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Home » South Park » S01E04 — Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride

South Park

Season 1, Episode 4 — Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride

Air date: September 03, 1997

Director: Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Jennifer Howell

Stan's got a new dog named Sparky. Stan proclaims his pet to be the toughest dog on the mountain. Though while Stan thinks his dog is ready for fighting, Sparky proceeds to hump Sylvester like a little bitch. The other boys taunt Stan about his gay dog and Sparky runs away to find someone who will love him for who he is.

Source: TMDB

↓

Oh, boy.

↓

Beefcake. - I'll tell you.

beefcake

↓

That is a hoot and a holler.

holler hoot

↓

This next episode is definitely

episode

↓

both Trey and I's favorite episode.

episode favorite favorite-episode trey

↓

It's called "Big Gay AI's Big Gay Boat Ride."

boat boat-ride called ride

↓

In it, Stan finds out

finds stan

↓

that his dog Sparky is a homosexual.

homosexual sparky

↓

How did your preoccupation with homosexuality develop?

develop homosexuality

↓

Well, we have noticed that America

america noticed

↓

definitely has a preoccupation with gayness,

↓

but we felt there was a part of homosexuality

homosexuality part

↓

that has been left unexplored,

left

↓

and that's animal homosexuality.

animal homosexuality

↓

I know people are curious about the two of you too.

curious

↓

Are you guys, uh...

↓

a couple, if you know what I mean?

couple

↓

You--you mean, are we gay?

↓

Yeah.

↓

Well, I am a little.

↓

I guess we're all a little gay.

↓

Even little Scratch here. - Yeah.

scratch

↓

You must have gotten a lot of mail on this episode.

episode gotten mail must

↓

What kinds of stuff do you get in the mail

kinds mail stuff

↓

from fans in general?

fans general

↓

We have great fans and great fan mail.

fans mail

↓

People write such interesting,

interesting write

↓

fascinating things to us every week.

fascinating week

↓

Let me give you an example.

example

↓

"Dear Trey and Matt,

dear matt trey

↓

I like your show."

↓

That's from Tom in New Jersey.

jersey

↓

Why does Kenny have to die so often and so horribly?

horribly kenny often

↓

Because he's poor.

poor

↓

Aw.

↓

Guys, is there stuff you put into the show

stuff

↓

that's subliminal, kind of like a little reward

reward subliminal

↓

for the fans who are really paying attention?

attention fans paying paying-attention

↓

Yes. We definitely feel we owe it to our hardcore fans

fans hardcore

↓

to put hidden subliminal messages in every episode.

episode hidden messages subliminal

↓

That way, they can watch the episode over and over

episode watch

↓

and find something new every time.

↓

For instance, in this episode,

episode instance

↓

if you look really hard,

hard

↓

you can find a picture of me having sex with Matt's mom.

having picture

↓

What?

↓

So now sit back, relax, and enjoy

enjoy relax

↓

"Big Gay AI's Big Gay Boat Ride."

boat boat-ride ride

↓

♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

↓

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor." ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

headed park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

♪ So come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

Hey, where's the school bus?

school

↓

We're gonna be late for football practice.

football football-practice late practice

↓

Hiya, Sparky. - Who's that?

hiya sparky

↓

That's my new dog Sparky.

sparky

↓

He followed me to the bus stop.

followed

↓

Wow, cool! - Good boy, Sparky.

cool sparky

↓

Who's my best buddy?

best buddy

↓

Who's your boy? Who's your buddy?

buddy

↓

Ugh. You're making me sick, dude.

sick

↓

He's part Doberman and part wolf.

part wolf

↓

He's the toughest dog on the mountain.

mountain toughest

↓

No way. Everybody knows that Sylvester

everybody everybody-knows knows

↓

is the toughest dog in South Park.

park south south-park toughest

↓

He's not meaner than Sparky!

meaner sparky

↓

Oh, yeah? Let's see.

↓

Hey, Sylvester!

↓

Sparky'll kick his ass!

kick

↓

I'll put a dollar on Sylvester.

dollar

↓

You're on, dude.

↓

That's it, Sparky, kick his ass!

kick sparky

↓

Huh. He's doing something to his ass.

