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Home » Silicon Valley » S01E02 — The Cap Table

Silicon Valley

Season 1, Episode 2 — The Cap Table

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Silicon Valley

Episode title: The Cap Table

Air date: April 13, 2014

Director: Mike Judge

Top billed cast: Thomas Middleditch, T.J. Miller, Zach Woods, Kumail Nanjiani, Martin Starr, Amanda Crew

After a celebratory party at the Hacker Hostel, Richard and Erlich learn that Peter Gregory won't pay up until they deliver a viable business plan that includes a slimmed-downed staff. A desperate Richard hires former Belson underling Jared, and they set about trying to trim the fat. While Gilfoyle and Dinesh prove essential, Big Head's place in the company is less certain.

Source: TMDB

↓

Holy shit.

holy

↓

What the fuck is that?

fuck

↓

Uh, that is Jared Dunn.

jared

↓

He works for Gavin Belson.

works

↓

Hey. Sorry if I scared you.

scared

↓

I know I have somewhat ghost-like features.

features ghost somewhat

↓

My uncle used to say, "You look like someone starved a virgin to death."

death starved uncle used virgin

↓

It's... Yeah. I can see it.

↓

- Mmm. - Mmm-hmm.

↓

I heard you were having a launch party.

having heard launch party

↓

- Yeah. - Am I early?

early

↓

No.

↓

Well, then a gift of congratulations.

congratulations gift

↓

Now if Gavin sent you here,

sent

↓

you should know that I've turned him down.

turned

↓

I'm going with Peter Gregory.

gregory peter

↓

I'm actually picking up my check tomorrow.

check picking tomorrow

↓

So I've made my decision.

decision

↓

That's not why I'm here. It's just...

↓

Watching you say no to $10 million to build your own thing,

build million watching

↓

there's just something very exciting about that.

exciting

↓

Whoa. Whoa, whoa! What is he doing here?

whoa

↓

Hey, this is a private party, buddy. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

buddy party private

↓

- Oh, I didn't mean to... - You know, in the state of California

california state

↓

you can kill a man for entering your house without permission.

entering house kill permission

↓

Okay. I understand. Thank you.

↓

Oh.

↓

Richard, I just wanna say, I really respect what you're doing here.

respect richard

↓

And if you could ever use someone with my business-development skill set,

business development skill

↓

- I would love to be a part of this. - The fuck you will be.

fuck love part

↓

We'll call you when we want pleated khakis.

↓

You know this is a fucking domestic?

domestic fucking

↓

Why were you so mean to him?

↓

He wasn't spying on us. He just said he likes us.

likes spying

↓

- He wants to join the company. - Of course he does, Richard.

company course join richard wants

↓

Let me explain something to you.

explain

↓

Your whole life you've been an ugly chick,

chick life ugly whole whole-life

↓

but now suddenly you're a hot chick,

chick suddenly

↓

with big tits and small nipples.

nipples tits

↓

So guys like that are gonna keep coming around.

coming

↓

Don't be a slut, Richard.

richard slut

↓

I don't...

↓

Now speaking of such things,

speaking

↓

Dinesh, change the lighting to something erotic

change erotic lighting

↓

because it's about to get pretty fucking erotic in here.

erotic fucking

↓

License to Kill-9. IBAction-dot-Erotica.

kill license

↓

What... What's going on?

↓

- What's happening? - Gentlemen, I present to you

gentlemen present

↓

Mochacino.

↓

Not this guy.

↓

Mochacino.

↓

She's my gift to you.

gift

↓

You wanna smoke weed?

smoke smoke-weed weed

↓

Um...

↓

Hey.

↓

Can somebody play something with a beat, please?

beat somebody

↓

I'll go make a playlist.

playlist

↓

Yeah. I actually have some water cooking, I think.

cooking water

↓

Yeah, I don't pay for it, so

↓

barking up the wrong tree here.

barking tree

↓

God, I hate Palo Alto.

hate

↓

Hello again.

↓

You know, I don't actually have a ton of dance music,

dance dance-music music

↓

but I turned the bass way up.

bass turned

↓

Baby,

baby

↓

you're getting a private show.

private

↓

Hey-

↓

What the fuck?

fuck

↓

Okay. There's the butt time.

butt

↓

Should we have left him in there by himself?

left

↓

Should we go back in there?

