♥ Saved GIFs

Loading…

View all favorites →

Home » Rick and Morty » S02E03 — Auto Erotic Assimilation

Rick and Morty

Season 2, Episode 3 — Auto Erotic Assimilation

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: Auto Erotic Assimilation

Air date: August 09, 2015

Director: Bryan Newton

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

Rick gets emotionally invested when meeting an old friend, while Beth and Jerry have a falling out after making a discovery under the garage.

Source: TMDB

↓

♪ Love ♪

love

↓

♪ Connection ♪

connection

↓

♪ Experience ♪

experience

↓

Yeah, Morty.

morty

↓

♪ Come together ♪

↓

♪ With love connection and experience ♪

connection experience love love-connection

↓

- It's my favorite song. - Oh, yeah.

favorite song

↓

[alarm beeps]

alarm beeps

↓

Oh, yeah, distress beacon!

beacon distress

↓

[belches] Yeah, baby!

baby belches

↓

You're excited about that?

excited

↓

The first rule of space travel, kids,

kids rule space travel

↓

is always check out distress beacons.

check distress

↓

9 out of 10 times, it's a ship full of dead aliens

aliens dead full ship times

↓

and a bunch of free shit!

bunch free

↓

(both) Whoa!

whoa

↓

1 out of 10 times, it's a deadly trap

deadly times trap

↓

but I'm ready to roll those dice.

dice ready roll

↓

[intense music]

intense intense-music music

↓

Seems like something terrible happened here.

happened seems

↓

Yep. Cha-ching.

ching

↓

Oh, yeah, if you find a room full of eggs

eggs full room room-full

↓

don't shy away from it. Give one of them a shake.

shake

↓

Those facehuggers are worth more than this ship.

ship worth

↓

Uh, what's that?

↓

This'll make the cops write it up

cops thisll write

↓

as a looting by the Korblocks.

looting

↓

- That's horrible. - I hear you, man.

horrible

↓

Cops are racist.

cops racist

↓

Oh, hey. You're alive.

alive

↓

- Thank God. - Can you help us?

↓

Our planet was taken over by some kind of...entity.

entity planet taken

↓

It absorbed the minds of our people.

absorbed minds

↓

We didn't notice until it was too late.

late notice

↓

The people it takes over, they-they look like your friends

friends takes

↓

your family, your leaders, but they're not themselves anymore.

anymore family leaders

↓

They're part of...it.

part

↓

Then how do you know it didn't get on the ship with you?

ship

↓

Those two dingdongs seem pretty calm about the whole thing.

calm whole

↓

[both screech]

screech

↓

- Hey, no! No, wait! - Stop!

↓

[screaming]

screaming

↓

Called it.

called

↓

[ray gun beeps]

beeps

↓

- Hello, Rick. Long time no see. - Unity?

rick

↓

- Rick? - Grandpa?

grandpa rick

↓

Oh, boy. Uh...

↓

These are my grandkids, Summer and Morty.

grandkids morty summer

↓

Summer, Morty, this is, uh, Unity.

morty summer

↓

We sort of used to, uh...date.

date used

↓

[theme music]

music theme theme-music

↓

[instrumental music]

instrumental instrumental-music music

↓

[dog panting]

panting

↓

[engine hums in distance]

distance engine hums

↓

Quite an operation you got going here, Une.

operation

↓

You're a whole planet now, huh?

planet whole

↓

After we broke up, I spent some time

broke spent

↓

wandering through space.

space wandering

↓

Then I found this world...

found world

↓

where I was better able to focus

able focus

↓

on my passion for unification.

passion

↓

You mean stealing people's bodies?

bodies peoples stealing

↓

Summer, rude.

rude summer

↓

Why don't you two kids go

kids

↓

run off and play with Unity

↓

while Unity and I do some catching up.

catching

↓

- Ugh. - No, wait, Rick!

