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Home » Family Guy » S24E01 — The Edible Arrangement [450th episode]

Family Guy

Season 24, Episode 1 — The Edible Arrangement [450th episode]

↓

♪ It seems today That all you see ♪

seems seems-today today

↓

♪ Is violence in movies And sex on TV ♪

movies violence

↓

♪ But where are those Good old-fashioned values ♪

fashioned fashioned-values values

↓

[all] ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪

rely used

↓

♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪

family lucky

↓

♪ Lucky there's a man who Positively can do ♪

lucky positively

↓

♪ All the things That make us ♪

↓

♪ Laugh and cry! ♪

laugh

↓

[all] ♪ He's a family guy! ♪

family

↓

Welcome to Quahog's first recreational dispensary.

welcome

↓

Now, as you all know, I was against this.

↓

I fought it tooth.

fought tooth

↓

Maybe I should've also fought it nail.

fought nail shouldve

↓

But that time is gone.

gone

↓

[crowd exclaiming]

crowd exclaiming

↓

Settle down. There's enough drugs for everybody.

drugs everybody settle

↓

Wow, Quahog has a lot more white guys

quahog white

↓

with blond dreadlocks than I thought.

blond

↓

-Mmm. -And a fair number of Black ladies

black fair ladies number

↓

with the blond dreadlocks guys.

blond

↓

Cleveland, what do you think--

cleveland

↓

We don't like to talk about it, Peter.

peter

↓

It's a big problem in our community.

community problem

↓

It's just, you should know, in the white community,

community white

↓

these guys are kind of considered, like, big time rascals.

considered rascals

↓

We're aware. It's being handled.

aware handled

↓

There was just a big Zoom about it.

zoom

↓

-Maybe you could-- -We're gonna go ahead

ahead go-ahead

↓

and deal with this one in-house.

deal house

↓

How ya doin'?

doin

↓

There is a plan.

plan

↓

That's all I need to know.

↓

Is that Cinnamon Toast Crunch in witness protection when I'm at breakfast?

breakfast cinnamon crunch protection toast witness

↓

[knocking at door]

door knocking

↓

Susie and I saw you unloading groceries

groceries unloading

↓

and wanted to let you know

wanted

↓

if you need to borrow reusable bags, I have a bunch.

bags borrow bunch

↓

And, you know, you can't soak cast iron skillets, right?

cast iron soak

↓

It strips the seasoning.

↓

Oh, Mrs. S is throwing haymakers.

throwing

↓

-It's not soaking. I'm cooking water. -[slams]

cooking slams soaking water

↓

Oreos! Here we go, baby!

baby oreos

↓

[whines] I want Oreos!

oreos whines

↓

[whining]

whining

↓

Hey, they're just Oreos. Relax.

oreos relax

↓

Besides, they're not for babies.

babies besides

↓

They're for rewarding good behavior

behavior rewarding

↓

in developmentally slow adults.

adults slow

↓

[cell phone chimes]

cell cell-phone cell-phone-chimes chimes phone phone-chimes

↓

-[keyboard clacking] -[beeps]

beeps clacking keyboard keyboard-clacking

↓

So then I was like,

↓

"What if I've also been the mailman the whole time?"

mailman whole

↓

Yeah, you were saying that in the car.

↓

I know, but you didn't respond.

respond

↓

Let's, uh... Let's lock these guys up in the cabinet for a while, huh?

cabinet lock

↓

Yeah, I think that would be best.

best

↓

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

music music-playing playing suspenseful suspenseful-music suspenseful-music-playing

↓

[clicking]

clicking

↓

[creaks]

creaks

↓

Bingo.

bingo

↓

Oh, baby. Bonus candy.

baby bonus candy

↓

Mmm. Not really feeling the sugar rush.

feeling rush sugar

↓

[♪ dreamy music playing]

music music-playing playing

↓

I can feel my heartbeat in my eyes.

eyes heartbeat

↓

Good idea, Rupert. Music will help me relax.

idea music relax rupert

↓

[♪ "The Wheels On The Bus" playing]

playing wheels

↓

Okay, this is good. This is helping.

helping

↓

[singer laughs]

laughs singer

↓

♪ The wheels bus on the bus go 'round and 'round ♪

round wheels

↓

Why should I be afraid of dying?

afraid dying

↓

Wait, what?

