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Home » Malcolm in the Middle » S05E07 — Christmas Trees

Malcolm in the Middle

Season 5, Episode 7 — Christmas Trees

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Episode title: Christmas Trees
Air date: December 14, 2003
Director: Steve Love
Top billed cast: Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Christopher Masterson
Hal, Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey go into business selling Christmas trees, with the boys using some of their own money, but two priests send homeless people to their business, trying to sabotage their sale.
Source: TMDB
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Oh, honey, I can't do any more tonight.
honeytonight
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Let's just leave the mess and get some sleep, huh?
messsleep
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- Wait a minute, we bought 10 presents. - Yeah?
boughtminutepresents
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Why are there 11 packages?
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Oh, my God.
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Oh, this is--
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Oh!
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We would have figured it out before we mailed it, right?
figuredmailed
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Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
absolutely
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♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
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♪ I don't know ♪
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♪ Life is unfair ♪
lifeunfair
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- Ow! Did you get it? - Get what?
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Well, guess what?
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I got two weeks forced vacation without pay.
forcedvacationweeks
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We think it's just so the board members can shred documents in peace.
boarddocumentsmemberspeaceshred
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Two weeks without pay?
weeks
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Refused to eat booger sandwich.
boogerrefusedsandwich
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I know this is coming at a bad time, but I think I have a plan
comingplan
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I'm going to sell Christmas trees.
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- What? - In college,
college
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I sold Christmas trees every December with my roommate, Victor.
christmaschristmas-treesdecemberroommatesoldtreesvictor
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We have enough to buy 130 trees at 15 bucks apiece.
buckstrees
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- Really? - If we sell them at six bucks a foot,
bucksfootsell
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that's an average of $45 a tree.
averagetree
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Lois, we can net over $2600.
lois
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Well, if you think it'll work.
itll
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We'll make $4,000.
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- You'd put your own money in? - Sure.
money
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- but, hey, this is family. - Really?
family
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I never dreamed anything like this would be possible.
dreamedpossible
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but he never answered the intercom.
answeredintercom
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It'll be like a Korean grocery store.
grocerygrocery-storeitllkoreanstore
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You know, Dewey,
dewey
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- you've got $20 in your piggy bank. - I think they've got it covered, Mom.
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All right. I'm in.
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It's gonna be weird not being with our families on Christmas.
christmasfamiliesweird
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I know. It feels... great.
feels
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It's like all the ugliness and turmoil
ugliness
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you always associate with Christmas is gone.
associatechristmasgone
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Mein family. They are finally here. All the way from Stuttgart.
familyfinallymein
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"Don't pack your heavy clothes. It's not cold in the desert."
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I'm freezing off my ass.
freezing
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Stop whining. I already have two children. I don't need a third.
childrenthirdwhining
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Oh, come on, you two.
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- You're here now. Just enjoy. - Oh, I forgot.
enjoyforgot
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Everything has to be perfect with Gretchen.
gretchenperfect
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Don't you raise your voice to Gretchen.
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Anyone who is not an alcoholic, you accuse of being a perfectionist.
accusealcoholic
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Hal and Sons. That means you, too, Jamie.
jamiesons
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I know it's just a crappy wooden sign, but...
crappysignwooden
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Boys, I want you to know that this is the greatest day of my life.
boysgreatestlife
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I'm so happy and proud of each and every one of you,
happyproud
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and I just want to make sure that you don't screw this up.
screw
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We will have so many precious memories together, as long as you don't give in
memoriesprecious
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to your worst instincts and do something really stupid.
instinctsstupidworst
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I just love you so much, and I wanna keep loving you.
loveloving
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Dad, stop worrying. We can do this.
worrying
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With what we spent on trees and truck rental,
rentalspenttreestruck
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we'll be in profit once we sell tree 67.
profitselltree
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Then let's just sell that tree first.
selltree
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What are those tools for?
tools
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Let me show you. These are for setting up the trees.
settingtrees
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So, first you use the radial saw to cut an inch off the bottom of the trunk.
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Then you use this nail gun to stick the tree stand...
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Again, I am so proud of you boys and I don't want to lose this feeling.
boysfeelingloseproud
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I don't know why you won't let me help you with that.
