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Detroiters
» S02E10 — Royals
Detroiters
Season 2, Episode 10 — Royals
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TMDB episode metadata
Show:
Detroiters
Episode title:
Royals
Air date:
August 16, 2018
Top billed cast:
Sam Richardson, Tim Robinson
The future of Cramblin Duvet is in jeopardy when Sam discovers that he might be a father.
Source:
TMDB
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View image page →
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❯
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[funky music]
funky
funky-music
music
↗
⧉
↓
♪ ♪
↗
⧉
↓
- Better Made Chips. Can you believe it?
believe
chips
↗
⧉
↓
- Sam, we won the biggest advertising award in the city.
advertising
award
biggest
city
↗
⧉
↓
Did we earn it?
earn
↗
⧉
↓
No, but we gotta ride this wave.
ride
wave
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah, we can't go back to pitching mom and pop
pitching
↗
⧉
↓
furniture stores.
furniture
stores
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah, and we won't.
↗
⧉
↓
In the past month, we've pitched Shinola.
month
past
past-month
pitched
↗
⧉
↓
- Tanked it. - Bell Tire.
bell
tanked
tire
↗
⧉
↓
- We chunked it. - Quicken Loans.
loans
quicken
quicken-loans
↗
⧉
↓
- Cried in the room. - Downriver Ale.
cried
downriver
room
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah, we haven't heard yet, but I feel really good
heard
↗
⧉
↓
about that one. - Yeah, it was, like,
↗
⧉
↓
our best pitch in months, man. [phone pings]
best
months
phone
pitch
↗
⧉
↓
It was really good. - It's a no.
↗
⧉
↓
- God damn it!
↗
⧉
↓
- Open on an elementary school cafeteria.
cafeteria
elementary
elementary-school
open
school
↗
⧉
↓
It's lunch time, and fifth graders are doing
fifth
graders
lunch
↗
⧉
↓
what fifth graders do.
fifth
graders
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, "I'll trade you my apple
apple
trade
↗
⧉
↓
for your carrot sticks."
carrot
sticks
↗
⧉
↓
- "Oh, I'll trade you my bologna sandwich
sandwich
trade
↗
⧉
↓
for your PB&J."
↗
⧉
↓
Then the kids pulls out a bag of Better Made Potato Chips.
chips
kids
potato
potato-chips
pulls
↗
⧉
↓
- A silence falls over the room.
falls
room
silence
↗
⧉
↓
We see the principal walking towards the boy.
principal
walking
↗
⧉
↓
- Then cut to--we see the kid driving away
driving
↗
⧉
↓
in a brand new Cadillac.
brand
cadillac
↗
⧉
↓
- As the principal eats the kid's Better Made Chips.
chips
eats
kids
principal
↗
⧉
↓
- Better Made Chips: the ultimate bargaining chip.
bargaining
chip
chips
ultimate
↗
⧉
↓
- [laughs] - [chuckles]
chuckles
laughs
↗
⧉
↓
Very nice.
↗
⧉
↓
It's just not the direction we wanna go into right now.
direction
↗
⧉
↓
- [chuckles] Uh, really? A no?
chuckles
↗
⧉
↓
We just gave you a slam dunk pitch
dunk
pitch
slam
slam-dunk
↗
⧉
↓
followed by a homerun tagline.
followed
tagline
↗
⧉
↓
- It was very nice. - Aw, yeah,
↗
⧉
↓
but it's not the direction you wanna go in.
direction
↗
⧉
↓
You want something a little edgier.
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah, maybe something like, "Better Made Potato Chips,
chips
potato
potato-chips
↗
⧉
↓
we're missing out on a good thing here."
missing
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
↗
⧉
↓
Or "Better Made Chips: go fuck yourself."
chips
fuck
↗
⧉
↓
- Well, very funny joke, Tim. - No.
funny
funny-joke
joke
↗
⧉
↓
- Tim writes all of our jokes.
jokes
writes
↗
⧉
↓
- Damn it, we needed that one.
needed
↗
⧉
↓
- I know, buddy. We'll get the next one.
buddy
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah, but what if we don't get the next one?
↗
⧉
↓
- Well, then we'll get the next one after that.
↗
⧉
↓
[funky music]
funky
funky-music
music
↗
⧉
↓
♪ ♪
↗
⧉
↓
- Is that Angel? - Yeah.
angel
↗
⧉
↓
- What up, Proper? - Sup, sup, what up?
proper
↗
⧉
↓
No, hello, how are you?
