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Season 27, Episode 4 — Wok is Dead
- ♪ MTV
#1
⇓
[theme music]
#2
⇓
- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
#3
⇓
♪ Gonna have myself a time
#4
⇓
- ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
#5
⇓
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
#6
⇓
- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
#7
⇓
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
#8
⇓
- ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
#9
⇓
♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
#10
⇓
- ♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪
#11
⇓
♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
#12
⇓
- ♪ [mumbling] ♪
#13
⇓
- ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
#14
⇓
♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
#15
⇓
[twangy guitar music]
#16
⇓
- Betsy! Betsy! Guess what?
#17
⇓
My dad took me to the Asian pop-up store.
#18
⇓
Look what I got.
#19
⇓
Serenity Labubu.
#20
⇓
- Oh, it's so cute! - Isn't it?
#21
⇓
- I was at the Asian pop-up too.
#22
⇓
- No way!
#23
⇓
- Yeah, look what I got.
#24
⇓
The Loyalty Labubu!
#25
⇓
- Oh, my God, it's so cute!
#26
⇓
- I know, right? - Yeah, I love it.
#27
⇓
- Oh, dude, dude, check it out.
#28
⇓
It's about to happen again.
#29
⇓
- Ah, shit.
#30
⇓
- I actually have Loyalty Labubu already,
#31
⇓
and I have a little costume for it.
#32
⇓
- That is seriously so cute.
#33
⇓
- Kenny, you guys, girls with Labubus.
#34
⇓
It's about to happen again.
#35
⇓
- [muffled speech] - Come on!
#36
⇓
- And then, believe it or not,
#37
⇓
I actually have Chestnut Cocoa Labubu.
#38
⇓
- No way! That is the rarest one.
#39
⇓
- Isn't it so cute?
#40
⇓
- So thinking cute! But it's really rare.
#41
⇓
Are you sure it's not a knockoff?
#42
⇓
- Oh, dog, here we go.
#43
⇓
- Yeah, I checked.
#44
⇓
If anyone's fake, it's probably yours, you fat bitch.
#45
⇓
- Suck it, skank! - Eat shit!
#46
⇓
- Stupid slut!
#47
⇓
[screaming, cheering]
#48
⇓
- Ahh!
#49
⇓
- [screams]
#50
⇓
- Yeah, yeah!
#51
⇓
[blows landing]
#52
⇓
- Yeah, yeah! - Hey!
#53
⇓
Hey, hey, hey, hey, break it up, break it up!
#54
⇓
- She's rubbing everyone's noses in her Labubus.
#55
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- Both of you to the counselor's office, now!
#56
⇓
- She totally started it! - I did not.
#57
⇓
Shut up. I did not.
#58
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- She came up to me at my locker with her Labubu
#59
⇓
and started talking shit.
#60
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- You talk shit about my Labubus every day, whore.
#61
⇓
- Um...
#62
⇓
yea, love your enemies
#63
⇓
and pray for those who persecute you.
#64
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- Tell her to stop saying my Labubus are knockoffs.
#65
⇓
- I-I'm sorry, what is a Labubu?
#66
⇓
- It's a little monster accessory.
#67
⇓
- They come in blind boxes,
#68
⇓
so you never know which one you're gonna get.
#69
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- Like, you could just luck out
#70
⇓
and get a Time to Chill Pajama Gold Labubu.
#71
⇓
- Oh, my God, that one is so cute.
#72
⇓
- It's so cute, right?
#73
⇓
- Uh, all right, ladies,
#74
⇓
w-why don't you just give me the dolls
#75
⇓
until the end of the school day?
#76
⇓
both: That's not fair!
#77
⇓
- Go on out to recess.
#78
⇓
You can pick up your Labubus after school.
#79
⇓
- Wow. What kind of counseling was that?
#80
⇓
- I don't know, Jesus sucks, dude.
#81
⇓
- Our old counselor was so much better.
#82
⇓
[melancholy music]
#83
⇓
♪
#84
⇓
[kids screaming]
#85
⇓
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, get some more over there.
