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Home » South Park » S01E05 — An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig

South Park

Season 1, Episode 5 — An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig

Air date: September 10, 1997

Director: Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Jennifer Howell

Stan notices a new addition in their bus stop crew, an elephant standing alongside Kyle. At school, class lessons for the day involve genetic engineering (conveniently enough). Kyle questions the possibility of a genetically engineered elephant made smaller by design. The boys have to beat the rough kids in their genetics experiment, and will try anything to do it.

Source: TMDB

↓

And now a fireside chat

chat

↓

with the creators of Comedy Central's "South Park, "

comedy creators park south south-park

↓

Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

matt matt-stone parker stone trey trey-parker

↓

With a--

↓

Hello, I'm Trey Parker.

parker trey trey-parker

↓

And I'm Matt Stone.

matt matt-stone stone

↓

And this is ole Scratch.

scratch

↓

Say hi, old fella.

fella

↓

This episode is called "An Elephant Fucks a Pig."

called elephant episode fucks

↓

But the networks had it changed

changed networks

↓

to "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig."

elephant love makes

↓

Which is kind of silly,

silly

↓

because if an elephant was on top of a pig,

elephant

↓

it wouldn't be making love to it,

love

↓

it would be fucking it.

fucking

↓

Would you agree with the statement, "This episode

agree episode statement

↓

confirms that Matt Stone and Trey Parker

matt matt-stone parker stone trey trey-parker

↓

are nothing but sick weirdos"?

sick weirdos

↓

You know, what is so sick and wrong about two beings

beings sick

↓

sharing the most intimate of moments?

intimate moments sharing

↓

That's what I want to know.

↓

Do you come at the gene splicing of DNA

gene splicing

↓

from personal experience?

experience personal

↓

Well, yes, I actually made Trey

trey

↓

from splicing a tomato and a flounder.

splicing tomato

↓

Guys, do you have strong ethical views

ethical strong views

↓

on whether we should tamper with nature in real life?

life nature real real-life whether

↓

Well, both Matt and I think

matt

↓

that genetic engineering is great,

engineering genetic genetic-engineering

↓

and that everything should be spliced with everything.

spliced

↓

Why, that's the only way

↓

we're ever gonna become perfect beings.

become beings perfect

↓

Isn't that right, ole Scratch?

scratch

↓

I think we should splice pigs with elephants

elephants pigs splice

↓

and tomatoes with apples.

apples tomatoes

↓

I myself would like to be spliced with Fiona Apple.

apple fiona spliced

↓

And so now, sit back, relax,

relax

↓

and enjoy "An Elephant Fucks a Pig."

elephant enjoy fucks

↓

♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

↓

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor." ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

headed park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

♪ So come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

Stan, where'd you get that black eye?

black stan whered

↓

Nothing, I mean nowhere.

↓

Your sister beat you up again, huh?

beat sister

↓

No!

↓

Yeah, your sister kicked your ass!

kicked sister

↓

She's just pissed off

pissed

↓

'cause she got headgear at the dentist.

dentist headgear

↓

She's taking it out on me.

↓

Yeah, but that sucks you

sucks

↓

get your butt kicked by a girl, Stan.

butt girl kicked stan

↓

I would never let a woman kick my ass.

kick woman

↓

If she tried anything,

tried

↓

I'd be like, "Hey, you get your bitch-ass

bitch

↓

back in the kitchen and make me some pie!"

kitchen

↓

My parents don't even believe that she beats me up.

beats believe parents

↓

They think she's all innocent and sweet.

innocent sweet

↓

But I know that she's an evil bitch.

bitch evil

↓

Be a man, Stan.

stan

↓

Just say, "Hey, woman!

woman

↓

You shut your mouth and make babies!"

babies mouth

↓

Hey, Kyle, what's that elephant doing?

elephant kyle

↓

You mean this one?

