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Home » Rick and Morty » S01E09 — Something Ricked This Way Comes

Rick and Morty

Season 1, Episode 9 — Something Ricked This Way Comes

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: Something Ricked This Way Comes

Air date: March 24, 2014

Director: John Rice

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

Rick battles the devil and upsets Summer. Meanwhile, Jerry and Morty hang out.

Source: TMDB

↓

[ POPPING ] Jerry: [ SIGHS ]

jerry popping sighs

↓

Morty: HEY, RICK.

morty rick

↓

I HAVE TO MAKE A PROJECT FOR THE SCIENCE FAIR THIS WEEKEND.

fair project science weekend

↓

YOU THINK YOU COULD HELP ME OUT?

↓

Rick: WHATEVER.

rick

↓

Jerry: WELL, I MEAN, TRADITIONALLY, SCIENCE FAIRS ARE

jerry science traditionally

↓

A FATHER-SON THING.

father

↓

Rick: WELL, SCIENTIFICALLY, TRADITIONS ARE AN IDIOT THING.

idiot rick traditions

↓

Beth: MORTY, I THINK IT WOULD BE FUN FOR YOU TO WORK ON A

beth fun morty

↓

SCIENCE PROJECT WITH YOUR DAD.

project science

↓

[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ] Morty: UH...

beeps cellphone morty

↓

[ CLEARS THROAT ] YEAH, DAD.

clears clears-throat throat

↓

WHY DON'T WE DO IT TOGETHER?

↓

Jerry: YES!

jerry

↓

YOU BACKED THE RIGHT HORSE ON THIS ONE, SON.

backed horse

↓

WE'LL GET OUT THE CRAYONS, BREW SOME COFFEE, AND KNOCK THIS

brew coffee knock

↓

THING OUT IN TWO OR THREE DAYS.

days three three-days

↓

[ ROBOT WHIRS ] [ Monotone ] WHAT IS MY

robot whirs

↓

PURPOSE?

purpose

↓

Rick: PASS THE BUTTER.

butter pass rick

↓

THANK YOU.

↓

[ POPPING ] Morty: [ SIGHS ]

morty popping sighs

↓

Summer: DAD, I NEED A RIDE TO WORK.

ride summer

↓

Jerry: MAYBE RICK CAN GIVE YOU A RIDE.

jerry rick ride

↓

I'M HELPING MORTY WITH SCIENCE.

helping morty science

↓

Rick: I'M BUSY.

busy rick

↓

Summer: DOING WHAT?

summer

↓

Rick: UH, ANYTHING ELSE.

rick

↓

WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?

purpose

↓

Rick: YOU PASS BUTTER.

butter pass rick

↓

OH, MY GOD.

↓

Rick: YEAH, WELCOME TO THE CLUB, PAL.

club rick welcome

↓

Rick: HUH.

rick

↓

TELL ME, RICK, WHAT DO YOU DESIRE?

desire rick

↓

Rick: EH, I MAKE MY OWN STUFF.

rick stuff

↓

SO, WHAT ARE YOU -- LIKE, THE DEVIL?

devil

↓

WHAT? SORRY?

↓

Rick: I DON'T KNOW.

rick

↓

STORE COMES OUT OF NOWHERE, ALL THE SHIT'S OLD AND CREEPY.

comes creepy shits store

↓

ARE YOU THE DEVIL? A DEMON?

demon devil

↓

LEPRECHAUN?

leprechaun

↓

Summer: GRANDPA RICK!

grandpa rick summer

↓

Rick: HEY, I'M NOT JUDGING.

judging rick

↓

JUST LIKE SHOOT STRAIGHT.

shoot straight

↓

I'M A MAN OF SCIENCE.

science

↓

AH, THEN PERHAPS YOU COULD MAKE USE OF THIS.

perhaps

↓

THIS MICROSCOPE REVEALS THINGS BEYOND COMPREHENSION.

beyond

↓

[ LAUGHS ] Rick: [ LAUGHS ]

laughs rick

↓

[ LAUGHS LOUDER ] Rick: [ LAUGHS LOUDER ]

laughs louder rick

↓

[ LAUGHS LOUDER ] Rick: [ LAUGHS LOUDER ]

laughs louder rick

↓

[ LAUGHS LOUDER ] Summer: GRANDPA, GO HOME AND

grandpa home laughs louder summer

↓

DRINK.

drink

↓

[ SWOOP! ] Jerry: WHY DON'T WE DO A

jerry swoop

↓

MODEL OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM?

model solar solar-system system

↓

THAT'S WHAT MY DAD DID WITH ME WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE.

↓

Morty: OH, OKAY.

morty

↓

Jerry: YOU KNOW, RICK'S IN HIS LAB, MAKING CYBORGS AND

jerry

↓

WORMHOLES AND ALL THAT WEIRD STUFF, BUT THIS IS REAL

real stuff weird

↓

SCIENCE.

science

↓

A MAN AND HIS BOY, MAKING PLANETS.

planets

↓

HEY, HOW ABOUT WE USE A PING-PONG BALL FOR PLUTO?

ball ping pong

↓

AND THEN JUPITER -- Morty: UH, ACTUALLY, I DON'T

morty

↓

THINK PLUTO'S A PLANET.

planet

↓

Jerry: [ CHUCKLES ] OF COURSE PLUTO'S A PLANET, SON.

chuckles course jerry planet

↓

I LEARNED THAT IN THE THIRD GRADE.

grade learned third third-grade

↓

Morty: WELL, YEAH, BUT YOU KNOW THEY CHANGED IT.

changed morty

↓

Jerry: MORTY, NOBODY CHANGED THE PLANETS.

changed jerry morty nobody planets

↓

Morty: I JUST GOOGLED IT.

googled morty

↓

PLUTO'S NOT A PLANET.

planet

↓

THEY CHANGED IT IN 2006.

changed

↓

Jerry: YEAH, I HEARD ABOUT THAT, MORTY.

heard jerry morty

↓

AND I DISAGREE.

disagree

↓

Morty: YOU DISAGREE?

disagree morty

↓

Jerry: THAT'S RIGHT.

jerry

↓

IT'S POSSIBLE TO DISAGREE IN SCIENCE, MORTY.

disagree morty possible science

↓

PLUTO WAS A PLANET.

planet

↓

SOME COMMITTEE OF FANCY ASSHOLES DISAGREE.

assholes committee disagree fancy

↓

I DISAGREE BACK.

disagree

↓

GIVE ME A PING-PONG BALL.

ball ping pong

↓

Morty: UM, OKAY.

morty

↓

I-I JUST HAVE TO...

