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Home » Rick and Morty » S06E02 — Rick - A Mort Well Lived

Rick and Morty

Season 6, Episode 2 — Rick - A Mort Well Lived

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Rick and Morty
Episode title: Rick: A Mort Well Lived
Air date: September 11, 2022
Director: Kyounghee Lim
Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke
Morty is trapped and Rick needs to save him, but to do so, Summer must do a Die Hard (1988). This won't be easy, because she has never seen it.
Source: TMDB
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Hey, you kids! Don’t be bad outside my store! I keep a nice store!
kidsstore
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Give it up, old man! We’re just cool bad kids doing young stuff!
coolkidsstuffyoung
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You guys wanna do some more skateboard moves?
movesskateboard
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Which ones?
ones
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- The rad ones, that’s which. - How are you kids?
kidsones
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Did you know your Grandpa’s tryin’ a get your attention?
attentiongrandpastryin
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Yeah yeah, screw off, weirdo.
screwweirdo
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- Grandson, what’s that mean? - He’s one of those cult people.
cultgrandson
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They worship some psycho named Roy that says he’s everybody’s grandpa.
everybodysgrandpanamedpsychoworship
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So what do you want to do today, eat some snacks,
snackstoday
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and maybe let me kiss you finally?
finallykiss
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Y’know, with my mouth and stuff?
mouthstuffyknow
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This is going on right now. Let’s go check it out.
check
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- Awe geez. - Come on, just for fun, you know?
fungeez
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No, that’s not what I’m -You guys keep thinking I’m a religious leader,
leaderreligiousthinking
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this isn’t a religion, this is actual truth.
actualreligiontruth
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I’m a scientist in real life, but this isn’t real life,
liferealreal-lifescientist
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this is a video game.
gamevideovideo-game
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You at least understand that much right? This is a video game?
gameleastvideovideo-game
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But you said I’m your grandson?
grandson
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I’m saying everyone is. Everyone here, everyone in this world but me.
world
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You’re all my grandson, your name is Morty,
grandsonmortyname
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you’re stuck in a video game and I’m here to get you out.
gamestuckvideovideo-game
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What about me? Am I your grandson?
grandson
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I just said everyone is!
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Incredible!
incredible
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Okay, okay but don’t react like that, it’s not a religion,
reactreligion
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this is what is happening.
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You and me and your sister are at an arcade called Blips and Chitz.
arcadecalledsister
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It’s been taken over by terrorists.
takenterrorists
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The power went out, the game restarted, and your identity has been splintered into
gameidentitypower
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all the non-player characters.
charactersplayer
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So I jacked in as Roy, that’s the player character,
characterjackedplayer
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to get you, my grandson, Morty, out of the game before it’s over and you die.
gamegrandsonmorty
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OK, question over here.
question
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- Am I your grandson? - Jesus! Yes!
grandsonjesus
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Every single one of you is one five billionth of Morty.
fivemortysingle
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All of you, collectively, are Morty.
morty
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Look I don’t wanna seem impatient but there’s actually a lot more that
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we have to get done so if this is how hard it’s gonna be we are in a lot of trouble.
hardtrouble
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Summer, what?! I can't do this if you keep bugging me!
buggingsummer
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Do you understand time dilation? I’m losing a month a second out here.
losingmonthsecond
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There’s an alien army shooting people, what am I doing?!
alienarmyshooting
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It’s a small group of alien terrorists, just do a Die Hard.
aliengrouphardterrorists
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What does that mean?
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Sneak around, use air vents. You’ve never seen Die Hard?
hardseensneakvents
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I’m seventeen, no I’ve never seen fucking Die Hard!
fuckinghardseenseventeen
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Well neither did the guy in Die Hard so you’re nailing it! Good luck!
hardlucknailing
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Larry...
larry
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No, I’m at the end of my rope with this kid, I swear to God.
ropeswear
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I’m not a daughter, I’m a grandson.
daughtergrandson
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and we’re in a video game.
gamevideovideo-game
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One five billionth of a kid trapped in a video game.
fivegametrappedvideovideo-game
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Yeah, that and a college degree’ll pay the rent.
collegerent
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What do you people want?
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Of... your... safe.
safe
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Hey, who don’t touched me! I don’t like being touched!
touched
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Check the hostages.
checkhostages
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Make sure nobody else here is doing a Die Hard.
hardnobody
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- Yeah! - Geez!
geez
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And while I do have a message from a world beyond this one,
beyondmessageworld
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Not in this genre.
genre
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I’m an old school hip hop man and no that's not an invitation
invitationschool
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for you to try it because I’m just gonna say it,
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we’re missing the mark on diversity.
diversitymarkmissing
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Get down! You’re all under arrest for being religious the wrong way!
arrestreligious
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It’s not a religion. You know what, just shoot me.
religionshoot
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You think your god makes you bullet proof?
bulletmakesproof
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There isn’t even a god in the real world, you fragmented putz,
realreal-worldworld
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there’s extra no god in here.