rick

↓

Aren't these people gonna barf

barf

↓

into our mouths and absorb us?

mouths

↓

You're guests here on my planet.

guests planet

↓

You're free to be yourselves.

free yourselves

↓

I've never been any good at disappointing Rick.

disappointing rick

↓

Well, now I'm going to barf.

barf

↓

Come on, Morty.

morty

↓

Jerry, what are you, what are you doing in here?

jerry

↓

I'm trying to find our weed whacker

weed

↓

'cause our weeds are wack, yo.

weeds

↓

But you can't go in the garage when Rick's not here.

garage

↓

- I can't? - Well, he doesn't like it.

↓

What's he gonna do, crash rent-free

crash free rent

↓

at his other family's house?

familys house

↓

What is that supposed to mean?

supposed

↓

Your dad gets to walk all over us

walk

↓

because of your abandonment issues.

issues

↓

He's playing you, shorty.

playing

↓

Oh, stop affecting that stupid hip-hop dialect.

affecting stupid

↓

Stop shifting the cross hairs to my ironic urban patois

cross hairs ironic shifting

↓

just because your relationship with your father

father relationship

↓

is toe up from the flow up.

flow

↓

[screeching]

screeching

↓

- What the hell was that? - I don't know.

↓

Let's just leave.

↓

[gurgling]

gurgling

↓

That is a hatch.

hatch

↓

Your father put a hatch in my garage.

father garage hatch

↓

You don't know it was him.

↓

Anyway, we're not supposed to be in here.

supposed

↓

Obviously, neither is whatever's gurgling down there.

gurgling obviously whatevers

↓

[screeching]

screeching

↓

"World peace achieved." nice.

achieved peace world

↓

Little weird to publish a paper about it for yourself, but hey.

paper publish weird

↓

So, what's next?

↓

After I become a type-one civilization

become civilization type

↓

this world will be invited into the galactic federation.

federation invited world

↓

Oh, goody.

goody

↓

From there, I'll have access

access

↓

to countless planets and species.

countless planets species

↓

One by one, I will unify them

↓

I will become the universe

become universe

↓

and I will be what the single-minded once called a God.

called minded single

↓

[belches] I like that.

belches

↓

Oh, that's pretty sexy.

sexy

↓

Hey, listen, where can we get a drink around here?

drink

↓

Recreational substances were phased out here.

↓

There's no need for escape from the self when your world is one.

escape self world

↓

Unity, Unity, who am I talking to?

↓

I watched you assimilate a whole police station

police police-station station watched whole

↓

just to get your hands on the evidence locker.

evidence hands locker

↓

Rick, when we met, I was a young hive mind

hive mind rick young

↓

with the population of a small town.

population town

↓

People change..

change

↓

Especially when I change them.

change especially

↓

I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I've grown.

disappoint grown

↓

Hey, listen, I've grown, too.

grown

↓

I have, see, I've-I've reconnected

↓

with my family, right?

family

↓

Hm. Why's that, I wonder?

whys wonder

↓

Maybe it's part of getting old.

part

↓

Maybe I just missed being with a collective.

collective missed

↓

[moaning]

moaning

↓

(all) Yes, Rick. Yes.

rick

↓

- Oh, yeah. - Yes. Yes.

↓

Wait, wait. Stop. Hold it. Not like this.

↓

We need a hang glider and a crotchless Uncle Sam costume

costume hang uncle

↓

and I want the entire field of your largest stadium

entire field largest stadium

↓

covered end to end with naked redheads

covered naked

↓

and I want the stands packed with every man

packed stands

↓

that remotely resembles my father.

father remotely

↓

[instrumental music]

instrumental instrumental-music music

↓

Man, look at them go. So coordinated.

↓

[gulps] What's your problem?

gulps problem

↓

They're making you into a Mount Rushmore.

mount

↓

- They made burgers! - Morty, open your eyes.

burgers eyes morty open

↓

There is no "they." These poor people's bodies are being used.

bodies peoples poor used

↓

They're a planet of puppets.

planet puppets

↓

- I can hear you. - Ugh.

