Home » South Park » S27E05 — Conflict of Interest

South Park

Season 27, Episode 5 — Conflict of Interest

- ♪ MTV

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[theme music]

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- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna have myself a time

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- ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

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- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

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- ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪

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- ♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

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- ♪ [mumbling] ♪

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- ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪

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♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

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[school bell rings]

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- OK, kids, let's take our seats.

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Before we get started, we have a guest speaker today.

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Please give your undivided attention to Kipling.

#19

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- Thank you, sir. Hey. What's up, guys?

#20

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My name's Kipling.

#21

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I'm with the Webelos of America.

#22

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I want to talk you guys about the exciting opportunity

#23

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to join the Webelos.

#24

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- Is that a chick or a dude? - Shut up.

#25

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- I'm sure some of you were in Scouts before.

#26

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Webelos are an extension of Scouts,

#27

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specifically for fifth and sixth graders.

#28

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- You guys, is that a chick or a dude?

#29

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- It's a chick. - Nah, that's a dude, bro.

#30

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- [muffled speech] - ...part of it as well.

#31

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Now, I know what y'all might be thinking--

#32

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Webelos used to be only for boys.

#33

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Well, now they also allow girls,

#34

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and I myself, as a...

#35

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Webelo, can tell you

#36

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it's a great organization for everyone.

#37

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- I don't know, guys, I'm like 60% sure

#38

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that was a fucking dude.

#39

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- I'm definitely betting it's a chick.

#40

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What are the odds at?

#41

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- Looks like about 40 kids betting now,

#42

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55% saying the Webelo is a dude.

#43

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- So I'd only win, like, five bucks on a $2 bet?

#44

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- What are you guys talking about?

#45

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- Prediction market app, dude.

#46

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You know, online peer to peer betting.

#47

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- Yeah, it's social platform betting.

#48

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People can make any bet they want,

#49

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and then other users take them up on it.

#50

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- Really? - Yeah, it's pretty sweet, dude.

#51

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People bet on anything, even stuff here at the school.

#52

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See? Will the girls' soccer team win on Friday?

#53

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Will there be a snow day this month?

#54

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Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza

#55

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and destroy a Palestinian hospital?

#56

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Will school lunch have tater tots next week?

#57

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- Wait, what was that?

#58

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- Will school lunch have tater tots next week?

#59

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- No, the one about my mom! - Oh. Uh...

#60

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Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza

#61

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and destroy a Palestinian hospital?

#62

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- Why the hell would my mom destroy a Palestinian hospital?

#63

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- 'Cause she's a Jew?

#64

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JESUS: Boys, put 'em away.

#65

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You know the rules--no cell phones during school time.

#66

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Both: Sorry, Jesus.

#67

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[whistle trills]

#68

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- No phones, guys!

#69

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- Take that bet down right now, fat ass!

#70

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- I didn't put it up, Kyle.

#71

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I'm not even betting on it.

#72

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It's 9:1 odds your mom won't do it--those are terrible odds.

#73

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- This is such bullshit!

#74

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I'm gonna find out who started this

#75

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and I'm gonna fucking rip them a new asshole!

#76

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- Man, you just bring up Gaza to a Jew and they flip out.

#77

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Maybe these are pretty good odds.

#78

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[dynamic news theme]

#79

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ANNOUNCER: You're watching Fox News!

#80

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- They're called prediction market apps--

#81

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controversial online betting that's found a loophole

#82

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around normal gambling laws.

#83

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And, of course, the number one trending bet on the apps:

#84

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Will President Trump and Satan's baby be a boy or a girl?

#85

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- That's right, prediction market apps

#86

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are going crazy right now.

#87

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On Kalshi, 54% are betting it's gonna be a boy,

#88

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while bettors on Polymarket are at nearly 60%

#89

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the demonic butt baby's gonna be a girl.

#90

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- Hello, boss.

#91

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Another gift for the baby.

#92

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- Another present for the baby?

#93

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What about me?