↓

Yeah. - He's my new pet elephant.

elephant

↓

Wow, dude. Where'd you get a pet elephant?

elephant whered

↓

I got it mail order from Africa.

africa mail order

↓

The ad said it would take 4 to 6 weeks,

weeks

↓

but it only took 3!

↓

Wow, that's cool! - No, it's not cool!

cool

↓

My mom won't let me keep him in the house!

house

↓

She says he's too big and that its poop

poop

↓

is bigger than our couch.

bigger couch

↓

That's why my mom got me a potbellied pig

potbellied

↓

because its poop is small.

poop

↓

Well, yeah, but pigs aren't smart like elephants.

elephants pigs smart

↓

Hey! Wait a minute!

minute

↓

What is that thing?

↓

Uh, oh. This is the new retarded kid.

retarded

↓

Oh, I'm sorry, little girl.

girl

↓

But you still can't get on.

↓

You have to take the special ed bus!

special

↓

Boy, it looks like you're not welcome anywhere, elephant.

elephant welcome

↓

See you!

↓

If a woman ever gave me crap,

woman

↓

I'd say, "Hey, you go do my laundry!"

laundry

↓

Sit down, kid!

↓

Yes, ma'am.

maam

↓

And now, children, our friend Mr. Hat

children friend

↓

is going to tell us all about genetic engineering.

engineering genetic genetic-engineering

↓

That's right, Mr. Garrison,

garrison

↓

genetic engineering is an exciting new science.

engineering exciting genetic genetic-engineering science

↓

You can splice DNA from some animals

animals splice

↓

and make them better.

↓

Mr. Garrison? - Yes, Kyle.

garrison kyle

↓

With genetic engineering,

engineering genetic genetic-engineering

↓

can you make an elephant smaller?

elephant smaller

↓

Well, yes, I suppose you could.

suppose

↓

You could splice elephant genes

elephant genes splice

↓

with a dog or cat or potbellied pig genes.

genes potbellied

↓

That's it!

↓

I'm going to combine my elephant

combine elephant

↓

with a potbellied pig and make potbellied elephants.

elephants potbellied

↓

They'd be smart like elephants,

elephants smart theyd

↓

but small like pigs.

pigs

↓

That'd be cool!

cool thatd

↓

I want a potbellied elephant.

elephant potbellied

↓

Yes, I'll pay $50 for one.

↓

That's stupid.

stupid

↓

Shut up, Terrance!

terrance

↓

We can genetical engineer anything we want.

engineer

↓

Oh, yeah? I bet I can

↓

genetically clone a whole human being

clone genetically human whole

↓

before you crossbreed an elephant and a pig.

elephant

↓

I'll bet you can't! - Watch me, plebeian!

watch

↓

Well, spank my ass and call me Charlie.

charlie spank

↓

Isn't this exciting?

exciting

↓

Two A+ students in a cloning war.

students

↓

Yes, Mr. Garrison, genetic engineering

engineering garrison genetic genetic-engineering

↓

lets us correct God's horrible, horrible mistakes,

correct gods horrible horrible-horrible mistakes

↓

like German people.

german

↓

You know, you boys might want to visit

boys boys-might might visit

↓

the genetic engineering ranch

engineering genetic genetic-engineering ranch

↓

outside of town for help.

town

↓

And you could both use this for your

↓

science fair projects next month.

fair month projects science

↓

Genetic engineering ranch? Sweet!

engineering genetic genetic-engineering ranch sweet

↓

Wait, wait. We still need a pig.

↓

We can use Cartman's pig.

cartmans

↓

Hey! You leave Fluffy out of this!

fluffy

↓

We're not gonna hurt her. We just need some of her blood.

blood hurt

↓

You're not using any of Fluffy's blood!

blood using

↓

Else I'll kick you in the nuts!

kick nuts

↓

Kyle? Kyle, no!

kyle

↓

Stanley, can I talk to you for a minute?

minute stanley

↓

Okay. - I couldn't help notice

notice

↓

that black eye you have.

black

↓

Are there problems at home?

home problems

↓

Yes.

