♥ Saved GIFs

Loading…

View all favorites →

Home » Rick and Morty » S03E07 — The Ricklantis Mixup

Rick and Morty

Season 3, Episode 7 — The Ricklantis Mixup

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: The Ricklantis Mixup

Air date: September 10, 2017

Director: Dominic Polcino

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

Rick and Morty head to Atlantis. Meanwhile, the Citadel of Ricks undergoes major changes under new leadership.

Source: TMDB

↓

All right, Morty, you ready for our adventure

adventure morty ready

↓

to the Lost City of Atlantis?

city lost

↓

Ready as I'll ever be, Rick.

ready rick

↓

[ Portal opens ] Oh, for fucks sake.

fucks fucks-sake opens portal sake

↓

Hello, I'm Rick K-22. This is my Morty.

morty rick

↓

We're going from reality to reality

reality

↓

asking Ricks to contribute

asking contribute

↓

to the Citadel of Ricks Redevelopment Fund.

fund

↓

What are you, stupid?

stupid

↓

We're done with the Citadel of Ricks.

↓

I was [burps] never on board with it in the first place.

board burps place

↓

That's why I murdered everyone in charge

charge murdered

↓

and left it to rot.

left

↓

Oh, that was you.

↓

They tried to murder him first. Aw, geez.

geez murder tried

↓

Well, you'll be happy to know

happy

↓

that the council's gone now --

gone

↓

Yeah, he knows. He murdered them.

knows murdered

↓

You want to rein in your Morty? Every day.

morty

↓

The Citadel of Ricks Redevelopment Fund

fund

↓

donates -- Morty, he's not gonna [burps] donate.

burps donate morty

↓

You're pitching the Policeman's Ball

ball pitching

↓

to a black teenager here.

black teenager

↓

Let's go. You don't have to be a dick.

dick

↓

I think you know that's not true. Geez.

geez

↓

I didn't know there were still Ricks and Mortys

↓

living on the Citadel.

living

↓

I wonder what their day-to-day lives are like.

lives wonder

↓

Well, you can keep wondering that

wondering

↓

while we go on a fun, fresh,

fresh fun

↓

self-contained adventure to Atlantis.

adventure self

↓

Anyone continuing to explore the Citadel is either stupid

continuing explore stupid

↓

or one of the unfortunate millions

millions unfortunate

↓

held hostage by their terrible ideas.

held hostage ideas

↓

Man, I'm glad I'm not one of them!

glad

↓

♪ Somewhere out on that horizon ♪

horizon

↓

♪ Out beyond the neon lights ♪

beyond lights neon

↓

♪ I know there must be somethin' better ♪

must somethin

↓

♪ But there's nowhere else in sight ♪

sight

↓

♪ It's survival in the city ♪

city survival

↓

♪ When you live from day to day ♪

live

↓

♪ City streets don't have much pity ♪

city pity streets

↓

♪ When you're down, that's where you'll stay ♪

↓

♪♪

↓

Announcer Rick: Citadel Morning News.

announcer morning news rick

↓

News about the Citadel in the morning,

morning news

↓

pretty self explanatory.

self

↓

Good morning. I'm Rick D-716B.

morning rick

↓

And I'm Rick D-716. Must be nice.

must rick

↓

Coming up, gravity outages in East Sanchez Heights...

coming east gravity heights sanchez

↓

And, is your uranium-powered cellular matrix

powered

↓

making you sick?

sick

↓

The answer may not surprise you.

answer surprise

↓

It's -- yes, it's uranium.

↓

Those stories and more, after this break.

break stories

↓

Sam Elliot: 60 iterations off the central finite curve,

central curve elliot

↓

there's a Rick that works more with wood

rick wood works

↓

than polarity plating.

↓

His name is Simple Rick but he's no dummy.

dummy name rick simple

↓

He realized long ago

realized

↓

that the greatest thing he'd ever create

create greatest

↓

was his daughter.

daughter

↓

I love Daddy!

daddy love

↓

Sam Elliot: We captured that moment --

captured elliot moment

↓

We run it on a loop through Simple Rick's mind --

loop mind simple

↓

And the chemical it makes his brain secrete

brain chemical makes

↓

goes into every Simple Rick's "Simple Wafers" Wafer Cookie.

cookie simple wafer

↓

Come home to the impossible flavor

flavor home impossible

↓

of your own completion.