↗
⧉
↓
This is how I talk, so I don't need to feel--
↗
⧉
↓
- Sam, I'm pregnant.
pregnant
↗
⧉
↓
- Good for you. - It's yours.
↗
⧉
↓
[dramatic music]
dramatic
dramatic-music
music
↗
⧉
↓
♪ ♪
↗
⧉
↓
- ♪ Next time ♪
↗
⧉
↓
♪ When they ask you ♪
↗
⧉
↓
♪ Where you're from ♪
↗
⧉
↓
♪ You gon' say Detroit city ♪
city
detroit
detroit-city
↗
⧉
↓
♪ When we get back on our feet, yeah ♪
feet
↗
⧉
↓
♪ Yeah ♪
↗
⧉
↓
- Oh, my God.
↗
⧉
↓
I'm gonna be a dad.
↗
⧉
↓
- All right, it's all good.
↗
⧉
↓
Whatever you need, I'm here for you.
↗
⧉
↓
Whatever you need.
↗
⧉
↓
What do you need?
↗
⧉
↓
- Okay, I'm spinning out, I think.
spinning
↗
⧉
↓
It's like I've got a headache. Actually, you know what?
headache
↗
⧉
↓
My stomach hurts--actually, actually, no, physically,
hurts
physically
stomach
stomach-hurts
↗
⧉
↓
I'm fine. I think this is just more of
↗
⧉
↓
a mental thing, you know? - Okay.
mental
↗
⧉
↓
- You know, I'm good. I'm fine.
↗
⧉
↓
I should go tell my dad though. - We should for sure
↗
⧉
↓
tell your dad. - [vomits, burps]
burps
↗
⧉
↓
- Oh...
↗
⧉
↓
You're okay, you're okay. You're okay.
↗
⧉
↓
You all right?
↗
⧉
↓
All right, that was a big one.
↗
⧉
↓
Look at that, stinky. - I know, it just kept coming.
coming
stinky
↗
⧉
↓
- Hey, Tim. [chuckles]
chuckles
↗
⧉
↓
Samuel, what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?
pleasure
samuel
unexpected
↗
⧉
↓
- Dad, uh, can I talk to you in private?
private
↗
⧉
↓
- Of course, of course.
course
↗
⧉
↓
Darren, give this man anything he wants.
darren
wants
↗
⧉
↓
Darren, no alcohol. - [groans]
alcohol
darren
groans
↗
⧉
↓
Okay, well, do you guys have Jolt?
↗
⧉
↓
- No.
↗
⧉
↓
- Do you have Surge? Thank you.
surge
↗
⧉
↓
- How do you know it's yours?
↗
⧉
↓
- Well, we're taking a test, but I didn't wear
test
wear
↗
⧉
↓
a prophylactic.
↗
⧉
↓
- Well, then, Son, it's probably yours.
↗
⧉
↓
You see, when a man has sex with a woman
woman
↗
⧉
↓
and he ejaculates into her-- - No, yeah, I know.
↗
⧉
↓
- So how's this gonna work? - Well, uh, the baby
baby
↗
⧉
↓
will live with Angel, and I'll be there to provide
angel
live
provide
↗
⧉
↓
whatever it needs.
needs
↗
⧉
↓
- What about money?
money
↗
⧉
↓
I mean, you're gonna need a steadier job.
↗
⧉
↓
I mean, I know you and Tim like to have fun,
fun
↗
⧉
↓
but you're gonna need a career.
career
↗
⧉
↓
Son, it's time you come and work for me.
↗
⧉
↓
- Dad, I have a job, all right?
↗
⧉
↓
I mean, things may be a little tough right now,
tough
↗
⧉
↓
but, I mean, that's the ad game.
game
↗
⧉
↓
It's like a roller coaster.
coaster
roller
roller-coaster
↗
⧉
↓
- Not here, Son.
↗
⧉
↓
Royals Steakhouse is a monorail,
steakhouse
↗
⧉
↓
a safe and dependable monorail.
dependable
safe
↗
⧉
↓
I mean, would you put a baby on a roller coaster?
baby
coaster
roller
roller-coaster
↗
⧉
↓
- Well, it depends on how tall the baby is, I guess.
baby
depends
tall
↗
⧉
↓
♪ ♪
↗
⧉
↓
- ♪ I don't understand you ♪
↗
⧉
↓
- I mean, we are this close to setting up a meeting
close
meeting
setting
↗
⧉
↓
with Dodge.
dodge
↗
⧉
↓
- Great, we need to pick things up around here,
pick
↗
⧉
↓
you know what I mean?