↓

Oh, dear. Here, Stanley, sit down.

dear stanley

↓

Have some cocoa,

cocoa

↓

and tell your friend Mr. Hat all about it.

friend

↓

I'm your friend Mr. Hat, Stan.

friend stan

↓

You can tell me anything.

↓

Now, who hit you?

↓

Is it your father or your mother?

father mother

↓

Neither. It's my sister.

sister

↓

Your sister? Oh, for Pete's sake.

petes petes-sake sake sister

↓

Don't be such a little wuss!

wuss

↓

Stop wasting Mr. Hat's time

hats wasting

↓

with pansy little foo-foo problems

pansy problems

↓

and give me back my cocoa!

cocoa

↓

Let's open the phone lines back up for some questions.

lines open phone questions

↓

Hey!

↓

Hi, Shelly.

shelly

↓

Are you looking at my headgear?

headgear looking

↓

Headgear? What headgear?

headgear

↓

Are you looking at my headgear?

headgear looking

↓

Oh, gosh, I didn't really notice.

gosh notice

↓

You little liar!

liar

↓

No, I think it looks terrific!

terrific

↓

It matches your--

matches

↓

Ready to go, Stan? - Go where?

ready stan

↓

To the genetical engineering ranch.

engineering ranch

↓

We got Cartman's pig so we can splice

cartmans splice

↓

its genes with my elephant.

elephant genes

↓

Nobody's splicing nothing from Fluffy!

fluffy nobodys splicing

↓

I swear I'm gonna kill you, Stan!

kill stan swear

↓

Why is your sister so mean to you, dude?

sister

↓

Yeah, If some sissy chick tried to

chick sissy tried

↓

kick my ass, I'd be like, "Hey, listen,

kick

↓

missy, why don't you go knit me a sweater

knit missy sweater

↓

before I slap you in the face?"

face slap

↓

Who said that?

↓

This must be it.

must

↓

Yeah, looks like nobody's home.

home nobodys

↓

Guess we should come back some other time.

↓

No, Cartman. We're going in there

cartman

↓

and splicing Fluffy and my elephant together.

elephant fluffy splicing

↓

It's okay, Fluffy, I won't let them hurt you.

fluffy hurt

↓

It's just a stupid pig.

stupid

↓

Yeah, quit being such a baby.

baby quit

↓

Baby? Well, at least I don't get my ass

baby least

↓

kicked by a girl!

girl kicked

↓

At least I'm not a little pig!

least

↓

Hey! I'm taking my pig and--

↓

Screw you guys! I'm going home!

home screw

↓

This whole idea is stupid anyway!

idea stupid whole

↓

What the hell would you know, you fat, sweaty Mongoloid?

sweaty

↓

You never get higher than a D!

higher

↓

Hey! Why don't you go back to

↓

San Francisco with the rest of the Jews?

francisco jews rest

↓

There's no Jews in San Francisco, retard!

francisco jews retard

↓

I'll kick you in the nuts!

kick nuts

↓

Can I help you?

↓

Uh, yeah.

↓

We wanna crossbreed an elephant with a pig.

elephant

↓

Brilliant idea.

brilliant brilliant-idea idea

↓

Huge, elephant-sized pigs.

elephant huge pigs sized

↓

No, no, we want to make little potbellied elephants

elephants potbellied

↓

that people can keep in their houses as pets.

houses pets

↓

Oh, that's an even better idea.

idea

↓

Come on in.