↓

He's not kicking his ass, but he's definitely

kicking

↓

doing something to his ass.

↓

Sparky, bad dog!

sparky

↓

What? - Yeah, dude.

↓

I think your dog is gay.

↓

What do you mean?

↓

That dog is a gay homosexual.

homosexual

↓

He's just confused.

confused

↓

I think the other dog's the one that's confused.

confused dogs

↓

Sick! Shut up, dude.

sick

↓

♪ Stan's dog's a homo ♪

dogs homo stans

↓

♪ Stan's dog's a homo ♪

dogs homo stans

↓

Okay, children, I know that you're all

children

↓

extremely excited and nervous and anxious

anxious excited extremely nervous

↓

about the homecoming game against Middle Park.

game homecoming middle middle-park park

↓

Who's Middle Park? - What's homecoming?

homecoming middle middle-park park

↓

But just remember what I taught you

remember taught

↓

that football is like making love

football love

↓

to a really beautiful woman.

woman

↓

You can't always score, but when you do,

score

↓

it makes all the trying worthwhile.

makes worthwhile

↓

Now let's start practice.

practice start

↓

Uh, Mr. Chef, sir?

chef

↓

Yes, Pip, what is it?

↓

I still don't have a helmet.

helmet

↓

I know, Pip.

↓

The school can't afford helmets

afford helmets school

↓

for everybody.

everybody

↓

Yes, but couldn't we rotate

↓

who doesn't have a helmet every week?

helmet week

↓

Does it always have to be me?

↓

Yes, Pip, I'm afraid it does.

afraid

↓

Oh. - Sorry, son.

↓

Now get your ass in there.

↓

Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut.

↓

Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut,

↓

hut, hut, hut.

↓

Hike the damn ball!

ball hike

↓

Hey, how's practice

practice

↓

coming there, Chef?

chef coming

↓

Huh? Oh, fine, fine.

↓

I don't have to remind you

remind

↓

just how important this game is

game

↓

to us South Park alumni.

alumni park south south-park

↓

Elementary school alumni?

alumni elementary elementary-school school

↓

That's as far as most of us got.

↓

You think we have a shot at beating the spread

beating shot spread

↓

against Middle Park this year?

middle middle-park park

↓

I don't know. What--what's the spread?

spread

↓

Middle park by 70 points. - Hmm.

middle middle-park park points

↓

Hey, I got it! - I got it, I got it!

↓

I don't think we have a chance.

chance

↓

Nonsense, not with my nephew a quarterback.

nephew nonsense quarterback

↓

Right, Stanley?

stanley

↓

Huh?

↓

Attaboy! - Great pass, Stan!

attaboy pass stan

↓

Come on, Ned, we got to get our asses

asses

↓

to the bookie!

bookie

↓

Okay, that was a good practice, children.

children practice

↓

We'll see you here again tomorrow.

tomorrow

↓

Hey, Stan, isn't that your dog?

stan

↓

Yeah, he must have followed me to football practice.

followed football football-practice must practice

↓

You see, he is smart.

smart

↓

Uh, my dog Rex follows me

follows

↓

to football practice all the time.

football football-practice practice

↓

Yeah, but my dog found his own way here.

found

↓

That makes him smarter than your--

makes smarter

↓

Sparky, get down!

sparky

↓

Oh, my God, what is he doing to my dog?

↓

There he goes again.

↓

Get down, Sparky, down!

sparky

↓

Stan forgot to mention that his dog

forgot mention stan

↓

is a gay homosexual.

homosexual

↓

Make him stop!

↓

I'm sure glad my dog isn't gay!

glad

↓

Yeah, maybe you should name your dog Sparkette, Stan.

name stan

↓

Gay dog.

↓

And so you see, Simon and Simon

simon

↓

were not brothers in real life,

brothers life real real-life

↓

only on television.

television

↓

Thank you for that presentation, Eric,

eric presentation

↓

but the assignment was on Asian cultures.

asian assignment cultures

↓

You get a D-minus.

minus

↓

Aw, damn it!

↓

Who should we call on next, Mr. Hat?

