A P Bio

Season 1, Episode 9 — Rosemary's Boyfriend

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#1
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- ♪ Hallelujah, Glory Hallelujah ♪
#2
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♪ I'm gonna praise His name
#3
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- ♪ Glory, Hallelujah, gonna make His praises reign ♪
#4
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♪ Everybody, Lord, walk by His side ♪
#5
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♪ Every step you've got
#6
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♪ I don't care what the world may do ♪
#7
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♪ I'm gonna praise His--
#8
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#9
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What?
#10
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- Hello. I'm here to see Rosemary.
#11
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- Yeah. She's dead.
#12
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- Wait a second. Who the hell are you?
#13
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And what's with the box of rubbers?
#14
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- I'm so sorry I didn't know.
#15
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I'm an old friend of Rosemary's.
#16
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I thought I'd surprise her,
#17
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'cause, you know, it's her birthday.
#18
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- Yeah, I know it's her birthday.
#19
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She's my dead mom. What I don't know still
#20
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is what's with the rubbers?
#21
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Were you banging my mom?
#22
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- Well, yes,
#23
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but she was a lot more than a fanny-call.
#24
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- I suppose I do. I suppose I mean "booty."
#25
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I didn't know she'd passed.
#26
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We met years ago at the Little Drywood Rodeo
#27
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and sort of took up with each other.
#28
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Whenever I come to town on business,
#29
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I'd look Rosemary up and we'd-- we'd comfort each other.
#30
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Repeatedly, all over the house.
#31
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- Oh, God.
#32
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Jack!
#33
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Please! We both loved her.
#34
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- Wrongo, Father time. I loved her.
#35
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I've never even heard of you. And how do you know my name?
#36
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- Rosemary talked a lot about you.
#37
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May I ask, what have you planned to celebrate her today?
#38
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- Yeah, I, uh, I don't celebrate
#39
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dead people's birthdays.
#40
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Here's a fun secret:
#41
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They don't mind.
#42
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- We could visit her grave,
#43
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maybe have a good cry together.
#44
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It's important to let these things out.
#45
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- Uh-huh.
#46
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#47
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- In case you change your mind.
#48
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- One, two, three, four!
#49
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- ♪ Next time I'll listen to my heart ♪
#50
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♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪
#51
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#52
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- All right, everyone shut up and finish shutting up fast.
#53
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I've had a very icky morning.
#54
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Top ten ickiest of all time.
#55
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So I'm sitting there, enjoying my shower,
#56
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this old guy shows up at my door, unannounced,
#57
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looking to bang my dead mom.
#58
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And as if that wasn't gross enough,
#59
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the guy's name was Brandon.
#60
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Yeah, Brandon. I mean, we're talking about
#61
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an old Brandon. Now, this dude was old.
#62
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Must be the first in the New World.
#63
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Anyway, this creep shows up at my door,
#64
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inviting me to some sort of crying ritual
#65
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for my dead mom's birthday.
#66
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What are you talking about, man?
#67
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Old Brandon, I do not need to cry.
#68
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Tempting to plow right past this,
#69
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but, fine, I'll bite.
#70
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What's with the stupid dolls?
#71
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- These are infant simulators from health class.
#72
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- They have to be fed, burped, cuddled, changed regularly,
#73
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or otherwise they cry.
#74
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- They're perfect replicas in every way,
#75
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except we can't bathe them.
#76
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- This project was totally forced upon us.
#77
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I'm so busy with everything I already do;
#78
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I can't add a baby to it.
#79
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- You're, uh, gripping that little baby's skull
#80
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pretty tightly there, Sarika.
#81
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- I have tried all of the cuddle configurations
#82
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in the manual and none of them work.
#83
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- No, no. I will not be sidetracked by this.
#84
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Today's mission is to retaliate against Old Brandon.
#85
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This old bitch dropped a bombshell on my life,
#86
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and I vow to pay him back in kind.
#87
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- At the risk of incurring your wrath--
#88
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don't you think you should consider
#89
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genuinely commiserating with this man?
#90
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I mean, you obviously have some unresolved issues
#91
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about your mom.
#92
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Where you getting that from?
#93
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- You seem very glib about how she's--
#94
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Yeah, well, that is the adjective
#95
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that best describes her.
#96
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I'd say you guys should be more concerned
#97
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if I start describing her as "alive"
#98
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or "mommy who resides in the attic."
#99
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Besides...
#100
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even if I did have feelings about this,
#101
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I wouldn't need some sort of hokey grieving ceremony
#102
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to get over them.
#103
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- My therapist said you need to find a healthy outlet
#104
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for your feelings, otherwise you'll act out.
#105
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For me, it was annihilating mailboxes.
#106
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- I don't need help with my dead mom's birthday.
#107
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I need personal bombshells that will rock Old Brandon's world.
#108
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Ugh.
#109
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This is--this is untenable. No, come on.
#110
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Grab your babies, and I want you to throw them
#111
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in the closet right now, guys-- or you get an F.
#112
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- Mr. Griffin, these simulators measure how well
#113
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we take care of them.
#114
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- If we abandon them in a closet,
#115
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we'll get an F in Health.
#116
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Threatening "F"s is my thing.
#117
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I-- screw this.
#118
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Gonna go talk to Durbin.
#119
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- Hi, Dale.
#120
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- You didn't have to do that.
#121
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- Oh, well, you shouldn't have to pick up trash
#122
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someone throws on the floor.
#123
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- No one has ever said that to me before.
#124
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Here it goes.
#125
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Uh, Miss Stef, fair warning:
#126
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I'm coming at ya.
#127
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- Oh. - I, uh...
#128
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Would very much like to buy you a drink sometime.
#129
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Maybe go bowling or something.
#130
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- No, ma'am.
