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Home » South Park » S28E01 — Twisted Christian

South Park

Season 28, Episode 1 — Twisted Christian

TMDB episode metadata

Show: South Park

Episode title: Twisted Christian

Air date: October 15, 2025

Director: Trey Parker

Top billed cast: Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Mona Marshall, Jennifer Howell

Cartman is possessed and may be the key to stopping the Antichrist.

Source: TMDB

↓

[theme music]

music theme theme-music

↓

- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪

goin park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna have myself a time

↓

- ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪

faces friendly friendly-faces

↓

♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪

folks humble humble-folks temptation

↓

- ♪ I'm goin' down to South Park ♪

goin park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

behind woes woes-behind

↓

- ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

ample ample-parking night parking

↓

♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪

howdy howdy-neighbor neighbor spouting spouting-howdy spouting-howdy-neighbor

↓

- ♪ I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪

headin park south south-park

↓

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

unwind

↓

- ♪ [mumbling] ♪

mumbling

↓

- ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪

park south south-park

↓

♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪

friends meet

↓

[twangy music]

music

↓

[school bell rings]

bell bell-rings rings school school-bell school-bell-rings

↓

- Hey, fellas! Fellas!

fellas fellas-fellas

↓

You wanna know what time I woke up this morning?

morning woke

↓

- What time? - Around six-seven!

seven

↓

all: Six-seven!

seven

↓

- Oh, hey, Annie. Ladies.

annie ladies

↓

Did you guys do your homework last night?

homework night

↓

I tried to, but I got stuck on problems six and seven!

problems seven stuck tried

↓

all: Six-seven!

seven

↓

- [Butters laughs]

butters laughs

↓

Hey, Eric!

eric

↓

- I know, Butters. I know. Don't do it to me.

butters

↓

It's too funny. - But I just did a six-seven

funny seven

↓

with Annie and Megan at the same time!

annie megan

↓

- Yeah, five minutes ago I snuck up on Wendy

five five-minutes minutes snuck wendy

↓

and totally six-seven'd her from behind.

behind

↓

- Wow! - Hey, Scott.

scott

↓

How's your diabetes, man?

diabetes

↓

- My diabetes? - Yeah, what's your A1C at?

diabetes

↓

- 6.7.

↓

all: Six-seven!

seven

↓

- [laughs] Oh, my God.

laughs

↓

So fucking funny.

fucking funny

↓

[indistinct chatter]

chatter indistinct indistinct-chatter

↓

- All right, everyone, listen up.

↓

I've gotten a lot of reports of disruptions in the classroom

classroom disruptions gotten reports

↓

and some satanic numerology shit going on.

↓

So I want to remind you this is a Power Christian school,

christian power power-christian remind school

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and I am a Power Christian Principal,

christian power power-christian principal

↓

and we will be PC!

↓

So now I want you to hear from someone

↓

who is the highest authority on Biblical prophecies.

authority highest

↓

This person is an absolute expert on the end of days

absolute days expert person

↓

and the coming of the Antichrist.

antichrist coming

↓

Please welcome Mr. Pete Thiel.

pete thiel welcome

↓

[upbeat music playing]

music music-playing playing upbeat upbeat-music upbeat-music-playing

↓

- ♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪

antichrist knows peter peter-thiel peter-thiel-knows thiel thiel-knows

↓

♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪

antichrist knows peter peter-thiel peter-thiel-knows thiel thiel-knows

↓

- ♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the Antichrist ♪

antichrist peter peter-thiel thiel

↓

SINGERS: ♪ Let's learn about the Antichrist today ♪

antichrist learn singers today

↓

- ♪ Today

today

↓

Hello, kids, I'm Peter Thiel, and I'm here to talk to you

kids peter peter-thiel thiel

↓

about the Antichrist!

antichrist

↓

[one person clapping]

clapping person

↓

OK, so first, what is the Antichrist?

antichrist

↓

The Antichrist is a newer, more human form of Satan

antichrist form human satan

↓

that will soon walk the Earth.

earth walk

↓

We don't know how soon it will walk the Earth,

earth walk

↓

but it could be within the next six to seven weeks.

seven weeks

↓

KIDS: Six-seven!

kids seven

↓

- Uh, kay.

