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Home » South Park » S01E03 — Weight Gain 4000

South Park

Season 1, Episode 3 — Weight Gain 4000

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Weight Gain 4000

Air date: August 27, 1997

Directors: Matt Stone, Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Jennifer Howell

Mr. Garrison starts the day off with a special announcement; one of South Park's own has won a national essay contest. Everyone is shocked to learn that the winner is Cartman, who doesn't even remember what he wrote about.

Source: TMDB

↓

I know a certain kitty-kitty

certain kitty kitty-kitty

↓

who's sleeping with mommy tonight.

mommy sleeping tonight

↓

That is a hoot and a holler.

holler hoot

↓

This next episode is by far our favorite.

episode favorite

↓

It's called "Volcano."

called volcano

↓

In it, the boys go camping with Stan's uncle Jimbo

boys camping jimbo stans uncle uncle-jimbo

↓

and his friend Ned.

friend

↓

While camping, they encounter

camping encounter

↓

a strange creature in a deadly volcano.

creature deadly strange volcano

↓

I think the reason that this episode is,

episode reason

↓

well, Scratch's favorite anyway

favorite

↓

is because it deals with an issue

deals issue

↓

that is really important to Matt and I.

matt

↓

You see, we grew up in the Colorado Rockies,

colorado grew rockies

↓

and there black bear hunting is illegal.

bear black hunting illegal

↓

Well, a few years ago a man shot a black bear

bear black shot years

↓

and her two cubs out of a tree.

tree

↓

When taken to jail the man said,

jail taken

↓

"Well, they were coming right for us,"

coming

↓

but he'd shot the black bears out of a tree,

bears black shot tree

↓

so it was ridiculous.

ridiculous

↓

That's not funny.

funny

↓

What America's really dying to know is,

americas dying

↓

is there really a Scuzzlebutt?

scuzzlebutt

↓

People have to understand, these are all works of fiction.

fiction works

↓

There's no such thing as aliens.

aliens

↓

There's no such thing as Scuzzlebutt.

scuzzlebutt

↓

And there's no such thing as Patrick Duffy.

duffy patrick patrick-duffy

↓

What happened to Ned to cause him to speak the way he does?

happened speak

↓

Well, Ned is actually our favorite character

character favorite favorite-character

↓

in all of South Park.

park south south-park

↓

He had a laryngectomy from smoking too much

smoking

↓

and got throat cancer.

cancer throat

↓

So now he talks like this.

talks

↓

I guess we can all take a lesson from Ned.

lesson

↓

So sit back, relax and enjoy "Volcano."

enjoy relax volcano

↓

♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪

↓

♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptations ♪

folks humble humble-folks

↓

♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting "Howdy neighbor" ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

♪ Heading on up to South Park ♪

heading park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

♪ So come on down to South park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

Now you be careful, Eric.

careful eric

↓

The woods can be very dangerous.

dangerous woods

↓

Okay, Mom.

↓

Ready to go hunting, Cartman?

cartman hunting ready

↓

Yeah, my Uncle Jimbo says we gotta get up there early.

early jimbo uncle uncle-jimbo

↓

Right, Uncle Jimbo?

jimbo uncle uncle-jimbo

↓

That's right, Stanley.

stanley

↓

Animals are much easier to shoot in the morning.

animals easier morning shoot

↓

Here, hon.

↓

I packed you Cheesy Poofs and Happy Tarts.

cheesy cheesy-poofs happy packed poofs tarts

↓

Don't worry, Miss Cartman, we'll take care of him.

care cartman miss miss-cartman worry

↓

I brought my old war buddy, Ned, to keep things safe.

brought buddy safe

↓

Hello, Mrs. Cartman. How are you today?

cartman today

↓

- Be sure to use lots of bug spray,

lots spray

↓

and if you have to poo-poo,

↓

don't wipe with poison ivy.

poison wipe

↓

Dude, that's sick, Mom!

sick

↓

And I know it can get scary up in those woods,

scary woods

↓

but just remember, Mommy's not far away.

mommys remember

↓

Drive! Drive!

drive drive-drive

↓

You give your mommy a kissy.

kissy mommy

↓

Drive the car, damn it! Drive!

drive

↓

"Don't get scared up in the mountains, Cartman."

cartman mountains scared

↓

Shut up! I'm not scared of nothing.

scared

↓

Maybe your mom can give me a kiss too, Cartman.

cartman kiss

↓

Oh, oh! That's disgusting.

disgusting

↓

You piece of crap! I'll kill you!

kill piece

↓

That's the spirit, boys.

boys spirit

↓

Let's get that testosterone flowing.

flowing testosterone

↓

Yeeh!

