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Home » Rick and Morty » S01E06 — Rick Potion #9

Rick and Morty

Season 1, Episode 6 — Rick Potion #9

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Rick and Morty

Episode title: Rick Potion #9

Air date: January 27, 2014

Director: Stephen Sandoval

Top billed cast: Justin Roiland, Chris Parnell, Spencer Grammer, Sarah Chalke

Rick provides Morty with a love potion to get his dream girl, only for the serum to backfire and create a living Cronenberg nightmare.

Source: TMDB

↓

>> PRINCIPAL VAGINA HERE -- DON'T LET THE NAME FOOL YOU.

fool name principal vagina

↓

I'M VERY MUCH IN CHARGE -- REMINDING YOU THAT TONIGHT IS

charge reminding tonight

↓

OUR ANNUAL FLU SEASON DANCE.

annual dance season

↓

I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TO SAY THIS, BUT IF YOU

times

↓

HAVE THE FLU, STAY HOME.

home

↓

>> HEY.

↓

>> THE FLU SEASON DANCE IS ABOUT AWARENESS, NOT CELEBRATION.

awareness celebration dance season

↓

>> Morty: [ SIGHS ] >> YOU DON'T BRING DEAD BABIES

babies bring dead morty sighs

↓

TO PASSOVER.

↓

>> Morty: OKAY. HERE WE GO.

morty

↓

H-HEY, JESSICA.

jessica

↓

UH...

↓

>> WHAT'S UP, MORTY?

morty

↓

[ SNEEZES ] >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

sneezes

↓

>> Morty: UM...

morty

↓

>> WAIT, WAIT.

↓

WERE YOU ABOUT TO TALK...TO HER?

↓

>> Morty: WELL...I MEAN, I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT.

morty thinking

↓

>> DUDE, STAY IN YOUR LEAGUE.

league

↓

LOOK AT HOW HOT SHE IS.

↓

YOU DON'T SEE ME GOING TO A BIGGER SCHOOL IN A WEALTHIER

bigger school

↓

DISTRICT AND HITTING ON THEIR PRETTIEST GIRL.

district girl hitting

↓

>> GEE, THANKS, BRAD.

brad thanks

↓

>> I THROW BALLS FAR.

balls throw

↓

YOU WANT GOOD WORDS?

words

↓

DATE A LANGUAGER.

date

↓

>> Jerry: TRY NOT TO WORRY ABOUT IT, MORTY.

jerry morty worry

↓

YOU'RE A GOOD KID, AND THERE'S NOT A PREMIUM ON THAT RIGHT NOW,

premium

↓

BUT YOU'LL BE GETTING GIRLS SOMETIME AFTER BRAD'S OUT OF

brads girls sometime

↓

SHAPE.

shape

↓

>> Morty: [ Sighing ] YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT, DAD.

missing morty point sighing

↓

I DON'T WANT GIRLS.

girls

↓

I WANT JESSICA.

jessica

↓

>> Jerry: AH, WELL, I REMEMBER FEELING THAT WAY ABOUT A YOUNG

feeling jerry remember young

↓

LADY NAMED "YOUR MOM," AND THAT'S NOT AN URBAN DISS.

lady named

↓

YOUR MOM WAS MY JESSICA.

jessica

↓

I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I SAW HER.

remember

↓

I THOUGHT -- >> Rick: "I SHOULD GET HER

rick

↓

PREGNANT, AND THEN SHE'LL HAVE TO MARRY ME."

marry pregnant shell

↓

>> Jerry: I BEG YOUR PARDON, RICK -- INAPPROPRIATE.

inappropriate jerry pardon rick

↓

>> Rick: SORRY, PLEASE PROCEED WITH YOUR STORY ABOUT BANGING MY

banging proceed rick story

↓

DAUGHTER IN HIGH SCHOOL.

daughter school

↓

I'M NOT SURE YOU WANT TO TAKE ROMANTIC ADVICE FROM THIS GUY,

advice romantic

↓

MORTY.

morty

↓

HIS MARRIAGE IS HANGING FROM A THREAD.

hanging marriage thread

↓

>> Jerry: MY MARRIAGE IS FINE, THANK YOU.

jerry marriage

↓

>> Rick: JERRY, IT'S YOUR HOUSE -- WHATEVER YOU SAY IT IS

house jerry rick

↓

IS HOW IT IS -- BUT I THINK A BLIND MAN COULD SEE THAT BETH IS

beth blind

↓

LOOKING FOR THE DOOR.

door looking

↓

I BARELY HAVE A REASON TO CARE, AND EVEN I NOTICED.

barely care noticed reason

↓

>> Morty: COME ON, RICK!

morty rick

↓

DON'T TALK ABOUT MY PARENTS LIKE THAT.

parents

↓

>> Rick: LISTEN, MORTY, I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, BUT WHAT

break hate morty rick

↓

PEOPLE CALL "LOVE" IS JUST A CHEMICAL REACTION THAT COMPELS

chemical love reaction

↓

ANIMALS TO BREED.

animals breed

↓

IT HITS HARD, MORTY, THEN IT SLOWLY FADES, LEAVING YOU

fades hard hits leaving morty slowly

↓

STRANDED IN A FAILING MARRIAGE.

failing marriage stranded

↓

I DID IT.