↓

No interest. I entice the flesh, I don't pay for it.

flesh interest

↓

Plus, Tara's coming into town in a couple of weeks.

coming couple plus town weeks

↓

I'm saving up all my humors for her.

saving

↓

You know what I mean?

↓

- What's your excuse? - I didn't even shake

excuse shake

↓

a woman's hand until I was 17 years old.

hand womans years

↓

The idea of getting an erection around men I live and work with,

erection idea live

↓

it's just not something I can handle.

handle

↓

The idea that I have a boner and you have a boner

boner idea

↓

and he has a boner and we're all sitting there

boner sitting

↓

with boners in our pants...

boners pants

↓

I wonder if he's okay in there.

wonder

↓

So what do you guys do here?

↓

Oh, we're mostly working on a lossless compression algorithm.

algorithm mostly working

↓

- A what? - It makes files smaller.

files makes smaller

↓

Doesn't matter. It's called Pied Piper.

called matter piper

↓

It's gonna be famous. You'll know it, eventually.

eventually famous

↓

Who was this woman that you shook hands with for the first time?

hands shook woman

↓

The postman lady.

lady

↓

- What? - A woman that was a man?

woman

↓

Not a post-man lady.

lady post

↓

- A lady who was a post... - Let me ask you another question.

another lady post question

↓

Who was the second woman you shook hands with?

hands second shook woman

↓

I didn't even know you were coming.

coming

↓

- Stop. Doug! - Oh, boy.

doug

↓

- Stop. - I'm the one...

↓

Someone is paying me. Okay? I didn't come

paying

↓

just to dance on your boner all night for free.

boner dance free night

↓

I was not erect. That was... I was only being polite.

erect polite

↓

So you were being polite when you said that you loved me?

loved polite

↓

First off, I said you seemed like someone I could fall in love with.

fall love seemed

↓

And, yes, also politeness.

↓

Richie, pay the lady.

lady richie

↓

What? Why should I pay her?

↓

I didn't hire her. I didn't even get a lap dance.

dance hire

↓

This is a company party and you're the CEO, so pony up.

company party pony

↓

No. If anyone should pay her, it should be you.

↓

Doug, help the CEO find his money.

doug money

↓

No. No, no. We don't need help.

↓

I know where it is. It's here.

↓

- It's all here. Mmm-hmm.

↓

I don't know... Do you accept AMEX?

accept

↓

- You damn right I do. - Put 100 on there for yourself, Mocha.

mocha

↓

Oh. Well, that's an expensive boner.

boner expensive

↓

Not a boner.

boner

↓

Thanks for coming in, guys.

coming thanks

↓

We have a lot to do, so let's get started.

started

↓

Sounds great.

sounds

↓

Me? Okay.

↓

Uh...

↓

Well, we're just really excited to get going, Mr. Gregory.

excited gregory

↓

Yes. Who-S "We"?

↓

Myself, him,

↓

- uh, the guys back at the house. - Guys?

house

↓

What guys?

↓

Who is this?

↓

Erlich Bachman. I'm an entrepreneur,

↓

much like yourself.

↓

Uh...

↓

Richard actually developed Pied Piper

developed piper richard

↓

while residing in my incubator,

↓

so as per our agreement, I own 10% of the company.

agreement company

↓

I'm paying you $200,000 for 5%,

paying

↓

yet you're giving this man

giving

↓

twice that in exchange for a futon

exchange futon twice

↓

and some sandwiches?

sandwiches

↓

Actually, sir, my tenants provide their own food.

food provide tenants

↓

What other percentages have you apportioned?

↓

Can I see your cap table, investment deck,

deck investment table

↓

business plan, or any other relevant paperwork

business paperwork plan relevant

↓

you may have prepared?

prepared

↓

I just was under the impression that

impression

↓

we would just be coming by and saying, "Hi," you know, uh,

coming

↓

to pick up the check.

check pick

↓

And I just didn't know that any of that stuff was due yet.

stuff

↓

"Due"?

↓

This is not college, Richard.

college richard

↓

I am not going to be giving you a course syllabus.

course giving

↓

You turned down $10 million to keep Pied Piper.

million piper turned

↓

What did you give up that money for? What is this company?

company money

↓

What did I buy?

↓

- You bought the algorithm, which... - No.

algorithm bought

↓

The algorithm is the product of the company.

algorithm company product

↓

I know that.

