South Park

Season 28, Episode 1 — Twisted Christian

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[theme music]
#1
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- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
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♪ Gonna have myself a time
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- ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
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♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
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- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
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♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
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- ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
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♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
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- ♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪
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♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
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- ♪ [mumbling] ♪
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- ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
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♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
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[twangy music]
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[school bell rings]
#16
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- Hey, fellas! Fellas!
#17
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You wanna know what time I woke up this morning?
#18
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- What time? - Around six-seven!
#19
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all: Six-seven!
#20
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- Oh, hey, Annie. Ladies.
#21
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Did you guys do your homework last night?
#22
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I tried to, but I got stuck on problems six and seven!
#23
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all: Six-seven!
#24
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- [Butters laughs]
#25
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Hey, Eric!
#26
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- I know, Butters. I know. Don't do it to me.
#27
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It's too funny. - But I just did a six-seven
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with Annie and Megan at the same time!
#29
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- Yeah, five minutes ago I snuck up on Wendy
#30
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and totally six-seven'd her from behind.
#31
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- Wow! - Hey, Scott.
#32
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How's your diabetes, man?
#33
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- My diabetes? - Yeah, what's your A1C at?
#34
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- 6.7.
#35
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all: Six-seven!
#36
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- [laughs] Oh, my God.
#37
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So fucking funny.
#38
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[indistinct chatter]
#39
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- All right, everyone, listen up.
#40
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I've gotten a lot of reports of disruptions in the classroom
#41
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and some satanic numerology shit going on.
#42
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So I want to remind you this is a Power Christian school,
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and I am a Power Christian Principal,
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and we will be PC!
#45
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So now I want you to hear from someone
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who is the highest authority on Biblical prophecies.
#47
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This person is an absolute expert on the end of days
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and the coming of the Antichrist.
#49
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Please welcome Mr. Pete Thiel.
#50
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[upbeat music playing]
#51
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- ♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪
#52
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♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪
#53
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- ♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the Antichrist ♪
#54
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SINGERS: ♪ Let's learn about the Antichrist today ♪
#55
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- ♪ Today
#56
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Hello, kids, I'm Peter Thiel, and I'm here to talk to you
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about the Antichrist!
#58
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[one person clapping]
#59
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OK, so first, what is the Antichrist?
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The Antichrist is a newer, more human form of Satan
#61
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that will soon walk the Earth.
#62
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We don't know how soon it will walk the Earth,
#63
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but it could be within the next six to seven weeks.
#64
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KIDS: Six-seven!
#65
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- Uh, kay.
#66
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Uh, you see, Satan was a fallen angel
#67
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and God punished him,
#68
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and to make sure that Satan could never have offspring,
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the Lord God did shrink Satan's asshole
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to the size of a tiny, little pinhole
#71
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so nothing could ever penetrate and ejaculate inside of it.
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So Satan could never have a butt baby until
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along came Mr. Donald Trunp,
#74
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whose penis is so teeny, teeny tiny
#75
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it could actually fit in Satan's asshole.
#76
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How small is Donald Trump's penis?
#77
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Somewhere between six and seven centimeters.
#78
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KIDS: Six-seven!
#79
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- Hey, look, this is very important, people.
#80
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OK, the Antichrist is coming.
#81
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The Bible refers to the eagle, which refers to America,
#82
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the fourth seal broken, and hell coming to Earth.
#83
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It's right here in Revelations 6...
#84
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six-seven.
#85
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KIDS: Six-seven!
#86
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- [laughing]
#87
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- Good, and breathe in through your nose. [inhales]
#88
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[exhales] And out through your mouth.
#89
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In--two, three four.
#90
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And exhale--two, three, four.
#91
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Good. Let your shoulders soften.
#92
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Let your jaw relax.
#93
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Now gentle pressure on the hips as your partner exhales.
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Good.
#95
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- This is so boring!
#96
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- How about you shut up and do your job?
#97
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- Ah, come on, Satan!
#98
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How about we just go home and fuck?
#99
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We haven't had sex in forever.
#100
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- That's because it's bad for the baby.
#101
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- Yeah, but fuck the baby. This is stupid!
#102
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- Did you just say "fuck the baby"?
#103
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- Hey, relax, guy.
#104
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I didn't mean like really fuck the baby!
#105
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- No, you know what? You can just go home.
#106
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I'll finish this myself.
#107
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You can go home and jack off if you want.
#108
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INSTRUCTOR: [exhales] Perfect.
#109
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[belt clinking, zipper opens]
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[door opens]
#111
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- Hello, boss!
#112
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- Ah! Shit!
#113
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- Good news, boss,
#114
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we just shut down another abortion clinic.
#115
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- Oh, yeah, great. That's great.
#116
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- Yes, boss.
#117
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You've made all the Christians so happy.
#118
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Of course, there is still one more clinic
#119
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that will still perform abortions
#120
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right here in town.
#121
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[dramatic musical sting]
#122
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- There is? - Oh, yes.
#123
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How unfortunate that some babies
#124
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will not be able to be born.
#125
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As Christians, we can't allow this to continue.
#126
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Perhaps you should go speak
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with this abortion doctor personally.
#128
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- Yeah. Yeah!
#129
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[knock on door] - Come on.
#130
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- PC Principal, do you have a minute?
#131
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- Sure, Jesus. What do you need?
#132
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- I'm starting to wonder if I really fit in here.
#133
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- Course you fit in.
#134
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This school's been a cesspool of heathen left-wing
#135
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little bitches, and only our faith is gonna set them right.
