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Home » Malcolm in the Middle » S05E17 — Polly in the Middle

Malcolm in the Middle

Season 5, Episode 17 — Polly in the Middle

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Episode title: Polly in the Middle
Air date: April 25, 2004
Director: Steve Love
Top billed cast: Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Christopher Masterson
Hal sets up Abe Kenarben on a blind date with Jaime's babysitter Polly but then realizes Lois has also set her up on a blind date - with Craig. Malcolm, Dewey (with his "lucky" shirt) and Reese also meet Reggie Jackson and Francis is embarrassed by Piama in front of his co-workers.
Source: TMDB
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What are you doing?
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Playing with ants.
antsplaying
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Looking for a little picnic, huh?
lookingpicnic
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Looks like you've come to the wrong place.
place
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There's one on your hand.
hand
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He's got a little surprise coming.
comingsurprise
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b79d3189-79e8-4824-abf3-27274f469d45.gif
Stupid ant.
stupid
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♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
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♪ I don't know ♪
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♪ Life is unfair ♪
lifeunfair
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Yesterday he read a book in dim light.
booklightreadyesterday
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Now, he's making his first prank phone call.
phoneprank
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Hello,
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Yeah.
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It's me.
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We've gotta get tickets to this baseball card convention.
baseballcardconventiontickets
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You know who's gonna be there? Reggie Jackson,
jacksonreggie
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Pete Bucowski.
bucowskipetepete-bucowski
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- Who? - Oh, for the--
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to play two complete seasons in the majors.
completemajorsseasons
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And you call yourselves fans.
fansyourselves
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- Your what? - My lucky shirt.
luckylucky-shirtshirt
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The shirt that gives me good luck.
givesluckshirt
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I wear it and I'm lucky.
luckywear
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7b3d8e4f-f411-431d-bdd4-5fdc6c11320b.gif
You're asking me...
asking
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about luck?
luck
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2572494b-0c40-491a-85de-a0c80db19df9.gif
Here it is. That's better.
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a2cd8796-7a8d-457b-b4f1-013855e577e8.gif
Don't know what I would've done without my lucky shirt.
luckylucky-shirtshirtwouldve
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It's not a lucky shirt.
luckylucky-shirtshirt
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Hey, look.
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An M&M.
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Wow, the collars are so crisp.
collarscrisp
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That's her signature.
signature
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Oh, honestly.
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It's just a little spray starch and a firm hand.
firmhandspray
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So, Abe, how's the divorce going?
divorce
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It's a nightmare, Hal.
nightmare
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Kitty is out of control.
controlkitty
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He asked me if she could sit at our table.
askedtable
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Whoa.
whoa
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You know, Abe, it's been a while.
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- You should think about getting out again. - I've taken care of that.
caretakentaken-care
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Hot soup!
soup
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I'm taking Jamie to the park.
jamiepark
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We're gonna look for butterflies and talk about his birth trauma.
birthbutterfliestrauma
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Sounds good.
sounds
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b18858bc-d209-4d57-b4e0-f86189c91c14.gif
- Oh, Polly, this is Abe. - Hi.
polly
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Hi.
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Oh, my God.
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That woman fell out of the sexy tree
fellsexytreewoman
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and hit every branch on the way down.
branch
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Abe, you dog.
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Why don't you ask her out?
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My dad asked her dad,
asked
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and we gave her family a ham.
family
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But maybe you could ask her for me.
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You just told me I should get out there and now you're crushing my dreams.
crushingdreams
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You read about the guy,
read
↓
c6187095-0e5f-41dc-8c30-805438873d73.gif
who woke up in a tub with his kidney gone?
gonekidneywoke
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One of my setups.
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I had a really good feeling about that one.
feeling
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Please.
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I need this.
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Oh, all right.
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But I'm warning you,
warning
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I have a really good feeling about this one, too.
feeling
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d4f13cf2-553d-4257-8df1-d0c70f2636b9.gif
Halftime.
halftime
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Nighty-night.
nightnightynighty-night
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Oh, if Jamie has that dream again,
dreamjamie
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a7b59475-7109-443b-a8eb-9a30d2345f35.gif
I think it's about a bad teddy, try and get him to ride it out.
rideteddy
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He's gotta defeat that thing.
defeat
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edee8377-d94e-4042-87fc-86cbd02f478e.gif
Got it.
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47e4fd53-a264-4d6f-a7cf-93605ee62acc.gif
Oh, listen, Polly, are you doing anything Friday night?
fridayfriday-nightnightpolly
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Oh, my God.
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e669580c-34de-4af2-ba4d-10291f02a122.gif
I've been dreading this day.
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This is what happened on my last job.
happened
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Of course he told me he only had six months to live.
courselivemonths
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And, boy, did he live.
live
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No. No, no. Polly, Polly.
polly
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I was asking for my friend, Abe.
askingfriend
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He was here the other day.
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Oh, Stevie's dad?
stevies
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eb6aaf05-534a-44bb-b954-38ac063d5ca1.gif
Yeah. Oh, he's a great guy.
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af7ccfbe-e58f-4655-914e-b570fe6cfad4.gif
A lot of fun, a big heart, a great personality...
funheartpersonality
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I know he's fat, Hal.
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ac5c12e4-90a4-4b67-b3ab-aafc9b3bd8c0.gif
- That wasn't, uh... - Oh, no, that's okay.
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To tell you the truth, I prefer big men.
prefertruth
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So have him call me.
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All right.
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But this should not be construed as a setup in any way
setup
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because he was gonna ask you out.