↓

Come home to Simple Rick's.

home simple

↓

Just one day remains

remains

↓

before our newly democratic Citadel

democratic newly

↓

elects its first President,

president

↓

it's anyone's race among the Rick candidates.

among anyones candidates race rick

↓

But a certain other candidate

candidate certain

↓

should be getting at least one vote

least vote

↓

for most adorable.

adorable

↓

That's right.

↓

The Morty party candidate's still in the race,

candidates morty party race

↓

and you just gotta love him for that.

love

↓

Here you see him in his little Morty suit waving --

morty suit waving

↓

Isn't that adorable? Little jackass.

adorable jackass

↓

Uh, yeah, I think we actually have

↓

the audio for his speech here --

audio speech

↓

[ As Morty, poorly ] Aw, geez. Aw, man.

geez morty poorly

↓

I'm gonna lose the election and stuff.

election lose stuff

↓

[ Both laugh ]

laugh

↓

We had a good run, sir,

↓

but I think it's time to pull out of the race.

pull race

↓

I feel pretty confident about tonight's debate.

confident debate tonights

↓

You shouldn't, sir. You should be terrified.

terrified

↓

Maybe you should find a little faith, young man.

faith young

↓

You don't pay me to have faith.

faith

↓

And we're the same age!

↓

[ All cheering ]

cheering

↓

- Aah! - Whoa!

whoa

↓

Oh. Sorry. I-I was expecting --

expecting

↓

A Rick partner?

partner rick

↓

Lesson one, rookie, expect the unexpected.

expect lesson rookie unexpected

↓

Now, get in.

↓

Mortys are human!

human

↓

Get the fuck off the car, you Rickless fucking animal!

animal fuck fucking

↓

Whoa! Morty Cop: The election's got these yellow shirts

morty shirts whoa yellow

↓

more riled up than a picture-day Jessica.

jessica picture riled

↓

That's pretty harsh, sir.

harsh

↓

So report me. Nobody gives a fuck.

fuck gives nobody nobody-gives report

↓

Look, I'm just saying, it makes me a little sad

makes

↓

to hear a Morty cop calling Mortys animals.

animals calling morty

↓

Well, it makes me sad to hear another Rick cop

another makes rick

↓

buying into his sensitivity training.

buying training

↓

Well, I'm glad to know there's more like me.

glad

↓

Oh, there was one.

↓

Why do you think that seat was empty? [ Radio beeps ]

beeps empty radio seat

↓

Rick Dispatch: Robbery at Fifth and [belches] Avenue.

avenue belches fifth rick robbery

↓

Fifth and [belches]

belches fifth

↓

That's Morty Town. Unit seven responding.

morty responding seven town unit

↓

[ Zaps ] Ohh!

↓

[ Siren wailing ]

siren siren-wailing wailing

↓

Rick Teacher: Good idea, Rick.

idea rick teacher

↓

All Morty Students: Good idea, Rick.

idea morty rick students

↓

This is a great adventure.

adventure

↓

All: This is a great adventure.

adventure

↓

I love being your new Morty.

love morty

↓

All: I love being your new Mor-- Farty.

love

↓

[ Laughter ] Very amusing, Mr. Smith.

amusing laughter smith

↓

Almost as amusing as when your first Rick

amusing rick

↓

was decapitated on Zorpantheon Nine.

decapitated nine

↓

Or was that your third Rick?

rick third

↓

How many Ricks have you had?

↓

Five. I see.

five

↓

So you are top of the class in something.

class

↓

[ Laughter ] Tomorrow you'll be transferred to your new Ricks.

laughter tomorrow transferred

↓

Hopefully they will be your last.

hopefully

↓

Yes, Slow Ri-- Tall Morty?

morty slow tall

↓

Di-- did I gradgitate this time yet?