↓

Well, it seems like everybody here's cool with it.

cool everybody seems

↓

Except for all those redheads.

except

↓

They seem like they're in a hurry to be somewhere else.

hurry

↓

Balloon, Summer? Balloon, Morty?

balloon morty summer

↓

No, we don't want your dumb balloons, okay?

balloons dumb

↓

We're bored. Take us back to Rick.

bored rick

↓

Now's not a good time.

nows

↓

Oh, yeah!

↓

I want you!

↓

[all chanting] Go, son, go! Go, son, go! Go, son, go!

chanting

↓

Oh, real nice. Real nice.

real

↓

How does a man do this without me noticing?

noticing

↓

Oh, you know my dad once he puts his mind to something.

mind

↓

You're spinning this to his credit?

credit spinning

↓

[screeching]

screeching

↓

- I'm going down there. - Jerry--

jerry

↓

Beth, this is my house which makes this my garage

beth garage house makes

↓

my secret hatch, my hidden subterranean lair

hatch hidden lair secret

↓

and my faceless gargler.

↓

Now, are you gonna keep hating this playa

hating playa

↓

or are you gonna jack my steez?

jack

↓

Okay, you're just making stuff up now.

stuff

↓

Ah. Oh, my God.

↓

Oh, my God. Ah!

↓

[gulping]

gulping

↓

Oh, Rick.

rick

↓

That was so bad.

↓

What's this "was" stuff?

stuff

↓

I just need to hydrate, then we're doing that again.

↓

- Oh, damn. - Listen..

↓

If this is an invasion, I got to sit this one out

↓

but I-I'll be back to have sex with the survivors.

survivors

↓

It's a neighboring hive-mind species, Beta Seven.

beta hive mind seven species

↓

Our planets maintain a practical alliance

alliance maintain planets practical

↓

for exchange of vital resources, so be nice.

exchange resources vital

↓

Unity, is it a bad time?

↓

Are all present life forms assimilated?

forms life present

↓

Beta Seven, this is my

beta seven

↓

single-minded friend from Earth, Rick.

earth friend minded rick single

↓

Rick Sanchez.

rick sanchez

↓

Unity has spoken of you.

spoken

↓

All bad, I hope. Ha ha!

hope

↓

- Bleeeeeeeeeh! - Oh, Jesus Christ.

christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

Beta Seven, if my allies are a problem for you

allies beta problem seven

↓

perhaps our alliance is, as well.

alliance perhaps

↓

Our alliance is beneficial.

alliance beneficial

↓

When Beta Seven expresses concern

beta concern seven

↓

it-it's only be-because..

↓

Oh, snap! Powdered neutronium?

snap

↓

Amphetetron? You know what I can make with this stuff?

stuff

↓

- Oh, Rick, I-I shouldn't. - Come on.

rick

↓

It's not every day that I'm town.

town

↓

It's-it's for old time's sake.

sake times

↓

Uh...okay, what the hell.

↓

We can purify the resin and make fractal dust.

dust

↓

Oh, I was thinking velocitinis but--

thinking

↓

Aw, old man Rick can't party with a whole planet?

party planet rick whole

↓

[both laugh]

laugh

↓

I can do whatever you do and more, baby.

baby

↓

[all groaning]

groaning

↓

You know, I think, argh, Beta Seven over there

argh beta seven

↓

is hoping your alliance can be more than practical.

alliance hoping practical

↓

[laughing] Stop.

laughing

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

Well, this explains the $6000 electric bill.

bill electric explains

↓

- Whoa! - Whoa!

whoa

↓

[screeches]

screeches

↓

Well, nice. Real nice.

real

↓

Alien prisoners under the house. Real nice.

alien house prisoners real

↓

- Nice. Real-- - Goddamn it, stop.

goddamn goddamn-it real

↓

Wake up, people! You have to fight it!

fight wake

↓

You're under the spell of an evil monster!

evil monster spell

↓

- I can hear you. - Yeah, so you keep saying.

