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Home » Rick and Morty » S02E04 — Total Rickall

Rick and Morty

Season 2, Episode 4 — Total Rickall

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: Total Rickall

Air date: August 16, 2015

Director: Juan Jose Meza-Leon

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

Trapped inside the house with an ever-increasing number of parasitic alien shape-shifters capable of altering memories, an uncertain Rick and the Smiths search for a way to determine which of them are real.

Source: TMDB

↓

[glass clinks]

clinks glass

↓

Steve, I just got a weird e-mail.

mail steve weird

↓

Did you buy us airline tickets?

airline tickets

↓

Aw, shoot, it was supposed to be a surprise.

shoot supposed surprise

↓

I wanted to thank you, for letting me live here

letting live wanted

↓

all this time, so I'm treating the family to a vacation!

family treating vacation

↓

Steve, you're so sweet.

steve sweet

↓

- Thanks, Uncle Steve! - Best Uncle ever.

best steve thanks uncle

↓

Look out, world, the Smith family is going to Paris!

family paris smith world

↓

- 'Yeah! Awesome!' - Rick.

awesome rick

↓

I don't like glowing rocks in the kitchen trash!

glowing kitchen rocks trash

↓

Well, I don't like your unemployed genes

genes unemployed

↓

in my grandchildren, Jerry

grandchildren jerry

↓

but life is made of little concessions.

life

↓

I-you know what?

↓

You're gonna land on your feet, Jer.

feet land

↓

Some company out there's gonna thank their lucky stars

company lucky stars

↓

they hired my little brother.

brother hired

↓

Who the fuck are you?

fuck

↓

My goofy brother, Steve.

brother goofy steve

↓

Ha-ha. He's been living here

living

↓

almost a year now.

↓

Are you losing your mind?

losing mind

↓

Hey, someone's been spending too much time

someones spending

↓

around glowing rocks. Am I right?

glowing rocks

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

[laser beams]

beams laser laser-beams

↓

- Oh! Oh, my god! - Call an ambulance!

ambulance

↓

What the hell, Rick! What the hell!

rick

↓

Will everybody just relax for a second?

everybody relax second

↓

There's no such thing as an "Uncle Steve."

steve uncle

↓

That is an alien parasite.

alien parasite

↓

[screeches]

screeches

↓

[both gasp]

gasp

↓

But I've known him my whole life.

known life whole whole-life

↓

No, you haven't, Jerry.

jerry

↓

These telepathic little bastards

bastards

↓

they embed themselves in memories

memories

↓

and th-then they use those to multiply and spread out

multiply spread

↓

take over planets, it's-it's disgusting.

disgusting planets

↓

- Steve wasn't real? - He's a real piece of shit.

piece real steve

↓

This is a big one.

↓

Somebody probably tracked it in last week

somebody tracked week

↓

on the bottom of their shoe

bottom shoe

↓

or on a piece of alien fruit.

alien fruit piece

↓

"Someone?"

↓

Get off the high road, Summer.

road summer

↓

We all got pink eye

pink

↓

because you won't stop texting on the toilet.

texting toilet

↓

But Uncle Steve taught me how to ride a bike!

bike ride steve taught uncle

↓

No, "Steve" put that memory in your brain

brain memory steve

↓

so he could live in your house, eat your food, and multiply.

food house live multiply

↓

We could be infested with these things.

infested

↓

So we got to keep an eye out

↓

for any zany, wacky characters that pop up.

characters wacky

↓

Ooh, whee! Whatever you want, Rick! We're here to help!

rick whee

↓

Thanks, Mr. Poopybutthole, I always could count on you.

count thanks

↓

[gun cocks]

cocks

↓

[theme music]

music theme theme-music

↓

[electricity crackles]

crackles electricity

↓

[whirs]

whirs

↓

[suspicious music]

music suspicious

↓

Alright, there's six of us, and that's it.

alright

↓

Me, Morty, Jerry, Beth, Mr. Poopybutthole, and Summer.

beth jerry morty summer

↓

Maybe you got the first one in time, Rick!

rick

↓

[beeps] Can't afford to chance it.

afford beeps chance

↓

[shields whirring]

shields whirring

↓

Dad, why does our house have blast shields?

blast house shields

↓

Trust me, Beth, you don't want to know

beth trust

↓

how many answers that question has.

answers question

↓

Ooh, gosh, it feels claustrophobic!

