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Home » Silicon Valley » S01E03 — Articles of Incorporation

Silicon Valley

Season 1, Episode 3 — Articles of Incorporation

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Silicon Valley

Episode title: Articles of Incorporation

Air date: April 20, 2014

Director: Tricia Brock

Top billed cast: Thomas Middleditch, T.J. Miller, Zach Woods, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Amanda Crew

While Gavin Belson begins to hype Nucleus, a competing compression platform, Richard learns that the name Pied Piper is already registered to a sprinkler company, forcing him to negotiate. Meanwhile, Erlich goes on a vision quest for a new company name, and Peter Gregory proves elusive when one of his companies asks for money.

Source: TMDB

↓

The greatness of human accomplishment

accomplishment greatness human

↓

has always been measured by size.

size

↓

The bigger, the better.

bigger

↓

Until now.

↓

Nanotech.

↓

Smart cars.

cars smart

↓

Small is the new big.

↓

In the coming months, Hooli will deliver Nucleus,

coming deliver months

↓

the most sophisticated compression software platform the world has ever seen.

platform seen software sophisticated world

↓

Because if we can make your audio and video files smaller,

audio files smaller video

↓

we can make cancer smaller. And hunger. And AIDS.

aids cancer hunger smaller

↓

What an asshole.

asshole

↓

Why would he announce it so far ahead of the actual rollout?

actual ahead announce

↓

No one does that.

↓

He's got to be doing it just to fuck with us, right?

fuck

↓

I actually think we're okay. The player I gave them

player

↓

was from a retired repository that was audio only.

audio retired

↓

Video compression is a completely different paradigm.

completely video

↓

What they have is like Pied Piper, but not as good.

piper

↓

- People will see that. - Not if they get to market before us.

market

↓

Inferior products win out all the time.

products

↓

Like Jesus over Satan.

jesus satan

↓

I was going to say VHS over Beta.

beta

↓

Okay, well, actually this is a superior product, right here.

product superior

↓

Is it a margarita machine?

machine margarita

↓

It's better.

↓

My first official purchase as CEO of Pied Piper.

official piper purchase

↓

That's not really our logo is it?

↓

It looks like a guy sucking a dick

dick sucking

↓

and he's got another dick tucked behind his ear for later.

another behind dick tucked

↓

- Like a snack dick. It does. - No, it's a Pied Piper...

dick piper snack

↓

Here, put them on. Gilfoyle, come on.

↓

I don't want it.

↓

Jared, I bought these t-shirts with my credit card

bought card credit credit-card jared shirts

↓

but I think I'm close to being maxed out, so...

close

↓

Yeah, we may have a little problem there.

problem

↓

Peter Gregory's check. So?

check peter

↓

So, it's made out to "Pied Piper incorporated,"

incorporated piper

↓

I checked with the secretary of state website,

checked secretary state website

↓

and there's already a Pied Piper operating in California.

california operating piper

↓

So we need to change our name.

change name

↓

- Thank God! - Praise the dark lord, that's great news.

dark lord news praise

↓

No, it's not great news. We love the name Pied Piper.

love name news piper

↓

It's a classic fairy tale.

classic fairy fairy-tale tale

↓

Well, I looked it up.

looked

↓

It's about a predatory flutist who murders children in a cave.

cave children murders

↓

It has all of that going for it, Richard, and I still hate it.

hate richard

↓

Richard, if we are going to change the name, we need to do it now.

change name richard

↓

Names stick. My name's only Jared because Gavin called me that on my first day.

called jared names stick

↓

My real name is Donald.

donald name real real-name

↓

But, Jared, we already bought the T-shirts.

bought jared shirts

↓

I can't take these back. It was an online order.

online order

↓

What is that atrocity?

↓

What are we, an Irish pornography company?

company irish pornography

↓

I thought we were gonna replace the name "Pied Piper."

name piper replace

↓

I thought it was a place holder.

holder place

↓

"Placeholder" would honestly be a better name than Pied Piper.

name piper

↓

Richard, I've actually been holding off telling people I'm the co-founder

founder holding richard telling

↓

of "Pied Piper" because frankly, it's a little embarrassing.

embarrassing frankly piper

↓

Well, just to remind you, you are not the co-founder.

founder remind

↓

So please don't tell anyone.