↓

Uh, you see, Satan was a fallen angel

angel fallen satan

↓

and God punished him,

punished

↓

and to make sure that Satan could never have offspring,

satan

↓

the Lord God did shrink Satan's asshole

asshole lord satans shrink

↓

to the size of a tiny, little pinhole

size tiny

↓

so nothing could ever penetrate and ejaculate inside of it.

penetrate

↓

So Satan could never have a butt baby until

baby butt butt-baby satan

↓

along came Mr. Donald Trunp,

along donald

↓

whose penis is so teeny, teeny tiny

penis teeny teeny-tiny tiny

↓

it could actually fit in Satan's asshole.

asshole satans

↓

How small is Donald Trump's penis?

donald penis trumps

↓

Somewhere between six and seven centimeters.

seven

↓

KIDS: Six-seven!

kids seven

↓

- Hey, look, this is very important, people.

↓

OK, the Antichrist is coming.

antichrist coming

↓

The Bible refers to the eagle, which refers to America,

america bible eagle

↓

the fourth seal broken, and hell coming to Earth.

broken coming earth fourth seal

↓

It's right here in Revelations 6...

↓

six-seven.

seven

↓

KIDS: Six-seven!

kids seven

↓

- [laughing]

laughing

↓

- Good, and breathe in through your nose. [inhales]

breathe inhales nose

↓

[exhales] And out through your mouth.

exhales mouth

↓

In--two, three four.

four three three-four

↓

And exhale--two, three, four.

four three three-four

↓

Good. Let your shoulders soften.

shoulders soften

↓

Let your jaw relax.

relax

↓

Now gentle pressure on the hips as your partner exhales.

exhales gentle hips partner pressure

↓

Good.

↓

- This is so boring!

boring

↓

- How about you shut up and do your job?

↓

- Ah, come on, Satan!

satan

↓

How about we just go home and fuck?

fuck home

↓

We haven't had sex in forever.

forever

↓

- That's because it's bad for the baby.

baby

↓

- Yeah, but fuck the baby. This is stupid!

baby fuck stupid

↓

- Did you just say "fuck the baby"?

baby fuck

↓

- Hey, relax, guy.

relax

↓

I didn't mean like really fuck the baby!

baby fuck

↓

- No, you know what? You can just go home.

home

↓

I'll finish this myself.

finish

↓

You can go home and jack off if you want.

home jack

↓

INSTRUCTOR: [exhales] Perfect.

exhales instructor perfect

↓

[belt clinking, zipper opens]

belt clinking opens zipper

↓

[door opens]

door door-opens opens

↓

- Hello, boss!

boss

↓

- Ah! Shit!

↓

- Good news, boss,

boss news

↓

we just shut down another abortion clinic.

abortion another clinic

↓

- Oh, yeah, great. That's great.

↓

- Yes, boss.

boss

↓

You've made all the Christians so happy.

christians happy

↓

Of course, there is still one more clinic

clinic course

↓

that will still perform abortions

abortions perform

↓

right here in town.

town

↓

[dramatic musical sting]

dramatic musical sting

↓

- There is? - Oh, yes.

↓

How unfortunate that some babies

babies unfortunate

↓

will not be able to be born.

able born

↓

As Christians, we can't allow this to continue.

allow christians continue

↓

Perhaps you should go speak

perhaps speak

↓

with this abortion doctor personally.

abortion doctor personally

↓

- Yeah. Yeah!