↓

Now, boys, boys, I need to get serious for a minute.

boys boys-boys minute serious

↓

I want you to understand a few basic rules of hunting,

basic hunting rules

↓

since this is your first time.

↓

First of all, don't ever walk with your gun

walk

↓

unless the safety's on.

safetys

↓

Second, don't shoot anything that looks human.

dont-shoot human second shoot

↓

And third, never spill your beer in the bullet chamber.

beer bullet chamber spill third

↓

Uh, Uncle Jimbo, we don't drink beer.

beer drink drink-beer jimbo uncle uncle-jimbo

↓

You what?!

↓

Yeah, that's right,

↓

I don't think eight-year-old kids drink beer.

beer drink drink-beer eight kids

↓

I like chocolate milk!

chocolate chocolate-milk milk

↓

Well, we'll be doing plenty of drinking on this trip.

drinking plenty trip

↓

After all, hunter sober is like...

hunter sober

↓

Fishing...sober.

fishing sober

↓

It sure will be nice to get out of the city

city

↓

for a while, away from civilization.

civilization

↓

Well, here we are.

↓

Okay, each of you young'uns take a gun, a beer,

beer

↓

and some smokes.

smokes

↓

Hey, I didn't get a gun.

↓

Sweet. This is like the gun I used in 'Nam.

sweet used

↓

You weren't in Vietnam, Cartman.

cartman vietnam

↓

Were you stationed in Da Nang?

stationed

↓

Cartman always makes stuff up, Ned.

cartman makes stuff

↓

You can't believe anything he says.

believe

↓

Hey, I'll blow your freaking head off.

blow freaking head

↓

Hey, look out, son. That's dangerous.

dangerous

↓

You're gonna spill your beer.

beer spill

↓

My Uncle Jimbo says that after this

jimbo uncle uncle-jimbo

↓

he's gonna take me hunting in Africa.

africa hunting

↓

Wow, that'll be cool.

cool thatll

↓

My mom says there's a lot of black people in Africa.

africa black

↓

Boys, lookie there.

boys

↓

That there is a Rocky Mountain black bear.

bear black mountain rocky

↓

One of the few remaining of its kind.

remaining

↓

Isn't it beautiful?

↓

My God, it's coming right for us!

coming

↓

Hey, it wasn't coming right for us.

coming

↓

It was just sitting there. - Shh, not so loud.

loud sitting

↓

Now that there is just a technicality.

↓

What do you mean? - You see, boys,

boys

↓

the Democrats have passed a lot of laws

laws passed

↓

trying to stop us from hunting.

hunting

↓

Democrats piss me off!

piss

↓

They say we can't shoot certain animals anymore

animals anymore certain shoot

↓

unless they're posing an immediate threat.

immediate posing threat

↓

Therefore, before we shoot something,

shoot therefore

↓

we have to say, "It's coming right for us."

coming

↓

Wow, you're smart, Uncle Jimbo.

jimbo smart uncle uncle-jimbo

↓

Jimbo, look.

jimbo

↓

Oh, it's a deer.

deer

↓

Looks like about a 45-gauge, Ned.

gauge

↓

It's coming right for us!

coming

↓

Kickass!

kickass

↓

Did you see that?

↓

I was imperiled by that ferocious, charging buck.

buck charging

↓

Rabbit, rabbit, five o'clock.

five oclock rabbit

↓

Let's move! Move!