↓

How about Stan, our little South Park quarterback star?

park quarterback south south-park stan star

↓

Oh, good idea.

idea

↓

Okay, Stanley, you're next.

stanley

↓

Um, I'm not really prepared either.

prepared

↓

Well, just make something up like Eric did.

eric

↓

Okay, um,

↓

Asian culture has...

asian culture

↓

plagued our fragile Earth for many years.

earth fragile years

↓

We must end it--

must

↓

Excellent. A-minus!

excellent minus

↓

Hey! - Wow, cool!

cool

↓

Wait a minute!

minute

↓

Why the hell does he get

↓

an A-minus?

minus

↓

Eric, Stanley just might

eric might stanley

↓

lead our team to victory

lead team victory

↓

against the Middle Park Cowboys

cowboys middle middle-park park

↓

for the first time in decades.

decades

↓

And we treat star athletes better

athletes star treat

↓

because they're better people.

↓

That's not fair!

fair

↓

Life isn't fair, kiddo.

fair kiddo life

↓

Get used to it.

used

↓

Stupid puppet.

puppet stupid

↓

Don't forget your assignments tonight, children.

assignments children forget tonight

↓

They're due tomorrow for everybody but Stan.

everybody stan tomorrow

↓

Mr. Garrison, can I ask you a question?

garrison question

↓

Of course, Stanley. What is it?

course stanley

↓

What's a homosexual?

homosexual

↓

Oh, well, Stanley,

stanley

↓

I guess you came to the right person.

person

↓

Sit down.

↓

Stanley, gay people...

stanley

↓

well, gay people are evil.

evil

↓

Evil right down to their cold, black hearts,

black cold evil hearts

↓

which pump not blood like yours and mine,

blood pump

↓

but rather a thick vomitus oil

thick

↓

that oozes through their rotten veins

rotten veins

↓

and clots in their pea-sized brains,

brains sized

↓

which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns

becomes nazi patterns

↓

of violent behavior.

behavior violent

↓

Do you understand? - I guess.

↓

Good, I'm glad we could have this little talk, Stanley.

glad stanley

↓

Now you go outside and practice football

football practice

↓

like a good little heterosexual.

heterosexual

↓

You guys see me block that defense today?

block defense today

↓

I was kicking ass.

kicking

↓

You're gonna need to kick more ass than that

kick

↓

to beat the Cowboys.

beat cowboys

↓

Hey, speaking of pounding ass,

pounding speaking

↓

here comes Stan's little homo dog!

comes homo stans

↓

Shut up, dude!

↓

Sparky, where'd you get that pink scarf?

pink scarf sparky whered

↓

Man, that is the gayest dog

↓

I have ever seen.

seen

↓

He just needs some training,

needs training

↓

that's all.

↓

Sit, Sparky.

sparky

↓

Good boy. Now shake.

shake

↓

Good boy. Now don't be gay!

↓

Don't be gay, Spark.

spark

↓

Don't be gay.

↓

Did it work? - I don't know.

↓

He still looks pretty gay to me.

↓

Hey, Stan, your dog been to any pride marches lately?

lately pride stan

↓

Yeah, maybe you should take him

↓

to a Barbra Streisand concert.

barbra barbra-streisand concert streisand

↓

Stupid little gay dog. - Gay dog.

stupid

↓

Come on, you guys. I have an idea.

idea

↓

I want $500 on the South Park cows.

cows park park-cows south south-park south-park-cows

↓

Are you crazy?

crazy

↓

No, sirree, I'm telling you,

telling

↓

I got the line.

line

↓

My nephew Stan is the best quarterback

best nephew quarterback stan

↓

the school's ever seen.

schools seen

↓

I guarantee they'll beat the spread.

beat guarantee spread

↓

I'm gonna put all my money on the Cows.

cows money

↓

I'll put $300 on the Cows too, if they guarantee...

cows guarantee

↓

Hey, I want to put some money on the cows too.

cows money

↓

Whoa, whoa!

whoa whoa-whoa

↓

Don't get too carried away, now.

carried

↓

You better be right about this, Jimbo.

jimbo

↓

Yeah.

↓

Uh, don't-- don't worry yourself.

worry

↓

Are you sure Stan is that good?

stan

↓

Well, not that sure.

↓

I think we better come up with a backup plan.

backup backup-plan plan

↓

Uh, let's see here.