↓

[knock on door] - Come on.

door knock

↓

- PC Principal, do you have a minute?

minute principal

↓

- Sure, Jesus. What do you need?

jesus

↓

- I'm starting to wonder if I really fit in here.

starting wonder

↓

- Course you fit in.

course

↓

This school's been a cesspool of heathen left-wing

left schools wing

↓

little bitches, and only our faith is gonna set them right.

bitches faith

↓

- Could I ask exactly

↓

what branch of Christianity are you?

branch christianity

↓

- The kind that loves his country

country loves

↓

and doesn't tolerate any fucking fags.

fucking tolerate

↓

- Yeah, see, I-I really think I don't belong here.

belong

↓

- Look, I understand it's a tough transition.

tough transition

↓

You know, the vice principal here

principal vice vice-principal

↓

had the same conflict as you, but she's really come around.

conflict

↓

- The vice principal? Your wife?

principal vice vice-principal wife

↓

- That's right.

↓

Can you send in Strong Christian Woman, please?

christian christian-woman send strong woman

↓

She was saying this wasn't the place for her anymore,

anymore place

↓

but just this last weekend, she converted to Christianity.

christianity converted weekend

↓

[knocks]

knocks

↓

- You wanted to see me?

wanted

↓

- Yeah, Strong Christian Woman, I was just telling Jesus

christian christian-woman jesus strong telling woman

↓

here about our faith.

faith

↓

- Oh, yes, it's been such a blessing.

blessing

↓

- She converted on Saturday. What do you think, huh?

converted saturday

↓

You ever seen a more Christian chick in your fucking life?

chick christian fucking fucking-life life seen

↓

- Never.

↓

- Look, I know it's a hard adjustment,

adjustment hard

↓

but just stick with it,

stick

↓

and you're gonna fit in here just fine, Jesus.

jesus

↓

- [soft muttering]

muttering soft

↓

[snickers]

snickers

↓

[giggles]

giggles

↓

- Everything go good at school today, honey?

honey school school-today today

↓

- [stifling laughter] Yep, yep. School was good.

laughter school stifling

↓

School was pretty good. [snickering]

school snickering

↓

- Is everything OK, honey?

honey

↓

- Yeah. Everything's fine.

everythings

↓

It's fine.

↓

Mom? Uh, could I-- could I ask you something?

↓

- Sure, Eric.

eric

↓

- Do you know, um--

↓

do you know on average,

average

↓

um, at what age kids lose their baby teeth?

baby kids lose teeth

↓

- Oh, I'm not sure, Eric.

eric

↓

I guess usually around six, seven?

seven usually

↓

- [laughing]

laughing

↓

OK.

↓

- Eric, what?

eric

↓

- No, nothing. Nothing. I'm sorry.

↓

[clears throat] I'm sorry.

clears clears-throat throat

↓

I was just, uh-- I was just, um--

↓

I was just thinking about your menstrual cycle.

cycle thinking

↓

- My menstrual cycle?

cycle

↓

- Yeah, I was just wondering

wondering

↓

when you actual menstruate, Mom.

actual

↓

Like, roughly, how many days does that last?

days roughly

↓

- Well, Eric, it's usually around

eric usually

↓

six to seven days that a woman--

days seven seven-days woman

↓

- [laughing]

laughing

↓

Oh. Oh. [choking]

choking

↓

[laughing, choking]

choking laughing

↓

[retching]

retching

↓

[retching continues]

continues retching

↓

- Eric? Sweetie?

eric sweetie

↓

- [coughs, pants]

coughs pants

↓

- Eric, what is going on? This keeps happening.

eric keeps

↓

- Mom, Mom, you gotta tell me something.

↓

- Of course, honey.

course honey

↓

- Roughly how many nights-- [gags]

gags nights roughly

↓

have I been throwing up at dinner?

dinner throwing

↓

- I-I don't know, Eric.

eric

↓

It's probably been six or seven nights--

nights seven

↓

- [laughing]

laughing

↓

[vomiting]

vomiting

↓

[knock on door]

door knock

↓

- Hey, Jesus, get your stuff, man.

jesus stuff

↓

We're going out for drinks. - What?

drinks

↓

- Look, I know it's been hard for you

hard

↓

trying to adjust here and everything,

adjust

↓

so the wife and I were talking

wife

↓

and we found a nice Christian lady

christian found lady

↓

we're gonna set you up with.