#94

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- Everyone is so excited for the baby, boss.

#95

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You must be so excited as well.

#96

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- Uh, yeah, sure. Real excited.

#97

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- It is going to completely change your life, though.

#98

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- What are you talking about?

#99

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- Well, when the baby comes,

#100

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you will have to give it all your attention.

#101

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No more dinner parties in the Rose Garden.

#102

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No more baseball games. No more travelling.

#103

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No more long nights at Mar-a-Lago.

#104

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- Oh.

#105

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Ooh.

#106

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- Hey, Satan!

#107

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You wanna get in the hot tub and smoke some cigarettes?

#108

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- Hot tubs and cigarettes are really bad for the baby.

#109

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- Yeah, I know. Let's do it anyway.

#110

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- Wait, do you want to get rid of the baby?

#111

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I don't think your followers would be very happy

#112

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if we got an abortion.

#113

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- Hey, relax, guy!

#114

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I don't want to get rid of the baby.

#115

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- Good, 'cause we're not going to.

#116

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- Great!

#117

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- Jimmy!

#118

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- Oh, hey, Kyle.

#119

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- What the hell is this?

#120

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- That's a prediction market app.

#121

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- I'm asking why did you bet yes that my mom would strike Gaza?

#122

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- Oh, yeah, I put some money on that.

#123

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I know it's not very likely, but I like to bet on

#124

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l-longshots.

#125

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- Why are you betting on it at all?

#126

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Israel and Gaza is a very serious matter.

#127

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- Oh, I know, Kyle.

#128

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I told a joke about Gaza on a Zoom meeting yesterday

#129

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and nobody laughed.

#130

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I guess it's not even remotely funny.

#131

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Wow. What a terrific audience.

#132

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- What is wrong with you people?

#133

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Do you even know what Gaza is?

#134

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Do you seriously just care about making a couple bucks?

#135

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You know what my mom would do if she found out about this?

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She would absolutely lose her shit!

#137

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There's been a conflict in Israel for thousands of years,

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and Jews and Palestinians are not football teams

#139

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that you bet on.

#140

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- Guys, phones.

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all: Sorry, Jesus.

#142

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- Kyle, if you think the bet isn't fair,

#143

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then you can just take it up with the company

#144

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that manages the app. - I can?

#145

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- Sure thing.

#146

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These apps aren't r-run of the mill, rinkydink.

#147

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They're all run by highly professional

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strategic advisors.

#149

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[dramatic music]

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♪ ♪

#151

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[phone ringing]

#152

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- Hello?

#153

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- Yeah, is this the "Strategic Advisor for Predictive Markets?

#154

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- Yes, it is.

#155

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- Well, there's a bet on one of your apps

#156

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that's incredible insensitive,

#157

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and it needs to be taken down now!

#158

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- Oh, uh, all our bets are actually regulated by the CFTC.

#159

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You need to talk to them.

#160

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- What's the CFTC?

#161

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- It's the Commodity Futures Trading Commission.

#162

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It's the federal government.

#163

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They have to approve all bets and deal with discrepancies.

#164

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- Fine! I'll call the CFTC then.

#165

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So stupid.

#166

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Commodity Futures Trading Commission--here we go.

#167

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[line ringing]

#168

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- Hello?

#169

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- Yeah, I'm calling about a prediction market bet

#170

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that's offensive to Jewish people.

#171

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- Ooh, that sounds really bad.

#172

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If it's offensive, you probably need to speak with the FCC.

#173

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- The FCC?

#174

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- Yeah, they're dealing with all the offensive stuff now.

#175

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Here, let me connect you.

#176

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[phone ringing]

#177

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Hello?

#178

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- This is the same fucking guy!

#179

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- Who is it? - Uh, apparently,

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there's a really offensive bet on an app

#181

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that the government is sort of in charge of,

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and I'm like the strategic advisor.

#183

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- An offensive government app?

#184

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I better go speak with the president right away.

