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Home » Silicon Valley » S03E04 — Maleant Data Systems Solutions

Silicon Valley

Season 3, Episode 4 — Maleant Data Systems Solutions

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Silicon Valley

Episode title: Maleant Data Systems Solutions

Air date: May 15, 2016

Director: Charlie McDowell

Top billed cast: Thomas Middleditch, T.J. Miller, Zach Woods, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Amanda Crew

Erlich has new competition. The Pied Piper staff has a hard time giving less than their all. Monica stands her ground. Gavin reaches a decision about Nucleus.

Source: TMDB

↓

Quite a plan you boys cooked up here.

boys cooked plan

↓

Quite a plan.

plan

↓

I'm not sure what upsets me more,

↓

that I have four employees that conspired to commit felony fraud,

commit employees felony four fraud

↓

or that I have four employees that are so stupid

employees four stupid

↓

I found out about it within 30 seconds.

found seconds

↓

Hearing it out loud, the first one seems worse.

hearing loud seems worse

↓

We got sales, manufacturing, design, assembly,

assembly design sales

↓

logistics teams, they're all ready to go.

ready teams

↓

All of them on the payroll, all of them here to build me a box.

build payroll

↓

I have a deal, in principle, with Maleant to buy the box.

deal principle

↓

The second that we deliver a product that meets those specs,

deliver meets product second specs

↓

we are cashing checks!

checks

↓

And you are the only four people in this building that are fighting me on it!

building fighting four

↓

So give me one reason why I don't fire you right now,

fire reason

↓

claw back your options, make you unhireable all over town.

claw options town

↓

One goddamn reason!

goddamn reason

↓

Because you can't.

↓

Excuse me?

excuse

↓

This agreement says that you have 10 weeks

agreement weeks

↓

to complete a working prototype before the deal expires.

complete deal prototype working

↓

So how are you gonna do that if you fire us?

fire

↓

There are maybe eight engineers on Earth proficient in middle-out compression.

earth eight engineers middle

↓

Five of them work for EndFrame, your competition,

competition five

↓

and three of them are here in this office right now.

office three

↓

So if we're gone, I don't think you're ever going to get your box.

gone

↓

What do you want?

↓

I want to build my platform. Now.

build platform

↓

To complete the box project, it's going to take six months at least.

complete least months project

↓

So, what I think maybe we should do is

↓

take a little tip from your chart there and we compromise.

chart compromise

↓

Compromise is the shared hypotenuse of the conjoined triangles of success.

compromise conjoined shared success triangles

↓

Mmm-hmm. Yep.

↓

So, uh, what I'm proposing

proposing

↓

is we stand up the prototype, that's it.

prototype stand

↓

We're not doing any custom features, no new versions, no maintenance, nothing.

custom features maintenance versions

↓

Richard, the Maleant basement.

basement richard

↓

And no onsite support.

support

↓

I think you can hire other engineers to do that fucking mole monkey work.

engineers fucking hire mole monkey

↓

The second we write code that satisfies the basic minimum requirement of the deal,

basic code deal minimum second write

↓

we are off the box and on to the platform.

platform

↓

And that is my final offer.

final offer

↓

So, what do you say to that...

↓

- Whoa! - Ow!

whoa

↓

- Richie! - Oh, my God!

richie

↓

Hey, hey. You okay?

↓

- You were standing and then what happened? - Okay, I'm okay.

happened standing

↓

-It's just a little shocking. - Oh.

shocking

↓

What were you saying? Did you... Do we have a deal or...

deal

↓

Yeah, Richard, we have a deal. You have a bloody nose.

bloody deal nose richard

↓

That was pretty badass, Richard.

badass richard

↓

Until it wasn't.

