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Home » Rick and Morty » S01E08 — Rixty Minutes

Rick and Morty

Season 1, Episode 8 — Rixty Minutes

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: Rixty Minutes

Air date: March 17, 2014

Director: Bryan Newton

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

Rick hacks the cable box, but the family are distracted by another one of his inventions.

Source: TMDB

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[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ] CYNTHIA...

cynthia dramatic dramatic-music music music-plays plays

↓

Jerry: OH, MY GOD.

jerry

↓

NO. NO.

↓

Summer: I TOLD YOU.

summer

↓

Beth: HOLD ON.

beth

↓

...WILL YOU PLEASE...

↓

NOT MARRY ME?

marry

↓

I CHOSE VERONICA.

chose veronica

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Summer: WHAT?!

summer

↓

Jerry: YES!

jerry

↓

Beth: HOLD IT.

beth

↓

Summer: WHY WOULD HE CHOSE VERONICA?

chose summer veronica

↓

Jerry: BECAUSE HE LOVES HER?

jerry loves

↓

Rick: WELL, IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION, SUMMER, NONE OF IT

consolation rick summer

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MATTERED AND THE ENTIRE SHOW WAS STUPID.

entire mattered stupid

↓

Jerry: OKAY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA, RICK.

idea jerry rick

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YOU SHOW US YOUR CONCEPT OF GOOD TV, AND WE'LL CRAP ALL OVER

concept

↓

THAT.

↓

Rick: THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK.

rick

↓

Jerry: HEY.

jerry

↓

Morty: OH, COOL.

cool morty

↓

IS THAT CRYSTALLIZED XANTHANITE?

↓

IT CONDUCTS ELECTRONS ACROSS DIMENSIONS.

dimensions

↓

Rick: 20% ACCURATE AS USUAL, MORTY.

accurate morty rick usual

↓

THE IMPORTANT THING BEING, I JUST UPGRADED OUR CABLE PACKAGE

cable package upgraded

↓

WITH PROGRAMING FROM EVERY CONCEIVABLE REALITY.

reality

↓

Jerry: WAIT. DOES THAT MEAN WE GET SHOWTIME EXTREME?

extreme jerry showtime

↓

Rick: HOW ABOUT SHOWTIME EXTREME IN A WORLD WHERE MAN

extreme rick showtime world

↓

EVOLVED FROM CORN?

corn evolved

↓

WE'RE NOT SO DIFFERENT.

↓

WE'RE BOTH CORN OF ACTION.

action corn

↓

YEAH, BUT ONE OF US IS DEAD!

dead

↓

Summer: BORING.

boring summer

↓

Rick: SUMMER [BURPS] YOU JUST SPENT [BURPS] THREE MONTHS

burps months rick spent summer three three-months

↓

WATCHING A MAN CHOSE A FAKE WIFE.

chose fake watching wife

↓

Jerry: SO, WHAT, IT'D BE BETTER IF THE PEOPLE WERE CORN?

corn jerry

↓

Rick: JERRY, YOU DON'T GET IT.

jerry rick

↓

THIS IS INFINITE TV FROM INFINITE UNIVERSES.

infinite

↓

LOOK.

↓

THIS SHIT IS DELICIOUS.

delicious

↓

Rick: A MOVIE ABOUT A GUY EATING SHIT.

eating movie rick

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A VIOLENT ANTIQUE SHOW.

antique violent

↓

[ LAUG ] IT'S A PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU.

pleasure

↓

Jerry: THE PLEASURE'S ALL MINE.

jerry pleasures

↓

Rick: LETTERMAN FROM A TIMELINE WHERE JERRY'S FAMOUS.

famous rick timeline

↓

Jerry: WAIT!

jerry

↓

Beth: WHAT IN THE HELL?

beth

↓

Rick: I AGREE.

agree rick

↓

WHERE IS THIS GOING?

↓

Jerry: NO, THE OTHER THING!

jerry

↓

GO BACK.

↓

Rick: REALLY?

rick

↓

ALL RIGHT, FINE.

↓

GLEN, THIS IS A COURT ORDER.

court court-order glen order

↓

IT SAYS YOU CAN'T EAT SHIT ANYMORE.

anymore

↓

[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAY ] Rick: ALL RIGHT, JERRY.

dramatic dramatic-music jerry music rick

↓

WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.

↓

NOW I'M HOOKED.

hooked

↓

Rick: [ SIGHS ] HERE, THESE SCAN YOUR RETINAS

rick scan sighs

↓

AND LET YOU VIEW PARALLEL TIMELINES THROUGH GENETICALLY

genetically parallel view

↓

MATCHING VERSIONS OF YOUR EYES.

eyes matching versions

↓

GO FETCH.

fetch

↓

Summer: THIS IS SO COOL.

cool summer

↓

Beth: LADIES FIRST.

beth ladies

↓

Rick: I'M PROUD OF YOU, MORTY.

morty proud rick

↓

Morty: HEY, MAN, I DON'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT MYSELF, RICK.

morty rick

↓

LET'S WATCH SOME CRAZY STUFF, YO.

crazy stuff watch

↓

I'M ANTS IN MY EYES JOHNSON, HERE AT ANTS IN MY EYES

ants eyes johnson

↓

JOHNSON'S ELECTRONICS.

electronics johnsons

↓

I MEAN, THERE'S SO MANY ANTS IN MY EYES.

ants eyes

↓

AND THERE'S SO MANY TVs, MICROWAVES, RADIOS, I THINK.