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If you're gonna do this, you need to promise
promise
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that you're not gonna stalk him
stalk
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or run him over with a car
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or suddenly decide he looks like your stepbrother,
decidesuddenly
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and throw a steam iron at him.
ironsteamthrow
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I drifted off, Hal, but okay.
drifted
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After the movie, we took off our shoes and walked barefoot through the mall.
mallmovieshoeswalked
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I tell you, Hal, I feel like a new man.
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7d30696d-c559-49e4-8e10-4f01c7960b31.gif
Yesterday I was watching a Pepe LePew cartoon
cartoonpepewatchingyesterday
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and I thought, "So he doesn't get the cat.
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d35bf45d-4a05-4001-86b5-c28012350fe8.gif
Is that anything to cry over?"
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Wow, that is a real breakthrough, Abe.
breakthroughreal
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fd3ec0db-fd14-41ee-b7f6-1552a67ee8d1.gif
I'm definitely gonna see her again.
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0828bc7c-90da-48f8-8693-8c79fc509f24.gif
She's here tomorrow. I'll ask--
tomorrow
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8742d60a-6711-41c1-aba5-d4dcfa4b71b4.gif
No, no, I already asked her out.
asked
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Myself. It was amazing.
amazing
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I was like some magnificent beast.
beastmagnificent
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b386d54e-82bb-4971-afa5-464640cdff3d.gif
Now, if you'll excuse me,
excuse
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b7f6e4e5-7782-48ed-9de0-418e318b85de.gif
I'm going to add my own fabric softener.
fabricfabric-softenersoftener
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Francis, look at this Visa bill.
billfrancis
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What did we say about expenditures over $100?
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I needed a new hat.
needed
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Give me your card.
card
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1962132d-b92d-45f9-90a3-2f6dea950807.gif
Piama, this is stupid.
piamastupid
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Give me your card.
card
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e259d7d1-6032-4dca-9e40-ad3940311204.gif
Thanks for letting me get ready here, Lois.
lettingloisreadythanks
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Which earrings?
earrings
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- Well, the dangly are a little-- - Oh, I was asking Jamie.
askingjamie
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I'm sorry, but he's really good at this.
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Oh, you're right. What was I thinking?
thinking
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I'm so nervous.
nervous
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This is the third date, and you know what that means.
datethirdthird-date
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Well, Polly...
polly
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Oh, no. Not that.
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I get that out of the way on the first date.
date
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Makes everyone more relaxed.
makesrelaxed
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b811980c-cf5b-4e69-9e17-6a1b9ee7f5bb.gif
No, tonight we're gonna do tribal scarring and then go to Ben and Jerry's.
tonighttribal
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Well, it may not be our idea of romance,
idearomance
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but those two have really hit it off.
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And here I was convinced setting people up was a recipe for disaster.
convinceddisasterrecipesetting
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I was skeptical, too, but you know what?
skeptical
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I was wrong, and I'm happy to admit it.
admithappy
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Hold on, lover boy. She's not quite--
lover
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Craig?
craig
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9baf60fa-d43d-4290-81df-6f3404bf5aa7.gif
Hi. Is Polly ready?
pollyready
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Hi, Craig. She'll be out in a minute. Don't you look nice?
craigminuteshell
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Thanks. I set my Flowbee on "hot."
thanks
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- Hi. - Hi.
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2feb4b4b-5793-4754-955e-1e653abbafbb.gif
What is that intoxicating fragrance?
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Oh, it's Glade.
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It suits you.
suits
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Have fun, you two.
fun
↓
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- That's not Abe. - No, that's Craig. What about it?
craig
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She can't be dating Craig. She's dating Abe.
craigdating
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- What are you talking about? - I set up Abe and Polly.
polly
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9e381e19-3687-455c-9823-689f679ee64b.gif
I set up Craig and Polly.
craigpolly
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All the time we've been talking about Polly's date,
date
↓
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we've been talking about different people?
↓
e17c17f9-f99f-46a2-ae2b-d6f2f41d1286.gif
I haven't been.
↓
52af4466-5c7f-4179-8603-282eb98b4c6f.gif
I clearly remember saying, "Overweight, nearsighted, lonely.
lonelyoverweightremember
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Lost his kitty..."
kittylost
↓
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Oh, my God.
↓
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I picked up some cold medicine for you.
coldmedicinepicked
↓
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I told you I'm fine.
↓
c6aa7aaf-9200-4a39-9687-7a2a25d0fbdb.gif
You know what happens when you get that scratchy thing in your throat.
happensthroat
↓
f7cfc9cb-bc80-4698-98da-32d5485d32d5.gif
I don't need it.
↓
451f285a-e6b4-4890-a55b-a41278fc6f83.gif
I'm not gonna be up all night with you coughing.
coughingnight
↓
7f495605-66bb-462c-91fe-35d61cdc5521.gif
Just take it.
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e06e9f2b-bdcd-4fcf-a48b-f668ffd3a78a.gif
Señora.
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283a522f-0f94-43ed-a286-daf43da4f3b9.gif
Señora.
↓
440567c4-11f6-4660-a958-322ed33a726a.gif
You have to stop telling me what to do.
telling
↓
ee722816-84db-41b5-8998-ed2e0a0b759d.gif
You are putting me in a horrible position in front of my guys, Piama,
fronthorriblepiamapositionputting
↓
199e3aa1-f192-44e5-8211-32bd0a885d8a.gif
and it's getting worse.
worse
↓
ecafd227-1841-498d-9d38-3ec9c6b00a42.gif
- They're not doing the work? - What? No, they do plenty of work.
plenty
↓
f79e0876-8633-43a7-91b9-738294528673.gif
Then what's the problem?
problem
↓
2213b31f-d4ad-415a-accf-5a4412b0d892.gif
They're...