↓

- Summer! - Wake up!

summer wake

↓

You have to have some individuality left in there!

left

↓

- Why do you hate me, Summer? - I'm not talking you.

hate summer

↓

I'm talking to... "Steven Phillips."

phillips steven

↓

Steven, set yourself free.

free steven

↓

Summer, before I took over this planet

planet summer

↓

this man was a registered sex offender.

registered

↓

Yeah? Well, so what? At least he was himself.

least

↓

This woman was a drug addict on the verge of suicide.

addict drug drug-addict suicide verge woman

↓

Now she's a marine biologist.

marine

↓

Listen, Unity, I don't think my sister's trying to say

sisters

↓

that life would be perfect without you.

life perfect

↓

I think she's just saying that life would be, you know, life.

life

↓

I have transformed life here into a paradise.

life paradise

↓

Prostitutes are now scientists.

prostitutes scientists

↓

The homeless are now "phisosophers."

homeless

↓

Oh. Oh. "Ph-phisosophers?" Nice.

↓

- Philopol.. Phiphophopher... - Oh, my God.

↓

Where did you learn to talk, you grandpa-stealing slut?

grandpa learn slut stealing

↓

I'm feeling..

feeling

↓

[retches] Ugh.

↓

Oh, man, let me help all of you guys up.

↓

(all) I'm fine.

↓

[upbeat music]

music upbeat upbeat-music

↓

[sniffs] Do you know what I love about you, Rick?

love rick sniffs

↓

You're the only single mind I've met

mind single

↓

that really sees the big picture.

picture sees

↓

You got that right, but, baby, listen

baby

↓

y-you're talking about taking over planets and galaxies.

planets

↓

You got to, got to just remember to let go sometimes, you know?

remember sometimes

↓

I can let go. Hey, look.

↓

You see that town across the river? Watch this.

river town watch

↓

- Whoa! - Ha ha! Whoo!

whoa whoo

↓

Whoa! That's not what I meant!

meant whoa

↓

[laughing] It's okay. It's okay.

laughing

↓

I evacuated. I evacuated the town. Look.

town

↓

(all) Hey! We're right here. We're fine.

↓

[laughs]

laughs

↓

Oh, that was awesome.

awesome

↓

[chuckles] My-my grandkids weren't in that town, right?

chuckles grandkids town

↓

A-are my grandkids alive? M-my drink is empty.

alive drink empty grandkids

↓

[all retching]

retching

↓

[groans]

groans

↓

[intense music]

intense intense-music music

↓

[crashing]

crashing

↓

Ah!

↓

Unity, what's happening?

↓

Who's Unity? You kids have nice feet.

feet kids

↓

- Mind if I take a picture? - Gross. No.

gross mind picture

↓

(Morty) 'I think you're getting what you wanted, Summer.'

morty summer wanted

↓

Something's happening to Unity.

somethings

↓

Do all of you remember who you are?

remember

↓

Yeah, uh, my name is Ron Benson.

name

↓

I'm an electrical engineer, father of two,

electrical engineer father

↓

and, as you can see from my flat, concentric nipple rings,

flat nipple rings

↓

I'm a member of this planet's top race!

member planets race

↓

Okay, that's good.

