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Home » Rick and Morty » S03E05 — The Whirly Dirly Conspiracy

Rick and Morty

Season 3, Episode 5 — The Whirly Dirly Conspiracy

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: The Whirly Dirly Conspiracy

Air date: August 20, 2017

Director: Juan Jose Meza-Leon

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

Rick and Jerry goes on an adventure while Beth fails as a mother and Summer has body issues.

Source: TMDB

↓

♪♪

↓

[ Beeping, whirs ]

beeping whirs

↓

♪♪

↓

♪♪

↓

[ Crying softly ]

crying softly

↓

[ Sighs ]

sighs

↓

[ Gasps ] Jerry! Jerry, come on!

gasps jerry

↓

We got to go! You got to come with me, Jerry!

jerry

↓

Rick?

rick

↓

[Burps] The fate of the galaxy rests on your shoulders.

burps fate galaxy shoulders

↓

Let's go. Put some pants on.

pants

↓

N-Never mind, there's no time for pants, Jerry.

jerry mind pants

↓

I'll make you a pair of pants on the way.

pair pants

↓

It's a Rick and Jerry adventure!

adventure jerry rick

↓

Rick and Jerry episode!

episode jerry rick

↓

♪♪

↓

♪♪

↓

♪♪

↓

Then I thought, "Hey, what about Jerry?

jerry

↓

He's -- He's good with regular folk."

folk regular

↓

This is a real situation where -- where --

real situation

↓

where Jerry could really shine.

jerry shine

↓

He's a master convincer."

master

↓

Rick, I'm not an idiot. I know what this is.

idiot rick

↓

Oh. Okay, well, I told Morty,

morty

↓

"Look, parents get divorced. They get sad. He'll be fine,"

divorced parents

↓

but I think he's worried you're gonna, you know...Pbht!

worried

↓

And you know how Morty gets when he gets emotional.

emotional morty

↓

It impedes my work.

↓

So, I told him I'd take you out and give you a win.

↓

Wait. My son asked you to take me

asked

↓

on some kind of pity adventure

adventure pity

↓

to keep me from killing myself?

killing

↓

Wait, w-what did you think it was?

↓

An execution.

execution

↓

Geez! You really do need a win.

geez

↓

No! I-I don't know.

↓

I mean, you never made me the pants, so --

pants

↓

So, you thought I was gonna drive you

drive

↓

into the middle of the galaxy

galaxy middle

↓

and shove you into the vacuum of space

shove space vacuum

↓

with your dick hanging out?

dick hanging

↓

And we're seeing how you'd act

seeing

↓

if that were about to happen?

happen

↓

I mean shit I'll make you the pants right now.

pants

↓

Take me two seconds to make you pants.

pants seconds

↓

I have pants at home!

home pants

↓

they'll be better than your pants at home.

home pants

↓

Also, if I wanted to kill you --

kill wanted

↓

Yeah, I get it. It would be amazing.

amazing

↓

Please, take me home.

home

↓

I'll tell my son we had an amazing adventure.

adventure amazing

↓

Well, if it's all the same,

↓

could we go get our story straight?

story straight

↓

Because you're a terrible liar.

liar

↓

You called me a master convincer!

called master

↓

You believed me?

believed

↓

Huh. This seems... kind of fancy.

fancy seems

↓

Jerry, for all you know, this is the equivalent

jerry

↓

of an alien truck stop.

alien truck

↓

You have no frame of reference.

frame reference

↓

You're in a universe beyond your imagining.

beyond imagining universe

↓

But, yes, it is super fancy.

fancy super

↓

I mean, my job here is to make Morty happy.

happy morty

↓

I'm not gonna take you somewhere dangerous.

dangerous

↓

[ Grunts ]

grunts

↓

Rick Sanchez.

rick sanchez

↓

I told you if I ever saw your face in here again,

face

↓

I would stick you like the pig you are.

stick

↓

[ Coughs ] Shnoopy Bloopers, I told you if you tried...

coughs tried

↓

There'd be two funerals.

funerals thered

↓

Aaah!!

aaah

↓

Someone?