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7aaa348e-2e37-413b-91b3-9c8fbf460459.gif
teasing me.
teasing
↓
b1a43087-3f38-41a7-9602-71fbdce7ad97.gif
The other boys are teasing you.
boysteasing
↓
d11daa9a-2fd9-474e-a23d-ba3c4288cb3e.gif
Let me explain something to you, Piama.
explainpiama
↓
1fcbdbee-555a-4e44-b7c1-06ce5b816e85.gif
The whole macho thing is very big in Mexican culture.
culturemachomexicanwhole
↓
0b6f7954-5804-43f5-bce9-eec85ac373c1.gif
No, it's actually big in every culture, and I'm not buying into it
buyingculture
↓
5efb58d4-7e2d-479e-b044-cb48ae81ad29.gif
just because these guys are acting like jerks.
actingjerks
↓
e58b9f13-fa08-4e3e-8b7a-6b068638c59d.gif
That's a good boy.
↓
c7f535b3-afcd-4c3f-9f28-57b2698ab780.gif
I will not be mocked.
mocked
↓
5d24fc9a-e515-4125-8c42-c631760c51a7.gif
Do you hear me?
↓
74e062b6-2eea-4dc9-93af-df78a5d8c253.gif
I'm not kidding!
kidding
↓
83b37510-a726-497d-82d7-cab215c40683.gif
I'm sorry.
↓
fd0ce558-759d-4d6c-92f7-5a765fe2cb41.gif
Clean socks.
cleansocks
↓
f7e3e0d0-5932-43da-bd59-0286f7090cc5.gif
Yes. Lucky shirt strikes again.
luckylucky-shirtshirtstrikes
↓
1834d6d1-116a-4b92-8342-7f8420051f16.gif
It's not a lucky shirt.
luckylucky-shirtshirt
↓
9846e82a-95fe-4725-bb6d-cd41e220f82e.gif
You shouldn't criticize things you're not equipped to know.
criticizeequipped
↓
f4352c21-1ea7-4b19-8799-2e085c178aa6.gif
It's a shirt.
shirt
↓
6aa1b2fd-a1b6-4098-af9d-2a033348ad56.gif
It's just fabric. There's nothing in there but atoms.
atomsfabric
↓
45bc6209-3c77-479a-8175-d9b7f7ae5f05.gif
Luck atoms.
atomsluck
↓
5669f9d2-7c8b-4a3a-bdbd-9ee7166d46cb.gif
There are no luck atoms!
atomsluck
↓
acac5ff6-2bec-492b-b4cc-f49f10169ba6.gif
Everyone has some kind of luck, Malcolm.
luckmalcolm
↓
334aebfb-f984-4ec7-bd97-c7219ebef21c.gif
Like you, you're lucky at taking tests.
luckytests
↓
e29176ad-ab92-447b-8bfa-3a0a7eda1c2b.gif
I bust my ass to get good grades!
bustgrades
↓
628a27a0-b69b-47ae-8e24-dd9fee533f8e.gif
Why does my lucky shirt make you so mad?
luckylucky-shirtshirt
↓
e0303dba-610e-44a3-8afc-7891997328bc.gif
Because believing in that kind of nonsense
believingnonsense
↓
4d4db1ef-4381-4183-a812-eea391db4316.gif
isn't smart or healthy or good for society.
healthysmartsociety
↓
7a1bfbf0-4c2c-4c40-8702-0e1b2e28e59a.gif
The world doesn't work by magic or superstition.
magicsuperstitionworld
↓
085def72-e03e-4fc8-b752-aeba507a560e.gif
It's rational!
rational
↓
c2746daf-9500-4761-b8dc-4ac631edc40e.gif
Maybe you believe that because all you're good at is thinking,
believethinking
↓
25cb0748-4956-407c-8e60-a60c19db48cd.gif
and if the world isn't logical then you're lost.
logicallostworld
↓
ecae2514-3d15-4509-9f7f-af7082333599.gif
Okay, fine. You know what, Dewey, luck this.
deweyluck
↓
afe4932a-7113-4ae5-be8a-7e893c2908ae.gif
This proves nothing.
proves
↓
bd1f9884-6722-41e2-b80f-3956be382107.gif
I can't believe she's seeing someone else.
believeseeing
↓
fbd82a35-b9ed-4356-ad0f-d4c4ac08b9ff.gif
She just came right out and said it like it was no big deal.
deal
↓
65e3071d-faac-45bb-8296-9eef6fa03fbb.gif
Said she didn't want to be chained down. Chained down. Can you believe it?
believe
↓
01c46ebe-6df2-4461-abfd-da4e4008fe3b.gif
Yeah, I can. But then I've had some time to process it, Abe.
process
↓
17fe7ce7-e934-4b12-b67e-e5a7da59bc3b.gif
You told me twice last night and the day before that
nighttwice
↓
cabd07cd-d6ca-4588-ad78-1498ac28818c.gif
- when you showed up at work. - I sense his presence, Hal.
presencesenseshowed
↓
42beb47d-d8d7-4ff8-bf31-ebe1860da84a.gif
His essence lingering. Picture it, Hal.
essencelingeringpicture
↓
7fccd050-9ae9-46cd-88fe-3da479fe89a9.gif
I want you to picture it.
picture
↓
47b7b979-4503-42a2-9ded-c305d59b7832.gif
Her lips on another man's lips.
anotheranother-manslipsmans
↓
f4c4ee2f-cc33-4958-b3b1-bc174564823c.gif
Not mine.