↓

♪ With a lunatic on the grassy ground ♪

ground lunatic

↓

[laughs maniacally]

laughs maniacally

↓

♪ If you hear the lunatics howl ♪

howl lunatics

↓

[howls]

howls

↓

♪ The wheels on the bus may start to growl ♪

growl start wheels

↓

♪ The lunatic is in my head ♪

head lunatic

↓

♪ And very soon we'll all be... ♪

↓

Dead.

dead

↓

I wonder if this is why Ben and Jerry started making ice cream.

cream jerry started wonder

↓

[indistinct chatter]

chatter indistinct indistinct-chatter

↓

Hey, grab your lunches. I know a spot.

grab lunches spot

↓

I think I may take a gap year.

↓

You know, hit the road.

road

↓

There's something I've been searching for for a while that I need to find.

searching

↓

A little guy named Stewie Griffin.

griffin named stewie

↓

Can... can you hear any of this?

↓

I'm not even trying to listen anymore.

anymore

↓

I'm thinking about soccer.

soccer thinking

↓

Guys, what are you doing up here?

↓

Big no-no. The roof is off limits.

limits roof

↓

Stewie, are you... high?

stewie

↓

Yeah. So are you. We're on the roof.

roof

↓

[laughs] Okay, I heard that.

heard laughs

↓

That was funny.

funny

↓

[announcer on TV] We now return to a Dateline with a beloved town dentist.

announcer beloved dentist return town

↓

-He did it. It was him. -[knocking at door]

door knocking

↓

Peter, we got a big problem.

peter problem

↓

It appears Stewie was high on pot at school.

appears school stewie

↓

Excuse me for one second.

excuse second

↓

Lois! Someone's at the door for you.

door lois someones

↓

Joe, why do you have Stewie?

stewie

↓

I'm sorry to tell you this, Lois,

lois

↓

but apparently, Stewie was high at school.

apparently school stewie

↓

-What? -It's the worst thing

worst

↓

I've seen in my career.

career seen

↓

And I've seen four dead bodies.

bodies dead dead-bodies four seen

↓

Though technically, that was a zip-lining accident in Costa Rica.

accident costa costa-rica lining rica technically

↓

-O... okay. -Maybe not the best idea

best best-idea idea

↓

having 13-year-olds securing those carabiners.

having olds

↓

-Joe, I-- -They wouldn't let me

↓

bring my own camera on the zip-line.

bring camera line

↓

Odd, right?

↓

Well, turns out they just want to sell you their photos.

photos sell turns

↓

I'll take it from here, Joe. Thanks for bringing him home.

bringing home thanks

↓

This is a serious offense, Lois.

lois offense serious

↓

I have a court order to remove him from your custody.

court court-order custody order remove

↓

What? No. Please!

↓

I'm sorry, Lois.

lois

↓

[crying] No!

crying

↓

My baby! Please!

baby

↓

I gotta keep Stewie entertained, so I'm gonna need your iPad.

entertained stewie

↓

What?

↓

[crying] No! My baby! Please!

baby crying

↓

Hey, what's gonna happen with Stewie?

happen stewie

↓

Well, he's at the Swansons until I complete

complete

↓

court-ordered online parenting classes.

classes court online ordered parenting

↓

Throwing this out there.

throwing

↓

If you want a new baby in six months, let me know.

baby months

↓

You gotta tell me within five months.

five five-months months

↓

Eh, five-and-a-half max.

five half

↓

So, Stewie, I know your dad is a pretty funny guy,

funny stewie

↓

but I'm kind of the "your dad" around here.

