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Home » South Park » S03E05 — Tweek vs. Craig

South Park

Season 3, Episode 5 — Tweek vs. Craig

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Tweek vs. Craig

Air date: June 23, 1999

Director: Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Milan Agnone, Jennifer Howell

The boys take Shop class and try to set-up a fight between Tweek and Craig. Kenny is delighted in safely taking the Home Economics course. When the big fight arrives, the combatants don't know what to do; so Jimbo and Ned teach Tweek boxing and Cartman has Craig instructed in the art of Sumo. Shop teacher Mr. Adler has a recurring dream about a woman that he was never able to say goodbye to.

Source: TMDB

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♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

↓

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

headed park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

♪ So come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

This is Shop Class.

class shop shop-class

↓

My name is Mr. Adler.

adler name

↓

For the next week, rather than your normal schoolwork,

normal schoolwork week

↓

you will be learning how to make things.

learning

↓

Now, does anybody know why you are in Shop Class?

anybody class shop shop-class

↓

Yes?

↓

'Cause we had to choose between this and Home Ec

choose home

↓

and we didn't want to be sissies?

sissies

↓

Wrong!

↓

You are here, because you are America's future.

americas future

↓

You may someday be doctors or lawyers or scientists...

doctors lawyers scientists someday

↓

Most of you, however,

↓

will be pumping gas or cutting sheet metal.

cutting metal pumping sheet

↓

And that's why we have... Shop Class.

class shop shop-class

↓

Ohhh.

ohhh

↓

Now let me make one thing crystal clear...

clear crystal crystal-clear

↓

I don't like kids that screw around.

kids screw

↓

You screw around in Shop Class...

class screw shop shop-class

↓

You can lose a hand or an eye.

hand lose

↓

I have...

↓

I have... I have...

↓

Mr. Adler? - Huh?!

adler

↓

Oh, uh... I was just saying that I want to know

↓

who is the biggest troublemaker in your class?

biggest class troublemaker

↓

Tweek is! - Agh, no I'm not!

tweek

↓

Yeah you are Tweek, you always get in trouble.

trouble tweek

↓

Agh!

↓

Uh, hello excuse me,

excuse

↓

but Craig is the biggest troublemaker in our class.

biggest class craig troublemaker

↓

That true, Craig? You a troublemaker?

craig troublemaker

↓

No. - Well, you better not be, because in Shop Class--

class shop shop-class

↓

Hey! Did you just flip me off?

flip

↓

No. - Yes, you did!

↓

Told ya! - Dude, Shop Class sucks.

class shop shop-class sucks

↓

Maybe we should've taken Home Ec.

home shouldve taken

↓

No way, dude, Home Ec is for girls!

girls home

↓

Welcome to Home Ec.

home welcome

↓

For the next week, you will be learning how to bake, sew,

bake learning week

↓

clean and make things that are lacy and pretty.

clean

↓

Woo-hoo! - Yes, Wendy?

wendy

↓

I requested to be in Shop Class but they sent me here.

class requested sent shop shop-class

↓

That's right, Wendy.

wendy

↓

You see, some of you girls will go on to have

girls

↓

interesting jobs and careers.

careers interesting jobs

↓

But all of you pretty ones won't have to worry about that,

ones worry

↓

because you can marry a nice man.

marry

↓

And that's why we have Home Ec!

home

↓

Woo-hoo!

↓

I wonder why Kenny didn't want to take Shop Class?

class kenny shop shop-class wonder

↓

I don't know, he's such a wuss!

wuss

↓

Hey, don't screw around.

screw

↓

You screw around too much.

screw

↓

Y'know you guys are totally wrong about Tweek.

tweek yknow

↓

Craig is way worse than he is.

craig worse

↓

No he's not dude, Craig is a wuss.

craig wuss

↓

Dude, if Craig and Tweek got in a fight,

craig fight tweek

↓

Craig would kick Tweek's ass.

craig kick tweeks

↓

You wanna bet? - Yeah, I'll bet!

↓

How much? - Five bucks.

bucks five five-bucks

↓

You're on! - Agh!

↓

Hey, Tweek. - Agh!

tweek

↓

Dude, Craig chooses you, he wants to fight.

chooses craig fight wants

↓

He does? - Yeah, he's all pissed off at you.

pissed

↓

So will you fight him? - Why?

fight

↓

Dude, because.