↗
⧉
↓
Let's set up some meetings with some clients we have
clients
meetings
↗
⧉
↓
a realistic chance of landing.
chance
landing
realistic
↗
⧉
↓
[elevator dings] - We have a realistic chance
chance
dings
elevator
elevator-dings
realistic
↗
⧉
↓
of landing Dodge.
dodge
landing
↗
⧉
↓
- Dodge called. It's a no.
called
dodge
↗
⧉
↓
- God damn it!
↗
⧉
↓
They don't even wanna meet with us?
meet
↗
⧉
↓
- Did you go to that guy's house?
house
↗
⧉
↓
- I used to live in that house.
house
live
used
↗
⧉
↓
I just wanted to look around.
wanted
↗
⧉
↓
- He sounded pretty upset.
sounded
upset
↗
⧉
↓
- My car broke down in front of his house.
broke
front
house
↗
⧉
↓
I just needed to use the phone.
needed
phone
↗
⧉
↓
- Tim, which is it? - I saw a kid on the roof.
roof
↗
⧉
↓
He was about to jump. What--
jump
↗
⧉
↓
- We can't keep relying on these pipe dreams.
dreams
pipe
relying
↗
⧉
↓
We need stability.
↗
⧉
↓
I mean, would you take a baby on a roller coaster?
baby
coaster
roller
roller-coaster
↗
⧉
↓
- I mean, like, to save its life?
life
save
↗
⧉
↓
Yeah!
↗
⧉
↓
And then you say, "At Wonderground,
↗
⧉
↓
we understand the sound of music."
music
sound
↗
⧉
↓
- That's great, wow. Yeah.
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah, then Santa says, "I know what I'm getting everyone
santa
↗
⧉
↓
this Christmas: bass guitars!"
bass
christmas
↗
⧉
↓
- That's good because I'm up to my hog in bass guitars.
bass
↗
⧉
↓
- No, we know. That's why this commercial
commercial
↗
⧉
↓
is perfect for you.
perfect
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah, it's great.
↗
⧉
↓
I just need a couple days to think about it.
couple
couple-days
days
↗
⧉
↓
Jam on it. - Sure, yep.
↗
⧉
↓
Take as much time as you need. - Or, better yet,
↗
⧉
↓
just say yes right now.
↗
⧉
↓
- Okay, guys, I'll be in touch.
touch
↗
⧉
↓
- Better yet, be in touch right now.
touch
↗
⧉
↓
Just say yes. - Sam.
↗
⧉
↓
- I have to think about it and jam on it a little.
↗
⧉
↓
- Tim, the man has to jam on it.
↗
⧉
↓
- What the hell's there to jam on?
hells
↗
⧉
↓
- You have to jam on the idea.
idea
↗
⧉
↓
- The idea is perfect.
idea
perfect
↗
⧉
↓
I mean, it's simple, it's funny,
funny
simple
↗
⧉
↓
and it's the only way you're gonna sell
sell
↗
⧉
↓
your friggin' bass guitars.
bass
friggin
↗
⧉
↓
Jam session over.
session
↗
⧉
↓
- You don't say when the jam session's over!
sessions
↗
⧉
↓
No one does!
↗
⧉
↓
It just kind of fizzles out.
↗
⧉
↓
You lose the groove, and it fizzles out.
groove
lose
↗
⧉
↓
You know what? The answer's no.
answers
↗
⧉
↓
- Sure, that's okay, that's okay.
↗
⧉
↓
Come on, let's-- - No, it's not, Tim!
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah. - I'm sorry, but the jam
↗
⧉
↓
session--you don't tell me when the jam session ends.
ends
session
↗
⧉
↓
- I know you don't. - It fizzles out.
↗
⧉
↓
- It fizzles out. - People drop out one by one,
drop
↗
⧉
↓
and then it's over.
↗
⧉
↓
- Are you okay? - I gotta get out of here.
↗
⧉
↓
[smooth music]
music
smooth
↗
⧉
↓
♪ ♪
↗
⧉
↓
- ♪ I know you got something that you wanna say ♪
↗
⧉
↓
♪ Tell it to my face... ♪
face
↗
⧉
↓
- You really freaked out on Crazy Terrance.
crazy
freaked
terrance
↗
⧉
↓
That's usually my move.
usually
↗
⧉
↓
- That should've been an easy yes.
easy
shouldve
↗
⧉
↓
- Screw it, we'll get the next one.
screw
↗
⧉
↓
I'll tell you what. Tomorrow morning,
morning
tomorrow
tomorrow-morning
↗
⧉
↓
we'll go after Dodge, baby.
baby
dodge
↗
⧉
↓
- Tim, we're not gonna land Dodge.
dodge
land
↗
⧉
↓
Buddy, I don't think I can do this job anymore.
anymore
buddy
↗
⧉
↓
- Well, what are you talking about?