↓

I CAN'T -- I'M NOT 100% SURE WHAT WE HAVE HERE IN STOCK

stock

↓

BECAUSE I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.

↓

OUR PRICES, I HOPE, AREN'T TOO LOW.

hope prices

↓

CHECK OUT THIS REFRIGERATOR, ONLY $200.

check refrigerator

↓

WHAT ABOUT THIS MICROWAVE?

microwave

↓

ONLY $100.

↓

THAT'S FAIR.

fair

↓

I'M ANTS IN MY EYES JOHNSON.

ants eyes johnson

↓

EVERYTHING'S BLACK.

black everythings

↓

I CAN'T SEE A THING.

↓

AND ALSO, I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING, EITHER.

↓

DID I MENTION THAT?

mention

↓

BUT THAT'S NOT AS CATCHY AS HAVING ANTS IN YOUR EYES, SO

ants catchy eyes having

↓

THAT ALWAYS GOES, YOU KNOW, OFF BY THE WAYSIDE.

↓

I CAN'T FEEL.

↓

IT'S A VERY RARE DISEASE.

disease rare

↓

ALL MY -- ALL MY NERVES, THEY DON'T ALLOW FOR THE SENSATION

allow nerves sensation

↓

OF TOUCH, SO I NEVER KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

touch

↓

AM I STANDING, SITTING?

sitting standing

↓

I DON'T KNOW.

↓

Beth: ARE WE SURE WE WANT TO DO THIS -- LOOK AT OUR OWN

beth

↓

ALTERNATE LIVES?

lives

↓

Jerry: YOU'RE RIGHT.

jerry

↓

MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST PLAY YAHTZEE.

yahtzee

↓

GIVE ME THOSE.

↓

[ BEEPING ] Beth: WHAT DO YOU SEE?

beeping beth

↓

Beth: I AM A REAL SURGEON.

beth real surgeon

↓

Jerry: UH...SUMMER'S TURN.

jerry summers

↓

Summer: FINALLY.

finally summer

↓

[ BEEPING ] I DON'T SEE ANYTHING.

beeping

↓

Beth: WELL, YOU SHOULD SELECT A DIFFERENT TIMELINE.

beth select timeline

↓

I MEAN, IF YOUR FATHER AND I ACHIEVED OUR DREAMS, THERE'S A

achieved dreams father

↓

CHANCE YOU WEREN'T EVEN BORN.

born chance

↓

THAT CAME OUT WRONG.

↓

THAT CAME OUT VERY WRONG.

↓

Summer: FINE.

summer

↓

I'LL FIND A WORLD WHERE YOU BOTHERED TO HAVE ME.

bothered world

↓

[ BEEPING ] WE'RE PLAYING YAHTZEE.

beeping playing yahtzee

↓

Beth: YAHTZEE'S FUN.

beth fun

↓

WE LOVE YAHTZEE.

love yahtzee

↓

Jerry: IT'S A FUN GAME FOR FUN FAMILIES.

families fun game jerry

↓

HEY, COULD I GET THOSE GOGGLES BACK FOR A SECOND?

goggles second

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IT'S A 45-HORSEPOWER WITH ANTILOCK BRAKES, AND IT'S THE

brakes

↓

OFFICIAL CAR OF "MR. SNEEZY 3D."

official

↓

IT'S THE BRAND-NEW SNEEZY XL.

brand

↓

THE HORN, WHEN YOU HONK IT, MAKES A SNEEZE NOISE.

honk horn makes noise sneeze

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[ SNEEZE ] IT'S POLITE, IT'S RIGHT, AND

polite sneeze

↓

IT'S SNEEZY, DEEZY Mc...DELUXE.

deluxe

↓

I'M MR. SNEEZY.

↓

[ SNEEZE ] Morty: HUH, SEEMS LIKE TV

morty seems sneeze

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FROM OTHER DIMENSIONS HAS A SOMEWHAT LOOSER FEEL TO IT.

dimensions somewhat

↓

Rick: YEAH, IT'S GOT AN ALMOST IMPROVISATIONAL TONE.

rick tone

↓

IT'S IN THEATERS NOW.

theaters

↓

COMING THIS SUMMER.

coming summer

↓

TWO BROTHERS IN A VAN, AND THEN A METEOR HITS.

brothers hits meteor

↓

AND THEY RAN AS FAST AS THEY COULD FROM GIANT CAT MONSTERS.

fast giant monsters

↓

AND THEN A GIANT TORNADO CAME.

giant

↓

AND THAT'S WHEN THINGS GOT KNOCKED INTO 12th GEAR.

gear knocked

↓

A MEXICAN ARMADA SHOWS UP, WITH WEAPONS MADE FROM T-TOMATOES.

mexican shows tomatoes weapons

↓

AND YOU BETTER BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT THESE TWO BROTHERS

bottom brothers dollar

↓

KNOW HOW TO HANDLE BUSINESS IN "ALIEN INVASION TOMATO MONSTER

alien business handle monster tomato

↓

MEXICAN ARMADA BROTHERS, WHO ARE JUST REGULAR BROTHERS,

brothers mexican regular

↓

RUNNING IN A VAN FROM AN ASTEROID AND ALL SORT OF

asteroid running

↓

THINGS: THE MOVIE."

movie

↓

HOLD ON. THERE'S MORE.

