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Home » Rick and Morty » S02E05 — Get Schwifty

Rick and Morty

Season 2, Episode 5 — Get Schwifty

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: Get Schwifty

Air date: August 23, 2015

Director: Wes Archer

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

When a massive head descends into Earth's atmosphere, Rick and Morty must save the planet by coming up with a new hit song. Meanwhile, Jerry, Beth, and Summer become part of a new religion.

Source: TMDB

↓

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

crashes thunder

↓

HEY, GOLF IS EASY NOW!

easy golf

↓

AAH! GOLF IS HARD AGAIN! GOLF IS HARD AGAIN!

golf hard

↓

THE VIEW FROM HERE IS THE SAME AS YOURS, JIM.

view

↓

A GIANT HEAD HAS ENTERED EARTH'S GRAVITY,

earths entered giant gravity head

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TRIGGERING CLIMATE CHANGE AND NATURAL DISASTERS

change climate climate-change natural

↓

WE THOUGHT WERE IMPOSSIBLE FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER EIGHT YEARS.

another eight eight-years impossible least years

↓

LET'S NOT MAKE THIS POLITICAL, TERRY.

political terry

↓

DO WE KNOW WHAT THIS GIANT HEAD WANTS?

giant head wants

↓

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

clears clears-throat throat

↓

SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT.

↓

JIM, YOU HEARD THE...SAID -- "SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT."

heard

↓

SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT.

↓

I WANT TO SEE WHAT YOU GOT.

↓

OH, BOY. TIME TO GO, MORTY.

morty

↓

UH, WHERE?

↓

THE PENTAGON.

↓

I MEAN, NOT THE PENTAGON.

↓

[ BURPS ] THE LAME ONE HERE ON EARTH.

burps earth lame

↓

♪♪

↓

Summer: IS IT GOD?

summer

↓

IF IT'S GOD, DO WE GET OUT OF SCHOOL?

school

↓

IT'S NOT GOD, SUMMER.

summer

↓

SHE'S ALLOWED TO THINK IT'S GOD IF SHE WANTS, HONEY.

allowed honey wants

↓

-SHUT UP, JERRY. -OKAY.

jerry

↓

DAD, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?

↓

MORTY AND I ARE GOING TO LOOK INTO IT.

morty

↓

YOU GUYS HOLD TIGHT.

tight

↓

SCARY STUFF, HUH? PRETTY FREAKY.

freaky scary stuff

↓

HI. I'M MORTY'S MATH TEACHER.

math teacher

↓

I'M ALSO PART OF THE STREET TEAM INVITING FOLKS

folks inviting part street team

↓

TO THE CHURCH DOWNTOWN SO WE CAN PRAY TOGETHER.

church downtown pray

↓

HOW IS PRAYING GOING TO HELP?

praying

↓

MA'AM, A GIANT HEAD IN THE SKY IS CONTROLLING THE WEATHER.

controlling giant head maam weather

↓

DID YOU WANT TO PLAY CHECKERS? LET'S BE RATIONAL!

checkers rational

↓

I'LL SEE YOU AT GOD'S HOUSE!

gods house

↓

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

conversations indistinct

↓

GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN! ONE AT A TIME! SIMON?

gentlemen simon

↓

SETI, NORAD, AND EVERY BROADCASTER ON THE PLANET

planet

↓

ARE ATTEMPTING TO SHOW THIS BEING WHAT HUMANITY'S GOT --

attempting

↓

STRING THEORY, WORLD HISTORY, THE HUMAN GENOME --

history human string theory world

↓

HAVE YOU TRIED SENDING IT LAUNCH CODES?

codes launch sending tried

↓

MR. PRESIDENT, WHAT AMERICA'S GOT

americas president

↓

IS 70,000 MEGATONS OF KABOOM-BOOM,

boom

↓

AND I SAY WE SHOW IT RIGHT UP THIS FLOATING HEAD'S ASS.

floating heads

↓

NO, YOU NEED TO LET ME TALK!

↓

SHUT UP!

↓

HOLD IT! DON'T MOVE!

↓

STAY BACK! THIS WATCH TURNS PEOPLE INTO SNAKES!

snakes turns watch

↓

♪♪

↓

OH!

↓

STAND DOWN! EVERYBODY, STAND DOWN!

everybody stand

↓

I'M THE LEADER OF THESE PEOPLE, AND I'M UNARMED.

leader

↓

THERE'S NO NEED FOR ANY MORE SNAKE-MAKERY.

snake

↓

MY NAME IS RICK SANCHEZ.

name rick sanchez

↓

THIS HERE IS MY GRANDSON, MORTY.

grandson morty

↓

-All: HI, MORTY. -HEY.

morty

↓

I'VE SEEN ENOUGH OF THE GALAXY TO KNOW WHAT WE'VE GOT HERE

galaxy seen

↓

IS A CROMULON FROM THE SIGNUS FIVE EXPANSE.

five

↓

SO YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT NUKES, AND YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT MATH.

forget math

↓

THIS HEAD WON'T GO AWAY

head

↓

UNTIL [BURPS] EARTH SHOWS THEM IT'S GOT...

burps earth shows

↓

A HIT SONG.

song

↓

-A HIT SONG? -WE CAN'T POSSIBLY --

possibly song

↓

-YOU MEAN LIKE VIVALDI? -NO, FRASIER.

