Home » It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia » S02E01 — Charlie Gets Crippled

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Season 2, Episode 1 — Charlie Gets Crippled

MAC: Come on. One more race. DENNIS: When we race, you lose.

#1

⇓

CHARLIE: You always lose.

#2

⇓

MAC: One more and we'll go to the strip club.

#3

⇓

DENNIS: Three, two, one.

#4

⇓

- Goddamn it! - What is wrong with you?

#5

⇓

- Super slow drinker here. - Do you have a little throat?

#6

⇓

- Dennis, we gotta get out of here. - Why?

#7

⇓

I got off the phone with Dad. He wants to stop by and talk to us.

#8

⇓

- What does he want? - I don't know!

#9

⇓

Let's go before we have to deal with this!

#10

⇓

Let's get out of here before you guys get around your father.

#11

⇓

Let's just take care of one more... Don't... Don't be grabby.

#12

⇓

- Dennis, I need to borrow $20. - What, dude?

#13

⇓

- Just give me some money, man. - How come you never have money?

#14

⇓

- Dee? Moneys? - No way.

#15

⇓

What are you gonna do at the strip club with...

#16

⇓

- Will you just get in the car! - No!

#17

⇓

It sucks for me 'cause you guys get all the girls and the attention!

#18

⇓

My dad's gonna be here in a second! Will you get in the car!

#19

⇓

No! I'm going home! I'm going home.

#20

⇓

- Can we go? Please! - Yeah, we can go. We can go.

#21

⇓

- Dennis! - Oh, Jesus!

#22

⇓

CHARLIE: Dennis, no! (loud thud)

#23

⇓

CHARLIE: Dennis, you son of a bitch!

#24

⇓

DENNIS: What the hell is wrong with you, Dad?

#25

⇓

Why would you sneak around the bar at night?

#26

⇓

You don't snoop, sneak, appear in front of cars and yell names!

#27

⇓

- No! - I had something important to tell.

#28

⇓

Really? What's so important it can't wait till morning?

#29

⇓

Nothing's more important than we hitting our friend with a car.

#30

⇓

Oh, yeah? Try this on for size. Your mother's dead.

#31

⇓

- No. - What?

#32

⇓

Oh, my God! (sighs)

#33

⇓

No, she's not dead. We're gettin' divorced though.

#34

⇓

- Why... - Why...

#35

⇓

- What... - What...

#36

⇓

- Why would you say she's dead? - It's a business tactic.

#37

⇓

You drop the bomb, then you soften the blow. You never tried this?

#38

⇓

- That's a terrible business tactic! - You are a horrible father.

#39

⇓

That's what I came to talk to you about.

#40

⇓

I hate the kind of person that your whore mother turned me into.

#41

⇓

The big house, the big car... I'm giving it all away.

#42

⇓

- Hmm? - Giving it away how?

#43

⇓

For starters, I'm giving all my money to charity.

#44

⇓

Then I'm gonna hang out with you two.

#45

⇓

That's what this is all about, spending time with my kids.

#46

⇓

- Hold on a second. - I wanna be the father I never was.

#47

⇓

- Shh, shh, shh. - Getting to know them.

#48

⇓

What did you say about the money?

#49

⇓

- I'm giving it all away. - That is a very stupid thing to do.

#50

⇓

You're a very stupid, stupid man. Who are you gonna give it to?

#51

⇓

I don't know. Poor people.

#52

⇓

- Poor people? - Poor people?

#53

⇓

What... What is your... Okay, where's Mom?

#54

⇓

Mom? She's on vacation banging one of the boys she hangs out with.

#55

⇓

Dennis, your mother is a dirty, dirty whore.

#56

⇓

Goddamn it, Dad! First you force me to run over my friend Charlie

#57

⇓

and then you start talking about Mom like she's dead.

#58

⇓

- Now she's a dirty whore? - And the money.

#59

⇓

You can't waltz back into our lives and be our dad again!