↓

OLD WOMEN ARE COMING, AND THEY'RE ALSO IN THE MOVIE.

coming movie women

↓

AND THEY'RE GONNA COME AND CROSS ATTACK THESE TWO

attack cross

↓

BROTHERS.

brothers

↓

BUT LET'S GET BACK TO THE BROTHERS, BECAUSE THEY'RE --

brothers

↓

THEY HAVE A STRONG BOND.

bond strong

↓

YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT HERE, BUT I'LL TELL YOU ONE

↓

THING.

↓

THE MOON -- IT COMES CRASHING INTO EARTH.

comes crashing earth moon

↓

AND WHAT DO YOU DO THEN?

↓

IT'S TWO BROTHER AND -- AND THEY'RE GONNA -- IT'S CALLED

brother called

↓

"TWO BROTHERS."

brothers

↓

"TWO BROTHERS."

brothers

↓

[ Laughing ] IT'S JUST CALLED "TWO BROTHERS."

brothers called laughing

↓

Beth: HOLY CRAP.

beth holy

↓

I AM WINNING A NOBEL PRIZE.

nobel nobel-prize prize winning

↓

Jerry: COME ON. TIME'S UP.

jerry times

↓

[ BEEPING ] I'M TAMING A LION.

beeping lion

↓

NO, WAIT.

↓

THERE ARE FILM CAMERAS.

cameras film

↓

I MIGHT BE A LION TAMER IN A MOVIE.

lion might movie

↓

YOU GET THE IDEA.

idea

↓

I WORK WITH LIONS.

lions

↓

[ BEEPING ] Summer: OHH, WE'RE NOT

beeping summer

↓

PLAYING YAHTZEE.

playing yahtzee

↓

WE'RE PLAYING CHUTES AND LADDERS.

ladders playing

↓

SEEMS LIKE WHEN I EXIST, LIFE GETS A LITTLE MORE -- I DON'T

exist life seems

↓

KNOW -- PREDICTABLE?

predictable

↓

Beth: WHEN TWO PEOPLE CREATE A LIFE TOGETHER, THEY SET ASIDE

aside beth create life

↓

THEIR PREVIOUS LIVES AS INDIVIDUALS.

individuals lives previous

↓

Jerry: GIVE ME A BREAK.

break jerry

↓

WE'RE NOT HEROES FOR HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX ON PROM NIGHT.

having heroes night prom prom-night

↓

Beth: OH, I GET IT.

beth

↓

NOW THAT YOU KNOW YOU COULD HAVE HAD IT BETTER, YOU RESENT ME FOR

resent

↓

HOLDING YOU BACK.

holding

↓

Jerry: WELL, NOW THAT WE KNOW YOU THINK THE TABLES ARE

jerry tables

↓

TURNING, WE KNOW YOU THOUGHT THERE WERE UNTURNED TABLES.

tables turning

↓

Beth: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

beth

↓

Jerry: ALL THIS TIME, YOU'VE BEEN THINKING, "WHAT IF THAT

jerry thinking

↓

LOSER, JERRY, HADN'T TALKED ME OUT OF THE ABORTION?"

abortion jerry loser talked

↓

Summer: UM...

summer

↓

Jerry: WELL, NOW YOU KNOW YOU'D BE A DOCTOR.

doctor jerry

↓

WHOOP-DE-DO.

whoop

↓

YOU'D ALSO BE DRINKING WINE ALONE IN A HOUSE FULL OF EXOTIC

alone drinking drinking-wine exotic full house house-full wine

↓

BIRDS.

birds

↓

AND I'D BE ON DiCAPRIO'S YACHT, BANGING KRISTEN STEWART.

banging stewart yacht

↓

Summer: YOU THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING AN ABORTION?

abortion summer

↓

Beth: EVERYONE THINKS ABOUT IT.

beth thinks

↓

OBVIOUSLY, I'M THE VERSION OF ME THAT DIDN'T DO IT, SO YOU'RE

obviously version

↓

WELCOME.

welcome

↓

Jerry: YEAH, YOU'RE WELCOME.

jerry welcome

↓

Summer: YEAH, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH.

summer

↓

IT'S A REAL TREAT TO BE RAISED BY PARENTS THAT FORCED

forced parents raised real treat

↓

THEMSELVES TO BE TOGETHER INSTEAD OF BEING HAPPY.

happy

↓

Rick: HEY, DO WE HAVE ANY WAFER COOKIES?

cookies rick wafer

↓

MMM!

↓

OH, BOY.

↓

LOOKS LIKE YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN CHECKING OUT ALTERNATE LIVES AND

checking lives

↓

REALIZING YOU DON'T HAVE IT AS GOOD, HUH?

realizing

↓

THAT'S TOO BAD.