↓

A LIVE PERFORMANCE OF A NEWLY WRITTEN, CATCHY ORIGINAL SONG.

catchy live newly original performance song written

↓

THE CROMULON FEED ON THE TALENT AND SHOWMANSHIP

feed talent

↓

OF LESS-EVOLVED LIFE-FORMS.

evolved forms less life

↓

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU, MR. SANCHEZ.

sanchez

↓

CHANGE OF PLAN, PEOPLE.

change plan

↓

GET ME PHARRELL, RANDY NEWMAN,

newman randy

↓

BILLY CORGAN, AND THE-DREAM.

billy dream

↓

THE-DREAM?

dream

↓

HE WROTE "UMBRELLA" AND "SINGLE LADIES"?

ladies single umbrella wrote

↓

YOU PEOPLE HAVEN'T HEARD OF THE-DREAM?

dream heard

↓

YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO PUT THEM ON THAT GIANT SPEAKER SYSTEM

giant speaker system

↓

AT YOUR SONIC TESTING FACILITY AT AREA 51.

area facility sonic testing

↓

HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?

↓

FOR GOD'S SAKE, NATHAN,

gods gods-sake nathan sake

↓

THE MAN TURNS PEOPLE INTO SNAKES.

snakes turns

↓

HE CAN USE GOOGLE MAPS.

google maps

↓

SIR, PHARRELL, NEWMAN, CORGAN, AND THAT DREAM GUY --

dream newman

↓

-THEY'RE ALL DEAD. -WHAT?

dead

↓

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? DO PEOPLE JUST DIE WHEN I NAME THEM?

name possible

↓

THE GRAMMYS, SIR.

grammys

↓

THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE AND...ALL THE MUSICIANS,

↓

ALL THE FAMOUS ONES... THEY'RE GONE.

famous gone ones

↓

DEAR GOD.

dear

↓

HOLD ON, SIR. JUST A MINUTE.

minute

↓

ICE-T SURVIVED.

survived

↓

HE'S INBOUND ON AN F-15, E.T.A. TWO HOURS.

hours

↓

GOOD LUCK, MR. PRESIDENT.

luck president

↓

SIR, THE MAGNETIC POLES ARE ABOUT TO REVERSE.

magnetic poles reverse

↓

IN TWO HOURS, THERE MAY NOT BE AN EARTH TO SAVE.

earth hours save

↓

SANCHEZ? ARE YOU A MUSICIAN?

musician sanchez

↓

I DABBLE, MR. PRESIDENT.

president

↓

GET THIS MAN AND HIS GRANDSON ON A BLACK HAWK TO AREA 51.

area black grandson hawk

↓

PEOPLE! EVERYONE! REMAIN CALM!

calm remain remain-calm

↓

EVERY CRISIS OF FAITH IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR MORE FAITH.

crisis faith opportunity

↓

WHEN GOD DEALS YOU AN 11, YOU DON'T FOLD!

deals fold

↓

YOU DOUBLE DOWN!

double

↓

AND ALWAYS HIT ON A SOFT 16.

soft

↓

THAT MEANS YOU, JEWS.

jews

↓

I BEG YOUR PARDON, PASTOR, BUT THE LAST I LOOKED OUTSIDE,

looked pardon

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IT SEEMS TO BE YOU THAT'S BEEN DEALT THE WEAK HAND.

dealt hand seems weak

↓

JEWS RULE!

jews rule

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NOBODY? OKAY, TOUGH CHURCH.

church nobody tough

↓

HI. PRINCIPAL VAGINA --

principal vagina

↓

THE NAME'S REAL, POSSIBLY SCANDINAVIAN.

names possibly real

↓

I'M JUST GONNA COME OUT AND MAKE THIS PITCH --

pitch

↓

THE OLD GODS ARE DEAD.

dead gods

↓

FUCK ALL PREVIOUS EXISTING RELIGIONS.

existing fuck previous

↓

ALL HAIL THE ONE TRUE GOD --

hail

↓

THE GIANT HEAD IN THE SKY.

giant head

↓

-CHILDREN OF GOD! -AH-TA-TA-TA!

children

↓

BOB, BOB, I GET IT.

↓

BUT UNLESS THIS CAN BEAT THAT,

beat

↓

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME LATELY?

lately

↓

SO, IF YOU'LL ALL EXCUSE ME,

excuse

↓

I'M GOING OUT ONTO THE SIDEWALK,

sidewalk

↓

I'M DROPPING TO MY KNEES, AND PLEDGING MY ETERNAL SOUL

dropping eternal knees soul

↓

TO THE THING THAT LITERALLY CONTROLS THE FUCKING WEATHER.

controls fucking weather

↓

OUT OF MY WAY.

↓

OKAY.

↓

IF SANITY'S BEEN RESTORED TO THIS ASSEMBLY,

assembly restored

↓

I'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THE COST OF REPAIRING OUR NEW ORGAN.

cost organ

↓

SALLY, THE PLATE, PLEASE.

plate sally

↓

OH! THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART!

favorite favorite-part part

↓

RICK, ARE YOU REALLY A MUSICIAN?

musician rick

↓

WHO'S NOT A MUSICIAN, MORTY?

morty musician

↓

-ME! -YEAH, NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE.

attitude

↓

WE'RE IN THE DROP ZONE! I'M THE JUMPMASTER!

drop zone

↓

MY NAME'S JAMEY -- WITH AN E-Y!

names

↓

GO, GO, GO!

