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Home » Malcolm in the Middle » S05E15 — Reese's Apartment

Malcolm in the Middle

Season 5, Episode 15 — Reese's Apartment

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Episode title: Reese's Apartment
Air date: March 21, 2004
Director: David Grossman
Top billed cast: Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Christopher Masterson
Francis is determined to show his parents why they should not have kicked Reese out. Meanwhile, Malcolm helps a football player write a college essay.
Source: TMDB
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Will you look at that?
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- He wants a trampoline for his birthday. - That's so cute, but we can't afford that.
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He can get that if he doesn't have a party.
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That is perfect. He'll be so surprised.
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♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
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♪ I don't know ♪
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♪ Life is unfair ♪
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You know Ira James, right?
james
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All-state fullback, state single season rushing record.
recordrushingseasonsinglestate
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Who am I kidding?
kidding
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- He's probably never even talked to you. - Hi.
talked
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Ira's graduating this year.
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He's got interest from six Division 1-A colleges.
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- So? - So Ira's an idiot.
idiot
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- Mom says I have other nice qualities. - Since you're the smartest in the school,
qualitiesschoolsmartest
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it's up to you non-football kids to do it for him.
footballkids
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The cheerleaders understand it.
cheerleaders
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Hi, honey.
honey
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I'm gonna need you to be calm.
calm
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Jeez. Which kid is it?
jeez
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I'm not gonna tell you. You're not calm enough yet.
calm
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Reese.
reese
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All right.
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Reese...
reese
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That...
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That... I'm gonna...
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- Do you want some tea or a drink? - What's wrong with Dad?
drink
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Your father just found out what Reese did.
fatherfoundreese
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- What'd he do? - Your brother...
brotherwhatd
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Oh, my God.
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Did they have to evacuate?
evacuate
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Oh, man, what a day.
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- We were playing catch up all afternoon. - You sit down.
afternooncatchplaying
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And think you could get away with it?
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- Was that "scramble" or "strangle"? - What are you talking about?
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You know very well what we're talking about.
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- Last week, you... - I can name Third World countries
countriesnamethirdthird-worldweekworld
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where stuff like that happens all the time.
happensstuff
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What am I gonna do with you, Reese?
reese
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I don't wanna tell you this is a new low,
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because every time I do, you take it as a personal challenge!
challengepersonal
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You know what? I've just worked my butt off for six hours,
butthoursworked
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and I don't appreciate getting yelled at the second I come through the door.
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You're complaining?
complaining
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No complain. Yell us!
complainyell
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- Hal, give yourself another minute. - Or you both could just shut up.
anotherminute
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- You're kicked out! - I'm leaving!
kickedleaving
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Not if we get to the doorknob first!
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- You're out of here! - I'm out of here!
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Tie goes to the runner.
runner
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- They kicked Reese out again? - We haven't heard from him in two days.
daysheardkickedreese
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I'm actually impressed. Usually by now,
impressedusually
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he's eating cat food off of Mrs. Harvey's porch.
eatingfoodporch
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This is horrible. How can they do this to their own children?
childrenhorrible
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- Yeah, it's really traumatizing me. - Don't they care
care
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about the psychological damage they're inflicting?
damagepsychological
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A home isn't conditional. A home should be safe and secure and...
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- Roomy. - What?
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The point is, I got kicked out when I was 15
kickedpoint
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and I never got to come home again. They can't do this to Reese.
homereese
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Someone has to do something. Someone has to stop them.
