Family Guy

Season 24, Episode 1 — The Edible Arrangement

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♪ It seems today That all you see ♪
#1
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♪ Is violence in movies And sex on TV ♪
#2
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♪ But where are those Good old-fashioned values ♪
#3
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[all] ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
#4
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
#5
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♪ Lucky there's a man who Positively can do ♪
#6
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♪ All the things That make us ♪
#7
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♪ Laugh and cry! ♪
#8
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[all] ♪ He's a family guy! ♪
#9
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Welcome to Quahog's first recreational dispensary.
#10
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Now, as you all know, I was against this.
#11
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I fought it tooth.
#12
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Maybe I should've also fought it nail.
#13
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But that time is gone.
#14
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[crowd exclaiming]
#15
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Settle down. There's enough drugs for everybody.
#16
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Wow, Quahog has a lot more white guys
#17
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with blond dreadlocks than I thought.
#18
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-Mmm. -And a fair number of Black ladies
#19
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with the blond dreadlocks guys.
#20
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Cleveland, what do you think--
#21
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We don't like to talk about it, Peter.
#22
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It's a big problem in our community.
#23
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It's just, you should know, in the white community,
#24
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these guys are kind of considered, like, big time rascals.
#25
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We're aware. It's being handled.
#26
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There was just a big Zoom about it.
#27
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-Maybe you could-- -We're gonna go ahead
#28
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and deal with this one in-house.
#29
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How ya doin'?
#30
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There is a plan.
#31
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That's all I need to know.
#32
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Is that Cinnamon Toast Crunch in witness protection when I'm at breakfast?
#33
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[knocking at door]
#34
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Susie and I saw you unloading groceries
#35
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and wanted to let you know
#36
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if you need to borrow reusable bags, I have a bunch.
#37
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And, you know, you can't soak cast iron skillets, right?
#38
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It strips the seasoning.
#39
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Oh, Mrs. S is throwing haymakers.
#40
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-It's not soaking. I'm cooking water. -[slams]
#41
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Oreos! Here we go, baby!
#42
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[whines] I want Oreos!
#43
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[whining]
#44
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Hey, they're just Oreos. Relax.
#45
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Besides, they're not for babies.
#46
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They're for rewarding good behavior
#47
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in developmentally slow adults.
#48
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[cell phone chimes]
#49
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-[keyboard clacking] -[beeps]
#50
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So then I was like,
#51
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"What if I've also been the mailman the whole time?"
#52
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Yeah, you were saying that in the car.
#53
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I know, but you didn't respond.
#54
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Let's, uh... Let's lock these guys up in the cabinet for a while, huh?
#55
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Yeah, I think that would be best.
#56
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[♪ suspenseful music playing]
#57
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[clicking]
#58
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[creaks]
#59
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Bingo.
#60
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Oh, baby. Bonus candy.
#61
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Mmm. Not really feeling the sugar rush.
#62
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[♪ dreamy music playing]
#63
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I can feel my heartbeat in my eyes.
#64
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Good idea, Rupert. Music will help me relax.
#65
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[♪ "The Wheels On The Bus" playing]
#66
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Okay, this is good. This is helping.
#67
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[singer laughs]
#68
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♪ The wheels bus on the bus go 'round and 'round ♪
#69
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Why should I be afraid of dying?
#70
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Wait, what?
#71
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♪ With a lunatic on the grassy ground ♪
#72
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[laughs maniacally]
#73
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♪ If you hear the lunatics howl ♪
#74
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[howls]
#75
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♪ The wheels on the bus may start to growl ♪
#76
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♪ The lunatic is in my head ♪
#77
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♪ And very soon we'll all be... ♪
#78
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Dead.
#79
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I wonder if this is why Ben and Jerry started making ice cream.
#80
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[indistinct chatter]
#81
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Hey, grab your lunches. I know a spot.
#82
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I think I may take a gap year.
#83
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You know, hit the road.
#84
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There's something I've been searching for for a while that I need to find.
#85
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A little guy named Stewie Griffin.
#86
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Can... can you hear any of this?
#87
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I'm not even trying to listen anymore.
#88
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I'm thinking about soccer.
