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Home » Malcolm in the Middle » S06E05 — Kitty's Back

Malcolm in the Middle

Season 6, Episode 5 — Kitty's Back

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Episode title: Kitty's Back
Air date: December 12, 2004
Director: Peter Lauer
Top billed cast: Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Christopher Masterson
Kitty returns and asks Lois for help getting Kitty's estranged husband back; Francis comes home and puts Dewey through the torturous "Brotherhood Initiation."
Source: TMDB
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I said wash them!
wash
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217a212c-88b3-47fa-9376-9d5bee8dfaec.gif
there's more skin?
skin
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d557caec-0765-44d7-969b-9141323dbdd2.gif
Why have I always been so careful?
careful
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Thanks for a wonderful night. You know what?
nightthanks
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I'm seriously thinking about dropping by my bank tomorrow
bankdroppingthinkingtomorrow
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and asking that new teller for some penny rolls.
askingpennyrolls
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Hey, Mr. Hot Stuff, save some for the other fellas.
fellassavestuff
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- Bye-bye, guys. - Good night.
night
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Bye. Come on, son.
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Kitty?! Kitty Kenarban?
kenarbankittykitty-kitty
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How long have you been out there?
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Not long. All night.
night
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It looked like a lovely party.
lookedlovelyparty
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Hi, Hal.
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Hi, Kitty.
kitty
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I should just...
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um...
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Hmm.
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What are you doing here?
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Well, I've sort of been stalking my family,
familystalking
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trying to get the nerve to talk to them.
nerve
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I want to come back.
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You want to come back?
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I know what I did was terrible.
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I don't know what happened to me.
happened
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I guess I'd spent so much of my life
lifespent
↓
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being righteous and uptight and good,
uptight
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that something in me finally snapped
finallysnapped
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and I had to be bad.
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The last two years of my life
lifeyears
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have been a nightmarish blur
blur
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of booze binges and hotel rooms.
boozehotelrooms
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There were so many parties, so many weird scenes.
partiesscenesweird
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The childhood game of musical chairs
chairschildhoodgamemusical
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will never be the same for me.
↓
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Neither will Chutes and Ladders,
ladders
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Candyland, or Capture the Flag.
captureflag
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You know what's really amazing?
amazing
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Now that I have done literally everything...
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I'm finished. I'm done.
finished
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You've done everything?
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And now I'm done. Done for good.
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Wait, I don't get Candyland.
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I am so sorry
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for what I've done.
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cb02c406-bcbd-4269-af55-73e28ac95f71.gif
I just want throw myself at Abe's feet
feetthrow
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and beg his forgiveness, but it just seems impossible.
forgivenessimpossibleseems
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Could you find it in your hearts to maybe talk to him for me?
hearts
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Oh, Kitty...
kitty
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There's not a chance in the world
chanceworld
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I would ever do that for you.
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f1a9d880-c7cb-4f28-8a96-ca24169f8f3a.gif
But, I...
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You abandoned your family.
abandonedfamily
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Do you have any idea of the pain
ideapain
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and humiliation you inflicted
humiliationinflicted
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on that dear, sweet man and that poor, innocent boy?
dearinnocentpoorsweet
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I know you and I used to be friends,
friendsused
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but what you've done is so creepy and evil,
creepyevil
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it doesn't get fixed with "I'm sorry."
fixed
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It just doesn't.
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Yeah, that's pretty much it.
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Hey, where's the party?!
party
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Oh, hi, Kitty.
kitty
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Okay.
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We'll catch up later.
catch
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Okay, Dewey...
dewey
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since you are now officially old enough,
officially
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today is the day
today
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we start your initiation into full brotherhood.
brotherhoodfullinitiationstart
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c9a81c11-8b8c-424d-bdd4-f02ae6d83f46.gif
- Wow, really? - Yep.
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Reese went through this, Malcolm went through this
malcolmreese
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and now it is your turn.
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ca08bf68-2df9-44ad-a073-30f33ff02caf.gif
- Neat. When do we start? - Right now.
neatstart
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bebe5774-ec28-4516-9367-69805e38b7fa.gif
Get out of bed and lie down
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fee5d298-b221-4422-a198-33706b16a0c9.gif
on the Floor of Brotherhood.
brotherhoodfloor
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And give me the Pillow of Fraternity.
fraternitypillow
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Hey, Abe.
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We need to talk.
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What's going on?
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Give me a second.
second
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I'm just so... agitated.
agitated
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- What's the matter? - Kitty came over last night.
kittymatternight
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Oh, Abe. Would you like some tea or something?
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e07b73a2-3721-49fc-ae30-f803cc0daed6.gif
No, thank you. But I would like some clarification.