feels gosh

↓

Reminds me of that time we all got stuck

reminds stuck

↓

in the elevator together, you remember that?

elevator remember

↓

After "The Hulk" musical?

hulk musical

↓

[grunting]

grunting

↓

Jerry, buttons don't work better if you hit them harder.

buttons harder jerry

↓

And foam fists don't make you strong.

fists foam strong

↓

I know, friends make you strong.

friends strong

↓

I watched the same musical you did.

musical watched

↓

Why couldn't I bring my portal gun?

bring portal

↓

[groans] Why did all the drinks have to be extra large?

drinks extra groans

↓

Oh, the Hulk! I just got that.

hulk

↓

Just pee your pants, I did it the minute we got stuck.

minute pants stuck

↓

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, shame me.

shame

↓

At least when I'm disgusting, it's on purpose.

disgusting least purpose

↓

Oh, y'all, we're gonna be fine.

yall

↓

I've always been here for you guys

↓

and I always will be.

↓

[chuckles]

chuckles

↓

Somebody call for repairs?

somebody

↓

(all) Yay! Cousin Nicky!

cousin

↓

It's me, Cousin Nicky.

cousin

↓

I'm walkin' here! I mean, I'm not.

walkin

↓

I'm crouched in the elevator shaft.

elevator shaft

↓

But hey, I'm walkin' here!

walkin

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

It's true. We really do get into some

↓

crazy situations as a family.

crazy family situations

↓

Uh, mostly when we're cooped up like this.

mostly

↓

H-hey, maybe Mr. Poopypants is right.

↓

(Cousin Nicky) 'L-let's get some fresh air.'

cousin fresh

↓

Come on, Cousin Nicky, you heard Rick.

cousin heard rick

↓

(Morty) 'We have to stay quarantined until we know'

morty quarantined

↓

'that there's no more of these things.'

↓

I hear you, Morty, back in Brooklyn

brooklyn morty

↓

we got a sayin' "We're walkin' here!"

sayin walkin

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- Nicky, get-No! - No!

↓

[groaning]

groaning

↓

What the-Cousin Nicky was a parasite?

cousin parasite

↓

Six, Morty! There's supposed to be six of us!

morty supposed

↓

If there's seven, then that means somebody's not real.

real seven somebodys

↓

But how did you know it was Nicky?

↓

I guessed, that's why I aimed for his shoulder.

aimed guessed shoulder

↓

So we can't trust any of our memories now?

memories trust

↓

Nicky was the reason we found that old Nazi submarine.

found nazi reason submarine

↓

- Did that not even happen? - Well, of course it happened.

course happen happened

↓

Now that I possess the mighty staff of Rah-gubaba

mighty staff

↓

the world will tremble before the Fourth Reich!

fourth world

↓

This is the last time I ask you

↓

for help on my history final, Rick.

final history rick

↓

Hey, we got a word for Nazis back in Brooklyn, pal.

brooklyn nazis word

↓

I'm comfortable being called a Nazi.

called comfortable nazi

↓

You think there's some other word

word

↓

that will hurt my feelings?

feelings hurt

↓

Yeah, think before you talk shit.

↓

Rah-gubaba, help me kill America!

america kill

↓

(all) 'Mr. Beauregard!'

↓

After due consideration, I have elected not to retire.

consideration elected retire

↓

(all) Yeah!

↓

- Oh, thank god! - Great!

↓

Now, I believe someone

believe

↓

has a final exam to attend.

attend exam final

↓

Set a course for Morty's high school.

course school

↓

Perhaps I'm biased, but if that story never happened

happened perhaps story

↓

then I wouldn't still be the family butler.

butler family

↓

- Hmm-hmm. Dare to dream. - Wait.

dare dream

↓

And if Mr. Beauregard wasn't our butler, it's safe to say

butler safe

↓

the family'd be in a hell of a lot of trouble.

trouble

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

No! Don't flashback!

flashback

↓

You're just gonna make more swelling.

swelling

↓

- Don't worry, Jerry. - Just relax.

jerry relax worry

↓

We called the fire department.

called department fire fire-department

↓

You know they won't come here anymore.

anymore

↓

[grunting]

grunting

↓

[squelching]

↓

[all gasp]

gasp

↓

Marmalade is served.

served

↓

[all cheer and laugh]

cheer laugh

↓

I guess I take back what I said about British cuisine.

british

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

Oh! Take that, Summer!

summer

↓

We're trying to sleep.

sleep

↓

I don't want to go to the dance alone.

alone dance

↓

(Mr. Beauregard) Then perhaps you shouldn't.

perhaps

↓

- Aw, Mr. Beauregard. - Aw!