#185

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[humming happily]

#186

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[rope boings]

#187

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[humming happily]

#188

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Hey, Satan!

#189

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Hey, Satan!

#190

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Can you come downstairs?

#191

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- What do you want?

#192

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- Just come down the stairs real quick.

#193

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- For what?

#194

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- For just real quick.

#195

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- Oh, there you are, Mr. President!

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I need to talk to you.

#197

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- No, no, no, no! Brendan Carr, don't--

#198

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- Whoa! [grunting]

#199

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- [laughing]

#200

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The FCC guy must have shitty ankles.

#201

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- You guys! You guys!

#202

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Have you checked out the betting app lately?

#203

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- No. - Ever since Kyle got

#204

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all pissed off, the odds are going up

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on his mom attacking Gaza.

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- No way. - Yeah, check it out!

#207

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Now 17% of people are betting she's gonna do it.

#208

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We gotta get in on this, guys.

#209

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- Dude, Kyle's mom isn't going to strike Gaza.

#210

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- Yes, exactly. We know that.

#211

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And we can also influence Kyle

#212

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to get the odds raised even more.

#213

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It's called a conflict of interest, you guys.

#214

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It's a way to make free money.

#215

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- Isn't that illegal?

#216

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- Yes! All we have to do is make sure

#217

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Kyle stays angry,

#218

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and at the same time, go talk antisemitic shit about his mom

#219

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to goose the odds up even more.

#220

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- What are you guys talking about?

#221

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- Nothing. Just talking about

#222

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how messed up it is everyone hates Jews now.

#223

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- You think it's messed up? - Yes, I do, Kyle.

#224

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Why would an app allow a bet like that to exist?

#225

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It's obvious race bait.

#226

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- Yeah, that's exactly how I feel!

#227

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- Dude, you might just want to let it go.

#228

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- See? "Just let it go."

#229

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That's how people want you to deal with a crisis

#230

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that they don't even understand.

#231

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- Yes! Thank you!

#232

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- You can't give up, Kyle.

#233

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It's not cool people would say this stuff about your mom.

#234

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And honestly, if you don't have her back, who will?

#235

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Hey, have you guys heard about Kyle's mom?

#236

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Man, that bitch has it out for Palestine, let me tell you.

#237

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Well, I don't know, I would just hate to be

#238

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a Palestinian hospital, that's all I can say.

#239

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Well, anyway, good to talk to you guys.

#240

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Hey, guys! Guys, have you heard about

#241

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my friend Kyle's mom?

#242

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[laughter]

#243

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- Oh, my goodness, can you believe all the crazy apps

#244

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our kids are on these days?

#245

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- Ugh! Who can keep track anymore?

#246

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- Kyle comes to me every day with a new app

#247

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that he just has to have.

#248

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I tell him, "That app costs money, Kyle.

#249

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"Then it charges you money.

#250

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Where you gonna get this money?"

#251

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- Yeah, you know what'd be nice?

#252

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Is an app where you can actually make some money.

#253

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- [laughs] Yes.

#254

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That'd be great, wouldn't it?

#255

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- [giggling] Yes, it certainly would.

#256

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[clears throat]

#257

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So, Sheila,

#258

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how have you been feeling about the current situation in Gaza?

#259

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- What? - Uh, yeah,

#260

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just--just thought we'd sort of take your temperature.

#261

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Which way are you thinking about going with that?

#262

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- Well, I think it's all horrible.

#263

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A lot of people are dying. - Uh-huh.

#264

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- And do you feel like you need to do anything about it?

#265

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- What would I do about it?

#266

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- I mean, probably nothing, right?

#267

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You're going to do nothing about it.

#268

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- Are you implying the Jews in America

#269

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have some kind of obligation to do something about it?

#270

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- Whoa, whoa! - You want to vilify my faith!

#271

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Is that it? - Sheila, it's OK.

#272

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- It's not Jews versus Palestine!

#273

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It's Israel versus Palestine!

#274

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- Here we go with the Palestinian stuff again.