↓

Anything's possible, Tall Morty.

anythings morty possible tall

↓

[ Groans ] [ Laughter ]

groans laughter

↓

[ Bell rings ]

bell bell-rings rings

↓

I guess we won't be seeing each other after this, huh?

seeing

↓

I say we make our last day count.

count

↓

I say...we go to the Wishing Portal.

portal wishing

↓

That's a myth. It's not a myth.

myth

↓

My first Rick's fourth Morty

fourth morty

↓

knew a Rick whose Morty went there.

morty rick

↓

If we're not here for graduation,

graduation

↓

our butts are gonna wind up in Morty Town.

butts morty town wind

↓

I thought your last Rick fused you with a lizard,

fused lizard rick

↓

not a chicken.

chicken

↓

Okay, fine. I'm in.

↓

Me too.

↓

What the hell?! I thought I saw a fly.

↓

[ Alarm blaring ]

alarm alarm-blaring blaring

↓

Supervisor Rick: [ Whistles ]

rick supervisor whistles

↓

Listen up, fuck nuts.

fuck nuts

↓

I've been your supervisor for five years,

five five-years supervisor years

↓

but all shitty things must come to an end

must shitty

↓

and I have been promoted to regional manager.

manager promoted regional

↓

All: [ Blowing raspberries, mock cheering ]

blowing cheering mock

↓

Yeah, I feel the same way, may be never meet again.

meet

↓

Of course,

course

↓

that makes the position of supervisor available,

available makes position supervisor

↓

so, as of next week, the ass you'll be kissing

kissing week

↓

will be that of...

↓

K-83, affectionately known as Cool Rick.

cool known rick

↓

All: [ Grumbling ]

grumbling

↓

I know I'm new to the Citadel,

↓

and some of you might not think I put in my time,

might

↓

but what can I say?

↓

I'm Cool Rick!

cool rick

↓

Yo! Ha! Ha! Check me out!

check

↓

All right knuckle[burps]heads, any questions?

burps heads knuckle questions

↓

All right, then, back to work, you gold rickers.

gold

↓

♪♪

↓

No Ricks, no families,

families

↓

high off their asses, and running amuck.

asses running

↓

Mortys are raised to be sidekicks.

raised

↓

Without a side to kick, they just start kicking.

kick kicking side start

↓

They were -- they were about my height,

height

↓

around 14 years old...

years

↓

oh, their -- their shirts were yellow!

shirts yellow

↓

Yeah, make sure you get that down.

↓

Any mutations, augmentations?

↓

Uh-- Three eyes? A tail? Maybe a buzz cut?

buzz eyes tail three

↓

No. Just four normal Mortys.

four normal

↓

Normal? Put it in your blog.

normal

↓

Let me turn over a few rocks.

rocks

↓

Aw, geez. Hey, what's goin' on, fellas?

fellas geez goin

↓

Aw, geez, man. Nothing, man.

geez

↓

We're just hanging out and stuff.

hanging stuff

↓

I hear that. Aw, geez.

geez

↓

I guess I'm supposed to be figurin' out

supposed

↓

who robbed the store across the street.

robbed store street

↓

But, aw, geez, I don't know.

geez

↓

Aw, geez man, that sucks

geez sucks

↓

that your Rick's making you do that.

↓

He's not my Rick. He's my partner.

partner rick

↓

Aw, geez.

geez

↓

Well, maybe the uniform makes a big difference,

difference makes uniform

↓

who am I to say.

↓

To me, you just look like a sidekick.

sidekick

↓

Whoa! Call me a sidekick one more time!

sidekick whoa

↓

Call me a sidekick!

sidekick

↓

Hey, man! Come on! Aw, geez!

geez

↓

Wanna see how I paint a wall?!

paint wall

↓

It was the Morty Town Locos, man!

morty town

↓

The -- the Morty Town Locos! [ Groans ]

groans morty town

↓

Aah! Aah!

↓

Do you realize how many codes you just violated?

codes realize violated

↓

Aw, geez, Rick.

geez rick

↓

What do I know about knowin' stuff?

stuff

↓

Get in the fucking car.

fucking

↓

More lasers.

lasers

↓

You could take more time

↓

to answer the question if you like.

answer question

↓

Okay, Juggling Rick,

rick

↓

how would you solve the Citadel's financial crisis?

crisis financial solve

↓

First off, can I just say

↓

that I believe this Citadel is the greatest

believe greatest

↓

in the entire multi-verse.

entire multi verse

↓

Now, I believe the answer to your question

answer believe question

↓

has three parts.

parts three

↓

First, education spending must get much higher...

education higher must spending

↓

But it has to be balanced with defense...

defense

↓

Whoa! Whoa! Can we fact check this please?

check fact whoa

↓

Never mind. Who am I kidding.

kidding mind

↓

This race is over.

race

↓

[ Chainsaw whirring ]

whirring

↓

And that's how you run a Citadel!

