not mortally embarrassed by the quality of your initial release,

embarrassed initial quality release

↓

you've released too late.

late released

↓

Okay. We already are mortally embarrassed.

embarrassed

↓

Okay? We move in and, subsequently, out of our offices,

offices

↓

mainly because it was too expensive.

expensive

↓

We fired two CEOs, we've pivoted to a box, and then pivoted back.

fired

↓

Any more bad word-of-mouth and we will be royally fucked.

fucked mouth word

↓

Where's Gilfoyle?

↓

Hey, Gilfoyle, the deletion issue is ducking me again, and, um...

issue

↓

I'm sorry.

↓

Well, hey, Richard.

richard

↓

Hi, Tara.

↓

I need to borrow your fella here for a second.

borrow fella second

↓

All right, babe, I gotta go.

babe

↓

Hey, when you check out the settings view,

check settings view

↓

can you let me know if there's something weird

weird

↓

that happens with the submit button?

button happens submit

↓

It was a little weird when I was doing QA.

weird

↓

Yeah, okay.

↓

- Sorry, the settings view for... - The beta.

beta settings view

↓

- The beta for... - Pied Piper.

beta piper

↓

It's a promising compression company that doesn't pay very well.

company promising

↓

- You sent her the beta? - I did.

beta sent

↓

Are you fucking insane? It's not ready. It's riddled with bugs.

bugs fucking insane ready riddled

↓

Really? Cause I've been test-driving it all day, and it's pretty fucking awesome.

awesome driving fucking test

↓

Really? You think so?

↓

Yeah. For real.

real

↓

Congratulations, Richard. It's so fucking cool.

congratulations cool fucking richard

↓

And when the neural net kicks in, it's gonna be rad.

kicks

↓

But, you know, I did have one problem, though.

problem

↓

I tried to restore an old file and it asked me to confirm twice.

asked confirm file restore tried twice

↓

Yeah, well, that was a bad merge.

merge

↓

It's been there for months. I fixed it in 10 seconds.

fixed fixed-it months seconds

↓

Richard...

richard

↓

Maybe.

↓

Yeah, maybe beta.

beta

↓

- Hi, Dinesh. Java.

java

↓

Wait, that can't be right.

↓

How can Bachmanity still be so far in the hole?

hole

↓

Look at all this shit that Big Head is selling.

head selling

↓

He was renting virtually everything in the house.

house renting virtually

↓

He rented that cannon?

cannon rented

↓

It was for display purposes only. So you forfeit your deposit.

deposit display forfeit purposes

↓

It's a cannon. What's he supposed to do, not fire it?

cannon fire supposed

↓

That was the provision.

↓

So that's it then, I guess.

↓

Big Head's really broke.

broke heads

↓

You know what? He's young. He'll get past it.

past young

↓

Nelson is not the only one who should be worried.

nelson worried

↓

- You were partners. - Fair point.

fair partners point

↓

But shuttering a company in the tech world is almost a rite of passage,

company passage rite tech world

↓

like herpes simplex one.

herpes

↓

At first, it's ugly and embarrassing and you're disgusted by your own dick.

dick disgusted embarrassing ugly

↓

But after a while,

↓

in the larger scheme of things, you realize it's really...

larger realize scheme

↓

Mr. Bachman, you structured Bachmanity as a general partnership.

general partnership

↓

Then, with no money in the bank, you threw a million-dollar luau on Alcatraz.

bank dollar luau million money threw

↓

You're on the hook for that.

hook

↓

And even declaring bankruptcy isn't going to absolve you of these debts.

debts declaring

↓

Bankruptcy?

↓

it's none of my business. Good luck.

business luck

↓

Wait, where are you going? We need you. You're our business manager.

business manager

↓

There's no business remaining to manage.

business manage remaining

↓

Good day, Mr. Bachman.

