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Home » Detroiters » S02E07 — Lois

Detroiters

Season 2, Episode 7 — Lois

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Detroiters

Episode title: Lois

Air date: July 26, 2018

Top billed cast: Sam Richardson, Tim Robinson

Sam starts acting blacker in a bid to impress his new girlfriend; Tim gets roped into spending time with a widower; Chrissy has trouble hitting it off with a new coworker.

Source: TMDB

↓

[Nametag Alexander's "Not At All"]

↓

- Welcome back to Roman candle baseball World Series.

baseball candle roman roman-candle series welcome world world-series

↓

Sam Duvet at the bat.

duvet

↓

They've just integrated the league.

league

↓

He's coming to us from the Roman candle baseball

baseball candle coming roman roman-candle

↓

negro leagues.

leagues negro

↓

- It's a proud day for me.

proud

↓

- He was not very good there,

↓

but he is fantastic with the whites.

fantastic whites

↓

- I feel like Superman on Earth.

earth superman

↓

I got powers here, baby.

baby powers

↓

- Lot of folks in the stands not happy with the decision.

decision folks happy stands

↓

[Southern accent] Get him off the field!

accent field southern southern-accent

↓

This a white man's sport!

mans sport white

↓

They'll steal our women!

steal women

↓

- Say hello to a new day, you white pieces of shit!

pieces white

↓

- Here comes the first pitch!

comes pitch

↓

[Roman candle fires] Strike one!

candle fires roman roman-candle strike

↓

[Roman candle fires] Strike two!

candle fires roman roman-candle strike

↓

[Roman candle fires] - Crap!

candle fires roman roman-candle

↓

[Roman candle fires] - Oh sh--Chrissy, spray him!

candle chrissy fires roman roman-candle spray

↓

Spray him, Chrissy, spray him off!

chrissy spray

↓

- Dumbass.

dumbass

↓

- Actually, all y'all are a bunch of dumbasses

bunch yall

↓

if you ask me. - Hey, Lois.

lois

↓

- Hey, girl.

girl

↓

Tim Cramblin, you still here?

cramblin

↓

- Hey, Lois.

lois

↓

- I've been working the line next to your wife

line wife working

↓

for the last ten years, and every day I ask her

years

↓

when is she gonna dump your sorry ass?

dump

↓

- What does she say? She says she's not, right?

↓

- [laughter] Hey, Sam.

laughter

↓

- Hey, Lois.

lois

↓

- If you're not careful, I'm gonna have to leave my husband

careful husband

↓

and run away with you.

↓

Actually, I've got 30 seconds right now.

seconds

↓

You want to show me what you got?

↓

- Oh, I'm gonna need more time than that.

↓

Like at least a half hour.

half half-hour hour least

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- Yeah, that's because he gonna have to take a dump

dump

↓

before and after.

↓

- First of all, how do you know that?

↓

Second, shut up.

second

↓

- You want to make me?

↓

- Do I have to?

↓

- Don't hit her in the face, Sam.

face

↓

Actually go ahead. It might shake

ahead go-ahead might shake

↓

that shit back into place.

place

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- You think I enjoy working next to you every day?

enjoy working

↓

You're like a chimney with titties!

chimney titties

↓

- Yeah, old baggy ones too!

ones

↓

You better look out, Tommy Hearns will come by

tommy

↓

and bounce those things around like--

bounce

↓

[imitates speedbag]

imitates

↓

- Yeah, Lois, you're no prize yourself.

lois prize

↓

You're pretty old, you smoke, you eat like crap,

smoke

↓

Frickin' disgusting. - Tim!

disgusting frickin

↓

- How is that different from what you guys were doing?

↓

- It can't be like real, Tim.

real

↓

- I see you still don't have kids.

kids

↓

You still shooting blanks, Tim?

blanks shooting

↓

- Heck no, I'm packed full of sperm.

full heck packed sperm

↓

They're huge too. I can feel them inside me right now.

huge

↓

Sometimes they hurt when they blast out.

blast hurt sometimes

↓

- Tim, come on.