↓

Yeah, Pops doesn't really talk about being funny. He just is.

funny pops

↓

Yeah, Stewie, comedy's pretty big in this house, too.

house stewie

↓

In fact, I recently submitted a packet to get into the Capitol Steps.

capitol fact packet recently steps

↓

Nobody knows what that is, Joe.

knows nobody nobody-knows

↓

They're pretty well known in the political satire, off-center comedy world.

center comedy known political world

↓

Anybody here know if Tip O'Neill is a generous tipper? [laughs]

anybody generous laughs

↓

I make a bit of hay about that in the packet.

packet

↓

Tip O'Neill's been dead since 1994.

dead

↓

[cell phone chimes]

cell cell-phone cell-phone-chimes chimes phone phone-chimes

↓

Voicemail from the Capitol Steps!

capitol steps voicemail

↓

[Clarkey] Hey, Joe, this is Clarkey.

↓

So sorry, but we're gonna pass.

pass

↓

We're looking for someone more off-center, more skewed, if that makes sense?

center looking makes makes-sense sense

↓

That's what I am!

↓

There's plenty of other comedy groups.

comedy groups plenty

↓

Oh, really?

↓

[screams] Like the Capitol "freaking" Steps? [panting]

capitol freaking panting screams steps

↓

-What about-- -If you say the words

words

↓

"Ocean State Follies,"

ocean state

↓

I swear to God, I'll empty my bag all over the floor.

empty floor swear

↓

Meg, please, I really need the laptop.

laptop

↓

I'm just about done with my parenting classes,

classes parenting

↓

and then I can get Stewie back.

stewie

↓

One sec. I gotta finish this mandatory

finish mandatory

↓

sexual harassment course today,

course harassment sexual sexual-harassment today

↓

or I'm not allowed around the janitors.

allowed janitors

↓

[automated voice] True or false. It's okay to slap a man's bottom

automated automated-voice bottom false mans slap voice

↓

if he knows you.

knows

↓

That's got to be true.

↓

-[automated voice] False. -I'm done.

automated automated-voice false voice

↓

Thanks, Meg.

thanks

↓

This has been so hard for me.

hard

↓

A mama just can't be separated from her kiddos.

mama separated

↓

Well, I'm off to Denver with the guy from the magic shop.

denver magic shop

↓

Okay. See you at dinner.

dinner

↓

Only if you're in the greater Denver area there, Hoss.

area denver greater hoss

↓

I'm just gonna give you the "title" of the sketch.

sketch title

↓

It's called "The Dan Quayle Spelling Bee."

called spelling

↓

The jokes write themselves.

jokes write

↓

-Do one. -[doorbell rings]

doorbell doorbell-rings rings

↓

Here it is. I'm done with my parenting class.

class parenting

↓

Where's my baby?

baby

↓

I'm happy for you, Lois, but don't let this happen again.

happen happy lois

↓

We ran out of diapers, so he's wearing a Walgreens bag.

diapers wearing

↓

Oh, Stewie. I am so happy to have you back.

happy stewie

↓

Momma's never gonna let anything like this happen again, okay?

happen mommas

↓

This place is a nightmare.

nightmare place

↓

They don't even have a xylophone on a string that you can drag behind you.

behind drag string xylophone

↓

[squeaking]

squeaking

↓

Well, if nobody's next, I guess I'll just go again.

nobodys

↓

[squeaking]

squeaking

↓

[chimes]

chimes

↓

Now that Stewie is back, we're gonna have some new rules to keep us safe.

rules safe stewie

↓

First, it is no longer sufficient for our pet to look after our baby.

baby longer

↓

Probably... probably the right call.

↓

Second, kids' bedroom doors are not allowed to be closed all the way.

allowed bedroom closed doors kids second

↓

I am happy to do this,

happy

↓

but I need you to be absolutely sure you've thought it out.

absolutely

↓

You don't win this one, Mom.