↓

Hey, good news.

news

↓

They said we can each keep one of the cannonballs,

↓

so not a total loss, right?

loss total total-loss

↓

All right, so I've set up a sign-up page for the beta.

beta page sign

↓

Now, we're gonna keep it small and secure,

secure

↓

so that means we're limited to 10 invite codes each to send out.

codes invite limited send

↓

I've already got my list.

list

↓

It's people that I know personally,

personally

↓

and people that I know I can trust.

trust

↓

Hmm, we only get 10 each. This could be prickly.

↓

Well, I'm out. I don't trust anyone.

trust

↓

It's a huge part of my belief system.

belief huge part system

↓

You sent the beta to Tara.

beta sent

↓

Yeah, there was a transactional nature to that exchange,

exchange nature

↓

-which I'll get into if you want. - Pass.

pass

↓

But it doesn't mean that I trust her, and I certainly don't trust anyone else.

certainly trust

↓

Oh, in other words, you have no friends.

friends words

↓

On principle.

principle

↓

I could make what rises to your low standards of a friend any time I want.

friend rises standards

↓

Sure you could.

↓

Gilfoyle, if you're not gonna use your 10 invites, could Dinesh and I have them?

invites

↓

Sure. Knock yourselves out.

knock yourselves

↓

Loser. He's got no friends.

friends loser

↓

Okay.

↓

Miriam, Sylvia...

↓

Oh, Samantha! I almost forgot her.

forgot samantha

↓

You know, Jared, you can have all 10 of Gilfoyle's invites.

invites jared

↓

- Much appreciated. - Yeah.

appreciated

↓

Monica, hello.

↓

Um, did you honestly think that you could send me an email

email send

↓

telling me that you were launching the beta without sending me the beta?

beta sending telling

↓

Come on. I'm dying to see it.

dying

↓

Well, I think the whole point, Monica, is to get the beta

beta point whole whole-point

↓

into the hands of unbiased people

hands

↓

so they can give us an honest feedback, you know.

feedback honest

↓

Besides, I just gave out my 10 invites.

besides invites

↓

Oh, if Monica wants an invite, I could, like, squeeze her on my list.

invite list squeeze wants

↓

- Are you sure? - Yeah, no problem.

problem

↓

Okay, Monica, well, you're in luck.

luck

↓

Dinesh has decided to give you one of his codes, so...

codes decided

↓

Great. I promise I'll find something terrible to say.

promise

↓

Okay, so I did a rough accounting

accounting rough

↓

of your assets and liabilities.

assets

↓

Jared, don't look at me like that. Just give it to me straight.

jared straight

↓

All right. Your house has appreciated in value since you bought it,

appreciated bought house value

↓

but if you sold it now for what Zillow and Redfin think it's worth...

sold worth

↓

I'd still be half a million in the hole.

half hole million

↓

Now, that's the bad news.

news

↓

- Is there good news? - Well, it's unclear.

news unclear

↓

I went back through your records.

records

↓

Uh, at first, I'll admit, a bit voyeuristically, uh, to see where all of the money went,

admit money

↓

and apart from the party expenses, which were staggering...

apart expenses party

↓

Yeah. Fuck, yeah.

fuck

↓

But one number jumped out at me.

jumped number

↓

Now, whoever did your accounting

accounting

↓

earmarked almost 70% of Big Head's settlement money for taxes.

heads money settlement taxes

↓

70%?

↓

Even in Taxo-Alto, which I coined, it would be half that.

half

↓

Where did that money go?

money

↓

Well, that is the $6-million question.

million question

↓

I may have the answer.

answer

↓

I'm sorry. You're accusing me of impropriety?

accusing

↓

You, the man who spent $20,000

spent

↓

renting giant fiberglass tiki heads,

giant heads renting tiki

↓

and $40,000 more

↓

when one of them was misplaced on the way back to the rental house?

house misplaced rental

↓

I told you it wasn't misplaced. I know exactly where it is.

misplaced

↓

It's at the bottom of the bay.

bottom

↓

I called you a thief because you, sir, have stolen from us.

called stolen thief

↓

Nelson, come on. You can't possibly believe this.

believe nelson possibly

↓

- Sorry. - Don't apologize to him.

apologize

↓

- Oh, right. Sorry. - Thank you.