↓

YOUR PARENTS ARE GONNA DO IT.

parents

↓

BREAK THE CYCLE, MORTY.

break cycle morty

↓

RISE ABOVE. FOCUS ON SCIENCE.

focus rise science

↓

[ SLURPS ] >> Morty: ALL RIGHT, WELL, I'M

morty slurps

↓

GONNA GO GET DRESSED FOR THE DANCE.

dance dressed

↓

>> Jerry: YEAH, I'M JUST GOING TO...CHECK ON YOUR MOM.

check jerry

↓

>> Rick: MORTY, HAND ME THAT SCREWDRIVER, HUH?

hand morty rick screwdriver

↓

I'M ALMOST FINISHED MAKING MY IONIC DEFIBULIZER, MORTY.

finished morty

↓

IT'S GONNA BE GREAT.

↓

>> Morty: HEY, LISTEN, RICK.

morty rick

↓

Y-Y-YOU KNOW HOW YOU SAID THAT, YOU KNOW, LOVE IS A CHEMICAL AND

chemical love

↓

ALL THAT STUFF FROM EARLIER?

stuff

↓

WELL, I WAS THINKING, YOU KNOW, W-W-- COULD YOU MAKE SOME SORT

thinking

↓

OF CHEMICAL THING HAPPEN INSIDE OF JESSICA'S MIND, YOU KNOW, SO

chemical happen mind

↓

WHERE SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH ME AND ALL THAT SORT OF THING?

falls love

↓

YOU KNOW, LIKE, MAYBE MAKE SOME SORT OF LOVE POTION OR

love potion

↓

SOMETHING?

↓

>> Rick: MORTY, THAT'S SUCH A POOR USE OF MY TIME.

morty poor rick

↓

IT'S BENEATH ME.

beneath

↓

HAND ME THE SCREWDRIVER.

hand screwdriver

↓

>> Morty: YOU KNOW WHAT?

morty

↓

NO, RICK!

rick

↓

I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU THE SCREWDRIVER.

hand screwdriver

↓

I-I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU ANYTHING EVER AGAIN, RICK!

hand rick

↓

I'M ALWAYS HELPING YOU WITH THIS AND THAT AND THE OTHER THING.

helping

↓

W-W-W-W-W-WHAT ABOUT ME, RICK?

rick

↓

W-W-W-W-WHY CAN'T YOU JUST HELP ME OUT ONCE -- ONCE -- FOR ONCE?

↓

>> Rick: [ GROANS ] YOU'RE GROWING UP FAST, MORTY.

fast groans growing morty rick

↓

YOU'RE GROWING INTO A REAL BIG THORN STRAIGHT UP INTO MY ASS.

growing real straight thorn

↓

[ CLEARS THROAT ] LISTEN, THIS IS CALLED OXYTOCIN.

called clears clears-throat throat

↓

I EXTRACTED IT FROM A VOLE.

↓

DO YOU KNOW WHAT A VOLE IS, MORTY?

morty

↓

YOU KNOW WHAT A VOLE IS?

↓

IT'S A -- IT'S A RODENT THAT MATES FOR LIFE, MORTY.

life mates morty rodent

↓

THIS IS THE CHEMICAL RELEASED IN A MAMMAL'S BRAIN, YOU KNOW, THAT

brain chemical mammals released

↓

MAKES IT FALL IN LOVE.

fall love makes

↓

ALL RIGHT, MORTY, I JUST GOT TO [BURPS] COMBINE IT WITH SOME OF

burps combine morty

↓

YOUR DNA.

↓

>> Morty: OH, WELL, OKAY.

morty

↓

[ ZIPPER OPENS ] >> Rick: A HAIR, MORTY.

hair morty opens rick zipper

↓

I NEED ONE OF YOUR HAIRS.

hairs

↓

THIS ISN'T "GAME OF THRONES."

game thrones

↓

>> Morty: OW!

morty

↓

>> Rick: ALL RIGHT, MORTY.

morty rick

↓

WHOEVER YOU SMEAR THIS STUFF ON WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, AND

fall love smear stuff

↓

ONLY YOU, FOREVER.

forever

↓

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, MORTY?

happy morty

↓

>> Morty: HECK, YEAH!

heck morty

↓

THANK YOU, GRANDPA RICK.

grandpa rick

↓

HEY, THERE'S NO...DANGERS OR ANYTHING, OR SIDE EFFECTS,

dangers effects side side-effects

↓

RIGHT?

↓

>> Rick: W-W-W-WHAT AM I, A HACK?

hack rick

↓

GO NUTS, MORTY. IT'S FOOLPROOF.

foolproof morty nuts

↓

EH, UNLESS SHE HAS THE FLU.

↓

>> Jerry: BETH, DO Y-YOU STILL LOVE ME?

beth jerry love

↓

>> Beth: UGH, WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?

beth question

↓

>> Jerry: THE "YES OR NO" KIND?

jerry

↓

[ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ] >> Beth: JERRY, DO YOU WANT

beth jerry laughs laughs-nervously nervously

↓

HOMELESS PEOPLE TO HAVE HOMES?

homeless homes

↓

>> Jerry: YES.

jerry

↓

>> Beth: ARE YOU GONNA BUILD THEM?

beth build

↓

>> Jerry: NO.

jerry

↓

>> Beth: THEN WHAT GOOD WAS THE "YES"?

beth

↓

>> Jerry: WAIT, I-IS LOVING ME THE HOUSE OR THE HOMELESS

homeless house jerry loving

↓

PEOPLE?

↓

>> Beth: LOVING YOU IS WORK, JERRY -- HARD WORK, LIKE

beth hard jerry loving

↓

BUILDING A HOMELESS SHELTER -- NOBODY WANTS TO SAY NO TO DOING

building homeless nobody nobody-wants shelter wants

↓

IT, BUT SOME PEOPLE PUT THE WORK IN.