↓

- Oh, I don't think so. Thanks, but--

thanks

↓

- Oh, come on, man. She's a really great woman,

woman

↓

and she just converted to Christianity.

christianity converted

↓

My wife met her at the same place that she became Christian.

became christian place wife

↓

WOMAN: So then I was like, "You know what?

woman

↓

I need a new direction in my life.

direction life

↓

It's like I just got so sick of everyone being such a pussy

pussy sick

↓

all the time, and all this woke garbage

garbage woke

↓

and women trying to be men.

women

↓

So I just started reading the Bible, you know?

bible reading started

↓

I mean, I didn't actually read the Bible,

bible read

↓

but I listened to a lot of podcasts.

listened

↓

And once I went through my transition, I was like,

transition

↓

"This is great,"

↓

only now, guys are always checking out my Christianity.

checking christianity

↓

- Sorry, could you all excuse me?

excuse

↓

I need to go to the bathroom.

bathroom

↓

- Sure thing, Jesus.

jesus

↓

- He seems nice.

seems

↓

- [sighs]

sighs

↓

[light music playing]

light light-music music music-playing playing

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- Miss Davidson?

davidson miss

↓

Miss Coco Slutty Davidson?

coco davidson miss slutty

↓

- Oh, yeah, that's me!

↓

I'm Coco Slutty Davidson.

coco davidson slutty

↓

I'm just here to get an abortion.

abortion

↓

[chuckles]

chuckles

↓

- The doctor's right in here... ma'am.

doctors maam

↓

- Hey, doc!

↓

All right, listen,

↓

I need you to perform an abortion, but it's not for me.

abortion perform

↓

It's for my partner.

partner

↓

And you can't tell anyone,

↓

not even my partner.

partner

↓

- How am I supposed to do that?

supposed

↓

- Well, you're gonna come with me, see,

↓

and we're gonna sneak into my house,

house sneak

↓

and you're gonna suck that thing out while everyone's asleep.

asleep everyones suck

↓

- You house wouldn't happen to be white, would it?

happen house white

↓

- Hey! How do you know that?

↓

- Look, Mr. President, I've seen the news.

news president seen

↓

If you got Satan pregnant, that's your responsibility.

pregnant responsibility satan

↓

- Well, it's your responsibility now!

responsibility

↓

Or else I'll sue you, how about that?

↓

- Even if I wanted to help you, sir,

wanted

↓

I have no idea how to perform an abortion

abortion idea perform

↓

on the offspring of Satan.

satan

↓

To do that, you'd need some kind of expert on the Antichrist.

antichrist expert

↓

[upbeat music]

music upbeat upbeat-music

↓

SINGERS: ♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪

antichrist knows peter peter-thiel peter-thiel-knows singers thiel thiel-knows

↓

♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪

antichrist knows peter peter-thiel peter-thiel-knows thiel thiel-knows

↓

- ♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the Antichrist ♪

antichrist peter peter-thiel thiel

↓

♪

↓

All right, listen,

↓

you people have a very serious problem here.

problem serious serious-problem

↓

Your students appear to be in some kind of cult

appear cult students

↓

involving the numbers six and seven.

involving numbers seven

↓

- All right, so what should we do?

↓

- I'm going to need access to all your school's private data--

access data private schools

↓

school records, health records, and of course,

course health records school

↓

all security cameras.

cameras security security-cameras

↓

- Oh, no, look, I don't think we need it--

↓

- Is this really what we've come to?

