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South Park

Season 3, Episode 4 โ€” Jakovasaurs

TMDB episode metadata
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This is shop class!
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My name is Mr. Adler! For the next week, rather than your normal school work,
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you will be learning how to make things!
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Now, does anybody know why you are in shop class?!
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Because we had to choose between this and Home Ec and we didn't want to be sissies?
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Wrong! You are here, because you are America's future!
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You may someday be doctors or lawyers or scientists!
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Most of you however will be pumping gas or cutting sheet metal!
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And that's why we have shop class!
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Now, let me make one thing crystal clear!
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I don't like kids that screw around!
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You screw around in shop class,
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you could loose a hand or an arm! I have a... I have a...
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Mr. Adler?!
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I was just saying that I want to know who's the biggest troublemaker in your class!
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- Tweek is! - No I'm not!
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Yeah you are, Tweek! You always get in trouble!
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Uh, hello! Excuse me, but Craig is the biggest troublemaker in our class!
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That true, Craig? You a troublemaker? - No!
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Well, you better not be, because in shop class y...
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- Hey! Did you just flip me off?! - No.
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- Yes you did! - Told ya!
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Dude, shop class sucks! Maybe we should've taken home ec!
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No way, dude! Home ec is for girls!
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Welcome to Home Ec!
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For the next week, you will be learning how to bake,
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sew, clean, and make things that are lacey and pretty!
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- Yes, Wendy? - I requested to be in shop class, but they sent me here!
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That's right, Wendy! You see,
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some of you girls will go on to have interesting jobs and careers,
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but all of you pretty ones won't have to worry about that,
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because you can marry a nice man, and that's why we have Home Ec!
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Wonder why Kenny didn't wanna take shop class!
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I don't know! He's such a wus!
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Hey! Don't screw around! You screw around too much!
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You know, y'guys were totally wrong about Tweek! Craig is way worse than he is!
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No he's not, dude! Craig is a wus!
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Dude, if Craig and Tweek got in a fight, Craig would kick Tweek's ass!
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- You wanna bet? - Yeah, I'll bet!
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- How much? - Five bucks!
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You're on!
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Hey, Tweek! Dude, Craig chooses you! He wants to fight! - He does?!
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Yeah! He's all pissed off at you, so will you fight him? - Why?!
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Dude, because you have to stand up for yourself! So will you fight him?
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He doesn't look like he wants to fight me!
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Craig, can I talk to you real quick?
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Eh, just a second! Jus...jus.
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I'm not normally want to get involved in this kind of thing, but,
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well I was just standing over by Tweek and he called you a big poop eater! - He did?!
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Yes! He said you eat poop and it makes your
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breath smell like poop and that... well... you like it!
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- Why would he say that?! - I don't know, Craig! I don't know!
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But, now he's over there telling everybody that you're a poop eater and he chooses you!
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- Well, I gotta go over there and...! - No! No, Craig!
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Y-you can't fight him here! Mr. Adler will just break it up!
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Tell ya what! I'll go tell him that you accept his challenge
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and set it up for after school instead!
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Okay!
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- There! You see? He just flipped you off! - What a jerk!
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- He's really got it out for you, dude! - Why! Wha'did I do?!
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- So, do you agree to fight him after school? - I guess so!
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Super! See ya there!
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Catch me, Richard!
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I'm so in love with you, Richard!
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I made you some cookies, Richard!
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Merry Christmas, Richard!
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Oh, Richard! Say we will be this happy forever!
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Oh, why?! Why?!
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Mr. Adler! Mr. Adler!
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S-stop screwing around!
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The bell rang! Can we go?
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- Whoa! Uh well, sure! Uh, class dismissed! - C'mon, you guys!
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This is gonna be sweet, dude!
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You guys are so wrong about Tweek! He's gonna get his ass kicked! - We'll see!
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- Why don't we just raise our bets to TEN dollars?! - You're on, fatass!
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Well, well, well! Look who's here! Our little home economics friend, Kenny!
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Hi, you guys! What's going on?
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- How come you wanna take home ec, Kenny?! - Yeah! That's not cool, dude!
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Bye, Kenny! See ya tomorrow!
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Hey, what's going on?!
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- Tweak and Craig are gonna fight! - Really?! Cool!