↓

Uh, someone? Someone!

↓

[ Both grunt ]

grunt

↓

[ Both laughing ]

laughing

↓

My friend! It has been too long.

friend

↓

Oh, it's great to see you again, buddy!

buddy

↓

[ Both laughing ]

laughing

↓

Mr. Sanchez gets anything he wants!

sanchez wants

↓

The resort's covered in an immortality field.

covered field

↓

You can't die here. That's the gimmick.

↓

[ Kids laughing ]

kids laughing

↓

Okay, but still -- bad parenting.

parenting

↓

Hey, rich a-holes are rich a-holes.

holes rich

↓

They all pay top dollar to come here

dollar

↓

and enjoy a consequence-free vacation.

consequence enjoy free vacation

↓

No death, no disease, no dismemberment.

death disease

↓

[ Grunting ]

grunting

↓

Can't even have a heart attack.

attack heart heart-attack

↓

Got it. The perfect place

perfect perfect-place place

↓

to take the most fragile being in the universe.

fragile universe

↓

I can tell you expect me to refute that,

expect

↓

but it's right on the money.

money

↓

If I come home without you,

home

↓

I doubt Morty's gonna let me off the hook.

doubt hook

↓

Yeah, but what if you came home with Jeff Goldblum.

home jeff

↓

Jeff Goldblum?

jeff

↓

What the [bleep] are you talking about, Jerry?

bleep jerry

↓

[ Spits ] Jesus!

jesus spits

↓

Holy fucking shit!

fucking holy

↓

Yo, what's up, "Big Chill"?!

chill

↓

Don't go into the telepod!

↓

[ Both laughing ]

laughing

↓

Hey, maybe we would have fun on a fake adventure.

adventure fake fun

↓

On a fake adventure.

adventure fake

↓

Speaking of -- What are we gonna tell Morty?

morty speaking

↓

I don't know. But whatever it is,

↓

we're gonna need a couple more of these babies!

babies couple

↓

[ Clink! ]

clink

↓

[ Sobbing ]

sobbing

↓

[ Crying ] Mom, do you think I'm hot?

crying

↓

I...don't think that's something that matters.

matters

↓

So, I'm not hot?!

↓

I'm saying the part of you that cares about that

cares part

↓

is a part you shouldn't give any energy to.

energy part

↓

That's not an answer!

answer

↓

Because I'm not an issue of Cosmo, okay?

issue

↓

I'm your mother and a doctor, and --

doctor mother

↓

I'm hideous!

hideous

↓

[ Sobbing ]

sobbing

↓

Geez. What's with her?

geez

↓

Teenage-girl stuff.

girl stuff teenage

↓

Is that a... hoof collage?

collage

↓

It's perfectly legal, if that's what you're wondering.

legal perfectly wondering

↓

Cool...zies.

cool

↓

"We just don't have anything in common any more, Summer."

common summer

↓

Oh, yeah, Ethan?

ethan

↓

What do you have in common with Tricia Lange?

common

↓

A mutual love of French cinema?

french love mutual

↓

The belief that a carbon tax

belief carbon

↓

is the only viable solution to climate change?

change climate climate-change solution

↓

Or could it be her massive stripper titties?!

massive stripper titties

↓

[ Gasps ] There it is.

gasps

↓

Boob-ya!

boob

↓

And that's when Malakai the Squid came,

↓

rips off his face, and beneath it is my face.

beneath face

↓

I liked it.

liked

↓

Yeah, of course he likes it. Look at him.

course likes

↓

Motherfucker got two heads and three trunks.

heads motherfucker three trunks

↓

All right, we'll put a pin in it.

↓

I'm gonna go take a leak.

leak

↓

[ Whistling ]

whistling

↓

What the...?!

