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Home » Rick and Morty » S01E10 — Close Rick-Counters of the Rick Kind

Rick and Morty

Season 1, Episode 10 — Close Rick-Counters of the Rick Kind

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: Close Rick-Counters of the Rick Kind

Air date: April 07, 2014

Director: Stephen Sandoval

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

Rick and Morty have a falling out when Rick is approached by some familiar associates.

Source: TMDB

↓

Beth: SO, DAD, GUESS WHAT TOMORROW IS.

beth tomorrow

↓

Rick: MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.'s BIRTHDAY.

birthday king luther luther-king martin martin-luther martin-luther-king rick

↓

Beth: NO.

beth

↓

WELL, IT...MIGHT BE.

might

↓

Rick: IT IS.

rick

↓

Beth: FINE.

beth

↓

BUT ALSO, TOMORROW IS YOUR ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY BACK IN OUR

anniversary tomorrow

↓

LIVES.

lives

↓

I'M GONNA MAKE YOU FLYING-SAUCER-SHAPED PANCAKES.

flying pancakes shaped

↓

Rick: OH, T-T-THERE'S NO NEED TO DO THAT, BETH.

beth rick

↓

REGULAR PANCAKES ARE FINE.

pancakes regular

↓

[ LOUD WARBLE ] [ ALL SCREAM ]

loud scream

↓

Morty: [ GROANS ] Jerry: OH, MY GOD!

groans jerry morty

↓

OH, WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

↓

Morty: GEEZ, RICK, W-WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

geez morty place rick

↓

Rick: THE CITADEL OF RICKS.

rick

↓

IT'S THE SECRET HEADQUARTERS FOR THE COUNCIL OF RICKS.

council headquarters secret

↓

Morty: COUNCIL OF RICKS?

council morty

↓

Rick: AS YOU KNOW, MORTY, I'VE GOT A LOT OF ENEMIES IN THE

enemies morty rick

↓

UNIVERSE THAT CONSIDER MY GENIUS A THREAT -- GALACTIC TERRORISTS,

consider genius terrorists threat universe

↓

A FEW SUB-GALACTIC DICTATORS, MOST OF THE ENTIRE INTERGALACTIC

entire

↓

GOVERNMENT.

government

↓

W-W-WHEREVER YOU FIND PEOPLE WITH HEADS UP THEIR ASSES,

asses heads

↓

SOMEONE WANTS A PIECE OF YOUR GRANDPA, AND A LOT OF VERSIONS

grandpa piece versions wants

↓

OF ME ON DIFFERENT TIMELINES HAD THE SAME PROBLEM, SO A FEW

problem

↓

THOUSAND VERSIONS OF ME HAD THE INGENIOUS IDEA OF BANDING

banding idea ingenious thousand versions

↓

TOGETHER LIKE A HERD OF CATTLE OR A SCHOOL OF FISH OR THOSE

cattle fish herd school

↓

PEOPLE WHO ANSWER QUESTIONS ON YAHOO! ANSWERS.

answer answers questions yahoo

↓

Morty: HEY! WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

morty

↓

IT'S A COWBOY VERSION OF ME.

cowboy version

↓

Rick: GEEZ, YOU'RE EASY TO IMPRESS.

easy geez impress rick

↓

YEAH, MOST TIMELINES HAVE A RICK, AND MOST RICKS HAVE A

rick

↓

MORTY.

morty

↓

THIS PLACE IS A REAL WHO'S WHO OF WHO'S YOU AND ME.

place real

↓

TURN YOUR BORING, OLD MORTY INTO A F-- HOT FASHION STATEMENT

boring fashion morty statement

↓

WITH SOME MORTY DAZZLERS.

morty

↓

HEY, CHECK THIS OUT.

check

↓

SHOW ME THE MORTY.

morty

↓

Rick: DUMB.

dumb rick

↓

EXCUSE ME, SIR, IS YOUR MORTY INSURED?

excuse morty

↓

YOU KNOW, EVERY YEAR, HUNDREDS OF MORTYS ARE INJURED --

hundreds injured

↓

Rick: BACK OFF!

rick

↓

NOT MY CUP OF TEA, THIS PLACE.

place

↓

I SAY THE POINT OF BEING A RICK IS BEING A RICK.

point rick

↓

SAVE YOUR ANTI-RICK SPEECH FOR THE COUNCIL OF RICKS,

anti council rick save speech

↓

TERROR-RICK.

rick terror

↓

Rick: HEY, SAVE YOUR RICK RULES FOR THE [BURPS]

burps rick rules save

↓

SHEEP-RICKS, RICK-PIG.

rick sheep

↓

FUCK ME, PAL.

fuck

↓

Rick: FUCK YOU?

fuck rick

↓

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

↓

FUCK ME.

fuck

↓

BRING UP THE HOLOGRAMS.

bring

↓

27 RICKS BRUTALLY MURDERED IN THEIR OWN TIMELINES -- AN

brutally murdered

↓

UNPRECEDENTED RICK-ICIDAL EPIDEMIC.

epidemic rick

↓

WHAT SAY YOU, EARTH RICK C-137?

earth rick

↓

Rick: YOU THINK I DID THIS?

rick

↓

WHY AM I THE FIRST RICK YOU PULL IN EVERY TIME A RICK STUBS HIS

pull rick

↓

TOE?

