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Home » South Park » S03E03 — The Succubus

South Park

Season 3, Episode 3 — The Succubus

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: The Succubus

Air date: April 21, 1999

Director: Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Milan Agnone, Jennifer Howell

Kyle and Stan try to rescue Chef from the clutches of the Succubus that he is going to marry. Meanwhile, Cartman deals with his eye problems and the optometrist he doesn't like. Chef's Mama and Papa appear for the first time.

Source: TMDB

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♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

↓

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woe's behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

headed park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

♪ So come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

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Mom, please, can we just leave?

↓

You have to see the eye doctor, Eric.

doctor eric

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But I hate the eye doctor.

doctor hate

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He's always making fun of me for being fat.

fun

↓

You're not fat. You're big-boned!

boned

↓

That's what I told him but he doesn't listen to reason.

reason

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Eric Cartman?

cartman eric eric-cartman

↓

Oh, weak.

weak

↓

Hello Eric.

eric

↓

Hi, Doctor Lott.

doctor

↓

How's my little piggy, today?

piggy today

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Hey, don't call me "little piggy"!

piggy

↓

I just say that because you're my little buddy.

buddy

↓

I'm just here for an eye exam

exam

↓

keep your fat jokes to yourself!

jokes

↓

Hop up on the chair.

chair

↓

Don't break it, now.

break

↓

Goddamn it!

goddamn goddamn-it

↓

Just kidding, let's see how your eyes are doing.

eyes kidding

↓

All you have to do is read the letters.

letters read

↓

Can you see the letters?

letters

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Yes.

↓

Read them out for me.

read

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I-am-a-little-piggy.

piggy

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Hey! - Ha ha ha!

↓

That does it! Mom!

↓

No no, that's just a weird coincidence.

coincidence weird weird-coincidence

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I do not know how that happened.

happened

↓

"I am a little piggy," what are the odds of that!

odds piggy

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Alright, let's get down to business, shall we?

alright business

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Gee that's a good idea.

idea

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My mom isn't paying you to be a comedian.

comedian paying

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Hmmm, let's see, which is better, 1 or 2?

hmmm

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They look exactly the same!

↓

Just pick one-- or 2?

pick

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I dunno-2.

dunno

↓

Okay.

↓

1 or 2? 1 or 2?

↓

Uh, 1.

↓

1 or 2? 1 or 2?

↓

2!

↓

No! The answer is 1, piggy, 1!

answer piggy

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Ooww, I hate you!

hate

↓

Yes, there's obviously a problem with your eyes.

eyes obviously problem

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I'm going to have to dilate them and run some tests.

tests

↓

I wonder how come Cartman's not in school today?

cartmans school school-today today wonder

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Yeah, usually when he ditches school he still shows up for lunch!

lunch school shows usually

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Ha ha ha!

↓

Yeah, oh, here he comes!

comes

↓

Hey, dudes.

dudes

↓

Wow, what happened to your eyes, Cartman?

cartman eyes happened

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My asshole eye doctor made them all diabated.

asshole doctor

↓

Why?

↓

Why? I'll tell you why,

↓

because he's a goddamn asshole,

asshole goddamn

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and that's about it!

↓

Why do you have to see an eye doctor?

doctor

↓

Because my eyes suck.

eyes suck

↓

But that doctor likes to torture me and I have to go back tomorrow.

doctor likes tomorrow torture

↓

I don't know what I'm gonna do!

↓

Dude, just ask Chef for help, he always knows what to do.

chef knows

↓

Hey yeah.

↓

Oww!

↓

Hey Chef!

chef

↓

Hello there, children!

children

↓

Dudes, now my eyes are screwed up.

dudes eyes screwed

↓

Chef looks like a skinny little white guy!

chef skinny white

↓

It's time for luncharoo!

↓

Where's Chef?

chef

↓

Chef quit!

chef quit

↓

What!

