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Home » Malcolm in the Middle » S04E05 — Forwards Backwards

Malcolm in the Middle

Season 4, Episode 5 — Forwards Backwards

TMDB episode metadata
Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Episode title: Forwards Backwards
Air date: December 01, 2002
Director: Levie Isaacks
Top billed cast: Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Christopher Masterson
Brotherly love is lost on Malcolm and Reese, now out to sabotage his sibling's birthday in devilish strikes met with crafty counterattacks.
Source: TMDB
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WOMAN And what do you think, Scott?
scottwoman
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Give Reese a slice from the fuzzy side,
fuzzyreesesideslice
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and I didn't see a thing.
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Deal.
deal
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Is the new Metamorpho in?
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Yes, Ricky, right away. Well, wait.
ricky
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Hey, I was... Excuse me...
excuse
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I'm helping a customer.
customerhelping
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3260432a-1b29-4fc2-83a8-8da9d946a527.gif
Is that for my costume?
costume
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25f31b2c-9033-4d6c-85af-f0d23a77f2bf.gif
What costume?
costume
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ca223d30-9d0d-4a94-9e97-d66b7cb99ddb.gif
The school play.
school
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0150c605-b077-4332-a803-2e5cf31fa559.gif
I'm in the school play!
school
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Oh, right.
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1276d0c6-f0b9-40dd-8f0d-70c57037cf38.gif
You're a... tree?
tree
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I'm Abraham Lincoln!
abrahamabraham-lincolnlincoln
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I'm reciting the Gettysburg Address.
address
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Why do always do this to me?
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Oh, calm down.
calm
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I always pull it together, don't I?
pull
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Remember that great Frankenstein costume I made
costumefrankensteinremember
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that everybody loved?
everybodyeverybody-lovedloved
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Yeah.
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Can we use that again?
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Hey, Otto, I think we have some vandals or something.
otto
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There's more fences down,
fences
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and this time some chickens were killed.
chickenskilled
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It almost looks like they were stomped to death.
deathstomped
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La vaca diablo...
diablo
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...ha regresado.
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It was only the wind.
wind
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But the chickens look like they exploded.
chickensexploded
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Well, obviously, the broken fences flew
brokenfencesflewobviously
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to the other side of the ranch,
ranchside
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hitting the chickens in a slamming motion
chickenshittingmotionslamming
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and dragging them across the ground in a manner
dragginggroundmanner
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that closely resembles stomping.
closely
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You see, there is
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a perfectly logical explanation for everything.
explanationlogicalperfectly
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¡La vaca diablo!
diablo
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Fue asi la vaca diablo!
diablo
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e13c71bf-51e6-42bc-8f51-4219cb91e102.gif
Perfectly logical.
logicalperfectly
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f384bbe5-fea6-485e-aef8-4eb22a6a0c2c.gif
Was he saying "Devil cow"?
devil
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Ah, it is a silly legend.
legendsilly
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Many years ago they say
years
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there was a cow who one day tasted human flesh
fleshhumantasted
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and went bad.
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And now whenever the moon is red,
moon
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she comes down from a mountain lair
comeslairmountain
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to drink the blood of the innocent.
blooddrinkinnocent
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You're talking about a cow.
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82552654-ec54-48e1-9dd0-2c902671b322.gif
Yeah, I know. Silly, isn't it?
silly
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Oh...
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05b561c1-715f-4e2e-b636-d0c932753db9.gif
Wake up.
wake
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What do you want?
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I just want to let you know you're not getting last licks.
licks
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Huh? I'm sick of you always
sick
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having an edge just 'cause you're an idiot
edgehavingidiot
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and I'm smart and understand about consequences.
consequencessmart
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I can be just as vicious and shortsighted as you.
vicious
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Oh, yeah. I'm really scared.
scared
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Why don't you just...?
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What did you do?
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I sunk to your level.
levelsunk
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0e135781-4ef0-4074-ba95-da722444257e.gif
And I have to say... it feels good.
feels
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e33f6701-f53a-468a-a94e-f0893098eb34.gif
How did comic book shopping go?
bookcomiccomic-bookshopping
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Bad.
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I'm just out of my depth.
depth
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Look, we both hoped it wouldn't come to this,
hoped
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but you know what we have to do.
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Hal, we promised ourselves we wouldn't.
promised
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What other choice do we have?
choice
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015c5804-f555-495b-a820-32427aac5a97.gif
Isn't this interesting?
interesting
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04a549e5-d2cf-43bb-803d-48b51547cb0f.gif
Once more, I'm the only person that can help you.
person
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58d26237-f74c-4764-b4cb-bdb2a472677a.gif
I'm your best friend when you need someone
bestbest-friendfriend
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0b43e6b2-699e-4074-a03c-803e33ce8013.gif
to pick up your mail or sit on a suitcase,
mailpicksuitcase
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cc444ca2-ef50-4c97-bc4a-1d91fe2b249d.gif
but when it's time for a barbecue,
barbecue
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I have to watch from the car.
watch
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e23c4694-d908-4e5d-a9fc-5a22e6c61114.gif
I got to tell you, Hal,
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this beer is tasting mighty bitter.
beerbittermightytasting
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I'll take another.
another
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e07005a3-e782-420a-81a8-94c93fb19b11.gif
Are you going to help me or not?
