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Home » South Park » S03E02 — Spontaneous Combustion

South Park

Season 3, Episode 2 — Spontaneous Combustion

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Spontaneous Combustion

Air date: April 14, 1999

Director: Matt Stone

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Milan Agnone, Jennifer Howell

Kenny spontaneously combusts. The mayor asks Randy Marsh to find a solution. The boys try to help Kyle's dad to get an erection. One way they think they can help is by performing the Stations of the Cross at church crucifying Cartman and waiting three days for his res-erection. Randy Marsh figures out the reason everyone is combusting is because they are withholding their farts.

Source: TMDB

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♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

↓

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

headed park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

♪ So come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

Is this what you're looking for, Kyle?

kyle looking

↓

No, I don't think so.

↓

How about this?

↓

No, that's a hair dryer!

dryer hair

↓

Can I help you find something?

↓

Yeah, do you have any "ne-rections"?

↓

Any what?

↓

I need to get a ne-rection for my dad.

rection

↓

Very funny boys, go on, beat it!

beat boys funny

↓

Why is that funny?

funny

↓

Dude, my mom and dad keep fighting all the time.

fighting

↓

And it's 'cause my dad doesn't have a ne-rection.

rection

↓

So I wanna get him one!

↓

Dammit, what the hell is wrong with everybody?

dammit everybody

↓

That's the 5th store we've been kicked out of.

kicked store

↓

Why is it so hard to get a ne-rection?

hard rection

↓

I just want a ne-rection so I can give it to my mom. - What?

rection

↓

Where you gonna go, Kenny to see your girlfriend, again?

girlfriend kenny

↓

You spend way too much time with that girl--

girl spend

↓

Oh my God, they killed Kenny!

kenny killed killed-kenny

↓

You bastards!

bastards

↓

What the hell happened to him?

happened

↓

He just... ignited!

↓

What happened?

happened

↓

I saw it from across the street.

street

↓

He just caught on fire!

caught fire

↓

Okay people, stand back,

stand

↓

give the little burnt boy some breathing room.

breathing burnt room

↓

I've heard about this, this is "spontaneous combustion"!

combustion heard spontaneous spontaneous-combustion

↓

But it usually happens to fat people near open flames!

flames happens near open usually

↓

Is it contagious?

contagious

↓

Am I going to spontaneously combust?

combust spontaneously

↓

I hope nothing happens to me.

happens hope

↓

This is very scary!

scary

↓

The people are panicking about spontaneous combustion!

combustion panicking spontaneous spontaneous-combustion

↓

That's why I've assembled this crack team of scientists

crack scientists team

↓

to find out the cause of this phenomenon.

↓

You are the best scientific minds South Park has to offer.

best minds offer park scientific south south-park

↓

Uh... Mayor, I'm a geologist.

geologist mayor

↓

I don't study human biology, I study the Earth.

biology earth human study

↓

You're the only scientist that lives in this town.

lives scientist town

↓

You have to find an answer before more people combust.

answer combust

↓

You do that, and you'll be the most beloved man in South Park.

beloved park south south-park

↓

Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!

randy randy-randy randy-randy-randy

↓

Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!

randy randy-randy randy-randy-randy

↓

We love you Randy.

love randy

↓

Make love to me, Randy, please!

love randy

↓

Wow!

↓

Marsh, I'm not asking you I'm telling you--

asking marsh telling

↓

find the cause of spontaneous combustion

combustion spontaneous spontaneous-combustion

↓

or else!

↓

Or else, what?

↓

Exactly!

↓

Dude, he looks so peaceful

peaceful

↓

without his little orange coat on.

coat orange

↓

Yeah...

↓

The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away...

lord taketh

↓

Sometimes the giveth seems a little disproportionate to the taketh...

seems sometimes taketh

↓

There seems to be a lot more taketh-ing going on

seems taketh

↓

but there it is.