↗
⧉
↓
We'll make it work.
↗
⧉
↓
What are you gonna do? Go work for your dad?
↗
⧉
↓
- I mean, it is steady work.
steady
↗
⧉
↓
- You hate working for your dad.
hate
working
↗
⧉
↓
He controls you.
controls
↗
⧉
↓
He doesn't let you fly like I do.
↗
⧉
↓
- Well, you don't let me fly, Tim, all right?
↗
⧉
↓
I'm my own bird. - No, I just--
bird
↗
⧉
↓
that's what I'm saying.
↗
⧉
↓
I'm saying we're both birds.
birds
↗
⧉
↓
- I've gotta leave the company.
company
↗
⧉
↓
- We're in a slump, Sam, and you're freaking out.
freaking
↗
⧉
↓
It's gonna be fine. I'll take a pay cut.
↗
⧉
↓
Chrissy makes good money. I'll live off that
chrissy
live
makes
money
↗
⧉
↓
for a little while.
↗
⧉
↓
- Buddy, you already live off Chrissy's paycheck.
buddy
live
paycheck
↗
⧉
↓
- I forgot I told you that. - Yeah.
forgot
↗
⧉
↓
Tim, there's nothing I want more
↗
⧉
↓
than to say at Cramblin Duvet, but I've gotta do this.
cramblin
cramblin-duvet
duvet
↗
⧉
↓
For my kid.
↗
⧉
↓
♪ ♪
↗
⧉
↓
- All right, I understand.
↗
⧉
↓
And I wish you the best of luck.
best
luck
wish
↗
⧉
↓
And I want you to know that I'm 100% fine with this.
↗
⧉
↓
- Thanks, man. - Yeah, it's all good.
thanks
↗
⧉
↓
It's all-- [coughs]
coughs
↗
⧉
↓
- Whoa, wow. Oh, there he goes.
whoa
↗
⧉
↓
- [coughing] - There he goes.
coughing
↗
⧉
↓
You got it, bud.
↗
⧉
↓
- [coughing] - You good?
coughing
↗
⧉
↓
You good?
↗
⧉
↓
[jazz music]
jazz
jazz-music
music
↗
⧉
↓
♪ ♪
↗
⧉
↓
- ♪ I never realized that other girls ♪
girls
realized
↗
⧉
↓
♪ That love you want to know ♪
love
↗
⧉
↓
♪ I never realized how much you need your love ♪
love
realized
↗
⧉
↓
♪ To keep my vow ♪
↗
⧉
↓
♪ So don't grow with me and go away ♪
grow
↗
⧉
↓
♪ I'll never be the same again ♪
↗
⧉
↓
♪ For without you by my side, baby, it's the end ♪
baby
side
↗
⧉
↓
- All right, huddle up, everybody.
everybody
huddle
↗
⧉
↓
Huddle up, I have an announcement to make.
announcement
huddle
↗
⧉
↓
As you know, Sam is no longer with the company,
company
longer
↗
⧉
↓
and none of you can replace him,
replace
↗
⧉
↓
so everybody's going to have to step it up around here
everybodys
step
↗
⧉
↓
to make sure that I have a good time.
↗
⧉
↓
I'm bored, and I've been bored all morning.
bored
morning
↗
⧉
↓
Work should be fun for me. All right?
fun
↗
⧉
↓
All right, cool. Back to what you were doing.
cool
↗
⧉
↓
Thank you, everybody.
everybody
↗
⧉
↓
I mean, I don't know.
↗
⧉
↓
Tommy, yeah, like, maybe get a big ol' suit,
suit
tommy
↗
⧉
↓
biggest one you can find. Tons of buttons.
biggest
buttons
tons
↗
⧉
↓
Big ol' floppy hat.
floppy
↗
⧉
↓
Maybe you're clumsy and you drop stuff all the time.
clumsy
drop
stuff
↗
⧉
↓
- Like Mr. Bean?
bean
↗
⧉
↓
- Uh, yeah, but make it your own, Tommy.
tommy
↗
⧉
↓
You know, maybe lose your watch in a turkey.
lose
turkey
watch
↗
⧉
↓
- Sounds like Mr. Bean.
bean
sounds
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah, but Tommy can talk, Sheila!
sheila
tommy
↗
⧉
↓
- What? No, Tommy, you don't
tommy
↗
⧉
↓
have to do that. - Yes, he does, Lea.