#131
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This would be a full-on romantic date.
#132
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Perfect version of it ends in some kissing.
#133
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- Um, you know what, actually, I just got this
#134
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really expensive manicure, so I really should not be bowling.
#135
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- Well, then, simply do me the courtesy of watching me
#136
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throw a few frames and then we could adjourn
#137
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into the game room for some Big Buck Hunter
#138
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and an appetizer sampler.
#139
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And honestly, if bowling is the issue,
#140
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I have other ideas.
#141
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We could go to the movies or go to the zoo.
#142
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I could show you the roof. - Listen, Dale,
#143
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I gotta be honest.
#144
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I would--I would never go on a date with you.
#145
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Because, um, my best friend, Mary,
#146
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she has a huge crush on you.
#147
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- Yep.
#148
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- Yep.
#149
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- Yep.
#150
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- Mm-hmm.
#151
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"
#152
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- That Mary, yes.
#153
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- I think I know who you're talking about.
#154
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Didn't she had a crush on me.
#155
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- So it would violate Girl Code
#156
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for me to date her crush.
#157
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So, uh, it just can't happen.
#158
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But thank you for your service.
#159
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It smells good in here.
#160
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- Thank you very much.
#161
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- This is my class.
#162
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Why can't I talk about safe sex?
#163
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- Look, Michelle, this is coming
#164
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from above, really, okay?
#165
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And I think it's good that students feel
#166
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how hard it is to have a baby.
#167
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You know, I don't have any babies,
#168
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but I've been in a restaurant where one is screaming,
#169
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and it's like, no.
#170
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- Ralph, you know these robot babies?
#171
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They suck! - Ding, ding, ding.
#172
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Exactly. - Yeah, you gotta
#173
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shut this down, man.
#174
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I need my kids focused on...
#175
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Uh...
#176
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- Yeah. Yes. Yeah, perfect.
#177
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The A.P. te--
#178
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The babies are messing up test prep.
#179
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- You know what, guys, there's nothing I can do here.
#180
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I mean, Ohio is back to abstinence-only education.
#181
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Our-- - Come on.
#182
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I need to give these kids condoms.
#183
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Ralph, they work.
#184
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Otherwise Keith and I would have...
#185
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100 or so kids.
#186
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Maybe two-hundy.
#187
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- Okay, Michelle, thank you for being so open,
#188
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but the only thing that we're allowed to say about condoms
#189
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is that they are 2% ineffective
#190
6104939d-72ea-4d42-a1c0-6ebadde8d0e1.gif
and everyone is watching you while you buy them.
#191
8cda4c33-eca1-4a18-bc23-1c5ce730de5f.gif
So our only option is to scare these kids off of sex entirely.
#192
44d9f262-2f38-4709-a7d3-36f9494fc0ec.gif
- Ralph. Ralph, Ralph.
#193
bb1ea71f-b3d0-468b-a085-52ca8be57c14.gif
My kids are in no danger of getting laid, okay?
#194
a0053951-45b3-44e1-b2e8-50fe8a185d2c.gif
They do not need a sex deterrent, trust me.
#195
642ef2bf-75f6-4d84-b8a5-80a5fdf6691b.gif
If anybody needs a sex deterrent,
#196
962b24c2-1de4-43de-918e-d0696413d31e.gif
it's wrinkly old gigolos who travel from town to town,
#197
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seducing innocent old moms who just want to enjoy a nice day
#198
1210e8fd-640d-401d-8453-2a3315342c13.gif
at the rodeo. That's all they want.
#199
f767da78-ad86-471d-8548-f34ffd61b178.gif
Eh...
#200
8cfc007a-7ec8-4f32-8f9e-36edce85fd25.gif
- I don't recognize this country anymore.
#201
3b3605b5-f0b8-4672-9309-f52fb45c97fe.gif
- If we're gonna settle the score with Old Brandon,
#202
96c6e37d-dd3b-43a1-966a-3dad7dbd3219.gif
we're gonna have to divide and conquer.
#203
e03c5cb9-48b6-4d1a-ab3e-3a9fff7b51aa.gif
All right, B-squad's got the babies under control.
#204
affe265b-33f1-4cff-9151-6ee37ac20f0a.gif
A-squad, let's hear what you've got on devastating Old Brandon.
#205
3837b017-17ef-4658-b9aa-52587358731d.gif
- Just tell him that your mom
#206
9c2948e6-b158-49f0-891a-4c41ac825d1b.gif
slept with everyone on the block.
#207
8d5c53ae-ee6b-4290-b1cd-8a764d94e770.gif
- Come on, Anthony, I can't use that.
#208
46c6499d-abf9-4d09-9a56-5a5ca1ed462f.gif
All right, keep in mind, this is a bombshell
#209
168c2d4f-05ca-48d5-a45b-0681867bb32e.gif
that's gonna be dropped at her grave.
#210
4b66dda6-c669-40cd-8043-a2664f8f38fe.gif
- And it's her birthday, Anthony.
#211
d6058713-fbdf-48f8-bb2f-0c4e355bcda9.gif
Show some respect.
#212
161c9b09-cd35-46f2-9d3b-32eb13224141.gif
- You know, sometimes I get mad because I don't want to be sad.
#213
53c6d904-a136-42d5-873e-9b7b3a886227.gif
- I'm just saying maybe you're really sad.
#214
68b9eb23-ff2d-45ae-9cb8-2d38343e5992.gif
- About your mom's birthday.
#215
b947187f-8d65-43bd-9811-1557a91c2cfc.gif
- You know what's really sad is watching you guys
#216
cdcd68d4-1358-4a1c-937d-8a279ac5e9ec.gif
trying to analyze me with your unfinished brains.
#217
399f848b-608c-444f-bcaa-a7b0562e86f9.gif
Somebody give me something I can use, please.