↓

Uh, this is not even a room.

room

↓

This is a hallway.

hallway

↓

Uh, it can't be because that is a bed, thus, this is a bedroom.

bedroom

↓

Two entrances and exits, cross drafts ahoy.

ahoy cross exits

↓

And it is the safest room in the event, unlikely, of a fire.

event fire room safest unlikely

↓

Ah. Oopsies. Don't mind me.

mind

↓

Ah, Fred, this is Jared.

fred jared

↓

He actually is, uh, a temporary resident.

resident temporary

↓

While I have you, there were fresh droppings near my cot.

fresh near

↓

I think you were right.

↓

The Havahart traps don't seem to be working.

traps working

↓

I was thinking maybe we could just pick a day and just drench it in hawk urine,

hawk pick thinking urine

↓

because the scent of a predator can keep rodents at bay.

predator rodents scent

↓

It's funny, we're named Pied Piper, but we're beset with rats.

funny named piper rats

↓

Little rascals.

rascals

↓

Fuck this.

fuck

↓

I've been writing quick, bullshit subpar code for 48 hours, and I want to kill myself.

bullshit code hours kill quick writing

↓

How do you do it every day, Dinesh?

↓

What a coincidence.

coincidence

↓

I've also been writing bullshit code for 48 hours,

bullshit code hours writing

↓

and want you to kill yourself.

kill

↓

Guys, please. Let's just shit this thing out so we can get on to building the platform.

building platform

↓

Hi.

↓

- Hi. - Dang.

dang

↓

- What? - I'm Dang.

dang

↓

I'm dang?

dang

↓

Dang.

dang

↓

What...

↓

My name is Dang.

dang name

↓

Oh, my... I'm sorry. What can I do for you?

↓

I'm heading the design team that's building the enclosure for the box.

building design heading team

↓

It's time for the concept meeting.

concept meeting

↓

"Concept meeting?"

concept meeting

↓

Okay. I'm just going to show you a few pictures,

pictures

↓

and you tell me which ones you like, okay?

ones

↓

Okay. Sure.

↓

Look... Wait, hold on.

↓

I thought you were going to show me pictures of boxes.

boxes pictures

↓

Like data storage devices.

data devices storage

↓

Before I can actualize a box,

↓

you and I need to develop a shared aesthetic vocabulary.

develop shared

↓

Otherwise, I have no idea what you're going to want.

idea otherwise

↓

I have a lot of work to do right now.

↓

This is work. This is my work.

↓

What we're doing here could actually save time.

save

↓

Okay. Sure. Yeah...

↓

Look, let's just make this simple.

simple

↓

If the box were an animal, what sort of animal would it be?

animal

↓

Leopard?

↓

Butterfly? Rhinoceros?

butterfly

↓

Stop. Animal?

animal

↓

It's a box. Right?

↓

Okay, so if you need an animal, make it a box turtle. How does that sound?

animal sound turtle

↓

So this is all kind of a joke to you?

joke

↓

You know what? I don't actually give a flying fuck what this box looks like, okay?

flying fuck

↓

If it was up to me, I wouldn't even have it in the first place.

place

↓

So, look, here.

↓

This is a black rectangle.

black

↓

Make it that, all right?

↓

Because we're going to take it and put it in a hole

hole

↓

in a sub-basement in a data center, where no one can see it

basement center data data-center

↓

except for a sad man named John with a ponytail. Okay?

except john named

↓

Just make it a box.

↓

And please turn off that fucking music.

fucking music

↓

Hello!

↓

It appears there has been a mistake.

appears mistake

↓

Is this not my parking space?

parking space

↓

Sorry, a lot of premium spaces are being reassigned.

premium spaces

↓

14-A, you've been reassigned to lot D.

↓

Lot D?

↓

The structure?

structure

↓

Beyond the freeway?

beyond freeway

↓

Anywhere above level three, those are reserved.

level level-three reserved three

↓

There's a shuttle stop on the ground level.

ground level shuttle

↓

A shuttle?

shuttle

↓

Call Gavin Belson. Cell.

cell

↓

Greetings, friend,

friend greetings

↓

I'm not available right now. Please leave a message after the beep.

available beep message

↓

- I'll get back to you as soon as I can. {HORN HONKS

honks horn horn-honks

↓

What the fuck? Why isn't this working?

fuck working

↓

Gilfoyle's preprocessor and my compressor should integrate seamlessly.