↓

B-BUT -- BUT WE DON'T HAVE A SONG!

song

↓

GIANT HEAD IN THE SKY, PLEASE FORGIVE ALL THAT WE'VE DONE.

forgive giant head

↓

WE'RE SORRY FOR OUR INCREASED LEVELS OF EMISSIONS

emissions increased levels

↓

AND OUR RACISM AND, OF COURSE, THE AMBER ALERTS

amber course racism

↓

I KEEP IGNORING ON MY PHONE.

ignoring phone

↓

-WHOA! -WHOA!

whoa

↓

ALL RIGHT, MORTY. LET'S GET -- LET'S DO IT.

morty

↓

WHY DON'T YOU, UH, FIND A BUTTON ON ONE OF THOSE KEYBOARDS

button

↓

AND LAY DOWN SOME KIND OF BEAT?

beat

↓

RICK, I THINK WE NEED TO CUT OUR LOSSES.

losses rick

↓

W-WE GET OUR FAMILY AND PORTAL OUT OF HERE!

family portal

↓

MORTY, GOOD MUSIC COMES FROM PEOPLE WHO ARE RELAXED.

comes morty music relaxed

↓

JUST HIT A BUTTON, MORTY! GIVE ME A BEAT!

beat button morty

↓

OH, MAN. OKAY. ALL RIGHT, UM...

↓

[ TECHNO BEAT PLAYS ]

beat plays techno

↓

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

↓

♪ YOU GOTTA GET SCHWIFTY ♪

↓

♪ YOU GOTTA GET SCHWIFTY IN HERE ♪

↓

♪ IT'S TIME TO GET SCHWIFTY ♪

↓

♪ UH-OH ♪

↓

GET "SCHWIFTY"? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

↓

IT'S OUR WORLD'S BEST EFFORT. THAT'S WHAT.

best effort worlds worlds-best

↓

♪ TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS AND YOUR PANTIES ♪

panties pants

↓

♪ SHIT ON THE FLOOR ♪

floor

↓

♪ TIME TO GET SCHWIFTY IN HERE ♪

↓

♪ I'M MR. BULLDOPS ♪

↓

"MR. BULLDOPS"?

↓

DON'T ANALYZE IT, NATHAN. IT'S WORKING!

analyze nathan working

↓

♪ TAKE A SHIT ON THE FLOOR ♪

floor

↓

♪ TIME TO GET SCHWIFTY IN HERE ♪

↓

[ RUMBLING STOPS ]

rumbling stops

↓

...AND THIRD-LEVEL DONORS GET OUR ALL-ACCESS FAMILY PASS.

access donors family level pass third

↓

LISTEN! THE STORM IS STOPPING!

stopping storm

↓

♪ HEY, TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF ♪

pants

↓

♪ IT'S SCHWIFTY TIME TODAY ♪

today

↓

-[ MUSIC STOPS ] -HMM.

music music-stops stops

↓

PLEASE BE KIND TO US, FOR WE ARE BUT TINY THINGS

tiny

↓

WITH ENTIRE BODIES, STUCK TO YOUR GROUND.

bodies entire ground stuck

↓

I LIKE WHAT YOU GOT! GOOD JOB!

↓

YEA[BURPS]H! WHOO!

burps whoo

↓

WE DID IT!

↓

[ ALL CHEERING ]

cheering

↓

WHAT DO YOU KNOW? HE WAS RIGHT!

↓

-HOORAY PRINCIPAL VAGINA! -YEAH, I'LL TAKE IT.

hooray principal vagina

↓

NOW, HOLD ON A SECOND!

second

↓

LET'S BE RATIONAL ABOUT THIS.

rational

↓

NO, I'M -- I'M JUST SAYING,

↓

WE DON'T KNOW THERE'S A CAUSE-EFFECT RELATIONSHIP --

effect relationship

↓

-[ RUMBLING ] -OH, MY GOD!

rumbling

↓

WHAT IS GOING ON NOW?!

↓

WHOA! WHOA!

whoa

↓

♪♪

↓

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

happened

↓

MR. PRESIDENT, YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO SEE THIS.

president

↓

I THINK PLANET EARTH HAS JUST BEEN TRANSPORTED.

earth planet

↓

Principal Vagina: THE HEAD HAS LEFT AND SENT ITS CHILDREN.

children head left principal sent vagina

↓

HOLY CRAP!

holy

↓

OH, DEAR GIANT HEAD, WE APOLOGIZE FOR THAT DISCUSSION.

apologize dear discussion giant head

↓

IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

happen

↓

OH, DEAR -- OH, DEAR GIANT HEAD...

dear giant head

↓

[ ALL PRAYING ]

praying

↓

SIR, WE STARTED PICKING UP ON A GARBLED SIGNAL.

picking signal started

↓

WE'RE DECRYPTING IT NOW.

↓

Head: WE ASKED THEM TO SHOW US WHAT THEY GOT,

asked head

↓

AND THEY DID.

↓

NOW WE'LL SEE WHICH OF THEM HAS GOT THE MOST.

↓

24 HOURS, 5 PLANETS, 5 SONGS.

hours planets songs

↓

BUT IN THE END, THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE...

↓

PLANET MUSIC!

music planet

↓

ALL PARTICIPATION IS INVOLUNTARY.

↓

DISQUALIFIED AND LOSING PLANETS

disqualified losing planets

↓

ARE DISINTEGRATED BY PLASMA RAY.

plasma

↓

UH, IT'S PROBABLY A BAD TIME TO MENTION IT,

mention

↓

BUT ANY ASTRONAUTS YOU GUYS HAD IN ORBIT ARE DEFINITELY DEAD.

dead orbit

↓

Head: WELCOME BACK TO "PLANET MUSIC"!

head music planet welcome

↓

FIRST UP, LET'S HEAR THE LATEST SONG

latest song

↓

FROM PLANET PARBLESNOPS', THE GREEBY BOBES!

planet

↓

SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!

↓

HOLD IT, HOLD IT. STOP.

