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Home » A.P. Bio » S01E10 — Durbin Crashes

A.P. Bio

Season 1, Episode 10 — Durbin Crashes

TMDB episode metadata

Show: A.P. Bio

Episode title: Durbin Crashes

Air date: April 12, 2018

Director: Andrew DeYoung

Top billed cast: Glenn Howerton, Patton Oswalt, Lyric Lewis, Mary Sohn, Jean Villepique, Tom Bennett

When Jack casually gives Durbin some marriage advice, it backfires, gets Durbin kicked out of the house, and Jack takes him in. The A.P. Bio kids tell Jack if they can get Miles' DNA, they'll learn a little biology while pulling off the ultimate revenge.

Source: TMDB

↓

.

↓

- All right, all right, everyone start to shut up.

start

↓

I have some news today

news today

↓

that is gonna make you guys so happy.

happy

↓

- You're gonna teach us biology?

biology teach

↓

Nice, Sarika. No, guys, be serious. Come on.

sarika serious

↓

Teach you biology.

biology teach

↓

I was just at the bagel shop, and I ran into my ex, Meredith.

bagel meredith shop

↓

- You seem to run into her a lot.

↓

It's kind of bordering on stalking.

stalking

↓

- Marcus, you'd be lucky to have someone stalking you.

lucky marcus stalking

↓

- Oh, trust me. Being stalked is no picnic.

picnic trust

↓

- I'm not stalking you.

stalking

↓

We have the same class schedule.

class schedule

↓

- Interesting. Yeah, well, anyway,

interesting

↓

Meredith mentioned that she and her boyfriend

boyfriend mentioned meredith

↓

are going through a bit of a rough patch.

patch rough

↓

So I said, "Oh, my goodness. I'm so sorry to hear that.

goodness

↓

Let me know if I can help."

↓

So basically, I'll be a shoulder to cry on for a while

shoulder

↓

and then transition to full-on boning.

full transition

↓

Huh.

↓

Yeah, well, there should have been applause there.

applause

↓

Okay, guys, let's do a Miles update, shall we?

miles update

↓

No, tell me, what is the first thing that comes up

comes

↓

when you Google "Miles Leonard"?

google leonard miles miles-leonard

↓

- "Miles Leonard Stanford."

leonard miles miles-leonard stanford

↓

"Miles Leonard handsome genius."

genius handsome leonard miles miles-leonard

↓

Miles Leonard shirtless."

leonard miles miles-leonard shirtless

↓

- Okay, all right, thank you, Heather.

heather

↓

- "Miles Leonard great penis."

leonard miles miles-leonard penis

↓

- Got it. Got it.

↓

We--we all got it.

↓

Okay, everybody take out your phones.

everybody phones

↓

I want you to Google "Miles Leonard pedophile,"

google leonard miles miles-leonard pedophile

↓

and just keep typing that in until it's

typing

↓

the first result that comes up.

comes result

↓

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to be chatting

chatting excuse

↓

with my friend.

friend

↓

- Ohh, damn, homeboy.

↓

[Ramones' "Listen to My Heart"]

heart ramones

↓

- One, two, three, four!

four three three-four

↓

- ♪ Next time I'll listen to my heart ♪

heart

↓

♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪

smart

↓

♪

↓

- So you guys watch "Wyoming" last night?

night watch wyoming

↓

- Mm-hmm. - Best show ever.

best

↓

- When the rancher tells Father Tran that Sister Agnes

agnes father sister tells

↓

is missing, I'm like...

missing

↓

- I know. It's, like, who kidnaps a nun?

↓

- I have a theory about that.

theory

↓

What is the whole show is an erotic nightmare that the

erotic nightmare whole

↓

- Guys, guys, guys, guys.

↓

- No "Wyoming" spoilers, please.

wyoming

↓

- My wife won't let me watch it,

watch wife

↓

says it gets me too riled up, and I yelp and gasp too much.

gasp riled yelp

↓

- Well, that's how you know it's good.

↓

As I said, the whole time I'm watching, I'm like...

watching whole

↓

No, him?

