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Rick and Morty

Season 6, Episode 3 — Bethic Twinstinct

TMDB episode metadata
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Oh my god, I cannot fucking believe this, here we fucking go!
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Jeez!
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Pardon the interruption. We are once again in the federal clear.
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Rick what the hell? Are you a Turkey Dracula now?
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Morty, is that a Pooplickian GamePod?
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Actually it’s the GamePod XL.
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They say it’s the most realistic video game console ever.
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- I never got you that. - Space Mom did.
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She’s in for the holiday weekend. Remember?
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Shit, in that case, let’s go,
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- let’s get out of h... - I heard you smack the glass, Dad,
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- if you bail, I’ll disown you! - I’d say don’t hop through a portal.
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But wait, you can’t.
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Look at it this way, Morty.
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Life is a subscription and Thanksgiving is your family’s yearly charge.
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Wow Dad, good job.
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Rick, put some pants on. Today has so few rules.
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Yes, Patriarch.
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I’d like to make a toast. Today is a day for thanks. And for family.
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And for remembering all of those that have less.
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- Okay, pick a scope. - Pick a scope?
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- Can we please have a normal Thanksgiving? - Well seems like all the ones I remember.
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Good point.
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Baby, you, it’s a toast.
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- Sorry! - Sorry!
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Anyway, I’m thankful for my wife. Beth. The Beth that chose me.
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I’m so grateful to you, and I literally could not live without you.
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I really mean that. If something were to happen to you,
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or if you were to leave me, or be unfaithful, I would die.
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Literally. Probably by my own hand.
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- Okay. - I know how I’d do it.
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Our first blender has an extra long cord
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and it was manufactured before safety fuses, so I’d draw a warm bath...
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And blend some stuff, good toast, honey. To thankfulness.
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- To... America? - To ending the toast?
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- To ending the toast. - To ending the toast.
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Just to, be clear, I was saying I’d kill myself.
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- God. - God, we know.
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but I know you’re just a scared little overachiever that keeps all her OCD right.
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- My God. - Yeah.
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By the way you better be taking notes, I’m next.
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- It’s my back you dumb bitch. - Nice.
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What?
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- Well I better get back to bed. - Same
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So now you’re into highly realistic video games?
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Maybe I decided real life was too much right now
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or maybe I’m not afraid to change my mind about stuff,
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maybe mental flexibility is stronger than stubbornness.
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Nice manip’, Sum-Sum. Okay, I’m in the alley behind the library.
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- Uptown or downtown? - Shit, there’s one uptown, too?
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It’s okay, stay there, I think I’m near the red line.
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- Is this Street Fighter? - Street Fighter where you start
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at the beginning of each fighter’s day and have to find each other to fight.
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It’s very realistic. Not even guaranteed a fight will happen.
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That meter filling up is us forgetting what made us so mad.
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If anyone’s interested in a higher level of realism, I’m “booting up” the O.G.
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That’s Original Game, called a jigsaw puzzle, in the den.
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Hey, gang! Me and my space self are gonna make a run to the Gloppy Drop System
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for ice cream. Any flavor requests?
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- Vanilla! - Vanilla!
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Why do you guys have to go all the way to deep space just for ice cream?
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Gloppy Dropulites have less taste buds than humans,
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their ice cream is like a hospital bed,
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it’s designed for you to do less so it does more.
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Okay see ya in a bit.
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I’ll get started sorting all the obvious sky pieces. Secret technique.
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- Oh fuck it’s ON, bitch! - Oh shit there you are!
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- I’m gonna eat your ass. - You will die in the street like a dog!
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Stunning.
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Thank you. This is incredible.
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Just glad I had something in your size.
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How far is Gloppy Drop? And why do I always think I’m wearing a watch?
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I actually have a pint of Gloppy Drop on a little apartment orbiting Earth.
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- So we have time. - You have your own space station?
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We have our own space station. We’re the same person.
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There’s differences. Like, one of us has no idea who she really is.
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Wrong. But let’s make a deal.
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Let’s trust ourselves enough to stop wondering who we are when we’re together.
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We get to say anything to each other.
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Things we’d never say to anyone else, even ourselves.
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What don’t we say to ourselves?
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How about my ass looks good in that space suit.
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I mean it. I’m a good looking woman.
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Well that’s nice of you to say.
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I also... find myself... quite attractive.
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We forgot the ice cream.
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I want you back in my guts like I’m one of your sick little fillies.