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997cc3eb-d5d4-4e2c-a4b1-c408e14f203d.gif
- What? - Did you actually call
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the woman I love "creepy and evil"?
creepyevillovewoman
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Wait a minute. You're mad at me?!
minute
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9b9720df-6382-44c0-a753-50dea91118e0.gif
What happened, Abe?
happened
↓
fd61c28d-b6fb-4599-b5c8-3e61efd9d799.gif
Kitty and I talked all night long.
kittynighttalked
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She told me about everything.
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Every horrifying detail was covered,
covereddetailhorrifying
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and by morning we decided
decidedmorning
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to try and make a go of it.
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Stevie's over the moon.
moonstevies
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327b6e6b-7efd-44fe-8cdc-7a6f4fedd935.gif
The boy needs a mother...
motherneeds
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and Lord knows I need a wife.
knowslordlord-knowswife
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Wow.
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So, in the future, Lois,
futurelois
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I'd appreciate a bit
appreciate
↓
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more support and respect for my wife.
respectsupportwife
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a544b193-caf2-45c4-bee0-75b4afce1ee1.gif
You're mad at me?!
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209cb98c-d612-44f4-bc0d-c157c476fd41.gif
You're going to pretend
pretend
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that the last two years just didn't happen?
happenyears
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No, but I don't see the need for you
↓
fee89700-2c4d-48f7-aca2-8c142ccc43f6.gif
to bring it up when you're not an affected party.
affectedbringparty
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You guys have to see this.
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f5260095-238c-4a7c-9b68-1502dcc191ea.gif
You know how you thought
↓
6f41d4fc-bfe7-402a-8a11-ae004070d502.gif
I would never do anything with my life?
life
↓
1ade41af-f6a7-45e4-8935-9bead60e68b1.gif
Well, prepare to be blown away!
blownprepare
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eb477ddf-1f26-4179-b79e-19b41c9669ee.gif
I'm going for the full body, head to toe.
bodyfullhead
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e0946740-bb3e-41aa-b15f-cc18d50dcf3c.gif
One continuous skin.
continuousskin
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4a843012-f1b6-44e7-bb8f-fcab82834554.gif
It'll be the greatest thing ever.
greatestitll
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Reese, get that off my chair
chairreese
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and get out of here.
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ed2abb6e-20d5-4dc3-bf09-1a7c83dac726.gif
We're discussing something important.
discussing
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Fine. You're not getting one dime off the film rights.
dimefilmrights
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Abe, how can you be mad at me?
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I've been there for you,
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day after day, month after month,
month
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through all the dinners and the tearful phone conversations,
conversationsdinnersphone
↓
b4b61027-e532-4607-bae0-54f409c82829.gif
the parent-teacher conferences for Stevie.
conferencesparentparent-teacherstevieteacher
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For God's sake, Abe, I'm your friend.
friendgodsgods-sakesake
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Then I wish you'd start acting like one.
actingstartstart-actingwish
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Now, if you'll excuse me,
excuse
↓
b592db49-b102-49a5-b4b0-bf3467482bca.gif
I have a wedding album I have to tape back together.
albumtapewedding
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Receive the mystic waters
receivewaters
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19f0b943-2663-4f5d-a348-87342760250a.gif
that unite us in fraternal bonds.
bondsunite
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c54a86d2-fbd6-4e87-941e-9d08c2ef1a21.gif
For though we are divided by maternal evil,
dividedevil
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so shall we be...
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Okay, I felt something down there.
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Okay, Dewey, eat up.
dewey
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You're going to need your nourishment if you're
↓
36d170fb-68dc-40df-9ca1-60ce0a0157ec.gif
gonna get through these next three days.
daysthreethree-days
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You took three days off work to do this?
daysthreethree-days
↓
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Quit stalling and suck ants.
antsquitstallingsuck
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Most...
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of all...
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I'd like...
↓
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to thank...
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...my father.
father
↓
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Got it.
↓
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Ladies and gentlemen,
gentlemenladies
↓
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friends and family,
familyfriends
↓
2b7d9cfb-c0cd-45f9-9ff2-e088130cea89.gif
esteemed colleagues of courtesy, you honor me.
colleaguescourtesyhonor
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abf7ec32-391f-4afd-b4ce-c24951364596.gif
But I can't let this occasion pass
occasionpass
↓
03882b2c-01e3-435b-a32d-e797f421d9e5.gif
without remarking that you all share in this award.
awardshare
↓
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Tonight helped me raise the banner of cordiality
bannerhelpedraisetonight
↓
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and strike a blow for civility as we kiss rudeness good-bye
blowkissstrike
↓
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and wish it well, and furth...
wish
↓
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Reese!
reese
↓
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We're working on Stevie's speech.
speechsteviesworking
↓
9b15478e-9188-47fe-8000-2b8b7ffc5a82.gif
I'm at a critical juncture here.
critical
↓
902c7ab3-7072-42fd-91ea-624c4a2dc2ba.gif
I've hit a mole, and I'm trying to decide
decidemole
↓
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if I should work around it or try to dig it out.