↓

- Okay, fine. Maybe I'll sneak watch it

sneak watch

↓

when she goes and visits her mom this summer,

summer visits

↓

but for now, can we just change the subject, please?

change subject

↓

- Remember when Sister Agnes coughed up those snakes...

agnes remember sister snakes

↓

- ♪ La-la-la-la

↓

♪ La-la-la-la

↓

♪ La-la-la-la - My theory...

theory

↓

- God.

↓

- Was he about to do the whole song?

song whole

↓

- "Well, if he doesn't appreciate you,

appreciate

↓

then that's his loss."

loss

↓

Shoulder shrug emoji.

shoulder

↓

- Hey, Jack, can I ask you something?

jack

↓

- I am all ears.

ears

↓

- Well, there's this show, "Wyoming,"

wyoming

↓

that I want to watch, but my wife has asked me not to,

asked watch wife

↓

which is pretty lame, right?

lame

↓

- Yeah.

↓

You know, but I can't just go, "Hey, Brenda,

brenda

↓

"I don't care what you say.

care

↓

I'm gonna watch whatever I want."

watch

↓

Whew.

whew

↓

Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

↓

Yeah, I'm gonna do this.

↓

I'm gonna do this. Okay, it's a big day.

↓

It's a big, big day, Jack.

jack

↓

Yes! Thank you, Jack.

jack

↓

Yes!

↓

- Okay.

↓

What's all this creepy smiling you're doing?

creepy smiling

↓

And why aren't you guys Googling?

googling

↓

- We did the math, and it would take us eight months

eight eight-months math months

↓

to alter the Google search algorithm.

algorithm alter google search

↓

- And frankly, that dog don't hunt.

frankly hunt

↓

- Well, then that dog gets put down.

↓

- Did you just threaten to kill us?

kill threaten

↓

- No, I just--I got caught up in the metaphor.

caught metaphor

↓

- We do have an idea for a different mission,

idea mission

↓

one that combines revenge and learning.

learning revenge

↓

- If we got ahold of some of Miles' DNA,

ahold miles

↓

we could frame him for a crime and ruin his life.

crime frame life ruin

↓

- We'd also learn a tiny bit of biology along the way.

along biology learn tiny

↓

- But the important thing is, we'd destroy Miles' ass.

destroy miles

↓

We'd destroy his ass, man.

destroy

↓

- Hmm.

↓

I'm a little worried about the whole "learn biology" part,

biology learn part whole worried

↓

but I am intrigued by the ass destruction.

destruction

↓

Okay, fine, you guys can do the DNA mission.

mission

↓

Hey, guys, if I send Meredith two Apple emojis

apple meredith send

↓

next to each other, is it clear that I'm referring to her butt?

butt clear referring

↓

- It's definitely sexual.

sexual

↓

You know, make it all applesaucy.

↓

- Bake it, Daddy.

bake daddy

↓

Okay, bob for cinnamon.

cinnamon

↓

- Can anyone explain why everything

explain

↓

in the nuns' convent is red?

nuns

↓

- Yes.

↓

Yay.

↓

- I told Brenda, "Look, I know this show riles me up,

brenda

↓

"but you're just gonna have to suck it up

suck

↓

and deal with it, baby."

baby deal

↓

Just like Jack told me to.

jack

↓

- Yesterday in the hall you said, you know,

hall yesterday

↓

"You've got to stand up to your wife."

stand wife

↓

- You know, and I can see why you guys like the show,

↓

you know? It's--it's good.

↓

It's a little gross and scary, but it's a good gross,

gross scary

↓

and it's a fun scary, you know.

fun scary

↓

Anyway, Brenda kicked me out.

brenda kicked

↓

Yeah, so I--I got to go.

↓

I've got to gather up the rest of my stuff, so...

gather rest stuff

↓

- Come on, nobody's gets kicked out of their house

house kicked nobodys

↓

for watching a TV show. That's crazy.

crazy watching

↓

- You meddled in a complicated marriage, and apparently,

apparently complicated marriage

↓

it was the straw the broke the camel's back.

broke straw

↓

- Go talk to Durb immediately.

immediately

↓

No.