↓

Perhaps if more of you attended church on Sundays

attended church perhaps sundays

↓

the Lord would not have felt it necessary

lord necessary

↓

to punish us by taketh-ing this little boy...

punish taketh

↓

Oh, here comes the guilt trip, again.

comes guilt trip

↓

Now let us pray.

pray

↓

Lord, though we have lost Neil Smith to free-agency

agency free lord lost neil smith

↓

and Steve Atwater to the Jets,

atwater jets steve

↓

still we hope our beloved Broncos

beloved broncos hope

↓

can bring home another Super Bowl championship.

another bowl bring bring-home championship home super super-bowl

↓

And once again bathe in the glory of your light.

bathe glory light

↓

Amen.

amen

↓

Amen! Amen! Amen!

amen amen-amen

↓

♪ Let's go... ♪

↓

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

↓

♪ Broncos... ♪

broncos

↓

Broncos! Broncos! Broncos!

broncos

↓

♪ Let's go, Broncos... ♪

broncos

↓

Broncos, let's go!! Broncos, let's go!!

broncos

↓

Wow, that was short!

short

↓

Boys, I haven't seen you in church, lately.

boys church lately seen

↓

Well, I'm Jewish!

jewish

↓

You're not too Jewish to worship Jesus, are you?

jesus jewish worship

↓

I guess not.

↓

Good. Boys, how would you like to perform

boys perform

↓

the "Stations of the Cross" this Friday night?

cross friday friday-night night stations

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It's like a skit, where you re-enact the death

death

↓

and glorious resurrection of Jesus Christ.

christ glorious jesus jesus-christ resurrection

↓

Hey, "resurrection," that's what my dad needs!

needs resurrection

↓

Huh?

↓

We'll do it!

↓

Wonderful, here's a book on how to perform it.

book perform

↓

Don't let me down, boys!

boys

↓

Dude, this is great!

↓

You know all the Stations of the Cross, right Stan?

cross stan stations

↓

I dunno, dude.

dunno

↓

I'm gonna have to go look in the Bible.

bible

↓

Goodnight, Jerry.

goodnight jerry

↓

See ya, Tom, bye, Helen.

helen

↓

Bye Jer-

↓

Oh my God, another one!

another

↓

Helen, no!

helen

↓

What happened?

happened

↓

God must be very angry with us.

angry must

↓

But why-how have we angered you, Lord?

lord

↓

Now let's see, if they combust...

combust

↓

No.. no...

↓

Dad, where's our Bible?

bible

↓

Not now Stan, I have to find out what causes

causes stan

↓

spontaneous combustion, or else.

combustion spontaneous spontaneous-combustion

↓

Or else, what?

↓

Exactly.

↓

What?

↓

Right.

↓

Where's our Bible?

bible

↓

It's in the attic with the old LP's.

attic

↓

Boys, did you notice anything strange about Kenny

boys kenny notice strange

↓

in the weeks leading up to his combustion?

combustion leading weeks

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What did he spend his time doing?

spend

↓

He didn't do anything.

↓

He was always with his new girlfriend.

girlfriend

↓

New girlfriend?

girlfriend

↓

Yeah, he started seeing this girl and he spent

girl seeing spent started

↓

all his time taking the bus to go visit her.

visit

↓

What does that have to do with his death?

death

↓

Maybe nothing... Maybe everything.

↓

We're gonna go work on getting Kyle's dad a ne-rection.

kyles rection

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Yes, yes, of course.

course

↓

I've got work to do.

↓

What!

↓

"Jesus got crucified, then he died,

crucified died jesus

↓

then 3 days later he had his nerection."

days nerection

↓

There's 14 Stations of the Cross.

cross stations

↓

It says we can make costumes out of sheets!

costumes sheets

↓

This is gonna be fun!

fun

↓

I'm gonna be Jesus!

jesus

↓

You're too fat to be Jesus!

jesus

↓

Oh, like you're gonna do it, Jew!