↓

YOU [BURPS] HAVE A HISTORY OF NON-COOPERATION WITH THE

burps cooperation history

↓

COUNCIL.

council

↓

Rick: YEAH, SO DOES THE SCIENTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS

known rick scientist

↓

RICK.

rick

↓

W-W-W-W-W-WHY ISN'T HE HERE IN HANDCUFFS?

↓

BECAUSE HE'S DEAD, TOO!

dead

↓

[ CROWD GASPING, GROANING ] WHO ELSE WOULD YOU HAVE US

crowd crowd-gasping gasping groaning

↓

QUESTION?

question

↓

YOU FIT THE PROFILE.

profile

↓

OF ALL THE RICKS IN THE CENTRAL FINITE CURVE, YOU'RE THE

central curve

↓

MALCONTENT, THE ROGUE.

rogue

↓

Rick: I'M THE RICK, AND SO WERE THE REST OF YOU BEFORE YOU

rest rick

↓

FORMED THIS STUPID ALLIANCE.

alliance formed stupid

↓

YOU WANTED TO BE SAFE FROM THE GOVERNMENT, SO YOU BECAME A

became government safe wanted

↓

STUPID GOVERNMENT.

government stupid

↓

THAT MAKES EVERY RICK HERE LESS RICK THAN ME.

less makes rick

↓

[ CROWD GRUMBLING ] YEAH, MURMUR IT UP, D-BAGS.

bags crowd grumbling

↓

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'VE GOT PANCAKES BACK HOME WITH

excuse home pancakes

↓

SYRUP ON TOP OF THEM.

syrup

↓

THEY'RE ABOUT TO HIT THAT CRITICAL POINT OF SYRUP

critical point syrup

↓

ABSORPTION THAT TURNS THE CAKES INTO A GROSS PASTE, AND I HATE

cakes gross hate paste turns

↓

TO GET ALL ANDY ROONEY ABOUT IT, BUT I THINK WE ALL LIKE FLUFFY

andy fluffy

↓

DISKS OF CAKE WITH SYRUP ON TOP, AND I THINK WE ALSO LIKE TO BE

cake syrup

↓

ACCUSED OF CRIMES WHEN THERE'S EVIDENCE!

accused crimes evidence

↓

SO, AS THEY SAY IN CANADA, PEACE OOT!

canada peace

↓

EVIDENCE! GOOD IDEA.

evidence idea

↓

SCAN HIS PORTAL GUN!

portal scan

↓

Rick: OH, COME ON.

rick

↓

DON'T LOOK AT ANOTHER MAN'S PORTAL-GUN HISTORY.

another another-mans history mans portal

↓

WE -- WE ALL GO TO WEIRD PLACES.

places weird

↓

YES, BUT IT APPEARS YOU ALONE HAVE BEEN GOING TO THE EXACT

alone appears exact

↓

TIMELINES AND LOCATIONS IN WHICH THE MURDERS OCCURRED.

murders occurred

↓

[ CROWD GRUMBLING ] Rick: WHAT?!

crowd grumbling rick

↓

THAT'S RICK-DICULOUS!

rick

↓

I'M OBVIOUSLY BEING SET UP.

obviously

↓

EARTH RICK C-137, THE COUNCIL OF RICKS SENTENCES YOU TO THE

council earth rick sentences

↓

MACHINE OF UNSPEAKABLE DOOM, WHICH SWAPS YOUR CONSCIOUS AND

conscious machine

↓

UNCONSCIOUS MINDS, RENDERING YOUR FANTASIES POINTLESS WHILE

fantasies minds pointless unconscious

↓

EVERYTHING YOU'VE KNOWN BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE TO GRASP.

becomes grasp impossible known

↓

ALSO, EVERY 10 SECONDS, IT STABS YOUR BALLS.

balls seconds

↓

Rick: I'VE HEARD ENOUGH.

heard rick

↓

[ BURPS ] RUN, MORTY!

burps morty

↓

Morty: [ PANTING ] UNH-UNH. NOT YOU.

morty panting

↓

Morty: [ PANTING ] AAAAH!

aaaah morty panting

↓

[ SCREAMS ] [ SCREAMS ]

screams

↓

[ LOUD FARTING ] [ STEADY FARTING IN DISTANCE ]

distance farting loud steady

↓

Morty: OH! OH!

morty

↓

[ Dialing ] YEAH, I'D LIKE TO ORDER ONE

dialing order

↓

LARGE PERSON WITH EXTRA PEOPLE, PLEASE.

extra person

↓

WHITE PEOPLE.

white

↓

NO, NO, NO, NO. BLACK PEOPLE.

black

↓

AND HISPANIC ON HALF.

half

↓

Morty: [ PANTING ] [ Dialing ]

dialing morty panting

↓

YES, I'D LIKE TO ORDER ONE LARGE SOFA CHAIR WITH EXTRA

chair extra order sofa

↓

CHAIR, PLEASE.

chair

↓

HIGH CHAIR.

chair

↓

NO, NO, NO, NO. RECLINER.

↓

AND WHEELCHAIR ON HALF.

half wheelchair

↓

Morty: [ PANTING ] [ ALL SPEAKING GIBBERISH ]

gibberish morty panting speaking

↓

THEY COULD HAVE GONE INTO ANY ONE OF THESE.

gone

↓

[ GROANS ] SON OF A...

groans

↓

OH, GEEZ.

geez

↓

OH, MAN!

↓

WE LOST 'EM.

lost

↓

YEAH, I'D LIKE TO ORDER ONE LARGE PHONE WITH EXTRA PHONES,

extra order phone phones

↓

PLEASE.