↓

[ All Ricks cheering ]

cheering

↓

Candidate Morty,

candidate morty

↓

the number of displaced Mortys is soaring

number soaring

↓

while Rick satisfaction levels are plummeting,

levels rick satisfaction

↓

and the divide between the two groups

divide groups

↓

has never been wider.

↓

Solve that one real quick.

quick real real-quick solve

↓

[ Ricks cheering, chuckling ]

cheering chuckling

↓

I don't see a divide between Ricks and Mortys --

divide

↓

Oh, shocker.

shocker

↓

[ Farts ] [ Laughter ]

farts laughter

↓

I'd like to offer a re-buttal.

offer

↓

[ Farts ]

farts

↓

Gentlemen, gentlemen,

gentlemen

↓

I think we can all agree on one thing --

agree

↓

[ Farts twice ]

farts twice

↓

Well, it came out as two things

↓

but you get the idea.

idea

↓

[ Laughter ] You guys finished?

finished laughter

↓

[ Laughing stops ]

laughing stops

↓

The division I see

division

↓

is between the Ricks and Mortys

↓

that like the Citadel divided...

divided

↓

and the rest of us.

rest

↓

I see it everywhere I go.

↓

I see it in our schools

schools

↓

where they teach Mortys we're all the same,

teach

↓

because they're threatened by what makes us unique.

makes threatened unique

↓

I see it in our streets

streets

↓

where they give guns to Mortys,

guns

↓

so we're too busy fighting each other

busy fighting

↓

to fight real injustice.

fight injustice real

↓

I see it in our factories

factories

↓

where Ricks work for a fraction of their boss' salary

boss salary

↓

even though they're identical and have the same IQ.

identical

↓

The Citadel's problem isn't homeless Mortys

homeless problem

↓

or outraged Ricks.

outraged

↓

[ Screams ]

screams

↓

[ Gunshots ]

gunshots

↓

The Citadel's problem is the Ricks and Mortys

problem

↓

feeding on the Citadel's death...

death feeding

↓

Holy shit.

holy

↓

[ Alarm sounding ]

alarm sounding

↓

Rick Security Officer: He's headed for the flavor core!

core flavor headed officer rick security

↓

But I've got a message for them,

message

↓

from the Ricks and Mortys keeping it alive,

alive keeping

↓

a message from the Ricks and Mortys

message

↓

that believe in this Citadel

believe

↓

to the Ricks and Mortys that don't.

↓

You're outnumbered.

↓

[ Cheers and applause ]

applause cheers

↓

Holy shit.

holy

↓

I don't believe it.

believe

↓

I-I can't believe it.

believe

↓

I know. That's why you're fired.

fired

↓

Sounds like you're looking for work.

looking sounds

↓

I can offer you

offer

↓

a very enticing compensation package.

compensation package

↓

First, let's talk benefits...

benefits

↓

Daddy loves you. That's Daddy's good girl.Your life is a lie, man.

daddy daddys girl life loves

↓

All your life's are lies!

lies lifes

↓

Don't you get it?!

↓

They told us we were special because we were Ricks,

special

↓

but they stripped us of everything that made us unique!

stripped unique

↓

We know how you feel.

↓

We're working-stiff Ricks just like you.

stiff working

↓

but our assembly line is justice.

assembly justice line

↓

What are your demands?

demands

↓

I-I-I want a portal gun.

portal

↓

Unregistered, untraceable,

↓

with enough fluid to take me off this God damn prison!

fluid prison

↓

The media's outside. Well, keep 'em there.

↓

Anyway, so yeah, the suspect says the Citadel's a lie,

suspect

↓

built on lies, and some other shit.

built lies

↓

I say appreciate the life you have,

appreciate life

↓

because it can always be worse.

worse

↓

Back to you, Ricks.