↓

- I'm joking. I don't know how to do it, I guess.

joking

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Hey. - Oh, hey.

↓

Can we have one of those?

↓

- Oh, by all means.

↓

Ladies, be my guest.

guest ladies

↓

- "Be my guest." You proper!

guest proper

↓

- Excuse me? - You talk proper.

excuse proper

↓

- What do you even mean?

↓

- The way you talk is proper.

proper

↓

- Proper? Shoot, girl. Far from it.

girl proper shoot

↓

- Oh, okay. Is this your house?

house

↓

- Yeah, this the crib right here.

crib

↓

- Okay.

↓

This is my homegirl Jasmin, but she got a boyfriend.

boyfriend

↓

I'm Angel, though.

angel

↓

- Oh, for real--oh, word?

real word

↓

- Word.

word

↓

- I'm Sam.

↓

[fireworks exploding]

exploding fireworks

↓

Oooh!

oooh

↓

I mean, that's it? Shoot.

shoot

↓

I mean that last one, though, was spectacular.

spectacular

↓

- Sam! Did you see that last one?

↓

Whoa! - [mouthing]

mouthing whoa

↓

Yo, patriotic as a muh.

patriotic

↓

- Happy Fourth of July, everybody!

everybody fourth happy july

↓

- Happy Fourth, Lois.

fourth happy lois

↓

- I love you, you little bony bitch!

bitch bony love

↓

[soft organ music]

music organ organ-music soft

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Hey, babe. - Hey.

babe

↓

- How you doing? - I'm holding up.

holding

↓

- Hang in there, dum-dum. Love you.

hang love

↓

- Guys, this is Elwood. He was Lois' husband.

elwood husband lois

↓

- Oh, we're so sorry for your loss. We loved Lois very much.

lois loss loved

↓

- Damn emphysema. If only I told her not

↓

to smoke that last cigarette.

cigarette smoke

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- I don't think it was the last cigarette that did it.

cigarette

↓

[whispered] Plus she ate like shit.

plus

↓

- Tim!

↓

- Let us know if you ever need anything.

↓

Someone to hang out with or just someone to talk to.

hang

↓

- Tomorrow.

tomorrow

↓

- Huh?

↓

- Well, let's hang out tomorrow.

hang tomorrow

↓

- Okay.

↓

Yeah, that'll be nice.

thatll

↓

- Oh! - Oh, no!

↓

- What in the world?

world

↓

- Move on! This was her final wish. We respected it.

final respected wish

↓

Now just move on!

↓

- Ohh. - So waxy.

↓

She looks lovely. - Thank you.

lovely

↓

both: Whoa!

whoa

↓

- ♪ Next time when they ask you where you're from ♪

↓

♪ You gonna say Detroit City ♪

city detroit detroit-city

↓

♪ Where we get you back on your feet ♪

feet

↓

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

↓

- Good afternoon.

afternoon

↓

Lois Warfield was a dedicated friend,

dedicated friend lois

↓

a loving wife, and a proud union autoworker.

loving proud union wife

↓

And while we mourn her loss, let's look at the bright side.

bright bright-side loss mourn side

↓

God's car's gonna be running a little smoother tonight.

cars gods running tonight

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

And trust me, you know the big man

trust

↓

won't be driving an import. Amen.

amen driving import

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[laughter]

laughter

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- It's not funny.

funny

↓

They're just laughing 'cause he's a pastor.

laughing

↓

- I know, he's capitalizing on these people's sorrow.

peoples sorrow

↓

It's bullshit.

bullshit

↓

- Some of Lois' friends and family have asked

asked family friends lois

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to say a few words.

words

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- Looking in the crowd at the faces of all my coworkers,

crowd faces looking

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I'm gonna miss all the shit that Lois said about you

lois miss

↓

every single day.

single

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- I mean, Fred, with Lois gone, who I'm gonna laugh with

fred gone laugh lois

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about your double chins?

chins double

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- Double chins?

chins double

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That's muscle, playa.

muscle playa

↓

- A lot of people thought Lois was mean,

lois

↓

but I knew with every jab,

↓

every insult,

insult

↓

it was just her way of saying "I love you."

love

↓

- I don't know what I'm gonna do without Lois.

lois

↓

Who's gonna make my sandwich?

sandwich

↓

Who's gonna make my bed?