↓

Jerry: GO FIND RICK AND GO OVER MY HEAD ABOUT PLUTO?

head jerry rick

↓

Morty: NO.

morty

↓

GEEZ, I JUST GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

bathroom geez

↓

DAMN.

↓

Jerry: OH.

jerry

↓

[ COUGHS ] OKAY, GOOD.

coughs

↓

[ Laughing ] THIS IS GONNA BE FUN.

fun laughing

↓

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] Rick: HEY, MORTY, LET ME

crackling electricity morty rick

↓

[BURPS] LET ME [BURPS] LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION REAL QUICK.

burps question quick real real-quick

↓

DOES EVIL EXIST, AND IF SO, CAN ONE DETECT AND MEASURE IT?

evil exist measure

↓

Morty: UM...

morty

↓

Rick: RHETORICAL QUESTION, MORTY.

morty question rhetorical rick

↓

THE ANSWER'S "YES, YOU JUST HAVE TO BE A GENIUS."

answers genius

↓

CUTE.

cute

↓

YOUR SISTER'S BOSS GAVE ME A MICROSCOPE THAT WOULD HAVE MADE

boss sisters

↓

ME RETARDED.

retarded

↓

Morty: OOH.

morty

↓

OH, BOY, RICK.

rick

↓

I'M DON'T THINK YOU'RE ALLOWED TO SAY THAT WORD, YOU KNOW?

allowed word

↓

Rick: MORTY, I'M NOT DISPARAGING THE DIFFERENTLY

differently morty rick

↓

ABLED.

abled

↓

I'M STATING THE FACT THAT IF I HAD USED THIS MICROSCOPE, IT

fact used

↓

WOULD HAVE MADE ME MENTALLY RETARDED.

mentally retarded

↓

Morty: OKAY, YEAH, BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S ABOUT LOGIC,

logic morty

↓

RICK.

rick

↓

I THINK THE WORD HAS JUST BECOME A SYMBOLIC ISSUE FOR POWERFUL

become issue powerful word

↓

GROUPS THAT FEEL LIKE THEY'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING.

groups

↓

Rick: WELL, THAT'S RETARDED.

retarded rick

↓

Jerry: WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?

jerry

↓

Rick: APPARENTLY, NOTHING.

apparently rick

↓

Jerry: YOU ASKED HIM IF PLUTO'S A PLANET, DIDN'T YOU?

asked jerry planet

↓

Morty: NO!

morty

↓

Rick: IT'S NOT.

rick

↓

Jerry: SHUT UP, RICK.

jerry rick

↓

Rick: WHOA.

rick whoa

↓

Jerry: I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS.

care jerry

↓

IF IT CAN BE A PLANET, IT CAN BE A PLANET AGAIN.

planet

↓

PLANET.

planet

↓

PLANET, PLANET, PLANET.

planet

↓

Rick: STAY SCIENTIFIC, JERRY.

jerry rick scientific

↓

THIS AFTERSHAVE MADE WOMEN WANT ME, BUT IT ALSO MADE ME

women

↓

IMPOTENT!

↓

A PRICE FOR EVERYTHING, MR. GOLDENFOLD.

price

↓

A PRICE FOR EVERYTHING.

price

↓

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ] [ GASPS ]

gasps laughs

↓

OH, MY GOD!

↓

HOW COULD I NOT SEE THIS COMING?!

coming

↓

[ SOBBING ] MY LUST!

lust sobbing

↓

MY GREED!

↓

I DESERVED THIS!

deserved

↓

[ POINK! ] Rick: THIS SERUM SHOULD

rick

↓

[BURPS] COUNTERACT THE NEGATIVE EFFECTS.

burps effects negative

↓

HOLY CATS!

cats holy

↓

LADIES, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

ladies

↓

[ DOOR OPENS ] I HAVEN'T LEARNED A THING!

door door-opens learned opens

↓

Rick: HERE.

rick

↓

[BURPS] YOU CAN HAVE THIS [BURPS] BACK.

burps

↓

YOU DIDN'T USE IT?

↓

Rick: SURE I DID -- TO DEVELOP THIS.

develop rick

↓

IT DETECTS AND CATALOGS ALL YOUR "TWILIGHT ZONE," RAY BRADBURY,

zone

↓

"FRIDAY THE 13th" THE SERIES VOODOO CRAP MAGIC.

friday magic series voodoo

↓

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT IT SO YOU DIDN'T ACCIDENTALLY SELL

accidentally might sell

↓

ANYBODY, SAY...

anybody

↓

[ DEVICE BEEPS ] A TYPEWRITER THAT GENERATES

beeps device

↓

BEST-SELLING MURDER MYSTERIES AND THEN MAKES THE MURDERS

best makes murder murders mysteries selling

↓

HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE?

happen life real real-life

↓

OOH.

↓

BE QUITE.

↓

Rick: DON'T YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE PEOPLE KNOW WHAT THEY'RE

rick

↓

GETTING?