↓

- Fine, don't.

↓

- Well, now I'm going to.

↓

See how you can't control me.

control

↓

- Wow, you got me.

↓

- Oh, Ralph.

ralph

↓

- Ahh.

↓

- We have to be there for that man,

↓

that beautiful, beautiful man.

↓

- All right. - Give me a hug, Jack.

jack

↓

Honestly, I don't know.

↓

- Okay, well-- - He's so strong.

strong

↓

Let us be strong for you.

strong

↓

- Here, come on. Let's-- - Do you underst...

↓

- Oh, my God.

↓

Come on!

↓

Wow.

↓

Hey, listen, I hope I didn't screw anything up for you, man.

hope screw

↓

If there's anything I can do to help, you know, it's all good.

↓

Oh. - Hey-hey.

↓

- Ralph, what are you doing here?

ralph

↓

- Well, you said if there was anything you could do to help,

↓

it was "all good," so...

↓

- Pfff, I tell ya, that does not ring a bell.

bell ring

↓

- It's literally probably the most recent

recent

↓

conversation you've had.

conversation

↓

Look, Jack, I need a place to stay,

jack place

↓

but if you can't do it, then it's fine.

↓

I'll just--I'll just go.

↓

- Oh, good God, Ralph.

ralph

↓

Don't be so depressing.

depressing

↓

Look, fine. You can crash here.

crash

↓

- I can cr...

↓

- I tried to click my heels together,

click heels tried

↓

but I was, like, going down even before I went up.

↓

- Yeah, yeah.

↓

.

↓

- Jack, I really, really appreciate this.

appreciate jack

↓

- Yeah, well--Ralph, I let you in five minutes ago.

five five-minutes minutes ralph

↓

How are you already in full

full

↓

Were you wearing those under your clothes?

clothes wearing

↓

- I'm pretty much always ready to hit the sack.

ready sack

↓

Is it weird if I sit on your couch?

couch weird

↓

- No, it's not weird to sit on the couch.

couch weird

↓

You're sleeping on the couch. - Okay.

couch sleeping

↓

Oh, and is it weird if I put my vitamins on the coffee table?

coffee coffee-table table vitamins weird

↓

- You don't have to ask to do normal stuff.

normal stuff

↓

- You're right. I'm sorry.

↓

I'm just--I'm a little out of it.

↓

Guess I'm just missing Brenda, you know?

brenda missing

↓

Oh, her little sneezes,

sneezes

↓

the way she would print up Facebook to read at night,

facebook night print read

↓

the way she would say, "Oh, I'm cold."

cold

↓

She was always, always cold.

cold

↓

- Listen, can we not talk about your wife?

wife

↓

I'm navigating this sexually charged friendship

charged friendship sexually

↓

with my ex, Meredith.

meredith

↓

Need to maintain a playful, erotic mental state

erotic maintain mental playful state

↓

in order to transition from the friend zone

friend order transition zone

↓

to the sex...zone.

zone

↓

- You know, I totally get it.

↓

I--I should be turning in myself.

turning

↓

So how do you want to do good nights?

nights

↓

I mean, a handshake feels so formal.

feels formal handshake

↓

I could be talked into a hug, but I'm not married to it.

married talked

↓

Although, really,

↓

I'm not married to much of anything anymore.

anymore married

↓

I mean, do--do you want to, like, high-five or...

five

↓

Okay, good night.

night

↓

Here.

↓

This way.

↓

Quickly.

quickly

↓

Thaddeus told me you would come.

↓

You'll be safe here till morning.

morning safe till

↓

Quick, get under here.

quick

↓

I have bread.

bread

↓

At dawn, you will run north to freedom.

dawn freedom north

↓

I need to thanks, sir.

thanks

↓

I'm just doing my duty as a good Quaker.

duty

↓

Rub this deer urine on you.

deer urine

↓

It'll throw off the hounds.

hounds itll throw

↓

- Uh, Jack, um...

jack

↓

I have a confession.

confession

↓

I, uh, I peed last night.

night peed

↓

- Oh, in the toilet, but I wasn't sure if you had an issue

issue toilet

↓

with it or not.