↓

- Mm? That's it?

↓

- Okay, then. - That's all he's gonna say.

↓

- And we gotta hang out with this guy tomorrow.

hang tomorrow

↓

- Well, you do. - Thank you, brother Elwood.

brother elwood

↓

- Thank you. - No problem.

problem

↓

- It was a lovely service. Thank you.

lovely service

↓

- Thank you, thank you. I'm sorry again for your loss.

loss

↓

- Thank you. - All right.

↓

- Yeah, I just want to say it was a beautiful service,

service

↓

but you and I both know you wouldn't have gotten

gotten

↓

those laughs if you weren't a pastor.

laughs

↓

- [scoffs] I'm sorry?

scoffs

↓

- Oh, it's no big deal. I don't care.

care deal

↓

I'm just saying you're not actually funny,

funny

↓

so don't feel proud about today.

proud today

↓

- People grieve in their own ways, son.

grieve ways

↓

- No. No. - I just wanted to say,

wanted

↓

beautiful service. - Oh, thank you.

service

↓

- I hope you don't think you deserved any of those laughs--

deserved hope laughs

↓

- No, I just told him. I just told him.

↓

- Oh, okay. - I just gave him the heads up.

heads

↓

- Okay, yeah, that's the worst kind of hack there is.

hack worst

↓

- Beautiful service, though! - Beautiful!

service

↓

- Thank you again, gentlemen. My condolences.

condolences gentlemen

↓

- Can't wait for tomorrow, Tim.

tomorrow

↓

- Yeah, me neither. I'll be by then.

↓

- And you'll stay a while?

↓

- Yes.

↓

Ugh. You invited Angel to a funeral?

angel funeral invited

↓

- Nah, she's just picking me up.

picking

↓

I wanted her to see me in this suit.

suit wanted

↓

- I mean, you do look good in that suit.

suit

↓

Oh, and some buffs!

↓

Oh!

↓

- You're ready? I'm sorry about your friend.

friend ready

↓

- No, no, it's cool, it's cool. I mean, she flown.

cool flown

↓

But I tell you what, baby, why don't you go grab the whip.

baby grab whip

↓

Uh... I gotta holla at my--my baby right here

baby holla

↓

about some business real quick.

business quick real real-quick

↓

- Okay. - All right.

↓

- Shut up, Tim. - All right, then.

↓

- All right? - You're gonna get busted.

busted

↓

- I'm not gonna get busted. I can keep this up.

busted

↓

- Sam! - Huh?

↓

- You comin'? - Chill, baby,

baby chill comin

↓

I ain't said nothing but a motherfu' word.

aint word

↓

- See ya, Sam.

↓

- Yeah, baby. No, oh, word? Shoot!

baby shoot word

↓

[laughs] Yeah.

laughs

↓

Yeah, yeah, no. It ain't nothing but a thing.

aint

↓

All right. Yeah, I'll run through then.

↓

All right, peace. That was Angel.

angel peace

↓

- Yeah, I know, because of how you talked.

talked

↓

- Did it sound natural?

natural sound

↓

- No, you're gonna get busted.

busted

↓

- Shoot, I'm gonna be just fine, pl-pl-pep boy.

shoot

↓

- Pep boy? - Oh, no.

↓

- Uh-oh!

↓

- See you later. I'm going to work.

↓

- Okay. You're gonna be all right?

↓

It's gonna be tough working with someone new.

tough working

↓

- Yeah, I know, but I'm gonna go in with an open mind.

mind open

↓

- Mm-hmm. - She won't be Lois,

lois

↓

but no one is.