↓

YOU'RE NOT INTENTIONALLY SELLING...

intentionally selling

↓

[ DEVICE BEEPS ] BEAUTY CREAM THAT MAKES UGLY

beauty beeps cream device makes ugly

↓

LADIES PRETTY BUT ALSO MAKES THEM BLIND?

blind ladies makes

↓

I FIND THIS ALL QUITE PREPOSTEROUS.

preposterous

↓

Rick: OH, I SAY, GOOD SIR.

rick

↓

OH, HARRUMPH.

↓

OH, OH [BABBLES] [ DEVICE BEEPS ]

beeps device

↓

THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

↓

YOU KNOW IT'S GONNA BE WEARING YOU IN THREE HOURS?

hours three three-hours wearing

↓

[ DOOR OPENS ] DO I NEED TO CALL THE POLICE?

door door-opens opens police

↓

Rick: HERE, YOU CAN USE MY PHONE.

phone rick

↓

DON'T WORRY. IT WON'T MAKE YOU DEAF BECAUSE I'M NOT A HACK.

deaf hack worry

↓

[ BOTH GRUNTING ] YOU THINK YOU'RE FUCKING SO

fucking grunting

↓

GREAT, YOU STUPID PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT.

fucking piece stupid

↓

Summer: STOP! HEY!

summer

↓

Rick: FUCK YOU, MAN.

fuck rick

↓

Summer: STOP IT RIGHT NOW!

summer

↓

GRANDPA RICK, I LIKE WORKING HERE.

grandpa rick working

↓

Rick: YOU WORK FOR THE DEVIL.

devil rick

↓

Summer: SO WHAT?

summer

↓

Both: "SO WHAT?" Summer: YES, SO WHAT IF HE'S

summer

↓

THE DEVIL, RICK?

devil rick

↓

AT LEAST THE DEVIL HAS A JOB.

devil least

↓

AT LEAST HE'S ACTIVE IN THE COMMUNITY.

active community least

↓

WHAT DO YOU DO?

↓

YOU EAT OUR FOOD AND MAKE GADGETS.

food gadgets

↓

BUH-BYE.

↓

Rick: WH[BURPS]OOPS.

burps oops rick

↓

[ GIGGLES ] Summer: I'M SORRY,

giggles summer

↓

MR. NEEDFUL.

↓

I'LL CLEAN THAT UP.

clean

↓

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN DO ABOUT THE GHOST LADY THAT CAME OUT OF

ghost lady

↓

IT, BUT -- IT'S FINE.

↓

SUMMER, YOU KNOW, YOUR GRANDFATHER'S RIGHT.

grandfathers summer

↓

THIS STORE CURSES PEOPLE.

curses store

↓

THAT'S MY BUSINESS.

business

↓

Summer: WELL, YEAH.

summer

↓

FAST-FOOD GIVES PEOPLE DIABETES, AND CLOTHING STORES HAVE

clothing diabetes fast food gives stores

↓

SWEATSHOPS.

↓

IS THERE A COMPANY HIRING TEENAGERS THAT ISN'T EVIL?

company evil hiring teenagers

↓

THIS IS MY FIRST JOB.

↓

YOU'VE BEEN NICE TO ME, MR. NEEDFUL.

↓

YOU RESPECT ME.

respect

↓

PLEASE, CALL ME "THE DEVIL."

devil

↓

Summer: I'D RATHER NOT, ACTUALLY.

summer

↓

YES, PERHAPS NOT DURING BUSINESS HOURS.

business hours perhaps

↓

Jerry: I TOLD YOU, I WANT TO FILE A DECLARATION THAT PLUTO IS

declaration file jerry

↓

A PLANET.

planet

↓

WELL, THEN MY SON'S GOING TO FAIL HIS SCIENCE CLASS, AND WHEN

class fail science sons

↓

THAT HAPPENS, I'M SUING YOU FIRST.

happens suing

↓

[ CLICKS ] I THINK I KNOW WHAT THE "A" IN

clicks

↓

NASA STANDS FOR.

stands

↓

Morty: DAD, WHAT'S YOUR ENDGAME?

morty

↓

Jerry: AIN'T NO GAME, SUCKA.

aint game jerry

↓

Morty: WHY DON'T WE JUST MAKE THE SOLAR SYSTEM WITH EIGHT

eight morty solar solar-system system

↓

PLANETS?

planets

↓

IT'S EVEN EASIER.

easier

↓

Jerry: SURE, SURE, AND WHY DON'T WE JUST BURN GALILEO AT

burn jerry

↓

THE STAKE FOR SAYING THE SUN IS ROUND?

round stake

↓

SCIENCE ISN'T ALWAYS EASY, MORTY.

easy morty science

↓

[ HUMMING ] Jerry: WHOA!

humming jerry whoa

↓

Morty: WHOA!

morty whoa

↓

Jerry: WHAT THE HELL?!

jerry

↓

[ BOTH GROANING ] [ TING! ]

groaning

↓

[ HISSES, BUZZES ] [ FANFARE PLAYS ]

buzzes fanfare hisses plays

↓

I'M KING FLIPPY NIPS, RULER OF PLUTO.

king nips ruler

↓

WE DISCOVERED YOU QUITE BY ACCIDENT DURING ROUTINE

accident discovered routine

↓

SURVEILLANCE OF YOUR WORLD.

surveillance world

↓

YOU REALLY GAVE IT TO THOSE GUYS AT NASA.

↓

Jerry: I WAS -- YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES SCIENCE IS ABOUT

jerry science sometimes

↓

CONVICTION.

conviction

↓

IT'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO A FEW PEOPLE THAT VERY MUCH

introduce

↓

AGREE WITH YOU.

agree

↓

OH, I...

