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Malcolm in the Middle

Season 6, Episode 13 โ€” Tiki Lounge

TMDB episode metadata
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Mm, good dinner, honey.
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Thanks. I'm stunned I had time to cook anything.
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Traffic was horrible, and then on the way to the market,
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I hit a possum.
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You're kidding.
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It was just awful.
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It laid there moaning and dying.
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I didn't know what to do.
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So I finally called Animal Services.
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Waited and waited, nobody ever came.
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I was so upset. I never did have time to get to the store.
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If you never made it to the store,
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then what are we eating?
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Something from the freezer.
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Finish it.
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I don't want to be in your stupid club!
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It's not a club until you join. Keep up.
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Okay, what's the blackmail?
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Why must you rush these things?
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As Vice Principal,
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I write the college recommendations.
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I've written two for you.
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One has your
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complete academic record.
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The other
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has your complete academic record
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and a short paragraph about your personality.
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That's not fair!
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The meeting starts at 3:15 tomorrow.
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Come early if you want spirit cookies.
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Keep 'em closed. Almost there.
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Hal, you spun me around 50 times.
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I still know we're going to the garage.
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Okay, open 'em.
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Oh, Hal, it's...
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It's beautiful.
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Well, hey, I didn't do it all myself. The boys
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worked their butts off.
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You know, that's a working wet bar.
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And a real New Zealand Mocking Mask.
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Congratulations, boys, you did a fantastic job.
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Now, if you set one foot in here,
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- I will cripple you. - What?
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From now on, every night
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from 6:00 to 7:00 is "tiki time."
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"Tiki time" means
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your mother and I will be in here, alone,
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with no questions, no interruptions,
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no communication from you boys of any kind.
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Malcolm, you'll cover any of your mom's shifts
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at Lucky Aide.
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Reese, Dewey, baby-sit Jamie.
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- But... - No "buts."
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You're the ones who ruined
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our relationship in the first place.
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Hal...
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He needs changing.
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Aloha.
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I would like to officially welcome
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my young friend Malcolm to the North High Booster Club.
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It's a very rewarding day for all of us,
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who care so much about...
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whatever it is you do.
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Phillip?
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First, let's review our Food for the Homeless program. Wayne?
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Good news, Boosters,
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we raised $428 at our rad "Bowling For Hobos" event.
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Unfortunately, the decorating budget got away from us.
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We spent $425 on the balloons.
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But I think we might be able to salvage this
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by taking that three dollars
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and buying the homeless a really nice card.
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Great idea.
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Good save, Wayne.
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All right, Stephanie,
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what about our pancake breakfast
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for the Abused Children's Counseling Center?
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It's gonna be awesome.
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We have tons of decorations
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and hundreds of balloons.
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We can do
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such a great job.
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Maybe if you eased up on the balloons,
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you'd have some more money for the counseling center.
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I don't think abused children
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want to eat in some gloomy, undecorated room.
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I mean, after what they've been through,
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let's not abuse their sense of taste.
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Absolutely.
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All right, let's move on
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to our Monte Carlo Night for the school library.
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This year we've invested in a professional Bingo caller.
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It's going to be insane.
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Yes!
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And Malcolm? What? I'm awake.
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Don't worry.
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We've saved a really important job just for you.
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You are going to be our Monte Carlo Night auctioneer.
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- What? - That's right.
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You're going to be in front of
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the whole school representing us.
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Welcome aboard, Booster.
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Malcolm.
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Point of order! Can we start Smile Patrol
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before the kids go home?
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Smile Patrol?
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We thought it'd be fun to roam the halls
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for anyone who's not smiling and give them a ticket.
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Meeting adjourned.
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I think someone's going to have to write themselves up.
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- This is so unfair. - Yeah, when I grow up,
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I'm going to do exactly the same thing to my kids.
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Yeah, mine are going to pay big time.
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By the time I came back, there were adult diapers
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all over the loading dock.
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That's wonderful.
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Oh, I hear a coconut that needs refreshing.
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One more Beach Frolic
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coming up.
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So, go on.
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I'm finished. That's my entire day.
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Mine, too.
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Huh, how about that?
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Do you realize that we have never
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told each other our entire day before?
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That's amazing.
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I wonder what else I've never told you.
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Think, Lois. I want to know everything.
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I had a pet turtle named Lee Majors.
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He gave
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my whole family salmonella.
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I thought I loved you four seconds ago.