↓

Hey, bookie, what--

bookie

↓

what's the halftime show gonna be?

halftime

↓

You haven't heard?

heard

↓

John Stamos' older brother Richard Stamos

brother john john-stamos older older-brother richard stamos

↓

is gonna sing "Loving You".

loving sing

↓

I love that song.

love song

↓

"Loving you"? That's perfect.

loving perfect

↓

Come on, Ned, Middle Park's gonna get

middle parks

↓

a halftime show they'll never forget.

forget halftime

↓

Okay, Sparky, we got you a present.

present sparky

↓

Now why don't--damn it, Sparky,

sparky

↓

where do you keep getting this thing?

↓

No pink bandana, Sparky.

bandana pink sparky

↓

Bad dog!

↓

Now pay attention.

attention

↓

Sparky, this is Fifi.

sparky

↓

Ooh la la!

↓

There he goes.

↓

Attaboy, Spark, get her!

attaboy spark

↓

Yes!

↓

Ah, crap. Now what do I do?

↓

Who cares if your dog is gay?

cares

↓

Maybe it's not that bad.

↓

No way, dude, my mom says

↓

God hates gay people.

hates

↓

That's why he smote the sodomies in France.

france smote

↓

I know, Mr. Garrison said

garrison

↓

that homosexuals are evil, but...

evil

↓

but Sparky doesn't seem evil.

evil sparky

↓

Well, maybe Mr. Garrison is wrong.

garrison

↓

You should ask somebody else.

somebody

↓

Like who?

↓

And now back to "Jesus and Pals"

jesus pals

↓

on South Park public access.

access park public public-access south south-park

↓

Yea, many of you are seeking answers,

answers seeking

↓

and I am the way for you, my children.

children

↓

Let's open the phone lines back up

lines open phone

↓

for some questions.

questions

↓

Hello, caller, you're on the air.

caller

↓

Yeah, is--is this Jesus? - Yes, my son.

jesus

↓

This is Robert from Torrey Pines.

robert

↓

I called last week asking for advice on my ex-wife.

advice asking called week wife

↓

Of course, Robert. How are things now?

course robert

↓

Everything is much better, Jesus.

jesus

↓

She hasn't mouthed off since.

mouthed

↓

I just wanted to thank you for the advice.

advice wanted

↓

Oh, and for-- for dying for my sins too.

dying sins

↓

That was really nice of you.

↓

Blessed art thou, Robert.

blessed robert thou

↓

Next caller, you're on the air.

caller

↓

Uh, hi, Jesus?

jesus

↓

I have a dog, and he's a--

↓

he's a homosexual.

homosexual

↓

My son, a lot of people have wondered

wondered

↓

what my stance on homosexuality is,

homosexuality stance

↓

so I'd like to state once and for all

state

↓

my true opinion. You see...

opinion

↓

That's all the time we have left for "Jesus and Pals."

jesus left pals

↓

Now stay tuned for "Marty's Movie Reviews."

movie reviews tuned

↓

Damn it! - What'd he say?

whatd

↓

I got cut off for Marty's stupid movie reviews!

movie reviews stupid

↓

Oh, "Marty's Movie Reviews" are on? Kickass!

kickass movie reviews

↓

Isn't there anybody who can help me?

anybody

↓

Isn't there anybody who cares?

anybody cares

↓

Come on, dude, we have to get to practice.

practice

↓

No, it's not okay. I don't want a gay dog.

↓

I want a butch dog. I want a Rin Tin Tin.

butch

↓

Now, children,

children

↓

we've got to handle the ball better.

ball handle

↓

You've got to hold your football

football

↓

like you would hold your lover.

lover

↓

Gently, yet firmly.

gently

↓

You want to be both nurturing

nurturing

↓

and clinging at the same time.

clinging

↓

Oh, yeah.

↓

♪ Just like making sweet love to the football ♪

football love sweet sweet-love

↓

♪ Be naughty with the football ♪

football naughty

↓

♪ Mmm ♪

↓

Uh, Chef? - ♪ Spank it ♪

chef spank

↓

♪ Ever so gently ♪

gently

↓

Chef? - ♪ Spank it ♪

chef spank

↓

Chef! - Oh, uh, sorry, children.

chef children

↓

Uh, let's run some plays.

plays

↓

Ah, Mr. Chef, sir?

chef

↓

No, Pip, we still don't have a helmet for you.

helmet

↓

Righto, but how about I'll use a helmet today,

helmet righto today

↓

and one of the other children goes without.

children

↓

That wouldn't be very fair to the other children,

children fair

↓

now, would it?