↓

Stan should be Jesus.

jesus stan

↓

Either I'm gonna be Jesus or screw you guys

jesus screw

↓

I'm going home!

home

↓

You're such a fat baby!

baby

↓

Well I guess you guys can do the Stations of the Cross

cross stations

↓

by yourselves!

yourselves

↓

Alright, you can be Jesus, you tubby cry-baby!

alright baby jesus tubby

↓

Sticks and stones may break my bones

bones break sticks stones

↓

but I'm Jesus and you aren't!

jesus

↓

Alright, alright, let's try it again--

alright alright-alright

↓

Kenny was standing here.

kenny standing

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Stan, Kyle and Cartman were walking around him...

cartman kyle stan stan-kyle walking

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Okay, now walk.

walk

↓

Do you feel hot?

↓

Uh, no.

↓

Dammit, how come you're not combusting?

dammit

↓

Come on, Randy, you said we were gonna drink beer and watch the fight!

beer drink drink-beer fight randy watch

↓

Another one combusted!

another

↓

No-had she been doing anything odd?

↓

No, she was just on her way to her new boyfriend's house.

boyfriends house

↓

Boyfriend, and they said Kenny had a new girlfriend.

boyfriend girlfriend kenny

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This is stupid, screw you guys I'm going home.

home screw stupid

↓

No! I think I might have it.

might

↓

Well, well, well, a lot of you came to church.

church

↓

Looks like we're all nervous

nervous

↓

about this spontaneous combustion thing, huh?

combustion spontaneous spontaneous-combustion

↓

Yeah! Yeah! Uh-huh!

↓

Well, on the blessed Friday, let us give thanks for stuff...

blessed friday stuff thanks

↓

and things.

↓

Lord, is it so much to ask

lord

↓

that you not let us burst into flames for no apparent reason?

burst flames reason

↓

I mean... c'mon! Amen.

amen

↓

And now, some of our darling local children

children darling local

↓

are going to perform the Stations of the Cross.

cross perform stations

↓

Awww... Awww... - How cute!

awww cute

↓

Station 1-Jesus is condemned to death by pilate.

death jesus station

↓

Die! - Ow!

↓

You can do what you will

↓

but I am the lamb of God.

lamb

↓

Awwww...

↓

Station 2-- Jesus takes his cross.

cross jesus station takes

↓

This cross is seriously heavy

cross heavy

↓

Oh man, this is totally weak.

weak

↓

And then Jesus' disciple, Peter, denies he knows him.

jesus knows peter

↓

Peter!

peter

↓

I don't know you, dude.

↓

Oh Peter, weak. Peter, lame.

lame peter weak

↓

But I'm Jesus so I forgive you, I guess.

forgive jesus

↓

Mayor.

mayor

↓

Mayor, I have it!

mayor

↓

I found out why people spontaneously combust! - Why?

combust found spontaneously

↓

It's too complicated to explain over the phone.

complicated explain phone

↓

Call a town meeting tomorrow.

meeting tomorrow town

↓

Okay, if you're right about this, Marsh

marsh

↓

you're going to be the most popular man in South Park!

park popular south south-park

↓

Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!

randy randy-randy randy-randy-randy

↓

Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!

randy randy-randy randy-randy-randy

↓

We love you Randy.

love randy

↓

Make love to me, Randy, please!

love randy

↓

Wowww!

↓

Schmuck!

↓

Station 11-- Jesus is nailed to the cross.

cross jesus nailed station

↓

Oh, this has gone from weak to super-weak.

gone super weak

↓

Things cannot get any more weak for me.

cannot weak

↓

Then a crown of thorns was placed on Jesus' head.

crown head jesus placed thorns

↓

And Jesus was all like-- "thanks!"

jesus thanks

↓

Well, this sucks that I have to die.

sucks

↓

But if I die, everyone's sins will be forgiven.

everyones forgiven sins

↓

So I guess it's cool.

cool

↓

And then Jesus was led away to Mount Sinai

jesus mount

↓

where he died, and has a res-erection three days later.

days died erection three three-days

↓

Hi mom!

↓

Thank you boys, blessed be the name of Jesus.

blessed boys jesus name

↓

it's a great name, isn't it.

name

↓

Hey, that went really well, they really liked it!

liked

↓

Yeah, told you I'd be a sweet Jesus, you guys...

jesus sweet sweet-jesus

↓

Aw man, at least the real Jesus didn't weigh 400 pounds!

jesus least pounds real weigh weigh-pounds

↓

Up your ass with broken glass!

broken broken-glass glass

↓

This spot looks good.

spot

↓

Yeah, that looks pretty good!