↓

This should work.

↓

I may have made my preprocessor slightly faster than you asked me to, Richard.

asked faster richard slightly

↓

What do you mean? How much "slightly faster"?

faster slightly

↓

200 megs per second.

megs second

↓

You dick.

dick

↓

That's eight times as fast as the specs required.

eight eight-times fast required specs times

↓

No wonder our modules aren't running at the same speed.

running speed wonder

↓

Why would you do that?

↓

I tried to make it slow. I really did. But I'm not Dinesh.

slow tried

↓

It's very difficult for me to do shitty work.

difficult shitty

↓

So, I added a differencing library

added library

↓

and then the whole thing just took off like a rocket.

rocket whole

↓

Wait, so you're not processing whole files, just the changes?

changes files processing whole

↓

That's actually pretty cool.

cool

↓

Yeah, I thought so, too.

↓

That's why I wrote it.

wrote

↓

All right, well, I guess I should just revert back.

↓

Right?

↓

Slow my preprocessor way down.

slow

↓

Although, Richard,

richard

↓

couldn't you just rewrite the compressor to make it faster so it's compatible?

faster rewrite

↓

I mean, these are minimum speeds, right?

minimum speeds

↓

Just 'cause making the box sucks doesn't mean we have to suck at making it.

suck sucks

↓

Yeah. Okay. Um, here's one idea. Uh...

idea

↓

What if we actually move upstream and connect the parser...

connect

↓

Directly to the compressor seed functions.

directly functions seed

↓

Okay.

↓

Well, then, the whole thing would really fly.

whole

↓

- Yeah. - That would rock.

rock

↓

Hey, Richard, do you have a sec?

richard

↓

I have a preliminary render for you.

preliminary

↓

What is that?

↓

What do you mean? It's a box.

↓

That's not our box, is it?

↓

Yes. It's exactly what you asked me for.

asked

↓

You drew a rectangle and said, "if it was an animal, it'd be a box turtle."

animal drew turtle

↓

I mean, are you just going to do the bare minimum and call it a day?

bare minimum

↓

I mean, is that, like, what you do?

↓

You said it didn't matter, you said you didn't care.

care matter

↓

No one's caring about this. I'm just saying, like,

caring ones

↓

it's just a matter of pride and, like, self-respect.

matter pride respect self

↓

I mean, that's gonna go on brochures, man,

↓

that's like an advertisement to you and the company and everything.

company

↓

I can maybe add some color to it and give the bezel a little slam.

color slam

↓

There you go. Definitely, a slam. Slam it.

slam

↓

Yeah, maybe add some more lights.

lights

↓

Sure. Yeah.

↓

Well, hey, what are you doing standing around here talking about it?

standing

↓

You should go do it, you know? Go ahead and make the damn thing.

ahead go-ahead

↓

Make it a jaguar 'cause I have a feeling this baby is going to purr.

baby feeling jaguar purr

↓

I don't care either, but, you know, I think maybe a gazelle is more like it.

care gazelle

↓

'Cause it's synonymous with speed.

speed

↓

Fuck that. A cheetah's faster.

faster fuck

↓

And it kills fucking gazelles.

fucking kills

↓

But I really don't fucking care.

care fucking

↓

But definitely cheetah.

cheetah

↓

Or a gazelle.

gazelle

↓

Also, don't throw away the whole jaguar thing,

jaguar throw whole

↓

-yeah, 'cause they're pretty quick too. - Or a gazelle.

gazelle quick

↓

Ah! Jared, Jesus fuck! What are you doing?

fuck jared jesus

↓

Sorry. I was...

↓

I was just taking a quiet moment to collect myself.

collect moment quiet

↓

What the hell is all this shit?

