♥ Saved GIFs

Loading…

View all favorites →

Home » South Park » S03E06 — Sexual Harassment Panda

South Park

Season 3, Episode 6 — Sexual Harassment Panda

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Sexual Harassment Panda

Air date: July 07, 1999

Director: Eric Stough

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Milan Agnone, Jennifer Howell

Sexual Harassment Panda visits Mr. Garrison's class. Cartman sues Stan for sexual harassment and Kyle's dad is getting rich. The boys go in search of "Sexual Harassment Panda" to stop the insanity. They find him at "The Island of Misfit Mascots Commune" and convince him to change his cause. He becomes Petey, the "don't sue people" Panda.

Source: TMDB

↓

♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

↓

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

headed park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

♪ So come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

Okay, children, let's take our seats.

children seats

↓

We have something very important to discuss.

discuss

↓

Due to recent events around the country

country events recent

↓

I have been instructed to teach you all about

teach

↓

sexual harassment in school.

harassment school sexual sexual-harassment

↓

About what?

↓

Now, does anybody know what "sexual harassment" means?

anybody harassment sexual sexual-harassment

↓

Yes, Eric?

eric

↓

When you're trying to have intercourse with a lady friend,

friend lady lady-friend

↓

and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind.

balls behind comes tickles

↓

No Eric, that's not what I'm talking about!

eric

↓

The school board has sent over a special guest

board guest school school-board sent special special-guest

↓

to teach us all about sexual harassment in schools.

harassment schools sexual sexual-harassment teach

↓

Please welcome Peetie, the Sexual Harassment Panda.

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda welcome

↓

♪ Who lives in the East 'neath a willer tree ♪

east lives neath tree

↓

♪ Sexual Harassment Panda ♪

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

♪ Who explains sexual harassment to you and me? ♪

explains harassment sexual sexual-harassment

↓

♪ Sexual Harassment Panda! ♪

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

♪ Don't say that don't touch there ♪

touch

↓

♪ Don't be nasty says that silly bear ♪

bear nasty silly

↓

♪ He's gonna tell you what's right and wrong! ♪

↓

♪ Sexual Harassment Panda ♪

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

Hi, boys and girls!

boys girls

↓

Say hi to Sexual Harassment Panda!!

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

Hi, Sexual Harassment Panda.

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

Did you know that when one little panda

panda

↓

pulls on another little panda's underwear...

another pandas pulls underwear

↓

that's sexual harassment?

harassment sexual sexual-harassment

↓

That makes me a saaaaad panda.

makes panda

↓

This is freaking me out, dude.

freaking

↓

And when one little panda puts his furry little willy

furry panda willy

↓

in another panda's ear...

another pandas

↓

that makes me a very sad panda.

makes panda

↓

Now, I'm going to pass out these booklets,

pass

↓

and we're going to go through

↓

each and every sexual harassment law.

harassment sexual sexual-harassment

↓

Aww!

↓

Article Thirty Six: Section Nineteen.

article nineteen section thirty

↓

"One panda may not make sexual comments

comments panda sexual

↓

"about another panda's appearance.

another appearance pandas

↓

"if said panda--"

panda

↓

Aw, dude, get me out of here.

↓

I think Sexual Harassment Panda is cool.

cool harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

You would think that, you little ass-sucker.

sucker

↓

What did you call me?

↓

An ass-sucker.

sucker

↓

It means you suck ass.

suck

↓

You see an ass, and you suck it.

suck

↓

You're an ass-sucker.

sucker

↓

That does it!

↓

I am suing you for sexual harassment!

harassment sexual sexual-harassment suing

↓

Uh-oh!

↓

What?

↓

You have sexually harassed me for the last time!

harassed sexually

↓

It says right here, that now I can sue you

↓

and take all of your money!

money

↓

That's right, he can.

↓

No you can't, you little ass-sucker.

sucker

↓

Ooh! He did it again!

