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Home » Detroiters » S02E09 — Little Caesars

Detroiters

Season 2, Episode 9 — Little Caesars

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Detroiters

Episode title: Little Caesars

Air date: August 09, 2018

Top billed cast: Sam Richardson, Tim Robinson

After a fortuitous accident at a fundraiser, Sam and Tim find themselves reeling in a big fish of a client: Little Caesars.

Source: TMDB

↓

- It's gonna be great. It's gonna be awesome.

awesome

↓

We're gonna have a blast. Come on, let's bring it in.

blast bring

↓

Bring it in. Let's get a picture.

bring picture

↓

all: Fowling! [camera shutter clicks]

camera camera-shutter camera-shutter-clicks clicks shutter shutter-clicks

↓

[pins clatter]

clatter pins

↓

[upbeat music]

music upbeat upbeat-music

↓

- Hey, how are ya?

↓

We're here for the charity event.

charity charity-event event

↓

- The entry is a suggested $100 donation.

donation entry suggested

↓

- And I would suggest a much lower number.

lower number suggest

↓

[both laugh] Is there an open bar?

laugh open

↓

- Yes. - Oh! [blows raspberry]

blows blows-raspberry raspberry

↓

You're gonna lose money on this deal.

deal lose money

↓

- It's dumb, stupid. - This is dumb.

dumb stupid

↓

You guys are suckers. - Idiots.

idiots suckers

↓

- Here you go, sucker. - Thank you.

sucker

↓

- Oh, there's Harbaugh.

harbaugh

↓

[scattered groans] - Dang it!

dang groans scattered

↓

- It's okay, Jim.

↓

We're just having fun, for charity.

charity fun having

↓

- Well, it's totally different mechanics.

↓

Fowling is different.

↓

You think LeBron James would be good at pop-a-shot?

james shot

↓

Look at this guy! I'm getting this.

↓

Dang it!

dang

↓

This guy's killing me!

killing

↓

- There she is. [Harbaugh grunts]

grunts harbaugh

↓

Let's do it.

↓

[upbeat funky music]

funky funky-music music upbeat

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Oh, yum-yum-yum. This looks delicious.

delicious

↓

I can't wait to have another slice.

another slice

↓

- Uh, s-sorry, you each have a--

↓

a pepperoni on your face.

face pepperoni

↓

- Oh, God damn it. - [groans]

groans

↓

- Oh, crap. - How embarrassing.

embarrassing

↓

First we donate $10,000 to charity,

charity donate

↓

and now we got pepperoni on our faces.

faces pepperoni

↓

- [soft laugh] I'm sorry.

laugh soft

↓

You probably get this all the time,

↓

but has anybody ever told you you look just like--

anybody

↓

- Emma Stone.

stone

↓

- [tsks] - No.

↓

I was thinking Reilly Clair, VP of Marketing, Little Caesars.

caesars marketing reilly thinking

↓

- Oh, actually, yeah, I am Reilly Clair.

reilly

↓

Yeah. - Oh, my goodness..

goodness

↓

[both laugh] - Are you serious?

laugh serious

↓

- That's--I mean-- so embarrassing.

embarrassing

↓

- Oh, my God.

↓

- First, we donate 10K. Each.

donate

↓

- Each. - And now this? Ugh.

↓

Sam Duvet. Cramblin Duvet Advertising.

advertising cramblin cramblin-duvet cramblin-duvet-advertising duvet duvet-advertising

↓

- Hi. - Yeah. How you doing?

↓

Tim Cramblin, the aforementioned

cramblin

↓

Cramblin Duvet Advertising.

advertising cramblin cramblin-duvet cramblin-duvet-advertising duvet duvet-advertising

↓

We would love to work with you someday.

love someday

↓

- Oh, well, actually we are looking for a new agency.

agency looking

↓

- Oh, my God. I had not heard that.

heard

↓

Sam, had you heard that? - I had not heard that.

heard

↓

- Oh, had I heard that I would have said,

heard

↓

"Well, look no further

further

↓

You found the perfect guys for the job."

found perfect

↓

Had I heard that. - Had he heard that.

heard

↓

- Dang it! Give me that.

dang

↓

Watch this.

watch

↓

[yells]

yells

↓

- I don't mind telling you,

mind mind-telling telling

↓

we're the two best admen in the city.

best city

↓

But we're also big fans of your Little Caesar's pizza.

caesars fans pizza

↓

- Oh, thank you.