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It's funny, 'cause Tweek and Craig both went home about fifteen minutes ago!
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What?! - Yeah! They left! - Hell! - Those sons of bitches!
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- I guess they don't wanna fight! - They wanna fight! They just don't know it yet!
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Wha'd'ya guys want?!
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How come you didn't show up to the fight, Tweek?!
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Craig and I have no reason to fight each other!
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- Well, Craig showed up! - He did?!
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Yeah! He was standing there waiting for you
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and he was all like: "Man! Tweek's a wus!" and we were all like: "No he's not, Craig!"
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and he was all like: "Yeah he is! He isn't showing up!
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He's a wus and he has crooked teeth!".
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I don't have crooked teeth!
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And then, Craig was all like "Tweek is scared of me! He's a big chicken"
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and he started doing an impersonation of you being a chicken.
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So everybody in the world saw it!
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- Everyone in the world?! - Yeah! It was weak!
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- I'm not a chicken! - Well, everyone in the world thinks you are! See ya, Tweek!
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- Wait! I'll fight! - Tomorrow?!
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Craig, what the hell are you doing home?! You're supposed to be out fighting Tweek!
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Red Racer's on! - Craig, you can watch Red Racer any day of the week!
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I do watch Red Racer every day of the week!
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Well, that's fine! I guess you don't care about what Tweek said about your mom!
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Goddammit!
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Oh! I guess you don't care about what Tweek said about your guinea pig!
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What?! What did he say about Strype?!
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Oh, nothing except that you stick it up your ass before you go to bed!
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That son of a bitch! I'll kill him!
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Yeah, I'd be pissed too! So maybe we should re-schedule the fight for tomorrow!
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- After Red Racer! - After Red Racer, of course!
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How was school today, son?
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That's great!
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Dad! If some kid at school wants to fight me, what should I do?!
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Son, let me tell you a little story about when your mother and I first met!
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You see, a long time ago, there were a lot of guys who were after your mother!
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And she used to be very attractive!
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It's true! I was!
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When I started courting your mother,
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there was this big muscular football player named Quid
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who didn't take too kindly to me! He wanted your mother all to himself!
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And so one day, he challenged me to a fight!
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- Well! - Well what, honey?
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What happened?!
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- I don't know! He moved away or something! - Yes, I think that's right!
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You guys never help me!
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Your stories never go anywhere! I hate it! I want out! I want out!
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Dad! I'm supposed to get in a fight tomorrow!
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- With who? - Some kid! - Oh!
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- Don't just "Oh!" him, Thomas! - Don't just "Oh!" me!
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I'll "Oh!" whoever I want!
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Well, that was fun, Pearl! Se ya later!
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- Richard, aren't you going to invite me in? - Why?
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Well, I thought maybe you would at least attempt to make love to me tonight!
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I can't! I-I left the oven on!
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Oh, Richard! Why can't you open your heart to me? Why?!
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Because I can't! Oh, I know! I have genetal warts!
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- We'll use plastic wrap! - Nope! Sorry! Maybe some other time!
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Swing me, Richard! Swing me higher!
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I wanna touch the sky, Richard!
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Richard, I'm here! Just now!
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Oh, Richard, it's beautiful! Yes!
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But you have to come see me glide tomorrow, Richard!
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I have a surprise for you.
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Don't worry, Richard! I'm a pilot! It's what I do!
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Oh, now! What am I gonna do!
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Okay! So, just to set the records straight here,
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the fight will be happening out by the tetherball pole at 3:30.
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Tweek just weighed in at 48 pounds, Craig at 45!
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Uh, how long do you expect the fight to last?
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However long Craig wants it to last!
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Ma-Make no mistake! Craig has been ready for this fight since day one!
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He doesn't even view it as a challenge!
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He'll view it as a challenge when he's getting his ass kicked!
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Huh, did you hear that? It sounds like diarreah
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comming out of someone's mouth or something! - Shut up, fatass!
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Don't call me fat, you son of a bitch!
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Wow! Tweek and Craig really hate each other, huh! This will be a good fight.
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On your first day, look at the man's shoes!
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Sometimes you can tell how much money a man has just by his shoes!
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When he takes you out to dinner,
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try to sneak a peek at his wallet while he pays for you.
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If he only has one credit card, beware!
