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Home » Community » S01E02 — Spanish 101

Community

Season 1, Episode 2 — Spanish 101

TMDB episode metadata

Show: Community

Episode title: Spanish 101

Air date: September 24, 2009

Director: Joe Russo

Top billed cast: Joel McHale, Gillian Jacobs, Alison Brie, Donald Glover, Yvette Nicole Brown, Danny Pudi

While Jeff looks to use a Spanish class assignment to get close to Britta, Pierce has something altogether different in mind.

Source: TMDB

↓

MAN [ON PA]:

↓

Good afternoon, Greendale.

afternoon greendale

↓

I am your dean

dean

↓

with a few corrections

corrections

↓

Cosmology should be

↓

Cosmetology.

↓

Astrology should be

↓

Astronomy.

↓

The students on the cover

cover students

↓

should be smiling,

smiling

↓

but that's a matter

matter

↓

of opinion.

opinion

↓

Whoever is growing

growing

↓

a small patch of cannabis

patch

↓

behind the gymnasium,

behind gymnasium

↓

congratulations,

congratulations

↓

you have won a cruise.

cruise

↓

Report to security

report security

↓

to claim your tickets.

claim tickets

↓

of homelessness,

↓

security has been given

given security

↓

binoculars.

binoculars

↓

In campus news,

campus news

↓

PA system continues,

continues system

↓

its volume be lowered,

lowered volume

↓

while others question

others question

↓

its very purpose.

purpose

↓

More on that story

story

↓

as it unfolds.

↓

That dude makes a lot

makes

↓

of announcements.

announcements

↓

I like it.

↓

It makes every 10 minutes

makes minutes

↓

feel like a new scene

scene

↓

of a TV show.

↓

The illusion lasts until

illusion lasts

↓

someone says something

↓

they never say on TV,

↓

There, it's gone.

gone

↓

Jeff's running late again.

jeffs late running running-late

↓

What a shame.

shame

↓

We should get started--

started

↓

No, I think we should wait

↓

for Jeff before we start.

jeff start

↓

But when Jeff gets here,

jeff

↓

we could talk to him,

↓

as a group,

group

↓

about his tardiness.

↓

If you want me to have

↓

We've got a bond going,

bond

↓

Hope your mom didn't make you

hope

↓

take baths together.

baths

↓

One of you

↓

would have been like 30.

↓

Sorry, Abed.

abed

↓

Hey, will you guys have

↓

some self-respect?

respect self self-respect

↓

You are

↓

obsessing over someone

obsessing

↓

who does not give you

↓

a second thought.

second

↓

In Guatemala,

guatemala

↓

by their own government.

government

↓

What's happening

↓

in Guatemala?

guatemala

↓

Nothing.

↓

Journalists

journalists

↓

are being murdered?

murdered

↓

Every day in that country,

country

↓

people are being killed

killed

↓

for speaking out.

speaking

↓

The worst part of it is,

part worst worst-part

↓

when it's all over...

↓

Real stories,

real stories

↓

they don't have spoilers.

↓

You understand that TV

↓

Hey.

↓

[ALL CHEERING]

cheering

↓

My lord.

lord

↓

Hi, sweetie.

sweetie

↓

You smell nice. Vitamin P.

smell vitamin

↓

jazzed to see me too.

jazzed

↓

Word them everywhere.

word

↓

It was for you.

↓

Hey, Jeff.

jeff

↓

Think there's something

↓

that the group

group

↓

would like

↓

to talk to you about.

↓

ABED: No.

abed

↓

TROY: No.

troy

↓

You guys usually spend

spend usually

↓

the first 20 minutes

minutes

↓

talking about

↓

your interesting lives

interesting lives

↓

and your cool emotional

cool emotional

↓

problems.

problems

↓

I feel like I never have

↓

anything to offer.

offer

↓

JEFF: No. Truth is,

jeff truth

↓

my life is emptier

life

↓

Wow. Double-spaced.

double

↓

Thank you.

↓

So, what's a guy gotta do

↓

to get a C around here?

↓

[GROUP LAUGHS]

group laughs

↓

PLAYING]

playing

↓

♪ Give me some more

↓

Time in a dream ♪

dream

↓

♪ Give me the hope

hope

↓

To run out of steam ♪

steam

↓

♪ Somebody said

somebody

↓

It can be here ♪

↓

♪ We could be roped up

roped

↓

Tied up dead in a year ♪

dead tied

↓

♪ I can't count the reasons

count reasons

↓

I should stay ♪

↓

♪ One by one they all

↓

Just fade away ♪

fade

↓

BRITTA:

britta

↓

Good study.

study

↓

ABED:

abed

↓

Thanks for good study.

study thanks

↓

See you later.