#136
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- Could I ask exactly
#137
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what branch of Christianity are you?
#138
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- The kind that loves his country
#139
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and doesn't tolerate any fucking fags.
#140
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- Yeah, see, I-I really think I don't belong here.
#141
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- Look, I understand it's a tough transition.
#142
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You know, the vice principal here
#143
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had the same conflict as you, but she's really come around.
#144
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- The vice principal? Your wife?
#145
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- That's right.
#146
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Can you send in Strong Christian Woman, please?
#147
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She was saying this wasn't the place for her anymore,
#148
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but just this last weekend, she converted to Christianity.
#149
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[knocks]
#150
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- You wanted to see me?
#151
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- Yeah, Strong Christian Woman, I was just telling Jesus
#152
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here about our faith.
#153
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- Oh, yes, it's been such a blessing.
#154
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- She converted on Saturday. What do you think, huh?
#155
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You ever seen a more Christian chick in your fucking life?
#156
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- Never.
#157
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- Look, I know it's a hard adjustment,
#158
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but just stick with it,
#159
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and you're gonna fit in here just fine, Jesus.
#160
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- [soft muttering]
#161
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[snickers]
#162
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[giggles]
#163
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- Everything go good at school today, honey?
#164
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- [stifling laughter] Yep, yep. School was good.
#165
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School was pretty good. [snickering]
#166
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- Is everything OK, honey?
#167
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- Yeah. Everything's fine.
#168
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It's fine.
#169
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Mom? Uh, could I-- could I ask you something?
#170
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- Sure, Eric.
#171
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- Do you know, um--
#172
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do you know on average,
#173
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um, at what age kids lose their baby teeth?
#174
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- Oh, I'm not sure, Eric.
#175
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I guess usually around six, seven?
#176
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- [laughing]
#177
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OK.
#178
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- Eric, what?
#179
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- No, nothing. Nothing. I'm sorry.
#180
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[clears throat] I'm sorry.
#181
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I was just, uh-- I was just, um--
#182
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I was just thinking about your menstrual cycle.
#183
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- My menstrual cycle?
#184
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- Yeah, I was just wondering
#185
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when you actual menstruate, Mom.
#186
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Like, roughly, how many days does that last?
#187
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- Well, Eric, it's usually around
#188
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six to seven days that a woman--
#189
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- [laughing]
#190
ae51c6f6-4841-49f5-abbf-d24b305df968.gif
Oh. Oh. [choking]
#191
8b426bbe-60f0-41f3-8644-6efe846b302e.gif
[laughing, choking]
#192
d636f1fc-e406-4302-a5ff-704d4fd30ade.gif
[retching]
#193
edaa1f06-119c-4a71-bd4d-34abc1553470.gif
[retching continues]
#194
a12b861f-3e24-4984-8cc7-9c594769df27.gif
- Eric? Sweetie?
#195
c6542a71-75a5-4755-842f-d40433e1d308.gif
- [coughs, pants]
#196
dd56573c-1377-499e-9136-5b0806bab192.gif
- Eric, what is going on? This keeps happening.
#197
7d79a886-b53b-42b2-b79e-725a7ef993c5.gif
- Mom, Mom, you gotta tell me something.
#198
44304cf1-8770-482a-9a82-dea00cb02296.gif
- Of course, honey.
#199
ef6d566f-e0b0-4007-96f6-b487c2eca37a.gif
- Roughly how many nights-- [gags]
#200
70fd267c-dcc7-4ef9-ae35-aceccc40028a.gif
have I been throwing up at dinner?
#201
27cfc05d-ec4f-4b92-9ff5-e9522192c440.gif
- I-I don't know, Eric.
#202
321a162d-da14-4ab0-bf0d-6e970a2f01af.gif
It's probably been six or seven nights--
#203
5cf5c21b-d282-42ae-bdaa-1190df0561ff.gif
- [laughing]
#204
0a75bb8a-4c43-48c9-921c-d741ca10bc25.gif
[vomiting]
#205
d1c57282-b359-4f25-b8fb-b487b5d17f5c.gif
[knock on door]
#206
8c4e599c-1fcd-4f74-8768-cb9916f2ad61.gif
- Hey, Jesus, get your stuff, man.
#207
37dbca1f-457b-4b30-bed9-b13995574a73.gif
We're going out for drinks. - What?
#208
d6985a8a-b38e-4c10-bdb1-28b5419c1339.gif
- Look, I know it's been hard for you
#209
f760fb7c-cf0b-4551-9d6e-6aa3a2ddebef.gif
trying to adjust here and everything,
#210
be7f4459-98b0-417a-ab75-ddd087ca3df1.gif
so the wife and I were talking
#211
8eefef7b-998c-4ec6-a3a5-87ccd3742629.gif
and we found a nice Christian lady
#212
afa8cb0b-2e13-4de6-ab91-40ca01f64e4a.gif
we're gonna set you up with.
#213
7fcac308-d4c1-4c58-87f4-b904d03c8230.gif
- Oh, I don't think so. Thanks, but--
#214
04da3657-6a34-40d0-be05-b09ddb4343d9.gif
- Oh, come on, man. She's a really great woman,
#215
aabdc05f-f079-4486-8818-e6d3a921add0.gif
and she just converted to Christianity.
#216
2ff6aaeb-59e7-4aba-bdbd-de656dacc28c.gif
My wife met her at the same place that she became Christian.
#217
27104e59-c4d5-4d63-a0a0-5096f7c1f6e7.gif
WOMAN: So then I was like, "You know what?