↓

- Ah, but, Chrissy, think of how hard

chrissy hard

↓

it's gonna be on your new linemate when she finds out...

finds linemate

↓

Never mind.

mind

↓

- What?

↓

- It was just a perfectly-worded slam

perfectly slam

↓

that would've totally devastated you,

devastated wouldve

↓

but you're grieving, so...

grieving

↓

- Thank you, Sam. - Thank you, Sam.

↓

- You're welcome. - So nice of you.

welcome

↓

Bye. I love you. - Love you too.

love

↓

[doorbell rings]

doorbell doorbell-rings rings

↓

- Hey, I'm here. - Come on in,

↓

I'll show you around the house.

house

↓

- Okay. Sure.

↓

- This used to be our room.

room used

↓

Pictures. Lamp.

lamp pictures

↓

That used to be our bed.

used

↓

Sorry it's a mess, but Lois used to make the bed.

lois mess used

↓

Now, she's gone.

gone

↓

- Hey, I can make the bed for you, Elwood.

elwood

↓

- You'd do that for me? - Yeah, I'd be happy to.

happy

↓

Yes.

↓

- Wow, look at you.

↓

You're a pro at that.

↓

- Oh, I don't know about that.

↓

Thank you.

↓

- This is the kitchen.

kitchen

↓

Lois used to make sandwiches for me

lois sandwiches used

↓

in here when she was alive.

alive

↓

Now she's sandwiches for worms.

sandwiches worms

↓

I sure am hungry.

hungry

↓

- I can make you a sandwich, Elwood.

elwood sandwich

↓

- Well, you were so good at making that bed.

↓

- [laughter] Shut up.

laughter

↓

- You're a good man, Tim.

↓

- Yeah, well, everybody loved Lois,

everybody everybody-loved lois loved

↓

so it's no problem at all.

problem

↓

- What's the ETA on that sandwich?

sandwich

↓

- It's coming. - Like five?

coming five

↓

Ten? - Probably ten.

↓

- Five would be better.

five

↓

- Okay, yeah.

↓

I'll see what I can do. Everybody loved Lois very much.

everybody everybody-loved lois loved

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- ♪ You came into my life ♪

life

↓

- Oh, baby, how about "Star Century Prime"?

baby century prime star

↓

You know? I heard it just came out today,

heard today

↓

it looks good as mud.

↓

- No, let's just go see "Fat Bieber."

↓

- Yeah, it does look hilarious.

hilarious

↓

- Yeah. - Hell yeah.

↓

But you know, I heard "Star Century Prime"

century heard prime star

↓

is 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. I mean that's consensus.

rotten tomatoes

↓

- Well, you know, Jasmin saw "Fat Bieber" yesterday,

yesterday

↓

and she said it was real funny. - Jasmin said that, huh?

funny real real-funny

↓

Yeah, well, I guess she knows more than Leonard Maltin.

knows leonard leonard-maltin maltin

↓

- Leonard Maltin! - [laughter]

laughter leonard leonard-maltin maltin

↓

No, you know what? Let's go to "Fat Bieber" then.

↓

Shoot, we might mess around and see two movies.

mess might movies shoot

↓

- You play too much. - No.

↓

- ♪ Whoa, baby, whoa, baby I'm coming home ♪

baby coming coming-home home whoa whoa-baby

↓

♪ Baby, whoa, baby ♪ - Yo, Chrissy!

baby chrissy whoa whoa-baby

↓

Bring it in, bring it in.

bring

↓

Chrissy, this is Margaret, your new linemate.

chrissy linemate margaret

↓

Margaret, this is Chrissy.

chrissy margaret

↓

She gonna be showing you the ropes, all right? All right.

ropes showing

↓

- Hey, Margaret. - Chrissy, nice to meet you.

chrissy margaret meet

↓

- You check out Fred and his double chins?

check chins double fred

↓

His neck lookin' like a sideways butt.

butt lookin neck sideways

↓

- He was very nice to me.