↓

Richard, take Aviato. That's not a name I found, it's a name that found me

found name richard

↓

on a vision quest.

quest vision

↓

Something that you should do.

↓

No, no. I'm not gonna eat a bunch of drugs and sit out in the desert,

bunch desert drugs

↓

and hope some name randomly pops in my head.

head hope name pops

↓

Well, then I question your leadership.

leadership question

↓

Richard, a name defines a company.

company defines name richard

↓

It has to be something primal, something that you can scream out during intercourse.

primal scream

↓

Like Aviato.

↓

Uber!

uber

↓

Google!

google

↓

Hulu!

hulu

↓

Exactly, right. Pied Piper!

piper

↓

I'm so sorry. Your voice doesn't really reach that register when you ejaculate, does it?

reach register voice

↓

No, it's just, everyone was doing it, I was just chiming in.

chiming

↓

You guys, we can't change our name.

change name

↓

I can't go into Peter Gregory's office with a new name,

name office peter

↓

and ask him to cut me a new check.

check

↓

I mean, he's pulled funding from companies for a lot less.

companies funding less pulled

↓

The Pied Piper name and trademark

name piper

↓

are registered to a sprinkler company in Gilroy.

company registered

↓

I guess you could head out there and talk to them.

head

↓

- But they may refuse... - Okay. No, no, no. I'll negotiate with them.

refuse

↓

No offense, Richard, but you're not a strong negotiator.

offense richard strong

↓

- I'm a great negotiator, Dinesh. - You're a terrible negotiator.

↓

I'm a decent negotiator.

decent

↓

Just, so...

↓

Oh, Peter, you're here...

peter

↓

We were supposed to meet 40 minutes ago with the guys from Astraphile

meet minutes supposed

↓

about the emergency capital injection.

capital emergency injection

↓

As we discussed, our North Carolina plant went sideways.

carolina discussed north plant sideways

↓

So we need 15 million now or we'll have to shut down.

million

↓

Have any of you ever eaten at Burger King?

burger eaten king

↓

Yes...

↓

Why?

↓

Well, I was just driven past one.

driven past

↓

And while I know their market cap is $7 billion plus,

billion market plus

↓

I realize I am unfamiliar with their offerings.

realize

↓

Okay, fine.

↓

But what does that have to do...

↓

Is it popular among your peers?

among peers popular

↓

Is it enjoyed?

enjoyed

↓

- People seem to like it. - Yeah, it's okay.

↓

And their selection consists solely of these burgers,

burgers consists selection solely

↓

of which they are presumably king?

king

↓

They have other things. Chicken, fish.

chicken fish

↓

I'm sorry. What are we doing here?

↓

Here is what we will do.

↓

Monica, have one of the assistants go to the nearest Burger King location

assistants burger king location nearest

↓

and purchase one of everything.

purchase

↓

Hey, Dinesh. Dinesh.

↓

I'm on the phone with the bank and they say they need an extra form for your payroll,

bank extra form payroll phone

↓

because of your visa?

↓

Visa? What visa?

↓

I'm a fucking US citizen.

citizen fucking

↓

I have Dinesh Chugtai here, and he's pretty irate because...

↓

Oh, I see...

↓

Bertram Gilfoyle is the foreign national.

foreign national

↓

Citizen of Canada.

canada citizen

↓

Okay, thank you.

↓

You're Canadian?

canadian

↓

Your borders are merely a construct.

borders merely

↓

I prefer to think of myself as a citizen of the world.

citizen prefer world

↓

Do you mind just sending them the form so they know you're here legally?

form legally mind sending

↓

Yes, I mind.

mind

↓

And also I may not be.

↓

To wit, maybe you could make out my checks to cash?

cash checks

↓

Or bitcoin.

↓

I didn't know I was working with an illegal.

illegal working

↓

The irony.

irony

↓

Well, sometimes we do center pivot,

center pivot sometimes

↓

but mainly we do lineal like you see out there.

↓

What is it your business does again?

business

↓

Something to do with algebra?

algebra

↓

Algorithm, actually.

algorithm

↓

It's for compression.

↓

Ultimately what we're trying to do is...

ultimately

↓

You remind me of my son.

remind

↓

He's got Asperger's, too.

↓

Oh, no, I don't...

