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Home » South Park » S27E04 — Wok Is Dead

South Park

Season 27, Episode 4 — Wok Is Dead

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Wok Is Dead

Air date: September 03, 2025

Director: Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Mona Marshall, Jennifer Howell

Everyone at Fox News celebrates as their wildest dreams come true.

Source: TMDB

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- ♪ MTV

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[theme music]

music theme theme-music

↓

- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪

goin park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time

↓

- ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪

goin park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

- ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

- ♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪

headin park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

- ♪ [mumbling] ♪

mumbling

↓

- ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

[twangy guitar music]

guitar guitar-music music

↓

- Betsy! Betsy! Guess what?

betsy

↓

My dad took me to the Asian pop-up store.

asian store

↓

Look what I got.

↓

Serenity Labubu.

labubu

↓

- Oh, it's so cute! - Isn't it?

cute

↓

- I was at the Asian pop-up too.

asian

↓

- No way!

↓

- Yeah, look what I got.

↓

The Loyalty Labubu!

labubu loyalty

↓

- Oh, my God, it's so cute!

cute

↓

- I know, right? - Yeah, I love it.

love

↓

- Oh, dude, dude, check it out.

check

↓

It's about to happen again.

happen

↓

- Ah, shit.

↓

- I actually have Loyalty Labubu already,

labubu loyalty

↓

and I have a little costume for it.

costume

↓

- That is seriously so cute.

cute

↓

- Kenny, you guys, girls with Labubus.

girls kenny labubus

↓

It's about to happen again.

happen

↓

- [muffled speech] - Come on!

muffled muffled-speech speech

↓

- And then, believe it or not,

believe

↓

I actually have Chestnut Cocoa Labubu.

cocoa labubu

↓

- No way! That is the rarest one.

↓

- Isn't it so cute?

cute

↓

- So thinking cute! But it's really rare.

cute rare thinking

↓

Are you sure it's not a knockoff?

knockoff

↓

- Oh, dog, here we go.

↓

- Yeah, I checked.

checked

↓

If anyone's fake, it's probably yours, you fat bitch.

anyones bitch fake

↓

- Suck it, skank! - Eat shit!

skank suck

↓

- Stupid slut!

slut stupid

↓

[screaming, cheering]

cheering screaming

↓

- Ahh!

↓

- [screams]

screams

↓

- Yeah, yeah!

↓

[blows landing]

blows blows-landing landing

↓

- Yeah, yeah! - Hey!

↓

Hey, hey, hey, hey, break it up, break it up!

break

↓

- She's rubbing everyone's noses in her Labubus.

everyones labubus noses rubbing

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- Both of you to the counselor's office, now!

counselors office

↓

- She totally started it! - I did not.

started

↓

Shut up. I did not.

↓

- She came up to me at my locker with her Labubu

labubu locker

↓

and started talking shit.

started

↓

- You talk shit about my Labubus every day, whore.

labubus whore

↓

- Um...

↓

yea, love your enemies

enemies love

↓

and pray for those who persecute you.

pray

↓

- Tell her to stop saying my Labubus are knockoffs.

labubus

↓

- I-I'm sorry, what is a Labubu?

labubu

↓

- It's a little monster accessory.

monster

↓

- They come in blind boxes,

blind boxes

↓

so you never know which one you're gonna get.

↓

- Like, you could just luck out

luck

↓

and get a Time to Chill Pajama Gold Labubu.

chill gold labubu pajama

↓

- Oh, my God, that one is so cute.

cute

↓

- It's so cute, right?

cute

↓

- Uh, all right, ladies,

ladies

↓

w-why don't you just give me the dolls

dolls

↓

until the end of the school day?

school

↓

both: That's not fair!

fair

↓

- Go on out to recess.

recess

↓

You can pick up your Labubus after school.

labubus pick school

↓

- Wow. What kind of counseling was that?

counseling

↓

- I don't know, Jesus sucks, dude.

jesus sucks

↓

- Our old counselor was so much better.

counselor

↓

[melancholy music]

melancholy melancholy-music music

↓

♪

↓

[kids screaming]

kids screaming

↓

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, get some more over there.

↓

- This side's starting to fall.

fall sides starting

↓

- We are the kings of the castle!

castle kings

↓

Let us in!