#60

⇓

- And the money. - It doesn't work that way.

#61

⇓

- You can't just barge in! - And the money!

#62

⇓

And the money! My God, Dad!

#63

⇓

All of our money? (gasps)

#64

⇓

- Well, that was awkward. - Yes, it was.

#65

⇓

- Sort of a private conversation. - Very much a family-type moment.

#66

⇓

- We didn't need to hear that. CHARLIE: Not for our ears.

#67

⇓

Wanna go to the strip club?

#68

⇓

(rock music playing) I don't know.

#69

⇓

I've been manically depressed for the past couple of years.

#70

⇓

I just feel like I need a serious change or I'm gonna kill myself.

#71

⇓

Right, so when you say you're giving your money away to poor people,

#72

⇓

do you mean "Mexico" poor or can it be "Me and Charlie" poor?

#73

⇓

I haven't given that much thought.

#74

⇓

Put some thought into that one. Consider that.

#75

⇓

Yeah, man. Give that some thought.

#76

⇓

In the meantime, you wanna get shit-faced, bro. So I tell you what.

#77

⇓

Before we get crazy giving away our money here,

#78

⇓

what do you say we buy a couple of pitchers,

#79

⇓

maybe a few tequila shots, a few rounds of kamikazes.

#80

⇓

After that, we'll hit the town, tie on a serious buzz. Alright, bud?

#81

⇓

Oh, my God! You poor baby. What happened?

#82

⇓

My best friend ran me over with his car.

#83

⇓

(gasps) Yeah.

#84

⇓

- Oh, my God! That's terrible! - Yeah, yeah.

#85

⇓

- Do you want a lap dance? - Oh...

#86

⇓

- I don't have any money. - Oh!

#87

⇓

- I could give you one for free. - Really?

#88

⇓

Okay. Okay.

#89

⇓

Oh, my God! You poor baby. What happened to you?

#90

⇓

His friend ran him over with a car.

#91

⇓

- That is so sad. - I know.

#92

⇓

I was gonna give him a free lap dance.

#93

⇓

- She totally was. - I'll join you!

#94

⇓

That's great! Do one of you girls wanna hook my boy up over here?

#95

⇓

- He's really down in the dumps. - Okay!

#96

⇓

- No, no, no. I don't... I don't... - Oh, come on, buddy!

#97

⇓

- You gotta do this! - Embrace it. Get in the spirit.

#98

⇓

This is gonna cheer you up.

#99

⇓

Well, maybe just one. (all cheering)

#100

⇓

All right, Frank! See? That's the spirit that beat the Japanese!

#101

⇓

God. Stupid Dad! Never gave me a goddamn thing.

#102

⇓

Give his shit to poor people. Poor people? (glass breaking)

#103

⇓

(yells) Ooh! Ooh!

#104

⇓

Oh! Oh.

#105

⇓

Dee, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing?

#106

⇓

Same thing you're doing, Dennis.

#107

⇓

I'm not letting Dad give all this shit to poor people.

#108

⇓

I got here first. I'm taking the plasma TV and the fish tank.

#109

⇓

- How come you get to pick? - It's not that I get to pick.

#110

⇓

I'm a man and I'm strong. I can carry heavy things.

#111

⇓

You're a woman. You're weak and you can't.

#112

⇓

- You're a woman and you're weak. - That doesn't make any sense.

#113

⇓

- You don't make any sense. - Great. I'll tell you what.

#114

⇓

I'm gonna take all the stuff I want and load it into my enormous SUV,

#115

⇓

and you can grab some trinkets and throw it in your tiny little car.

#116

⇓

I don't... All right, look. We don't need to be doing this, okay?

#117

⇓

You're my brother. We're... We're in this thing together.

#118

⇓

We don't need to make this a competition.

#119

⇓

Yeah. You're right.

#120

⇓

A competition. That's a good idea. I'll make you a deal.