↓

YOU KNOW, ME AND MORTY ARE HAVING A BLAST.

blast having morty

↓

WE JUST DISCOVERED A SHOW CALLED "BALL FONDLERS."

ball called discovered

↓

I MEAN, I DON'T WANT TO RUB IT IN OR ANYTHING, BUT YOU GUYS

↓

CLEARLY BACKED THE WRONG CONCEPTUAL HORSE.

backed horse

↓

[ METAL MUSIC PLAY ] Rick: I'M IN HEAVEN RIGHT

heaven metal music rick

↓

NOW.

↓

Morty: THIS MIGHT BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

best life might morty

↓

Beth: SO, NOW WHAT DO WE DO?

beth

↓

Jerry: THAT SHOW "BALL FONDLERS" SOUNDED KIND OF

ball jerry sounded

↓

INTERESTING.

interesting

↓

Summer: DAD!

summer

↓

Jerry: WHAT?!

jerry

↓

THEY'RE HAVING FUN IN THERE.

fun having

↓

WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT FROM ME?

↓

EVERY FAMILY ON THIS BLOCK HAS TO WONDER IF THEY'RE TOGETHER BY

block family wonder

↓

CHOICE.

choice

↓

OUR FAMILY JUST HAS INTERDIMENSIONAL GOGGLES TO SHOW

family goggles

↓

US FOR A FACT THAT WE'RE NOT.

fact

↓

Summer: WELL, I'M LEAVING.

leaving summer

↓

Beth: YOU CAN'T LEAVE.

beth

↓

YOU'RE 17.

↓

Summer: YEAH, AND I'M NOT PREGNANT.

pregnant summer

↓

I'M GONNA HAVE BETTER JUDGMENT THAN YOU GUYS HAD AT MY AGE.

judgment

↓

I'M GONNA MOVE TO THE SOUTHWEST AND...I DON'T KNOW, DO SOMETHING

↓

WITH TURQUOISE.

↓

IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," STARRING A PIECE OF TOAST, TWO

live night piece saturday saturday-night starring toast

↓

GUYS WITH HANDLEBAR MUSTACHES, A MAN PAINTED SILVER WHO MAKES

makes painted silver

↓

ROBOT NOISES, GAR MA NAR NAR, THREE, UM, UM, UM...I'LL GET

noises robot three

↓

BACK TO THAT ONE, A HOLE IN THE WALL WHERE THE MEN CAN SEE IT

hole wall

↓

ALL, AND, RETURNING FOR HIS 25th CONSECUTIVE YEAR,

returning

↓

BOBBY MOYNIHAN!

bobby

↓

Rick: INTERESTING FUN FACT -- MOYNIHAN AND A PIECE OF TOAST

fact fun interesting piece rick toast

↓

HATE EACH OTHER.

hate

↓

APPARENTLY, THEY'VE GOT SOME REAL CREATIVE DIFFERENCES.

apparently creative differences real

↓

HEY, ARE YOU TIRED OF REAL DOORS CLUTTERING UP YOUR HOUSE,

doors house real tired

↓

WHERE YOU OPEN THEM AND YOU ACTUALLY GO SOMEWHERE, AND YOU

open

↓

GO INTO ANOTHER ROOM?

another another-room room

↓

GET ON DOWN TO REAL FAKE DOORS.

doors fake real

↓

THAT'S US.

↓

FILL A WHOLE ROOM UP WITH THEM.

fill room whole

↓

SEE, WATCH. CHECK THIS OUT.

check watch

↓

[ GRUNTS ] WON'T OPEN.

grunts open

↓

[ GRUNTS ] WON'T OPEN.

grunts open

↓

[ GRUNTS ] NOT THIS ONE.

grunts

↓

[ GRUNTS ] NOT THIS ONE.

grunts

↓

NONE OF THEM OPEN.

open

↓

Fakedoors.com IS OUR WEBSITE, SO CHECK IT OUT FOR A LOT OF

check website

↓

REALLY GREAT DEALS ON FAKE DO-O-O-O-RS!

deals fake

↓

Morty: HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, RICK.

minute morty rick

↓

I THOUGHT THIS WAS A COMMERCIAL.

commercial

↓

WHAT'S GOING ON?

↓

Rick: RELAX, MORTY.

morty relax rick

↓

DON'T -- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

worry

↓

LET'S JUST SEE WHERE THIS GOES.

↓

STEP ON IT!

step

↓

WE ALL GET PLACES TO BE!

places

↓

[ HONKS HOR ] SON OF A BITCH.

bitch honks

↓

Morty: OH, THAT MUST BE WHERE HE LIVES.

lives morty must

↓

OKAY.