↓

SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

↓

DO YOU SEE ME WORKING HERE?

working

↓

DOES THIS CONVERSATION SEEM TEDIOUS TO ME?

conversation

↓

>> Jerry: SORT OF.

jerry

↓

>> Beth: THEN I OBVIOUSLY SORT OF LOVE YOU, DON'T I?

beth love obviously

↓

[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ] SO STOP ASKING, AND MAYBE I'LL

asking cellphone chimes

↓

LOVE YOU MORE.

love

↓

CRAP, THEY NEED ME AT THE HORSE HOSPITAL.

horse hospital

↓

>> Jerry: PUH! THIS LATE?

jerry late

↓

>> Beth: THE RACETRACK HAD A STARLIGHT DERBY.

beth derby starlight

↓

THERE WAS A SEVEN-HORSE COLLISION, AND DAVIN'S THERE

collision horse seven

↓

ALONE.

alone

↓

>> Jerry: [ Thinking ] DAVIN.

jerry thinking

↓

DAVIN.

↓

DAVIN! DAVIN.

↓

DAVIN! DAVIN!

↓

DAVIN! DAVIN!

↓

>> [ Rapping ] ♪ FLU, YO ♪ ♪ YOU GOT TO BE AWARE ♪

aware rapping

↓

♪ AWARE OF ALL THE FLU ♪ ♪ UP IN THE AIR ♪

aware

↓

♪ I'M-A GET ME A SHOT ♪ ♪ AND MAKE THE FLU GO AWAY ♪

shot

↓

♪ FLU-HATING RAPPER ♪ ♪ JUST RAPPING AWAY ♪

hating rapper rapping

↓

♪ YO, YO, FLU-HATING RAPPER ♪ ♪ IT'S A FLU-HATING RAPPER ♪

hating rapper

↓

>> Morty: HEY, THERE, JESSICA.

jessica morty

↓

WHOA! OH, WHOOPSIE!

whoa whoopsie

↓

>> OH, MY GOD.

↓

MORTY.

morty

↓

YOU LOOK REALLY NICE TONIGHT.

tonight

↓

>> Morty: WOW, THANKS.

morty thanks

↓

>> I LOVE YOU, MORTY!

love morty

↓

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT BURNS!

burns love

↓

>> Morty: OH, MAN!

morty

↓

I-I LOVE YOU TOO, JESSICA!

jessica love

↓

>> [ SPITS ] IS THIS PUNK BOTHERING YOU,

bothering punk spits

↓

JESSICA?

jessica

↓

>> LEAVE HIM ALONE, JERK!

alone jerk

↓

I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM!

love

↓

HE IS MORE MAN THAN YOU WILL EVER BE!

↓

[ SNEEZES ] >> [ Rapping ] ♪ THIS IS ABOUT

rapping sneezes

↓

FLU AWARENESS ♪ ♪ GOT TO BE AWARE OF THE FLU IN

aware awareness

↓

THE AIR-NESS ♪ ♪ YO, I'M A FLU-HATING RAPPER ♪

hating ness rapper

↓

>> OH, MAN, MORTY.

morty

↓

[ SIGHS ] I'M REALLY SORRY.

sighs

↓

>> Morty: OH, WELL, N-NO PROBLEM, BRAD.

brad morty problem

↓

>> THERE'S SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT YOU, MORTY -- SO SPECIAL.

morty special

↓

MMM, YEAH.

↓

>> Morty: WHOA, TAKE IT EASY!

easy morty whoa

↓

>> GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM!

hands

↓

>> BACK OFF!

↓

I'M TRYING TO BE WITH MY MAN!

↓

>> THAT'S ENOUGH, BRADLEY!

↓

WE DON'T WANT YOU INJURING YOUR BALL-THROWING ARM.

ball throwing

↓

>> OH, COME ON, PRINCIPAL VAGINA.

principal vagina

↓

I JUST...

↓

>> NEVER LEAVE ME, MORTY.

morty

↓

NEVER!

↓

>> Morty: UH, SURE.

morty

↓

I MEAN, O-OF COURSE NOT.

course

↓

W-WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT WAS ALL ABOUT?

↓

>> WHO CARES? JUST HOLD ME.

cares

↓

>> LET ME GO! I LOVE YOU, MORTY!

love morty

↓

[ SNEEZES ] LET GO OF ME!

sneezes

↓

[ SNEEZES ] MORTY!

morty sneezes

↓

>> Jerry: SHE'S GONNA BE ALONE WITH THAT GUY ALL NIGHT.

alone jerry night

↓

>> Summer: YEAH, DAD, DIGGING AROUND THE INSIDES OF HORSES.

digging horses insides summer

↓

IT'S NOT A VERY ROMANTIC SETTING.

romantic setting

↓

>> Rick: WELL, SUMMER, THERE'S ALWAYS THE POSSIBILITY THAT SHE

possibility rick summer

↓

MADE THE WHOLE WORK THING UP.

whole

↓

MAYBE DAVIN'S DIGGING AROUND IN HER INSIDES.

digging insides

↓

>> Summer: GRANDPA, SO GROSS!

grandpa gross summer

↓

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT MY MOM.

↓

>> Rick: WELL, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER, SUMMER.

daughter rick summer

↓

I OUTRANK YOU.