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Goddammit, Morty! You can’t just take my controller.
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Yes I can! It’s mine.
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- Okay, Sum-Sum, gimme. - Make your own controller,
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some of us need all the control we can get.
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Fuck you!
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So why are you so suddenly into realistic video games?
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- I already was. - But now you’re into them the way I am.
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You mean like staring at them in a numb trance.
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Not judging, just noticing.
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You tend to notice stuff a little before I do.
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But eventually you do notice.
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And now we can both not notice together, yes.
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My god, Beth?!
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I thought you said you got ice cream?
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- I. It must be in the... - The car! We left it in the car.
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Okay, good, because that would have been weird!
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I worry things might become more and more noticeable.
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And if he kills himself we’re gonna have to get a new dad
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Jesus Christ, Summer!
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- Dad. What’s this? - Making a controller.
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This species of bionic space whale has carbon wiring, great for smooth gameplay.
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I’m not killing it, for the record.
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I’m just replacing its esophagus with a better one. For free.
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It should thank me. And it will, with its mind.
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These things are telepathic, Beth, they talk to you in dreams.
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Does your replicator thing make ice cream from the Gloppy Drop system?
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Why would you want replicated Gloppy Drop ice cream, poser?
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Crazy thing, I went with Space Beth to get some and we had such a great time
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we forgot the ice cream. Crazy right?
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- That’s a real question? - Maybe?
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Come here, hold the pup down.
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You’re talking about an infinite father.
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I’ve met myself out there infinite times...
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Infinite shit happens. Including, as you put it, forgetting the ice cream.
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- You’ve... forgotten the ice cream? - Drill me for details when I’m drunker.
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In the meantime, don’t worry about what’s crazy.
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- I’know, as the kids say, you do you. - Thanks. Thank you so much, Dad.
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One thing to keep in mind, though.
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It’s not just your own ice cream you’re forgetting. It’s your family’s.
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If you forget it too much, you start having to keep secrets.
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- And you’re against secrets. - Against? Hell no. Secrets are great.
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For instance, I’ve had a pint of vanilla Gloppy Drop in my fridge this whole time.
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Take it. I’m just saying, lies pile up.
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Like credit card debt. You retain an advantage by staying liquid.
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Gotcha. Well. I’d call this a simple cash transaction.
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Fun. And. Done.
fun
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Favorite Culkin?
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- Kieran! - Kieran!
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Favorite song by Britney?
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- Work Bitch! - Work Bitch!
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Favorite hangover cure?
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- Hair of the dog - Hair of the dog
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with a guilty pleasure like Humans Weekly.
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I told Dad. I mean I didn’t have to. He knew.
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I guess that’s one reason you didn’t have to tell him.
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What’d he say?
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We kind of talked in code, I think he said it’s fine
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until it makes us feel indebted to our lessers.
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That sounds like Dad.
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Do... we... owe... the family an explanation?
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Do we have to spend our time together figuring out how to please others?
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I’m married. We both are but I’m in our marriage.
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It’s the defining difference between us.
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Well there’s no rule book that says you have to be.
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What’s gonna happen? What is this? Are we in love? With ourself?
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I mean, does that make us the most or the least healthy woman in the universe?
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Anybody ever tell you you’re overly analytical? Which I do love?
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- If that’s what you need to call it? - I don’t need to call it anything.
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- I would like to know... its shelf life. - I might know a way to gather that data.
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- The Holodeck! - Motel Room!
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I like yours better.
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Beth! My Beth! Well, not “my” Beth, but... I finished! It’s done!
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Kids do you know where your moms are? Oh you’re busy with your GamePod,
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don’t worry about it, I’ll find those two somewhere
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No! No, dad, come play videogames with us.
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Okay Dad here’s the infinite menu screen.
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- I dunno. - Here, here,
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I’ll have the console choose a game!
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Maybe let’s skip this one?
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Really? Why? Looks fun!
fun
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So we are a woman married to a man but having a sexual affair with another woman!
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- Very spicy. - Very spicy, Jer. Good job.
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Looks pretty single player, kids?
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Seriously you two?! What the hell did you do in my holodeck?!
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Holy shit, you did a full ‘San Junipero’ in here?
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My god, Beth, there’s masturbating and then there’s masturbating.
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- Dad stop, I’m sorry! - You’d know, old man.
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Look, this isn’t my business and by all means
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enjoy being sapphic horse girls together. But you suck at doing it secretly.