↓
00719305-3009-4a11-980f-8aa578979e2f.gif
The roots are pretty shallow.
rootsshallow
↓
fa4ddba5-1b53-4795-9082-dd8e61292517.gif
That's grotesque, Reese.
grotesquereese
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You don't understand
↓
3856eb27-e86a-451e-91a5-4305c029eab0.gif
the important work I'm doing here, Malcolm.
malcolm
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39b9d4f6-c98f-4f54-a06e-4becaf0c3adc.gif
I'm creating a whole new Reese.
creatingreesewhole
↓
e7831184-88ce-4832-ba37-17401845ca0c.gif
Shedding my old life.
life
↓
8c15cc87-a1e9-4e12-bec9-5cb957894152.gif
That's how snakes live forever.
foreverlivelive-foreversnakes
↓
b54a86a8-0cc4-477a-86f7-4f83cca2b614.gif
You're an idiot.
idiot
↓
766cff3d-09f8-4c5d-8da2-8a16ec139913.gif
I thought you boys might like some chips
boysboys-mightchipsmight
↓
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and lemonade.
lemonade
↓
b7412d44-21bf-4b42-a126-97639c9eb72c.gif
No thanks.
thanks
↓
4f73c33a-fc65-45c3-9287-5aca6d450a2e.gif
My creepy mom... gave me juice.
creepyjuice
↓
adfd3a8f-2ac1-40dc-bbda-15b8f03836f1.gif
It's not right, Hal.
↓
97a359b0-6c0d-48f0-b681-308312c611a3.gif
It's just not right. What business
business
↓
3f8e4a89-bf96-487e-8a42-4349ac5314ae.gif
do they have being angry at me?
angry
↓
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Kitty ruined their lives. She tore them apart.
apartkittylivesruinedtore
↓
9e438f05-1775-477c-87f5-9f6712a7bf4c.gif
She tortured them for two years, and I'm the bad guy?
torturedyears
↓
d3389573-ab0f-47ac-b988-01800dff192b.gif
I'm not the one with an S.T.D. named after me.
named
↓
fd76ef84-ee60-4c7a-aac3-b42581603751.gif
I'm not the one
↓
fa018f50-3fa7-47ca-8a6c-477a7ab194e0.gif
who smuggled Lord knows what in Lord knows where
knowslordlord-knowssmuggled
↓
0d36b320-ce05-438d-a8a7-fdcfba12df7f.gif
across the Turkish border.
borderturkish
↓
27e30298-5c03-4b62-ab4c-585940b20695.gif
- Hal? - What?
↓
41c6e7b5-951e-437f-aa8f-bc13cff5f94e.gif
You're absolutely right, honey.
absolutelyhoney
↓
d05674aa-879a-4cb3-9e62-401fd5b840f4.gif
I couldn't have said it better myself.
↓
f432bc1d-8f2f-4833-9b3c-3109a1fd2309.gif
Hal, you're really not helping.
helping
↓
f6a47572-2be7-4a7b-8166-1daa6cd4f747.gif
I'm sorry, Lois,
lois
↓
c3cfa58b-7002-4356-ae13-dd3f41353031.gif
but you sort of brought this on yourself.
brought
↓
fd6b204d-c6fe-4187-9e5a-aac4421659c0.gif
I mean, you should have known better
known
↓
e142a1f4-f7f1-4643-80d2-7cdd6c805122.gif
than to say something bad about the girl
girl
↓
186cf88c-c266-4298-96e9-6f8a38d683bb.gif
after a guy breaks up with her.
breaks
↓
ae32410a-33b1-4e83-a5ac-f2be192e6dd9.gif
They always wind up getting back together.
wind
↓
b5159deb-77bb-4f17-af3c-3a8b8d145c0a.gif
This isn't Biff and Buffie
↓
54b286b1-42f9-4dac-aa91-f146813d9b8f.gif
breaking up before the high school dance!
breakingdanceschool
↓
8c4e8d66-5bc7-4dfc-bcdf-1af04ba620b2.gif
I just, I don't understand how he could take her back.
↓
1114066a-6ca4-48f9-b298-36649aa36d53.gif
He's in love with her.
love
↓
c9afdd77-b8e3-4f8d-8af2-338cdf3473ab.gif
And despite everything that's happened,
despitehappened
↓
09690cc2-8ad9-4eb2-90c3-517d80afda61.gif
he's still in love with her.
love
↓
e915d86b-0724-4ff5-b7e6-8ec5ce554a3d.gif
I understand that.