↓

Chef is gone, so let me introduce myself...

chef gone introduce

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I'm your new cook, Mr. Derp!

cook derp

↓

Mr. Derp?

derp

↓

When I'm in the kitchen,

kitchen

↓

you never know what nutty things are gonna happen.

happen nutty

↓

If you liked Chef, you're gonna love Mr. Derp!

chef derp liked love

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Ooh-derp!

derp

↓

Derp!

derp

↓

Wasn't that silly kids?

kids silly

↓

Ha ha ha!

↓

Why did Chef quit?

chef quit

↓

Aren't I a great character?

character

↓

My antics go right to the funnybone!

↓

Ooh, I don't feel so good.

↓

Ha ha ha, derp!

derp

↓

Could you just hand us some food, please?

food hand

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Sure gang, I have yellow stuff or white stuff. Derp!

derp gang stuff white yellow

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Can I have the yellow with a side of white?

side white yellow

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Dude, I hate Mr. Derp.

derp hate

↓

Yeah, we gotta talk to Chef after school

chef school

↓

and get him to come back.

↓

I don't know, you guys. That hammer thing is pretty funny.

funny hammer

↓

Shut up, Cartman!

cartman

↓

Oww!

↓

Oh, hello there, children!

children

↓

Chef, what the hell are you doing?

chef

↓

We almost starved to death at lunch today!

death lunch lunch-today starved today

↓

Oh, didn't they tell you?

↓

I quit.

quit

↓

Yeah, but we didn't believe them.

believe

↓

Well, it's true.

↓

But why?

↓

Why would you quit?

quit

↓

Children, 3 nights ago I was at the library

children library nights

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checking out some books on Kama Sutra,

books checking

↓

when I met the most amazing woman, ever!

amazing woman

↓

She knew so much about so many things.

↓

She really got me thinking.

thinking

↓

We eventually came back to my place and really hit it off!

eventually place

↓

So you made sweet love to her down by the fire?

fire love sweet sweet-love

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No no, we just sat there all night long and... talked.

night talked

↓

Talked?

talked

↓

Yeah, she told me all about the power of the Goddess.

goddess power

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And how man had been oppressing women for years

women years

↓

and viewing them as sexual objects.

objects sexual viewing

↓

And I realized that I had done that myself!

realized

↓

Oh, what darling little children!

children darling

↓

Here she is now.

↓

Children, meet my new girlfriend, Veronica.

children girlfriend meet veronica

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That's nice.

↓

Look Chef, Cartman's got this eye doctor--girlfriend?

cartmans chef doctor girlfriend

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Children, Veronica's moving in with me.

children moving

↓

Moving in?

moving

↓

I'm in love.

love

↓

Love?!

love

↓

Oh, you nut!

↓

What the hell is going on?

↓

Veronica spent the whole day sharing her favorite poems with me.

favorite poems sharing spent veronica whole

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Sorry, boys.

boys

↓

Looks like I'm stealing Chef away from you.

chef stealing

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But Chef always helps us with our problems.

chef helps problems

↓

When we have a problem, Chef sings to us and makes it better!

chef makes problem sings

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Well I can still do that, children.

children

↓

In fact, Veronica can help me.

fact veronica

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She's a great singer too.

singer

↓

What's the problem?

problem

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My eyes are going bad

eyes

↓

but the only eye doctor in South Park

doctor park south south-park

↓

is really, really mean.

↓

Oh, I know just the song for you.

song

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♪ There's got to be a morning after ♪

morning

↓

♪ If we can hold on to the night ♪

night

↓

♪ We have a chance to find the sunshine ♪

chance sunshine

↓

♪ Let's keep on looking for the light... ♪♪

light looking

↓

This... is insane.

insane

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That bitch!

bitch

↓

She's stealing Chef from us!

chef stealing

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He didn't even seem like Chef.

chef

↓

He seemed like an empty shell of a man.

empty seemed shell

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Maybe it's just a phase.

phase

↓

We just have to get him alone

alone

↓

so we can tell him what a bitch she is!

bitch

↓

Wait, you guys...

↓

Maybe, is it possible that we're just jealous

jealous possible

↓

because Chef is our friend

chef friend

↓

and now he's paying attention to somebody new?

attention paying paying-attention somebody

↓

Yeah, so?