↓

What I'm asking about is the company itself.

asking company

↓

Who is it? What do they do?

↓

Are they essential?

essential

↓

Or do you just throw a percentage at them, like you did with this...

percentage throw

↓

This all must be worked out.

must worked

↓

Now.

↓

When you said you'd guide us

guide

↓

through some of this stuff, I thought that this was

stuff

↓

the stuff you'd be guiding us through.

guiding stuff

↓

I cannot guide you until you give me

cannot guide

↓

something to guide.

guide

↓

This is going very poorly.

poorly

↓

- I know. - He doesn't seem to know what he's doing.

↓

Did you just take a sip from an empty cup?

empty

↓

Yes.

↓

Why did you do that?

↓

- Just something to do. - Come back in 48 hours

hours

↓

with an airtight business plan,

airtight business plan

↓

a clear go-to-market strategy,

clear market strategy

↓

and three-year summary P&L, or there will be no check.

check three

↓

That's it.

↓

Thanks for coming in, guys.

coming thanks

↓

Um...

↓

Are there any water fountains in your offices?

offices water

↓

I assume.

assume

↓

I own 10% of an app that locates all nearby water fountains.

nearby water

↓

I'd be happy to discuss it with you.

discuss happy

↓

Good day, gentlemen.

gentlemen

↓

You smoke weed?

smoke smoke-weed weed

↓

You really embarrassed me in there.

embarrassed

↓

You didn't say shit about any business plan before today.

business plan today

↓

And neither did he. And he was kind of being an asshole back there.

asshole

↓

Yeah, that's why he's a billionaire.

billionaire

↓

'Cause he knows how and when to be an asshole.

asshole knows

↓

That's what you need to be like.

↓

- You do, Richard. - Whatever.

richard

↓

If you continue to mismanage this company, giving 10% to whoever...

company continue giving

↓

Obviously, you know, we can't go back on my shares.

obviously shares

↓

That ship has sailed, but from here on out...

sailed ship

↓

Now you're being an asshole.

asshole

↓

You say that like it's a bad thing.

↓

Richard, if you're not an asshole, it creates this kind of

asshole creates richard

↓

asshole vacuum and that void is filled by other assholes, like Jared.

asshole assholes filled jared vacuum void

↓

I mean, you almost gave him shares.

shares

↓

You need to completely change who you are, Richard.

change completely richard

↓

A complete Teutonic shift has to happen.

complete happen shift

↓

- Tectonic. - What?

↓

A "tectonic" shift is the Earth's crust moving around.

crust earths moving shift

↓

"Teutonic," which is what you just said,

↓

is an ancient Germanic tribe that fought the Romans.

ancient fought tribe

↓

They were originally from Scandinavia...

originally

↓

Stop it! Stop it.

↓

You're being a complete tool right now.

complete tool

↓

I need you to be a complete asshole.

asshole complete

↓

Do you understand the difference?

difference

↓

If you're not an asshole, this company dies.

asshole company dies

↓

Erlich, I have 48 hours.

hours

↓

Are you going to help me with this business plan or not?

business plan

↓

I believe in you, Richard. That's why I'm not.

believe richard

↓

"Business plans that are created in support of new ventures"

business created plans support

↓

"or to implement profound changes in existing venture."

changes existing profound venture

↓

Hi, this is Richard Hendricks.

richard

↓

Is now a good time?

↓

Uh, I need some help.

↓

Whose Chevy Volt is that out front?

front

↓

Jared Dunn's.

jared

↓

What? Why? Why is he here?

↓

Well, because, as you know, I need some advice on the business plan.

advice business plan

↓

You're cutting him in?

cutting

↓

Um...

↓

Good morning. Whoops, that was weird.

morning weird whoops

↓

I don't know why I did that.

↓

You kind of have a... Like a king-ish feeling to you.

feeling king

↓

You're like a Norse hero from Valhalla.

hero

↓

Don't pander to me.

↓

Peter Gregory said specifically to trim the fat.

gregory peter specifically trim

↓

They actually tried to diagnose me with a wasting disease

disease tried wasting

↓

because of my slender frame.

frame

↓

So, um, I ironed out our customer acquisition strategy,

acquisition customer ironed strategy

↓

and I wrapped our financials. I did a DCF valuation.

wrapped

↓

Most VCs can't even do that math, but something tells me Peter is different.

math peter tells

↓

I think we can jump into the one-on-ones with each team member

jump member ones team

↓

- to see if I can defend our cap table. - Okay.

defend table

↓

But first, if you don't mind, I'd like to use the restroom.

mind restroom

↓

Uh, yeah. You don't have to ask permission to do that.

permission

↓

Why, have you not gone since you've been here?

gone

↓

I have not.