↓

[ Echoing ] PLUTONIANS.

echoing

↓

JERRY SMITH IS A SCIENTIST FROM EARTH, WHERE HE'S CREATING A

creating earth jerry scientist smith

↓

MODEL OF OUR SOLAR SYSTEM.

model solar solar-system system

↓

JERRY, TELL PLUTO ABOUT YOUR DECISION.

decision jerry

↓

Jerry: [ CLEARS THROAT ] [ Echoing ] UM...PLUTO'S A

clears clears-throat echoing jerry throat

↓

PLANET.

planet

↓

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] PLUTO'S A FUCKING PLANET,

applause cheers fucking planet

↓

BITCH!

bitch

↓

Morty: OH, MAN.

morty

↓

THIS IS DEFINITELY GONNA GO TO HIS HEAD.

head

↓

IF IT'S ATHLETIC PROWESS YOU DESIRE, PRINCIPLE VAGINA, I

athletic desire principle vagina

↓

MIGHT -- I'LL TAKE IT.

might

↓

B-BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN -- THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.

↓

GREAT STORE. GREAT PLACE. BYE.

place store

↓

HUH. OKAY.

↓

I MUST SAY, SUMMER, I THOUGHT YOUR GRANDFATHER'S OUTBURST

grandfathers must summer

↓

WOULD HAVE DISRUPTED BUSINESS, BUT THIS IS THE BEST WEEKEND

best business weekend

↓

I'VE HAD SINCE SALEM.

↓

Summer: NICE.

summer

↓

"WHOLESOME DELIGHT" FOR LUNCH?

delight lunch wholesome

↓

IS THAT THE VEGAN PLACE?

place vegan

↓

Summer: YEAH, I LOVE THEIR SOUP.

love soup summer

↓

I'M KIND OF SOUP-ED OUT.

soup

↓

[ DOOR OPENS ] MRS. TATE, IS IT?

door door-opens opens

↓

WHAT DO YOU DESIRE?

desire

↓

WHOA, WHOA, SLOW DOWN, HONEY.

honey slow whoa

↓

OH, IS THERE A LIMIT?

limit

↓

EVERYTHING'S FREE, RIGHT?

everythings free

↓

Summer: LET'S JUST SAY YOU DON'T PAY...WITH MONEY.

money summer

↓

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ] THAT WAS PERFECT.

chuckle perfect

↓

YOU PAY WITH THE CURSES, RIGHT?

curses

↓

UM...I -- WELL...

↓

BUT, MRS. TATE, WHY DO YOU WANT CURSED ITEMS?

cursed items

↓

WELL, I'M GOING TO GET THE CURSES REMOVED AT

curses removed

↓

"CURSE PURGE PLUS."

curse plus

↓

YOU KNOW, THE GUY ON TV?

↓

[ DOOR CLOSES ] WHAT?

closes door door-closes

↓

Rick: HAVE YOU ACQUIRED CREEPY SPECIFIC OLD STUFF FROM

acquired creepy rick specific stuff

↓

A MYSTERIOUS ANTIQUE OR THRIFT STORE THAT GIVES YOU POWERS BUT

antique gives mysterious powers store

↓

FUCKS WITH YOU IN UNFORESEEABLE WAYS?

fucks ways

↓

BRING IT TO "CURSE PURGE PLUS."

bring curse plus

↓

[BURPS] I USE SCIENCE TO UN-CURSE THE ITEMS FOR CASH,

burps cash curse items science

↓

AND YOU GET TO KEEP THE POWERS.

powers

↓

THIS GUY GOT MYSTERIOUS SNEAKERS TO MAKE HIM RUN

mysterious sneakers

↓

FASTER, BUT GUESS WHAT?

faster

↓

HE WOULD HAVE HAD TO RUN UNTIL HE DIED, MAKING THEM WORTHLESS.

died worthless

↓

I REMOVED THE CURSE, MAKING THEM WORTH, LIKE, I DON'T KNOW,

curse removed worth

↓

$8 MILLION.

million

↓

SEE YOU AT THE OLYMPICS.

olympics

↓

THIS EERILY INTELLIGENT DOLL WAS THREATENING TO MURDER ITS

doll intelligent murder threatening

↓

FAMILY.

family

↓

NOW IT DOES THEIR TAXES.

taxes

↓

EVERYTHING'S DEDUCTIBLE.

everythings

↓

Rick: DON'T PAY FOR COOL STUFF WITH YOUR SOUL.

cool cool-stuff rick soul stuff

↓

PAY FOR IT WITH MONEY.

money

↓

YOU KNOW, LIKE HOW EVERY OTHER STORE IN THE WORLD WORKS?

store works world

↓

WE'RE LOCATED AT FIRST AND MAIN IN OLD TOWN.

located main town

↓

COME ON -- COME ON DOWN.

↓

"FIRST AND..."

↓

Rick: [ BABBLES ] THAT'S RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET

rick street

↓

FROM "NEEDFUL THINGS," WHERE YOU CAN GET EVIL ITEMS FOR

evil items

↓

FREE!

free

↓

DIABOLIC SON OF A MOTHERF-- WE'RE BACK ON

motherf

↓

"GOOD MORNING, PLUTO."

morning

↓

AND A VERY GOOD MORNING IT IS FOR OUR GUEST, EARTH SCIENTIST

earth guest morning scientist

↓

JERRY SMITH, WHO'S MAKING HEADLINES WITH HIS BOLD

bold headlines jerry smith

↓

ANNOUNCEMENT THAT IS WHAT, JERRY?

announcement jerry

↓

Jerry: PLUTO IS A PLANET.

jerry planet

↓

[ Chuckling ] WELL, HOW ABOUT THAT.

chuckling

↓

I LOVE IT.

love

↓

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] MORTY SMITH.

applause cheers morty smith

↓

I'M SCROOPY NOOPERS.

↓

I'M A SCIENTIST.

scientist

↓

CAN I SHOW YOU SOMETHING?