↓

Oh, I--I guess not.

↓

What we want to do here, Carl,

carl

↓

is put a trigger on that bomb that makes it go off

bomb makes trigger

↓

at a specific moment during halftime.

halftime moment specific

↓

And what moment would that be?

moment

↓

Well, John Stamos' older brother

brother john john-stamos older older-brother stamos

↓

is all set to sing "Loving you" during halftime.

halftime loving sing

↓

We want that bomb to go off when he hits that high F.

bomb hits

↓

What high F?

↓

You know...

↓

♪ Loving you ♪

loving

↓

♪ Is easy 'cause you're beautiful ♪

easy

↓

♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪

dootn dootn-dootn

↓

♪ Ahh ♪

↓

So you want the trigger on the "doot'n doo"?

dootn trigger

↓

No, damn it, the "Ahh"!

↓

♪ Ahh ♪ - ♪ Ahh ♪

↓

Great. - ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪

dootn dootn-dootn

↓

♪ Ahh ♪ - ♪ Doot'n doo-doo ♪

dootn

↓

You got it. - ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪

dootn dootn-dootn

↓

♪ Ahh ♪

↓

All right. Yeah, okay.

↓

What's the matter, Stan?

matter stan

↓

You seem down.

↓

I just--I can't concentrate

concentrate

↓

'cause my dog is gay.

↓

Well, you know what they say.

↓

You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks.

straight teach tricks

↓

Oh, stop filling his head

filling head

↓

with that queer-loving propaganda.

loving propaganda queer

↓

Say what? You of all people should be sympathetic.

sympathetic

↓

What do you mean? - Well, you're gay, aren't you?

↓

What? What the hell are you talking about?

↓

I am not gay!

↓

Well, you sure do act like it!

↓

I just act that way to get chicks, dumbass.

chicks dumbass

↓

What's the matter, dude?

matter

↓

I don't know where Sparky is.

sparky

↓

He usually follows me to football practice.

follows football football-practice practice usually

↓

Maybe he went shopping for some leather pants.

leather leather-pants pants shopping

↓

Ow!

↓

Hello there, little pup!

↓

I'm Big Gay Al.

↓

Have you been outcast?

outcast

↓

Well, then, I'm so glad you found

found glad

↓

my big gay animal sanctuary.

animal sanctuary

↓

We're all big gay friends here.

friends

↓

Would you like to live with us?

live

↓

Come on in, little fellow.

fellow

↓

Nobody will ever oppress you here.

nobody oppress

↓

Have you guys seen Sparky?

seen sparky

↓

He still hasn't come back.

↓

Wow, it's been, like, two days.

days

↓

I think he might have run away.

might

↓

Did you check the shopping mall--

check mall shopping

↓

Ow! - We'll help you look for him

↓

after the game, Stan.

game stan

↓

I'm not playing. - You what?

playing

↓

I'm not playing in that stupid game.

game playing stupid stupid-game

↓

I have to find my dog.

↓

Come on, Ned, keep quiet.

quiet

↓

Okay.

↓

Hello there, Enrique.

↓

What are we doing here?

↓

Well, Ned, we always

↓

kidnap Middle Park's mascot.

kidnap mascot middle parks

↓

But this year, we're gonna booby-trap it instead,

booby trap

↓

and when John Stamos' older brother

brother john john-stamos older older-brother stamos

↓

hits that high F in "Loving You,"

hits loving

↓

boom!

boom

↓

No more Middle Park players.

middle middle-park park players

↓

God damn, I love football!

football love

↓

Sparky, where are you?

sparky

↓

Where could he be?