#218
eb1c0510-d059-4bd5-8683-a3ca38299337.gif
Heather, go.
#219
6cd40b1c-75ca-4891-893a-754b2b7484fc.gif
- Two words: sucker punch.
#220
b362daec-47a9-4c6c-8c1e-b3b63a891e49.gif
- All right, that's in the right area.
#221
13c785a5-5dae-43df-84ae-b0ea1b58bdb9.gif
Can't do that, though.
#222
70e18e63-433d-4439-9ce8-95972a18099e.gif
Fighting an old man's kind of what got me banished
#223
d72799bb-9fdd-46a2-806b-676282acd336.gif
at Toledo in the first place. Come on, guys!
#224
d7a36aa2-bca4-4a39-ab15-f530c23cf7a0.gif
Come on!
#225
bfb39506-e3d2-484f-a969-dc5433496429.gif
Don't you care that this man banged my mom?
#226
17e3a1b8-a4ce-454b-984b-24d1103bbd39.gif
Son of a bitch! - Seems like you're being
#227
df93e55d-95c9-4b29-a74a-d76749591437.gif
a bit of a prude.
#228
4f167174-72b9-43ce-9c02-d2d8b4201c34.gif
Well, that's not possible.
#229
4e1beee1-6e19-4fc5-b194-e7131717b5d4.gif
How could I be a prude when I have had sex with...
#230
108adb89-a68d-4eab-84c0-fbab6bb70419.gif
all: Twenty-four women.
#231
da90b6a7-6052-4c8f-ad12-1774b6aa379f.gif
- We get it.
#232
8d42ed58-e32f-483e-aa91-bb3a91e6f0fc.gif
- Mr. Griffin, I think I have something.
#233
8aa28a2c-a5b0-4e62-8c04-f6f4b36d56da.gif
Despite being in B-squad,
#234
7fb70d25-1c5c-4761-8357-982c49a321f2.gif
I have discovered that Old Brandon
#235
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has a daughter here in Toledo.
#236
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- Sadie Rodonski. A personal injury lawyer.
#237
2fcac72b-4c8b-49ab-a402-ca13b9b52bf5.gif
You know what, this could actually be perfect.
#238
ec0f2952-13e1-4dc5-a153-d9294d0a3ada.gif
I could tell his daughter about his disgusting affair
#239
d80f10f3-b909-4483-8ac6-45d58801130f.gif
with my dead mom. She'd be completely yucked out
#240
29092ac0-a843-49cb-ba78-0a396274add2.gif
just like I was. It'll ruin all their
#241
66c3c1c0-dc52-4280-ad7a-fb5710a58773.gif
family dinners for the rest of their lives.
#242
e596af67-a14a-4c30-ba4f-f0d948958828.gif
Even Steven.
#243
a30e77e1-ddf9-41e0-a8a3-f73314fe5261.gif
- That doesn't sound even.
#244
2aabda7c-404c-418c-80b6-fcc38a79f32b.gif
That just sounds like harassing a stranger.
#245
9e534347-16d3-41e7-a03f-06643a761c94.gif
- Uh, yes, hi. I have been severely
#246
3b0caa08-acf5-4d79-915d-a0cd247488ea.gif
personally injured.
#247
05c58c98-b889-43e8-a1da-cab56b5c8190.gif
I'd like to speak to your top attorney, please.
#248
25a4d45f-8756-4789-bcd8-5091b75f6508.gif
No, no, no. Not her.
#249
350fb564-081a-4afc-9773-dcee5edbc474.gif
Get me Sadie Rodonski.
#250
f6b31b04-7005-4c42-8e4a-03a2944c161a.gif
.
#251
08c880ea-44c7-4892-a9c5-e8ddbf663960.gif
- All right, Mr. Griffin.
#252
d98c132a-5ffa-409c-b895-83d8fc058ba8.gif
Thanks for waiting.
#253
bfccdc6d-72fa-4294-9e4c-c9a58e041af0.gif
Let's see if we can get you paid.
#254
7c2b61cd-825a-46bc-a06d-42d83552ad98.gif
So what is the nature of your injury?
#255
c263618c-f1bf-4a4d-9b12-b8fa76c52807.gif
- Well, I have been severely grossed out.
#256
f17426fb-472a-41c5-ad68-7db7cf2a2fdd.gif
- Unfortunately, yeah, to the max.
#257
5838ae62-c151-4e7b-b47c-c2bb9c43912c.gif
Sadie, I hate to spring this on you,
#258
a4b809aa-8326-44af-8af3-2306e0119990.gif
but our old parents...
#259
0c2bc6e5-860b-4906-a76e-a5d82d6b9111.gif
well, they, uh, they...
#260
c9a92323-be76-4317-af0d-8be7e1e1ef52.gif
they put their stuff all over each other.
#261
5bc9dcfd-cec5-4e17-af7c-74fe6ef7221e.gif
- Oh, my God. Are you Rosemary's kid?
#262
e58aaaf4-bba3-4288-808c-b230dddf70da.gif
- Wait a minute, you already know about this?
#263
2e6d03b8-54a6-44cb-9ca7-8e53c01b5858.gif
- Yes.
#264
dc72363e-49ca-4bc3-bcd4-c90480114089.gif
- Damn it.
#265
a141ceca-1f52-4f21-8561-326090234e21.gif
I...I was hoping to devastate you to get back at your dad.
#266
b483c443-2175-4ee2-81fc-9a96ad72d599.gif
- Oh, my God. I totally get that.
#267
7c355616-5c91-410d-b4cc-d1f31f1261f2.gif
I mean, I hated your mom when I found out.
#268
a37708bc-a420-4a9d-89b7-1672ecd3200e.gif
They got together, like, eight weeks after my mom's funeral.