↓

- Yeah, sure, sorry.

↓

My old linemate and I used to make fun of people.

fun linemate used

↓

Just our way of showing love.

love showing

↓

- Well, I was bullied as a kid,

bullied

↓

so that sort of thing isn't fun for me.

fun

↓

- Oh, sorry. Kids can be so mean.

kids

↓

Kids made fun of me because my head was always in a book.

book fun head kids

↓

- My hairline started at my eyebrows.

eyebrows hairline started

↓

- [suppressed laughter]

laughter

↓

That must've been very hard for you.

hard mustve

↓

- It was.

↓

- So you were like Moe from "The Three Stooges?"

three

↓

Shit!

↓

- Okay. Back door's locked and I checked the crawlspace.

checked doors locked

↓

Nobody in there.

nobody

↓

Well, Elwood, I've had a great entire Sunday with you.

elwood entire sunday

↓

- Do you mind staying until I fall asleep? Lois used to.

asleep fall fall-asleep lois mind staying used

↓

- Yeah, but she used to live here.

live used

↓

- And she died here.

died

↓

- [sighs]

sighs

↓

- I don't know how I'm ever gonna get to sleep

sleep

↓

without the smell of smoke in here.

smell smoke

↓

- I'm not smoking, Elwood. I don't smoke.

elwood smoke smoking

↓

Nighty night.

night nighty nighty-night

↓

- Oh, no! Yo, I grew up and got fat, yo!

grew

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

I'm gonna have to go back in Usher's time machine

machine

↓

and warn myself not to smoke weed!

smoke smoke-weed warn weed

↓

- Mm-hmm! Don't you do it, Justin!

justin

↓

You smoke that kush! [laughter]

laughter smoke

↓

- Babe, I'm trying to listen, okay?

babe

↓

If we're gonna talk, we're gonna talk,

↓

but if we're gonna watch the movie,

movie watch

↓

let's just watch the movie.

movie watch

↓

- Okay, here I go! Come on, Sammich.

↓

- Man, that nigga fat!

nigga

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- Let's maybe leave the jokes to the professionals.

jokes professionals

↓

- Man, turn your ass around!

↓

[dramatic cinematic music]

cinematic dramatic music

↓

- I will have you ejected, just so you know.

↓

♪ ♪

↓

[laughter] He wild!

laughter wild

↓

- Yeah. - Wild! Wild!

wild wild-wild

↓

Look at how fat he is. [laughter]

laughter

↓

♪ ♪

↓

That big ol' fat negro. [laughter]

laughter negro

↓

- Oh! Oh, my God!

↓

Oh! This is amazing!

amazing

↓

- What?

↓

- Uh, we smashing, you know what I mean?

smashing

↓

- Oh, yeah, yeah. - Yeah.

↓

[both moaning]

moaning

↓

- Oh, yeah! Talk more to me, daddy!

daddy

↓

- Nah, dawg.

dawg

↓

Boom, boom, boom, boom! I'm putting in work!

boom boom-boom boom-boom-boom putting

↓

I'm all up in them guts. - Oh, no!

guts

↓

- Whoa! Jesus! - I'm sorry.

jesus whoa

↓

- Sam, if Dad heard you talking like that,

heard

↓

he would beat your ass.

beat

↓

- [scoffs] I would knock Dad out.

knock scoffs

↓

I mean, don't tell Dad.

↓

- Sam, I don't know why you're acting

acting

↓

like somebody you're not,

somebody

↓

just to impress some hoochie mama.

impress mama

↓

- Chrissy! "Hoochie mama"?

chrissy mama

↓

Shame on you for judging people,

judging shame

↓

when you yourself are the biggest piece of shit

biggest piece

↓

I've ever seen.

seen

↓

- Sam, her linemate just died.

died linemate

↓

- Ah, a week ago. Gloves are off.

gloves week

↓

She's got a new linemate. Who cares?

cares linemate

↓

- But I can't say anything to Margaret or she'll cry.

margaret shell

↓

- What do you mean?