↓

Rick: HUH.

rick

↓

HE'S MAKING HIMSELF A SANDWICH NOW.

sandwich

↓

HEY, EVERYBODY.

everybody

↓

SO, THIS IS MY HOUSE.

house

↓

JUST MADE A SANDWICH -- PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY.

butter jelly peanut peanut-butter sandwich

↓

STILL HERE, STILL SELLING FAKE DOORS.

doors fake selling

↓

Morty: WHAT?

morty

↓

Rick: OH, MY GOD.

rick

↓

IT'S STILL THE COMMERCIAL.

commercial

↓

WE HAVE FAKE DOORS LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE.

believe doors fake

↓

WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?

worried

↓

COME GET FAKE DOORS.

doors fake

↓

CALL US UP AND ORDER SOME FAKE DOORS TODAY.

doors fake order today

↓

DON'T EVEN HESITATE, DON'T EVEN WORRY, AND DON'T EVEN --

hesitate worry

↓

Rick: ALL RIGHT, I'M BORED.

bored rick

↓

CHANGE IT.

change

↓

Morty: WAIT, WAIT, RICK.

morty rick

↓

HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

↓

[ YAW ] I HATE MAMUMANUMS-DAYS, AND I

days hate

↓

REALLY COULD GO FOR SOME ENCHILADAS.

↓

Morty: HEY, RICK, THAT'S PRETTY COOL.

cool morty rick

↓

IT'S JUST LIKE GARFIELD, ONLY INSTEAD IT'S GAZORPAZORPFIELD.

garfield

↓

Rick: HEY, ISN'T GAZORPAZORP WHERE -- WHERE THOSE SEX ROBOTS

rick robots

↓

CAME FROM?

↓

REMEMBER THAT WHOLE THING?

remember whole

↓

Morty: YEAH.

morty

↓

HEY, THAT'S A PRETTY -- PRETTY -- THAT'S TRUE.

↓

THAT'S RIGHT.

↓

Rick: YEAH.

rick

↓

LET'S WATCH SOME MORE GAZORPAZORPFIELD.

watch

↓

HEY, JOHN.

john

↓

IT'S ME, GAZORPAZORPFIELD.

↓

BOY FUCK YOU, JOHN, YOU FUCKING DUMB, STUPID IDIOT.

dumb fuck fucking idiot john stupid stupid-idiot

↓

COME ON, GAZORPAZORPFIELD.

↓

GO EASY ON ME, HUH?

easy

↓

YOU DUMB, STUPID, WEAK, PATHETIC, WHITE, WHITE,

dumb pathetic stupid weak white

↓

UH...GUILT -- WHITE-GUILT MILK-TOAST PIECE OF HUMAN

guilt human milk piece toast white

↓

GARBAGE.

garbage

↓

GEEZ, GAZORPAZORPFIELD, THAT'S -- YOU KNOW, YOU'RE

geez

↓

PRETTY MEAN TO ME, BUT THAT TAKES THE CAKE.

cake takes

↓

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK I'M GAZORPAZORP FUCKING FIELD,

field fuck fucking

↓

BITCH.

bitch

↓

NOW GIVE ME FUCKING ENCHILADAS.

fucking

↓

Morty: HEY, RICK, YOU KNOW, DID THEY USE BILL MURRAY FOR

bill morty murray rick

↓

THIS?

↓

SOUNDS A LOT LIKE BILL MURRAY.

bill murray sounds

↓

Rick: NO, MORTY, IT'S LORENZO MUSIC.

morty music rick

↓

IN THIS REALITY, HE'S STILL ALIVE.

alive reality

↓

Morty: OH, OKAY.

morty

↓

WAS HIS NAME "LORENZO MUSIC"?

music name

↓

Rick: YEAH, I'M PRETTY SURE.

rick

↓

HE ALSO DID THE VOICE OF THAT ONE GUY FROM "GHOSTBUSTERS,"

voice

↓

WHICH IS REALLY STRANGE BECAUSE IT'S THE SAME CHARACTER

character strange

↓

BILL MURRAY PLAYED IN THE MOVIE.

bill movie murray played

↓

BUT THEN, WHEN THEY MADE THE MOVIE, BILL MURRAY DID THE VOICE

bill movie murray voice

↓

OF GAZORPAZORP-- OR GARFIELD, I MEAN.

garfield

↓

Morty: YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY COOL, RICK.

cool morty rick

↓

SO ALL THAT HAPPENED IN THIS REALITY, TOO?

happened reality

↓

Rick: I DON'T KNOW.

rick

↓

JUST MAKING CONVERSATION WITH YOU, MORTY.

conversation morty

↓

WHAT, YOU THINK I'M A -- I'M -- I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT

↓

EVERYTHING?

↓

Beth: DID YOU REALLY TALK ME OUT OF THE ABORTION?

abortion beth

↓

Jerry: WELL, WE -- WE BLEW A TIRE ON THE WAY TO THE CLINIC.

blew clinic jerry tire

↓

Beth: I THINK, IN MY HEAD, I WAS DOING IT ALL FOR THE KIDS.

beth head kids

↓

AND NOW THE FIRST KID IS GOING TO DO SOMETHING WITH TURQUOISE.

↓

Jerry: [ SIGHS ] WHICH IS EITHER CODE FOR

code jerry sighs

↓

CRYSTAL METH OR A GATEWAY TO IT.

crystal crystal-meth meth

↓

Beth: SO WE DIDN'T DO THE KIDS ANY FAVORS.

beth favors kids

↓

SO WE SHOULD STAY TOGETHER FOR EACH OTHER AND OURSELVES OR...