↓

Morty: UH, I BETTER NOT.

morty

↓

RIGHT NOW.

↓

[ BLURP! ] THE CENTER OF PLUTO, MR. SMITH,

center smith

↓

IS MADE OF A SUBSTANCE CALLED "PLUTONIUM."

called substance

↓

MINES LIKE THESE SUCK PLUTONIUM UP TO THE CITIES, WHERE

cities mines suck

↓

CORPORATIONS USE IT TO POWER EVERYTHING, FROM DIAMOND CARS TO

cars corporations diamond power

↓

GOLDEN SHOWERS.

golden showers

↓

AND THE MORE WE REMOVE, THE MORE PLUTO SHRINKS.

remove shrinks

↓

[ RUMBLES ] THERE IT GOES AGAIN.

↓

JUST SHRANK A LITTLE.

↓

BUT A FEW YEARS AGO, YOUR SCIENTISTS NOTICED PLUTO HAD

noticed scientists years

↓

GOTTEN SO SMALL THEY COULDN'T EVEN CALL IT A "PLANET" ANYMORE.

anymore gotten planet

↓

SHOULD'VE BEEN OUR WAKE-UP CALL.

shouldve wake

↓

BUT THE RICH PLUTONIANS WON'T WAKE UP, AND THEY LOVE YOUR DAD

love rich wake

↓

TELLING EVERYONE PLUTO'S A PLANET BECAUSE THAT MEANS THEY

planet telling

↓

CAN KEEP MINING UNTIL PLUTO GOES FROM PLANET TO ASTEROID TO

asteroid mining planet

↓

METEOR, AND FINALLY... [BLOWS] Morty: UM, A PARTY?

blows finally meteor morty party

↓

IS EVERYONE IN YOUR FAMILY AN IDIOT?

family idiot

↓

Morty: WELL, FOR SURE ME AND MY DAD ARE.

morty

↓

[ SIGHS ] WELL, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET

sighs

↓

HIM TO ADMIT THAT, AND YOU COULD SAVE FOUR BILLION LIVES.

admit billion four lives save

↓

Morty: YEAH, YOU KNOW, THE THING IS MY DAD'S REALLY

dads morty

↓

INSECURE.

insecure

↓

Summer: HMM. FUNNY.

funny summer

↓

MR. NEEDFUL, OUT OF EVERYTHING IN THE STORE, YOU'LL NEVER GUESS

store

↓

WHAT WE COULDN'T GET RID OF.

↓

[ GASPS ] [ SPUTTERING ]

gasps

↓

Summer: OH, MY GOD.

summer

↓

[ GRUNTING ] OH, MY GOD.

grunting

↓

I WISH THIS DESK WAS LIGHTER.

desk lighter wish

↓

I WISH THIS KNOT WAS LOOSER.

knot wish

↓

[ GRUNTS ] COME ON.

grunts

↓

[ BLOWS ] I DON'T --

blows

↓

[ GRUNTS ] WAIT, WHAT AM I DOING?

grunts

↓

I WISH I KNEW CPR.

wish

↓

1, 2, 3.

↓

[ CHOKES, SPUTTERS ] OH, JESUS.

chokes jesus sputters

↓

WHAT A WASTE OF A MONKEY PAW.

monkey waste

↓

Summer: MR. NEEDFUL, HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK OF DOING

summer

↓

SOMETHING SO HORRIBLE?

horrible

↓

I'M THE DEVIL.

devil

↓

WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN I FAIL -- GET MYSELF AN ICE CREAM?

cream fail

↓

Summer: YOU HAVEN'T FAILED.

failed summer

↓

PEOPLE LIKE RICK ARE MAKING ME OBSOLETE.

rick

↓

I MEAN, SERIOUSLY.

↓

I MAY BE "THE DEVIL," BUT YOUR GRANDPA IS THE DEVIL.

devil grandpa

↓

I JUST WANT TO GO BACK TO HELL, WHERE EVERYONE THINKS I'M SMART

smart thinks

↓

AND FUNNY.

funny

↓

Summer: NO!

summer

↓

IT'S NOT FAIR.

fair

↓

EVERYONE IN THIS TOWN GOT SOMETHING THEY WANTED FROM

town wanted

↓

YOU -- EVEN RICK.

rick

↓

I WAS YOUR ONLY FRIEND, AND I GET NOTHING?

friend

↓

OKAY.

↓

I'LL GIVE YOU ONE THING.

↓

NAME IT.

name

↓

Summer: I WANT TO HELP YOU.

summer

↓

CLEVER TWIST.

clever twist

↓

Summer: I LEARNED FROM THE BEST, YOU OLD FART.

best fart learned summer

↓

NOW, LET'S GO GET YOU HYDRATED.

hydrated

↓

Rick: LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT...HAUNTED BOXING GLOVES THAT

boxing gloves haunted rick

↓

WILL MAKE YOU THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION IN 1936, AND THEN

champion

↓

YOU'LL BE TRAPPED THERE, WINNING THE SAME FIGHT FOR ETERNITY.

eternity fight trapped winning

↓

I CAN TAKE OUT THE "ETERNITY" AND THE PADDING, AND THEN YOU'LL

eternity

↓

HAVE SOME TIME-TRAVELING MITTENS.

mittens traveling

↓

OH, LOOK, IT'S ROSEMARY'S BABY.

baby

↓

HOW'S BUSINESS?

business

↓

Summer: HERE'S THE LAST OF OUR INVENTORY.

inventory summer

↓

WE'RE GOING TO FILE CHAPTER 11 AND DO SOME RESTRUCTURING.

chapter file

↓

Rick: SOUNDS LIKE CODE FOR "YOU WIN, RICK."

code rick sounds

↓

Summer: THAT WAS IMPORTANT TO YOU, WASN'T IT?