↓

- She was bullied as a kid, so I can't say shit about her

bullied

↓

or anybody else.

anybody

↓

The other day, Fred farted so hard his back went out.

farted fred hard

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

She didn't even giggle!

giggle

↓

She said, "It's not funny! He's actually hurt!"

funny hurt

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- I'm sorry, babe. That sucks.

babe sucks

↓

- He's getting workman's comp.

comp

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- See? It's funny! - Yes!

funny

↓

- Lunchtime.

lunchtime

↓

Mm-mm-mm! Look at that hamper.

↓

You know, Lois used to do the laundry.

laundry lois used

↓

- Yeah, yeah, she did everything around here.

↓

And you know what?

↓

- Ohh. Ohh.

↓

I am not Lois!

lois

↓

Elwood, it's time for you to start making your own damn bed!

elwood start

↓

It's time for you to start making

start

↓

your own damn sandwiches.

sandwiches

↓

It's not hard! Just put two pieces of bread

bread hard pieces

↓

around slices of meat!

meat slices

↓

- Is this it? - No, that's a ball!

ball

↓

Come on, I feel like you're getting it wrong on purpose.

purpose

↓

- No, I'm not! I can't do it.

↓

- Well, then you're gonna have to figure this shit out, man.

figure

↓

One day, I'll die and Chrissy will have to figure out

chrissy figure

↓

how to go on without me!

↓

- Maybe she could remarry. - No!

↓

If your spouse dies and you remarry, you go to Hell, man!

dies spouse

↓

Come here.

↓

Good-bye, Elwood.

elwood

↓

You can do this.

↓

[funky, upbeat music]

funky music upbeat upbeat-music

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Margaret, I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot.

foot margaret

↓

But I can't work in silence every day.

silence

↓

I have to talk, or I'll go crazy.

crazy

↓

- You want to make fun of people. I don't like bullies.

bullies fun

↓

- I know.

↓

- It's because my hairline used to start at my eyebrows.

eyebrows hairline start used

↓

- Oh, I know, and it sucks that happened to you.

happened sucks

↓

- They used to say the meanest things to me.

used

↓

They used to call me "Bride of Chewbacca."

bride chewbacca used

↓

- Maybe you should tell me what else they would call you.

↓

You know, to get it off of your chest.

chest

↓

- They used to call me the Forehead-less Horseman.

forehead less used

↓

- Assholes!

assholes

↓

- 'Sup, ladies?

ladies

↓

- What do you think those jerks would've said

jerks wouldve

↓

about Little Joey?

joey

↓

- Oh, man, they'd probably say something like,

theyd

↓

"Little Joey's so short,

short

↓

he needs a ladder to go down on Tinkerbell."

ladder needs

↓

You know, like he'd have to climb up that ladder

climb ladder

↓

to eat out her vagina or something like that.

vagina

↓

- That is so mean. What do you think they'd say about Fred?

fred theyd

↓

- They'd say, "Fred's neck is so weak,

neck theyd weak

↓

he has to ask his tits for lunch money."

lunch money tits

↓

- These are my people. They gonna love you.

love

↓

What up, y'all?

yall

↓

This my man, Sam.

↓

- Ha. 'Sup, 'sup, 'sup?

↓

Ooh, y'all--y'all drinkin', huh?

drinkin yall

↓

Uh, let me get a Hpno.

↓

[laughter] You know what I'm saying?

laughter

↓

- Yo, Sam, your pants tight as hell, my nigga.

nigga pants tight

↓

- Yeah, that's funny you mentioned that,

funny mentioned

↓

'cause this is the only pants I had that was, uh... clean.

clean pants

↓

I went--I bought some-- I thought I was getting these

bought

↓

in a XXL, and I got home, these are medium.

home medium

↓

I was like, I gotta go to the store

store

↓

and talk to these people face to face.

face

↓

So I went to the store, I was like, "Hey!

store

↓

Hey, my brah, uh...You gave me the wrong size pants."

brah pants size

↓

And it was like, "Nothing I can do for you, man."