↓

Well... Well, go. I mean, go.

↓

Denpok, I know you were in Aspen. Thank you for coming.

aspen coming

↓

Please, have a seat.

seat

↓

I'm not sitting this summer.

sitting summer

↓

Of course. Incredible.

course incredible

↓

What's weighing on you, Gavin?

weighing

↓

Jared Dunn quit today to join Pied Piper.

jared join piper quit today

↓

I hate Richard Hendricks, that little Pied Piper prick.

hate piper prick richard

↓

Ls... Is that wrong?

↓

In the hands of a lesser person, perhaps.

hands perhaps person

↓

But in the hands of the enlightened,

hands

↓

hate can be a tool for great change.

change hate tool

↓

You're right once again.

↓

Audious, play John Lennon's Imagine.

imagine john

↓

Cueing John Wayne

john wayne

↓

In A Mansion. Not found.

found mansion

↓

- Fuck! Fuck! - Invalid command.

command fuck

↓

Use the anger, Chela. Use it.

anger

↓

Uh, thanks for sitting down like this, Gilfoyle. We know it's kind of a little weird.

sitting thanks weird

↓

So, um, can you kind of catch me up on what you see as your role in the company?

catch company role

↓

- What do you do? - What do I do?

↓

System architecture. Networking and security.

security system

↓

No one in this house can touch me on that.

house touch

↓

Okay, that's good to know.

↓

But does anyone appreciate that?

appreciate

↓

While you were busy minoring in gender studies

busy gender studies

↓

and singing a capella at Sarah Lawrence,

lawrence sarah singing

↓

I was gaining root access to NSA servers.

access gaining root servers

↓

I was one click away from starting a second Iranian Revolution.

click revolution second starting

↓

I actually went to Vassar.

↓

I prevent cross-site scripting. I monitor for DDOS attacks,

attacks cross ddos monitor prevent site

↓

emergency database rollbacks, and faulty transaction handlings.

database emergency transaction

↓

The Internet... Heard of it?

heard internet

↓

Transfers half a petabyte of data every minute.

data half minute

↓

Do you have any idea how that happens?

happens idea

↓

All those YouPorn ones and zeroes streaming directly

directly ones streaming

↓

to your shitty little smart phone day after day?

phone shitty smart

↓

Every dipshit who shits his pants if he can't get

dipshit pants shits

↓

the new dubstep Skrillex remix in under 12 seconds?

seconds

↓

It's not magic, it's talent and sweat.

magic sweat talent

↓

People like me ensuring your packets get delivered un-sniffed.

delivered packets

↓

So what do I do?

↓

I make sure that one bad config on one key component

component

↓

doesn't bankrupt the entire fucking company.

company entire fucking

↓

That's what the fuck I do.

fuck

↓

Um, that's basically what I told him.

↓

Listen, wherever we end up here,

↓

I just wanna say that I feel I should get more equity than Dinesh.

↓

I know Gilfoyle probably came in here and puked out

puked

↓

a bunch of tech specs,

bunch specs tech

↓

three-fourths of which are total horse-shit.

horse three total

↓

Did he bring up the Iranian Revolution thing?

bring revolution

↓

Yeah, those words mean nothing.

words

↓

But here's a fact,

fact

↓

I'm the only one of these clowns that can code in Java.

clowns code java

↓

And I write sleek, performant, low-overhead Scala code

code write

↓

with higher order functions that will run on anything.

functions higher order

↓

Period. End of sentence.

period sentence

↓

So, basically, I think whatever equity I get,

↓

it should reflect that I contribute more than Gilfoyle.

contribute reflect

↓

- This is weird. - I know, right? It's...

weird

↓

- Everybody's been doing it. - Gilfoyle did this?

everybodys

↓

It's just a formality to get me caught up.

caught formality

↓

So what makes you of value to the Pied Piper team?

makes piper team value

↓

Um...

↓

Programming, I guess.

programming

↓

Pretty good at code, develop algorithms, so forth.

code develop forth

↓

Different from the type of algorithm Richard created?

algorithm created richard type

↓

Well, yeah. Like, not as good.