↓

[ Grunting ]

grunting

↓

[ Gasps ]

gasps

↓

My hands are dry! My hands are dry!

hands

↓

♪♪

↓

My name is Risotto Groupon.

groupon name

↓

I am the assistant general manager of the restaurant.

assistant general manager restaurant

↓

Do you have any comment cards,

cards comment

↓

because I might have some thoughts.

might thoughts

↓

My kingdom was usurped by force

force kingdom

↓

with weapons and technology

technology weapons

↓

supplied by your father-in-law!

father

↓

Hey, he usurped my kingdom, too, man.

kingdom

↓

He basically got me kicked out of my home, stole my family.

family home kicked stole

↓

Then we are brothers, and you have wondered

brothers wondered

↓

what your life could have been without Rick.

life rick

↓

Wondered? Sure.

wondered

↓

I mean, I've wondered about having a vagina.

having vagina wondered

↓

Would you help me kill him?

kill

↓

What? No!

↓

He's my wife's father. Move on.

father wifes

↓

Do you... like theme-park rides?

park rides theme

↓

Oh, you really moved on.

moved

↓

There is a popular attraction here called the Whirly Dirly.

attraction called popular

↓

Between the first whirly and the third dirly,

third

↓

the ride dips just outside the immortality field.

field ride

↓

You're asking me to lure Rick to his death?

asking death lure rick

↓

I'm only asking you to go on a ride with Rick,

asking rick ride

↓

get off the ride without Rick, and go home to your family,

family home rick ride

↓

where you can... wonder about having a vagina.

having vagina wonder

↓

Okay, okay, that was a very specific example

example specific

↓

pulled from thin air.

pulled thin

↓

I don't want to be known as the vagina guy.

known vagina

↓

Risotto, you're needed. Someone ordered

needed ordered

↓

the Nuzzy Guzzy Fresh and Fluzzy Special.

fresh special

↓

[ Sighs dejectedly ] Look, I'm not like Rick,

rick sighs

↓

so you're free to do as you please.

free

↓

But there comes a time in every man's life

comes life mans mans-life

↓

when he must choose the foundation

choose foundation must

↓

on which his legacy will be built --

built legacy

↓

one of compromise or one of blood.

blood compromise

↓

[ Kids cheering ]

cheering kids

↓

[ Whirring ]

whirring

↓

Oh, yeah.

↓

That's what I'm talking about.

↓

Oops! Okay, a little more on the other side then.

oops side

↓

Oh, come on!

↓

[ Gasps ] Oh, geez!

gasps geez

↓

Aah! Stop!

↓

So, the hospital just let you walk right out of there

hospital walk

↓

with horse parts in a bag?

horse parts

↓

For Christ's sakes, Morty,

christs christs-sakes morty sakes

↓

women going through a divorce

divorce women

↓

need a creative outlet.

creative outlet

↓

[ Crash ]

crash

↓

[ Deep voice groaning ]

deep deep-voice groaning voice

↓

Summer!

summer

↓

[ Grunting ]

grunting

↓

I'm coming, Summer!

coming summer

↓

What the hell happened?!

happened

↓

[ Deep voice shouts indistinctly ]

deep deep-voice indistinctly shouts voice

↓

How do we get her back to normal?!

normal

↓

I don't know, man! This thing is pretty complicated.

complicated

↓

I-I'm gonna call Rick.

rick

↓

Well, hold on. We can't just call your grandpa

grandpa

↓

whenever there's a problem.

problem

↓

We can handle this ourselves.

handle

↓

I mean, I don't see the point in trying to.

point

↓

This is obviously Rick-level shit.

level obviously rick

↓

I have a medical degree.

degree medical

↓

Is that what this is about?

↓

L-Like, you want to prove yourself?

prove

↓

Oh, it's not about anything, Morty. How dare you?

dare morty

↓

Okay, good. Then I'll just call -- Ow!