↓

MUSIC ISN'T ABOUT COMPETITION OR CAPTIVITY.

competition music

↓

IF YOU LOVE MUSIC, YOU LOVE FREEDOM.

freedom love music

↓

LET THESE WORLDS BE FREE! PLEASE!

free worlds

↓

DISQUALIFIED.

disqualified

↓

[ BUZZER ]

buzzer

↓

THERE'S ONE EVERY SEASON.

season

↓

MOVING ON TO PLANET ARBOLES MENTIROSOS.

moving planet

↓

ARBOLIAN MENTIROSOSIANS, SHOW US WHAT YOU GOT!

↓

A 2, 3, 4!

↓

[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

music music-plays plays tempo

↓

[ GUITAR STRUMMING, SOUR NOTES PLAY ]

guitar notes sour

↓

RICK, MORTY, ICE-T, THE TIMETABLE'S MOVED UP.

morty moved rick

↓

EARTH'S ON IN SIX HOURS.

earths hours

↓

LIKE WE'RE NOT ALREADY UNDER ENOUGH PRESSURE?!

pressure

↓

WHOA! WHOA! [ LAUGHS ] YEAH!

laughs whoa

↓

GEEZ, MORTY, THE GUY'S JUST DOING HIS JOB. TAKE IT EASY.

easy geez morty

↓

RICK, ICE-T, COULD YOU GUYS TAKE IT LESS EASY?!

easy less rick

↓

WE'VE GOT SIX HOURS TO COME UP WITH A SONG!

hours song

↓

GENIUS HAPPENS IN THE MOMENT, MORTY.

genius happens moment morty

↓

WELL, CAN WE AT LEAST GO GET OUR FAMILY?

family least

↓

YOU KNOW, SO WE CAN TAKE THEM WIS--

↓

WITH U-- WITH US IF WE LOSE?

lose

↓

THAT'S PLANNING FOR FAILURE, MORTY.

failure morty planning

↓

EVEN DUMBER THAN REGULAR PLANNING.

dumber planning regular

↓

BALLS.

balls

↓

MORTY, MORTY, STOP. LISTEN.

morty

↓

THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH CHARGE LEFT IN THIS THING.

charge left

↓

IF WE PORTAL HOME FROM HERE AND BACK,

home portal

↓

WE'RE NOT GONNA HAVE ENOUGH CHARGE LEFT TO GET OFF WORLD.

charge left world

↓

GET IT? WHAT?!

↓

YEAH. [ BURPS ] YOU SEE?

burps

↓

I TRY TO SHELTER YOU

shelter

↓

FROM CERTAIN REALITIES [BURPS] MORTY,

burps certain morty

↓

BECAUSE IF I LET YOU MAKE ME NERVOUS,

nervous

↓

THEN WE CAN'T GET SCHWIFTY.

↓

STOP SAYING IT LIKE IT'S A THING! YOU MADE IT UP!

↓

HEY, MORTY, COULD YOU LICK MY...

lick morty

↓

BALLS, BALLS...

balls

↓

RICK, CUT IT OUT! IT'S NOT FUNNY, RICK!

funny rick

↓

I'VE SEEN ENOUGH. THESE GUYS ARE ONE-HIT WONDERS.

seen wonders

↓

AND WHAT'S YOUR PLAN, GENERAL?

general plan

↓

WE STILL HAVE THE NUCLEAR OPTION.

nuclear option

↓

ON MY WORD, WE CAN LAUNCH A MISSILE

launch word

↓

AT EVERY ONE OF THOSE HEADS IN THE SKY.

heads

↓

OUR PLANET'S HELD CAPTIVE ON A LIVE GAME SHOW,

captive game held live planets

↓

AND YOUR SOLUTION IS TO SHOOT THE AUDIENCE?

audience shoot solution

↓

YOU CAN PUT YOUR FAITH IN NUKES IF WE GET THROUGH THIS, GENERAL.

faith general

↓

UNTIL THEN, I'LL PUT MINE IN RICK AND MORTY.

morty rick

↓

"GET SCHWIFTY" WAS A JAM.

↓

HELLO? YES, SIR, YEAH.

↓

EH, THANK YOU, SIR. THANK YOU.

↓

HE SAYS HE'S PROUD OF WHAT WE'RE DOING

proud

↓

AND HOPES WE HAVE A GREAT ASCENSION FESTIVAL!

festival hopes

↓

HAPPY ASCENSION!

happy

↓

All: HAPPY ASCENSION!

happy

↓

WE SHOULD PACK UP AND LEAVE TOWN NOW.

pack town

↓

I THINK IT'S INSPIRING THAT OUR COMMUNITY IS COPING WITH FEAR

community fear inspiring

↓

IN A WAY THAT INVOLVES A FESTIVAL AND HOMEMADE ICE CREAM.

cream festival homemade involves

↓

IF YOU'D STOP BEING SUCH AN EVANGELICAL ATHEIST,

↓

YOU MIGHT START ENJOYING YOURSELF.

enjoying might start

↓

WHOA! LOOK AT YOU!

whoa

↓

YOU'RE WEARING THE HAT AND EVERYTHING!

wearing

↓

HERE'S YOURS!

↓

MOM, DO YOU MIND IF I COOK DINNER TONIGHT?

cook dinner dinner-tonight mind tonight

↓

YEAH, SURE. WAIT. WHAT?

↓

I LOVE YOU GUYS. YOU GAVE ME LIFE.

life love

↓

AND IT'S THE WILL OF THE MANY HEADS

heads

↓

THAT ALL CHILDREN HONOR THEIR PARENTS.

children honor parents

↓

DINNER SOUNDS NICE.

dinner sounds

↓

PARDON, MR. AND MRS. SMITH.

pardon smith

↓

SUMMER, ARE YOU COMING TO THE ASCENSION?

coming summer

↓

FATHER, CAN WE PLEASE GO TO THE ASCENSION?

father

↓

SURE! LET'S GO TO THE ASCENSION.