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- Craig, I really don't want you to. - Why not?
craig
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Because every time you come in contact with me and my family,
contactfamily
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something horrible happens to you.
happenshorriblehorrible-happens
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- I can't deal with the guilt anymore. - I don't know what you're talking about.
anymoredealguilt
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Come on, if it weren't for us, you'd still have all your teeth.
teeth
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You wouldn't flinch every time you saw a ceiling fan.
ceilingflinch
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Your car never would have been filled with bees.
beesfilled
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Coincidences.
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Craig, you broke your foot looking up a phone number for me.
brokecraigfootlookingnumberphonephone-number
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Please, Lois, it's Christmas.
christmaslois
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Here.
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Maybe you can fluff up the cotton on Santa's beard.
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Ow! Oh!
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Ah!
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Well, I wish I could say I was surprised.
surprisedwish
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- Okay. You're all set. - Mister, is this tree dead?
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Well, of course not.
course
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We made sure we cut a fresh wound in the bottom of your tree
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so it could suck up water.
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That way, your tree is suspended in a netherworld between life and death,
deathlifesuspendedtree
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just waiting for you to open your presents.
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How many trees have we sold?
soldtrees
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- Fifteen. - Fifteen?
fifteen
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We're not anywhere close to tree 67. I don't get it.
closetree
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We're in a good location. We've got great looking trees.
locationlookingtrees
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Excuse me. How much are your trees?
excusetrees
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Six dollars a foot.
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- Ah. - What?
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Well, St. Mark's Church around the corner marked their trees down to $5 a foot,
churchcornerfootmarkedmarkstrees
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but they've got such long lines, I thought I'd try you guys.
lines
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You believe that church trying to undersell us?
believechurch
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You don't see us offering Mass at half price.
halfmassofferingprice
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Why don't we lower the price on our trees? Like, down to, I don't know, 4.50 a foot?
footlowerpricetrees
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Then we average $31 a tree, and we still net 3457.
averagetree
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We'll be profitable by, hang on, tree 91.
hangprofitabletree
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- Tree 91? - Tree 91.
tree
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Sir. Sir!
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- Right this way. - We've got a really nice...
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It's customary to tie the tree to the roof.
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It's customary to tip the guy who tied it.
tied
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All right.
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That was tree 79. We're very close.
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Boys, I love all of you.
boyslove
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But this kid...
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It's just a tiny bite, right? He's going to be okay?
bitetiny
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Oh, absolutely. Of course, he'll have to get rabies shots.
absolutelycourserabiesshots
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- Shots? - Five injections, right in the belly.
bellyfiveshots
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I had to get them when I was bitten by a skunk a few years ago.
bittenskunkyears
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When they shoved that first four-inch needle into my stomach,
fourinchneedleshovedstomach
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I felt like I'd been shot in the gut.
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By the time they pulled the last needle out,
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I was on the floor, clutching a chair leg and crying like a baby.
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Navy SEALs trained me to deal with pain, but...
dealnavynavy-sealspainsealstrained
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nothing like that.
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Or try to catch the squirrel and bring it to Animal Control.
animalanimal-controlbringcatchcontrolsquirrel
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If they confirm it doesn't have rabies, you could avoid the shots.
avoidconfirmrabiesshots
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No, I'll have to take the shots. Otherwise Lois can't prove her point.
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Craig, listen to me.
craig
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I am making you this vow.
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I am going to find that squirrel and take it to Animal Control,
animalanimal-controlcontrolsquirrel
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prove it doesn't have rabies so you don't have to get those shots.
proverabiesshots
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You are not going to suffer ever again for having known me.
havingknownsuffer
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Understand?
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- You're on my foot. - Oh. Sorry.
foot
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- They're still at it? - Yeah. It's fascinating.
fascinating
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I've had the same argument a million times with my mom.
argumentmillionmillion-timestimes
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Right now she's gonna say, "Don't take that tone with me,"
tone
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and he's gonna start screaming.
screamingstart
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Now the father figure tries to make peace.
fatherfather-figurefigurepeacetries
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And he gets his head chopped off.
choppedhead
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Oh, this is a good one.