↓

Freely handing people's personal data over

data freely handing peoples personal

↓

to some tech billionaire preaching shit about the Bible?

bible billionaire tech

↓

- You got a problem with Jesus, bro?

jesus problem

↓

- Come on, man, you became a Christian like three months ago.

became christian months three three-months

↓

- Yeah, I've got fucking faith, dude!

faith fucking

↓

What do you have, you little bitch?

bitch

↓

You wanna throw down, bro?

throw

↓

- OK, hey, hey, hey--

↓

- You wanna see what it feels like to talk shit

feels

↓

about Christians, dude?

christians

↓

[grunting]

grunting

↓

- I'll kick your heathen ass, bro!

kick

↓

[mechanical droning]

↓

[loud whirring]

loud whirring

↓

[thrumming]

↓

- All right, just try to be still, Eric.

eric

↓

- Doctor, could I ask a question?

doctor question

↓

- Of course.

course

↓

- About how long-- [stifled laughter]

laughter stifled

↓

do you need me to be still?

↓

- Just about ten seconds, Eric.

eric seconds

↓

- OK.

↓

So how long now?

↓

- Just another six, seven seconds, Eric--

another eric seconds seven seven-seconds

↓

- [laughter]

laughter

↓

[vomiting]

vomiting

↓

[steady beeping]

beeping steady

↓

- I'm sorry, Mrs. Cartman, but we can't pinpoint

cartman pinpoint

↓

the source of his illness.

illness source

↓

- [snorting]

↓

- If he continues to vomit this much daily,

continues daily vomit

↓

I'm afraid it could be life threatening.

afraid life life-threatening threatening

↓

- But, doctor,

doctor

↓

if I'm not able to keep any food down,

able food

↓

roughly how long would it take-- [stifled laughter]

laughter roughly stifled

↓

roughly how long would it take for the human body to die?

body human human-body roughly

↓

- Eric, I'm gonna be very honest with you.

eric honest

↓

Without sufficient nutrients,

↓

the body shuts down after six to seven weeks.

body seven shuts weeks

↓

- [laughing]

laughing

↓

[vomit splatting]

vomit

↓

[keyboard clacking]

clacking keyboard keyboard-clacking

↓

- Excuse me, that's my computer.

computer excuse

↓

- Yes. And your computer has all the personal data

computer data personal

↓

of the students here. - It's OK, Jesus,

jesus students

↓

Peter Thiel knows what he's doing.

knows peter peter-thiel peter-thiel-knows thiel thiel-knows

↓

- I've downloaded all the students' information

downloaded information students

↓

and loaded them into an AI face detection program

face loaded program

↓

so the school's security cameras can watch their every move.

cameras schools security security-cameras watch

↓

Now look.

↓

Two students passing each other in the hallway.

hallway passing students

↓

They give each other the sign-- six, seven.

seven sign

↓

Exactly 67 seconds later,

seconds

↓

this odd parka-wearing child makes the same gesture.

child gesture makes wearing

↓

And then inside the girls bathroom,

bathroom girls

↓

two girls doing the same thing.

girls

↓

- Wait, why is there a camera inside the girls bathroom?

bathroom camera girls

↓

- To stop the Antichrist.

antichrist

↓

Now I'm following the lead on this girl here.

following girl lead

↓

She went home to 67 Mala Vista Drive.

drive home

↓

Going through her family's medical records,

familys medical records

↓

I found that her father has testicular cancer

cancer father found testicular testicular-cancer

↓

and 67 days ago, had one testicle removed.

days removed testicle

↓

- That really feels like none of our business.

business feels

↓

- I don't know how I'm supposed to work

supposed

↓

with Nosy Nancy peering over my shoulder all the time.

nancy nosy shoulder

↓

- Jesus, let's you and me have a quick chin wiggle

chin jesus quick wiggle

↓

out in the hall.

hall

↓

[door shuts]

door door-shuts shuts

↓

[sinister music]

music sinister sinister-music

↓

- I'm getting close.

close

↓

I almost have the key to stop it from happening.