#86
⇓
- This side's starting to fall.
#87
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- We are the kings of the castle!
#88
⇓
Let us in!
#89
⇓
- Hey, Butters.
#90
⇓
- Oh, well, uh, hey, Red.
#91
⇓
- Um, I was just wondering
#92
⇓
what you're doing this weekend.
#93
⇓
- Who, me?
#94
⇓
- Yeah.
#95
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Um, I'm having a birthday party at my house,
#96
⇓
and I was seeing if maybe you'd want to come hang out?
#97
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- You're talking about me?
#98
⇓
- Yeah, I don't know, it's probably stupid.
#99
⇓
I shouldn't have asked. Never mind.
#100
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- No, no, I'd love to come hang out with you
#101
⇓
on your birthday, Red.
#102
⇓
- Really? You would?
#103
⇓
- Well, sure!
#104
⇓
- Okay, that's great.
#105
⇓
I'll text you all the details.
#106
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- Okay, Red, I'll see you there.
#107
⇓
- Okay, and um,
#108
⇓
maybe I'll text you my birthday wishlist, too,
#109
⇓
in case, you know, you want to get me a present.
#110
⇓
- Sure thing!
#111
⇓
Oh, my God, you guys,
#112
⇓
Red wants to hang out with me!
#113
⇓
- That's incredible!
#114
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- Bro, it seems like she really likes you.
#115
⇓
[phone chimes]
#116
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BUTTERS: "Really excited to see you Saturday."
#117
⇓
Whoa.
#118
⇓
Me and Red. - Lucky.
#119
⇓
[notification swooshes]
#120
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BUTTERS: "Here is my birthday gift wishlist."
#121
⇓
[notifications swoosh]
#122
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"This exact Labubu."
#123
⇓
Holy shit, you guys, you know what I think?
#124
⇓
I think on Saturday I'm gonna find out if red-haired girls
#125
⇓
have a red bush!
#126
⇓
- Wow! - Wow!
#127
⇓
[upbeat music]
#128
⇓
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
#129
⇓
[singing in foreign language]
#130
⇓
♪ ♪
#131
⇓
- Welcome to City Asian Pop-Up Store.
#132
⇓
Can I take a order, please?
#133
⇓
- Wait, didn't this place used to be City Wok?
#134
⇓
- Yeah, but whole country change.
#135
⇓
Didn't you hear the news?
#136
⇓
Wok is dead.
#137
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This City Pop-Up now. What do you like to have?
#138
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We got City Pop-up key chains,
#139
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City cell phone charm,
#140
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City anime sculpture.
#141
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- Well, actually, I'm looking for a Labubu.
#142
⇓
- Ah, yeah, everyone love Labubu.
#143
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They real hard to keep in stock.
#144
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Very expensive 'cause of tariffs.
#145
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- You know, uh, it's really important.
#146
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I got this new girlfriend,
#147
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and she wants this specific Labubu for her birthday.
#148
⇓
- Oh, that very rare Labubu.
#149
⇓
You only find that in a mystery box.
#150
⇓
- Mystery box?
#151
⇓
- Hi. Are you guys still serving food?
#152
⇓
- No, no, no, Wok is dead. Haven't you heard the news?
#153
⇓
♪
#154
⇓
- Can't I just buy this Labubu?
#155
⇓
- No, that not the way it work.
#156
⇓
You buy mystery box, you open it,
#157
⇓
hopefully you get the one you want.
#158
⇓
- Okay, how much is a mystery box?
#159
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- $85.
#160
⇓
- 85?
#161
⇓
- Yeah, you gotta pay tariff.
#162
⇓
You think I pay tariff? No, no, no, no.
#163
⇓
You pay tariff.
#164
⇓
- Well, okay, I'll take one.
#165
⇓
♪ ♪
#166
⇓
- Yeah, well, Wok is dead, you stupid bitch!
#167
⇓
Stop nagging me!
#168
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[package tears] BUTTERS: Ah, dang it!
#169
⇓
This is the wrong one!