↓

Shall we, Master Morty?

master morty

↓

We shall.

↓

Oh, wait, don't leave without letting

letting

↓

Photography Raptor take a picture.

photography picture

↓

[Raptor screeches]

screeches

↓

[camera shutter clicks]

camera camera-shutter camera-shutter-clicks clicks shutter shutter-clicks

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

Everybody stop remembering!

everybody remembering

↓

These parasites are like bed bugs.

bugs parasites

↓

And every flashback is another mattress.

another flashback mattress

↓

Look! There's only supposed to be six people in this house.

house supposed

↓

- But there's always been ten. - No!

↓

Wa-uh-the fact that I wrote this number down

fact number wrote

↓

means that there's four parasites.

four parasites

↓

You sure about that, Rick?

rick

↓

Begging your pardon, Master Rick, but I seem to recall

begging master pardon recall rick

↓

a great deal of confusion surrounding that number.

confusion deal number

↓

[burps] Alright, there's six of us. And that's it.

alright burps

↓

Me, Morty, Jerry, Beth, Mr. Poopybutthole, Frankenstein

beth frankenstein jerry morty

↓

'Sleepy Gary, Photography Raptor Mr. Beauregard, and Summer.'

gary photography sleepy summer

↓

Uh, dad, that's like ten people.

↓

Six, ten, what's the difference?

difference

↓

I just love the number six for no reason!

love number reason

↓

- Where's my pencil at? - Here, Rick! Use me!

pencil rick

↓

Oh, thanks, Pencilvester!

thanks

↓

Yeah, I-I g-I guess that is what happened

happened

↓

but I-I don't get why I would do that.

↓

Everybody makes mistakes, Rick.

everybody makes mistakes rick

↓

Why do you think I have one of these?

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

[camera shutter clicks]

camera camera-shutter camera-shutter-clicks clicks shutter shutter-clicks

↓

That's it, photos, hard evidence.

evidence hard hard-evidence photos

↓

You're not in any of my photos, Mr. Poopybutthole.

photos

↓

Well, what do you know about this?

↓

You're not in any of mine.

↓

All I have are pictures of me and my friends from school.

friends pictures school

↓

[suspicious music]

music suspicious

↓

What? What teenage girl has pictures of her family?

family girl pictures teenage teenage-girl

↓

It's not like we're Mormon or dying.

dying

↓

I will admit it's suspicious that Summer's only friend

admit friend summers suspicious

↓

is a magic ballerina lamb that we've never seen.

ballerina lamb magic seen

↓

[window pane rustling]

window

↓

Summer!

summer

↓

Tinkles! It's past my bedtime.

bedtime past

↓

[chuckles] Not in Never Past Bedtime Land!

bedtime chuckles land past

↓

Here we go!

↓

♪ Summer and Tinkles ♪

summer

↓

♪ Friends with each other ♪

friends

↓

♪ Living in Never Past Bedtime Land ♪

bedtime land living past

↓

♪ No kitchen sinkles ♪

kitchen

↓

♪ No little brother ♪

brother

↓

♪ Going to raves and waving our hands ♪

hands waving

↓

♪ Summer and Tinkle friends to the end ♪

friends summer

↓

♪ Group text the whole crew my motherfuckin' friends! ♪

crew friends group text whole

↓

♪ Ketchup to the salt salt to the fry ♪

ketchup salt

↓

♪ T to the inkle with a capital I ♪♪

capital

↓

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

↓

[giggling]

giggling

↓

- Ooh! - Summer!

summer

↓

- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! - We're trying to sleep.

sleep

↓

It was Tinkles! Tinkles?

↓

That is su-suspicious.

suspicious

↓

We're always hearing about this Tinkles character.

character hearing

↓

- But we never get to-- - Hi, everybody.

everybody

↓

I'm Tinkles.

↓

And these are my friends.

friends

↓

[all sigh]

sigh

↓

See, everyone?