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I will help you.
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But one day-- and that day may never come--
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c5ed1c20-6566-4c12-baeb-e226d312b9f7.gif
I will ask you to perform a service for me.
performservice
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Actually, it'll be tomorrow.
itlltomorrow
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I'll be here about 10:00,
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and if it's nice, wear a bathing suit.
bathingbathing-suitsuitwear
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What?
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b6e170d0-5840-4ca7-b7cd-1420365e33b1.gif
What happened?
happened
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It's horrible.
horrible
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f4b11a53-f134-403a-aba7-b1b1a0ad05a4.gif
What, the rug?
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That's no rug.
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aad8efbb-8995-4cc9-b206-e5b3455da599.gif
It's an... antelope.
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Oh, my God!
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08693f44-2c72-4548-83b0-4787341df176.gif
It's been completely flattened.
completely
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c5abfd4c-1d7d-49bb-9764-767eb9548dc6.gif
Look. There's pieces in the tree.
piecestree
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dfba1e4b-9612-4579-9e51-0ef983eb831b.gif
What could have done something like this?
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1f6f0d94-3b6f-4fa7-9ed4-63dd2883ea99.gif
It-It was me.
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7dc0a1d6-01cc-420b-9473-ee11fb99f3e7.gif
You? Yeah.
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34698fd6-24be-4196-abd7-8b60b75c91ec.gif
On-on my moped.
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af2da250-6127-49e1-8bd3-ead0ee146a59.gif
A-A terrible accident.
accident
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dd2fb3db-ae9b-409f-b5bd-c34a68d9dedb.gif
It was dark.
dark
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74885e7c-f3f7-487d-838c-3f557a301f25.gif
It jumped right in front of me.
frontjumped
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7c212a4e-9916-456c-8763-b5d5683dc32e.gif
I had perhaps
perhaps
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a few too many Cajun martinis.
martinis
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5a9e0c8f-319e-4a56-92d5-091e4f70ec40.gif
That should be a lesson to all of us, hey?
lesson
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f95295fa-1983-4e8b-add2-3586d2b3b731.gif
Go get a shovel and some sawdust.
shovel
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0bc1c56a-9f20-4545-b2f1-96a104bda458.gif
Okay, hold still.
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38e39dcb-7708-47cc-930a-5a1253dcbe82.gif
I don't think I want to be in this play.
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Now, I've been doing some reading,
reading
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cb4459ef-5f9f-44db-9e9f-b6b72fca39cc.gif
and this Lincoln person wasn't such a great guy.
lincolnperson
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799a1322-004a-4965-96c2-b993039eedfb.gif
Did you know that the Emancipation Proclamation
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7ea35051-aca3-4949-a2f9-9a0040d95418.gif
wasn't about slavery at all?
slavery
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42b6fe90-c029-4903-9002-e37f1d1b9333.gif
It was strictly a political move.
politicalstrictly
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a4fd863f-3ddd-406f-90d9-5ee9c1aed8c4.gif
Honey, you're just nervous
honeynervous
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f67e7862-7d14-40a2-b36d-85926ca1f6eb.gif
'cause you've never had a part with lines before.
linespart
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Or where you move.
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83ded16c-b863-4501-ba33-4a4731604e01.gif
For the love of God!
love
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ba6e972c-4fbf-4c60-a8c9-62fcf8cfaf54.gif
He suspended the writ of habeas corpus in Maryland!
suspended
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You should have seen Reese. It was hysterical.
hystericalreeseseen
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e2704fd8-3093-4e0e-8494-93ba27daa2c0.gif
Are you sure... you want...
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f5fd3cda-1352-43be-a3b6-8c3747fee2df.gif
to push him?
push
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0b91ec33-74d3-46c9-8d1f-4a6a75e97d21.gif
It's the only way to get through
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1a2ccc26-c2e2-48d5-ad11-d753843b6c67.gif
to his primitive little monkey brain.
brainmonkeyprimitive
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405db5b9-8cd9-41a5-9a49-e6416ccb3448.gif
He has to know that I'm not going to back down.
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bccff4fb-5ff5-4894-add2-69f938d53245.gif
What is this?
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2672c129-8c06-419c-9f78-e53287fc7726.gif
Oh, my God!
↓
9a1b66fc-9898-4af7-a359-fe8c171946f3.gif
If you can be vicious,
vicious
↓
b854fa70-2a88-4629-ade9-e1ce7d863e0d.gif
I can be smart.
smart
↓
e92111d5-d3cc-490f-9b12-c5c9b84f5941.gif
How many copies did you make?
copies
↓
03e386ed-5052-4775-a132-3cf38bfbebc7.gif
I don't know.