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Am I the only one who understands what kind of monsters these people are?
monstersunderstands
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I don't think this is as big a deal to the rest of the family as it is to you.
dealfamilyrest
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- Maybe you're overreacting. - Overreacting?
overreacting
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Dewey, when you're older, you will understand.
deweyolder
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There are things in life called priorities,
calledlife
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which I will explain to you in a few hours when I get there.
explainhours
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Right now, I have to call Otto and cash in some personal days.
cashdaysottopersonal
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Overreacting.
overreacting
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- Great timing. The muffins came out. - Thank God you called me.
calledmuffinstiming
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I can't believe the hell Mom and Dad put you through.
believe
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Hey, whose place is this?
place
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It's mine. It's completely furnished, including cable TV.
cablecompletelyfurnishedincluding
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I told them I was 18, so I got a two-year lease.
lease
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You're a banana walnut man, right?
bananawalnut
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Reese, you can't live in a place like this.
liveplacereese
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Yeah, I can. They were having a move-in special.
havingspecial
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First month free. It's only 375 a month, utilities included.
freeincludedmonth
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I can make my rent in a week if I pick up an extra shift.
extrapickrentshiftweek
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I should have done this, like, six months ago.
months
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We're going to the roof. The nursing students across the street
nursingroofstreetstudents
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- are taking their break. - I'm sorry, I can't.
break
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I'm having my brothers over for breakfast.
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Francis, this is Teddy, Lou, George, divorced, separated,
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- wife's doing the best friend. - Ex-best friend.
bestbest-friendfriendwifes
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Excuse me.
excuse
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Well, you know where we'll be.
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- Hey, is that a wedding ring? - Yeah.
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Start hiding the money now, friend. Come on, let's go.
friendhidingmoneystart
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Oh, man, this place is awesome.
awesomeplace
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I know you think this place is great,
place
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but any objective observer will tell you it's most certainly not.
certainlyobjective
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Whoa. This place is awesome.
awesomeplacewhoa
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One thing's for sure.
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- I'd never, ever leave if I were you. - So who's up for some muffins?
muffins
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- I am. - No! No muffins.
muffins
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Reese, you can't keep playing house like this.
houseplayingreese
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Mom and Dad did something really horrible to you,
horrible
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just like they did to me, only you can't let them get away with it.
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You don't belong here. You belong at home.
belonghome
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All right, fine.
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Tell me one thing about my life
life
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that would be better if I was still at home.
home
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I thought the "toilet seat never needs warming" argument was pretty good.
argumentneedsseattoiletwarming
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The main thing to remember is that a college essay
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is just like any other essay you've written.
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You know, like homework.
homework
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For one of your classes.
classes
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Come on, Ira, I know it seems hard, but you just have to get started.
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If you had to describe yourself in one word, what would that word be?
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Ira.
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Okay. There we go.
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"Ira." See? We started.
started
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- Now, what else? - I don't know.
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I'm not much of a writer or a reader.
readerwriter
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I don't like words. They confuse me.
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- There's, like, hundreds of them. - Calm down. You can do this.
calmhundreds
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You know what? I'm gonna say something, and you just say the first thing
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that comes to your head. My earliest memory in life is...
comesheadlifememory
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Blue.
blue
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Thing.
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Blue thing. Good, you can use that.
blue
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Like, um...
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"Sometimes my childhood feels vague and distant,
childhooddistantfeelssometimesvague
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like something draped in a blue haze."
blue
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- See? - Yeah. That's cool.
cool
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Okay, my biggest fear is...
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Spiders.
spiders
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No, waffles.
waffles
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"I let my fears wash over me and I see that I am
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imprinted with a repeating pattern of optimism and despair."
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Hey, that's not bad.
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"I hope someday to free myself, to find the one thing..."
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You're not gonna do anything? You have to go and get him back.