↓

I'm striking that last rule.

rule striking

↓

We are gonna start using the buddy system.

buddy start system using

↓

If you leave, you go with your buddy.

buddy

↓

You're okay with all these rules, Dad?

rules

↓

Sorry, bud, but I agree with Mom on this stuff.

agree stuff

↓

I learned a lot from the dad's version of the parenting classes.

classes dads learned parenting version

↓

[commentator] He took a run at Stefan there,

↓

and now it's all breaking loose.

breaking loose

↓

I also do dishes on holidays.

dishes holidays

↓

Okay, Stewie, Mom says no more screen time, so I'm gonna read you a book.

book read screen stewie

↓

This one is called "There's a Monster at the End of this Book."

book called monster

↓

[both scream]

scream

↓

Peter? Stewie? Wh... where'd you guys go?

peter stewie whered

↓

Lois, you need to, very carefully,

carefully lois

↓

remove that book from this room.

book remove room

↓

Why bring it into the house?

bring house

↓

Why take that chance?

chance

↓

Peter, enough. Read to Stewie.

peter read stewie

↓

I'm an introvert. I gotta recharge.

↓

You know the rules.

rules

↓

One of us has to be with him at all times.

times

↓

Ugh, I can't live with all these rules.

live rules

↓

Why does Meg get to live her best life in Denver?

best denver life live

↓

[♪ dramatic music playing]

dramatic dramatic-music dramatic-music-playing music music-playing playing

↓

Um, Congresswoman Boebert, could you please stop touching me there?

congresswoman touching

↓

I'm a woman. My pants are just bunched up.

pants woman

↓

If I'm going to live under Lois's rule,

live rule

↓

I've got to take a little mental escape.

escape mental

↓

Brian's gotta have some loose gummies in here somewhere.

brians loose

↓

Oh, Bri, you beautiful scumbag.

scumbag

↓

Ooh, sativa.

↓

That means nothing to me or anyone.

↓

Whoa.

whoa

↓

Peter? Where are you?

peter

↓

Relax. I just went to the bathroom.

bathroom relax

↓

Relax? Stewie is unattended in front of the TV.

front relax stewie

↓

He could easily turn into something terrible,

easily

↓

like Paramount+.

↓

Lois, you got to relax.

lois relax

↓

What would Dr. Cosby do in this situation?

cosby situation

↓

You put the plop in the drink go fizz-fizz

drink plop

↓

and make her go sleepidy floppity floo.

↓

Of course. Thank you, Dr. Cosby.

cosby course

↓

[pops and fizzes]

pops

↓

May I go to the bathroom, Warden?

bathroom warden

↓

You just went.

↓

I do different stuff every time!

stuff

↓

Mmm.

↓

This chewy Zin is excellent.

chewy excellent

↓

It's close to hitting that corner.

close corner hitting

↓

Yeah, it's gonna hit it on the next one.

↓

[♪ intriguing music plays]

intriguing intriguing-music music music-plays plays

↓

You can talk?

↓

You can understand me?

↓

Oh, I've been waiting a long time to say this.

waiting

↓

Here goes.

↓

Please stop buying the cheap baby wipes. They tear me up.

baby buying cheap tear wipes

↓

Oh, great. Your first words to me are a grocery critique.

grocery words

↓

Hey, guess what?

↓

I think Baby Shark is a terrible song.

baby shark song

↓

And Dora sucks.

sucks

↓

[chuckles] All right.

chuckles

↓

We've clearly gotten off on the wrong foot here.

foot gotten

↓

Let's start over.

start

↓

Hi, Stewie Griffin.

griffin stewie

↓

I just... I can't believe you can talk.

believe

↓

Not only can I talk...