↓
67fbcf63-bd8b-4350-b5b6-92bf5ca57981.gif
How many copies are there in a pack of 500 sheets?
copiespacksheets
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9511221e-7469-484c-9c19-97dc338f4614.gif
This is over, Reese.
reese
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30f589e3-4f32-4823-9018-fe4bb9ccd0b4.gif
I don't know why you're so upset.
upset
↓
a8e8c9b5-f912-4911-b6b3-287ffecc7cbe.gif
Look at you going like a big boy.
↓
b0e79152-bc3c-4e5c-8a7c-0f414989f8ca.gif
All right, two scoops, fudge ripple.
fudgescoops
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71cbe79b-a757-4c50-b950-38c9a67b5ed5.gif
Now are we going to the comic book store?
bookbook-storecomiccomic-bookcomic-book-storestore
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7ba2c548-4eec-4e18-a4a8-a53158f26d3b.gif
Patience, Luke. You are reckless.
lukepatiencereckless
↓
f118c62f-86cd-4c77-abf7-0bc48fd65d35.gif
We've gone to the beach, we've gone to the movies.
beachgonemovies
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d48f0260-57b7-45ee-a0d6-0cec5db49a60.gif
I won you an animal at the church bazaar.
animalchurch
↓
b5456438-9fd8-416a-8dce-254ce3a601ea.gif
We've gone out for coffee, lunch, Slushees, pie.
coffeegonelunch
↓
f5154c04-b074-4f48-b3ff-7730f10f88ca.gif
I can't negotiate unless I'm firing on all cylinders.
cylindersfiring
↓
a9b9b5b4-f4aa-4dc4-9dba-3c6f2609baaa.gif
Just have many cylinders do you have?
cylinders
↓
a8eb302d-1e3b-4928-baa6-27b88e900f42.gif
Pull over.
pull
↓
82c07caa-d377-4dad-8022-711796f14dc0.gif
No, you're right. I'm sorry.
↓
1e8c7a2e-7eac-46f1-ad16-26c207f2b936.gif
That was uncalled for.
uncalled
↓
18ebb7c9-7c83-41c4-899f-21968ff8efce.gif
Pull over.
pull
↓
218cefbc-bbb1-47ee-8f31-ae2f3adb120a.gif
Craig, I am not pulling over.
craigpulling
↓
65ac1924-98d4-406b-aba9-fdb8220a5a28.gif
Just let me out of the car.
↓
6c20e2be-9719-45ec-833f-ab2071e52d35.gif
Craig, I am not stopping this car.
craigstopping
↓
222f26e4-5db7-423f-9755-59254763d55d.gif
All right, all right!
↓
ed0faff4-eda6-4797-a426-1c1978c014f6.gif
Calm down.
calm
↓
e8c75748-d9ea-419e-9c2f-45a665c0a548.gif
You are going to have to learn
learn
↓
8035394f-b19a-49c2-92e7-d03da3c70c3f.gif
how to get along without Craig Feldspar.
alongcraigcraig-feldsparfeldspar
↓
4be0ba5d-b741-4cac-8506-e637d432adb4.gif
My ducky.
ducky
↓
8d9d6bfb-21f4-4024-88c4-b4cb1a273bd1.gif
Hey.
↓
98550209-fef7-4b8d-ae87-1bf7e1ea6157.gif
Get out of here. I'm busy.
busy
↓
c02d55bd-73d5-44d8-bed3-ed1e609a9aa5.gif
I'll be quick.
quick
↓
81e81c06-3e8d-4e1f-b478-79d55fa2a673.gif
You know, while I was ripping down all those flyers,
flyersripping
↓
007825fa-33fc-4bd4-a80b-4c156d8b25c2.gif
I was racking my brain trying to come up
brain
↓
8a922bfd-27ee-4e16-82ff-d42e9000f9c2.gif
with some way to get back at you.
↓
73494eae-82ae-4ac5-b886-03ce4e5a0ea7.gif
And I began to wonder.
beganwonder
↓
76a2d84e-5b49-4045-bae7-e39eef0defce.gif
What's the point?
point
↓
52a2e5b4-9eef-4359-b148-c8c38e819474.gif
No matter how hard I try, nothing ever stops you.
hardmatterstops
↓
000994e5-b854-40fa-ae9e-2c2804e27c47.gif
Maybe you're just better at this than I am.
↓
3d85caa8-e419-4aae-95a2-62d3f2a8e098.gif
Well, yeah. Then again,
↓
47605ab5-5ed3-4ccc-9f92-8e118f4b9b6e.gif
maybe we should ask your friends what they think.
friends
↓
8461b5b5-c5fc-4448-bcc2-3f168deb4d78.gif
What?