↓

Tinkles is real, that means so am I.

real

↓

- Sorry, Summer. - Man, I'm sorry, Summer.

summer

↓

I was on the wrong side of the pitchfork on this one.

side

↓

Okay, look, we shouldn't need evidence

evidence

↓

or logic to know who's family and who isn't.

family logic

↓

I know who the Smiths are.

smiths

↓

I've known Beth since High School.

beth known school

↓

And her husband Sleepy Gary

gary husband sleepy

↓

is hands down my absolute best friend.

absolute best best-friend friend hands

↓

Thanks, Jerry. Beyond that

beyond jerry thanks

↓

no offense to any of you but all bets are off.

bets offense

↓

Look, I'm not used to being this unsure for this long.

used

↓

I'm just gonna aim for shoulders

shoulders

↓

starting with the weird girl.

girl starting weird

↓

Ah! Grandpa Rick!

grandpa rick

↓

Hold still, "Summer."

summer

↓

Rick, that is my daughter.

daughter rick

↓

Oh, yeah? Well, what if you just think that, Sleepy Gary?

gary sleepy

↓

I've known you for 15 years. Don't make me hurt you.

hurt known years

↓

Rick, these are our family and friends.

family friends rick

↓

The people we barbecue with.

barbecue

↓

Have you forgotten the barbecue?

barbecue forgotten

↓

Wait, why would you want me to--

↓

You're one of them, aren't you?

↓

Rick, you love those barbecues, Rick.

love rick

↓

You love them.

love

↓

- Hai! - Remember it, Rick?

remember rick

↓

Shut up, Hamurai!

↓

Shut up, Amish Cyborg!

cyborg

↓

What is this? '90s Conan?

conan

↓

(all) Remember the barbecue.

barbecue remember

↓

(all) Remember the barbecue.

barbecue remember

↓

(all) 'Remember the barbecue.'

barbecue remember

↓

[indistinct chatter]

chatter indistinct indistinct-chatter

↓

(Rick) You know what, Pencilvester?

rick

↓

It took me my whole life to realize it

life realize whole whole-life

↓

but I love barbecuing.

love

↓

- You're good at it, Rick. - Watch me, baby.

baby rick watch

↓

I'm like Tom Cruise from, um, "Cuisine"

cruise

↓

or w-whatever that movie's called where he makes drinks.

called drinks makes movies

↓

Yeah, check me out. I'm like Tom Cruise from "Cuisine."

check cruise

↓

[laughs] Ah, yeah.

laughs

↓

Is that what it's called? "Cuisine?"

called

↓

Wow! Hey, everybody!

everybody

↓

Let's give it up for the Grillmaster Rick!

rick

↓

Rick! Rick!

rick

↓

(all) Rick! Rick! Rick! Rick!

rick

↓

(all) Rick! Rick! Rick! Rick!

rick

↓

[groans] Wait.

groans

↓

[breathing heavily] No!

breathing breathing-heavily heavily

↓

Shoot, now look, it's like a "Where's Waldo?" page.

page shoot

↓

Can you find me? Check out all these zany characters.

characters check

↓

We'll be right back after these messages.

messages

↓

[suspicious music]

music suspicious

↓

I think you should put down the gun

↓

and we should get you to a doctor.

doctor

↓

What do you say we take down these blast shields?

blast shields

↓

- Yeah. - I can't do that, Sleepy Gary.

gary sleepy

↓

Alright, everybody listen to me.

alright everybody

↓

I don't know if any of you guys are real

real

↓

but this house has been infested with fake loved ones

fake house infested loved ones

↓

that spread through fake memories

fake memories spread

↓

and our planet will be destroyed if they get out.

destroyed planet

↓

[grunts] But, Rick, even you have to admit

admit grunts rick

↓

you do tend to overreact to stuff.

overreact stuff tend

↓

You guys, we got to hurry, I just got back from Walmart.

hurry walmart

↓

They're selling Nintendo 3-D-S systems for 149.99 on sale.

nintendo sale selling systems

↓

Plus every time you buy one, you get a $50 gift card.

card gift plus

↓

Brings the total price down to $110 after tax.

brings price total

↓

Now, listen, we can flip those sons of bitches

bitches flip sons

↓

for 230 bucks a piece easy!

bucks easy piece

↓

They're all limited-edition "Zelda" ones, hurry!

hurry limited ones

↓

Hurry! Come with me!

hurry

↓

We can be rich, and we also all get to keep one

rich

↓

and we can play Nintendo games!

games nintendo

↓

Nintendo, give me free stuff.

free nintendo stuff

↓

Okay, yes, I definitely remember doing that

remember

↓

but also, I would never do that.