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Jumping into someone else's argument to settle an old score.
argumentelsesjumpingscoresettle
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They're like a primitive version of my family.
familyprimitiveversion
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Take one step to your left.
leftstep
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Why?
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Spooky.
spooky
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Okay, you're getting $7 change, right?
change
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One and two and five.
five
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I hide the big bills where no one's gonna go after them.
billshideones
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I'll help you with that. Okay, that is, uh, tree 89!
tree
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Boys, we are so close, I can taste it.
boysclosetaste
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You the guys trying to muscle in on the blessed church?
blessedchurchmuscle
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I'm sorry, what'd you say?
whatd
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We're from St. Mark's around the corner.
cornermarks
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You're underselling us, and we don't like it,
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so it's gonna stop.
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We want you to close down your lot and leave. Now.
close
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During this holy season,
holyseason
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it's best to give our Heavenly Savior what he wants.
bestheavenlysaviorwants
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It might interest you to know that you're dealing with godless heathens.
dealinggodlessinterestmight
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Take your ghost stories somewhere else.
ghoststories
↓
1e3e0875-fd0b-416f-a591-8d0b928f0bb0.gif
We'll give you 20 minutes to clear out...
clearminutes
↓
35218fe2-81a7-49d0-8d86-6ddcbd3835f7.gif
then we take matters into our own hands.
handsmatters
↓
b1ee58b6-2f9a-4959-a1bf-13714457b756.gif
What's that supposed to mean?
supposed
↓
5d17dc8d-64cf-4180-bb22-ebb56b770c6e.gif
Don't worry about it, Dad. They're priests.
worry
↓
d54a11ef-1615-41bc-b374-f30f6025a25a.gif
What are they gonna do?
↓
c0f1c89c-b091-4681-811e-8843b1f7d026.gif
Just get in the car and lock the doors!
doorslock
↓
dc940a42-b5aa-48f5-a42c-41cf2910edc0.gif
Spare change, mister?
changemisterspare
↓
5a06772e-7e21-4735-85eb-f337ab451917.gif
Hey, mister.
mister
↓
9538b68a-25e7-4c69-a2ec-887bc7862f72.gif
Come on.
↓
5dcbf9e6-f7ff-452b-8218-4aa64044062d.gif
Does this look infected to you?
infected
↓
87c6acd2-ecae-4442-9e5e-53cffcf36516.gif
Excuse me, this is my tree.
excusetree
↓
078ec081-6de1-4016-af7a-9919de2ff124.gif
I already marked it, if you know what I mean.
marked
↓
ebf01ecd-ffd3-44c9-be3b-49fcb270afb8.gif
Wha-- Wait, no.
↓
70e7303e-bd3d-4347-aa6b-4006d5a88d82.gif
What the hell do you think you're doing?
↓
322d36b7-8aab-49ca-8396-9139441e90ec.gif
- Father McCluskey sends his regards. - What are you talking about?
fathersends
↓
c02d0378-741e-4297-bb57-d734c814e39c.gif
He dropped by the soup kitchen
droppedkitchensoupsoup-kitchen
↓
996e83ae-2311-483a-89d1-6005b64347a9.gif
and he suggested we come down here and share the magic.
magicsharesuggested
↓
23962bb4-1668-415f-a7ea-a92132499640.gif
Cute kid.
cute
↓
dad4447b-e409-49db-8fc5-6175cec655ac.gif
You want some homemade candy?
candyhomemade
↓
5857e672-34d5-4d88-a9c3-14ca2c56497f.gif
Dad, everyone's leaving.
everyonesleaving
↓
019eb520-8918-4f62-b86c-2e7a53618b99.gif
Look, whatever St. Mark's is giving you, we'll double it!
doublegivingmarks
↓
8f11a5be-601d-4700-b6b5-dbfd84c60967.gif
You can double eternal salvation?
doubleeternalsalvation
↓
08b23b35-e6be-470c-8c51-173a3ca6d1fc.gif
Yes, I can.