↓

You have to stand up for yourself.

stand

↓

So will you fight him?

fight

↓

Agh! He doesn't look like he wants to fight me.

fight wants

↓

Craig, can I talk to you real quick?

craig quick real real-quick

↓

Just for a second, please.

second

↓

Craig, I'm not normally one to get involved in this kind of thing but...

craig involved normally

↓

Well, I was just standing over by Tweek,

standing tweek

↓

and he called you a big poopeater.

called

↓

He did?! - Yeah, he said you eat poop,

poop

↓

and that it makes your breath smell like poop,

breath makes poop smell

↓

and that, well, you like it.

↓

Why would he say that?!

↓

I don't know, Craig, I don't know.

craig

↓

But now he's over there telling everybody

everybody telling telling-everybody

↓

that you're a poopeater and he chooses you.

chooses

↓

Well, I'm gonna go over there and--

↓

No, no, Craig, you can't fight him here,

craig fight

↓

Mr. Adler will just break it up.

adler break

↓

Tell you what, I'll go tell him you accept his challenge,

accept challenge

↓

and set it up for after school today.

school school-today today

↓

Okay.

↓

There you see, he just flipped you off!

flipped

↓

Agh! What a jerk!

jerk

↓

He's really got it out for you, dude.

↓

Why?! What did I do?!

↓

So do you agree to fight him after school?

agree fight school

↓

I guess so. - Super, see ya there!

super

↓

Catch me, Richard!

catch richard

↓

Ha ha ha ha...

↓

I'm so in love with you, Richard.

love richard

↓

I made you some cookies, Richard!

cookies richard

↓

Merry Christmas, Richard.

christmas merry merry-christmas richard

↓

Ha ha ha, oh, Richard...

richard

↓

Say we'll be this happy forever.

forever happy happy-forever

↓

Ahhhhh!

↓

Richard!

richard

↓

Arhhh!

↓

Oh, why... why?!

↓

Mr. Adler! Mr. Adler?!

adler

↓

Huh?!

↓

Stop screwin' around!

↓

The bell rang, can we go?

bell rang

↓

Oh, well, sure.

↓

Uh, class dismissed.

class class-dismissed dismissed

↓

Come on, you guys!

↓

This is gonna be sweet, dude!

sweet

↓

You guys are so wrong about Tweek.

tweek

↓

He's gonna get his ass kicked.

kicked

↓

We'll see.

↓

Why don't we just raise our bet to $10.

raise

↓

You're on, fat ass.

↓

Well, well, well, look who's here.

↓

Our little Home Economics friend, Kenny.

economics friend friend-kenny home kenny

↓

Mph rm rmph rm rmph rm.

rmph

↓

How come you wanna take Home Ec, Kenny?

home kenny

↓

Yeah, that's not cool, dude.

cool

↓

Bye, Kenny! See ya tomorrow!

kenny tomorrow

↓

Hey, what's going on?

↓

Tweek and Craig are gonna fight.

craig fight tweek

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Really? Cool!

cool

↓

It's funny, cuz Tweek and Craig both went home

craig funny home tweek

↓

about 15 minutes ago.

minutes

↓

What!? - Yeah, they left.

left

↓

Aw, hell!

↓

Those sons-a-bitches!

bitches sons

↓

I guess they don't want to fight.

fight

↓

Oh, they want to fight!

fight

↓

They just don't know it yet!

↓

Tweek! - Tweek!

tweek

↓

Agh! What do you guys want?

↓

How come you didn't show up to the fight, Tweek?

fight tweek

↓

Craig and I have no reason to fight each other!

craig fight reason

↓

Well, Craig showed up.

craig showed

↓

He did?