↓
f8eb5ab7-55d9-4f87-b974-6c7fccb1de4f.gif
Your friends.
friends
↓
34aede6e-d8e6-4173-804c-a9832e5cd51d.gif
These are friends, aren't they?
friends
↓
d5c721ab-0cd4-4107-9764-501fc681c1f0.gif
You're always hanging out
hanging
↓
4353b6eb-6640-4e11-ad32-dd3e9ea6723a.gif
with them or near them anyway.
near
↓
fafb505f-fb03-41b9-b9a5-ef0985624d88.gif
Hey, do any of you know this kid's name?
kidsname
↓
3d3ecb81-c552-4887-ad44-83e8fd3fde92.gif
This kid right here.
↓
68c2e26b-3fc7-4f14-8c51-f192fe3b664e.gif
Do any of you know his name?
name
↓
9d5f52a4-11d6-49ef-9ee2-c86b1140dfd2.gif
But he's always following you around.
following
↓
8aa3e6a9-6fda-4190-9e6f-d450ddd64ac3.gif
You never noticed him before?
noticed
↓
f4197071-f506-49f8-bc44-e3bd00facce2.gif
So he's been sitting right next to you for months
monthssitting
↓
7b391722-ae9b-40bb-ae89-e74f70b49e84.gif
just pretending to be your friend?
friendpretending
↓
cb6dde57-db95-4d16-b291-0aba518c6b42.gif
Wow. That's sad.
↓
06db5d8e-bb7a-4970-b094-160e8ee00f8d.gif
Well, uh, his name's Reese.
namesreese
↓
1cf5cf43-0a69-41a0-96af-3ff63b2abf36.gif
And guess what? I'm better than you.
↓
0054ae39-6550-436b-beca-0830564f7cc6.gif
I win. It's over.
↓
70986de5-a290-4cca-9da9-3ad1906ef0c8.gif
Gretchen?
gretchen
↓
d4cae776-65d7-4300-a194-6f117df71b6c.gif
Gretchen, I...
gretchen
↓
fc9cc86b-aa21-4ab8-8327-e06e9b849d61.gif
Whoa, uh!
whoa
↓
45f3939d-e88d-4463-9759-ea34b3573ea1.gif
Otto, what? I have seen it, Francis!
francisottoseen
↓
18f705c0-d1ce-4980-91d7-0c25d3d1a0f0.gif
The devil cow!
devil
↓
7cd1825a-1900-40ff-8925-8536c89716cd.gif
It had eyes like burning embers
burningeyes
↓
7a9359b0-4226-4d21-bf77-df0b5b5195f2.gif
and breath from the bowels of hell!
bowelsbreath
↓
a505b896-e35f-4ce7-ad9c-52bc084e576e.gif
Oh, it was horrible.
horrible
↓
038de126-7de1-47f1-bcb5-0ffd0f81ab46.gif
More horrible than this?
horrible
↓
f92e4036-6e3b-44ae-83c0-a2f21c854bae.gif
We must leave this place.
mustplace
↓
32f66dac-54aa-4ea4-b617-16577deb0a91.gif
Burn it down.
burn
↓
277b87af-9fa4-408a-879d-94bcaadc6313.gif
Start over.
start
↓
8801072b-e321-42f2-b6e7-3cab830aa01b.gif
Yeah.
↓
944bfc78-e91d-4271-a497-94ad54486322.gif
No. Enough is enough.
↓
d7956bb5-86d3-49ab-91f9-2e33a6cdf685.gif
We're not running away from a cow.
running
↓
107da6d5-d845-4098-be74-13b87d676c48.gif
We're not?
↓
5a058faf-a475-4f3d-a0a2-44a0ae9a3f4a.gif
No. We're not.
↓
c6735e68-71fb-4959-abbd-53c9561c90f0.gif
From now on...
↓
d7deae3d-ebc5-49c9-9758-d66ab471a9a6.gif
I'm lactose intolerant.
intolerantlactoselactose-intolerant
↓
22c45884-244b-403f-9cb3-d818d0bdc591.gif
Okay, Dewey, here's your costume.
costumedewey
↓
43fee024-5baf-4f9d-a042-500bef882f13.gif
Now, your father and I
father
↓
3f585369-f393-48dd-801f-b104d2125a30.gif
will see you at the show this afternoon.
afternoon
↓
fda6581a-ac40-4d31-b155-aaa6d6e6a330.gif
I'm going to throw up.
throw
↓
179d938b-9965-4ae7-9556-b96558ae5d4c.gif
What if I forget my part?
forgetpart
↓
a7db24bc-4ccd-4abc-8a38-aab8169d70b1.gif
What if something flies out of my nose
fliesnose
↓
52553d7e-714c-4d43-8a25-f5d24bcd4f9f.gif
like it did at show and tell?