↓

- The smell of one of your Hot-N-Readys instantly

instantly smell

↓

takes us back to some of our greatest childhood memories.

childhood greatest memories takes

↓

- And not just for us, but for everyone we know.

↓

- [wails]

wails

↓

- You couldn't walk 50 miles in any direction

direction miles walk

↓

from the spot we're standing in right now

spot standing

↓

without coming across a birthday party,

birthday birthday-party coming party

↓

graduation, or an anniversary

anniversary graduation

↓

that isn't serving a great, big, piping-hot...

piping serving

↓

- I can't believe this! - Little Caesars...

believe caesars

↓

[ball thunks] [woman gasps, man groans]

ball gasps groans thunks woman

↓

- Pizza, pizza.

pizza pizza-pizza

↓

- ♪ Next time ♪

↓

♪ When they ask you ♪

↓

♪ Where you're from ♪

↓

♪ You gon' say Detroit city ♪

city detroit detroit-city

↓

♪ When we get back on our feet, yeah ♪

feet

↓

♪ Yeah ♪

↓

- Welcome back to "Mitch, Please!"

mitch welcome

↓

With your host Mitch Albom and Ken B-B-B-Brown!

brown host mitch

↓

- All right, we're back.

↓

Take a look at what happened

happened

↓

at a local fowling charity event

charity charity-event event local

↓

where Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh

coach harbaugh michigan

↓

can't hit a single pin,

single

↓

but does connect with the back of this guy's head.

connect head

↓

[ball thunks] [woman gasps, man groans]

ball gasps groans thunks woman

↓

- Pizza, pizza. - What a moron!

moron pizza pizza-pizza

↓

- I don't know why, but I hate this guy.

hate

↓

- I mean, I guess I see what's funny about that.

funny

↓

I guess, I mean, like,

↓

but wouldn't it be funnier if I had gotten knocked out?

funnier gotten knocked

↓

I mean, what's funny about not flinching?

funny

↓

- I mean, we almost had Little Caesars!

caesars

↓

I could tell, Reilly was into that pitch, man.

pitch reilly

↓

Had you not getting beaned to the back of the head

head

↓

by Harbaugh's throw at that exact moment,

exact moment throw

↓

we'd have landed the Little Caesars account.

account caesars landed

↓

- Yeah, and I wouldn't have been

↓

hit in the head with a football.

football head

↓

- [softly] Hey, how-- how is your head, man?

head softly

↓

- Don't. Don't even.

↓

- I should have asked you that right after it happened.

asked happened

↓

I apologize. Sorry. - Yeah, man.

apologize

↓

[cell phones chime]

cell cell-phones chime phones

↓

[funky upbeat music]

funky music upbeat upbeat-music

↓

- Guys, thank you so much for coming in on such

coming

↓

short notice, but we were really excited to talk to you.

excited notice short short-notice

↓

- We're excited to be here. - Yeah.

excited

↓

- Is it true that the water fountains here

water

↓

shoot out cheese and not water?

cheese shoot water

↓

- No. How--how would that work?

↓

- I'm not stupid.

stupid

↓

- Cool.

cool

↓

- Oh, my God.

↓

Those windows are always supposed to be closed!

closed supposed windows

↓

That's where we come up with the new pizzas.

pizzas

↓

- [chuckles] I thought I saw a pizza ball in there.

ball chuckles pizza

↓

- No, you didn't.

↓

You didn't see anything.

↓

- [softly] There was a real nice pizza ball.

ball pizza real softly

↓

- The guy spazzed. - The guy spazzed.

↓

You know they're up to something.