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- We are running out of time, Mr. Thiel.

running thiel

↓

The Antichrist is coming.

antichrist coming

↓

Satan is shopping for baby strollers as we speak.

baby satan shopping speak

↓

- If I'm going to learn what these numbers mean,

learn numbers

↓

I'm going to need access to every government database.

access database government

↓

- You will have it, Mr. Thiel.

thiel

↓

Nothing is more important than making sure

↓

this baby is not born.

baby born

↓

♪

↓

[soft sentimental music]

music sentimental soft

↓

- Look, man, I know it's tough,

tough

↓

but you gotta understand that drastic times

drastic times

↓

call for drastic measures.

drastic

↓

- I just don't feel good about treating people this way.

treating

↓

I think the most important thing still has to be loving

loving

↓

and respecting each other.

respecting

↓

♪

↓

- All right, man, I need to ask you something

↓

and I need you to tell me the truth.

truth

↓

Are you a fag?

↓

- No. That has nothing to do with it. It just--

↓

- Are you fucking sure?

fucking

↓

- I'm just trying to say that I'm really confused right now.

confused

↓

- OK, but confused like you don't know if you're attracted

attracted confused

↓

to dudes, or like what?

dudes

↓

- Like how we can just change everything about who we are.

change

↓

- I think you still just don't understand

↓

what Christians today are about.

christians today

↓

Come on. There's someone I think you should talk to.

↓

WOMAN: Oh, yes, the Antichrist!

antichrist woman

↓

I've listened to a lot of podcasts about that.

listened

↓

Everyone keeps saying how the Antichrist is coming,

antichrist coming keeps

↓

but I'm like "He already did!

↓

I was married to him in 2018!"

married

↓

But seriously, if he saw how Christian I was now,

christian

↓

he'd probably shit his pants.

pants

↓

[snorts] Don't be jealous.

jealous snorts

↓

He's so funny.

funny

↓

[militaristic music]

music

↓

♪

↓

- Hey.

↓

Hey, Satan.

satan

↓

- Hello, boss. - Ah! Fuck! Shit!

boss fuck

↓

- Oh, sorry, boss.

boss

↓

I did not know Satan was sleeping.

satan sleeping

↓

- Yeah, that's all he ever does anymore.

anymore

↓

- Poor boss.

boss poor

↓

If you're going to jack off, shall I fetch your cum rag?

fetch jack

↓

- Hey! I wasn't jacking off!

jacking

↓

- Sure thing, boss.

boss

↓

I'll go get your cum rag.

↓

[sinister music]

music sinister sinister-music

↓

[buttons dialing]

buttons dialing

↓

What is taking you so long?

↓

- I'm very close to finding the secret of the numbers.

close finding numbers secret

↓

I've narrowed it down to one little boy

narrowed

↓

who seems more possessed than the others.

others possessed seems

↓

- Then deal with him,

deal

↓

and keep it quiet.

quiet

↓

Nobody can know that we are working together.

nobody working

↓

When I become president,

become president

↓

I will give you full access to everyone's data.

access data everyones full

↓

- I've already spoken with the mother,

mother spoken

↓

and I'm on my way now to face the child.

child face

↓

[eerie piano music]

eerie music piano piano-music

↓

♪

↓

SINGERS: ♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪

antichrist knows peter peter-thiel peter-thiel-knows singers thiel thiel-knows

↓

♪ Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ♪

antichrist knows peter peter-thiel peter-thiel-knows thiel thiel-knows

↓

- ♪ I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the Antichrist ♪

antichrist peter peter-thiel thiel

↓

SINGERS: ♪ Let's deal with the Antichrist today ♪

antichrist deal singers today

↓

- ♪ Today

today

↓

Is your son home?

home

↓

- Yes, Mr. Thiel.

thiel

↓

He's right upstairs.

upstairs

↓

- [muttering, chuckling]

chuckling muttering

↓

[coughing, sniffing]

coughing sniffing

↓

[stifling laughter]

laughter stifling

↓

- Eric, I'm Peter Thiel.

eric peter peter-thiel thiel

↓

I'm here to help our country.

country

↓

- Uh, OK.

↓

- I came to see you...