↓

Don't overreact, Rick.

overreact rick

↓

- Sleepy Gary, a word? - Sure, Jerry.

gary jerry sleepy word

↓

Rick, keep a level head, okay?

head level rick

↓

'Cause I'll tell you a secret about Frankenstein.

frankenstein secret

↓

He's actually Frankenstein's monster.

monster

↓

[soft thump]

soft thump

↓

Sleepy Gary, m-my head is filled with memories

filled gary head memories sleepy

↓

of our friendship. I'm convinced that you're Beth's husband

convinced friendship husband

↓

and I'm your friend, but if those memories

friend memories

↓

can't be trusted, then..

trusted

↓

Jerry, just say it.

jerry

↓

Sleepy Gary, how do we know I'm real?

gary real sleepy

↓

Jesus, Jerry.

jerry jesus

↓

No, you're real. Hey, look at me.

real

↓

Now, I don't know which way is up out there

↓

but I know us, and you're real, Jerry.

jerry real

↓

Remember our vacation?

remember vacation

↓

They're filming that new "Star Wars" movie down the coast.

coast filming movie star star-wars wars

↓

Should we check it out?

check

↓

Sure, why not?

↓

[slurps drink]

drink slurps

↓

[glass clinks]

clinks glass

↓

[seagulls screech in distance]

distance screech seagulls

↓

Maybe we'll see Chewbacca.

chewbacca

↓

[romantic music]

music romantic romantic-music

↓

I'd like that.

↓

[smacking lips]

lips smacking

↓

[moaning]

moaning

↓

[gasps]

gasps

↓

What are we doing?

↓

[moaning]

moaning

↓

[smacking lips]

lips smacking

↓

I don't give a damn what else happens out there.

happens

↓

You and I are going to survive this.

survive

↓

Okay.

↓

Hey, we agreed. Never in the house.

agreed house

↓

[footsteps]

footsteps

↓

[suspicious music]

music suspicious

↓

That's a cool watch there, Rick.

cool rick watch

↓

- Can I check it out? - Uh, no thank--

check

↓

Oh! Okay.

↓

Trying to figure out how to lower the blast shields, huh?

blast figure lower shields

↓

Anybody here think it's suspicious

anybody suspicious

↓

that a lot of people in here can't wait to get out of here?

↓

Ah, you're paranoid, Rick.

paranoid rick

↓

You've been paranoid since 'Nam.

paranoid

↓

So, what are you gonna do when you rotate back

↓

to the world, Frankenstein?

frankenstein world

↓

Shit. I'mma bust a..

bust imma

↓

[grunts] No!

grunts

↓

Get out of my head, parasite!

head parasite

↓

- No! - Drop it.

drop

↓

Give me the gun, Frankenstein!

frankenstein

↓

[indistinct shouting]

indistinct indistinct-shouting shouting

↓

[clamoring]

clamoring

↓

Give it back!

↓

(all) Yeah!

↓

[applause]

applause

↓

- Frankenstein! - Huh!

frankenstein

↓

Uh, is anyone here even real?

real

↓

Am I the only real person on Earth?

earth person real real-person

↓

Maybe, or maybe, just maybe, we're all real.

real

↓

You know me. I'm Reverse Giraffe.

giraffe reverse

↓

I have a short neck and legs. I went to college with Hamurai.

college legs neck short

↓

I saved Ghost In A Jar's life in Vietnam.

ghost jars life saved vietnam

↓

Boo rah!

↓

And, Beth, how many times

beth times

↓

have I been a shoulder for you to cry on?

shoulder

↓

Ah! Too many.

↓

Okay, so maybe we're just all fake.

fake

↓

- Oh. - That don't make no sense!

sense

↓

Or maybe there's only one deceiver here.

↓

The person that keeps telling us the path to salvation

keeps path person salvation telling

↓

is being held prisoner, and mistrusting each other.

held prisoner

↓

Hey, don't blame me! I tried to shoot Summer ten minutes ago!

blame minutes shoot summer tried

↓

I know we all have beloved memories of Rick

beloved memories rick

↓

but are we really supposed to believe

believe supposed

↓

that a mad scientist inventor with a flying car

flying scientist

↓

just showed up on our doorstep after being gone for years?

doorstep gone showed years

↓

Yeah, you know, he does have a lot of really weird

weird

↓

made-up sounding catchphrases.

sounding

↓

Wubba lubba dub dub!