↓
d93826a4-dc44-422d-a40f-fdf9b1ce0421.gif
Dewey, I'm going to let you in on a little secret.
deweysecret
↓
1c048844-c7aa-4121-b706-7f0c00f0db5e.gif
When you're up on that stage,
stage
↓
53c3cbc3-6a60-4861-80d9-ae11bd80082e.gif
all you have to do is look out in the front row.
front
↓
34ed31e1-50cf-4e88-a1f0-b4270f9ae59a.gif
Your father and I will be sitting there,
fathersitting
↓
031aaec1-8c9d-40f9-ac1e-508c387c0e1b.gif
and you just look me in the eyes and you'll know
eyes
↓
568e6991-7ec4-4857-858d-28ac3bbace9d.gif
that everything's going to be all right, okay?
everythings
↓
9200212d-d4d9-4750-b6d4-8a807c34b15f.gif
Okay.
↓
3e876ba3-6c1b-4ef8-b23c-436e364cbd81.gif
And if you still feel like throwing up,
throwing
↓
7fa49c0b-3c71-4c00-bafa-ef62bca146a6.gif
use the hat.
↓
75978148-3326-46e7-9ed0-b8e958bebd64.gif
Reese totally had that coming.
comingreese
↓
b85573f5-c994-4a67-acc2-d31fd33aff90.gif
I'm not... arguing.
arguing
↓
13f4f8d5-0417-4973-b51b-e706131e00e8.gif
Seriously, humiliation is the only thing
humiliation
↓
1048b163-ad1a-4ac8-9747-540a3601f051.gif
that jerk understands.
jerkunderstands
↓
5fb23e72-ece9-4341-8a8a-9b4113d5b0fa.gif
Fine.
↓
49376613-0295-473d-8d44-dbe3fb54a414.gif
Why are you taking his side?!
side
↓
e80f92d3-c430-42cd-8dfe-6f2406f9a536.gif
Ooh, a birthday card.
birthdaycard
↓
47d6b06d-5e49-48df-8a4d-5fc68854e7ef.gif
Five dollars Canadian.
canadiandollarsfivefive-dollars
↓
a4aeb997-cec6-45e7-85b9-787b0480aed4.gif
Pretty good for Grandma.
grandma
↓
ed32118e-f593-4b94-a152-059de0ac8e23.gif
So, I'll have the rest of my birthday money on Saturday,
birthdaymoneyrestsaturday
↓
a5ce60e4-10c2-429c-a421-6027aec058cd.gif
so I can give you the 300 bucks for the computer when...
buckscomputer
↓
c9f6d8bd-b648-4c1f-bff0-7c0b486985e5.gif
"Dear Malcolm, Ha-ha.
dearmalcolm
↓
33b9a306-a08a-4969-9dfb-d3aaa0dc4fc5.gif
"Now I win.
↓
8b73c2bb-bc29-4b5d-9702-a50b5e0f1c84.gif
Your friend, Reese."
friendreese
↓
1fa84019-770b-41de-b945-49b487b7a34c.gif
They'll try you...
↓
65aaca15-abbd-4171-bff2-f774f33764be.gif
as an adult!
adult
↓
dc06e8b9-d481-4183-b284-f3e707ed3768.gif
Uh, yes, I'm looking for a serious graphic novel
graphiclookingnovelserious
↓
bcde76fa-9c02-44a7-9eb8-7526c399bcc8.gif
with cinematic drawings
cinematicdrawings
↓
b949c233-1162-49d8-972d-7a5c8aebcd9d.gif
and neat, linear storytelling.
neat
↓
e008381b-9706-4b4a-9c1a-ac57788e05f6.gif
Weren't you in here the other day?
↓
3c572488-d51d-4713-8b9d-9c4004379c88.gif
No, I...
↓
401feffa-e085-4e0d-99c1-00e42c04a93e.gif
Okay, look.
↓
8551e0ea-7257-4fe1-b004-39d3f640fbdc.gif
I just want to buy a present for my son, okay?
present
↓
a4a94f46-14fc-4cd7-9bed-8aa8788a7051.gif
I don't think that's a crime.
crime
↓
47fdf241-1618-48e0-972d-3015a3aa59e1.gif
As I see it, my only crime is not knowing as much as you.
crimeknowing
↓
023b534d-fd63-4707-9e8c-8d17e1aad48b.gif
Look, you all have parents, don't you?
parents
↓
4fb0f916-c429-4616-aff5-20e96c232bd5.gif
I am appealing to you as decent human beings
appealingbeingsdecenthumanhuman-beings
↓
cc2964d4-7099-4b8e-8cce-2b9562500aad.gif
to help me give my son a happy birthday.
birthdayhappyhappy-birthday
↓
7c57f606-f950-4ea2-acc0-8a81623a50bc.gif
Hey, man, I'm sorry.
↓
8e9fcbb8-8e48-4234-b165-7d22792a0adb.gif
I guess we did kind of get off on the wrong foot.
foot
↓
9a53eaea-2975-4559-8edc-872a2eda508d.gif
We all got to start somewhere.
start
↓
759b14d4-180a-48c2-b6eb-d29b5f0858d8.gif
This one's called Dead Man's Shoes.
calleddeadmansonesshoes
↓
10455af6-9a93-4f33-bbc6-dd6ca9d6ff6d.gif
It's 50 bucks.
bucks
↓
6f71e3f2-1a50-483d-a869-ce94fa7c78ae.gif
It's all about alienation.