↓

Richard's a 10X-er. I'm, like, barely an X-er.

barely

↓

I kinda suck.

kinda suck

↓

Smoked you. And now...

smoked

↓

- Don't be a dick. - Mushroom stamp!

dick mushroom stamp

↓

- You're being a dick. - Oh, there you go. Show that to your mom.

dick

↓

Mushroom stamp! That's great.

mushroom stamp

↓

Hey, what do you guys think about this Jared?

jared

↓

He's shit, right?

↓

No, he's pretty sharp.

sharp

↓

Yeah, he does shit that no one else in the house can do.

house

↓

Yeah, but he's a know-it-all. I don't think there's room in here for him.

room

↓

Well, there will be after Richard gets rid of Big Head.

head richard

↓

Wait, Richard's getting rid of Big Head? Why?

head

↓

Listen, we all love Big Head.

head love

↓

But the truth is, he's not as good of a coder as I am,

truth

↓

not as good at system architecture as Gilfoyle,

system

↓

not as good at being a prick as you, no offense.

offense prick

↓

He's a lightweight at everything. Brings nothing to the table.

brings table

↓

Him getting points would be a big "fuck you" to all of us.

fuck points

↓

- But he's a great guy. - Great guy. But useless.

useless

↓

Yeah, he is a great guy.

↓

Not like that Jared. Huh.

jared

↓

At least we can all agree on that.

agree least

↓

Yeah, I don't know.

↓

Me and Richard have just always been in this together, you know?

richard

↓

Together, right.

↓

But to be clear, Richard created the algorithm on his own, yes?

algorithm clear created richard

↓

Oh, yeah, I had nothing to do with that.

↓

- He's my best friend. - That's true.

best best-friend friend

↓

Yes. The camaraderie is quite apparent.

↓

But Peter Gregory demanded a lean, ruthless business plan,

business gregory lean peter plan ruthless

↓

and I don't think that the CEO of Microsoft has a paid best friend.

best best-friend friend paid

↓

Sergey Brin does. Larry doesn't do shit.

larry

↓

See.

↓

What if Big Head is sort of like a floating utility player?

floating head player

↓

Like a jack of all trades.

jack

↓

But, by his own admission, he's really more like a master of none.

admission master

↓

That's true. That is true.

↓

Which is not something you'd generally reward with several points

generally points reward several

↓

in what may someday be a multi-billion dollar company.

billion billion-dollar company dollar multi someday

↓

This will never fly with Peter Gregory.

gregory peter

↓

I would not want to be Richard right now.

richard

↓

Having to tell Big Head that he's out.

having head

↓

This is gonna sound super mean,

sound super

↓

but the other night he was sleeping, I was just staring at his face.

face night sleeping staring

↓

All I could think was, "He's utterly useless."

useless utterly

↓

"Big Head is a man with zero purpose."

head purpose zero

↓

- Oh, hi. Hi, Big Head. - Hey.

head

↓

How's it going?

↓

It's super good right now.

super

↓

Um, I'm just going to maybe go for a bike ride real fast

bike bike-ride fast real real-fast ride

↓

and clear my... head.

clear head

↓

I'll see you.

↓

- Bike safe. - Yeah, enjoy it.

bike enjoy safe

↓

That was nice, guys. He heard everything.

heard

↓

That doesn't make it not true.

↓

I mean, come on, Richard. As far as Pied Piper is concerned,

concerned piper richard

↓

he's as pointless as Mass Effect 3's multiple endings.

effect endings mass multiple pointless

↓

I mean, he's a completely useless appendage, and we all know it.

completely useless

↓

- Oh, hey, man. - Forgot my water bottle.

bottle forgot water water-bottle

↓

Just gonna grab it, and then probably walk right back through one more time.

grab walk

↓

I mean, Mass Effect 3?

effect mass

↓

Harsh.

harsh

↓

I didn't mean for him to hear it, but it was true.