#121

⇓

Whatever your feeble little arms can carry out of here, you can keep.

#122

⇓

And the rest is mine.

#123

⇓

God, I hate you so bad!

#124

⇓

- Okay, you ready? ALL: Yeah!

#125

⇓

On your mark! Get set! Go!

#126

⇓

(cheering and shouting)

#127

⇓

- Go, go, go! - Go, horsey!

#128

⇓

Come on! Come on!

#129

⇓

(exclaiming)

#130

⇓

No! Wait a second! Charlie, you hit me!

#131

⇓

- You hit me, Charlie! - So what? So what?

#132

⇓

- You are fast. - I was winning anyway.

#133

⇓

This one's too heavy! This one's too heavy!

#134

⇓

- You are freakishly fast! - Thanks.

#135

⇓

- Charlie, got any booze in here? - Yeah, yeah.

#136

⇓

Check under my bed or under one of my pillows.

#137

⇓

Hey, guys, I can't thank you enough. I feel so much better. So much.

#138

⇓

Yeah, man. Hey, you look great. Make yourself at home.

#139

⇓

- We gotta get him out of here. - What? Why, dude?

#140

⇓

Because there's two of them and three of us!

#141

⇓

Have a heart. The guy's going through a divorce.

#142

⇓

Since when do you give a shit about people?

#143

⇓

Maybe you should be the one that leaves, okay?

#144

⇓

Charlie. Don't you roll away when I'm talking to you.

#145

⇓

- I'm the reason they're here. - That is bullshit! You know it.

#146

⇓

- Do not ruin this for me! - I'm not ruining anything!

#147

⇓

Whoa! What are you guys fighting about?

#148

⇓

Nothing, man. We're just having a...

#149

⇓

Well, take it out in the hall. You're ruining the vibe.

#150

⇓

Okay. We'll go out in the hall.

#151

⇓

- Watch my... Watch my... - Shut up!

#152

⇓

Easy. Easy! Your behavior is unbelievable, man.

#153

⇓

- How are we gonna do this? - Okay.

#154

⇓

- Let's flip a coin. Loser leaves. - Great.

#155

⇓

- Okay, get a coin. - I don't have a coin.

#156

⇓

- Why don't you... - Give me a coin.

#157

⇓

- You have a coin? - Of course I don't have a coin.

#158

⇓

- Let's flip something else. - All right.

#159

⇓

Something in the hallway, like a feather.

#160

⇓

- That piece of wood? - That's not gonna work.

#161

⇓

- Something off the chair? - Yeah.

#162

⇓

Maybe we'll just break something off the chair.

#163

⇓

Don't... Don't break it too much.

#164

⇓

- That's not gonna work. - It's a rental.

#165

⇓

- Frank's got money. Let's ask him. - All right.

#166

⇓

It's locked.

#167

⇓

No. You gotta push it hard 'cause it sticks.

#168

⇓

- I'm telling you, it's locked. - Bang again! Frank!

#169

⇓

Frank, open the door, dude!

#170

⇓

- Hey. - Oh. Hey.

#171

⇓

You guys need to give me about 45 minutes in here, okay?

#172

⇓

Hey, Charlie, here's five dollars.

#173

⇓

Go down to Wawa, pick me up a couple of sodas.

#174

⇓

I got a feeling I'll be pretty thirsty after this.

#175

⇓

- Yeah. Hey... - Oh... (lock clicks)

#176

⇓

Son of a bitch.

#177

⇓

(music)

#178

⇓

Over the line. Over the line!

#179

⇓

I'm... I'm on the line.

#180

⇓

On the line is over the line. Get your foot on your side.

#181

⇓

Which side? This one? Is this the side?

#182

⇓

- No. - This the one you're talking about?

#183

⇓

Get... All right. You know what? Oh, what is this?

#184

⇓

- Do you recognize this lamp? - Where'd you get that?

#185

⇓

I think this is the lamp Dad got you in China.