↗
⧉
↓
You all do!
↗
⧉
↓
That's what this place is now.
place
↗
⧉
↓
It's wearing big ol' suits with buttons and dropping shit!
buttons
dropping
suits
wearing
↗
⧉
↓
And if you don't like it, you can quit like Sam did,
quit
↗
⧉
↓
and I'll blow my brains out!
blow
brains
↗
⧉
↓
Sheila, get Dodge on the phone. Thank you!
dodge
phone
sheila
↗
⧉
↓
[slam]
slam
↗
⧉
↓
[screaming] I can't do this!
screaming
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah, we sold 25 cheesecakes tonight.
sold
tonight
↗
⧉
↓
- Is that good? - Is 25 cheesecakes
↗
⧉
↓
in one night good? - I don't know.
night
↗
⧉
↓
- It's great. - Another round?
another
another-round
round
↗
⧉
↓
- Uh, I should probably get going.
↗
⧉
↓
Pretty big day tomorrow. - Yeah, me too.
tomorrow
↗
⧉
↓
I'm getting really close with Dodge.
close
dodge
↗
⧉
↓
- Just stay away from that guy, Tim.
↗
⧉
↓
This is on me. Industry discount.
discount
industry
↗
⧉
↓
- See you, buddy.
buddy
↗
⧉
↓
- Hey, I saw your buddy left.
buddy
left
↗
⧉
↓
You looking for a new friend?
friend
looking
↗
⧉
↓
- Get out of here, man.
↗
⧉
↓
- I was just trying to be nice.
↗
⧉
↓
This is what I get for trying to be nice, oh, God.
↗
⧉
↓
- So... - Ah.
↗
⧉
↓
- What you think? - This is really nice.
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah? It's a work in progress.
progress
↗
⧉
↓
I wanted to do this under the sea thing.
wanted
↗
⧉
↓
My cousin said he could paint fish, but he couldn't.
cousin
fish
paint
↗
⧉
↓
- Oh, my God, you gotta get rid of that before the baby comes.
baby
baby-comes
comes
↗
⧉
↓
- I know, and the mermaid is even worse.
mermaid
worse
↗
⧉
↓
- Oh, well, I got you some things.
↗
⧉
↓
Let's see, I got you some vitamins.
vitamins
↗
⧉
↓
Got you a baby book, and I got you a romance novel for Mom.
baby
book
novel
romance
↗
⧉
↓
- [squeals]
squeals
↗
⧉
↓
- It's "Teaching Michael Chestly,"
michael
teaching
↗
⧉
↓
from the Michael Chestly series.
michael
series
↗
⧉
↓
It's really sensual.
sensual
↗
⧉
↓
- Thanks, Sam.
thanks
↗
⧉
↓
You know, you are doing a lot, but you really don't have to
↗
⧉
↓
do all this because we're not together, and we never will be.
↗
⧉
↓
- I think we're on the same page.
page
↗
⧉
↓
That was just a little too definitive for it
definitive
↗
⧉
↓
not to hurt my feelings. - Thanks.
feelings
hurt
thanks
↗
⧉
↓
- Oh!
↗
⧉
↓
It's got a bush?
bush
↗
⧉
↓
- He said it was historically accurate.
accurate
historically
↗
⧉
↓
- Huh, well, I should probably get going to work,
↗
⧉
↓
but do you mind?
mind
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah? - Oh, okay.
↗
⧉
↓
♪ I'll stand by you ♪
stand
↗
⧉
↓
♪ I'll stand by you ♪
stand
↗
⧉
↓
♪ I won't let nobody hurt you ♪
hurt
nobody
↗
⧉
↓
♪ I'll stand by you ♪
stand
↗
⧉
↓
Yeah. Thank you.
↗
⧉
↓
- You're welcome.
welcome
↗
⧉
↓
[piano music]
music
piano
piano-music
↗
⧉
↓
- Hope he's doing a good job. Billy, no jazz.
billy
hope
jazz
↗
⧉
↓
♪ ♪
↗
⧉
↓
Hey, Tim.
↗
⧉
↓
- Hey, Sam.