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I want out of the Booster club.
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You can blackmail me all you want,
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but those kids are stupid,
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the auctioneer job is stupid,
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the whole thing blows, and I'm quitting.
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Someone's putting the "boo" in "booster."
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Did you see the crap they're trying to auction?
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500 take-out menus from a Chinese restaurant,
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an AOL starter disc,
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scrapbook lessons,
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a 15-minute neck massage from Earl the janitor.
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Nobody wants that stuff.
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I'm out of there.
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Good for you. Go right ahead.
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What?
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I officially stopped caring at 2:15
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when I was handed this check.
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And now I can finally splurge on new brake pads
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and treat my Civic like the lady that she is.
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You should really
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learn to trust me, Malcolm.
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It worked out well for everyone.
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I got my money, you get to quit,
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and the Boosters get to be rid of you.
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What are you talking about?
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They don't like you any more than you like them.
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They think you're too lazy and selfish to be Booster material.
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You're lying.
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- Oh, my God, you care. - No, I don't.
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They're a bunch of hypocrites pretending to be into charity
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just to have an excuse to throw parties
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and socialize and be surrounded by balloons.
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Is this going to devolve into
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you shambling around the quad
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come next June desperate
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for someone to sign your yearbook?
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Calling me selfish and lazy?
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I could raise ten times the money those idiots ever could!
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Please. You're not seriously thinking of
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"showing them a thing or two," are you?
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Shut up!
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Jamie...
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come on, just try it. It's easy.
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What are you doing?
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He's trying to teach Jamie to smoke.
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Since we're stuck watching him, I figured we might
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as well do something cool with him.
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What's cooler than a smoking baby?
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Why don't you just shoot him out of a cannon?
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Come on, he could be famous.
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You know, "Jamie, that smokin' baby."
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He could do talk shows or tour with rock bands.
โ†“
1e6f30b8-66db-48d2-b6fd-151aee8490c4.gif
But he doesn't even care.
โ†“
2ab7223e-5e67-4a3a-a78b-9d351b52d3ef.gif
Give him a break. He's not even two.
โ†“
8d6614d1-6ffe-4660-a3b0-ef011a9353d9.gif
I'm not mad that he won't light the cigarette.
โ†“
ae99bc2b-5fb3-483d-92af-ee19f9cb8ff8.gif
I'm mad that he won't try.
โ†“
f7a7aae8-541b-4e57-b168-0f0d387595d6.gif
I think he's stupid.
โ†“
cb7e6821-de9c-4118-84f9-d45ff2c26c0a.gif
Look, pal, we missed the chance
โ†“
3d11e4c3-cc0a-4af8-aea0-75c8e0d2b5bd.gif
to raise you inside a Sparkletts bottle.
โ†“
b54fbe53-1b01-4ba1-97a3-37517298f3aa.gif
This is our last shot. We're not going to move.
โ†“
1c5b38cb-0aad-4446-9978-7f9a2790e51b.gif
We're going to sit here for as long as it takes.
โ†“
57b681fd-2686-4999-a94c-d68ba1ae7939.gif
Aw, man!
โ†“
f7e59b59-64e7-4e60-9da0-98cb60f11a69.gif
You did that on purpose.
โ†“
e1dff20e-4506-41e1-a3fb-1d7cd3ee6fc5.gif
You going to play it that way...
โ†“
c8220d3f-1e06-4583-9958-2da522801042.gif
fine.
โ†“
269bb8df-33e8-43d1-a849-6d79af26a421.gif
Now it's war.
โ†“
c762a321-0333-41fb-ad92-43afb4b105f6.gif
I miss the rotary phone, too.
โ†“
3570a48a-2555-4e67-a5d4-f0750158ffa0.gif
It made you slow down,
โ†“
746ce11a-045a-434b-8ee2-401ea6e5f2a1.gif
think about what you were gonna say.
โ†“
f344c733-6067-4028-b761-6f0ba51ec863.gif
Yeah, exactly. Now it's bup-bup-bup
โ†“
7c8e7d4d-e10a-4af0-a89d-da0a2fa7d42a.gif
and there they are whether you're ready or not.
โ†“
a7a29fe9-8df7-4379-855f-39d996daf2b3.gif
This is wonderful.
โ†“
d37dc549-0638-481a-b81f-2d68194637c1.gif
Just think, when we get to heaven
โ†“
90f65d9f-4ed9-43da-b2f5-49e8491eea14.gif
we'll feel like this all the time.
