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Home » Silicon Valley » S02E08 — White Hat+Black Hat

Silicon Valley

Season 2, Episode 8 — White Hat+Black Hat

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Silicon Valley

Episode title: White Hat/Black Hat

Air date: May 31, 2015

Director: Alec Berg

Top billed cast: Thomas Middleditch, T.J. Miller, Zach Woods, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Amanda Crew

Richard causes trouble when he sympathizes with a competitor.

Source: TMDB

↓

- That was awesome. - We just fed our hogs

awesome hogs

↓

to those EndFrame motherfuckers.

motherfuckers

↓

I don't know.

↓

Oh, shit.

↓

Richard.

richard

↓

- I just got a call from Marc at EndFrame. - Yeah.

marc

↓

Uh, sorry that that deal didn't go through, Russ,

deal

↓

but this bake-off can be huge for us.

bake huge

↓

And we should actually get started. We have a lot of work to do.

started

↓

Yeah.

↓

We have a lot of work to do, Richard.

richard

↓

A lot.

↓

We have to drink this entire bottle of tequila today.

bottle drink entire tequila today

↓

- What? - Bake-off, bitch.

bake bitch

↓

Let's get fucked up. Shots, baby.

baby fucked shots

↓

- Uh... I don't... I don't... - Richard, this is my own brand.

brand richard

↓

Tres Comas.

↓

Do you know what that means in Spanish?

spanish

↓

- Three... - Nope. Three commas.

nope three

↓

As in, the number I'll have

number

↓

when we are done kicking the tar out of EndFrame

kicking

↓

and I make that fuck pile of Intersite money.

fuck money pile

↓

Am I right? Come on, shots.

shots

↓

- So, you're not mad? - No, of course not.

course

↓

Okay. Yeah, sure. I'll just do one shot.

shot

↓

We are going to drink to re-billionizing.

drink

↓

Okay.

↓

To re-billionizing.

↓

- To re-billionizing. - That's it.

↓

One more?

↓

Uh...

↓

Russ...

↓

We need to pay our lawyers and we need to pay our engineers,

engineers lawyers

↓

so before you go, can you just write us another check, please?

another check write

↓

What? No, Richard, giving you money right now

giving money richard

↓

is the worst thing I could do for you.

worst

↓

What? Why? HOW?

↓

Look what just happened.

happened

↓

I threatened to walk and you turned lean and hungry,

hungry lean threatened turned walk

↓

and you clawed your way into a $15-million deal.

deal million

↓

And when you win this bake-off, because I gave you no money,

bake money

↓

and I get my third comma back,

third

↓

I promise you this, Richard,

promise richard

↓

I'm gonna come back here and you and I are gonna polish off

polish

↓

this entire motherfucking bottle of Tres Comas together.

bottle entire motherfucking

↓

Put it right up high.

↓

Come on! Don't leave me hanging.

hanging

↓

That's it! That's how we do business.

business

↓

The Nucleus ad buy will be the largest in our history.

history largest

↓

Awareness of this product will be unprecedented.

awareness product

↓

Yeah. Am I the only one concerned about overexposure?

concerned

↓

Well, we haven't seen the platform yet,

platform seen

↓

but we're planning on slipping Nucleus to influential tech journalists and bloggers.

journalists planning slipping tech

↓

Because, certainly, once they see Nucleus...

certainly

↓

Sorry, sorry. That strategy just sounds so inside the box.

sounds strategy

↓

Might it not be more innovative to shroud Nucleus in mystery

innovative might mystery

↓

until the official rollout next January?

january official

↓

Gavin, I'm sorry. Is everything okay with Nucleus?

↓

We are on schedule, yes?

schedule

↓

Because based on your assurances,

based

↓

we've staked substantial resources on its performance.

performance resources

↓

Gentlemen of the board, and Rachel, listen to me very carefully.

board carefully gentlemen rachel

↓

Nucleus is on track.

track

↓

And you have my word that if it fails to be everything we need it to be,

fails word

↓

someone will be held responsible.

held responsible

↓

Me? You want me to come back to Hooli?

↓

No way. It's too late. I've accepted MIT's offer of tenure.

accepted late offer tenure

↓

My wife, my children and my mother are already back in Boston.

boston children mother wife

↓

I'm here because I believe in you.

believe

↓

And because I believe we didn't believe in you enough before.

believe

↓

Yeah, you did not.