↓
86775ac1-a05a-4224-95e1-619dccd8b4d5.gif
What's wrong with my lips?
lips
↓
88c0f119-4ab9-44ad-a33a-385ac5dd2e4a.gif
I wish I knew who it was.
wish
↓
60a33a50-a8af-4cbc-8556-cd9db92d37c7.gif
If I ever find out who it is
↓
b490b056-9927-4781-b2e5-79bb58b59662.gif
I will track him down to his evil lair and...
evillairtrack
↓
5ed9ccf3-f59c-4e24-b8a2-1325dde89b00.gif
I'll probably just take a lot of telephoto shots
shots
↓
9179675c-dda8-4fb7-997d-4552b9815736.gif
and start dressing like him.
dressingstart
↓
17f7c923-1c4e-41df-b1ee-17e5a28126d8.gif
You have to have some clue to his identity.
clueidentity
↓
33d0ab6d-d2f2-479c-9ee5-b16fe593fbab.gif
Think, Lois, think!
lois
↓
50acad27-0250-4dea-aed2-ca19a89d27e2.gif
Craig, you're driving me crazy!
craigcrazydriving
↓
19d973b6-3736-4bfa-8181-cd123d55ec03.gif
I'm sorry. You're right.
↓
90facb7e-f213-4a30-b8b4-97175878b903.gif
Absolutely right.
absolutely
↓
accb2d13-1c3e-476f-8e65-b34e46af0f99.gif
Is he rich? Famous? Athletic?
athleticfamousrich
↓
b4afdadd-8182-41b1-93a9-f626253f6eb9.gif
Muscular?
muscular
↓
97ac02bd-7a32-4e77-b340-74de573443e6.gif
Intellectual?
intellectual
↓
310d5276-ae23-4914-a87b-bdf206825f84.gif
Slim?
slim
↓
939a22ce-5599-4720-8698-c36a8b8be296.gif
Is he lit from within by a quiet, inner strength and steely resolve?
innerquietresolvestrength
↓
0cc6fd37-3f44-42f1-9bcf-72c00eb9ff68.gif
It's so unfair.
unfair
↓
5efce1be-f958-4446-9e44-a1dcc987eddd.gif
Why does he have to have my woman?
woman
↓
a3c37f05-c5f7-4877-ba2d-074c1d7594c2.gif
Oh, God.
↓
2d17f710-546a-43d1-a15b-f27778a8917b.gif
It's not that hunk from the calendar holding the tires, is it?
calendarholdinghunktires
↓
88ea9ed2-ba70-41e7-b156-8ee40a4b7d40.gif
I can't compete with that.
compete
↓
fdc39568-42cf-4f49-89a3-da708d922cc9.gif
How can I compete with that?
compete
↓
814968ad-aeee-467f-b5a4-955c65ea5730.gif
Sure, I've got my joke book, but that really only takes me so far.
bookjoketakes
↓
2afae2d8-98fb-42b6-a9b7-b55d61968c68.gif
Why would God give me a glimpse of paradise
glimpseparadise
↓
7f24ff74-9eac-4412-91cc-e5ed5798cef8.gif
just to slam the gate in my face?
facegateslam
↓
4078e12b-7fa8-4191-a70e-bf76193f0ee0.gif
God hates me.
hates
↓
0cb409cc-a9bf-4281-87f0-43ed1c940365.gif
- I'm so unhappy. - I'm so unhappy.
unhappy
↓
d10e6b59-2918-4ad7-849a-71910b5f64f1.gif
You have to choose, Polly.
choosepolly
↓
252cbedc-b2f2-41ad-817f-357fb5324646.gif
I can't.
↓
d315e2a6-47c6-4b8b-abc9-b32dad2b5d4b.gif
I keep trying, but it just isn't easy.
easy
↓
526f1958-eca3-4a0e-b758-28eaa0d66626.gif
Honestly, Lois, as a woman,
loiswoman
↓
494147ef-afab-453e-ba41-0a3e0927c91e.gif
could you choose between Craig and Abe?
choosecraig
↓
32090d14-ab00-428d-8a08-df3496a84f14.gif
Well, thankfully,
thankfully
↓
745088ea-b24f-49de-bcb1-efa9d210697a.gif
I don't have to make such a difficult decision.
decisiondifficult
↓
124abf55-0edc-4378-a1f8-f16c78e8992f.gif
But the important thing is, Polly, you do.
polly
↓
a31b562a-365e-4b87-aba6-409b294a3410.gif
But it's impossible.
impossible
↓
f925a1b0-b8c4-4c1e-b203-bd413f4949d2.gif
Every time I try and weigh their strengths and attractions,
strengthsweigh
↓
0dd6ba05-f957-49f0-a8a5-99978d31606b.gif
they come out even.
↓
666e59e4-686a-4aab-8450-b398348b913a.gif
Craig has that sexy self-confidence
confidencecraigselfself-confidencesexy
↓
fb7ca5dd-c52b-4a9b-800b-3e08b6a30c4f.gif
and love of fantasy play.
fantasylove
↓
b6e935cc-9658-422b-8b0c-2d631b4b0b4e.gif
And Abe is warm and kind.
warm
↓
99867e11-7e2f-4bf4-a72b-d701927e5500.gif
And he gets one extra point because he's black.
blackextrapoint
↓
9827df7e-087f-4f8a-9f1e-af4f979b2e3e.gif
He just does. There, I've said it. Plus this is all complicated by the fact
complicatedfactplus
↓
727a9cd6-af83-42d9-8409-03e7b4725328.gif
that I am having the most exciting time of my life.
excitinghavinglife
↓
9d0ea9c3-cd84-4d1f-aa9f-38de2d030697.gif
- And never want it to end. - But, Polly...
polly
↓
167677f1-c5db-492c-a5d5-c30e409a7233.gif
I'm sorry. I have to go.