↓

♪ I am the very model of a modern major general ♪

general major model modern

↓

♪ I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral ♪

animal information vegetable

↓

♪ I know the kings of England and I quote the fight historical ♪

england fight historical kings quote

↓

♪ From Marathon to Waterloo In order categorical ♪

marathon order

↓

[chuckling]

chuckling

↓

I love this.

love

↓

Did Peter do this once?

peter

↓

Eh, he... he mumbled his way through it, but yeah.

↓

I don't understand how we're talking.

↓

Probably because we're both zonked?

zonked

↓

[blows raspberry] I would never do that in front of my baby.

baby blows blows-raspberry front raspberry

↓

Okay, then tell me something about the Dave Matthews Band.

band dave matthews

↓

Carter Beauford is the best drummer of his genera--

best carter drummer

↓

Oh, my God, I am zonked.

zonked

↓

So, I, uh, found some gummies in Bri's car and dosed us both.

bris found

↓

-Are you mad? -Well, I should be,

↓

but this is kind of awesome.

awesome

↓

I'm talking to my baby.

baby

↓

Honestly, if I were you, I'd do this all the time.

↓

You put up with a lot.

↓

[sighs] Really? You think so?

sighs

↓

I mean, yes. Look at Peter.

peter

↓

He treats you like garbage and does zero to help out.

garbage treats zero

↓

Why do you let him do that?

↓

Oh, you are getting right in there.

↓

It's tough, you know.

tough

↓

You commit to somebody for life

commit life somebody

↓

when you're, like, 19, and you know nothing.

↓

Damn. Yeah.

↓

And it may be hard to believe, but when he was 19,

believe hard

↓

Peter was stunning.

peter stunning

↓

I mean, weirdly, I can see it.

↓

Besides, he... he's gonna be dead in a couple of years, anyway.

besides couple dead years

↓

By then, my trust fund will vest,

fund trust vest

↓

and I'm gonna be playin' in a whole different league.

league playin whole

↓

Oh, that's good. Okay, good, you got a plan.

plan

↓

That's... that's cool. That's cool.

cool

↓

[♪ soft jazz music playing]

jazz jazz-music jazz-music-playing music music-playing playing soft

↓

Hey, what's the story with Chris?

chris story

↓

It just doesn't seem like he's...

↓

How do I say this?

↓

...thriving, you know?

thriving

↓

I fell down an escalator when I was pregnant with him.

fell pregnant

↓

He totally has an escalator head vibe.

head vibe

↓

[chuckles] Yeah.

chuckles

↓

We tried to sue the mall, but then the mall just closed.

closed mall tried

↓

Remember malls?

remember

↓

You know Brian loves you, right?

brian loves

↓

Yeah, I know.

↓

No, like, he really loves you.

loves

↓

I know, I know.

↓

I don't quite know how to handle it,

handle

↓

but, aw, he's such a good boy.

↓

And he'll be dead in a couple of years so...

couple dead years

↓

[both laughing]

laughing

↓

[chuckles] You... you are one twisted lady.

chuckles lady twisted

↓

You should try out for the Capitol Steps.

capitol steps

↓

-What's that? -I don't know. It's weird at the Swansons.

weird

↓

Oh, my God. What if we did an adventure together?

adventure

↓

Oh, yes. I know the perfect thing for this vibe.

perfect vibe

↓

Watch The Big Lebowski at a small theater by a college.

college theater watch

↓

Okay. [giggles]

giggles

↓

-Do you think I'll like it? -You'll think it's fine.

↓

All women think it's fine.

women

↓

Huh. Wouldn't you think John Goodman would be the Big Lebowski?

john

↓

Whoa, yeah. Oh, that's good.

whoa

↓

I have a million of these thoughts a day.

million thoughts

↓

Who am I supposed to tell 'em to? Freakin' Bonnie?

bonnie freakin supposed

↓

Can I... Can I say something?

↓

Bonnie's not pretty enough to be as mean as she is.

bonnies

↓

Yes! That. That.