↓

Probably all those pesticides they put on the crops.

crops

↓

Well, whatever it is your business does,

business

↓

I don't think it's going to interfere with my irrigation company here.

company interfere

↓

I'm thinking about getting in another line of work anyway.

another line thinking

↓

All these foreigners coming over here,

coming foreigners

↓

putting pieces of shit like that all over the good farmland around here.

pieces putting

↓

All so people can sit around, stare at their phones all day.

phones stare

↓

Nobody jerks off to magazines anymore.

anymore jerks magazines nobody

↓

Well, actually, that is a server farm.

farm server

↓

What we do, compression,

↓

would mean fewer of those, because we'd save a lot of memory space.

fewer memory save space

↓

- Really? - Yeah.

↓

Well, I'm all for that, believe me.

believe

↓

I'll tell you what.

↓

You can have the name for $1,000.

name

↓

How's that sound?

sound

↓

That sounds great! Yeah, cool.

cool sounds

↓

Oh, tremors, too?

↓

Just like my boy.

↓

Yeah.

↓

Go for Erlich.

↓

This is Richard Hendricks, CEO of Pied Piper.

piper richard

↓

That's right. You guys said I was a bad negotiator, but I closed it!

closed

↓

We got a name. Tell everyone you know.

name

↓

Oh, all right.

↓

You don't sound that impressed.

impressed sound

↓

No, no, lam.

↓

I just...

↓

Now we're Pied Piper. So, later.

piper

↓

Here you go.

↓

You must drink a lot of margaritas?

drink margaritas must

↓

We will now. I have a startup that just got funded

↓

so this is just kind of a gift for my guys to celebrate.

celebrate gift

↓

Good luck with that.

luck

↓

You'll need it, too, when this town kicks you in the balls.

balls kicks town

↓

- Okay. Sure. - Let me get the door for you.

door

↓

I had three startups, myself,

three

↓

and I couldn't get those Sand Hill Road morons to fund any of them.

fund hill morons road sand

↓

Cowards. My last company was genius.

company cowards genius

↓

Have you ever been lost in a parking lot before?

lost parking

↓

See, what my app would do is use existing AVL technology, right?

existing technology

↓

So you would just type in the VIN number. And if your car didn't have AVL capabilities

capabilities number type

↓

you would just type in whatever section of the parking lot you were in,

parking section type

↓

like P3, or ground seven.

ground seven

↓

So you just, you just write down what section of the parking lot you're in?

parking section write

↓

Why do you need an app for that?

↓

So you can remember where you parked.

parked remember

↓

Right, but why don't you just write it down on a piece of paper?

paper piece write

↓

Well, yeah. But this is for your phone.

phone

↓

Okay, so it's just sorta like Notepad?

sorta

↓

- Exactly! See? You get it. - Yeah. I get it.

↓

- Why can't all those fucking VCs? - I don't know.

fucking

↓

Pussies, man.

pussies

↓

Oh, there we go, thanks.

thanks

↓

This is which one?

↓

The BK Double Stacker.

double

↓

Fascinating...

fascinating

↓

Peter, I know that you are incredibly busy with... This.

busy incredibly peter

↓

But I made a personal promise to the Astraphile guys

personal promise

↓

that none of their employees would lose their job, which will happen at midnight to...

employees happen lose midnight

↓

Do you see this?

↓

The Junior Whopper?

junior

↓

No, not the sandwich.

sandwich

↓

This seed atop the breading.

atop seed

↓

Those are sesame seeds.

seeds sesame

↓

A high number of these breadings have sesame seeds on them.

number seeds sesame

↓

Billions of breadings.

billions

↓

Sesame seeds.

seeds sesame

↓

They only grow in certain microclimates.

certain grow

↓

Peter, I know you don't want to cause

peter

↓

173 people in North Carolina...

carolina north

↓

Cicadas.

↓

- Gentlemen! - Hey!

gentlemen

↓

It's our own personal Herb Cohen!

herb personal

↓

- Who? - Herb Cohen.

herb

↓

He's a famous negotiator. Wrote a bunch of textbooks.

bunch famous textbooks wrote

↓

- No? - What?

↓

- Have you seen the blogs? - No.

seen

↓

Erlich went HAM on all the tech sites.

sites tech

↓

He had TechCrunch, Recode, and PandoDaily.