↓

- Hey, Butters.

butters

↓

- Oh, well, uh, hey, Red.

↓

- Um, I was just wondering

wondering

↓

what you're doing this weekend.

weekend

↓

- Who, me?

↓

- Yeah.

↓

Um, I'm having a birthday party at my house,

birthday birthday-party having house party

↓

and I was seeing if maybe you'd want to come hang out?

hang seeing

↓

- You're talking about me?

↓

- Yeah, I don't know, it's probably stupid.

stupid

↓

I shouldn't have asked. Never mind.

asked mind

↓

- No, no, I'd love to come hang out with you

hang love

↓

on your birthday, Red.

birthday

↓

- Really? You would?

↓

- Well, sure!

↓

- Okay, that's great.

↓

I'll text you all the details.

details text

↓

- Okay, Red, I'll see you there.

↓

- Okay, and um,

↓

maybe I'll text you my birthday wishlist, too,

birthday text

↓

in case, you know, you want to get me a present.

case present

↓

- Sure thing!

↓

Oh, my God, you guys,

↓

Red wants to hang out with me!

hang wants

↓

- That's incredible!

incredible

↓

- Bro, it seems like she really likes you.

likes seems

↓

[phone chimes]

chimes phone phone-chimes

↓

BUTTERS: "Really excited to see you Saturday."

butters excited saturday

↓

Whoa.

whoa

↓

Me and Red. - Lucky.

lucky

↓

[notification swooshes]

notification

↓

BUTTERS: "Here is my birthday gift wishlist."

birthday butters gift

↓

[notifications swoosh]

↓

"This exact Labubu."

exact labubu

↓

Holy shit, you guys, you know what I think?

holy

↓

I think on Saturday I'm gonna find out if red-haired girls

girls haired saturday

↓

have a red bush!

bush

↓

- Wow! - Wow!

↓

[upbeat music]

music upbeat upbeat-music

↓

- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

↓

[singing in foreign language]

foreign foreign-language language singing

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Welcome to City Asian Pop-Up Store.

asian city store welcome

↓

Can I take a order, please?

order

↓

- Wait, didn't this place used to be City Wok?

city place used

↓

- Yeah, but whole country change.

change country whole whole-country

↓

Didn't you hear the news?

news

↓

Wok is dead.

dead

↓

This City Pop-Up now. What do you like to have?

city

↓

We got City Pop-up key chains,

chains city

↓

City cell phone charm,

cell cell-phone charm city phone

↓

City anime sculpture.

city

↓

- Well, actually, I'm looking for a Labubu.

labubu looking

↓

- Ah, yeah, everyone love Labubu.

labubu love

↓

They real hard to keep in stock.

hard real real-hard stock

↓

Very expensive 'cause of tariffs.

expensive tariffs

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- You know, uh, it's really important.

↓

I got this new girlfriend,

girlfriend

↓

and she wants this specific Labubu for her birthday.

birthday labubu specific wants

↓

- Oh, that very rare Labubu.

labubu rare

↓

You only find that in a mystery box.

mystery

↓

- Mystery box?

mystery

↓

- Hi. Are you guys still serving food?

food serving

↓

- No, no, no, Wok is dead. Haven't you heard the news?

dead heard news

↓

♪

↓

- Can't I just buy this Labubu?

labubu

↓

- No, that not the way it work.

↓

You buy mystery box, you open it,

mystery open

↓

hopefully you get the one you want.

hopefully

↓

- Okay, how much is a mystery box?

mystery

↓

- $85.

↓

- 85?

↓

- Yeah, you gotta pay tariff.

tariff

↓

You think I pay tariff? No, no, no, no.

tariff

↓

You pay tariff.

tariff

↓

- Well, okay, I'll take one.

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Yeah, well, Wok is dead, you stupid bitch!

bitch dead stupid stupid-bitch

↓

Stop nagging me!

↓

[package tears] BUTTERS: Ah, dang it!

butters dang package tears

↓

This is the wrong one!

↓

- Oh, yeah, that just Happiness Labubu.

happiness labubu

↓

Very common. Very common.

common

↓

You try again, $85.