↗
⧉
↓
This is Bruce from 1-2-3 Warehouse.
bruce
warehouse
↗
⧉
↓
Just a new client to I've added to our portfolio.
added
client
portfolio
↗
⧉
↓
I know he's just a small fish, but still fun to reel in.
fish
fun
reel
↗
⧉
↓
- I'm not a small fish. - But you are, you are.
fish
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah, of course, Bruce, welcome to Royals.
bruce
course
welcome
↗
⧉
↓
- I ate here once before.
↗
⧉
↓
- Well, then, welcome back.
welcome
↗
⧉
↓
- Yep, just pitching Bruce here some taglines.
bruce
pitching
↗
⧉
↓
You know, closing the deal.
closing
deal
↗
⧉
↓
You used to do that.
used
↗
⧉
↓
Wanna sit in? - No, Tim, I can't.
↗
⧉
↓
But you've got this.
↗
⧉
↓
Bruce, you're in excellent hands.
bruce
excellent
hands
↗
⧉
↓
Enjoy your meals, fellas. It's on me.
enjoy
fellas
meals
↗
⧉
↓
- Oh. - Not the booze, though.
booze
↗
⧉
↓
- So I was wrong, he's not gonna join us.
join
↗
⧉
↓
No worries, I can do it myself.
worries
↗
⧉
↓
Uh, so we see beauty shots of your wonderful appliances.
beauty
shots
↗
⧉
↓
A family walks through the store holding a map.
family
holding
store
walks
↗
⧉
↓
The announcer comes on, "1-2-3 Warehouse.
announcer
comes
warehouse
↗
⧉
↓
"Where's the warehouse?
warehouse
↗
⧉
↓
It's as easy as 1-2-3 Warehouse."
easy
warehouse
↗
⧉
↓
- It's going to seem like they're lost in the store.
lost
store
↗
⧉
↓
- Okay, you don't like that? Here's another one.
another
↗
⧉
↓
"1-2-3 Warehouse,
warehouse
↗
⧉
↓
it's as easy as A-B-C. Warehouse."
easy
warehouse
↗
⧉
↓
- My main competitor is A-B-C Warehouse.
competitor
main
warehouse
↗
⧉
↓
- Uh, that's insane.
insane
↗
⧉
↓
- All right, well, just take that off their check,
check
↗
⧉
↓
and then give them a free dessert.
dessert
free
↗
⧉
↓
- Okay. - Thanks, Darren.
darren
thanks
↗
⧉
↓
- Hey, don't grab me! - I didn't grab you!
grab
↗
⧉
↓
You looked away when I was talking to you.
looked
↗
⧉
↓
I'm not gonna apologize for something that I didn't do.
apologize
↗
⧉
↓
- You grabbed my shirt. - Shirt!
grabbed
shirt
↗
⧉
↓
So you admit that I didn't grab you!
admit
grab
↗
⧉
↓
- Uh, gentlemen, some wine for the table.
gentlemen
table
wine
↗
⧉
↓
Sorry to interrupt, but how about something like
interrupt
↗
⧉
↓
"1-2-3 Warehouse: you can count on us."
count
warehouse
↗
⧉
↓
- I love it. Because you can count
count
love
↗
⧉
↓
on 1-2-3. That's perfect.
perfect
↗
⧉
↓
- It is. It is, perfect.
perfect
↗
⧉
↓
Sam, come back. Tell me you didn't get
↗
⧉
↓
a rush from that.
rush
↗
⧉
↓
Clients are coming in now.
clients
coming
↗
⧉
↓
Way better than this guy, trust me.
trust
↗
⧉
↓
- Hey. - Tim, I'm not coming back.
coming
↗
⧉
↓
Look, in ten years, I'm gonna be managing
managing
years
↗
⧉
↓
four of these restaurants.
four
restaurants
↗
⧉
↓
And, hopefully, Cramblin Duvet's the biggest
biggest
cramblin
hopefully
↗
⧉
↓
ad agency in Detroit, but, Tim, I can't gamble on hopefully.
agency
detroit
gamble
hopefully
↗
⧉
↓
'Cause in 10 years my kid's gonna be nine,
kids
nine
years
↗
⧉
↓
and, if he's anything like me, he's gonna need braces
braces
↗
⧉
↓
for his legs 'cause his dick's so big.
dicks
legs
↗
⧉
↓
Good luck, buddy. I love ya.
buddy
love
luck
luck-buddy
↗
⧉
↓
- Love you too.
love
↗
⧉
↓
All right, okay,
↗
⧉
↓
well, we can't use "you can count on us"
count
↗
⧉
↓
for legal reasons, plus I refuse to do that.
legal
plus
reasons
refuse
↗
⧉
↓
But I'll come up with something just as good.