↓

XYZ was beneath your talent. Surely you felt it. I did.

beneath surely talent

↓

Why else would I lay it off on Bighetti?

↓

XYZ is about the distant future.

distant future

↓

But we can't wait for you.

↓

We need you now, guiding critical components of our core business.

business core critical guiding

↓

Components like Nucleus.

↓

I'm sorry. Are you offering to put me in full charge of Nucleus?

charge full offering

↓

Indeed I am. You and only you.

indeed

↓

You'll get the credit and the glory.

credit glory

↓

The name Davis Bannerchek will be inextricably linked with that of Nucleus.

davis name

↓

I mean, there's a chance no one will know I had anything to do with it at all.

chance

↓

Gentlemen, nothing else in the truck. Stop.

gentlemen truck

↓

Who's done with the transcoding workflow? Me.

↓

Good job, Carla. Or should I say, "Scrumptious"?

carla

↓

Because of the board, the scrum board.

board

↓

- Oh, I get it. - Yeah.

↓

Or just... I mean, not you. I mean, you could... You are. Uh...

↓

Also, thanks to everybody for forgoing your salary this week.

everybody salary thanks week

↓

Remember, if we win, bonuses all around, so...

bonuses remember

↓

Go team.

team

↓

When we win.

↓

That is rousing, Richard.

richard rousing

↓

Yeah, so, when we win it.

↓

Whoa. Have you guys seen this?

seen whoa

↓

Seth, the network security guy from EndFrame,

network security seth

↓

just changed his LinkedIn status to "unemployed."

changed status unemployed

↓

No way. You think we got him fired?

fired

↓

I bet we did. That's awesome.

awesome

↓

Well, we never actually breached his security.

security

↓

Remember we got Marc's login info and went through the front door?

door front front-door info remember

↓

So, he didn't actually do anything wrong.

↓

He worked for EndFrame, the pieces of shit that stole our algorithm.

algorithm pieces stole worked

↓

Yeah. So, by the transitive property, he is, therefore, also a piece of shit.

piece property therefore

↓

Well, the pieces of shit fired him.

fired pieces

↓

So, his "piece of shit" status is reversed.

piece status

↓

Okay, fine. So, the transitive property may no longer apply,

apply longer property

↓

but the reflexive property states everything is equal to itself.

equal property states

↓

So, since he's a piece of shit, he's a piece of shit.

piece

↓

Okay, math aside,

aside math

↓

the point I'm trying to make here is we didn't actually break his code. Okay?

break code point

↓

So, he's getting fired for no reason.

fired reason

↓

And I kind of feel bad for the guy.

↓

He's probably pulling his hair out somewhere, wondering where he screwed up.

hair pulling screwed wondering

↓

But he didn't screw up,

screw

↓

and he'll never know that for the rest of his life.

life rest

↓

I bet you're right.

↓

He probably is just ripping his hair out somewhere.

hair ripping

↓

I wish I could see that.

wish

↓

Piece of shit.

piece

↓

He's a piece of shit.

piece

↓

Monica?

↓

Did you forget about Jian Yang and I's pitch?

forget pitch yang

↓

No, I was on my phone.

phone

↓

You talking to Benson or Hedges? Am I right?

↓

- Cigarette company. - Clever.

cigarette clever company

↓

What if I told you there is an app on the market...

market

↓

Not now. No, no, you wait until you're inside. Okay?

↓

We haven't even gotten the bottle of water yet.

bottle gotten water

↓

Head in. I'll meet you in there. I just need to finish this call.

finish head meet

↓

Sure. Cool with a

cool

↓

Okay.

↓

Water.

water

↓

What if I told you there is an app...

↓

Jian Yang, this is the assistant. We wait for the boss to pitch.

assistant boss pitch yang

↓

The woman you saw outside. Okay?

woman

↓

Oh, the lady who was smoking? You said no.

lady smoking

↓

Sorry. Monica was smoking? Cigarettes?

cigarettes smoking

↓

Cigarettes.

cigarettes

↓

No, no, no. He's confused. He's Chinese.

chinese confused

↓

He's talking about this crack-addict prostitute we saw at the gas station.

addict crack prostitute station

↓

She was smoking cigarettes. So sad.

cigarettes smoking

↓

Oh.