#269
7b672e7b-f2b4-4a8a-b3b2-59d235502b3e.gif
- Oh, ouch. So your mom's dead too, huh?
#270
eeec9f66-7cf8-486b-8a24-58e697d568b0.gif
- She's dead.
#271
398b23d2-0cad-42d4-8d06-22ddb47a9654.gif
- Yeah, sounds like your dad's got a type.
#272
b3826b41-52c8-40d6-a26e-f25973ff5b7e.gif
Almost-dead people.
#273
e337c4bc-df66-442e-86bc-c22c89e6ec28.gif
I mean, did you just want me to get me to picture
#274
6f5dc39d-697a-4a30-b675-c56d2f2cff8f.gif
these two white raisins stuck together
#275
12548282-b551-4955-9766-6e1c961fa280.gif
so I'd pick a fight with my dad?
#276
aa1c3a73-70a9-4cb2-810b-80e820303193.gif
- Yeah, that was pretty much it.
#277
eae19bae-419b-4478-87cc-57e521fe3c48.gif
- Yeah, that's pretty conniving.
#278
130fb851-e499-462b-8ffd-83d79ee4ec6f.gif
So I guess you're not just a face.
#279
d93918de-7d0e-4730-8d24-d50d8776eed0.gif
You've got a brain too.
#280
2bdb8649-8075-43e0-abf5-d8270d05e559.gif
- Oh, yeah, I got a big old brain.
#281
f5a9e356-2dad-4ee4-b890-1549d5c4e03c.gif
Yeah, PhD from Harvard.
#282
1490cf35-efaa-4238-a1d6-5c5d3a386b3c.gif
- You know, I just thought of a really fun way
#283
afe63892-0e7e-4104-9e21-947007ca5328.gif
that we could get back at our folks.
#284
5fa827de-c522-47b2-b78c-86106d05b49c.gif
#285
7eb71040-2394-491f-9055-823368436e48.gif
Lock the door.
#286
bf42373d-6e0b-4356-ac91-97b3b25fc934.gif
You sure?
#287
358e9a8e-6673-4f6f-8df0-cd199a1be989.gif
- Devastate me.
#288
3c58789a-8c8e-429d-9593-a0226703c50a.gif
#289
31797386-8ca3-42e0-8d9d-6e0f426116d3.gif
- I'll get the art room today.
#290
c9b5084a-2451-4fd9-bf13-28ec1c9ff0fd.gif
- Oh, okay, just 'cause they gave you the keys,
#291
521794f8-37b7-46f6-845a-d3cf172afff0.gif
you my boss now?
#292
673e6bf6-0523-4cc0-80e9-65eb0aaa0de3.gif
- Oh, hey, Dale. What's up?
#293
ed0370e7-c127-4a5f-9373-ac397b1bc628.gif
- Oh, boy. Uh, let me stop you right there.
#294
56831101-8921-4549-a863-7f145aafd78d.gif
You are clearly a good and kind person
#295
3b88a00f-a6fb-4246-ba55-165f265b3c03.gif
who deserves happiness with someone.
#296
99350ba4-01d4-428a-9059-bc762ddfab47.gif
But I am not that someone.
#297
dd1ab9f4-7b67-4040-8067-f1060a0ad006.gif
And you have to get that through your head.
#298
17c523b8-1787-49bb-bf4f-df517f309fab.gif
- The best thing for you to do
#299
55cb8e26-30de-47bf-8e04-96ce1da2c6c7.gif
is just forget about me.
#300
3640955c-8585-4815-8c9b-ffe2ee1d36bb.gif
You can tell your parents we're dating, if that's helpful.
#301
ae5c863c-146a-43b2-a30d-79eb8670ec0f.gif
- Twenty-five, bitches.
#302
e6af1887-e386-4d92-a0e9-5df959693ae6.gif
Yeah, after a very productive meeting with Sadie Rodonski
#303
d0602758-9a29-4997-92a4-46a3fa6445ec.gif
this morning, I have now had sex with 25 women.
#304
524526c4-7331-4718-97a7-8c1358f1f5c9.gif
And am armed with a bombshell that is going to destroy
#305
b58268f5-aa28-4671-8776-383873ef2656.gif
Old Brandon's life.
#306
76861784-6b06-4467-aa7b-2e8d5b654f8f.gif
- So you just had sex before work?
#307
14502b69-0267-418e-b45d-f17a13bab04d.gif
- Yeah, man.
#308
16fd7b3a-6338-49e5-a9a4-cb798e4dc067.gif
- Are you prepared for the consequences?
#309
96b5fc29-d675-4fde-aed4-553ce74f030a.gif
She could get pregnant.
#310
b6db5318-aacf-48e5-9386-0fb3042a5441.gif
- No, we were safe. We were safe.
#311
ae10a404-4fc3-4aa0-aee0-2b2c18d65667.gif
It's fine. It's fine.
#312
5f514a2c-9360-4931-a8d2-a028b1a7db9d.gif
I think...
#313
5b16812e-6033-4068-827b-f96e2efbbf1f.gif
I think we'll be...fine.
#314
ac0b5ee2-21a7-482f-a682-ff7fd36a197a.gif
The sperm can't crack the lady's eggshell
#315
f14e9750-1b19-43ee-9c20-4713ef4684f2.gif
unless they're in love.
#316
74c20d69-4c39-420c-8599-763c3dc7e103.gif
Wow, you guys really do need Sex Ed.
#317
b3ff593a-46bc-4278-b692-4a221b497a0f.gif
Plus, you're focused on the wrong part, man.
#318
76d7b301-4908-45a1-b238-0754414f18dd.gif
I have my bombshell. This is great.