↓

Listen to what Kara Swisher says,

↓

"'individually, ' says Erlich Bachman, 'We are formidable.

formidable individually

↓

"But when you combine our portfolios,

combine

↓

"Peter Gregory and I account for billions of dollars in assets.

account assets billions dollars gregory peter

↓

"We at Pied Piper look forward to giving Gavin Belson

forward giving piper

↓

"and the donkeys at Nucleus a run for their money."'

donkeys money

↓

What a dick.

dick

↓

It's the guy with the name.

name

↓

Hello, Arnold.

arnold

↓

Cut the shit.

↓

I just read Recode.net.

read

↓

You read Recode?

read

↓

I do when my customers tell me

customers

↓

the name of my company's all over the Internet.

companys internet name

↓

But you'd probably think I'm just out here shitting in a hole and wiping with my hand.

hand hole shitting wiping

↓

No, no, no, I don't think you do that.

↓

Do people think you do that? Do you do that?

↓

No, no, no!

↓

I'm not falling for that phony, mumbley-mouth,

falling mouth phony

↓

googly-eyed routine again.

eyed routine

↓

If you're this tech billionaire,

billionaire tech

↓

why did I give you the name Pied Piper for next to nothing?

name piper

↓

You played me.

played

↓

You want the name, it's going to cost you $250,000.

cost name

↓

Okay, I think you just need to talk to the guy who said all that.

↓

And he can clear it up for you.

clear

↓

- Where's Erlich? - He's outside with the intern.

intern

↓

- What intern? - You got interns?

intern interns

↓

We might as well have interns, we hire illegal aliens.

aliens hire illegal interns might

↓

- What? - No, no. We don't have either of those things.

↓

I'll tell you what, asshole,

asshole

↓

you use the name Pied Piper again, I'm going to call my lawyer

lawyer name piper

↓

and we're gonna sue the shit out of you.

↓

- Fucking billionaires. - Arnold? Arnold, hello?

arnold fucking

↓

- That sounded sub-optimal. - Yeah, it was.

sounded

↓

Hey, Jared, you know who else is Canadian? Justin Bieber, the Hitler of music.

canadian hitler jared justin music

↓

Do you have a problem with me being Canadian?

canadian problem

↓

I do, actually.

↓

Do you have any idea how long it took me to become a citizen?

become citizen idea

↓

Did it take you a long time?

↓

I'm glad I didn't do it then.

glad

↓

Typical lazy immigrant.

immigrant lazy typical

↓

These people think they can just walk into this country...

country walk

↓

I did just walk into this country.

country walk

↓

My car broke down on the Ambassador Bridge.

bridge broke

↓

It took me an extra 15 minutes to get across the border. Major hassle.

border extra hassle major minutes

↓

You know, Hitler actually played the bassoon.

hitler played

↓

So, technically, Hitler was the Hitler of music.

hitler music technically

↓

I don't understand. I thought you closed the name.

closed name

↓

Well, I guess it's still a little ajar, I don't know.

↓

Who am I, Herb Cohen?

herb

↓

- I don't know who that is. - Neither do I.

↓

That's a... That's a Jared thing.

jared

↓

Hey! Make sure to clean off all the gunk off the front bumper, okay.

clean front gunk

↓

And since when do we have an intern program?

intern program

↓

We don't. And when Keith finds that out,

finds keith

↓

it's gonna be a valuable business lesson for him.

business lesson valuable

↓

What? Those are the Pied Piper shirts!

piper shirts

↓

- Are you Richard? - Yeah. Yes.

richard

↓

Okay, look, I fucked up. What do we do now?

fucked

↓

Who's "we"?

↓

This morning you rudely reminded me

morning reminded

↓

that I wasn't a founder of this company and now

company founder

↓

you want me to hold your hand and help you out?

hand

↓

I don't think so, sister.

sister

↓

This credit card is no good.

card credit credit-card

↓

Declined.

declined

↓

Great. Great.

↓

That stupid margarita machine maxed me out.

machine margarita stupid

↓

So now the CEO of Pied Piper can't even afford to buy lunch.

afford lunch piper

↓

Yeah, I don't think we can use that name anymore.

anymore name

↓

Dude! Dude, hey. I owe you a big apology, man.

apology

↓

I had no idea who you were before and I read all this coverage

coverage idea read

↓

about your company online, and I was like, "Hey, Pied Piper!"

company online piper

↓

"I met this dude! He came into the store"

store

↓

"and told me my parking app was fucking awesome!"

awesome fucking parking

↓

I did?