↓

OR FAMILY MEANS NOTHING, IN WHICH CASE DON'T PLAY THAT CARD.

card case family

↓

>> Jerry: SHE'S NOT RESPONDING TO MY TEXTS!

jerry responding texts

↓

>> Summer: CAREFUL, DAD.

careful summer

↓

JEALOUSY TURNS WOMEN OFF.

jealousy turns women

↓

>> Jerry: WELL, ISN'T THAT CONVENIENT?

convenient jerry

↓

>> Rick: NOT FOR THE MEN THEY CHEAT ON, NO.

cheat rick

↓

>> Jerry: OKAY, I'M...GOING TO GO OUT...FOR SOME ICE CREAM.

cream jerry

↓

AND MAYBE STOP BY THE HOSPITAL...TO SUPPORT MY WIFE...

hospital support wife

↓

WITH MY CONFIDENCE.

confidence

↓

[ DOOR CLOSES ] >> Summer: GOD, GRANDPA, YOU'RE

closes door door-closes grandpa summer

↓

SUCH A DICK.

dick

↓

>> Rick: I'M SORRY, SUMMER.

rick summer

↓

YOUR OPINION MEANS VERY LITTLE TO ME.

opinion

↓

HOW COME YOU'RE NOT AT THIS STUPID DANCE EVERYONE LOVES SO

dance loves stupid

↓

MUCH?

↓

>> Summer: SCREW THAT.

screw summer

↓

I DON'T WANT TO GET SICK.

sick

↓

IT'S FLU SEASON.

season

↓

>> Rick: IT IS?

rick

↓

>> Summer: YEAH.

summer

↓

>> Rick: UH-OH.

rick

↓

[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ] >> Morty: PLEASE JUST LET THIS

morty music music-plays plays

↓

WORK OUT.

↓

>> [ MOANS ] DO IT, MORTY. DO IT.

moans morty

↓

RIP MY CLOTHES OFF AND MATE WITH ME FOR LIFE!

clothes life mate

↓

[ GROWLS ] >> Morty: UM...

growls morty

↓

CAN WE MAYBE GO SOMEWHERE MORE PRIVATE?

private

↓

>> JESSICA, GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!

jessica

↓

[ GRUNTS ] YOU DON'T DESERVE TO CARRY

carry deserve grunts

↓

MORTY'S GENES.

genes

↓

>> [ Rapping ] ♪ I LOVE MORTY ♪ ♪ AND I HOPE MORTY LOVES ME ♪

hope love loves morty rapping

↓

♪ I'D LIKE TO WRAP MY ARMS AROUND HIM ♪

arms wrap

↓

♪ AND FEEL HIM INSIDE ME ♪ >> Morty: OH, CRAP.

morty

↓

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] >> MORTY!

indistinct indistinct-shouting morty shouting

↓

>> Rick: MORTY, COME ON!

morty rick

↓

WE GOT TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE.

↓

YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS BECAUSE IT USUALLY NEVER

believe usually

↓

HAPPENS, BUT I MADE A MISTAKE.

happens mistake

↓

[ BOTH PANTING ] COME ON, MORTY.

morty panting

↓

WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

↓

COME ON.

↓

>> MORTY!

morty

↓

>> Morty: [ WAILS ] >> ARE YOU OKAY?

morty wails

↓

>> Morty: I'M FINE!

morty

↓

>> OH, GOOD.

↓

IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO YOU, I WOULD KILL MYSELF.

happened kill

↓

I LOVE YOU BAD, MO-MO!

love

↓

[ ALL PANTING ] [ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

indistinct indistinct-shouting panting shouting

↓

>> MORTY, THE PRINCIPAL AND I HAVE DISCUSSED IT, A-A-AND WE'RE

discussed morty principal

↓

BOTH INSECURE ENOUGH TO AGREE TO A THREE-WAY!

agree insecure three

↓

>> Rick: I DIDN'T REALIZE WHEN I GAVE YOU THAT SERUM THAT JESSICA

jessica realize rick

↓

HAD THE FLU -- YOU KNOW, T-T-T-T-T-T-T-THAT MIGHT HAVE

might

↓

BEEN VALUABLE INFORMATION FOR ME, MORTY.

information morty valuable

↓

>> Morty: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON, RICK?

morty rick

↓

>> Rick: WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?

rick

↓

T-T-T-THE SERUM IS PIGGYBACKING ON THE VIRUS.

virus

↓

IT'S GONE AIRBORNE, MORTY.

gone morty

↓

>> Morty: OH, CRAP.

morty

↓

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO, RICK?

rick

↓

>> Rick: IT'S GONNA BE FINE, MORTY, RELAX.

morty relax rick

↓

I WHIPPED UP AND ANTIDOTE.

whipped

↓

IT'S BASED ON PRAYING-MANTIS DNA.

based mantis praying

↓

YOU KNOW, PRAYING MANTISES ARE THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF VOLES,

exact exact-opposite opposite praying

↓

MORTY.

morty

↓

I MEAN, THEY -- THEY MATE ONCE, AND THEN THEY, YOU KNOW,

mate

↓

DECAPITATE THE PARTNER.

partner

↓

I MEAN, IT'S A WHOLE RITUAL.

ritual whole

↓

IT'S REALLY GRUESOME AND TOTALLY OPPOSITE.

gruesome opposite

↓

THERE'S NO LOVE AT ALL.

love

↓

I-I-I BASICALLY MIXED THIS WITH A MORE CONTAGIOUS FLU VIRUS.

contagious mixed virus

↓

IT SHOULD NEUTRALIZE THE WHOLE THING, MORTY.

morty whole

↓

IT'LL ALL BE OVER VERY SHORTLY.

itll shortly

↓

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] UH, BY THE WAY, MORTY, I KNOW

indistinct indistinct-shouting morty shouting

↓

YOU DIDN'T ASK OR ANYTHING, BUT I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HAVING SEX

having interested

↓

WITH YOU.

↓

THESE SERUMS, THEY DON'T WORK ON ANYBODY RELATED TO YOU

anybody related

↓

GENETICALLY.

genetically

↓

>> MORTY!

morty

↓

[ ALL GROANING ] >> Rick: OKAY, WELL, SOMETIMES,

groaning rick sometimes

↓

SCIENCE IS MORE ART THAN SCIENCE, MORTY.

morty science

↓

A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T GET THAT.