↓

Hello, everyone, this is Frank Hammond,

frank

↓

South Park Public Radio, AM 900.

park public radio south south-park

↓

Welcome to tonight's matchup

tonights welcome

↓

between the Middle Park Cowboys

cowboys middle middle-park park

↓

and the South Park Cows.

cows park park-cows south south-park south-park-cows

↓

Well, it looks like Chef, the South Park Cows' coach,

chef coach cows park park-cows south south-park south-park-cows

↓

is a little nervous.

nervous

↓

This is probably because

↓

his star quarterback

quarterback star

↓

has yet to show up.

↓

Oh, come on, Stan.

stan

↓

Uh, Mr. Chef, if Stanley doesn't show up,

chef stanley

↓

can I use his helmet?

helmet

↓

No, Pip, I'm sorry!

↓

Sparky!

sparky

↓

Sparky!

sparky

↓

Play ball!

ball

↓

You're gonna have to quarterback, Kyle.

kyle quarterback

↓

But I never practiced quarterback.

practiced quarterback

↓

It's a little late for that bullcrap now.

bullcrap late

↓

Filling in for quarterback

filling quarterback

↓

is number 12, Kyle "Broslovski."

kyle number

↓

Hey, hey, where's little Stanley?

stanley

↓

Yeah, why the hell is that little Jewish kid

jewish

↓

playing quarterback?

playing quarterback

↓

Ned, look.

↓

They've got Enrique on their sidelines.

sidelines

↓

And it looks like that bomb is still attached.

attached bomb

↓

Yay.

↓

Hi, little fella, how are you doing today?

fella today

↓

Fine, how are you?

↓

I'm super, thanks for asking.

asking super thanks

↓

My gay dog ran away and I was wondering

wondering

↓

if maybe he came here.

↓

Well, let's see. Come on in.

↓

Do you have lots of gay dogs here?

dogs lots

↓

We have all sorts of gay animals here

animals sorts

↓

at Big Gay AI's.

↓

Over here we have a gay lion.

lion

↓

Roar.

roar

↓

And we have gay water buffalo,

buffalo water

↓

gay hummingbirds.

hummingbirds

↓

Here's a gaggle of gay gooses!

↓

Hi, fellas, it's so super to see you!

fellas super

↓

Wow, it seems like the animals here are really happy.

animals happy seems

↓

Of course they are, silly buns!

buns course silly

↓

It's the one place where gay animals

animals place

↓

can really be themselves.

↓

Do you like to dance?

dance

↓

Cartman, you hike me the ball,

ball cartman hike

↓

then somebody run, and I'll throw it or something.

somebody throw

↓

- Ready? - Break.

break ready

↓

You guys are toast.

toast

↓

Yeah, we're gonna pound your heads in.

heads pound

↓

We'll just see about that!

↓

Set, set...

↓

Damn it, Cartman!

cartman

↓

What's the matter? - Cartman farted!

cartman farted matter

↓

No, I didn't! That was just my shoes.

shoes

↓

Come on, Kyle,

kyle

↓

we'll get a delay of game penalty!

delay game penalty

↓

No way, dude! - Hike the ball!

ball hike

↓

Oh, dude, weak.

weak

↓

That's right, you get back there.

↓

Hike! - The ball is snapped.

ball hike snapped

↓

Middle Park blitzes.

middle middle-park park

↓

Fumble! Middle Park gets the ball.

ball middle middle-park park

↓

They run it in for a touchdown!

touchdown

↓

The score is 7-0, Middle Park,

middle middle-park park score

↓

with 14:57 remaining in the first quarter.

quarter remaining

↓

Hells bells.

bells hells hells-bells

↓

I haven't seen a beating like that

beating seen

↓

since Rodney King!

king rodney

↓

Now, Frank, that's not very PC.

frank

↓

You're gonna get us in trouble again.

trouble

↓

Right, right, I--I got to watch that.

watch

↓

If we lose our money 'cause of your nephew,

lose money nephew

↓

we're gonna hang you out to dry, Jimbo.

hang jimbo

↓

Don't y'all worry.

worry yall

↓

You just wait till halftime.

halftime till

↓

Sparky!

sparky

↓

Hiya, Sparky, how's it going?

hiya sparky

↓

I missed you, old pal.

missed

↓

You really had me scared.

scared

↓

Come on, let's go home.

home

↓

I can still make it in time for the game.

game

↓

We can work on making you not gay together.

↓

Sparky?

sparky

↓

Young man, it appears

appears young

↓

you still don't understand.