↓

If you do, I'll go outside when it's dark.

dark

↓

How are things going with Meredith?

meredith

↓

- Bad.

↓

It's kind of hard to sleep with you

hard sleep

↓

shouting weird stuff all night.

night shouting stuff weird

↓

- Oh, no. I sleepwalk when I'm stressed.

stressed

↓

I

↓

- It sounded like you were working for the...

sounded working

↓

both: Underground railroad.

underground

↓

- Yeah, that's a recurring dream I have.

dream

↓

I don't know why. - I know why.

↓

- He has that dream because this man is a saint.

dream saint

↓

Every night he risks his life to help people.

life night risks

↓

Jack, that's a white man.

jack white

↓

He could look the other way.

↓

- Okay, I'm sorry. Explain why you're here.

explain

↓

- Oh, I'm making breakfast.

breakfast

↓

Come on. Come look.

↓

Hope you boys like bacon and eggs.

bacon boys eggs hope

↓

I'm here because his life is falling apart.

apart falling falling-apart life

↓

Not that Ralph needs any help.

needs ralph

↓

He could snap at any minute.

minute snap

↓

You're doing great, Ralph.

ralph

↓

I'm gonna take all these knives.

knives

↓

What are you doing?

↓

- Hey, Jack, I want to do something to thank you.

jack

↓

How about I cook dinner tonight, all right?

cook dinner dinner-tonight tonight

↓

Clams Durbin. How does that sound?

clams durbin sound

↓

- Oh, Clams Durbin.

clams durbin

↓

It's delicious. You've got to try it.

delicious

↓

So much dairy in it.

dairy

↓

Oh, it's so good.

↓

- Yeah, I don't think so.

↓

- Well, it can be anything. It doesn't have to be clams.

clams

↓

- Oh, it does. It has to be clams.

clams

↓

- That's kind of what I'm thinking.

thinking

↓

- I don't want your clams, man.

clams

↓

- Well, okay, I'll do all the grocery shopping.

grocery grocery-shopping shopping

↓

And I'll restock the liquor cabinet.

cabinet liquor

↓

- Okay, fine.

↓

- Yes.

↓

- Oh, it's gonna make you sick, but it's worth it.

sick worth

↓

- Hey, gang.

gang

↓

Now, where are you guys with this Miles plan, huh?

miles plan

↓

You guys make any headway? Has he been arrested yet?

arrested headway

↓

- We have been making some great strides.

↓

- So we started talking about planting Miles' DNA at a crime

crime miles planting started

↓

scene, but then we realized we weren't really positive

positive realized scene

↓

what qualifies as a DNA sample.

sample

↓

- You're gonna want blood, semen, hair, and saliva.

blood hair saliva semen

↓

That's your bread and butter.

bread butter

↓

- Oh, and feces.

feces

↓

- And it's considered such strong evidence that it can

considered evidence strong

↓

put people away for life.

life

↓

- I'm liking what I'm hearing, guys.

hearing liking

↓

- Well, buckle up.

buckle

↓

Tell him, bro.

↓

- If his DNA's found at a crime scene,

crime crime-scene found scene

↓

a lab will compare it to a reference sample

compare reference sample

↓

checking for any matching alleles.

checking matching

↓

- And here's where it gets dope.

dope

↓

If the alleles on the chromosome are the same,

↓

they're homozygous.

↓

- As opposed to heterozygous--

opposed

↓

- No!

↓

- Oh, I'm such a fool.

fool

↓

Foolish Jack.

foolish jack

↓

I wanted so badly to believe that you were good kids.

badly believe kids wanted

↓

But you're not.

↓

You're bad kids, aren't you?

kids

↓

- We're bad kids.

kids

↓

- Yeah.

↓

You're doing this to learn biology.

biology learn

↓

You don't give a damn about destroying my rival.

destroying rival

↓

- We just thought it would help to have

↓

a basic understanding of DNA.

basic understanding

↓

- It's in saliva, and it makes people go to jail.

jail makes saliva

↓

That's all you need to know.

