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Home » South Park » S01E01 — Cartman Gets an Anal Probe

South Park

Season 1, Episode 1 — Cartman Gets an Anal Probe

TMDB episode metadata
Show: South Park
Episode title: Cartman Gets an Anal Probe
Air date: August 13, 1997
Director: Trey Parker
Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Isaac Hayes, Mary Kay Bergman, Mona Marshall, Jennifer Howell
While the boys are waiting for the school bus, Cartman explains the odd nightmare he had the previous night involving alien visitors abducting him from his bed. Meanwhile Kyle and Stan try to convince Cartman that the dream was in fact a reality.
Source: TMDB
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You see?
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There is something funny going on.
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There's nothing funny going on.
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I'll get those cows back.
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And now, children,
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our friend Mr. Hat is going to tell us
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about Christopher Columbus.
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That's right, Mr. Garrison,
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Christopher Columbus discovered America,
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and was the Indians' best friend.
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He helped the Indians win their war against
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Frederick Douglas,
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and freed the Hebrews from Napoleon.
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And discovered France.
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Oh, man. I can't just sit here.
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I have to help my stupid brother.
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I'll come home without him
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and my dad will start yelling,
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"Where's your brother, Kyle?
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You weren't looking out for your little brother, Kyle."
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Okay, okay, let's ditch school and go find him.
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"You know he can't think on his own, Kyle.
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"Brush and floss, Kyle.
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Where has that finger been, Kyle?"
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Dude.
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Is there a problem, boys?
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Yes, Mr. Garrison, I have to go now.
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Oh really, Kyle?
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What is it this time, another prostate tumor?
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No, my little brother's been abducted by aliens.
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It's true. Ask Cartman.
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They gave him an anal probe.
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That's a little joke.
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Mr. Garrison, seriously, I have to go.
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Can I please be excused from class?
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I don't know, Kyle. Did you ask Mr. Hat?
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I don't want to ask Mr. Hat!
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I'm asking you!
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Oh, I think you should ask Mr. Hat.
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Mr. Hat, may I please be excused from class?
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Well, Kyle, no.
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You hear me? You go to hell.
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You go to hell and you die.
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Hm, I guess you'll have to take your seat, Kyle.
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Damn it.
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Ha-ha, Mr. Hat yelled at you.
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Ow, my ass!
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Damn, Cartman.
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