↓

I mean, we all called him a great guy, but he didn't overhear any of that.

called

↓

It's been 12 hours.

hours

↓

God damn. He's still not answering.

answering

↓

You know... I'm actually kind of worried about him.

worried

↓

You know, if he's gone, like, really, truly gone,

gone truly

↓

in a way that kind of solves your problem.

problem solves

↓

I mean, like, if he's dead...

dead

↓

Are you trying to say that Big Head might be dead?

dead head might

↓

That doesn't help at all. How is that helping?

helping

↓

I'm just saying that that's a possible thing that could've happened to him.

couldve happened possible

↓

It could happen to anybody.

anybody happen

↓

And in this case, at least something good came out of it.

case least

↓

What's the good part?

part

↓

You don't have to have an awkward conversation.

awkward conversation

↓

That's scary. Should we go look for him?

scary

↓

I mean, I agree with these guys. Jared's just not working out.

agree working

↓

What?

↓

Um, Richard...

richard

↓

I don't wanna be too assertive here,

assertive

↓

but I could use your input on a few things for the business plan.

business input plan

↓

Richie, you tried your best. Just call him, leave a message,

best message richie tried

↓

say he's out.

↓

No, that's an asshole move.

asshole

↓

Yeah, remember? You need to be an asshole.

asshole remember

↓

I feel bad about saying that thing about him being dead.

dead

↓

That's not who I am.

↓

- Wait, what is that? - That's impossible.

impossible

↓

NipAlert isn't live yet.

live

↓

Maybe he's demoing it for someone.

↓

"Mochacino."

↓

He rode his bike to San Jose?

bike rode

↓

Jared, can I borrow your car?

borrow jared

↓

- Sure. - I have a car.

↓

What's wrong with my car?

↓

I just have... I don't know.

↓

All right, well, remember to be an asshole.

asshole remember

↓

A real asshole.

asshole real

↓

Hi, I'm Richard Hendricks. You did a dance... The dancing at my house.

dance dancing house richard

↓

Your ride's here.

rides

↓

Oh, hey, man.

↓

- Hey. - Mushroom stamp!

mushroom stamp

↓

No, come on, dude, not again...

↓

I just wanted to work with computers and get paid for it.

computers paid wanted

↓

I didn't want end up fighting with my roommates over percentage points.

fighting percentage points roommates

↓

So you're just gonna give up?

↓

On what? This isn't home.

home

↓

As much as I've tried, it's just not.

tried

↓

I mean, what would I have even done if I didn't have Mochacino's card?

card

↓

Where would I have gone?

gone

↓

It's fucking pathetic.

fucking pathetic

↓

Well, Mochacino seemed to like you. She let you into her apartment.

apartment seemed

↓

I had to give her my bike.

bike

↓

She's just like everyone else in this goddamn valley.

goddamn valley

↓

Watching the bottom line. Fuck it, dude. I'm done here.

bottom bottom-line fuck line watching

↓

What about NipAlert?

↓

Mochacino shows her tits for a living, and even she was uncomfortable using it.

living shows tits uncomfortable using

↓

She said it was sexist. She's right. It's actually perverted.

perverted sexist

↓

I made a perverted, sexist, useless thing.

perverted sexist useless

↓

And, you know, everybody's right, man,

everybodys

↓

there's nothing for me to do on Pied Piper.

piper

↓

I think over time, maybe we could redefine your role.

role

↓

Come on, dude.

↓

Unless you can tell me right now what I can do for Pied Piper

piper

↓

that no one else can, I'm gone.

gone

↓

- Yeah. - Uh...

↓

I'm going to go get the stuff out of my cube at Hooli,

cube stuff

↓

and then I'm getting the hell out of this town.

town

↓

So this is goodbye then?

goodbye

↓

I mean, I'll see you back at the house, man.

house

↓

I gotta, like, pack and stuff.

pack stuff

↓

Oh, totally.

↓

I'm going to take the train, I think, just do some thinking...

thinking train

↓

Okay. All right, see you.

↓

- The train is this way... I just... - Oh. I was gonna say.

train

↓

Big Head.

head

↓

Whatever shit you're about to dump on my head, you can save it, okay?

dump head save

↓

I'm not in the mood.

mood

↓

Dude, I just wanted to tell you that Gavin Belson

wanted

↓

wants to talk to you about something.

wants

↓

- Oh, okay. Fuck you. - No. Seriously.

fuck

↓

Gavin Belson said he wants to speak to Nelson Bighetti?

nelson speak wants

↓

Yeah, that's what I just said.

↓

Come on.

↓

Okay...

↓

I'm awake! I'm awake.

awake

↓

- What? - No, no, I wasn't.

↓

I was sleeping. I'm sorry for sleeping and for lying about it.

lying sleeping

↓

For both. No good.