↓

Arthur, you listen to me, and you listen good.

arthur

↓

I have people calling me 40 times a day asking for their money.

asking calling money times

↓

I even considered selling my house to pay them.

considered house selling

↓

So you are going to go in your little fucking piggy bank right now

bank fucking piggy

↓

and pay back every fucking kopeck

fucking

↓

that you stole from Big Head.

head stole

↓

And if you don't, we're gonna take our little show on the road,

road

↓

perhaps perform it for a man named the DA.

named perform perhaps

↓

Ridiculous.

ridiculous

↓

Very well.

↓

Game on.

game

↓

Let's go, Big Head.

head

↓

Wait.

↓

I may have moved around some of your money

money moved

↓

in a way that wasn't exactly conventional.

↓

- Give me back Big Head's fucking money! - Yeah!

fucking heads money

↓

- Sorry. Sorry. - No, you did good.

↓

I can't, because I don't have it.

↓

Hey, Marc, we may have a problem.

marc problem

↓

What's up?

↓

Well, a buddy of mine at Datatrode

buddy

↓

sits next to a guy who just got invited to Pied Piper's beta.

beta invited sits

↓

Shit. They're already in beta?

beta

↓

Should I tell Gavin?

↓

Fuck, no. We're still two or three months out.

fuck months three three-months

↓

Yeah, if he hears Pied Piper's already in beta, trust me, he'll lose his shit.

beta hears lose trust

↓

Fine. But if it ever comes up, I didn't hear about this.

comes

↓

- And this came in when? - Forty-three minutes ago.

forty minutes three three-minutes

↓

And deleted six minutes after that.

deleted minutes

↓

Fortunately, the filters, which I had installed, sir,

filters fortunately installed

↓

caught the relevant keywords.

caught relevant

↓

I decided to walk it to you personally.

decided personally walk

↓

An employee's withholding critical information about a competitor.

competitor critical employees information

↓

This is a fireable offense.

offense

↓

You want me to bring this guy in?

bring

↓

No.

↓

Acting on this would expose the fact that we're reading employees' private emails,

acting emails employees expose fact private reading

↓

destroying the spirit of trust and freedom to innovate

destroying freedom spirit trust

↓

that I've worked so hard to build here at Hooli.

build hard worked

↓

You know, it makes you wonder if the word "Hooli"

makes wonder word

↓

has any meaning for these people whatsoever.

meaning whatsoever

↓

Is there anything I can do?

↓

Yeah.

↓

Get me a look at that Pied Piper beta.

beta piper

↓

I will figure out a way, sir.

figure

↓

Finally. Where the fuck have you...

finally fuck

↓

- Hey, thanks for the lift, Kevin. - Yeah, no worries.

kevin lift thanks worries

↓

Oh, Kevin, this is Dinesh, one of my coworkers.

kevin

↓

- Dinesh, this is Kevin. We met at Philz Coffee. - Hey.

coffee kevin

↓

- We're friends now. Isn't that right, Kevin? - Yeah.

friends kevin

↓

All right, my friend. I should get to work, so thanks for the lift.

friend lift thanks

↓

- Yeah. - Thanks for the coffees.

thanks

↓

Oh...

↓

Catch you later, my friend.

catch friend

↓

That was my friend, Kevin.

friend kevin

↓

Congratulations. You now have one friend.

congratulations friend

↓

He also said there was a bug on the landing page.

landing page

↓

- Well, how severe is it? - Not bad.

severe

↓

Compared to the rest of what he said, it's nothing.

compared rest

↓

Guys, uh, you might as well hear this from me.

might

↓

Uh, I just had a long talk about the beta with my friend, Todd Chambers.

beta friend todd

↓

- The Dropbox guy? - Yeah, he was employee number 11.

employee number

↓

Why did you send it to him? He hates everything.

hates send

↓

Well, because I thought he would be honest with me,

honest

↓

and, um, he was, quite honest. Uh...

honest

↓

He said that in the 15 years he's been working in the Valley,

valley working years

↓

our beta was the best beta he's ever seen.

best beta seen

↓

- By far. - What? Really?