↓

Now, you've got one day to get somewhere with this

↓

or it's back to typing "pedophile" all day.

pedophile typing

↓

- No...

↓

My mom made that.

↓

.

↓

♪

↓

- Oh, my God. This is wild.

wild

↓

You know what I mean? Brenda never let me

brenda

↓

drink in the house. - Uh-huh.

drink house

↓

- There's so much new stuff I can try.

stuff

↓

I could wear a Kangol hat.

wear

↓

- Yeah.

↓

Oh, no way.

↓

Hey, Ralph, why don't you go rustle up

ralph

↓

some Clams Durbin after all?

clams durbin

↓

- Yes, you will not regret this.

regret

↓

Each clam is a symphony of taste pulled from

clam pulled symphony taste

↓

the cleaner parts of Lake Erie.

cleaner lake parts

↓

- Yeah, go ahead.

ahead go-ahead

↓

Well, hey there, text buddy.

buddy text

↓

- Hey, Jack.

jack

↓

- Oh, cookie dough, frozen tamales,

cookie cookie-dough dough frozen

↓

and a gallon of ice cream.

cream gallon

↓

You doing some emotional eating?

eating emotional

↓

You're doing, like,

↓

a "Leaving Las Vegas" drink yourself to death thing?

death drink leaving vegas

↓

I wish.

wish

↓

Hey, so how are things with the boyfriend?

boyfriend

↓

- Ehh, well, so I took your advice.

advice

↓

Thank you, by the way, for letting me vent.

letting vent

↓

You've really been keeping me sane.

keeping sane

↓

- Oh, well, I'm glad to hear it.

glad

↓

I want to help; I just-- - Hey, roomie.

roomie

↓

I figured I would get the saffron first,

figured

↓

because you cannot make Clams Durbin without the saffron.

cannot clams durbin

↓

- Right. - Oh, hey, I'm Ralph.

ralph

↓

- Meredith.

meredith

↓

- Meredith.

meredith

↓

This is the famous Meredith

famous meredith

↓

that Jack is always talking about.

jack

↓

- No. - Let me tell you something.

↓

Jack is the smartest man I've ever met.

jack smartest

↓

He's a true catch. He's a classic lover.

catch classic lover

↓

And I know right now he's just a shoulder to cry on,

shoulder

↓

but oh, boy, he could be so much more.

↓

- Okay. - Right.

↓

But technically, I still have a boyfriend, so...

boyfriend technically

↓

- Yes, she--yeah.

↓

- Um...

↓

- Yep.

↓

- It was nice to see you, Jack.

jack

↓

- Yeah, good to see you. Bye. - Nice meeting you.

meeting

↓

- I'll shoot you a text or something.

shoot text

↓

- Don't drink too much.

drink

↓

- You... - She said--hey, I tried.

tried

↓

You know, I'm not--I'm not very good at this.

↓

- No. - Next time, you've got to

↓

speak up, you know.

speak

↓

When I set it up like that, you--boom--you spike it.

boom spike

↓

All right?

↓

Hey, don't be mad.

↓

- Here.

↓

Freedom lies this way, I promise you.

freedom lies promise

↓

Take this quilt.

↓

It is a map to Ontario.

↓

Shh, shh, wait, wait.

↓

I hear more people.

↓

It's more white men. I will distract them

distract white

↓

with bird calls.

bird calls

↓

- Loo-da-loo-da-loo.

↓

The Lady Rams volleyball squad got annihilated last night

lady night squad volleyball

↓

again, but hey, sometimes you lose for 10 years,

lose sometimes years

↓

12 if you count the time you dated,

count dated

↓

16 if you actually are the girls' volleyball team,

girls team volleyball volleyball-team

↓

but point is, gals, you never know what's around the corner.

corner gals point

↓

- Hey, Durbin needs to crash with one of you guys.

crash durbin needs

↓

- Oh, I can't. It's too dangerous.

dangerous

↓

Single Durbin is giving off some weird sex pheromones.

durbin giving single weird

↓

- Yes.