↓
cd152d45-f7ce-4dfc-b53e-5438524ce44e.gif
I would take you back if it happened to us.
happened
↓
b7095bd0-c9c9-45a5-b49a-bddd22bc340b.gif
Oh, you would not. How can you say that?
↓
181987b4-85f8-4f82-9398-06b48e4e7e28.gif
There's no life without you.
life
↓
080b9fdf-2199-4e6f-965a-598b860cc743.gif
Oh, shut up and go to sleep.
sleep
↓
e0acc56e-75b4-48b4-a0d8-2b26f5f20b53.gif
Aren't you a little old for this?
↓
6e49817d-6909-49c4-97ec-0d7b481c2eb5.gif
Prepare to drink
drinkprepare
↓
28af4b7f-9bf6-4c4d-ab06-102afa9fdb36.gif
from the Chalice of Brotherhood.
brotherhood
↓
464eb190-63ac-43ef-aefe-de28cdb1ae94.gif
Something smells horrible.
horriblesmells
↓
a6a764b4-74fe-4a96-a64f-2a183fbd9ed3.gif
Is that the drip pan?
drip
↓
3e6ea9cc-2cf3-43cb-94da-e899dcfcfb19.gif
You're not supposed to know.
supposed
↓
164a63c0-68c9-46fa-ba24-b4d6d38efa73.gif
I'm not drinking from that. It's disgusting.
disgustingdrinking
↓
34e8899b-819c-459c-aac7-e8750c900d2c.gif
Yes, it is disgusting, but it must be done.
disgustingmust
↓
7e28ec14-edda-4b33-ab4e-e2310f13e3b9.gif
Oh, man...
↓
5dd7be5d-0efb-4be9-a3f7-9a6048b200e9.gif
Awesome, Dewey. You did it!
awesomedewey
↓
dd562d3a-8d63-4730-bbdf-3c0538301012.gif
I'm done?
↓
adb804b0-f342-4e5d-9ba8-0519666975d6.gif
You passed with flying colors.
colorsflyingpassed
↓
125b6114-6775-4d70-85b4-ee9e9890f612.gif
You are now a full brother.
brotherfull
↓
fc576ac0-0c16-472a-bc9f-6098fd211281.gif
And now I would like to present to you...
present
↓
508f3463-18cf-4c4b-95ab-44e300d2d071.gif
The Cookie of Brotherhood.
brotherhoodcookie
↓
c07a14b6-3406-4183-9ac9-25509e15233f.gif
- That's it? - What do you mean?
↓
f77c1a14-26e6-4ee1-9335-9e5932a5e2ee.gif
I ate all that crap for a stupid cookie?
cookiestupid
↓
45e3f09b-0db3-402a-8d3f-8a15512ab50a.gif
It's a meaningful cookie.
cookiemeaningful
↓
873826b2-719a-4fea-9317-5cad39522c09.gif
It's a symbol of something really cool and special,
coolspecialsymbol
↓
98da27ed-60e6-42a2-9172-bed564216ccd.gif
you little ingrate!
↓
4b0e0dcd-18a7-4253-a275-243b24013e73.gif
It's a symbol of what an idiot I am!
idiotsymbol
↓
f9f57b0e-1bc8-4c19-b976-684a8dc64858.gif
You know nothing of fraternity and sacred rituals!
fraternityritualssacred
↓
c485f954-8eae-4c2a-a70c-2e06646f9951.gif
Give me back my cookie.
cookie
↓
cc00252d-f976-4952-8a41-fd623ff038a6.gif
Well, I hit a little bump in the road.
bumproad
↓
1f623cef-8db2-43b5-bbc2-2cb3d4dff454.gif
I totally forgot I wasn't sunburned
forgot
↓
75e22db3-469b-45f5-836a-49c9a1e3b7d2.gif
underneath my swimming suit.
suitswimmingunderneath
↓
a4b091b8-4811-4cc8-aa78-2b7332ff4c93.gif
Are you wearing leg warmers?
warmerswearing
↓
25600c79-9af6-4780-bc62-c6c0a37f8f30.gif
Anything worth doing
worth
↓
35db77b9-6c47-446d-a737-35ac716f16a8.gif
is worth doing right.
worth
↓
02656aa4-82cc-426b-af57-e6e0ce83cb0b.gif
And save. I think this is going to work.
save
↓
faae3655-e434-494a-b109-4620bad2e660.gif
Why is...
↓
05f11d88-b9da-46c9-8c99-dfd32b79a3e4.gif
your mom...