#89
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Guys, what are you doing up here?
#90
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Big no-no. The roof is off limits.
#91
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Stewie, are you... high?
#92
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Yeah. So are you. We're on the roof.
#93
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[laughs] Okay, I heard that.
#94
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That was funny.
#95
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[announcer on TV] We now return to a Dateline with a beloved town dentist.
#96
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-He did it. It was him. -[knocking at door]
#97
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Peter, we got a big problem.
#98
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It appears Stewie was high on pot at school.
#99
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Excuse me for one second.
#100
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Lois! Someone's at the door for you.
#101
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Joe, why do you have Stewie?
#102
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I'm sorry to tell you this, Lois,
#103
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but apparently, Stewie was high at school.
#104
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-What? -It's the worst thing
#105
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I've seen in my career.
#106
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And I've seen four dead bodies.
#107
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Though technically, that was a zip-lining accident in Costa Rica.
#108
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-O... okay. -Maybe not the best idea
#109
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having 13-year-olds securing those carabiners.
#110
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-Joe, I-- -They wouldn't let me
#111
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bring my own camera on the zip-line.
#112
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Odd, right?
#113
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Well, turns out they just want to sell you their photos.
#114
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I'll take it from here, Joe. Thanks for bringing him home.
#115
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This is a serious offense, Lois.
#116
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I have a court order to remove him from your custody.
#117
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What? No. Please!
#118
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I'm sorry, Lois.
#119
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[crying] No!
#120
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My baby! Please!
#121
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I gotta keep Stewie entertained, so I'm gonna need your iPad.
#122
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What?
#123
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[crying] No! My baby! Please!
#124
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Hey, what's gonna happen with Stewie?
#125
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Well, he's at the Swansons until I complete
#126
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court-ordered online parenting classes.
#127
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Throwing this out there.
#128
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If you want a new baby in six months, let me know.
#129
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You gotta tell me within five months.
#130
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Eh, five-and-a-half max.
#131
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So, Stewie, I know your dad is a pretty funny guy,
#132
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but I'm kind of the "your dad" around here.
#133
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Yeah, Pops doesn't really talk about being funny. He just is.
#134
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Yeah, Stewie, comedy's pretty big in this house, too.
#135
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In fact, I recently submitted a packet to get into the Capitol Steps.
#136
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Nobody knows what that is, Joe.
#137
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They're pretty well known in the political satire, off-center comedy world.
#138
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Anybody here know if Tip O'Neill is a generous tipper? [laughs]
#139
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I make a bit of hay about that in the packet.
#140
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Tip O'Neill's been dead since 1994.
#141
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[cell phone chimes]
#142
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Voicemail from the Capitol Steps!
#143
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[Clarkey] Hey, Joe, this is Clarkey.
#144
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So sorry, but we're gonna pass.
#145
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We're looking for someone more off-center, more skewed, if that makes sense?
#146
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That's what I am!
#147
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There's plenty of other comedy groups.
#148
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Oh, really?
#149
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[screams] Like the Capitol "freaking" Steps? [panting]
#150
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-What about-- -If you say the words
#151
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"Ocean State Follies,"
#152
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I swear to God, I'll empty my bag all over the floor.
#153
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Meg, please, I really need the laptop.
#154
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I'm just about done with my parenting classes,
#155
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and then I can get Stewie back.
#156
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One sec. I gotta finish this mandatory
#157
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sexual harassment course today,
#158
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or I'm not allowed around the janitors.
#159
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[automated voice] True or false. It's okay to slap a man's bottom
#160
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if he knows you.
#161
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That's got to be true.
#162
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-[automated voice] False. -I'm done.
#163
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Thanks, Meg.
#164
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This has been so hard for me.
#165
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A mama just can't be separated from her kiddos.
#166
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Well, I'm off to Denver with the guy from the magic shop.
#167
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Okay. See you at dinner.
#168
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Only if you're in the greater Denver area there, Hoss.
#169
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I'm just gonna give you the "title" of the sketch.
#170
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It's called "The Dan Quayle Spelling Bee."
#171
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The jokes write themselves.