↓

Okay, cool, see ya' Cartman.

cartman cool

↓

Hey, wait, where the hell you going?

↓

I dunno, home, I guess.

dunno home

↓

Yeah, me too.

↓

Well, get me down from he'a!

↓

Cartman, how stupid are you?

cartman stupid

↓

Didn't you read the Bible?

bible read

↓

We have to leave you up there until you die

↓

and then you come back to life in three days.

days life three three-days

↓

Yeah, dummy you have to get a nerection.

dummy nerection

↓

Then I can give it to my dad!

↓

Hey! I don't wanna be Jesus anymore!

anymore jesus

↓

Don't leave me here, you guys!!

↓

Alright, that does it!

alright

↓

Screw you guys... I'm going home.

home screw

↓

Okay, I'm getting pissed, now!

pissed

↓

Yahhhhh!

↓

All right, people, Scientist Marsh and I

marsh scientist

↓

have been working very hard on the problem

hard problem working

↓

of spontaneous combustion.

combustion spontaneous spontaneous-combustion

↓

And we have finally come up with a solution!

finally solution

↓

Mr. Marsh?

marsh

↓

The little boy combusted because he had a new girlfriend.

girlfriend

↓

It wasn't the girl that caused him to combust

caused combust girl

↓

it was the fact that Kenny didn't want to

fact kenny

↓

pass gas in front of her.

front pass

↓

You see, as food is digested the natural processes

food natural

↓

give off a by-product known as methane gas.

known methane product

↓

The methane gathers here in the bowel area where it causes pressure.

area bowel causes methane pressure

↓

Normally, a person would expel this buildup

normally person

↓

in the form of a pleasant fart.

fart form pleasant

↓

Should the gas not be expelled, the methane can build up

build expelled methane

↓

and then ignite, leading to...

leading

↓

disaster!

disaster

↓

Kenny combusted because he held his farts in for too long.

farts held kenny

↓

You mean, all we have to do is fart and we won't explode?

explode fart

↓

Exactly!

↓

So, from this day forward, everyone in South Park

forward park south south-park

↓

will be required to fart on a regular basis

basis fart regular required

↓

to insure that nobody else spontaneously explodes.

explodes nobody spontaneously

↓

Randy, Randy, Randy!

randy randy-randy randy-randy-randy

↓

We love you, Randy!

love randy

↓

Make love to me, Randy, please!

love randy

↓

Whoa, dude, my dad's famous!

dads famous whoa

↓

Let's go see how Cartman's doing with his a nerection.

cartmans nerection

↓

Wow, he died!

died

↓

Now we've just got to wait for his erection

erection

↓

and I can give it to my dad!

↓

Hey, there you guys are!

↓

You guys are in big trouble, now get me down from he'a!

trouble

↓

How come you're not dead yet?

dead

↓

I am thirsty get me down, right now.

thirsty

↓

Look fat ass, after you die, and get resur-erected,

↓

you'll have all kinds of super powers like Jesus!

jesus kinds powers super

↓

Really?

↓

So hurry up and die you piece of crap!

hurry piece

↓

When I get my super powers

powers super

↓

I'm gonna use 'em to smote you two assholes right off the planet!

assholes planet smote

↓

Hey, superpowers are sweet!

superpowers sweet

↓

Hi, boys.

boys

↓

Hi, Mr. Macky.

↓

Have you boys been sure to pass gas regularly

boys pass regularly

↓

so you don't spontaneously combust?

combust spontaneously

↓

We know how to fart, Mr. Macky.

fart

↓

Well let me show you, to be sure, okay?

↓

C'mon...

↓

Jesus Christ!

christ jesus jesus-christ

↓

Sick, dude!

sick

↓

I had a steak wrapped with bacon, last night.

bacon night steak wrapped

↓

Dude, I think you, pulled mud!

pulled

↓

So you boys understand,

boys

↓

you have to do that regularly, okay?

regularly

↓

Okay, just go away!