↓
cb3539a9-4548-417f-a9f0-bad20902c92e.gif
I'm meeting Craig for Laser Tag
craiglasermeeting
↓
e2c1f3f2-8028-4ac6-9322-acb610b3b055.gif
and then Abe at the Cheesecake Factory.
cheesecakefactory
↓
f00559b3-09b6-4102-8cf5-c98e11bec1a2.gif
You know, if society weren't so hung up,
hungsociety
↓
0069c391-b5d4-4799-8803-e812a0ee8845.gif
we'd have the solution.
solution
↓
e361bb7e-da7c-4018-ba2e-4408244f82d0.gif
Okay, we're just gonna have to help make the decision for her.
decision
↓
a10a8d3c-3e86-4ce4-ba8c-44f638a12770.gif
- You're right. - Can you get Abe to back off?
↓
dc768f88-d0ab-4dd0-af05-829d98cbc88e.gif
What? Why Abe? Why can't you get Craig to back off?
craig
↓
f0f9e330-256a-4341-aff0-0bd968c0442e.gif
Craig will fall apart.
apartcraigfallfall-apart
↓
b90d5ec9-7449-4ccf-b180-21cd04d34d0e.gif
Abe can take it. He's more mature.
mature
↓
f1316c63-b96e-415a-a749-7f39bb377940.gif
The man sleeps with a night-light, Lois.
lightloisnightsleeps
↓
79690fe1-ab41-4e03-8605-604e0789c955.gif
Eight hours, Hal.
eighteight-hourshours
↓
a3fcf228-c8ce-46ea-9a8a-d6ea5a35a69f.gif
For eight hours, I had to watch Craig practice revenge faces.
craigeighteight-hoursfaceshourspracticerevengewatch
↓
c1a1aeff-b966-4de9-a90f-41ea41667f7a.gif
Wait, wait, wait, this is crazy.
crazy
↓
55332ba6-334e-481d-85d3-d83122dc71c2.gif
We shouldn't be fighting.
fighting
↓
f181784f-bc09-491a-9f1b-d24163ad0dc4.gif
We should just stay out of this whole thing.
whole
↓
b237a763-df46-436f-8761-773b4fa326cb.gif
You're right. You're right. They're both our friends.
friends
↓
66820cf6-4674-4d7c-b148-3260026ae232.gif
- One of them will screw up eventually. - Exactly.
eventuallyscrew
↓
68d631ba-9450-4a63-9c5d-6e3bfbd9827c.gif
I just wish I could stop picturing the sex.
picturingwish
↓
64ea94a1-1ce4-4e2f-a357-f1dc5941e2b2.gif
Pete Bucowski never got discouraged,
bucowskipetepete-bucowski
↓
9af22bdd-3f0a-4586-81f7-a3a9d1d4f1d0.gif
even when he got sent down for the fifth time.
fifthsent
↓
53ca984a-6728-414c-af06-f63c24a6e71b.gif
Let's go over there.
↓
d98f0ae9-5de1-4ed5-ad05-4d9b848e754a.gif
He just shrugged and grinned that grin he had and said,
grin
↓
35be51bc-335a-4262-b5b1-039bba4efdf6.gif
"Hey, what the hey." It was like his catchphrase.
catchphrase
↓
4429d87d-daa9-49d6-b54d-58e5d700db9a.gif
Look, goose bumps.
bumpsgoose
↓
a1618f41-47b1-4805-af35-f9d2354ac7b6.gif
Great, Mom.
↓
5cccf130-8211-4164-be01-e2ecff8983c7.gif
- We're gonna find Reggie Jackson. - Okay, but don't miss Pete Bucowski!
bucowskijacksonmisspetepete-bucowskireggie
↓
a0d17bca-501d-49d4-9f29-3803c3743fbb.gif
He's only appearing at 11:30, 12:15,
appearing
↓
3616753b-8d86-40c6-a915-9ab8b525a75e.gif
1:00, 2:30, 3:15, 4:30 and 6:00!
↓
eb4e417c-f79e-4580-a99a-c8cc944e0367.gif
Thanks so much for inviting me.
invitingthanks
↓
a4b820e1-920a-4e81-bf79-2fd924e259c3.gif
I really needed something to take my mind off of my love life.
lifelovelove-lifemindneeded
↓
788d51d6-c878-4ee7-95b3-7379e1cdf17f.gif
Well, that's why God invented baseball.
baseballinvented
↓
06606cb0-9ded-40d2-9f3f-2741e6355a7e.gif
And war.
↓
f8807d7a-5762-464a-af19-37d3e10ec01d.gif
Look, Pete will come to your birthday party.
birthdaybirthday-partypartypete
↓
4ae743b5-5779-4835-af7f-7c521311fccb.gif
Be sure to turn in your ticket stubs to be eligible
ticket
↓
c6ac1d58-646d-4c47-91e2-70066d5ae4a4.gif
for a chance to win Reggie Jackson's
chancereggie
↓
90f1b22e-f30d-4d2f-95f1-2e6f46689d21.gif
450th home-run ball.
ballhome
↓
f39524be-6a14-4c14-84d8-a656b0163465.gif
I thought they said I'd be roped off.
roped
↓
7eee24d0-0d61-4e3c-943d-37f58cd5c649.gif
I won't let you touch the ball, but I will let you touch my hand
ballhandtouch
↓
99d240f1-73b9-4b57-9294-fefbf4632b6a.gif
after my hand has touched the ball.
ballhandtouched
↓
dde45576-7d6a-41f1-9312-5976ba2a03c2.gif
Shut up, Dewey.
dewey
↓
3e0463da-e626-4b58-a11c-88623baaa598.gif
You know what? If you win, I will kiss Reese's butt on that stage.
buttkissreesesstage
↓
b866fc9b-3d16-4be0-8489-3ebf48ab8136.gif
Deal. Shake. No take-backs.
backsdealshake
↓
2d941a5b-65a0-4547-988c-e106f408fd5a.gif
Fine.