↓

You all heard him!

heard

↓

"The first party of the first panda

panda party

↓

"may sue the second party panda

panda party second

↓

unless that panda was said panda aforementioned panda."

panda

↓

This is Cartman vs. Marsh, case number 3-4-3-3.

cartman case marsh number

↓

What is your complaint, Mr. Cartman?

cartman complaint

↓

Your Honor, my lawyer is just parking the car.

honor lawyer parking

↓

He should be here any second.

second

↓

Dude, he got a lawyer!?

lawyer

↓

Sorry I'm late.

late

↓

Dad?!

↓

Oh, hi Kyle.

kyle

↓

Alright, let's move this along, shall we?

along alright

↓

Now, Eric Cartman,

cartman eric eric-cartman

↓

you claim that Stan Marsh has sexually harassed you in school.

claim harassed marsh school sexually stan stan-marsh

↓

That is correct, my Honor.

correct honor

↓

Oh, whatever.

↓

He said talked about having oral sex with my ass.

having oral talked

↓

I called you an ass-sucker!!

called sucker

↓

Yes, that was it.

↓

I was so upset...

upset

↓

I couldn't concentrate the rest of the day.

concentrate rest

↓

And the way his eyes kept looking at me.

eyes looking

↓

Slowly going up and down my body.

body slowly

↓

Like he was undressing me with his eyes.

eyes

↓

What?!

↓

Cartman, you call people names all the time!

cartman names

↓

As you can see, your Honor,

honor

↓

my client is too upset to continue.

client continue upset

↓

Mr. Marsh, what do you have to say?

marsh

↓

What do you mean?

↓

I need to hear your defense.

defense

↓

Uh... I'm eight?

eight

↓

Alright, this seems pretty open and shut.

alright open seems

↓

Stan Marsh under the new sexual harassment in schools law,

harassment marsh schools sexual sexual-harassment stan stan-marsh

↓

I am forced to find you guilty.

forced guilty

↓

Huh!?

↓

Alright, we did it!

alright

↓

Hooray!

hooray

↓

Since the defendant is under age and has no monetary resources,

defendant resources

↓

it is the judgement of this court,

court

↓

that 50 percent of Stan Marsh's belongings

belongings percent stan

↓

are to be handed over to Eric Cartman immediately.

cartman eric eric-cartman handed immediately

↓

I have to give him half my stuff?!

half stuff

↓

Sweet.

sweet

↓

Let's see... I want that Climb Criminy game...

climb game

↓

And that Power Jim doll...

doll power

↓

And, let's see...

↓

Do you really like this remote controlled truck?

controlled remote truck

↓

Yeah, dude, that's my favorite toy.

favorite

↓

Oh, well I'll just take that then...

↓

And what about this?

↓

Is this one of your favorites?

favorites

↓

Uh, no, I hate that toy!

hate

↓

Oh, then you don't mind if I take it.

mind

↓

Dammit!

dammit

↓

Here you go, as your legal fee,

legal

↓

you can choose between the green choo-choo

choo choo-choo choose green

↓

or the squishy football.

football squishy

↓

Hmmm...

hmmm

↓

Y'know, Eric, I've been thinking...

eric thinking yknow

↓

Uh-huh, that model airplane kit...

airplane model

↓

Go on.

↓

You know, the people really responsible

responsible

↓

for your harassment is the public schools.

harassment public public-schools schools

↓

Perhaps we should sue them next.

perhaps

↓

Why should I sue the schools?

schools

↓

Well, because they're the ones that let this harassment go on,

harassment ones

↓

and they have a lot more money.

money

↓

I think we could get a lot more out of this

↓

than half of Stan's belongings.

belongings half stans

↓

Interesting...

interesting

↓

Ooh, Stan's asthma inhaler!

stans

↓

I want that!

↓

Answer the question.

answer question

↓

Did you know that sexual harassment

harassment sexual sexual-harassment

↓

was going on in the classroom?

classroom

↓

No, I had no friggin' idea.

friggin idea

↓

Mr. Garrison, do you know the definition of sexual harassment?

definition garrison harassment sexual sexual-harassment

↓

Of course, and so does Mr. Hat!

course

↓

We do not tolerate sexual harassment!

harassment sexual sexual-harassment tolerate

↓

You are the witness here, Mr. Garrison, not Mr. Hat.

garrison witness

↓

I'm sorry, toots.

toots

↓

Did you or did you not

↓

hear my client being called an ass-sucker?

called client sucker

↓

Yes.