↓
a84e7fa7-bb2a-470c-a60f-8a799c8e81f6.gif
so mean?
↓
ff1ac3da-96a7-4326-8a8b-07c457a45380.gif
I guess when you find something
↓
84706a8c-c778-4f63-8202-af2e710f7744.gif
you're really good at, you just stick with it.
stick
↓
528c0313-8f23-4883-8064-45f2e506cc18.gif
I'm glad...
glad
↓
902ccb45-bee4-4d2a-ab97-54be93158142.gif
you understand...
↓
4569a13e-3035-4063-998f-96226c184a91.gif
about my mom.
↓
746abc0a-3812-4623-b46f-c1909535b336.gif
- Why would you ever think that? - What?
↓
b17be8f4-86bc-4183-a211-d9bc8701ae21.gif
Stevie, I'm sure whatever my mom said
stevie
↓
66f91988-1634-44a4-9093-2bac9072ad9b.gif
was way too harsh and totally unjustified.
harsh
↓
8a49b7af-4e82-408f-9820-70d63c92c555.gif
But your mom abandoned you guys.
abandoned
↓
1afc09b2-dbfa-459c-b4be-0be740dbcd81.gif
Don't you even care about all the crap
care
↓
b1ff63c8-e757-4b56-b484-7b3155f6344b.gif
she put you and your dad through?
↓
1938323a-bfa4-4402-8384-f666866bc84e.gif
She shouldn't be able to just say "I'm sorry"
able
↓
25f689e5-ba33-4374-9fa7-f0418e50be1a.gif
and get away with it.
↓
ab66bb0f-7b20-443b-ab85-c034f3bd391e.gif
This... conversation...
conversation
↓
3044d52e-9e8c-4e0e-a0e9-bded71a2aead.gif
is... over!
↓
90f3d66c-a597-45b7-b18e-95b16e3c56c5.gif
Right... now.
↓
495454a7-880e-43c7-ab71-9bb15bc2c49b.gif
Can anyone help me?
↓
66f15dc4-a282-4ee6-b996-01b879cd6cf3.gif
I can't reach this.
reach
↓
e5618fd0-8752-4a3f-a0a4-2f551fd31189.gif
Get that thing out of here!
↓
57059040-e69c-4e00-925c-e648456ee225.gif
You're spending all this time with Stevie,
spendingstevie
↓
2675f6a5-415e-4fac-acd8-94f75ae97a2b.gif
helping him with his little wussy award,
awardhelping
↓
06263bfe-3285-46ad-8b1a-ba57fdb0a4c8.gif
and you won't help someone in your own family
family
↓
5cc9a822-72db-4ec6-a147-9d8a7ab139c0.gif
reach immortality?!
reach
↓
0c416a86-b359-4914-a124-675b76a8def1.gif
- Move! - Stevie...
stevie
↓
523a4e6f-28e3-4551-8533-d93569ad29f6.gif
Wait! Wait, guys!
↓
0fc6a889-5ce5-4509-8c69-b88dff5078d6.gif
Okay. Okay. I see how it is.
↓
b1a4e6f7-8d5f-4db8-ad70-f5f46b219e69.gif
You want my dream to die!
dream
↓
61c9ad3b-afa1-4c80-ba57-699802fbd1c2.gif
I'm sorry you guys
↓
27dadfda-fe06-4779-82af-8a555b873fd9.gif
are gonna miss Stevie's award.
awardmissstevies
↓
2ee85142-3440-4d6d-9c8b-1701676fd322.gif
Make sure you keep checking in on Dewey.
checkingdewey
↓
8eba20fb-1614-4b58-b4b6-01cc4a47187e.gif
What did the doctor say?
doctor
↓
6263e58f-1438-4c1c-b984-e9c21e58d471.gif
It's weird.
weird
↓
23a2e3eb-246a-47e2-878a-229967c4c8a1.gif
He said it's some kind of intestinal thing
intestinal
↓
715ed590-23b6-4720-8206-deae63714b3d.gif
that people in Third World countries
countriesthirdthird-worldworld
↓
08653c50-7297-4934-aad9-d069399ffd73.gif
get from drinking stagnant water.
drinkingwater
↓
17964545-be9c-4ab6-a7b5-b429a800a852.gif
Huh. That is weird.
weird
↓
9d30f00c-ef50-42a8-bc2b-005e6aea5834.gif
You know you don't have to go.
↓
7c0ddaf5-8a29-4d4d-a28f-92ca993a18b6.gif
Oh, Hal, Stevie's a wonderful boy.
stevies
↓
d50e0e6e-19b7-447d-ba04-c2a5dec063fd.gif
I'm going to go and support him.
support
↓
2ed1c0d6-690b-4049-8e19-5dc64eda382f.gif
He doesn't want you there.