↓
fd298b2a-add3-4ae0-ae5a-b1ce35851549.gif
You're funny.
funny
↓
bd4bb2ae-0a2c-43e4-8233-96b662ada22f.gif
So, you sell Christmas trees?
christmaschristmas-treesselltrees
↓
37d58d51-3c3b-4d87-b193-01da818c3110.gif
I used to sell Christmas trees.
christmaschristmas-treesselltreesused
↓
adb5e056-ac95-4fdf-bcbd-cf91e237b85a.gif
Unbelievable.
unbelievable
↓
812e7419-8ad5-4b95-92d2-554f6f10b601.gif
You'd think a cemetery would be up for anything that would lighten the mood.
cemeterylightenmood
↓
3d0af648-6806-49db-a235-0a580329acae.gif
Hey, why don't we drive around and sell the tress out of the truck?
driveselltruck
↓
284b892e-8185-4a75-853e-b04f2d0e70be.gif
We have to factor in the price of gas.
factorprice
↓
68293670-cc1c-4261-8ca6-97580aa405f2.gif
Let's see, six miles a gallon, with gas selling at two--
gallonmilesselling
↓
bad13f2e-f7b6-425f-9100-a490f5c01053.gif
Malcolm, why don't you give the genius thing a rest for a while?
geniusmalcolmrest
↓
073147ff-8c09-4af6-bc81-d188d897dbf9.gif
We were so close.
close
↓
a58fdbaf-337a-4350-897b-9c9f62de3565.gif
Eighty-nine trees.
eightyninetrees
↓
5343f2bd-2a59-471d-bccd-6b918fe9a199.gif
Just two trees away from being profitable.
profitabletrees
↓
2713bcb3-6703-4477-a4d8-c981d73caf99.gif
Story of my life.
lifestory
↓
16a5954d-899d-4a8a-a539-c08dae15b427.gif
No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try,
hardmatter
↓
cce0c880-e326-4c2d-a42e-b78defd62941.gif
I'm always two trees away.
trees
↓
8fe0ab12-638a-4b74-818c-3e10133ad1d6.gif
We should just sell them out of our yard.
sellyard
↓
a928c3d0-c41f-4cf3-9222-222f1ecf2287.gif
Reese, this is a serious problem. Would you please just--?
problemreeseseriousserious-problem
↓
69538e04-cd49-450b-960d-cad2876ffb82.gif
Oh, my God.
↓
05187c3b-a619-4b41-a42e-f4ceaee39936.gif
That wasn't stupid.
stupid
↓
1270a4dd-dc3d-4071-b361-7f0c0ee5160a.gif
Reese, your love for your father has focused your mind like a laser.
fatherfocusedlaserlovemindreese
↓
dc42f397-c8e9-4d8c-a01b-aa6583bf85b3.gif
Give him the hat.
↓
d181418e-67ba-45b2-a3cb-f5fd7c7a1452.gif
People, there is a squirrel somewhere in the store.
squirrelstore
↓
12378608-69ea-41f6-9dff-0537e6a3cedf.gif
He's very agile, elusive, and possibly rabid,
possiblyrabid
↓
85868f20-ac89-4250-98e9-a391a451e978.gif
but we will catch him.
catch
↓
5f58c798-f270-4b44-b798-cc7df090e7ed.gif
We have to.
↓
0bfc6a79-1af5-463a-92db-cf91dc49c255.gif
I've got a bad feeling about this, Lois.
feelinglois
↓
c1f36ee9-36e4-4081-9720-2575fd18c517.gif
It's been too quiet for too long.
quiet
↓
b0fa7906-e90d-4394-8677-a7d6e5b961b8.gif
He's planning something.
planning
↓
b3905bac-43c2-478e-82d4-eb9613675e05.gif
Yes, well, I brought in reinforcements, Ethan.
broughtethanreinforcements
↓
f00b7175-dc48-419a-ad7c-4f266755f2ec.gif
- Thanks for helping, guys. - No problem.
helpingproblemthanks
↓
aeb8efa7-cfaf-4083-b425-64f0e74b85cf.gif
Our last job finished early, so we had some time on our hands.
earlyfinishedhands
↓
818074c3-195d-4dbb-b309-a24052af1126.gif
All right then. Let's do this thing.