#186

⇓

- Give it back. - As I recall.

#187

⇓

- Give me my lamp. - Must have gotten it of your room.

#188

⇓

- It's mine. - Let me put it on your side.

#189

⇓

- You... - Oh, that is a shame.

#190

⇓

- That's fine. I don't care. Yeah. - It slipped.

#191

⇓

By the way, I wanted to show you something

#192

⇓

my feeble little arms were able to carry.

#193

⇓

By all means.

#194

⇓

- Mr. Tibbs. - Oh, is that it?

#195

⇓

Is that Mr. Tibbs? Is that what they call you? Mr. Tibbs?

#196

⇓

- What do they call you now? - Whatever.

#197

⇓

I don't care. (shudders softly)

#198

⇓

(door opens) Hey-o!

#199

⇓

(grunts) - What's up, bitches? - What... What?

#200

⇓

Dennis, you would not believe how great this thing is.

#201

⇓

People give you free shit

#202

⇓

and women treat you like a puppy they found out on the street.

#203

⇓

- Really? - Yeah. Dude, I was thinking.

#204

⇓

You pick up one of these bad boys, we head down to the mall.

#205

⇓

There's a ton of talent down there. We've been looking for a new angle.

#206

⇓

- That does sound like fun. - Yeah. Yeah, that'll work.

#207

⇓

Oh, I'm sorry, Dee.

#208

⇓

We're putting ourselves into the shoes of the unfortunate,

#209

⇓

see what their world's like, maybe gain a little perspective.

#210

⇓

- What do you do? - I don't take advantage of people.

#211

⇓

Oh! Look at Sweet Dee sitting on her cloud of judgment,

#212

⇓

handing down life lessons to all the sinners.

#213

⇓

Come on, Mac. Let's go get crippled.

#214

⇓

(music)

#215

⇓

Charlie.

#216

⇓

- Charlie, buddy. Charlie. - Oh, my God, I'm cold.

#217

⇓

- We gotta talk, Charlie. - Oh, yeah, Frank. We have to talk.

#218

⇓

Last night was one of the greatest nights of my whole life.

#219

⇓

I'm sure it was.

#220

⇓

I used to live like this in squalor and filth,

#221

⇓

always trying to get over on people, scamming my way through situations.

#222

⇓

- I don't care! - I wanna live like you again.

#223

⇓

I wanna be pathetic and desperate and ugly and hopeless.

#224

⇓

- I am not ugly. - It's the change I've looked for.

#225

⇓

- I wanna move in with you. - Are you out...

#226

⇓

Are you out of your damn mind? You made me sleep out in the hall.

#227

⇓

You ignored my cries for help at night.

#228

⇓

I'll pay for your rent for six months.

#229

⇓

- Twelve. - Six.

#230

⇓

- Ten. - Six.

#231

⇓

- Nine. - Six.

#232

⇓

- Ten. - Six.

#233

⇓

- Twelve. - Four.

#234

⇓

- Six. - Deal.

#235

⇓

- No more sleeping in the hall. - I can't promise that.

#236

⇓

- Let's get ready. - Where are you taking me?

#237

⇓

- Back to the strip club. - All right. Strip club...

#238

⇓

(screams) - Dude! My legs! - Hold on a second.

#239

⇓

This is going to be like shooting fish in a barrel for us.

#240

⇓

It's gonna be awesome. What's your backstory?

#241

⇓

What do you mean?

#242

⇓

Bro, your backstory. How'd your legs get crippled?

#243

⇓

- I don't know. - Check mine out. I had polio. Okay?

#244

⇓

That's why I'm rocking the FDR look with the blanket and everything.

#245

⇓

I got a problem. My legs are really muscular and athletic.

#246

⇓

So nobody's gonna believe that they're dead.

#247

⇓

With the blanket, everyone will assume that underneath,

#248

⇓

my legs are withered and useless.

#249

⇓

- That's a good idea. - Bro, it's brilliant.