↗
⧉
↓
Um, one...
↗
⧉
↓
Look at me when I'm talking to you!
↗
⧉
↓
[smooth music]
music
smooth
↗
⧉
↓
♪ ♪
↗
⧉
↓
- It'll be like, "No job's too small, no job's too big.
itll
jobs
↗
⧉
↓
We're father and son. Give us the gig."
father
↗
⧉
↓
- I don't know. It might be a little corny.
corny
might
↗
⧉
↓
- You run a business with your son, and I'm corny?
business
corny
↗
⧉
↓
You couldn't even find another grown man
another
grown
↗
⧉
↓
to go into business with. - Hey.
business
↗
⧉
↓
- What's the story here? Is this a yes or no?
story
↗
⧉
↓
I got shit to do. - I think it goes
↗
⧉
↓
without saying you're not getting the job.
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah, and I think it goes without saying
↗
⧉
↓
that you should get out 'cause one of you's ugly,
ugly
yous
↗
⧉
↓
and it runs in the family.
family
runs
↗
⧉
↓
- Let's go. - Bye.
↗
⧉
↓
Later, dude.
↗
⧉
↓
Shut the door, shut the light off.
door
light
↗
⧉
↓
[yells] Don't look at me!
yells
↗
⧉
↓
[sighs]
sighs
↗
⧉
↓
♪ ♪
↗
⧉
↓
Well, that's it.
↗
⧉
↓
We're shutting down.
shutting
↗
⧉
↓
Sheila, call Dodge and tell them we're out.
dodge
sheila
↗
⧉
↓
I will continue to commute to work,
commute
continue
↗
⧉
↓
but my briefcase will be empty.
briefcase
empty
↗
⧉
↓
I will no longer pursue new clients, and I will
clients
longer
pursue
↗
⧉
↓
do nothing to keep the ones we have,
ones
↗
⧉
↓
and I ask you to do the same.
↗
⧉
↓
We will keep going until the money runs out,
money
runs
↗
⧉
↓
then we die.
↗
⧉
↓
So from now on, it's Camp Do What You Wanna.
camp
↗
⧉
↓
Tommy, keep wearing the big suit, please.
suit
tommy
wearing
↗
⧉
↓
Thank you, Tommy.
tommy
↗
⧉
↓
It's very funny.
funny
↗
⧉
↓
[chatter]
chatter
↗
⧉
↓
[door opens]
door
door-opens
opens
↗
⧉
↓
[chatter]
chatter
↗
⧉
↓
- Hello, table for two? - Oh, it's just me.
table
↗
⧉
↓
- No, I know, you're pregnant, so it's like a little joke.
joke
pregnant
↗
⧉
↓
'Cause like you'd be eating for two--
eating
↗
⧉
↓
- Look, Sam. - It's a joke.
joke
↗
⧉
↓
- There's no good way to tell you this,
↗
⧉
↓
but it's not your baby.
baby
↗
⧉
↓
- Excuse me?
excuse
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah, I just got the test results back.
results
test
test-results
↗
⧉
↓
I'm sorry. I just got a little confused
confused
↗
⧉
↓
with the timeline, and then, I mean, I figured it was
figured
timeline
↗
⧉
↓
probably you, and then you were so sweet,
sweet
↗
⧉
↓
and I guess I just convinced myself that it had to be you,
convinced
↗
⧉
↓
and it ain't.
aint
↗
⧉
↓
- So I'm not gonna be a father.
father
↗
⧉
↓
- Good news, right?
news
↗
⧉
↓
- Great news, that's the last thing I wanted.
news
wanted
↗
⧉
↓
You know what I mean? Like, being a father
father
↗
⧉
↓
is such a burden. - Right.
burden
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah, it'd be like, you know, you gotta look out
↗
⧉
↓
for this little baby who looks up to you his whole life.
baby
life
whole
whole-life
↗
⧉
↓
[laughs] Matching baby Lions onesies.
baby
laughs
lions
matching
onesies
↗
⧉
↓
- Yeah. - So glad I didn't buy
glad
↗
⧉
↓
12 of those. - Who would do that?