#170
⇓
- Oh, yeah, that just Happiness Labubu.
#171
⇓
Very common. Very common.
#172
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You try again, $85.
#173
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- I have to pay another $85
#174
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and I still might not get the one I want?
#175
⇓
- Hey, it's not me, it's your government.
#176
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I don't get fucked by tariff.
#177
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You get fucked by tariff.
#178
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In China, we call that hot potato.
#179
⇓
[dynamic music]
#180
⇓
ANNOUNCER: You're watching Fox News.
#181
⇓
REPORTER: The president has just returned
#182
⇓
from his historic tariff summit overseas.
#183
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There's the president now, looking handsome as ever.
#184
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Oh, and there's the Prince of Darkness,
#185
⇓
who's been traveling with the president as of late.
#186
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The president has made his way off of Air Force One
#187
⇓
and will now speak to a diverse crowd of reporters.
#188
⇓
[reporters clamoring]
#189
⇓
- Mr. Pre--Mr. President, how did the tariff meetings go?
#190
⇓
- Ah, they went great, buddy!
#191
⇓
[reporters clamoring]
#192
⇓
- Mr. President, we're all dying to know something.
#193
⇓
Your wife, Melania, has been staying in New York
#194
⇓
and away from the White House.
#195
⇓
- That's right!
#196
⇓
- Well, what Fox News really wants to know is
#197
⇓
are you fucking Satan?
#198
⇓
- No! I'm not fucking Satan!
#199
⇓
- We're just sorta hanging out.
#200
⇓
- Oh, come on, President Trump.
#201
⇓
With everything you've been doing,
#202
⇓
pretty much the whole country thinks you're fucking Satan now.
#203
⇓
- I'm not fucking Satan!
#204
⇓
- Can we go, please?
#205
⇓
- He is fucking Satan.
#206
⇓
- That guy's definitely fucking Satan.
#207
⇓
What a stud.
#208
⇓
- Yeah, Fox News!
#209
⇓
PC PRINCIPAL: All right, everyone, listen up,
#210
⇓
As you know, there's a lot being done in the country
#211
⇓
to bring Christian values back to our schools.
#212
⇓
Our new school counselor has some concerns
#213
⇓
that I understand he'd like to voice.
#214
⇓
Go ahead, Jesus.
#215
⇓
- Well, I'm just a bit confused
#216
⇓
about the dramatic rise in fist fighting
#217
⇓
over these Labubus.
#218
⇓
- Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah.
#219
⇓
- Oh, the Labubus.
#220
⇓
- Kids go nuts for 'em.
#221
⇓
- I just don't quite understand what the fascination is.
#222
⇓
- Well, they're just the new fad of the month, you know.
#223
⇓
- They make them scarce and hard to find a secret one.
#224
⇓
- Yeah, and then all the kids make their Labubu TikToks.
#225
⇓
- Labubu TikTok?
#226
⇓
- Yeah, the kids make 'em and they watch 'em.
#227
⇓
I can pull one up.
#228
⇓
This is Kelly Bronson from Mrs. Turner's class.
#229
⇓
- Hey, guys, this is another Labubu unboxing video!
#230
⇓
I got this Labubu online.
#231
⇓
I'm pretty sure it's not a Lafufu.
#232
⇓
I got the QR code right here.
#233
⇓
We're gonna see what we got. Hope it's a rare one.
#234
⇓
If it is, I'm absolutely gonna freak out.
#235
⇓
Okay, let's see, let's see, let's see!
#236
⇓
- ♪ Labu ♪
#237
⇓
- [screaming]
#238
⇓
Oh, my God!
#239
⇓
Oh, my God!
#240
⇓
Okay, okay, let's start the ritual.
#241
⇓
- ♪ Labubu
#242
⇓
♪ Labu-bu
#243
⇓
♪ La-bula-bula-bu-bu-bu-bu ♪
#244
⇓
♪ La-bula-bula-bu-bu-bu-bu
#245
⇓
♪ Labubu, Labubu
#246
⇓
[static droning, heavy breathing]
#247
⇓
- [screaming]
#248
⇓
- What the hell was that?