↓

Next season, the world is full of possibilities.

full possibilities season world

↓

You've got to smell every flower.

flower smell

↓

- Oh, come on. - Get sniffing, kids.

kids sniffing

↓

- Look, look, something's got to give, all right?

somethings

↓

He's all up in my business. I haven't slept.

business slept

↓

He almost ruined things with Meredith.

meredith ruined

↓

- Tough, Jack.

jack tough

↓

I don't see him getting back with Brenda any time soon.

brenda

↓

- Mm-mm.

↓

- So after Sister Agnes vanished,

agnes sister vanished

↓

I noticed the...

noticed

↓

- Come in.

↓

- Hey, Durbin.

durbin

↓

I've got to talk to you, man. - There's my guy.

↓

Hey, how good were those clams last night?

clams night

↓

You know what the best thing about clams is?

best clams

↓

Leftovers. Whoo.

leftovers whoo

↓

Seriously, though, I--

↓

I feel like this separation is the best thing

best

↓

that's ever happened to me.

happened

↓

Hangin' with my bro.

↓

I just feel so happy and free.

free happy

↓

- Yeah, well, you know what--

↓

you know what might make you even happier?

happier might

↓

Getting back together with your precious Debra.

precious

↓

- Brenda, but seriously, as I was saying earlier,

brenda

↓

I just feel like more and more that situation

situation

↓

was not a good thing.

↓

- Yeah, but it was love, Ralph, right?

love ralph

↓

And you didn't fight for it.

fight

↓

Ralph, you didn't fight for love.

fight love ralph

↓

But what if you did?

↓

And what if you did it with the help of a Harvard professor?

harvard professor

↓

- I guess that sounds good.

sounds

↓

- I'd like to share a philosophy nugget with you

nugget philosophy share

↓

if I may.

↓

- Yes. Oh, I've been waiting for this.

waiting

↓

- Okay, a stoic named Epictetus said,

named

↓

"If a storm hits your boat,

boat hits storm

↓

"sometimes the only option is to drown,

drown option sometimes

↓

"but do so quietly without crying,

crying quietly

↓

for what is born must also die."

born must

↓

- Holy cow. That is rough.

holy rough

↓

Ralph.

ralph

↓

- It's time to go home.

home

↓

Ralph, it's time to go home.

home ralph

↓

Ralph, what do you say?

ralph

↓

- It's time to go home.

home

↓

- There it is.

↓

My man.

↓

.

↓

- Thank you so much for sitting down and talking to us, Brenda.

brenda sitting

↓

The headline here is that Ralph is a good dude,

ralph

↓

and, well, he wants to apologize.

apologize wants

↓

- Yeah, I'm--I'm sorry that I watched that show

watched

↓

that riles me up.

↓

- Yeah, that was bad.

↓

- Oh, there's one of those little teeny-tiny sneezes

sneezes teeny teeny-tiny tiny

↓

you were telling me about.

telling

↓

Brenda, Ralph, he--

brenda ralph

↓

he misses you mad, and he wants you back,

misses wants

↓

so what do you say, huh?

↓

- It's more than just that show.

↓

- Well, yeah, of course, yeah, sure.

course

↓

Well, talk to us, you know. What else, you know?

↓

I bet it's all fixable.

↓

- Well, he does the blender so loud in the morning.

blender loud morning

↓

- Okay, well, easy fix. No blender till noon.

blender easy noon till

↓

- And most nights he sleepwalks,

nights

↓

and he's yelling about hiding families,

families hiding yelling

↓

and I need to sleep in another room.

another another-room room sleep

↓

- Yeah, well, Roger that one big time.

roger

↓

So if Ralph were able to make those changes,

able changes ralph

↓

you think you guys could get back together?

↓

- Mm, ow, oh.

↓

Oh, God. I don't know.

↓

My back is killing me.

killing

↓

I--I know this is silly, but

silly

↓

you're sitting on those cushions, and I need them.

cushions sitting

↓

- Oh, well, that's--no, that's not silly.

silly

↓

I didn't realize I was sitting in your chair.

chair realize sitting

↓

I'm sorry. You want to switch chairs?

chairs switch

↓

- Well, stop yelling at me.

yelling

↓

Why do you want to make me feel bad?

