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Malcolm in the Middle

Season 4, Episode 6 โ€” Forbidden Girlfriend

TMDB episode metadata
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Hey, watch where you're driving, you butt-wipe!
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What'd you say?
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Nothing.
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Better watch yourself, jerk-wad.
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I'll kick your butt.
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Yeah, well, I wish I had a car like that!
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Thank you so much for the work that you did last week.
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Now, I insist that you take this.
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Thank you.
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What work did you do last week?
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Young man, nice job with those weeds yesterday.
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Is five dollars okay?
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Okay. Thank you.
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No way, you didn't pull any weeds yesterday.
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I know. What's going on?
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It's money day. Money day?
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Yeah. I don't know why, but it's been happening a lot lately.
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Dewey, people don't have money days.
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I do. It's really neat.
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There's also cookie days and pat on the head days.
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I don't like those so much,
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but before you know it, it's money day again.
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What do you think you're doing?
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Putting this stupid fence back up
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for the third time this month.
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Well, me and Earl went to a lot of trouble tearing it down.
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What? Why would you tear our fence down?
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We've got 300 head of cattle we got to get to water.
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They got to come through here to get to the wash.
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We need this fence.
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We had two horses wander off.
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It took us a week to find them.
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Our ranch has used this trail for over 50 years.
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We're not about to stop
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for a bunch of city boys playing horsy!
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Look, just because it's a dude ranch
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doesn't mean I don't bust my ass the same as you.
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Hey, cowboy, your fanny pack's ringing.
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Talk to me.
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The lavender soap should be next to the potpourri.
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Well, did you check with housekeeping?
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I'm finally starting to understand trigonometry.
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Yeah?
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It's useless.
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Come on, you need trigonometry.
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Say you want to plot the orbit of a lunar...
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You're right, it's useless.
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I've noticed you at school.
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You have?
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In fact, I've been thinking about you... a lot.
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I heard it, too!
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Really?
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I know you're super smart, so here's my question:
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with a brain like that,
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do you plan, like, every moment in your life?
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No, I don't think... You do. I know you do.
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You always have to know what's going to happen next, don't you?
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Don't you? No.
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I really like not knowing what's going to happen next.
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I mean, even when it's scary.
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In fact,
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I kind of like it when it's scary.
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You know, like right now,
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I don't know
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what's going to happen next.
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Do you?
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Well...
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You getting anywhere?
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What?
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The math.
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The thing I'm paying you $6 an hour for.
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Oh, yeah, she's really smart.
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She didn't get it when I tried to explain it.
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You didn't try to explain it, you just yelled it at me.
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He dropped out of high school,
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so whenever anything makes him feel small, he yells.
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I'm sure you could've learned
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trigonometry if you wanted to.
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When?
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When I was in 'Nam, tied to a Punjab stick,
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chin deep in a tiger cage in the Mekong River?
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No, I guess not.
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Just remember something, hotshot.
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Me and a lot of my dead comrades put our asses on the line
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so you and your little friends
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could have the freedom to study trigonometry.
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Thank you... sir.
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That was scary.
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Oh, please, he plays that card all the time.
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Last week, he tried to use it
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to get a free Grand Slam at Denny's.
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I think we should get back to math.
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Or you could stop stalling and kiss me.
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Kiss you?
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Okay, you're obviously crazy. Your dad's, like, 12 feet away.
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Yeah? You're just trying
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to create a situation where he catches me
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and I get my butt kicked. Well, I'm not...
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Hey, morning, Reese. How's it going?
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What are you doing up?
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Well, I was just lying in bed this morning
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staring at the ceiling, and I thought,
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"Why don't I paint the kitchen cabinets?"
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Oh, I made crepes.
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Crepes? Uh-huh.
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Come on, sit down.
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Look, I've got strawberries,
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bananas, peaches, drawn butter, maple syrup, you name it.
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Dig in.
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Hey, honey, where have you been?
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I was up at 4:00 scouring the grout in the shower
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and I thought, "The flower market is open this early.
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Why not drive downtown and buy us some fresh-cut flowers?"
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They're beautiful! Crepes?
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Can't, got to make
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the boys' lunches.
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I've already made them lunch.
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Oh, well, double lunches.
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That was so much fun last night.
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When I got home, my mom yelled at me for an hour,
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but I didn't care.
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I know. My dad went nuts.
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I got two veins and the temple thing.