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- We all know. - Including Jerry?!
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No, Dad’s so in the dark that he’s enjoying a video game
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about being in an affair right now.
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If you guys are doing this, you gotta tell him.
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- Okay, little man, back off. - Take it easy. They’re right.
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Right about what, that we have to be twice as considerate
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and twice as repressed because some dick split us in two?
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This is the shit I left. This isn’t. This is me.
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This is the me that doesn’t tell you all to fuck off. So allow me. Fuck off.
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She’ll tell her husband what she wants when she feels like it.
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And you can deal with it or you can deal with me.
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But you should know I have all the Predator weapons.
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- Works for me. - That’s cool.
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- Fair enough. - I guess it’s time for ice cream.
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Come on, kids, you’re inhaling this stuff.
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Your Moms went to space, did you even thank them for doing it?
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Thanks for... doing it, Moms.
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Very selfless of you.
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Eat your ice cream however you want. Nothing good lasts forever.
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Okay, c’mon, it’s Thanksgiving, the least we can do is speak English.
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Jerry, I had sex with your wife.
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Or, I’m your wife and had sex with the clone you sleep with.
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Your pick. We had sex. We loved it.
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Beth Sanchez sure is something?
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- I think I’ll ask her to prom. - Jerry. For your own sake.
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Stay away from Beth Sanchez.
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- Worst case, she says “no”. - No, Jerry. Worst case she says “yes”.
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She’s too much woman for you. Maybe she’d find your simple naïveté endearing
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but she’s intense. Sooner or later, she’d tear you apart.
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I’d be lucky to be torn apart by Beth Sanchez.
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- What the fuck?! - Dad’s a bug! Dad rolled into a bug!
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Forgot I installed that.
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- Why does Jerry have a Pill Bug Protocol? - It’s an emotional defense system.
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I got drunk with Jerry one night
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and he said it’s what he wanted most in the world.
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Don’t blame me, I wanted tattoos
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Anyway, he’s in perfect health in there and he can unroll when he chooses to
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but can also stay in metabolic hibernation pretty much indefinitely.
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It’s a cool power to have, like if you have to fly coach
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or if Summer asks you what you thought of ‘Wonder Woman 1984
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- How do we undo it? - Only he can.
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That’s the point. It’s total safety. Even I can’t reverse it.
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If you try to pry him out and hit a nerve, he’ll literally turn into a Shrek.
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In his own sad way, he’s taken control.
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This is classic Jerry. He’d rather be a bug than have a conversation.
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Have you heard the way you start conversations?
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You ladies discuss responsibility while I get stoned
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and play video games with your kids.
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- Fuck! More forest! - Look around!
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Try heading North?
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- Oh shit. - Wait, what the fuck.
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Maybe keep heading North?
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- What the hell?! - God, what happens in the shadows?
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Jerry, sweetie?
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- If you can hear me, please, unroll. - He doesn’t want to.
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It’s a little late to worry about what he wants.
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Jesus, Beth, don’t fall for this. This isn’t love, it’s a tantrum.
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Yeah but his tantrum is self destructive. Yours is destructive.
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Maybe that’s why I’m the one that loves him. He worries.
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He wants to do right. He’s ashamed when he fails.
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Aren’t those things you love about me?
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You want me to be like him? You want me to propose? Threaten to kill myself?
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No. I love you the way you are. And I did it forever in a video game.
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But in life, things go wrong. Things stop working.
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I like to fix those things, and when I can’t, I’m pretty useless.
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- Like my husband. - I don’t get it.
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You’re the house wife and I’m the space lady
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but you’re the one that chewed me up and spit me out.
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I don’t want to just forget about you.
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Me neither. It’s a problem.
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But we know someone that owes us a solution.
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Shit, we’re out of the forest! We found a clearing!
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Go check it out! Go check out the clearing!
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Vampires?! Oh, come on! That’s not realistic!
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Morty, it’s obviously set in a world where vampires hunt in clearings.
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How did you...
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I’m working with the same information you are.
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No more screen time until your homework’s done, Dad.
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- What did that mean? - We refuse to care
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Damn. You really came of age this Thanksgiving.
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How old are we? We’ve had a million Thanksgivings.
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- Can I explain how irrational this is? - Asked the guy that cloned his daughter.
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Will I ever live that down?
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- No - No
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You guys are having me Eternal Sunshine
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all the Multiplicity porn scenes from your minds?
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- Yep. Basically. - Sounds right.