โ†“
69725a62-2da8-486b-b299-86bebac0432b.gif
Wouldn't that be nice?
โ†“
86d1bf81-e68c-4765-b905-433874f7db9c.gif
What do you mean?
โ†“
25cfd0d7-75ee-4fc7-a5b1-33f65eb12c53.gif
I mean, it would be nice, heaven.
โ†“
6a3abf28-ffea-4132-8c47-3d5f9e545344.gif
You mean it will be nice.
โ†“
bf6b1cd6-1344-42c5-8029-72a5d5ada0f5.gif
I just don't personally... believe in that.
โ†“
8bcd8d2b-9cd7-462e-9426-3c195466f0d5.gif
Well, okay, maybe not the clouds and the harps and angels,
โ†“
3c46d459-1eb8-488e-bf07-061e3097a2ae.gif
but you do believe in some kind of heaven, right?
โ†“
f18ab026-b0b5-4781-b530-a5963a69d6c5.gif
Okay, so you don't believe in heaven.
โ†“
999a26d7-771a-435e-926e-331ee7cef27f.gif
But you do believe in some kind of paradise
โ†“
825fb6c0-ee17-4a48-9a24-69f569db8bd6.gif
where our two souls will go spend eternity?
โ†“
6f098113-9b82-4588-b5a4-cffc09c1fb0f.gif
I'm just not much of an afterlife person.
โ†“
cb94a226-7aa3-4faa-aa2d-e4f881c10705.gif
Wait a minute, Lois.
โ†“
2ea5a746-3013-4a10-9c52-999db3717503.gif
Where are good people rewarded and bad people punished?
โ†“
088eec6d-db2d-485a-b4c7-95a4a5e75625.gif
Right here on Earth,
โ†“
e30d435f-509f-4eeb-89e3-607ab7c52a8a.gif
if I have anything to say about it.
โ†“
a3139eb7-8e4b-41d3-9cff-4a69dce9b76e.gif
How is it I didn't know about this until now?
โ†“
398c351a-996d-43e4-8e98-5a6bb661debc.gif
Well, I guess we just never had time to talk about it.
โ†“
32af6bee-c30f-4f2d-8e6f-1f1bfbe0abce.gif
You okay?
โ†“
b8117ae0-3d21-4e86-84bb-d4b2df2faa2d.gif
Yeah, yeah.
โ†“
abac71f3-166f-4bd9-ac59-d33ff41fa7e4.gif
It's silly to ruin tiki time over this.
โ†“
d8558ca6-a550-49d2-ab13-b5c966604a31.gif
I will refresh
โ†“
de30a592-07cb-4301-88d3-4dfb9acd6bc9.gif
our drinks.
โ†“
44b4ee2b-b6dc-4c81-af0c-36119d2c57bc.gif
Oh, I can't do this! You've ruined it.
โ†“
a71a4d9c-5a36-4111-8d4d-e26c40b95099.gif
Why?
โ†“
213918b4-1ed7-4d14-b7e2-2fced1156d46.gif
Because for the last 20 years
โ†“
5ccd15d0-4ee0-4331-948e-b361bf01c4bb.gif
I've assumed we'd be spending eternity together.
โ†“
16c4d86b-d54c-40db-b6eb-f758f7b5dcc8.gif
And if you don't believe that, then you won't be there.
โ†“
e0de544c-9d2d-442c-9074-06137ecc8aa0.gif
Is that the rule?
โ†“
9270a386-698e-4d19-9511-fd73052d5106.gif
Nothing about this place is right anymore.
โ†“
dcafa59c-5a7c-4963-9a4c-e742d29d83df.gif
It feels like that New Zealand Mocking Mask is... mocking me.
โ†“
c2ee2f44-67bf-418e-aa6c-0197f5a6afe6.gif
Hal, I didn't say this to upset you.
โ†“
c2dfc081-5cc6-4759-a81e-a624b52c4dc2.gif
- I know. - Can we talk about it?
โ†“
e51f208d-1146-4820-802f-761226e7571f.gif
I think we've talked enough.
โ†“
d0960b8a-0884-42db-ac71-c543379e8091.gif
I'm going to go take kind of a long walk now.
โ†“
1551c83c-1bd5-446a-864d-629cd94c2e3e.gif
But you stay.