#275

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- And maybe if you read books

#276

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instead of everything Hollywood actors say,

#277

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you'd know the difference!

#278

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- What are you putting your money on?

#279

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- I mean, it's a ridiculous bet, but she seems pretty pissed off.

#280

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- There's really no money to be made on betting she won't.

#281

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- Yeah, let's take the long odds.

#282

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That makes these apps more fun.

#283

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- Yeah. - Yeah.

#284

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[laughter]

#285

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[stately music]

#286

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♪

#287

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- [humming happily]

#288

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♪ ♪

#289

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[mischievous music]

#290

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♪

#291

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[humming happily]

#292

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♪

#293

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Hey, Satan!

#294

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♪ ♪

#295

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I made you some soup!

#296

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♪ ♪

#297

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- I don't like carrots.

#298

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- Hey, relax, guy!

#299

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Carrots are good for you.

#300

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- I don't want carrots.

#301

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I ordered cheesecake on DoorDash.

#302

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- Mr. President, I really need to speak with you.

#303

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- Not now, Brendan Carr!

#304

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Satan won't eat his carrots.

#305

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- Oh, come on, Satan, you're eating for two now.

#306

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Carrots are good for you, see?

#307

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- Ah, Brendan Carr, don't do it!

#308

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- Whoa, this is the best soup ever. I--

#309

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[gagging]

#310

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Oh, God!

#311

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[farting, screaming]

#312

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- Whoa!

#313

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- Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

#314

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[farting, screaming]

#315

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Wow-wow-wow-wow!

#316

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- [laughs]

#317

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Those carrots must have been from Erewhon.

#318

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SHEILA: Everywhere I went today,

#319

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it was the same thing.

#320

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What are you going to do about Gaza?

#321

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Like us Jews in America have any control

#322

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over what's going on in Israel.

#323

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Why is everyone suddenly confronting us

#324

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about the politics?

#325

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Have people been asking what you think about Gaza, Gerald?

#326

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- No, for some reason, they were just asking

#327

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what you think about it. - You see?

#328

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It's just pure antisemitism!

#329

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I'm so sick of being grilled about my views on Palestine

#330

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and my thoughts on Hamas!

#331

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And being judged for things that are centuries old

#332

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and that non-Jews know nothing about!

#333

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Well, if they all think we should do something--

#334

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- You-- stop! SHEILA: Then you better believe

#335

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I'll do something!

#336

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- You know, Mom, I'm starting to think that us Jews

#337

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should just lay low for a little bit.

#338

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- There! Now my son is complacent.

#339

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This is one Jewish household that will not put up with it

#340

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anymore! - Ma, please.

#341

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Don't make things any worse.

#342

⇓

- Worse? How can it be any worse?

#343

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I'm going to find out where all this is coming from,

#344

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and I'm going to give them a piece of my mind!

#345

⇓

- No! Ma!

#346

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[cat meows]

#347

⇓

- Look, boss, another present for the baby!

#348

⇓

[cat meows]

#349

⇓

- Another present for the baby? Right!

#350

⇓

- Isn't it cute, boss?

#351

⇓

We must be careful, though,

#352

⇓

cats can be very harmful to a pregnancy.

#353

⇓

- Harmful to a pregnancy?

#354

⇓

- Well, yes, boss, it's a parasite called toxoplasmosis.

#355

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It can be transferred from cats to humans

#356

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and bring about some complications.

#357

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[cat meows]

#358

⇓

- Toxoplasmosis? [cat yowls]

#359

⇓

[humming happily]

#360

⇓

[cats meowing]

#361

⇓

[humming happily]

#362

⇓

[alarm buzzes]

#363

⇓

[humming happily]

#364

⇓

Hey, Satan!

#365

⇓

Hey, Satan, you gotta come see this, it's really great.

#366

⇓

- What?

#367

⇓

- Ay! I thought you were napping in our room.

#368

⇓

- No, I had to go get the ultrasound.

#369

⇓

I can't believe you didn't show up.