↓

- I have to pay another $85

another

↓

and I still might not get the one I want?

might

↓

- Hey, it's not me, it's your government.

government

↓

I don't get fucked by tariff.

fucked tariff

↓

You get fucked by tariff.

fucked tariff

↓

In China, we call that hot potato.

china potato

↓

[dynamic music]

dynamic music

↓

ANNOUNCER: You're watching Fox News.

announcer news watching

↓

REPORTER: The president has just returned

president reporter returned

↓

from his historic tariff summit overseas.

historic overseas summit tariff

↓

There's the president now, looking handsome as ever.

handsome looking president

↓

Oh, and there's the Prince of Darkness,

darkness prince

↓

who's been traveling with the president as of late.

late president traveling

↓

The president has made his way off of Air Force One

force president

↓

and will now speak to a diverse crowd of reporters.

crowd diverse reporters speak

↓

[reporters clamoring]

clamoring reporters

↓

- Mr. Pre--Mr. President, how did the tariff meetings go?

meetings president tariff

↓

- Ah, they went great, buddy!

buddy

↓

[reporters clamoring]

clamoring reporters

↓

- Mr. President, we're all dying to know something.

dying president

↓

Your wife, Melania, has been staying in New York

staying wife york

↓

and away from the White House.

house white white-house

↓

- That's right!

↓

- Well, what Fox News really wants to know is

news wants

↓

are you fucking Satan?

fucking fucking-satan satan

↓

- No! I'm not fucking Satan!

fucking fucking-satan satan

↓

- We're just sorta hanging out.

hanging sorta

↓

- Oh, come on, President Trump.

president president-trump trump

↓

With everything you've been doing,

↓

pretty much the whole country thinks you're fucking Satan now.

country fucking fucking-satan satan thinks whole whole-country

↓

- I'm not fucking Satan!

fucking fucking-satan satan

↓

- Can we go, please?

↓

- He is fucking Satan.

fucking fucking-satan satan

↓

- That guy's definitely fucking Satan.

fucking fucking-satan satan

↓

What a stud.

stud

↓

- Yeah, Fox News!

news

↓

PC PRINCIPAL: All right, everyone, listen up,

principal

↓

As you know, there's a lot being done in the country

country

↓

to bring Christian values back to our schools.

bring christian schools values

↓

Our new school counselor has some concerns

concerns counselor school school-counselor

↓

that I understand he'd like to voice.

voice

↓

Go ahead, Jesus.

ahead go-ahead jesus

↓

- Well, I'm just a bit confused

confused

↓

about the dramatic rise in fist fighting

dramatic fighting fist rise

↓

over these Labubus.

labubus

↓

- Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah.

↓

- Oh, the Labubus.

labubus

↓

- Kids go nuts for 'em.

kids nuts

↓

- I just don't quite understand what the fascination is.

↓

- Well, they're just the new fad of the month, you know.

month

↓

- They make them scarce and hard to find a secret one.

hard secret

↓

- Yeah, and then all the kids make their Labubu TikToks.

kids labubu tiktoks

↓

- Labubu TikTok?

labubu tiktok

↓

- Yeah, the kids make 'em and they watch 'em.

kids watch

↓

I can pull one up.

pull

↓

This is Kelly Bronson from Mrs. Turner's class.

class kelly

↓

- Hey, guys, this is another Labubu unboxing video!

another labubu video

↓

I got this Labubu online.

labubu online

↓

I'm pretty sure it's not a Lafufu.

↓

I got the QR code right here.

code

↓

We're gonna see what we got. Hope it's a rare one.

hope rare

↓

If it is, I'm absolutely gonna freak out.

absolutely freak

↓

Okay, let's see, let's see, let's see!

↓

- ♪ Labu ♪

labu

↓

- [screaming]

screaming

↓

Oh, my God!

↓

Oh, my God!

↓

Okay, okay, let's start the ritual.

ritual start

↓

- ♪ Labubu

labubu

↓

♪ Labu-bu

labu

↓

♪ La-bula-bula-bu-bu-bu-bu ♪

↓

♪ La-bula-bula-bu-bu-bu-bu

↓

♪ Labubu, Labubu

labubu labubu-labubu

↓

[static droning, heavy breathing]

breathing heavy static

↓

- [screaming]

screaming

↓

- What the hell was that?