↓

That was not cool at all, dude!

cool

↓

Hello boys, have you seen Eric around anywhere?

boys eric seen

↓

Uh, we've been taking care of him.

care

↓

Yeah, we're having him resur-erected.

having

↓

Oh alright, I was just at the store buying some apples!

alright apples buying store

↓

Apples?

apples

↓

Yeah, apples!

apples

↓

Apples, get it?

apples

↓

Dude!

↓

Stinky apples, see you, boys!

apples boys stinky

↓

I don't think I like this new law!

↓

Squeeker!

↓

and so I declare today, "Randy Marsh Day".

declare marsh randy randy-marsh today

↓

Where we shall remember forever how he freed us all

forever freed remember

↓

from the threat of spontaneous combustion.

combustion spontaneous spontaneous-combustion threat

↓

Gentlemen...

gentlemen

↓

You're the best, Randy!

best randy

↓

I am?... I am, huh!

↓

I never knew the depth of my scientific genius until now.

depth genius scientific

↓

It's too bad Cartman can't be here to enjoy this.

cartman enjoy

↓

Yeah.

↓

Guys, somebody get me down from he'a!

somebody

↓

Officer Barbrady!

barbrady officer officer-barbrady

↓

"t"... "t" is for "turtle"!

turtle

↓

Hey, help me, you son-of-a-bitch!

bitch

↓

I'm going to die up here!

↓

We now return to the 42nd annual Nobel Prize Awards.

annual awards nobel nobel-prize prize return

↓

Here again, your host, Whoopie Goldberg.

host whoopie

↓

Republicans are so stupid...

republicans stupid

↓

I hate Republicans.

hate republicans

↓

Republicans are so stupid.

republicans stupid

↓

And now, here to present the Nobel Prize for Science,

nobel nobel-prize present prize science

↓

here is Nick Nolte.

nick

↓

Science-is-good, science-is-very-im-por-tant.

science

↓

This year's nominees are:

nominees years

↓

Herald R. Pinkerton for his further development of the Grand

development further grand herald

↓

Unified Theory of Physics.

physics theory

↓

Randy Marsh for his for formulated Break Wind Theory

break marsh randy randy-marsh theory wind

↓

on Spontaneous Combustion.

combustion spontaneous spontaneous-combustion

↓

And Alfonz Mephesto for his Seven-Assed Galapagos turtle.

assed seven turtle

↓

And the Nobel Prize goes to:

nobel nobel-prize prize

↓

Randy Marsh for the Theory of Spontaneous Fart-ing!

fart marsh randy randy-marsh spontaneous theory

↓

No... this can't be!

↓

Wow! Wow! Oh, wow!

↓

I'm the best! Yeahh! Yeahh!

best

↓

It's just so amazing to be told that you're the best.

amazing best

↓

I thought I was just a normal person, like all of you

normal normal-person person

↓

but.. yeahhh!

↓

Thank you for showing me otherwise.

otherwise showing

↓

Yeah! I kick ass! Yeahh!

kick

↓

Fix... fix!

↓

That was supposed to be my award.

award supposed

↓

I'll get him for this, mark my words!

mark words

↓

Wow, my dad's the best!

best dads

↓

All other dads suck compared to my dad!

compared dads suck

↓

Hey, my dad's pretty cool too!

cool dads

↓

I'm sorry, honey.

honey

↓

It's okay, I'll just call some 20-year-old

↓

and have him come over.

↓

What!

↓

I'm just kidding!

kidding

↓

That's not funny, that hurt my feelings!

feelings funny hurt

↓

Why?

↓

Kyle!

kyle

↓

Don't worry you guys, I'm getting a nerection as we speak.

nerection speak worry

↓

Huh?

↓

Actually, Cartman's getting a nerection.

cartmans nerection

↓

But then we're gonna give it to you.