↓

WH-WH-WHAT IS IT?

↓

WE HEREBY SEND THESE UNWANTABLES SKYWARD

hereby send

↓

THAT THEY MIGHT BE INHALED BY THE MANY HEADS,

heads might

↓

LATER TO BE SNEEZED BACK TO US AS BETTER BABIES.

babies sneezed

↓

HEADWARD, FREE NOW TO RISE.

free rise

↓

HEADWARD, FREE NOW TO RISE.

free rise

↓

HEADWARD, FREE NOW TO RISE.

free rise

↓

OH, YES! YES! RISE TO THE GIANT HEAD!

giant head rise

↓

YOU ARE FREE TO BE FREE!

free

↓

AND SQUEEGEE COMES UP FROM THE GARAGE, RIGHT?

comes garage

↓

BUT HE'S GOT A LOBSTER IN ONE HAND,

hand lobster

↓

THE MOVIE TICKETS IN THE OTHER, HE'S LIKE, "I'M READY!"

movie ready tickets

↓

[ LAUGHS ]

laughs

↓

YOU GONNA TAKE A LOBSTER TO SEE "IRON MAN 3"?

iron lobster

↓

[ Laughing ] ICE-T!

laughing

↓

AH, DAMN.

↓

WE'RE OUT OF ORIGINAL-FLAVOR FIG NEWTONS.

flavor original

↓

I SHOULD GET GOING ANYWAY.

↓

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! C-COME ON.

↓

H-HOLD ON A SECOND. HOLD ON.

second

↓

WHAT?! DAMN.

↓

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU FUCKED AROUND WITH PORTALS AND SHIT.

fucked

↓

THAT'S IT! [ GRUNTS ]

grunts

↓

WHOA, WHOA, MORTY! GIVE ME THAT.

morty whoa

↓

YOU LIED! YOU LIED ABOUT THE CHARGE!

charge lied

↓

YOU WERE JUST BEING LAZY!

lazy

↓

GET BACK! SIT DOWN!

↓

MORTY, JUST PUT IT DOWN.

morty

↓

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

↓

I'M GOING TO GO FIND MOM AND DAD!

↓

NO!

↓

OH, SHIT!

↓

OH, SHIT.

↓

♪♪

↓

[ FARTING ]

farting

↓

OH, SHIT.

↓

AND THEN ETHAN PLAYED GUITAR, AND WE LEARNED

ethan guitar learned played

↓

THE SEVEN CONTEMPLATIONS OF THE HEAD BY SINGING THEM.

head seven singing

↓

IT WAS REALLY FUN.

fun

↓

PRAISE BE THE HEAD!

head praise

↓

-Both: PRAISE BE THE... -YEAH.

praise

↓

HI, FOLKS. HEAD PRIEST VAGINA.

folks head priest vagina

↓

THANKS FOR FARMING ALL THOSE POTATOES.

farming potatoes thanks

↓

IT'S 6:00 P.M., SO IF YOU'RE A PARENT,

parent

↓

YOU'RE NOW ENTITLED TO ADORATION FROM YOUR CHILDREN.

children entitled

↓

I'M GOING TO START DINNER!

dinner start

↓

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

↓

SUMMER IS DOING REALLY WELL HERE.

summer

↓

SHE'S ACED EVERY TEST IN POTATO CLASS,

aced class potato test

↓

AND LOOK HOW IMPORTANT POTATOES HAVE BECOME.

become potatoes

↓

SHE'S NOT GETTING PREGNANT OR DOING DRUGS OR MISSING CURFEW.

curfew drugs missing pregnant

↓

PLEASE HELP ME. YOU CAN REACH ME IF YOU TRY.

reach

↓

PLEASE HELP ME!

↓

THAT'S NOT OUR BUSINESS AS LONG AS SUMMER IS THRIVING.

business summer thriving

↓

TACO TIME!

taco

↓

I HOPE IT PLEASES YOU AS THE HEAD DESIRES.

desires head hope pleases

↓

THAT'S WONDERFUL, SUMMER.

summer

↓

WE'RE SO PROUD OF YOU.

proud

↓

BUT OBVIOUSLY YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE DINNER EVERY NIGHT.

dinner night obviously

↓

OF COURSE I DO, SILLY! [ GASPS ]

course gasps silly

↓

OH, MY GOD, DADDY! I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU SILLY!

called daddy silly

↓

I'M SO SORRY!

↓

HEAVENLY HEADS AND CRANIAL CREATOR,

creator heads heavenly

↓

FORGIVE MY TRANSGRESSIONS AGAINST FAMILY AND COMMUNITY.

community family forgive

↓

MAY MY CHORES COMPLETE ME AS I COMPLETE THEM.

chores complete

↓

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

closes door door-closes

↓

♪♪

↓

MORTY.

morty

↓

BIRDPERSON?

↓

YOU APPEAR TO BE DYING.

appear dying

↓

I WILL MAKE EFFORTS TO PREVENT THIS

efforts prevent

↓

BUT CAN PROMISE NOTHING.

promise

↓

[ GROANS ]

groans

↓

[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

music music-plays plays tempo

↓

WH-WHAT DO YOU THINK, ICE? PROBABLY A LITTLE OVERDEVELOPED.

↓

SHIT, OVERDEVELOPED, UNDERDEVELOPED --

↓

A BAD SONG'S A BAD SONG.

song songs

↓

WELL, DO YOU THINK, MAYBE --

↓

COULD YOU GIVE ME SOME HELP WITH IT, OR...?