↓

And you did nothing?

↓

He is a little ass-sucker.

sucker

↓

Mr. Garrison, I will remind you that we are in court!

court garrison remind

↓

Okay, baby, I'm sorry.

baby

↓

Principal Victoria, were you aware that my client was being harassed at your school?

aware client harassed principal principal-victoria school victoria

↓

Well, not any more than any other student.

student

↓

Oh, so you admit that harassment goes on?!

admit harassment

↓

I don't know!

↓

You don't know?!

↓

You're the principal!!

principal

↓

I can't be around every second!

second

↓

So it does go on!

↓

Alright, alright I killed him!

alright alright-alright killed

↓

I hit him over the head and I cut up the body!

body head

↓

I tried to burn it but it wouldn't burn!

burn tried

↓

Oh, the smell of it!

smell

↓

I put the legs in garbage bags

bags garbage garbage-bags legs

↓

and hid the torso under a bridge.

bridge torso

↓

I had to do it!

↓

Aaaggh!!

↓

Oh God!

↓

Principal Victoria, was Eric Cartman called an ass-sucker?

called cartman eric eric-cartman principal principal-victoria sucker victoria

↓

Yes or no?

↓

I believe so, yes.

believe

↓

Last, I'd like to bring up my expert witness,

bring expert witness

↓

Sexual Harassment Panda.

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

♪ Who lives in the east 'neath a willer tree? ♪

east lives neath tree

↓

♪ Sexual Harassment Panda! ♪

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

Expert witness, did South Park Elementary

elementary expert park park-elementary south south-park south-park-elementary witness

↓

allow sexual harassment to go on?

allow harassment sexual sexual-harassment

↓

Well, when one little panda asks another little panda

another asks panda

↓

to perform oral sex... that is sexual harassment.

harassment oral perform sexual sexual-harassment

↓

And who is to blame?

blame

↓

I'm afraid the law states

afraid states

↓

that the school must be held responsible.

held must responsible school

↓

There you have it!

↓

Straight from the horse's mouth!

horses mouth straight

↓

Panda.

panda

↓

P-Panda's mouth.

mouth pandas

↓

After careful review, it is the judgement of this court

careful court review

↓

that South Park Elementary pays Eric Theodore Cartman

cartman elementary eric park park-elementary pays south south-park south-park-elementary

↓

1.3 million dollars in damages.

damages dollars million million-dollars

↓

Alright! We did it, Eric!

alright eric

↓

♪ Get down, get down and party... ♪

party

↓

That goes in the master bedroom!

bedroom master

↓

Well Kyle, what do you think of your new house?

house kyle

↓

It's... big.

↓

Yes, it is big, isn't it.

↓

It is very... big.

↓

Dad, if the school has to pay you and Cartman 1.3 million dollars,

cartman dollars million million-dollars school

↓

where does that money come from?

money

↓

Well, Kyle, schools have lots of money.

kyle lots money schools

↓

You see, we all pay taxes,

taxes

↓

and part of that tax money goes to public schools.

money part public public-schools schools

↓

And it's from that money that we got our 1.3 million.

million money

↓

And you don't see a problem with that?

problem

↓

No, it's a very fragile system that nature has designed.

designed fragile nature system

↓

All things flow into each other.

flow

↓

You're trying to confuse me now, aren't you?

confuse

↓

Sort of, yeah.

↓

Okay, children, there's a few changes being made here at school,

changes children school

↓

but lessons will go on as normal.

lessons normal

↓

Any questions?

questions

↓

Yes, Stan?

stan

↓

Where's our desks?

desks

↓

Right, desks...

desks

↓

Well, a lot of cuts had to be made

cuts

↓

since the school's funding is short for lawsuits.

funding lawsuits schools short

↓

You see, Cartman?!

cartman

↓

You see what this has done?!