↓

Yeah, so my mom was like, "Wow, really?"

↓

"You should really pursue it!"

pursue

↓

And I was like, "Yeah, I should."

↓

The parking app?

parking

↓

So she decides to get a reverse mortgage on her home

decides home mortgage reverse

↓

and write me a check.

check write

↓

- Ooh... - So I'm funded!

↓

Because of you, man.

↓

I was this close to giving up, and now you gave me my dream back, man!

close dream giving

↓

- But“ - Oh, hey, Ron!

↓

You see this guy? This billionaire here?

billionaire

↓

He's the reason why I'm quitting!

quitting reason

↓

- Jamie, no... - Well, you've helped me so much,

helped jamie

↓

what can I do for you?

↓

Well, I need to return this machine because I'm broke, and I need money for food.

broke food machine money return

↓

Just a quick question.

question quick quick-question

↓

Is this gonna be a cash return, or does it credit back to the card?

card cash credit return

↓

All right, what about "Smaller," spelled "S-M-L-L-R"?

smaller spelled

↓

You know, because we make things smaller,

smaller

↓

and this would be like a smaller version of the word "smaller."

smaller version word

↓

- It looks like "smeller." - Okay.

↓

What if we spell it...

spell

↓

"S-M-L-R?"

↓

Because that's an even smaller version of the word "smaller."

smaller version word

↓

Then it looks like Smiler.

↓

We're not gonna kick the shit out of Nucleus with Smiler.

kick

↓

Where's Richard? Why isn't he in here for this?

richard

↓

I think he was out back, wishing he'd taken the $10 million.

million taken wishing

↓

No, I just saw him in his room, wishing he had taken the $10 million.

million room taken wishing

↓

You know Smiler is also something that guys call women's assholes.

assholes womens

↓

Richard, why aren't you in there, coming up with new names?

coming names richard

↓

I don't want a new name. I want Pied Piper.

name piper

↓

But, apparently, I can't have that.

apparently

↓

So now I have to come up with a new name

name

↓

and take that to Peter Gregory and ask for a new check.

check gregory peter

↓

He's gonna pull our funding, Gavin Belson's going to crush us,

crush funding pull

↓

and we will be ruined because I have no idea what I'm doing.

idea ruined

↓

Neither did Zuckerberg when he was running Facebook at 19.

facebook running

↓

You think he had any real-world business experience? No. None.

business experience real world

↓

But he was such a tough negotiator that now all of his friends are suing him.

friends suing tough

↓

How awesome is that? And Steve Jobs?

awesome jobs steve

↓

He took a shit-ton of hallucinogens.

↓

What a coincidence. Maybe something that you could actually do.

coincidence

↓

I'm not going on some fucking vision quest.

fucking quest vision

↓

Okay, let me get this straight, you would rather do nothing than something?

straight

↓

Because all the guys in the other room

room

↓

coming up with shitty names like, Smallulator, are at least doing something.

coming least names shitty

↓

Fine. I'll just do it myself.

↓

I'll be back in 24 to 72 hours.

hours

↓

Have a cold pitcher of water and some orange slices ready for me.

cold orange ready slices water

↓

You know what, I'm really gonna go for this motherfucker

motherfucker

↓

so you better have some grapefruit ready, too.

grapefruit ready

↓

I'm gonna come back with a name so amazing that Peter Gregory will write us 10 checks.

amazing checks gregory name peter write

↓

What about, Dwarfism 2.0?

↓

Where's Dwarfism 1.0?

↓

Just in the world.

world

↓

Oh.

↓

That's prejudice.

↓

- That's hurtful. - I'm sorry.

hurtful

↓

Small, come back now, you hear?

↓

Interesting.

interesting

↓

Hey! That is not Cherry Garcia.

cherry

↓

Sorry, Gilfoyle. Company business.

business company

↓

And who's hiding drugs? Shocker, it's the illegal immigrant.

drugs hiding illegal immigrant shocker

↓

What about Mine-imize, like minimize but mine.

↓

Yeah.

↓

Hello, Mr. Garris.

↓

Yes, this is Richard from the company that is rightly called Pied Piper.

called company piper richard

↓

That's right.