↓

So... buck up!

buck

↓

We have a very strange little boy, Gerald.

gerald strange

↓

Dude, you're still not dead!

dead

↓

My mom is totally worried about me,

worried

↓

you better let me down.

↓

She's not worried about you.

worried

↓

Yes she is, I've been hearing her all day, listen!

hearing

↓

"Eric, Eric, where are you? I miss you very much!"

eric eric-eric miss

↓

That's not your mom, calling!

calling

↓

"Yes it is, you guys.

↓

This is Eric's mom and I want him home right now."

erics home

↓

How stupid do you think we are?

stupid

↓

Now you die on that cross and get resurrected

cross

↓

before I kick your ass!

kick

↓

You guys, it's too hot out he'a.

↓

I can't do this!

↓

He is right. It has been getting really hot lately.

lately

↓

Yeah, I noticed that, too.

noticed

↓

Let go get some ice cold lemonade!

cold lemonade

↓

Hey, yeah!

↓

Ugh, goddammit!

goddammit

↓

You guys, wanna hear my "I hate Stan and Kyle" song?

hate kyle song stan

↓

♪ I hate Stan and Kyle ♪

hate kyle stan

↓

♪ I seriously hate Stan and Kyle... ♪♪

hate kyle stan

↓

My God, it's burning up in here!

burning

↓

Can't we crank the AC up some more?

crank

↓

It's already on "full".

full

↓

You wanted to see me, Mayor?

mayor wanted

↓

Yes, Marsh, we have a new problem

marsh problem

↓

and I think only you can solve it.

solve

↓

I suspect you're talking about the dramatic heat wave.

dramatic heat heat-wave suspect wave

↓

Yes, the temperature's steadily rising every day!

rising temperatures

↓

I want you to find out why.

↓

Mayor, I think I'm a little over-qualified for this.

mayor qualified

↓

My scientific mind is best used on global problems.

best global mind problems scientific used

↓

Alright, alright name your price.

alright alright-alright name price

↓

Ten thousand, I have to protect my talent.

protect talent thousand

↓

Done, just find out what's happening.

↓

Don't worry, mayor I'll find the cause.

mayor worry

↓

Or else... or else what? Exactly.

↓

What the...?

↓

Oh, what now?

↓

Chef, Chef!

chef

↓

Children, what the hell are you doin'?

children doin

↓

Just get me down from here!

↓

Oh finally, my arms are killing me!

arms finally killing

↓

You children shouldn't be out

children

↓

crucifying yourselves in this heat!

heat yourselves

↓

Sweet... Now I'm gonna go kill those guys!

kill sweet

↓

Eric, I have to tell you something

eric

↓

and it's really gonna bum you out.

↓

What?

↓

It's really gonna piss you off!

piss

↓

This is just a dream, you're still up on that cross!

cross dream

↓

Ohh, dammit!

dammit

↓

Dad, where's the phone book?

book phone

↓

Not now Stanley, without my scientific genius

genius scientific stanley

↓

the town is doomed.

doomed town

↓

Let see, when exactly did the temperature start to go up?

start temperature

↓

Our topic tonight is the rising temperatures in South Park.

park rising south south-park temperatures tonight topic

↓

Let's go to the phones, caller you're on the air.

caller phones

↓

Yeah Jesus, after you got crucified,

crucified jesus

↓

how long did it take you to die and resurrect?

↓

Stan? - That's not the topic tonight.

stan tonight topic

↓

The topic is global warming.

global global-warming topic warming

↓

Oh...

↓

Do you have an opinion on global warming?

global global-warming opinion warming

↓

Uh... it sucks ass.

sucks

↓

Okay... thank you caller.

caller

↓

Let's go to our first guest, Dr. Alfonse Mephesto.

guest

↓

You claim to know the cause of global warming in South Park.

claim global global-warming park south south-park warming

↓

I most certainly do.

certainly

↓

The cause of global warming is...

global global-warming warming

↓

Randy Marsh!

marsh randy randy-marsh

↓

It was Marsh's Theory on Spontaneous Combustion

combustion spontaneous spontaneous-combustion theory

↓

that told everyone to fart all they want.

fart

↓

Now all the methane from all those farts

farts methane

↓

has ripped a hole in our ozone layer.

hole layer ozone ripped

↓

We are all doomed to die!

doomed

↓

Awww, crap!

awww

↓

We want answers! - You've killed us all!

answers killed

↓

Someone's got to pay! - This is out of control!

control someones

↓

Boy, they're really pissed!

pissed

↓

Well, they're right, we should have known

known

↓

that all that methane would adversely affect the atmosphere.

affect atmosphere methane

↓

Well, let's go talk to them.

