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Home » Rick and Morty » S01E07 — Raising Gazorpazorp

Rick and Morty

Season 1, Episode 7 — Raising Gazorpazorp

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: Raising Gazorpazorp

Air date: March 10, 2014

Director: Jeff Myers

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

Morty convinces Rick to buy him a sexy robot. Later Rick and Summer spend some quality time together.

Source: TMDB

↓

Rick: LOOK, I'M NOT PAYING 70 [BURPS] SMIDGENS FOR A

burps paying rick

↓

[BURPS] BROKEN DEFRACULATOR.

broken burps

↓

THAT IS MULTIPHASE QUANTUM RESONATOR.

quantum

↓

Rick: WELL, DOES IT DEFRACULATE?

rick

↓

FUCK NO.

fuck

↓

Rick: THEN -- THEN -- THEN IT'S A BROKEN DEFRACULATOR.

broken rick

↓

LIKE YOU WOULD EVEN KNOW DICK ABOUT FRACULATION!

dick

↓

YOUR PLANET JUST GOT CELLPHONES, AND THE COVERAGE STILL SUCKS!

coverage planet sucks

↓

Rick: YEAH, YEAH, AND YOUR SPECIES EAT SULFUR.

rick species

↓

SO, LET'S SAY 60 SMIDGENS.

↓

I TELL YOU WHAT -- I'LL DO YOU A FAVOR.

favor

↓

I'LL THROW IN A FART.

fart throw

↓

Morty: HEY, UH, RICK, UM, YOU THINK MAYBE I COULD GET

morty rick

↓

SOMETHING FROM THIS PLACE, LIKE A SOUVENIR, LIKE, JUST TO

place souvenir

↓

HAVE -- LIKE, SOMETHING COOL, YOU KNOW?

cool

↓

Rick: NOT HERE, MORTY.

morty rick

↓

WE'LL STOP SOMEWHERE ELSE, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THERE'S

↓

ALWAYS ANOTHER PAWN SHOP.

another pawn pawn-shop shop

↓

Morty: OH, OKAY.

morty

↓

I JUST, UM -- YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT THAT ROBOT OVER THERE

robot

↓

LOOKED PRETTY COOL, YOU KNOW?

cool looked

↓

Rick: OH, IT LOOKS COOL, HUH?

cool rick

↓

THAT'S WHY YOU WANT IT?

↓

Morty: YEAH!

morty

↓

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, IT'S DIFFERENT FROM THE STUFF ON EARTH, AND,

earth stuff

↓

YOU KNOW, YOU TAKE ME TO ALL THESE CRAZY PLACES ACROSS THE

crazy places

↓

GALAXY, AND, YOU KNOW, I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING TO -- TO

galaxy

↓

REMEMBER ALL THOSE TRIPS BY.

remember trips

↓

IT'D BE KIND OF COOL, LIKE A SOUVENIR.

cool souvenir

↓

YOU KNOW, LIKE, WHAT IF YOU PASSED AWAY OR DIED OR

died passed

↓

SOMETHING?

↓

I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO REMEMBER ALL THE COOL STUFF WE

cool cool-stuff remember stuff

↓

DID, YOU KNOW?

↓

Rick: OKAY. 60 [BURPS] FOR THE RESONATOR, AND MY GRANDSON

burps grandson rick

↓

WANTS THE SEX ROBOT.

robot wants

↓

Beth: OKAY, NOW IF WE HEAR SQUEAKING, WE INTERVENE.

beth intervene squeaking

↓

[ WARBLING ] Rick: WHERE'S THE SEX ROBOT,

rick robot

↓

MORTY?

morty

↓

Morty: THAT IS GWENDOLYN -- I-I MEAN, THE ROBOT!

morty robot

↓

SHE STARTED BEEPING AND THEN TRANSFORMED AND TRIED

beeping started tried

↓

TO FLY AWAY!

↓

Rick: STRANGE -- THAT'S USUALLY THE MAN'S JOB.

mans rick strange usually

↓

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, MORTY?

morty

↓

WUBBA-LUBBA-DUB-DUB!

↓

[ LAUGHS ] MORTY [LAUGHS] THAT'S MY

laughs morty

↓

CATCHPHRASE, REMEMBER?

catchphrase remember

↓

REMEMBER -- REMEMBER HOW I -- HOW I CEMENTED THAT CATCHPHRASE?

catchphrase remember

↓

ALL RIGHT.

↓

ALL RIGHT, SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, LET ME GRAB THIS THING.

grab

↓

[ GRUNTS ] COME ON, YOU...RASCAL.

grunts rascal

↓

Beth: OKAY, UNACCEPTABLE!

beth unacceptable

↓

OH.

↓

Jerry: WHAT IS GOING ON?

jerry

↓

[ GIGGLES ] Rick: ALL RIGHT. UH-OH.

giggles rick

↓

Beth: "UH-OH"? WHAT IS THAT?!

beth

↓

Rick: HMM.

rick

↓

I THINK MORTY'S ROBOT WAS DESIGNED FOR MORE THAN LONG

designed robot

↓

WEEKENDS.

weekends

↓

GENETIC COMPILER, INCUBATION CHAMBER.

chamber genetic

↓

YEP. THIS HERE'S SOME KIND OF BABY MAKER, AND THAT THERE'S

baby maker

↓

HALF MORTY, HALF [BURPS] WHO -- WHO KNOWS WH-WHAT?

burps half knows morty

↓

IT'S MY BAD, GUYS.