↓

Yeah, screw that bitch!

bitch screw

↓

Bitch, I hate that bitch!

bitch hate

↓

Look, we've just got to get Chef alone.

alone chef

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He won't listen to reason with that hooker around.

hooker reason

↓

Let's find out where he's working and go see him there tomorrow.

tomorrow working

↓

Good idea!

idea

↓

Alright, we've got the test results back, piggy--

alright piggy results test test-results

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Stop calling me piggy!

calling piggy

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You've got a small stigmatism that's causing all the problems.

causing problems

↓

What does that mean?

↓

It means, piggy, that your eyesight is never going to get better.

piggy

↓

Alright. Right now, I'm gonna be totally serious, okay?

alright serious

↓

If you call me piggy one more time,

piggy

↓

I'm gonna leap out of this chair

chair leap

↓

and rip your goddamn nuts off with my bare hands!

bare bare-hands goddamn hands nuts

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Well don't worry, I've got something

worry

↓

that is going to make your eyes as good as new.

eyes

↓

Oh dude, super weak.

super weak

↓

I'm not wearing these.

wearing

↓

The guys would totally rip on me!

↓

I know the hardest thing to do

hardest

↓

is get kids to wear their glasses.

glasses kids wear

↓

I'm just gonna take them off as soon as I leave.

↓

That's why we have the little stapler.

stapler

↓

Oww, son of a bitch!

bitch

↓

They said Chef works in one of these buildings.

buildings chef works

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Hey, dudes.

dudes

↓

Ha ha ha! Ha ha!

↓

"Ha ha ha, look at Cartman with his stupid glasses. Ha ha ha."

cartman glasses stupid

↓

Dude, just take them off!

↓

I can't, it's stapled to my head!

head

↓

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

↓

I hate you guys.

hate

↓

Hello and welcome to Steinburg & Burgstein, can I help you?

welcome

↓

We want to talk to Chef!

chef

↓

Chef?

chef

↓

He's a big guy with a beard and a Chef's hat.

beard chefs

↓

Oh, the black guy!

black

↓

Huh?

↓

Third cubicle on the left.

cubicle left third

↓

Hey, aren't you that cute little kid from Jerry Mcguire?

cute jerry

↓

Uh yeah, sure, sure!

↓

Wow, you really got fat!

↓

Hey!

↓

Hello there children!

children

↓

Hey Chef.

chef

↓

Eric, you've got glasses!

eric glasses

↓

Chef, you have to dump the bitch.

bitch chef dump

↓

Huh?

↓

We need you Chef!

chef

↓

Hey Chef, we're all gonna run down to the office supply store

chef office store supply

↓

and get some leather holders for our pagers, you wanna come?

holders leather pagers

↓

You bet!

↓

Chef this place isn't you.

chef place

↓

Children, Veronica has shown me that I've been living a very empty life.

children empty life living shown veronica

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Meaningless sex is fun for 20 or 30 years,

fun meaningless years

↓

but after that, it starts to get old.

starts

↓

But we don't like her!

↓

Why not?

↓

I don't know. No reason, I guess.

reason

↓

Children, friends get girlfriends all the time.

children friends girlfriends

↓

It's something even you will have to face with each other someday.

face someday

↓

No way, dude!

↓

Please Chef, I don't know what to do about my stupid glasses!

chef glasses stupid

↓

That's easy, get some laser-corrective surgery.

corrective easy laser surgery

↓

That's what I did!

↓

Hey, laser-corrective surgery, thanks Chef!

chef corrective laser surgery thanks thanks-chef

↓

You see, everything's gonna be fine.

everythings

↓

How about I meet you boys after work and we can play ball?

ball boys meet

↓

Okay!

↓

Chef should be here any minute.

chef minute

↓

Dude, he bailed on us!

bailed

↓

I can't believe it!

believe

↓

C'mon, we're going to his house.

house

↓

Oh! Hello there children.

children

↓

Alright mister!

alright mister

↓

You'd better have a good explanation why you didn't show up to play ball!

ball explanation

↓

Oh children, I'm sorry, I forgot.

children forgot

↓

You forgot?

forgot

↓

Veronica surprised me at the office and took me out to dinner.

dinner office surprised veronica

↓

She's so amazing!

amazing

↓

Well, we've got something to tell you about Veronica, Chef.

chef veronica

↓

Hello, children!

children

↓

Man, we're having a dude man to man here if you don't mind.

having mind

↓

Children, I've got some great news for you.

children news

↓

Veronica and I are getting married.

married veronica

↓

Oh no, no no no!