↓

in an Uber, Eric.

eric uber

↓

- [stifling laughter]

laughter stifling

↓

- Would you like to know how long it took me to get here?

↓

- How long?

↓

- It took...

↓

around six or seven minutes. I'm not really--

minutes seven seven-minutes

↓

- [vomiting]

vomiting

↓

[laughing]

laughing

↓

No way! No way!

↓

[laughing]

laughing

↓

- You know, they're all just a bunch of libtards anyways.

anyways bunch

↓

I know what's up. I listen to podcasts.

↓

You wanna know who I think the Antichrist is?

antichrist

↓

Greta Thunberg.

↓

With her stupid haircut and her dumb bangs.

bangs dumb haircut stupid

↓

Someone should yank out whatever's up her ass.

whatevers yank

↓

[snorts]

snorts

↓

- I can't.

↓

I just can't!

↓

- Everything all right, bud?

↓

- No, everything's not all right!

everythings

↓

I don't know what I'm doing here!

↓

- You're trying to get with the program, bro!

program

↓

Peggy Rockbottom is a hot Christian girl,

christian girl peggy

↓

now stop acting gay!

acting

↓

- Look, I don't know what you think Christianity is,

christianity

↓

but it has nothing to do with that.

↓

- What are you saying?

↓

- I'm saying that you and a lot of other people

↓

seem to have a very warped sense of what Christianity is.

christianity sense warped

↓

- Are you questioning my faith?

faith questioning

↓

You wanna fucking go?

fucking

↓

- No, I don't want to fucking go.

fucking

↓

- You got a problem, bro? - No, I don't have a problem.

problem

↓

You actually have a problem.

problem

↓

You need a way to bully people

bully

↓

and you're using the Bible to do it.

bible using

↓

[grunts]

grunts

↓

PC PRINCIPAL: You like that? Yeah! You want some more?

principal

↓

- I'm not gonna fight you!

fight

↓

- Damn right you won't, 'cause you're a gay little pussy!

pussy

↓

Yeah, don't come back!

↓

You're gonna get some more, bitch!

bitch

↓

[Cartman coughing]

cartman coughing

↓

PETER: Tell me what it means!

peter

↓

- [laughing, coughing]

coughing laughing

↓

- The Lord labored six days

days lord

↓

and on the seventh, He rested!

rested seventh

↓

- [laughing]

laughing

↓

- You will tell me the significance!

↓

There's nothing more I can do here.

↓

I have to take him to Washington D.C.

washington

↓

- Washington? Oh, no, he can't travel now.

travel washington

↓

He's very sick.

sick

↓

- Your son is the key to saving our country, Ms. Cartman.

cartman country saving

↓

Everything we hold dear could end.

dear

↓

We have to unlock the secrets he holds,

holds secrets unlock

↓

no matter what it takes.

matter takes

↓

["Sister Christian" by Night Ranger]

christian night ranger sister

↓

♪ ♪

↓

- ♪ Sister Christian, oh, the time has come ♪

christian sister

↓

♪ And you know that you're the only one ♪

↓

♪ To say "OK" ♪

↓

♪ ♪

↓

♪ Where you going? What you looking for? ♪

looking

↓

♪ You know those boys don't wanna play no more ♪

boys

↓

♪ With you ♪

↓

♪ It's true

↓

♪ ♪

↓

[driving beat]

beat driving

↓

♪ ♪

↓

♪ You're motorin' ♪

↓

♪ What's your price for flight? ♪

flight price

↓

♪ In finding Mr. Right

finding

↓

♪ You'll be all right tonight ♪

tonight

↓

♪

↓

- Fuck yeah, Jesus!

fuck jesus

↓

- ♪ You're motorin'

↓

♪ What's your price for flight? ♪

flight price

↓

♪ In finding Mr. Right? ♪

finding

↓

- Let's fucking go, bro!

fucking

↓

- Yes, baby! Yes!

baby

↓

- ♪ Tonight

tonight

↓

[theme music]

music theme theme-music

↓

♪ ♪