↓

No, no, no. You listen to me. Okay. We had a handshake deal.

deal handshake

↓

And that may not mean a lot to you, but where I'm from, that means a whole lot.

whole

↓

Okay, you agreed to sell me that name for $1,000.

agreed name sell

↓

So let me ask you this? Are you an honest man or are you a goddamn liar?

goddamn honest liar

↓

Okay. Yes, same address?

address

↓

Good, yeah, great. See you then.

↓

Dude, that was fucking badass. What did he say?

badass fucking

↓

He said he was gonna get in his truck,

truck

↓

drive down here and beat the living shit out of me.

beat drive living

↓

Why did you say that was your address?

address

↓

- Say any other address. - I don't know.

address

↓

He's got a very powerful voice.

powerful voice

↓

What are we gonna do?

↓

If you keep screaming your name,

name screaming

↓

it forces the assailant to acknowledge you as a human.

acknowledge forces human

↓

It is now 5:35 PM and I have ingested the psilocybin.

↓

I have started the countdown timer

countdown started timer

↓

and I will be reaching Sonora and Nirvana in approximately...

approximately reaching

↓

Oh, fuck.

fuck

↓

Oh, shit.

↓

He's here, that's him.

↓

He came.

↓

- Should I call 911? - No, that's a pussy move.

pussy

↓

Yeah, it's a pussy move.

pussy

↓

Just shush.

shush

↓

Stay here until he goes away, please.

↓

I'm looking for Pied Piper.

looking piper

↓

You know where it is?

↓

This is Pied Piper.

piper

↓

No, no, no. It's a company.

company

↓

Like a big, big office.

office

↓

Do you know where that is?

↓

Yeah, it's... Here. Pied Piper.

piper

↓

No...

↓

Hi, Arnold.

arnold

↓

I'm Richard. I'm Richard. I'm Richard.

richard

↓

- Donald. I'm Donald. - Richard. Richard...

donald richard

↓

- Jared. I'm Jared. - Richard, Richard, Richard.

jared richard

↓

- Gilfoyle. Gilfoyle. - My name is Richard.

name richard

↓

- Jared, Jared. - Richard, Richard.

jared richard

↓

- Gilfoyle, Gilfoyle. - Jing Yang. Jing Yang. Jing Yang.

jing yang

↓

SysBit Digital Solutions.

digital solutions

↓

Integrating Open Data Spaces.

data open spaces

↓

Yeah.

↓

TechBitData Solution Systems.

solution systems

↓

Creating unique cross platform technologies.

creating cross platform unique

↓

Technologies.

↓

Technolo-Jesus.

jesus

↓

Oh, fuck!

fuck

↓

So this is Pied Piper?

piper

↓

This is a billion dollar company?

billion billion-dollar company dollar

↓

Not even close. Not yet.

close

↓

You pack a lot of guys in here.

pack

↓

It reminds me when I started Pied Piper in my garage.

garage piper reminds started

↓

I kind of miss those days.

days miss

↓

Oh, yeah?

↓

I'll tell you what.

↓

$5,000 and the name is yours.

name

↓

Well, the thing is we agreed on $1,000.

agreed

↓

Fine, $4,000.

↓

Look, that's not the deal.

deal

↓

- We shook on it. - $2,000. Final offer.

final offer shook

↓

We could do two. That's reasonable.

reasonable

↓

No, we can't do two, Jared. It's not reasonable at all.

jared reasonable

↓

Look, we shook hands on $1,000. That's the deal.

deal hands shook

↓

Okay. $1,000.

↓

But you gotta throw in some gas money.

money throw

↓

- I drove all the way out here. - To come to kick my ass!

drove kick

↓

Okay, you know what?

↓

$500! That's the deal. $500.

deal

↓

- Fuck this. - No, no, no, no.

fuck

↓

We don't have to... We can keep it at the original $1,000.

original

↓

So, let's...

↓

- Okay, you got a deal. - All right. Cool.

cool deal

↓

We got a name!

name

↓

InfoTrode...

↓

Cloud-based, disruptive platforms.

based cloud

↓

Disrupting the cloud through...

cloud

↓

I said cloud twice, shit.

cloud twice

↓

Making the world a better place

place world

↓

through cross-platform business facing cloud...

business cloud cross facing platform

↓

There's that... Shit! There's that cloud again!

cloud

↓

Info-trode, info-trode? What the fuck is info-trode?

fuck info

↓

What is that? It's all just fucking meaningless words!

fucking meaningless words

↓

Okay. No, no, no...