↓

My whole family's coming in for the wedding.

coming familys wedding whole

↓

I want you boys to come, too.

boys

↓

This is so wonderful!

↓

Let's sing!

sing

↓

♪ There's got to be a morning after ♪

morning

↓

♪ If we can hold on to the night ♪

night

↓

♪ We have a chance to find the sunshine... ♪♪

chance sunshine

↓

And that, children, is what you need to know

children

↓

about the facts of life.

facts life

↓

So let's review...

review

↓

Tootie left in the 4th season,

left season

↓

but Blair and Jo stayed on and got husbands,

blair husbands stayed

↓

leaving the 5th and 6th seasons hideously stagnant.

leaving seasons

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Okay, children, that's lunch, see you in 30 minutes.

children lunch minutes

↓

Mr. Garrison, can we talk to you?

garrison

↓

Sure!

↓

Normally we go to Chef with our problems,

chef normally problems

↓

but we can't this time!

↓

Well, children, I am your teacher.I think you'll find

children teacher

↓

that my advice is just as valuable as Chef's, if not more so.

advice chefs valuable

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Alright, Mr. Garrison, have you ever had a friend who got a new girlfriend

alright friend garrison girlfriend

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and then stopped being your friend and it pissed you off?

friend pissed stopped

↓

Oh, the old succubus syndrome.

succubus syndrome

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What's a "succubus"?

succubus

↓

A succubus is a woman sent from hell to suck the life out of a man!

life sent succubus suck woman

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That's it! - Yeaah!

↓

There's not much you can do about a succubus.

succubus

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Their evil power makes man blind to love.

blind evil evil-power love makes power

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This is totally what's happening!

↓

Wow! You are smart, Mr. Garrison!

garrison smart

↓

Yeah, I tell you boys, women can kill.

boys kill women

↓

Poontang's expensive.

expensive

↓

That's why when it comes to chicks, I just screw 'em and leave 'em.

chicks comes screw

↓

I say, "get out of my bedroom, poontang, before you suck my life dry."

bedroom life suck

↓

Thanks Mr. Garrison.

garrison thanks

↓

Sure, kids!

kids

↓

You're not fooling anyone.

fooling

↓

Shut your hole, Mr. Head!

head hole

↓

C'mon guys, we gotta go tell Chef he's in love with a succubus!

chef love succubus

↓

Yeah, he's gonna be so thankful we told him!

thankful

↓

There you are, Eric!

eric

↓

C'mon we have to go to the eye doctor!

doctor

↓

Oh, no!

↓

C'mon, do you want your laser-corrective surgery or not?

corrective laser surgery

↓

Yes, but can't we wait 'til tomorrow?

tomorrow

↓

Now, hon.

↓

But Mom, I have to tell Chef that he's marrying a succubus.

chef marrying succubus

↓

Hello there, children.

children

↓

Who are you?

↓

I'm Chef's father.

chefs father

↓

We just flew in for the wedding.

flew wedding

↓

Oh, hi, is Chef here?

chef

↓

We have to talk to him!

↓

Yeah, c'mon on in.

↓

There he is!

↓

Chef, we have to talk to you!

chef

↓

Ooh, not now children.

children

↓

I gotta get fitted for my britches.

britches

↓

Be right back!

↓

Well, aren't you crackers just cute as a dickens.

crackers cute dickens

↓

You're Chef's parents?

chefs parents

↓

Yes, all his life!

life

↓

We have to talk to him!

↓

Well, he should be out now directly.

directly

↓

Oh, he's so excited about the wedding!

excited wedding

↓

Say, would you crackers love to hear about the time

crackers love

↓

we saw the Loch Ness monster?

loch loch-ness loch-ness-monster monster ness ness-monster

↓

No, that's okay.