↓

All I know is I got this sweet digital watch,

digital sweet watch

↓

and these cool shoes...

cool shoes

↓

I'm telling you guys, suing people kicks ass.

kicks suing telling

↓

Wow, I wanna sue somebody!

somebody

↓

Me too, I wanna get a lawyer!

lawyer

↓

Yeah!

↓

Well, let's just try to cope with the changes

changes cope

↓

and do our school work.

school

↓

Now, I'm going to write a sentence

sentence write

↓

and I want you to tell me the noun...

↓

Agahaghhh!!

↓

I know, I know. I'm sorry, children

children

↓

but we can't afford chalk anymore.

afford anymore chalk

↓

I have to write on the chalkboard with this rusty nail.

nail rusty write

↓

Anyway, children, in the sentence "the ball is red"

ball children sentence

↓

Aaaghhhh!!

↓

Kids?

kids

↓

Are you tired of being harassed at school?

harassed school tired

↓

Sick of being called a "homo"?

called homo sick

↓

A "farty pants"?

pants

↓

A "butt...

butt

↓

...face"?

face

↓

Then call me, Kyle's dad, and I'll help you

kyles

↓

close the lid on sexual harassment in school!

close harassment school sexual sexual-harassment

↓

After a boy in my class tried to put his tongue in my mouth,

class mouth tongue tried

↓

I knew I needed legal help...

legal needed

↓

Kyle's dad helped me get a 1.6 million dollar settlement

dollar helped kyles million million-dollar settlement

↓

and this bright, new, shiny bicycle!

bicycle bright shiny

↓

Thank you, Kyle's dad!

kyles

↓

Kyle's dad got me 1.4 million and he can do it for you, too!

kyles million

↓

Just look at all these beautiful girls!

girls

↓

So call me, Kyle's dad!

kyles

↓

Because it's not about money, it's about--

money

↓

wait, what am I saying, call me!

↓

♪ Kids picking on you ♪

kids picking

↓

♪ Well, don't be sad ♪

↓

♪ Just sue their asses ♪

asses

↓

♪ With Kyle's dad ♪

kyles

↓

Alright, what other cuts do we have to make

alright cuts

↓

to the school budget?

budget school

↓

Uh, next we have Tom Morris,

morris

↓

he plays sexual harassment panda at the schools.

harassment harassment-panda panda plays schools sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

Oh, right.

↓

We certainly can't afford him anymore.

afford anymore certainly

↓

I warn you, Mr. Evans, Tom Morris takes his job a little seriously.

morris takes warn

↓

Hello sexual harassment cubs!

harassment sexual sexual-harassment

↓

♪ Who lives in the east 'neath a willer tree? ♪

east lives neath tree

↓

♪ Sexual Harassment Panda! ♪

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

Uh, have a seat, Mr. Morris.

morris seat

↓

Who?

↓

Uh... Sexual Harassment Panda.

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

Oh, alright!

alright

↓

Mr. Morris, we at the school board have been thinking,

board morris school school-board thinking

↓

And we've decided that perhaps a panda

decided panda perhaps

↓

isn't the best way to explain sexual harassment to children.

best children explain harassment sexual sexual-harassment

↓

You see, Mr. Morris, we believe that a panda

believe morris panda

↓

doesn't really have anything to do with sexual harassment...

harassment sexual sexual-harassment

↓

at all.

↓

I'm afraid we're just going to have to let you go.

afraid

↓

I'm a saaaaaaad panda.

panda

↓

Eric Cartman, it is the judgement of this court

cartman court eric eric-cartman

↓

that you sexually harassed Pip Phillip at school.

harassed phillip school sexually

↓

No way!

↓

I won!

↓

This is ridiculous!

ridiculous

↓

You asked Pip to suck your... You know what.

asked suck

↓

You must give Pip half your stuff.

half must stuff

↓

And the school must give Pip 1.6 million dollars.

dollars million million-dollars must school

↓

Oh dear God!

dear

↓

Wow, I'm good!

↓

Next!