↓

Uh, don't focus too much on the last part, but--

focus part

↓

I'm Daryl Jefferson, I'm a landscaper, and I'll be damned

damned jefferson

↓

if that ripple-nipple bitch's race is superior!

nipple race superior

↓

The cone-nipple people will rule this world!

cone nipple rule world

↓

You shut your mouth, you dirty knife-nipple bastards.

bastards dirty knife mouth nipple

↓

What'd you say to me, you target-chest piece of shit!

chest piece target whatd

↓

Race war!

race

↓

[grunting]

grunting

↓

Why are you fighting? Can't you see you're all the same?

fighting

↓

Oh, Summer. Ha ha!

summer

↓

First race war, huh?

race

↓

[intense music]

intense intense-music music

↓

[grunting]

grunting

↓

Way to go, summer. You started a race war.

race started summer

↓

I didn't start it! They're the racists.

start

↓

I-I merely empowered them to follow

follow merely

↓

their apparently misguided dreams.

apparently dreams misguided

↓

Okay, thanks for clarifying.

thanks

↓

I'll have a super-accurate headstone now.

accurate super

↓

Hey, wait, what race are you guys?

race

↓

- We're neither. S-see? - Yeah, take my word for it.

word

↓

- We just have regular nipples. - Hey!

nipples regular

↓

These two freaks have no race!

freaks race

↓

[dramatic music]

dramatic dramatic-music music

↓

[clamoring]

clamoring

↓

Oh, there's no place like home. There's no place like home.

home place

↓

Remember, Summer? From Dorothy and the tiny people movie?

dorothy movie remember summer tiny

↓

- Yes, yes. - All the tiny people.

tiny

↓

Dorothy, take us away, take us away

dorothy

↓

[dramatic music]

dramatic dramatic-music music

↓

Hello, Summer. Hello, Morty.

morty summer

↓

It's okay. You're safe now.

safe

↓

- U-Unity? - Yes.

↓

Oh, Unity, I am so sorry.

↓

I didn't know freedom meant people doing stuff that sucks.

freedom meant stuff sucks

↓

I was thinking more of a choose your own

choose thinking

↓

cellphone-carrier thing.

cellphone

↓

Oh, Summer, you did nothing wrong.

summer

↓

I'm having fun with your grandpa. Lost a little control.

control fun grandpa having lost

↓

Probably shouldn't be piloting a hovercopter

↓

nor should I be running 200,000 pediatric hospitals

hospitals running

↓

and 12 million deep fryers, but hey

deep million

↓

it's not like this planet can take its business elsewhere.

business elsewhere planet

↓

Um, should we maybe stop somewhere and get you a coffee?

coffee

↓

Maybe splash a little water on your face, or--

face splash water

↓

No, no, if I wanted to be sober, I wouldn't have gotten drunk.

drunk gotten sober wanted

↓

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

whoo

↓

[screeching]

screeching

↓

Oh, man, I cannot wait, I cannot wait

cannot

↓

to hear Rick explain his way around this. He is gone.

explain gone rick

↓

Jerry, stop, please, okay?

jerry

↓

We weren't even supposed to be down here.

supposed

↓

If we confront him about this--

confront

↓

Oh, my God! I love this.

love

↓

I love that this is how far you will go for him.

love

↓

You want to go upstairs and cut carrots

carrots upstairs

↓

and watch a lifetime original above a fucking alien dungeon!

alien dungeon fucking lifetime original watch

↓

Your relationship with your father is psychotic.

father psychotic relationship

↓

Oh, listen to you relish the idea

idea

↓

that my genius father is a bad person.

father genius person

↓

Step out of your ego for a second

second step

↓

and look at this thing it's a monster.

monster

↓

He might have it chained up so that it doesn't eat the planet!

might planet

↓

Right, because your father's such an altruist?

fathers

↓

I once saw him briefly forget the word for humans.

forget humans word

↓

He's probably harvesting this creature's organs.

creatures organs

↓

He's probably racing to cure its space aids.

aids cure racing space

↓

- He's going to eat it! - He's protecting it!

protecting

↓

- Shut up! - Shut up!