#370

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It really makes me feel like you don't care about this baby.

#371

⇓

- Hey, relax, guy, of course I care about the baby.

#372

⇓

- Mr. President, I'm feeling much better--

#373

⇓

- No! Fuck! Brendan Carr!

#374

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- [muffled groaning]

#375

⇓

[muffled scream]

#376

⇓

[crashing]

#377

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- You guys. You guys, I did it.

#378

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- You did what?

#379

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- I talked so much shit about the Jews

#380

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that I got the odds on the bet up to 95%.

#381

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- [muffled speech]

#382

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- Yeah, check it out.

#383

⇓

I put 1,400 bucks on it last night.

#384

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I am locked in.

#385

⇓

- Where'd you get 1,400 bucks?

#386

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- I just took my mom's debit card,

#387

⇓

entered all the info into the betting app,

#388

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and put all the money she has on it.

#389

⇓

- [muffled speech]

#390

⇓

- Isn't she gonna be pissed off?

#391

⇓

- Yeah, not when I turn her 1,400 bucks into 14,000.

#392

⇓

This is the safest investment ever.

#393

⇓

Nothing can possibly go wrong.

#394

⇓

JIMMY: Hey, fellas. Fellas!

#395

⇓

Fellas, have you seen the news?

#396

⇓

Kyle's mom's in Israel.

#397

⇓

- Really? - Oh, wow!

#398

⇓

- I just put money down!

#399

⇓

[dramatic music]

#400

⇓

- [speaking Arabic]

#401

⇓

- Dude, your mom's in Israel.

#402

⇓

- I know.

#403

⇓

- Well, you gotta call her.

#404

⇓

You gotta calm her down.

#405

⇓

- I've been trying to call her.

#406

⇓

Her phone's not working over there.

#407

⇓

- Kyle this is no time for weakness.

#408

⇓

Whatever your mom is doing,

#409

⇓

it is going to make kids here even more anti-Semitic.

#410

⇓

- You're totally right.

#411

⇓

- Damn right, I'm right!

#412

⇓

You have to get ahold of your mom

#413

⇓

and tell her to calm down, Kyle.

#414

⇓

Call the Israeli government if you have to.

#415

⇓

- How do I call the Israeli government?

#416

⇓

- Call a diplomat. Call an embassy.

#417

⇓

You just have to talk to someone who works for Israel.

#418

⇓

[phone ringing]

#419

⇓

- Hello.

#420

⇓

- Oh, you have got to be shitting me!

#421

⇓

- What? - This is the strategic advisor

#422

⇓

for predictive market apps.

#423

⇓

- Tell him to take the bet down.

#424

⇓

- What?

#425

⇓

- Make him take the bet down, Kyle.

#426

⇓

It is anti-Semitic, and you have to fight

#427

⇓

for what you believe in.

#428

⇓

- I called before about an offensive bet,

#429

⇓

and I want that bet taken down right now!

#430

⇓

- That's right!

#431

⇓

- Oh, yes, I believe your complaint

#432

⇓

was being reviewed by head of the FCC.

#433

⇓

- Well, then what's the head of the FCC doing?

#434

⇓

Where the hell is he?

#435

⇓

- [groaning]

#436

⇓

- Mr. Carr? Mr. Carr, can you hear me?

#437

⇓

- [groans]

#438

⇓

- We understand you're the head of the FCC, is that correct?

#439

⇓

- Mm-hmm.

#440

⇓

- All right, well, I'm very sorry,

#441

⇓

but you do appear to have toxoplasmosis

#442

⇓

from exposure to cat feces.

#443

⇓

- Aww!

#444

⇓

- We need you to get some rest. Try not to move.

#445

⇓

- Will the head of the FCC be OK, Doctor?

#446

⇓

- His bones are healing,

#447

⇓

so he may regain full range of motion.

#448

⇓

But if the toxoplasmosis parasite gets to his brain...

#449

⇓

I'm afraid he may lose his freedom of speech.