↓

My tenant has been leaving my belongings in the alley behind my condo,

alley behind belongings condo leaving

↓

to make more room for his tenants.

room tenants

↓

Your tenant has tenants?

tenants

↓

Yeah.

↓

He's Airbnbing my Airbnb.

airbnb

↓

So, if it's okay with you, I might need to stay a little bit longer.

longer might

↓

Um, I can go around the back to get to the bathroom once Fred's here.

bathroom

↓

When's he moving in?

moving whens

↓

Wouldn't we all like to know.

↓

Fred, Erlich Bachman.

fred

↓

You said you'd get back to me about the room.

room

↓

I don't mean to pressure you, but I need you to decide now.

decide pressure

↓

In this moment, on this phone call.

moment phone

↓

I am literally standing within feet of three potential candidates

candidates feet potential standing three

↓

whose selves I could easily tell to go fuck...

easily fuck

↓

"Good"? What do you mean "good"? What does that mean, you're "good"?

↓

What? What other incubator? Where?

↓

What is the address?

address

↓

Because I want to send them a fucking nice gift!

fucking gift send

↓

Fucking Miami Vice. Disgusting architecture!

disgusting fucking miami miami-vice vice

↓

Hey, man. What are you doing here?

↓

What the fuck are you doing here?

fuck

↓

What do you mean? This is my house. Crazy, right?

crazy house

↓

This place is huge.

huge place

↓

Did you want to...

↓

Yes, it would be polite for you to invite me into your home

home invite polite

↓

and offer me a Push Pop, yes.

offer push

↓

I'm sorry.

↓

You're telling me that we should spend less time together?

less spend telling

↓

Absolutely, Chela.

absolutely

↓

Well, I have to say, this is a big relief.

relief

↓

In all candor, I was feeling the same,

feeling

↓

but I thought that discussing it with you might be awkward.

awkward discussing might

↓

Not at all.

↓

You are ready, Chela, to stand on your own, to weather the challenges of the future.

challenges future ready stand weather

↓

And the rumors swirling about your leadership.

leadership rumors

↓

Be well, Gavin.

↓

I'm sorry. Wait, what...

↓

What rumors?

rumors

↓

There is talk that in the face of a growing threat

face growing threat

↓

from Richard Hendricks and Pied Piper, armed with a powerful new CEO,

armed piper powerful richard

↓

that you have done nothing.

↓

- Well, yes, but... - And that by shuttering Nucleus,

↓

you have left them to gather strength unopposed,

gather left strength

↓

ceding the entire space.

entire space

↓

Some are saying this is a show of great weakness.

weakness

↓

Who? Who exactly is saying this?

↓

Well, people talk.

↓

In the halls, in the cafeteria, on the parking shuttle.

cafeteria halls parking shuttle

↓

Wait, should I be worried about this?

worried

↓

The beauty is, now you have all the answers.

answers beauty

↓

Yes?

↓

All right.

↓

Denpok, please.

↓

Will you sit back down?

↓

I need your help.

↓

Of course.

course

↓

Thank you.

↓

Clearly, we have come far, but we still have far to go.

↓

Not as far as lot D,

↓

but far nonetheless.

nonetheless

↓

Look what you guys built.

built

↓

You can't help but be elegant.

elegant

↓

You're like Audrey Hepburn.

↓

Here they come.

↓

Well, I know we made a big deal

deal

↓

about just doing your absolute minimum of your specs,

absolute minimum specs

↓

but one thing led to another and, well, Jack,

another jack

↓

buckle your seat belt because I'd like to introduce you to...

belt buckle introduce seat seat-belt

↓

Richard, just save it.

richard save

↓

Just got off the phone with Calvin Greene, CEO of Maleant.

phone

↓

- They're pulling out. - What?

pulling

↓

How can they just pull out?

pull

↓

Because they shopped our deal

deal

↓

and got a better bid from another appliance maker,

another maker

↓

so Maleant's out, they fucked us.

fucked

↓

- Oh. - Yeah.