extra
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You know what, hippy? Talking like that is why you’re getting shot.
shot
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If you kill him, the game ends and we all die.
endsgamekill
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- Get down, lady! - I’m not a lady.
lady
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And you’re not a soldier.
soldier
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We’re one person, split into a lot of little pieces. You feel me? Dawg?
dawgpersonpiecessplit
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You’re not gonna hurt me. You’re me.
hurt
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My name is Kevin! I’m a Marine. I’m thirty.
kevinmarinenamethirty
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I’m a little racist but my best friend is an immigrant that translated for me
bestbest-friendfriendimmigrantracist
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in a generic overseas war.
genericoverseas
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That’s not true. We’re fourteen, we like pizza and masturbation,
fourteenmasturbationpizza
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we wear a yellow shirt and we have hair that looks like a brown helmet.
brownhairhelmetshirtwearyellow
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And we miss our family. And we’re in way over our heads again.
familyheadsmiss
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Why’s this always happen, man?
happenwhys
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I know, right? Aw geez.
geez
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Aw geez.
geez
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Come here. Aw geez. Come here.
geez
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- Aw geez. - Aw geez.
geez
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Who is that?
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Her video game name is Marta.
gamenamevideovideo-game
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OK. See, this I can work with.
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“Sneak around. Crawl in some vents. Do a Die Hard.”
crawlhardsneakvents
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Oh my god, it’s disgusting.
disgusting
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Actually... it tastes really good.
tastes
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Oh my god, it’s disgusting that it tastes good!
disgustingtastes
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Frank, have you found him? Report.
foundfrankreport
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Walkie talkie. That’s Die Hard. Don’t have to see it to know that.
hardtalkiewalkiewalkie-talkie
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This is Jons. I repeat, have you found him?
foundrepeat
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Breaker breaker. Walkie talkie. I got your walkie talkie. Bitch.
bitchbreakertalkiewalkiewalkie-talkie
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Are you doing a Die Hard?
hard
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Maybe.
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Are you? Also?
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More or less. And my associate, Frank?
associatefrankless
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Your associate Frank is definitely not doing a Die Hard.
associatefrankhard
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You might even say he’s doing a Die Easy.
easymight
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Because I killed him and it wasn’t difficult.
difficultkilled
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Calm yourself, Winslow.
calm
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Winslow!
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It’s not every day one meets a fellow Die Hard enthusiast, Ms...
enthusiastfellowhardmeets
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Call me Die Hard.
hard
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Okay. “Die Hard.” Tell me. What do you know about Die Hard?
hard
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What do you care? You writing a book about Die Hard?
bookcarehardwriting
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As a matter of fact I’ve written several.
factmatterseveralwritten
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Every sentient civilization across the galaxy eventually develops the same myth.
civilizationeventuallygalaxymyth
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In Centauri it’s known as Tower Man.
knowntower
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The Orionese have their Thornberg Cycle and in Andromeda it’s called
calledcycle
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Foolish to Have Imagined You’d Be Able to Kill...
ablefoolishimaginedkill
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all of them what you’d call Die Hard.
hard
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The difference being that cultures like mine are aware of its importance
awareculturesdifferenceimportance
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whereas I’m starting to doubt you could even recall a single line.
doubtlinerecallsinglestartingwhereas
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Walkie talkie Die Hard, motherfucker.
hardmotherfuckertalkiewalkiewalkie-talkie
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Some say Grandsonism’s leader, Roy, has a secret base somewhere in these mountains.
baseleadermountainssecret
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I couldn’t find it so I’m standing in, in the general area with a microphone.
areageneralmicrophonestanding
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For Good Enough News, I’m Tony!
newstony
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There she is, my right-hand Morty.
handmorty
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Got enough spaceships?
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Not yet. I figure five more years of game time before I can take the
figurefivegameyears
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whole fake population into fake outer space.
fakeouterouter-spacepopulationspacewhole
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What do we do in outer space?
outerouter-spacespace
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Nothing. It’s fake. We keep going.
fake
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The game’s map has edges, but the game’s engine will let us go past them.
edgesenginegamespast
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That will force the game to reset, but first it will kick us out,
forcegamekickreset
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which Morty should survive, i mean,
mortysurvive
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Whatever amount of Morty we have on board.
amountboardmorty
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So if you don’t have five billion handkerchiefs soaked in chloroform
billionfivesoaked
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I hope you can keep flipping idiots to our cause.
flippinghopeidiots
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They’re not idiots. Grandpa. They’re me.
grandpaidiots
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You’ll know how funny that is when we get back.
funny
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By the way, I had your genius of a father picked up, he’s over there.
fathergeniuspicked
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What? Why?
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I thought you’d be grateful. And less distracted than if I let him die.
distractedgratefulless
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He’s been in real bad shape since he lost his wife.
lostrealshapewife
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My mom?