↓

Ooh, it must've been about 7, 8 years ago.

mustve years

↓

Me and the little lady was out on this boat, you see, all alone at night.

alone boat lady night

↓

When all of a sudden a huge creature--

creature huge sudden

↓

this giant crustacean from the Paleolithic era

giant

↓

comes out from the water!

comes water

↓

We were so scared, Lord, I jumped up in the boat and said,

boat jumped lord scared

↓

Thomas, what on earth is that creature?

creature earth thomas

↓

It's stood above us, looking down,

looking stood

↓

with these big red eyes--

eyes

↓

Ooh, it's so scary!

scary

↓

And I yelled, I said, "what do you want from us, monster?"

monster yelled

↓

And the monster bent down and said,

bent monster

↓

"I need about three-fitty."

fitty three three-fitty

↓

What's three-fitty?

fitty three three-fitty

↓

Three dollars and fifty cents.

cents dollars fifty three three-dollars

↓

Three-fitty.

fitty three three-fitty

↓

He wanted money?

money wanted

↓

That's right! I said,

↓

"I ain't giving you no three-fitty, you goddamn Loch Ness monster!"

aint fitty giving goddamn loch loch-ness loch-ness-monster monster ness ness-monster three three-fitty

↓

"get your own goddamn money!"

goddamn goddamn-money money

↓

I gave him a dollar!

dollar

↓

She gave him a dollar!

dollar

↓

I thought he'd go away if I gave him a dollar!

dollar

↓

Well, of course he's not gonna go away now.

course

↓

You gave him a dollar, he's gonna assume you got more!

assume dollar

↓

Okay, lets get started...

started

↓

You're here for the liposuction, right?

↓

Oh, you son of a bitch!

bitch

↓

Alright, time to laser me a little piggy!

alright laser piggy

↓

Ha ha ha!

↓

Hey! You son of a bitch.

bitch

↓

I'm gonna kick you square in the--

kick square

↓

Ehh...ehh...ahh.

↓

I bet his mom wishes she could do that!

wishes

↓

And that was the third time we saw the Loch Ness monster!

loch loch-ness loch-ness-monster monster ness ness-monster third

↓

Then one time, I believe it was July--

believe july

↓

August.

august

↓

August- there's a knock on the door,

august door knock

↓

I opened it, and there's this cute little girl scout.

cute girl girl-scout opened scout

↓

Oh she's so adorable with little pig tails 'n all.

adorable tails

↓

And she said to me,

↓

"how would you like to buy some cookies?"

cookies

↓

And I said, "well, what kind do you have?"

↓

She had "Thin Mints" "Graham Crunchy Thins"--

crunchy graham mints thin thin-mints

↓

"Raisin Oatmeal"

oatmeal raisin

↓

"Raisin Oatmeal"...

oatmeal raisin

↓

And I said, "we'll take a graham crunch."

crunch graham

↓

"How much will that be?"

↓

And she looks at me and she says,

↓

"I need about three-fitty!"

fitty three three-fitty

↓

Three-fitty.

fitty three three-fitty

↓

Well, it's about that time that I noticed

noticed

↓

this girl scout was about 8 stories tall,

girl girl-scout scout stories tall

↓

and was a crustacean from the planet Ogere.

planet

↓

The Loch Ness monster!

loch loch-ness loch-ness-monster monster ness ness-monster

↓

I said, "damnit monster, get off my lawn!

damnit lawn monster

↓

I ain't giving you no three-fitty!"

aint fitty giving three three-fitty

↓

She said, "how about just two-fitty!"

fitty

↓

I said, "oh now it's only two-fitty!"

fitty

↓

"what is there a sale on Loch Ness munchies or something?"

loch loch-ness munchies ness sale

↓

Lord, he was angry!

angry lord

↓

Damn right I was angry!

angry

↓

Not you, the monster!

monster

↓

He was about to kick your ass!

kick

↓

Shut your mouth, woman!

mouth woman

↓

Uh, can you just tell Chef we were here!

chef

↓

Sure!