↓

Yeah, he was standing there waiting for you.

standing waiting

↓

And he was all like, "man, Tweek's a wuss"

tweeks wuss

↓

and we were all like, "no he's not, Craig"

craig

↓

and he was all like, "yeah he is, he isn't showing up,

showing

↓

he's a big wuss and he has crooked teeth."

crooked teeth wuss

↓

I don't have crooked teeth.

crooked teeth

↓

And then Craig was all like, "Tweek is scared of me!

craig scared tweek

↓

He's a big chicken!"

chicken

↓

And he started doing an impersonation of you being a chicken...

chicken impersonation started

↓

And everybody in the world saw it.

everybody world

↓

Everyone in the world?! Agh!

world

↓

Yeah, it was weak.

weak

↓

I'm not a chicken!

chicken

↓

Well everyone in the world thinks you are.

thinks world

↓

See ya, Tweek. - Wait! I'll fight!

fight tweek

↓

Tomorrow? - Okay.

tomorrow

↓

Craig, what the hell are you doing home?

craig home

↓

You're supposed to be out fighting Tweek.

fighting supposed tweek

↓

Red Racer's on.

↓

Craig, you can watch Red Racer any day of the week.

craig racer watch week

↓

I do watch Red Racer every day of the week!

racer watch week

↓

Well, that's fine.

↓

I guess you don't care about what Tweek said about your mom.

care tweek

↓

Nope.

nope

↓

Goddammit...

goddammit

↓

I guess you don't care what Tweek said about your guinea pig.

care guinea tweek

↓

What?!

↓

What did he say about Stripe?!

stripe

↓

Oh nothing, except that you stick it up your ass before you go to bed.

except stick

↓

That son-of-a-bitch I'll kill him!!

bitch kill

↓

Yeah, I'd be pissed, too.

pissed

↓

So maybe we should reschedule the fight for tomorrow?

fight reschedule tomorrow

↓

After Red Racer!

racer

↓

After Red Racer, of course.

course racer

↓

How was school today, son?

school school-today today

↓

Agh!!

↓

That's great.

↓

Dad, if some kid at school wants to fight me...

fight school wants

↓

What should I do?

↓

Son, let me tell you a little story

story

↓

about when your mother and I first met...

mother

↓

You see, a long time ago

↓

there were a lot of guys who were after your mother,

mother

↓

she used to be very attractive.

attractive used

↓

It's true, I was.

↓

Well, when I started courting your mother,

mother started

↓

there was this big muscular football player named "Quib"

football football-player muscular named player

↓

who didn't take too kindly to me.

kindly

↓

He wanted your mother all to himself.

mother wanted

↓

And so, one day, he challenged me to a fight.

challenged fight

↓

Well?! - Well what, honey?

honey

↓

Agh!! What happened?

happened

↓

Oh, I don't know, he moved away or something.

moved

↓

Yes, I think that's right.

↓

Aghagh!! You guys never help me!

↓

Your stories never go anywhere, I hate it.

hate stories

↓

I want out, I want out!

↓

Dad, I'm supposed to get in a fight tomorrow.

fight supposed tomorrow

↓

With who? - Some kid.

↓

Oh.

↓

Don't just "oh" him, Thomas!

thomas

↓

Yeah, don't just "oh" me.

↓

I'll "oh" whoever I want!

↓

Well, that was fun, Pearl.

fun pearl

↓

See ya later.

↓

Richard, aren't you going to invite me in?

invite richard

↓

Why?

↓

Well, I thought maybe you would

↓

at least attempt to make love to me tonight.

attempt least love tonight

↓

Oh well, I... I can't. I left the oven on.

left oven

↓

Oh, Richard, why can't you open your heart to me, why?

heart open richard

↓

I just... I can't!

↓

I... Oh, I know, I have genital warts.

genital warts

↓

We'll use plastic wrap.

plastic wrap

↓

Nope, sorry, maybe some other time.

nope

↓

Swing me, Richard, swing me higher!

higher richard swing

↓

I want to touch the sky, Richard!

richard touch

↓

Richard, I'm here...

richard

↓

Just now.

↓

Oh, Richard, it's beautiful!

richard

↓

Yes, yes.

↓

But you have to come see me fly tomorrow, Richard.

richard tomorrow

↓

I have a surprise for you.

surprise

↓

Don't worry Richard, I'm a pilot.

pilot richard worry worry-richard

↓

It's what I do.

↓

Aaaghgh!

aaaghgh

↓

Richard!

richard

↓

Richard.

richard

↓

Aaaghggh!

↓

Oh god... What am I going to do?