↓

I mean, it's your chair now.

chair

↓

You're the guest.

guest

↓

I'll just endure the back pain.

pain

↓

- Well, here's a fix.

↓

Why don't I take the cushions off this chair

chair cushions

↓

and put them on that chair?

chair

↓

- No, but then your back will be hurting as much as mine

hurting

↓

is hurting, and then I am gonna feel bad

hurting

↓

about doing that to you.

↓

I would feel bad about that.

↓

Oh, oh, God.

↓

Oh, my back is hurting so bad. Oh, it's hurting.

hurting

↓

Oh. Oh!

↓

- You've got to leave that woman.

woman

↓

- I know.

↓

- I mean, at first, she was complaining about you,

complaining

↓

and I was like, "Whatever," and then she turned it on me,

turned

↓

and I was like, "Pfff, that's no good."

↓

She's bad news, brother, and if that means you've got to stay

brother news

↓

here a couple more nights, it's all good.

couple nights

↓

- Mucho mucho appreciated.

appreciated

↓

God, you and I, we are a--

↓

we are a couple of pieces of work, huh?

couple pieces

↓

- Yeah. Whoa, how so?

whoa

↓

- Well, I mean, at least my dysfunctional relationship

dysfunctional least relationship

↓

was a relationship.

relationship

↓

It wasn't this one-way obsession

obsession

↓

with my high school ex.

school

↓

That was a massive overstep, wasn't it?

massive

↓

- No. You know what?

↓

I like this color on you, Ralph.

color ralph

↓

I do, and you're not totally wrong about Meredith.

meredith

↓

- Hey, no kidding.

kidding

↓

Listen, she's got a boyfriend, all right?

boyfriend

↓

You're deluding yourself, bro.

↓

- Okay, now it's too much.

↓

- Hey, which one of these pills calms you down?

pills

↓

- All uppers.

uppers

↓

- Oh, no.

↓

Oh, no.

↓

Nope, uh-uh.

nope

↓

Shut it down. Shut it all down right now.

↓

Whatever biology you're studying back there,

biology studying

↓

it's done, okay?

↓

Back to the Miles missions.

miles missions

↓

- As we said, this is both.

↓

- I think you'll be pleased with this.

pleased

↓

- I got a lock of Miles' hair, boss.

boss hair lock miles

↓

- "And a little child shall lead them."

child lead

↓

How'd you do this?

howd

↓

- Remember when you had me send him that catfish message?

catfish message remember send

↓

- Mm-hmm. - It blossomed into a very

↓

complicated online relationship.

complicated online relationship

↓

- Wow, okay. Well, kudos.

kudos

↓

Now I think it's probably best that you cut off all ties

best ties

↓

to this 40-year-old man forever.

forever

↓

- Oh, it's gonna be much easier after the holidays, chief.

chief easier holidays

↓

- Looks like I underestimated you guys.

underestimated

↓

I mean, hell, if it takes five minutes of biology a day

biology five five-minutes minutes takes

↓

to destroy my rival, then maybe it's worth it.

destroy rival worth

↓

All right, go ahead and take your seats, yeah.

ahead go-ahead seats

↓

All right, so what's the next step?

step

↓

- We find a murdered body.

body murdered

↓

Damn it. That's the next step?

step

↓

That is a very hard next step.

hard step

↓

You luck into a murdered body

body luck murdered

↓

presumably before the police have arrived?

arrived police

↓

That's insane.

insane

↓

All right, take out your phones and start typing

phones start typing

↓

"Miles Leonard pedophile" into Google.

google leonard miles miles-leonard pedophile

↓

Luck into a murdered body.

body luck murdered

↓

What are you talking about?

↓

- You want me to throw away the hair?

hair throw

↓

No, why don't you go ahead and keep the hair?

ahead go-ahead hair

↓

You know, this is Toledo after all.

toledo

↓

There's probably a dead body somewhere in this room.

body dead dead-body room

↓

♪