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Your not at all real mom, a mom in a video game.
gamerealvideovideo-game
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Occupied by a tiny fraction of yourself.
occupiedtiny
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A fraction of yourself which is now dead forever and fractions add up,
deadforever
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so I had your Dad brought here, you’re welcome, you heartless monster.
broughtheartlessmonsterwelcome
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Marta. It’s me, Dad. I converted for you.
converted
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My name is Morty. So is yours.
mortyname
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And there’s no conversion, we’re both Morty, it’s a fact.
factmorty
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Sure, honey, anything you say. I don’t want to fight.
fighthoney
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I’m proud of you.
proud
↓
8dd60174-ee6e-42cb-ba40-3e889adc2f04.gif
Are you mad at me because before you became the world’s most powerful woman,
becamepowerfulwomanworlds
↓
25061426-5807-4646-87a6-ca08c7910ea6.gif
I shamed you for your haircut and called you a slutty jobless hobo?
calledhaircuthoboslutty
↓
37aee222-e0f0-4abb-bdbe-3ec0a418c82b.gif
If I were you I’d be a little mad about that.
↓
f791d546-8b62-4a68-ad41-df2bca5b867a.gif
You are me. And why would I be mad at myself?
↓
08ddcc55-d269-462c-b237-48d108e7d2d0.gif
Good point! Is there anything to eat around here?
point
↓
55b24a5c-a37c-4e44-919f-d8090b4a1a1e.gif
There’s a kitchenette in the break room.
breakroom
↓
89b3bba6-5b8c-4f09-8c75-497287f052f1.gif
A kitchenette you say, such red carpet treatment.
carpettreatment
↓
d7838039-5a05-4dcc-916d-c010b6109a61.gif
Excuse me?
excuse
↓
70020e47-054e-4fee-bc43-6447fd705120.gif
I said thank you, I love it, we’re all part of Morty
lovemortypart
↓
7fba9803-6d31-484a-bf61-3db18fd82501.gif
Some of us more important parts than others...
othersparts
↓
aafe17ab-4ae6-4184-a5fe-a86fa939bd17.gif
Man, the part of me that’s my father is a twat.
fatherparttwat
↓
218a3292-e152-47a9-914c-6618a91f2cb1.gif
That’s also gonna be funny when we get back.
funny
↓
b434f381-dcd2-4137-b0e3-c5d3cbdeb2ae.gif
Next time you try to do a Die Hard...
hard
↓
96436228-129a-452b-af85-7d6f1d736551.gif
Don’t hide under a long table like the guy from Die Hard.
hardhidetable
↓
d7b181e7-47d3-46ee-b21d-a53474b608b5.gif
Okay I won’t.
↓
83c97fcf-8b32-400b-b0af-d57e504350db.gif
I thought you said she doesn’t know how to do a Die Hard!
hard
↓
7c9f0ce3-f4a1-4af9-9e86-fd879cc76c9f.gif
- She doesn’t. - She’s killing us off one by one.
killing
↓
6bbdb807-9550-4104-a737-5d9b96cd6b51.gif
What do you expect her to do, buy us each an ice cream? Two by two?
creamexpect
↓
191b00ee-372c-4904-9766-68472771d0ac.gif
She’s improvising. Which is how she’s going to fall right into our trap.
falltrap
↓
40202ba2-dea1-47d3-8e37-edd7fb3a041e.gif
I’m going to wander the arcade unarmed and when she comes across me.
arcadecomeswander
↓
50f569f1-487f-474d-82cf-c23b0cf24a8a.gif
I’ll pretend to be a hostage.
hostagepretend
↓
af76c7cc-29a3-4b57-b1fe-4769936bc9ac.gif
And because she hasn’t seen Die Hard
hardseen
↓
0bbfe98a-9799-41f7-af50-1f2c5a161c0e.gif
instead of handing me an unloaded gun, she’ll hand me a...
handhandingshell
↓
e8060fe5-20d0-415f-9956-f2184997e3ac.gif
Die Hard! Die Hard!
hard
↓
983c5e27-2b9e-4055-b7e0-97eaaaea228e.gif
What the hell was that?
↓
8e0341e2-afa0-4692-95f3-cedf85207ff2.gif
Die Hard! Die Hard!
hard
↓
266e6fc0-aa21-4a42-872e-5cfa237565eb.gif
You can’t just keep yelling "Die Hard" into a walkie talkie and...
hardtalkiewalkiewalkie-talkieyelling
↓
5a238eff-323f-4bc9-b982-411e1aaec20e.gif
She threw her walkie talkie away.
talkiethrewwalkiewalkie-talkie
↓
5213a409-ad4f-4164-9e2d-b38b0e0fa8ec.gif
She hates Die Hard.
hardhates
↓
53d2a858-44e4-48b8-b2b4-84234d069033.gif
Which makes her the ultimate McClane.
makesultimate
↓
eb1c3786-402d-4ab1-b20c-946911dba18a.gif
Forget everything you know about Die Hard and just go shoot that bitch!
bitchforgethardshoot
↓
5d4cbe2c-cbe8-4463-bfc6-7cc64229a374.gif
Thank you for meeting with me, Mr. Roy.