↓

Thank you, Rick 0716-C.

rick

↓

That fucking guy. Tell me about it.

fucking

↓

[ Clears throat ] Meanwhile, in election news,

clears clears-throat election meanwhile news throat

↓

an unexpected turn of events

events unexpected

↓

as Morty from the Morty Party

morty party

↓

soars to the top of the polls.

soars

↓

[ Crowd saying "Morty! Morty! Morty!" ] Yes.

crowd morty

↓

Morty, what's your original reality and where's your Rick?

morty original reality rick

↓

Gosh, we moved around so much it's hard to remember.

gosh hard moved remember

↓

I see every Rick as my Rick,

rick

↓

I hope they see me as their Morty. [ Crowd laughing agreeably ]

crowd crowd-laughing hope laughing morty

↓

Another? Please? With less water?

another less water

↓

Hey, cheer up, pal.

cheer

↓

A Morty's gonna be president.

president

↓

Imagine this kisser

imagine kisser

↓

getting blamed for everything.

blamed

↓

I guess I should've had more faith.

faith shouldve

↓

It's not faith you need. It's fear.

faith fear

↓

What's this?

↓

It's secrets.

secrets

↓

Wh-- wh-- wh-- what do you think it is?

↓

Look at how I'm dressed.

dressed

↓

Rick Reporter: Having taken aim at the system,

having reporter rick system taken

↓

are afraid at all for your safety?

afraid safety

↓

Candidate Morty: I'd rather live in hope than fear.

candidate fear hope live morty

↓

If I had to fear anything,

fear

↓

I'd fear other people being afraid.

afraid fear

↓

Of fear. Itself.

fear

↓

But. No, I'm not afraid.

afraid

↓

Morty Town Loco #1: Hey, Rick, man, when there's a Morty president,

morty president rick town

↓

you gonna lick my balls or what?

balls lick

↓

Sheeeet, grandson,

grandson

↓

you keep me peelin' skrabquams and slippin' nib nibs,

slippin

↓

I'll lick whatever ain't nailed down.

aint lick nailed

↓

[ Laughter ] [ Door crashes ]

crashes door laughter

↓

Hands in the air!

hands

↓

What the hell, man?! What the hellin' hell?

↓

You guys doing a little chemistry homework

chemistry homework

↓

with Grandpa? Is this what I think it is?

grandpa

↓

Bootleg portal fluid.

fluid portal

↓

[ Screams ]

screams

↓

I guess his math was off.

math

↓

Search the place.

place search

↓

[ Sobbing ]

sobbing

↓

Are -- are you... my new...R-- Rick?

rick

↓

It's okay, Morty.

morty

↓

[ Grunts ] [ Screams ]

grunts screams

↓

Jesus.

jesus

↓

He stabbed me. He got me bad, Morty.

morty stabbed

↓

Shh. It's okay. You're okay.

↓

You were right. [ Coughs ]

coughs

↓

Everything I learned at the academy was -- Doesn't matter.

academy learned matter

↓

Nothing's wrong with putting your faith in a Morty.

faith morty nothings putting

↓

You just gotta pick the right one.

pick

↓

Why is there a crib in here?

crib

↓

Something they do. To make you feel bad.

↓

Boy, I got us knee-deep in paperwork, huh?

deep knee paperwork

↓

Go to the car and grab a medi-pack.

grab medi pack

↓

Let me worry about this.

worry

↓

What happened? Same old story --

happened story

↓

Mortys killing Mortys.

killing

↓

Almost...got it...

↓

[ All yelping ] Farmer Rick: Hey!

farmer rick

↓

Y'all get the hell away from my damn mega fruit!

fruit mega yall

↓

[ All yelping ]

↓

Sic 'em, boy! [ Barking ]

barking

↓

I don't wear this dag-nab hat

wear

↓

and commit to this rural character

character commit

↓

so you can eat for free while you come of age!

free

↓

I bet the Wishing Portal leads to a reality

leads portal reality wishing

↓

where they're -- where all --

↓

where it's a bunch of French toast with boobies.

boobies bunch french toast

↓

I bet it leads to a place with a bunch of fry --

bunch leads place

↓

fly -- flies everywhere.

flies

↓

Yeah, I bet it goes nowhere.