#450

⇓

- Oh, no!

#451

⇓

- We'll do everything we can.

#452

⇓

[sinister music]

#453

⇓

♪ ♪

#454

⇓

- Mr. Carr, why do you keep meddling in my plans?

#455

⇓

- Huh?

#456

⇓

- I've been trying to convince the boss

#457

⇓

to get rid of the baby.

#458

⇓

I am next in line to be president.

#459

⇓

That baby cannot be born.

#460

⇓

And if you continue to interfere,

#461

⇓

I will make things very difficult for you.

#462

⇓

- [groaning]

#463

⇓

- We can do this the easy way,

#464

⇓

or we can do it the hard way.

#465

⇓

♪

#466

⇓

[phone ringing]

#467

⇓

- Hello.

#468

⇓

Uh, yes, is this the office of the president?

#469

⇓

Yes, it is.

#470

⇓

I've got a young man who's saying one of our

#471

⇓

predictive market bets is offensive to Jews?

#472

⇓

Ooh, that sounds bad.

#473

⇓

Yeah, it sounds pretty bad.

#474

⇓

Well, the president isn't here,

#475

⇓

but I'm, like, a special advisor,

#476

⇓

so I can probably get the bet taken down.

#477

⇓

Ooh, I'm a special advisor too!

#478

⇓

Oh, really? That's great.

#479

⇓

Can you email me the bet in question?

#480

⇓

Yeah, I'm emailing it now.

#481

⇓

Oh, yeah, I see it.

#482

⇓

OK, I'll need to approve with the financial company

#483

⇓

backing all the app since the bet money needs to be returned.

#484

⇓

OK, thanks, I'll let all the Jews know.

#485

⇓

- What the hell?

#486

⇓

- They took it down.

#487

⇓

We were all gonna win, and they took down our bets.

#488

⇓

- How can the app company do that?

#489

⇓

- I got in at nine-to-one odds.

#490

⇓

This is b-b-bullshit!

#491

⇓

- Yeah, these apps are totally corrupt.

#492

⇓

[whistle blows] - Guys! For the love of God!

#493

⇓

[laughter]

#494

⇓

- Well, Cartman, I just wanna say thanks.

#495

⇓

You know, it's crazy, but nobody else here

#496

⇓

gave a crap about how I was feeling except for you.

#497

⇓

- Oh, that's all right, Kyle.

#498

⇓

I'm just happy the bet got taken down.

#499

⇓

Now none of these sickos can profit

#500

⇓

off of what your mom does.

#501

⇓

- Yeah, well, those people

#502

⇓

would have all lost the bet anyway.

#503

⇓

- What do you mean they would have all lost the bet?

#504

⇓

- Well, I know the reason my mom went Israel.

#505

⇓

- It wasn't to bomb a Palestinian hospital?

#506

⇓

- No, when my mom left the house,

#507

⇓

she said she was gonna find

#508

⇓

the person responsible for all this

#509

⇓

and give them a piece of her mind.

#510

⇓

KYLE'S MOM [muffled]: You are not going

#511

⇓

to talk to me like that!

#512

⇓

I am extremely upset,

#513

⇓

and I am not leaving until I have said my piece!

#514

⇓

There you are, Mr. Netanyahu!

#515

⇓

Just who do you think you are,

#516

⇓

killing thousands and flattening neighborhoods,

#517

⇓

then wrapping yourself in Judaism

#518

⇓

like it's some shield from criticism?

#519

⇓

You're making life for Jews miserable

#520

⇓

and life for American Jews impossible!

#521

⇓

Oh, don't you roll your eyes at me, mister.

#522

⇓

You know what you're doing,

#523

⇓

and you're doing it on purpose!

#524

⇓

Well, now you can just sit in that chair,

#525

⇓

'cause I'm not going anywhere, buster!

#526

⇓

I've been to every PTA meeting,

#527

⇓

every school board meeting,

#528

⇓

and I can go all day!

#529

⇓