↓

Not specifically.

specifically

↓

But if you think of grandsons

↓

as metaphors for friendship,

friendship metaphors

↓

I think you'll agree with

agree

↓

this Transformer here

↓

that it's time for ours

↓

to become a man

become

↓

by reading from the Torah.

reading

↓

You're harmless enough

harmless

↓

to me.

↓

But those are good people

↓

in there,

↓

bums me out.

bums

↓

Exploit them?

exploit

↓

They're my friends.

friends

↓

Can I bring your car around?

bring

↓

No, Abed, I don't want you

abed

↓

bring my car around.

bring

↓

I'll bring yours around,

bring

↓

good guy.

↓

You get going, all right?

↓

of near-delusion.

near

↓

I have less to prove.

less prove

↓

Jeff, you can't pursue

jeff pursue

↓

people so desperately.

desperately

↓

It starts to

starts

↓

creep them out.

creep

↓

Why don't we get a beer?

beer

↓

I'll give you advice,

advice

↓

and we can have what the kids

kids

↓

are calling a sausage fest.

calling fest sausage

↓

Pierce. Maybe next time.

pierce

↓

Next time then.

↓

Hey.

↓

about Guatemala?

guatemala

↓

I wanna be political.

political

↓

that stuff on your own.

stuff

↓

We need your help. We've been

↓

living on the wrong side.

living side

↓

You're like Jodie Foster

foster

↓

or Susan Sarandon.

susan

↓

You'd rather keep it real

real

↓

than be likeable.

likeable

↓

what to Google?

google

↓

You could start with the

start

↓

Can we have a protest?

protest

↓

A candlelight vigil,

↓

like lesbians on the news.

lesbians news

↓

[BOTH GIGGLE]

giggle

↓

Brownies?

brownies

↓

Every once in a while,

↓

a student will ask:

student

↓

"Señor Chang,

chang

↓

why do you teach Spanish?"

spanish teach

↓

[CHUCKLES]

chuckles

↓

Why you.

↓

Why not math?

math

↓

[STUDENT CLEARS THROAT]

clears clears-throat student throat

↓

Why not photography?

photography

↓

Why not martial arts?

arts martial martial-arts

↓

I mean, surely it must be

must surely

↓

in something that's

↓

ancient and secret

ancient secret

↓

like, building a wall that

building wall

↓

Well, I'll tell you why

↓

I teach Spanish.

spanish teach

↓

okay?

↓

Now, I don't wanna have

↓

mysterious,

mysterious

↓

inscrutable man I am.

↓

[LAUGHING

laughing

↓

IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]

pitched pitched-voice voice

↓

[IN NORMAL VOICE]

normal normal-voice voice

↓

I am a Spanish genius!

genius spanish

↓

In español my nickname

nickname

↓

is El Tigre Chino.

↓

[SQUAWKING AND GRUNTING]

grunting squawking

↓

Because my knowledge

knowledge

↓

will bite her face off.

bite face

↓

or you'll get bit.

↓

Yeah, bit. Yeah, bit.

↓

Okay, Friday mañana,

friday

↓

You'll be partnering up

↓

in pairs of dos.

pairs

↓

Heh.

↓

So if you look

↓

under your desk,

desk

↓

Por ejemplo, Blondie, aqui,

blondie

↓

has a card with a picture

card picture

↓

of a house on it.

house

↓

with the card

card

↓

with the word "casa" on it

word

↓

is her partner.

partner

↓

And what do we say

↓

at the end of every class?

class

↓

[ALL SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

spanish speaking

↓

Come on, hands.

hands

↓

Ninety percent of Spanish.

ninety percent spanish

↓

[ALL SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

spanish speaking

↓

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

spanish speaking

↓

Abed, Abed, Abed.

abed

↓

No.

↓

No.

↓

No.

↓

Don't want money.

money

↓

Want your shirt.

shirt

↓

What?

↓

I've had my eye on it

↓

since registration.

registration

↓

I don't think you understand.

↓

I wanna wear it out of here.

wear

↓

Gracias.

gracias

↓

What are the odds?

odds

↓

Are you sure you didn't

↓

adjust the odds?

adjust odds

↓

I gave Abed my shirt

abed shirt

↓

because I'm not selfish.

selfish

↓

That's something we should

↓

discuss with our partners.

discuss partners

↓

Oh, see, I did switch cards.

cards switch

↓

[♪♪♪]

↓

Can you believe this?

believe

↓

What are the odds?

odds

↓

That's a nice shirt.

shirt

↓

Wanna sell it?

sell

↓

Yes.