↗
⧉
↓
- Who would do that? - Stupid.
stupid
↗
⧉
↓
- Just dumb.
dumb
↗
⧉
↓
Well, whoever the real father is,
father
real
↗
⧉
↓
he's a very lucky man.
lucky
↗
⧉
↓
- Angel, let me hold a dollar. - Okay.
angel
dollar
↗
⧉
↓
- Going across to the gas station, get some combos.
station
↗
⧉
↓
- Okay, baby. - Sup, Playboy?
baby
↗
⧉
↓
- Who is this? - My name is Pleasure.
name
pleasure
↗
⧉
↓
- Well, Pleasure, you're obviously very handsome.
handsome
obviously
pleasure
↗
⧉
↓
Your sperm is clearly stronger than mine,
sperm
stronger
↗
⧉
↓
so congratulations. - You're right,
congratulations
↗
⧉
↓
he does talk like Tavis Smiley.
smiley
↗
⧉
↓
- Good. I'm glad I do.
glad
↗
⧉
↓
- Uh, good-bye, Sam.
↗
⧉
↓
- Bye, Angel. Take care of that baby.
angel
baby
care
↗
⧉
↓
[chuckles] I wish it was mine.
chuckles
wish
↗
⧉
↓
I wish it was mine.
wish
↗
⧉
↓
[dramatic music]
dramatic
dramatic-music
music
↗
⧉
↓
♪ ♪
↗
⧉
↓
- ♪ Good to know you ♪
↗
⧉
↓
♪ Got to find some way ♪
↗
⧉
↓
♪ To keep you in my arms ♪
arms
↗
⧉
↓
♪ And to love you ♪
love
↗
⧉
↓
♪ ♪
↗
⧉
↓
♪ I got to feel you ♪
↗
⧉
↓
♪ Wandering ♪
wandering
↗
⧉
↓
♪ You ♪
↗
⧉
↓
♪ Come on ♪
↗
⧉
↓
[upbeat music]
music
upbeat
upbeat-music
↗
⧉
↓
♪ ♪
↗
⧉
↓
- What? What?
↗
⧉
↓
♪ ♪
↗
⧉
↓
Yes, yes! Yes!
↗
⧉
↓
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
↗
⧉
↓
Yes!
↗
⧉
↓
- I am not the father. - You're shooting blanks.
blanks
father
shooting
↗
⧉
↓
- No, it could be a lot of the different possibilities.
possibilities
↗
⧉
↓
- Sam, you keep your phone right by your crotch.
crotch
phone
↗
⧉
↓
- No, it's not that. - You're shooting blanks.
blanks
shooting
↗
⧉
↓
- I mean, everybody keeps their phone--sometimes it's
everybody
keeps
phone
sometimes
↗
⧉
↓
in my back pocket, so it's not it, so.
pocket
↗
⧉
↓
- I'm sorry, man.
↗
⧉
↓
I think you would've been a great dad.
wouldve
↗
⧉
↓
- Thanks, pal,
thanks
↗
⧉
↓
- But I am so glad to have you back.
glad
↗
⧉
↓
- Me too. You're my best friend, Tim.
best
best-friend
friend
↗
⧉
↓
And in ten years, we're gonna have the biggest
biggest
years
↗
⧉
↓
ad agency in Detroit, and that's a fuckin' promise.
agency
detroit
fuckin
promise
↗
⧉
↓
Let's go get Dodge.
dodge
↗
⧉
↓
- I think it's best if we just give that guy and his family
best
family
↗
⧉
↓
a little bit of space.
space
↗
⧉
↓
- Tim, what did you do?
↗
⧉
↓
- From the gentleman at the end of the bar.
gentleman
↗
⧉
↓
- Congratulations.
congratulations
↗
⧉
↓
When you were gone, me and him used to be best friends.
best
best-friends
friends
gone
used
↗
⧉
↓
- No, we weren't. Shut up, Ramon.
↗
⧉
↓
- Inside joke.
joke
↗
⧉
↓
- Is that true? - No, of course not.
course
↗
⧉
↓
- Well, he only got us one beer.
beer
↗
⧉
↓
♪ ♪
↗
⧉
↓
- It's annual friendship day here in Detroit.
annual
detroit
friendship
↗
⧉
↓
That's why I brought my best friend, Dave,
best
best-friend
brought
dave
friend
↗
⧉
↓
to hang out.
hang
↗
⧉
↓
He's a slob, but I love him.
love
slob
↗
⧉
↓
- ♪ Ooh ♪ - Good night, Detroit.
detroit
night
↗
⧉
↓
♪ ♪
↗
⧉
↓
[machinery whirring]
machinery
whirring
↗
⧉
↓
- Come on, let's go. - All right, all right.
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