↓

CELLPHONE.

cellphone

↓

NO, NO, NO, NO. ROTARY.

↓

AND PAY PHONE ON HALF.

half phone

↓

Rick: THAT'LL KEEP 'EM [BURPS] BUSY FOR A WHILE.

burps busy rick thatll

↓

Morty: THOSE GUYS WERE WRONG, RIGHT?

morty

↓

Y-Y-Y-YOU D-- YOU WOULDN'T KILL YOURSELF -- Y-Y-YOURSELVES.

kill yourselves

↓

Rick: OF COURSE NOT, MORTY.

course morty rick

↓

HOW COULD THAT PROFIT ME?

profit

↓

BUT SOMEONE OUT THERE IS KILLING RICKS, AND THE COUNCIL AIN'T

aint council killing

↓

GONNA STOP THINKING IT'S ME UNTIL WE CLEAR OUR NAMES --

clear names thinking

↓

BY FINDING THE REAL RICK-KILLER.

finding killer real rick

↓

Morty: I'M SCARED, RICK.

morty rick scared

↓

MAYBE WE SHOULD GO HOME AND STOCKPILE WEAPONS, LIKE THAT

home weapons

↓

SHOW "DOOMSDAY PREPPERS."

↓

Rick: NOT REALLY MY STYLE, MORTY.

morty rick style

↓

BESIDES, YOUR HOME IS MOST LIKELY SWARMING WITH RICKS BY

besides home likely

↓

NOW.

↓

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, JERRY.

jerry

↓

IF RICK CALLS, THIS DEVICE IS GONNA TRACE HIS LOCATION.

calls device location rick trace

↓

YOU JUST GOT TO KEEP HIM ON THE PHONE FOR 30 SECONDS OR LONGER.

longer phone seconds

↓

Beth: WHO WANTS LEMONADE?

beth lemonade wants

↓

OH, YEAH.

↓

MMM!

↓

OH! DELICIOUS!

delicious

↓

BETH [BELCHES] YOU'RE A TREASURE.

belches beth treasure

↓

I HAVE A BETH JUST LIKE YOU IN MY [BELCHES] REALITY, EXCEPT

belches beth except reality

↓

YOU KNOW WHAT?

↓

SHE'S NOT AS BRILLIANT OR [BELCHES] ATTRACTIVE.

attractive belches brilliant

↓

Beth: AW.

beth

↓

TH[BELCHES]ANK YOU.

belches

↓

[ LAUGHTER ] OH! SHE DID! SHE DID IT!

laughter

↓

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ] Jerry: H-HELLO?

jerry rings telephone telephone-rings

↓

Rick: Hey, Jerry, it's Rick.

jerry rick

↓

Jerry: RICK! HEY.

jerry rick

↓

[ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ] WHAT'S -- WHAT'S UP?

laughs laughs-nervously nervously

↓

Rick: So, listen, the heat's on, and there's nowhere left to

left rick

↓

turn, so Morty and I are just gonna fly my spaceship into a

morty

↓

black hole.

black hole

↓

Jerry: WHAT?!

jerry

↓

Rick: Is that cool with you, dawg?

cool dawg rick

↓

Jerry: RICK, NO!

jerry rick

↓

MORTY!!

morty

↓

WE GOT IT.

↓

THE CALL'S COMING FROM...

calls coming

↓

♪ INSIDE THE HOUSE LOOK AT HIS FACE!

face house

↓

YOU DUMMY!

dummy

↓

UGH.

↓

CAN'T BELIEVE OUR DAUGHTER MARRIED YOU.

believe daughter married

↓

TOO EASY!

easy

↓

[ LAUGHTER ] Rick: THE RICKS ARE PROBABLY

laughter rick

↓

GONNA WASTE SOME TIME MESSING WITH JERRY.

jerry messing waste

↓

THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO HELP THEMSELVES.

able

↓

BUT AS SOON AS THEY GET BORED, THEY'LL BE ONTO US.

bored

↓

PHONES à LA CLAMS AND PHONESGHETTI WITH PHONE BALLS.

balls clams phone phones

↓

ANYTHING ELSE?

↓

Rick: YEAH, MORE PHONE STICKS, PLEASE.

phone rick sticks

↓

RIGHT AWAY, SIR.

↓

Morty: YOU KNOW, RICK, WHEN I FIRST SAW ALL THOSE RICKS AND

morty rick

↓

MORTYS, I THOUGHT, "GEE, THAT KIND OF DEVALUES OUR BOND."

bond

↓

BUT THEN I REALIZED IT JUST MEANS THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP MUST

must realized relationship

↓

BE PRETTY SPECIAL TO SPAN OVER ALL THOSE DIFFERENT TIMELINES.

special

↓

Rick: YEAH, IT'S GOT TO BE THAT WAY.

rick

↓

YOU'RE A CAMOUFLAGE.