#172
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-Do one. -[doorbell rings]
#173
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Here it is. I'm done with my parenting class.
#174
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Where's my baby?
#175
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I'm happy for you, Lois, but don't let this happen again.
#176
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We ran out of diapers, so he's wearing a Walgreens bag.
#177
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Oh, Stewie. I am so happy to have you back.
#178
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Momma's never gonna let anything like this happen again, okay?
#179
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This place is a nightmare.
#180
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They don't even have a xylophone on a string that you can drag behind you.
#181
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[squeaking]
#182
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Well, if nobody's next, I guess I'll just go again.
#183
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[squeaking]
#184
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[chimes]
#185
3f9cc090-9838-49ee-a5e9-985d3507bea9.gif
Now that Stewie is back, we're gonna have some new rules to keep us safe.
#186
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First, it is no longer sufficient for our pet to look after our baby.
#187
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Probably... probably the right call.
#188
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Second, kids' bedroom doors are not allowed to be closed all the way.
#189
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I am happy to do this,
#190
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but I need you to be absolutely sure you've thought it out.
#191
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You don't win this one, Mom.
#192
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I'm striking that last rule.
#193
57aa53ed-8efe-430f-9940-3b5cde017359.gif
We are gonna start using the buddy system.
#194
d1cee78a-4456-4a0f-977c-4e7104bdda37.gif
If you leave, you go with your buddy.
#195
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You're okay with all these rules, Dad?
#196
f96c7a04-78db-4fa5-85cd-cf501d8038ce.gif
Sorry, bud, but I agree with Mom on this stuff.
#197
c7cfa449-ff81-4138-afdf-f0b32d76c545.gif
I learned a lot from the dad's version of the parenting classes.
#198
c222d53d-fa22-48f7-a615-65eae048bc12.gif
[commentator] He took a run at Stefan there,
#199
73bdd50f-c33f-44ac-b474-cd3cae8a0d80.gif
and now it's all breaking loose.
#200
62807a1d-08bb-42d6-8366-8b43308d09e4.gif
I also do dishes on holidays.
#201
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Okay, Stewie, Mom says no more screen time, so I'm gonna read you a book.
#202
43fcc086-c9e5-47d2-9fc8-3dc47b6a0a20.gif
This one is called "There's a Monster at the End of this Book."
#203
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[both scream]
#204
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Peter? Stewie? Wh... where'd you guys go?
#205
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Lois, you need to, very carefully,
#206
5974bc83-2945-415d-b62b-64430f561f2a.gif
remove that book from this room.
#207
689241d1-1a0c-4349-94ef-64e7b5898b9a.gif
Why bring it into the house?
#208
fb296114-0546-4ac3-a563-3dc0201efbd8.gif
Why take that chance?
#209
394e068e-9fcb-4b61-b9b8-2f8afd549185.gif
Peter, enough. Read to Stewie.
#210
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I'm an introvert. I gotta recharge.
#211
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You know the rules.
#212
8d9ef90e-e478-4b43-a5e5-915ca8c2f904.gif
One of us has to be with him at all times.
#213
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Ugh, I can't live with all these rules.
#214
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Why does Meg get to live her best life in Denver?
#215
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[♪ dramatic music playing]
#216
ee8d6f1f-bbb4-499c-bbdb-55b510391809.gif
Um, Congresswoman Boebert, could you please stop touching me there?
#217
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I'm a woman. My pants are just bunched up.
#218
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If I'm going to live under Lois's rule,
#219
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I've got to take a little mental escape.
#220
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Brian's gotta have some loose gummies in here somewhere.
#221
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Oh, Bri, you beautiful scumbag.
#222
4d70c782-04ac-4b95-8a4a-a27736be45a8.gif
Ooh, sativa.
#223
c0e4763b-5d85-4051-a675-89ceefd43869.gif
That means nothing to me or anyone.
#224
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Whoa.
#225
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Peter? Where are you?
#226
a8b1b2d6-6a44-411b-b45e-1209f11530a8.gif
Relax. I just went to the bathroom.
#227
c7a4653f-632f-47b8-82d7-e82ae4e65d3c.gif
Relax? Stewie is unattended in front of the TV.