↓

This girl touched my thigh.

girl thigh touched

↓

Half her belongings,

belongings half

↓

school is sued for 2.1 million.

million school sued

↓

We're ruined!

ruined

↓

Next!

↓

Uh, your honor, this young man

honor young

↓

commented on the shape of my ass.

shape

↓

Agh!

↓

Half his stuff.

half stuff

↓

Two million from the school.

million school

↓

Ahh!

↓

Okay, children, let's all take our seats...

children seats

↓

We have a lot to learn today.

learn today

↓

Okay... uh, Clyde,

clyde

↓

Can you tell me when Ulysses S. Grant was president?

grant president

↓

Um... - Don't answer that!

answer

↓

Uh, Craig how about you?

craig

↓

Uh-huh... okay...

↓

I refuse to answer on the grounds that

answer grounds refuse

↓

it may incinerate me.

↓

Incriminate.

↓

Incriminate.

↓

Okay, children, I'm having a real problem

children having problem real real-problem

↓

with you all having lawyers.

having lawyers

↓

It is really disrupting class time.

class

↓

Uh-huh...ri--oh, oh. I see. Oh, okay. Right.

↓

Kids, what I meant to say is that

kids meant

↓

I fully condone you all having lawyers

fully having lawyers

↓

and support your legal recourses in every way.

legal support

↓

Now, let's get back to Ulysses S. Grant,

grant

↓

if that's okay with you.

↓

Let's trade sandwiches.

sandwiches trade

↓

Hello there, children!

children

↓

Hey, Chef.

chef

↓

How's it going?

↓

Bad.

↓

Well they're about to get worse.

worse

↓

All I can serve you for lunch is lumpy potatoes.

lumpy lunch potatoes serve

↓

Lumpy potatoes?!

lumpy potatoes

↓

Oh no!

↓

Sorry, children, all my funding's been cut.

children

↓

Oh my God!

↓

You guys have to do something!

↓

Chef, how can we stop all these sexual ass-ment lawsuits?

chef lawsuits sexual

↓

I don't know, children.

children

↓

Why don't you ask your dad?

↓

He's a lawyer, ain't he?

aint lawyer

↓

I've tried talking to him,

tried

↓

but he doesn't want the lawsuits to stop.

lawsuits

↓

He's making too much money.

money

↓

Well, somebody else has got to know all about

somebody

↓

this sexual harassment whosafudge!

harassment sexual sexual-harassment

↓

Hey what about that stupid panda?!

panda stupid

↓

Yeah, Sexual Harassment Panda.

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

He's the one that started all this!

started

↓

We have to find him!

↓

Well, I hope you do.

hope

↓

Otherwise, it's lumpy potatoes from here on out.

lumpy otherwise potatoes

↓

Noooo!

noooo

↓

That's thirty-two more sexual harassment lawsuits

harassment lawsuits sexual sexual-harassment thirty

↓

in the past twenty-four hours.

four four-hours hours past twenty twenty-four

↓

Oh my God!

↓

Looks like we'll have to cut

↓

all counseling and nutrition programs.

counseling nutrition programs

↓

The children have started suing adults.

adults children started suing

↓

They could sue us next!

↓

Holy smokes, you're right!

holy holy-smokes smokes

↓

Excuse me, we'd like to speak with

excuse speak

↓

Sexual Harassment Panda, please.

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

Agh!

↓

Please, don't sue us!

↓

Huh?

↓

We'll give you anything you want!

↓

We want Sexual Harassment Panda.

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

Oh no, uh... we had to let him go.

↓

What?!

↓

Uh, I mean, he left.

left

↓

Well, where is he?

↓

We don't know, honestly!

↓

I swear it, please! Let us go!

swear

↓

What the hell is wrong with these people?!

↓

Well, your credentials are very impressive,

impressive

↓

and you do seem to have a lot of ambition...

ambition

↓

But I'm afraid there's no room for you

afraid room

↓

at our company at this time.

company

↓

It's because I'm a panda, isn't it?

panda

↓

Well, i-it is because you're a panda, eh--

panda

↓

It's because you're a "Sexual Harassment Panda".