#218
bf5a5a52-e124-4dfc-8d4f-50ed54e24df6.gif
I need a new direction in my life.
#219
4c331a01-6f05-4410-aa10-0b442f3f953a.gif
It's like I just got so sick of everyone being such a pussy
#220
63c896d6-62ee-40f3-a42d-2091fe467c23.gif
all the time, and all this woke garbage
#221
9f756f93-917c-4c3a-afc4-3cf298f6f04f.gif
and women trying to be men.
#222
cdc2e903-efbb-4c23-87db-bd046deb511f.gif
So I just started reading the Bible, you know?
#223
df11ece1-b646-4919-b27c-dc556099c8bb.gif
I mean, I didn't actually read the Bible,
#224
c8916580-d086-44ff-afb5-025c26eba5b7.gif
but I listened to a lot of podcasts.
#225
90ca4f71-3a21-4256-9477-f3e951d16fe4.gif
And once I went through my transition, I was like,
#226
650c30af-143c-4179-99e6-f3a98a0b3419.gif
"This is great,"
#227
778529a4-798d-4e92-9452-6ff59a7d096f.gif
only now, guys are always checking out my Christianity.
#228
3d8ce0e6-60ba-43af-98ef-4959c935a44b.gif
- Sorry, could you all excuse me?
#229
607f6503-b448-4dc2-8215-5f549e54e583.gif
I need to go to the bathroom.
#230
93b65036-9020-494d-911a-8ab1f461d587.gif
- Sure thing, Jesus.
#231
4f2c3448-d1de-4e6e-b46e-c842d1d7bd01.gif
- He seems nice.
#232
ccbac89f-e884-425b-8c0c-266c5fd7b74d.gif
- [sighs]
#233
1ee9bf3a-9339-4157-864a-5a0f4be5a2aa.gif
[light music playing]
#234
73ce54fa-aa69-4e1a-b8f3-b404c3a92bef.gif
♪ ♪
#235
e9700f21-05cb-4d0e-8c7f-f014bcdeba34.gif
- Miss Davidson?
#236
b61cd738-7b2b-4d32-bb0d-b9882e81fbeb.gif
Miss Coco Slutty Davidson?
#237
0ae2ef5b-af31-4b79-8971-5487d8150c92.gif
- Oh, yeah, that's me!
#238
0ffa587e-5f3b-4624-9dd9-03f4fb41dff6.gif
I'm Coco Slutty Davidson.
#239
60c44703-bead-49d0-908e-10fb44671ad9.gif
I'm just here to get an abortion.
#240
a5c59de5-79b3-4db0-aedf-66a54c6fa77a.gif
[chuckles]
#241
9406d590-b1e6-45b8-b7f5-5a1795d4d89b.gif
- The doctor's right in here... ma'am.
#242
b7e110b8-a18f-490d-9736-97137ff6d703.gif
- Hey, doc!
#243
e05d1d31-6acf-4057-9497-e35c32b595ec.gif
All right, listen,
#244
9e167931-82ac-4fc4-9a3a-1270af9a4bc5.gif
I need you to perform an abortion, but it's not for me.
#245
e3e1f6bc-bdb0-4725-8786-7c56ae2c4c59.gif
It's for my partner.
#246
3deff4a2-1ddc-448d-b5ea-145d628b816b.gif
And you can't tell anyone,
#247
724efc3e-a4f8-4f1c-a648-11b92d4617ff.gif
not even my partner.
#248
b428c4bd-9ed6-4e91-8e79-a6b0427df88b.gif
- How am I supposed to do that?
#249
e489737c-584a-4a3f-8270-88c7d109c2c0.gif
- Well, you're gonna come with me, see,
#250
a64ad4b6-7bd3-4b9e-9053-aff174721b37.gif
and we're gonna sneak into my house,
#251
55c6673d-f195-4a8b-8740-30aa1590b143.gif
and you're gonna suck that thing out while everyone's asleep.
#252
e2302251-a5df-4d61-aef6-6f092491f17a.gif
- You house wouldn't happen to be white, would it?
#253
ba372196-a0f7-4571-b487-d5f4808d396a.gif
- Hey! How do you know that?
#254
b50dcc20-c4d2-48be-b0c8-ec3d9eba6586.gif
- Look, Mr. President, I've seen the news.
#255
4a78d327-2427-4bd8-83de-dca9bf25aa17.gif
If you got Satan pregnant, that's your responsibility.
#256
84e883e5-9d92-44e2-88dd-061dc1753f16.gif
- Well, it's your responsibility now!
#257
a2ebe849-2a33-44c7-aa31-506ed241ef22.gif
Or else I'll sue you, how about that?
#258
7f29a1c7-7c39-46f4-a047-282643c0964e.gif
- Even if I wanted to help you, sir,
#259
d1104c0c-dcb2-4a9e-bb1d-91ec0fbe48bf.gif
I have no idea how to perform an abortion
#260
b4b203cb-0b10-4b17-ab38-b801f4c03688.gif
on the offspring of Satan.
#261
c8bad5f2-ce51-4f0d-bd10-4dd52e91d10b.gif
To do that, you'd need some kind of expert on the Antichrist.
#262
928abadd-a06a-4cdf-833b-ab6b42a90a65.gif
[upbeat music]
#263
428b77d8-0bf5-4cd5-9616-c86bf3e4c4b5.gif
SINGERS: ♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪
#264
80c268a2-9a35-434f-a1c1-345ffd03e740.gif
♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪
#265
bcdecdfe-4120-4bc8-8a1e-91e47fd3a6a5.gif
- ♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the Antichrist ♪
#266
9d5fa473-5cf5-4e65-b15b-97b8ac580246.gif
#267
d2153533-20f5-489e-9e55-08e0ec36c2ea.gif
All right, listen,
#268
238fa8cd-31f2-44e2-88e9-e20d54979b4c.gif
you people have a very serious problem here.