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- Look, that's not how it works. - Oh, I know how it works.
works
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I was thrown into military school so fast, I still had shampoo in my hair.
fasthairmilitarymilitary-schoolschoolshampoothrown
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The minute a child is inconvenient to you, you kick him out.
childkickminute
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Francis, this is really none of your business.
businessfrancis
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You don't even live here anymore.
anymorelive
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Because you kicked me out!
kicked
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And now you're doing the same thing to Reese.
reese
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Right Now, he's sitting in that apartment with his cable TV
apartmentcablesitting
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and his huge stack of video games...
gameshugestackvideovideo-games
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miserable.
miserable
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If Reese is unhappy,
reeseunhappy
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- he brought it on himself. - Really? So what's this?
brought
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Like the tenth time he's brought it on himself?
broughttenth
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And let's see, Malcolm's brought it on himself six times,
broughtmalcolmstimes
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so with my 28 times, that makes...
makestimes
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40 kick-outs, three different kids,
kickkidsoutsthree
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and the only constant through all of this is you two.
constant
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Francis, that is not fair.
fairfrancis
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Maybe you don't like sharing your house with your children.
childrenhousesharing
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So, when's Dewey gonna "bring it on himself"? When's Jamie?
bringdeweyjamiewhens
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Where is Jamie?
jamie
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- He's at the babysitter's. - Just till 5:00.
babysitterstill
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Hey, Dave, is that you?
dave
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What channel do you have on in there? It sounds better than what I'm watching.
channelsoundswatching
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This is all...
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new to us.
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We've never...
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examined our parenting before.
parenting
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It always seemed to us like something that should just come naturally.
naturallyseemed
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Yeah, everything on the planet's been having kids for billions of years.
billionshavinghaving-kidskidsplanetsyears
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I mean, look at snakes. They never take parenting classes.
classesparentingsnakes
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The world's crawling with them.
crawlingworlds
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How exactly did you want me to help you?
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Well, we have fallen into a bad pattern.
fallenpattern
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Our boys misbehave and they are punished.
boyspunished
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And then they severely misbehave and they are severely punished.
punishedseverely
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And then they misbehave in some outlandish,
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jaw-dropping way where, if we responded in kind,
droppingresponded
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- we'd end up in jail. - We're at the end of our rope here.
jailrope
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Well, of course you are.
course
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So, we were hoping that with all your training,
hopingtraining
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you could teach us some kind of subtle trick
subtleteachtrick
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that would stop them in their tracks.
tracks
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Trick?
trick
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Yeah, you know, some kind of secret psychological thing
psychologicalsecret
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that would get them to shut up and listen to us for a change.
change
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My husband's getting older. He can still take them individually,
husbandsindividuallyolder
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You've never met our boys.
boys
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Yeah, you can't begin to imagine the things they do.
beginimagine
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I've been practicing psychiatry for 40 years.
practicingyears
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There's nothing you could say that would shock me.
shock
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All right.
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Last week, Reese...
reeseweek
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Oh, my God. What were the cats for?
cats
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- We don't know. - Give me a minute.
minute
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Now...
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Even in the most extreme, breathtakingly horrifying cases,
casesextremehorrifying
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there are some techniques that can be useful.
techniquesuseful
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Yes. See, I told you this wasn't a waste of 90 bucks.
buckswaste
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- Have you ever heard of Active Listening? - No.
activeheardlistening
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Most teenagers act out because they feel no one cares.
caresteenagers
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With Active Listening, you mirror back everything your child says,
activechildlisteningmirror
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which shows you're hearing them, and, by extension, understanding.
extensionhearingshowsunderstanding
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I know. It sounds simple. But believe me, I've seen it work miracles.
believemiraclesseensimplesounds
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Yeah, I don't think Reese would respond to that.
reeserespond
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- You're worried it won't help him. - Yes. What if it makes it worse?
makesworriedworse
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I don't think I could stand any more trouble with him.
standtrouble
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Oh, this is so confusing.
confusing
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You're feeling mixed-up right now.
feelingmixed
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God, yes, I am. You know, I'm usually so sure of myself,
usually
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but this whole thing has just made me question every aspect of--
aspectquestionwhole
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Oh, that's good.
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Oh, that's really good.