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It means he doesn't spend a lot, and worse yet, it could be a debit card!
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If he has more than four credit cards, that's a little fishy!
โ†“
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The perfect number of credit cards for a man to have is two! Yes, Bebe!
โ†“
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What if we meet a guy who wants to be a doctor or lawyer,
โ†“
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but is still getting his degree?
โ†“
af2c5780-f268-47ad-8188-e8bd8e2012d0.gif
Dump that zero and get yourself a hero!
โ†“
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He could be earning that degree all his life
โ†“
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while you starve to death with two dying babies sucking at your teats!
โ†“
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When I have you guys' ten bucks,
โ†“
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I'm gonna use it to buy the sweetest big-screen TV in the world!
โ†“
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That's more than ten bucks, you stupid fatass!
โ†“
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Well, if I get ten bucks from each of you,
โ†“
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that's like two thousand dollars! - Hey! Quit screwing around back there!
โ†“
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You're horsing!
โ†“
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Swing me, Richard! Swing me higher!
โ†“
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Richard, I'm here!
โ†“
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Oh, Richard, It's beautiful! Yes!
โ†“
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But you have to come see me glide tomo- rrow, Richard! I have a surprise for you.
โ†“
ae75af20-663a-4b48-9c21-654ad518c0f2.gif
Don't worry, Richard! I'm a pilot!
โ†“
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It's all for you.
โ†“
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- Mr. Adler! MR. ADLER! - Huh?! Uh, what!
โ†“
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Tommy stuck his face in the belt sander!
โ†“
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The belt sander?!
โ†“
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Tommy, I told you not to screw around with the belt sander! didn't I?!
โ†“
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Well, go on! Go see the nurse! She'll give you some peroxide!
โ†“
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What's that?!
โ†“
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Huh?! Oh, this is a woman that I knew a long time ago!
โ†“
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What?! She died or something?!
โ†“
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What!? Hey! Go on! You're screwing around in here!
โ†“
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Oh, boy! Here we go!
โ†“
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- What's happening?! - Tweek's gonna fight Craig! - Oh, cool!
โ†“
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Stay pissed, Tweek! Stay Pissed!
โ†“
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Alright! Here we go!
โ†“
e9898611-0ae8-4669-b2f6-cc1caac3c8a0.gif
Time for you to get proven wrong, fatboy!
โ†“
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You're gonna be eating those words, asshole!
โ†“
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No, I won't, becasue you'd eat them first, tubby!
โ†“
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Well?!
โ†“
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Come on!
โ†“
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Yeah! If you're gonna do it, do it!
โ†“
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Wha'do we do?
โ†“
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Wha'do you mean, wha'do you do? Just fight each other!
โ†“
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- How?! - How?!
โ†“
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- I've never been in a fight before! - Me neither!
โ†“
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Aw, dude! Come on!
โ†“
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You just hit each other! Smack each other around!
โ†“
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- Ah! Well, not like that! - Like what, then!
โ†“
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Alright, alright!
โ†“
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Screw this! We have to postpone the fight so Tweek and Craig can learn how to fight!
โ†“
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- All that build-up for nothing! - Yeah, Christ! I could've been home by now!
โ†“
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Alright, Tweek! We'll teach you how to fight, and Cartman, you teach Craig!
โ†“
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Well, I don't think that's very fair! If I teach Craig, he's gonna really kill Tweek!
โ†“
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Oh, yeah?! Well, I'm gonna have my Uncle Jimbo teach Tweek how to box!
โ†“
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Boxing's scary y'guys! I'm gonna have Craig learn martial arts!
โ†“
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- Fine! We'll see you back here tommorrow! - Fine!
โ†“
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Fine! That's fine!
โ†“
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Alrighty, Tweek!
โ†“
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My little nephew Stanley has asked me to teach you the fine points of boxing!
โ†“
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You're in luck! Ned here used to be the state champion until a granade blew his arm off!
โ†“
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Mmmmm...I can still kick ass!
โ†“
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Now, Tweek! Boxing is a man's sport!
โ†“
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There's nothing in the world more man than Boxing.
โ†“
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It is man at his most man!
โ†“
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So when you spar with Ned here, just dig deep into that most man part of you!
โ†“
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Well, enough of the lectures! Let's get to boxing!