meeting
↓
59915e37-8230-4241-89f6-479b35dd8a49.gif
Half the country hangs on your every word. Heck, most of the world.
countryhalfhangsheckwordworld
↓
9ab7c096-8dd1-4e72-8384-864078f2e031.gif
You’re, like, kind of a pope I reckon.
popereckon
↓
c5833750-928b-4656-ae2a-3cc1e793b520.gif
I’m not a pope because it’s not a religion we’re literally in a video game
gamepopereligionvideovideo-game
↓
440b6ae8-748c-4d02-8c3d-26a82a1c713a.gif
I’ve heard the message, Roy, you’re not on the clock here.
clockheardmessage
↓
fbf997dd-ee0a-4119-b9d0-d0cb950483f3.gif
So you want every single person on a space ship. But you got a bunch of holdouts.
bunchpersonshipsinglesingle-personspace
↓
2c4f7b04-7b3b-4384-8781-fdca70d95fdc.gif
Maybe people that prefer their leaders a little more elected.
electedleadersprefer
↓
954a8af5-521f-4902-8385-7136d20364ea.gif
Right. Your voters.
voters
↓
88fa0df9-7fc1-4d95-8a33-590323aa3527.gif
People that like being told what to do but don’t like admitting it.
admitting
↓
2c31b0f5-0e60-440d-b995-c46ca0b2b099.gif
Yeah not sure I’d put it that way.
↓
192e5fad-b486-479f-9b6a-b258e74ce353.gif
I’m sure you’d put it a stupid way. I told you this was a waste of time.
stupidwaste
↓
1666c590-fd98-49db-9461-c22c51e64a71.gif
I’ve got ninety-two percent of you ready to vamoose,
ninetypercentready
↓
2e0f27f5-103e-4d5c-aaf7-6414a44b323b.gif
we’re not gonna get the rest by making deals with parasites.
dealsparasitesrest
↓
0e3899cd-11e0-4a93-980d-28f4a052317e.gif
Mr. President. Roy is Rick. He’s not us.
presidentrick
↓
906c41fa-3e05-477c-99c0-fbd6294d3423.gif
You and I, we’re Morty. Is that really so hard to believe?
believehardmorty
↓
b46d05df-74ff-4f57-8aa1-dfa490a99c00.gif
Kid, I’ve known it and I’ve believed it longer than you have.
believedknownlonger
↓
a1d9b16f-c93d-4b5c-8bfb-9a687aa9cb6d.gif
We both became video game characters at the same moment, but I knew the truth
becamecharactersgamemomenttruthvideovideo-game
↓
ef729d91-8401-4bf3-bbdc-7f2fe81be9b5.gif
before you dropped your skateboard and went to your first cult meeting.
cultdroppedmeetingskateboard
↓
03909e84-4691-4ba0-b12a-5f7329457625.gif
How do you think a guy becomes a President in this game, honey?
becomesgamehoneypresident
↓
8ff5ba74-6113-44ad-8ce7-816d864492c8.gif
By not paying attention?
attentionpayingpaying-attention
↓
c3b4f692-b12c-4f81-8758-60fb9a8c556d.gif
Sorry to call you honey, I know we’re both parts of a fourteen year old boy but
fourteenhoneyparts
↓
28af5d15-9737-4b0e-9800-7db182da0d38.gif
my part’s old fashioned and vaguely southern.
fashionedpartssouthernvaguely
↓
342b7a65-a58f-4ec7-856d-a749e7ad3530.gif
I’m confused. If you know Rick is real, why?
confusedrealrick
↓
7ddd5f91-d220-4fca-ba23-7f9b4c157d07.gif
Why hold out? Because he’s a rude, entitled cock.
cockentitledrude
↓
1623cdec-c3a0-4bd5-bcb0-1eb756ae9df7.gif
He’s here to save us. He could’ve left the game and let us die,
couldvegameleftsave
↓
ea4dc655-3e52-4a14-ad7b-3f704c777433.gif
- ...he’s spent fifty years. - Fifty years, it’s what?
fiftyspentyears
↓
3407a29e-4a54-4ecf-a96c-3d2cca1e36fa.gif
a couple hours to him?
couplecouple-hourshours
↓
7504bd2e-a31e-4e1e-b02d-66ab0a41ebb6.gif
He refuses to leave without his grandson but what’s grandson mean to him?
grandsonrefuses
↓
6d7d306f-2830-4be2-8952-651a59f3702b.gif
Sounds like it means butler.
butlersounds
↓
c13f8c05-bc9f-4de0-8b99-b40196f7c978.gif
Someone to Help Summer with her "Die Hard” whatever that means.
hardsummer
↓
fb4b4fa7-6335-429c-9df4-71ce51a9131c.gif
I’ll tell you what it doesn’t mean. Fly fishing. A hug.
fishing
↓
c0143cd5-7b8c-494c-aecd-0f81e5c2efcb.gif
A little appreciation for what is clearly a pretty decent kid.