#228
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He could easily turn into something terrible,
#229
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like Paramount+.
#230
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Lois, you got to relax.
#231
d1006275-cb08-4ca7-bded-752bfb0e871c.gif
What would Dr. Cosby do in this situation?
#232
82bbe509-b35e-4d62-86ae-71cbba61d1f5.gif
You put the plop in the drink go fizz-fizz
#233
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and make her go sleepidy floppity floo.
#234
e34dc1f8-4f47-46fc-9884-6c1208ae2a1f.gif
Of course. Thank you, Dr. Cosby.
#235
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[pops and fizzes]
#236
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May I go to the bathroom, Warden?
#237
5c915c13-5b35-4b72-9e4e-68b128f5d50b.gif
You just went.
#238
ed0e6df3-3762-463d-a7a1-49fe740601fd.gif
I do different stuff every time!
#239
6fbefe61-1ff0-4d4d-978b-6f12bfe0ce34.gif
Mmm.
#240
d020c96d-7c55-4751-b8d7-c19ec208f886.gif
This chewy Zin is excellent.
#241
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It's close to hitting that corner.
#242
b90a4ac7-42ab-4fc6-8c66-72dc906e3e0e.gif
Yeah, it's gonna hit it on the next one.
#243
126274e3-032b-494e-bc24-01ba45826b59.gif
[♪ intriguing music plays]
#244
c2671cc6-1cf2-4c5b-9ed2-48411c133a58.gif
You can talk?
#245
b8e6f6e2-3a83-442e-9484-5ebc92427c52.gif
You can understand me?
#246
79e0aba5-bf37-4c11-a569-39fe69b11f23.gif
Oh, I've been waiting a long time to say this.
#247
228e5cd8-047d-4a2e-9780-bf51da6ce8dc.gif
Here goes.
#248
0be3650e-b441-46e8-921d-f43b7d133f95.gif
Please stop buying the cheap baby wipes. They tear me up.
#249
a52479f3-eb3f-46a8-ae70-d42031350360.gif
Oh, great. Your first words to me are a grocery critique.
#250
7de2fcb9-8e07-4c75-9707-6c74d50f8b84.gif
Hey, guess what?
#251
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I think Baby Shark is a terrible song.
#252
2fdbb3f1-15d2-42b7-8e34-aee655c3b7f3.gif
And Dora sucks.
#253
9c15a65b-5419-455f-8209-0afd8d33e4d9.gif
[chuckles] All right.
#254
bf31db8d-9a62-4983-b922-88ea9aed5c9f.gif
We've clearly gotten off on the wrong foot here.
#255
46c1d6a3-fb37-4c20-b80e-3c3123451659.gif
Let's start over.
#256
f8daa0b5-f945-4339-a7c6-a89970a0dd93.gif
Hi, Stewie Griffin.
#257
e6c262cd-bde9-4426-8c9d-714618700f5f.gif
I just... I can't believe you can talk.
#258
44745b57-a87f-4d8e-87d6-85d16fb1ccca.gif
Not only can I talk...
#259
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♪ I am the very model of a modern major general ♪
#260
0c75933a-513d-4179-bc14-de2456736495.gif
♪ I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral ♪
#261
e9791d5d-27ba-43b1-a322-7a2a1e6c43ef.gif
♪ I know the kings of England and I quote the fight historical ♪
#262
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♪ From Marathon to Waterloo In order categorical ♪
#263
53f966e8-b2d2-492a-8a8c-91730d097a78.gif
[chuckling]
#264
2d0fea71-1200-4bea-b6d0-26ee0c0d0fba.gif
I love this.
#265
1982d334-c9d4-4141-bdee-329c3ae2a4b6.gif
Did Peter do this once?
#266
c9de0a5f-0e56-4cc3-953b-febb71d4ea19.gif
Eh, he... he mumbled his way through it, but yeah.
#267
8c28d4de-bded-4e42-9978-8316b580205b.gif
I don't understand how we're talking.
#268
af0a3354-23d4-4337-af75-b9b7813c6e76.gif
Probably because we're both zonked?