#319
070a300b-881e-4403-83aa-d50e5d564f38.gif
All I have to do now is call Old Brandon,
#320
228cead2-1321-4173-9b5a-5b988a376ae4.gif
arrange to meet him at my mom's grave,
#321
f8d88c3e-ceb6-4a52-a71b-fa9f912d866d.gif
and then...
#322
709859bc-a15e-4ef8-8198-defe255fe003.gif
Using sex as a weapon seems extreme, even for you.
#323
6a3e4f9f-d599-43b2-8176-a2674ed9f39b.gif
- Marcus, I'm not using sex as a weapon.
#324
ddb77cad-26cb-433f-87ff-80215fa6fd22.gif
I'm using the fact that I happened into
#325
6c6fd98f-699b-4bf0-aeac-827d77da8bff.gif
organic, consensual, wonderful love-making
#326
614c270d-7097-49e7-840c-08e13e83420e.gif
as a tool to destroy my enemy.
#327
94480743-70bc-4165-8c45-5fd354f300c6.gif
Plus, Saddie and I are cool, man.
#328
92365898-fc3f-4c65-8544-7c363b0a951f.gif
You know, we're having drinks on Friday,
#329
6634be6b-aadb-49ab-98aa-39dd66b22a64.gif
so, yeah.
#330
d9bccf67-4a55-468e-9016-90c3b8a70404.gif
Now, if guys will excuse me,
#331
120e9d25-6247-4e07-8cd0-5c14b59e8340.gif
I'm gonna call the old letch.
#332
73a32be2-912d-47e0-b934-38ddd06904c0.gif
- Guys, just let him go.
#333
9a0a6933-7b30-41b1-bab7-dc075290eb26.gif
- He's being self-destructive.
#334
882b76df-3ba2-43f5-bf10-baa3973291ab.gif
I already deal with this brat.
#335
bc088840-3b27-411f-863f-45bbf09f49cf.gif
I can't care of another one.
#336
b0bdb60f-1450-4afc-9f6c-112fd2bc71b2.gif
- At what age do you think we'll start
#337
88241286-1233-41f9-947d-1df092cdff60.gif
"happening into organic, wonderful love
#338
5a328d81-aad4-4d55-9f72-ca03ad0c2b5f.gif
- I don't think we're those kind of guys.
#339
f97f1c3d-f4f3-40c3-949c-cc56cf897a3c.gif
- Oh, yeah, man. I'm so down to grieve.
#340
8c57a1f7-5917-43f7-afc2-73c3cf6a17f6.gif
Yeah, you know, I need this for my heart.
#341
1539b455-13fb-4516-a8a3-e72ce4925a99.gif
Yeah, no, I'll meet you right there.
#342
c4de4408-4a94-449a-8e57-2518227513c0.gif
I'll meet you right at the gravestone.
#343
b94678bf-e2b0-4f24-a506-55c8ceacf24f.gif
We'll turn on the waterworks. It's gonna be great.
#344
8952a0df-8b57-4132-9be8-ef958e79de69.gif
.
#345
9b42dac2-e907-4c82-9ae8-f135eca90b93.gif
- Hey, Mary.
#346
8d375a97-c912-42c6-aed7-e1aea3d86e41.gif
You know, you know, let's eat lunch in my car today.
#347
c7f5c913-ad6e-47ae-9457-636e9c08a0be.gif
All these crying babies got my womb twitching.
#348
73b56343-d57e-4d27-9b6e-9bc63031b487.gif
- Mm-hmm. Just give a minute.
#349
99601ed5-94c5-4417-ac84-ffe01bdf22dc.gif
- And by the way, so I might have told
#350
af739e2e-cca6-423a-adf7-2105769f5a60.gif
Dale the janitor that you might have a crush on him.
#351
28ed5d72-8aab-4608-be97-6272c2d81638.gif
He asked me out, and I kind of panicked.
#352
04f03493-2bcb-4644-90d8-43d34532abba.gif
- Oh, well, this explains a lot.
#353
083c7a0b-0906-4827-96d2-39a5b7fa6c33.gif
He just came in here and shot me down, hard.
#354
6fc897f9-e24b-4651-948f-a6f0bede01e5.gif
Like, out of nowhere.
#355
56f58771-b378-4067-86ce-7bcaa1f7ffd1.gif
- Mary, I am so sorry.
#356
753f9d80-95f5-4227-a9ac-d3c5c9ffdc17.gif
See, this is my fault. I'm gonna go.
#357
8247cc51-f5d4-45e0-911c-d8342a2e0806.gif
- I don't have time to be mad at you.
#358
b4e00e24-26fe-433c-b4ea-34aacfdc0eff.gif
He took it way too far.
#359
ff1c24f9-35e6-4090-959e-0591f479cf58.gif
I'm gonna hook him and then dump him on his ass.
#360
2e59f95e-9b25-48b8-b590-55d51e96d7b9.gif
This here is a janitor trap.
#361
6191b4e8-d98f-4d81-9394-140624e32e12.gif
See, tonight, Dale's gonna come in and spot this $5 bill
#362
6b16d6d6-49a4-4723-87a3-7893f2339b15.gif
sitting conspicuously on my trashcan.
#363
c9e41bad-46c9-41c2-9607-fd68a77c0d0d.gif
That's the bait. - Okay.
#364
21f8624a-9d44-4287-aef8-0edd46e99f17.gif
- And now you know he's gonna dive right now,
#365
71fdd34a-bfc8-4599-878c-69727310ea12.gif
rooting around for more.
#366
9da10e4a-288b-45e7-b10a-2b6ef00bbe9a.gif
- Greedy little pig.
#367
57c5e999-5d50-4779-842c-adee6a0eb812.gif
- But what we'll find instead
#368
94854f1f-298a-4d86-9a44-0f648d5775c0.gif
is a selection of carefully curated items,
#369
6fe0a870-1ca2-4d86-a9bc-98cbf0864e7e.gif
which you might call sexy trash.