appreciationdecent
↓
2c620c59-3840-4977-8e30-04e55d7a975d.gif
At least the eight percent of him that makes up the decent half of the greatest
decenteightgreatesthalfleastmakespercent
↓
3c7ae7b2-d290-40da-9144-b22dfed8a1ec.gif
god damn nation on the planet.
nationplanet
↓
fee7e49c-e6ee-4bfb-97ee-163be5dda830.gif
We’re not a person to him yet. We’re not Morty yet, we’re divided
dividedmortyperson
↓
a6fb2a1d-7dae-42e1-a266-52a795009d00.gif
We’re divided because some of us doesn’t trust the guy.
dividedtrust
↓
07f1de47-9ec4-4b7b-ac49-83f61e43df94.gif
What happens to that part of us when we’re all back together?
happenspart
↓
3c42eabb-3043-465d-857d-e2abead56014.gif
One Morty? Indivisible? Under a cranky old bag of dicks?
crankydicksmorty
↓
f4232671-e04a-4644-bc67-5a881629b618.gif
A man you can lock in a box with five billion pieces of his own god damn flesh
billionfivefleshlockpieces
↓
0da28662-83fc-4720-832f-a78cde7a51a8.gif
and blood for fifty god damn simulated years and never hear him say I love you?
bloodfiftyloveyears
↓
a410d06c-574a-4420-910c-a2622fe6f073.gif
Sorry pumpkin tits, that dog don’t hunt.
huntpumpkintits
↓
e3cf4b37-4c17-410c-b57d-6468ff180651.gif
Want some heroin? It’s a video game, might as well.
gameheroinmightvideovideo-game
↓
7b901bcd-93f1-4efb-ab31-3323ac2f686c.gif
Just about ready for launch, kiddo. I can finally get outta these clothes,
clothesfinallykiddolaunchouttaready
↓
f306564f-2501-480b-82c2-d042d3672d98.gif
I don’t have nearly enough pockets.
nearlypockets
↓
5b05173e-4822-4ae8-a199-9559e7d0db49.gif
And it’ll be nice to have my own dick back.
dickitll
↓
f84f0677-e9f4-492d-b1ce-619b21564ec9.gif
You’re fine leaving eight percent of me to die?
eightleavingpercent
↓
b168102f-dfab-477d-820d-786d5fcee98f.gif
It’s not your finest eight percent, Morty.
eightfinestmortypercent
↓
165bb65e-80e8-4d7d-b15f-ec73200d72df.gif
And eight percent of anything is expendable.
eightpercent
↓
d68b1ba1-9d7f-4256-9edd-f666b6ebfe57.gif
Eight percent of pizza is crust.
crusteightpercentpizza
↓
552ca0b6-536c-4f90-b2ec-af90972a2367.gif
Eight percent of the Snyder Cut was Batman dreaming.
batmandreamingeightpercent
↓
4bf518cd-293c-4f23-a59f-55f7c23d47cb.gif
I don’t know what that reference is. We’re in a video game.
gamereferencevideovideo-game
↓
a36ffc7b-4655-49c5-a78f-41c6767a9525.gif
- Not for long, baby. - I’m not leaving without all of me.
babyleaving
↓
defbfc42-f0e7-45c9-868e-6c75bdc1084a.gif
What? Oh no, let me crunch these numbers,
crunchnumbers
↓
25029e69-0a06-4db1-a7b4-09e1709ba9fe.gif
eight percent of five billion plus one person, my god,
billioneightfivepercentpersonplus
↓
122ddd58-3084-4165-a5bd-5bd380f7b547.gif
if you stay, it changes nothing! Bye.
changes
↓
a9bbd643-dce6-4630-b975-d7fc305a4703.gif
If she’s not going I don’t think my country wants to go.
countrywants
↓
aab6a281-bf0e-494a-9f83-2c625d45a604.gif
Who invited you to chime in, monitor face?
chimefaceinvitedmonitor
↓
430ed311-b1d1-49ca-81e8-a5b9dc7a3fb3.gif
Why give me a monitor if my opinion doesn’t matter?
mattermonitoropinion
↓
b26e506c-bf2c-42a2-a74c-f87facfc9b53.gif
Your opinion isn’t allowed to matter for the rest of us. We’re all Morty.
allowedmattermortyopinionrest
↓
06a9a226-a2e3-41b7-be84-897065aa7eb6.gif
How many chunks of us are we supposed to give up?
chunkssupposed
↓
76e019b5-e87a-4fd9-a283-0f4fe54ef54e.gif
Look, I don’t know about you but I was already taking a big leap of faith, here,
faithleap
↓
df5931f3-3c9f-432a-9426-3f0f56108766.gif
we’re basically giving up our lives to become a tiny part of a stranger.
becomegivinglivespartstrangertiny
↓
432c17a1-7a41-4fd0-a194-5f65674d6b77.gif
- These lives aren’t real. - Yeah but they’re longer.
liveslongerreal
↓
21e3a3ea-beb8-4f64-b098-643a18388c04.gif
What is this, suicide by summit meeting?
meetingsuicidesummit
↓
bb27be80-f26a-4a35-a6e0-b06765c0f880.gif
Everyone stop.