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"I now realize that blue is not the color of confusion,
bluecolorconfusionrealize
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but rather, it is the color of hope." Yeah. That's it.
colorhope
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Dude, the parts I understood, they were awesome.
awesomepartsunderstood
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Great, well, now that we have the ideas all down,
ideas
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all we have to do is put it into words
words
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- that you would actually-- - Thanks, Malcolm. You're awesome.
awesomemalcolmthanks
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- People are going to think I'm so smart. - We're not done yet.
smart
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- Hold on-- - Blue is definitely my favorite color now.
bluecolorfavoritefavorite-color
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Hey. Let's get going, Reese. It's Ladies-Get-Free-Shrimp Night
freeladiesnightreeseshrimp
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- at the Red Lobster. - Maybe I'll meet you down there.
lobstermeet
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- I got to get a jump on my homework. - You already blew off Air Hockey Night
blewhockeyhomeworkjumpnight
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and Pot Luck Wednesday,
luckwednesday
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I was counting on you for tonight, I need someone to turn the conversation
conversationcountingtonight
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- to my tongue trick. - I guess now that I'm on my own,
tonguetrick
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I feel like being more responsible.
responsible
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I got three kids. You don't see me talking about responsibility.
kidsresponsibilitythree
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- Come on, I'm not taking no for an answer. - Okay, okay.
answer
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Mom? I have a problem. I need to talk.
problem
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Good.
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You can talk, and I will listen.
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This football player wants to use an essay I wrote
essayfootballfootball-playerplayerwantswrote
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for his college application and pretend it's his own.
applicationcollegepretend
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I know it's dishonest, but I might be making too much of it.
might
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I wanted to get your advice.
advicewanted
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You're hoping I can help you.
hoping
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Yeah, I just said that.
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I don't think he should get into college under false pretenses,
collegefalse
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but are they really false pretenses if nobody thinks he's smart anyway?
falsenobodysmartthinks
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I don't wanna be a part of his cheating. I don't want to take away
cheatingpart
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his shot at going to college.
collegeshot
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I just don't know what to do.
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You're uncertain--
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what action to take.
action
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Yes. Why are you talking like a robot?
robot
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You want to know why I'm...
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talking like a robot.
robot
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I have a problem and I need your help.
problem
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All you're doing is mindlessly parroting back what I say.
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You say one thing, and I restate it.
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Forget it. If you're not gonna help me, you don't have to mock me.
forgetmock
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We do not come from a family of criminals. You do not let him turn in that essay.
criminalsessayfamily
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God, I knew listening to our kids would be a mistake.
kidslisteningmistake
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- Hello? - Hello. Is this the residence of the most
residence
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un-nurturing, callous parents in the universe?
callousnurturingparentsuniverse
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It's for you.
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- Hello. - Hi. I just got off the phone
phone
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with your son, Reese.
reese
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It's been over a week, and you haven't even talked to him?
talkedweek
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Congratulations. The fracturing of this family is now two-fifths complete.
completecongratulationsfamily
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Francis, this is a very hard and complicated situation,
complicatedfrancishardsituation
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and I don't need you to yell at me right now.
yell
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There is nothing complicated about it.
complicated
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8664751f-db6c-4ab4-acc2-980ef9342c37.gif
Just go to his apartment, tell him you love him
apartmentlove
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- and ask him to come home. - Are you nuts?
homenuts
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- This is Reese we're talking about. - So what?
reese
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Come on. You know exactly how he thinks.
thinks
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If we show that kind of weakness,
weakness
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it's like showing a hyena the belly of an antelope.
bellyshowing
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Reese will come home with no limits and no boundaries.
boundarieshomelimitsreese
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Within five years, we will be saying our last words to him
fivefive-yearswordsyears
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over a police bullhorn.
police
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All I know is that you have a child that needs you.
childneeds
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He doesn't. He's happy where he is, and so are we.
happy
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Dewey, get off the phone.
deweyphone
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Mom, I understand what you're worried about.
worried
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There is more to Reese than you give him credit for.
creditreese
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I wish I could believe that.
believewish
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Honey, I got to go. There's another call.
anotherhoney
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- What'd he-- - Hello.
whatd
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Yes, this is she.