↓

Morty, I need this.

morty

↓

[ Laughing ]

laughing

↓

Hey, Jerry, triple trunks here says he knows a place

jerry knows place triple trunks

↓

where the ladies drop panties for anyone bi-pedal.

drop ladies panties pedal

↓

Yeah, I'm not really interested.

interested

↓

My heart still belongs to Beth.

belongs beth heart

↓

Oh. Huh. Okay.

↓

[ Slurps ]

slurps

↓

What, you don't think I have a shot?

shot

↓

I didn't say that.

↓

Excuse me. May I have another one of these?

another excuse

↓

Coming right up.

coming

↓

Hmm, things weren't always so bad between Beth and me.

beth

↓

We had some good times when we were younger.

times younger

↓

Oh, yeah, I bet.

↓

That's how teenage pregnancy happens, my friend.

friend happens pregnancy teenage

↓

Yeah, no. [ Chuckles ]

chuckles

↓

Things were pretty great, even until a couple of years ago.

couple years

↓

Jerry, I get it.

jerry

↓

That's around the time I moved in with you guys.

moved

↓

Oh, I guess you're right.

↓

Jerry, you know, I hope you're not suggesting

hope jerry suggesting

↓

that I had anything to do with your marriage breaking up,

breaking marriage

↓

because there are some major issues between you and Beth

beth issues major

↓

that have been there since you guys met.

↓

♪♪

↓

Hey, to new beginnings.

↓

To the Whirly Dirly.

↓

The Whirly Dirly?

↓

All right, what's going on here?

↓

When did you get cool?!

cool

↓

[ Laughs ]

laughs

↓

When you stole my wife!

stole wife

↓

I should have done that a long time ago!

↓

We're going on the Whirly Dirly!

↓

Whirly Dirly, baby.

baby

↓

[ Clink ]

clink

↓

[ Rumbling ]

rumbling

↓

It says "normalize."

↓

I bet if we just press that --

press

↓

But...if the machine was made by spider people,

machine spider

↓

normal would mean eight legs.

eight legs normal

↓

Oh, God! are you gonna go on another spiel

another

↓

like you did with the flesh-colored crayon?

colored crayon flesh

↓

I'm pretty sure "normalize" will make her normal.

normal

↓

[ Whirring ]

whirring

↓

[ Deep voice ] Aah!

deep deep-voice voice

↓

I'd call that progress.

progress

↓

She's huge! And normal!

huge normal

↓

I'm not normal!

normal

↓

Mom!

↓

Okay, this says "reverse." Done and done.

reverse

↓

I don't think that's a good idea.

idea

↓

Oh, come on! What else could "reverse" possibly mean?

possibly reverse

↓

[ Whirring ]

whirring

↓

Aah!

↓

Mom, call Rick!

rick

↓

Thank you.

↓

There's a customer-service number on here.

customer number service

↓

Mom!

↓

[ Dialing ]

dialing

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

Oh, man. This is gonna be awesome!

awesome

↓

I got to hand it to you, Jerry. This was a solid idea.

hand idea jerry solid

↓

Uh, yeah. Uh-huh.

↓

And you know what? I'll cop to it.

↓

I put a lot of strain on your marriage.

marriage strain

↓

It wasn't fair. I'm sorry.

fair

↓

What?! I didn't respect your marriage.

marriage respect

↓

I certainly didn't do it any favors.

certainly favors

↓

And for what it's worth,

worth

↓

I'll apologize to Beth for it when we get home.

apologize beth home

↓

Whoo! Whirly Dirly! Yeah!

whoo

↓

Stop the ride! We got to get off.

ride

↓

What are you talking about, buddy?

buddy

↓

We got to get out of this thing. We got to get out!