↓

I don't want to count our chickens before they hatch.

chickens count hatch

↓

I mean, 3% of hatchlings are born mutated or dead,

born dead

↓

but we may have a healthy brood on our hands.

hands healthy

↓

I'm getting the same reaction.

reaction

↓

I mean, a few bugs here and there, but overall, they love it.

bugs love overall

↓

We might be holding pocket aces here.

aces holding might pocket

↓

Awesome.

awesome

↓

Hey, guys.

↓

- How you holding up? - Good, yeah.

holding

↓

I mean, just trying to make sense of all the feedback.

feedback sense

↓

Well, you know, I guess you just can't let it get in your head.

head

↓

- Did you mean "go to my head"? - What did I say?

head

↓

You said "get in your head," like it's a bad thing, but it's not.

head

↓

- It's great. People love it. - Really?

love

↓

Yeah. Yeah. I can't believe it myself.

believe

↓

They're flipping out.

flipping

↓

That's awesome. That...

awesome

↓

And that's for the beta that you sent me?

beta sent

↓

No, Monica. It's for the other beta that we've got kicking around here.

beta kicking

↓

I mean, I have an inbox full of raves here for the upload performance, the mobile, the...

full mobile performance

↓

What about the interface?

↓

Did people have any issues with that?

issues

↓

No, not at all. Why?

↓

Do you have any issues with the interface?

issues

↓

I haven't actually had a chance to look at it yet.

chance

↓

Are you serious? You've been sitting on the beta for a day

beta serious sitting

↓

after busting my balls about not getting an invite?

balls busting invite

↓

Pretty fuckin' lame.

fuckin lame

↓

Yeah. Sorry.

↓

Yeah. Lame.

lame

↓

I just got an email from my friend, Max Karnow.

email friend

↓

And he says, "I heard the beta's awesome. Can I get a look?"

awesome heard

↓

Guys, I think we're starting to get some buzz.

buzz starting

↓

You know, maybe we should talk to Laurie about moving up the official launch?

launch laurie moving official

↓

- You want to move it up? - Yeah, I think we're ready.

ready

↓

I mean, do you think you could set the meeting?

meeting

↓

Yeah.

↓

Yeah, I'll go tell Laurie right now.

laurie

↓

Okay.

↓

What was that about?

↓

She's fucking weird.

fucking weird

↓

Hey, Richard, um,

richard

↓

if your friend Max Karnow needs an invite,

friend invite needs

↓

you know, I could probably squeeze him on my list.

list squeeze

↓

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

↓

I'll have to freeze out one of my boys, but they'll get it.

boys freeze

↓

Just shoot me his email.

email shoot

↓

The perpetrator has been losing money for other clients for years,

clients losing money years

↓

was lying to us and funneling our money to said other clients,

clients lying money

↓

therein, fucking us.

fucking

↓

You know, I'm sorry to say this is not an uncommon occurrence.

uncommon

↓

Wait, it's not an uncommon... So then it...

uncommon

↓

Okay, got it.

↓

So if it makes any difference,

difference makes

↓

I'd like to vie for a lesser sentence,

sentence

↓

if after he makes full restitution,

full makes

↓

he would write a very convincing public apology, preferably...

apology convincing public write

↓

Mr. Bachman,

↓

an action like this is very expensive and time-consuming,

action expensive

↓

and as you've already pointed out, even if you do prevail,

pointed prevail

↓

the money is gone, unless you win a court order

court court-order gone money order

↓

allowing you to raid other innocent people's bank accounts,

accounts allowing bank innocent peoples raid

↓

and that's a tough sell,

sell tough

↓

even for a plaintiff who's more, uh, sympathetic.

sympathetic

↓

Are you calling us unsympathetic?

calling

↓

You just threw a million-dollar party.

dollar million party threw

↓

A tasteful Polynesian affair, culturally accurate,

accurate affair tasteful

↓

which I'm sure you would appreciate,

appreciate

↓

and one that we can no longer pay for because this criminal has left us flat broke.

broke criminal flat left longer

↓

Also not true.