↓

- Oh, hey, guys, grab a slice of pizza and have a seat.

grab pizza seat slice

↓

We'll get started in just a second.

second started

↓

- Hi, Tim.

↓

How's it going? - Good.

↓

- Paul Sloan.

paul sloan

↓

I used to work for your dad at Cramblin.

cramblin used

↓

I'm at Little Caesars now. - Oh, nice to meet you.

caesars meet

↓

- Meet me? Are you kidding?

kidding meet

↓

It's me, Paul.

paul

↓

I remember when you used to fit in the palm of my hand.

hand palm remember used

↓

Heck, kid, I used to change your diapers.

change diapers heck used

↓

- Why would you have changed my diapers?

changed diapers

↓

- 'Cause they were filled with poop.

filled poop

↓

- No--why you? - Listen...

↓

- All right, guys, let's get started.

started

↓

All right, everyone, this is Tim and Sam

↓

from Cramblin Duvet Advertising.

advertising cramblin cramblin-duvet cramblin-duvet-advertising duvet duvet-advertising

↓

- No introduction is needed for me.

introduction needed

↓

I used to change that guy's diapers.

change diapers used

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- Shut up.

↓

- Well, needless to say,

needless

↓

these two made quite an impression yesterday.

impression yesterday

↓

I'm sorry, you guys want to tell it?

↓

- Uh, yeah, sure.

↓

Uh, we ran into Reilly when we were eating

eating reilly

↓

Little Caesars pizza, actually.

caesars pizza

↓

We had pepperonis on our faces.

faces

↓

- We had pepperonis on our faces.

faces

↓

And we told her, you couldn't walk 50 miles in any direction

direction miles walk

↓

from the spot we're standing in right now--

spot standing

↓

- Yeah, guys, uh, just tell them the part where

part

↓

Harbaugh pegged you in the back of the head with a football.

football harbaugh head pegged

↓

It was hilarious.

hilarious

↓

- Was it?

↓

- And that's when we knew we needed to hire you two

hire needed

↓

to do an ad for us.

↓

- Hire us?

hire

↓

We just landed Little Caesars?

caesars landed

↓

- Congratulations.

congratulations

↓

- Oh, my God! - Holy hell.

holy

↓

Oh, well, I gotta tell you,

↓

you're not gonna be disappointed.

disappointed

↓

- No, hell no. - Promise you that.

promise

↓

We're gonna put together the best friggin' ad you've ever seen.

best friggin seen

↓

- Yeah, or else we'll die trying.

↓

Boom!

boom

↓

- Oh, no, my friend's dead! - [laughs]

dead friends laughs

↓

- No, uh, guys you already pitched the perfect commercial.

commercial perfect pitched

↓

Even a football to the back of the head

football head

↓

won't stop you from enjoying Little Caesars...

caesars enjoying

↓

[ball thunks] [woman gasps, man groans]

ball gasps groans thunks woman

↓

- Pizza, pizza. [laughter]

laughter pizza pizza-pizza

↓

- I mean, come on. That is the commercial.

commercial

↓

Am I right?

↓

- [falsetto] Ohh, yeah.

↓

[falsetto, mumbling] Uh, that's pretty good.

mumbling

↓

[falsetto, mumbling] Pretty good.

mumbling

↓

- Hey, Quintin! Two beers for two guys

beers

↓

who just landed Little Caesars Pizza.

caesars landed pizza

↓

We just left the headquarters. - Cool.

cool headquarters left

↓

I heard the water fountains there

heard water

↓

squirt out cheese instead of water.

cheese squirt water

↓

- Are you stupid?

stupid

↓

- Fellas.

fellas

↓

I don't mean to interrupt, but, uh,

interrupt

↓

love your Harbaugh video, man.

harbaugh love video

↓

Hey, it's my girl's birthday.

birthday girls

↓

I wonder if she come over here, we could, like,

wonder

↓

throw her purse at the back of your head.

head purse throw

↓

You could be like, "Birthday, birthday"?

birthday

↓

- No, I'm okay. Thanks, though.