↓

So, probably we should just push pause on the whole box thing

pause push whole

↓

until we figure out where to go from here.

figure

↓

Okay. I... Actually, I have a question.

question

↓

Yeah, I know. I know. I know, Richard, we had an arrangement,

arrangement richard

↓

but that was all based on closing the Maleant deal.

based closing deal

↓

- So now we have to figure out... - No, no, no. Sorry.

figure

↓

No, my question is, who did they go with?

question

↓

Whose box do they think is that much better than ours?

↓

Oh, uh, Dectosphere.

↓

Dectosphere?

↓

It's a brick with a power cord.

brick cord power

↓

Yeah. But I hear their new 43-11 s,

↓

they're going to be hitting close to 75 megs per second.

close hitting megs second

↓

Uh, we can do 200.

↓

- What? - Yeah.

↓

Do you think you can get me in a room with Calvin Greene?

room

↓

This is the pool.

pool

↓

The first night I was here, I turned the heat, like, all the way up,

heat night turned

↓

and half the water evaporated overnight.

half overnight water

↓

It's crazy.

crazy

↓

Well, I hope you own a skimmer

hope

↓

because there's a massive turd floating on the surface of your pool.

floating massive pool surface turd

↓

Who, Fred? Fred's great, man.

fred

↓

He's got this really cool, um, malware cataloging thing...

cool malware

↓

Cut the shit, Big Head.

head

↓

I see exactly what you're doing.

↓

Poaching my tenants?

tenants

↓

You stole my business model.

business business-model model stole

↓

What? No. Dude, it's not like that at all.

↓

It's just, this house has, like, nine bedrooms.

bedrooms house nine

↓

You have any idea how scary that gets at night?

idea night scary

↓

So I just wanted to have some roommates around,

roommates wanted

↓

but, you know, I felt weird charging them rent,

charging rent weird

↓

-'cause, you know. - No, I don't.

↓

Well, it's, like, 20 million, you know? So I don't really need it,

million

↓

but then they felt weird living here without paying me anything,

living paying weird

↓

so they offered me pieces of their start-ups. That's all.

offered pieces start

↓

You just admitted to starting a competing incubator.

admitted competing starting

↓

I've caught you in a web of your own lies, haven't I?

caught lies

↓

I don't think so. Wait, have you?

↓

All right, Big Head. You want to play it that way?

head

↓

If it's a fight you want, then a fight you shall have.

fight

↓

All of you!

↓

See you, buddy.

buddy

↓

Big Head.

head

↓

We'll see.

↓

Fuck!

fuck

↓

What are we doing here?

↓

Why are we fighting like this?

fighting

↓

I mean, I'm gonna steal your guys, you're gonna steal my guys.

steal

↓

We'll both wield the heft of our considerable fortunes

wield

↓

until each of us have nearly nothing left.

left nearly

↓

Is that really what you want? Me either.

↓

So what do you say we join forces?

forces join

↓

I'm big enough.

↓

Are you, Big Head?

head

↓

Partners?

partners

↓

Okay.

↓

Atta boy.

atta

↓

All right, I'm going to take a spin on that fancy Japanese toilet,

fancy japanese japanese-toilet spin toilet

↓

and then let's get to work

↓

figuring out which one of these bedrooms is gonna be my office.

bedrooms figuring office

↓

Consider the bulldog.

bulldog consider

↓

A grotesque monstrosity born of relentless inbreeding.

born grotesque monstrosity relentless

↓

Riddled with sinusitis, crippled by joint pain,

crippled joint pain riddled

↓

chronically flatulent.

↓

A kindly pet, or humanity's cruelest mistake?

kindly mistake

↓

All right, take it away.