โ†“
98d2c70f-9a7a-4bb8-87cc-11c8d7f9f0f2.gif
Enjoy your rum tumbler.
โ†“
3a4448a9-52f5-40ee-9ba0-79223435b860.gif
Look at me playing with this great toy,
โ†“
4f23eeb1-8e75-4ed4-a8f3-aa3686f9b3a0.gif
and I'm not gonna share it!
โ†“
ede30c67-426e-4be6-8427-080386f1ff92.gif
Whee! This is fun!
โ†“
c3c45a34-c78f-4fb2-8746-611060021052.gif
I'm not gonna turn around.
โ†“
082f098b-e9ed-4996-864b-dc70768c3835.gif
Is he getting pissed?
โ†“
0d01eded-4345-452d-b001-6daa4eab5e7f.gif
He's eating his foot.
โ†“
de2ba023-bd55-4ff3-82e3-4146c3354d16.gif
Nice cover.
โ†“
9e3a4015-068f-4524-923f-86482fc327af.gif
I'm getting to him.
โ†“
dc41da1c-9751-468a-9faa-9585961773cf.gif
You're having a feud with a toddler.
โ†“
321ec615-9a6e-4026-9618-cda0ad41bdc4.gif
And you don't think he's playing that for all it's worth?
โ†“
420eeebe-033e-4527-b157-dbfbc10fb134.gif
Well, tiki time is over.
โ†“
bc3f266f-4eef-4fb4-a776-60bff49fccc5.gif
You boys don't have to babysit anymore.
โ†“
23cd379a-e62c-4589-b62e-ab850c19c4c5.gif
...and Monte Carlo Night is starting
โ†“
26d8af2f-fd75-4d58-b572-c8802d533f0c.gif
to shape up really nicely.
โ†“
985aaf09-97df-4bbc-a109-b58fe91d7729.gif
We've got really cool-looking plastic champagne glasses,
โ†“
8a82ee90-a52c-4392-942f-9af6ff24c68a.gif
and we've also got six-channel walkie-talkies
โ†“
3acdf474-1688-4840-b699-490cf5b5d87b.gif
so we can be in constant audio contact
โ†“
6a02515a-6dc0-4510-8aa1-50e916b0a2d5.gif
in all sectors of the gymnasium.
โ†“
7cf4359d-ce21-4ead-b789-f8141b34d510.gif
I also took it upon myself to raise the balloon budget.
โ†“
6b3c8acf-6510-44ec-9330-fe813c6a545b.gif
I figure if we're not going mylar, then why even bother?
โ†“
e985e3bc-6b21-4692-95b0-6eef32a601e7.gif
Okay, great, Victor.
โ†“
a6c917bb-d13c-4979-9575-51ddec0801dd.gif
Awesome!
โ†“
a8cd07d5-19b8-4c4d-aa7a-d407b036505f.gif
All right, and that brings us to the auction.
โ†“
18e1f775-fd58-4c60-a809-6a7f39716601.gif
It's gonna be horrible,
โ†“
a3c0c5c4-92e3-4ee4-9981-634ab089cfb8.gif
but not because I'm not busting my butt.
โ†“
1d7a696d-d9b4-4215-86fe-572b78f0cdae.gif
I've been hitting up people all around town,
โ†“
204b9a12-de63-4d0e-a862-ef9d5ec3aa49.gif
trying to get decent stuff that people will actually bid on,
โ†“
c8ca9d9f-f7c5-47a8-adb9-775cebe8cbb0.gif
but no one's interested!
โ†“
07411da1-3bfd-4594-aea4-1c36adb7eb34.gif
Well, I'm--I'm sure you're doing the best that you can.
โ†“
b67c0d39-c6b3-4781-ba06-2985aa67ad95.gif
Meeting adjourned.
โ†“
8ba38892-70db-4d0d-b7cf-5700877060db.gif
That's a "glass is half empty" outlook.
โ†“
df9afd9a-97c4-42f1-b727-253c0be50b22.gif
I can't believe
โ†“
fe275a02-c8cc-456f-a446-df50f6d8bcdc.gif
that this is what happens when you actually try.
โ†“
b24ee42a-a440-4514-9439-2a3400444116.gif
Night.
โ†“
ca847071-c35b-47a6-9276-ca4b4dfff261.gif
Why can't we just get past this?
โ†“
30d26d32-1fe3-468e-a43b-9542cf294101.gif
I don't know.