↓

I'm so pleased that you children are interested

children interested pleased

↓

in genetic engineering.

engineering genetic genetic-engineering

↓

It's okay, Fluffy. Nobody's gonna hurt you.

fluffy hurt nobodys

↓

It's thanks to the wonders of genetic engineering,

engineering genetic genetic-engineering thanks wonders

↓

that soon there will be an end to hunger,

hunger

↓

disease, pollution, even war.

disease

↓

I've created things that

created

↓

will change the world for the better.

change world

↓

For instance, here's a monkey with four asses.

asses four instance monkey

↓

How does that make the world better?

world

↓

And here, of course, is my four-assed ostrich

assed course four ostrich

↓

and my four-assed mongoose.

assed four

↓

Do you have anything besides just animals with four asses?

animals asses besides four

↓

Oh, well, I suppose so.

suppose

↓

Oh, yes, over here.

↓

Here I have rats spliced with ducks

ducks rats spliced

↓

and gorillas spliced with mosquitoes.

spliced

↓

And here I have rabbits spliced with fish

fish rabbits spliced

↓

to make little bunny fish.

bunny fish

↓

Hey, these bunny ears are tied on with little strings!

bunny ears strings tied

↓

And over here, a Swiss cheese

cheese swiss

↓

spliced with chalk and a beard.

beard chalk spliced

↓

Well, what about our potbellied elephant?

elephant potbellied

↓

Oh. Well, I'm sorry, children.

children

↓

But pig and elephant DNA just won't splice.

elephant splice

↓

Haven't you ever heard that song by Loverboy?

heard song

↓

Which song?

song

↓

♪ Pig and elephant DNA ♪

elephant

↓

♪ Just won't splice ♪

splice

↓

However, maybe I could help you

↓

add a few asses to that swine of yours.

asses swine

↓

You can keep your hands off of Fluffy's ass!

hands

↓

You know, it's amazing what we can do

amazing

↓

with a little blood sample these days.

blood days sample

↓

Ow! - Hmm?

↓

What? Excuse me.

excuse

↓

Wait, what are you taking Stan's blood for?

blood stans

↓

Oh, pardon me, I tripped.

pardon tripped

↓

Could I have some hair, please?

hair

↓

Watch out, Stan, genetic engineers are crazy!

crazy engineers genetic stan watch

↓

Come on, Fluffy!

fluffy

↓

This gas is hurting my anus.

anus hurting

↓

Yeah, that's pretty fresh.

fresh

↓

Ooh, I sure am hungry.

hungry

↓

Hello, gentlemen. Any of you blokes know

gentlemen

↓

what's for lunch today?

lunch lunch-today today

↓

Lunchy munchies? Hmm?

munchies

↓

Go away, Pip, nobody likes you!

likes nobody nobody-likes

↓

Yeah, what kind of a name is Pip anyway?

name

↓

Well, my father's family name being Pirrip

family fathers name

↓

and my Christian name, Phillip, my infant tongue--

christian infant name phillip tongue

↓

God damn it! Would you shut the hell up?

↓

Nobody gives a rat's ass!

gives nobody nobody-gives rats

↓

Yeah, go away, Pip.

↓

Right-o.

↓

God. French people piss me off.

french piss

↓

Hey, dumb asses! You morons give up

asses dumb morons

↓

on your stupid science fair project yet?

fair project science stupid

↓

No, we're already halfway done.

halfway

↓

Halfway? Then all you've got

halfway

↓

is a stupid pig.

stupid

↓

Yeah. - Probably a gay pig too.

↓

Stupid gay pig.

stupid

↓

It's more than you've got!

↓

Wrong! We've already got

↓

our human clone well under way.

clone human

↓

Oh, my God! They cloned a foot!

foot

↓

Hey, I'll kick your ass!

kick

↓

Oh, ho!

↓

By Friday, we're gonna clone a whole human being.

clone friday human whole

↓

Good luck with your stupid little pig.

luck stupid

↓

Hello there, children. - Hey, Chef.

chef children

↓

- How you doing? - Bad.

↓

Why bad?