↓

Oh, believe me,

believe

↓

No, it's a hard,

hard

↓

dry, large business.

business

↓

It didn't help any that

↓

I can't have children.

children

↓

I'm not sterile.

sterile

↓

called hyper-virility.

called hyper

↓

like bullets. Heh.

bullets

↓

I can't.

↓

But you can,

↓

so that's fine.

↓

So the assignment is to write

assignment write

↓

a Spanish conversation

conversation spanish

↓

Ooh.

↓

Hemingway's lemonade.

lemonade

↓

Don't need to make this

↓

a long evening.

evening

↓

What am I,

↓

a piece of garbage to you?

garbage piece

↓

What? No.

↓

[CHUCKLES]

chuckles

↓

let's have one drink

drink

↓

before we work.

↓

Mm, mm, mm.

↓

To the irony

irony

↓

of that sentence.

sentence

↓

I think it's Britta.

britta

↓

Okay.

↓

Why don't we start

start

↓

with me saying, donde--

donde

↓

Our assignment.

assignment

↓

Oh, no, no, no.

↓

This is the first time

↓

people are gonna see

↓

Come on, let's brainstorm

brainstorm

↓

some story ideas.

ideas story

↓

let's ask ourselves...

↓

Oh, my God in heaven.

heaven

↓

CROWD [CHANTING]:

chanting crowd crowd-chanting

↓

Guatemala, we hate

guatemala hate

↓

Guatemala, we hate

guatemala hate

↓

If you like that brownie,

brownie

↓

you're gonna hate

hate

↓

Google it.

google

↓

Hi.

↓

Okay, once it gets dark,

dark

↓

I hand out the candles,

candles hand

↓

and we do what's called

called

↓

a speechless protest.

protest

↓

and gather hand in hand

gather hand

↓

in a sea

↓

of outraged silence.

outraged silence

↓

[RAP MUSIC PLAYING

music music-playing playing

↓

OVER SPEAKERS]

speakers

↓

Star-Burns, no, no.

burns star

↓

[MUSIC STOPS]

music music-stops stops

↓

This is not how you do this.

↓

But this is tacky and lame.

lame tacky

↓

I didn't mean that.

↓

What I meant to say

meant

↓

was that this cause

↓

is really personal to me.

personal

↓

Are you saying that

↓

Britta,

britta

↓

you sound like Guatemala.

guatemala sound

↓

No, I do things. I--

↓

I went to--

↓

I don't do anything.

↓

[♪♪♪]

↓

What can I do?

↓

You can hang

hang

↓

the Chacata-Panecos piñata.

↓

You guys realize

realize

↓

he was beaten to death?

beaten death

↓

Poignant.

poignant

↓

PIERCE:

pierce

↓

All right.

↓

[SIGHS]

sighs

↓

Okay, tell me

↓

what I've got so far.

↓

What we have so far?

↓

Well, we have something

↓

incredibly long

incredibly

↓

and very confusing,

confusing

↓

and a little homophobic.

homophobic

↓

And really, really,

↓

specifically, surprisingly

specifically surprisingly

↓

and gratuitously critical

critical

↓

of Israel.

israel

↓

Should probably be dos.

↓

I mean, it is Spanish class.

class spanish

↓

Oh, which reminds me.

reminds

↓

The only thing not included

included

↓

in this epic

epic

↓

are the five phrases required

five phrases required

↓

to get me a passing grade.

grade passing

↓

You're right.

↓

Needs more work.

needs

↓

I have no idea.

idea

↓

What, hippies?

hippies

↓

Good chance to put miles

chance miles

↓

on this shirt.

shirt

↓

are due in the morning?

morning

↓

[BOTH SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

spanish speaking

↓

Pfft. Hacks.

hacks pfft

↓

I'll tell you

↓

what we're going to do.

↓

We are gonna take this

↓

and we're gonna put it

↓

in a museum for crazy people.

crazy museum

↓

Then we're gonna take this

↓

and memorize five phrases

five memorize phrases

↓

Good night.

night

↓

on our first sausage fest?

fest sausage

↓

of friendship?

friendship

↓

No, this is my definition

definition

↓

of you trying way too hard

hard

↓

and me finding it harder

finding harder

↓

and harder to stay polite.

harder polite

↓

This was a fine way to spend

spend

↓

an evening devoid of hope,

evening hope

↓

but the woman I kind of like

woman

↓

is out in the moonlight

moonlight

↓

caring about something

caring

↓

stupid.

stupid

↓

This is my chance to show her

chance

↓

that I care enough to act

care

↓

like I care about it too.

care

↓

That was it? Oh.