↓
b05d1054-6885-4c65-a0f2-dc1002433825.gif
I think your son will really like it.
↓
474c76eb-ef09-4d6e-90cb-a125bfbfe3d0.gif
Thank you.
↓
4b960444-7436-4037-b4c4-0b967f9eb6ac.gif
Not so fast.
fast
↓
ed6cf17f-b100-4eac-8216-4bf2e2ab54b3.gif
This transaction does not concern you, Feldspar.
concernfeldspartransaction
↓
9b26738b-2ee3-4f27-a12d-6a5e4e0f5efb.gif
It's Craig Feldspar.
craigcraig-feldsparfeldspar
↓
b1062f4f-6b8c-4d8f-bc24-70e99dbca09a.gif
He's a level 45 Dungeon Master.
dungeonlevelmaster
↓
a3ca7e93-618a-4144-913e-84495d0baec1.gif
What cereal box did you shake this out of, Dean?
cerealdeanshake
↓
62a04159-9c71-4f96-9035-d77d2f4aa173.gif
It's the first print. It's totally collectable.
print
↓
8011f55d-0be8-4e04-9291-76bbf478b9d0.gif
Oh. Should we check the Overstreet?
check
↓
51a5091e-1259-4f44-9427-32aca2f94b75.gif
Wait, we don't have to.
↓
4b404a31-ca6c-42fc-859e-6f8741d8665e.gif
1997-- first and only printing.
printing
↓
76ceb87e-8439-4f5d-b301-4860e0fc5cb0.gif
50,000 returns, all in circulation.
circulationreturns
↓
07de7530-f32e-421f-bb24-349f83abc33e.gif
I'd keep this in my bathroom,
bathroom
↓
d507f04c-6cf7-4954-9448-a85e32b98619.gif
but not for reading.
reading
↓
4a000783-c4ca-4502-9da9-68df9bf0eaa9.gif
This isn't a comic book store.
bookbook-storecomiccomic-bookcomic-book-storestore
↓
07c96dff-5502-4dcb-b58e-47611f71acfd.gif
It's a novelty shop!
shop
↓
e24586ec-698a-4dc8-9a41-8117fdec8b24.gif
Oh, really?
↓
8f124ccc-ab96-45f3-a6a7-0a8322216ce1.gif
Well, I'd like to see the novelty shop
shop
↓
0a929766-88f2-494a-9830-ec21604183bb.gif
that carries an original Spider-Man number 14
carriesnumberoriginalspider
↓
d5a041ef-7dcc-40d2-bd81-fda977f089e2.gif
with the first appearance of the Green Goblin.
appearancegoblingreen
↓
bd9e20ff-182e-4d95-b5bd-9ccc3c43039d.gif
You're kidding.
kidding
↓
4642bff4-b504-4e2d-8873-1505c66f6e6c.gif
If you changed to a more respectful tone,
changedrespectfultone
↓
1ea8b285-d661-4dc0-8668-81d578cc33f2.gif
I just might let...
might
↓
1c8805ee-5729-4755-ab7c-666410aab683.gif
What are you doing?!
↓
d96ce327-ec5f-4c29-a6ba-a7aea7797e87.gif
Fear not.
fear
↓
1033cece-1f03-4a00-adb5-63873242cd8f.gif
It's the 1993 reprint.
↓
52ef804f-f5e5-47e9-9b07-5732abb5e9b1.gif
If it had been an original,
original
↓
13518112-74cc-4c3e-992f-9361ca072687.gif
he would have thrown himself in front of it.
frontthrown
↓
c905ad17-6e95-4440-9435-a9673de155f4.gif
Dude, you told me that was real.
real
↓
04450074-7c59-4258-9882-1b9520f27a4b.gif
Now...
↓
ce9742b5-cc08-4942-869f-430cf89ec6ee.gif
let's talk business.
business
↓
f34c67e6-f80a-45ca-af2d-3e4a5a87a864.gif
Craig, I can't thank you enough.
craig
↓
f15c55f3-46a3-48ff-99a5-d04f1e525103.gif
That was fantastic!
fantastic
↓
793a4b92-3ede-4dfe-b33b-1b84628ad0ca.gif
You were so heroic.
heroic
↓
ab3894d3-e033-470f-9908-f77b62ab6c36.gif
I like to think we all have
↓
1ccade6b-5903-4cde-b4bc-fd026045987c.gif
a little bit of Aquaman right here.