↓
1aa8c313-afca-430c-a235-312b3a323f73.gif
Any rituals you go through before a big game?
gamerituals
↓
080b214d-7a7f-42c7-b7c7-f36da562478d.gif
Come on.
↓
695505ee-8b33-42d3-a93b-bca3d191f0cc.gif
You can talk to me.
↓
3db61e71-ad29-4a37-afb6-92369e4287e3.gif
What?
↓
469a2a97-a737-4ba9-9bc6-7e0a2a32be2f.gif
Does it violate your precious chicken code?
chickencodepreciousviolate
↓
9009b83f-a336-44b4-84f6-84ed090caa5b.gif
Hal, come on.
↓
fd532490-1a0b-4ba3-bc95-31c2774609e4.gif
But the guy gets too big to talk to the fans
fans
↓
a7654039-91ec-4be6-a3b4-b8da52693de6.gif
who made him!
↓
2dd1c1b8-67d3-4e42-aa58-62806ceadfa5.gif
Hal.
↓
948d0274-35a4-40c7-bfe7-f7968c72e9b4.gif
Lois.
lois
↓
f0cd33c4-a7a2-4227-9193-b7fa89e992f9.gif
Polly.
polly
↓
9987e4c4-4541-4a76-bca6-b382674c4d64.gif
What an incredible coinky-dink.
dinkincredible
↓
c6cfb4a8-0eb0-479e-a7a3-b9c9127fcb73.gif
Hi, Craig.
craig
↓
32510c84-c332-4137-a94b-a9c9b050d2d5.gif
Hi, Craig.
craig
↓
3a67faa3-43fa-48ae-a3ae-4bec71e2efc5.gif
Hey, Polly, we'll take Jamie for a while
jamiepolly
↓
3b689960-4a1e-430c-8cec-79916d3bfd1c.gif
if you two wanna spend some time together.
spend
↓
23a23c94-8977-46ed-b280-6a02fdeaebaf.gif
Hmm.
↓
d1a281f1-8074-40ae-8a92-06ef4108b68e.gif
We had an agreement. How dare you, Lois.
agreementdarelois
↓
e20024f3-2e1a-4bf2-9eb6-fc8134750007.gif
Polly, what an unbelievable surprise.
pollysurpriseunbelievable
↓
9dde6e1d-ff5a-4ad9-a462-5d0e38d4271f.gif
Think how humiliated Abe who coincidentally just arrived
arrivedhumiliated
↓
34cc2067-b096-408e-a913-6ab2853dca23.gif
is going to feel.
↓
2ce802ce-ae8e-49a4-8bf9-e0f759d999f9.gif
Hi, Abe.
↓
e07ad6ca-d1e7-45c1-8518-524b2905c943.gif
Hi.
↓
a7cc2ede-78c9-4c46-a2eb-ad0e9453c90b.gif
Well, well, well. Well.
↓
082dc81c-3242-42dd-b643-bdd60e85fb2b.gif
Polly, you remember my crippled son Stevie
crippledpollyrememberstevie
↓
8b1ece6f-8bf7-4999-8f49-5feb2fe9b850.gif
who lost his mother?
lostmother
↓
06d80231-5a53-41ad-993b-5fa780f3a01c.gif
I'm needy.
needy
↓
35bc0c9e-2bea-4084-b317-4e1228be7e93.gif
- Hey, Abe, Stevie. - Craig, nice to see you.
craigstevie
↓
7aa75a74-45fd-44b9-b871-b0a77d32d2a5.gif
- My golly, isn't this gut-wrenching? - Polly, are you okay?
gollypolly
↓
8267ac19-cf6d-4ff9-9541-831f419addfc.gif
Fine. I just seem to be having an out-of-body experience
bodyexperiencehaving
↓
e07d594d-e153-40b6-8cbe-08af94615148.gif
which my shaman would be very proud of, but I think I'm gonna be falling down now.
fallingproudshaman
↓
74b2f7cd-27a8-4f36-9b2e-398793dc2d3b.gif
- Oh, I got you, baby. - Daddy's here, angel.
angelbabydaddys
↓
2c3c46d3-eaf8-442f-818b-30e73570cc84.gif
You.
↓
77be2766-1d74-4fc6-8df8-37ccb9355508.gif
Boys, please, please.
boys
↓
abce90ea-3d0b-46aa-a14b-93b8c81df7ad.gif
Now, every conflict invites a dark angel
angelconflictdarkinvites
↓
9d0b73b5-605b-41b4-9594-a3a4f3c98ae6.gif
and an angel of light.
angellight
↓
a5731405-f4a5-4b3d-b694-e9c489aa5fd2.gif
So let's summon an angel of light.
angellightsummon
↓
29551949-2b72-4d1c-8a82-542adbd5e37b.gif
I've waited for this moment.
momentwaited
↓
6aaef138-8a50-4319-b5c1-6d67e1e046f9.gif
Not as much as I have.
↓
31092f88-22ce-46dc-820e-407c26885325.gif
- How do you know how much I have? - Abe, come on.
↓
ba8e9477-fc8b-419a-af74-0c72ce93e42a.gif
No, Hal. He's made a fool of me for the last time!
fool
↓
d3a92ac9-95e9-4bf7-a8b8-ed5e7bad5726.gif
Craig, don't do this.
craig
↓
0b83c099-b122-4100-a386-9c9bdeaf1a69.gif
I will not stand by and let him put the horns on me, Lois.
hornsloisstand
↓
0f45d439-f9e5-40ba-99c1-0d27a9aed312.gif
Oh, my God, they're killing each other.
killing
↓
72783443-e7c6-41c9-a094-6bb3252a6a84.gif
Get him, Dad.