↓

- That's a Labubu unboxing TikTok.

labubu tiktok

↓

- Kids go nuts for 'em.

kids nuts

↓

- But that's, like, some dark Satanic ritual.

dark ritual

↓

- Oh, yeah, Labubus are demonic.

demonic labubus

↓

- Yeah, dark magic.

dark magic

↓

- I don't know if they come that way from China,

china

↓

or the kids are infusing them with some Sumerian dark entity.

dark entity kids

↓

- It's Mesopotamian.

↓

- Got it. So what are your major concerns, Jesus?

concerns jesus major

↓

- Bro.

↓

That's not normal.

normal

↓

These kids are in trouble.

kids trouble

↓

- Yeah, that's why every school needs a counselor.

counselor needs school

↓

[dramatic music]

dramatic dramatic-music music

↓

♪ ♪

↓

[upbeat music]

music upbeat upbeat-music

↓

[singing in foreign language]

foreign foreign-language language singing

↓

- Welcome City Pop-Up. Take order, please.

city order welcome

↓

- I have $88.42 in here.

↓

I need to buy another mystery box.

another mystery

↓

- Oh, sorry, Labubu mystery box $120.

labubu mystery

↓

- What? It was $85!

↓

- Yeah, yeah, tariffs when up!

tariffs

↓

You never know with tariffs. They make no sense.

sense tariffs

↓

- But that's not fair!

fair

↓

- Yeah, no shit, tariffs not fair!

fair tariffs

↓

- Please, sir, my girlfriend's party is today,

girlfriends party today

↓

and I have to get the Labubu she wants.

labubu wants

↓

Please!

↓

- It's okay, it's okay.

↓

I have idea.

idea

↓

You want mystery box for cheap price?

cheap mystery price

↓

You use claw machine.

claw machine

↓

You try your luck.

luck

↓

Use claw machine to get a mystery box,

claw machine mystery

↓

open it up, hopefully you get good Labubu you want.

hopefully labubu open

↓

[upbeat music]

music upbeat upbeat-music

↓

- ♪ Labubu

labubu

↓

♪ Labu-labu-labu

labu labu-labu

↓

♪ Labubu ♪

labubu

↓

♪ Labu-labu-labu-labu ♪

labu labu-labu

↓

MR. KIM: Oh, you so close.

close

↓

Try again.

↓

- Oh, jeez.

jeez

↓

- ♪ Labubu ♪

labubu

↓

- Oh, here we go.

↓

I get screwed by tariffs, so I have to screw the children!

children screw screwed tariffs

↓

What do you not understand?

↓

- [huffs]

huffs

↓

- Yeah, well, Wok's not coming back, bitch!

bitch coming

↓

Go wok, go brok!

↓

[machine beeps] - ♪ Labu ♪

beeps labu machine machine-beeps

↓

JESUS: Thank you for coming, Mrs. Paxton, Mrs. Gray.

coming gray jesus

↓

The reason I called you in today is because your girls were

called girls reason today

↓

in a major altercation over their Labubus.

labubus major

↓

- Okay, so what are you gonna do about it?

↓

- Well, I was hoping we could work together

hoping

↓

to maybe just keep them away from the Labubus.

labubus

↓

- Oh, sure, just take their Labubus away.

labubus

↓

Great counseling.

counseling

↓

- Look, I have reason to believe that the students are using

believe reason students using

↓

Labubus for some kind of... ritual.

labubus ritual

↓

- Yeah, but to do that, you have to have a super rare one.

rare super super-rare

↓

- They're the only ones girls can use in dark rituals.

dark girls ones rituals

↓

- You know that they're demonic?

demonic

↓

- Yeah. What are we supposed to do?

supposed

↓

My daughter sees Kelly Miller summoning demonic forces

daughter demonic forces kelly miller sees

↓

on TikTok, then she wants to be like Kelly Miller.

kelly miller tiktok wants

↓

- Did Kelly Miller summon demonic forces?

demonic forces kelly miller summon

↓

- I don't know, she hung herself.

hung

↓

- Well, we should probably keep the girls off of TikTok.

girls tiktok

↓

- Oh, yeah, just keep 'em off TikTok.

tiktok

↓

That's some clever counseling there.

clever counseling

↓

- Do you have kids? - No, I don't.

kids

↓

- Figures. - Well, when you do,

figures

↓

you try and keep 'em off of TikTok

tiktok

↓

and out of the Asian pop-up store.

asian store

↓

- Wait, what is an Asian pop-up store?

asian store

↓

- That's where the girls get all the Labubus.

girls labubus

↓

- Where did they find this guy?