↓

What don't I understand?

↓

Come this way.

↓

I have to show you something.

↓

With just over a minute to go in the half,

half minute

↓

the score is Middle Park Cowboys 52,

cowboys middle middle-park park score

↓

South Park Cows, zero.

cows park park-cows south south-park south-park-cows zero

↓

Oh, my! I haven't seen an Englishman

seen

↓

take a blow like that since Hugh Grant!

blow grant hugh

↓

Dude! Now, that is not cool.

cool

↓

Sorry, sorry.

↓

Okay, Stan, I think you should get in line

line stan

↓

for my big gay boat ride.

boat boat-ride ride

↓

Step aboard, Stanley.

aboard stanley step

↓

Hello, everyone, and welcome aboard

aboard welcome welcome-aboard

↓

the big gay boat ride!

boat boat-ride ride

↓

On this adventure,

adventure

↓

we'll be seeing the world of gayness

seeing world

↓

throughout time.

throughout

↓

And the South Park Cows are set to receive.

cows park park-cows receive south south-park south-park-cows

↓

There's the kick.

kick

↓

It's taken by number 23, Kenny McCormick.

kenny kenny-mccormick mccormick number taken

↓

He's at the 50, the 40, the 30...

↓

The little running back is down!

running

↓

I think he's...

↓

yes, he's been decapitated!

decapitated

↓

Oh, my God,

↓

they killed Kenny!

kenny killed killed-kenny

↓

You bastards!

bastards

↓

That's got to hurt, Frank!

frank hurt

↓

Ouch-eroo!

ouch

↓

Hey, come on,

↓

that was roughing!

↓

At least let us scrape him off the field!

field least scrape

↓

Looks like the South Park Cows

cows park park-cows south south-park south-park-cows

↓

aren't even gonna beat the 72-point spread,

beat point spread

↓

not by a long shot.

shot

↓

You see, gayness has existed

existed

↓

since the beginning of time,

beginning

↓

from the Egyptian pharaohs,

egyptian

↓

to the shoguns of Japan.

japan

↓

Uh-oh, look out, it's the oppressors!

↓

Christians and Republicans and Nazis, oh my!

christians nazis republicans

↓

Oh! Oh, gosh, that was close.

close gosh

↓

Okay, let's steer our big gay boat out of here

boat steer

↓

and into a place where gays are allowed to live freely.

allowed freely gays live place

↓

♪ We are gay and it's okay ♪

↓

♪ 'Cause gay means happy and happy means gay ♪

happy

↓

♪ We're not sad anymore ♪

anymore

↓

♪ 'Cause we're out the closet door ♪

closet door

↓

♪ It's okay to be gay ♪

↓

So what do you think, Stan?

stan

↓

This kicks ass.

kicks

↓

I'm sorry I tried to change you, Spark.

change spark tried

↓

I just didn't understand.

↓

Isn't this precious?

precious

↓

And now here to sing the touching song

sing song touching

↓

"Loving You" is the one and only,

loving

↓

John Stamos' brother!

brother john john-stamos stamos

↓

All right, Richard!

richard

↓

♪ Loving you ♪

loving

↓

♪ Is easy 'cause you're beautiful ♪

easy

↓

♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪

dootn dootn-dootn

↓

♪ Ahh ♪

↓

♪ Ahh ♪

↓

What the hell?

↓

He didn't sing the high F!

sing

↓

Richard Stamos can't sing a high F.

richard sing stamos

↓

He always screws it up like this.

screws

↓

Ned, we are gonna get our asses kicked!

asses kicked

↓

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

↓

It's obvious where all the talent

obvious talent

↓

in that family went!

family

↓

Thanks for everything, Big Gay Al.

thanks

↓

No problem, kids.

kids problem

↓

Are you sure you don't want to stay

↓

for some toasted cheese sandwiches?

cheese sandwiches toasted

↓

No thanks. I've got to get back

thanks

↓

for the big football game.

football football-game game

↓

Come on, boy.

↓

Oh, Stan...

stan

↓

when you get back to town,

town

↓

tell them about us, will you?

↓

Tell them there are gay animals here

animals

↓

who need homes, desperately.

desperately homes

↓

I will, Big Gay Al.