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Meanwhile, everyone around you, your father, your cuckhold husband,
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your jaded children will just happily and silently bear the burden
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because it’s more practical for them than the truth
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and you don’t care becausei t won’t be your problem.
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- Solid repipe, Dad. - It’s like he has a lifetime of experience
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as a selfish ass.
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When this fails and the two of you fall in love again
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and you attack me for taking part in this,
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I’m gonna lie and say I tried to talk you out of it for hours.
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In truth, I don’t care.
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- Three, two... - For God’s sake, all of you, grow up.
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- Jerry! You un rolled! - What the hell?
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Plot twist, Deus Ex Husbanda.
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Don’t lobotomize yourselves for my comfort.
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I may be a man but I’m also a baby and babies don’t take responsibility
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for other people’s suffering. I should never have said I’d kill myself
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if you left me. It’s not true.
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All I’d do is pack my shit and cry while I look for a job on Starbuck’s wifi.
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And that’s what I’m gonna do.
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So the two of you can get clone lesbian married by a robot
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and finger yourselves on the moon while laughing in Martian French
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- about my weird little dick! - Jerry, wait.
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- Jerry, don’t leave angry. - Should I float out on a lotus leaf?
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I have to be twice as confident because my wife cheated on me with herself?
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- It’s not even cheating. - You here to help? You suck.
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You don’t even know which one is your real wife.
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If it’s me, have you been cheating with a clone?
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I’m not the clone but she has a point.
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what a provocative conversation it would’ve been great to have before
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the two of you, and I am counting two,
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gave each other unfairly expert orgasms while mocking my weird little dick!
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Jerry, you’re the only one who keeps saying weird and little.
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Well you’ve both seen it! And you’ve both seen each other
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and now you want to tell me all about it but it’s a little late.
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My God. You’re not mad that it was about you. You’re mad that it wasn’t.
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He wanted to permit our love.
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Okay it’s not "Handmaid’s Tale" to loop in your husband.
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I agree for the record, we made a mistake.
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because we should’ve noticed ourselves losing control and gone to Sexmaster Jerry
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and said oh pretty please, Jerry, can I make out with myself?
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Yes you may.
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See. Not so hot when it’s above board. Homewreckers.
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- So we won’t enjoy this? - Well hold on hold on, this is weird.
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Weird and permitted.
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- Wait, you like this? - Who cares what he likes.
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- I do. - I might like it
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- and if she likes it I permit it. - You little pervert.
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- You like a little pervert. - I like humiliating a little pervert.
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- I approve. Carry on. - I’m freaked out by how hot this is.
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- Am I permitted to do this? - Until further notice.
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- I love it. - Then it’s permitted from now on.
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Because you like whatever she likes. Because you’re a worm.
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I will allow that assessment.
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- Pass the salt? - Dammit.
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- I allow this. - Well then it’s required.
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I approve the requirement.
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- You get over there. - Good idea
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- Okay. Honey? - I’m fine if you are.
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- You’re never fine, shut up. - Okay but... Okay.
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- This is not how I pictured this but... - I have zero complaints so far.
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- Because I know what you want. - I do not disagree with that.
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- Can I make a pitch? What if we... - Are you serious?
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- Is this making fun of me? - Well is that bad?
fun
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I’ll allow it.
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Jesus Christ, you need to fix the portal gun, Rick.
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Morty, you asking makes me wanna do it less.
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Okay, Thanksgiving! Let’s talk about Thanksgiving!
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Who’s thankful for what? Go, Summer, you first.
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I guess I’m thankful, for like, water?
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Perfect! Wonderful! Morty, what about you?
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Fucking. Are you fucking kidding me? Why? Why?
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Discovery Channel! Discovery Channel, why?!
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Okay. Just, eat your food. Everyone eat the food.
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Sorry, I'm... this...
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Well, bye kids! I’ll keep an eye out for my grandkid in space.
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Your what? Oh! Right. Naruto.
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Thanks for visiting, Space Beth.
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Well, seems like we all learned a little lesson this weekend!
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- At least, I know I did! - Me too, Jerry. Me too.
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Hello there, Jerry! How can I help you today?
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Howdy! Just, just here to hang!
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I’m sorry, sweetie. You can’t come here by yourself.
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Why not? It’s just me in there!
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Well, not that this is something you’d do, but sometimes we have Jerries come here
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and try to touch other Jerries.
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No, that’s, that’s not good. Well, see you later!
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- Okay. - Thank you!