↓

Ladies and gentlemen, just like that horrible creature,

creature gentlemen horrible ladies

↓

the entire Nucleus program was the result of inbreeding.

entire program result

↓

We mated Hooli engineers with Hooli designers in a Hooli kennel.

engineers kennel

↓

Is it any wonder the result was just as unspeakable as that thing?

result wonder

↓

Bring it back here!

bring

↓

Look at that hideous face.

face hideous

↓

All right, get it out of here!

↓

I'm sorry, Gavin. What's your point?

point

↓

My point is, just as not all dogs are as flawed as the bulldog,

bulldog dogs flawed point

↓

not all compression plays are as flawed as Nucleus.

flawed plays

↓

Our execution was lacking, but the idea was correct.

correct execution idea

↓

Our only mistake was looking inward.

looking mistake

↓

It is now time to look outward.

↓

I mean, this guy did all of the work.

↓

Ten minutes after we leave Calvin Greene's office,

minutes office

↓

he calls me up and says, "Hey, you got me. How much?"

calls

↓

I just showed them the box,

showed

↓

Jack's the one who made the deal.

deal jacks

↓

Good feelings, happy feelings.

feelings happy

↓

So, Big Head built a better version of your incubator, accidentally.

accidentally built head version

↓

Correct.

correct

↓

And he didn't even realize it?

realize

↓

Also correct.

correct

↓

And your solution to that was to go into business with him?

business solution

↓

Big Head?

head

↓

The guy you once called more useless than a bag of dicks without a handle?

called dicks handle useless

↓

Dinesh, don't fall for his "aw, shucks" routine.

fall routine

↓

He is a shrewd businessman.

businessman

↓

And together, we have over $20,036,000 at our disposal.

disposal

↓

Now, if you'll excuse me, on to Pied Piper.

excuse piper

↓

I have a board meeting, and this board ain't exactly gonna meet itself.

aint board board-meeting meet meeting

↓

Our subsequent order of business is the approval of Pied Piper's redraft

approval business order

↓

of the hardware requisition agreement with Maleant Data Systems Solutions.

agreement data hardware solutions systems

↓

Oh, yeah.

↓

The main event.

event main

↓

We've all read the latest sales agreement, yes?

agreement latest read sales

↓

Actually, I don't think I was CC'd on...

↓

So, I believe we can move straight forward to a vote?

believe forward straight vote

↓

Actually, I'm sorry.

↓

I have an issue with, uh, section 14, paragraph two.

issue section

↓

Um, it states that Maleant has exclusive rights to purchase any appliance made by Pied Piper

exclusive piper purchase rights states

↓

for the next five years.

five five-years years

↓

Oh, uh, yeah. Jack gave them exclusive rights to the box

exclusive jack rights

↓

so that we would get a better price upfront.

price

↓

Right, but this language is far broader.

language

↓

They actually have exclusive rights to use the underlying algorithm in any form.

algorithm exclusive form rights underlying

↓

Oh, no. That's not right at all.

↓

Yeah, so I think, Jack,

jack

↓

we're going to have to go back to them and just change the language here.

change language

↓

We're not going to be able to do that.

able

↓

And, uh, why not?

↓

Because that was the specific language which Maleant requested

language requested specific

↓

when I got them to pay three times as much for each one of our boxes.

boxes three three-times times

↓

It's a white label deal, so they have the right to resell these boxes in any form they choose.

boxes choose deal form label white

↓

Yeah, but, Jack, if they have exclusive rights to the algorithm,

algorithm exclusive jack rights

↓

then we can't use the algorithm to build the platform.

algorithm build platform

↓

For five years.

five five-years years

↓

They wanted seven, I talked them down.

seven talked wanted

↓

I know, but you said that we could

↓

build the platform once we gave you the box.

build platform

↓

Yes, but I never specified a time frame.

frame

↓

Are you serious?

serious

↓

I save your ass and you stab me in the back like this?

save stab

↓

In the front, Richard.

front richard

↓

Laurie, did you know about this?

laurie

↓

- I did not. - Well, then, good, okay.