↓

We need to genetically engineer

engineer genetically

↓

a pig and an elephant,

elephant

↓

but their genes won't splice.

genes splice

↓

Oh, of course they won't splice, children.

children course splice

↓

Haven't you ever heard that song by Loverboy?

heard song

↓

♪ Pig and elephant DNA just won't splice ♪

elephant splice

↓

A pig-elephant?

elephant

↓

Say, that's not a bad idea.

idea

↓

I told you guys.

↓

Imagine a pint-sized elephant

elephant imagine pint sized

↓

that you could keep in the house.

house

↓

Children, we could make a fortune with this.

children fortune

↓

You hear that, dudes? We'll be rich!

dudes rich

↓

Forget about all that genetic engineering hoosa fudge.

engineering forget fudge genetic genetic-engineering

↓

If you want to combine a pig and an elephant,

combine elephant

↓

just get them to make sweet love.

love sweet sweet-love

↓

What? - I don't think an elephant

elephant

↓

would make love to a pig.

love

↓

I don't think my pig would wanna

↓

make love to that stupid elephant!

elephant love stupid

↓

Sure they would,

↓

but you're gonna have to get them in the mood.

mood

↓

Well, how do we do that?

↓

Do what I do,

↓

get them good and drunk.

drunk

↓

Hey, uh, you guys wanna come over?

↓

We've got work to do.

↓

I think it takes a while

takes

↓

for an elephant to get drunk.

drunk elephant

↓

Really, you guys don't wanna come over

↓

for just a little bit?

↓

Why, is your sister gonna kick your ass again?

kick sister

↓

Shut up, Cartman!

cartman

↓

Yeah, Stan, she's just a girl.

girl stan

↓

Yeah, if some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like,

girl kick tried

↓

"Hey, why don't you stop

↓

dressing me up like a mailman

dressing mailman

↓

and making me dance for you

dance

↓

while you smoke crack in your bedroom

bedroom crack smoke

↓

and have sex with some guy I don't even know

↓

on my dad's bed!"

dads

↓

Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?

cartman

↓

I'm just saying you're just a little wuss.

wuss

↓

That's all.

↓

Stan, you can use family love

family love stan

↓

as a weapon against Shelly.

shelly weapon

↓

The next time she's going to kick your ass,

kick

↓

just tell her, "Shelly, you're my sister.

shelly sister

↓

And I love you."

love

↓

Sick, dude. She's my sister!

sick sister

↓

Try it. We'll see you in a while.

↓

We've gotta go get Cartman's pig.

cartmans

↓

No, you don't gotta get Cartman's pig!

cartmans

↓

You leave Fluffy out of this!

fluffy

↓

Come on, Kenny. - Kyle, no!

kenny kyle

↓

No elephant is gonna make love to Fluffy!

elephant fluffy love

↓

I -Kyle, I will kick you in the nuts!

kick kyle nuts

↓

Crap!

↓

And now back to

↓

"Jesus and Pals" on South Park public--

jesus pals park public south south-park

↓

Are you staring at my neck brace?

brace neck staring

↓

No. I mean, yes?

↓

I mean, what neck brace?

brace neck

↓

Shelly,

shelly

↓

before you beat my face

beat face

↓

into a bloody pulp again, I just want you

bloody pulp

↓

to know that you're my sister,

sister

↓

and I love you.

love

↓

Someday, Shelly, I'm gonna be bigger than you.

bigger shelly someday

↓

And you're gonna wish you'd never done any of this to me.

wish

↓

You'll never be bigger than me, Stan.

bigger stan

↓

Never!

↓

Beautiful.

↓

It's absolutely beautiful.

absolutely

↓

My son,

↓

I think we've finally done it.

finally

↓

Yes, we have, Dad.

↓

My very own human clone.

clone human

↓

Hope it's not a gay clone.

clone hope

↓

Yeah. That was stupid. - That's so stupid.

stupid

↓

Come on, elephant, keep drinking.

drinking elephant

↓

Damn, I wonder how drunk he needs to be

drunk needs wonder

↓

to make sweet love to the pig.

love sweet sweet-love

↓

Damn it! This is never gonna work!