โ†“
b636cb89-9cb6-440c-b0aa-48ff2d501b1f.gif
Why the hell did we think
โ†“
1df93961-c536-4442-bec4-064333d356e0.gif
that talking to each other was a good idea?
โ†“
20e3fbbc-638d-4646-b732-5c3c16e9fdd6.gif
We were having fun and we got greedy.
โ†“
7ccaef44-bb25-44f9-b6d8-93dfa955c4a5.gif
Now look at us.
โ†“
c3e4402f-667d-4921-ba8b-96cc8c50929b.gif
We used to have no time at all
โ†“
30494fb4-9333-4476-8b69-01bdca88800c.gif
for each other, and it worked great.
โ†“
4554526e-f053-4fe5-ac63-da64aa996121.gif
We should warn people.
โ†“
55c8a079-e171-4f4f-b5a5-e2bf40fc77e7.gif
Write a book. Go on Oprah .
โ†“
690fda35-9112-4b32-ab7e-ed30fd3635d2.gif
- You know what would help? - What?
โ†“
8c72adbc-cb5e-447c-9dd9-d0ba5cc13801.gif
If you changed your mind
โ†“
446d27c0-56f1-4380-851a-d099e26267b9.gif
and told me that you believed in heaven.
โ†“
742e911a-eb5e-4cda-8330-a167fa036a62.gif
You want me to lie to you?
โ†“
000b1eee-514a-4a40-8cf6-04f21bc181b4.gif
It's not lying if what you say
โ†“
9dba289d-2f06-4eae-9b19-3f8770489890.gif
would be true if the facts were different.
โ†“
42b57bec-4d8c-4ed5-9335-ab33cb803985.gif
I'll work with whatever you give me.
โ†“
b2f3008e-d455-49e0-a5b3-613b909fe720.gif
If you just say the words,
โ†“
aaff23a0-6323-4bfa-b254-2d23bfa8ae58.gif
you'll be giving me a tiny little gray area
โ†“
4a950683-ae49-4183-8fb4-c18f41d301a3.gif
where I can live in peace for the rest of my life.
โ†“
ea4c618d-1e4c-49ad-ba1b-084e34d0add0.gif
I can live in gray, Lois.
โ†“
340a4a69-43a6-48ca-8925-ee656f9b82e6.gif
Let me live in gray!
โ†“
baf20b80-f58d-4fc6-a1d2-669bbe6d0c09.gif
Hal, I'm sorry, I have to tell you the truth.
โ†“
95c30967-ae66-4c3f-8a52-2f4a0b749dc2.gif
- Why? - Because it's what
โ†“
fdf5fcd8-29d0-467a-aac4-0972afa0ef63.gif
I believe in.
โ†“
ae086ca1-0f24-4ab1-940e-423c7b3f659f.gif
It's what I hang onto.
โ†“
618c0ff0-dc68-4571-b210-ff1319fe944b.gif
The truth is all that I have.
โ†“
a6792ce9-472d-448e-9208-413e1549ae20.gif
If I could give it up for anybody,
โ†“
7a974292-d7aa-478c-8381-9626f76b2977.gif
I would give it up for you, but I just can't.
โ†“
a3f77060-1bff-40c3-b45e-bf31a7fc6097.gif
Heaven's going to suck!
โ†“
701a2465-53ff-4d0e-837b-69e6846bad40.gif
We have to be home by 9:30.
โ†“
31016214-fd49-49c0-8b6a-de7fe283d7c5.gif
The babysitter said her halfway house
โ†“
cb883063-d380-4dab-b584-8d3a02b14e86.gif
goes into lockdown at 10:00.
โ†“
d22f0b1c-6e35-441d-b91e-9bdc9bed0a17.gif
Okay. Did she tell you about the mobile
โ†“
1ee29b6e-1583-4e01-9ad9-6821cb195e68.gif
over Jamie's crib?
โ†“
025db498-aabb-488e-96ad-d356a53cf4df.gif
She said it looked like somebody took a saw
โ†“
89e80cb5-e289-435c-9fd2-59fe187ab7ad.gif
and cut almost all the way through it.
โ†“
03536048-97dc-4f0b-856a-110f827c38f8.gif
That's weird.
โ†“
841a9c19-945b-4894-bc11-d7d9e00ae692.gif
It's not like he has any enemies or anything.
โ†“
2777b1e4-4f46-4a66-ab3d-206a6a0ad0b7.gif
Hey, Malcolm, place looks great.