#249
⇓
- That's a Labubu unboxing TikTok.
#250
⇓
- Kids go nuts for 'em.
#251
⇓
- But that's, like, some dark Satanic ritual.
#252
⇓
- Oh, yeah, Labubus are demonic.
#253
⇓
- Yeah, dark magic.
#254
⇓
- I don't know if they come that way from China,
#255
⇓
or the kids are infusing them with some Sumerian dark entity.
#256
⇓
- It's Mesopotamian.
#257
⇓
- Got it. So what are your major concerns, Jesus?
#258
⇓
- Bro.
#259
⇓
That's not normal.
#260
⇓
These kids are in trouble.
#261
⇓
- Yeah, that's why every school needs a counselor.
#262
⇓
[dramatic music]
#263
⇓
♪ ♪
#264
⇓
[upbeat music]
#265
⇓
[singing in foreign language]
#266
⇓
- Welcome City Pop-Up. Take order, please.
#267
⇓
- I have $88.42 in here.
#268
⇓
I need to buy another mystery box.
#269
⇓
- Oh, sorry, Labubu mystery box $120.
#270
⇓
- What? It was $85!
#271
⇓
- Yeah, yeah, tariffs when up!
#272
⇓
You never know with tariffs. They make no sense.
#273
⇓
- But that's not fair!
#274
⇓
- Yeah, no shit, tariffs not fair!
#275
⇓
- Please, sir, my girlfriend's party is today,
#276
⇓
and I have to get the Labubu she wants.
#277
⇓
Please!
#278
⇓
- It's okay, it's okay.
#279
⇓
I have idea.
#280
⇓
You want mystery box for cheap price?
#281
⇓
You use claw machine.
#282
⇓
You try your luck.
#283
⇓
Use claw machine to get a mystery box,
#284
⇓
open it up, hopefully you get good Labubu you want.
#285
⇓
[upbeat music]
#286
⇓
- ♪ Labubu
#287
⇓
♪ Labu-labu-labu
#288
⇓
♪ Labubu ♪
#289
⇓
♪ Labu-labu-labu-labu ♪
#290
⇓
MR. KIM: Oh, you so close.
#291
⇓
Try again.
#292
⇓
- Oh, jeez.
#293
⇓
- ♪ Labubu ♪
#294
⇓
- Oh, here we go.
#295
⇓
I get screwed by tariffs, so I have to screw the children!
#296
⇓
What do you not understand?
#297
⇓
- [huffs]
#298
⇓
- Yeah, well, Wok's not coming back, bitch!
#299
⇓
Go wok, go brok!
#300
⇓
[machine beeps] - ♪ Labu ♪
#301
⇓
JESUS: Thank you for coming, Mrs. Paxton, Mrs. Gray.
#302
⇓
The reason I called you in today is because your girls were
#303
⇓
in a major altercation over their Labubus.
#304
⇓
- Okay, so what are you gonna do about it?
#305
⇓
- Well, I was hoping we could work together
#306
⇓
to maybe just keep them away from the Labubus.
#307
⇓
- Oh, sure, just take their Labubus away.
#308
⇓
Great counseling.
#309
⇓
- Look, I have reason to believe that the students are using
#310
⇓
Labubus for some kind of... ritual.
#311
⇓
- Yeah, but to do that, you have to have a super rare one.
#312
⇓
- They're the only ones girls can use in dark rituals.
#313
⇓
- You know that they're demonic?
#314
⇓
- Yeah. What are we supposed to do?
#315
⇓
My daughter sees Kelly Miller summoning demonic forces
#316
⇓
on TikTok, then she wants to be like Kelly Miller.
#317
⇓
- Did Kelly Miller summon demonic forces?
#318
⇓
- I don't know, she hung herself.
#319
⇓
- Well, we should probably keep the girls off of TikTok.
#320
⇓
- Oh, yeah, just keep 'em off TikTok.
#321
⇓
That's some clever counseling there.
#322
⇓
- Do you have kids? - No, I don't.