#269
c01536ac-88d9-4068-b1e5-b5c1b1444819.gif
Your students appear to be in some kind of cult
#270
24de1116-f2d9-4155-9935-f36ddeffd692.gif
involving the numbers six and seven.
#271
4fc57d1a-8304-4c43-993b-504068bd8025.gif
- All right, so what should we do?
#272
a10103de-860d-4fa0-8287-0f5a7f473fb1.gif
- I'm going to need access to all your school's private data--
#273
06099770-079c-4e36-8828-5340d5e9bf53.gif
school records, health records, and of course,
#274
75a4ee62-a776-43a8-8a1d-ac6b66ba6ca9.gif
all security cameras.
#275
7d1cb0ed-e057-4d44-88a2-e23dae61e516.gif
- Oh, no, look, I don't think we need it--
#276
0c2f1dfe-ce7b-4c46-a58e-c881c4176617.gif
- Is this really what we've come to?
#277
a242cc2b-b17d-463e-b1c5-9732edb3889f.gif
Freely handing people's personal data over
#278
c0a99a4d-c90e-4b0e-879d-977d22575667.gif
to some tech billionaire preaching shit about the Bible?
#279
7fcba7f0-291e-4b35-b369-09c2fad54b86.gif
- You got a problem with Jesus, bro?
#280
f3c360f2-2d04-4d3d-b537-673e05e73432.gif
- Come on, man, you became a Christian like three months ago.
#281
41c3d88f-f75d-4cfa-a0c2-5f8cf8577025.gif
- Yeah, I've got fucking faith, dude!
#282
d7748886-c518-4975-87d7-e72b3d924cf2.gif
What do you have, you little bitch?
#283
bd71f6ae-733c-449e-a06b-34facf71e11b.gif
You wanna throw down, bro?
#284
f430ba46-bb7e-4b24-b802-ed8e248b35dd.gif
- OK, hey, hey, hey--
#285
4970aed6-7c0a-4368-b196-16d69a6b3cb1.gif
- You wanna see what it feels like to talk shit
#286
c1719a12-10fc-420e-8398-4f20f9087068.gif
about Christians, dude?
#287
09905d74-8956-4773-81e5-6612626bd3e6.gif
[grunting]
#288
0ad852fb-6e5c-4195-b181-edbd1a448f50.gif
- I'll kick your heathen ass, bro!
#289
9ecfba1c-a7af-4324-ab87-a7cece880698.gif
[mechanical droning]
#290
cc39f3f0-3203-4867-bf17-4835ec965d6b.gif
[loud whirring]
#291
1612018b-c11a-4096-a610-acb2447be6a3.gif
[thrumming]
#292
98950cc2-5dca-436d-8bb4-6e74ad1baabf.gif
- All right, just try to be still, Eric.
#293
a52046fd-395f-4e30-b98d-8f61ae95d692.gif
- Doctor, could I ask a question?
#294
8c5a55fc-2da0-4be2-b679-c8a72888c5f0.gif
- Of course.
#295
71ac88e7-f764-4817-a6be-7f4273a37ae1.gif
- About how long-- [stifled laughter]
#296
3352d211-6d4f-43cc-adef-e69f53e51b93.gif
do you need me to be still?
#297
d1c6eda1-ea02-4d3c-8beb-9f872e9ed67d.gif
- Just about ten seconds, Eric.
#298
17b12516-bf19-4069-a2c4-ff8520d937a1.gif
- OK.
#299
49097a19-6944-4039-80b3-33d57539d397.gif
So how long now?
#300
7945e378-cdb9-4b19-8d6b-ffadeb3a4900.gif
- Just another six, seven seconds, Eric--
#301
beb22491-cb68-425c-81a8-501fbe22723b.gif
- [laughter]
#302
e8634b17-b8fa-4b53-8528-b5a8366b0dee.gif
[vomiting]
#303
2a496f43-cbb2-4e9e-a0f6-1d56c9f18b60.gif
[steady beeping]
#304
d0da0755-27eb-4a93-955e-b8f67a1dd073.gif
- I'm sorry, Mrs. Cartman, but we can't pinpoint
#305
44f92f2b-5937-4fa8-8654-d0c8b6397edf.gif
the source of his illness.
#306
f4822958-0b90-4f3b-a459-b28175610ac8.gif
- [snorting]
#307
9039f5ca-7e72-47e6-b262-a64d69ca1e78.gif
- If he continues to vomit this much daily,
#308
6cb70b66-7c95-496d-a9cf-6e03d65d8655.gif
I'm afraid it could be life threatening.
#309
7cb468ab-9272-4720-9b83-ce600bd6fbb5.gif
- But, doctor,
#310
f574e463-80a0-4516-8f45-100586c489ab.gif
if I'm not able to keep any food down,
#311
b11256f2-5724-43e4-a2bb-4efe6f618207.gif
roughly how long would it take-- [stifled laughter]
#312
bff8a3cc-9a71-44ef-b7ff-68e672daa05b.gif
roughly how long would it take for the human body to die?
#313
6f111590-8d1c-415c-ae68-c05d88496629.gif
- Eric, I'm gonna be very honest with you.