↓

Is this hunting? - I guess so.

hunting

↓

Uh, dude, I'm starting to have flashbacks.

flashbacks starting

↓

What? - Stand forth, pull up flank.

flank forth pull stand

↓

Look out for Charlies up in the trees.

charlies trees

↓

This one's yours, Stan.

ones stan

↓

It's coming right for us. - It's coming right for us.

coming

↓

Shoot it, Stan. - I got your back, soldier.

shoot soldier stan

↓

I can't.

↓

What the-- What's wrong with you?

↓

I don't wanna shoot the bunny.

bunny shoot

↓

What the hell are you talking about,

↓

you don't wanna shoot the bunny?

bunny shoot

↓

You're babbling, you're not making any sense.

babbling sense

↓

You're hysterical. - I'm not hysterical.

hysterical

↓

I just don't wanna shoot the bunny.

bunny shoot

↓

No nephew of mine is gonna be a tree-hugger.

nephew tree

↓

Yeah, hippie, go back to Woodstock

hippie woodstock

↓

if you can't shoot anything.

shoot

↓

I can shoot you, fatass! - I can shoot you, too!

fatass shoot

↓

I'll kill you! - I'll fill you full of lead!

fill full kill lead

↓

Hey, what's that?

↓

Hmm?

↓

What the heck is this?

heck

↓

Yeah, Frank. It's Randy.

frank randy

↓

Uh-huh. Good.

↓

Yeah, listen, the little needle is moving.

moving needle

↓

Yeah, it's going back and forth really fast.

fast forth

↓

What does that mean? Uh-huh?

↓

Uh-huh. Let me check.

check

↓

Yeah, it's smoking. Uh-huh.

smoking

↓

Oh, really? Really?

↓

Oh, my God, a volcano.

volcano

↓

My weenies won't cook.

cook

↓

This wood won't burn.

burn wood

↓

Well, Ned, looks like we'll have to use

↓

the old Indian fire trick.

fire indian trick

↓

Yep.

↓

Hey, stop, drop and roll, Ned.

drop roll

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

God damn it, Ned. I just got that van.

↓

How the hell are we supposed to get home?

home supposed

↓

Oh, it hurts, it hurts!

hurts

↓

Hey, you guys.

↓

This works pretty good right now.

works

↓

But you see, Mr. Mayor,

mayor

↓

you can't stop serving Salisbury steak

salisbury salisbury-steak serving steak

↓

in our public schools.

public public-schools schools

↓

What's next, meatloaf?

meatloaf

↓

We are quite aware of your concerns, Chef, but--

aware chef concerns

↓

Mayor, the geologist is here to see you.

geologist mayor

↓

My geologist? Now?

geologist

↓

Tell him the infection is fine

infection

↓

and I don't need another checkup.

another

↓

No, Mayor, that's a gynecologist.

mayor

↓

A geologist studies the earth.

earth geologist studies

↓

Don't you think I know that?

↓

How dare you insult my intellect.

dare insult intellect

↓

I went to Princeton for God's sake.

gods gods-sake sake

↓

You get out of my office.

office

↓

I'm not in your office, Mayor.

mayor office

↓

I'm talking to you through a speaker.

speaker

↓

Just send in the geometrist. - Geologist.

geologist send

↓

You are fired, buddy!

buddy fired

↓

Thank you, Mayor. It's been great working for you.

mayor working

↓

Mayor, we've got a very big problem.

mayor problem

↓

Mount Evanson is about to erupt.

erupt mount

↓

What does this mean to the town?

town

↓

Well, this graph shows everything from normal to bad.

graph normal shows

↓

Right now, South Park is here.

park south south-park

↓

My God.

↓

Mayor, some of the school children

children mayor school

↓

are up camping on that mountain right now.

camping mountain

↓

Oh, this is big.