#323
⇓
- Figures. - Well, when you do,
#324
⇓
you try and keep 'em off of TikTok
#325
⇓
and out of the Asian pop-up store.
#326
⇓
- Wait, what is an Asian pop-up store?
#327
⇓
- That's where the girls get all the Labubus.
#328
⇓
- Where did they find this guy?
#329
⇓
- We told you he was a crappy counselor
#330
⇓
ANNOUNCER: This is a Fox News Alert!
#331
⇓
- As debates on American tariffs continue,
#332
⇓
the question on every American's mind tonight,
#333
⇓
is President Trump fucking Satan?
#334
⇓
The president's been seen less and less with his wife
#335
⇓
and more often with his new pal,
#336
⇓
making people all around the world say,
#337
⇓
"Donald Trump has got to be fucking Satan, for sure."
#338
⇓
- Well, for all of us who are still skeptical
#339
⇓
that President Trump is fucking Satan,
#340
⇓
Fox News has obtained some footage
#341
⇓
of President Trump seeming to be fucking Satan.
#342
⇓
This was at a golf course yesterday
#343
⇓
where the president was heroically golfing.
#344
⇓
You can just make out Satan going behind a bush
#345
⇓
and President Trump right there--
#346
⇓
he's fucking Satan. Karen, what do you think?
#347
⇓
- I think the president is definitely fucking Satan,
#348
⇓
and I love it.
#349
⇓
- Of course, a lot of Americans still argue
#350
⇓
there's no way the president could be fucking Satan.
#351
⇓
So we have a body language expert to show us
#352
⇓
just how it is possible.
#353
⇓
- Well, if Mr. President Trump is fucking Satan--
#354
⇓
and I'm not saying if he is or isn't.
#355
⇓
I'm just kinda hoping he is--
#356
⇓
he mostly likely is coming in from the back.
#357
⇓
Now, Satan has a pretty large physical presence,
#358
⇓
so we're pretty sure President Trump would have to get on top
#359
⇓
and-- - Ah!
#360
⇓
- Oh, my God, the president is doing things
#361
⇓
no other president has done before.
#362
⇓
I love him.
#363
⇓
- If you don't think President Trump is fucking Satan,
#364
⇓
this definitely proves how he could be!
#365
⇓
[upbeat music]
#366
⇓
[singing in foreign language]
#367
⇓
[angelic tones]
#368
⇓
- Welcome to City Asian Pop-Up Store.
#369
⇓
Take order, please.
#370
⇓
- Are you the one that has been selling all these Labubus
#371
⇓
to my students?
#372
⇓
- Oh, boy.
#373
⇓
Look, it not my fault, these city prices, okay?
#374
⇓
Labubus very expensive.
#375
⇓
- Those dolls you are selling are cursed!
#376
⇓
- Yeah, no shit they cursed.
#377
⇓
It's called tariff. You pass it along.
#378
⇓
I get the curse, I put the curse on you.
#379
⇓
It's like AIDS.
#380
⇓
BUTTERS: Oh, my God, I got it!
#381
⇓
I got the super rare!
#382
⇓
- Hey, what the hell you talking about?
#383
⇓
- This is the one my girlfriend wants!
#384
⇓
Now I can take it to her birthday party!
#385
⇓
- My child, put that down, it's dangerous!
#386
⇓
- Hey, hey, hold on, that's super rare Labubu.
#387
⇓
That worth, like, $600. You gotta pay more tariff.
#388
⇓
- Oh, my God, will you go away?
#389
⇓
- Listen, both of you!
#390
⇓
There are more important issues at hand.
#391
⇓
My child, you cannot take that to a birthday party.
#392
⇓
- Ah, shit, where he go?
#393
⇓
- Satan?
#394
⇓
Why are you so sad?
#395
⇓
- I wish to be gone from this place.
#396
⇓
- I do not understand.
#397
⇓
If you do not want to be here,
#398
⇓
then why do you stay?
#399
⇓
- I am forced to stay by the dark tides of destiny.