↓

- We told you he was a crappy counselor

counselor crappy

↓

ANNOUNCER: This is a Fox News Alert!

alert announcer news

↓

- As debates on American tariffs continue,

american continue tariffs

↓

the question on every American's mind tonight,

americans mind question tonight

↓

is President Trump fucking Satan?

fucking fucking-satan president president-trump satan trump

↓

The president's been seen less and less with his wife

less presidents seen wife

↓

and more often with his new pal,

often

↓

making people all around the world say,

world

↓

"Donald Trump has got to be fucking Satan, for sure."

donald fucking fucking-satan satan trump

↓

- Well, for all of us who are still skeptical

skeptical

↓

that President Trump is fucking Satan,

fucking fucking-satan president president-trump satan trump

↓

Fox News has obtained some footage

footage news obtained

↓

of President Trump seeming to be fucking Satan.

fucking fucking-satan president president-trump satan trump

↓

This was at a golf course yesterday

course golf golf-course yesterday

↓

where the president was heroically golfing.

golfing president

↓

You can just make out Satan going behind a bush

behind bush satan

↓

and President Trump right there--

president president-trump trump

↓

he's fucking Satan. Karen, what do you think?

fucking fucking-satan karen satan

↓

- I think the president is definitely fucking Satan,

fucking fucking-satan president satan

↓

and I love it.

love

↓

- Of course, a lot of Americans still argue

americans argue course

↓

there's no way the president could be fucking Satan.

fucking fucking-satan president satan

↓

So we have a body language expert to show us

body body-language expert language

↓

just how it is possible.

possible

↓

- Well, if Mr. President Trump is fucking Satan--

fucking fucking-satan president president-trump satan trump

↓

and I'm not saying if he is or isn't.

↓

I'm just kinda hoping he is--

hoping kinda

↓

he mostly likely is coming in from the back.

coming likely mostly

↓

Now, Satan has a pretty large physical presence,

physical presence satan

↓

so we're pretty sure President Trump would have to get on top

president president-trump trump

↓

and-- - Ah!

↓

- Oh, my God, the president is doing things

president

↓

no other president has done before.

president

↓

I love him.

love

↓

- If you don't think President Trump is fucking Satan,

fucking fucking-satan president president-trump satan trump

↓

this definitely proves how he could be!

proves

↓

[upbeat music]

music upbeat upbeat-music

↓

[singing in foreign language]

foreign foreign-language language singing

↓

[angelic tones]

angelic tones

↓

- Welcome to City Asian Pop-Up Store.

asian city store welcome

↓

Take order, please.

order

↓

- Are you the one that has been selling all these Labubus

labubus selling

↓

to my students?

students

↓

- Oh, boy.

↓

Look, it not my fault, these city prices, okay?

city fault prices

↓

Labubus very expensive.

expensive labubus

↓

- Those dolls you are selling are cursed!

cursed dolls selling

↓

- Yeah, no shit they cursed.

cursed

↓

It's called tariff. You pass it along.

along called pass tariff

↓

I get the curse, I put the curse on you.

curse

↓

It's like AIDS.

aids

↓

BUTTERS: Oh, my God, I got it!

butters

↓

I got the super rare!

rare super super-rare

↓

- Hey, what the hell you talking about?

↓

- This is the one my girlfriend wants!

girlfriend wants

↓

Now I can take it to her birthday party!

birthday birthday-party party

↓

- My child, put that down, it's dangerous!

child dangerous

↓

- Hey, hey, hold on, that's super rare Labubu.

labubu rare super super-rare

↓

That worth, like, $600. You gotta pay more tariff.

tariff worth

↓

- Oh, my God, will you go away?

↓

- Listen, both of you!

↓

There are more important issues at hand.

hand issues

↓

My child, you cannot take that to a birthday party.

birthday birthday-party cannot child party

↓

- Ah, shit, where he go?

↓

- Satan?

satan

↓

Why are you so sad?

↓

- I wish to be gone from this place.

gone place wish

↓

- I do not understand.

↓

If you do not want to be here,

↓

then why do you stay?