summer

↓

Rick: NOPE.

nope rick

↓

IT WAS IMPORTANT TO YOUR DUMB DEVIL FRIEND.

devil dumb friend

↓

TO ME, THIS WAS ALL JUST A BIT, LIKE WHEN BUGS BUGS BUNNY FUCKS

bugs bunny fucks

↓

WITH THE OPERA SINGER FOR 20 MINUTES.

minutes opera singer

↓

Summer: HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF.

kill summer tried

↓

Rick: [ Laughing ] SERIOUSLY?

laughing rick

↓

HOLY CRAP.

holy

↓

HOLY CRAP.

holy

↓

Summer: BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, GRANDPA RICK?

grandpa rick summer

↓

HE'S STRONG, AND HE'S NEVER GOING TO GIVE UP.

strong

↓

Rick: UH-HUH, YEAH, I DON'T CARE.

care rick

↓

Summer: OH, I KNOW.

summer

↓

EVERYONE KNOWS YOU DON'T CARE.

care knows

↓

Rick: SO?

rick

↓

Summer: SO HAVE FUN NOT CARING.

caring fun summer

↓

Rick: I ALWAYS DO.

rick

↓

Summer: GOOD.

summer

↓

Rick: YEAH, IT IS GOOD.

rick

↓

[BURPS] IT'S THE BEST.

best burps

↓

Summer: I'M SURE IT IS.

summer

↓

BYE.

↓

Rick: LATER.

rick

↓

I'M HERE TO PICK UP MY UNDEAD CAT AND CHILD.

child pick

↓

Rick: YEAH, UH...GIVE ME A SEC.

rick

↓

THESE ARE THE FORMS FOR THE EMPLOYEE HEALTH PLAN.

employee forms health plan

↓

Rick: ALL RIGHT, YEAH, PUT -- PUT THEM ON MY...EH.

rick

↓

I JUST GOT BORED.

bored

↓

EVERYBODY OUT.

everybody

↓

Jerry: ALL RIGHT, JUST ONE MORE RALLY, THEN I PROMISE WE'LL

jerry promise rally

↓

GET BACK TO YOUR SCIENCE PROJECT.

project science

↓

Morty: DAD, PLUTO ISN'T A PLANET.

morty planet

↓

IT'S SHRINKING BECAUSE OF CORPORATIONS.

corporations shrinking

↓

Jerry: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT THAT ANTI-PLANET NUT JOB

anti jerry planet

↓

SCROOPY NOOPERS WAS SCREAMING ABOUT OUTSIDE THE

screaming

↓

MINISTRY OF MONEY'S FUNDRAISER.

moneys

↓

ARE YOU TELLING ME FOUR BILLION PLUTONIANS ARE WRONG?

billion four telling

↓

Morty: YOU SAID SCIENCE WASN'T EASY.

easy morty science

↓

Jerry: I SAID SCIENCE ISN'T ALWAYS EASY.

easy jerry science

↓

OBVIOUSLY, THAT MEANS SOMETIMES IT ■ EASY.

easy obviously sometimes

↓

LET'S NOT DEBASE OURSELVES WITH WORD GAMES, SON.

games word

↓

Morty: DAD, THEIR WHOLE PLANET IS DYING.

dying morty planet whole

↓

Jerry: HA!

jerry

↓

YOU CALLED IT A PLANET.

called planet

↓

CHECKMATE.

checkmate

↓

WHAT'S UP, PLUTO?

↓

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] [ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ]

applause cheers classical classical-music music music-plays plays

↓

MR. SMITH, PLEASE TELL MY FRIEND HERE WHAT YOU JUST TOLD

friend smith

↓

ME.

↓

GO ON.

↓

Jerry: MY VERY EAGER MOTHER JUST SERVED US NINE PICKLES, AND

eager jerry mother nine pickles served

↓

THE "PICKLES" IS PLUTO.

pickles

↓

[ SPUTTERS ] MY GOD, THE MAN'S A GENIUS.

genius mans sputters

↓

Morty: UM, EXCUSE ME.

excuse morty

↓

Jerry: MORTY, WHAT?

jerry morty

↓

Morty: DAD, WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT THE RECENT REPORT

morty recent report

↓

PUBLISHED BY THE PLUTO SCIENCE READER

published reader science

↓

LINKING PLUTO-QUAKES, SINKHOLES, AND SURFACE SHRINKAGE TO

surface

↓

DEEP-CORE PLUTONIUM DRILLING?

core deep

↓

Jerry: WELL, SON, WHAT DID YOU THINK WHEN YOU WERE 5 AND

jerry

↓

YOU POOPED YOUR PANTS, AND YOU THREW YOUR POOPY UNDIES OUT YOUR

pants pooped poopy threw undies

↓

BEDROOM WINDOW BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE THROWING

bedroom throwing window

↓

SOMETHING IN THE GARBAGE?

garbage

↓

[ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN, I'M TRIMMING THE HEDGES,

laughter

↓

AND THESE THINGS ARE JUST HANGING THERE.

hanging

↓

WAS I SUPPOSED TO THINK THE POOP BUNNY LEFT THEM?

bunny left poop supposed

↓

Morty: GOOD ONE, DAD.

morty

↓

Rick: HEY, MORTY, YOU WANT TO GO ON A...OH.

morty rick

↓

HEY, BETH.

beth

↓

HELLO?

↓

HEY, JERRY, YOU IN HERE BEING STUPID?

jerry stupid

↓

[ SIGHS, BURPS ] [ ROBOT WHIRS ]

burps robot sighs whirs

↓

Rick: THANKS.

rick thanks

↓

HEY, YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING, YOU KNOW, I MIGHT WATCH A MOVIE.

might movie thinking watch

↓

I AM NOT PROGRAMMED FOR FRIENDSHIP.

friendship programmed

↓

Rick: SUIT YOURSELF.

rick suit

↓

[ BURPS ] [ HUMS ]

burps hums

↓

HEY. [CLEARS THROAT] HEY.

clears clears-throat throat

↓

W-W-WHAT'S GOING ON?