↓

That crazy old monster.

crazy monster

↓

And then, the fourth time...

fourth

↓

Cartman, what the hell are you doing?

cartman

↓

That asshole eye doctor screwed up my laser surgery.

asshole doctor laser screwed surgery

↓

I have to wear these bandages for 3 days.

bandages days wear

↓

Damn, your eyes must really suck, Cartman!

cartman eyes must suck

↓

Oh thanks for the news flash, Tom Brokaw!

brokaw flash news news-flash thanks

↓

What happened to Chef?

chef happened

↓

Did you tell him she's a succubus!

succubus

↓

Oh, we couldn't even talk to him.

↓

She's so evil she has him totally kept away from us.

evil

↓

Eric, you have a little visitor.

eric visitor

↓

Is that all right?

↓

Okay.

↓

Hello, boys.

boys

↓

I heard Eric had laser surgery, so I made him a pie.

eric heard laser surgery

↓

Aaaggh, it's the succubus!

succubus

↓

Huh?

↓

We know what you are lady!

lady

↓

Yeah!

↓

You're a bloodthirsty succubus!

bloodthirsty succubus

↓

A what?

↓

A demon from hell sent to suck life out of men!

demon life sent suck

↓

Boys, you know how silly that sounds, don't you?

boys silly sounds

↓

Well, you are taking Chef from us!

chef

↓

Boys, come here, I want to explain this to you.

boys explain

↓

I know Chef is your friend, but Chef is a grown man.

chef friend grown

↓

He has needs you boys can't fulfill.

boys fulfill needs

↓

He wants a life with me because I make him happy.

happy life wants

↓

Do you understand?

↓

I guess.

↓

Good!

↓

Oh, and boys, just one more thing...

boys

↓

I'm going to marry Chef tomorrow,

chef marry tomorrow

↓

and there's not a Goddamn thing you can do about it!

goddamn

↓

Ha ha ha!

↓

Aaaarrgghh!

↓

Toodle-loo!

↓

Jesus, dude!

jesus

↓

What? What happened?

happened

↓

Could I have your attention, please!

attention

↓

Tomorrow my son is gonna get married to a beautiful lady.

lady married tomorrow

↓

I'm very happy for them both.

happy

↓

I told myself I wasn't gonna cry now.

↓

It's okay Pap!

↓

Now you're gonna get me going, hah!

↓

I remember when Chef was just a 3-year-old little man.

chef remember

↓

He came running up to me with a big smile

running smile

↓

and his little Chef's hat on,

chefs

↓

and he said, "Papa, Papa!"

papa

↓

I said, "what do you need Chef, my boy?"

chef

↓

And he said, "I need about three-fitty!"

fitty three three-fitty

↓

Three-fitty.

fitty three three-fitty

↓

Well it was about that time I got suspicious, I said, "Chef,

chef suspicious

↓

why do you need three-fitty?"

fitty three three-fitty

↓

He said, "my imaginary friend, Goo-Goo the Dinosaur wants it!"

dinosaur friend imaginary imaginary-friend wants

↓

I went to my son's room and sure enough, there was

room sons

↓

the Loch Ness monster!

loch loch-ness loch-ness-monster monster ness ness-monster

↓

Aw, it was scary!

scary

↓

I said, "damn it, monster!"

monster

↓

"you stop bugging my children now!

bugging children

↓

"we work for our money in this house!

house money

↓

We don't give money away!"

money

↓

Excuse me...

excuse

↓

We're sorry to interrupt, but we've got bad news.

interrupt news

↓

This is not a woman!

woman

↓

It is a succubus!

succubus

↓

What?

↓

Yeah!

↓

She's evil and wants to suck Chef's life out of him!

chefs evil life suck wants

↓

Children!

children

↓

That hurts my feelings!

feelings hurts

↓

Oh, you can pretend all you want!

pretend

↓

You're not fooling anybody!

anybody fooling

↓

Alright, guys!

alright

↓

That's enough!

↓

I have had it with you!