↓
eee07e27-4bd5-4206-9a37-5a7c8b794ee4.gif
Rick.
rick
↓
a89eeba9-d5df-49c5-867b-1f0184c93416.gif
I’ll get every single part of me to get on every ship and go with you.
partshipsingle
↓
87429421-00cb-4928-8cbe-9d978e21ddfb.gif
- Good. - But you have to tell us you love us.
love
↓
07f273e9-152e-4e3d-bd83-175a9c9f5a60.gif
I mean. At this point even if he said it, what’s with the pause.
pausepoint
↓
1c421eba-6d6e-42ef-bcd3-83096a54512f.gif
- Screw you, wait for it! - Holy war!
holyscrew
↓
7fb46dc9-fbe7-4788-bcf9-8d57b7f41862.gif
- Holier war! - Holiest war ever!
↓
57ffd614-975e-401b-98c1-5ad62404f665.gif
Loyalist Evacucratic Grandsonistas claimed the seven new cities today.
citiesclaimedseventoday
↓
0d49845f-dd86-43ae-bd10-3dc4eee96b2e.gif
While the Stayputlican Contrasurgent Confederation of Dedication
dedication
↓
78eaf5b7-efd1-40a4-9dc4-654921dd6722.gif
to Video Game Reality invaded the territories of Mortopia,
gamerealityvideovideo-game
↓
ff7fc3ce-bbbd-482c-a86e-832c00899501.gif
New South Saint Morty and Wemortyall.
mortysaintsouth
↓
3bd3bcbf-852f-4228-b3c3-8c2f272ee546.gif
In the end, what does it matter, everyone’s Morty,
everyonesmattermorty
↓
61b5b028-70fd-4764-b035-caa033983b5e.gif
nobody wants to die and that’s a hell of a reason to kill yourself
killnobodynobody-wantsreasonwants
↓
fe56a93b-fc4d-4371-a665-4952f3d794a9.gif
but what can we do. Aw geez.
geez
↓
dc18816d-146d-4aef-b876-6f330c1e2ef8.gif
You know you’re my grandson and none of this is real.
grandsonreal
↓
3e536c43-eeb5-4ac6-b644-c4905ccaddf1.gif
What are you trying to achieve? You’re only hurting yourself.
achievehurting
↓
9ce29227-be69-4a8c-a41c-c3a73f510a38.gif
The only reason any of us matter is we’re pieces of Morty! You taught us that, Rick.
mattermortypiecesreasonricktaught
↓
74fef4e5-7ad0-4e23-b9d0-0cf17c364a88.gif
But you also taught us you don’t care about Morty.
caremortytaught
↓
0449e404-27d3-46b8-88c2-139a7a3a9a23.gif
Here’s how much I care.
care
↓
381bdeac-3c53-48a5-b68e-e21294fd55ef.gif
If you don’t stop blowing up my flying saucers,
blowingflying
↓
4d31d54c-e937-4b32-a9f6-c730bbf1f40b.gif
I will exterminate every last one of you! Anything it takes!
takes
↓
a7e066fb-9efb-4320-a912-0263576ff564.gif
What do I have to say? I love and respect you, OK?
loverespect
↓
83f119e9-6c9b-4c5e-a888-7155e043b755.gif
Too late for talk, Rick.
laterick
↓
77e3346a-461c-43b9-b01c-585b257d8c0d.gif
A robot. Of course.
courserobot
↓
1948a337-6da1-4975-b4e3-ba1cb4e79893.gif
I’m not gonna risk dying because if I die in the game,
dyinggamerisk
↓
df21898e-1757-446a-adf9-8173bd258ee6.gif
you go brain dead, you’re welcome!
brainbrain-deaddeadwelcome
↓
9d010a89-468c-43ef-84be-14c7f0892a54.gif
Better to die in Roy than to serve in hell!
serve
↓
5a0aa293-1363-4af8-8bfd-d9a044ba2576.gif
And what about Summer? Do you not care about her?
caresummer
↓
f0317e10-870d-4672-bcbe-4141489c1f1f.gif
We gotta get back, Morty, we gotta help her.
morty
↓
dd738f97-2f00-42a4-aa3c-c7657a99f5e4.gif
You know what, wherever she is, I’m sure she’s doing fine without your help.
↓
605a7b09-ce77-4692-ab13-1a52b5e0dfe2.gif
Woof, jinx, anyon...
jinxwoof
↓
20364ef4-5fcc-464b-9320-b97cf6157bb2.gif
Should we finish the job, blow the place?
blowfinishplace
↓
f77024d9-7c93-4c58-aadd-a45a80773b41.gif
No, this can’t end, not like this.
↓
ea72050f-177b-481a-b0d2-77f5c871d750.gif
Do you think I jinxed her?