↓

Okay, so, just to set the record straight here,

record record-straight straight

↓

the fight will be happening, out by the tetherball pole at 3:30.

fight pole

↓

Tweek just weighed in at 48 pounds, Craig at 45.

craig pounds tweek

↓

Uh, how long do you expect the fight to last?

expect fight

↓

How ever long Craig wants it to last.

craig wants

↓

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

↓

Make no mistake.

mistake

↓

Craig has been ready for this fight since day one.

craig fight ready

↓

He doesn't even view it as a challenge.

challenge view

↓

He'll view it as a challenge

challenge view

↓

when he's getting his ass kicked!

kicked

↓

Did you hear that-- it sounds like diarrhea

diarrhea sounds

↓

coming out of someone's mouth or something.

coming mouth someones

↓

Shut up, fat ass!

↓

Don't call me fat you son-of-a-bitch!

bitch

↓

Wow, Tweek and Craig really hate each other, huh?

craig hate tweek

↓

This should be a good fight.

fight

↓

On your first date, look at the man's shoes.

date mans shoes

↓

Sometimes you can tell how much money a man has

money sometimes

↓

just by his shoes.

shoes

↓

When he takes you out to dinner,

dinner takes

↓

try to sneak a peek at his wallet while he pays for you.

pays peek sneak wallet

↓

If he only has one credit card, beware.

beware card credit credit-card

↓

It means he doesn't spend a lot,

spend

↓

and worse yet, it could be a debit card.

card worse

↓

If he has more than four credit cards,

cards credit credit-cards four

↓

that's a little fishy.

fishy

↓

The perfect number of credit cards

cards credit credit-cards number perfect

↓

for a man to have is... two.

↓

Yes, Bebe.

bebe

↓

What if we meet a guy

meet

↓

who wants to be a doctor or a lawyer,

doctor lawyer wants

↓

but is still getting his degree?

degree

↓

Dump that zero and get yourself a hero.

dump hero zero

↓

He could earning that degree all his life

degree earning life

↓

while you starve to death

death starve

↓

with two dying babies sucking at your teets.

babies dying sucking

↓

When I have you guys' ten bucks, I'm gonna use it to buy

bucks

↓

the sweetest big-screen TV in the world.

screen world

↓

That's more than ten bucks,

bucks

↓

you stupid fat ass.

stupid

↓

Well, if I get ten bucks from each of you,

bucks

↓

that's like $2,000.

↓

Hey, quit screwing around back there!

quit screwing

↓

You're horsin'!

↓

Richard...

richard

↓

Richard...

richard

↓

If you build it...

build

↓

Swing me, Richard, swing me higher!

higher richard swing

↓

Richard, I'm here...

richard

↓

Oh Richard, it's beautiful.

richard

↓

Yes.

↓

But you have to come see me fly tomorrow, Richard.

richard tomorrow

↓

I have a surprise for you.

surprise

↓

Don't worry, Richard, I'm a pilot.

pilot richard worry worry-richard

↓

It's all for you.

↓

Aaaghgh!

aaaghgh

↓

Richard!

richard

↓

Mr. Adler?!

adler

↓

Mr. Adler!!

adler

↓

Huh, what?

↓

Tommy stuck his face in the belt sander.

belt belt-sander face sander stuck tommy

↓

The belt sander?

belt belt-sander sander

↓

Tommy, I told you not to screw around

screw tommy

↓

with the belt sander, didn't I?

belt belt-sander sander

↓

Well, go on, go see the nurse.

nurse

↓

She'll give you some peroxide.

shell

↓

What's that?

↓

Huh?!

↓

This is a woman that I knew a long time ago.

woman

↓

What'd she die or something?

whatd

↓

Wha--hey! Go on!

↓

You're screwin' around in here!

↓

Oh boy, here we go!

↓

What's happening?

↓

Tweek's gonna fight Craig.

craig fight tweeks

↓

Oh, cool!

cool

↓

Stay pissed, Tweek, stay pissed.

pissed tweek

↓

Alright, here we go!

alright

↓

Time for you to get proven wrong, fat boy.

proven

↓

You're gonna be eating those words, asshole.

asshole eating words

↓

No I won't because you'd eat 'em first, tubby.

tubby

↓

Well?

↓

Come on!

↓

Yeah, if you're gonna do it, do it!

↓

What do we do?