↓
8c1ead2b-16f9-4379-b56e-529d074a7b76.gif
♪ Come they told me Pa rum pa pum pum ♪
↓
686c2e16-e0ef-4381-8221-91d5800ddd86.gif
♪ Our finest gifts we bring Pa rum pa pum pum ♪
bringfinestgifts
↓
cf154594-e61a-4204-aaaa-eb52721ef145.gif
♪ To lay before the king... ♪
king
↓
be3b6b69-062f-4e5d-907c-39a026bd20fd.gif
♪ Pa rum pa pum pum ♪
↓
afda4743-0dba-4219-9ce9-afedc0469211.gif
♪ So to honor him... ♪
honor
↓
b39e310d-9a0f-4a10-866a-02a9f1c470b3.gif
You're out there.
↓
c3c58184-f2c2-4ce4-aa27-31f702d88503.gif
I know you're out there.
↓
7a8b169d-daea-444d-99bd-ca0b91df8b24.gif
Aisle 12! He's heading for the register!
aisleheadingregister
↓
2116e920-d892-4e73-a410-ca5bf2dac722.gif
- Don't let it get away! - He's over there!
↓
b112a45f-4e73-4130-8f7c-6274f6a60994.gif
Wait, he's headed for the front door!
doorfrontfront-doorheaded
↓
91c960bb-70e8-4fd1-a21b-20088ef1d2a1.gif
Watch out, he's got murder in his eyes!
eyesmurderwatch
↓
59356fe8-72f0-479b-81a3-f3578fc06b86.gif
And a cute, fluffy tail.
cutefluffytail
↓
6a04dcab-27ad-4dde-bc36-a171138d4bad.gif
Checkmate, chipmunk.
checkmate
↓
5e5144ca-23f9-426e-8f27-a74412db40fa.gif
♪ Have a holly, jolly Christmas ♪
christmashollyjolly
↓
ca88a2b5-7dd5-44ca-94d4-d7462e14870b.gif
And three makes 10.
makesthree
↓
90cf01aa-3ce7-4839-9934-29e443df4992.gif
Feliz Navidad.
↓
38cb2166-3777-41e8-84da-e773195128e4.gif
- So at 3.50 a foot, the profit tree is...? - One hundred and twelve.
foothundredprofittreetwelve
↓
16fbd196-563b-42e4-b433-a5137b0a8d13.gif
One hundred and twelve is the profit tree.
hundredprofittreetwelve
↓
2a5204a0-1f64-4ef3-b56e-298a0f2dce74.gif
Say it with me, boys.
boys
↓
748f4a99-f34c-4af5-8cb7-867eed7fcbf3.gif
"One hundred and twelve is the profit tree."
hundredprofittreetwelve
↓
828ea0e6-0c3f-4181-859b-05dfc35c2f69.gif
- Hal? - Oh, hey, Phil. Merry Christmas.
christmasmerrymerry-christmasphil
↓
1199f566-15d0-4d94-b44a-3411ee0fd138.gif
What the hell are you doing here?
↓
11b469e1-f0c5-49ad-9e59-3e47100ff083.gif
You don't have a permit to do this. Get these trees off your yard.
permittreesyard
↓
e09ba8ca-7669-44a3-a707-9691e5806fc0.gif
Phil, please. I...
phil
↓
e83f4575-ab50-4c87-bdae-949e1f128b00.gif
Look, I know this seems a little unusual, but I'm in kind of a jam.
seemsunusual
↓
33096d71-fa84-4513-93c7-2e5ebf672a6c.gif
I was laid off, and I'm out of money.
laidmoney
↓
0e1e7094-0605-4ed8-a312-63e7f717e494.gif
Come on, it's Christmas.
christmas
↓
02d800f1-1f87-4768-a78a-46a684e004c1.gif
I don't care.
care
↓
78383511-faa6-41a8-983b-c0df121936d1.gif
I hate you, and I always have.
hate
↓
bb613db4-d38b-4f33-83a9-1a38330b866e.gif
Phil, why don't you take a tree?
philtree
↓
43db5f2e-c879-4bf9-bedf-b4c936c5e3eb.gif
On the house.
house
↓
3cc17d01-f36f-49ac-990d-f9a0aefa1ed2.gif
Here.