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We get it.
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You're dating.
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Stevie, how's it going?
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Good.
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Do you know...
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How cute you are? Yes, so what?
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Stop bragging about it.
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I was...
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going to ask...
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If I would dump Malcolm for you.
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Well, yeah, but you can't ask me right in front of him.
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He has feelings.
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...if you passed...
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your trig test...
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Oh, yeah, D minus.
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Thank you, baby.
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All right, I'm sick of school, let's go to the mall.
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Ditch?
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Yeah, it's just P.E.
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But that's... a class.
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And it'll be there tomorrow. Come on.
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Why... pretend?
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You're right.
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Four times we have to put up this fence!
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Do they think we are not serious?
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Maybe you should talk to them. Talk to those idiots? No!
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Do they think creating wholesome entertainment for families
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is for sissies?
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There's arts and crafts,
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there's nature hikes, there's costume parties.
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Let them try to keep track
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of what is what on Opposites Day.
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Ooh, they will
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pay for this.
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Woo-hoo!
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Lunchtime.
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Oh, Gretchen,
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I did not mean for you to see me in my fury.
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Otto, I love your fury.
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Isn't Otto's fury magnificent, Francis?
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I try not to look at his fury.
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If they tear this one down,
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we will make them suffer as they have never suffered.
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Or, we might consider trying to reach a compromise.
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Do I look French to you? No!
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If it is a range war they want, then by gosh, they will get one.
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They do not know what they are up against.
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Nice job, son.
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Thanks. Wait a minute.
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Why are you giving him five bucks?
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Why?
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This young man cleaned out my gutters,
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he sorted my recyclables, and I didn't even ask him to.
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You couldn't find a nicer kid.
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I wish I could give him more.
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Don't worry about it.
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It can't be money day.
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There is no money day.
โ†“
c6729cb2-bbbe-42af-a346-3a96e5e93dd9.gif
I would know about it if there was a money day.
โ†“
fdea6ddc-cbb4-4e55-be65-8ef08d5cc5d0.gif
Unless...
โ†“
8a8605be-bdb3-4bbe-9c5e-49ce0bdb47b8.gif
maybe Mom and Dad don't want me knowing about money day.
โ†“
74535fe1-70b7-4234-88c2-e444ffc42870.gif
Excuse me.
โ†“
fac84d76-dd62-4b14-acdb-ac43f3276cbb.gif
Beat it, kid, I'm trying to figure something out.
โ†“
a85dd4b8-739c-4404-b7c6-bb754426b536.gif
Okay. Sorry.
โ†“
11f6ec1d-4af2-4b7d-98b5-8e430811605c.gif
I'll just rake around you.
โ†“
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His name is Billy Prescott.
โ†“
332646a6-4b8e-4e6c-806d-ee6c1f7dced4.gif
I followed him home.
โ†“
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He lives, like, a mile away from here.
โ†“
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He looks exactly like you.
โ†“
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You're lying. Am I?
โ†“
0a801c64-5ee3-4c4c-a1fc-e494006fd5c0.gif
It's common knowledge, Dewey,
โ†“
933ca097-c690-4116-86ef-c5a5ec2454fb.gif
that every person on this planet has an evil twin.
โ†“
45d7bce6-d7a8-402a-93b5-5653c773bbbf.gif
He's my evil twin?
โ†“
825059e6-04a8-4a6b-a5a9-4192b89d1f24.gif
Fat chance.
โ†“
5886258d-117d-423a-8116-f6ab8113c454.gif
The guy's a saint.
โ†“
fe55ca29-668c-45ba-a2cb-9b814fa83743.gif
You're his evil twin.
โ†“
b5ed35c2-8add-41c2-a9a0-059e4a910f56.gif
But I don't want to be an evil twin.
โ†“
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I don't make the rules, Dewey.
โ†“
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Besides, we've been given a golden opportunity here.
โ†“
9ffaf30c-a1fa-4d37-81c2-67dd98688d4b.gif
To do what?
โ†“
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I don't know yet,
โ†“
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but there's money and an evil twin.
โ†“
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If we can't figure out how to make this pay off,
โ†“
ffe0a2ac-431d-4966-aa2b-141290226b08.gif
there is something deeply wrong with us.
โ†“
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Come on, let's go watch some soap operas.
โ†“
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Things are going great with Nicki.
โ†“
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We've gone to the planetarium, miniature golf, the movies...