↓

Jerry: OR...

jerry

↓

MAN, WOMAN, AND NOW TRUNKMAN?

woman

↓

BUT WE DON'T LIKE THE IDEA OF THESE PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED.

idea married

↓

PUT A LINE IN THE SAND, EVERYBODY.

everybody line sand

↓

VOTE "NO" ON PROPOSITION XW2.

proposition vote

↓

THE ACT THAT SAYS TRUNKPEOPLE CAN GET MARRIED.

married

↓

WHO NEEDS IT?

needs

↓

NOT ON MY WATCH.

watch

↓

PAID FOR BY MICHAEL DENNY AND THE DENNY SINGERS.

michael paid singers

↓

HI.

↓

I'M A TRUNKPERSON, AND I WANT -- I FEEL LOVE IN MY

love

↓

HEART, TOO, JUST LIKE YOU.

heart

↓

I WANT TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS THAT LOVE WITH BOTH A MAN AND A

able express love

↓

WOMAN.

woman

↓

AND I WON'T BE ABLE TO IF DENNY AND THE DENNY SINGERS GET THEIR

able singers

↓

WAY.

↓

HEY, LET THE TRUNKPEOPLE HAVE SEX AND GET MARRIED, HUH?

married

↓

PAID FOR BY TRUNKPEOPLE.

paid

↓

OH, I LOVE ME STRAWBERRY SNIGGLES.

love strawberry

↓

OOH, I HOPE NOBODY EVER GETS MY HANDS ON ME AND TRIES TO STEAL

hands hope nobody steal tries

↓

MY STRAWBERRY SMIGGLES.

strawberry

↓

I'M GONNA EAT EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM, BECAUSE -- AND THEN

↓

THEY'LL BE IN MY STOMACH, AND NOBODY WILL EVER BE ABLE TO EAT

able nobody stomach

↓

THEM.

↓

EXCEPT FOR ME, BECAUSE THEY'RE GONNA BE ALL INSIDE MY STOMACH.

except stomach

↓

UM, MY NAME IS MR. TOPHAT JONES, AND GOD

jones name

↓

FORBID ANYONE EVER TAKE MY SNER-- LITTLE-PEOPLE SNIBBLES.

forbid

↓

I'M KEEPING THEM ALL FOR ME.

keeping

↓

MMM. MMM.

↓

LAST BITE.

bite

↓

MMM.

↓

OH, NOW THEY'RE ALL RESTING COMFORTABLY IN MY STOMACH.

resting stomach

↓

OOH, AM I FEELING GOOD.

feeling

↓

NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!

↓

GET AWAY FROM ME!

↓

THERE'S NO MORE STRAWBERRY SNIBBLES -- NO!

strawberry

↓

[ CHOKES, SPUTTER ] JESUS CHRIST! JESUS CHRIST!

chokes christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

IT HURTS!

hurts

↓

MY ENTRAILS ARE OUT!

↓

WHY WOULD YOU EVEN WANT TO EAT THESE?

↓

THEY'RE SOAKED WITH MY STOMACH ACID.

acid soaked stomach

↓

OH, JESUS CHRIST, LORD, SAVIOR, AND SPIRIT, SAVE ME.

christ jesus jesus-christ lord save savior spirit

↓

TAKE ME TO THE LIGHT.

light

↓

OH, MY GOD. I SEE DEMONS.

demons

↓

I SEE DEMONS ARE COMING!

coming demons

↓

Morty: GEEZ, RICK.

geez morty rick

↓

OH, MY GOD.

↓

THAT'S SOME PRETTY HARD-CORE STUFF, YOU KNOW, FOR A CEREAL

cereal core hard stuff

↓

COMMERCIAL.

commercial

↓

Rick: WELL, YOU KNOW, MORTY -- I MEAN, YOU WANT TO

morty rick

↓

SELL BOXES OF CEREAL, YOU GOT TO PUMP THE GAS A LITTLE.

boxes cereal pump sell

↓

PEDAL TO THE METAL, MORTY.

metal morty pedal

↓

IN A WORLD WHERE MUSCULAR MANNIES ARE COMING, AND THEY'RE

coming muscular world

↓

COMING STRONG, THERE'S ONLY THREE UNMUSCULAR MICHAELS.

coming strong three

↓

GET DOWN. HURRY. RUN.

hurry

↓

[ SCREECHIN ] AND THAT'S WHEN REAL

real

↓

TURBULENT JUICE IS COMING, AND YOU GOT TO TAKE CARE OF IT.

care coming juice

↓

WITH TURBULENT JUICE, TURBULENT TABLES, NO ROOM IS SAFE FROM

juice room safe tables

↓

THE TURBULENT POWER OF TURBULENT JUICE.

juice power

↓

Morty: WHAT IN THE HELL?

morty

↓

Rick: SEX SELLS, MORTY.

morty rick sells

↓

Morty: SEX SELLS WHAT?

morty sells

↓

WAS THAT A MOVIE OR, LIKE, DOES IT CLEAN STUFF?

clean movie stuff

↓

Jerry: [ SIGHS ] Morty: HEY, DAD.

jerry morty sighs

↓

Jerry: GOD.

jerry

↓

Morty: WHAT'S GOING ON?

morty

↓

Jerry: WELL, YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE GONNA BE SPENDING SOME

jerry mother spending

↓

TIME APART, MORTY.

apart morty

↓

AND YOUR SISTER FOUND OUT SHE WAS AN UNWANTED PREGNANCY.

found pregnancy sister unwanted

↓

Morty: WHAT?

morty

↓

Rick: SPEAKING OF [BURPS] WHAT, MORTY [BURPS] WHAT SHOULD

burps morty rick speaking

↓

WE WATCH NEXT?

watch

↓

WHAT ABOUT THIS?