↓
0cdf6d9c-fcc6-4fd6-9186-0f9c052c66cf.gif
- You're giving me this? - I'll even flock it if you want.
flockgiving
↓
65a6f389-7eb5-4534-90b2-68baa5d99bfe.gif
No, no. That's okay.
↓
b7a3231e-dfd9-4577-8bf7-3000141ab816.gif
So, we have an understanding here?
understanding
↓
edc6e312-68b9-41f3-982f-d7925af9134c.gif
Yeah. We have an understanding.
understanding
↓
b67f1cb9-fbf3-4621-beaf-e636a7c7a2d2.gif
Get these trees out of here.
trees
↓
6400d774-588d-4ad5-8514-93c4cf114378.gif
We received a complaint, and you don't have a permit.
complaintpermitreceived
↓
366ec20a-860b-477d-915a-6f61be6c6391.gif
And he has too many garbage cans.
cansgarbage
↓
128a54a2-75ef-4475-8f48-4054810bfb74.gif
That's a fineable offense, isn't it?
offense
↓
453fd69f-78ba-4dab-9f5a-fdf5a85a534e.gif
He can't complain. I bribed him with a tree!
complaintree
↓
219d4e9b-d673-4ca1-b113-3ce2db11027a.gif
Sir, you can't have a business in your front yard without a permit.
businessfrontfront-yardpermityard
↓
61299698-0978-4d77-8c43-e9cf17f6666a.gif
Officer, we've sunk all our money into this.
moneyofficersunk
↓
4362b71e-2202-4891-a054-0eb6cbf78977.gif
We've got to sell one more tree to break even.
breakselltree
↓
476f4007-a2e9-4cb3-abc0-3eaf271eaa02.gif
That's all I'm asking. One tree.
askingtree
↓
c2633797-e8f2-4091-ab1e-1315940ab548.gif
Just let me sell one tree.
selltree
↓
c7283ed2-5dd9-4a6e-8e6f-faea40a4a817.gif
Have you got a tree?
tree
↓
b07458e5-af5c-48cc-8290-40e6a2eca8cb.gif
Coming through.
coming
↓
7e01ea2b-ec85-4668-954b-4123c8190f17.gif
- You. - I was never at that dog show.
↓
cac400a8-157b-471e-b3ab-dce3b0203256.gif
Where would a high school kid get a spear gun?
schoolspear
↓
6306907e-e4a5-419f-9687-7b6803bb0a99.gif
This is your son?
↓
b37813b4-a3d6-41a2-b585-dc6760a2fbcd.gif
Uh, it depends on what you mean by "son."
depends
↓
3539d510-d964-45f4-914b-ca84196bd341.gif
You got half an hour
halfhour
↓
9df45c56-5ce3-464e-b5bc-6f3aa1b274b2.gif
to get every single one of these trees out of your yard.
singletreesyard
↓
efd120e0-c4ab-491f-ac7d-854af43f9f25.gif
We lost our truck. We don't have a place for them!
lostplacetruck
↓
34ba6946-f06d-4e46-8f5d-53e2ec4b28c4.gif
That's not my problem. You get them out,
problem
↓
d3406beb-46a1-45cd-99ff-ade720dfff76.gif
or you'll be spending Christmas in a jail cell.
cellchristmasjailspending
↓
c55264d2-78e4-47de-a432-7b4b7513eb9a.gif
I can't take this.
↓
93ca2b75-1636-49a4-9d36-a634feb45551.gif
The yelling, the screaming.
screamingyelling
↓
e5a3a7da-f5b6-4658-a899-d98bcb010ab1.gif
It's making me feel so... homesick.
↓
18259b63-909c-4331-b6ef-6abaeb92811d.gif
Me too.
↓
9165840d-cea8-4833-868e-db4b65226007.gif
My mom used to grab my dad's throat like that.
dadsgrabthroatused
↓
7fb33eab-d39a-45f1-8a58-e3a648366957.gif
I disown all of you! All of you!
↓
06945685-763d-4ef9-9fca-71124df06265.gif
I never thought I would feel ashamed of being German.
ashamedgerman
↓
f64c0d8e-bba3-41eb-b1e5-ba8c0eaf7909.gif
See, huh?