↓

I'LL -- I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

care

↓

Beth: GRANDPA RICK, NO, NO!

beth grandpa rick

↓

Jerry: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

jerry whoa whoa-whoa whoa-whoa-whoa

↓

Beth: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!

beth

↓

Rick: HEY, LISTEN -- YOU GUYS QUARANTINED THE HOUSE WHEN

house quarantined rick

↓

SUMMER BROUGHT OLIVES BACK FROM MEXICO.

brought mexico summer

↓

I MEAN, THIS THING COULD GROW TO THE SIZE OF DELAWARE.

delaware grow size

↓

I MEAN, IT MIGHT EAT BRAINS AND EXHALE SPACE AIDS.

aids brains might space

↓

WE GOT TO BE CAREFUL.

careful

↓

Morty: I LOST THE CHANCE TO BE CAREFUL, RICK.

careful chance lost morty rick

↓

I'M A FATHER NOW!

father

↓

YOU KNOW, IT'S TIME FOR ME TO BE RESPONSIBLE.

responsible

↓

ISN'T THAT RIGHT...

↓

Rick: DON'T NAME IT.

name rick

↓

Morty: ...MORTY JR.?

morty

↓

Rick: OH, CRAP. HE NAMED IT.

named rick

↓

Beth: WELL, DAD, IT'S A LIVING THING, AND IT'S HALF

beth half living

↓

HUMAN.

human

↓

Jerry: AND IT WAS BORN ON AMERICAN SOIL, WHICH ENTITLES

american born jerry soil

↓

IT TO -- Beth: JERRY, MAJORING IN

beth jerry

↓

CIVICS WAS YOUR MISTAKE.

mistake

↓

DON'T PUNISH US FOR IT.

punish

↓

Rick: [ GROANS ] FINE.

groans rick

↓

I'M GONNA TAKE THIS THING TO MY WORKSHOP AND DO A LITTLE BIT OF

workshop

↓

INVESTIGATING.

investigating

↓

DO NOT LET THAT THING OUT OF YOUR SIGHT.

sight

↓

IT LOOKS HARMLESS NOW, BUT IT COULD GROW INTO SOMETHING

grow harmless

↓

DANGEROUS.

dangerous

↓

Jerry: LIKE THE INSANE CLOWN POSSE.

clown insane jerry posse

↓

Rick: YEAH. GOOD ONE, JERRY.

jerry rick

↓

2003 JUST CALLED.

called

↓

IT WANTS ITS EASY TARGET BACK.

easy target wants

↓

Morty: OHH.

morty

↓

HE'S LIKE A LITTLE ME!

↓

Y-YOU DON'T THINK HE'LL TURN INTO A MONSTER...DO YOU?

monster

↓

Beth: THEY ALWAYS DO.

beth

↓

Jerry: HEY, UH, 1995 CALLED!

called jerry

↓

THEY WANT THEIR "CERTAIN YEAR CALLED WANTING ITS 'BLANK' BACK"

blank called certain wanting

↓

FORMULA BACK!

formula

↓

Beth: WHY, JERRY?

beth jerry

↓

WHY EXPEND THE EFFORT?

effort

↓

Jerry: LIFE IS EFFORT, AND I'LL STOP WHEN I DIE!

effort jerry life

↓

Rick: OUT.

rick

↓

Summer: WHATCHA DOIN'?

doin summer whatcha

↓

Rick: WELL, I CAN'T SOLVE THE PROBLEM MY WAY, THANKS TO YOUR

problem rick solve thanks

↓

FAMILY'S PRIMITIVE BIOLOGICAL HANG-UPS.

biological familys hang primitive

↓

GROSS. I MIGHT HAVE JUST TOUCHED ONE OF MORTY'S LOADS.

gross loads might touched

↓

BUT MAYBE I CAN FIND SUITABLE PARENTS FOR MORTY JR. ON THIS

morty parents suitable

↓

ROBOT'S HOME WORLD, WHICH IS...

home robots world

↓

GAZORPAZORP IN THE ANDROMEDA SYSTEM.

system

↓

SCOOT, SUMMER.

scoot summer

↓

Summer: DON'T YOU NEED A NEW COMPANION NOW THAT MORTY'S IN

companion summer

↓

THE FAMILY WAY?

family

↓

Rick: I DON'T DO ADVENTURES WITH CHICKS, SUMMER.

adventures chicks rick summer

↓

Summer: OH, RIGHT -- BECAUSE THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT HAVING A

having summer

↓

WIENER THAT WOULD MAKE ME BETTER AT WALKING THROUGH A HOLE?

hole walking wiener

↓

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

↓

Rick: OH, CRAP.

rick

↓

Summer: GRANDPA RICK! UGH!

grandpa rick summer

↓

HELP! HELP! AAH! AAH!

↓

[ ROARS ] Summer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

roars summer

↓

GRANDPA RICK!

grandpa rick

↓

Rick: STILL THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO GO THROUGH HOLES WITHOUT

holes idea rick

↓

A WIENER?

wiener

↓

Summer: I WANT TO GO HOME.

home summer

↓

Rick: YEAH, NO DUH.

rick

↓

UGH!

↓

Summer: [ GASPS ] [ ALL SNARLING ]

gasps snarling summer

↓

Rick: GREAT.

rick

↓

NOW I HAVE TO TAKE OVER A WHOLE PLANET BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID

planet stupid whole

↓

BOOBS.

boobs

↓

Jerry: YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

jerry

↓

Morty: REALLY? YOU THINK?

morty

↓

I MEAN, I'M NOT DOING MUCH OF ANYTHING.

↓

WHAT DO I DO IF IT CRIES?

cries

↓

Beth: THEN YOU PUT IT DOWN AND LET IT CRY ITSELF OUT.

beth

↓

Jerry: YEAH, RIGHT.

jerry

↓

WE TRIED THAT TECHNIQUE ON SUMMER, AND SHE'S GONNA END UP

summer technique tried

↓

STRIPPING.

stripping

↓

ISN'T SHE?