thanks

↓

- Oh. So you're an asshole.

asshole

↓

Baby, he said no.

baby

↓

- Asshole!

asshole

↓

- I'm not embarrassed by what happened,

embarrassed happened

↓

but at the same time, I don't like the idea of

idea

↓

perpetuating the incident in a commercial for

commercial incident

↓

the largest pizza brand on the planet.

brand largest pizza planet

↓

- It's just our foot in the door, Sam.

door foot

↓

All we have to do now is pitch them a brand-new idea

brand idea pitch

↓

that undeniably better than

↓

you getting hit in the head with a football.

football head

↓

- Yeah, anything's funnier than that.

anythings funnier

↓

How bout we take a--

bout

↓

[can thunks] - [laughs]

laughs thunks

↓

[laughing] I'm sorry.

laughing

↓

I'm sorry, man. We're big fans.

fans

↓

[laughing]

laughing

↓

- Well, you can't beat funny with funny.

beat funny

↓

So the new idea has to be something that

idea

↓

shamelessly pulls at people's heartstrings.

peoples pulls

↓

- Ooh! Okay, how about this?

↓

Uh, an old lady's crying by a river.

crying ladys river

↓

Uh, uh, she's tossing her husband's ashes in the river.

ashes husbands river tossing

↓

And a--a fish eat the ashes

ashes fish

↓

and jumps out of the water

jumps water

↓

and winks at the old lady.

lady

↓

Uh, she catches the fish, puts it in a tank.

catches fish tank

↓

She has her husband back. Little Caesars.

caesars husband

↓

- Oh, my God, it's perfect.

perfect

↓

I just-- I don't know how you

↓

grab a fish out of the water, is the only thing...

fish grab water

↓

- Yeah, but making a fish wink is easy?

easy fish wink

↓

- It's your idea, asshole!

asshole idea

↓

[can thunks]

thunks

↓

- You proud?

proud

↓

- Enough!

↓

- I'm thinking for the tag... - Yeah.

thinking

↓

- We got with: "It's not just a slice of pizza.

pizza slice

↓

It's a little slice of home." - Oh, it's great.

home slice

↓

It's so much better than "slice of house."

house slice

↓

- Mm-hmm. We got this. - Yeah.

↓

- Follow my lead. - Yes.

follow lead

↓

- Mmm, let me take a bite of this Little Caesars.

bite caesars

↓

Pizza, pizza. [laughter]

laughter pizza pizza-pizza

↓

- Oh, my gosh, Donnie, that was terrific.

donnie gosh terrific

↓

Thank you so much for coming in.

coming

↓

I'm gonna need the pizza, but thank you so much.

pizza

↓

- [chuckling] He was great!

chuckling

↓

- Oh, my God, I cannot believe his pants fell down

believe cannot cannot-believe fell pants

↓

in the middle of the audition.

audition middle

↓

- He looked like a complete idiot.

complete complete-idiot idiot looked

↓

He's perfect. - Right?

perfect

↓

- Excuse me? Uh.

excuse

↓

Are you guys auditioning actors already?

actors auditioning

↓

- Yeah.

↓

- Reilly, can we talk to you for a second?

reilly second

↓

- Sure.

↓

- There he is!

↓

I've seen this guy naked from head to toe.

head naked seen

↓

- As a baby.

baby

↓

- I used to change his diapers.

change diapers used

↓

This kid would eat anything he got his hands on.

hands

↓

And then his face would scrunch up and turn red and bam!

face

↓

It would should out the front, the back, and everywhere.

front

↓

And I used to have to clean up every inch.

clean inch used

↓

- Where were my parents?

parents

↓

Why was I left alone with you?

alone left left-alone

↓

- [chuckles]

chuckles

↓

And don't get me started about the piss!

piss started

↓

[imitates whizzing] [laughs]

imitates laughs

↓

- We're just a little concerned

concerned

↓

with how fast things are moving.

fast moving

↓

- Yeah--and we actually have a brand-new idea

brand idea

↓

that I think you're gonna like even more.