#269
54e6cf09-8aa6-4e00-a8f1-2aff32506d88.gif
[blows raspberry] I would never do that in front of my baby.
#270
e605b74d-ac92-490f-b360-60e6dbae61f4.gif
Okay, then tell me something about the Dave Matthews Band.
#271
b480d057-66ed-45d2-a1d8-401bfbc81266.gif
Carter Beauford is the best drummer of his genera--
#272
e6a0562f-d182-4c8d-81c4-f16b7d20aabb.gif
Oh, my God, I am zonked.
#273
003325db-e09d-4760-a8a8-e80086e63d84.gif
So, I, uh, found some gummies in Bri's car and dosed us both.
#274
56bb6aa9-eac7-4ddb-887a-e05e8da57666.gif
-Are you mad? -Well, I should be,
#275
31fd61b3-f8dc-4e18-8bf5-013b66e4809a.gif
but this is kind of awesome.
#276
ce5ea206-568c-4277-90ed-3a3660d2f44f.gif
I'm talking to my baby.
#277
a83a0dd2-9f5b-4614-a2de-f45ec5618c1e.gif
Honestly, if I were you, I'd do this all the time.
#278
d54389cd-cd5e-4501-acf7-015c22cf6e09.gif
You put up with a lot.
#279
50a96f98-f573-4710-b558-93dee1d2c99a.gif
[sighs] Really? You think so?
#280
76f92f2a-fe1f-4f7f-96fe-4802320edccb.gif
I mean, yes. Look at Peter.
#281
72a5d261-7b2a-4a61-8ebe-2a8fc3966cb4.gif
He treats you like garbage and does zero to help out.
#282
96a2e3ae-0f0d-4b12-87a0-8623d23c49aa.gif
Why do you let him do that?
#283
44b97df3-747b-41bc-83f6-0ba2b09816ae.gif
Oh, you are getting right in there.
#284
7bd1c97d-a1c9-4d1d-aa19-581d59235bda.gif
It's tough, you know.
#285
1d643d51-b3c2-4a38-9db9-52a773174804.gif
You commit to somebody for life
#286
d1e6be16-08bf-4c38-b3c6-282ecf5cd8f3.gif
when you're, like, 19, and you know nothing.
#287
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Damn. Yeah.
#288
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And it may be hard to believe, but when he was 19,
#289
c0e67afb-5e2d-4ff2-921d-86a18eff59ea.gif
Peter was stunning.
#290
5b793873-242b-4389-b757-8be8813a77b1.gif
I mean, weirdly, I can see it.
#291
a54505be-fd24-4995-9a35-2be9f9d8eee0.gif
Besides, he... he's gonna be dead in a couple of years, anyway.
#292
074000e9-49ae-4ede-8a9d-080e5e6aa112.gif
By then, my trust fund will vest,
#293
718600f6-4648-43c3-8814-534f2d741fc5.gif
and I'm gonna be playin' in a whole different league.
#294
7644bdce-2d0f-4bac-af49-09e158e901d6.gif
Oh, that's good. Okay, good, you got a plan.
#295
05c3dab5-90e6-49cf-897e-0bbfddff9176.gif
That's... that's cool. That's cool.
#296
11362a27-de30-4021-b5e1-c3442cee86b6.gif
[♪ soft jazz music playing]
#297
eb424a9f-6b00-4df9-9101-a5747f4490ef.gif
Hey, what's the story with Chris?
#298
f6b8bc97-b62d-4121-a062-e2c9e1507b75.gif
It just doesn't seem like he's...
#299
c76a38b9-0bc8-4225-af88-ab0d30f0a330.gif
How do I say this?
#300
e623992e-1ad6-4a88-8199-ea1f030c8282.gif
...thriving, you know?
#301
10c47cb3-7e97-41b7-9277-02baf47d30cf.gif
I fell down an escalator when I was pregnant with him.
#302
5c91d7ce-d2ab-4069-81fe-c1c3d19a0be2.gif
He totally has an escalator head vibe.
#303
ce3275e4-9a1e-4a47-bb3e-0b4e71c77acf.gif
[chuckles] Yeah.
#304
2a5d76ae-b5a0-4fd3-80ed-1eba898eda15.gif
We tried to sue the mall, but then the mall just closed.