โ†“
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What'chyou got, beeatch?
โ†“
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Keep your guard up, Tweek!
โ†“
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C'mon, Tweek! He's only got one arm!
โ†“
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Alright! Looks like we'll have to apply the Offendheimer Technique for Tweek here!
โ†“
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Mmmm... What'chyou got, beeatch?
โ†“
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Punch him in the balls, Tweek!
โ†“
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Atta boy!
โ†“
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Now, quick! Hit him again while he's down!
โ†“
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Good! Now, kick his balls!
โ†“
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There! See?! You got him coughing up blood!
โ†“
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Now, that's boxing!
โ†“
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Your friend has brought you to learn the ancient art of Sumo!
โ†“
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You must learn dicipline and respect!
โ†“
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In Sumo, your body must be like a stone, and your mind like meatloaf!
โ†“
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The object is simply to push opponent out of circle!
โ†“
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- Is opponent ready?! - I'm ready!
โ†“
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God! I like this hair thing! This is cool!
โ†“
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Let us begin!
โ†“
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Ready!? And begin!
โ†“
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Respect my authoritah!
โ†“
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Body like stone! Mind like meatloaf!
โ†“
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Oh! C'mon, you!
โ†“
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Oh, Jesus! I can't take it!
โ†“
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Fight back! Resist the ass!
โ†“
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- How can I resist it?! Ass so great! - It is only an ass!
โ†“
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You must overcome the ass with your mind!
โ†“
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This ass is not like any I've encountered, master!
โ†“
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I win!
โ†“
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There is indeed great power in your ass, Eric!
โ†“
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Perhaps you should concider Sumo as a profession!
โ†“
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Hey, maybe!
โ†“
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No! No! Make it stop!
โ†“
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Oh, Richard! Say we'll be this happy forever!
โ†“
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But you have to come see me glide tomo- rrow, Richard! I have a surprise for you.
โ†“
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Don't worry, Richard! I'm a pilot!
โ†“
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Watch me, Richard!
โ†“
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Ani jsem jรญ neรธekl sbohem.
โ†“
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Oh, no! Now what do I do!
โ†“
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Okay! That was very good, class! Now, let's try this one together!
โ†“
7a4eb024-fe00-4f23-9270-facb0a3df503.gif
"Honey, can I get a new wardrobe?"
โ†“
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"Honey, can I get a new wardrobe?"
โ†“
97211949-4da4-4f1e-b03e-8487126913d5.gif
Alright! Now, let's try this one together!
โ†“
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"Lisa Smith's husband just bought HER a new car!"
โ†“
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"Lisa Smith's husband just bought HER a new car!"
โ†“
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Good! Bebe, why don't you try this one!
โ†“
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"I think a trip to Hawaii would really improve our sex life!"
โ†“
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"I think a trip to Hawaii would really improve our sex life!"
โ†“
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Outstanding! Now, Kenny!
โ†“
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How 'bout you try?!
โ†“
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"I can't make love to you until we get a king-size bed!"
โ†“
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Okay! Kenny, could I talk to you over here real quick?
โ†“
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Kenny, I don't quite know how to tell you this,
โ†“
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but I'm not sure Home Economics is right for you! - No!
โ†“
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Well, your cooking is unsatisfactory, your sewing skills are below average,
โ†“
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and frankly, I don't think the odds of you marrying
โ†“
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a nice rich man in the future are very... well... good! - They're not?!
โ†“
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No! I think you should concider transferring to shop class! - Shop Class?!
โ†“
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Now, now! Very few students are severely injured in shop class!
โ†“
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I DON'T WANNA GO TO SHOP CLASS!!!
โ†“
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C'mon! It's time for the fight!
โ†“
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Fight?! Oh, no, no, no! Girls!
โ†“
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Haven't I taught you anything?!
โ†“
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Okay! The time has finally come!
โ†“
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Programs! Get your programs here! Programs!
โ†“
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Remember, Tweek! Punch hard, punch low!
โ†“
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This is when you gotta get mean, Tweek!
โ†“
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Mean! Aah!
โ†“
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The spirit of the dragon is in your hand! Hersherdeshurta. Hurlonghurta.
โ†“
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- Alright? - Okay!
โ†“
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Now, listen to me! Herterdeterter!