#370
2cdaaa38-c122-4a21-a251-0b082600f61f.gif
Such as a flattering photo of moi.
#371
5477d8c9-bc43-4d46-8953-2d6445ab3468.gif
- Yeah.
#372
7f7ec14e-45df-4a1d-b1cb-4cd97652b9f7.gif
- The novel "Dune."
#373
5a972536-24b5-4f78-be84-217421d9097a.gif
All guys like that.
#374
53f6ae08-e3e0-44b4-ba5c-12fb5653cdd8.gif
A yoga award for most flexible.
#375
82da0561-de1e-4427-843b-4c1846137dbc.gif
- Mm-hmm. - Hmm.
#376
102ed7fe-2cc4-415a-be32-2c992b7084b6.gif
And then just some old regular trash
#377
83a29bf7-f2e4-4dc6-aa42-f2b91f4052a6.gif
so he feels good about doing his job.
#378
27051ab5-794d-4c27-b6a9-c0fc4cecc3d4.gif
Once he gets all thirsty, that dirty like dastard's
#379
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gonna come running back to mama,
#380
ea11301a-c787-4cfd-b13c-ec3b8ad6cfb6.gif
begging for a drink,
#381
d0b5af5a-d943-486a-9a1f-b0fc6dc3cf35.gif
which I'll be delighted to deny him.
#382
1a6a52c4-6a57-4e38-9adf-8841f29ff2bb.gif
- This is a lot, Mary. Okay?
#383
12ef2b6c-4357-4016-b082-1eac49653c16.gif
I mean, I would have just keyed his car.
#384
8234334b-95b5-4f17-a9f1-c561bdcdcf80.gif
- Well, I teach Art, Stef. I like crafts.
#385
e6b64e65-0a46-4a1f-9110-94de4fcd878c.gif
- Hey.
#386
4a10056f-8440-421d-b9d2-76007fdf1578.gif
I know we started off on a bad foot,
#387
86edda9d-aaea-4248-8acd-ed34f6270e26.gif
but I'm glad you decided to come.
#388
e03d50ea-ff7e-47e3-823f-b1f0b9ad2bbc.gif
- Yeah, well, you really threw me for a loop there,
#389
684bd070-d3cb-4f05-9ae4-250f8837a216.gif
you know?
#390
c7164450-8edf-4f7f-a8aa-ae01e935bed2.gif
But it's okay, it's fine.
#391
f99e7555-957f-4c8c-8476-71b288bfe7bf.gif
So, no big.
#392
8aa644bb-66ac-474c-b5ff-d518231ac11a.gif
Uh, you wanna get this thing going or what?
#393
d663cbcd-82ea-4109-895d-89d16c7cb680.gif
- Oh, would you like to start by saying a few words
#394
e735af79-8149-4ac1-8658-5f86b2be05ae.gif
about your mom?
#395
a6fb983d-e2db-4663-b1d6-356ad12efbe2.gif
- Uh, no, you know what,
#396
c5219660-5aef-4700-99c6-e39ff79619c3.gif
I think it's better if you go first.
#397
f47ffd04-00e3-4b72-aacb-b48e19d735c8.gif
I want to go last. You go first. Go, go, go.
#398
c832dca7-72c5-49b0-af44-cc02722b56c0.gif
- Oh, well, after my wife died,
#399
a012e90c-f1d9-4a29-8ecb-c26a64a0e5c7.gif
I didn't think I'd ever feel passion...
#400
78362d4f-48fa-40d5-8bf1-26633ddb6fa2.gif
- Right. - Again.
#401
560b2a54-30ba-4e79-aed4-f69c976a74bd.gif
But my heart found its feet once more with Rosemary.
#402
1564db53-469f-4c1d-9aa7-edc9e458c6fb.gif
- I banged your daughter.
#403
f0e3b0bf-63ce-4ac7-a58c-e6135f3d4bb6.gif
Why aren't you reacting? Did I break your old brain?
#404
bb5c5ac1-0a94-4c3b-84c3-8ae89b0bf75f.gif
- Well, color me not surprised.
#405
da379785-8b2d-456f-bdd8-07bd9de5d7f4.gif
You two are a couple of hot tamales.
#406
a6f37ccb-0273-4a63-a3d8-816683448cce.gif
I'm glad the two of you found comfort in each other's arms.
#407
fbd783cd-1041-4195-b531-db91f2f30bed.gif
- You know, that's your daughter, you sleaze.
#408
4bb4bdd3-edda-403d-a07f-6a321478bcb6.gif
- I'm what you call "sex positive."
#409
ebac49f3-5471-4c94-a622-1a1fcc45a7ca.gif
Daughters have sex, Jack. So do mothers.
#410
d4daabf9-7d3c-48fa-b0bd-2e14957e0b31.gif
And it seems our families generate some pretty potent
#411
50274cf8-be9f-4990-b3a6-b72a6d962be8.gif
sexual chemistry.
#412
f7a2513f-4ebb-4639-9c38-a0a5930151cf.gif
- Look, you're bound to feel big feelings
#413
4ca79901-98aa-40ad-84ab-5f499c69e1fa.gif
here at this place.
#414
4f7ff89b-0b59-4412-9413-3b93b7ea3461.gif
It's okay to let it out, Jack. Huh?
#415
1fa7ea50-3f5e-4664-afd2-85335d9e965b.gif
Come on, son. It's okay to cry.
#416
f8016a35-4abf-4ff0-9514-510d787d97c4.gif
Ooh!
#417
9d11a329-ecf9-4602-ad3f-d90e3cfa1001.gif
- Oh!
#418
da44069b-4d59-49f7-ba74-a032c97768d9.gif
Ah!