↓

Johnson, Johnson, are you there?

johnson

↓

Uh, you just fired Johnson, Mayor.

fired johnson mayor

↓

I'm his replacement, Ted.

replacement

↓

Ted, we have got a major crisis here.

crisis major

↓

I want you to get on the phone and call

phone

↓

"Inside Edition," "Rescue 911,"

rescue

↓

oh, and "Entertainment Tonight."

entertainment tonight

↓

You better get my stylist on the phone, too.

phone stylist

↓

Don't worry. Things are under control.

control worry

↓

And then Ned picked up the grenade and--boom!--

boom grenade picked

↓

blasted his arm clear off.

blasted clear

↓

We spent three hours looking for that damn arm,

hours looking spent three three-hours

↓

but it was never to be found.

found

↓

Some say it's still crawling around to this day.

crawling

↓

Ha, gotcha!

gotcha

↓

Heh, that's not scary.

scary

↓

You were scared, Cartman. You almost peed your pants.

cartman pants peed scared

↓

Shut up! I didn't pee my pants.

pants

↓

Hey, Ned, hand me that gin.

hand

↓

You boys want to tie one on?

boys

↓

No, no thanks. That stuff tastes like pee.

stuff tastes thanks

↓

Yeah, Cartman's pee. - Hey, you would taste my pee.

cartmans taste

↓

What the hell is wrong with you?

↓

Can't you have a little alcohol?

alcohol

↓

Christ, look at that little bastard go!

bastard christ

↓

Now you see that, Stan?

stan

↓

Now that is a dirty little bastard.

bastard dirty

↓

Hey, I'm a dirty little bastard, too.

bastard dirty

↓

Hey, you guys, I know a scary story.

scary story

↓

Shut up, Cartman. You can't scare anybody.

anybody cartman scare

↓

Oh, yeah?

↓

You guys ever heard of Scuzzlebutt?

heard scuzzlebutt

↓

What-lebutt?

↓

Scuzzlebutt is a creature

creature scuzzlebutt

↓

that lives up on this very mountain

lives mountain

↓

and kills anybody who dares climb to the top.

anybody climb kills

↓

Why?

↓

Because it loves the taste of blood

blood loves taste

↓

and likes to add pieces to its deformed body.

body deformed likes pieces

↓

Deformed how?

deformed

↓

Well, on his left arm

left

↓

instead of a hand, he has...

hand

↓

A hook. - A knife.

hook knife

↓

No, a piece of celery. - Celery?

celery piece

↓

Yes, and he walks with a limp,

limp walks

↓

because one of his legs is missing.

legs missing

↓

And where his leg should be,

↓

there's nothing but... Patrick Duffy.

duffy patrick patrick-duffy

↓

Patrick Duffy?

duffy patrick patrick-duffy

↓

Damn it, Cartman, that's not scary.

cartman scary

↓

What do you mean? Have you ever seen "Step by Step?"

seen step

↓

So he lives alone on this mountain

alone lives mountain

↓

and weaves baskets and other assorted crafts.

baskets

↓

They say that on quiet nights

nights quiet

↓

you can hear him weaving his baskets.

baskets

↓

Ka-shink, ka-shink, ka-shink.

↓

Cartman, you suck at telling scary stories.

cartman scary stories suck telling

↓

Yeah, give me that flashlight.

flashlight

↓

What's that? - Maybe it's Scuzzlebutt

scuzzlebutt

↓

coming to weave us into wicker baskets.

baskets coming weave wicker

↓

Hey, it might be.

might

↓

Gosh, I hope he doesn't cut me with his celery hand.

celery gosh hand hope

↓

Screw you guys!

screw

↓

Fatass! - Go to hell!

fatass

↓

Hey, Ned, why don't you whip out the old cancer kazoo.

cancer kazoo whip

↓

Let's do a little song.

song

↓

♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪

kumbaya lord

↓

♪ Kumbaya ♪

kumbaya

↓

♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪

kumbaya lord

↓

♪ Kumbaya ♪

kumbaya

↓

♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪

kumbaya lord

↓

♪ Kumbaya ♪

kumbaya

↓

♪ Oh Lord, Kumbaya ♪

kumbaya lord lord-kumbaya

↓

♪ Someone's crying, Lord, Kumbaya ♪

crying kumbaya lord lord-kumbaya someones

↓

They don't think Scuzzlebutt is scary, huh?

scary scuzzlebutt

↓

Let's see how they like it

↓

when they actually see Scuzzlebutt.

scuzzlebutt

↓

I'll scare the hell out of them tomorrow.

scare tomorrow

↓

♪ Someone's crying, Lord, Kumbaya ♪

crying kumbaya lord lord-kumbaya someones

↓

♪ Oh Lord, Kumbaya ♪

kumbaya lord lord-kumbaya

↓

Stan, Stan, wake up.

stan stan-stan wake

↓

What, dude?