โ†“
b2c3b0e8-6278-4abf-823c-0964801b1fdf.gif
Look at all these balloons.
โ†“
a67fd596-71d2-4700-bdfa-e0708aa8a962.gif
This is going to be a fun night.
โ†“
d7f3a415-f8e3-46e7-b809-618dc19ff627.gif
If watching your son be humiliated in front
โ†“
d8fbbf0d-d42a-43ea-b0f4-eae9748d1750.gif
of the whole school is your idea of fun.
โ†“
7816645c-c84c-45ab-97a0-3a268fccb0f5.gif
What are you talking about?
โ†“
62c7bd33-75a6-4e2b-940b-bc93575a184f.gif
You're finally getting the attention
โ†“
77faf2b0-ab39-47cc-8784-8eea63fbd2f7.gif
you always wanted.
โ†“
1931e3f6-3c3c-4d51-a037-6fd5a6a63750.gif
Oh, come on, honey. I know you're upset.
โ†“
51004094-8203-45a6-b59a-1b9c90315f2c.gif
Let's try to have some fun tonight.
โ†“
9801852e-a585-4f6a-8129-e540bacc61ca.gif
Sure.
โ†“
442225b3-ce40-42d9-a5b3-edb89d62a68d.gif
If the here and now is all we've got,
โ†“
6c56d4e5-e674-4765-b522-f15fe199dfa4.gif
then let's enjoy it in all its beauty and wonder.
โ†“
d009dc63-b937-4911-9284-f0ac8ae4b604.gif
I'll get us some churros.
โ†“
bf8ddf82-6102-43e9-93a9-85f800913735.gif
Hello, Malc.
โ†“
7647996f-2009-4426-ac07-0c290bf3b4a4.gif
- Malc? - Ah, forgive me.
โ†“
c278362c-c577-4588-b06f-ffc3ccaa6ed5.gif
I'm feeling very odd tonight.
โ†“
64624589-7615-4830-a542-b8280410844c.gif
What is it called when you look around
โ†“
88de173b-1569-49c8-ba3a-07a30f85b393.gif
and you are not filled with festering rage?
โ†“
d657fb31-6f96-4b53-8833-0b84d538b996.gif
Being moderately happy?
โ†“
ed0887c7-0aac-4081-85ca-5ab092827349.gif
That is it! I am moderately happy.
โ†“
d099c487-0c21-47e4-a4cf-86ec290fe407.gif
I have brake pads,
โ†“
33781b60-6e0d-4907-b9ec-82fb41f7e194.gif
and enough left over for a side mirror.
โ†“
ff247cec-6971-4f42-be1e-e90b3ce0496e.gif
And now I find that there's a wine tasting booth
โ†“
337e396b-a81b-4029-b920-50506c99684f.gif
with an incredibly underpriced Riesling,
โ†“
ef24d67d-dc05-4cdf-863e-fcbe21223b8b.gif
just 25 cents a glass.
โ†“
c5491393-6318-47ac-9b8b-a6266c4ea87b.gif
So, if you'll excuse me,
โ†“
80f6082c-c07f-41a5-8a1e-f5002886ceb0.gif
I think I saw a slightly drunk Ms. Bartlett
โ†“
70ea8a3a-b8fb-43c3-91c6-4a6772d58dc6.gif
headed for the ladies' room.
โ†“
dc256633-eb3f-49ad-acc9-b33659c7d983.gif
I can't wait to see the look on Jamie's face tomorrow
โ†“
04158ad5-4d97-42cc-8608-f01ea2454514.gif
when he tries to tickle what's left of Elmo.
โ†“
24abaf4b-c629-4dc4-bd32-6e9fc54fe148.gif
Then he'll be sorry he started this.
โ†“
d295efe4-afad-4fdf-aa7a-6634ff32ec66.gif
Stupid baby.
โ†“
8180e1a4-9dd6-4f81-b4b2-174e5eb1ffbe.gif
Reese, let me ask you.
โ†“
f05db0d4-fcd1-40eb-a361-b547d6381db1.gif
When you end up in a situation like this,
โ†“
3b2eaa42-58f9-4082-86d0-523585e92042.gif
does it ever even occur to you
โ†“
c8cffd09-56d5-4104-b3c7-95ea4869b103.gif
to stop and figure out how you got there?
โ†“
f9f2a38d-e066-4d3d-96fe-0010f9fe9d90.gif
And let him win?