#419
bfdea32a-7a12-476a-9b89-4bad7b0f21fd.gif
Stop!
#420
953d8c04-a10b-4d70-9f0d-ab73cb44c530.gif
#421
b2f900ea-f2aa-4efb-834f-cb6d16663ea8.gif
- These babies are getting out of hand, Ralph.
#422
77b3e7b2-f6e6-48c4-8fb2-7d2612dc83e4.gif
The students aren't sleeping,
#423
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the parents are complaining.
#424
46df9286-582b-4224-80bc-eb33815f98d7.gif
And all the other teachers hate me!
#425
9fa4da94-2050-459c-a91a-35dfa4be5aaa.gif
- Okay, Alyssa, Alyssa. I'm sure they don't hate you.
#426
6b7400ca-4127-4810-aef9-13e4c477773d.gif
- Coach Novak threw a dirty diaper at my head.
#427
ff846537-108e-48cc-ae90-a1f6dd1a9e75.gif
Which I'm now realizing must have been from his nephew
#428
82dccbc9-b347-4511-b39a-4a844753f9d1.gif
or something, which means he drove to school with it.
#429
76b04b10-668b-45d8-b6d4-1897993ef629.gif
But for now, we got to tough it out with these babies,
#430
bcbe5aac-0d1e-44d7-80b5-f4f3d8c3e56d.gif
for the next couple of days.
#431
25dfdf1b-8fac-4827-b523-f435fd5a668b.gif
- They're not responding to the soothing techniques anymore.
#432
ac9a6fbb-93e8-4c6d-8459-e79713fc7820.gif
I think there's something really wrong with them, Ralph.
#433
e6c9a337-2b9e-448a-8186-4e4db8ac5827.gif
- Okay, I may have gone outside official supply lines
#434
e0a72c07-2b30-4ef0-a10b-b87d61a6a98a.gif
to get a discount, but when the guy sold them to me,
#435
cf37cbfb-ddc3-4975-8db8-8d93df77ed6a.gif
he said they were slightly irregular.
#436
446189d6-f3d0-4677-ac7b-6982151c04e3.gif
I assumed that meant it was how their fingers
#437
10c10bd2-1620-4b75-8646-322db39f3db3.gif
looked like tiny penises.
#438
bda53321-365e-4ce7-bcb4-a64afdd6d00b.gif
I didn't know they were gonna malfunction.
#439
b46e1982-9be6-4133-a271-35b8715e463c.gif
- Well, they are, Ralph. What are we gonna do?
#440
df1229a0-bbdd-4016-a5b9-38379d813516.gif
Oh, God.
#441
da9839e3-4587-4cd5-8a75-d12380a35a86.gif
Sorry.
#442
f9edf8c0-56c8-4c0f-b5a8-8b47b471fcd2.gif
It looks like Willem Dafoe.
#443
6d94a716-9c66-4e1d-bada-1523016e42fd.gif
- Oh. It's a compliment.
#444
228cc615-dce7-4e6b-a224-2e5134b5acbc.gif
- It says this should work.
#445
2df09d68-b208-46b2-b1a4-09f52bfc849a.gif
Why isn't it working?
#446
f9ed8187-b5bb-4172-b27d-ff73477f3fbe.gif
- I can't swaddle any tighter.
#447
67347253-f1de-4f49-a02d-6a432210b7ae.gif
- Can't find my sucky...
#448
83f3c529-66df-411a-bde6-e34ad41e2a85.gif
food juice can.
#449
e7a92ba2-b67a-4331-bd4c-6134ada0864f.gif
Stupid mom brain.
#450
1c5f3bd8-aedf-4da6-aa8a-3375c0f1c30a.gif
Hey, hold on to my grade for a second
#451
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while I stop by my locker.
#452
82ea82a0-7ff6-4c70-b5cd-4fb141096448.gif
- Latch on, damn it. Latch on.
#453
3fc6da8c-c689-4736-aa8f-70ddf0d26457.gif
- Shut up!
#454
e5f77436-0dee-48fa-aa00-6d104e211fdf.gif
Shut up your silly cybernetic offspring.
#455
6cae3ebf-5d9c-43cd-9747-6528cd1ee414.gif
- Whoa, did you get in a fight?
#456
64f93951-003a-47a6-aee1-70b3c0786fee.gif
- Yeah, Old Brandon frickin' decked me.
#457
90ae28fe-515e-4728-bf5e-33cef40c841a.gif
But get this, guys: I told him I boinked his daughter;
#458
aa8bb91c-a45c-45a7-869b-7b0f9973cf6b.gif
he didn't give a hoot.
#459
77b9fa1b-b702-4461-8894-9fd97a7be5d8.gif
Stupid hippie thought it was neat.
#460
d1bb7b06-cd96-45ab-aa0c-03625c919507.gif
- So why did he knock you around then?
#461
297248e4-fd18-42ce-be61-36b4e6cd94c3.gif
- Well, because I tried to sucker punch him, Heather.
#462
57a2e8f8-717f-4af8-9bad-3d2d148fd9b1.gif
And how are old men so strong?
#463
6eb85d9c-c45f-4f7d-94a6-0584c04619fb.gif
I mean, this guy had the grip strength of an orangutan.
#464
fbd512aa-da00-4219-ae71-f923f1b87be1.gif
It was insane. - Shh!
#465
83feceb0-dcce-4f3e-9dd8-60c9a1be2053.gif
- Seriously, shut those babies up.
#466
2b625db8-540c-48b3-a731-cdfd864b0a5d.gif
- We can't! They won't stop.
#467
326125a2-7aa8-4507-8730-6574d27ff3a9.gif
- This is how the world is now.
#468
0ebacd07-8b36-4837-a7d3-8a947d617253.gif
- Mother of God.