↓

AW, HELL NO, MAN.

↓

YOU DO YOUR THING, BUT I CAN'T AFFORD TO

afford

↓

GET MY PRIDE WRAPPED UP IN YOUR SHAME.

pride shame wrapped

↓

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

↓

ICE, I DON'T WANT TO BE A NEGATIVE NELLY OR ANYTHING,

negative nelly

↓

BUT [BURPS] IF MORTY DOESN'T COME BACK WITH MY PORTAL GUN

burps morty portal

↓

AND I EAT IT OUT THERE,

↓

IT'S, UH, YOU KNOW, KIND OF YOUR PROBLEM, TOO.

problem

↓

PFFT! I AIN'T WORRIED ABOUT NO EARTH BLOWING UP, MAN.

aint blowing earth pfft worried

↓

WHAT? WHY NOT?

↓

YO, THIS IS WHY.

↓

WHAT THE FUCK? YOU CAN TURN INTO ICE?

fuck

↓

MY STORY BEGINS AT THE DAWN OF TIME

begins dawn story

↓

IN THE FARAWAY REALM OF ALPHABETRIUM.

realm

↓

THERE, EVERY BEING IS A LETTER OF THE ALPHABET.

letter

↓

BUT I WAS FROZEN AND EXILED TO THE COSMOS BY MY ELDERS

elders frozen

↓

AS PUNISHMENT FOR NOT CARING ENOUGH ABOUT ANYTHING.

caring punishment

↓

EARTH IS JUST ONE OF MY MANY STOPS

earth stops

↓

ON A LIFELONG JOURNEY WITH NO DESTINATION.

destination journey lifelong

↓

SO YOU BETTER BELIEVE I DON'T CARE IF IT BLOWS UP,

believe blows care

↓

BECAUSE I'LL JUST BE ICE FLOATING THROUGH SPACE,

floating space

↓

LIKE A COMET.

↓

TAKE IT FROM ME, ICE, [BURPS] YOU CAN'T JUST [BURPS]

burps

↓

FLOAT AROUND SPACE NOT CARING ABOUT STUFF FOREVER.

caring float forever space stuff

↓

PFFT. MAN, WATCH ME.

pfft watch

↓

GOOD LUCK, RICK.

luck rick

↓

OKAY, THINGS ARE GETTING OUT OF HAND.

hand

↓

I BETTER MAKE SURE RICK HAS EVERYTHING HE NEEDS

needs rick

↓

TO GET SCHWIFTY.

↓

OH, FOR GOD'S SAKES. THAT'S ENOUGH.

gods gods-sakes sakes

↓

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, NATHAN?!

nathan

↓

I'M THE GODDAMN PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED FUCKING STATES!

fucking goddamn president states united

↓

I'M SETTING THE NUCLEAR OPTION TO LAUNCH

launch nuclear option setting

↓

ONE MINUTE INTO EARTH'S PERFORMANCE.

earths minute performance

↓

AND YOU, MR. PRESIDENT...

president

↓

I HOPE YOU LIKE BEING HIT IN THE FACE WITH A GUN.

face hope

↓

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WHY -- WHY --

↓

I BELIEVE I CAN ACCESS THE HISTORY OF RICK'S GUN

access believe history

↓

AND HELP YOU GET BACK TO HIM.

↓

BUT CAN YOU HELP ME GET TO MY FAMILY?

family

↓

YOU KNOW, AT -- AT MY HOUSE?

house

↓

IS YOUR INTENTION TO ABANDON RICK

abandon intention rick

↓

USING HIS OWN PORTAL GUN?

portal using

↓

IN BIRD CULTURE, THIS IS CONSIDERED A DICK MOVE.

bird considered culture dick

↓

ALL OF RICK'S MOVES ARE DICK MOVES!

dick moves

↓

WHAT -- WHAT AM I EATING?

eating

↓

WH-WHAT IS THIS, BIRD-- BIRDSEED?

bird

↓

IT IS RANDOM DEBRIS. I FOUND IT IN MY CARPET.

carpet found random

↓

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HUMANS EAT.

humans

↓

YOU KNOW WHAT THIS HUMAN EATS.

eats human

↓

DON'T BE GROSS, TAMMY.

gross tammy

↓

BIRD COCK.

bird cock

↓

TAMMY, GROSS.

gross tammy

↓

BIRDPERSON, YOU ALWAYS STICK UP FOR RICK,

rick stick

↓

BUT HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT HIMSELF.

care

↓

HE DOESN'T THINK ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES

consequences

↓

OF ANYTHING HE DOES.

↓

AND AS A RESULT, HE HAS THE POWER

power result

↓

TO SAVE OR DESTROY ENTIRE WORLDS.

destroy entire save worlds

↓

AND HE IS THE REASON YOU AND I KNOW EACH OTHER...

reason

↓

AND THE REASON I'M ALIVE AT ALL.

alive reason

↓

♪♪

↓

WHAT'S THAT? WHO'S THAT BABY?

baby

↓

MORTY, SUPPOSE YOU COULD RETRIEVE YOUR FAMILY FROM EARTH

earth family morty retrieve suppose

↓

BUT HAD TO ABANDON RICK.

abandon rick

↓

I COULD GIVE YOUR LOVED ONES SHELTER ON BIRDWORLD,

loved ones shelter

↓

EVEN JOBS, POSSIBLY AS WORM RANCHERS.

jobs possibly worm

↓

HOW OFTEN DO YOU THINK YOU MIGHT LOOK UP AT THE STARS

might often stars

↓

AND WONDER WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN

might wonder

↓

HAD YOU JUST PUT YOUR FAITH IN RICK?

faith rick

↓

Head: THAT WAS CHUNKYTUNK WITH

head

↓

"FULL MING MONG, EMPTY GORBDORK."

empty full ming

↓

UP NEXT, PLANET EARTH!

earth planet

↓

OH, GOD! WE'RE UP?!