โ†“
c27f6943-6173-4064-9904-1286b2fc9fe0.gif
I mean, what do you do when your concept of eternity
โ†“
4ce386c6-d007-439c-ab2e-06a96e2dd56f.gif
is wrapped up in a person
โ†“
00309ab6-1020-4039-8d07-e1d234b3401f.gif
that doesn't believe in eternity?
โ†“
4fdd0a69-a1af-4da7-9db3-31ada6e833c9.gif
I mean, does this eternity even exist?
โ†“
23b1cb17-7085-48f4-bbce-bb42c0a76865.gif
You might want to talk to a senior.
โ†“
92f1f8b7-eea5-451d-b4d4-a4f423e535c4.gif
That's it, Mr. Herkabe,
โ†“
c8f5a25a-3eed-4271-845c-2a725bc04766.gif
you just broke the North High bank.
โ†“
5c5cc233-a9c8-485b-931d-8bd8953d4dd6.gif
Sometimes you're kissed by the gods.
โ†“
ea702c19-467e-40b5-b487-7036ca9c3a42.gif
Your trip to the corndog cart has been comped.
โ†“
6e245b81-0da7-4f8c-a84b-1dacebc9d93c.gif
I should hope so.
โ†“
8ba18ad2-fcde-49fd-92c4-beab9562d185.gif
Ladies.
โ†“
1799fefc-48cc-4584-98f3-4491fbe57640.gif
I've been working hard, and I do care about this,
โ†“
4f33435d-f511-4eb6-8bc8-4ff7356c3efd.gif
but all your stuff blows.
โ†“
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Don't worry, Malcolm.
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Just go up there and do your best.
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And don't be nervous.
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No one's expecting much.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
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it's time for the Monte Carlo Night auction.
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Please gather around.
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It's a wonderful night and a wonderful cause.
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I have to say that the members of the North High Boosters
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have really taught me so much
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about the true spirit of charity.
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So instead of the items listed in the program,
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we came up with some new items...
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- Wait, what? - ...which I think people
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will be very excited to bid on.
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First item up:
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Our own Stephanie Wright
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has agreed to put up for auction,
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a photograph of herself from eighth grade...
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with her original nose!
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- Ten dollars! - 20!
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- 30! - 40!
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- 50! - $85!
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Sold!
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Next up: Wayne Finster-- for the right price--
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has volunteered to read out loud
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all the notes his mother puts in his lunch every day.
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- Five dollars! - Ten!
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- 25! - $58.25!
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Sold!
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Next item: Our club president, Phillip,
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has agreed to show the video his dad took of him crying
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after he got pulled from the Madison football game.
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- $50. - 60!
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- 70! - 80!
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Sold!
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Wow. Over $200 in 30 seconds.
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I think we've shown what the Booster spirit
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is really all about.
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That is so much money!
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We're raising so much money!
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For an extra $50,
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I'll throw in a picture of me from before fat camp!
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In a bikini!
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- $50! - 60!
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I also have notes from my shrink!
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- 80 bucks! - 90!
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And my dad taped me singing
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"Skater Boy" into a hairbrush!
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- 75 bucks! - 80!
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90!
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Our next item up for bid...
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is me.
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I will let the top bidder cover my mouth
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with duct tape every morning for a week.
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- 90! - 100!
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- 120! - 160!
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- 170! - 180!
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- 200! - 210!
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- 240! - 250!
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Well, that was quite an auction.
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Yeah. This was one of the best nights of my life.
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And I actually learned something about myself.
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I was having this giant conflict
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that I thought was about my principles,
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but it was really just about my own pride.
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And all I had to do to fix it was get over myself.
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Excuse me.
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Last call for games!
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Ring toss. Three rings for a dollar.
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- Last chance... - Hal?
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I've changed my mind. I do believe in heaven.
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I knew it!
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Oh, I always knew
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you believed in heaven.
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Keep the whistle.
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I'm good.
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Jamie, we need to talk.
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I'm calling a truce.
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I know you're willing to keep going
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no matter how ugly it gets, and I respect that.
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But I realized something.
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Malcolm and Dewey are both geniuses,
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so they're gonna team up against us.
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And since you and I are both
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mentally the same, we should team up, too.
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Otherwise, they're gonna do
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something horrible to us,
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and we probably won't even understand it.
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So... here.
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Hey, thanks.
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Reese, what the hell is wrong with you?!
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What?