↓
3c79d026-ebc5-48bd-8a15-144f676b5fb7.gif
Slap him silly.
sillyslap
↓
2faf71dd-0004-4d6d-bd46-b369c21bae10.gif
Had enough, Feldspar?
feldspar
↓
c61349bc-e430-4886-a3ef-a84b86796439.gif
I haven't begun to have enough.
begun
↓
6e629f77-33f1-491b-8f91-dca8d68c102d.gif
To have had enough. Time-out.
↓
3a9f39ab-47c7-4700-9e33-3cf9d12d946d.gif
Time-out.
↓
79c3898f-8902-4b22-a9c8-41011cdd3de6.gif
Time-in.
↓
2a9c4aa2-59b0-49b1-9d0b-207ae5f6570d.gif
Here's your tuna sandwich that you wanted.
sandwichtunawanted
↓
cc48294d-1ad3-4753-9eb1-cb3f853951cb.gif
- Thanks. - I just hope I got it for you fast enough.
fasthopethanks
↓
7f22d825-63de-4094-aa91-114ac62836f0.gif
Because I know when my man gets hungry,
hungry
↓
010640cf-8d62-466f-8fa8-a4a7f28738dd.gif
he wants to eat right away.
wants
↓
85cbb620-059b-4afe-a061-a51c4a4f4882.gif
And that's my job,
↓
7f0a2542-6384-4a0a-8be1-918925110e59.gif
to make my man happy.
happy
↓
c0cb41bb-4563-4b89-87fc-3b8f60b5cc2a.gif
Well...
↓
52c08959-1c7e-4d3b-aa09-8cb5ab4bc01c.gif
I hope so, too.
hope
↓
435030e9-7116-4632-b220-67be016e4b43.gif
And let's just hope this isn't a repeat of the last time.
hoperepeat
↓
2ac3e1d7-321a-444c-b8e5-2262aaa7c783.gif
I mean, let's face it. That sandwich was a joke.
facejokesandwich
↓
193c9047-fa7c-475e-9749-8e56e7e4be84.gif
Let's not turn a favor into something that you'll regret.
favorregret
↓
a087daf1-e94c-45a3-b63b-357757572e48.gif
As a matter of fact, I think I would prefer this toasted.
factmatterprefertoasted
↓
ebf851d0-215a-4399-b8d5-b252eaa1a979.gif
And I'd like to see a little garnish this time.
garnish
↓
964de5d5-7b9d-4aeb-a1d1-e9801e644012.gif
And I'd like you to think about a certain special thing that you love
certainlovespecial
↓
2f987e48-c267-4c04-933c-446214b60d6f.gif
that's never gonna happen again.
happen
↓
cf46484b-9b45-43e2-8b1b-b4d5d4e32c7b.gif
No, honey, wait.
honey
↓
44c56a7f-4444-42d5-a9a7-b5884ea86e3b.gif
I'm sorry!
↓
a30a9d7b-6aab-43c4-9008-7fb89f174210.gif
Hey, Reg,
↓
9a3d6b29-43dd-4129-a513-22a086f2113d.gif
Pete Bucowski, the Polish Splinter.
bucowskipetepete-bucowskipolishsplinter
↓
be0e99fb-1566-48d4-8843-f0d7eb2c8651.gif
Oh, God, I hate these things.
hate
↓
529af48a-1a45-4dbd-b2ce-a858d4220f5e.gif
All the fans want a piece of you.
fanspiece
↓
c5a688a5-ed9f-4ff5-9123-2f7ffc631a92.gif
Always getting mobbed.
↓
5d96f1e3-545e-46b9-b84e-8c818c4e6cd3.gif
Yeah, yeah. What do you want me to sign?
sign
↓
234d42b3-3dc6-41e1-92ba-67cc5b1fffd8.gif
Just this ball.
ball
↓
e70b182f-5c1b-4496-86e3-ebbce17097c6.gif
And the 12 shirts in this box.
shirts
↓
e40b30b9-2b58-4d60-af9d-d356b1a439a7.gif
Anything you want me to sign?
sign
↓
42282467-da60-4671-82ae-fbd80044e2b3.gif
Okay, the Reggie Jackson home-run ball will be raffled off in one minute.
ballhomejacksonminutereggie
↓
6df3ba8c-b4bf-4b8e-892d-b33395bba20d.gif
I think I'll put it on the mantle.
mantle
↓
efd93727-5aaa-4917-88da-24a69fa5a2fd.gif
Right after Malcolm plants one on my butt.
buttmalcolmplants
↓
ffb74c5e-89b3-45d4-8ee3-2a8db55c2422.gif
- It's a stupid bet. - Yeah, but if he wins, you're doing it.
stupidwins
↓
76b2fa41-eaf1-4c9a-95c6-b23831b7ea69.gif
Your brother bet you he'd win the ball?
ballbrother
↓
5fbcc72f-aa3b-42a0-8079-6b47594bcabd.gif
He thinks he has a lucky shirt.
luckylucky-shirtshirtthinks
↓
edcb2762-ae6a-4812-8384-3401c3904d07.gif
Lucky shirt.
luckylucky-shirtshirt
↓
80a55217-63e7-4fd2-ae41-85ebce93de1a.gif
When I was in Little League, I had a pair of smelly old lucky socks
leagueluckypairsmellysocks
↓
89cbd240-f25f-4cdd-bd4b-326367fc8567.gif
that I wore all summer.
summerwore
↓
dee02b18-beac-4bd6-a830-3f40e90caff5.gif
- Pretty dumb, huh? - Yeah.
dumb
↓
d8ae8c3b-db44-4a5c-9f76-e31300f2f527.gif
I hit .475 with 50 home runs that season.
homerunsseason
↓
c37fce06-5454-48dc-8418-74a684bd3c29.gif
Don't let him welsh, kid.
welsh
↓
4aae4a22-f780-4f1d-9bb6-95e71d543a00.gif
I won't, Reggie.
reggie
↓
75b71698-def6-444c-af50-381ff1226081.gif
When Dewey wins, you pucker up and I will, too.
deweypuckerwins
↓
ef271358-a05b-4089-a7b3-c23e862c2cbd.gif
Ow, ow, ow.