↓

[humming] Whoa!

humming whoa

↓

- Unity, this place is a mess. - Oh, it's cool.

cool mess place

↓

The part of me that's the cleaning lady

cleaning cleaning-lady lady part

↓

is coming on Friday. Huh! Oh, my God.

coming friday

↓

I have a meeting at the galactic federation in an hour.

federation hour meeting

↓

Oh, I'll never make it. Ah, I'll push it to next week.

push week

↓

Unity, could you get Rick out here, please?

rick

↓

- He's unavailable. He's-- - Having sex with you.

having

↓

We get it. Gross. Get him out here now.

gross

↓

- I don't think he wants to be-- - Grandpa Rick!

grandpa rick wants

↓

- Rick! - Rick!

rick

↓

I'm gonna tell mom and dad about the gagoo

↓

you have locked up under the garage!

garage locked

↓

[belches] What the hell is your problem?

belches problem

↓

Grandpa, we need to go home, now.

grandpa home

↓

Fine. Sheesh.

↓

[glass shatters]

glass glass-shatters shatters

↓

- See you. - Uh, Rick..

rick

↓

- I think we should all go. - Tend to your garden, kids.

garden kids tend

↓

- I'm kinda doing a thing here. - Whoo!

kinda whoo

↓

Grandpa Rick, we're not leaving without you.

grandpa leaving rick

↓

Oh, my God, you guys. I get it.

↓

You're afraid the big, bad hive mind

afraid hive mind

↓

is gonna steal your grandpa away.

grandpa steal

↓

Actually, no, I think Unity's great

↓

and you're a horrible influence on it.

horrible influence

↓

- What? - This isn't healthy, Rick.

healthy rick

↓

Y-you know, you're-you're really up to no good around here

↓

a-at this place, you know?

place

↓

You and Unity are like-like leggings and mid-calf boots.

boots calf

↓

You think you're great together, but you're just

↓

bringing out the worst in each other.

bringing worst

↓

Oh, gee. Boy, Summer. Well put.

summer

↓

Uh, why don't we see what Unity thinks? Unity?

thinks

↓

I'm just taking a little break from stuff. You know?

break stuff

↓

- I need to relax. - Oh, hey.

relax

↓

W-what's this on the news, guys? L-l-let me turn it up.

news

↓

In the news today, this looks a lot worse than it is.

news today worse

↓

We're really just having a good time.

having

↓

- Karen? - Thanks, Todd. Up next..

karen thanks todd

↓

Are you a concerned grandchild or just a buzzkill?

concerned grandchild

↓

We'll tell you how you can know for sure.

↓

I think you two are a little outnumbered.

↓

Okay, well, what if you did it for me?

↓

What if you came with us as a favor to us because you love us?

favor love

↓

- What? Dumb. Bye. - But Rick, Summer's just--

dumb rick summers

↓

Summer's just a hyper-emotional, needy little

emotional hyper needy summers

↓

what's the word I'm looking for here? Uh...human.

human looking word

↓

It runs in the family, I can tolerate it, but

family runs tolerate

↓

I can't give a crap about it. Take a hike.

hike

↓

Take care of yourself, Unity.

care

↓

I'm not looking for judgment, just a yes or no.

judgment looking

↓

Can you assimilate a giraffe?

giraffe

↓

- You're the worst! - No, you're the worst!

worst

↓

You don't support this family! All you care about is yourself!

care family support

↓

You think supporting the family is about supporting you!

family supporting

↓

- Emotionally-- - You've got two children..

children emotionally

↓

But you're unsupportable.

↓

There'll never be enough support to satisfy you.

satisfy support therell

↓

Because you'd rather lose them and lose me than lose him!

lose

↓

Because you cling and you cling.

↓

Because you're the child, Beth! You, not me! You!

beth child

↓

[screeches]

screeches

↓

- Aah! - Aah!

↓

- Oh, my God. - Aah!

↓

[both sighs]

sighs

↓

[both gasps]

gasps

↓

Um, first of all, hello.