↓

BABYLEGS, YOU'RE A GOOD DETECTIVE.

detective

↓

BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH, BECAUSE OF YOUR BABY LEGS.

baby legs

↓

SO I'M PARTNERING YOU UP WITH REGULAR LEGS.

legs regular

↓

HEY, THERE.

↓

DETECTIVE, I'M -- THIS IS UPSETTING TO ME, BECAUSE I FEEL

detective upsetting

↓

LIKE I DON'T NEED NO REGULAR-LEG PARTNER.

partner regular

↓

BABYLEGS, DON'T TALK BACK TO ME.

↓

GOOD LUCK, YOU TWO.

luck

↓

THERE'S A CRIMINAL TO KILL.

criminal kill

↓

[ SLURP ] WOW, YOU SURE FOUND THIS GUY

found

↓

QUICK.

quick

↓

UH, YEAH, BECAUSE I'M A GOOD DETECTIVE.

detective

↓

LOOK, BABYLEGS.

↓

IT'S THE CRIMINAL.

criminal

↓

OH FUCK IT I'M THE KILLER.

fuck killer

↓

I'M RUNNING.

running

↓

I'M RUNNING REAL QUICK.

quick real real-quick running

↓

BABYLEGS, HERE WE GO!

↓

[ VOCALIZE ] THAT'S THE SOUND I MAKE WHEN

sound

↓

I'M TRYING TO RUN FAST.

fast

↓

[ VOCALIZE ] [ THUD! ]

thud

↓

ALL RIGHT, I'M NOT GONNA GET HIM.

↓

I JUST LEARNED A REAL VALUABLE LESSON.

learned lesson real valuable valuable-lesson

↓

I'M COMING, BABYLEGS.

coming

↓

I'M...REGULAR LEGS.

legs regular

↓

[ GRUNT ] WE GOT HIM.

grunt

↓

HEY, THAT WAS GOOD TEAMWORK.

teamwork

↓

BABYLEGS AND REGULAR LEGS, I'M PROUD OF YOU TWO FOR

legs proud regular

↓

WORKING TOGETHER.

working

↓

AND, BABYLEGS, I KNOW IT WAS HARD FOR YOU TO COME TO THE

hard

↓

CONCLUSION THAT YOU NEED A PARTNER, BUT I'M PROUD OF YOU

conclusion partner proud

↓

THAT YOU DID IT.

↓

HEY, THANKS, CHIEF.

chief thanks

↓

NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

fuck

↓

Rick: PRETTY COOL, HUH, MORTY?

cool morty rick

↓

Jerry: I THOUGHT IT WAS COOL.

cool jerry

↓

Rick: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK, JERRY.

fuck jerry rick

↓

[ CLICK ] Morty: HEY, UH, Y-YOU DOING

click morty

↓

OKAY?

↓

I KIND OF KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, SUMMER.

summer

↓

Summer: NO, YOU DON'T.

summer

↓

YOU'RE THE LITTLE BROTHER.

brother

↓

YOU'RE NOT THE CAUSE OF YOUR PARENTS MISERY.

misery parents

↓

YOU'RE JUST A SYMPTOM OF IT.

↓

Morty: CAN I SHOW YOU SOMETHING?

morty

↓

Summer: MORTY, NO OFFENSE, BUT A DRAWING OF ME YOU MADE

drawing morty offense summer

↓

WHEN YOU WERE 8 ISN'T GONNA MAKE ME FEEL LIKE LESS OF AN

less

↓

ACCIDENT.

accident

↓

Morty: THAT OUT THERE?

morty

↓

THAT'S MY GRAVE.

grave

↓

Summer: WAIT, WHAT?

summer

↓

Morty: ON ONE OF OUR ADVENTURES, RICK AND I BASICALLY

adventures morty rick

↓

DESTROYED THE WHOLE WORLD, SO WE BAILED ON THAT REALITY, AND WE

bailed destroyed reality whole whole-world world

↓

CAME TO THIS ONE.

↓

BECAUSE IN THIS ONE, THE WORLD WASN'T DESTROYED.

destroyed world

↓

AND IN THIS ONE, WE WERE DEAD.

dead

↓

SO WE CAME HERE AND -- AND WE BURIED OURSELVES, AND WE TOOK

buried

↓

THEIR PLACE.

place

↓

AND EVERY MORNING, SUMMER, I EAT BREAKFAST 20 YARDS AWAY FROM MY

breakfast morning summer yards

↓

OWN ROTTING CORPSE.

corpse rotting

↓

Summer: SO YOU'RE NOT MY BROTHER?

brother summer

↓

Morty: I'M BETTER THAN YOUR BROTHER.

brother morty

↓

I'M A VERSION OF YOUR BROTHER YOU CAN TRUST WHEN HE SAYS

brother trust version

↓

"DON'T RUN."