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This is Peter Noyes, Reese's chemistry teacher.
chemistrypeterreesesteacher
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I'm sure you remember me from last year's hearing.
hearingrememberyears
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There's something new I have to discuss with you.
discuss
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Oh, my God. What did he do now?
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Your son...
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He got an A on his midterm?
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They matched the handwriting, they had him reenact the experiment.
experimenthandwriting
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He did it himself.
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Mr. Noyes said it's the most remarkable turnaround he's ever seen.
remarkableseen
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Wow.
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He also said that we should be really proud of ourselves.
proud
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Hey, Ira.
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Listen, do you have that essay I wrote?
essaywrote
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- I just wanted to make one quick change. - Yeah.
changequickwanted
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Here it is.
↓
96a9dd5c-f923-4374-aab6-aa2bf4a152da.gif
The change I want to make is this.
change
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e74e96ea-15ed-406a-ba34-dfa1d394b54b.gif
- Was it too long? - No.
↓
adfe8e0c-0187-443a-b8c8-3c121a99bf55.gif
Listen to me, Ira.
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Everyone gives you breaks. Everyone does everything for you.
breaksgives
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You might think it's good, but it's not.
might
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They're telling you you're an idiot, and you're not an idiot.
idiottelling
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bd767365-b190-4431-bddc-a263c88a9545.gif
You can write this essay.
essaywrite
↓
42b33033-4d79-4544-859c-879398974bb8.gif
You can write this essay on your own. Remember that story you told me about
essayrememberstorywrite
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b1c66857-ee46-4c18-ba08-a728f142d394.gif
the two-pound steak you once ate?
poundsteak
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You thought it'd be impossible,
impossible
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but you took it one bite at a time, and you did it.
bite
↓
c94af5ba-bb35-4d17-bfc9-484100433c86.gif
You just need to do the same thing with your essay.
essay
↓
8c331e9a-c423-428a-a2ef-f26c521da231.gif
Okay, I'll try.
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0ecab87d-2128-4295-b98d-b4d5886a350f.gif
"And then I pretended I was Rocky, and I told Mr. T, 'Go for it.'
pretendedrocky
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I really wished his Mohawk fell off when he got hit.
fellwished
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The end."
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Thanks, Malcolm. This is the most words I've ever put together in my life.
lifemalcolmthankswords
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Yeah. It-- it shows.
shows
↓
8ab26ff0-79d2-4013-8f77-925c2aa6a184.gif
Mm. This is amazing.
amazing
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877c6949-942a-450d-a6c2-ea025b4701e6.gif
I think the lemon zest really brings it to life.
bringslemonlife
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How's your dinner?
dinner
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- What are you doing here? Sure. - Can we come in?
↓
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- You want some dinner? - No, but thank you.
dinner
↓
ea0bc0a7-feb4-49f1-bd1b-72012b060301.gif
Seriously. I just got a convection oven.
oven
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95ea5286-773f-4df9-a2ad-9d54770d99da.gif
I can whip you up a frittata in 10 minutes.
minuteswhip
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It's spotless.
↓
9e05debd-2035-47b7-890c-1ef37c695e8a.gif
Reese, we came here to do something.
reese
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08d67e1a-711e-4132-b9d3-0c85367e4de9.gif
It goes against all of our instincts,
instincts
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1d1380ac-c4e4-42ae-bf9d-d89254bcb288.gif
and even as I'm about to do it, it doesn't feel right. But--
↓
ec335f79-c525-41bf-88b3-2e825ef22ce5.gif
It seems our instincts aren't very good lately,
instinctslatelyseems
↓
a91d613d-a915-4d52-8d6a-f8d7debc4aee.gif
- so here goes. - What is it?