↓

Jian Yang, what're you doing? This is Palo Alto.

whatre yang

↓

People are lunatics about smoking here.

lunatics smoking

↓

We don't enjoy all the freedoms that you have in China. All right?

china enjoy freedoms

↓

Where people smoke all the time.

smoke

↓

I don't smoke. Except for special occasions.

except occasions smoke special

↓

So, you do smoke?

smoke

↓

Wait, have you been smoking in my house?

house smoking

↓

No. There's no special occasion ever happen in your house.

happen house occasion special

↓

See this little bald spot on my temple?

bald spot temple

↓

I've literally been tearing my own hair out.

hair tearing

↓

I e-mailed Gilfoyle about a dozen times,

dozen mailed times

↓

and all he kept sending me were these photos.

photos sending

↓

Some woman choking. Balls.

balls choking woman

↓

Choking. A pair of balls. I get it. "Choke on my balls." It's like a rebus.

balls choke choking pair

↓

He's such a dick.

dick

↓

How the fuck did he get into my system? At least give me a hint.

fuck hint least system

↓

Something. Anything.

↓

Fuck.

fuck

↓

What if, hypothetically,

hypothetically

↓

there was a certain CEO in your office that left his login information on a Post-it,

certain information left office post

↓

and a certain someone took it and used that to get in?

certain used

↓

Are you saying Gilfoyle never penetrated my network?

network

↓

I'm saying you weren't fired

fired

↓

because of anything to do with your security config.

security

↓

It wasn't my fault?

fault

↓

- Oh, my God. - You know what?

↓

I'm glad I came here.

glad

↓

I think it's good just to get everything out in the open...

open

↓

That piece of shit!

piece

↓

Gilfoyle kept taunting me and taunting me.

↓

- What're you doing? No, don't call him. - Hello, Gilfoyle?

whatre

↓

- It's Seth. - Don't mention me or...

mention seth

↓

Richard just told me about the Post-it, so fuck you!

fuck post richard

↓

You just fucked with the wrong hacker.

fucked hacker

↓

There's... There's kids.

kids

↓

I'm gonna skullfuck your whole system. Fuck you, Gilfoyle!

fuck system whole whole-system

↓

Fuck you, Richard! Fuck all of you Pied Piper fucks!

fuck fucks piper richard

↓

I actually, don't... I don't know him. I'm just here by myself.

↓

Just watching and waiting.

waiting watching

↓

I love kids. Not like that.

kids love

↓

So...

↓

Why would you do that? Why would you go talk to him?

↓

I don't know, you know. Face-to-face meetings make things better.

face meetings

↓

I just felt bad for the guy, and he was not doing well.

↓

I mean, what if I hadn't said anything and he'd have, you know, killed himself?

killed

↓

Yeah, well, there's no chance of that now, is there?

chance

↓

Richard, you don't seem to understand what's going on.

richard

↓

We hacked into EndFrame's system and stole their specs.

hacked specs stole system

↓

You can't go traipsing around to their former employees

employees former

↓

telling them how we did it just to make them feel better.

telling

↓

You're a fucking black hat now. Act like it.

black fucking

↓

- What? I'm a black hat? How am I a black hat? - Shh!

black

↓

EndFrame stole from us first.

stole

↓

And since the negative of a negative is a positive, stealing from a thief is okay.

negative positive stealing thief

↓

It's the additive inverse property.

property

↓

Math aside, Richard, we're all black hats now.

aside black hats math richard

↓

The point is, what are we gonna do about Seth?

point seth

↓

How do you mean?

↓

Well, I mean, we have an unemployed and very pissed off systems guy

pissed systems unemployed

↓

who very publicly threatened to skullfuck our whole system.

publicly system threatened whole whole-system

↓

He's not gonna do shit. He's a coder.

↓

By definition, we're all pussies.

definition pussies

↓

Look, he'll vent for half an hour and then he'll go LARPing and mogging

half hour vent

↓

and stroke his dick for a while.

dick stroke

↓

Even if he does try to crack us, Richard, I built our network security myself.

built crack network richard security

↓

- I'm not worried about it at all. - So, just...

worried

↓

This doesn't concern you guys?

concern

↓

Okay, because he said, and I quote, that he was going to skullfuck us!

quote

↓

On. Hey. Hi.