↓

This is the happiest time of my life,

happiest life

↓

and you can't be happy for me!

happy

↓

Chef, but--

chef

↓

No "buts", Stan!

buts stan

↓

I love this woman and I am marrying her...

love marrying woman

↓

Now you can either accept that or get out of my life!

accept life

↓

Now if you'll excuse us, we're having a party!

excuse having party

↓

...So I chased the monster down the street, you see!

chased monster street

↓

I guess there's nothing we can do.

↓

Chef likes her more than us!

chef likes

↓

No!

↓

I'm not willing to give up!

willing

↓

Chef wouldn't give up on us!

chef

↓

Oh, man!

↓

There's tons of stuff on succubuses,

stuff tons

↓

but there's nothing on how to stop them!

↓

You guys, it's 6 in the morning, I have to get some sleep!

morning sleep

↓

Dude, Chef's wedding is in 3 hours.

chefs hours wedding

↓

We've got that much time to find out how to destroy a succubus!

destroy succubus

↓

You know what?

↓

Screw Chef. There- I said it! Screw him!

chef screw

↓

Let him marry Succubus!

marry succubus

↓

I wanna go to sleep!

sleep

↓

Here, here! Look at this!

↓

It says, "the succubus enchants its victim with an eerie melody,

eerie melody succubus victim

↓

"this is the succubi power,

power

↓

"only playing this melody backwards

backwards melody playing

↓

can vanquish the succubus' power!"

power succubus

↓

What the hell does that mean?

↓

I don't know.

↓

Right...

↓

Yeah...

↓

Ohhh...

ohhh

↓

Hey yeah, what's that song she always sings?

sings song

↓

♪ There's got to be a morning after ♪

morning

↓

♪ If we can hold on to the night ♪

night

↓

♪ We've got to find our way together ♪

↓

That's it!

↓

We gotta learn that song backwards!

backwards learn song

↓

In 3 hours!

hours

↓

Oh, man, I can't keep my eyes open!

eyes eyes-open open

↓

We can't fall asleep, we gotta nail that song!

asleep fall fall-asleep nail song

↓

You've got the tape recorder, Cartman?

cartman recorder tape tape-recorder

↓

Cartman!

cartman

↓

He's asleep, wake up, fat ass!

asleep wake

↓

What what what?

↓

Goddamn it, you can't fall asleep!

asleep fall fall-asleep goddamn goddamn-it

↓

I wasn't sleeping, I was just thinking really hard!

hard sleeping thinking

↓

And then these aliens had me up in the ship, right

aliens ship

↓

they was probing me and all that...

↓

We had taco salad that night!

night salad taco

↓

Don't matter what we had for dinner, woman!

dinner matter woman

↓

Now these aliens had a big head and big black eyes

aliens black black-eyes eyes head

↓

and it was all bent over me.

bent

↓

I said, "what do you want from me, alien?"

alien

↓

And you know what he said?

↓

Three-fitty.

fitty three three-fitty

↓

Let me tell the damn story now!

story

↓

He said, "three-fitty"!

fitty three three-fitty

↓

And so I realized it was no alien...

alien realized

↓

It was that Goddamn Loch Ness monster again,

goddamn loch loch-ness loch-ness-monster monster ness ness-monster

↓

trying to trick me into giving him three-fitty

fitty giving three three-fitty trick

↓

by dressing up like an alien!

alien dressing

↓

Don't that beat all!

beat

↓

I just given him three-fitty the week before!

fitty given three three-fitty week

↓

What?

↓

You gave that monster another damn three-fitty!

another fitty monster three three-fitty

↓

He tricked me!

tricked

↓

Well no wonder the damn monster keeps coming back to our house.

coming house keeps keeps-coming monster wonder

↓

You keep giving him the three-fitty!

fitty giving three three-fitty

↓

There she is!

↓

Bitch!

bitch

↓

Bitch!

bitch

↓

Dirty bitch!

bitch dirty

↓

Alright, Kenny and I are gonna take position up-front.

alright front kenny position

↓

Okay!

↓

Do you Chef take this woman as your lawful wedded wife?

chef wedded wife woman

↓

To have and to--

↓

I do!