↓

YES, SHE IS.

↓

SHE'S GONNA STRIP FOR ATTENTION BECAUSE SHE WAS DENIED IT.

attention denied strip

↓

Beth: STOP FILLING IT WITH YOUR OWN INSECURITY.

beth filling insecurity

↓

YOU'RE GONNA TURN IT INTO MORTY -- UH, MM -- MORE --

morty

↓

MORE -- MORE -- MORE OF YOU.

↓

Jerry: WELL, WE CAN'T ALL BE RAISED LIKE REPTILES BY A

jerry raised reptiles

↓

MENTALLY ILL SCIENTIST.

mentally scientist

↓

[ VOMITS ] Jerry: WHAT THE -- AAH! AAH!

jerry

↓

[ CRYING ] Beth: LISTEN TO ME.

beth crying

↓

I AM NOT REWARDING THIS BEHAVIOR.

behavior rewarding

↓

Morty: KNOCK IT OFF, BOTH OF YOU!

knock morty

↓

G-GIVE ME HIM!

↓

GIVE ME MY BABY!

baby

↓

YOU'RE BOTH NUTS!

nuts

↓

I'M GONNA RAISE MORTY JR. MYSELF!

morty raise

↓

♪ WHERE'S YOUR HANDS? ♪ THERE'S YOUR HANDS

hands

↓

♪ AND THAT'S HOW WE PLAY HANDY HANDS ♪

hands handy

↓

[ GIGGLES ] Jerry: OH, YOU ARE GOING TO

giggles jerry

↓

RUIN THAT KID, MORTY.

morty ruin

↓

Beth: AT LEAST WE CAN AGREE ON THAT.

agree beth least

↓

[ ALL SNARLING ] [ GROWLING ]

growling snarling

↓

Rick: THANKS, DUM-DUM.

rick thanks

↓

[ ROARS ] Rick: I SAID, "THANKS,

rick roars thanks

↓

DUM-DUM."

↓

GO GET MORE.

↓

SUMMER, PUT YOUR BURKA ON!

summer

↓

Summer: THAT BURKA IS A HUMAN-RIGHTS VIOLATION, AND I

human rights summer violation

↓

SPENT A LOT ON THIS TOP.

spent

↓

Rick: LOOK, I'M TRYING TO REPAIR A P-PORTAL GUN WITH A

portal repair rick

↓

BUNCH OF SEX-DOLL PARTS, AND I HAVE TO DO IT ONE-HANDED TO KEEP

bunch doll handed parts

↓

THESE BELUSHIS FROM CARTING YOU OFF.

↓

THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS BE ASHAMED OF YOUR GENDER.

ashamed gender least

↓

Summer: UGH.

summer

↓

WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THIS PLACE?

deal place

↓

WHY IS IT SUCH A SAUSAGE PLANET, AND HOW DID SUCH BACKWARD IDIOTS

idiots planet sausage

↓

INVENT ROBOTS?

invent robots

↓

Rick: OBVIOUSLY, AT SOME POINT, THE GAZORPIANS BECAME SO

became obviously point rick

↓

EVOLVED THAT THEY REPLACED FEMALES WITH BIRTHING MACHINES.

birthing evolved females machines replaced

↓

THE RESULTANT LACK OF DISTRACTION AND HEN-PECKING

distraction lack

↓

ALLOWED THEM TO FOCUS ENTIRELY ON WAR, SO THEY BOMBED

allowed entirely focus

↓

THEMSELVES BACK TO THE STONE AGE, AND NOW THEY JUST

stone

↓

FIGHT WITH EACH OTHER OVER FAKE PUSSY WITH STICKS AND ROCKS

fake fight pussy rocks sticks

↓

ALL DAY LONG.

↓

Summer: YOU THINK IT'S EFFICIENT TO GET RID OF WOMEN?

efficient summer women

↓

Rick: YOU EVER SEE A LINE FOR THE MEN'S ROOM?

line mens mens-room rick room

↓

ARE YOU HEAR-- DO YOU LI-- DO YOU HEAR ME, SUMMER?

summer

↓

[ RUMBLING ] DROPPIN' LOADS.

loads rumbling

↓

All: DROPPIN' LOADS!

loads

↓

DROPPIN' LOADS.

loads

↓

Rick: THE [BURPS] PLOT THICKENS.

burps plot rick

↓

[ ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY ] UH, YOU MIGHT WANT TO COVER YOUR

cover indistinctly might shouting

↓

EYES, SUMMER.

eyes summer

↓

Summer: YEAH, LIKE IT WAS MY DREAM TO WATCH.

dream summer watch

↓

[ ALL MURMURING ] YEAH, BABY!

baby murmuring

↓

Rick: SUMMER, GRAB -- GRAB HOLD.

grab rick summer

↓

YEAH, BABY!

baby

↓

Rick: AAAAH!

aaaah rick

↓

Summer: GRANDPA RICK, WHERE ARE WE GOING?

grandpa rick summer

↓

Rick: WELL, OBVIOUSLY, SUMMER, IT APPEARS THE LOWER

appears lower obviously rick summer

↓

TIER OF THIS SOCIETY IS BEING MANIPULATED THROUGH SEX AND

manipulated society

↓

ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY BY A HIDDEN RULING CLASS.

advanced class hidden ruling technology

↓

SOUND FAMILIAR?

familiar sound

↓

Summer: [ GASPS ] TICKETMASTER.

gasps summer

↓

Rick: OH, THERE -- THERE WE GO, SUMMER.

rick summer

↓

HEY -- HEY, BROTHER.

brother

↓

HEY, BRO.