↓

Morty: UM, LISTEN, CAN YOU HELP ME DO THE STUPID SCIENCE

morty science stupid

↓

FAIR PROJECT?

fair project

↓

Rick: WHATEVER.

rick

↓

JERRY, YOU MUST BE SO EXCITED.

excited jerry must

↓

THE PLUTO-BEL PRIZE IS THE HIGHEST HONOR A SCIENTIST CAN

highest honor prize scientist

↓

RECEIVE.

receive

↓

Jerry: I'M FLATTERED AND HUMBLED.

flattered jerry

↓

OH, I LIKE THAT.

↓

USE THAT IN YOUR SPEECH.

speech

↓

ALSO, TALK ABOUT PLUTO BEING A PLANET.

planet

↓

PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

↓

YOUR HIGHNESS, WE'VE CAPTURED SCROOPY NOOPERS.

captured highness

↓

YOU ANIMALS! ANIMALS!

animals

↓

OOH, LOOK WHO'S LITTLE JOURNEY'S COME TO AN END.

↓

TAKE HIM TO PLUTO-NAMO BAY.

↓

YOU CAN'T KILL THE TRUTH, FATHER.

father kill truth

↓

Jerry: WHAT?

jerry

↓

I CAN SEE YOU'RE CONFUSED.

confused

↓

PLUTO-NAMO BAY IS A MILITARY PRISON -- A SORT OF PLAY ON

military prison

↓

WORDS.

words

↓

Jerry: DID HE CALL YOU "FATHER"?

father jerry

↓

SCROOPY NOOPERS, THE ANTI-PLANET NUT JOB, IS YOUR SON?

anti planet

↓

THE YOUNG EAT THE OLD IF YOU LET THEM, JERRY.

jerry young

↓

PLUTO IS A COLD, COLD CELESTIAL DWARF.

cold

↓

Jerry: IT'S A WHAT?

jerry

↓

HUH? OH, PLANET.

planet

↓

[ LAUGHS ] "PLUTO IS A COLD, COLD PLANET."

cold laughs planet

↓

THAT'S WHAT I MEANT.

meant

↓

KNOCK THEM DEAD OUT THERE, YOU.

dead knock

↓

Jerry: [ Echoing ] PLUTO IS...

echoing jerry

↓

[ SIGHS ] ...NOT A PLANET.

planet sighs

↓

[ SHOUTING ] OW!

shouting

↓

IT'S NOT A PLANET.

planet

↓

HEY!

↓

IT'S NOT A PLANET!

planet

↓

I'M AN IDIOT, AND I LOVE MY SON.

idiot love

↓

IT WAS A LONG SIX HOURS, BUT WE'VE OVERHAULED

hours

↓

"NEEDFUL THINGS" INTO THE GLOBALLY-COMPLIANT WEB

↓

4.0 "E-NOMENON," N33DFUL.COM, SPELLED WITH THREES INSTEAD OF

spelled threes

↓

"E's."

↓

[ CHEERING ] WHOO, YEAH!

cheering whoo

↓

WHOO, EXCITED!

excited whoo

↓

OKAY, THAT'S IT.

↓

WE JUST GOT BOUGHT BY GOOGLE!

bought google

↓

Summer: MM.

summer

↓

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, LUCIUS.

proud

↓

SO, HOW MUCH DID WE MAKE?

↓

[ Chuckling ] "WE."

chuckling

↓

THIS IS MY BUSINESS.

business

↓

SECURITY!

security

↓

Summer: [ GASPS ] YOU'RE ZUCKERBERG-ING ME?

gasps summer

↓

I WAS ZUCKERBERG-ING PEOPLE BEFORE ZUCKERBERG'S BALLS

balls

↓

DROPPED.

dropped

↓

I'M THE DEVIL, BITCH!

bitch devil

↓

WHAT, WHAT?!

↓

[ FIDDLE PLAYS ] Jerry: HEY!

fiddle jerry plays

↓

[ GROANS ] HEY, MORTY.

groans morty

↓

Morty: OH, OH, HEY, DAD.

morty

↓

UM, WHAT -- WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK FROM PLUTO SO QUICK?

quick

↓

Jerry: UH...SOME PEOPLE JUST CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.

handle jerry truth

↓

ESPECIALLY DUMMIES LIKE ME.

dummies especially

↓

MORTY, I'M NOT AS SMART AS YOUR GRANDPA RICK, BUT I PROMISE

grandpa morty promise rick smart

↓

NEVER TO MAKE THAT YOUR PROBLEM AGAIN.

problem

↓

Morty: HEY, DAD.

morty

↓

NOBODY'S SMARTER THAN RICK, BUT NOBODY ELSE IS MY DAD.

nobody nobodys rick smarter

↓

YOU'RE A GENIUS AT THAT.

genius

↓

Jerry: WOW.

jerry

↓

[ SNIFFLES ] THAT'S...HUMBLING AND

sniffles

↓

FLATTERING, SON.

flattering

↓

THANK YOU.

↓

WHAT SAY WE FINISH OURSELVES AN EIGHT-PLANET SOLAR SYSTEM?

eight finish planet solar solar-system system

↓

Morty: UM...I'M JUST GONNA TAKE THIS THING IN AND GET AN

morty

↓

"A"."

↓

BUTTER.

butter

↓

Jerry: BUT...

jerry

↓

Morty: YOU'RE A GENIUS AT BEING MY DAD, DAD.

genius morty

↓

QUIT WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD.

ahead quit

↓

AND ALSO, KNOCK NEXT TIME, YOU KNOW?

knock

↓

I MEAN, I'M SITTING IN HERE, I'M 14 -- I GOT A COMPUTER IN HERE,

computer sitting

↓

YOU KNOW?