↓

Stick by me.

stick

↓

Hey, you've killed us all!

killed

↓

Cram that Nobel Prize up your ass!

cram nobel nobel-prize prize

↓

Oh my God what's going on?

↓

Now we either hold in our farts and spontaneously combust

combust farts spontaneously

↓

or we let our farts out and kill our entire planet!

entire farts kill planet

↓

Well, I for one, am not farting anymore!

anymore farting

↓

uh, I'll try to find a solution.

solution

↓

We don't want your solutions, phony!

phony solutions

↓

Gimme that!

↓

Damn you, Marsh, get out of town!

marsh town

↓

You fraud!

fraud

↓

Oh... oh... oh... oh!

↓

Mr. Garrison, help me!

garrison

↓

I-I do not know you sir.

↓

Oh... oh...

↓

Up yours!!

↓

Yeah take that!!

↓

Dude, that's my dad!

↓

Oh, yeah, sorry!

↓

The spontaneous combustion problem escalates

combustion problem spontaneous spontaneous-combustion

↓

as more and more people go back to holding in their farts.

farts holding

↓

Meanwhile the ozone layer continues to deplete

continues layer meanwhile ozone

↓

as others refuse to hold in their farts

farts others refuse

↓

for fear of combustion.

combustion fear

↓

As we all know, the cause for all of this

↓

is Randy Marsh.

marsh randy randy-marsh

↓

The son-of-a-bitch who calls himself a scientist.

bitch calls scientist

↓

We caught up with Mr. Marsh and he had this to say.

caught marsh

↓

Uhh... I don't know what to say.

↓

What an asshole, I hate that guy and so do you.

asshole hate

↓

And now on to the weather. It's fucking hot,

fucking weather

↓

thanks to Randy Marsh, son-of-a-bitch.

bitch marsh randy randy-marsh thanks

↓

Dude, those people are pissed!

pissed

↓

I know, wow!

↓

Where's your dad?

↓

He's hiding down in the basement!

basement hiding

↓

I don't know what to do!

↓

Well, you have to help him,

↓

just like I have to help my dad.

↓

Still more effects from the heat wave

effects heat heat-wave wave

↓

caused by Randy Marsh!

caused marsh randy randy-marsh

↓

A giant glacier is melting above South Park

giant melting park south south-park

↓

and the entire town is doomed.

doomed entire town

↓

And now these messages--

messages

↓

Having a hard time with male potency?

hard having male

↓

Well I don't and I'm Bob Dole.

dole

↓

What's wrong with you?

↓

Christ, I'm Bob Dole and I can get it up!

christ dole

↓

Are you a lawyer?

lawyer

↓

Yes!

↓

We want to sue Randy Marsh.

marsh randy randy-marsh

↓

Why?

↓

He gave us skin cancer!

cancer skin

↓

Yeah, he put that hole in the ozone

hole ozone

↓

and now we've got skin cancer all over our hot bodies.

bodies cancer skin

↓

Look...!

↓

What are you doing, Dad!

↓

Stanley, I think it's best, you live with Kyle from now on.

best kyle live stanley

↓

His dad is better than me.

↓

No he's not, he can't even get a nerection.

nerection

↓

Ha, really?

↓

Dad, you've got to work!

↓

People are dying, you've got to come up with a solution.

dying solution

↓

Not me, I'm not a scientist, I'm a hack.

hack scientist

↓

Even if I found a solution

found solution

↓

those people would still all hate me.

hate

↓

Well that doesn't matter!

matter

↓

I learned something from the Stations of the Cross.

cross learned stations

↓

What?