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

I can't help what I am.

↓

Have you ever heard of a retreat called

called heard retreat

↓

the "Island of Misfit Mascots"?

island mascots misfit misfit-mascots

↓

Well, yes... but that place is for loser mascots

loser mascots place

↓

that make no sense.

sense

↓

Well, yes, they may be just what you're looking for.

looking

↓

I don't have to sit here and listen to this!

↓

How would you like a big panda punch in your puss?!

panda punch puss

↓

As sexual harassment lawsuits increase all over the state,

harassment increase lawsuits sexual sexual-harassment state

↓

the mother of all trials is set to begin.

begin mother trials

↓

The sexual harassment case of Everyone vs. Everyone begins tomorrow.

begins case harassment sexual sexual-harassment tomorrow

↓

No matter what the outcome,

matter outcome

↓

the public schools are sure to lose at least a whopping 30 million dollars.

dollars least lose million million-dollars public public-schools schools

↓

Representing the side of Everyone,

representing side

↓

is Gerald Broflofski, the lawyer from South Park

gerald lawyer park south south-park

↓

who plans to make quite a commission.

commission plans

↓

Representing the side of Everyone Else is...

representing side

↓

Gerald Broflofski!

gerald

↓

So whatever the outcome,

outcome

↓

things look very bright for Kyle's dad.

bright kyles

↓

Personally, I think Kyle's dad is just a whore,

kyles personally whore

↓

taking advantage of everyone in town and--

advantage town

↓

this just in: newscaster Kevin McCarty

kevin newscaster

↓

is being sued by Kyle's dad for slander!

kyles sued

↓

The newscaster has yet to be reached for comment!

comment newscaster reached

↓

Wait--

↓

♪ Some days just seem lonely ♪

days lonely

↓

♪ Still there don't seem to be no end in sight... ♪♪

sight

↓

Another scotch?

another scotch

↓

Hey... Panda Bear!

bear panda panda-bear

↓

We don't take kindly to your types in here.

kindly types

↓

Now, calm down, Skeeter, he ain't hurtin' nobody.

aint calm hurtin nobody skeeter

↓

No!

↓

I wanna know something from Mr. Panda Bear here.

bear panda panda-bear

↓

If you pandas are from mountainous areas of China and Tibet,

areas china pandas

↓

how come you eat bamboo

↓

which is prone to grow only in drier, more arid regions?

drier grow prone regions

↓

Skeeter, I don't want no trouble, now!

skeeter trouble

↓

It's okay. I get it.

↓

There's no room in the world for pandas.

pandas room world

↓

Well, you don't have to worry about me,

worry

↓

I'm off to the "Island of Misfit Mascots".

island mascots misfit misfit-mascots

↓

Dammit, Skeeter, how come every time a panda bear come in here

bear dammit panda panda-bear skeeter

↓

you gotta go flappin' your jaw!

↓

Well, what do you think, Kyle?

kyle

↓

Dad, don't you think our last new house was big enough?

house

↓

Well... this one is bigger!

bigger

↓

Tomorrow's trial, Everyone vs. Everyone,

tomorrows trial

↓

is going to make things a lot worse.

worse

↓

We have to stop it.

↓

Kyle, let me explain something to you.

explain kyle

↓

Oh God, here we go.

↓

You see, Kyle, we live in a liberal, democratic society.

democratic kyle liberal live society

↓

And democrats make sexual harassment laws.

harassment laws sexual sexual-harassment

↓

These laws tell us what we can and can't say in the workplace.

laws workplace

↓

And what we can and can't do in the workplace.

workplace

↓

Isn't that fascism?

↓

No, because we don't call it fascism.

↓

Do you understand?

↓

Do you?

↓

Just look at how big this house is, Kyle.

house kyle

↓

Just look at it.

↓

Excuse me.

excuse

↓

Yeah, what can I do for you?