↓

NICE RACKET YOU GOT GOING ON HERE.

racket

↓

LISTEN, I'M RICK SANCHEZ FROM EARTH DIMENSION C-137.

dimension earth rick sanchez

↓

DON'T MEAN YOU ANY HARM.

harm

↓

COMING IN PEACE.

coming peace

↓

IT'S ALL COOL IN THE, UH -- "GOOD IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD" IS

cool neighborhood

↓

WHAT I WAS TRYING TO COME -- IS WHAT I MEANT.

meant

↓

OH, I GET IT -- THE OLD BEHIND-EVERY-GREAT-MAN AMAZON

amazon behind

↓

TWIST.

twist

↓

SILENCE!

silence

↓

Rick: [ CHOKING ] [ COUGHS ]

choking coughs rick

↓

YOUR SLAVE IS ILL-MANNERED.

slave

↓

Summer: MY SLAVE?

slave summer

↓

WE ASSUME YOU ARE FROM A MORE PRIMITIVE WORLD, WHERE MEN ARE

assume primitive world

↓

STILL PERMITTED TO BE SERVANTS.

servants

↓

IF HE IS A ROGUE MALE, TELL US NOW AND WE WILL KILL HIM.

kill male rogue

↓

Summer: HE'S MY SLAVE.

slave summer

↓

HE'S MY SLAVE.

slave

↓

HE'S DEFINITELY MY SLAVE.

slave

↓

Rick: [ CHOKES ] UGH! OHH! OH-HO-HO!

chokes rick

↓

[ COUGHS ] OH, BOY.

coughs

↓

WHAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF "WUBBA-LUBBA-DUB-DUBS"?

opposite

↓

AM I RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?

gentlemen ladies

↓

[ BURPS ] ARE YOU GUYS KIDDING ME?

burps kidding

↓

Morty: OH, MORTY JR.!

morty

↓

YOU'RE GONNA BE A SPECIAL LITTLE GUY, AREN'T YOU?

special

↓

YOU -- OH, YEAH.

↓

YOU'RE MY SPECIAL LITTLE GUY.

special

↓

OHH. [ LAUGHS ] OHH! HA HA!

laughs

↓

DA.

↓

Morty: WHAT WAS THAT, MORTY JR.?

morty

↓

WERE YOU GONNA SAY, "DADA"?

↓

SAY, "DADA."

↓

DEATH!

death

↓

Morty: "DADA."

morty

↓

DAMNATION!

damnation

↓

Morty: UM..."DADA"?

morty

↓

DESTRUCTION. DOMINATION.

destruction

↓

Jerry: [ CLEARS THROAT ] NICE.

clears clears-throat jerry throat

↓

THE SPIDER IN SECTOR "C" IS STILL ALIVE.

alive sector spider

↓

PLAN YOUR ROUTE ACCORDINGLY AND EXPECT DELAYS.

expect plan route

↓

WE'RE NOT TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO.

telling

↓

WE'RE JUST SHARING HOW WE FEEL.

sharing

↓

AND NOW WEATHER -- IS ANYONE ELSE COLD, OR IS IT JUST ME?

cold weather

↓

I AM MAR-SHA, RULER OF GAZORPAZORP.

ruler

↓

I AM HERE IF YOU NEED TO TALK.

↓

Summer: WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

place summer

↓

PARADISE.

paradise

↓

WE BUILT IT DURING THE GREAT PASSIVE-AGGRESSION, WHEN THE

aggression built passive

↓

FEMALES SEPARATED FROM THE MALES DUE TO THEIR INCREASINGLY

females males separated

↓

DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR.

behavior destructive

↓

I AM HERE IF YOU NEED TO TALK.

↓

I AM HERE IF YOU NEED TO TALK.

↓

FROM HERE, WE DISPENSE MECHANICAL SURROGATES TO

↓

MAINTAIN OUR POPULATION.

maintain population

↓

FERTILIZED SURROGATES ARE RETURNED HERE TO OUR NURSERY.

nursery returned

↓

THE FEMALES ARE PLACED INTO EDUCATIONAL PROGRAMS WHERE THEY

educational females placed programs

↓

CAN DISCOVER A SERVICE TO OUR PARADISE THAT FULFILLS THEM

discover paradise service

↓

MOST.

↓

MALES...

males

↓

[ GIGGLING ] ...THEY GET TO PLAY OUTSIDE.

giggling

↓

Summer: THAT WAS JUST A BABY.

baby summer

↓

AND WITHIN A DAY, HE'LL BE AN ADULT MALE GAZORPIAN -- ONE OF

adult male

↓

THE MOST AGGRESSIVELY VIOLENT CREATURES IN THE UNIVERSE.

aggressively creatures universe violent

↓

Rick: WAIT A MINUTE.

minute rick

↓

WE'RE HERE BECAUSE A MALE GAZORPIAN WAS BORN ON OUR

born male

↓

PLANET.

planet

↓

Summer: YOU SPEAK WHEN YOU'RE SPOKEN TO, DING-A-LING!

ding ling speak spoken summer

↓

IT'S TRUE, THOUGH -- ONE OF YOUR BABIES WAS BORN ON EARTH.

babies born earth

↓

ARE YOU THE RULER OF THIS EARTH?

earth ruler

↓

Summer: HOW DID YOU KNOW?

summer

↓

THE QUALITY OF YOUR TOP.

quality

↓

Summer: DO YOU LOVE IT?

love summer

↓

I LOVE IT.

love

↓

I'M HERE IF YOU NEED TO TALK.

↓

I'M HERE IF YOU NEED TO TALK.

↓

Summer: I'M HERE IF YOU NEED TO TALK.

summer

↓

IF THE GAZORPIAN IS MALE, YOUR EARTH IS IN GRAVE DANGER.

danger earth grave male

↓

WE WILL GIVE YOU PASSAGE BACK HOME SO IT CAN BE TERMINATED.

home passage terminated

↓

BUT FIRST, MOJITOS.