↓

I don't know where Cartman is.

cartman

↓

I think something took him away.

↓

Where's my Uncle Jimbo and Ned?

jimbo uncle uncle-jimbo

↓

They're out fishing with Kenny.

fishing kenny

↓

With Kenny? But this is supposed to be my camping trip.

camping kenny supposed trip

↓

Why do they like Kenny so much?

kenny

↓

Doesn't he like me anymore?

anymore

↓

Well, Stan, you want to know what I think?

stan

↓

What?

↓

What a beautiful morning for fishing.

fishing morning

↓

There's one. There's a fish right there.

fish

↓

Got it.

↓

Great instincts, boy.

instincts

↓

Uncle Jimbo, Cartman's missing.

cartmans jimbo missing uncle uncle-jimbo

↓

Who? The fat kid?

↓

Yeah. - Ah, hell.

↓

I guess we better go look for him.

↓

Ned, you gotta cut it short.

short

↓

Fire out the 12-20.

fire

↓

Well, I think that's about the limit

limit

↓

for our fishing permit.

fishing permit

↓

Oh, man, it smells like dead fish.

dead fish smells

↓

Oh, man, that is nasty.

nasty

↓

Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen a kid

seen

↓

as cool as you, Kenny.

cool kenny

↓

I'm making you my honorary nephew.

honorary nephew

↓

The people of South Park are humble and friendly,

friendly humble park south south-park

↓

but now a ticking time bomb of hot lava

bomb lava ticking

↓

waits to engulf these people and end their miserable lives

lives miserable waits

↓

with one last fleeting moment

moment

↓

of excruciatingly painful, burning agony.

agony burning painful

↓

Hey, I'm on TV! I'm on TV!

↓

Mayor, what are you doing

mayor

↓

to prepare for this inevitable catastrophe?

catastrophe inevitable prepare

↓

All we know right now is that some of our children

children

↓

are camping on that mountain and--uh, I'm sorry.

camping mountain

↓

Can I start over? - Huh?

start

↓

- You can edit this, right? Ready? Three, two, one.

edit ready three

↓

All we know right now

↓

is that some of our children

children

↓

are up camping on that mountain.

camping mountain

↓

We can't do anything until we get them.

↓

Okay, people, let's go get those kids!

kids

↓

Come on, everybody. You gotta help the children.

children everybody

↓

Well, he couldn't have gone far.

gone

↓

Unless something drug him off.

drug

↓

There's not many animals out today, Jimbo.

animals jimbo today

↓

Yeah, it's almost like something funny's going on.

↓

Christ, Ned, what'd you have for breakfast?

breakfast christ whatd

↓

I don't know, man. I've got some bad gas.

↓

Wait, there's a ram.

↓

It's coming right for us!

coming

↓

Nice shooting, Kenny!

kenny shooting

↓

Here, you need a bigger gun.

bigger

↓

Look! - I am Scuzzlebutt,

scuzzlebutt

↓

Lord of the mountains.

lord mountains

↓

Behold my Patrick Duffy leg.

behold duffy patrick patrick-duffy

↓

What is it?

↓

Dude, it's Scuzzlebutt! Cartman wasn't lying.

cartman lying scuzzlebutt

↓

Holy crow! We could make a mint killing this thing.

crow holy killing mint

↓

We'll be on the cover of "Guns & Ammo."

ammo cover guns

↓

This calls for some HJ-14.

calls

↓

Those guys are totally scared.

scared

↓

Fire in the hole!

fire hole

↓

Holy crap!

holy

↓

Damn it, I think I missed.

missed

↓

What the hell is wrong with you people?

↓

Come on, let's move! Move!

↓

Wait, wait, ahhh!

ahhh

↓

Is it on? Okay.