#314
d9a762c1-4a25-4ebf-8abe-3e55a40fb5b7.gif
Without sufficient nutrients,
#315
39d440d1-027b-40f7-9564-572ac236dcda.gif
the body shuts down after six to seven weeks.
#316
c4e7cc77-7b97-4807-990a-b30b3561529d.gif
- [laughing]
#317
ee7334c5-c584-4e44-b194-407eefb7fe47.gif
[vomit splatting]
#318
ab454105-4a62-4732-a9c2-18765e4d2f6f.gif
[keyboard clacking]
#319
3c505e93-27a1-41f8-9847-db7750adb9de.gif
- Excuse me, that's my computer.
#320
2f42e17f-7f11-43bd-8552-ccc943a9b11a.gif
- Yes. And your computer has all the personal data
#321
e9cffab0-84ef-4301-8088-937ed830c259.gif
of the students here. - It's OK, Jesus,
#322
bdd51875-75ea-46c0-8161-244e51dd56a0.gif
Peter Thiel knows what he's doing.
#323
250b6659-79a2-4124-a577-87de18ba05f9.gif
- I've downloaded all the students' information
#324
d68c46dd-c77e-4e86-8bc4-9cb02f68ab11.gif
and loaded them into an AI face detection program
#325
cfa55110-8428-4ab7-b929-057e8bd3f04a.gif
so the school's security cameras can watch their every move.
#326
b806af89-d5f8-4581-b216-7f64305d5bf6.gif
Now look.
#327
0aa8ca8d-547e-4f46-94b4-577fae03e287.gif
Two students passing each other in the hallway.
#328
0a201c6b-cd73-456d-a661-9f27a593a2f5.gif
They give each other the sign-- six, seven.
#329
6329af90-bc3c-4d75-aad2-4376d30bd020.gif
Exactly 67 seconds later,
#330
1b18ce13-522d-4386-b9f8-8f91fb265909.gif
this odd parka-wearing child makes the same gesture.
#331
66ab0051-6e62-4fa8-aae6-a7912e345316.gif
And then inside the girls bathroom,
#332
f3723dcd-80f6-4b8b-ae42-e9e2ce3f3ac2.gif
two girls doing the same thing.
#333
52d9a047-691c-424d-96e7-285fda99971b.gif
- Wait, why is there a camera inside the girls bathroom?
#334
788eaca5-8762-4d57-9e7f-81f94b94e698.gif
- To stop the Antichrist.
#335
5cd463be-5a2f-49c0-a605-55661935e6fa.gif
Now I'm following the lead on this girl here.
#336
d7bb6832-2a8a-4a33-baa2-8cfb2121c9eb.gif
She went home to 67 Mala Vista Drive.
#337
aca136c5-345c-4a86-9e7a-b575e2ea843d.gif
Going through her family's medical records,
#338
3c4d53e7-4911-4573-a495-5a4b617fc796.gif
I found that her father has testicular cancer
#339
bf1281f8-583c-4131-983d-262436aed8f2.gif
and 67 days ago, had one testicle removed.
#340
716e92a3-105c-4041-b8e6-6749d56a9cea.gif
- That really feels like none of our business.
#341
6f0975ce-ba79-4e14-ad51-5685d08c8fd0.gif
- I don't know how I'm supposed to work
#342
848e7674-10d9-4dd5-9101-661fcf8960e7.gif
with Nosy Nancy peering over my shoulder all the time.
#343
4a90a940-0e2f-49f0-a873-7081f44758bd.gif
- Jesus, let's you and me have a quick chin wiggle
#344
72b4ed57-58ac-4725-b6f1-1cd208970037.gif
out in the hall.
#345
35e2d1b1-ed8c-4eea-8dfa-51d32b94fb20.gif
[door shuts]
#346
3181a2c8-3aae-4209-9f15-8a92b61681b7.gif
[sinister music]
#347
ff62ddb7-63f6-417e-a2f0-e2dd6837fbe2.gif
- I'm getting close.
#348
bca54825-2c50-4b39-aca7-552dfbb08774.gif
I almost have the key to stop it from happening.
#349
fda61777-a945-4f72-b2a3-6e299196e941.gif
♪ ♪
#350
f9244f19-a5f3-475e-aa98-69ba2753b2b0.gif
- We are running out of time, Mr. Thiel.
#351
f13279e9-c919-4632-8d6e-f437822d16e5.gif
The Antichrist is coming.
#352
aa8a2534-f302-4d46-ad1c-03d18e81d3b2.gif
Satan is shopping for baby strollers as we speak.
#353
7829f615-f96e-4162-a450-f5671e447628.gif
- If I'm going to learn what these numbers mean,
#354
a047fc2e-fdb0-4f64-99a2-7ff27dce7e4f.gif
I'm going to need access to every government database.
#355
a673a196-f729-4ffe-b826-5c02ab019177.gif
- You will have it, Mr. Thiel.
#356
a7ca1466-1dc8-446e-85f8-c2ceeae24d64.gif
Nothing is more important than making sure
#357
cb296f9b-959d-44cb-9904-48c715cb83d3.gif
this baby is not born.
#358
8d8dd3cf-f1e2-4137-98c6-f8477b310f78.gif
#359
9cacabb5-2200-4420-9305-902c94cd6c7e.gif
[soft sentimental music]
#360
7f933a29-4fe1-4999-9e21-d93883519f12.gif
- Look, man, I know it's tough,
#361
5617d6a2-c8ee-4fa7-999b-3253d91292e7.gif
but you gotta understand that drastic times
#362
454c9f1b-32f9-4727-964b-a921c833734a.gif
call for drastic measures.