↓

See, at first Jesus was all like, "why me?"

jesus

↓

And he was all pissed off and stuff.

pissed stuff

↓

But then he saw that what mattered most was everybody else

everybody mattered

↓

so he stopped thinking about his own misery

misery stopped thinking

↓

and did what had to be done.

↓

Right as Jesus was dying, he raised his hand and said,

dying hand jesus raised

↓

"the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."

needs

↓

You're right, Stanley, you're absolutely right.

absolutely stanley

↓

Hey, that Bible sounds like kind of a good book.

bible book sounds

↓

It's ain't bad, you should try reading it sometime.

aint reading sometime

↓

Dude, that was "Star Trek" again.

star star-trek trek

↓

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few?"

needs

↓

That was The Wrath of Khan.

khan wrath

↓

Bible, Wrath of Khan, what's the difference?

bible difference khan wrath

↓

Alright, now let's get to work!

alright

↓

♪ I've been tellin' everybody that you're my girl ♪

everybody girl tellin

↓

♪ 'cause I'm not one to be shy ♪

↓

♪ You don't have to go with me if you don't want ♪

↓

♪ Just tell everybody I'm your guy ♪

everybody

↓

♪ You and me girl, it's forever ♪

forever girl

↓

♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪

↓

♪ I've been tellin' everybody that you're my girl ♪

everybody girl tellin

↓

♪ 'cause I'm not one to be shy ♪

↓

♪ I've been tellin' everybody that you're my girl ♪

everybody girl tellin

↓

♪ 'cause I'm not one to be shy ♪

↓

♪ You don't have to go with me if you don't want ♪

↓

♪ Just tell everybody I'm your guy ♪

everybody

↓

♪ You and me girl, it's forever ♪

forever girl

↓

♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪

↓

♪ You and me girl, together forever ♪

forever girl

↓

Dad... Dad!

↓

Wow...

↓

Dad, what are you doing, you have to get started!

started

↓

Right, right, right...

↓

Kyle, where's your mother?

kyle mother

↓

She's upstairs!

upstairs

↓

Well, I have something to give to her!

↓

Don't worry, Kyle,

kyle worry

↓

everything's going to be okay between me and your mom.

everythings

↓

Really? Great!

↓

I don't have to worry about that anymore.

anymore worry

↓

Hello?

↓

Look, there he is, get him!

↓

Ummm... please, everyone...

ummm

↓

You're a dead man, Marsh!

dead marsh

↓

Please, listen to me I think I've found the answer.

answer found

↓

Could I borrow one of your rocks?

borrow rocks

↓

It's all about moderation, if you never fart, you combust

combust fart

↓

but if you always fart, you deplete the ozone.

fart ozone

↓

So we must fart only at appropriate times

appropriate fart must times

↓

or when it's really, really funny.

funny

↓

Huh? - Huh?

↓

I know you all hate me

hate

↓

but please, for your own sake, fart in moderation.

fart sake

↓

You can keep stoning me now, if you want.

↓

Ow!

↓

And so, we salute Randy Marsh

marsh randy randy-marsh salute

↓

and his "Unified Theory of Moderation"

theory

↓

that has saved us all!

saved

↓

See, my dad is the coolest, after all!

coolest

↓

Well, my dad's--

dads

↓

Ooh-Cartman!

cartman

↓

I forgot all about him!

forgot

↓

He's been up there for like, 3 weeks!

weeks

↓

Wow!

↓

That's amazing!

amazing

↓

Hey guys, I am really pissed off now!

pissed

↓

Dude, you're still alive, Cartman?

alive cartman

↓

Get me down from he'a!

↓

You survived all this time

survived

↓

on the fat stored up in your body?

body

↓

Yeah, and when I get down from he'a

↓

I'm gonna kick you both in the nuts!

kick nuts

↓

♪ You and me girl, it's forever ♪

forever girl

↓

♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪

↓

♪ You and me girl, forever and ever ♪

forever girl

↓

♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪

↓

♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪

↓

♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪

↓

♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