↓
2081afc4-cabc-4578-8cf5-c3908000b971.gif
They're all gone.
gone
↓
fbe062f1-728c-4ab2-b28c-8cd8afcc3d1b.gif
Are you happy now?
happy
↓
82826720-f93b-4fcb-b03b-76c5ebfa1f5c.gif
Just remember,
remember
↓
f4d2004c-3d8c-4ed6-bd76-1d85ff785f4e.gif
I'll be patrolling this block every 15 minutes.
blockminutes
↓
31f3a40b-ae44-4a62-8a8f-fdec159048fa.gif
Merry Christmas.
christmasmerrymerry-christmas
↓
84381624-b093-4d2c-a175-981ead68741b.gif
Merry Christmas.
christmasmerrymerry-christmas
↓
d9fed9f8-a634-4aef-a123-209959053a55.gif
I want you to buy me out.
↓
11e20d74-1ab5-4788-aff6-e094753bf157.gif
No, Dewey, this is just a temporary setback.
deweysetbacktemporary
↓
c8f14583-7f59-4962-b28a-dea275c95107.gif
If you believe that, then buy me out.
believe
↓
f490b4d4-3a55-4bac-b97d-0fe6a858d10f.gif
It's over, Dad.
↓
5841020f-df27-4c56-8907-07df8365fd6a.gif
Over? We're only one tree away.
tree
↓
f158690e-a242-489c-8c8a-edc3da990d35.gif
Dad, we can't get the truck back.
truck
↓
fa3e02e0-5e81-4dc7-bf6f-3ab8e7220dc3.gif
We can't use the front lawn.
frontfront-lawnlawn
↓
e427ea24-6d78-44fe-b01e-7803176a5840.gif
The cops are watching us.
copswatching
↓
771fe930-3a06-41fd-9d50-b5cff7734c9e.gif
Face it, we've lost.
facelost
↓
63765319-6fca-4094-a54d-b385bcd9b72c.gif
So, you're just going to let a little reality stop you, is that it?
reality
↓
93393954-37c6-4f35-bb7e-8613cd9e079d.gif
Boys, let me tell you something.
boys
↓
a2fd09ca-5319-4149-a8c1-fa6f287a3704.gif
The only way I've managed to get through my crappy life
crappylifemanaged
↓
b0080a4f-891a-441e-9de9-3946eda1f993.gif
with any shred of self-worth is by living in denial.
deniallivingselfself-worthshredworth
↓
c07a73d4-6fcc-42f0-b09f-0625c6286772.gif
If I was going to let myself get beaten by failure,
beatenfailure
↓
d626d8d3-d98c-47f0-b72a-f4bca5e166cc.gif
I would've quit after one kid.
quitwouldve
↓
3f50cb26-035a-4485-84e0-3c9d66ab92a6.gif
You just gotta keep holding out for a miracle.
holdingmiracle
↓
9bf06f69-e838-4d06-97f7-6be5ec0eea62.gif
If a miracle won't come at Christmas, then when is it going to come?
christmasmiracle
↓
19ca4df2-3b7e-4c0b-9d68-9488e01b264c.gif
See?
↓
121e6922-4b26-4848-9bbb-aa350d0991d4.gif
There it is!
↓
abf0ebe6-c396-42ce-856e-02e295c7b57c.gif
Our Christmas miracle. I knew it!
christmaschristmas-miraclemiracle
↓
8e23a2c8-62da-426e-a6a2-292ff18c6475.gif
Hi. My kid found this cat.
found
↓
8e326bb3-4a18-4e4e-8042-bc77b25b1939.gif
Is it yours?
↓
5d42679e-68aa-416e-81de-2ecd695e350c.gif
Would you like to buy a Christmas tree for 10 dollars?
christmaschristmas-treedollarstree
↓
e6ff629c-7da4-402b-90ec-3a8ae9dfcc9d.gif
No, we already have a tree.
tree
↓
1d8d779e-5591-4ff2-aea0-225be748f172.gif
You gotta help me out.