↓

Hello, children.

children

↓

I thought I'd check and see how

check

↓

our little entrepreneurial venture is going.

venture

↓

Rotten. They're both really drunk,

drunk rotten

↓

but won't have sex!

↓

Oh, children, you just can't stick

children stick

↓

a drunk pig with a drunk elephant

drunk elephant

↓

and expect them to do the mattress mambo.

expect mambo mattress

↓

You need to set the mood.

mood

↓

Let me show you boys what I'm talking about.

boys

↓

♪ Tonight is right for love ♪

love tonight

↓

♪ You know I wanna touch you ♪

touch

↓

♪ Where the lights don't go ♪

lights

↓

♪ Tonight is right for love ♪

love tonight

↓

♪ Love gravy ♪

gravy love

↓

♪ Expressing love so sweet ♪

expressing love sweet

↓

♪ I want to keep you burnin' ♪

↓

♪ Like a dog in heat ♪

heat

↓

♪ Tonight is right for love ♪

love tonight

↓

♪ Love gravy ♪

gravy love

↓

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John!

elton elton-john gentlemen john ladies

↓

♪ Ooh, tonight ♪

tonight

↓

♪ Oh, it's right ♪

↓

♪ Ooh, tonight is right for love ♪

love tonight

↓

♪ Love gravy ♪

gravy love

↓

Thank you, Elton.

elton

↓

♪ Tonight is right for love ♪

love tonight

↓

♪ Love gravy ♪

gravy love

↓

Hey, look! It's working!

working

↓

Now, children, gather round

children gather gather-round round

↓

and watch the wonders of life.

life watch wonders

↓

The beauty of Mother Nature.

beauty mother mother-nature nature

↓

Oh, sick!

sick

↓

Fluffy!

fluffy

↓

Hmm.

↓

Now I know how all those

↓

white women must have felt.

must white white-women women

↓

Oh, how luscious.

↓

Our creature has come to fruition, boys.

boys creature

↓

Dad, you're the best.

best

↓

Oh, my God!

↓

He only has one ass!

↓

He's of no use to me.

↓

I'll have to burn the room.

burn room

↓

Oh, no.

↓

This entire experiment

entire experiment

↓

is turning out very bad.

turning

↓

Me bad?

↓

Egads! He's out of control.

control

↓

We'll have to destroy him!

destroy

↓

But he's our science fair project!

fair project science

↓

He's too dangerous, son.

dangerous

↓

But, Dad, I want a human clone!

clone human

↓

Son, no!

↓

Oh, son, you've made a horrible mistake.

horrible mistake

↓

You've put all the people of South Park

park south south-park

↓

in jeopardy!

↓

They're all stupid anyway.

stupid

↓

Come on, guys, let's go.

↓

Yeah, they're all gay.

↓

Aren't they ever gonna wake up?

wake

↓

Oh, they will.

↓

It's gonna be one ugly sight.

sight ugly

↓

I thought you said the wonder of Mother Nature

mother mother-nature nature wonder

↓

was a beautiful thing.

↓

Yeah, when does Mother Nature

mother mother-nature nature

↓

go from beautiful to ugly?

ugly

↓

Usually about 9:30 in the morning, children.

children morning usually

↓

Uh oh. Here we go.

↓

Ah, there's nothing worse than getting all drunk

drunk worse

↓

and waking up the next morning next to a pig.

morning waking

↓

Or a big, fat elephant.

elephant

↓

Hey, how do we know if she's pregnant?

pregnant

↓

Well, boys, we might not know that

boys might

↓

for a couple of days. - Couple of days?

couple days

↓

But Terrance is going to have his human clone by tomorrow.

clone human terrance tomorrow

↓

Well, good job, Einstein!

einstein

↓

Why don't we just build a rocket in the meantime?

build meantime rocket

↓

Oh, thank Buddha I found you boys.

boys buddha found

↓

You must tell me, have you seen anything odd lately?

lately must seen

↓

Uh, we saw an elephant have sex with a pig.

elephant

↓

No, no, I said odd.