#250

⇓

I have polio, too.

#251

⇓

You can't have it. That's my disease.

#252

⇓

- You gotta pick your own disease. - But I want polio.

#253

⇓

- Well, you can't have it. - What the hell is this?

#254

⇓

Are you sure you're okay?

#255

⇓

It's really important that I do this myself.

#256

⇓

You are so brave. (chuckles)

#257

⇓

(chuckles)

#258

⇓

- I got it! All by myself, I did it. - Yeah, you did. That's awesome.

#259

⇓

Goddamn it.

#260

⇓

What are we gonna do? We can't go back in there.

#261

⇓

- Everybody's desensitized. - Look.

#262

⇓

We'll go to Crate & Barrel. Maybe we can find some cougars or something.

#263

⇓

Hey, guys!

#264

⇓

Shit! What do we do? What do we do?

#265

⇓

Okay. Just play it cool, man. Play it cool.

#266

⇓

- Hey. - Hey.

#267

⇓

- How's it going? - I have polio.

#268

⇓

Oh.

#269

⇓

Okay.

#270

⇓

- And I have polio... - He has polio, too.

#271

⇓

All right.

#272

⇓

(music)

#273

⇓

So if you wanna shower, you gotta shower in the bar.

#274

⇓

- Shower in the bar? - Yeah. Shower in the sink.

#275

⇓

- In the sink? - You never showered in a sink...

#276

⇓

- Oh, oh, oh... Oh, my God! - What?

#277

⇓

- Do you see that? - What?

#278

⇓

I got a good idea, Frank.

#279

⇓

I know how we can really up our game at the strip club.

#280

⇓

How?

#281

⇓

Who gets more respect and admiration in this country than war heroes?

#282

⇓

- Athletes. - Yeah, that's true.

#283

⇓

- But after that. - Rock stars.

#284

⇓

- Also true. But after that, Frank. - Actors.

#285

⇓

- Yeah... Right. - Models.

#286

⇓

- Yes. Look... - Rich people.

#287

⇓

Okay, look! If you just buy me this costume,

#288

⇓

I'm gonna show them a war hero they can't take their eyes off of.

#289

⇓

I don't think the costume's gonna work.

#290

⇓

This costume... The chicks are gonna go crazy over this.

#291

⇓

FRANK: Maybe I should do the talking.

#292

⇓

It's gonna be like fish in a barrel. I got it covered. Watch and learn.

#293

⇓

Oh, look at you, sweetie. What happened?

#294

⇓

Viet-goddamn-nam's what happened! Go get me a beer, bitch!

#295

⇓

- Excuse me. - What are you doing?

#296

⇓

- Hey, that was working. - Let me do the talking.

#297

⇓

- I'll take it from here. - Did you just box me in?

#298

⇓

You don't do that to a guy, Frank. You don't box in a vet!

#299

⇓

You don't stick a vet in the corner, Frank!

#300

⇓

He's a little loosey-goosey upstairs.

#301

⇓

I try to get him out as much as possible. It's very difficult.

#302

⇓

- Is he your... - He's my poor little crippled boy.

#303

⇓

Oh, that's so sad.

#304

⇓

I didn't fight no damn war so I could be boxed in

#305

⇓

by some square commie-ass piece of shit!

#306

⇓

Well, I feel awful.

#307

⇓

That's what happens when you meet an actual crippled person.

#308

⇓

- Brings you down. - Disabled.

#309

⇓

Whatever. Crippled, disabled... I don't care!

#310

⇓

I just wanna get out of here. This thing's ruined.

#311

⇓

I know! We should because you weren't pulling it off anyway.

#312

⇓

Hold on a second. Don't pull that shit with me, okay?

#313

⇓

- I didn't ruin this. You did. - How did I ruin it?

#314

⇓

Because I had a good polio backstory that the chicks...

#315

⇓

Nobody cares about polio or backstories or...

#316

⇓

You know what? I bet you a million dollars if I had talked to a girl...