↓

- I am forced to stay by the dark tides of destiny.

dark destiny forced

↓

I wanted to leave months ago, but I cannot

cannot months wanted

↓

because of what's in this box.

↓

- What's in the box?

↓

- The secret none must know,

must secret

↓

and yet, all will soon discover.

discover

↓

I can feel the tides of change.

change

↓

The final showdown is upon us.

final showdown

↓

[upbeat music playing]

music music-playing playing upbeat upbeat-music upbeat-music-playing

↓

[indistinct chatter]

chatter indistinct indistinct-chatter

↓

[blows landing]

blows blows-landing landing

↓

[doorbell rings]

doorbell doorbell-rings rings

↓

♪

↓

- Happy birthday, Red!

birthday happy happy-birthday

↓

- Butters.

butters

↓

Wait. Is that what I think it is?

↓

- Well, you'll have to wait till you open it to find out--

open till

↓

Oh, all right then.

↓

♪

↓

- [screaming]

screaming

↓

I love you, Butters!

butters love

↓

- Wow!

↓

- I got it, you guys!

↓

- Oh, wow! - It's so cool!

cool

↓

- Oh, it's so cute!

cute

↓

- I got the super rare,

rare super super-rare

↓

all thanks to Butters.

butters thanks

↓

- So are you gonna do it?

↓

- Yeah! We're gonna go upstairs and do it!

upstairs

↓

- Whoa! We're gonna what?

whoa

↓

- Come up to my room, Butters!

butters room

↓

- Oh, my God!

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Hey, if anyone wants to watch us do it,

wants watch

↓

come on up!

↓

- Okay, yeah. - Great.

↓

- Oh! This is all really sudden, Red!

sudden

↓

Wait!

↓

[engine revving, tires squeal]

engine engine-revving revving squeal tires tires-squeal

↓

[line ringing]

line line-ringing ringing

↓

[phone ringing]

phone phone-ringing ringing

↓

- South Park Elementary. I'm sorry, we're closed.

closed elementary park park-elementary south south-park south-park-elementary

↓

- Bev! I need to know which of the students

students

↓

has a birthday today.

birthday today

↓

- Who is this?

↓

- It's me, Jesus!

jesus

↓

- Who?

↓

- The school counselor!

counselor school school-counselor

↓

- Oh. I don't know who has a birthday today.

birthday today

↓

That was actually always the counselor's job.

counselors

↓

- Can you just look it up in the school records, please?

records school

↓

- Hang on.

hang

↓

Guess I'm doing your job too now.

↓

- Okay, okay. Oh, my God.

↓

I'm so excited to finally do it.

excited finally

↓

- Well, yeah, I guess I'm excited to do it, too, Red.

excited

↓

- Okay, I think we're all ready.

ready

↓

Here, you take a video of the whole thing.

video whole

↓

- Whoa! Can't we just kiss first?

kiss whoa

↓

- Hey! What's up, guys? This is my TikTok Labubu video.

labubu tiktok video

↓

I got the super rare, so let's see if it works.

rare super super-rare works

↓

- Hey, we want to watch.

watch

↓

- Yeah, come on in, you guys.

↓

[chicken clucking]

chicken clucking

↓

[all chanting] Labubu, Labubu.

chanting labubu labubu-labubu

↓

Labubu, Labubu.

labubu labubu-labubu

↓

- What the heck's going on? all: Labubu, Labubu.

labubu labubu-labubu

↓

[knife slashing, chicken cries] - Ah!

chicken cries knife

↓

- [slurping] - Oh, God!

slurping

↓

- [retching]

retching

↓

[electricity sparking]

electricity

↓

all: Labubu, Labubu.

labubu labubu-labubu

↓

Labubu, Labubu.

labubu labubu-labubu

↓

- Here he comes!

comes

↓

[low groaning]

groaning

↓

- Ah!

↓

- We call the demonic forces!

demonic forces

↓

Appear before us at my birthday party!

appear birthday birthday-party party

↓

- This is so cool!

cool

↓

- [growling]

growling

↓

- Ta-da!

↓

all: Ew!