↓

Okay, people, form groups and search the mountain.

form groups mountain search

↓

Report back here every hour. You got that?

hour report

↓

Mayor, I might have an idea. - Oh, what?

idea mayor might

↓

Well, if we can dig a very large trench,

trench

↓

we can divert the lava into a canyon,

canyon divert lava

↓

and then it would bypass South Park pretty much completely.

bypass completely park south south-park

↓

And that would be good, right?

↓

I'm pretty sure.

↓

Well, what are we waiting for?

waiting

↓

Okay, people, change of plans.

change plans

↓

Half of you grabs shovels.

grabs half

↓

These look like his tracks. He must have gone this way.

gone must tracks

↓

Ned, prepare some HK-12 and some Plasticine.

prepare

↓

I'll bet that sucker is headed for a higher elevation.

headed higher sucker

↓

The higher up it--bird!

bird higher

↓

The higher up it goes, the better it can breathe.

breathe higher

↓

Look, up there!

↓

You guys, it's just me.

↓

Are we sure it's Scuzzlebutt?

scuzzlebutt

↓

Does it have Patrick Duffy for a leg?

duffy patrick patrick-duffy

↓

I can't tell. Let's kill it.

kill

↓

Got to get out of this stupid costume.

costume stupid

↓

Kenny, you take the front.

front kenny

↓

No, I can do it, Uncle Jimbo.

jimbo uncle uncle-jimbo

↓

I want to bag that animal.

animal

↓

That's the spirit, kiddo. Let's hunt!

hunt kiddo spirit

↓

You guys, you guys, I was just kidding!

kidding

↓

- As some people of South Park

park south south-park

↓

try desperately to save their mountain town,

desperately mountain mountain-town save town

↓

others look for the missing townspeople.

missing others townspeople

↓

But all must take every precaution necessary.

must necessary precaution

↓

Okay, people, listen up.

↓

As we near the top of the mountain,

mountain near

↓

the chances of our encountering some lava becomes great.

becomes chances lava

↓

Therefore, I have special ordered

ordered special therefore

↓

this training film to assist us

assist film training

↓

in volcano safety.

safety volcano

↓

Mr. Garrison, if you would, please.

garrison

↓

Harbingers of sorrow, natural disasters can be

natural sorrow

↓

the cause of troubling and undesirable stress,

stress troubling

↓

and a volcano is no exception.

exception volcano

↓

But what should you do if a volcano erupts near you

near volcano

↓

or your family?

family

↓

Here, we see the Stephens Family

family

↓

enjoying--Sunday picnic.

enjoying picnic sunday

↓

But suddenly, daughter hears a noise.

daughter hears noise suddenly

↓

It's a volcano. Junior seems worried.

junior seems volcano worried

↓

But have no fear, Junior.

fear junior

↓

Jane learned in school what to do

jane learned school

↓

when you hear a volcano erupt.

erupt volcano

↓

That's right, Jane, duck and cover.

cover duck jane

↓

So what will--do when you hear a volcano erupting?

volcano

↓

That's right, duck and cover.

cover duck

↓

Looks like you got the idea.

idea

↓

Duck and cover.

cover duck

↓

Thank you and good-bye.

↓

Okay, any questions?

questions

↓

That has got to be the most ridiculous

ridiculous

↓

load of pig crap I have ever seen.

load seen

↓

That's enough out of you!

↓

I'm gonna bag Scuzzlebutt,

scuzzlebutt

↓

then we'll see who's a little bastard.

bastard

↓

Hey, seriously, you guys!

↓

Kill it, Stan. Kill it.

kill stan

↓

Come on, Stan, kill it!

kill stan

↓

Oh, damn it, I can't do it!

↓

You pansy! Give me that gun.

pansy

↓

Hey! - Cartman?

cartman

↓

God damn it, don't shoot me!

dont-shoot shoot

↓

What the Sam Hill?

hill

↓

I was just trying to scare you guys.

scare

↓

You can put the gun down now.

↓

So much for the cover of "Guns & Ammo."

ammo cover guns

↓

Yepper, but I think we've learned

learned

↓

some important lessons, Ned. I think--

lessons

↓

Whoa!

whoa

↓

Holy crap.

holy

↓

The mountain, it's blown its top!

blown mountain

↓

Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!

kenny killed killed-kenny

↓

No, I'm okay.