↓

Jerry: OH, I -- I THINK I UNDERSTAND.

jerry

↓

Morty: YOU'RE REALLY PLAYING WITH FIRE WHEN YOU BURST IN HERE

burst fire morty playing

↓

LIKE THAT, MAN.

↓

Jerry: I GET IT. SAY NO MORE.

jerry

↓

Morty: I MEAN, ONE OF THESE DAYS, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE GONNA END

days morty

↓

UP SEEING SOMETHING.

seeing

↓

Jerry: I GOT IT!

jerry

↓

NOTED. GOOD NIGHT.

night noted

↓

[ METAL MUSIC PLAYING ] Rick: HOW'S YOUR PRETEND

metal music music-playing playing pretend rick

↓

GRANDPA DOING, AKA "THE DEVIL"?

devil grandpa

↓

Summer: HE DUMPED ME.

dumped summer

↓

Rick: OOF. SORRY.

rick

↓

Summer: DID WE LEARN A LESSON HERE I'M NOT SEEING?

learn lesson seeing summer

↓

Rick: NOT SURE.

rick

↓

Summer: MAYBE IN A MUCH BIGGER WAY, MR. NEEDFUL GAVE US

bigger summer

↓

BOTH WHAT WE REALLY WANTED?

wanted

↓

BECAUSE I WAS ALWAYS JEALOUS OF YOU HANGING OUT WITH MORTY, AND

hanging jealous morty

↓

YOU DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU VALUED MY APPROVAL?

approval realize

↓

Rick: NO, THAT'S DUMB.

dumb rick

↓

Summer: YEAH, NOT SATISFYING.

satisfying summer

↓

Rick: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, THOUGH.

rick

↓

IF -- IF -- IF IT'S SATISFACTION YOU'RE AFTER, I THINK I MIGHT

might satisfaction

↓

HAVE AN IDEA.

idea

↓

[ WHISPERING ] Summer: UH-HUH.

summer whispering

↓

UH-HUH.

↓

UH-HUH, TOTALLY. LET'S DO IT.

↓

♪ X GONNA GIVE IT TO YA ♪ WHAT?

↓

♪ WAIT FOR YOU TO GET IT ON YOUR OWN, X GONNA DELIVER TO

deliver

↓

YA ♪ ♪ KNOCK KNOCK, OPEN UP THE

knock knock-knock open

↓

DOOR, IT'S REAL ♪ ♪ WITH THE NON-STOP POP POP AND

door real

↓

STAINLESS STEEL ♪ ♪ GO HARD, GETTING BUSY WITH

busy hard steel

↓

IT ♪ ♪ BUT I GOT SUCH A GOOD HEART

heart

↓

THAT I'LL MAKE THE MOTHER WONDER IF HE DID IT ♪

mother wonder

↓

♪ DAMN RIGHT, AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN, 'CAUSE I AM RIGHT SO I

↓

GOTS TO WIN ♪ ♪ BREAK BREAD WITH THE ENEMY

bread break enemy

↓

♪ BUT NO MATTER HOW MANY CATS I BREAK BREAD WITH, I'LL BREAK WHO

bread break cats matter

↓

YOU -- ♪ AND THAT'S HOW I TOOK MY

↓

STOREFRONT INTO THE FOREFRONT OF THE UP FRONT.

front

↓

THANK YOU, SEATTLE.

seattle

↓

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] RICK? SUMMER?

applause cheers rick summer

↓

[ AUDIENCE GROANS ] Rick: STUPID MOTHERFUCKER

audience groans motherfucker rick stupid

↓

Summer: YOU STUPID BITCH.

bitch stupid stupid-bitch summer

↓

Rick: STUPID MOTHERFUCKER HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

motherfucker rick stupid

↓

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

↓

Summer: [ GRUNTS ] [ GROANS ]

groans grunts summer

↓

W-W-WHY?

↓

Summer: BECAUSE SOMETIMES WHAT YOU REALLY NEED IS FOR

sometimes summer

↓

SOMEONE ELSE TO PAY A HORRIBLE PRICE.

horrible price

↓

[ WHIMPERS ] Summer: [ SPITS ]

spits summer whimpers

↓

Rick: WE DID IT.

rick

↓

Summer: YEAH, BRO.

summer

↓

Rick: WE TOTALLY WORKED IT.

rick worked

↓

Summer: YEAH.

summer

↓

Rick: WE JUST PULLED IT OFF.

pulled rick

↓

Summer: YEAH, BRO.

summer

↓

YEAH.

↓

♪ BITCH, PLEASE, IF THE ONLY THING YOU CATS DID WAS CAME OUT

bitch cats

↓

TO PLAY ♪ ♪ STAY OUT MY WAY, MOTHER

mother

↓

♪ FIRST WE GONNA ROCK, THEN WE GONNA ROLL ♪

rock roll

↓

♪ THEN WE LET IT POP, DON'T LET IT GO ♪

↓

♪ X GONNA GIVE IT TO YA, HE GONNA GIVE IT TO YA ♪

↓

♪ X GONNA GIVE IT TO YA, HE GONNA GIVE IT TO YA ♪

↓

♪ FIRST WE GONNA ROCK, THEN WE GONNA ROLL ♪

rock roll

↓

♪ THEN WE LET IT POP, DON'T LET IT GO ♪

↓

♪ X GONNA GIVE IT TO YA, HE GONNA GIVE IT TO YA ♪

↓

♪ X GONNA GIVE IT TO YA, HE GONNA GIVE IT TO YA ♪

↓

♪ AIN'T NEVER GAVE NOTHING TO ME ♪

aint