↓
15c9587a-0d5d-409f-b1d4-f0b50166aa1c.gif
Well, that's too damn bad.
↓
afd0d15b-1785-41c4-b116-0fae4470f143.gif
I'm going to support him whether he wants it or not.
supportwantswhether
↓
fbb1ff58-73e5-416a-a5f1-badcbed377f6.gif
They think I'm the one
↓
9f4b9422-a4fe-4a44-a75b-67e73a8a9a30.gif
with the problem, and they are wrong.
problem
↓
979f2240-cef9-4a29-85c8-9d3d85c39e81.gif
Hal, they are wrong.
↓
60dff131-ea82-41ba-b31d-83109ed7ac11.gif
And I'm not gonna let them get away with it.
↓
6b3bb2b8-1430-49ee-a0dd-a34ba3051496.gif
I just think it's gonna a little uncomfortable.
uncomfortable
↓
7676d951-745f-4997-8f7d-9efce423f346.gif
Oh, I guarantee it's gonna be uncomfortable.
guaranteeuncomfortable
↓
2399d9bc-b494-4a1a-8024-56983897635e.gif
And if you do anything to make it any less uncomfortable,
lessuncomfortable
↓
da3be44e-9e35-42e1-a29d-bf3b9384bf2a.gif
I will never forgive you.
forgive
↓
eda8b5a1-1477-4d22-8a43-82f298ee8224.gif
- ♪ Pardon me ♪ - ♪ It's nice to meet ya ♪
meetpardon
↓
bad7d570-f6a4-499b-b910-4cfd6de32018.gif
- ♪ In our posse ♪ - ♪ That's how we greet ya ♪
greetposse
↓
c6814f27-b339-4dda-81ea-dfd52e706d5c.gif
♪ Hip hop hooray, argh ♪
arghhooray
↓
aee2c896-8574-4cb2-8dcb-a0c260373325.gif
Oh, thank you,
↓
3dc02744-aaba-49e6-ab3e-b8cf058ad93a.gif
Sir Please-A-Lot and Jam Master. Thank You.
master
↓
d5f48810-8428-4d97-bbb8-c81829172896.gif
Who says rap has to be rude?
rude
↓
081c1731-7144-43bf-9b33-d313f89772b2.gif
I wish I could thank each and every one of you
wish
↓
823a2e78-7836-4ba5-a18e-4f7663638148.gif
for making this night possible,
nightpossible
↓
aab28a18-d396-419b-bb7d-3cce31e2bd19.gif
- but there isn't time. - Aww...
↓
b48434f1-8f07-4e23-bfeb-6896dc781762.gif
I'm kidding.
kidding
↓
98e18eb9-4cdc-40db-a6ab-1bf2778694a1.gif
Of course there is.
course
↓
c95aedf5-cafd-46de-95c8-9cce73a510b1.gif
Aaron Aaronson, Barnet Aaronson,
aaron
↓
a2d6c671-7353-4b40-b3bd-c4fc17597d5e.gif
Barnet Aaronson, Jr...
↓
6763f3c7-4662-4221-87c0-fc54ff95539e.gif
I can't believe you brought that thing with you.
believebrought
↓
192db647-94f2-44f9-980a-7a3b4a7b6cc2.gif
It has a name, Malcolm.
malcolmname
↓
1fef6670-839b-4286-bc57-f62e29a4ef36.gif
Even though the mashed potatoes
mashedmashed-potatoespotatoes
↓
fc687f1c-e643-422b-84a5-cd686b1638fd.gif
are not supposed to come with the duck,
ducksupposed
↓
b6a3ffdb-6a0a-40c4-ba65-2eb245076842.gif
cram them in there anyway,
cram
↓
9bee8c30-0c01-48ac-9b15-c62c8c12112b.gif
whether the duck likes it or not.
ducklikeswhether
↓
f40f8397-daec-4d97-830e-7a24e062d5c7.gif
Ma'am?
maam
↓
18d83c02-9ca8-4761-be3c-bde58be4ef5b.gif
The beef. Even though it's the carrots
beefcarrots
↓
f8f7b93d-4177-47b9-bb01-24cc85929a20.gif
that are the problem,
problem
↓
503868f5-e347-420f-80a0-e520e15da891.gif
I'd like to exclude the broccoli.