↓

JERRY AND BETH, YOUR FAMILY IS A GOLDEN EXAMPLE

beth example family golden jerry

↓

OF WHAT HEADISM HAS TO OFFER THE WORLD.

offer world

↓

-THE WORLD? -HEADISM IS A HIT.

world

↓

WE'RE TAKING IT WORLDWIDE, AND WE'D LIKE JERRY TO BE

jerry worldwide

↓

OUR CHURCH'S HEAD OF ADVERTISING.

advertising churchs head

↓

YOU WOULD?

↓

BETH, WE'D LIKE TO PROMOTE YOU FROM HORSE SURGEON

beth horse promote surgeon

↓

STRAIGHT PAST HUMAN SURGEON TO HEAD OF MEDICINE.

head human medicine past straight surgeon

↓

THAT'S MY DREAM! THAT'S MY DREAM.

dream

↓

THANK YOU. THIS IS ALL SO OVERWHELMING.

overwhelming

↓

BUT, UH...

↓

WE CAN'T. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

absolutely

↓

I'M SORRY?

↓

WE'VE BEEN WAITING 16 YEARS

waiting years

↓

FOR OUR DAUGHTER TO RESPECT US,

daughter respect

↓

BUT THE KEY IS, IT HAS TO BE OUR DAUGHTER,

daughter

↓

NOT THIS PERSON SHE'S BECOME.

become person

↓

WE'LL TAKE OUR CHANCES RAISING HER

chances raising

↓

WITHOUT FANCY NEW JOBS,

fancy jobs

↓

OUTSIDE OF A POTATO-BASED RELIGION.

based potato religion

↓

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I-I'M SICK OF PRETENDING THAT WE'RE TOGETHER

pretending sick

↓

BECAUSE OF THE KIDS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

kids place

↓

I MARRIED YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

life love married

↓

AND I'M LUCKY TO HAVE YOU, AND I NEVER TELL YOU THAT!

lucky

↓

YOU KNOW, WE WILL COME OUT OF THIS STRONGER AS A FAMILY.

family stronger

↓

PLEASE DON'T DO THIS! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!

↓

-SUMMER! -SUMMER, LISTEN CAREFULLY.

carefully summer

↓

I STOLE A PAPER CLIP, AND I HAVE IT IN MY CHEEK,

cheek clip paper stole

↓

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT, AND IT HURTS.

hurts

↓

YOU'RE GOING TO BE OKAY.

↓

YOU WILL COME BACK AS BABIES.

babies

↓

I AM A BABY! I'M A BABY NOW!

baby

↓

HELLO?

↓

IS ANYBODY HERE?

anybody

↓

[ MUFFLED SHOUTING ]

muffled shouting

↓

MR. PRESIDENT!

president

↓

[ GASPS ]

gasps

↓

THIS IS BLUEBIRD!

↓

CODE TANGO NINER ALPHA!

alpha code niner tango

↓

ABORT LAUNCH! ABORT! HELLO?

abort launch

↓

HE'S BLOCKED ME OUT.

blocked

↓

SIR, I NEED TO GET TO THE STAGE

stage

↓

AND HELP RICK GET SCHWIFTY!

rick

↓

IT WON'T MATTER HOW SCHWIFTY YOU GET, MORTY.

matter morty

↓

THE GENERAL'S GOT NUKES SET TO LAUNCH

launch

↓

HALFWAY THROUGH EARTH'S SONG!

earths halfway song

↓

OH, MY GOD! UH, C-CAN YOU FLY A BLACK HAWK?

black hawk

↓

CAN THE POPE'S DICK FIT THROUGH A DOUGHNUT?

dick doughnut

↓

UH, I'M...NOT SURE.

↓

EXACTLY.

↓

SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!

↓

-[ TECHNO BEAT PLAYS ] -[ CLEARS THROAT ]

beat clears clears-throat plays techno throat

↓

UH...

↓

♪ LAPOO LAPOO LAPOO DOPS ♪

↓

♪ NAPOO NAPOO NAPOO NOTS ♪

↓

HEADWARD, FREE NOW TO RISE.

free rise

↓

HEY, LOOK AT THE HEADS!

heads

↓

LOOKS LIKE THE HEADS ARE GETTING ANGRY!

angry heads

↓

President: I'M REALLY BAD AT THIS, MORTY!

morty president

↓

THERE ARE WAY TOO MANY BUTTONS IN THIS THING!

buttons

↓

MR. PRESIDENT, IF I'VE LEARNED ONE THING TODAY

learned president today

↓

IT'S THAT SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO NOT GIVE A FUCK.

fuck sometimes

↓

♪ NAPOO NAPOO NOTS ♪

↓

UGH. TOUGH CROWD.

crowd tough

↓

I'M SURE THAT HAS --

↓

THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.

↓

[ HEADS BOOING ]

booing heads

↓

THE HEADS ARE DISPLEASED!

heads

↓

SUMMER!

summer

↓

UM...

↓

[ BOOING CONTINUES ]

booing continues

↓

MORTY!

morty

↓

Heads: HOORAY!

heads hooray

↓

HOORAY! LOOK!

hooray

↓

HOORAY!

hooray

↓

THE HEADS LOVE THIS!

heads love

↓

THEY LOVE IT WHEN WE DON'T KILL THE SMITH FAMILY!

family kill love smith

↓

NO! STOP THAT!