↓

Hey, you're that crazy cracker from up on the hill.

cracker crazy hill

↓

Sir, if making mutant animals spliced with humans is crazy,

animals crazy humans mutant spliced

↓

then...

↓

Uh...

↓

Hmm.

↓

Oh, never mind.

mind

↓

I'm afraid there's been a bit

afraid

↓

of an incident at the ranch.

incident ranch

↓

You see, I've created a large mutant clone

clone created mutant

↓

of that little boy there,

↓

and he's broken free.

broken free

↓

A big, mutant version of me?

mutant version

↓

Is he bigger than a regular clone?

bigger clone regular

↓

He's terribly dangerous.

dangerous terribly

↓

His brain is identical to yours.

brain identical

↓

I need you to help me find him.

↓

Stan, are you wearing a different hat?

stan wearing

↓

Hey!

↓

I know a certain young man

certain young

↓

who's itching for detention!

detention itching

↓

How big do you think he is?

↓

I bet he weighs 400 pounds!

pounds weighs

↓

Come on, Stan,

stan

↓

don't you even know where you would go?

↓

Oh, my God!

↓

It appears that the horrible, destructive creature

appears creature destructive horrible

↓

is 8-year-old Stan Marsh of South Park.

marsh park south south-park stan stan-marsh

↓

When asked why he was wreaking havoc

asked

↓

on his hometown, the little boy replied simply,

hometown simply

↓

"Me Stan."

stan

↓

Back to you in the studio.

studio

↓

Thanks, Tom. Police are requesting that

police requesting thanks

↓

if you see this little 8-year-old boy,

↓

you immediately kill him and burn his body.

body burn immediately kill

↓

That's all for now.

↓

And now back to "Jesus and Pals."

jesus pals

↓

Yea, the way is paved with gold

gold paved

↓

for ye who seek truth and--

seek truth

↓

Jesus!

jesus

↓

Officer Barbrady, my evil genetic clone

barbrady clone evil genetic officer officer-barbrady

↓

is destroying the town.

destroying town

↓

We have to find him.

↓

You boys have been watching "The X Files" too much.

boys files watching

↓

There's no such thing as genetic clone--

clone genetic

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

You kids go on home.

home kids

↓

There's nothing to see here.

↓

Come on, let's go!

↓

There you are!

↓

Stanley, you tore up my entire gun shop!

entire shop stanley tore

↓

You better have a good explanation for this, mister!

explanation mister

↓

It wasn't me, Uncle Jimbo.

jimbo uncle uncle-jimbo

↓

It was my evil genetic clone.

clone evil genetic

↓

Stanley, what the hell has gotten into you?

gotten stanley

↓

You have got severe lunchroom duty, mister!

duty mister severe

↓

I'm gonna have a word with your father, Stanley!

father stanley word

↓

Yeah, you wait till your father

father till

↓

hears about this.

hears

↓

Wait, Stan, there he goes.

stan

↓

Stop!

↓

He recognizes you, dude.

recognizes

↓

That's good. That's good, dude.

↓

Just calm down.

calm

↓

What should we do with him?

↓

Stan, how would you like to go home

home stan

↓

and meet your sister?

meet sister

↓

So remember, Shelly's the one

remember

↓

with a big wire coming out of her mouth

coming mouth wire

↓

and a metal plate on her back.

metal plate

↓

When you see Shelly, kick her ass.

kick shelly

↓

Shelly bad. Shelly very bad!

shelly

↓

Me bad?

↓

No, Shelly bad. You good.

shelly

↓

He's tearing up the house.

house tearing

↓

Stop him!

↓

What the hell do you want?