↓

Rick: WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR MOJITOS.

rick

↓

Summer: YOU ARE INSULTING THEM.

insulting summer

↓

Rick: I DON'T CARE, SUMMER!

care rick summer

↓

THIS PLACE IS THE WORST!

place worst

↓

I WANT TO GO HOME!

home

↓

Summer: WELL, IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU WANT,

matter summer

↓

BECAUSE THIS IS A SANE PLACE WHERE WOMEN RULE.

place rule sane women

↓

Rick: YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT?

rick

↓

[ FARTING ] [ ALL GASP ]

farting gasp

↓

I CANNOT BELIEVE MY EARS!

believe cannot cannot-believe ears

↓

Rick: [ FARTING CONTINUES ] WHOO, BOY!

continues farting rick whoo

↓

WHO LET THE FROGS OUT, HUH?

frogs

↓

Summer: GRANDPA!

grandpa summer

↓

GRANDPA?

grandpa

↓

THAT SOUNDS PATRIARCHAL!

sounds

↓

IT MEANS "FATHER OF FATHER."

father

↓

THEN THIS ONE IS NOT YOUR SLAVE, AND YOUR EARTH IS YET

earth slave

↓

ANOTHER PLANET DOMINATED BY MEN.

another another-planet planet

↓

Rick: IT'S NOT DOMINATED BY US, OKAY?

rick

↓

ON EARTH, MEN AND WOMEN ARE EQUALS.

earth equals women

↓

Summer: EQUALS?!

equals summer

↓

WE MAKE 70% OF YOUR SALARY FOR THE SAME JOB!

salary

↓

SEIZE THEM!

seize

↓

Rick: WHOA!

rick whoa

↓

Summer: [ CHOKING ] Rick: WAS THIS REALLY THE

choking rick summer

↓

TIME TO MAKE THAT POINT, SUMMER?

point summer

↓

THIS IS FOR YOU, DADDY.

daddy

↓

Morty: OH, MAN!

morty

↓

UM, OKAY.

↓

LISTEN TO ME, MORTY JR. I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING

morty

↓

VERY IMPORTANT, OKAY?

↓

KILLING IS BAD -- BAD!

killing

↓

[ GIGGLES ] YOU'RE SILLY, DADDY.

daddy giggles silly

↓

Morty: NO, MORTY JR. I'M BEING SERIOUS, OKAY?

morty serious

↓

YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR ENERGY INTO SOMETHING ELSE.

energy

↓

I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT DANCING?

dancing

↓

WOULD YOU LIKE TO LEARN HOW TO DANCE?

dance learn

↓

I'D LIKE TO DANCE -- ON THE GRAVES OF MY ENEMIES.

dance enemies

↓

Morty: OHH!

morty

↓

NO, MORTY JR.!

morty

↓

DADDY, CAN I GO OUTSIDE?

daddy

↓

Morty: NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!

absolutely morty

↓

BUT THAT'S WHERE ALL THE PEOPLE AND THE ANIMALS ARE.

animals

↓

Morty: YEAH, BUT YOU CAN'T GO OUT THERE BECAUSE THE -- THE AIR

morty

↓

IS POISONOUS FOR YOU!

poisonous

↓

YOU WILL DIE -- YOU'LL DIE INSTANTLY IF YOU EVER LEAVE THIS

instantly

↓

HOUSE!

house

↓

YOU HEAR ME?

↓

FOR REAL?

real

↓

Morty: FOR REAL TIMES A MILLION, BUDDY.

buddy million morty real times

↓

SO, LET'S JUST STAY INSIDE, AND, YOU KNOW, LET'S TRY DANCING,

dancing

↓

RIGHT?

↓

LOOK AT ME. YAY! LOOK.

↓

WE'RE GONNA DANCE. COME ON.

dance

↓

JOIN -- DANCE WITH ME HERE.

dance join

↓

WE LOVE TO DANCE.

dance love

↓

WHY DO WE LOVE TO DANCE?

dance love

↓

Morty: 'CAUSE I SAID SO!

morty

↓

[ CRYING ] [ BOTH CLEARING THROATS ]

clearing crying throats

↓

Beth: NICE.

beth

↓

Jerry: NICE.

jerry

↓

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] SO, WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?

conversations indistinct

↓

Rick: BECAUSE I GOT -- I GOT A BIG, YOU KNOW, PENIS BETWEEN

penis rick

↓

MY LEGS.

legs

↓

WHAT -- WHAT -- WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?

↓

THE WORST CRIME A FEMALE CAN COMMIT.

commit crime female worst

↓

VERONICA ANN BENNETT, I FIND YOU GUILTY OF HAVING BAD BANGS.

bangs guilty having veronica

↓

YOU EVER NOTICE THE ONES WITH BAD BANGS ALWAYS HAVE THREE

bangs notice ones three

↓

NAMES?

names

↓

YOU ARE HEREBY SENTENCED TO THE SILENT TREATMENT!

hereby sentenced silent silent-treatment treatment

↓

[ ALL GASP ] Rick: PFFT!

gasp pfft rick

↓

THIS IS GONNA BE CAKE.

cake

↓

JACKIE!

jackie

↓

RICK AND SUMMER OF EARTH, FOR THE CRIMES OF TREASON AGAINST

crimes earth rick summer

↓

WOMANKIND AND FOR CREATING THE SOUND OF WHICH WE DO NOT SPEAK

creating sound speak

↓

BECAUSE IT DOES NOT EXIST, YOU ARE HEREBY SENTENCED TO --

exist hereby sentenced

↓

Rick: WHAT, WHAT, WHAT -- A NIGHT ON THE COUCH?

couch night rick

↓

...DEATH.

death

↓

Rick: OOH, GERP.