#400
⇓
I wanted to leave months ago, but I cannot
#401
⇓
because of what's in this box.
#402
⇓
- What's in the box?
#403
⇓
- The secret none must know,
#404
⇓
and yet, all will soon discover.
#405
⇓
I can feel the tides of change.
#406
⇓
The final showdown is upon us.
#407
⇓
[upbeat music playing]
#408
⇓
[indistinct chatter]
#409
⇓
[blows landing]
#410
⇓
[doorbell rings]
#411
⇓
♪
#412
⇓
- Happy birthday, Red!
#413
⇓
- Butters.
#414
⇓
Wait. Is that what I think it is?
#415
⇓
- Well, you'll have to wait till you open it to find out--
#416
⇓
Oh, all right then.
#417
⇓
♪
#418
⇓
- [screaming]
#419
⇓
I love you, Butters!
#420
⇓
- Wow!
#421
⇓
- I got it, you guys!
#422
⇓
- Oh, wow! - It's so cool!
#423
⇓
- Oh, it's so cute!
#424
⇓
- I got the super rare,
#425
⇓
all thanks to Butters.
#426
⇓
- So are you gonna do it?
#427
⇓
- Yeah! We're gonna go upstairs and do it!
#428
⇓
- Whoa! We're gonna what?
#429
⇓
- Come up to my room, Butters!
#430
⇓
- Oh, my God!
#431
⇓
♪ ♪
#432
⇓
- Hey, if anyone wants to watch us do it,
#433
⇓
come on up!
#434
⇓
- Okay, yeah. - Great.
#435
⇓
- Oh! This is all really sudden, Red!
#436
⇓
Wait!
#437
⇓
[engine revving, tires squeal]
#438
⇓
[line ringing]
#439
⇓
[phone ringing]
#440
⇓
- South Park Elementary. I'm sorry, we're closed.
#441
⇓
- Bev! I need to know which of the students
#442
⇓
has a birthday today.
#443
⇓
- Who is this?
#444
⇓
- It's me, Jesus!
#445
⇓
- Who?
#446
⇓
- The school counselor!
#447
⇓
- Oh. I don't know who has a birthday today.
#448
⇓
That was actually always the counselor's job.
#449
⇓
- Can you just look it up in the school records, please?
#450
⇓
- Hang on.
#451
⇓
Guess I'm doing your job too now.
#452
⇓
- Okay, okay. Oh, my God.
#453
⇓
I'm so excited to finally do it.
#454
⇓
- Well, yeah, I guess I'm excited to do it, too, Red.
#455
⇓
- Okay, I think we're all ready.
#456
⇓
Here, you take a video of the whole thing.
#457
⇓
- Whoa! Can't we just kiss first?
#458
⇓
- Hey! What's up, guys? This is my TikTok Labubu video.
#459
⇓
I got the super rare, so let's see if it works.
#460
⇓
- Hey, we want to watch.
#461
⇓
- Yeah, come on in, you guys.
#462
⇓
[chicken clucking]
#463
⇓
[all chanting] Labubu, Labubu.
#464
⇓
Labubu, Labubu.
#465
⇓
- What the heck's going on? all: Labubu, Labubu.
#466
⇓
[knife slashing, chicken cries] - Ah!
#467
⇓
- [slurping] - Oh, God!
#468
⇓
- [retching]
#469
⇓
[electricity sparking]
#470
⇓
all: Labubu, Labubu.
#471
⇓
Labubu, Labubu.
#472
⇓
- Here he comes!
#473
⇓
[low groaning]
#474
⇓
- Ah!
#475
⇓
- We call the demonic forces!
#476
⇓
Appear before us at my birthday party!
#477
⇓
- This is so cool!
#478
⇓
- [growling]
#479
⇓
- Ta-da!
#480
⇓
all: Ew!
#481
⇓
- Wait, that thing is fucking Satan?
#482
⇓
- No! I'm not fucking Satan!
#483
⇓
[growls]
#484
⇓
[screaming]
#485
⇓
ANNOUNCER: This is a Fox News Super Alert!