#305
29fcc9f0-6a99-4e60-9bfe-6436e045e537.gif
Remember malls?
#306
c3f2a800-6d0c-43fe-9a90-f7fd878f03fb.gif
You know Brian loves you, right?
#307
a2f34ee0-4f1c-4f5d-a96e-b57950dbaf3e.gif
Yeah, I know.
#308
449bfd8f-69b9-4b5d-9bd1-b0041b24db45.gif
No, like, he really loves you.
#309
6d000918-9074-416e-9f09-0128dbd62ff7.gif
I know, I know.
#310
2a854b08-8e6e-4508-9c2c-40d0c3f784a5.gif
I don't quite know how to handle it,
#311
a7cef7b1-64d3-461c-9e06-bf24ecdfef33.gif
but, aw, he's such a good boy.
#312
241e13e4-4d50-4a8b-9ca4-1ea1f40bd233.gif
And he'll be dead in a couple of years so...
#313
8b6feca5-ed42-4b7a-85cf-08e09e690c2c.gif
[both laughing]
#314
517cfeef-55a6-4f6c-a2e0-12f3c3352bb7.gif
[chuckles] You... you are one twisted lady.
#315
2638a19e-763f-4026-8d8f-33185f19bfac.gif
You should try out for the Capitol Steps.
#316
489b57dc-fe06-4f3f-98c5-8b4e147ef383.gif
-What's that? -I don't know. It's weird at the Swansons.
#317
dc96ae8e-2aa0-4097-bc16-ca763633df80.gif
Oh, my God. What if we did an adventure together?
#318
04c09de7-112e-4024-a996-2e34e73c1d6d.gif
Oh, yes. I know the perfect thing for this vibe.
#319
91ff61ce-52e2-424b-bc2f-a9a92a799bbb.gif
Watch The Big Lebowski at a small theater by a college.
#320
8f1ea448-fc2c-4967-a065-04b5c007ec62.gif
Okay. [giggles]
#321
1f0b91bf-dcb2-45d5-9b5c-3062bc0a6a5e.gif
-Do you think I'll like it? -You'll think it's fine.
#322
fb922be6-48a5-44f5-9aef-c8e6ae3acbea.gif
All women think it's fine.
#323
3ba83c2e-1971-4777-82d6-66ac69e4eb31.gif
Huh. Wouldn't you think John Goodman would be the Big Lebowski?
#324
e943955b-d828-4efd-a960-8dcc25dad2bd.gif
Whoa, yeah. Oh, that's good.
#325
6537da52-839a-40cd-a8a4-43507a8ce949.gif
I have a million of these thoughts a day.
#326
10072765-db5f-4ca2-9342-eb17d925d15a.gif
Who am I supposed to tell 'em to? Freakin' Bonnie?
#327
130af180-2e64-4534-aa5e-ca22f0b9dace.gif
Can I... Can I say something?
#328
500fef30-4cf9-4e39-a3da-35e1e5fac7b4.gif
Bonnie's not pretty enough to be as mean as she is.
#329
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Yes! That. That.
#330
8c5c5854-9a86-4d82-be2f-1a8a8ea5f7f8.gif
I'm really enjoying being on drugs with you.
#331
adbb4f60-1042-49f1-ba16-77912d930d02.gif
I don't know why people say drugs are bad.
#332
af2540c4-13d5-48dd-ab41-02a1b7794480.gif
Oof. Oh, bad time for Philip Seymour Hoffman to show up.
#333
96f3eb11-7ad4-40de-b91c-9aee105ba4ec.gif
I can't stop thinking about the girl who sold us the tickets
#334
57ceb326-1668-479b-ba6d-5cbbc9c840b7.gif
and then had to run and make the popcorn.
#335
68c201b8-617f-4ba6-9c7d-532fa3834d48.gif
Yeah. And I saw a broom by the popcorn maker,
#336
e1d6622a-a0ed-466d-b2d5-3fa5fad212e4.gif
so you know she's putting on one more hat.
#337
e9abe7af-79e8-4695-8a8e-b5d53bf79bce.gif
-I'm still hungry. -I'm starving.