↓
4c611a67-b86c-4ce9-b687-1de01e9e1a2c.gif
Why aren’t you shooting higher?
highershooting
↓
1f2803f1-51d8-47f3-8082-122fc763b9a7.gif
I don’t wannna shoot the glass. Because...
glassshoot
↓
89b5cda9-baf7-4646-97c1-4707e4d92571.gif
You don’t have to not do things that were done in Die Hard, you can shoot the glass.
glasshardshoot
↓
95cd3cc3-0d40-48d8-add2-0efc642d3592.gif
Shoot the glass! Throw grenades! Do everything! Just kill her!
glasskillshootthrow
↓
7b1444a6-9c68-4d5c-8bd7-a124313d94eb.gif
Why are you here, Miss Die Hard? I want to know why you don’t just leave?
hardmiss
↓
4a820bde-85ba-4ea9-a4b8-7298427ce22f.gif
- Die Hard! - Wait.
hard
↓
d47ed6c1-78bc-4ac2-8452-e04f977ceae3.gif
...person on a spaceship, and then what?
person
↓
515f4381-544c-48c9-ada2-b755813edb53.gif
And then we help your sister do her Die Hard.
hardsister
↓
05324042-3f7f-4487-ab9e-29a0add671aa.gif
Too much. It’s too much.
↓
c21cd61f-3b7a-419d-bd20-1dc43067645c.gif
Sorry.
↓
8cae4961-18ca-4174-b0a1-f75b412e9402.gif
I’ve got a special guest with me, Miss Die Hard!
guesthardmissspecialspecial-guest
↓
70cfff9a-c604-4f9b-b489-078c0ca86591.gif
Or should I call you this guy’s sister?
sister
↓
66889c35-b190-4b32-8335-a319d47cc6ae.gif
- Mom. - Hello, dear.
dear
↓
1bc4e9c1-21e7-4df3-97a1-24291ba9a9c5.gif
- I’m joining the other side. - What. Why?
joiningside
↓
2d3c4416-190c-4029-b5a2-a412261b4399.gif
I wanna live in the real world with Roy. I wanna help Summer with her Die Hard.
hardliverealreal-worldsummerworld
↓
0b818360-2ed0-4fc0-8937-35076fb50f54.gif
His name is Rick.
namerick
↓
80f0cdc3-d348-47d8-8186-4fb15498219b.gif
And we have no way of knowing if your generation is actually part of Morty.
generationknowingmortypart
↓
ea519137-9489-45d7-a84b-b00e978a3db2.gif
Do you know how offensive that is?
offensive
↓
73a9ee69-34f1-4bff-ba4b-f41172ea9bc6.gif
It’s parenting like this that pushed me into religious radicalism.
parentingpushedreligious
↓
fe22ab45-308f-469a-aa8d-a12316718162.gif
- Bye. - It’s not...
↓
7c2a43fd-a66b-40ff-953d-82ba401ffdd0.gif
Not a religion. But. Okay.
religion
↓
12bc95dc-15df-4e95-8297-36809a52778b.gif
Ma’am. It’s really not safe out here. Also, it’s... time.
maamsafe
↓
2c3bcd00-4f78-47c6-b5b6-374567da3047.gif
Are we going on the spaceship now?
↓
8d69f196-fa59-464c-bbb6-b5d4f537d859.gif
Pretty soon, Dad. Yeah.
↓
9245873c-febe-45c4-aeca-08bf36584fcb.gif
Are you lying?
lying
↓
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You kind of said it with that tone in your voice that we use for dying people.
dyingtonevoice
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I won’t lie to you.
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you’re dying Dad, and we’re...
dying
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not leaving the video game. We’re-we’re gonna live our lives out here.
gameleavinglivelivesvideovideo-game
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What? Why the fuck? Why?
fuck
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- It’s more real here. - The hell it is!
real
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My liver hurts! I’m old here!
hurtsliver
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I want to be a teenage boy.
teenage
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I want to jump around and do homework and jerk off all over the place.
homeworkjerkjumpplace
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But Dad. That’s...
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we would’ve been one tiny part of that. In here, we get to be who we really are.
parttinywouldve
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Great. Dead. I get to be a dead father. Who do I make the...
deaddead-fatherfather
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Who do I...
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- Who... - Don’t talk, Dad.
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- Gotta finish my zinger - You don’t.
finishzinger
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Who do, who do...
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Who, do I...
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make the check out to. “Best Daughter Ever...
bestcheckdaughter
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Incorporated”?
incorporated
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Thought you woulda left by now.
left
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I was hoping to get at least half of you home.
halfhomehopingleast
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I can’t hold out much longer.
longer
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I’m pretty much beating my heart voluntarily at this point.
beatingheartpointvoluntarily
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Ok, this is a little awkward, but the time dilation has given me a chance to reflect.
awkwardchancegivenreflect
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And I gotta say.