↓

- You have a great daughter. - Come on, Ashley, let's go.

ashley daughter

↓

Go for Erlich.

↓

Thanks for outing me.

outing thanks

↓

You're gay. That explains so much.

explains

↓

No, outing me for smoking.

outing smoking

↓

I was heading home when my insane boss called me into the conference room

boss called conference conference-room heading home insane room

↓

for some kind of anti-smoking intervention.

anti intervention smoking

↓

"No one ever died from secondhand heroin." Yeah, she said that.

died heroin

↓

- What did you say? - I said nothing.

↓

Jian Yang may have let a little something slip to your boy Friday,

friday slip yang

↓

but don't worry, I covered with aplomb.

covered worry

↓

That little weasel tells Laurie everything.

laurie tells weasel

↓

On that topic, what did you think of his app?

topic

↓

Well, the fundamental idea is sound.

idea sound

↓

An app that helps parents find the least crowded playgrounds.

crowded helps least parents

↓

Good. So, you understood him.

understood

↓

The problem is, he's basically created the perfect tool for pedophiles to find victims.

created perfect problem tool victims

↓

Yes, and pedophiles are typically not early-adopters,

early typically

↓

so we would miss out on that whole market.

market miss whole

↓

That's problematic.

↓

Well, we'll tweak it when we present it to your boss.

boss present tweak

↓

I don't think what I saw was close to ready for Laurie.

close laurie ready

↓

Oh, really, Monica?

↓

Well, I'm sorry that your boss unearthed your filthy little secret,

boss filthy secret

↓

but believe it or not, I actually tried to have your back,

believe tried

↓

and I was hoping you might do the same for me.

hoping might

↓

Then again, your judgment is suspect. You are a smoker.

judgment suspect

↓

I smoke a few cigarettes a week.

cigarettes smoke week

↓

Fine. I'll ask Laurie for five minutes, but that's it.

five five-minutes laurie minutes

↓

And tell Jian Yang he better bring it.

bring yang

↓

Monica, we may never know

↓

what indecipherable Chinese province Jian Yang comes from,

chinese comes yang

↓

but I know this much,

↓

Jian Yang was born to bring it, and you have got to try women.

born bring women yang

↓

I mean, just give it a...

↓

I'm sure the work that you have done so far has been very good.

↓

But now that I am here, the real work begins,

begins real

↓

and time is of the essence.

essence

↓

I'm gonna need status reports from every department.

department reports status

↓

Where are we?

↓

We have a mobile beta on a HooliPhone.

beta mobile

↓

You wanna see it?

↓

Hmm, yeah.

↓

He quit? What do you mean he quit?

quit

↓

According to security, he entered the building at 9:13.

according building entered security

↓

He met with the Nucleus team for 11 minutes. Then he used his key card to exit the building.

building card exit minutes team used

↓

Three minutes later, he was clocked at 73 in a 25 zone going past our daycare center.

center minutes past three three-minutes zone

↓

He never returned, and he hasn't responded to our calls or e-mail.

calls mail responded returned

↓

Gavin, is it possible that this is a good thing?

possible

↓

Bannerchek was gonna step in at the last minute

minute step

↓

and take a lot of the credit for Nucleus.

credit

↓

Now the world will know that you're responsible for Nucleus.

responsible world

↓

You and you alone.

alone

↓

Not now!

↓

Okay, so, no attempts to externally access the system? Right?

access attempts system

↓

No SQLi, XSS, worms, Trojans, nothing?

worms

↓

Same answer as I gave you the last three days. No.

answer days three three-days

↓

Seth hasn't done shit. We're all good.

seth

↓

Richard, your paranoia has become officially tedious.

become officially paranoia richard

↓

Okay, okay. Our platform is basically built.

built platform

↓

Tomorrow, Intersite is gonna start dumping 100 terabytes of video

dumping start tomorrow video

↓

directly onto our server via fucking FTP.

directly fucking server

↓

We are gonna be the most vulnerable we've ever been.

vulnerable

↓

And Seth is out there lurking.

lurking seth

↓

Just lurking in the darknet ready to pounce, like an Internet panther, and we don't care.

care internet lurking panther ready

↓

Okay, well, frankly, your lack of paranoia is insane to me.

frankly insane lack paranoia

↓

Now you're paranoid that we're not paranoid enough?

paranoid

↓

You're para-paranoid, Richard.

paranoid richard

↓

- Where are you going? - To the kitchen.

kitchen

↓

Why are you going together?