↓

[ Grunts ]

grunts

↓

We haven't even gotten to the first whirly.

gotten

↓

No, no, this sucks. It's so boring.

boring sucks

↓

I mean, I'm falling asleep here.

asleep falling

↓

Let's just get out and crawl down the sides.

crawl sides

↓

[ Both screaming ]

screaming

↓

Uh, get down! Duck down!

duck

↓

It's more fun when you scrunch down.

fun

↓

Jerry, what the --

jerry

↓

Oh [bleep]

bleep

↓

[ Grunting ]

grunting

↓

[ Screaming ]

screaming

↓

Rick, up here! There's a spot where you can kill him!

kill rick spot

↓

Good call, Jerry!

jerry

↓

Hey, how'd you know about that?

howd

↓

Uh...

↓

[ Both screaming ]

screaming

↓

[ Both laughing ]

laughing

↓

Lisa?

lisa

↓

[ Both screaming ]

screaming

↓

So, uh, Jerry, big fan of the Whirly Dirly, are you?

jerry

↓

Not anymore. [ Chuckles ] Obviously.

anymore chuckles obviously

↓

But when you were, how did you know about it?

↓

[ Grunting ]

grunting

↓

We had a deal, Jerry Smith.

deal jerry smith

↓

It's a really common name.

common name

↓

Now, take it easy, Rick.

easy rick

↓

You've been in a serious roller-coaster crash.

coaster crash roller serious

↓

It's -- It's no time to be thinking about

thinking

↓

who did or didn't play a role in your attempted murder.

attempted murder role

↓

[ Screams ] Get it off me!

screams

↓

It's eating me!

eating

↓

Look, I confess, okay?

confess

↓

They told me about all the bad stuff you did to this planet

planet stuff

↓

and reminded me of all the bad stuff you did to me.

reminded stuff

↓

But then you said you were sorry, and I realized

realized

↓

you're not a monster -- not like this thing.

monster

↓

[Bleep] It's got me good.

bleep

↓

This is a mislead, right?

↓

You're inventing a thing to save me.

save

↓

That would be called a knife, Jerry.

called jerry knife

↓

It's been invented.

invented

↓

I'm making a way out of here -- One seat ought to do it.

ought seat

↓

I'm sorry. I-I made a mistake.

mistake

↓

I won't do it again!

↓

[ Grunting ]

grunting

↓

You self-righteous piece of shit.

piece self

↓

You took my family!

family

↓

I took your family?

family

↓

Who do you think had more taken from them

taken

↓

when you shot 20 ccs

shot

↓

of liquid dream-killer into my daughter?

daughter dream killer liquid

↓

She was Rick's daughter, Jerry. She had options!

daughter jerry options

↓

Oof.

↓

That all ended because she felt sorry for you.

ended

↓

You act like prey, but you're a predator!

predator prey

↓

You use pity to lure in your victims!

lure pity victims

↓

That's how you survive!

survive

↓

I survive because I know everything.

survive

↓

That snakes survives because children wander off,

children snakes wander

↓

and you survive because people think,

survive

↓

"Oh, this poor piece of [bleep]. He never gets a break.

bleep break piece poor

↓

I can't stand the deafening silent wails

silent stand wails

↓

of his wilting soul.

soul

↓

I guess I'll hire him or marry him."

hire marry

↓

Rick! [ Muffled ] Rick!

muffled rick

↓

I knew you wouldn't let me die.

↓

That was never an option.

option

↓

Because you never had a son.

↓

No, because I need a living organism

living

↓

coated in gibble snake bile to attract a shmooglite runner.

attract coated runner snake

↓

Wait, what's happening?

↓

It'll make you wriggle more like an abandoned newborn.

abandoned itll

↓

[ Low growling ]

growling

↓

What the fuck Rick?!

fuck rick

↓

Help! Help me!