↓

You have a large stake in a company called Pied Piper.

called company piper stake

↓

Yes, but I can't sell my shares at Pied Piper. Not now.

piper sell shares

↓

Wouldn't it cover your outstanding debts?

cover debts outstanding

↓

Of course. But they could potentially be worth billions.

billions course potentially worth

↓

Yes, and how do you see that playing to people

playing

↓

who are being priced out of their homes by rich tech people?

homes rich tech

↓

Have either of you been on a jury?

jury

↓

No, of course not. I always get out of it. The fines are very reasonable.

course reasonable

↓

You don't just throw those things away?

throw

↓

Gentlemen, let me tell you what I see.

gentlemen

↓

I see two able-bodied, entitled young white men

able entitled white young

↓

who lucked into more money than most people see in five lifetimes,

five money

↓

and who, if they hadn't had their millions stolen,

millions stolen

↓

would have promptly squandered them

↓

on more things like relocated swimming pools and lost tiki heads.

heads lost pools swimming tiki

↓

It's not lost.

lost

↓

I know exactly where it is. It's in the bay.

↓

And if your Coast Guard would be a little more helpful,

coast guard helpful

↓

we probably could have dragged it out of there by now.

dragged

↓

Mr. Bachman,

↓

you pay those caterers and bartenders you owe money to,

money

↓

or I assure you that I will prosecute.

assure

↓

Mr. Chugtai,

↓

I am gonna need all the phone numbers of the people on your list.

list numbers phone phone-numbers

↓

Why?

↓

I'm just calling everybody that was on the beta

beta calling everybody

↓

and saying hi and a quick thank you and then just a couple of follow-up questions.

couple follow questions quick

↓

Yeah. I don't think so.

↓

What do you mean?

↓

Well, I mean, put yourself in their shoes.

shoes

↓

They're, like, snowboarding in Tahoe or, like, banging some smokin' chick,

banging chick

↓

and then this fuckin' nerd calls and he wants to talk about his app.

calls fuckin nerd wants

↓

Buzz-kill.

buzz kill

↓

Wait. Your boys are where?

boys

↓

Well, those are just hypotheticals.

↓

I mean, my boys could be anywhere. I don't keep track of my boys.

boys track

↓

Actually, we can.

↓

We have the IP address and GPS coordinates for every active user,

active address user

↓

so we can figure out just where your boys are at.

boys figure

↓

Um, you added a god-view? When did you do that?

added view

↓

Right before I gave it to Tara. I told you, trust no one.

trust

↓

Oh, that is very cool. Nice work, Gilfoyle.

cool

↓

And we can isolate each of our users.

users

↓

Dinesh's, for example...

example

↓

Before we invade people's privacy, there is a conversation about ethics.

conversation ethics peoples privacy

↓

Why is it that five of your users show up at this address?

address five users

↓

Oh, it's buggy.

↓

Should we beta-test the god-view?

beta test view

↓

I'm happy to drag this out as long as you want to.

drag happy

↓

Fine.

↓

I was having trouble filling up my list, so I made up a few people.

filling having having-trouble list trouble

↓

Well, people do create imaginary friends to meet their emotional needs.

create emotional friends imaginary meet needs

↓

When I was little, I used to pretend that I shared a room with Harriet Tubman

pretend room shared used

↓

and we were always planning our big escape.

escape planning

↓

Wait.

↓

Who is this, and why are they at the Hooli campus?

campus

↓

What?