↓

Somebody told us they saw a big panda bear in here.

bear panda panda-bear somebody

↓

Big panda bear, Big panda bear...

bear panda panda-bear

↓

Hey, eight-year-olds!

eight olds

↓

We don't take kindly to your types in here.

kindly types

↓

Now calm down, Skeeter, they ain't hurtin' nobody.

aint calm hurtin nobody skeeter

↓

No, I wanna know something from

↓

Mr. "I'm Eight Years Old" here,

eight eight-years years

↓

how come you "types" are always wearin'

types

↓

them funny padded shirts in the winter?

funny padded shirts winter

↓

Coats?

coats

↓

Now, Skeeter, I don't want no trouble.

skeeter trouble

↓

We don't take kindly to your types 'round here!

kindly round types

↓

Dude, what the hell is going on?

↓

Did you guys see a big panda bear in here or not?

bear panda panda-bear

↓

We don't take kindly to panda bears!

bears kindly panda

↓

Well we don't take kindly to you!

kindly

↓

We don't take kindly to folks

folks kindly

↓

that don't take kindly 'round here.

kindly round

↓

Kids, there was a panda bear in here.

bear kids panda panda-bear

↓

He said something about "The Island of Misfit Mascots".

island mascots misfit misfit-mascots

↓

Where's that?

↓

If I'm not mistaken, it's over near the Jenkin's place.

jenkins mistaken near place

↓

Come on, we better hurry!

hurry

↓

Whoa, look at her!

whoa

↓

Hey, beautiful woman!

woman

↓

We don't take kindly to your types 'round here.

kindly round types

↓

Now, Skeeter, she ain't hurtin' nobody!

aint hurtin nobody skeeter

↓

This is case number 47-G, Everyone vs. Everyone.

case number

↓

Representing the side of everyone is Gerald Broflofski.

gerald representing side

↓

Thank you, your Honor.

honor

↓

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury...

gentlemen jury ladies

↓

Everyone has committed a crime here,

committed crime

↓

and everyone must pay for that crime.

crime must

↓

My client, Everyone, has been hurt by this crime

client crime hurt

↓

and must be compensated.

must

↓

"Island of Misfit Mascots Commune."

commune island mascots misfit misfit-mascots

↓

This must be the place.

must place

↓

Hello there, boys.

boys

↓

Whoa, who are you?

whoa

↓

I'm Willy the Don't Stare Directly Into the Sun Worm.

directly stare willy worm

↓

Now you boys know not to stare directly into the sun, right?

boys directly stare

↓

Yes.

↓

That can burn your retinas and make you blind.

blind burn

↓

Thanks a lot, dude.

thanks

↓

Oink, oink!

oink oink-oink

↓

Be sure you run around with scissors,

scissors

↓

says Oinky, the Run Around With Scissors Pig!

scissors

↓

I thought you weren't supposed to run around with scissors.

scissors supposed

↓

That's why he's on the Island of Misfit Mascots.

island mascots misfit misfit-mascots

↓

Have you seen any panda bears?

bears panda seen

↓

Hmmm...

hmmm

↓

Hey kids, I'm Jimmy the Don't Hold on to a Large Magnet

jimmy kids

↓

While Someone Else Uses a Fan Nearby, Falcon.

falcon nearby uses

↓

What?

↓

Here, watch!

watch

↓

Mprhhh, ahhhhhh!

↓

See?!

↓

Oh my God, they killed Kenny!

kenny killed killed-kenny

↓

You bastard!

bastard

↓

Hey, there he is!

↓

♪ Who lives in the east 'neath a willer tree? ♪

east lives neath tree

↓

♪ Sexual Harassment Panda ♪

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

Dude, are we glad to find you!

glad

↓

You have to come back to South Park, quick!

park quick south south-park

↓

Why?

↓

Because everyone is suing everyone else

suing

↓

and you're pretty much the cause of it all.

↓

Seems all I do now is cause trouble.

seems trouble

↓

Hello kids, I'm Hoppy

kids

↓

the Don't Do Stuff That Might Irritate Your Inner Ear Badger.

inner irritate might stuff

↓

Well. I'll leave now.

↓

Please, Sexual Harassment Panda, people listen to you.