↓

I bet it's a big hole

hole

↓

where the Citadel dumps all its broken dreams.

broken dreams dumps

↓

Slick, why do you have to be so dramatic?

dramatic slick

↓

You wanna know why? Because of this.

↓

I'm part of an experimental line of Mortys

experimental line part

↓

with a drama implant.

drama

↓

How do you think it feels, Fat Morty,

feels morty

↓

to know that no matter where I go,

matter

↓

I'll always be the one

↓

that makes everybody sad and a little bored.

bored everybody makes

↓

Slick, that implant isn't who you are, okay?

slick

↓

You also roll up your sleeves.

roll sleeves

↓

I thought I was Left-Handed Morty.

handed left morty

↓

Then you should use your left hand

hand left left-hand

↓

to eat more vegetables.

vegetables

↓

Hey, there. How you doing? Great to meet you.

meet

↓

I'm a plumber, sir.

plumber

↓

I'm a Rick, and I'm a plumber.

plumber rick

↓

That doesn't sound like Rick work.

rick sound

↓

You didn't come to the Citadel to be a plumber, did you?

plumber

↓

Ha! ha! I sure didn't, sir!

↓

Mr. Morty! Mr. Morty!

morty

↓

I cloned myself so you could kiss me as a baby!

baby kiss

↓

This is just like a Morty baby!

baby morty

↓

[ All cheering ]

cheering

↓

Hey, did you, uh, end up getting a new job?

↓

Yeah, I did.

↓

Assassinating you.

↓

[ Groans ]

groans

↓

[ Screams ]

screams

↓

I'm okay...

↓

I'm okay...

↓

I'm...

↓

[ Groans ]

groans

↓

♪♪

↓

Aw, man. Aw, geez.

geez

↓

Aw, hah.

↓

You look like you could use a good time.

↓

One dance for $10, two for $25.

dance

↓

No, thank you -- and bad math.

math

↓

Ha! Ha! Yeah! This is a good time!

↓

What is this place? The Creepy Morty.

creepy morty place

↓

What is it your kind's always saying --

kinds

↓

"Don't think about it."

↓

Come on.

↓

There's someone important I want you to meet.

meet

↓

Ah, Bubbala!

↓

How'd it go with the Morty Town Locos?

howd morty town

↓

They had a little accident.

accident

↓

They won't be causing any trouble anymore.

anymore causing trouble

↓

Those were bad Mortys. Very bad Mortys.

↓

[ Snaps fingers ]

fingers snaps snaps-fingers

↓

Big Morty likes to contribute

contribute likes morty

↓

to keeping the peace in Morty Town.

keeping morty peace town

↓

Think of him as a "drug lord"

drug lord

↓

and us as cops on his payroll.

cops payroll

↓

Morty...

morty

↓

- Which Morty? - Which Morty?

morty

↓

M-- m-- my partner.

partner

↓

Morty, you're right. Morty Town is bad.

morty town

↓

But that doesn't mean that we have to be.

↓

Hey, what's going on here, Morty?

morty

↓

- Which Morty? - Which Morty?

morty

↓

The cop, morons!

morons

↓

Don't worry about Rick, Big Morty.

morty rick worry

↓

He's new.

↓

He doesn't understand how it works.

works

↓

That's what you said about your last partner.

partner

↓

Why would you say something like that, Big Morty?

morty

↓

You're fucking things up for both of us here. Wrong.

fucking

↓

He's fucking things up for both of you.

fucking

↓

Unless he takes the money.

money takes

↓

Big Morty, you're under arrest.

arrest morty

↓

S-- smartest man in the universe.

smartest universe

↓

[ Grunts ]

grunts

↓

[ All shouting, gunfire ]

gunfire shouting

↓

They're just props! Th-- they're just props!

props

↓

[ Groans ] Not so big now, are ya?

groans

↓

I never was! It was figurative!

↓

That's enough. If we don't kill him, he'll talk.

kill

↓

If you do, I'll talk.

↓

Cowboy Morty: O-- one thing's for sure,

cowboy morty

↓

Y-- y'all don't have to worry about Cowboy Morty talkin'.

cowboy morty talkin worry yall

↓

This little cowpoke's gonna mosey up on out of here.