↓

Uh, my name is Blim Blam the Korblok.

name

↓

Second of all, cards on the table, I'm a murderer

cards murderer second table

↓

that eats babies, and I came to this planet to eat babies.

babies eats planet

↓

However, I am also carrying a highly infectious disease

carrying disease highly

↓

that I suppose you could call "space aids" as you put it.

aids space suppose

↓

And Rick did chain me up so that he could attempt to cure it.

attempt chain cure rick

↓

At the same time, Rick's motivation to cure my disease

cure disease motivation

↓

was not to save my life or anyone else's

elses life save

↓

but to patent and sell the cure for billions of Blemflarcks.

billions cure patent sell

↓

But you know the reason why

reason

↓

I ripped my chains out of the wall?

chains ripped wall

↓

And do you know why I'm never coming back to this planet?

coming planet

↓

Because the two of you are the fucking worst!

fucking worst

↓

You both hate yourselves and each other.

hate yourselves

↓

And the idea that it has anything

idea

↓

to do with Rick is laughable.

rick

↓

I'd laugh, but I'm biologically incapable.

incapable laugh

↓

That's how alien I am.

alien

↓

And even I'm sitting here listening to the two of you

listening sitting

↓

and being like, "What the fuck!"

fuck

↓

So good luck with your shitty marriage

luck marriage shitty

↓

and tell Rick I'm sorry he has to deal with

deal rick

↓

either of you. Blim Blam out.

↓

[gurgles]

gurgles

↓

You know what? I'm taking this.

↓

How do you.. What is this?

↓

Uh, is there a slow setting?

setting slow

↓

Best door ever.

best door

↓

[belches and sighs]

belches sighs

↓

[coughing] Okay, okay.

coughing

↓

Now make them cry, but happy crying.

crying happy

↓

Now make them all make fun of the blonde one.

blonde fun

↓

Now make them all do it on the table.

table

↓

I can't believe you created a whole show for me.

believe created whole

↓

Now cancel it. Okay, now put it back on.

cancel

↓

[laughs] Alright, I'm bored.

alright bored laughs

↓

Rick, is there a way for you to call Summer and Morty?

morty rick summer

↓

- I feel bad that they-- - Pfft!. Screw those guys.

pfft screw

↓

Ugh. I'll be right back.

↓

Don't waste your brain on those weirdos, Unity.

brain waste weirdos

↓

They're no different from any of the aimless chumps

chumps

↓

that you occupy, they just put you

↓

at the center of their lives because you're powerful.

center lives powerful

↓

And then because they put you there

↓

they want you to be less powerful.

less powerful

↓

Never gonna happen though, right?

happen

↓

- Never. - Never. Back in a flash.

flash

↓

[door whooshes]

door whooshes

↓

[toilet flush gushing]

flush toilet

↓

Best weekend ever, Rick. I agree, Rick.

agree best rick weekend

↓

Let's see how long we can go.

↓

Hey, Une. You got any more..

↓

[instrumental music]

instrumental instrumental-music music

↓

(Unity) Rick, forgive me for doing this in notes.

forgive notes rick

↓

I'm not strong enough to do it in persons.

persons strong

↓

I realize now that I'm attracted to you

attracted realize

↓

for the same reason I can't be with you.

reason

↓

You can't change.

change

↓

And I have no problem with that

problem

↓

but it clearly means I have a problem with myself.

problem

↓

I'm sure there's no perfect version of me.

perfect version

↓

I'm sure I'll just unify species after species

species

↓

and never really be complete.

complete

↓

But I know how it goes with us.

↓

I lose who I am and become part of you.

become lose part

↓

Because in a strange way, you're better at what I do

strange

↓

without even trying.

↓

Yours, and nobody else's ...Unity.

elses nobody

↓

PS, I don't know where those coal miners were

↓

before they were assimilated. You might want to get checked.

checked might

↓

[cheering on TV]

cheering

↓

Hey.

↓

Dad.