↓
bf40f7e9-60de-4456-97b1-de59d5762860.gif
Well, I must say, you really know your stuff.
muststuff
↓
a9fccdfa-92e9-4135-8eaf-561b067ff8c2.gif
I'm impressed.
impressed
↓
601e2bf2-c658-4fa9-9265-4130a0923f53.gif
Well, you know... if you're interested,
interested
↓
cf809185-1ec6-4a71-a83b-bc5ec68472d4.gif
there is a convention next Saturday.
conventionsaturday
↓
f5453756-6588-42fd-8270-34ae3dda6ad1.gif
I have a life, Craig.
craiglife
↓
ad607a00-613f-4bfa-ba93-c1d2747e6b09.gif
Car number 15, no bumping. Return to the pit area.
areabumpingnumberreturn
↓
7e56cef0-8b85-4e20-9147-4b73b602059a.gif
What the hell are you doing?!
↓
7dad8832-5030-4580-b886-30d5b0808f0f.gif
You had no right!
↓
e129156d-ba1f-4453-9836-6230a361e4e3.gif
You stole from me! That was my money!
moneystole
↓
6789f363-9ee2-4f1b-b3c7-3cb769c4ac5f.gif
Fine. Let's see.
↓
07541b95-9b39-49c4-9b26-f00cebe25236.gif
I've done 63 laps.
laps
↓
cd32e822-4bb2-401e-a037-88857d5ec73a.gif
Keep the change!
change
↓
2b7f0667-4aa4-48fb-9334-1713bb02243a.gif
Car eight, let's be courteous.
eight
↓
cdef8cef-ab69-43fd-8c54-2c12d8243fd9.gif
It ends here, Reese!
endsreese
↓
76cc4afa-0c1f-4acd-8abb-14f2b643d40e.gif
I don't care about the money!
caremoney
↓
05e4e077-eddf-45a5-851e-764232b74a1e.gif
I don't care about my birthday!
birthdaycare
↓
a54c1e03-b1d7-4712-add0-554be1fbabd8.gif
I don't care about your safety or mine!
caresafety
↓
7bdea628-f747-48aa-be02-e5aae0c358c0.gif
I don't care about anything except making you suffer!
careexceptsuffer
↓
9936dde6-6814-41ca-b92c-691fc46d4948.gif
Well, I don't care either!
care
↓
7f15ad56-f032-4bf7-a895-64c67fccfffc.gif
Fine! Let's see who cares the least the most!
caresleast
↓
1dc15c4c-1a79-4c6d-bcf4-2a2eecf4d1cb.gif
Okay, you just lost
lost
↓
acba2181-53c4-416b-a367-b1a75b433a50.gif
two weeks arcade privileges.
arcadeprivilegesweeks
↓
16bd0d2d-2cd3-402a-84a8-08a87196cc3e.gif
This is a game of chicken Reese is not going to win!
chickengamereese
↓
11c5f21b-7ce5-458c-82ff-65731b2c15ee.gif
I'm too angry to blink! When he sees my face,
angryblinkfacesees
↓
8f503ea4-7d79-4cf3-acdb-757f9a45fd79.gif
he's going to know he doesn't have a chance!
chance
↓
7ca8c591-d86d-45c9-b7b5-a14482dfa182.gif
♪ He's off and flying as he guns the car around the track ♪
flyinggunstrack
↓
bbd27756-06aa-4bb4-a9c6-73ae6fc89460.gif
♪ He's jamming down the pedal like he's never coming back ♪
comingjammingpedal
↓
b3d83c65-fb32-4213-8b9d-e9db1a512186.gif
♪ Adventure's waiting just ahead... ♪
adventuresaheadwaiting
↓
a76c012d-eb51-4007-b51b-d14cb9908855.gif
He'll stop.
↓
ae02fe07-9f2a-430b-8402-d2ad17a482be.gif
I know he'll stop.
↓
160c9e37-678b-44cd-a89c-394ca91cd7cb.gif
Maybe this wasn't such a good...
↓
149c20a3-3c0b-41f3-8486-ddfc5a97ee04.gif
Ugh!
↓
543d2ac5-0aa3-48c8-a58b-3abeb4ab38cc.gif
I should have told the doctor
doctor
↓
6ce6ff95-5a3b-42d6-83dd-86cb45d8620b.gif
to sew fur and tails on you boys
boystails
↓
90a9da3b-0c40-4646-800d-a0f3fdd5da0e.gif
because you're animals!
animals
↓
03ca038d-11c5-4eee-83ce-14a96b461bd5.gif
Only, animals would be easier
animalseasier
↓
e669a8df-ed6c-4be3-b009-8e25a0b9cfb4.gif
'cause then I could have you fixed.
fixed
↓
6a37a541-1116-4eed-b1db-79abe35f159c.gif
For all the good it does, you're grounded, again.
grounded
↓
977e4fac-5744-4a5c-95ac-5d0a065e30e2.gif
Thanks for getting me grounded on my birthday.
birthdaygroundedthanks
↓
9ce3a186-1c6e-4fdd-a6ed-6808c94c06f3.gif
Oh, boo-hoo, I was grounded on my birthday.
birthdaygrounded
↓
a0c4b3fc-5627-4b5a-8a55-87a4b7435272.gif
I was just standing up for myself.
standing
↓
c8aa60f6-73d5-4082-a049-d5f3dcb6365a.gif
There is such a thing as justice, you know!
justice
↓
f5844316-8da3-4d5e-897f-8380f65467aa.gif
Well, there is such a thing as "shut up!"