↓

I hope you have tissues ready. - Mm-hmm.

hope ready tissues

↓

Because imagine this.

imagine

↓

An old lady stands by a river...

lady river stands

↓

- Yeah, guys, I'm sorry, we're just--

↓

we're really happy with the guy getting hit

happy

↓

in the head with the football, so.

football head

↓

- Hello, Reilly.

reilly

↓

- Oh, hey, Andrew.

andrew

↓

- I came straight from the airport.

airport straight

↓

I'd love to get the production meeting done,

love meeting production

↓

so I can have a bath.

bath

↓

- Oh, of course you would, you poor thing.

course poor

↓

Okay, it's just right down there

↓

through the conference room. - Cheers.

cheers conference conference-room room

↓

- Cheers. - Cheers.

cheers

↓

- [softly] That's Andrew.

andrew softly

↓

He's directing the commercial.

commercial directing

↓

- Wait, what? - Wha...

↓

- I thought we were directing?

directing

↓

- [laughs] Oh.

laughs

↓

Uh, no, God no.

↓

Sorry, guys. That was never an option.

option

↓

- We've directed hundreds of commercials.

commercials directed hundreds

↓

- Yeah, I--I know. We've seen them.

seen

↓

- We once directed five commercials in one day.

commercials directed five

↓

- Look, guys, Andrew is one of

andrew

↓

the premiere advertisement directors in the world, okay?

directors premiere world

↓

Just sit back and let him do his thing.

↓

And who knows?

knows

↓

You guys might even win a D Award for this.

award might

↓

Huh?

↓

[champagne cork pops]

champagne cork pops

↓

[cheering and laughter]

cheering laughter

↓

- Well, don't get mad at us!

↓

- Yeah, shut the blinds if you don't

↓

want us to see your fancy pizza ball!

ball fancy pizza

↓

- [muffled] You didn't see a pizza ball!

ball muffled pizza

↓

- Yes, we did!

↓

[smooth smaltzy pop music]

music smooth

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Whoa. - Look at this.

whoa

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Hey, guys.

↓

- What the hell are you guys doing here?

↓

- We're here to support you on your big day.

support

↓

- I took the day off of work. - We all did.

↓

- Well, not you, Tommy.

tommy

↓

Technically, this is still work for you.

technically

↓

In fact, get me a coffee, man. - Right away.

coffee fact

↓

- Would you look at those! - Oh.

↓

Sit in your chairs so I can take pictures of you in 'em.

chairs pictures

↓

- Come on, Chrissy, that's embarrassing.

chrissy embarrassing

↓

This is work for us, it's not like fun.

fun

↓

- Exactly.

↓

- [soft squeal] Got it.

soft squeal

↓

[squealing] Oh, look at you, so cute!

cute squealing

↓

- Actually, it's sexy, so.

sexy

↓

- And action. - We at Little Caesars

action caesars

↓

want to find out what it would take to stop you

↓

from enjoying our pizza.

enjoying pizza

↓

Introducing test item 423...

introducing item test

↓

a football. - Cut!

football

↓

That's excellent, Brian.

brian excellent

↓

- Excellent? It wasn't very funny.

excellent funny

↓

- That wasn't funny at all.

funny

↓

- I mean, should it be like-- should he make a funnier face?

face funnier

↓

Or say, like, a funnier number?

funnier number

↓

- Like, could he say "frickin' football"?

football frickin

↓

- [laughs] That's funny.

funny laughs

↓

- [chuckles] - Go tell him.

chuckles

↓

- Oh, no, I can't-- they're doing their thing.

↓

- Yeah, we're not directing this one.

directing

↓

- It's your commercial.

commercial

↓

- I'm sure they'd be interested in your ideas.

ideas interested theyd

↓

- You guys make everything better.