↓

Huh?

↓

What do you mean, just fight each other!

fight

↓

How? - How?!

↓

I've never been in a fight before. - Me neither!

fight

↓

Aww!

↓

Aw, dude, come on!

↓

You just hit each other, smack each other around!

smack

↓

Not like that!

↓

Like what then?

↓

Alright, alright, screw this--

alright alright-alright screw

↓

We'll have to postpone the fight

fight

↓

so Tweek and Craig can learn how to fight.

craig fight learn tweek

↓

Aww!

↓

All that build-up for nothing!

build

↓

Yeah, Christ, I could've been home by now!

christ couldve home

↓

Alright Tweek, we'll teach you how to fight

alright fight teach tweek

↓

and Cartman, you teach Craig.

cartman craig teach

↓

I don't think that's very fair.

fair

↓

If I teach Craig, he's gonna really kill Tweek.

craig kill teach tweek

↓

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm gonna have my Uncle Jimbo

jimbo uncle uncle-jimbo

↓

teach Tweek how to box!

teach tweek

↓

Oooh, boxing, scary, you guys!

boxing oooh scary

↓

I'm gonna have Craig learn martial arts!

arts craig learn martial martial-arts

↓

Fine, we'll see you back here tomorrow!

tomorrow

↓

Fine! - Fine!

↓

Fine, that's fine.

↓

Alrighty, Tweek.

alrighty tweek

↓

My little nephew Stanley has asked me

asked nephew stanley

↓

to teach you the fine points of boxing!

boxing points teach

↓

Agh!

↓

You're in luck.

luck

↓

Ned here used to be the state champion

champion state used

↓

until a grenade blew his arm off.

blew grenade

↓

I can still kick ass.

kick

↓

Now, Tweek... Boxing is a man sport.

boxing sport tweek

↓

There is nothing in the world more man, than boxing.

boxing world

↓

It is man at his most man.

↓

So when you spar with Ned, here,

↓

just dig deep into that most man part of you.

deep part

↓

Wah!

↓

Well enough of the lectures!

lectures

↓

Let's get to boxing!

boxing

↓

Agh!

↓

What you got, bi-atch?

↓

Keep your guard up, Tweek!

guard tweek

↓

Aah! - Damnit!

damnit

↓

Come on, Tweek he's only got one arm!

tweek

↓

Alright, it looks like we'll have to apply

alright apply

↓

the Oppenheimer technique with Tweek, here...

technique tweek

↓

What you got, bi-atch?

↓

Punch him in the balls, Tweek!

balls punch tweek

↓

Atta boy! Now quick,

atta quick

↓

get him again while he's down!

↓

Owwwwww!!

↓

Good, now kick his balls!

balls kick

↓

There see?!

↓

You got him coughing up blood!

blood coughing

↓

Hooray!

hooray

↓

Agh!

↓

Now that's boxing!

boxing

↓

Your friend has brought you to learn the ancient art of sumo.

ancient brought friend learn sumo

↓

You must learn the discipline and respect.

discipline learn must must-learn respect

↓

In sumo, your body must be like a stone,

body must stone sumo

↓

and your mind like a meatloaf.

meatloaf mind

↓

Meatloaf?

meatloaf

↓

The object is simply to push opponent out of circle.

circle object opponent push simply

↓

Is opponent ready?

opponent ready

↓

I'm ready.

ready

↓

Yeah, I like this hair thing, this is cool.

cool hair

↓

Let us begin.

begin

↓

Ready... and... begin!

begin ready

↓

Respect my authority!

authority respect

↓

Body like stone!

body stone

↓

Mind like meatloaf!

meatloaf mind

↓

Ooh, come on, na!

↓

Oh, Jesus, I can't take it!

jesus

↓

Aagh!

aagh

↓

Fight back, resist the ass!

fight resist

↓

How can I resist an ass so great?!

resist

↓

It is only an ass!

↓

You must overcome the ass with your mind!

mind must overcome

↓

This ass is unlike any I have encountered, master--

encountered master unlike

↓

I win!

↓

There is indeed great power in your ass, Eric.

eric indeed power

↓

Perhaps you should consider sumo as a profession.

consider perhaps profession sumo

↓

Hey, maybe!