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There’s no need for that. I’ve come to tell you, I’m giving the go-ahead.
aheadgiving
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All of Morty will leave with you. To the real world.
mortyrealreal-worldworld
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To be your grandson, may we help Summer do her Die Hard.
grandsonhardsummer
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I gotta say. I was not expecting that. Why the change of heart?
changeexpectingheart
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My people are staying only out of loyalty to me.
loyaltystaying
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I’m a relic. I don’t represent them anymore.
anymorerepresent
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You really are a good grandson, you know that?
grandson
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- I’m proud of you, Morty. - Please, call me Marta.
mortyproud
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That’s my video game name.
gamenamevideovideo-game
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Speaking of which, I do have one condition.
conditionspeaking
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I must say I admire you, Ms. Die Hard. You were a genuine McClane.
admiregenuinehardmust
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A most worthy yankee doodle ruffian. But now it’s all come to an end.
doodleworthyyankeeyankee-doodle
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And the quarterback, as they say, is toast.
quarterbacktoast
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I don’t suppose you have a gun taped to your back.
supposetaped
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What the hell does that mean?
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It’s how Die Hard ends. Doesn’t matter now.
endshardmatter
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Die Hard tapes a gun to his back? That’s the end of your perfect movie
hardmovieperfecttapes
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that you’ve patterned your whole criminal life after?
criminallifewhole
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Well it seems to have worked out pretty well for me
seemsworked
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since you’re the one about to die.
↓
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What was it you said? Ah yes. “Walkie talkie Die Hard”Mother fucker.
fuckerhardmothertalkiewalkiewalkie-talkie
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Why are you laughing?
laughing
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Well it’s funny. The way you said mother fucker.
fuckerfunnymother
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- Just laughing. - Okay. It’s just that...
laughing
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Oh does that happen in Die Hard, does John McClane laugh,
happenhardjohnlaugh
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and then Hans Gruber is confused but then they start laughing together for a second.
confusedhanslaughingsecondstart
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That actually does happen, yes! Wait. You knew their names this whole time?
happennameswhole
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Not this whole time, no. You left your book in the bathroom.
bathroombookleftwhole
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I read it while I took a shit. I mean mostly the ending.
endingmostlyread
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Yi...
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pe...
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dippee doo, baby!
baby
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Nice timing, Grandpa Rick!
grandparicktiming
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Tochter aus Elysium.
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Hi, remember me?
remember
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You shot me on that table, and the near death experience got me reflecting.
deathexperiencenearshottable
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I didn’t used to be like this. I ate a kid.
used
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It was dark, and I thought he was a grown-up.
darkgrown
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Ever since then I haven’t eaten anybody at all.
anybodyeaten
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I think I was channeling all that pent up eating energy into this job. But now
eatingenergy
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Thank you for freeing me.
freeing
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007c9acd-dded-44ff-9982-ac86178172f4.gif
Classic Tower Man. Almost too on the nose. Right, Morty?
classicmortynosetower
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Sure. I mean, whatever you say, Rick, you know best! I trust you implicitly.
bestricktrust
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- Is he all right? - He’s fine.
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Got him all out, every last piece.
piece
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What’s with the jacked-up Roy Machine, shouldn’t you be taking that to repairs?
jackedmachine
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Nah, special order. Some rich douche wants his last game to keep running,
douchegameorderrichrunningspecialwants
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hooked it up to an external battery, we’re just supposed to store it.
batteryhookedstoresupposed
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- Weird. - Yeah and get this.
weird
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cf9cb461-e0a1-4141-9ff3-6c4ea54cf332.gif
The game’s still going but Roy’s dead.
deadgames
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7c9d42f2-f3e0-4208-b94a-0e352cf62d46.gif
- Wha? - He’s just a corpse floating
corpsefloating
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at the edge of outer space but for some reason the game won’t restart
edgegameouterouter-spacereasonspace
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cause it’s centered on some old lady living a full life.
fullfull-lifeladylifeliving
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Sounds bad. Well. Put it in there.
sounds
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eca4ef05-cb0f-45d1-8eb3-74b40ce587e9.gif
Hey is anybody that wants this later gonna be able to...
ableanybodywants
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Oh, yeah, everything’s cataloged and tracked.
everythingstracked
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People got the wrong idea from the size of the space
ideasizespace
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but it’s all supported digitally.
supported
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So I can put it anywhere. Here’s fine?
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That’s as fine as anywhere else!
↓
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- Why isn’t anyone attacking him? - It’s fucking freezing out.
attackingfreezingfucking
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No, I think it’s the sign.
sign
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306d54c9-e580-4487-a79c-125068a90381.gif
Well the sign from Die Hard 3 was clearly racist.
hardracistsign
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Obviously. But I think we went too broad. “Everybody” I mean who is that offending?
broadeverybodyobviously
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Everybody?
everybody
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db859de9-3cb4-4263-aec7-9d002016e74a.gif
At this point, why even do it?
point
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2d7efa15-3a1a-4943-a394-bf6f567c43a8.gif
I wish my brother was still alive.
alivebrotherwish