↓

Did you give the beta to someone at fucking Hooli?

beta fucking

↓

Who's Max Karnow?

↓

Oh! That's not one of my friends. I have no friends. Got him from Richard.

friends richard

↓

No. No, that can't be right.

↓

I went to Hendricks' Facebook page.

facebook page

↓

I found a friend of his that lived near Palo Alto,

found friend lived near

↓

searched his name and found that he was in the tech business.

business found name searched tech

↓

I then came up with a great idea to dummy up an email account in his name,

account dummy email idea name

↓

sent a beta request to Hendricks, and then voila'.

beta request sent

↓

- That's incredible. - Yes, well, it is my craft.

craft incredible

↓

You see, I think security detail is like creating great jazz where we...

creating detail jazz security

↓

What are you talk... I'm talking about the beta. Will you shut the fuck up?

beta fuck

↓

Fuck, this is good.

fuck

↓

Their sign-up flow, their mobile app, it's just seamless.

flow mobile sign

↓

How are they doing this?

↓

I can put a team on that, sir. If you want to know how they...

team

↓

What? Why are you so high-maintenance?

maintenance

↓

- Do you want me to answer that, sir? - No! God damn it!

answer

↓

You're so needy!

needy

↓

Okay, I just talked to the real Max Karnow, and he had no idea about the beta.

beta idea real talked

↓

Wow, um, clearly, we're dealing with a Hooli spy here.

dealing

↓

So what do we do?

↓

I mean, shut down his account, obviously.

account obviously

↓

Yeah. On it. Sorry, Dinesh.

↓

You will now have one less fake friend.

fake friend less

↓

Wait, Gilfoyle.

↓

Is shutting down this guy's account really the worst thing we can think of to do to him?

account shutting worst

↓

Oh, my God. Where the fuck is my head?

fuck head

↓

Stand by.

stand

↓

Look at their compression ratios.

↓

The more files uploaded, the better they get?

files

↓

Are we doing that?

↓

No. Not really.

↓

That's gotta be some kind of machine learning optimization.

learning machine

↓

- Maybe a neural net? - Well, then I want that.

↓

You need to put that into our platform. Now.

platform

↓

I'm not even sure we have the resources here to engineer something like that.

engineer resources

↓

And even if we did, our platform isn't designed to accommodate it.

accommodate designed platform

↓

You're talking about a ground-up rebuild.

ground rebuild

↓

Great. So do that. And beat them to market.

beat market

↓

That's impossible.

impossible

↓

You're at Hooli now, Marc.

marc

↓

And in case you didn't know, here at Hooli, we make the impossible possible.

case impossible possible

↓

So if I say I need...

↓

- What the fuck is happening? - Oh, shit!

fuck

↓

It looks like a zip bomb. They must know it's us.

bomb must

↓

- That hard drive is fucked. - This is my personal laptop.

drive fucked hard hard-drive laptop personal

↓

You opened a stolen beta on your personal computer?

beta computer opened personal stolen

↓

Yes. And I installed it on my phone.

installed phone

↓

Shit. It could fry the entire system.

entire system

↓

- Cut the power to the building! - No, Gavin.

building power

↓

It's isolated to your user account, so it's just your laptop and your phone.

account isolated laptop phone user

↓

It has no impact on the rest of the network.

impact network rest

↓

You don't know that. You don't know shit. None of you do!

↓

You don't even know what Hendricks is capable of.

capable

↓

Cut the power to the building! Cut the power to the building!

building power

↓

And that's that.

↓

- And now, delete user. - Nice.

delete user

↓

Wait, is that Monica? She finally opened it.

finally opened

↓

Oh, yeah. Well, that's odd.

↓

It says here that she started using it yesterday.

started using yesterday

↓

Wait, so she lied?

lied

↓

Why would she lie about using the beta?

beta using

↓

Yeah, why would Dinesh lie about having friends?

friends having

↓

Why would Tara lie to me about fucking other guys

fucking

↓

when we have a totally open and hedonistic relationship that allows for behavior like that?

allows behavior open relationship

↓

Because people like to lie, Richard.

richard

↓

It's a war of all against all.