↓

Morty: CAMOUFLAGE?

morty

↓

W-W-W-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, RICK?

rick

↓

Rick: RICKS HAVE A VERY DISTINCTIVE AND TRACEABLE

rick traceable

↓

BRAIN WAVE DUE TO OUR GENIUS.

brain genius wave

↓

THE BEST WAY TO HIDE FROM AN ENEMY'S RADAR IS TO STAND NEAR

best hide near radar stand

↓

SOMEONE WITH COMPLEMENTARY BRAIN WAVES THAT MAKE OURS

brain waves

↓

INVISIBLE.

invisible

↓

SEE, W-W-W-WHEN A RICK I-IS WITH A MORTY, THE GENIUS WAVES GET

genius morty rick waves

↓

CANCELED OUT BY THE, UH...

canceled

↓

[ CLEARS THROAT ] ...MORTY WAVES.

clears clears-throat morty throat waves

↓

Morty: UM...BECAUSE O-OUR PERSONALITIES ARE SO DIFFERENT?

morty

↓

[ PORTAL GUN BEEPING ] Rick: OH, SHIT, DAWG.

beeping dawg portal rick

↓

MY PORTAL GUN WAS HACKED REMOTELY, MORTY -- OBVIOUSLY BY

hacked morty obviously portal remotely

↓

THE REAL KILLER, TO FRAME ME.

frame killer real

↓

BUT I WAS ABLE TO TRACE THE SIGNAL.

able signal trace

↓

COME ON. LET'S GO.

↓

[ DOOR BURSTS OPEN ] UH-OH.

bursts door open

↓

EXCUSE ME.

excuse

↓

WE'VE TRACKED A PAIR OF DANGEROUS CRIMINALS TO THIS

criminals dangerous pair tracked

↓

EXACT LOCATION.

exact location

↓

THEY LOOK EXACTLY LIKE US, SO IN ORDER TO AVOID CONFUSION, I'M

avoid confusion order

↓

GONNA MARK US EACH WITH A RED "X" RIGHT NOW.

mark

↓

THAT WAY, IF SOMEONE HAS A GUN AND WE BOTH TELL YOU TO SHOOT

shoot

↓

THE OTHER ONE BECAUSE THEY'RE THE EVIL ONE, YOU'LL KNOW WHO'S

evil

↓

LYING.

lying

↓

HEY, CHECK IT OUT.

check

↓

DAMN IT!

↓

HEY, YOU DIDN'T PAY YOUR BILL!

bill

↓

T-THE RED "X"! RED "X"!

↓

Rick: HEY, IT'S A GOOD THING THAT SPACE OUTLET HAD LAB COATS

coats outlet rick space

↓

AND YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF SHIRT IN STOCK, HUH, MORTY?

favorite morty shirt stock

↓

Morty: YEAH, RICK, I-I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME.

heard morty rick

↓

YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP SAYING IT OVER AND OVER.

↓

Rick: MAN, THIS PLACE IS WAY OFF THE GRID.

grid place rick

↓

THIS GUY DOES NOT WANT TO BE FOUND.

found

↓

Morty: WELL, IF HE'S A RICK, DOESN'T HE JUST HAVE TO STAND BY

morty rick stand

↓

A MORTY TO HIDE?

hide morty

↓

I MEAN, ISN'T THAT WHAT MORTYS ARE -- HUMAN CLOAKING DEVICES?

devices human

↓

Rick: MORTY, YOU'RE MAKING A BIGGER DEAL OUT OF THIS THAN IT

bigger deal morty rick

↓

IS.

↓

[ GROANING IN DISTANCE ] Morty: OH, MY GOD, RICK,

distance groaning morty rick

↓

LOOK!

↓

THERE'S A BUNCH OF PEOPLE STRAPPED ALL OVER THAT BUILDING!

building bunch strapped

↓

Rick: NOT PEOPLE, MORTY -- MORTYS.

morty rick

↓

[ ALL GROANING, SCREAMING ] Morty: OH, GOD!

groaning morty screaming

↓

W-W-WHY WOULD SOMEBODY DO THIS?

somebody

↓

IT'S HORRIBLE!

horrible

↓

Rick: WELL, ONE MORTY'S ENOUGH TO HIDE FROM THE

hide rick

↓

BUREAUCRATS, BUT YOU GET -- YOU GET A WHOLE MATRIX OF MORTYS AND

whole

↓

PUT THEM IN AGONIZING PAIN, THAT CREATES A PATTERN THAT CAN HIDE

creates hide pain pattern

↓

EVEN FROM OTHER RICKS MOTHERFUCKER

motherfucker

↓

I FIDDLED WITH A CO[BURPS]NCEPT

burps

↓

LIKE THIS ONCE.

↓

ON PAPER, MORTY. ON PAPER.

morty paper

↓

I WOULDN'T DO THIS.

↓

IT'S BARBARIC OVERKILL.

overkill

↓

I MEAN, YOU COULD ACCOMPLISH THE SAME RESULT WITH, LIKE, FIVE

accomplish five result

↓

MORTYS AND A JUMPER CABLE.

cable jumper

↓

WHICH I ALSO WOULDN'T DO!

↓

I'M JUST SAYING, IT'S BAD CRAFTSMANSHIP.

↓

Beth: COFFEE TIME!

beth coffee

↓

YEAH!

↓

YO, YO, YO, YO!

↓

THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR!

↓

Jerry: [ GROANS ] HI, JERRY.

groans jerry

↓

Jerry: LEAVE ME ALONE.

alone jerry

↓

I'M WORKING.

working

↓

OH, YOU ARE?

↓

W-W-W-WHAT DO YOU DO?

↓

Jerry: [ SCOFFS ] I-I'M -- I'M IN BETWEEN

jerry scoffs

↓

ADVERTISING JOBS.

advertising jobs

↓

ADVERTISING? WOW!

advertising

↓

SO, PEOPLE NEED HELP FIGURING OUT WHAT TO BUY, AND THEN

figuring

↓

Y-Y-YOU HELP 'EM?