↓

>> Jerry: [ GASPS ] [ TIRES SCREECH ]

gasps jerry screech tires tires-screech

↓

COME ON. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

kidding

↓

HELLO!

↓

>> MORTY!

morty

↓

>> YOU'RE NOT MORTY!

morty

↓

BRING US MORTY!

bring morty

↓

[ GUN COCKS ] >> Jerry: NOBODY'S KILLING ME

cocks jerry killing nobodys

↓

UNTIL AFTER I CATCH MY WIFE WITH ANOTHER MAN.

another catch wife

↓

>> I HAD SEX WITH BILLY.

billy

↓

>> BUT YOU WERE ALREADY PREGNANT!

pregnant

↓

>> YEAH, SO WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?

happen worst

↓

>> WE INTERRUPT "PREGNANT BABY" WITH BREAKING NEWS.

baby breaking breaking-news interrupt news pregnant

↓

>> Summer: [ GROANS ] COME ON.

groans summer

↓

>> THIS JUST IN -- MORTY SMITH'S WHEREABOUTS ARE STILL UNKNOWN.

morty smiths unknown whereabouts

↓

>> Summer: WHAT THE HELL?

summer

↓

>> THE ONLY THING THAT IS KNOWN IS...HOW CUTE HE IS.

cute known

↓

>> I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, I WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO HIM AND THEN EAT

love

↓

HIS HEAD.

head

↓

>> I LOVE HIM MORE THAN YOU DO, HAROLD!

love

↓

>> YOU WISH, YOU STUPID BITCH!

bitch stupid stupid-bitch wish

↓

>> MORTY'S MINE!

↓

>> MORTY'S MINE!

↓

>> MEANT TO BE TOGETHER!

meant

↓

[ SPEAKING ARABIC ] [ BANGING ON DOOR ]

arabic banging door speaking

↓

>> WHERE IS MORTY?

morty

↓

>> Summer: [ SCREAMS ] [ CONVERSING IN NATIVE

native screams summer

↓

THE WHOLE WORLD IS INFECTED!

infected whole whole-world world

↓

>> Rick: YEAH, IT'S PRETTY WILD HOW FAST THAT SPREAD.

fast rick spread wild

↓

I'VE REALLY OUTDONE MYSELF.

↓

>> Morty: OUTDONE YOURSELF?!

morty

↓

W-W-- A-ARE -- ARE YOU KIDDING ME, RICK?

kidding rick

↓

THIS IS NOT OKAY!

↓

NOT ONLY DO THEY ALL WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME, BUT, YOU KNOW,

↓

NOW THEY WANT TO EAT ME AFTERWARDS!

afterwards

↓

>> Rick: YEAH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING.

rick thinking

↓

MANTISES ARE THEY OPPOSITE OF VOLES?

opposite

↓

I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY, DNA's A LITTLE MORE COMPLICATED THAN

complicated obviously

↓

THAT.

↓

YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH, MORTY?

morty

↓

THIS RIGHT HERE'S GONNA DO THE TRICK, BABY.

baby trick

↓

IT'S KOALA MIXED WITH RATTLESNAKE, CHIMPANZEE, CACTUS,

cactus mixed

↓

SHARK, GOLDEN RETRIEVER, AND JUST A SMIDGE OF DINOSAUR.

dinosaur golden shark

↓

SHOULD ADD UP TO NORMAL HUMANITY.

humanity normal

↓

>> Morty: I DON'T -- THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, RICK.

morty rick sense

↓

HOW DOES THAT ADD UP TO NORMAL HUMANITY?

humanity normal

↓

>> Morty: WHAT, MORTY, YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU MY MATH?

math morty

↓

I'M SORRY -- A-ARE YOU THE SCIENTIST OR ARE YOU THE KID

scientist

↓

THAT WANTED TO GET LAID?

laid wanted

↓

>> [ EXHALES DEEPLY ] WELL, I'M GLAD WE SAVED ALL

deeply exhales glad saved

↓

THOSE HORSES, BUT I'M ALMOST SORRY WE'RE FINISHED.

finished horses

↓

>> Beth: YES, IT'S SATISFYING WORK.

beth satisfying

↓

>> UNH-UNH-UNH, IT'S, UH -- IT'S MORE THAN THE WORK.

↓

I LOVE BEING IN THAT STERILIZED ROOM, SEALED OFF FROM THE WORLD.

love room sealed world

↓

IT'S THE ONLY TIME I CAN REALLY THINK...AND FEEL.

↓

[ SLOW MUSIC PLAYS ] >> Beth: HMM, UH, WHAT ARE YOU

beth music music-plays plays slow

↓

DOING?

↓

>> I'M PLAYING AFRICAN DREAM POP.

african dream playing

↓

WHAT DO YOU DO AFTER A LONG NIGHT?

night

↓

[ CLICK ] >> Beth: OH, HA, UM, HEY, I B--

beth click

↓

I'D BETTER GET GOING.