↓

So it won't go through because Laurie's not going to vote for it.

vote

↓

Richard, this is complicated.

complicated richard

↓

If one goes strictly by the numbers, these numbers,

numbers strictly

↓

you have built a box that is so valuable,

built valuable

↓

I am now obligated to vote in favor of it.

favor vote

↓

Laurie, this deal is peanuts.

deal laurie peanuts

↓

The platform could be worth 1,000 times what the box is worth.

platform times worth

↓

It could be, correct, however...

correct

↓

This is theoretical, Richard.

richard

↓

You don't have a price point, I do,

point price

↓

and she has a fiduciary obligation as a member of the board

board fiduciary member obligation

↓

to vote for the box.

vote

↓

On the page, this is in the best interest of the company.

best company interest page

↓

Am I wrong, Laurie?

laurie

↓

That is factually correct.

correct

↓

You remember when you tried to end run me and kill the box?

kill remember tried

↓

Well, she couldn't do a goddamn thing about it then.

goddamn

↓

And she can't do a goddamn thing about it now.

goddamn

↓

Simple majority ratifies the agreement, all in favor.

agreement favor majority simple

↓

Are you kidding me? What the fuck is going on right now?

fuck kidding

↓

Laurie.

laurie

↓

I wasn't carbon copied on this particular email,

carbon email particular

↓

so, I stand with Richard.

richard stand

↓

Um...

↓

Richard, you know how I voted to fire you a couple months ago?

couple couple-months fire months richard voted

↓

And I said that I did it to stay in the game,

game

↓

so that maybe at some point in the future, I could do something to help?

future point

↓

Well, Laurie,

laurie

↓

I know you'll probably replace me on the board

board replace

↓

and call for a revote tomorrow, but I'm here today.

today tomorrow

↓

And I don't have any metrics to back it up,

↓

but I honestly believe that the platform that Richard wants to build

believe build platform richard wants

↓

will be far more lucrative in the long term than any box.

lucrative term

↓

So, at least for today, I'm voting no.

least today voting

↓

Motion denied.

denied motion

↓

We will be reconvening tomorrow.

tomorrow

↓

And if I could get a... An email, be CC'd on the latest draft...

draft email latest

↓

I couldn't sit there and watch them do that to you.

watch

↓

I just hope I don't end up fired over this.

fired hope

↓

Well, what you did took incredible guts.

guts incredible

↓

And the fact that it probably won't make any difference

difference fact

↓

makes it all the more meaningful.

makes meaningful

↓

Right, I saw this nature documentary

documentary nature

↓

where a bison fought a lion to protect the rest of the herd.

fought herd lion protect rest

↓

And it was so moving.

moving

↓

It didn't work, the lion tore into the bison and then laid waste to the herd,

herd laid lion tore waste

↓

but what courage.

courage

↓

Thank you, Jared.

jared

↓

You guys just had to make a great box, didn't you?

↓

You couldn't phone it in.

phone

↓

Uh, guys, Gavin Belson is calling me. Again.

calling

↓

What the fuck does he want?

fuck

↓

Hello?

↓

Richard Hendricks, just checking in, seeing if you heard the news.

checking heard news richard seeing

↓

What news?

news

↓

Hmm. Obviously, you don't have your Hooli news alerts up to date.

date news obviously

↓

Go to the site. I'll wait.

site

↓

Go to the Hooli news website.

news website

↓

Okay.

↓

It's an ad.

↓

It's an ad. Hold on.

↓

Just wait four seconds and you can click to skip it.

click four four-seconds seconds skip

↓

Just wait four seconds and then you can click it.

click four four-seconds seconds

↓

No, it's the kind where you have to watch the whole fucking thing.

fucking watch whole whole-fucking

↓

It's the whole ad kind.

whole

↓

I thought we stopped doing those. God damn it.

stopped

↓

Well, regardless, what you'll see once the paid announcement is over

announcement paid regardless

↓

is that I just closed a $250 million deal

closed deal million

↓

to acquire a little company called EndFrame.

called company

↓

I thought you'd want to know.

