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South Park

Season 3, Episode 2 — Spontaneous Combustion

TMDB episode metadata
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And then Jesus' disciple, Peter, denies he knows him.
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Peter!
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I don't know you, dude.
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Oh Peter, weak. Peter, lame.
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But I'm Jesus so I forgive you, I guess.
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Mayor.
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Mayor, I have it!
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I found out why people spontaneously combust! - Why?
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It's too complicated to explain over the phone.
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Call a town meeting tomorrow.
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Okay, if you're right about this, Marsh
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you're going to be the most popular man in South Park!
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Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
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Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
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We love you Randy.
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Make love to me, Randy, please!
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Wowww!
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Schmuck!
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Station 11-- Jesus is nailed to the cross.
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Oh, this has gone from weak to super-weak.
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Things cannot get any more weak for me.
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Then a crown of thorns was placed on Jesus' head.
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And Jesus was all like-- "thanks!"
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Well, this sucks that I have to die.
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But if I die, everyone's sins will be forgiven.
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So I guess it's cool.
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And then Jesus was led away to Mount Sinai
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where he died, and has a res-erection three days later.
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Hi mom!
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Thank you boys, blessed be the name of Jesus.
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it's a great name, isn't it.
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Hey, that went really well, they really liked it!
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Yeah, told you I'd be a sweet Jesus, you guys...
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Aw man, at least the real Jesus didn't weigh 400 pounds!
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Up your ass with broken glass!
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This spot looks good.
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Yeah, that looks pretty good!
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Okay, cool, see ya' Cartman.
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Hey, wait, where the hell you going?
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I dunno, home, I guess.
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Yeah, me too.
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Well, get me down from he'a!
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Cartman, how stupid are you?
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Didn't you read the Bible?
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We have to leave you up there until you die
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and then you come back to life in three days.
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Yeah, dummy you have to get a nerection.
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Then I can give it to my dad!