↓

Are you gonna talk about me?

↓

What're you looking at? You guys have got a lot of work to do.

looking whatre

↓

I'm glad you reached out.

glad reached

↓

And I want you to know I'm not gonna do any of those things that I threatened to do.

threatened

↓

Really? Just to be clear, no skullfucking of any kind?

clear

↓

No. I guess I just needed to vent.

needed vent

↓

Actually, I was pretty worried that you were gonna do something crazy.

crazy worried

↓

You can relax.

relax

↓

And please tell Gilfoyle I'm sorry for what I said,

↓

and that he can relax, too.

relax

↓

Uh...

↓

You don't have to worry about Gilfoyle. He couldn't have cared less.

cared less worry

↓

- Really? - Yeah.

↓

You know, I gotta be honest. I mean, I'm really glad I came back here.

glad honest

↓

I mean, Dinesh and Gilfoyle obviously said it was a bad idea,

idea obviously

↓

especially given what happened.

especially given happened

↓

But this just really restores my faith that face-to-face meetings are the way to...

face faith meetings

↓

That smug cocksucker didn't think I had the skills

skills smug

↓

to break into his system, that motherfucker.

break motherfucker system

↓

What? What are you... Don't... Who are you calling?

calling

↓

- Hello, Gilfoyle. It's Seth again. - Hey, don't mention that I...

mention seth

↓

Richard here just told me you're not afraid of me.

afraid richard

↓

Well, you know what I'm gonna do to you now, motherfucker?

motherfucker

↓

Get out our here. Scatter. Scatter.

↓

I'm skullfucking the shit out of your system this time.

system

↓

How you like me now, you cocksucking, motherfucking piece of shit?

motherfucking piece

↓

In our initial build,

build initial

↓

we realized that the same Geo-tagging technology

realized tagging technology

↓

that could be used to locate uncrowded playgrounds

locate used

↓

could also be used to prey on children, our greatest natural resource,

children greatest natural prey used

↓

by one of society's worst elements, pedophiles.

elements worst

↓

The pedophile facing nature of the app would present marketing pain points. Yes.

facing marketing nature pain pedophile points present

↓

But under Monica's guidance,

guidance

↓

we realized the same technology could also be used

realized technology used

↓

to create a real-time, crowd-sourced map of an even worse segment of the population.

create crowd population real segment worse

↓

- Worse than pedophiles? - Smokers.

smokers worse

↓

Oh.

↓

Because, let's face it, no one's ever died of secondhand heroin.

died face heroin ones

↓

True.

↓

True.

↓

With our app, users can locate and thus avoid

avoid locate users

↓

these self-indulgent, self-destructive, negligent monsters.

destructive monsters self

↓

- Negligent? - Yeah.

↓

We call it "Smokation."

↓

It's a clever hybrid of "smoker" and "location."

clever location

↓

It's interesting.

interesting

↓

It's interesting.

interesting

↓

Well done. Well done.

↓

So, what kind of term sheet do you think she's gonna lay on us?

sheet term

↓

There's a lot of work to do,

↓

but you certainly knew how to play to your audience.

audience certainly

↓

So, I'd say it looks good.

↓

Oh!

↓

Today is a great day.

today

↓

What is he doing?

↓

Special occasion.

occasion special

↓

- Oh, shit. - You...

↓

You brought cigarettes in here?

brought cigarettes

↓

No, I take from her purse.

purse

↓

Well, this is it.

↓

Our pants are basically around our ankles until this transfer is done. Anything?

ankles pants transfer

↓

Again, no. Nothing.

↓

Okay. Well, did you sweep for...

sweep

↓

Unauthorized kernel modules, yes.

↓

I even purged the entire server hypervisor again.

entire server

↓

I know we are vulnerable, right now, but, Richard, we're covered, okay?

covered richard vulnerable

↓

We severed the prod and Dev net.

severed

↓

Look, you made us put our phones in a fucking Faraday cage.

cage fucking phones

↓

We even killed the Wi-Fi and reverted back to this Stone Age hard line Ethernet switch.

hard killed line stone switch

↓

Look at all this shit. Are we in the '90s?