↓

Ricky ticky tavi, beyotch!

ricky

↓

And that's the way the news goes.

news

↓

Hit the sack, Jack.

jack sack

↓

Uh-oh! Somersault jump.

jump

↓

AIDS!

aids

↓

And that's why I always say

↓

shum shum shlippedy dop!

↓

Grass tastes bad-ah.

grass tastes

↓

No jumpin' in the sewer.

sewer

↓

Burger time!

burger

↓

Rubber baby baby bunkers!

baby baby-baby rubber

↓

Lick, lick, lick my balls!

balls lick

↓

[laughs]

laughs

↓

Yeah! Say that all the time.

↓

[indistinct muttering]

indistinct muttering

↓

(male #1) That's a fake-ass catchphrase right there.

catchphrase fake male

↓

Yeah, don't forget his incredibly vague back story.

forget incredibly story vague

↓

Beth, I'm your father!

beth father

↓

Oh, are you, dad? Are you?

↓

Rick, if you want to prove you're real

prove real rick

↓

just do what any of the rest of us would do

rest

↓

and-and-and open the blast shields

blast open shields

↓

and let us the hell out of here!

↓

Why don't you make me, implausibly naive pubescent boy

naive

↓

with an old Jewish comedy writer's name?

comedy jewish name writers

↓

[all exclaim and groan]

groan

↓

- Ooh! - 'In your face!'

face

↓

- 'Ooh!' - Give me the gun.

↓

[suspenseful music]

music suspenseful suspenseful-music

↓

I'm not doing this in front of Pencilvester.

front

↓

Bring him to the garage.

bring garage

↓

[all cheering]

cheering

↓

Go, Morty.

morty

↓

Now, you listen to me, you son of a bitch parasite scum.

bitch parasite scum

↓

We could either do this the easy way or the hard way.

easy hard

↓

You know, y-y-y-- do you want to live?

live

↓

Then open the blast shield doors.

blast doors open shield

↓

Shut up, Morty, you brainwashed little turd

brainwashed morty turd

↓

that might not even be real because I'm brainwashed, too.

brainwashed might real

↓

You know, Rick, this isn't easy for us.

easy rick

↓

You know, w-we all remember you as a friend.

friend remember

↓

Oh, oh, oh, really? Well, I remember you

remember

↓

as a whiny little piece of shit, Morty!

morty piece whiny

↓

- Oh-oh, yeah? - Yeah!

↓

I've got about a thousand memories

memories thousand

↓

of your dumb, little ass and about

dumb

↓

six of them are pleasant.

pleasant

↓

The rest is annoying garbage.

annoying garbage rest

↓

So, why don't you do us both a favor

favor

↓

and pull the trigger?

pull trigger

↓

Do it! Do it, motherfucker!

motherfucker

↓

(Rick) 'Pull the fucking trigger!'

fucking pull rick trigger

↓

[tense music]

music tense tense-music

↓

[screeches]

screeches

↓

Oh, wow.

↓

Baby Wizard was a parasite?

baby parasite wizard

↓

He set me up with my wife.

wife

↓

[screeches]

screeches

↓

- What the hell? - I figured it out, Rick!

figured rick

↓

The parasites can only create pleasant memories.

create memories parasites pleasant

↓

I know you're real because I have

real

↓

a ton of bad memories with you!

memories

↓

[pleasant music]

music pleasant

↓

♪ These memories that we have ♪

memories

↓

♪ These memories that we cherish ♪

cherish memories

↓

♪ I wish that we ♪

wish

↓

♪ Can go back ♪

↓

♪ To that time ♪

↓

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪♪

↓

Holy crap, Morty, you're right.

holy morty

↓

Is-is-isn't that what you were trying to make me understand

↓

by yelling at me?

yelling

↓

Well, yeah, duh-doy.

↓

T-took you long enough.