↓

YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO INTERPRET THE WILL OF THE HEADS!

allowed heads

↓

CALL OFF THE NUCLEAR STRIKE! THIS IS THE PRESIDENT!

nuclear president strike

↓

STOP THE NUCLEAR MISSILE LAUNCH!

launch nuclear

↓

JUST LAUNCH THE MISSILES!

launch

↓

[ PBHT! PBHT! ]

↓

BOO! NOT COOL!

cool

↓

I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT SPEAKS TO THE HEADS!

heads speaks

↓

DISQUALIFIED!

disqualified

↓

THE HEADS DISQUALIFIED VAGINA! GET HIM!

disqualified heads vagina

↓

DISQUALIFIED!

disqualified

↓

DISQUALIFIED!

disqualified

↓

♪♪

↓

All: ICE-T?!

↓

THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S ME -- ICE-T.

↓

I CARE NOW.

care

↓

YOU MADE ME CARE MORE.

care

↓

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT,

respect

↓

I'D LIKE TO HEAR WHAT RICK AND MORTY HAVE TO PLAY.

morty rick

↓

WHAT DO YOU SAY, RICK?

rick

↓

I SAY, LET'S DO IT!

↓

-[ TECHNO BEAT PLAYS ] -Heads: HOORAY!

beat heads hooray plays techno

↓

YEAH.

↓

ALL RIGHT.

↓

♪ OH, YEAH ♪ UH-HUH.

↓

HERE WE GO.

↓

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

↓

♪ SAY IT WITH ME ♪

↓

♪ HEAD BENT OVER ♪

bent head

↓

♪ RAISED UP POSTERIOR ♪

raised

↓

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

↓

♪ HEAD BENT OVER ♪

bent head

↓

♪ YEAH, RAISED UP POSTERIOR ♪

raised

↓

SING IT WITH ME NOW!

sing

↓

OH, MY GO--

↓

♪ HEAD BENT OVER ♪

bent head

↓

YEAH.

↓

♪ RAISED UP POSTERIOR ♪

raised

↓

ALL RIGHT!

↓

♪ HEAD BENT OVER ♪

bent head

↓

OH, YEAH. RAISED UP POSTERIOR!

raised

↓

AFTER 988 SEASONS OF "PLANET MUSIC,"

music planet seasons

↓

THE CROMULONS HAVE DECIDED TO DECLARE EARTH THE FINAL WINNER

decided declare earth final winner

↓

AND BRING OUR MUSICAL REALITY SHOW TO A CONCLUSION.

bring conclusion musical reality

↓

GOODBYE.

goodbye

↓

[ PBHT! ]

↓

-YEAH! -WE DID IT! YES!

↓

LET'S GET A MUSIC ALBUM NOW!

album music

↓

DID HE JUST SAY "MUSICAL REALITY SHOW"?

musical reality

↓

YEAH, IT'S POSSIBLE THAT WE MAY HAVE BEEN CORRELATING

possible

↓

SOME THINGS THAT WEREN'T ACTUALLY RELATED AT ALL.

related

↓

HELP!

↓

WE SHOULD GO GET HIM.

↓

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

applause cheers

↓

I HOPE I CAN CALL ON YOU AND RICK AGAIN IF I NEED YOU, MORTY.

hope morty rick

↓

SURE THING. AND I --

↓

I WAS KIND OF HOPING THAT I COULD GET A SELFIE WITH YOU?

hoping selfie

↓

ACTUALLY, IF YOU TRY TO TELL ANYONE WHAT HAPPENED HERE,

happened

↓

WE'LL DENY IT AND PROBABLY WORSE.

deny worse

↓

UNDERSTOOD.

understood

↓

D-I-I-I-I-IE!

↓

OH, NO, NO, NO!

↓

WHY DIDN'T HE TURN INTO A SNAKE?

snake

↓

TRADE SECRET, MR. PRESIDENT.

president secret trade

↓

PARTICLE BEAM IN A WRISTWATCH,

beam

↓

SNAKE HOLSTER ON THE LEG.

holster snake

↓

[ SNAKE HISSING, RATTLING ]

hissing rattling snake

↓

[ WHISTLES ]

whistles

↓

[ LAUGHS ]

laughs

↓

I LOVE THIS MAN!

love

↓

♪♪

↓

MAGNESIUM-J, HYDROGEN-F...

↓

FATHER.

father

↓

WORD OF YOUR SELFLESS ACTS ON THE EARTH PLANET

acts earth planet selfless word

↓

HAVE TRAVELED ACROSS THE GALAXY.

galaxy traveled

↓

I HAVE CHANGED.

changed

↓

I AM READY TO REJOIN MY BRETHREN ON ALPHABETRIUM.

ready

↓

VERY WELL.

↓

YOUR EXILE ENDS TODAY.

ends today

↓

WELCOME HOME, WATER-T.

home water welcome welcome-home

↓

[ EXPLOSION, RUMBLING ]

explosion rumbling

↓

THE NUMBERICONS! THEY'RE ATTACKING!

attacking

↓

BATTLE STATIONS!

battle stations

↓

AAH!

↓

FATHER!

father

↓

I LOVE YOU, SON.

love

↓

I SHOULD HAVE NEVER TURNED YOU TO ICE.

turned

↓

WATER-T, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!

water

↓

THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM!

↓

THEN I BETTER CRUNCH THE NUMBERS.

crunch numbers

↓

-AAAAAAAAAAAAH! -[ GUNFIRE ]

gunfire