#338
d8dabf85-d76a-4898-adb9-4d6d3ec543dc.gif
We gotta go to IHOP, right?
#339
52ce1d55-61aa-4187-9bd2-521e0d505e55.gif
Have to.
#340
804687f7-dcd5-4cd1-8439-34deec31c879.gif
Thank you so much.
#341
9d7497f1-a70a-4469-9698-6cf74ee39580.gif
We had such a nice time.
#342
06bf4646-ef9b-4e18-98dc-5f43ee771fdd.gif
You know our waitress was the girl from the movie theater, right?
#343
a18e77be-a567-4aea-b81b-fbbe003522d1.gif
Yeah, I couldn't look up.
#344
c0903f0e-1884-4c6d-b91a-a12ae09df805.gif
Nobody's rooting for her harder than me,
#345
11aa478d-a98c-400b-b945-5ef8984fe51e.gif
but you just know she's not getting our order right.
#346
6caf9bcc-8ce4-4d00-a8a4-2238c421ae97.gif
Yeah, just write it down. God.
#347
f6bfa88e-7e8e-44c9-a5ce-a6c48651e14f.gif
Okay, real talk.
#348
468ba352-d126-4ad8-a07a-c53070bff3bd.gif
Sometimes...
#349
d8ddc330-4f2b-4eb0-86e3-6afc157347a2.gif
I get the feeling that I might love you more than you love me,
#350
9c36a148-c0b0-4e2f-92db-788708afc1e8.gif
which is fine.
#351
0d5f84e2-f88d-4b14-91f4-42e11ef31b32.gif
You're not wrong. Honestly, I can't believe I'm saying this,
#352
5af192ec-4130-46ee-91f3-e5b2d878d540.gif
but there was a time when I actually wanted to kill you.
#353
734b91ae-2812-4005-b923-cafdd735a7a6.gif
What? [chuckles nervously]
#354
044fccd1-4016-47bf-ad50-314dfe091852.gif
Why would you wanna do that?
#355
b5c5b1e9-6d78-4d90-bdb6-93f052a18632.gif
Maybe because you're such a doormat.
#356
61a99280-435c-493f-856a-ab59999cefff.gif
You let everyone walk all over you,
#357
f906c8cb-c4e1-4bfb-ab6f-44e5f2b080d1.gif
your husband, your kids, Bonnie.
#358
f87b45dc-ec53-41b9-bbdd-7b9a7312fb61.gif
I... I don't understand why that would make you wanna kill me?
#359
2fd9568b-6cc2-40fa-a4f1-12030ad79c3e.gif
I thought it was because I hated you,
#360
1df8c60b-5626-42ad-ac76-89064ec158ae.gif
but maybe I just wanted to put you out of your misery.
#361
114190fc-212c-47cc-93b5-854a5b0474d1.gif
I think I wanted to kill you because I came from you.
#362
20027a9c-1749-499d-bd31-eefa09ad0850.gif
Whatever is in you must also be in me.
#363
8da8abc8-bfac-4fe8-9ffa-60815f58c20a.gif
I wanted to kill the part of myself
#364
e196a953-7e9f-44c9-8cf6-349fd9c3ad4b.gif
that scares me the most.
#365
233db384-6da2-4459-ad50-8c06b2fb80ff.gif
Whoa.
#366
a3c09d8b-f4f6-45cb-ad5c-9ef3143207e8.gif
You're mad at me.
#367
cd03b58b-2c3e-4026-8331-e202e87b169d.gif
IHOP must be a rabbit's favorite restaurant, right?
#368
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[spits and chuckles] Yeah.
#369
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You're gonna get us kicked out of here.
#370
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Thanks for sharing.
#371
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That was hard to hear, but it's okay.
#372
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I'm your mom, and my job is to love you
#373
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to the moon and back, no matter what.
#374
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Do you feel that?
#375
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Yeah, I do.
#376
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Good. Then I'm doing my job.
#377
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And all you gotta do is just be a kid.
#378
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We ordered omelets.
#379
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Oh, no, no. This is good, though. This is good.
#380
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Better than what we ordered. Yay.