↓

I'm really enjoying being on drugs with you.

drugs enjoying

↓

I don't know why people say drugs are bad.

drugs

↓

Oof. Oh, bad time for Philip Seymour Hoffman to show up.

philip seymour

↓

I can't stop thinking about the girl who sold us the tickets

girl sold thinking tickets

↓

and then had to run and make the popcorn.

popcorn

↓

Yeah. And I saw a broom by the popcorn maker,

broom maker popcorn

↓

so you know she's putting on one more hat.

putting

↓

-I'm still hungry. -I'm starving.

hungry starving

↓

We gotta go to IHOP, right?

↓

Have to.

↓

Thank you so much.

↓

We had such a nice time.

↓

You know our waitress was the girl from the movie theater, right?

girl movie movie-theater theater waitress

↓

Yeah, I couldn't look up.

↓

Nobody's rooting for her harder than me,

harder nobodys rooting

↓

but you just know she's not getting our order right.

order

↓

Yeah, just write it down. God.

write

↓

Okay, real talk.

real

↓

Sometimes...

sometimes

↓

I get the feeling that I might love you more than you love me,

feeling love might

↓

which is fine.

↓

You're not wrong. Honestly, I can't believe I'm saying this,

believe

↓

but there was a time when I actually wanted to kill you.

kill wanted

↓

What? [chuckles nervously]

chuckles chuckles-nervously nervously

↓

Why would you wanna do that?

↓

Maybe because you're such a doormat.

↓

You let everyone walk all over you,

walk

↓

your husband, your kids, Bonnie.

bonnie husband kids

↓

I... I don't understand why that would make you wanna kill me?

kill

↓

I thought it was because I hated you,

hated

↓

but maybe I just wanted to put you out of your misery.

misery wanted

↓

I think I wanted to kill you because I came from you.

kill wanted

↓

Whatever is in you must also be in me.

must

↓

I wanted to kill the part of myself

kill part wanted

↓

that scares me the most.

scares

↓

Whoa.

whoa

↓

You're mad at me.

↓

IHOP must be a rabbit's favorite restaurant, right?

favorite must rabbits restaurant

↓

[spits and chuckles] Yeah.

chuckles spits

↓

You're gonna get us kicked out of here.

kicked

↓

Thanks for sharing.

sharing thanks

↓

That was hard to hear, but it's okay.

hard

↓

I'm your mom, and my job is to love you

love

↓

to the moon and back, no matter what.

matter moon

↓

Do you feel that?

↓

Yeah, I do.

↓

Good. Then I'm doing my job.

↓

And all you gotta do is just be a kid.

↓

We ordered omelets.

ordered

↓

Oh, no, no. This is good, though. This is good.

↓

Better than what we ordered. Yay.

ordered

↓

♪ Step on a crack, break your mama's back ♪

break crack mamas step

↓

[chuckles] No, no, I'm just joking. I'm not gonna.

chuckles joking

↓

No, you can. It's just a silly game.

game silly

↓

Okay.

↓

-[stomps] -Ahhh!

ahhh

↓

-[gasps] Mama! Mama, I'm sorry! -Oh, God!

gasps mama

↓

[laughs]

laughs

↓

-Gotcha. -Mom. Whoa.

gotcha whoa

↓

Where has this Lois been?

lois

↓

Yeah, I should let her come out more.

↓

I didn't used to be so uptight, you know.

uptight used

↓

-I... I used to be crazy and fun. -Really?

crazy fun used

↓

I... I shouldn't be telling you this, but once in college...

college telling

↓

[snickers] This is nuts. Okay.

nuts snickers

↓

Well, my friends and I, we stayed up till 1:00 in the morning,

friends morning stayed till

↓

playing Jimmy Crack Corn with spoons on the bathroom sink.

bathroom corn crack crack-corn jimmy jimmy-crack jimmy-crack-corn playing sink spoons

↓

-[laughing] -O... Okay?

laughing

↓

Yeah. It was just, like, really crazy.

crazy

↓

Hey, we should get back at Bonnie

bonnie

↓

for how mean she always is to you.