↓

Look, the volcano.

volcano

↓

Quick, duck and cover!

cover duck quick

↓

That lava is coming right for us.

coming lava

↓

Oh, no, look.

↓

What the hell is this trench doing here?

trench

↓

We can't get across!

↓

It now looks as if the missing children

children missing

↓

are trapped in the path of hot, nasty lava.

lava nasty path trapped

↓

God, please deliver those darling kids from--

darling deliver kids

↓

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Three, two and one.

three

↓

God, please deliver--

deliver

↓

Help!

↓

Jiminy, it's the real Scuzzlebutt!

jiminy real scuzzlebutt

↓

What? Scuzzlebutt's real?

real

↓

Oh, my God! Look at his leg!

↓

Hi, kids, I'm TV's Patrick Duffy.

duffy kids patrick patrick-duffy

↓

- Quick, Ned, shoot it!

quick shoot

↓

Oh, no, out of ammo.

ammo

↓

What is that thing?

↓

That's Scuzzlebutt.

scuzzlebutt

↓

Yeah, he has Patrick Duffy for a leg and weaves baskets.

baskets duffy patrick patrick-duffy

↓

This isn't happening. Everyone look away, please.

↓

Nothing to see here.

↓

Well, boys, I'm sorry I got you all killed.

boys killed

↓

Ahhh!

ahhh

↓

Whoa, he built a wicker basket.

basket built whoa wicker

↓

Hey, he's saving us.

saving

↓

Scuzzlebutt saved the day.

saved scuzzlebutt

↓

And my calculations worked.

calculations worked

↓

The lava's following the trench into the canyon.

canyon following trench

↓

Hmm, where exactly does the canyon go?

canyon

↓

- Uh...

↓

South Park is saved.

park saved south south-park

↓

Hey, look, Kenny's okay.

kennys

↓

- And now these humble people can rejoice and celebrate

celebrate humble rejoice

↓

their jovial victory over nature.

jovial nature victory

↓

I'm getting word that the chef of the school cafeteria

cafeteria chef school word

↓

wants to sing a song about this thrilling struggle of humanity.

humanity sing song struggle thrilling wants

↓

♪ Ooh baby every time that we kiss ♪

baby kiss

↓

♪ Hot lava ♪

lava

↓

♪ Every time that we make love, hot lava ♪

lava love

↓

♪ Hot lava ♪

lava

↓

♪ Lava so hot it makes me sweat ♪

lava makes sweat

↓

♪ Lava so warm and red and wet ♪

lava warm

↓

♪ Lava ♪

lava

↓

Mayor, what do you have to say

mayor

↓

about this wonderful outcome?

outcome

↓

Well, we owe everything

↓

to this friendly, yet misunderstood creature.

creature friendly misunderstood

↓

Thank you, Scuzzlebutt.

scuzzlebutt

↓

Friend.

friend

↓

Oh, how sweet.

sweet

↓

I did it, I did it! I finally killed something.

finally killed

↓

Oh, my God, what has he done?

↓

Turn off the cameras.

cameras

↓

Hey, that was easy.

easy

↓

No!

↓

Why, God? Why?

↓

Damn it, Stan. You shouldn't have done that.

stan

↓

What, why?

↓

Yeah, make up your mind, dude.

mind

↓

Stan, some things you kill and some things you don't. See?

kill stan

↓

No.

↓

Only now, in this late hour,

hour late

↓

do I see the folly of guns.

folly guns

↓

I'll never use a gun again.

↓

But I just wanted you to be proud of me,

proud wanted

↓

like you were with Kenny.

kenny

↓

But Kenny's dead now, Stan.

dead kennys stan

↓

And you're always gonna be my nephew.

nephew

↓

And you just can't kill anything.

kill

↓

You understand?

↓

Dude, I don't understand hunting at all.

hunting

↓

Yeah, it's stupid. Let's go watch cartoons.

cartoons stupid watch watch-cartoons

↓

Yeah, cartoons kick ass.

cartoons kick