↓

I will.

↓

Oh, my carrot cake.

cake carrot carrot-cake

↓

And these South Park Cows are being absolutely

absolutely cows park park-cows south south-park south-park-cows

↓

molested by Middle Park.

middle middle-park molested park

↓

I haven't seen so many children molested since...

children molested seen

↓

I thought you said beating the spread

beating spread

↓

was a sure thing, Jimbo!

jimbo

↓

Yeah, we all put our life savings in this game!

game life savings

↓

You're a dead man, Jimbo!

dead jimbo

↓

Well, this should just about wrap it up for--

wrap

↓

wait a minute, what's this?

minute

↓

Yeah! Yoo-hoo!

↓

It's Stan, the South Park star quarterback.

park quarterback south south-park stan star

↓

Where the hell have you been, Stan?

stan

↓

I've been getting my best friend back.

best best-friend friend

↓

Just get in there, boy.

↓

Give 'em hell, Stanley!

stanley

↓

Jesus...now, I haven't asked you for much.

asked jesus

↓

But all we need is one little score.

score

↓

Please, please, Jesus.

jesus

↓

Leave me alone.

alone

↓

Hike! - Stan hikes the ball.

ball hike stan

↓

He steps back to pass.

pass steps

↓

Hey, Stan, I'm open I think.

open stan

↓

And he throws it to Kyle, the little Jewish kid.

jewish kyle throws

↓

Oh, my!

↓

I haven't seen a Jew run like that

seen

↓

since Poland, 1938!

↓

Dude!

↓

Touchdown!

touchdown

↓

Yeah! - Whoo!

whoo

↓

The clock runs out, and the final score is

clock final runs score

↓

Middle Park Cowboys 73,

cowboys middle middle-park park

↓

South Park Cows 6.

cows park park-cows south south-park south-park-cows

↓

South Park beats the spread.

beats park south south-park spread

↓

Yeah! Yoo-hoo!

↓

Speech!

speech

↓

Stan, what do you want to tell the world

stan world

↓

about this stunning almost victory?

stunning victory

↓

Uh, it's really cool

cool

↓

that we beat the spread against the Cowboys.

beat cowboys spread

↓

Yeah, all right!

↓

And maybe we can beat 'em even more next year.

beat

↓

Whoo!

whoo

↓

And it's okay to be gay.

↓

What?

↓

Being gay is just part of nature

nature part

↓

and a beautiful thing.

↓

What the hell is he talking about?

↓

Uh, Stanley, you arrived very late in the game.

arrived game late stanley

↓

Where were you that whole time?

whole

↓

I was with my new friend, Big Gay Al.

friend

↓

He showed me his big gay animal sanctuary

animal sanctuary showed

↓

and took me on a big gay boat ride,

boat boat-ride ride

↓

where I learned all about the wonders of gaiety.

learned wonders

↓

It's true. I'll show you.

↓

But it was here. It was all right here.

↓

There--there was a techno dance club.

club dance techno

↓

Stan, you need to lay off the cough syrup.

cough stan syrup

↓

All right? Seriously.

↓

I'm worried about you, man.

worried

↓

Oliver!

oliver

↓

I thought you ran away

↓

all those months ago.

months

↓

Sidney!

sidney

↓

Willie!

↓

Carlos!

carlos

↓

I want to thank you so much

↓

for bringing everybody here.

bringing everybody

↓

Oh, there you are, dude. How's it going?

↓

I'm super, thanks for asking.

asking super thanks

↓

It looks like now my work here is done.

↓

Good-bye, Stanley. Peace be with you.

peace stanley

↓

Wow!

↓

You guys, you guys! I can do it.

↓

Do what?

↓

♪ Loving you ♪

loving

↓

♪ Is easy 'cause you're beautiful ♪

easy

↓

♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪

dootn dootn-dootn

↓

No!

↓

♪ Ahh ♪

↓

♪ Now you're a man ♪

↓

♪ A man, man, man ♪

↓

♪ Now you're a man, man ♪

↓

♪ Man, man, man, man, man ♪

↓

♪ Now you're a man ♪

↓

♪ M-A-N, man ♪

↓

♪ Man, man, man, man ♪

↓

♪ Now you're a man ♪