↓

The history of humanity is a book written in blood.

blood book history humanity written

↓

We're all just animals in a pit.

animals

↓

- I feel very sad. - Fucking Gilfoyle.

fucking

↓

No, no. What are you doing? Get back to work.

↓

On what? You powered down all the computers.

computers powered

↓

Use a notepad. Code on your phone. We have a deadline here.

code deadline phone

↓

No, Gavin, you have a deadline.

deadline

↓

We quit, like we should have done the first time.

quit

↓

What first time? What are you talking about?

↓

We both worked at Nucleus right here in this room.

room worked

↓

Yeah, before you fired us and rehired us

fired

↓

to do the exact same thing without ever noticing.

exact noticing

↓

I invited you to my wedding, Gavin.

invited wedding

↓

Why?

↓

We just lost our key engineers. What the hell do we do now?

engineers lost

↓

No one leaves this room until we figure it out.

figure leaves room

↓

Thanks for the lift.

lift thanks

↓

Steve's place is pretty far away from everything,

place

↓

but he's letting me stay on his couch for free, so...

couch free letting

↓

And you were supposed to be my meal ticket.

meal supposed ticket

↓

Yeah.

↓

Hold on. C.J. called.

called

↓

Hey, uh, just wanted to let you know about a great new story I'm chasing.

chasing story wanted

↓

It's a cautionary tale of two young entrepreneurs who flew too close to the sun.

close flew tale young

↓

I mean, apparently, in the midst of losing millions,

apparently losing midst millions

↓

they threw a huge party they couldn't afford.

afford huge party threw

↓

I talked to two bartenders and a caterer who worked your party the other night.

night party talked worked

↓

None of them have been paid. Call me.

paid

↓

Well, it appears we've spent our last dime

appears dime spent

↓

acquiring a tech blog whose chief focus is chronicling our demise.

chief focus tech

↓

Jian-Yang.

yang

↓

Erlich Bachman, is your refrigerator running?

refrigerator running

↓

This is Mike Hunt.

hunt mike

↓

Oh, here, here it is on the right.

↓

Thanks, man.

thanks

↓

Hey, are you sure you're cool with me taking both cannonballs?

cool

↓

- I'm sure. - Thanks, partner.

partner thanks

↓

I got it.

↓

I know you lied.

lied

↓

- Sorry. - What the fuck?

fuck

↓

- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.

↓

How the hell did you know that I was here?

↓

Well, we have god-view on the beta,

beta view

↓

and I saw you leave your office and come here.

office

↓

So you're stalking me?

stalking

↓

Look, Monica, I know you're lying about not using the beta,

beta lying using

↓

so why haven't I heard from you?

heard

↓

- Richard... - No, it's okay.

richard

↓

If you don't like it, you can say it.

↓

Everybody loves it, so I think I can handle one negative review.

everybody everybody-loves handle loves negative review

↓

Fine. I don't like it.

↓

Really? Are you serious? Everybody else loves it.

everybody loves serious

↓

I've never wanted to like something more in my life, Richard.

life richard wanted

↓

- I just... I don't. - Okay.

↓

What specifically do you not like about it?

specifically

↓

Specifically?

specifically

↓

All of it.

↓

I mean, it's not, it's not the UX or the design or anything that you can tweak.

design tweak

↓

It's just, the whole thing feels engineered.

feels whole

↓

Okay. Well, that might make sense because, um, I'm an engineer.

engineer might sense

↓

Look, you've gotten overwhelmingly positive feedback.

feedback gotten positive

↓

The build is incredibly stable, and you're out of money.

build incredibly money stable

↓

So if you think it's ready, you should launch and unlock the next $3 million.

launch million ready unlock

↓

Look, Monica, I value your opinion,

opinion value

↓

and you're the one that doesn't like it, so I don't know.