#381
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♪ Step on a crack, break your mama's back ♪
#382
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[chuckles] No, no, I'm just joking. I'm not gonna.
#383
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No, you can. It's just a silly game.
#384
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Okay.
#385
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-[stomps] -Ahhh!
#386
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-[gasps] Mama! Mama, I'm sorry! -Oh, God!
#387
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[laughs]
#388
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-Gotcha. -Mom. Whoa.
#389
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Where has this Lois been?
#390
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Yeah, I should let her come out more.
#391
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I didn't used to be so uptight, you know.
#392
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-I... I used to be crazy and fun. -Really?
#393
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I... I shouldn't be telling you this, but once in college...
#394
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[snickers] This is nuts. Okay.
#395
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Well, my friends and I, we stayed up till 1:00 in the morning,
#396
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playing Jimmy Crack Corn with spoons on the bathroom sink.
#397
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-[laughing] -O... Okay?
#398
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Yeah. It was just, like, really crazy.
#399
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Hey, we should get back at Bonnie
#400
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for how mean she always is to you.
#401
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Yes! [gasps]
#402
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I'll go get spoons.
#403
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Do you know Jimmy Crack Corn? I can teach you.
#404
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[gasps] We'll sing it so loud.
#405
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No, no. Just follow my lead.
#406
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[man on TV] I wanted to get that out of the way.
#407
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Bonnie gives you crap, we give her crap.
#408
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-Griffin style. -Uh...
#409
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[sighs] I'm not gonna be able to go.
#410
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Mom, I've known you since I was a baby.
#411
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You try too hard with everything.
#412
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You're wound so tightly.
#413
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Just let it go, babe. Just let it--
#414
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[cackles] I did it!
#415
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I just let it go.
#416
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Yes, the movie popcorn and IHOP
#417
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probably get an assist.
#418
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What a night.
#419
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We should go on a trip, like to Tuscany or something.
#420
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Oh. Like an Eat Pray Love.
#421
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Yeah, like a... like a mom and son pisghetti trip.
#422
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Want another Oreo?
#423
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Ah! [laughs]
#424
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Gotcha! [laughs]
#425
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Oh. You remember your Oreo tantrum earlier?
#426
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You know, my tantrums are never about the thing they're about.
#427
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Oh. What do you mean?
#428
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It's a generalized lack of control.
#429
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I have no autonomy. I'm on everyone else's schedule.
#430
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Stewie, I see you. I hear you.
#431
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And I feel the same way.
#432
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-All adults do. -They do?
#433
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I mean, I'm not strapped in a car seat, but I may as well be.
#434
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-[♪ somber music playing] -Every day it's shopping,
#435
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chores, cleaning, repeat.
#436
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So, it's not just me?
#437
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Thanks, Mom.
#438
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Oh, I love you, sweetie.
#439
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So, you're not gonna kill me, right?
#440
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Not anytime soon.
#441
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[Bonnie screams]
#442
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Joe! Why are there three human poos on our lawn?
#443
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[Joe] Two of them aren't mine.
#444
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[both giggling]
#445
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[both sigh wearily]
#446
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[yawning]
#447
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Why am I on the floor?
#448
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-Why are you here? -Why am I in Stewie's room?
#449
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I don't remember anything.
#450
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This is like The Hangover with Justin Bartha.
#451
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Yeah, nobody thinks of it like that.
#452
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Oh, there you are.
#453
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I have no memory of what happened last night.
#454
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Yet, I have the strangest feeling
#455
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that Stewie and I, we shared something special.
#456
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Pancakes, please.
#457
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Yes, it's strange, Rupert, but I feel the same way.
#458
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Something changed with us.
#459
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I think this is a whole new beginning.
#460
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Uh-uh-uh. Too early, little guy.
#461
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[wailing]
#462
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Oh, my God. What is wrong with you?
#463
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It's just Oreos.
#464
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[sighs] Well, I guess we'll always have whatever last night was.
#465
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We're out of your Tom's of Maine Rough and Dry Baby Wipes.
#466
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I'll order more.
#467
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I'm gonna kill her.
#468
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[♪ closing theme music playing]
#469