↓

You told me to put my faith in the right Morty.

faith morty

↓

I've got faith in you, partner.

faith partner

↓

Do the right thing.

↓

Oh, Grandpa Rick,

grandpa rick

↓

I-I don't wanna be on the Citadel anymore.

anymore

↓

I wanna be a regular kid.

regular

↓

I-I wanna to go to school and throw balls around

balls school throw

↓

and masturbate.

masturbate

↓

[ Sirens wailing ]

sirens sirens-wailing wailing

↓

What the hell happened in there?

happened

↓

Same old story.

story

↓

Ricks killing Mortys.

killing

↓

Okay, man, okay, we got your portal gun.

portal

↓

What the hell's he doing?

hells

↓

[ Groans ] Where -- where am I? A bad place.

groans place

↓

But you're going to a better one soon.

↓

Hey! Hey!

↓

No, no, no, no...

↓

Whaa--

↓

God damn it!

↓

A portal to the blender dimension?

blender dimension portal

↓

That's the oldest trick in the book!

book oldest trick

↓

I'm a Rick! I'm more Rick than any of you!

rick

↓

Then you should know you just killed your only leverage!

killed leverage

↓

Then comes and get me, motherfuckers!

comes motherfuckers

↓

[ Guns cock ]

cock guns

↓

[ Buzzing ]

buzzing

↓

Stop. I'm Rick D. Sanchez the Third,

rick sanchez third

↓

owner of this here wafer establishment,

establishment owner wafer

↓

and I say that the Rick in there is right.

rick

↓

He's more Rick than any of you.

rick

↓

He's a terrorist!

terrorist

↓

What Rick isn't?!

rick

↓

This Citadel was founded by Ricks

founded

↓

for Ricks to be free!

free

↓

What's your name, young man?

name young

↓

Rick. And I'm -- The same age as me, I know.

rick

↓

How long have you worked here? 15 years.

worked years

↓

What the hell have we become?

become

↓

Whatever time you were gonna make him serve,

serve

↓

he's served it.

served

↓

It ends now.

ends

↓

Come with me, friend. Where are we going?

friend

↓

To your new life.

life

↓

Which starts with walking the fuck out of here.

fuck starts walking

↓

- Yo J-22, give 'em hell! - [ Burps ]

burps

↓

[ Cheers and applause ]

applause cheers

↓

Sam Elliot: There's a Rick that held a factory hostage

elliot factory held hostage rick

↓

after murdering his boss and several coworkers.

boss murdering several

↓

The factory made cookies, flavored them with lies.

cookies factory flavored lies

↓

He made us all take a look at what we were doing.

↓

And in the bargain, he got a taste of real freedom.

bargain freedom real taste

↓

♪♪

↓

[ Gunshot ]

gunshot

↓

We captured that taste,

captured taste

↓

and we keep giving it to him

giving

↓

so he give it right back to you,

↓

in every bite of new

bite

↓

Simple Rick Freedom Wafer Selects.

freedom rick simple wafer

↓

Come home to the unique flavor

flavor home unique

↓

of shattering the grand illusion.

grand illusion shattering

↓

Come home to Simple Rick.

home rick simple

↓

It is real.

real

↓

[ Grunts ]

grunts

↓

After you.

↓

Specs: There it is. The Wishing Portal.

portal specs wishing

↓

They say for your wish to come true,

wish

↓

you have to give up something really important.

↓

For me, that's my panini maker.

maker

↓

I wish for a million sandwiches.

million sandwiches wish

↓

And, yes, I see the irony.

irony

↓

I guess I wish I had something cooler

cooler wish

↓

than this dumbass surfer necklace.

dumbass necklace

↓

I wish incest porn had --

porn wish

↓

had a more mainstream appeal.

appeal mainstream

↓

For -- for a friend of mine.

friend

↓

None of those things are gonna happen, you know.

happen

↓

Morty wishes never come true.

morty wishes

↓

Not on the Citadel.

↓

Then why did you bring us here?

bring

↓

Because I wish that would change.

change wish

↓

I wish anything about this life would change.

change life wish

↓

Well, I hope you're putting something

hope putting

↓

pretty God damn important in there.

↓

Me too.

↓

But I doubt it.

doubt

↓

- No! - Slick!

slick

↓

M-- maybe...