#363
1aef7ee9-870a-4816-85ed-5d09f6be1a51.gif
- I just don't feel good about treating people this way.
#364
3817a90d-c9b4-488d-af49-6698c32b72fc.gif
I think the most important thing still has to be loving
#365
ae532275-6445-437f-a7ae-6f735bfd38b0.gif
and respecting each other.
#366
0bb9adfa-bc30-4f7e-b8b0-4db1ff50dacd.gif
#367
cf7e8ff2-7625-46b7-b3c4-895f8dd1c781.gif
- All right, man, I need to ask you something
#368
086090b6-2805-4a6b-bffd-7de5fff6411d.gif
and I need you to tell me the truth.
#369
11fe82e5-4109-44bd-a5d7-bb067f4c074b.gif
Are you a fag?
#370
48fc74fa-62cb-4031-9286-21bbd69c4410.gif
- No. That has nothing to do with it. It just--
#371
d6415771-de29-4d9c-8afd-03c402c00bf3.gif
- Are you fucking sure?
#372
9c5b4c30-48b6-41ec-b9c5-7f1c82c1ae83.gif
- I'm just trying to say that I'm really confused right now.
#373
6878a2db-ce06-43d4-a30b-a1b0e814ba9b.gif
- OK, but confused like you don't know if you're attracted
#374
9852159c-1e1f-4de6-b50e-f77a533e32d8.gif
to dudes, or like what?
#375
a4a90690-e34c-48c3-b1d7-3ce5a8c51611.gif
- Like how we can just change everything about who we are.
#376
d21ab967-d1a8-46c2-beb8-c7a41fa7d277.gif
- I think you still just don't understand
#377
180c7ccd-c289-46bd-8881-fd1b3d286073.gif
what Christians today are about.
#378
2d657bc7-7764-4b1c-84f1-d696d8b98f0a.gif
Come on. There's someone I think you should talk to.
#379
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WOMAN: Oh, yes, the Antichrist!
#380
bc1f030f-c0c4-47e0-a47e-cbd6cf61a464.gif
I've listened to a lot of podcasts about that.
#381
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Everyone keeps saying how the Antichrist is coming,
#382
f73aefb2-1c56-49f6-a169-66e36b5d4fab.gif
but I'm like "He already did!
#383
b5f841ae-71d1-41ec-b4fd-5759d90c83e4.gif
I was married to him in 2018!"
#384
686e768e-b15f-4c52-a044-9d9fe92d1f62.gif
But seriously, if he saw how Christian I was now,
#385
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he'd probably shit his pants.
#386
e2e8f07e-d0e3-4721-8617-79239032e484.gif
[snorts] Don't be jealous.
#387
1e57e26c-65fa-46d3-8e0e-6d2de6f6ee31.gif
He's so funny.
#388
e57ca367-e9c4-43fb-bc01-ca45345ff280.gif
[militaristic music]
#389
313f40b9-8736-42c4-911c-c588a288bddb.gif
#390
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- Hey.
#391
7185eb48-17e9-4a65-9870-f7cf2b23970b.gif
Hey, Satan.
#392
2da1f6b7-eacd-4e02-9d07-65352dd118b3.gif
- Hello, boss. - Ah! Fuck! Shit!
#393
983a7ebd-2358-4958-aaa4-1eb9eded1363.gif
- Oh, sorry, boss.
#394
66636150-3c69-4ee1-a722-6fd2887031e6.gif
I did not know Satan was sleeping.
#395
a9211d7c-c723-48c3-9daf-8cd0514d59fb.gif
- Yeah, that's all he ever does anymore.
#396
780c6fef-93a2-40a6-b0a6-dd72943fcb6d.gif
- Poor boss.
#397
f54b0934-0a1c-4c28-bbb5-4d2357d66557.gif
If you're going to jack off, shall I fetch your cum rag?
#398
432f81fc-de52-4ec7-8080-055e54e5897a.gif
- Hey! I wasn't jacking off!
#399
16675bf5-61db-409e-8dbc-ba5e0b227efb.gif
- Sure thing, boss.
#400
20c68ab0-4342-4301-8c89-9434dc9ee7ff.gif
I'll go get your cum rag.
#401
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[sinister music]
#402
25232788-ae08-44c4-a0b6-6758d798ff75.gif
[buttons dialing]
#403
e6c40d95-1240-4808-9d5b-d3c49b58c39a.gif
What is taking you so long?
#404
920cd3a7-251f-4cfe-89a1-46d831b19efe.gif
- I'm very close to finding the secret of the numbers.
#405
ade8846b-77e0-460e-b613-ec33d40efe7c.gif
I've narrowed it down to one little boy
#406
d2c5ac90-9e88-4605-83b0-4b2dcdbc365f.gif
who seems more possessed than the others.
#407
2b7aeda4-0926-4058-815d-853b7754f40a.gif
- Then deal with him,
#408
f0dc8250-2109-42a0-a768-0f53f946979e.gif
and keep it quiet.
#409
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Nobody can know that we are working together.
#410
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When I become president,
#411
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I will give you full access to everyone's data.
#412
c47ee3c0-4a63-4622-8be1-b2d12145777b.gif
- I've already spoken with the mother,
#413
98c857d4-e6c2-45e7-af76-4c63ae35b40c.gif
and I'm on my way now to face the child.