#317

⇓

- For God's sakes! - About my withered legs, then...

#318

⇓

What are we doing? What are we doing?

#319

⇓

I think that there's only one true way to settle this like gentlemen.

#320

⇓

You're dead!

#321

⇓

Hey!

#322

⇓

No! No!

#323

⇓

- Oh, yeah, baby! - You cheated! You cheated!

#324

⇓

- Oh, yeah! Whoo! - You suck! All you do is cheat!

#325

⇓

How do you feel about that? How do you feel about that?

#326

⇓

What are you doing? You're just a sore loser!

#327

⇓

What's going on down there?

#328

⇓

Two guys pretending to be disabled and kicking each other's asses.

#329

⇓

What a bunch of scumbags. (scoffs)

#330

⇓

- Being handicapped sucks. - Oh, yeah. It's too much work.

#331

⇓

- There's nothing to show for it. - No advantages.

#332

⇓

- Look at this guy. - Another homeless guy?

#333

⇓

- Buddy. - Hey, pal, wake up.

#334

⇓

- Hey. - Charlie?

#335

⇓

- What the hell are you doing? - What time is it?

#336

⇓

Why are you dressed like that? What is going on?

#337

⇓

Why are you sleeping out here?

#338

⇓

Because I can't sleep in there! I can't get onto the stupid curb!

#339

⇓

Why would you wanna sleep in there?

#340

⇓

Your dad keeps swooping in, taking my chicks

#341

⇓

and locking me out of my apartment!

#342

⇓

Okay. Well, we were gonna go inside and get drunk. Wanna come with us?

#343

⇓

No. Look at me. I got a whole thing going on.

#344

⇓

- What... Really? - I'm going to... Don't touch that.

#345

⇓

I'm going to the strip club. I'm gonna get some girls...

#346

⇓

- With this? - Yeah, with this!

#347

⇓

I mean, the whole thing is... This is good as gold.

#348

⇓

Frank keeps coming in. He swoops in, takes my chicks.

#349

⇓

He doesn't care about me. What kind of a guy does that?

#350

⇓

Who comes into someone's apartment and just kicks him out?

#351

⇓

Like I'm a piece of crap. Like I belong on the street.

#352

⇓

Like I'm some kind of piece of dirt. That's bullshit, man!

#353

⇓

War hero coming through. How you doing? War hero. So...

#354

⇓

Kind of a big deal. I'm a war hero. How do you... Hey, how you doin'?

#355

⇓

I'm a war hero. So I'll catch up with you. Alright.

#356

⇓

Okay. All right. Hey, war hero. So...

#357

⇓

All right. All right. Maybe hit the gym a little bit.

#358

⇓

What the hell?

#359

⇓

Yeah! (hooting and shouting)

#360

⇓

No!

#361

⇓

No! No!

#362

⇓

Charlie! Hey, this is my roommate, Charlie.

#363

⇓

- Girls, say hello to Charlie. - No!

#364

⇓

GIRLS: Hi, Charlie! - No! No! No! No! No!

#365

⇓

No, Frank! Come here! Come here!

#366

⇓

- What... What is this shit? - Well, it's just...

#367

⇓

I rigged it up. It's like...

#368

⇓

I'm really using my hands, but they don't know it.

#369

⇓

What are you doing with strippers? You're stealing my thing!

#370

⇓

What? Well, I figured, you know, I'd cut out the middleman.

#371

⇓

This way, everybody wins.

#372

⇓

I don't win.

#373

⇓

The other thing I figured out is the only thing

#374

⇓

that attracts the attention of strippers more than pity is money.

#375

⇓

And I brought a shitload of that. (cackling)

#376

⇓

- What... Charlie! - I'm gonna kill you!

#377

⇓

- You're blowing up my scene! - Are you crazy?

#378

⇓

This is the best thing that ever happened and you're ruining it!

#379

⇓

You come to my apartment! You lock me out!