↓

No... no... make it stop...

↓

Oh Richard, say we'll be this happy forever!

forever happy happy-forever richard

↓

But you have to come see me fly tomorrow, Richard.

richard tomorrow

↓

I have a surprise for you.

surprise

↓

Don't worry, Richard, I'm a pilot.

pilot richard worry worry-richard

↓

Watch me, Richard!

richard watch

↓

Aaahhh!!

aaahhh

↓

Richard!

richard

↓

Arggghh!

↓

I never got to say goodbye.

goodbye

↓

I never got to say goodbye!

goodbye

↓

Oh, no!

↓

Oh no, now what do I do?!

↓

Okay... that was very good, class.

class

↓

Now let's try this one together:

↓

"Honey, can I get a new wardrobe?"

honey wardrobe

↓

Honey, can I get a new wardrobe?

honey wardrobe

↓

Alright, now let's try this one together

alright

↓

"Lisa Smith's husband

husband lisa smiths

↓

just bought her a new car..."

bought

↓

Lisa Smith's husband just bought her a new car...

bought husband lisa smiths

↓

Good, Bebe, why don't you try this one:

bebe

↓

"I think a trip to Hawaii would really improve our sex life."

hawaii improve life trip

↓

I think a trip to Hawaii

hawaii trip

↓

would really improve our sex life.

improve life

↓

Outstanding, now... Kenny.

kenny outstanding

↓

How about you try:

↓

"I can't make love to you until we get a king-size bed."

king king-size love size

↓

Mph rmph rm rmphrmphm... rmph rm rmph rm rm rmph.

rmph

↓

Okay... Kenny, could I talk to you over here real quick?

kenny quick real real-quick

↓

Mph rm.

↓

Kenny, I don't quite know how to tell you this, but...

kenny

↓

I'm not sure Home Economics is right for you.

economics home

↓

Mph?

↓

Well, your cooking is unsatisfactory

cooking

↓

your sewing skills are below average and...

average sewing skills

↓

frankly, I don't think the odds of you

frankly odds

↓

marrying a nice, rich man in the future are very, well...

future marrying rich

↓

good.

↓

Mph mm?

↓

No, I think you should consider transferring to Shop Class.

class consider shop shop-class transferring

↓

Mph rm!

↓

Now, now, very few students are severely injured in Shop Class.

class injured severely shop shop-class students

↓

Mph rmph rm rmph rm rmph rmph!!

rmph

↓

C'mon, it's time for the fight! - Yeah!

fight

↓

Fight? Oh no, no, no, girls! Haven't I taught you anything?!

fight girls taught

↓

Okay, the time has finally come!

finally

↓

Programs, get your programs here, programs!

programs

↓

Remember, Tweek, punch hard, punch low.

hard punch remember tweek

↓

Agh! - This is when you gotta get mean, Tweek!

tweek

↓

Agh, mean, agh!!

↓

The spirit of the dragon is in your hands.

dragon hands spirit

↓

Alright? - Okay.

alright

↓

Now listen to me!

↓

Alright, and seriously!

alright

↓

Per shang der pong quang chong!

pong

↓

Okay, okay!

↓

Argh!

argh

↓

You ready, Tweek?

ready tweek

↓

You ready, Craig?

craig ready

↓

Let's get it on!

↓

Respect my authority.

authority respect

↓

Come on, Tweek!

tweek

↓

Come on, Craig!

craig

↓

"To Whom it May Concern,

concern

↓

"I can no longer live without her.

live longer

↓

"I could not say goodbye to her,

goodbye

↓

"and so now I must say goodbye to all of you!

goodbye must

↓

"for I am all out of nicotine gum.

nicotine

↓

"Sincerely yours, Richard Adler... Shop Class.

adler class richard shop shop-class

↓

"P.S. Don't screw around.

screw

↓

You all screw around too much."

screw

↓

Goodbye, cruel world.

cruel goodbye world

↓

Jesus Christ!!

christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

What was I thinking?!

thinking

↓

That would'a hurt like hell!

hurt

↓

Yeah Craig, c'mon, kick his ass!

craig kick

↓

Come on, Tweek, you got him!

tweek

↓

Whoa, Tweek, did you hear that?!

tweek whoa

↓

What?! - Craig just called you a boner!

boner called craig

↓

Agh!