↓
6ef84147-470b-4a59-8976-df013dfb7edd.gif
Reese, we love you, and we think you might be better off staying here.
lovemightreesestaying
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e249ceca-e997-40d7-9aa7-faf1814c8efe.gif
- Really? - Honest to God,
honest
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you seem to be doing much better without us.
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I mean, let's face it, in 17 years with us, you have spent
facespentyears
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more days in juvenile court than you have in school.
courtdaysjuvenileschool
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But now, after 10 days on your own, you--
days
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You're a functioning member of society.
membersociety
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Wow.
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I must have really changed.
changedmust
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I don't even want to rub it in.
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Mail call.
mail
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I confiscated your Victoria's Secret catalog.
secretvictoriasvictorias-secret
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A kid your age should-- Oh, you're entertaining.
entertaining
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Teddy, these are my parents.
parentsteddy
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- Mom, Dad, this is my neighbor, Teddy. - Hello.
neighborteddy
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This visitation thing's a real pain in the ass, huh?
painrealvisitation
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You know, this place isn't so bad.
place
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Next time we come, we can bring some plants.
bringplants
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Sweet. Hold on a sec.
sweet
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Hi, I just got your Deluxe Platinum Card, and I want to activate it.
activatecarddeluxe
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"Two-four-seven-one."
fourseven
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Now, listen, I already transferred a $3,000 balance
balancetransferred
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from the Valley Federal Card over to my Spring Mills Mutual Card,
cardfederalmillsmutualspringvalley
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because I had an $8,000 limit.
limit
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But since I'm already bumping against that,
bumping
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I might as well transfer everything to yours, because it has a $20,000 limit.
limitmighttransfer
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Sure, I'd love to talk to a supervisor.
lovesupervisor
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- Hey. I was on the phone. - You've been using credit cards?
cardscreditcredit-cardsphoneusing
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- How much have you spent? - Ten, 11 grand.
grandspent
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But I'm still way under the $20,000 limit.
limit
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How can you spend that much in 10 days?
daysspend
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I got that new convection oven that made the refrigerator look kind of shabby.
ovenrefrigerator
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Plus, I had to buy new clothes every time mine got dirty.
clothesdirtyplus
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And that giant gong in the bathroom?
bathroomgiantgong
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I mean, how do you guys do it?
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Ow, ow, ow.
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Reese, I really owe you some thanks for giving me some faith in myself.
faithgivingreesethanks
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Next few days, I'll be saying very little. I will be deciding on a punishment.
daysdecidingpunishment
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Ideas are already popping into my mind.
ideasmindpopping
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It's really very exciting, but I don't want to get hasty
exciting
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and leave either of us feeling dissatisfied.
feeling
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- You're gonna drag me all the way home? - We're taking your ear there.
draghome
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If the rest of you wants to come, that's fine, too.
restwants
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It's been almost a month,
month
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and Mom's still coming up with fresh punishments for Reese.
comingfreshmomspunishmentsreese
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She says she's never felt more creative. She must be doing something right.
creativemust
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- He has a white streak in his hair. - Hey, Malcolm. Guess what.
hairmalcolmstreakwhite
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- I got accepted. I'm going to college. - Really? Which school?
acceptedcollegeschool
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All of them, A&M, Tulane, Georgia, Stanford.
georgiastanford
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Full scholarships and everything.
full
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Stanford liked your essay?
essaylikedstanford
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No, I forgot to put it in the envelope.
envelopeforgot
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I got in, anyway. But don't worry. That essay didn't go to waste.
essaywasteworry
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I handed it in as my math midterm and got an A.
handedmath
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Thanks for making me believe in myself, Malcolm.
believemalcolmthanks
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You proved that I don't need all these people helping me. See you.
helpingproved
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Stanford. Poor guy. I'll bet he doesn't know it only has
poorstanford
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the third-best astrophysics department in the country.
bestcountrydepartmentthird