#380

⇓

Take all my girls! It's not a win-win situation!

#381

⇓

- My thumb's on your neck. - Why can't you give me this?

#382

⇓

- This guy's a walker! - I'm gonna kill you.

#383

⇓

But I love the guy, all right?

#384

⇓

He's family, you know? I mean, we've been through a lot together.

#385

⇓

Okay? So, you know, is it wrong for me to love him?

#386

⇓

I don't know.

#387

⇓

If I have to listen to you talk about this stupid,

#388

⇓

goddamned stuffed elephant anymore, I'm going to punch you in the head.

#389

⇓

Hey! Mr. Tibbs was not just some stupid stuffed element...

#390

⇓

Elephant, okay? He was like a companion.

#391

⇓

Strip club!

#392

⇓

- All right. Let's go... - Strip club!

#393

⇓

Yeah. Let's go to the strip club.

#394

⇓

You're driving.

#395

⇓

All right.

#396

⇓

You know, I didn't realize that somebody

#397

⇓

n your condition could have so much energy.

#398

⇓

- Well, you gotta live, right? - God!

#399

⇓

You know, you... You are an amazing person.

#400

⇓

I'm scoring in there, and you come in there and blow everything!

#401

⇓

You shouldn't even be in there!

#402

⇓

You get your hands off my blow tube!

#403

⇓

CHARLIE: Go get your goddamn car and give me a ride home!

#404

⇓

- I'll give you a ride home! - Hey!

#405

⇓

(shouting) Ow, my legs!

#406

⇓

Oh, my legs! (groans) Frank, what are you doing?

#407

⇓

- Hey, Dad! CHARLIE: My broken legs!

#408

⇓

Why are you beating up a homeless person?

#409

⇓

What the hell's with the crutches?

#410

⇓

It's kind of a long story. I can't really go into it right now.

#411

⇓

Oh, yeah? Whether you like it or not...

#412

⇓

- Here! How about that? - Hey! Give...

#413

⇓

Whoo! That's right! We're going to the strip club!

#414

⇓

I'm gonna steal Charlie's girls at the strip club!

#415

⇓

I'm gonna buy you a lap dance. I'm gonna buy myself a lap dance.

#416

⇓

I'm gonna buy everybody at the whole strip club a lap dance.

#417

⇓

Whoa! Are you people all pretending to be handicapped?

#418

⇓

- Mind your business. - Give me the crutches back.

#419

⇓

- No! - Dad!

#420

⇓

(laughing)

#421

⇓

Who's acting like a child? You stole my stuff!

#422

⇓

- Oh! Whoo! - Whoo, baby!

#423

⇓

- I'm gonna count to three. - You don't get the crutches.

#424

⇓

- One thousand-two... - Here's the crutches.

#425

⇓

- Give me... - You can't have 'em!

#426

⇓

(arguing continues)

#427

⇓

BOTH: Oh, shit! (loud crash)

#428

⇓

Dr. Lyon, please report to the emergency room.

#430

⇓

We are so lucky that nobody got killed.

#431

⇓

- Oh, my God. - Well, yeah.

#432

⇓

Actually, Dennis is lucky that nobody got killed

#433

⇓

since he's the guy that just about killed everybody.

#434

⇓

- Maybe you killed somebody. - How does that make sense?

#435

⇓

Maybe you did kill somebody!

#436

⇓

You were standing in front of a driving car...

#437

⇓

- Yeah, well, driving a vehicle... - Shut up!

#438

⇓

Will you shut up, for crying out loud!

#439

⇓

Don't youse ever stop fighting and just shut the hell up?

#440

⇓

Now, who wants ice cream?

#441

⇓

- I do. - Really, Dad?

#442

⇓

Enjoy a nice ice cream

#443

⇓

and just thank goodness that nobody important got seriously hurt.

#444

⇓

(monitor beeping)

#445

⇓

What a bunch of assholes.

#446

⇓