↓

- We can probably... fly in one note.

note

↓

- We can fly in one note. - And roll it up!

note roll

↓

- One note. - I think so.

note

↓

- Rolling!

rolling

↓

- And action.

action

↓

- We had a quick note. Something to add.

note quick

↓

- Cut. Who the fuck are you?

fuck

↓

- Tim Cramblin. Cramblin Duvet Advertising.

advertising cramblin cramblin-duvet cramblin-duvet-advertising duvet duvet-advertising

↓

We--we actually met before your bath.

bath

↓

- What the fuck are you doing here?

fuck

↓

- Uh--oh, we actually

↓

came up with the idea for this commercial.

commercial idea

↓

Yeah, we have a couple of, uh, chairs with our names on them.

chairs couple names

↓

- I don't give a shit. Reilly.

reilly

↓

I have a limited amount of time here.

amount limited

↓

I can't just have nobodies

↓

wandering into frame and mucking it up.

frame wandering

↓

- I am--I'm very sorry, Andy.

andy

↓

- We were just trying to help. - You want to help?

↓

Sit out of frame and shut the fuck up

frame fuck

↓

while I film these Mini Caesars.

caesars film mini

↓

- Again, so sorry.

↓

Look, why don't you guys go back to your bloody chairs?

bloody chairs

↓

- "Bloody"?

bloody

↓

- [softly] Thanks. I'm sorry.

softly thanks

↓

- Hey.

↓

What was the note? - What?

note

↓

- What was the fuckin' note that was so fuckin' important

fuckin note

↓

that you had to interrupt my shot?

interrupt shot

↓

- [soft chuckle] Uh, mayb--

chuckle soft

↓

uh, maybe it could be "friggin' football"?

football friggin

↓

- [soft laughing] - What?

laughing soft

↓

- [soft laugh]

laugh soft

↓

Instead of him saying just "a football,"

football

↓

he says, "a friggin' football."

football friggin

↓

[both laughing softly]

laughing softly

↓

- Are you fuckin' idiots?

fuckin idiots

↓

[shouting] Does anyone think that's funnier?

funnier shouting

↓

Anybody?

anybody

↓

All right, then.

↓

- Okay, look, guys,

↓

why don't you just get out of here, all right?

↓

- Yeah, that's all right, we'll--

↓

we'll go back to our chairs.

chairs

↓

- No. I mean, get out of here.

↓

Leave.

↓

[moody funk music]

funk moody music

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- How'd it go?

howd

↓

I ran to the restroom,

restroom

↓

and I didn't see what just happened.

happened

↓

- I saw that you saw.

↓

Come on, let's get out of here.

↓

- Oh, I love you, Sam.

love

↓

- Thanks, but I don't need your help

thanks

↓

'cause I'm not humiliated.

humiliated

↓

[upbeat lounge music]

lounge music upbeat

↓

- What are we even doing here?

↓

- That commercial got nominated for a D Award.

award commercial nominated

↓

Let's just try to enjoy it.

enjoy

↓

- We had nothing to do with it. We got kicked off the set.

kicked

↓

- I choose to remember that

choose remember

↓

we walked away with our heads held high.

heads held walked

↓

[drumroll]

↓

- Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage

gentlemen ladies stage welcome

↓

Detroit's favorite son from

detroits favorite

↓

your favorite television show, "Martin."

favorite martin television

↓

Please welcome Cole from "Martin."

cole martin welcome

↓

[enthused cheers and applause]

applause cheers

↓

[orchestral musical flourish]

flourish musical orchestral

↓

♪ ♪

↓

[cheering and whistling]

cheering whistling

↓

- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ah-ah-ah!

↓

[cheering]

cheering

↓

What's up, Detroit?

detroit

↓

I'm Carl Anthony Payne II.

anthony carl

↓

Now, even though we actually

↓

never filmed "Martin" in Detroit,

detroit filmed martin

↓

every time I would see all those beautiful exterior shots,

exterior shots

↓

I would think, "Damn, such a nice place."

place

↓

[enthused cheers and applause]

applause cheers

↓

All right, now, I know you guys are thinking

thinking

↓

I came alone, right?

alone

↓

I brought Carl Anthony Payne III!

anthony brought carl

↓

[cheers and applause]

applause cheers

↓

Now, the producers of the show,

producers

↓

they saw this bit and asked me not to do it.

asked

↓

They thought it wasn't good. But I ask you guys.