↓
03888eed-4ae0-4f27-8ff3-78ecbd0d9104.gif
Stop it.
↓
fcd9a8d1-23ed-43fb-b616-3bfc7879b2f3.gif
Malcolm, do you remember
malcolmremember
↓
03dc8cea-fc9e-48f8-af85-a30998e7f774.gif
what you did for your birthday last year?
birthday
↓
0abe301c-cedc-4844-8280-3a72c942e342.gif
Nothing. I was grounded then, too.
grounded
↓
29f9af9b-e19f-4ca7-84df-14a8cd7bdc8f.gif
And what about your birthday?
birthday
↓
6ca37f7d-aa4d-4f1a-b501-6cf42071d7a7.gif
You grounded me after
grounded
↓
3492adcf-3219-406a-b2e9-ccb7c6bb9b2a.gif
I smashed Malcolm's face into the cake.
cakefacemalcolmssmashed
↓
9827e33d-8a17-4821-b69b-d78983d2cc1b.gif
And your birthday before that?
birthday
↓
63c64ef4-10a9-4a43-8612-f097dfaff570.gif
Pretty much this.
↓
e095d03f-ab9e-4689-a975-5495d9a528d9.gif
Wait. When did you push me off the pony?
ponypush
↓
823e7dde-8eb4-462c-91ef-63e512870349.gif
Do you realize that neither of you
realize
↓
e457cd67-5b14-4105-b677-0f2505abbd73.gif
has had a birthday party in his entire life?
birthdaybirthday-partyentireentire-lifelifeparty
↓
a509aae1-4442-4f1f-ab90-bed855bd1286.gif
Don't you think that's sad?
↓
faf5d4f2-c3d2-4d55-8556-4ecb0175108b.gif
Every chance you have had for a little happiness--
chancehappiness
↓
f8674a89-cff6-4f52-ba8f-2752227650d1.gif
a little something special-- you threw it away.
specialthrew
↓
c8519944-9e96-4969-9d73-891dcb23a738.gif
At some point, this has to stop.
point
↓
4787a6d0-845d-435b-acac-e03099d7d127.gif
Is revenge ever worth it?
revengeworth
↓
86ed48ae-fbf7-4ad1-812b-366fa745002b.gif
Is it worth it now?
worth
↓
0819aa46-7c75-42b7-9fce-67d67a188e7c.gif
Do you feel happy?
happy
↓
9ffffe94-eb56-4468-a8e1-51a183219e14.gif
There's no reason to compete with each other.
competereason
↓
0842ed35-59fd-4eca-853f-4efb93969f45.gif
We love you both the same.
love
↓
65d8e8c3-842f-4f29-91fb-588835c184e4.gif
There are no favorites in this family.
familyfavorites
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Where is Dewey?
dewey
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I said, there's Mr. Lincoln now.
lincoln
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We love you, Dewey.
deweylove
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You can do it, son.
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We're so proud of you.
proud
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♪ Fourscore and seven years ago ♪
sevenseven-yearsyears
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♪ Our fathers brought forth ♪
broughtfathersforth
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♪ Unto this continent ♪
unto
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♪ A new nation ♪
nation
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♪ Conceived in liberty ♪
conceivedliberty
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♪ And dedicated to the proposition... ♪
dedicatedproposition
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♪ By the people, for the people ♪
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♪ Shall not perish from this Earth. ♪
earth
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You know, Daniela could do that, too,
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if your affair hadn't scarred her for life.
affairlife
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Oh, bravo.
bravo
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Why don't you have another drink?
anotheranother-drinkdrink
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Francis, this is not the time to study animal husbandry.
animalfrancisstudy
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We have a cow to kill.
kill
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There's got to be something in here that can help us.
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You know what will help us? The bullet.
bullet
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The bullet is always the answer.
answerbullet
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Oh, my God, it is here!
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That's it!
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I know what we have to do!
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Ah! Oh! Francis! Oof!
francis
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Oof!
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Oh...
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No, please, please,
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no!
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No!
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All right, Bessie,
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you've been causing a lot of trouble,
causingtrouble
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and it stops now.
stops
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You are going to be milked.
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There you go.
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You been up in those mountains so long all engorged,
mountains
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no wonder you were so angry.
angrywonder
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You're not evil at all.
evil
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You're just a lady with a little too much milk.
ladymilk
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Well, this new game is good,
game
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but it doesn't quite buy me off.
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You still didn't come to my play.
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Well, how would you like Malcolm's comic book, hmm?
bookcomiccomic-bookmalcolms
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I'm starting to get over it.
starting
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Happy birthday, Malcolm.
birthdayhappyhappy-birthdaymalcolm
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Thanks.
thanks
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Don't eat that blueberry.
blueberry
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I'm saving it.
saving
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What's the worst that can happen?
happenworst