↓

I was like, "Really, bro?" [laughs]

laughs

↓

And then, so I was like, "Let me talk to your manager."

manager

↓

And then the manager came out, and it's like,

manager

↓

"Nothing I can do for you. We have no refund policy."

policy refund

↓

So, I was like, "You about to come up

↓

with a refund for me, nigga."

nigga refund

↓

- You ever notice how some folks say the word "nigga,"

folks nigga notice word

↓

it just doesn't sound right?

sound

↓

- Leave him alone, Ray. Okay?

alone

↓

'Cause he may talk white, but he's still cute.

cute white

↓

- Actually, I'm sexy,

sexy

↓

but I don't even really talk white, baby.

baby white

↓

I don't even know-- - Sam.

↓

Listen to your voicemail.

voicemail

↓

- Yello, you've reached Sam Duvet.

duvet reached yello

↓

You know what to do, and that is leave a message.

message

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- "Yello, you've reached Frasier. Leave a message."

message reached yello

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- All right! You got me!

↓

I talk "proper"!

proper

↓

I can't even see with these on.

↓

So, okay. So what?

↓

So because I talk proper that means I talk white?

proper white

↓

And then thus, to speak improperly

speak

↓

means you speak black? Are we okay with this?

black speak

↓

Are we okay with this as a people? Hmm?

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

You know what's cool? [laughter]

cool laughter

↓

Being your ding-dong self.

ding ding-dong dong self

↓

How 'bout that?

bout

↓

Unless you are being yourselves,

yourselves

↓

which I--you probably are,

↓

I don't know! I don't care! I guess my point is--

care point

↓

is just have a good time! Cheers!

cheers

↓

Oh, heavens, is there pineapple in this Hpnotiq?

heavens pineapple

↓

I'm allergic to pineapple!

allergic pineapple

↓

[laughter] It's not funny!

funny laughter

↓

It's a legitimate allergy!

allergy legitimate

↓

I need an antihistamine or an EpiPen!

↓

- Once I got her talking, Margaret never stopped.

margaret stopped

↓

Today was actually a pretty fun day.

fun today

↓

- Chrissy, you just tricked her into being mean.

chrissy tricked

↓

You're a bad person.

person

↓

- Go eat pineapples, you fat head.

head pineapples

↓

- Shut up.

↓

Hey, this is Sam. Leave a message.

message

↓

- Why do we still have to do this?

↓

I thought Angel dumped you.

angel dumped

↓

- You've reached Sam Duvet. Leave your thing at the bizzay!

duvet reached

↓

- Just use your regular voice. - I'm trying!

regular voice

↓

Hey, you've reached Slammin' Sammy Duvet!

duvet reached sammy slammin

↓

I'm not here right now, because I'm out rocking the jocks!

jocks rocking

↓

There it is. - There you go. Thank you.

↓

That's all I ask. - That's it.

↓

- That one felt right. - Use your regular voice.

regular voice

↓

- That was it. - That's normal me.

normal

↓

["Wait for a Moment" by Vulfpeck]

moment

↓

[sunny organ melody]

melody organ sunny

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- ♪ Yeah, oh yeah ♪

↓

[stovetop igniter clicking]

clicking

↓

- No, I'm on my own now.

↓

I have to do this for myself.

↓

- ♪ Gone home, went to bed ♪

gone home

↓

♪ While the other kids they're still outside ♪

kids

↓

[explosions]

↓

[somber organ music]

music organ organ-music somber

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Elwood Warfield was a dedicated friend,

dedicated elwood friend

↓

a loving husband,

husband loving

↓

and though unemployed, he made life his job,

life unemployed

↓

which I guess he's now been fired from.

fired

↓

[laughter]

laughter

↓

- It's funny. - That's a good joke.

funny joke

↓

- That was actually funny. - That was pretty funny.

funny

↓

- Damn it.

↓

[whispered] Yep, it was good.