↓

We just have to keep throwing gas on the fire.

fire throwing

↓

Yeah.

↓

Mph rmphm rm?

rmphm

↓

What?

↓

Who are you?

↓

"Kenny McCormick has been transferred from Home Ec. to Shop Class"

class home kenny kenny-mccormick mccormick shop shop-class transferred

↓

Well, alright, get some safety goggles

alright goggles safety

↓

and start getting acquainted with the jigsaw over there.

start

↓

What the--

↓

Here they are!

↓

Hey, what's going on?!

↓

Tweek and Craig are fighting.

craig fighting tweek

↓

We're just watching.

watching

↓

Well, why the hell don't you stop them!?

↓

'Cause we have ten bucks riding on it!

bucks riding

↓

Don't screw around!

screw

↓

Stop screwing around!

screwing

↓

Hey, you're screwing around too much!

screwing

↓

Arghh!

arghh

↓

Oh my God, they killed Kenny!

kenny killed killed-kenny

↓

You bastards!

bastards

↓

Well don't just stand there!

stand

↓

Call an ambulance!

ambulance

↓

You see-- You see what happens

happens

↓

when you screw around in Shop Class?

class screw shop shop-class

↓

Mph rm...

↓

What? What's that, son?

↓

Richard...

richard

↓

Aghhh!

↓

No, no, please don't go!

↓

I need you!

↓

I can't live without you!

live

↓

Richard, you have to move on.

richard

↓

I want you to be happy.

happy

↓

But I can't!

↓

I never got to say goodbye.

goodbye

↓

Then say it now, Richard.

richard

↓

Goodbye.

goodbye

↓

There, now do you feel better?

↓

No.

↓

Of course you don't.

course

↓

Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything.

goodbye

↓

It's the time we spent together that really matters

matters spent

↓

not how we left it.

left

↓

You--you're right.

↓

You're right!

↓

Richard!

richard

↓

It's grandma.

grandma

↓

Grandma?!

grandma

↓

Hi, gram!

gram

↓

You never said goodbye to me, either.

goodbye

↓

Hey, Richie, remember me?

remember richie

↓

Uncle Corey!

corey uncle

↓

Wow, you're all alive again.

alive

↓

No, we're dead.

dead

↓

I love you, Richard.

love richard

↓

See you soon.

↓

Thank you!

↓

Thank you for freeing me!

freeing

↓

I feel like now I can move on!

↓

Baby, I feel so much better!

baby

↓

I feel so alive!

alive

↓

Thank you, baby, thank you!

baby

↓

Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.

fucked

↓

Hi, we're here to visit our good friends Tweek and Craig.

craig friends tweek visit

↓

Oh, well, I suppose a quick visit is okay.

quick suppose visit

↓

Maybe you kids can cheer them up.

cheer kids

↓

Hey guys, how are you feeling?

feeling

↓

Agh! - Ugh!

↓

Well, uh, we just came by because we have something to tell you.

↓

Yeah... see, we got you to fight

fight

↓

just 'cause we wanted to see who was the toughest.

toughest wanted

↓

We made up all that stuff we said

stuff

↓

to get you guys mad at each other.

↓

Yes, you can flip us off, Craig.

craig flip

↓

We deserve that.

deserve

↓

We just came by to apologize.

apologize

↓

We feel so bad.

↓

Boy, do we ever.

↓

So I guess we'll be going now.

↓

And we'll just live with the knowledge that

knowledge live

↓

you're both kind of sissies.

sissies

↓

What!? - What!?

↓

Well, I mean, that's what was on the news.

news

↓

What was on the news?

news

↓

Oh, you didn't see it?

↓

Tweek's family was on the news

family news tweeks

↓

saying what a wuss you are, Craig.

craig wuss

↓

Huh?!

↓

Yeah, and then Craig's family came on

craigs family

↓

and said Tweek was the wuss,

tweek wuss

↓

and then punched Tweek's mom in the hooters.

punched tweeks

↓

Agh, you son-of-a-bitch!

bitch

↓

I'm gonna kick your ass!!

kick

↓

Come on, Tweek you got him!

tweek

↓

Sumo technique, Craig, sumo technique!

craig sumo technique