↓
64b3eeaa-b070-4338-9e52-2d67d8f04239.gif
Stop this!
↓
c7290e6d-491c-4b50-beeb-a3ad5338d187.gif
Then you have to choose.
choose
↓
178a9702-20cc-43d7-8197-955ff1d7011a.gif
Yeah, choose.
choose
↓
8b251e03-ecab-4df7-b834-f41f3563c787.gif
Abe or me!
↓
d16e67dd-09cd-441c-80e9-5d36cede695a.gif
The dumpy loser or the one who loves you? I'm the one who loves you.
loserloves
↓
d6e9e4c5-934b-49a9-a055-2074d412fa65.gif
Don't fall for his smooth line. I love you more.
falllinelovesmooth
↓
48ede2d5-80c2-44f9-9c1c-3e8cbc755db0.gif
- Okay, okay, okay. I choose... - Me, me, me.
choose
↓
b2694aed-f33e-4193-a1a7-b3cd86e5a47d.gif
Jamie.
jamie
↓
b7df88ad-2ec2-476e-a7b5-5bfd2675fc5e.gif
I'm sorry,
↓
c9f779f2-339f-4eda-9f16-642538f23b51.gif
but my career's what's important to me.
careers
↓
580101bc-d043-4729-85cb-535f73bdb7ac.gif
You guys have been a distraction.
distraction
↓
8548ae39-9fa9-4269-aa82-a99bf20ebf84.gif
An unbelievable carnal delight.
delightunbelievable
↓
f07c82bb-bbe1-4135-976f-b2e18d9c9dd2.gif
But a distraction nonetheless.
distractionnonetheless
↓
98489db1-b8b4-4653-ab7a-06a034a022ee.gif
Babysitting is the only thing I'm really good at.
babysitting
↓
c50a14d2-870f-4018-a536-6c026f87cf52.gif
Uh, where's the baby?
baby
↓
f5b05530-f919-4f75-9851-13428f2288cb.gif
Oh, my God.
↓
907ce9fb-436d-4ee2-8e71-966233ec7861.gif
Jamie!
jamie
↓
7bfa6bc6-6f89-4eda-bed8-8ada9893cfb8.gif
And the winner is...
winner
↓
82c0f858-837c-45b2-bd20-2f5948de546e.gif
Give me that!
↓
e31ae31d-ee55-40d9-bdc1-324f10a38152.gif
You're not getting out of kissing my butt!
buttkissing
↓
1488ed16-58fc-420e-a749-20b32385fc80.gif
Give me back my lucky shirt!
luckylucky-shirtshirt
↓
49581b2f-1e20-4705-af8d-2f59dcbeb710.gif
It's not a lucky shirt!
luckylucky-shirtshirt
↓
e11066e4-ab92-4bf0-8195-6a8eff9ce3f8.gif
Shut up, Dewey.
dewey
↓
afe1daec-8a67-4a3e-9d88-875459e78bee.gif
Oh, my God.
↓
8c3c59d3-d597-43f3-8219-cee3bfbe7917.gif
Pete Bucowski saved my baby.
babybucowskipetepete-bucowskisaved
↓
6be5cc7a-42e5-4039-a363-10d440871cb1.gif
Glad I could help, ma'am.
gladmaam
↓
ceff6427-0ecd-4b58-b6ad-f292da7238e7.gif
Wanna buy an autographed Reggie Jackson shirt?
jacksonreggieshirt
↓
19bfaa2c-eee0-442f-aa44-5fe3bef41df3.gif
It isn't the jacket that smells. There was a fried apple pie in the pocket.
applefriedjacketpocketsmells
↓
577592ab-1a0e-4bfb-b9b6-c2c2bf44227c.gif
- Thanks, Lois. - So where are you players headed tonight?
headedloisplayersthankstonight
↓
a1cedbb5-5834-4a79-ac30-3a57e0926e47.gif
The Rusty Scupper.
rusty
↓
fb621790-4957-4d87-8326-b2ad1d74986f.gif
We better get a wiggle on, Craig.
craigwiggle
↓
2c0d2b65-0224-4e8c-95d6-54364d89f4b1.gif
Happy Hour starts in 20 minutes and the ladies won't wait.
happyhourladiesminutesstarts
↓
399de06c-e5df-4bdc-bffc-188275f56e9c.gif
They'll wait for you in those new chinos.
↓
c1c761f5-5f52-4cdd-b199-8e4578ee906c.gif
I won't have a chance with you in your leather jacket.
chancejacketleather
↓
54e57ca1-a523-412b-89e4-42818e36fe26.gif
Not if they get a load of your...
load
↓
da4a33a4-9ed3-4dd7-8c1d-9cb15a1e3e35.gif
Uh-uh. Come on. How are you gonna get on the scene?
scene
↓
364ae558-6d1d-4ffd-8f56-558d3c871d56.gif
Like a sex machine.
machine