↓

[ Roaring ]

roaring

↓

Aaah!

aaah

↓

There's a space port 20 miles south.

miles port south space

↓

We'll be able to board a galaxy class cruise ship

able board class cruise cruise-ship galaxy ship

↓

and jump through a wormhole that will put us

jump

↓

within spitting distance of the Milky Way.

distance milky spitting

↓

But, hey, it's about the journey,

journey

↓

not the destination, right, Jerry?

destination jerry

↓

[ Roars ]

roars

↓

[ Moaning ]

moaning

↓

Just stay put, sweetie! Mom's still on hold.

moms sweetie

↓

Morphizer customer service. How may I help you?

customer customer-service service

↓

Yes, I'm having a little trouble with one of your machines.

having machines trouble

↓

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, ma'am.

maam

↓

Do you see a little compartment on the side of the machine?

compartment machine side

↓

Let me check. Yes, got it.

check

↓

Mom?

↓

Great! Now, do you see the little button next to it?

button

↓

I do.

↓

Okay.

↓

We're free!!

free

↓

Okay, so I pushed the button, and three little men ran out.

button pushed three

↓

What do I do next?

↓

Hello?

↓

I think we got disconnected.

↓

Morty!

morty

↓

Don't "Morty" me!

morty

↓

I tricked Rick into taking Dad on an adventure

adventure rick tricked

↓

because I thought I could get a break

break

↓

from this kind of [bleep] but no!

bleep

↓

Like father, like [bleep]damn daughter!

bleep daughter father

↓

You want to be like Rick, congratulations!

congratulations rick

↓

You're just as arrogant and just as irresponsible!

arrogant irresponsible

↓

Everything okay here?

↓

Mind your own god-damn business, Gene!

business gene mind

↓

I'm having a conversation with my mother here!

conversation having mother

↓

Kissing Rick's ass isn't gonna help him keep him around,

kissing

↓

Mom, but it will help you lose everyone else.

lose

↓

Like I lost Summer.

lost summer

↓

Hey, you haven't lost her yet.

lost

↓

No, I definitely did. She's gone.

gone

↓

God damn it!

↓

[ Beeping ]

beeping

↓

Go ahead.

ahead go-ahead

↓

[ Alarm blares ]

alarm blares

↓

Oh, come on.

↓

Your friend is class C or above cybernetic augmentations.

class friend

↓

Emphasis on the above.

↓

In any case, he needs to be neutralized.

case needs

↓

What?! Wait!

↓

Ugh!

↓

[ Groans ] Brain hurty.

brain groans

↓

What did you do?

↓

It's a synaptic dampener that blocks violent tendencies

blocks tendencies violent

↓

and controversial thought.

controversial

↓

He will now be an ideal passenger.

ideal passenger

↓

I want cookies and a 90-minute cut of "Avatar."

avatar cookies minute

↓

Seriously?

↓

Quit it. It'll wear off in six hours.

hours itll quit wear

↓

It's cheaper than banning dangerous people from flights.

banning cheaper dangerous flights

↓

I mean, let everybody buy a ticket, right?

everybody ticket

↓

Otherwise, the terrorists win.

otherwise terrorists

↓

♪♪

↓

Aah!

↓

I'm sorry I'm not a classic maternal archetype.

classic

↓

Okay, I don't know what to do when you people come to me

↓

with your weird puberty issues.

issues puberty weird

↓

What are you gonna do when your daughter asks you

asks daughter

↓

if she's attractive?

attractive

↓

I'll say "yes"! Morty, gross!

gross morty

↓

Well, she's gonna be super hot.

super

↓

Her mother's gonna be Jessica --

jessica mothers

↓

Wait, when did Summer ask you that?!

summer

↓

Right before she Clive Barkered herself. Why?

↓

Wait, I know where she is!