↓

[whirring]

whirring

↓

(Rick) 'Now let's go, Morty.'

morty rick

↓

We got a lot of friends and family to exterminate.

family friends

↓

[laser beams]

beams laser laser-beams

↓

[screaming]

screaming

↓

[laser beams]

beams laser laser-beams

↓

Everybody remain calm!

calm everybody remain remain-calm

↓

This is gonna take some explaining.

explaining

↓

We need to kill everyone

kill

↓

that we can only remember fondly.

remember

↓

Who's got a bad memory about Mrs. Refrigerator?

memory refrigerator

↓

I-I-I-everyone has bad memories of me.

memories

↓

Remember that one time?

remember

↓

[whirring]

whirring

↓

[all cheering]

cheering

↓

Ooh, man, we couldn't stop screaming.

screaming

↓

Uh, roller coasters aren't bad, Mrs. Refrigerator.

coasters refrigerator roller

↓

They're thrilling, and you've been a perfect companion

companion perfect thrilling

↓

to me my entire life.

entire entire-life life

↓

[whimpering] The jig is up!

whimpering

↓

Get me out of here! Get me out of here!

↓

[glass shatters]

glass glass-shatters shatters

↓

[screeching]

screeching

↓

[all gasping]

gasping

↓

- Oh, shit! - Everybody back!

everybody

↓

If you're not a parasite

parasite

↓

you have nothing to fear.

fear

↓

So, what about Summer?

summer

↓

Why am I always your go-to?

↓

[tense music]

music tense tense-music

↓

[water splattering]

water

↓

[grunts]

grunts

↓

Never go in my room again.

room

↓

I didn't!

↓

She's real.

real

↓

She's my bitch of a sister.

bitch sister

↓

[gun cocks]

cocks

↓

Nice.

↓

[dramatic music]

dramatic dramatic-music music

↓

- Mom, are you driving me to.. - 'Hmm?'

driving

↓

Yeah, yeah, yes, what time?

↓

Oh, my god! Are you drunk?

drunk

↓

[grumbles] What are you? My wife coach?

coach wife

↓

[thuds] Your what? Oh!

thuds

↓

- Oh! God! - Oh! Oh, my gosh.

gosh

↓

- Oh! God! Mom! - Sweetheart, are you okay?

sweetheart

↓

- I didn't mean to. - I'm gonna have a bruise!

bruise

↓

- It's picture day! - It's not.

picture

↓

Don't overreact.

overreact

↓

I can clean it up.

clean

↓

I want the police to take me!

police

↓

Morty, give a gun to the lady that got pregnant with me

lady morty pregnant

↓

too early, and constantly makes it our problem.

constantly early makes problem

↓

[gun cocks] Thank you, sweetie.

cocks sweetie

↓

Beth, Beth, please!

beth

↓

I thought it was too good to be true

↓

that we'd have compatible kidneys.

kidneys

↓

[screeches]

screeches

↓

[guns cock]

cock guns

↓

[whirring]

whirring

↓

[screaming]

screaming

↓

[blasting]

blasting

↓

[heroic music]

heroic music

↓

[lasers beaming]

lasers

↓

[screeching]

screeching

↓

[screeching]

screeching

↓

Come on, man. Haven't we ever had an uncomfortable silence?

silence uncomfortable

↓

Or an awkward fart on a road trip?

awkward fart road road-trip trip

↓

Come on, Pencilvester. Give me anything.

↓

[gasps] Rick, I'm Pencilvester.

gasps rick

↓

Listen to that name. You can't kill me.

kill name

↓

You're right. Kill Pencilvester.

kill

↓

[screeches]

screeches

↓

[blasting]

blasting

↓

[screeches]

screeches

↓

[blasting]

blasting

↓

[tinkles]

↓

- Summer, I've always loved you! - Yep.

loved summer

↓

[screeches]

screeches

↓

[all gasp]

gasp

↓

[blasting]

blasting

↓

[screeching]

screeching

↓

[blasting]

blasting

↓

[dramatic music]

dramatic dramatic-music music

↓

[shouts]

shouts

↓

[clicks on switch] Oh, my god!

clicks switch

↓

I-I-I thought you went to a concert!

concert

↓

We forgot the tickets!

forgot tickets

↓

Why in the kitchen!

kitchen

↓

I do it everywhere! Stop shaming me!

↓

- You're not the victim here! - I hate you.

hate victim

↓

And I was thinking about your friend Grace!

friend grace thinking

↓

[Summer shrieks]

shrieks summer

↓

[blasting]

blasting

↓

[screeching]

screeching

↓

[panting] Ah, Master Rick.

master panting rick

↓

Remember when you weren't going to shoot me?

remember shoot

↓

[screeches]

screeches

↓

I guess I did the Butler!

butler

↓

[laughs]

laughs

↓

Does-d-does that scan?

scan

↓

Oh, I-I get it.