↓

UM, JERRY'S BEEN TEXTING SOME PRETTY HIGH-MAINTENANCE STUFF.

maintenance stuff texting

↓

>> BETH...

beth

↓

>> Beth: WHAT IS IT, DAVIN?

beth

↓

>> JUST ONCE, I'D LIKE TO KNOW --

↓

[ SNEEZES ] ...W-W-WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO GIVE

sneezes

↓

YOUR SON A BATH.

bath

↓

>> Beth: WHAT?!

beth

↓

>> WHAT DOES MORTY'S SKIN SMELL LIKE?

skin smell

↓

HOW SOFT...

soft

↓

[ GRUNTS ] HOW SOFT ARE HIS PRIVATES?

grunts soft

↓

>> Beth: LET GO OF ME, DAVIN!

beth

↓

[ GLASS SHATTERS ] >> [ ROARS ]

glass glass-shatters roars shatters

↓

TAKE ME TO MORTY.

morty

↓

>> Jerry: [ GRUNTS ] >> YOU'RE NOT MORTY.

grunts jerry morty

↓

>> Jerry: NO.

jerry

↓

I'M MR. CROWBAR, AND THIS IS MY FRIEND, WHO IS ALSO A

crowbar friend

↓

CROWBAR.

crowbar

↓

>> THAT'S...STUPID.

stupid

↓

>> Jerry: [ GRUNTING ] YEAH?

grunting jerry

↓

WELL, LOOK WHERE BEING SMART GOT YOU.

smart

↓

>> Beth: JERRY! THANK GOD!

beth jerry

↓

>> Jerry: GOD?

jerry

↓

GOD'S TURNING PEOPLE INTO INSECT MONSTERS, BETH.

beth gods monsters turning

↓

I'M THE ONE BEATING THEM TO DEATH.

beating death

↓

THANK ME.

↓

>> Beth: THANK YOU, JERRY.

beth jerry

↓

THANK YOU.

↓

>> Rick: TAKE A GOOD LOOK DOWN THERE, MORTY, AND SOAK IT IN,

morty rick soak

↓

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, ONCE I PULL THIS LEVER, IT'S ALL BACK TO

lever pull

↓

NORMAL.

normal

↓

>> Morty: JUST DO IT ALREADY.

morty

↓

>> Rick: WELL, TECHNICALLY, MORTY, THERE'S NO RUSH.

morty rick rush technically

↓

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, O-ONCE IT'S FIXED, IT'S DONE.

fixed

↓

IT'S FIXED.

fixed

↓

YOU KNOW, WE COULD -- WE COULD JUST ENJOY IT FOR A LITTLE BIT.

enjoy

↓

I MEAN, L-L-L-LOOK AT HOW CRAZY IT IS.

crazy

↓

I MEAN, MORTY, W-W-WHEN'S THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE GONNA SEE

morty whens

↓

SOMETHING LIKE THIS?

↓

I MEAN, SOAK IT IN, YOU KNOW?

soak

↓

IT'S -- IT'S PRETTY NEAT.

neat

↓

IT'S PRETTY INTERESTING.

interesting

↓

>> Morty: THAT'S IT, RICK!

morty rick

↓

I'M PULLING THE LEVER.

lever pulling

↓

[ GRUNTS ] >> Rick: W-WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE,

grunts rick

↓

MORTY?

morty

↓

LOOKS LIKE I WAS RIGHT AND YOU WERE WRONG, HUH?

↓

I-I-I-I-I-I-I BET YOU FEEL PRETTY STUPID RIGHT ABOUT NOW,

stupid

↓

HUH?

↓

I-I-I BET YOU FEEL LIKE THE WORLD'S SMALLEST MAN THAT YOU

smallest worlds

↓

WERE DOUBTING ME ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING, MORTY.

doubting morty whole

↓

>> Morty: OH, RICK, SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT.

morty rick somethings

↓

>> Rick: [ SIGHS ] YEAH, YOU.

rick sighs

↓

YOU'RE NOT RIGHT -- EVER.

↓

>> Morty: NO, NO!

morty

↓

LOOK, YOU IDIOT!

idiot

↓

[ ALL SCREAMING ] [ ALL SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE ]

language native screaming speaking

↓

[ ALL GROANING ] [ ALL ULULATING ]

groaning

↓

>> Rick: BET YOU'RE LOVING THIS, MORTY.

loving morty rick

↓

THIS MUST BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE.

best life must

↓

YOU GET TO BE THE MAYOR OF I TOLD YOU TOWN.

mayor town

↓

[ SLURPS ] YOU'RE WELCOME.

slurps welcome

↓

[ SLURPS ] >> Jerry: HOLD ON.

jerry slurps

↓

>> Beth: [ WHIMPERS ] [ ENGINE REVS, TIRES SQUEAL ]

beth engine revs squeal tires tires-squeal whimpers

↓

>> Beth: [ WHIMPERS ] [ ENGINE REVS, TIRES SQUEAL ]

beth engine revs squeal tires tires-squeal whimpers

↓

[ GUN COCKS ] >> Jerry: I WISH THAT SHOTGUN

cocks jerry shotgun wish

↓

WAS MY PENIS.

penis

↓

>> Beth: IF IT WERE, YOU COULD CALL ME ERNEST HEMINGWAY.

beth

↓

>> Jerry: I DON'T GET IT, AND I DON'T NEED TO.

jerry

↓

[ BOTH MOANING ] >> Summer: MOM! DAD!

moaning summer

↓

>> Both: SUMMER!

summer

↓

>> Beth: [ SIGHS ] >> Jerry: WHERE'S MORTY?

beth jerry morty sighs

↓

>> Summer: I DON'T KNOW.

summer

↓

DO YOU THINK GRANDPA RICK HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS?

grandpa rick

↓

>> Jerry: IT'S NOT FAIR TO ASSUME THAT, SUMMER.

assume fair jerry summer

↓

>> Beth: OH, NOT FAIR?

beth fair

↓

GIVE ME A BREAK.

break

↓

HE IS A SELFISH, IRRESPONSIBLE ASS, AND HE LEFT MY MOTHER.

irresponsible left mother selfish

↓

A REAL MAN STANDS BY HIS WOMAN.

real stands woman

↓

[ BOTH MOANING ] >> Summer: Tchoo.

moaning summer

↓

Tchoo-tchoo-tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo.