↓
87b71abb-fe78-4a55-8732-270501fa553b.gif
I just yanked my boys back from the brink of despair
boysbrinkdespair
↓
2f60218d-37b1-41b8-9de3-bda34c0fcb61.gif
and convinced them that life was worth living.
convincedlifelivingworthworth-living
↓
f81c863a-e6d5-4d10-82d7-103bcf25d834.gif
If you walk away without handing me 10 dollars,
dollarshandingwalk
↓
b3635968-ce6e-4d71-8311-8d3d0661ac13.gif
then their futures aren't worth a damn.
futuresworth
↓
5087f62e-1cee-4529-9bff-5947fcf604a4.gif
Now, I desperately need to teach them
desperatelyteach
↓
7de3ea70-d9cc-4e1d-a9fc-ee02464e9d83.gif
the value of perseverance, and you can help me.
value
↓
b63a7b12-e21c-4d63-9f64-51e94c976a86.gif
- I don't think I-- - I'll lick your shoes.
lickshoes
↓
da0a9029-481f-4693-8c79-063b04c9fea5.gif
Have you ever actually seen someone do that? I haven't.
seen
↓
ccdf6e69-1dc3-481c-b0af-10a9f400e89f.gif
That's got to be worth $10. I'll even--
worth
↓
7a25b474-c41b-4e61-8526-3e22435d27e6.gif
Here, take the money.
money
↓
33ac9160-31f1-40f8-9545-ee6dd7fbc2f1.gif
Take it as far as the sidewalk.
sidewalk
↓
c79e1725-4810-4a24-b32d-08cfd35ca1ca.gif
Pleasure doing business with you, sir.
businesspleasure
↓
0003dbf8-5cb6-424a-8b91-ab284e0f9078.gif
See what happens when you believe, boys? We are profitable!
believeboyshappensprofitable
↓
5104c7ed-c3b1-4da5-a02c-e8a51df11a2d.gif
I'm just going to stop and get Dewey's hamster cage.
cagedeweyshamster
↓
e91c1297-de19-4e5c-901a-8c9df5237e0a.gif
Squirrel is chewing through the box.
chewingsquirrel
↓
dbf998d9-512c-4980-8b95-7de910156a97.gif
Do they really have to kill him to find out if he has rabies?
killrabies
↓
414fe598-031e-43a0-a4fe-f798dbe81d2b.gif
Do you want the shots?
shots
↓
734f283d-1598-41a7-82bd-2c1ecede4dfd.gif
Wait for me in heaven.
heaven
↓
cc081e72-85aa-4bb2-86aa-d6ca5b45e33a.gif
Oh, my God.
↓
bd3dfbb8-1158-4af2-a7cb-74c860e99f8b.gif
Honey, is that you?
honey
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What is going on here?
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Good news.
news
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We did it.
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We made a profit.
profit
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Really? How much?
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Numbers aren't important.
numbers
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A profit is a profit.
profit
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- Hey, look, a squirrel. - What?
squirrel
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There he goes.
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Squirrel. Gone.
gonesquirrel
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Craig, we will catch him.
catchcraig
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All right, here's the deal. This time, it's 10 bucks each.
bucksdeal
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And one item from the medicine cabinet.
cabinetitemmedicine
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It's gonna be tricky, fellas.
fellastricky
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We're on his turf now.
turf
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Thanks for spending Christmas with my relatives.
christmasrelativesspendingthanks
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And next year we'll do my family.
family
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Marriage is all about compromise.
compromisemarriage
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You think this house is a pigsty?
housepigsty
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There, now it's a pigsty!
pigsty
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Oh, you're real brave when I don't have my leg strapped on!
braverealstrapped
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They're having all the fun. We should get in there.
funhaving
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Let's do it.
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You know, I feel bad for Gretchen and Otto.
gretchenotto
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I hope I didn't make things worse.
hopeworse
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Thank you for taking us in.
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It is nice being with a family that gets along.
alongfamily
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Boy, you guys really gone out with Christmas.
christmasgone
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It's even Christmas in the bathroom.
bathroomchristmas
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As Christmases go, this one was pretty good.
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Nothing on fire, no arrests,
fire
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and, hell, we even made a profit.
profit