↓

It's a play on "The Butler Did It."

butler

↓

Thanks, Ghost In A Jar.

ghost thanks

↓

You always were good at pointing out

pointing

↓

potentially obscure comedy.

comedy obscure potentially

↓

[screeches]

screeches

↓

[soft thud]

soft thud

↓

[screeches]

screeches

↓

You got to hide me, Sleepy Gary.

gary hide sleepy

↓

Don't worry, I have a plan.

plan worry

↓

If we can get to my boat, there's a--

boat

↓

[screeches]

screeches

↓

No! No!

↓

Just send me to Gary.

gary send

↓

I want to be with Gary.

gary

↓

Oh, God.

↓

[whimpering]

whimpering

↓

Whoa! What the hell?

whoa

↓

Look out for that homeless guy!

homeless

↓

Open the door! Open the door! Open the door!

door open

↓

There isn't time! Just run!

↓

[grunts]

grunts

↓

Get out here and help me!

↓

They say you shouldn't do that!

↓

Just run!

↓

[scoffs] Sorry, Jerry, you're real.

jerry real scoffs

↓

[crying] I'm a parasite!

crying parasite

↓

Yeah, but you're real.

real

↓

Uh-uh, I need time to forget about Sleepy Gary.

forget gary sleepy

↓

Me, too.

↓

[whirring]

whirring

↓

From now on, let's all be careful to wash our hands

careful hands wash

↓

when we get back from outer space.

outer outer-space space

↓

That goes for everyone.

↓

This is depressing.

depressing

↓

We killed every good person in the house.

house killed person

↓

We're what's left? What a family.

family left

↓

At least we're real, Jerry. We're real.

jerry least real

↓

Ricky ticky tavi!

ricky

↓

Ooh, whee! Amen to that.

amen whee

↓

Now, this little Poopypants is hungry.

hungry

↓

Will somebody pass me a pork chop?

chop pass pork somebody

↓

[chomping]

chomping

↓

Huh, i-i-is something wrong, Beth?

beth

↓

- Ow! - Oh, my god!

↓

- 'No, Beth!' - Oh, fuck!

beth fuck

↓

Wait, but I..

↓

- Oh, Beth! Why! - I need an ambulance!

ambulance beth

↓

There's been a shooting, my wife shot..

shooting shot wife

↓

Uh, my-my wife shot a long-time family friend.

family friend shot wife

↓

Why?

↓

Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god.

↓

- Mr. Poopybutthole. - I-I thought--

↓

- Keep breathing! Look at me! - Oh, god, what's happening?

breathing

↓

Look at me! Don't-don't fall asleep!

asleep fall fall-asleep

↓

Is-is this what bleeding to death is?

bleeding death

↓

- Oh, whee. Is this how I die? - Oh, geez!

geez whee

↓

- Oh, my god! - Why would you do this, Beth?

beth

↓

(Mr. Poopybutthole) 'It's not supposed to hurt.'

hurt supposed

↓

'I-I thought-ooh, whee.'

whee

↓

[slurps drink]

drink slurps

↓

[theme music]

music theme theme-music

↓

[somber music]

music somber somber-music

↓

Oh, he-he's looking a lot better.

looking

↓

(Rick) Listen, Beth, don't torture yourself.

beth rick torture

↓

I made a similar mistake years ago

mistake similar years

↓

but, you know, on a planetary scale.

scale

↓

Is, um, is he mad at me?

↓

He's not pressing charges. I mean, that's got to be

charges pressing

↓

the "You shot me" equivalent of not being mad.'

shot

↓

[clinks on door]

clinks door

↓

Can he have visitors?

visitors

↓

He'd like to be alone.

alone

↓

He told me to tell you..

↓

...he's sorry you didn't have bad memories of him?

memories

↓

[somber music]

music somber somber-music

↓

If you love him, you should leave.

love

↓

[soft thud]

soft thud

↓

[soft rustling]

soft

↓

[footsteps]

footsteps

↓

And that's the way the news goes.

news

↓

[indistinct screaming]

indistinct screaming

↓

(male #2) Did you get any of that?

male

↓

(male #3) It's-a good show-a.

male

↓

[outro music]

music