โ†“
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It's amazing how uncrowded stuff is during school hours.
โ†“
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You know what? I'd better get home. I'm grounded.
โ†“
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You're grounded? Why didn't you tell me?
โ†“
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When my dad found out that I cut English, he flipped out.
โ†“
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You know what's funny?
โ†“
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He thinks you're a bad influence on me.
โ†“
abac4b47-7567-448a-ad5c-4b3c18544932.gif
That is hilarious. Listen, Nicki...
โ†“
c5cc95d9-36cf-4f36-8503-9db54ad6a4c8.gif
He really doesn't like you. Why? What's wrong with me?
โ†“
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I never did anything to him.
โ†“
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Everybody doesn't have to like you, Malcolm.
โ†“
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I know, but... I like you,
โ†“
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and a lot of people would think that's enough.
โ†“
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Get your
โ†“
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filthy mouth off of my daughter's face!
โ†“
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Get in the truck.
โ†“
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What are you doing? You're supposed to be at work!
โ†“
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Okay, hotshot,
โ†“
242f1f44-2a87-4af7-9c26-2c3cc77f5ad2.gif
consider this your one and only warning.
โ†“
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You are never, ever
โ†“
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to see my daughter again, you got that?!
โ†“
86b6f683-4945-4cef-bf1a-03ca8f79be27.gif
No, Daddy, take it back!
โ†“
ec52891f-f289-43b0-952a-40f5bf987d16.gif
Take it back!
โ†“
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I cannot believe that you would come to the park
โ†“
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and you would do this to me.
โ†“
6423d61c-e3dc-44cb-808e-cc30f935c087.gif
Do you know how embarrassing you are?
โ†“
8507e0d5-937f-4368-b949-ad366e87acd6.gif
I'm okay... I'm okay.
โ†“
158fe817-463e-42f4-b8da-8f8ccc706228.gif
I'm just going to lie down here for a minute.
โ†“
debdd350-e5bd-4cb7-89f4-c6338218d04c.gif
Hey, honey.
โ†“
de9a1527-9374-42a6-be22-5f3f603bf220.gif
Oh, I had a great day.
โ†“
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You know, I was working through lunch,
โ†“
ad88be17-39fa-44cc-b217-1464876964da.gif
and Mr. Collins came by
โ†“
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and he started asking me about what I was doing...
โ†“
e06b6b50-e4d0-4ced-a3cd-bb294c15f492.gif
I think I'm getting a raise!
โ†“
ad5e677e-021a-431c-bcd7-be262d485254.gif
Hal, that's wonderful.
โ†“
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I had a good day myself.
โ†“
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After I finished washing the windows
โ†“
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and stripping the floors,
โ†“
e41581b8-2261-4247-8212-8ca6974fa8bf.gif
I went over our tax returns for the last seven years.
โ†“
d860b486-8059-4ae5-97d2-ff3c2bbce4ae.gif
We overpaid in '99.
โ†“
418e4ad8-e135-4955-a7c7-b521943e2281.gif
You're kidding.
โ†“
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$800.
โ†“
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The IRS is sending us a check.
โ†“
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Wow! Honey, great job!
โ†“
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You know, I got to tell you, I think...
โ†“
84b28a26-b612-4f34-9c8c-6c4b0888da50.gif
Is that the last one?
โ†“
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Mm-hmm.
โ†“
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So we can...
โ†“
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I guess so.
โ†“
c7a02e4f-1837-4553-b71a-c25e3ce7ed7e.gif
Great.
โ†“
f68316c4-8502-4668-95c6-fe17e85fa2c0.gif
Hey.
โ†“
377c4cde-b061-472c-9d36-cac7b1f982cc.gif
Stop! I talked to Nicki's father
โ†“
a6997e14-dffc-4a7e-b917-1c12c3a5494f.gif
and he told me what happened.
โ†“
0195b04b-2ccc-42bb-8f08-63bab1cdeb60.gif
You are forbidden from seeing that girl again.
โ†“
a4c90698-ce38-4195-a400-e85870b2a191.gif
Mom... Forbidden!
โ†“
b2755de2-43d3-42a6-8fe0-1a01d68e2421.gif
I told him you wouldn't
โ†“
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give him any more trouble, understood?
โ†“
77489bab-db65-42ba-833a-3e60c33d0001.gif
Don't worry. The guy's a psycho.