#414
d499c45f-7024-47c4-90a8-21e5f7891172.gif
[eerie piano music]
#415
40840d42-6571-4361-842d-3a50192788d3.gif
#416
bf3fdec4-444c-46b9-acac-dd5302495c7f.gif
SINGERS: ♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪
#417
af77f30a-5d64-4973-85f0-c53d0c5c9495.gif
♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪
#418
2c13bb6b-ff32-4df6-982e-4f4b88fe301d.gif
- ♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the Antichrist ♪
#419
4144e934-04b6-4f92-8cb5-00765028bfa8.gif
SINGERS: ♪ Let's deal with the Antichrist today ♪
#420
c0c9f92a-a786-45ac-9827-71b1fd803851.gif
- ♪ Today
#421
60f6e6b4-beed-4573-961b-3265d6a465ea.gif
Is your son home?
#422
6a201c8e-6605-4c17-8a74-17d4b19512b3.gif
- Yes, Mr. Thiel.
#423
64fccfc1-20d3-4b5f-a809-1254dfcaff3f.gif
He's right upstairs.
#424
9115b28b-b307-4987-b766-312888297e7e.gif
- [muttering, chuckling]
#425
a810d8d6-e144-4534-8b2e-6ffd43719786.gif
[coughing, sniffing]
#426
d909b0fa-ff59-4155-9e3f-b20e840af851.gif
[stifling laughter]
#427
f58bbc20-89ec-47d4-9dad-22d8e807a940.gif
- Eric, I'm Peter Thiel.
#428
c1324237-d6af-4bfe-8e51-a1efd78ebf5c.gif
I'm here to help our country.
#429
1abc3cf2-281f-4985-82a3-d2c976496cac.gif
- Uh, OK.
#430
86dbeb19-3dcb-4191-849b-dd926349ab65.gif
- I came to see you...
#431
0837c23e-ae77-4a4e-920b-2e1a4dd87369.gif
in an Uber, Eric.
#432
4b3d422d-14fa-4400-b806-050889f7bb93.gif
- [stifling laughter]
#433
27c600fc-331e-4b0c-8948-a8daed68b29e.gif
- Would you like to know how long it took me to get here?
#434
213835a6-d622-47d3-a884-67b2322b9567.gif
- How long?
#435
20c5058f-43ab-4d78-b7d6-4ba26fd3f093.gif
- It took...
#436
3b041ac4-a9a5-4850-9c46-0ad396ad6ee9.gif
around six or seven minutes. I'm not really--
#437
70fa56b3-2ba4-408d-b2be-54b7cd0fd735.gif
- [vomiting]
#438
85b32853-fc47-46fd-b95d-6199fc2beff3.gif
[laughing]
#439
f49867a2-c300-4a2a-ac03-b893d0a60e41.gif
No way! No way!
#440
09b4f78e-9f13-41da-9708-cf9dfc36c1f8.gif
[laughing]
#441
d1191379-6409-42fb-a8a6-0e9bdf654eb2.gif
- You know, they're all just a bunch of libtards anyways.
#442
be65934c-c3f0-4834-8589-9012f0e25ca6.gif
I know what's up. I listen to podcasts.
#443
b2d1c2e7-aa8d-40ed-b8f7-28888891c8e3.gif
You wanna know who I think the Antichrist is?
#444
14f5c8db-f839-4af0-b68d-01e796b96404.gif
Greta Thunberg.
#445
ead5b1c2-143a-4494-8ec0-1c55ac650efc.gif
With her stupid haircut and her dumb bangs.
#446
645113ac-2ec5-45bf-823e-90b0a7bbb69a.gif
Someone should yank out whatever's up her ass.
#447
356d111d-192e-4d3a-bd78-7b8c3ddc761c.gif
[snorts]
#448
b9b87921-6ce0-48dd-a57a-a8e8a34bd84b.gif
- I can't.
#449
7c1b56c4-2e17-4bc5-8d0d-6dd22361d4ee.gif
I just can't!
#450
12ba2c1b-082c-4bc5-9c7e-99c7df166e7e.gif
- Everything all right, bud?
#451
aa40514a-0b98-40c2-84e1-61feb390159d.gif
- No, everything's not all right!
#452
84d2f85f-16a6-4a23-899d-18fa8ae676bb.gif
I don't know what I'm doing here!
#453
9eca8db1-447d-40e1-865b-0e6d2e2d2253.gif
- You're trying to get with the program, bro!
#454
806cd487-016a-4b11-9c74-8de2444af6fd.gif
Peggy Rockbottom is a hot Christian girl,
#455
e27da566-1e00-4f88-8a61-17fd28df3219.gif
now stop acting gay!
#456
f5914d24-622f-4d49-b34b-6d16d7236b5c.gif
- Look, I don't know what you think Christianity is,
#457
811c73f9-3dfa-42a8-a3e3-2efa07f1105d.gif
but it has nothing to do with that.
#458
1617bc5a-1a6e-4325-abd7-17b3fafb1de8.gif
- What are you saying?
#459
4fd47306-d054-4602-a6f1-1775cfe2d732.gif
- I'm saying that you and a lot of other people
#460
f5693c6e-1d10-437e-acd3-9fccfdc886a8.gif
seem to have a very warped sense of what Christianity is.
#461
b8980336-3790-452e-9068-2b5d4bcbc681.gif
- Are you questioning my faith?
#462
ee9a8ddc-9dec-411b-aae2-6936a8822248.gif
You wanna fucking go?
#463
7da3893a-164f-4076-bf4e-88d7a8a054f7.gif
- No, I don't want to fucking go.
#464
b75680fd-830a-4e4a-bdf0-0edd086f2664.gif
- You got a problem, bro? - No, I don't have a problem.