↓

Oh, my baby's getting married!

babys married

↓

And do you, Veronica, take Chef to be your daddy?

chef daddy veronica

↓

I do.

↓

And now a special sharing of vows through song.

sharing song special vows

↓

Here it goes...

↓

♪ There's got to be a morning after ♪

morning

↓

Now, Cartman!

cartman

↓

Now, Cartman!

cartman

↓

Children, you're screwing up my wedding!

children screwing wedding

↓

I'll take care of them!

care

↓

Cartman, wake up, you fat piece of crap!

cartman piece wake

↓

Oww!

↓

♪ Light... the for looking on keep let's sunshine ♪

light looking sunshine

↓

Aaaarrghh!

↓

♪ The find to chance ♪

chance

↓

No-oooo!

↓

What the...?

↓

Oh no, the tape jammed!

jammed tape

↓

What the...?

↓

She's a Goddamn succubus!

goddamn succubus

↓

Succubus is trying to take my baby!

baby succubus

↓

Arrrgh!

↓

C'mon, Cartman!

cartman

↓

I can't see anything!

↓

Oh my God, she killed Kenny!

kenny killed killed-kenny

↓

You bastard!

bastard

↓

You damn monster get away from my baby!

baby monster

↓

Hold on, I'll see if I have three-fitty!

fitty three three-fitty

↓

Got it!

↓

♪ The through on hold can we if after ♪

↓

♪ Morning a be to got there's ♪

morning

↓

♪ Warm... and safe that's-♪♪

safe warm

↓

Oh wow, you don't see that everyday!

everyday

↓

We're sorry, Chef, we had to do it.

chef

↓

No, I'm glad you did, children...

children glad

↓

Now that she's gone,

gone

↓

I can't really figure out what I ever saw in her!

figure

↓

Poontang's poontang.

↓

C'mon, children, let's go get some ice cream.

children cream

↓

Hurray!

hurray

↓

Wait, what happened, you guys?

happened

↓

Is Kenny okay?

kenny

↓

Hello there, children!

children

↓

Hey, Chef!

chef

↓

How would you like some fish sticks and tater tots?

fish sticks tater tater-tots tots

↓

We'd love them!

love

↓

It's great to have you back, Chef!

chef

↓

Yeah, well, I learned a very important lesson this week!

learned lesson week

↓

♪ Sometimes you fall in love ♪

fall love sometimes

↓

♪ And you think you'll feel that way forever ♪

forever

↓

♪ You change your life, and ignore your friends ♪

change friends ignore life

↓

♪ 'cause you think it can't get any better ♪

↓

♪ But then love goes away ♪

love

↓

♪ No matter what, it doesn't stay as strong ♪

matter strong

↓

♪ And then you're left with nothing ♪

left

↓

♪ 'cause you're thinking with your dong ♪

dong thinking

↓

♪ So watch out for that lover ♪

lover watch

↓

♪ It can destroy like a typhoon wind ♪

destroy wind

↓

♪ Just play it cool and don't be a fool ♪

cool fool

↓

And never let poontang come between you and your friends!

friends

↓

Damn right, Garrison!

garrison

↓

Oh, hello, piggy. How are your eyes doing?

eyes piggy

↓

After today they're going to be fine

today

↓

and I'll never have to see you ever again!

↓

I don't think that's possible, piggy, not with your eyes!

eyes piggy possible

↓

No, not with my eyes!

eyes

↓

With these!

↓

Ha ha ha!

↓

Was he an organ donor?

donor organ

↓

Sure!

↓

Alright, then let's get to work!

alright

↓

Say, you don't have $3.50 on you, do you?

↓

♪ Light... ♪

light

↓

♪ The for looking on keep let's sunshine... ♪

looking sunshine

↓

♪ The find to chance a have we night... ♪

chance night

↓

♪ The through on hold can we if after ♪

↓

♪ Morning a be to got there's ♪

morning

↓

♪ Warm... ♪

warm

↓

♪ And safe that's place a find and ♪

place safe

↓

♪ Toge...ther bridge the cross we don't why storm ♪♪

bridge cross storm

↓

Captioning made possible by Comedy Central

central comedy possible