↓

[clears throat] I, um, Jerry and I were looking for our weed whacker

clears clears-throat jerry looking throat weed

↓

and found your subterranean lair

found lair

↓

and your alien prisoner,

alien prisoner

↓

and he got away.

↓

And I know I sound like mom, but I can't sacrifice

sacrifice sound

↓

this whole family's safety just because I'm afraid

afraid familys safety whole

↓

you'll leave again, so no more alien prisoners

alien prisoners

↓

and no more subterranean excavation

↓

without consulting us.

↓

- Okay. - Okay?

↓

O-okay like you're gonna quietly

quietly

↓

teleport somewhere and never come back?

teleport

↓

No. It's your house.

house

↓

Grandpa Rick, what happened with Unity?

grandpa happened rick

↓

Who? Oh, Unity. Yeah, well...

↓

I mean, honestly, we're talking about an entity

entity

↓

that thrives on enslavement, you know?

↓

It's not cool. Fun's fun, but who needs it?

cool fun needs

↓

I'll be in the garage.

garage

↓

[instrumental music]

instrumental instrumental-music music

↓

♪ Lay it lay it down ♪

↓

♪ Let me see your hand ♪

hand

↓

♪ Show me what you got ♪

↓

♪ You're always talking ♪

↓

♪ But you're not playing ♪

playing

↓

♪ It doesn't match your face ♪

face match

↓

♪ Get them away away from this place ♪

place

↓

♪ Can you take me now?

↓

♪ ♪ I I want it ♪

↓

♪ I want it real ♪

real

↓

♪ Are you afraid of me now? ♪

afraid

↓

♪ Are you afraid of me now? ♪

afraid

↓

♪ Do you feel it? ♪

↓

♪ Do you feel it? ♪

↓

♪ Do you feel that I can see your soul?

soul

↓

♪ Do you feel it? ♪

↓

♪ Do you feel it? ♪

↓

♪ Do you feel the pain in your heart? ♪

heart pain

↓

♪ I I want it ♪

↓

♪ I want it real ♪

real

↓

♪ Run away with me now ♪

↓

♪ I I want it ♪

↓

♪ I want it real ♪

real

↓

♪ Run away with me now ♪

↓

♪ Ah ah ♪

↓

[music continues]

continues music music-continues

↓

♪ Don't leave me ♪

↓

♪ Never leave me out ♪

↓

♪ Don't leave me ♪

↓

♪ Never leave me out ♪♪

↓

(Rick) Unity! Unity!

rick

↓

- Unity! - How can I assist you?

assist

↓

I wanna talk to Unity, Beta Seven. I know it's in there.

beta seven

↓

You're classified as a hostile entity

classified entity hostile

↓

and Unity doesn't want to talk to you.

↓

I know your game, Beta Seven. I've met a billion of you!

beta billion game seven

↓

You little on-deck, in-the-wings shoulder to cry on!

deck shoulder wings

↓

You are classified as a hostile entity.

classified entity hostile

↓

Oh, you're just loving this, mother..

loving mother

↓

This isn't gonna shake out like you think, pal.

shake

↓

Unity's not into other hive minds.

hive minds

↓

It's gonna suck you in and use you up

suck

↓

and a month from now, I'm gonna be making out

month

↓

with all of you in a bunch of red wigs!

bunch wigs

↓

Unity! Unity!

↓

Unity, I know you can hear me.

↓

- Get out here. - 'Weapons systems engaged.'

engaged systems weapons

↓

Oh, in your dreams you have weapon systems.

dreams systems weapon

↓

Ugh, Rick, you said we were going to a movie.

movie rick

↓

We are, Morty. Alright!

alright morty

↓

Beta-shit-Seven

beta seven

↓

you just got saved by the bell, bitch!

bell bitch saved

↓

[indistinct screaming]

indistinct screaming

↓

(male #1) Did you get any of that?

male

↓

(male #2) It's-a good show-a.

male