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

You have to get them to stop suing each other.

suing

↓

But I'm just a panda.

panda

↓

No you're not, dude!

↓

You're a guy in a panda costume!

costume panda

↓

Hey, I am a real worm, pal!

real worm

↓

Okay. Sorry, sorry.

↓

Y-You're a real worm.

real worm

↓

T-That's cool, that's cool.

cool

↓

Okay, you are a panda.

panda

↓

But being Sexual Harassment Panda

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

isn't helping anyone right now.

helping

↓

You used to use your panda powers

panda powers used

↓

to teach people about sexual harassment.

harassment sexual sexual-harassment teach

↓

But now you need to teach a new message,

message teach

↓

a new message that people will find useful again.

message useful

↓

What message?

message

↓

That people shouldn't sue each other all the time.

↓

You know, you little cubs might just be right.

might

↓

Yeah.

↓

Okay!

↓

Your Honor, I'd like to make my closing arguments--

arguments closing honor

↓

Wait!

↓

Hey, it's Sexual Harassment Panda.

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

No, he's a whole new panda now, and he's got something to say...

panda whole

↓

Hello everyone, I'm Peetie the Don't Sue People Panda.

panda

↓

"Don't Sue People Panda"?

panda

↓

Hey, we don't take kindly

kindly

↓

to folks that don't sue people 'round here.

folks round

↓

Now, Skeeter, he ain't hurtin' nobody.

aint hurtin nobody skeeter

↓

Listen to me.

↓

When you sue somebody it hurts everyone.

hurts somebody

↓

You sue for money,

money

↓

but where do you think that money comes from?

comes money

↓

From the schools, from taxes, from the state... from you.

schools state taxes

↓

There's no such thing as free money.

free money

↓

When you sue somebody, you take money away from parks,

money parks somebody

↓

and schools and charities and put it in your own pockets.

pockets schools

↓

And that makes me a saaaad panda.

makes panda

↓

I'm a sad panda, too.

panda

↓

I'm a really sad panda.

panda

↓

I didn't know we were doing all that damage.

damage

↓

This is all that damn lawyer's fault!

fault lawyers

↓

Yeah, let's sue the lawyer!

lawyer

↓

Yeah!

↓

No! Don't you see?

↓

The panda is right!

panda

↓

Boy, what a great message he has.

message

↓

When you sue people, you just end up causing

causing

↓

a lot of problems for society!

problems society

↓

I've really learned something today.

learned today

↓

All I could see was the millions of dollars coming to me,

coming dollars millions

↓

and I didn't care about where the money came from.

care money

↓

Well, I'm no longer doing sexual harassment lawsuits in schools.

harassment lawsuits longer schools sexual sexual-harassment

↓

They're too vague and too easily corruptible.

easily vague

↓

Thank you, Sexual Harassment Panda!

harassment harassment-panda panda sexual sexual-harassment sexual-harassment-panda

↓

Don't Sue People Panda.

panda

↓

Yeah, well, whatever.

↓

So, let's not sue anyone again.

↓

Okay, come on guys,

↓

let's go get some ice cream!

cream

↓

Hooray!

hooray

↓

Pandas love ice cream!

cream love pandas

↓

Well, seeing as we have no lawyers.

lawyers seeing

↓

I'm throwing the case out.

case throwing

↓

Case dismissed!

case dismissed

↓

Hey!

↓

We don't take kindly to cases being dismissed 'round here.

cases dismissed kindly round

↓

Goddamnit Skeeter, shut the hell up.

goddamnit skeeter

↓

Hello, cubs!

↓

I'm "Don't Sue People Panda"

panda

↓

with an important message for you!

message

↓

Lawsuits damage our society.

damage lawsuits society

↓

I know it's tempting to make money,

money tempting

↓

but just remember, that money has to come from somewhere.

money remember

↓

And usually it ends up hurting a lot of innocent people!

ends hurting innocent usually

↓

So until next time,

↓

don't let frivolous sexual harassment lawsuits

harassment lawsuits sexual sexual-harassment

↓

ruin our schools!

ruin schools

↓

Goodbye now!

goodbye