↓

What happened?

happened

↓

Did you fire Big Head?

fire head

↓

Uh, no. Not yet. I don't know. Sort of.

↓

So, um, do I include him in the cap table or not?

include table

↓

It's basically good to go.

↓

Uh, no, he's out. Wait... I don't know.

↓

Actually, I just need to close my eyes for a little bit. Okay?

close eyes

↓

Richard, it's T-minus four hours until presentation time.

four four-hours hours minus presentation richard

↓

Are you gonna fire Big Head or not?

fire head

↓

I don't know. Uh...

↓

I'm just very tired.

tired

↓

Okay? I'm just gonna go get some water...

water

↓

Richard, stop being a fucking pussy and start being an asshole.

asshole fucking pussy richard start

↓

Fine! You want me to be an asshole, I'll be an asshole.

asshole

↓

I'll be an asshole to you and you and you and you

asshole

↓

and Peter-fucking-Gregory!

fucking gregory peter

↓

Okay? Fuck all of you. Big Head stays!

fuck head stays

↓

You know, if I wanted to be a sell out, I'd have done that already.

sell wanted

↓

I'd be on a beach somewhere with $10 million in my pocket.

beach million pocket

↓

Not in my pocket, in a bank account.

account bank bank-account pocket

↓

Okay? This is my company. It was my idea, and we do what I say.

company idea

↓

And what I say is, Jared, put Big Head in the business plan.

business head jared plan

↓

He gets the same amount of shares as everybody else.

amount everybody shares

↓

Big Head, you're not going home, man.

head home

↓

Uh, you're right. I'm not.

↓

Gavin Belson just offered me a huge promotion

huge offered promotion

↓

for 600 grand a year to steal me away from you guys.

grand steal

↓

- What? - Yeah. For revenge.

revenge

↓

Because you took Jared.

jared

↓

So you're like the VP of spite?

spite

↓

But you have to do me a favor, Richard,

favor richard

↓

if you run into Gavin ever you have to act really upset about it, you know?

upset

↓

Oh, but I am upset.

upset

↓

Okay? What the fuck?

fuck

↓

I kind of just went out on a limb for you here, man.

limb

↓

Sorry, man, but this is huge for me.

huge

↓

I'm going to move out, get my own place.

place

↓

In light of this new information,

information light

↓

who gets Big Head's equity?

heads

↓

Should I get half of his shares...

half shares

↓

I do. I get it.

↓

Okay? I get all of it!

↓

Big Head, man, congratulations on the job, really.

congratulations head

↓

But if you'll excuse me, I have to go lock down

excuse lock

↓

a motherfucking business plan. Jared, you're with me.

business jared motherfucking plan

↓

What an asshole.

asshole

↓

Yeah. What an asshole.

asshole

↓

Next.

↓

- Hi. - Deposit?

deposit

↓

Mmm-hmm.

↓

$200,000 from Peter Gregory?

gregory peter

↓

Mmm-hmm.

↓

Wow.

↓

Sorry.

↓

Hello?

↓

Dude, they're taking your code apart.

apart code

↓

- What? - Yeah,

↓

did you give those brogrammer guys access to a player download or something?

access download player

↓

Oh, shit.

↓

They probably hacked the prototype and decompiled the compression library.

hacked library prototype

↓

Well, they've got it now, man.

↓

They're gonna reverse-engineer a version as close as they can

close engineer reverse version

↓

without getting sued.

sued

↓

Wait, wait, are you sure about this?

↓

Yeah, dude, Gavin wants to beat you to market.

beat market wants

↓

He wants to make sure no other investor in the Valley offers you a dime.

dime investor offers valley wants

↓

That is not good.

↓

They're calling it Nucleus, whatever the fuck that means.

calling fuck

↓

Shit. Sorry, dude, I can't be talking to you like this. Later.

↓

Yeah.

↓

"Nucleus"?

↓

Excuse me. This check is made out to "Pied Piper incorporated."

check excuse incorporated piper

↓

- Do you have an SS-4? - A what?

↓

Is Pied Piper a corporation registered with the IRS?

corporation piper registered

↓

I can't deposit that into a personal account.

account deposit personal

↓

I don't know.

↓

Is that something maybe you could help me with?

↓

No, sir.

↓

Buddy, come on.

buddy

↓

Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.

↓

- Thank you. - Sorry. Okay.

↓

Next.