โ†“
af1395bb-ed6a-4e75-a131-9bcf37fb4786.gif
And I think she is, too.
โ†“
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I'm totally never seeing her again.
โ†“
482156f2-35b1-41b6-b5ad-195bc8499d94.gif
Good morning. Hi.
โ†“
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Last night was great.
โ†“
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Yeah. Okay, I get home at 3:00 today.
โ†“
f734db03-12d6-45cf-8ef1-5b8f389b147d.gif
Dad gets home at 6:00.
โ†“
49580815-865f-44c9-859a-6ea92bbca785.gif
Now, my little brother is a total narc,
โ†“
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but we can send him to the arcade till, like, 4:00.
โ†“
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So we have... No good.
โ†“
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I've got a chem lab until, like, 3:30 on Wednesdays.
โ†“
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What about tomorrow?
โ†“
278ce606-3c26-45c8-8bc2-dc11d5e30424.gif
No good. I can't wait till tomorrow.
โ†“
5785c4dd-0fa8-4434-a984-0e2154795512.gif
We got to think of some...
โ†“
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What?
โ†“
94a50df0-696c-4a3a-aadf-01a5fc2a9ec8.gif
You can't wait till tomorrow?
โ†“
b51ca241-0f90-4100-8b6e-d4161eaefeb9.gif
Shut up.
โ†“
73491fa0-a5c6-440d-a62e-dc1d64fbfcee.gif
Okay, we'll do it today and we'll slide it an hour.
โ†“
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That's cutting it pretty close, but I'll make it work.
โ†“
96283e1d-0a49-474b-8675-eeb9aeaeceaf.gif
We can make this work.
โ†“
fa9af321-ecca-454a-8a13-258278400ed6.gif
Dad. Oh.
โ†“
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See you in math.
โ†“
7936f94c-ec19-4351-aa61-6ab608ad7502.gif
Okay.
โ†“
4543ad04-8519-4ec9-a0c0-6bba1fab70b6.gif
I might need to see the nurse first.
โ†“
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I don't want to do this.
โ†“
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If you don't do it,
โ†“
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I'm going to tell Mom about you taking all that money.
โ†“
9bfbffe0-c6d0-4942-93ef-d0b5ebc3c903.gif
And you're going to get a "me" punishment.
โ†“
e365cbb1-df32-4212-8f57-e4eaf3b6aa27.gif
Now get to work!
โ†“
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Hey!
โ†“
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What are you doing?!
โ†“
67e61a72-96a1-4e1f-a728-bdcf2c520e34.gif
Yeah, you better run, Billy Prescott!
โ†“
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All the way to 1515 Cypress Street,
โ†“
5cacc8ea-d4ee-402f-aba1-c294d8eb8668.gif
a block west of Halifax.
โ†“
8693497b-42d7-4aef-a3fb-6d57d5b674f4.gif
I'm glad that we decided not to, uh...
โ†“
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Absolutely.
โ†“
6ad9733e-f61b-45b6-8da4-b9c2c731e977.gif
Every other aspect of our lives is getting so much attention.
โ†“
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Our lives are so much better.
โ†“
69c90413-c540-4175-ac8a-087e408596a9.gif
Do you think that's how really successful people just...?
โ†“
af697848-17cb-4e35-b240-b51b565a8ea6.gif
Can't think of any other explanation.
โ†“
0fc73b34-366b-4361-b230-6264cb0dc199.gif
No. So Bill Gates...?
โ†“
ebf54e8f-b061-4cfb-975b-da93d2546b46.gif
Probably never.
โ†“
3bdeba00-344c-4a4b-a912-b92203a6075b.gif
I started an herb garden in the backyard today.
โ†“
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Did you know we had a potting shed?
โ†“
910b3324-90ff-4a7b-b3c0-7cfda48b92d4.gif
You're kidding.
โ†“
299cdcf6-b474-4d40-a762-f8385e397db8.gif
Oh, we are definitely doing the right thing.
โ†“
ea0cf447-43b1-4f49-b023-d9d9ec5dfbf0.gif
I'll go sleep in the car.
โ†“
cadf7d9d-cbca-426d-81b0-12f3c30bc0de.gif
Park it a couple blocks away.
โ†“
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This one is...
โ†“
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Ooh, be careful! It might bite through!
โ†“
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We have had some good ones in the past, Francis,
โ†“
66c669b1-2ae3-4192-9f18-6c66037b8be6.gif
but this may be the best pirate night ever.