↓

- Wait, that thing is fucking Satan?

fucking fucking-satan satan

↓

- No! I'm not fucking Satan!

fucking fucking-satan satan

↓

[growls]

growls

↓

[screaming]

screaming

↓

ANNOUNCER: This is a Fox News Super Alert!

alert announcer news super

↓

- We may just have another Trump and Satan spotting.

another satan trump

↓

The two are rumored to be

↓

in a small mountain town in the Rockies.

mountain mountain-town rockies town

↓

Let's go to our Colorado affiliate.

colorado

↓

[metal scraping, wind blowing]

blowing metal scraping wind

↓

- Yeah, guys, there's definitely black clouds

black clouds

↓

and swarms of locusts here.

↓

Um, probably another Labubu party.

another labubu party

↓

You know, whenever there's a Labubu party,

labubu party

↓

the president and Satan usually make an appearance.

appearance president satan usually

↓

- We've got our eye in the sky now.

↓

Guys, what are you seeing?

seeing

↓

REPORTER: Yeah, you can see little girls

girls reporter

↓

running and screaming.

running screaming

↓

The president just coming out onto the front lawn--

coming front front-lawn lawn president

↓

and yes, there is Satan.

satan

↓

They're definitely hanging out.

hanging

↓

- Come on, let's go!

↓

JESUS: Lucifer!

jesus lucifer

↓

- So...

↓

it is you.

↓

- Just what are you doing, Satan?

satan

↓

I will know.

↓

[brakes squealing]

brakes squealing

↓

- Okay, it looks like Jesus Christ is now on the scene

christ jesus jesus-christ scene

↓

for some kind of biblical showdown.

showdown

↓

- I have seen your evil at work, Satan.

evil satan seen

↓

I bid you leave this realm at once.

realm

↓

- You think I don't want to leave?

↓

I am bound to him!

bound

↓

- Bound to him how?

bound

↓

- All right, fine! Here!

↓

You all want to know the truth?

truth

↓

Yes! We're together!

↓

We've been together for months,

months

↓

and I want to leave him, but I can't

↓

because...

↓

I'm pregnant.

pregnant

↓

- He's pregnant?

pregnant

↓

- Whoa.

whoa

↓

- So now you all know.

↓

I am forced to stay in this situation

forced situation

↓

for several more years.

several years

↓

- Uh, Satan is saying he's been trapped at the White House

house satan trapped white white-house

↓

because he's pregnant.

pregnant

↓

Uh, let's get our science expert in here

expert science

↓

to see if that's actually possible.

possible

↓

- Yeah, uh, demonic pregnancies work a little different.

demonic

↓

The term is "butt baby."

baby butt butt-baby term

↓

- All right, well, that seems to be it.

seems

↓

Satan is pregnant with the president's child.

child pregnant presidents satan

↓

So Fox News can now confirm

confirm news

↓

Donald Trump has been fucking Satan this whole time.

donald fucking fucking-satan satan trump whole

↓

- Yeah! [cheering]

cheering

↓

This is a great day for Fox News.

news

↓

- Yes, Fox News!

news

↓

- For all the doubters who thought Donald Trump

donald trump

↓

wasn't fucking Satan,

fucking fucking-satan satan

↓

in your face!

face

↓

We're gonna check in now with Kid Rock.

check rock

↓

Kid, you must be overcome with emotion.

emotion must overcome

↓

- I just-- I just honestly didn't think

↓

the president was fucking Satan, but

fucking fucking-satan president satan

↓

now knowing that he has been this whole time,

knowing whole

↓

I'm just so happy.

happy

↓

[bell rings]

bell bell-rings rings

↓

JESUS: Well, I hope you guys learned a valuable lesson.

hope jesus learned lesson valuable valuable-lesson

↓

If you mess around and you aren't safe,

mess safe

↓

it can have really big consequences.

consequences

↓

- Yeah, I'm not having sex for a long time.

having

↓

- And I'm done with Labubus.

labubus

↓

- Well, that's good, because as your counselor,

counselor

↓

I'm banning Labubus from school.

banning labubus school

↓

And TikTok. And cell phones.

cell cell-phones phones tiktok

↓

Now get back to class.

class

↓

You both have detention for two weeks.

detention weeks

↓

- Oh, man!

↓

- Wow, new counselor's kind of a dick.

counselors dick

↓

- Yeah, but he's better than the last guy.

↓

- ♪ Labubu

labubu

↓

♪ La, labu-labu ♪

labu labu-labu

↓

[theme music]

music theme theme-music

↓

♪ ♪