↓

Would've been great if I had

wouldve

↓

done that two hours ago.

hours

↓

[♪♪♪]

↓

Thanks.

thanks

↓

I like what you've done

↓

with the place.

place

↓

on you. I'm not perfect.

perfect

↓

I am. I'd be happy

happy

↓

to show you the ropes.

ropes

↓

PIERCE:

pierce

↓

Awesome.

awesome

↓

Look at awesome

awesome

↓

Jeffrey Winger.

jeffrey winger

↓

Too awesome for old Pierce

awesome pierce

↓

with your hip shirts

shirts

↓

and your gelled hair

hair

↓

and your cool tape

cool tape

↓

over your mouth.

mouth

↓

Why is everybody wearing

everybody everybody-wearing wearing

↓

tape over their mouth?

mouth tape

↓

It's a protest, Pierce.

pierce protest

↓

Oh, good.

↓

Conflicts like these

conflicts

↓

will bring us together

bring

↓

as an unlikely family.

family unlikely

↓

Then you tell me

↓

I'm trying too hard

hard

↓

to be your friend

friend

↓

so you have to go.

↓

You had to come out here

↓

to pretend to care

care pretend

↓

about the stupid stuff

stuff stupid

↓

she cares about.

cares

↓

He is paraphrasing.

↓

go get a cup of coffee

coffee

↓

I'll show you

↓

some sperm, buddy.

buddy sperm

↓

Is this your idea?

idea

↓

What the hell? I'm on fire!

fire

↓

No, I'm not ready to die.

ready

↓

[PIERCE SCREAMING]

pierce screaming

↓

Oh, he's-- He's--

↓

WOMAN: Please call 911.

woman

↓

"The incident occurred

incident occurred

↓

during a protest"

protest

↓

"regarding events

events regarding

↓

in Guatemala." Awareness!

awareness guatemala

↓

It's more than

↓

I ever accomplished.

accomplished

↓

Did you know about the

↓

ethnic cleansing in Burma?

ethnic

↓

[BOTH SQUEAL THEN GIGGLE]

giggle squeal

↓

Morning.

morning

↓

Nice try.

↓

It says I'm sorry about

↓

crashing your protest

crashing protest

↓

with that drunken,

drunken

↓

self-immolating baby boomer.

baby self

↓

girls have two pee holes.

girls holes

↓

You know what he did

↓

that's really crazy?

crazy

↓

closer to Jeff

closer jeff

↓

in the group.

group

↓

looking out for himself,

looking

↓

[PIERCE & CHANG

chang pierce

↓

SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

indistinctly speaking speaking-indistinctly

↓

ALL: Hola.

hola

↓

First up was supposed

supposed

↓

to be Jeff and Pierce,

jeff pierce

↓

but Pierce explained

explained pierce

↓

the situation to me.

situation

↓

[WHISPERING]

whispering

↓

Wow.

↓

Jeff, having heard

having heard jeff

↓

and let Pierce do

pierce

↓

his presentation alone.

alone presentation

↓

to me at all.

↓

I understand if you don't

↓

wanna be my friend.

friend

↓

But this thing that

↓

we've created,

created

↓

it is bigger than

bigger

↓

the both of us,

↓

and it deserves

deserves

↓

to be done right.

↓

[♪♪♪]

↓

All right.

↓

Okay, um, guys, why are

↓

there costumes involved?

costumes involved

↓

Your breath away?

breath

↓

Well, tough.

tough

↓

Si.

↓

[AIMEE MANN'S

↓

"WISE UP" PLAYING]

playing wise

↓

♪ It's not ♪

↓

♪ What you thought ♪

↓

♪ When you first ♪

↓

Began it ♪

began

↓

♪ You got ♪

↓

♪ What you want ♪

↓

♪ Now you can hardly ♪

hardly

↓

♪ Stand it though

stand

↓

By now you know ♪

↓

♪ It's not ♪

↓

♪ Going to stop ♪

↓

♪ It's not ♪

↓

♪ Going to stop ♪

↓

♪ It's not ♪

↓

♪ Going to stop ♪

↓

♪ Till you wise up ♪

till wise

↓

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

dialogue inaudible

↓

F, F-minus.

minus

↓

What?

↓

So...

↓

that was one of the worst

worst

↓

things I have ever seen.

seen

↓

So I'm impressed.

impressed

↓

at you?

↓

that no woman in that class

class woman

↓

will be able to look at you

able

↓

ever again.

↓

[MATT & KIM'S "DAYLIGHT"

daylight kims matt

↓

PLAYING]

playing

↓

No, I know.

↓

I thought of that.

↓

She looked back.

looked

↓

Aah!

↓

Thanks, Pierce.

pierce thanks

↓

with your face

face

↓

you think you are.

↓

[PIERCE CONTINUES

continues pierce

↓

INDISTINCTLY]

indistinctly

↓

[RAPPING IN SPANISH]

rapping spanish

↓

Yeah.

↓

Word.

word