↓

Ethan and Summer were supposed to go camping,

camping ethan summer supposed

↓

and then he dumped Summer for this girl, Tricia Lange,

dumped girl summer

↓

who's got huge boobies and took her.

boobies huge

↓

Campsite -- The one with the name that sounds like somebody

name somebody sounds

↓

gave up halfway through naming it.

halfway naming

↓

Uh...Camp Flabanabba!

camp

↓

Mama's coming, baby.

baby coming mamas

↓

Mama's coming, and she cares about your titties!

cares coming mamas titties

↓

They have sweet smiggle honey cookies.

cookies honey sweet

↓

Mmm! And low-calorie petroleum flakes.

flakes

↓

Obviously cookies.

cookies obviously

↓

Let's get you the flakes then.

flakes

↓

Okay, but it's not what I wanted.

wanted

↓

Well, maybe next time, you won't be

↓

such a dumb piece of shit and you can pick for yourself.

dumb pick piece

↓

That's not nice. What's that?

↓

Did you just have a controversial thought?

controversial

↓

No.

↓

You little punk-ass.

punk

↓

[ Chuckles ] This is the best.

best chuckles

↓

I agree. You've made things even easier

agree easier

↓

than if you hadn't been incompetent.

incompetent

↓

Uh-oh. We get shoot-shoot now.

shoot

↓

♪♪

↓

Man #1: All right, folks, if you could please take your seats,

folks seats

↓

we're about to enter the wormhole.

enter

↓

So, I hope everybody bought a dinner first.

bought dinner everybody hope

↓

[ Chuckles ] Nice. Nice.

chuckles

↓

[ Grunts ]

grunts

↓

and lock yourself in the escape pod.

escape lock

↓

You're not killing us?

killing

↓

You're free to go. You're no threat to me or anyone.

free threat

↓

Now you're just being mean.

↓

Yeah, you're mean -- No offense.

offense

↓

Mean would be shooting you, Jerry.

jerry shooting

↓

This is saving a bullet.

bullet saving

↓

Go back to your quietly ashamed family

ashamed family quietly

↓

and live out the rest of your days

days live rest

↓

in denial of your vagina fantasies.

denial fantasies vagina

↓

It was a one-time thought that everyone has!

↓

[ Grunting ]

grunting

↓

What are you doing?

↓

I'm being triumphantly brave!

brave

↓

It's not triumphant or brave.

brave triumphant

↓

You're not risking anything.

↓

You might shoot me.

might shoot

↓

I think you know I won't.

↓

Because you know I feel sorry for you.

↓

You're just doing this so you can tell yourself

↓

you fought -- Ow!

fought

↓

[ Buzzing ]

buzzing

↓

Woman: Temporal shield compromised.

compromised shield woman

↓

Congratulations, Jerry. You get to die a man.

congratulations jerry

↓

Uh, that's okay! I'll leave!

↓

Please don't shoot. I-I'm the vagina guy, remember?

dont-shoot remember shoot vagina

↓

♪♪

↓

Whoa! What is happening to me?

whoa

↓

Where is this? Where am I?

↓

Am I dead?

dead

↓

A-Am I -- Am I still alive?

alive

↓

Rick: Those aren't the questions you should be asking.

asking questions rick

↓

Huh?!

↓

Shh!

↓

[ Cawing ]

↓

[ Burping ]

↓

[ Ticking ]

ticking

↓

[ Roar ]

roar

↓

[ Chuckles ] Ah, got ya!

chuckles

↓

Come here, you little pumpkin.

pumpkin

↓

I have shit on my ass.

↓

Whoa, fuck this!

fuck whoa

↓

Who am I?

↓

Who am I?

↓

I'm time! I'm literally time!

↓

All: Whooooa!

↓

Aah!