↓
faa6872a-90e5-46f7-9ff4-3a3fc1d3a180.gif
That may work as a metaphor, ma'am,
maammetaphor
↓
1b19afeb-f3b2-444f-aac9-874286b4759c.gif
but you're really screwing up your entrée.
screwing
↓
eacbe034-1f28-41a1-b305-b23a79dfce58.gif
I'll just have another margarita.
anothermargarita
↓
1d0edf9d-667f-4a85-8367-ffcdff1b1a82.gif
Oh, and, and, and hurry.
hurry
↓
9dd99498-5e27-4309-a9c4-1b8aa6a02d66.gif
It's sort of an emergency.
emergency
↓
39ddc171-3dc1-431f-bb53-5a738ddddafd.gif
Need another roll in there, Dewey?
anotherdeweyroll
↓
f6be13be-6099-4891-a55b-53e8a95c33ba.gif
Shut up!
↓
16deda9c-7797-4711-89f0-06e0b0b47500.gif
I'm really sorry.
↓
c2c5d52f-d596-4796-87e6-c8e379962475.gif
I got carried away.
carried
↓
2c3ff0e0-76b4-41ff-871a-be6e5766c0fd.gif
I just... I miss you guys.
miss
↓
c23e0740-1403-4134-988f-b9472c31a6b0.gif
And let's face it, torture and humiliation are
facehumiliationtorture
↓
26b70957-6d1f-43a8-b962-4cb137fcaad5.gif
the only ways we've ever known to say we love each other.
knownloveways
↓
9375af25-fd3a-482f-8028-a6cf96186dc1.gif
You know you're only making yourself feel better.
↓
5b5af281-ab98-49a0-bf35-5156b0c6ea65.gif
Okay, okay.
↓
f43c8ec7-106b-4382-b1f1-16da2d06c2cd.gif
I want to give you something, Dewey.
dewey
↓
5db5c670-a34b-4927-9f5c-fa2220c63b01.gif
Something special.
special
↓
677ee796-c782-41d4-9c76-49eaa9938281.gif
I've never even told Reese or Malcolm about it.
malcolmreese
↓
30b7f804-4154-4f3c-8ba6-10dccd3e5070.gif
It's like the ultimate defense against Mom and Dad.
defenseultimate
↓
6caacb64-ada9-435b-b6ec-77778e6d64cf.gif
Totally bulletproof.
bulletproof
↓
c0af7343-7757-4107-90d8-aee66a035bd5.gif
I'm listening.
listening
↓
4b1c5093-8d2f-43a5-8af0-7070a378cadd.gif
In Mom and Dad's bedroom,
bedroomdads
↓
4417d1a5-d7fc-48a7-b839-a2bd0f907f6c.gif
on the nightstand next to Mom's side
momsnightstandside
↓
b14c2bfd-7cb6-462c-9368-ac1d49cf9e63.gif
is a big vanilla candle.
candlevanilla
↓
aaca53cb-5eb3-47aa-975e-f0d27e5cd8c3.gif
- Have you seen it? - Yeah.
seen
↓
7faae113-ab9e-4b09-a402-965d9bf4a734.gif
Mom and Dad like to use that candle when they, um...
candle
↓
0706b757-f1fb-4d17-a77d-ba77cf5dafca.gif
lock their door and do grown-up stuff.
doorgrownlockstuff
↓
46febb36-fe27-4bb8-87fa-3a26db2499ec.gif
You mean sex.
↓
ce402b7b-1bba-4d64-b7c2-312cd68fac5d.gif
I'm afraid so.
afraid
↓
51980725-e5b3-4791-857f-76d275573ab0.gif
Now it's gotten to the point
gottenpoint
↓
e43bf78a-8a55-406b-9ec3-956dfee82473.gif
that every time that candle's lit,
candles
↓
8ecef59d-7f67-4548-b867-f33b648ac477.gif
all they can think about is...
↓
825a3260-d4dc-43af-94b2-5b932559ccd2.gif
going back to their room.
room
↓
ce6754f0-ac38-4758-bfc2-64aa772c2c0f.gif
I have never seen it miss.
missseen
↓
4717d1a1-02f3-4687-82b8-5142353ee967.gif
Wow. Thanks.
thanks
↓
a1e4ab41-15f5-485b-8126-10b6778ee42e.gif
We are now Brothers of the Candle.
brotherscandle
↓
fdc0b663-4fab-482a-8d07-536e4cc2474e.gif
Francis, you gotta stop that.
francis
↓
f6ee3d75-a32a-4bf0-adf5-ef147a7d7b4c.gif
I'll have another margarita.
anothermargarita
↓
54d606c0-3e2f-4004-af45-be87dc510867.gif
Well, I'm learning a lot tonight.
learningtonight
↓
4d020b03-02d8-4bb9-94a1-478adbfd902f.gif
I never dreamt there were so many ways of saying thank you.
dreamtways
↓
c9918747-d089-455a-9188-2dbc91bd5645.gif
I wish there were more ways to say you're not welcome.
wayswelcomewish
↓
a004a2ba-dce0-4c47-89f6-98a414d1a374.gif
Excuse me.
excuse
↓
191ab991-2340-4964-ae87-b34322168fbe.gif
You know what I never have?