↓

Boys! Boys, I'm lusciously sorry for everything.

boys boys-boys

↓

Hey, they got our clone. He belongs to us.

belongs clone

↓

No, son, this beast is a disgrace

beast disgrace

↓

to genetic engineers everywhere.

engineers genetic

↓

Boys, I'm sorry I've caused you such inconvenience.

boys caused inconvenience

↓

I tried to play God and I failed.

failed tried

↓

Daddy, no!

daddy

↓

All I ever wanted was to genetically

genetically wanted

↓

engineer something useful.

engineer useful

↓

But I failed.

failed

↓

Perhaps we shouldn't be toying with God's creations.

gods perhaps

↓

Perhaps we should leave nature alone

alone nature perhaps

↓

to its simple one-assed schematics.

assed simple

↓

You cheating bastards. This isn't over!

bastards cheating

↓

Just wait until tomorrow!

tomorrow

↓

Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!

kenny killed killed-kenny

↓

You bastard!

bastard

↓

Mom and Dad are home.

home

↓

My house is a disaster!

disaster house

↓

You guys gotta help me.

↓

I ain't helping crap.

aint helping

↓

I wanna eat some pie.

↓

You can't just leave me here alone!

alone

↓

Oh, yeah? Watch me.

watch

↓

Yeah, Stan, we have to go find out

stan

↓

if Cartman's pig is pregnant or not.

cartmans pregnant

↓

See ya! - Thanks a lot!

thanks

↓

Oh, boy,

↓

you are gonna get it now.

↓

It isn't fair.

fair

↓

Everybody hates me.

everybody everybody-hates hates

↓

The whole town wants me killed.

killed town wants whole whole-town

↓

Mom and Dad are gonna send me away.

send

↓

I don't wanna be sent away.

sent

↓

I wanna stay here!

↓

Stanley, what-- what in God's name

gods gods-name name stanley

↓

have you been doing?

↓

Everybody in town is upset with you, young man.

everybody town upset young

↓

What's going on?

↓

Are you on drugs?

drugs

↓

It's not Stan's fault.

fault stans

↓

Huh? - It wasn't Stan.

stan

↓

He was--

↓

He was with me the whole time.

whole

↓

Oh. Well, Stan, we're, uh--

stan

↓

we're sorry we jumped to conclusions.

conclusions jumped

↓

Oh, honey.

honey

↓

Please forgive us, son.

forgive

↓

Shelly, you saved my life.

life saved shelly

↓

And yet you've done so much more than that.

↓

Today you've taught me the meaning of family.

family meaning taught today

↓

Sure, families don't always get along.

along families

↓

But when the forces of evil descend upon us,

descend evil forces

↓

we conquer them by sticking together.

conquer sticking

↓

Everyone, let's give Casey and his weed a big hand.

casey hand weed

↓

Okay, Kyle, we're ready to see

kyle ready

↓

your science project.

project science

↓

Well, our pig hasn't given birth yet.

birth given

↓

But she should any time now.

↓

Oh, well, then I guess you get an F.

↓

Okay, Terrance, I know the class

class terrance

↓

can hardly wait to see yours.

hardly

↓

Thank you, Mr. Garrison.

garrison

↓

Boys, Mr. Garrison, fellow students,

boys fellow garrison students

↓

for our science fair project

fair project science

↓

Bill Fossey and I have spawned a creature

bill creature

↓

genetically far superior to man.

genetically superior

↓

I present to you

present

↓

the five-assed monkey.

assed five monkey

↓

Oh, Mr. Hat, isn't it beautiful?

↓

Wait, wait, the pig just gave birth!

birth

↓

It had a baby!

baby

↓

What's it look like?

↓

Does it look like a pig or elephant?

elephant

↓

It kind of looks like Mr. Garrison.

garrison

↓

Oh, gee, isn't that an amazing coincidence?

amazing coincidence

↓

What are the odds of that?

odds

↓

Hmm.

↓

You boys get first prize.

boys prize

↓

That'll do, pig.

thatll