↓

Jerry: [ Laughing ] WELL, IT'S A LITTLE MORE COMPLICATED

complicated jerry laughing

↓

THAN THAT.

↓

WELL, I MEAN, YOU DO IT, AND YOU SEEM LIKE A GUY WHO REALLY

↓

HAS IT ALL TOGETHER.

↓

Jerry: DUDE, ARE YOU -- W-- YOU'RE BEING A DICK, RIGHT?

dick jerry

↓

OH, GOSH, I-I HOPE NOT.

gosh hope

↓

I-I-I-I-I-I WOULDN'T WANT TO OFFEND YOU IN ANY WAY.

offend

↓

Jerry: YOU'RE REALLY A RICK?

jerry rick

↓

[ LAUGHS ] Y-- OF COURSE I AM -- JUST AS

course laughs

↓

MUCH AS MY MORTY'S A MORTY.

morty

↓

Jerry: HEY, HE LOOKS A LOT LIKE ERIC STOLTZ FROM THE MOVIE

eric jerry movie

↓

"MASK."

mask

↓

YOU KNOW, THE ONE WITH CHER IN IT?

↓

THAT'S RIGHT, JERRY!

jerry

↓

HE -- HE'S FROM A REALITY WHERE EVERYONE IS ERIC STOLTZ "MASK"

eric mask reality

↓

PEOPLE.

↓

HE'S ERIC STOLTZ MASK MORTY.

eric mask morty

↓

THEY ASSIGNED HIM TO ME BECAUSE I NEVER HAD ANY KIDS OF MY OWN.

assigned kids

↓

BUT IF I DID, BOY, I'D LOVE THEM IF THEY WERE AS SMART AND AS

love smart

↓

SUCCESSFUL AS YOU ARE, JERRY.

jerry successful

↓

HEY, GET A LOAD OF THIS.

load

↓

JERRY'S HANGING OUT WITH DOOFUS RICK.

hanging rick

↓

[ LAUGHS ] THIS IS PERFECT.

laughs perfect

↓

I'M NOT DOOFUS RICK!

rick

↓

I'M RICK J19-ZETA-7!

rick

↓

OH, IS THAT THE TIMELINE WHERE EVERYBODY EATS POOP?

eats everybody poop timeline

↓

JERRY, YOU KNOW THIS GUY EATS POOP, RIGHT?

eats jerry poop

↓

HEY, I DON'T EAT POOP!

poop

↓

Y-YOU GUYS ARE ALWAYS SO MEAN TO ME.

↓

[ BOTH LAUGH ] [ SOBBING ]

laugh sobbing

↓

I GUESS IT'S ONLY FAIR TO TELL YOU NOW, JERRY.

fair jerry

↓

I'M THE WORST RICK OF THEM ALL.

rick worst

↓

Jerry: ACCORDING TO WHO -- OTHER VERSIONS OF YOU?

according jerry versions

↓

IF I'VE LEARNED ONE THING, IT'S THAT BEFORE YOU GET ANYWHERE IN

learned

↓

LIFE, YOU GOT TO STOP LISTENING TO YOURSELF.

life listening

↓

WOW.

↓

YOU REALLY ARE WISE, JERRY.

jerry wise

↓

I-I-I GUESS THAT'S WHY YOU WORK IN ADVERTISING.

advertising

↓

Jerry: THE FACT THAT YOU FEEL THAT WAY MAKES YOU THE BEST RICK

best fact jerry makes rick

↓

OF THEM ALL.

↓

Morty: YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL!

care morty

↓

I'M NO DIFFERENT THAN THAT JACKET YOU'VE GOT ON!

jacket

↓

Y-Y-Y-- O-OR YOUR STUPID PORTAL GUN!

portal stupid

↓

I'M JUST A TOOL!

tool

↓

I-I-I'M JUST AN OBJECT!

object

↓

Rick: HEY, IT'S YOUR CHOICE TO TAKE IT PERSONALLY, MORTY.

choice morty personally rick

↓

NOW, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BE QUIET.

love quiet

↓

THE POINT OF THIS IS TO GET THE DROP ON THE GUY.

drop point

↓

Morty: YOU KNOW WHAT, RICK?

morty rick

↓

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING!

↓

I'M MORE THAN A HUMAN SHIELD!

human shield

↓

Rick: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

rick

↓

YOU ARE.

↓

YOU'RE A PERFECT, IMPENETRABLE SUIT OF HUMAN ARMOR, MORTY,

armor human morty perfect suit

↓

BECAUSE YOU'RE AS DUMB AS I AM SMART, WHICH IS WHY WHEN I SAY

dumb smart

↓

[BURPS] "SHUT UP," IT'S REALLY GOOD ADVICE.

advice burps

↓

[ WHIRRING ] GREAT. NICE WORK, MORTY.

morty whirring

↓

[ GROANS ] [ HANDS CLAP SLOWLY ]

clap groans hands slowly

↓

OOH. LOOK AT YOU, C-137.

↓

YOU -- AREN'T YOU A TOUGH CUSTOMER.

customer tough

↓

Rick: THE SLOW CLAP? REALLY?

clap rick slow

↓

KIND OF PLAYED OUT, DUDE.

played

↓

NOT IN THIS DIMENSION, IT ISN'T.

dimension

↓

IN FACT [CHUCKLES] I INVENTED IT.

chuckles fact invented

↓

NOBODY ELSE HAS EVER EVEN DONE IT HERE BEFORE.

nobody

↓

Rick: WELL, LA-DI-DA.

rick

↓

HEY, THAT'S MINE!