#465
8c42f9d6-51ee-46eb-9145-ae83a0910c99.gif
You actually have a problem.
#466
ba5dff1d-8648-4eae-b304-e49eba364f3c.gif
You need a way to bully people
#467
32e1dad9-7701-4974-becb-1105ce211c98.gif
and you're using the Bible to do it.
#468
f0e7b9ef-6024-4648-9e65-734b2c84b6f9.gif
[grunts]
#469
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PC PRINCIPAL: You like that? Yeah! You want some more?
#470
003477f4-daf9-4406-834a-286fe9f066ad.gif
- I'm not gonna fight you!
#471
c523b043-f697-4f41-8163-02860019dfb4.gif
- Damn right you won't, 'cause you're a gay little pussy!
#472
8f17432e-ff30-467a-97c8-139ea652249c.gif
Yeah, don't come back!
#473
718c72fb-3d95-46b4-8f72-8aead9c26bd0.gif
You're gonna get some more, bitch!
#474
e346bbc8-2a2d-4d60-b6a0-af4c90d1ba8e.gif
[Cartman coughing]
#475
f42dc5d6-6e64-4aac-b423-0b4fc793eaec.gif
PETER: Tell me what it means!
#476
1437c65f-3b4e-4dfd-a219-633584c02a47.gif
- [laughing, coughing]
#477
e109636a-8348-47f4-a5a1-2477bf4838db.gif
- The Lord labored six days
#478
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and on the seventh, He rested!
#479
a1a0c651-23b4-4916-8051-33d0ba2e0372.gif
- [laughing]
#480
f83a9cb5-675f-45ba-8b8f-faa3c408dcf1.gif
- You will tell me the significance!
#481
644adad5-3d18-4302-9b16-143a2a06e021.gif
There's nothing more I can do here.
#482
212dcf95-3810-4ea9-8a78-54d898976f45.gif
I have to take him to Washington D.C.
#483
9a44bcdf-302a-4846-b296-06a085eb5028.gif
- Washington? Oh, no, he can't travel now.
#484
d74e8bb0-9aa3-4a1b-b0b2-dfb2f17745b6.gif
He's very sick.
#485
6e591d46-1ed1-4d73-951a-67902ef07c06.gif
- Your son is the key to saving our country, Ms. Cartman.
#486
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Everything we hold dear could end.
#487
9e9a147d-5280-4646-9b2e-2bb7d8a0fdbe.gif
We have to unlock the secrets he holds,
#488
7e69ac34-8c14-49ed-b7f7-5e0e3d141018.gif
no matter what it takes.
#489
5b2d4d23-5b93-49c9-9f58-6273bc005e91.gif
["Sister Christian" by Night Ranger]
#490
26fb000c-ab57-4be4-a1ae-5408407cd0b0.gif
♪ ♪
#491
0ceed93e-58b2-42c3-8d6b-4a0401d8b8e8.gif
- ♪ Sister Christian, oh, the time has come ♪
#492
3da78d78-d11b-4c4f-b7e2-ca0635e2168b.gif
♪ And you know that you're the only one ♪
#493
7ffd44ba-d626-41a2-b075-71766cab9dda.gif
♪ To say "OK" ♪
#494
b217b726-7a14-4f09-965f-f88625fea645.gif
♪ ♪
#495
1b49b76a-64cf-483f-887f-57359b44b5ba.gif
♪ Where you going? What you looking for? ♪
#496
6f2e381c-e867-44d5-8359-727695493414.gif
♪ You know those boys don't wanna play no more ♪
#497
e26e8c2a-f02f-4a26-b71d-1ca831f7427a.gif
♪ With you ♪
#498
edf7a43a-422f-4ce1-b730-8cdf2b07f600.gif
♪ It's true
#499
51dd0f12-0c19-4abb-bbcc-fe447f99901b.gif
♪ ♪
#500
8400f2f7-1868-42a0-bc02-4c391cf3d00b.gif
[driving beat]
#501
88057f98-2482-4a85-8710-cec871aa2ca5.gif
♪ ♪
#502
e7552e79-d46a-47e0-ae38-c96d2153d8e7.gif
♪ You're motorin' ♪
#503
6cb62672-59c2-4ec4-87ad-09427e0528b9.gif
♪ What's your price for flight? ♪
#504
da2b5330-9863-490b-82ed-1e71b2d25c9c.gif
♪ In finding Mr. Right
#505
f051dddf-4452-42d6-85c0-0db420483614.gif
♪ You'll be all right tonight ♪
#506
12e36d41-36e1-4d23-9840-a3fadade5126.gif
#507
a6a38b43-a46b-4e74-bce2-5d6b16704244.gif
- Fuck yeah, Jesus!
#508
ad586794-1a4c-4cb0-a156-758ff36bcfbe.gif
- ♪ You're motorin'
#509
1c867538-987e-4fcc-9bd3-0e5eac6924bf.gif
♪ What's your price for flight? ♪
#510
c1611275-0e76-4769-a76a-1b3dea9cba9c.gif
♪ In finding Mr. Right? ♪
#511
cd91969d-0f2b-46ef-b373-5ee8d7456fa3.gif
- Let's fucking go, bro!
#512
c254b6e0-c6d5-482e-9e10-7e9008eee207.gif
- Yes, baby! Yes!
#513
238085ef-d3cb-4764-978d-2f88e141a04a.gif
- ♪ Tonight
#514
b1b627df-fdff-458b-91df-8aee6ecc38c6.gif
[theme music]
#515
9bef181a-311b-4836-a503-7721df67a775.gif
♪ ♪
#516