rick

↓

Summer: I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.

hate summer

↓

THIS WILL BE THE FIRST INSTANCE OF CAPITAL PUNISHMENT

capital instance punishment

↓

IN OUR SOCIETY IN 500 YEARS DUE TO OUR AWESOMENESS, SO WE ARE

society years

↓

FORCED TO IMPROVISE.

forced

↓

WE PLACED A LARGE BOULDER ON THAT LEDGE.

ledge placed

↓

Rick: HOLY SHIT!

holy rick

↓

Y-Y-YOU'RE GONNA CRUSH US WITH A BOULDER?!

crush

↓

NO! STOP INTERRUPTING!

interrupting

↓

THE BOULDER FALLS ONTO A LEVER THAT WILL LAUNCH KNIVES.

falls knives launch lever

↓

Rick: WHAT?

rick

↓

JUST GIVE ME A GUN.

↓

I'LL KILL MYSELF.

kill

↓

STOP INTERRUPTING!

interrupting

↓

THE KNIVES WILL -- FINE!

knives

↓

YOU WERE RIGHT THE FIRST TIME, OKAY?

↓

THE BOULDER CRUSHES YOU.

↓

I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO ADMIT YOU WERE RIGHT.

admit

↓

HAPPY?

happy

↓

NO, JUST IGNORE THEM.

ignore

↓

IGNORE THEM.

ignore

↓

SUCH AN ASSHOLE.

asshole

↓

Rick: LOOK, I'M SORRY, SUMMER.

rick summer

↓

I FEEL BAD THAT I LET YOU DRAG US INTO THIS.

drag

↓

I WISH I COULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER GRANDPA TO YOU, AND, YOU

grandpa wish

↓

KNOW, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, THAT IS A REALLY NICE, CUTE TOP THAT

cute worth

↓

YOU'RE WEARING THERE.

wearing

↓

Summer: TOP. MY TOP!

summer

↓

MY TOP -- THE SAME TOP YOU COMPLIMENTED EARLIER!

↓

LOOK -- LOOK AT THE TAG.

↓

READ IT.

read

↓

IT SAYS, "MARC JACOBS."

marc

↓

MARC? JACOB?

jacob marc

↓

THESE ARE NAMES OF THE PENIS.

names penis

↓

Summer: YES.

summer

↓

AN EARTH MAN MADE THIS TOP.

earth

↓

MAYBE ON YOUR PLANET, SEPARATION OF THE GENDERS IS THE RIGHT

planet

↓

THING TO DO, BUT ON EARTH, A CERTAIN PERCENTAGE OF OUR MALES

certain earth males percentage

↓

ARE BORN GAY, WHICH IS WHY MY CLOTHES ARE BETTER THAN ALL OF

born clothes

↓

YOURS.

↓

[ GASPS ] A MAN MADE SOMETHING

gasps

↓

FASHIONABLE?

↓

IT'S TRUE, AND SOMETIMES THE TRUTH HURTS, BUT IT MUST BE

hurts must sometimes truth

↓

ACCEPTED, LIKE IF I TOLD YOU THAT YOU'RE USING THE WRONG

accepted using

↓

COLOR FOUNDATION FOR YOUR SKIN AND IT ENDS AT YOUR NECK, MAKING

color ends foundation neck skin

↓

YOU LOOK LIKE A PARTY CLOWN.

clown party

↓

Summer: OKAY, OUCH. NOTED.

noted ouch summer

↓

BUT THE FACT REMAINS IF YOU IMPOSE GAZORPAZORP'S LAWS ON

fact laws remains

↓

EARTH, YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN THE MEN WHOSE FARTS SHALL REMAIN

earth farts remain

↓

UNSPOKEN.

unspoken

↓

AND IF YOU THINK MY TOP IS CUTE, YOU CANNOT EXECUTE.

cannot cute execute

↓

[ ALL GASP ] VERY WELL.

gasp

↓

GIVE THE EARTH PEOPLE A SPACECRAFT SO THEY MAY HEAD BACK

earth head

↓

TO THEIR WEIRD PLANET, WHERE WOMEN ARE KIND OF EQUAL BUT NOT

equal planet weird women

↓

REALLY.

↓

Rick: GOOD JOB, SUMMER, AND THANKS, GIRLS.

girls rick summer thanks

↓

YOU KNOW, YOU GIRLS ARE REALLY [BURPS] SOMETHING, I'LL TELL YOU

burps girls

↓

THAT.

↓

YOU KNOW [BURPS] WHEN WE FIRST GO THERE, I WAS LIKE --

burps

↓

GIVE THEM A SHIP NOW.

ship

↓

[ INHALES DEEPLY ] Morty: MORTY JR.! SMOKING?!

deeply inhales inhales-deeply morty smoking

↓

THAT IS NOT OKAY!

↓

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO -- GROUND ME?

ground

↓

I CAN'T GO OUTSIDE ANYWAY!

↓

Morty: SO WHAT?!

morty

↓

YOU COULD DO THINGS INSIDE!

↓

YOU COULD PLAY GUITAR.

guitar

↓

YOU COULD MASTURBATE.

masturbate

↓

I DON'T WANT TO MASTURBATE.

masturbate

↓

I WANT TO CONQUER THE PLANET!

conquer planet

↓

Morty: OH, HERE WE GO AGAIN!

morty

↓

YOU KNOW, WHO DO YOU THIN IS GONNA LOVE YOU IF YOU CONQUER

conquer love thin

↓

THE PLANET, MORTY JR.?!

morty planet

↓

LOVE -- THAT'S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT!

care love

↓

WHAT ABOUT WEAPONS?!

weapons

↓

WHAT ABOUT DOMINATION OF THE ENEMY?!

enemy

↓

Morty: ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT -- NO MORE HISTORY CHANNEL!

channel history morty

↓

THIS TV IS FOR CARTOONS AND VIDEO GAMES ONLY!

cartoons games video video-games

↓

I HATE VIDEO GAMES!

games hate video video-games

↓

Morty: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

morty

↓

GIVE IT TO ME!