↓

maybe it went somewhere nice.

↓

Automated Rick: Garbage dump.

automated dump garbage rick

↓

Stand [burp] back.

burp stand

↓

He had to be stopped.

stopped

↓

He -- he cou-- he c-- couldn't be allowed to win.

allowed

↓

Then you should've [burps] worked on your aim, bro.

burps shouldve worked

↓

He's alive? No, no, no. You gotta listen to me.

alive

↓

I-I worked for him.

worked

↓

I was his campaign manager.

campaign campaign-manager manager

↓

That Morty is not what he seems.

morty seems

↓

Yeah, well, no Morty seems like a president.

morty president seems

↓

He...won? Yeah.

↓

It was a blow out.

blow

↓

I would hardly call it a blow out.

blow hardly

↓

It was almost close enough to trigger a recount.

close trigger

↓

Jesus. What are you joke security now too?

jesus joke security

↓

Rick Cop: Why am I still here?

rick

↓

I heard he confessed to everything.

confessed heard

↓

Your case has been reviewed. You're free to go.

case free reviewed

↓

But...I violated at least a dozen departmental codes.

codes dozen least violated

↓

New department. New codes.

codes department

↓

New Citadel.

↓

Specs: Did we miss graduation?

graduation miss specs

↓

Where are the new Ricks?

↓

No graduation. No new Ricks.

graduation

↓

The school's curriculum is changing. To what?

changing schools

↓

I don't know, and I don't have to know.

↓

I've been fired.

fired

↓

[ Burping ] Good luck, turds.

luck turds

↓

Holy crap. Slick's wish came true.

holy wish

↓

Sorry I'm late, Mr. President.

late president

↓

Had a little crisis at work. Worth it!

crisis worth

↓

It's no problem.

problem

↓

Uh, a little more off the top.

↓

You were saying, Garment District Rick.

district rick

↓

We were saying, "President" Morty,

morty president

↓

that we don't care who sits in that seat.

care seat sits

↓

A Rick, a Morty, a god damn Jerry --

jerry morty rick

↓

it doesn't matter.

matter

↓

We've been running the Citadel since before the council

council running

↓

and you'll find that we're still running it now.

running

↓

Does he really speak for everyone here?

speak

↓

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.

↓

Well, I think it's important to be clear.

clear

↓

Raise your hand if he speaks for you.

hand raise speaks

↓

[ All screaming ]

screaming

↓

Is...that enough off the top?

↓

I don't know. Is it?

↓

- Yes, yes, god damn, yes. - I think it's great.

↓

Good.

↓

This seems like a good time for a drink

drink seems

↓

and a cold calculated speech with sinister overtones.

cold sinister speech

↓

A speech about politics...

politics speech

↓

About order...

order

↓

Brotherhood...

brotherhood

↓

...Power.

power

↓

But speeches are for campaigning.

speeches

↓

Now is the time for action.

action

↓

♪♪

↓

[ Blond Redhead's "For the Damaged" plays ]

blond damaged plays

↓

♪ Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

↓

♪ Ah, ah-ah ♪

↓

♪ Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

↓

♪ Ah, ah-ah ♪

↓

♪♪

↓

♪♪

↓

♪ Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

↓

♪ Ah, ah-ah ♪

↓

♪ Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

↓

♪ Ah, ah-ah ♪

↓

♪♪

↓

♪♪

↓

Whoo! [ Laughs ] Yeah!

laughs whoo

↓

Atlantis, baby! That was amazing.

amazing baby

↓

You got some of that mermaid puss.

mermaid puss

↓

I'm really hoping it wasn't a one-off thing and I can see her again.

hoping

↓

By the way, hey, um,

↓

you're still not curious about what

curious

↓

what might've happened at that crazy Citadel place?

crazy happened mightve place

↓

Psh. Not at all, Morty.

morty

↓

That place will never have

place

↓

any bearing over our lives ever again.

bearing lives

↓

Unlike that mermaid puss! [ Laughs ] Whoo!

laughs mermaid puss unlike whoo

↓

Yeah! We're going back for seconds! Yeah! Yeah! Whoo!

seconds whoo

↓

We're gonna do that shit every week, man!

week

↓

That was Atlantis! Oh, shit!