↓

Richard, look.

richard

↓

I passed on Slack.

passed slack

↓

Really?

↓

I never told Laurie. She'd probably fire me if she knew,

fire laurie shed

↓

but I had a chance to buy 20% of Slack for nothing, and I passed.

chance passed slack

↓

I didn't get it. I still don't.

↓

I mean, what is it? Is it email? Is it a chat room?

chat chat-room email room

↓

Turns out, the answer is, it's a $3-billion company.

answer billion company turns

↓

But that's the fucked-up thing about what we do.

fucked

↓

Sometimes our opinion is wrong.

opinion sometimes

↓

And no matter how good something is,

matter

↓

there's always gonna be someone who doesn't get it.

↓

And unfortunately, with Pied Piper, it's me.

piper unfortunately

↓

Um...

↓

A week ago, I was worried about releasing a beta no one would like.

beta releasing week worried

↓

I'm just bummed that you're the one that doesn't like it.

bummed

↓

Which is why you can't listen to anyone else.

↓

If you believe in something,

believe

↓

don't let anyone talk you out of it, including me.

including

↓

Peter Gregory always said, "Don't invest in products, invest in people."

gregory invest peter products

↓

I invested in you,

invested

↓

and if you think it's ready to go,

ready

↓

I will go to Laurie and fight like hell for it.

fight laurie

↓

So, what do you want to do?

↓

Congratulations, everyone.

congratulations

↓

Yeah, I can't believe it.

believe

↓

We're actually finally launching.

finally

↓

Yes. Tuesday, 9:00 a.m.

tuesday

↓

Pats on the back. Pats on the back.

pats

↓

Gentlemen, I just realized I've forgotten to take a shit.

forgotten gentlemen realized

↓

So, uh, I'll see you back at the old homestead.

↓

Okay.

↓

Laurie.

laurie

↓

I have a business proposition I'd like to discuss with you.

business discuss proposition

↓

It's about my shares in Pied Piper.

piper shares

↓

Okay, T minus five minutes.

five five-minutes minus minutes

↓

Dinesh, are you still seriously squashing bugs?

bugs

↓

Not really. I'm so fucking tired, I'm creating more than I'm fixing.

creating fixing fucking tired

↓

Where the fuck is Gilfoyle?

fuck

↓

This isn't easy for me to do.

easy

↓

You served me well, old friend.

friend served

↓

But we're transferring to AWS now,

transferring

↓

and I'm afraid you can't come.

afraid

↓

Oh, I'm pathetic?

pathetic

↓

I'd rather have a bunch of fake friends than be best friends with a fucking metal box.

best best-friends bunch fake friends fucking metal

↓

Can't you two see?

↓

You're each other's best friends.

best best-friends friends others

↓

Fuck you, Jared.

fuck jared

↓

Yeah. Jinx.

jinx

↓

You owe each other a friendship.

friendship

↓

One minute. Holy shit.

holy minute

↓

Holy shit.

holy

↓

Excuse me. I gotta...

excuse

↓

- Hello? - Hey, it's C.J.

↓

Uh, I just heard from the folks that worked your party.

folks heard party worked

↓

- And? - And it turns out they were paid in full.

full paid turns

↓

So apparently I owe you an apology, and I feel bad.

apology apparently

↓

Not as bad as I feel, I can assure you.

assure

↓

Yeah, I'm getting another call.

another

↓

Hello?

↓

Erlich Bachman, this is your mom,

↓

and you are not my baby.

baby

↓

Not now, Jian-Yang! Not now! Go back into your room!

room yang

↓

- Sorry. -It's okay.

↓

Here we are, Erlich.

↓

Jobs and Woz, Woz and Jobs.

jobs

↓

I mean, we did it. You and me, man, forever.

forever

↓

All right.

↓

Richard, never been more excited to be proven wrong.

excited proven richard

↓

Yeah, well, get ready for your lives to change forever.

change forever lives ready

↓

Five, four, three, two, one...

five four three