↓

Update those Hooli news alerts.

news update

↓

Also, I invite you to click "yes" if our ad experience was relevant to you.

click experience invite relevant

↓

Be well, Richard.

richard

↓

What did he say?

↓

Oh, my God.

↓

"Gavin Belson announces deal to acquire EndFrame,

deal

↓

"a middle-out compression platform company,

company middle platform

↓

"for $250 million."

million

↓

Even after they shit the bed with Nucleus, Hooli gets to build our platform and we don't?

build platform

↓

What is funny about this?

funny

↓

He's intoxicated.

↓

No. No... Yes, but don't you see?

↓

Gavin, in trying to fuck us, just saved our asses.

asses fuck saved

↓

He's right. He's right.

↓

My gosh. Oh, my gosh, he's right.

gosh

↓

Holy shit.

holy

↓

I am so confused right now.

confused

↓

Gavin set a...

↓

He set the...

↓

- The price point. - Yes!

point price

↓

Yes, yes, yes. Yes, thanks to Gavin,

thanks

↓

EndFrame, a middle-out compression platform,

middle platform

↓

is objectively worth $250 million.

million worth

↓

Wait, okay.

↓

We are a middle-out compression platform company.

company middle platform

↓

Are we worth $250 million?

million worth

↓

There's no way the box makes us worth a fraction of that.

makes worth

↓

Laurie couldn't vote for the platform

laurie platform vote

↓

because she couldn't assign a dollar value to it.

assign dollar value

↓

Well, Gavin has just done that.

↓

He's validated the market, so there's no reason to revote

market reason

↓

We win.

↓

I can't wait to see the look on that AAR prick's face

face pricks

↓

when we come in there and gut him like a...

↓

Is he okay?

↓

He's gonna be fine.

↓

Welcome, men and ladies of EndFrame.

ladies welcome

↓

Rather than incestuously promoting the same faces from within,

faces

↓

you represent fresh blood, new ideas.

blood fresh ideas represent

↓

Everything Nucleus was not.

↓

It is my honor to personally welcome you all to Hooli.

honor personally welcome

↓

Does he really not remember us?

remember

↓

How long did you work at Hooli? The last time?

↓

Seven years.

seven seven-years years

↓

I was here for nine.

nine

↓

He was invited to my wedding.

invited wedding

↓

I hope Jack doesn't cry.

hope jack

↓

I really hope he does.

hope

↓

Hey, Gloria. Lynn.

gloria

↓

Did they both get fired?

fired

↓

I don't...

↓

Laurie. What are you doing here?

laurie

↓

Where's Jack?

jack

↓

As you may recall,

recall

↓

at our board meeting last night, Jack said that he would get his way,

board board-meeting jack meeting night

↓

and that, in his words,

words

↓

I, quote, couldn't do a goddamn thing about it, end quote.

goddamn quote

↓

Well, in light of recent activities,

activities light recent

↓

it appears that I could do a goddamn thing about it.

appears goddamn

↓

And I just did.

↓

Jack Barker has been exited.

jack

↓

Fuck me sideways.

fuck sideways

↓

Indeed.

indeed

↓

Effective immediately,

effective immediately

↓

you are all at liberty to commence work upon the platform.

commence liberty platform

↓

Okay. Uh, wow.

↓

Yeah, I just got to ask,

↓

with Jack not being CEO anymore, am I CEO again?

anymore jack

↓

You are not.

↓

Nor are you, Mr. Bachman.

↓

I'm sorry, if I'm not CEO, Erlich isn't, Jack isn't,

jack

↓

who is gonna run Pied Piper then?

piper

↓

Officially, and until further notice,

further further-notice notice officially

↓

this chair will remain empty.

chair empty remain

↓

- What, really? - Excuse me.

excuse