#486
⇓
- We may just have another Trump and Satan spotting.
#487
⇓
The two are rumored to be
#488
⇓
in a small mountain town in the Rockies.
#489
⇓
Let's go to our Colorado affiliate.
#490
⇓
[metal scraping, wind blowing]
#491
⇓
- Yeah, guys, there's definitely black clouds
#492
⇓
and swarms of locusts here.
#493
⇓
Um, probably another Labubu party.
#494
⇓
You know, whenever there's a Labubu party,
#495
⇓
the president and Satan usually make an appearance.
#496
⇓
- We've got our eye in the sky now.
#497
⇓
Guys, what are you seeing?
#498
⇓
REPORTER: Yeah, you can see little girls
#499
⇓
running and screaming.
#500
⇓
The president just coming out onto the front lawn--
#501
⇓
and yes, there is Satan.
#502
⇓
They're definitely hanging out.
#503
⇓
- Come on, let's go!
#504
⇓
JESUS: Lucifer!
#505
⇓
- So...
#506
⇓
it is you.
#507
⇓
- Just what are you doing, Satan?
#508
⇓
I will know.
#509
⇓
[brakes squealing]
#510
⇓
- Okay, it looks like Jesus Christ is now on the scene
#511
⇓
for some kind of biblical showdown.
#512
⇓
- I have seen your evil at work, Satan.
#513
⇓
I bid you leave this realm at once.
#514
⇓
- You think I don't want to leave?
#515
⇓
I am bound to him!
#516
⇓
- Bound to him how?
#517
⇓
- All right, fine! Here!
#518
⇓
You all want to know the truth?
#519
⇓
Yes! We're together!
#520
⇓
We've been together for months,
#521
⇓
and I want to leave him, but I can't
#522
⇓
because...
#523
⇓
I'm pregnant.
#524
⇓
- He's pregnant?
#525
⇓
- Whoa.
#526
⇓
- So now you all know.
#527
⇓
I am forced to stay in this situation
#528
⇓
for several more years.
#529
⇓
- Uh, Satan is saying he's been trapped at the White House
#530
⇓
because he's pregnant.
#531
⇓
Uh, let's get our science expert in here
#532
⇓
to see if that's actually possible.
#533
⇓
- Yeah, uh, demonic pregnancies work a little different.
#534
⇓
The term is "butt baby."
#535
⇓
- All right, well, that seems to be it.
#536
⇓
Satan is pregnant with the president's child.
#537
⇓
So Fox News can now confirm
#538
⇓
Donald Trump has been fucking Satan this whole time.
#539
⇓
- Yeah! [cheering]
#540
⇓
This is a great day for Fox News.
#541
⇓
- Yes, Fox News!
#542
⇓
- For all the doubters who thought Donald Trump
#543
⇓
wasn't fucking Satan,
#544
⇓
in your face!
#545
⇓
We're gonna check in now with Kid Rock.
#546
⇓
Kid, you must be overcome with emotion.
#547
⇓
- I just-- I just honestly didn't think
#548
⇓
the president was fucking Satan, but
#549
⇓
now knowing that he has been this whole time,
#550
⇓
I'm just so happy.
#551
⇓
[bell rings]
#552
⇓
JESUS: Well, I hope you guys learned a valuable lesson.
#553
⇓
If you mess around and you aren't safe,
#554
⇓
it can have really big consequences.
#555
⇓
- Yeah, I'm not having sex for a long time.
#556
⇓
- And I'm done with Labubus.
#557
⇓
- Well, that's good, because as your counselor,
#558
⇓
I'm banning Labubus from school.
#559
⇓
And TikTok. And cell phones.
#560
⇓
Now get back to class.
#561
⇓
You both have detention for two weeks.
#562
⇓
- Oh, man!
#563
⇓
- Wow, new counselor's kind of a dick.
#564
⇓
- Yeah, but he's better than the last guy.
#565
⇓
- ♪ Labubu
#566
⇓
♪ La, labu-labu ♪
#567
⇓
[theme music]
#568
⇓
♪ ♪
#569
⇓
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