↓

Is this good?

↓

[as puppet] What's up, guys?

puppet

↓

[cheers and applause]

applause cheers

↓

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to

gentlemen ladies welcome

↓

Detroit's biggest night in advertising...

advertising biggest detroits night

↓

[as puppet] The D Awards!

awards puppet

↓

[orchestral fanfare]

fanfare orchestral

↓

♪ ♪

↓

[hooting]

hooting

↓

[tame applause]

applause

↓

Congratulations.

congratulations

↓

All right, guys, it's time for the big one.

↓

The D Award for Consumer TV 30-Second Single.

award consumer second single

↓

Here's our first nominee.

↓

[gentle acoustic guitar music]

acoustic gentle guitar guitar-music music

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- ♪ Memories ♪

memories

↓

♪ Hide between these bricks ♪

bricks hide

↓

♪ ♪

↓

♪ Picture frames ♪

picture

↓

♪ Hold picture perfect moments ♪

moments perfect picture

↓

- They stole our pitch.

pitch stole

↓

- Don't flatter yourself.

flatter

↓

A lot of people can have the same idea.

idea

↓

- ♪ Turn all our stories ♪

stories

↓

♪ For love always wherever we go ♪

love

↓

♪ ♪

↓

[applause]

applause

↓

- Next up, Better Made Chips

chips

↓

from Pomerantz and Klein.

klein pomerantz

↓

- Let's get a drink.

drink

↓

- ♪ Memories hide between these bricks ♪

bricks hide memories

↓

- See?

↓

- Can I have a Robert Palmer, please?

palmer robert

↓

- Hey. "Pizza, pizza."

pizza pizza-pizza

↓

Can I whip this napkin at the back of your head?

head napkin whip

↓

- Abso-fuckin'-lutely not.

fuckin

↓

- There he is!

↓

- Oh, for Christ sake...

christ sake

↓

- Funny seeing you in here again.

funny seeing

↓

Oh, I've seen that look before.

seen

↓

You're getting ready to take a big dump.

dump ready

↓

And in a minute, I'll be wiping your little bun

minute wiping

↓

down with a wet towel

towel

↓

and pouring baby powder on your tuchus,

baby pouring powder tuchus

↓

so your anus wouldn't turn red as Rudolph's nose.

anus nose

↓

- Why were you always changing my diaper, man?

changing diaper

↓

You're not even related to me.

related

↓

You should not have been doing that.

↓

- Oh, jeez, kid.

jeez

↓

Your dad would bring you into work,

bring

↓

and then he would get so busy he wouldn't have time

busy

↓

to take care of you, so I set up a spot for you in my office,

care office spot

↓

let you play with my old Matchbox cars,

cars

↓

and while all that was going on,

↓

you'd take a lot of craps, and I'd clean 'em up.

clean craps

↓

Look, I didn't mean to embarrass you.

embarrass

↓

- Oh, my God.

↓

I'm--I'm so sorry, Paul. I had no idea.

idea paul

↓

Thank you for taking care of me.

care

↓

- Oh, yeah.

↓

I just feel like I had a hand in raising you.

hand raising

↓

Now, why don't you hop up here for old time's sake?

sake times

↓

- Paul... - Aw, I'm just joking.

joking paul

↓

- Okay. - I'm just proud of you.

proud

↓

But I bet your dumps are way bigger

bigger dumps

↓

and way messier.

↓

I'd love to see 'em,

love

↓

even if just in the toilet.

toilet

↓

- Oh, damn it.

↓

- Say it. "Pizza, pizza."

pizza pizza-pizza

↓

Say it.

↓

- Let's get out of here.

↓

- Let's get our pea coats and go.

coats

↓

- Let's get our pea coats and get out of here.

coats

↓

- Mmm, delicious Little Caesars.

caesars delicious

↓

Pizza, pizza. [laughter]

laughter pizza pizza-pizza

↓

- And there you have it.