↓

Oh, God. I feel like our souls were united,

souls united

↓

and we were all one with eternity.

eternity

↓

Our body's unchanged,

bodys unchanged

↓

yet our minds have lived a thousand lifetimes.

lived minds thousand

↓

Is that enough time for me to forgive you?

forgive

↓

I don't know, but it's enough time

↓

for a synaptic dampener to wear off.

wear

↓

[ Pop ]

↓

[Bleep]

bleep

↓

He hadn't decided he was still going to kill us!

decided kill

↓

He was talking himself into it. I've seen it before.

seen

↓

Cosmic apotheosis wears off faster than salvia.

cosmic faster wears

↓

I'm starting to believe you because I just finished merging

believe finished starting

↓

with your essence for an endless epoch,

endless essence

↓

and I'm already back to thinking you're an asshole.

asshole thinking

↓

Fine with me. Let's just go our separate ways.

separate ways

↓

Sounds like you and the word "epoch"

sounds word

↓

have a lot of catching up to do.

catching

↓

Wait, don't leave me!

↓

Man #1: All right, folks, you're free to get up

folks free

↓

and walk around the cabin

cabin walk

↓

and maybe take the wormhole out for breakfast.

breakfast

↓

Man #2: Okay, you can do the dinner one or the breakfast one,

breakfast dinner

↓

but not both.

↓

You think you got that thing figured out?

figured

↓

Yeah, I know what I'm doing.

↓

Good. Because I have an idea.

idea

↓

It's actually a contraction of "some" and "more,"

↓

you see that? Oh, wow.

↓

I was way off.

↓

[ Roaring ]

roaring

↓

[ Both screaming ]

screaming

↓

[ Groaning indistinctly ]

groaning indistinctly

↓

[ Both groaning indistinctly ]

groaning indistinctly

↓

Morty, what's happening here?

morty

↓

Summer got into my grandpa's garage,

garage grandpas summer

↓

messed around, and turned herself into a monster.

messed monster turned

↓

My mom did the same to make her feel better.

↓

She's a good mom.

↓

[ Both chuckle ]

chuckle

↓

Oh, my God. I have to go call my mother!

mother

↓

Tricia, wait!

↓

Hey, it's okay. Sit down.

↓

You made my sister cry, Ethan.

ethan sister

↓

You messed with her body image.

body image messed

↓

Look, Morty, I --

morty

↓

Shh, shh, shh.

↓

Careful, Ethan. Your s'more is burning.

burning careful ethan smore

↓

[ Beep, whirring ]

beep whirring

↓

[ Gulps ]

gulps

↓

Uh, I guess we better get on the same page

page

↓

about our fake adventure.

adventure fake

↓

Right.

↓

I'll leave out the part where you tried to murder me...

murder part tried

↓

And I'll leave out the part

part

↓

where you admitted to sabotaging our marriage.

admitted marriage sabotaging

↓

You want to...?

↓

Nah, if the family sees me like this,

family sees

↓

they'll feel sorry for me.

↓

Which is no longer my signature move.

longer signature

↓

Later days, amigo.

amigo days

↓

Actually, I just realized, I don't have my wallet,

realized wallet

↓

and my bus pass is in there, so maybe --

pass

↓

Stay strong, Jerry. I believe in you!

believe jerry strong

↓

[ Lock clicks ]

clicks lock lock-clicks

↓

[ Whirring ]

whirring

↓

[ Sighs ]

sighs

↓

♪♪

↓

♪♪

↓

♪♪

↓

♪♪

↓

I tell you, fellas. This is the life.

fellas life

↓

It certainly is.

certainly

↓

To freedom!

freedom

↓

[ Groaning ]

groaning

↓

Ooh! Looks like a 4-22.

↓

Ooh, a couple cranks on scaling knob

couple knob

↓

with a four dilabyte cross fade would fix that in a jiff.

cross fade four

↓

Four? You'd be lucky to clear 13% de-morphized

clear four lucky

↓

with that kind of range.

range

↓

Gentlemen, gentlemen, what did we agree on?

agree gentlemen

↓

Together: No work talk!

↓

Let's just relax and enjoy our retirement, shall --

enjoy relax retirement

↓

[ Bird screeches ]

bird screeches

↓

Aaah!

aaah