↓

Richard, no one is cracking our transfer.

cracking richard transfer

↓

Not Seth, not some rogue nuclear state, not Sk3wl of fucking ROOt.

fucking nuclear rogue root seth state

↓

No one.

↓

And in two hours and 47 minutes, when we've pulled all of Intersite's data

data hours minutes pulled

↓

onto our servers, we're golden, so just chill the fuck out.

chill fuck golden servers

↓

Do another Weissman test to make yourself feel better.

another test

↓

I just did.

↓

Still at 5.1?

↓

Uh... Actually, 5.2.

↓

- Holy shit, dude. That's blazing. - Hmm.

blazing holy

↓

Wait, so, we're actually gonna win this thing.

↓

I don't know. Ask me again in two hours and 46 minutes.

hours minutes

↓

Hey, quit all the fucking and let me in.

fucking quit

↓

- Hey, come on, why's the door locked? - Coming.

coming door door-locked locked whys

↓

- Are you afraid you're gonna get raped? - Jared, don't...

afraid jared raped

↓

What? You're locking the door now? You don't answer my texts. What the fuck?

answer door fuck locking texts

↓

Russ, we're at a pretty critical juncture right now, so...

critical

↓

What's that?

↓

That is pornography, thousands of hours of it.

hours pornography thousands

↓

Yeah, it is.

↓

Russ, tomorrow, I would be happy to walk this through with you.

happy tomorrow walk

↓

Okay. No, no, I'm out of here. Just answer me this, are we good?

answer

↓

Uh, yes. The platform is running great.

platform running

↓

But it's just really fragile right now and we have a lot to focus on.

focus fragile

↓

So, again, probably tomorrow would be...

tomorrow

↓

Fine, fine, but after we have tequila.

tequila

↓

- What? - Shots, boys.

boys shots

↓

- I'm in. - No, no one's in.

ones

↓

What are... We're not doing shots right now.

shots

↓

Richard, come on, quit being such a pussy and have some tequila with your money guy.

money pussy quit richard tequila

↓

You're not our money guy.

money

↓

I'm not your money guy. Since when?

money

↓

Since you stopped giving us money, asshole.

asshole giving money stopped

↓

Who's an asshole? I forced you to get lean.

asshole forced lean

↓

No. You forced us to hack EndFrame and break the law.

break forced hack

↓

And now, like it or not, I'm a fucking black hat.

black fucking

↓

But that's okay. That's okay. That's cool.

cool

↓

We're gonna win this bake-off

bake

↓

and pay you enough money to go away forever.

forever money

↓

So, take your shitty tequila

shitty tequila

↓

and your shitty jeans with fucking metal chunks on them,

chunks fucking jeans metal shitty

↓

and get the fuck out of here.

fuck

↓

Wow. That's...

↓

That's harsh.

harsh

↓

First of all, this is not shitty tequila. This is very good tequila.

shitty tequila

↓

400-year-old family-run distillery. Super high-end shit.

distillery family super

↓

But I guess what really bums me out is I thought we got each other.

bums

↓

You know, you were my guys, you know?

↓

That guy-

↓

Bin Laden.

laden

↓

He fucks.

fucks

↓

You know what's hard about being a billionaire, Richard?

billionaire hard richard

↓

You never know if someone likes you for you or for your money.

likes money

↓

And I guess, with you, it was all about the money, wasn't it, Richard?

money richard

↓

Don't you worry, I'll leave, and I'll even leave you the tequila because that's who I am.

tequila worry

↓

But before I go,

↓

I want you to come outside and see something. It's a gift.

gift

↓

Come on outside, everybody. Just... I won't waste your time.

everybody waste

↓

Just for a second.

second

↓

No way.

↓

A McLaren 650$ Spider.

spider

↓

Yup, just like the one I had to sell when I dropped below a

dropped sell

↓

Billion.

billion

↓

What do you think, Richard? You like it?

richard

↓

Uh, wow! Uh...

↓

I don't know what to say.

↓

You got this for me?

↓

What?