↓

Yes! [gasps]

gasps

↓

I'll go get spoons.

spoons

↓

Do you know Jimmy Crack Corn? I can teach you.

corn crack crack-corn jimmy jimmy-crack jimmy-crack-corn teach

↓

[gasps] We'll sing it so loud.

gasps loud sing

↓

No, no. Just follow my lead.

follow lead

↓

[man on TV] I wanted to get that out of the way.

wanted

↓

Bonnie gives you crap, we give her crap.

bonnie gives

↓

-Griffin style. -Uh...

griffin style

↓

[sighs] I'm not gonna be able to go.

able sighs

↓

Mom, I've known you since I was a baby.

baby known

↓

You try too hard with everything.

hard

↓

You're wound so tightly.

tightly wound

↓

Just let it go, babe. Just let it--

babe

↓

[cackles] I did it!

cackles

↓

I just let it go.

↓

Yes, the movie popcorn and IHOP

movie popcorn

↓

probably get an assist.

assist

↓

What a night.

night

↓

We should go on a trip, like to Tuscany or something.

trip tuscany

↓

Oh. Like an Eat Pray Love.

love pray

↓

Yeah, like a... like a mom and son pisghetti trip.

trip

↓

Want another Oreo?

another

↓

Ah! [laughs]

laughs

↓

Gotcha! [laughs]

gotcha laughs

↓

Oh. You remember your Oreo tantrum earlier?

remember tantrum

↓

You know, my tantrums are never about the thing they're about.

↓

Oh. What do you mean?

↓

It's a generalized lack of control.

control lack

↓

I have no autonomy. I'm on everyone else's schedule.

elses schedule

↓

Stewie, I see you. I hear you.

stewie

↓

And I feel the same way.

↓

-All adults do. -They do?

adults

↓

I mean, I'm not strapped in a car seat, but I may as well be.

seat strapped

↓

-[♪ somber music playing] -Every day it's shopping,

music music-playing playing shopping somber somber-music somber-music-playing

↓

chores, cleaning, repeat.

chores cleaning repeat

↓

So, it's not just me?

↓

Thanks, Mom.

thanks

↓

Oh, I love you, sweetie.

love sweetie

↓

So, you're not gonna kill me, right?

kill

↓

Not anytime soon.

anytime

↓

[Bonnie screams]

bonnie screams

↓

Joe! Why are there three human poos on our lawn?

human lawn poos three

↓

[Joe] Two of them aren't mine.

↓

[both giggling]

giggling

↓

[both sigh wearily]

sigh wearily

↓

[yawning]

yawning

↓

Why am I on the floor?

floor

↓

-Why are you here? -Why am I in Stewie's room?

room

↓

I don't remember anything.

remember

↓

This is like The Hangover with Justin Bartha.

hangover justin

↓

Yeah, nobody thinks of it like that.

nobody thinks

↓

Oh, there you are.

↓

I have no memory of what happened last night.

happened memory night

↓

Yet, I have the strangest feeling

feeling

↓

that Stewie and I, we shared something special.

shared special stewie

↓

Pancakes, please.

pancakes

↓

Yes, it's strange, Rupert, but I feel the same way.

rupert strange

↓

Something changed with us.

changed

↓

I think this is a whole new beginning.

beginning whole

↓

Uh-uh-uh. Too early, little guy.

early

↓

[wailing]

wailing

↓

Oh, my God. What is wrong with you?

↓

It's just Oreos.

oreos

↓

[sighs] Well, I guess we'll always have whatever last night was.

night sighs

↓

We're out of your Tom's of Maine Rough and Dry Baby Wipes.

baby maine rough toms wipes

↓

I'll order more.

order

↓

I'm gonna kill her.

kill

↓

[♪ closing theme music playing]

closing closing-theme closing-theme-music music music-playing playing theme theme-music theme-music-playing