โ†“
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Alright! I'm seriously! Herpangdepongtonqwa!
โ†“
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Y'ready, Tweek?! Y'ready, Craig?! Let's get it on!
โ†“
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Respect my authority!
โ†“
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C'mon, Tweek!
โ†“
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C'mon, Craig!
โ†“
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To whom it may concern.
โ†“
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I can no longer live without her!
โ†“
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I could not say goodbye to her, and so now I must say goodbye to all of you!
โ†“
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For I am all out of nicotine gum!
โ†“
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Sincerely yours,
โ†“
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Richard Adler. Shop Class.
โ†“
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P.S. Don't screw around!
โ†“
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You all screw around too much!
โ†“
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Goodbye, cruel world!
โ†“
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Jesus Christ! What was I thinking?!
โ†“
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That would've hurt like hell!
โ†“
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Kick Ass!
โ†“
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Go, Tweek! Kick his ass!
โ†“
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C'mon, Tweek! You got him!
โ†“
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- Whoa, Tweek! Did you hear that?! - What?!
โ†“
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Craig just called you a boner!
โ†“
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We just have to keep thowing gas in the fire!
โ†“
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Hey! This shop class?! - What?! Who are you?!
โ†“
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"Kenny McCormic has been transferred from Home Ec to Shop Class."
โ†“
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Well, alright! Get some safety goggles and making a corner with the jigsaw over there!
โ†“
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- What the...! - There they are!
โ†“
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Hey! What's going on?!
โ†“
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Tweek and Craig are fighting! We're just watching!
โ†“
d8b2929a-0ca2-48a0-b5b5-f941b0fff6af.gif
- Well, why the hell don't you stop them?! - He has ten bucks riding on it!
โ†“
652411b5-bb18-46a7-80ea-06287187ab86.gif
Don't screwing around!
โ†“
16da260d-b4c1-4b13-be2b-ceb7ed7537fa.gif
Stop screwing around!
โ†“
e2c6c835-dab1-41f3-a359-306b52cb235b.gif
Hey! You're screwing around too much!
โ†“
20bcbc72-d286-4f8e-a4ad-01e0d2a23c98.gif
- Oh, my God! They killed Kenny! - You Bastards!
โ†“
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Oh, don't just stand there! Call an ambulance!
โ†“
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You see?! You see what happens when you screw around in shop class?!
โ†“
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What?! What's that, son?!
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No! No! Please don't go! I need you! I can't live without you!
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Richard! You have to move on! I want you to be happy!
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But, I can't! I never got to say goodbye!
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Then say it now, Richard!
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Goodbye?
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- There! Now do you feel better? - No.
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Of course, you don't! Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything!
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It's the time we spent together that really matters, not how we left it!
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You...You're right! You're right!
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Richard, this is Grandma!
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Grandma? Hi, Gram!
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You never said goodbye to me either!
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Hey, Richie! Remember me?!
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Uncle Corey! Wow! You're all alive again!
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No, we're dead!
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I love you, Richard! See you soon!
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Thank you! Thank you for freeing me! I feel like now I can move on!
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Baby, I feel so much better! I feel so alive! Thank you, Baby! Thank you!
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Dude! this is pretty fucked up right here!
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Hi! We're here to visit our good friends, Tweek and Craig!
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Oh! Well I suppose a quick visit is okay! Maybe you kids can cheer them up!
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Hey, guys! How're you feeling?
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Well uh, we just came by because we had something to tell you!
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Yeah! See, we got you to fight just 'cause we wanted to see who was the toughest!
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We made up all that stuff we said to get you guys mad at each other!
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Yes! You can flip us off, Craig! We deserve that!
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We just came came by to apologize! We feel so bad!
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Boy, do we ever!
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So I guess we'll be going now!
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And we'll just live with the knowledge that you're both kinda sissies!
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- Well, I mean, that's what was on the news. - What was on the new?!
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Oh! You didn't see it! Oh!
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Tweek's family was on the news saying what a wus you are, Craig!
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Yeah! And then Craig's family came on and said Tweek was the wus!
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And he punched Tweek's Mom in the hooters!
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- You son of a bitch! - I'm gonna kick your ass!
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- C'mon, Tweek! You got him! - Hibosukitai! Hibosukitun! Hurishurtung!