↓

UGH!

↓

I-I-I DIDN'T MEAN -- I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.

↓

I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT.

↓

I'M SORRY.

↓

I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!

anymore

↓

I'D RATHER BREATHE POISON THAN LIVE ANOTHER MINUTE WITH YOU!

another breathe live minute poison

↓

Morty: NO! NO, NO, NO! STOP!

morty

↓

[ BREATHING DEEPLY ] MY LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE!

breathing deeply life

↓

GOD IS DEAD!

dead

↓

THE GOVERNMENT'S LAME!

governments lame

↓

THANKSGIVING IS ABOUT KILLING INDIANS!

indians killing thanksgiving

↓

JESUS WASN'T BORN ON CHRISTMAS!

born christmas jesus

↓

THEY MOVED THE DATE!

date moved

↓

IT WAS A PAGAN HOLIDAY!

holiday

↓

Morty: OH, DAD!

morty

↓

Jerry: YES, MORTY?

jerry morty

↓

Morty: MY SON IS GONNA TAKE OVER THE PLANET, AND I AM TOO

morty planet

↓

YOUNG TO DRIVE!

drive young

↓

CAN YOU HELP ME GET HIM BACK?!

↓

Jerry: [ CLEARS THROAT ] I SUPPOSE, MORTY.

clears clears-throat jerry morty suppose throat

↓

I SUPPOSE.

suppose

↓

BUT FIRST, A DEEP SIP FROM A VERY TALL GLASS OF

deep glass tall

↓

"I TOLD YOU SO."

↓

[ GULPING ] Morty: OH, MY GOD!

gulping morty

↓

PLEASE, DAD! COME ON!

↓

[ DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE ] ♪ RUNNIN' WILD, RUNNIN' HOT,

barking distance runnin wild

↓

BURNIN' INSIDE ♪ ♪ WITH THE YOUTH IN THE BLOOD

blood youth

↓

AND THE AGE AND THE HEAT AND THE FIRE IN YOUR PANTS, OPEN WIDE ♪

fire heat open pants wide

↓

♪ YOU'RE GONNA RUN FROM THE DAMN COLD, BUT YOU CAN'T RUN FROM

cold

↓

YOUR YOUTH ♪ [ ROARING ]

roaring youth

↓

[ TIRES SCREECH ] [ PEOPLE SCREAMING ]

screaming screech tires tires-screech

↓

[ TIRES SCREECH ] [ SCREAMING CONTINUES ]

continues screaming screech tires tires-screech

↓

Morty: DAD, THERE HE IS!

morty

↓

[ ROARS ] Jerry: OH, GOD.

jerry roars

↓

HEY, STOP THAT!

↓

[ HORN HONKS ] Morty: OH, MY GOD!

honks horn horn-honks morty

↓

OH, MY GOD! DAD!

↓

[ ROARS ] Morty: MORTY JR., NO!

morty roars

↓

IT'S ME! IT'S DAD.

↓

IT'S OKAY!

↓

PUT THE CAR DOWN, MORTY JR. NO! NO!

morty

↓

♪ WH-WHERE'S YOUR HANDS? ♪ WHERE'S YOUR HANDS?

hands

↓

Jerry: MY CAR!

jerry

↓

♪ AND THAT'S HOW WE PLAY HANDY HANDS ♪

hands handy

↓

Rick: OUT OF THE -- OUT OF THE WAY, MORTY!

morty rick

↓

Morty: NO!

morty

↓

Rick: MORTY, THAT'S ONE OF THE MOST VIOLENTLY AGGRESSIVE

aggressive morty rick violently

↓

CREATURES IN THE UNIVERSE!

creatures universe

↓

OW!

↓

Morty: HE'S MY SON!

morty

↓

AND IF YOU HURT HIM, YOU'LL HAVE TO KILL ME, RICK!

hurt kill rick

↓

[ GROWLS ] DAD, I'M SO CONFUSED!

confused growls

↓

Morty: I KNOW, MORTY JR. I'M SORRY.

morty

↓

I ENDED UP LYING TO YOU AND YELLING AT YOU JUST LIKE MY

ended lying yelling

↓

PARENTS DID TO ME.

parents

↓

YOU KNOW, PARENTS ARE JUST KIDS HAVING KIDS.

having having-kids kids parents

↓

ONE MINUTE, YOU LIKE HOW A SHINY ROBOT LOOKS.

minute robot shiny

↓

THE NEXT MINUTE, YOU'RE IN A FIST FIGHT WITH YOUR ALIEN SON.

alien fight fist minute

↓

I'M AN ALIEN?

alien

↓

Morty: WE ALL HAVE BAD IMPULSES, BAD THOUGHTS.

morty thoughts

↓

WE JUST HAVE TO LEARN TO CHANNEL THEM INTO SOMETHING

channel learn

↓

CONSTRUCTIVE.

↓

BUT I WANT TO MURDER EVERYONE I SEE.

murder

↓

Morty: WELL, YOU KNOW, I MEAN, MAYBE THERE'S A JOB OUT

morty

↓

THERE FOR PEOPLE THAT FEEL THAT WAY.

↓

ACTUALLY, THERE IS.