↓

Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place.

place world

↓

Good-bye.

↓

Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place.

place world

↓

Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place.

place world

↓

- Making the world a better place. - Sir?

place world

↓

Are you okay in there?

↓

- Making the world a better place. - He's been in there all night.

night place world

↓

I should call the sheriff.

sheriff

↓

Making the world a better place.

place world

↓

No, I... Hey, I told you he's going to handle it!

handle

↓

- Mr. Gregory, this is ridiculous. - Sir...

gregory ridiculous

↓

Mr. Gregory, we need an answer and we need it now!

answer gregory

↓

- Yes? - We need money. Now.

money

↓

And I'm sure that Burger King and sesame seeds

burger king seeds sesame

↓

and whatever else you've been mumbling about in here

mumbling

↓

all seem lovely to think about...

lovely

↓

Myanmar and Brazil.

brazil

↓

No, no! No more of this!

↓

Okay, are we getting the money or not?

money

↓

Will you please tell us what the hell is going on?

↓

Amusing coincidence that two of the three countries

amusing coincidence countries three

↓

that provide the world's sesame seeds have such large cicada populations, no?

provide seeds sesame worlds

↓

The cicadas of Myanmar emerge every 13 years,

years

↓

while the Brazilian cicadas emerge every 17.

↓

Next year they will hatch, simultaneously,

hatch simultaneously

↓

for the first time in 221 years.

years

↓

Crops from both countries will be decimated.

countries crops

↓

Unlike Myanmar and Brazil, Indonesia has no cicada population.

brazil population unlike

↓

I was surprised to see Indonesian sesame seed futures priced so low.

futures seed sesame surprised

↓

I made a purchase.

purchase

↓

And now, if the shortage spikes the global price

global price

↓

even 10% we'll profit...

profit

↓

- Evan? - $68 million.

evan million

↓

If you wish, I could tap that projected revenue and make you

wish

↓

a bridge loan of $15 million, gentlemen.

bridge gentlemen loan million

↓

Unless you need more?

↓

No, that's... Thank you. Thank you, holy shit.

holy

↓

Yes? Happy?

happy

↓

See? I told you he was taking care of it.

care

↓

And now, would anyone like some BK?

↓

Evan was kind enough to go out and get breakfast.

breakfast evan

↓

It's just sitting here.

sitting

↓

- Actually, we'd... I'd love some. - Thank you so much.

love

↓

Is there cumin in this barbecue sauce?

barbecue barbecue-sauce sauce

↓

- I will definitely find out. - Please do.

↓

Gentlemen, we just got back from the bank.

bank gentlemen

↓

Our first deposit slip.

deposit slip

↓

We are officially Pied Piper.

officially piper

↓

And I am officially legal.

legal officially

↓

Dinesh wouldn't shut the hell up, so we finally went to the visa office.

finally office

↓

Took me five minutes.

five five-minutes minutes

↓

Took me five years. They asked me about Al-Qaeda, like, 14 times.

asked five five-years times years

↓

He literally got it while I was still looking for parking.

looking parking

↓

- Hello. - Is this Pied Piper?

piper

↓

It is now, but we're not taking any follow-on investors at this point.

follow investors point

↓

Investors? No, this is Kelsey from the Arco station out on 108.

investors station

↓

Someone smeared your name and number in shit on my bathroom wall.

bathroom name number wall

↓

- I think you may have the wrong number... - Richie.

number richie

↓

Oh, hey, guys.

↓

Hi. Who is this?

↓

You're not gonna believe this, but this is me.

believe

↓

Time is a sphere and I've been reincarnated during the same time period in which I exist.

exist period

↓

Yes, but where did he come from?

↓

From the future, obviously.

future obviously

↓

Also, from a parking lot at a gas station in Sonora.

parking station

↓

He ate the whole bag of gold caps.

caps gold whole

↓

Awesome!

awesome

↓

Erlich...

↓

So, should I call the cops now before anyone else does?

cops

↓

I just got an Amber Alert for Rogilio Núñez.

alert amber

↓

Yeah, okay.