↓

Even a football to the head won't stop you

football head

↓

from enjoying Little Caesars Pizza.

caesars enjoying pizza

↓

- Idiots. - You're all sheep!

idiots sheep

↓

- Well, no surprises here, guys.

surprises

↓

The winner is: Little Caesars, Cramblin Duvet.

caesars cramblin cramblin-duvet duvet winner

↓

- Oh, my God! - We did it!

↓

- A fuckin' D Award!

award fuckin

↓

Aah!

↓

[upbeat Motown music]

motown music upbeat

↓

- ♪ You got me believing in you ♪

believing

↓

- [laughs incredulously]

laughs

↓

[cheers and applause]

applause cheers

↓

[laughs] Uh...ah.

laughs

↓

When--you know, when I was first

↓

hit in the head with a football,

football head

↓

I-I thought, hmm, this would be a great commercial,

commercial

↓

because it was funny, you know,

funny

↓

and I always thought it was funny.

funny

↓

Uh, and I was always in on the joke.

joke

↓

So, to you I say...

↓

welcome to the joke!

joke welcome

↓

[cheers and applause]

applause cheers

↓

[chuckles] Tim.

chuckles

↓

- Commercials have the power to change the world.

change commercials power world

↓

[cheers and applause]

applause cheers

↓

- ♪ You got me believing in you... ♪

believing

↓

- It's weird. All I've ever wanted

wanted weird

↓

was to win a D Award.

award

↓

Doesn't feel like I thought it would.

↓

- Yeah, that's 'cause we didn't do anything to win it.

↓

- That's right. This is meaningless.

meaningless

↓

- Hey, guys, congratulations.

congratulations

↓

- Suck it, pal. - We beat you, you lost,

beat lost suck

↓

you're a piece of shit, and nobody loves you.

loves nobody piece

↓

It's an empty victory.

empty victory

↓

- Yeah, sure is.

↓

- Hey, fellas. Congratulations.

congratulations fellas

↓

- Oh. - Yeah,

↓

it was a great commercial.

commercial

↓

- Thank you so much, Carl, but honestly,

carl

↓

we had nothing to do with it.

↓

- Hmm. You know...

↓

this reminds me of the time

reminds

↓

"Martin" won the 1994 Image Award

award image image-award martin

↓

for Outstanding Comedy Series.

comedy outstanding series

↓

- Oh, yeah, magical night. - Yeah, of course.

course magical night

↓

I remember that. - Yeah, yeah, it was great.

remember

↓

Right? We won.

↓

You know, but it didn't feel like my award.

award

↓

- Oh, yeah, 'cause you had to share it

share

↓

with Martin and Tommy and Pam and Gina

gina martin tommy

↓

and Sheneneh.

↓

- Well, Sheneneh was Martin.

martin

↓

But you know what, that's beside the point.

beside point

↓

I mean, you know, that was just my ego talking.

↓

You know what I'm saying?

↓

I mean, since then I've learned to appreciate the achievement.

achievement appreciate learned

↓

- You know, you put it like that, it's pretty cool.

cool

↓

It's like the D Award is the Image Award,

award image image-award

↓

and we're "Martin." [laughs softly]

laughs martin softly

↓

- No.

↓

You're Cole...from "Martin."

cole martin

↓

- Well, that's...pretty cool, too.

cool

↓

- Oh, I know it is.

↓

Take it easy, fellas.

easy fellas

↓

both: Thanks, Carl. - Appreciate it.

appreciate carl thanks

↓

- Wait, Martin was Sheneneh? - I know!

martin

↓

- What the hell? - How?

↓

- I met the real Sheneneh once.

real

↓

- Yeah.

↓

- God bless you.

bless

↓

[stammers] Thank you.

stammers

↓

[stifled laughter]

laughter stifled

↓

And never--never--

↓

let a teacher tell you that you're fat.

teacher

↓

[cheers and applause]

applause cheers