↓

HI. I'M BRAD ANDERSON, CREATOR OF THE NATIONALLY SYNDICATED

anderson brad creator

↓

COMIC STRIP "MARMADUKE."

comic strip

↓

YOU SHOULD CONSIDER BEING A CREATIVE.

consider creative

↓

I'M HAUNTED BY UNCONTROLLABLE THOUGHTS OF MUTILATIONS AND

haunted thoughts uncontrollable

↓

SEXUAL ASSAULTS ON A NEAR DAILY BASIS.

basis daily near sexual

↓

BUT, YOU KNOW, I CHANNEL IT ALL INTO MY WORK.

channel

↓

OH. WOW.

↓

Morty: HUH.

morty

↓

I NEVER GOT THAT IMPRESSION FROM READING "MARMADUKE."

impression reading

↓

WELL, DID YOU GET THE IMPRESSION I WAS TRYING TO MAKE

impression

↓

YOU LAUGH?

laugh

↓

Jerry: TELL ME THAT WASN'T BRAD ANDERSON.

anderson brad jerry

↓

Morty: AW, SEE?

morty

↓

YOU HEAR THAT, MORTY JR.?

morty

↓

MAYBE YOU COULD TRY BEING A CREATIVE OF SOME KIND.

creative

↓

MAYBE!

↓

I ALWAYS HAVE SORT OF WANTED TO SEE MY FACE ON THE BACK OF A

face wanted

↓

NOVEL.

novel

↓

I MEAN, WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO IS SLIT PEOPLE'S THROATS, BUT

peoples slit throats

↓

BEYOND THAT...

beyond

↓

Morty: I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT, SON.

morty

↓

I THINK IT'S TIME I GET A PLACE OF MY OWN.

place

↓

I PROMISE I'LL CALL YOU EVERY DAY I NEED MONEY OR A PLACE TO

money place promise

↓

DO LAUNDRY.

laundry

↓

[ GROWLING AFFECTIONATELY ] Morty: AAAAAAAH!

growling morty

↓

[ WHOOSH! THUD! ] [ WHOOSH! THUD! ]

thud whoosh

↓

Jerry: SO, I ASSUME THIS NOVEL YOUR SON WRITES IS GONNA

assume jerry novel writes

↓

PAY FOR MY REAR AXLE?

axle rear

↓

Rick: ISN'T IT INTERESTING, SUMMER, THAT AFTER ALL THAT

interesting rick summer

↓

STUFF WE JUST DID, NOTHING REALLY MATTERED AND THERE WAS NO

mattered stuff

↓

POINT TO IT?

point

↓

KIND OF MAKES YOU WONDER, HUH -- ABOUT NOTHING?

makes wonder

↓

Summer: ARE YOU SURE IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU RE-EVALUATE

summer

↓

YOUR POLICY ABOUT TAKING GIRLS ON ADVENTURES?

adventures girls policy

↓

Rick: NO.

rick

↓

I'D SAY, GIVEN WHAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH, THAT I WAS RIGHT THE

given

↓

WHOLE TIME AND ANY EPIPHANIES ABOUT GENDER POLITICS WERE A

gender politics whole

↓

PROJECTION OF YOUR FEMININE INSECURITY.

feminine insecurity

↓

BUT, HEY, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A PINK SPACESHIP?

pink

↓

GO RIDE AROUND AND HAVE A JOLLY OLD TIME.

jolly ride

↓

MAYBE THAT'LL SHUT YOU UP.

thatll

↓

Beth: DAD? SUMMER?

beth summer

↓

WHERE WERE YOU GUYS THIS WHOLE TIME?

whole

↓

Summer: ON GAZORPAZORP.

summer

↓

WHERE WERE YOU?

↓

Beth: I WAS READING A NEWSPAPER.

beth newspaper reading

↓

Rick: OH, THAT'S INTERESTING, BETH.

beth interesting rick

↓

YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.

funny

↓

I-I-I HEARD ABOUT A LITTLE BIT OF NEWS MYSELF.

heard news

↓

TAKE A LOOK.

↓

T-TAKE A LISTEN.

↓

[ FARTING ] [ BOTH LAUGH ]

farting laugh

↓

WUBBA-LUBBA-DUB-DUBS!

↓

THIS [BURPS] THIS WORLD [BURPS] STILL GOT A -- IT'S STILL GOT A

burps world

↓

CHANCE!

chance

↓

YEAH! HA HA!

↓

SEE YOU -- SEE YOU GUYS NEXT WEEK!

week

↓

SEE EVERYBODY NEXT WEEK.

everybody week

↓

MORTIMER SMITH, JR., NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING

smith times york york-times

↓

AUTHOR, YOUR BOOK IS ABOUT INNOCENCE, THE DEFINITION OF IT,

author book definition innocence

↓

AND, INEVITABLY, ITS IMPOSSIBILITY.

inevitably

↓

IS IT AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL?

↓

CERTAINLY.

certainly

↓

I MEAN, ALL WRITING IS, IN MY OPINION.

opinion writing

↓

BUT MY, UH -- [ CLEARS THROAT ]

clears clears-throat throat

↓

MY FATHER KEPT ME LOCKED IN THE HOUSE UNTIL I WAS A TEENAGER,

father house locked teenager

↓

AND THERE WAS VIOLENCE AND, UH, THREATS OF POISON GAS -- BUT

poison threats violence

↓

ALSO DANCING.

dancing

↓

BUT YOU PERSEVERED AND CREATED THIS MASTERPIECE FROM

created masterpiece

↓

YOUR SUFFERING.

suffering

↓

SMITH JR.'s MIND-BENDING NOVEL, "MY HORRIBLE FATHER," IN EVERY

bending father horrible mind novel smith

↓

STORE AND ON EVERYONE'S MIND.

everyones mind store

↓

PICK IT UP.

pick

↓

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

↓

Beth: IT'S A THANKLESS JOB, MORTY.

beth morty

↓

YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD.

best

↓

Morty: I HOPE HE'S EATING ENOUGH.

eating hope morty