โ†“
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What are you doing?!
โ†“
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Easy, Otto.
โ†“
e03948a7-31e6-4345-95cd-767db5535cda.gif
What do you think
โ†“
5ee323bf-2023-4db9-a790-fdede1700517.gif
you are doing?
โ†“
68073ed7-d7d8-41de-a242-b8dc0427ebbc.gif
We have a real ranch to run,
โ†“
ea2edc70-3be0-4fb9-867c-4bf13044ee6b.gif
and our cattle need water.
โ†“
180af009-aacc-4bd5-86fd-ee122cd707ca.gif
We need that fence.
โ†“
ead51102-de42-49c7-b8dd-d3bf20eaf98c.gif
I will not allow you to kill our horses.
โ†“
13f51d6a-8275-459e-a3f1-b60d578f6172.gif
Well, I'm not going to allow you to kill our cattle!
โ†“
4c0097d6-a187-4ad4-9452-27f026b34f9d.gif
Enough talk.
โ†“
bc80ef9d-559a-4231-9719-9d1be7497205.gif
Gretchen, my gun!
โ†“
549ae854-ef2a-438a-adae-c0c51ae0404d.gif
Which one?
โ†“
000d5aa5-5929-445a-b34a-cae5940be519.gif
Ooh, what am I saying?
โ†“
385bf6f5-cb98-464b-8f80-a155dcbb08d8.gif
The Luger, hmm?
โ†“
798d2ee2-8575-4f9d-9c80-8b2038cc75c8.gif
Otto, this is nuts.
โ†“
f01cccc5-ebd5-4423-bf79-1c6ccd3c7993.gif
You will see you are not dealing with a fool.
โ†“
6b042beb-3064-432f-a260-7cc6087f1d2e.gif
That fence is going up twice as high!
โ†“
4c96b39f-78a2-4f3f-94e5-0aa3afed853b.gif
We'll just tear it back down again.
โ†“
b4a31af5-75a9-4c89-8f82-9392c6e3b677.gif
Then we will build another fence 50 feet high!
โ†“
6f25e45a-4f75-4fc7-b7ec-d09339d039fb.gif
Every time you build it up, we'll tear it down.
โ†“
4591bbb3-6efa-4d38-8cc0-bfc4ac28d4ab.gif
Every time you tear it down, we will build it up!
โ†“
657d9143-be0d-4443-87f0-f5f7374a9ff4.gif
Um, did it ever occur to anyone to put in a gate?
โ†“
043898e8-c51e-4673-9b2f-1a0c94bd27c0.gif
A gate?
โ†“
3192f50a-362a-4653-9c40-d8672a75128c.gif
Hmm.
โ†“
7f38fb8c-bbb1-4a4e-a2a6-44cf4c6d5dbe.gif
A gate would work.
โ†“
5ad490ad-a57b-4571-a3b7-fbcca7dbe3a3.gif
โ™ช Shave his belly with a rusty razor โ™ช
โ†“
28c3b6fc-5061-4c96-9144-45241c89ed46.gif
โ™ช Earl-aye in the morning โ™ช
โ†“
cc51e40d-790a-49a5-925a-647437cb0d89.gif
โ™ช Keep an eye on your lonely bunkmate โ™ช
โ†“
d5da3ce8-f419-4adb-b85b-742c18649f54.gif
โ™ช Keep an eye on your lonely bunkmate... โ™ช
โ†“
6883e5b4-9402-4d71-a41e-3abecb2b5862.gif
Sorry.
โ†“
04f5f0a4-ca42-420f-8ac0-b4442a243100.gif
I jumped in a line at the mall to ditch my Dad,
โ†“
6c92579d-4935-4dfc-9576-eb448ce6278a.gif
and I ended up giving blood at the Red Cross.
โ†“
cb43a262-abfa-46a6-9ed5-27ee89f081c3.gif
I told my Mom I was going to the library tomorrow.
โ†“
757fee99-7b3b-45be-aaf7-f2844d5adb59.gif
No, we are going to the library.
โ†“
fc3fd2fa-f399-4a08-8808-4d97c3ce106b.gif
I thought we were going to the church fair.
โ†“
0efbda76-ad21-4ffb-85bb-089dab0845ad.gif
No, the church fair is next week.