↓

No, I... It's for me. I bought this for myself.

bought

↓

To celebrate you guys helping me get back to a billion.

billion celebrate helping

↓

That's why I came here, to show it to you. To say thank you. I'm not an asshole.

asshole

↓

- You drove here with a bow on it? - No, I put it on after I parked.

drove parked

↓

I don't understand.

↓

You got yourself a gift to prove that you're not an asshole?

asshole gift prove

↓

Right.

↓

Sorry. Hello.

↓

This is Eshwar Singh, the CTO of Intersite.

↓

What the fuck are you doing? You're deleting all my data.

data fuck

↓

What the hell? What the hell?

↓

- Fuck, I'm locked out of the system. - So am I.

fuck locked system

↓

- We all are. - It's just deleting everything.

↓

You motherfuckers!

motherfuckers

↓

It's fucking Seth. Gilfoyle, you said you had this.

fucking seth

↓

I thought I did. I don't... This is fucking impossible!

fucking impossible

↓

You guys are killing me. I'm losing hundreds of hours of content.

content hours hundreds killing losing

↓

Yeah, well, we got hacked. So, pull the plug. Shut it down on your end.

hacked plug pull

↓

I can't. The disk is spinning at 100% and I don't have access.

access disk spinning

↓

Now it's basically a fucking fork bomb, and you locked me out of my own system.

bomb fork fucking locked system

↓

Okay, Carla, shut it down.

carla

↓

None of the system shortcuts are responding.

responding system

↓

Can't even SIGKILL the transfer.

transfer

↓

It's like all of our keyboards are locked.

locked

↓

Okay, fucking... Eshwar, I can't really problem solve this

fucking problem solve

↓

and talk to you on the phone at the same time, so...

phone

↓

Don't you dare fucking hang up on...

dare fucking hang

↓

How the fuck did Seth do this?

fuck seth

↓

Well, you said he was harmless.

harmless

↓

Obviously I was wrong. He must be inside as root.

must obviously root

↓

It's like he's right here in this house melting us down.

house melting

↓

Can you guys just shut the fuck up? I'm trying to sleep.

fuck sleep

↓

Why the fuck would you smoke immediately after an anti-smoking pitch?

anti fuck immediately pitch smoke smoking

↓

- Why would you do that? Why? - It's a special occasion.

occasion special

↓

Go to your room! Fuck!

fuck room

↓

My keyboard isn't hooked up to anything...

hooked keyboard

↓

Seth is single-handedly fucking the future of this company

company fucking future seth single

↓

and there's nothing we can do about it!

↓

Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop.

↓

It just stopped deleting.

stopped

↓

Hey, guys.

↓

I think it's this.

↓

- What the fuck? - It's happening again.

fuck

↓

- No, no, no! Stop doing that! - Take it off! Take it off!

↓

Huh.

↓

The Tres Comas bottle was on the delete key. It was...

bottle delete

↓

The corner of it.

corner

↓

It was just... it just got on there.

↓

That's not great, but...

↓

Good now. Here you go.

↓

I'm gonna...

↓

I gotta go.

↓

Did we delete over 9,000 hours of your premium content?

content delete hours premium

↓

Yes, we did.

↓

And that is bad, certainly.

certainly

↓

But the way we did it.

↓

See, our compression is so incredibly powerful

incredibly powerful

↓

that we were able to delete all those files

able delete files

↓

at a rate that until now was unthinkable.

rate

↓

If we're considering just raw speed.

considering speed

↓

So, uh, just bear in mind,

bear mind

↓

you know, when making your final decision,

decision final

↓

had EndFrame accidentally put a tequila bottle on their delete key,

accidentally bottle delete tequila

↓

I guarantee, they would have struggled to delete half the amount of files that we did.

amount delete files guarantee half

↓

At best.

best

↓

Or worst. I could also...

worst

↓

I could... I...

↓

- Ended up being the worst. - Worst.

ended worst

↓

- Definitely. - Yeah.

↓

But you know what? Um...

↓

I...

↓

I'm actually glad that we came here today, all of us,

glad today

↓

because this is good.

↓

Because now more than ever, in these times,

times

↓

meeting face-to-face...

face meeting

↓

Get out.

↓

- All of us or just... - Now. All of you.

↓

Okay.

↓

Thank you for your time.

↓

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that

mention

↓

your sites are some of my primary destinations...

primary sites

↓

- Out. - Okay.