↓

NOBODY EXISTS ON PURPOSE.

exists nobody purpose

↓

NOBODY BELONGS ANYWHERE.

belongs nobody

↓

EVERYBODY'S GONNA DIE.

everybodys

↓

COME WATCH TV.

watch

↓

MRS. SULLIVAN ALWAYS PLANNED TO LEAVE EVERYTHING TO HER

planned sullivan

↓

CATS.

cats

↓

BUT SOMETIMES, PLANS NEED A HELPING PAW.

helping plans sometimes

↓

[ THUNDER RUMBLE ] WHAT ARE THE KITTIES TO DO BUT

rumble thunder

↓

BUCKLE TOGETHER AND WORK AS A TEAM?

buckle team

↓

MRS. SULLIVAN, I -- PLEASE, FORGIVE ME FOR BEING FORWARD,

forgive forward sullivan

↓

BUT YOUR EYES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.

eyes

↓

[ CATS MEO ] Jerry: WAIT. THIS IS AN

cats jerry

↓

ACTUAL MOVIE?

actual movie

↓

THIS FALL, SPARKS WILL FLY...

fall sparks

↓

[ MOAN] [CATS MEOWING]

cats cats-meowing meowing moan

↓

MRS. [MOANS] SULLIVAN.

moans sullivan

↓

OHH.

↓

...BETWEEN ONE GUY WHO CAN'T GET A BREAK...

break

↓

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT YOU, MRS. SULLIVAN.

sullivan

↓

...AND NINE CATS WHO BREAK ALL THE RULES.

break cats nine rules

↓

[ CATS MEO ] "LAST WILL AND TESTI-MEOW:

cats meow

↓

WEEKEND AT DEAD CAT LADY'S HOUSE II."

dead house ladys weekend

↓

Jerry: WELL, SOMEBODY IN HOLLYWOOD JUST LOST THEIR JOB.

hollywood jerry lost somebody

↓

WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY JERRY SMITH.

directed jerry smith written

↓

Jerry: I WROTE AND DIRECTED THAT?

directed jerry wrote

↓

WHAT AM I, NUTS?

nuts

↓

Rick: OH, HEY, MORTY.

morty rick

↓

YOU JUST MISSED A PREVIEW FOR YOUR DAD'S "CITIZEN KANE."

citizen dads missed

↓

Morty: DOESN'T MATTER.

matter morty

↓

Jerry: HEY, IF YOUR MOTHER AND I HAD TO SPLIT CUSTODY, WHO

custody jerry mother split

↓

WOULD YOU GUYS CHOSE?

chose

↓

Summer: DOESN'T MATTER.

matter summer

↓

♪ GIVE ME A NAME ♪ HEAR MY FAITH

faith name

↓

♪ SEAL MY FATE ♪ AND WHEN YOU BREATHE

breathe fate seal

↓

♪ YOU BREATHE FOR TWO Rick: HEY, "BALL FONDLERS"?

ball breathe rick

↓

HUH, "BALL FONDLERS"?

ball

↓

Summer: YEAH, I COULD GO FOR SOME "BALL FONDLERS."

ball summer

↓

Morty: YEAH, "BALL FONDLERS."

ball morty

↓

[ METAL MUSIC PLAY ] AAH!

metal music

↓

[ METAL MUSIC PLAY ] AAH!

metal music

↓

[ METAL MUSIC PLAY ] AAH!

metal music

↓

HA HA, HAMSTER IN BUTT WORLD WEATHER IS DONE, AND NOW

butt hamster weather world

↓

IT'S SPORTS TIME COMING UP.

coming sports

↓

OH, HELLO, THERE.

↓

GOOD DAY TO YOU, MISS.

miss

↓

Beth: SO, THE HAMSTER LIVE INSIDE THE RECTUMS OF THOSE

beth hamster live

↓

PEOPLE?

↓

Rick: YES, SWEETIE.

rick sweetie

↓

THAT'S WHERE THE LIVE.

live

↓

Jerry: WELL, HOW DOES THAT WORK?

jerry

↓

I MEAN, DO THE BUTTS LOOK LIKE LITTLE APARTMENTS INSIDE?

apartments butts

↓

Morty: YEAH, AND CAN THEY LEAVE THE BUTT AND, LIKE, WALK

butt morty walk

↓

AROUND ON THEIR OWN?

↓

Rick: LOOK, I DON'T KNOW.

rick

↓

I'M WATCHING THE SAME THING YOU GUYS ARE.

watching

↓

Summer: GRANDPA RICK, IF THEY LEAVE THE BUTT AND THE PERSON

butt grandpa person rick summer

↓

WANDERS OFF, HOW WOULD THEY FIND THEIR BUTT PERSON AGAIN?

butt person

↓

Rick: I DON'T KNOW, SUMMER.

rick summer

↓

I CAN'T EVEN HEAR THE TV.

↓

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.

↓

WE'RE JUST GONNA GO THERE SO YOU IDIOTS CAN ASK YOUR STUPID

idiots stupid

↓

QUESTIONS ALL DAY.

questions

↓

Jerry: OOH, FAMILY VACATION!

family jerry vacation

↓

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

camera camera-shutter camera-shutter-clicks clicks shutter shutter-clicks