#469
bd1da6d6-9e35-453c-bf0c-1fda696b74e2.gif
The sound is burrowing into my brain.
#470
95a9e6c0-56e8-4b0f-9db8-b1d36b28d0cf.gif
It's worse than Marcus. - Hey, that's unfair.
#471
67867d21-3773-4359-8258-f7072f0d35a3.gif
I am the bereaved party here.
#472
30d57a24-1d07-4b49-a2c4-525878b3bc1d.gif
Some traveling pervert steals my mom's birthday from me
#473
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and then has the grey-haired balls
#474
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to tell me how to deal with her death?
#475
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#476
6bfa016e-d18d-4e0f-b02e-5732c318680d.gif
Give me the babies.
#477
b5d1a481-084d-442d-880c-2f075af966ed.gif
Just give me all the babies.
#478
cb6fbe9b-5305-40c8-b8fc-adb2f8acc30b.gif
Stupid thing. Come on, give it to me.
#479
4a331266-dcd7-44b3-b71a-799a8e54546a.gif
Give this to me. Gimme, gimme, gimme.
#480
6393cc63-a2d3-4dc2-b6a0-a90ac7dbc7e6.gif
Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, guys.
#481
1f06eb29-68db-4459-90fb-ec5273aa3e20.gif
Yeah, yep, all the babies.
#482
0c131c96-537a-4294-8044-f1b757f08125.gif
I'm gonna deal with this baby problem right now.
#483
f8c1a423-3711-4172-a4e2-9e3c0a66a01e.gif
.
#484
0282c2f7-0762-44c7-83bf-51b98f74a5b4.gif
- Give me that.
#485
7748b6cd-6ff8-4650-836b-198c5a5307de.gif
Gimme, gimme. Gimme babies.
#486
f760ccdd-e381-46d4-8e84-eaf8d624298a.gif
Throw it in.
#487
c51a5d89-b810-42d8-96df-a8096f359499.gif
Baby.
#488
e9bf504a-58e5-4236-b1ce-5cbec99e86fe.gif
Here we go.
#489
0cdb4b19-72f6-477f-8c22-8644753d626b.gif
Where's my baby?
#490
b11fdf0a-aeef-44a6-a2f6-18a074ce492a.gif
- Mr. Griffin sort of took it.
#491
10a1b658-6176-4a76-8c10-c9eda4c85677.gif
- He took them all. We're free.
#492
e80758ef-5623-4b25-ac0e-c343c2155653.gif
- But I'll get an F in Health.
#493
52caa8b2-1bb6-44b9-be15-a96b8b13663d.gif
My baby! My baby!
#494
aea339d3-1f26-44f0-9de1-9cfcd2490676.gif
#495
a874ad50-3a65-43cd-add3-9e565ae51fc2.gif
- No! - It's okay, Sarika.
#496
ede4385e-4a2c-43ae-b3cf-5d946ae713b0.gif
There's no more assignment.
#497
bf2f330f-e2da-4d3b-a405-e100f34595c2.gif
We can't be graded on any of this now.
#498
97fefe54-0e4c-41c0-b733-6a9b9a34cc62.gif
- All quiet.
#499
8ac939a1-0782-48cb-b141-02d23b71cd4d.gif
- It's over.
#500
d43cd2db-9e7c-4080-9005-67be51a649d8.gif
#501
dee66136-8e15-49c4-997f-b3e3c1dedf25.gif
- There we go.
#502
21e62c8a-683b-4454-a594-302f9d5a701f.gif
#503
6735b48b-c5b8-4658-ae1e-cf5154a776de.gif
Whoo!
#504
70945b94-fd09-4e70-b90c-a0bf8dd21db2.gif
That was the ticket right there.
#505
a4682b46-6707-4b35-9e18-47f6394f5705.gif
I feel refreshed, you know?
#506
09c82860-dd26-441c-a859-26dfc19dae0e.gif
Nothing like a dip sometimes.
#507
e7f523c5-be71-4b4f-b264-000166b0fe11.gif
So, uh, what do you guys want to do?
#508
4c3ab1fb-6e2a-439f-8f37-38eecad4212f.gif
Go back to class?
#509
376ea363-ebbc-47df-a632-b08d45395278.gif
Yeah.
#510
90eb8c7c-c9d3-44cc-9a75-91d0a0cbdae6.gif
Old Brandon's probably an all right guy.
#511
b3c1a68a-44be-4db7-8e5b-840183bd2e98.gif
Yeah.
#512
fb0e63d7-3399-49e9-ab51-a5cbc89bc63d.gif
#513
1b464c68-dfcd-414d-8afa-29b80f8b945a.gif
I have got to tell you.
#514
8e56ec87-395c-40f9-9ccd-f09fbc9fad4c.gif
You have the sexiest trash
#515
e192a643-71c6-46f6-bed3-81c821b3511c.gif
I have ever dumped into a larger bin.
#516
8a0968c2-5a73-4fe7-86e3-f3027eb2f0ab.gif
You ever been to the good gravel pit?
#517
e55fb2a4-5570-4b46-92e2-2045753cccb3.gif
- Ooh, now, you know, I would love to,
#518
1a2f20cc-b054-4dfd-9576-4dfc7d63a4dc.gif
but my friend Stef has the biggest crush on you.
#519
6a56fe6f-cc01-4ba5-b140-a7565a5bc7d8.gif
- Ooh.
#520
7d0aa053-2e11-4a6d-b07b-77cd7f58a129.gif
[Wolf Parade "You Are A Runner and I Am My Father's Son"]
#521
884cb813-59af-4a1d-90ee-70bed0fbee9a.gif
- You two have fun.
#522
8daf59cf-eec0-41db-935b-168038ff8598.gif
#523