↓
8750badd-04c0-45c8-8384-4c16dde4704e.gif
A margarita.
margarita
↓
604479f2-9ac1-4f7a-a642-7b84ea84e31d.gif
Oh! Ooh. Ah.
↓
536c4c1e-82e7-4329-849b-153920281201.gif
Lois, please, this is just too tense.
loistense
↓
795b17f4-c172-4c7c-ad6f-163ace65f4f5.gif
I'm sorry, I don't have amnesia.
amnesia
↓
b9c721bc-5b13-4ea2-a031-07662c74072e.gif
You're the only one who has a problem with this.
problem
↓
96a7c536-8385-41b8-8efb-46bd321f1977.gif
You are one polite old bag, you know that, honey?
honeypolite
↓
43272577-e248-4bc6-822a-27726147fda7.gif
Excuse me.
excuse
↓
f8982d35-e9d1-4b72-989e-6046fd2a08d6.gif
Come here, oldie, give us a hug.
↓
b76dfd14-088b-4a3b-8996-4046c25c5962.gif
He's cut off.
↓
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Hey, that's Kitty Kenarban at your table, right?
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Yeah.
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So are both of you into the same scene?
scene
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You know, "snip, snip, reow"?
snip
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I beg your pardon?
pardon
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Ah, nothing, nothing.
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Uh, listen, um... could you give this to Kitty?
kitty
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We were both in the, uh, choir together,
choir
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and I thought she'd like to join us for practice some time.
joinpracticeshed
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I'd be happy to.
happy
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Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
gentlemenladieswelcome
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beloved PBS children's TV icon Frank Walston.
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Before we bring out our guest of honor,
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I'd like to say a few words about courtesy.
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Now I know that good manners sometimes seem like
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just a bunch of dumb old rules our parents invented
bunchdumbinventedparentsrules
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so they could scold us...
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You got that right!
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But-but manners are so much more.
manners
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Only human beings have a system
beingshumanhuman-beingssystem
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that reminds us to care about each other.
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It is how we live in grace.
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Manners are what allow us to be kind to each other,
allowmanners
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to live with each other,
live
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but most importantly, they are how we forgive each other.
forgiveimportantly
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And in the end, they allow us
allow
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to listen to the voices of our better angels.
angelsvoices
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Now, can I tell you my favorite thing about manners?
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Kitty, please forgive me.
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Well, the best part
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is yet to come.
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So, let us give a warm courtesy welcome
courtesywarmwelcome
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to this year's Gallant,
years
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no Goofus he, our own Stevie Kenarban.
kenarbansteviestevie-kenarban
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Whoo!
whoo
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Whoo hoo!
whoo
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Ladies and gentleman, friends and family,
familyfriendsgentlemanladies
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esteemed colleagues of courtesy, you honor me.
colleaguescourtesyhonor
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But I can't let this occasion pass
occasionpass
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without remarking that you all blow, blow, blow, blow.
blow
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It means so much and requires so little to take a moment
momentrequires
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to kiss my butt.
buttkiss
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In conclusion, I feel the evening would be incomplete
conclusionevening
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without telling the world that I am actually a lady.
ladytellingworld
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Thank you. Go... to... hell.
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He can talk!
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He's cured!
cured
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Reese, your punishment isn't over
punishmentreese
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until that bathroom floor
bathroomfloor
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is so clean, you could eat off of it,
clean
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which is what you're gonna be doing for the next two weeks.
weeks
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And get rid of that thing.
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It's disgusting!
disgusting
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Disgusting?
disgusting
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If Malcolm made another him out of hair,
anotherhairmalcolm
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you'd be throwing a parade for him right now!
paradethrowing
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Aaah, no!
aaah
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It just took it.
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That could have been me.
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I need a few minutes alone with the vacuum.
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You're supposed to sign this.
signsupposed
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"Disrupted class"?
class
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"Insulted the teacher"?
insultedteacher
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Dewey, you are in so much...
dewey
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...trouble!
trouble
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Okay, first off, we have to
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figure out a punish... uh...
figurepunish
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- Punishment. - That's right.
punishment
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And it's gonna be really, really... Mmm...
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That's nice, honey.
honey
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You are going to... uh, to...
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Uh, Dewey, we're gonna talk about this later.
dewey
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That's right.
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Lois, there's something in the bedroom
bedroomlois
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- I have wanted to show you. - Mm.
wanted
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Subtitles by Brian Weber
brian