↓

Rick: I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF THAT RICK, MORTY.

morty rick

↓

WE GOT TO ESCAPE.

escape

↓

Morty: I'M NOT GONNA HELP YOU, RICK.

morty rick

↓

Y-YOU'RE A MONSTER.

monster

↓

Rick: DON'T BE RICK-DICULOUS, MORTY.

morty rick

↓

Morty: WILL YOU -- WILL YOU STOP SAYING THAT?

morty

↓

IT'S STUPID.

stupid

↓

TAKE HIS MORTY AWAY.

morty

↓

COME WITH ME.

↓

Morty: YEAH, GLADLY.

gladly morty

↓

GEEZ, MAN. RICKS, HUH?

geez

↓

HEY, MAN, YOU SEEM TO KNOW HOW THIS PLACE WORKS.

place works

↓

IS THERE ANY WAY WE COULD SHUT DOWN THAT GRID AND RESCUE ALL

grid rescue

↓

THOSE MORTYS OUTSIDE?

↓

IT WOULD BE POINTLESS.

pointless

↓

MORTYS HAVE NO CHANCE OF DEFEATING A RICK.

chance rick

↓

IN HERE.

↓

[ MORTYS SOBBING ] [ FARTS ]

farts sobbing

↓

AH. ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?

↓

Rick: YEAH, YEAH.

rick

↓

LOOKS LIKE PAYDAY AT NEVERLAND RANCH IN HERE.

ranch

↓

ZING!

zing

↓

[ CHUCKLES ] Rick: THAT GUY GOT IT.

chuckles rick

↓

UNH-UNH-UNH, RICK. QUIET.

quiet rick

↓

YOU'RE MISSING MY SYMPHONY.

missing symphony

↓

[ MORTYS GROANING, SCREAMIN Rick: HEY, I'LL TAKE IT OVER MORTYS GROANING, SCREAMIN ]

groaning rick screamin

↓

MUMFORD & SONS.

sons

↓

ZIP!

↓

[ LAUGHS ] Rick: THIS GUY IS ON IT!

laughs rick

↓

HE'S NOT LAUGHING AT YOUR DUMB JOKES, RICK.

dumb jokes laughing rick

↓

THAT'S JUST A RANDOM NOISE IT MAKES EVERY 10 SECONDS.

makes noise random seconds

↓

[ LAUGHS ] Rick: [ GROANS ]

groans laughs rick

↓

YOU SEE, RICK, YOU'RE NOT AS CLEVER AS YOU THINK YOU ARE.

clever rick

↓

I WANTE YOU TO FIND ME.

↓

WE'RE NOT SO [BURPS] DIFFERENT, YOU AND I.

burps

↓

Rick: YEAH, DUH!

rick

↓

SEE THIS RIGHT HERE, RICK?

rick

↓

I CRUNCHED THE NUMBERS.

numbers

↓

I CREATED A SPECTRUM OF ALL THE RICKS.

created spectrum

↓

I LISTED THEM OUT FROM MOST EVIL TO LEAST EVIL.

evil least listed

↓

HERE'S WHERE I AM.

↓

AND LOOKIT -- RIGHT HERE'S WHERE YOU ARE, RICK.

lookit rick

↓

THIS GUY RIGHT HERE -- SUPER-WEIRD.

super weird

↓

Rick: I GET IT.

rick

↓

SO YOU WANT ME TO TEAM UP WITH YOU TO TAKE DOWN THE COUNCIL OF

council team

↓

RICKS, RIGHT?

↓

IS THAT WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH THIS?

↓

'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE I'D BE GOING.

↓

PLEASE.

↓

I THINK I'M DOING PRETTY GOOD ON MY OWN.

↓

I'M SIMPLY GONNA DOWNLOAD THE CONTENTS OF YOUR BRAIN AND THEN

brain contents download simply

↓

KILL YOU.

kill

↓

OKAY, IF WE ADD A LITTLE MORE TITANIUM NITRATE AND JUST A TAD

nitrate titanium

↓

OF CHLORIFIED TARTRATE...

↓

[ MIXTURE GURGLES ] ...OVENLESS BROWNIES!

brownies gurgles

↓

Jerry: MMM. MMM!

jerry

↓

IT'S INCREDIBLE WHAT A GIFTED MIND CAN ACCOMPLISH WHEN

accomplish gifted incredible mind

↓

PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER.

order

↓

WELL, COME ON.

↓

I CAN'T TAKE ALL THE CREDIT, JERRY.

credit jerry

↓

IT WAS YOUR IDEA.

idea

↓

COME HERE, JERRY!

jerry

↓

[ BOTH LAUGH ] Jerry: HEY, UH, COME HERE.

jerry laugh

↓

I-I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

↓

OKAY, LOOK, EVERYBODY MAKES FUN OF ME FOR GETTING THESE, BUT

everybody fun makes

↓

YOU'RE A GENIUS SCIENTIST.

genius scientist

↓

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

↓

SEE?