โ†“
4f41cbcd-cf2e-4108-8487-cedcf610e233.gif
It's just a cover so we can meet at the lake.
โ†“
94ecde2d-2d39-4a34-8b26-eec15c292f3e.gif
I thought the lake was a cover for the bowling alley.
โ†“
0eec7a14-c817-4965-bf63-e178a6b79345.gif
No, I'm supposed to be at the bowling alley right now.
โ†“
75f9fbab-4ae1-4f7b-b145-258f709a4812.gif
This is crazy.
โ†“
8610b486-709a-4b49-952f-7f2f667b22de.gif
I know. Maybe it'll get crazier.
โ†“
c1cc334e-55c4-4fdb-8c24-5f8389ebbbd2.gif
Oh, my God, my Dad!
โ†“
37c10d60-9206-4ff6-b2ce-1cd0031cda93.gif
You said you were going
โ†“
4b547a6a-7bf7-4418-b537-ab3aa0097582.gif
to the bowling alley!
โ†“
f4130595-adb9-46ce-8950-33b16c1f1da5.gif
I changed my mind!
โ†“
3a89a283-7323-4a83-9b20-117732594a4a.gif
And why are you following me?
โ†“
d435589e-cf68-4062-968d-731437dafc66.gif
Don't you trust me? Shh!
โ†“
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Don't you shush me!
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You'll learn to shush
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when someone is shoving bamboo splinters
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under your fingernails trying to get you
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to rat out your company!
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This is worth it.
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This is definitely worth it.
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For the love of God.
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Man, filling up that guy's car with cement
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was a stroke of genius.
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With Billy Prescott as our fall guy,
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we can do anything.
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Now, I've updated my enemies list.
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Dewey?
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Dewey, I'm talking to you.
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Have you heard enough?
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Oh, yeah.
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Okay, now I know what you're thinking.
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But the thing that you don't realize
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is that... that I'm not the real Reese.
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I just look like me... him.
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But if-if you hurt us...
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I-I mean him...
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Oh, just go ahead.
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Now that I've finished the carpet,
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we can insulate the attic.
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I'm telling you, honey,
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the value of this house is going to triple.
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We can retire early.
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Lois,
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what have you planned?
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Nothing.
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Lois, we made an agreement.
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Mm-hmm.
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Okay, okay.
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You know, two have to play at this game,
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and I'm not playing.
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I am just not playing!
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So you think that's going to work?
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Well, I've got news for you, girlie girl.
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I am made of sterner stuff.
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I happen to like my new life,
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and I am not about to descend to your animal level.
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Tool belt on.
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I've had it up to here with your sneaking around.
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You're never where you say you're going to be.
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You can't play me for a fool, Nicki!
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Dad, you are being paranoid!
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There is nothing going on
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outside of your stupid, little twisted head.
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Well, if I find out you've been lying,
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there's going to be hell to pay.
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Oh, are you okay?
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I've lost all the feeling in my arms,
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but it's distracting me
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from the searing pain in my shoulders.
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Poor baby.
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Listen, Nicki, I'm not sure this is going to work.
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What do you mean?
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We do all of this stuff,
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sneaking around and making all these complicated plans,
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and it feels incredible.
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I have never felt anything so intense in my life,
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but, I mean, is that it?
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What are you saying?
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We never do any normal boyfriend/girlfriend stuff.
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I don't know anything about you,
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except that you really get off on danger.
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And apparently, I do, too.
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I'm just not sure that's enough.
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I think you just insulted me.
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No. I... Yes, you did!
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Maybe you don't know anything about me,
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but I actually bothered to learn things about you.
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I don't like you
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because I'm some creepy danger junkie.
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I like you because you're funny, and you're kind,
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and you don't let me get away with stuff.
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And even when you complain, you're funny,
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and I never have to think about what I'm going
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to say because it just comes out.
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And it-it feels right, and I feel safe.
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Well, wait.
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I like you because you're really fun and honest.
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And I don't feel
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like I'm being tricked when you're nice to me.
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You're amazing with my friends.
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You're amazing.
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Okay, so this is real.
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It's not just the danger or whatever.
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This is real.
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Duh.
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I'm sorry I yelled at you.
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I love you.
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Night, Daddy.
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Oh, no.
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I'm late.
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Oh, me, too.
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Wait, there was something
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I was supposed to do at work today.
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Come home for lunch?
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That's it.
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Got to go.
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Bye. Bye.