↓

>> Rick: BOY, MORTY, I REALLY CRONENBERGED THE WORLD UP,

morty rick world

↓

DIDN'T I?

↓

WE GOT A WHOLE PLANET OF CRONENBERGS WALKING AROUND DOWN

planet walking whole

↓

THERE, MORTY.

morty

↓

A-AT LEAST THEY'RE NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU ANYMORE, THOUGH.

anymore least love

↓

THAT'S A HUGE STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

direction huge step

↓

>> Morty: OH, MY GOD!

morty

↓

IT'S A LIVING NIGHTMARE!

living nightmare

↓

HOW COULD YOU BE SO IRRESPONSIBLE, RICK?

irresponsible rick

↓

>> Rick: ME IRRESPONSIBLE?!

irresponsible rick

↓

YOU -- ALL I WANTED YOU TO DO WAS HAND ME A SCREWDRIVER,

hand screwdriver wanted

↓

MORTY!

morty

↓

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO BE -- WANTED ME TO BUCKLE DOWN

buckle wanted

↓

AND MAKE YOU UP A...ROOFIE-JUICE SERUM SO YOU COULD ROOFIE THAT

juice

↓

POOR GIRL AT YOUR SCHOOL.

girl poor school

↓

I MEAN, G-- W-W-W-W-W-- W-- ARE YOU KIDDING ME, MORTY?

kidding morty

↓

YOU'RE GONNA TRY TO TAKE THE HIGH ROAD ON THIS ONE?

road

↓

Y-Y-Y-Y-YOU'RE A LITTLE CREEP, MORTY.

creep morty

↓

Y-YOU'RE A -- YOU'RE -- YOU'RE -- YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE

↓

CREEPY...CREEP PERSON.

creep creepy person

↓

>> Morty: ALL RIGHT, FINE.

morty

↓

I SHOULD HAVE JUST LISTENED TO YOU WHEN YOU REFUSED TO MAKE THE

listened refused

↓

SERUM.

↓

I'M WILLING TO ACCEPT MY PART OF THE BLAME FOR THIS, RICK.

accept blame part rick willing

↓

BUT I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING -- YOU KNOW WHAT?

↓

YOU GOT TO ACCEPT YOUR PART OF THE BLAME!

accept blame part

↓

I'M NOT THE ONE WHO FOULED UP THE SERUM!

↓

I'M NOT THE ONE WHO -- WHO -- WHO -- WHO HAPHAZARDLY, YOU

↓

KNOW, MIXED A BUNCH OF NONSENSE TOGETHER AND CREATED A BUNCH OF

bunch created mixed nonsense

↓

CRONENBERGS!

↓

YOU GOT TO FIX THIS, RICK!

rick

↓

>> Morty: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, MORTY.

morty

↓

YOU KNOW, W-W-W-WE ARE IN A PRETTY DEEP HOLE, HERE, BUT I DO

deep hole

↓

HAVE ONE EMERGENCY SOLUTION THAT I CAN USE THAT'LL KIND OF PUT

emergency solution thatll

↓

EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL, RELATIVELY SPEAKING.

normal relatively speaking

↓

HERE, MORTY, PUT THIS ON WHILE I DO A LITTLE BIT OF SCOUTING.

morty

↓

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ] >> Morty: WOW, RICK, I GOT TO

birds birds-chirping chirping morty rick

↓

SAY -- YOU REALLY PULLED A RABBIT OUT OF YOUR HAT THIS

pulled rabbit

↓

TIME.

↓

I MEAN, I-I REALLY THOUGHT THAT THE WHOLE PLACE WAS GONNA BE

place whole

↓

MESSED UP FOR GOOD, BUT HERE, YOU DID IT -- Y-Y-YOU -- YOU --

messed

↓

YOU FIGURED OUT THAT CRAZY SOLUTION, LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO.

crazy figured solution

↓

WHOO!

whoo

↓

THAT'S SOME GREAT LUCK.

luck

↓

>> Rick: COME ON, MORTY.

morty rick

↓

LUCK HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

luck

↓

I'M GREAT.

↓

THAT'S THE REAL REASON.

real real-reason reason

↓

NOW, MORTY, WHAT DO YOU SAY, BUDDY?

buddy morty

↓

WILL YOU HAND ME A SCREWDRIVER SO I CAN FINISH MY IONIC DIS--

finish hand screwdriver

↓

DEFIBULIZER?

↓

>> Morty: SURE THING, RICK.

morty rick

↓

HERE'S A SCREWDRIVER.

screwdriver

↓

>> Rick: ALL RIGHT, MORTY.

morty rick

↓

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

↓

WE GOT ONE SCREW TURN...AND TWO SCREW TURNS...AND...

screw turns

↓

ALL RIGHT, MORTY, HERE WE ARE.

morty

↓

>> Morty: OH, MY GOD, RICK!

morty rick

↓

IS THAT US?!

↓

W-W-W-WE'RE DEAD!

dead

↓

WHAT IS GOING ON, RICK?

rick

↓

I'M FREAKING OUT!

freaking

↓

>> Rick: CALM DOWN, MORTY!

calm morty rick

↓

LOOK AT ME! CALM DOWN, MORTY!

calm morty

↓

>> Morty: NO, I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS!

deal morty

↓

>> Rick: CALM YOURSELF, MORTY.

calm morty rick

↓

>> Morty: I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS, RICK!

deal morty rick

↓

>> Rick: CALM DOWN, MORTY.

calm morty rick

↓

>> Morty: THIS CAN'T BE REAL!

morty real

↓

>> Rick: YOU GOT TO CALM DOWN, MORTY.

calm morty rick

↓

>> Morty: W-W-W-W-WE'RE RIPPED APART!

apart morty ripped

↓

>> Rick: SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!

rick

↓

IT'S FINE. EVERYTHING IS FINE.