↓

THERE'S LITTLE R2-D2s WHERE THE GEORGE WASHINGTONS SHOULD BE.

george

↓

YOU KNOW, JERRY, I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU THAT THESE WILL

jerry

↓

INCREASE IN VALUE OR EVEN HOLD THEIR CURRENT VALUE.

current increase value

↓

THE TRUTH IS, YOU BOUGHT THEM BECAUSE YOU LIKE THEM.

bought truth

↓

THEY HAVE VALUE TO YOU.

value

↓

THAT'S WHAT MATTERS.

matters

↓

Jerry: [ Voice breaking ] HOW LONG ARE YOU STAYING?

breaking jerry staying voice

↓

UNTIL WE FIND YOUR RICK.

rick

↓

Jerry: I FOUND MINE.

found jerry

↓

I FOUND MINE.

found

↓

Morty: HELP!

morty

↓

THERE IS NO ESCAPE, MY SON.

escape

↓

WE WILL FIND OUR PEACE IN THE NEXT WORLD.

peace world

↓

Morty: SO, WHAT -- Y-Y-Y-Y-YOU'RE JUST GONNA GIVE

morty

↓

UP?

↓

WE'RE GIVING IN -- TO THE POWER OF THE ONE TRUE MORTY.

giving morty power

↓

ONE DAY, HE WILL RETURN.

return

↓

Together: PRAISE THE ONE TRUE MORTY.

morty praise

↓

Morty: UGH.

morty

↓

ALL RIGHT, MORTYS, LISTEN UP.

↓

MY NAME IS MORTY SMITH, FROM EARTH DIMENSION C-137.

dimension earth morty name smith

↓

I KNOW YOU'RE SCARED, BECAUSE I'M SCARED.

scared

↓

BUT THAT'S NO REASON TO ACCEPT OUR FATE!

accept fate reason

↓

WE'RE MORTYS!

↓

WE'RE NOT DEFINED BY OUR RELATIONSHIPS TO RICK!

relationships rick

↓

OUR DESTINY IS OUR OWN!

destiny

↓

THIS SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING THE ONE TRUE MORTY MIGHT SAY.

might morty sounds

↓

I'M SICK OF BEING A HUMAN SHIELD.

human shield sick

↓

I-I-I W-- I WANT TO BE A GARDENER!

↓

I WANT TO WRITE REALLY CRAZY, INTENSE ACTION NOVELS!

action crazy intense write

↓

I'M MORE THAN JUST A HAMMER!

hammer

↓

HE IS THE ONE TRUE MORTY!

morty

↓

HOORAY!

hooray

↓

THE ONE TRUE MORTY!

morty

↓

HEY, KEEP IT DOWN!

↓

[ MORTYS SHOUTING ] YOU'VE LIVED QUITE A LIFE,

life lived shouting

↓

RICK.

rick

↓

IT'S A REAL SHAME YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE AROUND TO SEE IT

real shame

↓

THROUGH.

↓

YOU'RE CRYING?

crying

↓

OVER A MORTY?

morty

↓

Rick: NO, I'M JUST ALLERGIC TO DIPSHITS.

allergic rick

↓

UGH. PATHETIC.

pathetic

↓

WE BOTH KNOW THAT IF THERE'S ANY TRUTH IN THE UNIVERSE, IT'S THAT

truth universe

↓

RICKS DON'T CARE ABOUT MORTYS.

care

↓

[ MORTYS SHOUTING ] DO YOUR WORST, YOU LITTLE

shouting worst

↓

BASTARDS!

bastards

↓

KILL ME! DO IT!

kill

↓

DO I-I-I-I-IT!

↓

Rick: MORTY! THANK GOD!

morty rick

↓

GET ME OUT OF THIS.

↓

COME ON!

↓

Morty: YOU'RE LUCKY I'M NOT A RICK.

lucky morty rick

↓

Rick: POINT TAKEN, BUT THIS IS [BURPS] NO TIME FOR ARCS.

burps point rick taken

↓

[ ENERGY POWERING DOWN ] OH!

energy

↓

[ LAUGHS ] THANK GOD!

laughs

↓

[ Dialing ] [ Ringing ]

dialing ringing

↓

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ] YEAH, HELLO.

rings telephone telephone-rings

↓

Rick: HEY, WHAT DO ME AND O.J. NOT HAVE IN COMMON?

common rick

↓

HUH? W-WHO IS THIS?

↓

Rick: I FOUND THE REAL KILLER, BITCH!

bitch found killer real rick

↓

GET OVER HERE!

↓

YO, DING-DONG, WE'RE DONE HERE.

ding dong

↓

TIME TO GO.

↓

WELL, JERRY [BELCHES] I GUESS THIS MEANS GOODBYE.

belches goodbye jerry

↓

Jerry: W-W-WELL, DOES IT HAVE TO?

jerry

↓

I MEAN, YOU -- YOU LOOK JUST LIKE RICK.

rick

↓

WE COULD MAYBE, YOU KNOW, GET RID OF HIM.

↓

I'M NOT SAYING KILL HIM, NECESSARILY.

kill necessarily

↓

I -- I'M ALSO NOT SAYING NECESSARILY NOT KILL HIM, BUT --

kill necessarily

↓

JERRY, W-WE BOTH KNOW IT WOULDN'T WORK.

jerry

↓

IT'S TIME TO GO BACK TO OUR LIVES.

lives

↓

I LOVE YOU, JERRY.

jerry love

↓

I LOVE YOU.

love

↓

Jerry: [ SIGHS ] [ WHIMPERS ]

jerry sighs whimpers

↓

Together: HUT! HUT! HUT! HUT!

↓

HUT! HUT! HUT! HUT! HUT! HUT!

↓

HUT! HUT! HUT!

↓

Morty: W-WHAT -- W-WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO ALL THESE

happen morty

↓

MORTYS?

↓

THEY'LL GO BACK TO THEIR FAMILIES, ATTEND SCHOOL

attend families school

↓

REGULARLY, PLAY VIDEO GAMES, DATE GIRLS.

date games girls regularly video video-games

↓

POOR LITTLE RICKLESS BASTARDS.

bastards poor

↓

EARTH RICK C-137, THE COUNCIL APOLOGIZES FOR ITS FALSE

council earth false rick

↓

ACCUSATION, AND IN THE WAY OF REPARATIONS [BELCHES] FOR OUR

accusation belches reparations

↓

TERRIBLE MISTAKE, WE WOULD LIKE TO COMPENSATE YOU WITH THIS

mistake

↓

VOUCHER FOR A FREE REPLACEMENT MORTY IN THE EVENT THAT

event free morty replacement

↓

Y[BELCHES]OUR CURRENT [BELCHES] MORTY SHOULD --

belches current morty

↓

Rick: UH, GUYS, NOT A GOOD TIME.

rick

↓

COME ON, MORTY. LET'S HIT IT.

morty

↓

Morty: IS IT TIME FOR ARCS YET, RICK?

morty rick

↓

I DID A PRETTY GOOD JOB BACK THERE FOR A HUMAN CLOAKING

human

↓

DEVICE.

device

↓

SAVED YOUR ASS.

saved

↓

Rick: ALL RIGHT, MORTY.

morty rick

↓

DON'T BREAK AN ARM JERKING YOURSELF OFF.

break jerking

↓

Morty: MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, RICK.

believe morty rick

↓

THAT RIGHT THERE, THAT W-- THAT WAS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW

opportunity

↓

A LITTLE HUMANITY, YOU KNOW?

humanity

↓

TO CONNECT WITH ME A LITTLE.

connect

↓

Rick: HEY, MORTY, YOU WANT CONNECTION, GO BE PART OF SOME

connection morty part rick

↓

STUPID CLUB, LIKE ALL THOSE DUMB RICKS.

club dumb stupid

↓

YOU KNOW, MAYBE I DON'T CONNECT BECAUSE I'M THE RICKEST RICK

connect rick

↓

THERE IS.

↓

AND, YOU KNOW, IT WOULD G-- [BELCHES] GO WITHOUT SAYING

belches

↓

THAT THE RICKEST RICK WOULD HAVE THE MORTYEST MORTY.

morty rick

↓

Morty: IT WOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING, HUH?

morty

↓

Rick: YEAH, IT WOULD.

rick

↓

DID YOU HEAR ME SAY IT?

↓

Morty: NAH.

morty

↓

THE MORTYEST MORTY.

morty

↓

Rick: JUST DON'T GET TOO BIG FOR YOUR LOAFERS, BUSTER BROWN.

brown buster buster-brown rick

↓

A COCKY MORTY CAN LEAD TO SOME BIG PROBLEMS.

cocky lead morty problems

↓

IT CAN BE A REAL BAD THING FOR EVERYBODY.

everybody real

↓

Morty: OH, YEAH? HOW'S THAT?

morty

↓

Rick: U-UH, I'LL EXPLAIN WHEN YOU'RE OLDER.

explain older rick

↓

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] WHAT A MESS.

camera camera-shutter camera-shutter-clicks clicks mess shutter shutter-clicks

↓

PRIDE COMETH BEFORE THE FALL.

fall pride

↓

I GUESS HE GOT WHAT HE DESERVED.

deserved

↓

WHAT IS THAT?

↓

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] HAND ME THE LASER

crackles electricity hand laser

↓

DIFIBULATOR.

↓

HEY, GUYS, UH, C-CAN I HELP?

↓

NO! GO CLEAN THE TOILETS.

clean toilets

↓

MAYBE YOU'LL MAKE FRIENDS WITH SOME TURDS.

friends turds

↓

YOU MAKE US ASHAMED TO BE OURSELVES!

ashamed

↓

MY GOD.

↓

I'VE SEEN THIS TECHNOLOGY BEFORE.

seen technology

↓

[ DEVICE BEEPING ] THIS RICK WAS BEING

beeping device rick

↓

CONTROLLED REMOTELY -- PUPPETEERED BY SOMEBODY ELSE.

controlled remotely somebody

↓

THIS IS THE RECEIVER.

↓

YEAH, BUT WHERE'S THE TRANSMITTER?

↓

[ BEEPING CONTINUES ] Rick: WUBBA DUBBA DUB DUB!

beeping continues rick

↓

OH. HEY, JERRY.

jerry

↓

W-W-W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM, BUDDY?

buddy room

↓

Jerry: NOTHING.

jerry

↓

[ Shakily ] I WAS JUST, UM, [SNIFFLES] CHECKING THE SMOKE

checking shakily smoke sniffles

↓

DETECTORS.

↓

Rick: ALL RIGHT.

rick

↓

OKAY, GET OUT.

↓

WHAT'S THAT DIPSHIT DOING OUT THERE?

dipshit

↓

ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH HIM?

friends

↓

YOU KNOW HE EATS HIS OWN SHIT, RIGHT?

eats

↓

[ Laughing ] OH, MY GOD, THIS IS RICH!

laughing rich

↓

I'VE GOT LIKE [BELCHES] 10 RICKS TO CALL RIGHT NOW.

belches