↓

THERE'S AN INFINITE NUMBER OF REALITIES, MORTY, AND IN A FEW

infinite morty number

↓

DOZEN OF THOSE, I GOT LUCKY AND TURNED EVERYTHING BACK TO

dozen lucky turned

↓

NORMAL.

normal

↓

I JUST HAD TO FIND ONE OF THOSE REALITIES IN WHICH WE ALSO

↓

HAPPEN TO BOTH DIE AROUND THIS TIME.

happen

↓

NOW WE CAN JUST SLIP INTO THE PLACE OF OUR DEAD SELVES IN THIS

dead place slip

↓

REALITY AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

reality

↓

WE'RE NOT SKIPPING A BEAT, MORTY.

beat morty skipping

↓

NOW, HELP ME WITH THESE BODIES.

bodies

↓

>> Morty: THIS IS INSANE.

insane morty

↓

>> Rick: LOOK, MORTY, I'LL GRAB MYSELF, YOU GRAB YOURSELF, OKAY?

grab morty rick

↓

I MEAN, T-T-T-THAT SEEMS FAIR TO ME -- I MEAN, THAT SEEMS LIKE A

fair seems

↓

FAIR WAY TO DIVVY IT UP.

fair

↓

>> Morty: RICK, WHAT ABOUT THE REALITY WE LEFT BEHIND?

behind left left-behind morty reality rick

↓

>> Rick: WHAT ABOUT THE REALITY WHERE HITLER CURED CANCER,

cancer cured hitler reality rick

↓

MORTY?

morty

↓

THE ANSWER IS DON'T THINK ABOUT IT.

answer

↓

IT'S NOT LIKE WE CAN DO THIS EVERY WEEK, ANYWAYS.

anyways week

↓

WE GET THREE OR FOUR MORE OF THESE, TOPS.

four three tops

↓

NOW, PICK UP YOUR DEAD SELF AND COME ON.

dead pick self

↓

HASTE MAKES WASTE.

makes waste

↓

I-I-I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'VE CONSIDERED THIS DETAIL, BUT

considered detail suppose

↓

OBVIOUSLY, IF I HADN'T SCREWED UP AS MUCH AS I DID, WE'D BE

obviously screwed

↓

THESE GUYS RIGHT NOW, SO, AGAIN, YOU'RE WELCOME.

welcome

↓

>> ♪ LOOK ON DOWN FROM THE BRIDGE ♪

bridge

↓

♪ THERE'S STILL FOUNTAINS DOWN THERE ♪

↓

♪ LOOK ON DOWN FROM THE BRIDGE ♪ ♪ IT'S STILL RAINING UP HERE ♪

bridge raining

↓

♪ LOOK ON DOWN FROM THE BRIDGE ♪ ♪ IT'S STILL RAINING UP HERE ♪

bridge raining

↓

♪ EVERYBODY SEEMS SO FAR AWAY FROM ME ♪

everybody seems

↓

♪ EVERYBODY JUST WANTS TO BE FREE ♪

everybody free wants

↓

♪ LOOK AWAY FROM THE SKY ♪ ♪ IT'S NO DIFFERENT WHEN YOU'RE

↓

LEAVING HOME ♪ ♪ I CAN'T BE THE SAME THING TO

home leaving

↓

ABOUT A SHARK...

shark

↓

HE'S GOT LIFELESS EYES...

eyes

↓

BLACK EYES, LIKE A DOLL'S EYES.

black black-eyes dolls eyes

↓

WHEN HE COMES AT YA, HE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE LIVING UNTIL HE BITES

bites comes living

↓

YA, AND THEN THE -- THE BLOOD, AND THE RED, AND THE WATER...

blood water

↓

>> Jerry: [ SIGHS ] YOU EVER WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO

happened jerry sighs wonder

↓

RICK AND MORTY?

morty rick

↓

>> Beth: SOMETIMES.

beth sometimes

↓

BUT, I'M ASHAMED TO ADMIT, NOW THAT THEY'RE GONE, I'M FINALLY

admit ashamed finally gone

↓

HAPPY.

happy

↓

>> Rick: HERE WE ARE, CRONENBERG MORTY -- A REALITY

morty reality rick

↓

WHERE EVERYONE IN THE WORLD GOT GENETICALLY CRONENBERGED.

genetically world

↓

WE'LL FIT RIGHT IN, CRONENBERG MORTY.

morty

↓

IT'LL BE LIKE WE NEVER EVEN LEFT CRONENBERG WORLD.

itll left world

↓

>> Morty: YEAH, CRONENBERG RICK, BUT, YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA MISS

miss morty rick

↓

CRONENBERG WORLD, BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS CRONENBERGED ALL

world

↓

ALONG LIKE US FROM THE BEGINNING, YOU KNOW?

along beginning

↓

I MEAN, I-I WISH WE HADN'T GENETICALLY RUINED CRONENBERG

genetically ruined wish

↓

WORLD BEYOND REPAIR LIKE WE DID, YOU KNOW, AND TURNED EVERYONE

beyond beyond-repair repair turned world

↓

INTO REGULAR, NORMAL PEOPLE JUST WALKING AROUND.

normal regular walking

↓

>> Rick: DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT SORT OF THING,

rick worry

↓

CRONENBERG MORTY.

morty

↓

LET'S GO MAKE OURSELVES AT HOME, HUH?

home